—— whenoutsidethererangclearasaclarionanotethatenchantedmysoulandtumbledthirteenworthlesscenturiesaboutmyears:\"CamelotWEEKLY
HOSANNAHANDLITERARYVOLCANO!——latestirruption——onlytwocents——
allaboutthebigmiracleintheValleyofHoliness!\"Onegreaterthankingshadarrived——thenewsboy.ButIwastheonlypersoninallthatthrongwhoknewthemeaningofthismightybirth,andwhatthisimperialmagicianwascomeintotheworldtodo.
Idroppedanickeloutofthewindowandgotmypaper;theAdam-newsboyoftheworldwentaroundthecornertogetmychange;isaroundthecorneryet.Itwasdelicioustoseeanewspaperagain,yetIwasconsciousofasecretshockwhenmyeyefelluponthefirstbatchofdisplayhead-lines.
Ihadlivedinaclammyatmosphereofreverence,respect,deference,solongthattheysentaquiverylittlecoldwavethroughme:HIGHTIMESINTHEVALLEY
OFHOLINESS!——
THEWATER-WORKSCORKED!——
BRERMERLINWORKSHISARTS,BUTGETS
LEFT?——
ButtheBossscoresonhisfirstInnings!——
TheMiraculousWellUncorkedamidawfuloutburstsofINFERNALFIREANDSMOKE
ATHUNDER!——
THEBUZZARD-ROOSTASTONISHED!——
UNPARALLELEDREJOIBINGS!——andsoon,andsoon.Yes,itwastooloud.OnceIcouldhaveenjoyeditandseennothingoutofthewayaboutit,butnowitsnotewasdiscordant.
ItwasgoodArkansasjournalism,butthiswasnotArkansas.Moreover,thenexttothelastlinewascalculatedtogiveoffensetothehermits,andperhapsloseustheiradvertising.Indeed,therewastoolightsomeatoneofflippancyallthroughthepaper.ItwasplainIhadundergoneaconsiderablechangewithoutnoticingit.Ifoundmyselfunpleasantlyaffectedbypertlittleirreverencieswhichwouldhaveseemedbutproperandairygracesofspeechatanearlierperiodofmylife.Therewasanabundanceofthefollowingbreedofitems,andtheydiscomfortedme:LOCALSMOKEANDCINDERS.
SirLauncelotmetupwitholdKingAgrivanceofIrelandunexpectedlylastweokoveronthemoorsouthofSirBalmoralleMerveilleuse\'shogdasture.
Thewidowhasbeennotified.
ExpeditionNo.3willstartadoutthefirstofmextmonthonasearchf8rSirSagramourleDesirous.Itisincom-
andoftherenownedKnightoftheRedLawns,assisstedbySirPersantofInde,whoiscompete9t.intelligent,courte-
ous,andineverywayabrick,andfur-
tHerassistedbySirPalamidestheSara-
cen,whoisnohuckleberryhinself.
Thisisnopic-nic,theseboysmeanbusine&s.
ThereadersoftheHosannahwillre-
grettolearnthatthehadndsomeandpopularSirCharolaisofGaul,whodur-
inghisfourweeks\'stayattheBullandHalibut,thiscity,haswoneveryheartbyhispolishedmannersandelegantcPnversation,willpUlloutto-dayforhome.Giveusanothercall,Charley!
ThebdsinessendofthefuneralofthelateSirDalliancetheduke\'ssonofCornwall,killedinanencounterwiththeGiantoftheKnottedBludgeonlastTuesdayonthebordersofthePlainofEnchantmentwasinthehandsoftheeveraffableandefficientMumble,princeofun3ertakers,thenwhomthereexistsnonebywhomitwereamoresatisfyingpleasuretohavethelastsadofficesperformed.Givehimatrial.
ThecordialthanksoftheHosannahofficearedue,fromeditordowntodevil,totheevercourteousandthought-
fulLordHighStewdofthePalace\'sThirdAssistantVtforseveralsau-
ceTsoficecrEamaqualitycalculatedtomaketheeyoftherecipientshu-
midwithgrtude;anditdoneit.
Whenthisadministrationwantstochalkupadesirablenameforearlypromotion,theHosannahwouldlikeachancetosudgest.
TheDemoiselleIreneDewlap,ofSouthAstolat,isvisitingheruncle,thepopularhostoftheCattlemen\'sBoard-
ingHo&se,LiverLane,thiscity.
YoungBarkerthebellows-menderishoMeagain,andlooksmuchimprovedbyhisvacationround-upamongtheut-
lyingsmithies.Seehisad.Ofcourseitwasgoodenoughjournalismforabeginning;Iknewthatquitewell,andyetitwassomehowdisappointing.The\"CourtCircular\"pleasedmebetter;indeed,itssimpleanddignifiedrespectfulnesswasadistinctrefreshmenttomeafterallthosedisgracefulfamiliarities.Butevenitcouldhavebeenimproved.Dowhatonemay,thereisnogettinganairofvarietyintoacourtcircular,Iacknowledgethat.Thereisaprofoundmonotonousnessaboutitsfactsthatbafflesanddefeatsone\'ssinceresteffortstomakethemsparkleandenthuse.Thebestwaytomanage——infact,theonlysensibleway——istodisguiserepetitiousnessoffactundervarietyofform:skinyourfacteachtimeandlayonanewcuticleofwords.
Itdeceivestheeye;youthinkitisanewfact;itgivesyoutheideathatthecourtiscarryingonlikeeverything;thisexcitesyou,andyoudrainthewholecolumn,withagoodappetite,andperhapsnevernoticethatit\'sabarrelofsoupmadeoutofasinglebean.Clarence\'swaywasgood,itwassimple,itwasdignified,itwasdirectandbusiness-like;
allIsayis,itwasnotthebestway:COURTCIRCULAR.
OnMonday,thekingrodeinthepark.
\"Tuesday,\"\"\"
\"Wendesday\"\"\"
\"Thursday\"\"\"
\"Friday,\"\"\"
\"Saturday\"\"\"
\"Sunday,\"\"\"However,takethepaperbyandlarge,Iwasvastlypleasedwithit.Littlecruditiesofamechanicalsortwereobservablehereandthere,buttherewerenotenoughofthemtoamounttoanything,anditwasgoodenoughArkansasproof-reading,anyhow,andbetterthanwasneededinArthur\'sdayandrealm.
Asarule,thegrammarwasleakyandtheconstructionmoreorlesslame;
butIdidnotmuchmindthesethings.Theyarecommondefectsofmyown,andonemustn\'tcriticiseotherpeopleongroundswherehecan\'tstandperpendicularhimself.
Iwashungryenoughforliteraturetowanttotakedownthewholepaperatthisonemeal,butIgotonlyafewbites,andthenhadtopostpone,becausethemonksaroundmebesiegedmesowitheagerquestions:Whatisthiscuriousthing?Whatisitfor?Isitahandkerchief?——saddleblanket?——
partofashirt?Whatisitmadeof?Howthinitis,andhowdaintyandfrail;andhowitrattles.Willitwear,doyouthink,andwon\'ttheraininjureit?Isitwritingthatappearsonit,orisitonlyornamentation?
Theysuspecteditwaswriting,becausethoseamongthemwhoknewhowtoreadLatinandhadasmatteringofGreek,recognizedsomeoftheletters,buttheycouldmakenothingoutoftheresultasawhole.IputmyinformationinthesimplestformIcould:
\"Itisapublicjournal;Iwillexplainwhatthatis,anothertime.
Itisnotcloth,itismadeofpaper;sometimeIwillexplainwhatpaperis.Thelinesonitarereadingmatter;andnotwrittenbyhand,butprinted;
byandbyIwillexplainwhatprintingis.Athousandofthesesheetshavebeenmade,allexactlylikethis,ineveryminutedetail——theycan\'tbetoldapart.\"Thentheyallbrokeoutwithexclamationsofsurpriseandadmiration:
\"Athousand!Verilyamightywork——ayear\'sworkformanymen.\"
\"No——merelyaday\'sworkforamanandaboy.\"
Theycrossedthemselves,andwhiffedoutaprotectiveprayerortwo.
\"Ah-h——amiracle,awonder!Darkworkofenchantment.\"
Iletitgoatthat.ThenIreadinalowvoice,toasmanyascouldcrowdtheirshavenheadswithinhearingdistance,partoftheaccountofthemiracleoftherestorationofthewell,andwasaccompaniedbyastonishedandreverentejaculationsallthrough:\"Ah-h-h!\"\"Howtrue!\"\"Amazing,amazing!\"\"Thesebetheveryhapsastheyhappened,inmarvelousexactness!\"
Andmighttheytakethisstrangethingintheirhands,andfeelofitandexamineit?——theywouldbeverycareful.Yes.Sotheytookit,handlingitascautiouslyanddevoutlyasifithadbeensomeholythingcomefromsomesupernaturalregion;andgentlyfeltofitstexture,caresseditspleasantsmoothsurfacewithlingeringtouch,andscannedthemysteriouscharacterswithfascinatedeyes.Thesegroupedbentheads,thesecharmedfaces,thesespeakingeyes——howbeautifultome!Forwasnotthismydarling,andwasnotallthismutewonderandinterestandhomageamosteloquenttributeandunforcedcomplimenttoit?Iknew,then,howamotherfeelswhenwomen,whetherstrangersorfriends,takehernewbaby,andclosethemselvesaboutitwithoneeagerimpulse,andbendtheirheadsoveritinatrancedadorationthatmakesalltherestoftheuniversevanishoutoftheirconsciousnessandbeasifitwerenot,forthattime.
Iknewhowshefeels,andthatthereisnoothersatisfiedambition,whetherofking,conqueror,orpoet,thateverreacheshalf-waytothatserenefarsummitoryieldshalfsodivineacontentment.
Duringalltherestoftheseancemypapertraveledfromgrouptogroupallupanddownandaboutthathugehall,andmyhappyeyewasuponitalways,andIsatmotionless,steepedinsatisfaction,drunkwithenjoyment.
Yes,thiswasheaven;Iwastastingitonce,ifImightnevertasteitmore.
AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur\'sCourt-Chapter27Chapter27-TheYankeeandtheKingTravelIncognitoABOUTbedtimeItookthekingtomyprivatequarterstocuthishairandhelphimgetthehangofthelowlyraimenthewastowear.Thehighclassesworetheirhairbangedacrosstheforeheadbuthangingtotheshoulderstherestofthewayaround,whereasthelowestranksofcommonerswerebangedforeandaftboth;theslaveswerebangless,andallowedtheirhairfreegrowth.SoIinvertedabowloverhisheadandcutawayallthelocksthathungbelowit.Ialsotrimmedhiswhiskersandmustacheuntiltheywereonlyaboutahalf-inchlong;andtriedtodoitinartistically,andsucceeded.Itwasavillainousdisfigurement.Whenhegothislubberlysandalson,andhislongrobeofcoarsebrownlinencloth,whichhungstraightfromhisnecktohisankle-bones,hewasnolongerthecomeliestmaninhiskingdom,butoneoftheunhandsomestandmostcommonplaceandunattractive.
Weweredressedandbarberedalike,andcouldpassforsmallfarmers,orfarmbailiffs,orshepherds,orcarters;yes,orforvillageartisans,ifwechose,ourcostumebeingineffectuniversalamongthepoor,becauseofitsstrengthandcheapness.Idon\'tmeanthatitwasreallycheaptoaverypoorperson,butIdomeanthatitwasthecheapestmaterialtherewasformaleattire——manufacturedmaterial,youunderstand.
Weslippedawayanhourbeforedawn,andbybroadsun-uphadmadeeightortenmiles,andwereinthemidstofasparselysettledcountry.Ihadaprettyheavyknapsack;itwasladenwithprovisions——provisionsforthekingtotaperdownon,tillhecouldtaketothecoarsefareofthecountrywithoutdamage.
Ifoundacomfortableseatforthekingbytheroadside,andthengavehimamorselortwotostayhisstomachwith.ThenIsaidIwouldfindsomewaterforhim,andstrolledaway.Partofmyprojectwastogetoutofsightandsitdownandrestalittlemyself.Ithadalwaysbeenmycustomtostandwheninhispresence;evenatthecouncilboard,exceptuponthoserareoccasionswhenthesittingwasaverylongone,extendingoverhours;
thenIhadatriflinglittlebacklessthingwhichwaslikeareversedculvertandwasascomfortableasthetoothache.Ididn\'twanttobreakhiminsuddenly,butdoitbydegrees.Weshouldhavetosittogethernowwhenincompany,orpeoplewouldnotice;butitwouldnotbegoodpoliticsformetobeplayingequalitywithhimwhentherewasnonecessityforit.
Ifoundthewatersomethreehundredyardsaway,andhadbeenrestingabouttwentyminutes,whenIheardvoices.Thatisallright,Ithought——peasantsgoingtowork;nobodyelselikelytobestirringthisearly.
Butthenextmomentthesecomersjingledintosightaroundaturnoftheroad——smartlycladpeopleofquality,withluggage-mulesandservantsintheirtrain!Iwasofflikeashot,throughthebushes,bytheshortestcut.ForawhileitdidseemthatthesepeoplewouldpassthekingbeforeIcouldgettohim;butdesperationgivesyouwings,youknow,andIcantedmybodyforward,inflatedmybreast,andheldmybreathandflew.Iarrived.
Andinplentygoodenoughtime,too.
\"Pardon,myking,butit\'snotimeforceremony——jump!Jumptoyourfeet——somequalityarecoming!\"
\"Isthatamarvel?Letthemcome.\"
\"Butmyliege!Youmustnotbeseensitting.Rise!——andstandinhumbleposturewhiletheypass.Youareapeasant,youknow.\"
\"True——Ihadforgotit,solostwasIinplanningofahugewarwithGaul\"——hewasupbythistime,butafarmcouldhavegotupquicker,iftherewasanykindofaboominrealestate——\"andright-soathoughtcamerandomingoverthwartthismajesticdreamthewhich——\"
\"Ahumblerattitude,mylordtheking——andquick!Duckyourhead!——
more!——stillmore!——droopit!\"
Hedidhishonestbest,butlord,itwasnogreatthings.HelookedashumbleastheleaningtoweratPisa.Itisthemostyoucouldsayofit.Indeed,itwassuchathunderingpoorsuccessthatitraisedwonderingscowlsallalongtheline,andagorgeousflunkeyatthetailendofitraisedhiswhip;butIjumpedintimeandwasunderitwhenitfell;andundercoverofthevolleyofcoarselaughterwhichfollowed,Ispokeupsharplyandwarnedthekingtotakenonotice.Hemasteredhimselfforthemoment,butitwasasoretax;hewantedtoeatuptheprocession.
Isaid:
\"Itwouldendouradventuresattheverystart;andwe,beingwithoutweapons,coulddonothingwiththatarmedgang.Ifwearegoingtosucceedinouremprise,wemustnotonlylookthepeasantbutactthepeasant.\"
\"Itiswisdom;nonecangainsayit.Letusgoon,SirBoss.Iwilltakenoteandlearn,anddothebestImay.\"
Hekepthisword.Hedidthebesthecould,butI\'veseenbetter.Ifyouhaveeverseenanactive,heedless,enterprisingchildgoingdiligentlyoutofonemischiefandintoanotheralldaylong,andananxiousmotheratitsheelsallthewhile,andjustsavingitbyahairfromdrowningitselforbreakingitsneckwitheachnewexperiment,you\'veseenthekingandme.
IfIcouldhaveforeseenwhatthethingwasgoingtobelike,Ishouldhavesaid,No,ifanybodywantstomakehislivingexhibitingakingasapeasant,lethimtakethelayout;Icandobetterwithamenagerie,andlastlonger.Andyet,duringthefirstthreedaysIneverallowedhimtoenterahutorotherdwelling.Ifhecouldpassmusteranywhereduringhisearlynovitiateitwouldbeinsmallinnsandontheroad;sototheseplacesweconfinedourselves.Yes,hecertainlydidthebesthecould,butwhatofthat?Hedidn\'timproveabitthatIcouldsee.
Hewasalwaysfrighteningme,alwaysbreakingoutwithfreshastonishers,innewandunexpectedplaces.Towardeveningonthesecondday,whatdoeshedobutblandlyfetchoutadirkfrominsidehisrobe!
\"Greatguns,myliege,wheredidyougetthat?\"
\"Fromasmugglerattheinn,yestereve.\"
\"Whatintheworldpossessedyoutobuyit?\"
\"Wehaveescapeddiversdangersbywit——thywit——butIhavebethoughtmethatitwerebutprudenceifIboreaweapon,too.Thinemightfailtheeinsomepinch.\"
\"Butpeopleofourconditionarenotallowedtocarryarms.Whatwouldalordsay——yes,oranyotherpersonofwhatevercondition——ifhecaughtanupstartpeasantwithadaggeronhisperson?\"
Itwasaluckythingforusthatnobodycamealongjustthen.Ipersuadedhimtothrowthedirkaway;anditwasaseasyaspersuadingachildtogiveupsomebrightfreshnewwayofkillingitself.Wewalkedalong,silentandthinking.Finallythekingsaid:
\"WhenyeknowthatImeditateathinginconvenient,orthathathaperilinit,whydoyounotwarnmetoceasefromthatproject?\"
Itwasastartlingquestion,andapuzzler.Ididn\'tquiteknowhowtotakeholdofit,orwhattosay,andso,ofcourse,Iendedbysayingthenaturalthing:
\"But,sire,howcanIknowwhatyourthoughtsare?\"
Thekingstoppeddeadinhistracks,andstaredatme.
\"IbelievedthouwertgreaterthanMerlin;andtrulyinmagicthouart.
Butprophecyisgreaterthanmagic.Merlinisaprophet.\"
IsawIhadmadeablunder.Imustgetbackmylostground.Afteradeepreflectionandcarefulplanning,Isaid:
\"Sire,Ihavebeenmisunderstood.Iwillexplain.Therearetwokindsofprophecy.Oneisthegifttoforetellthingsthatarebutalittlewayoff,theotheristhegifttoforetellthingsthatarewholeagesandcenturiesaway.Whichisthemightiergift,doyouthink?\"
\"Oh,thelast,mostsurely!\"
\"True.DoesMerlinpossessit?\"
\"Partly,yes.Heforetoldmysteriesaboutmybirthandfuturekingshipthatweretwentyyearsaway.\"
\"Hasheevergonebeyondthat?\"
\"Hewouldnotclaimmore,Ithink.\"
\"Itisprobablyhislimit.Allprophetshavetheirlimit.Thelimitofsomeofthegreatprophetshasbeenahundredyears.\"
\"Thesearefew,Iween.\"
\"Therehavebeentwostillgreaterones,whoselimitwasfourhundredandsixhundredyears,andonewhoselimitcompassedevensevenhundredandtwenty.\"
\"Gramercy,itismarvelous!\"
\"Butwhataretheseincomparisonwithme?Theyarenothing.\"
\"What?Canstthoutrulylookbeyondevensovastastretchoftimeas——\"
\"Sevenhundredyears?Myliege,asclearasthevisionofaneagledoesmypropheticeyepenetrateandlaybarethefutureofthisworldfornearlythirteencenturiesandahalf!\"
Myland,youshouldhaveseentheking\'seyesspreadslowlyopen,andlifttheearth\'sentireatmosphereasmuchasaninch!ThatsettledBrerMerlin.Oneneverhadanyoccasiontoprovehisfacts,withthesepeople;
allhehadtodowastostatethem.Itneveroccurredtoanybodytodoubtthestatement.
\"Now,then,\"Icontinued,\"ICOULDworkbothkindsofprophecy——thelongandtheshort——ifIchosetotakethetroubletokeepinpractice;
butIseldomexerciseanybutthelongkind,becausetheotherisbeneathmydignity.ItisproperertoMerlin\'ssort——stump-tailprophets,aswecallthemintheprofession.Ofcourse,Iwhetupnowandthenandflirtoutaminorprophecy,butnotoften——hardlyever,infact.Youwillrememberthattherewasgreattalk,whenyoureachedtheValleyofHoliness,aboutmyhavingprophesiedyourcomingandtheveryhourofyourarrival,twoorthreedaysbeforehand.\"
\"Indeed,yes,Iminditnow.\"
\"Well,Icouldhavedoneitasmuchasfortytimeseasier,andpiledonathousandtimesmoredetailintothebargain,ifithadbeenfivehundredyearsawayinsteadoftwoorthreedays.\"
\"Howamazingthatitshouldbeso!\"
\"Yes,agenuineexpertcanalwaysforetellathingthatisfivehundredyearsawayeasierthanhecanathingthat\'sonlyfivehundredsecondsoff.\"
\"Andyetinreasonitshouldclearlybetheotherway;itshouldbefivehundredtimesaseasytoforetellthelastasthefirst,for,indeed,itissoclosebythatoneuninspiredmightalmostseeit.Intruth,thelawofprophecydothcontradictthelikelihoods,moststrangelymakingthedifficulteasy,andtheeasydifficult.\"
Itwasawisehead.Apeasant\'scapwasnosafedisguiseforit;youcouldknowitforaking\'sunderadiving-bell,ifyoucouldhearitworkitsintellect.
Ihadanewtradenow,andplentyofbusinessinit.Thekingwasashungrytofindouteverythingthatwasgoingtohappenduringthenextthirteencenturiesasifhewereexpectingtoliveinthem.Fromthattimeout,Iprophesiedmyselfbald-headedtryingtosupplythedemand.Ihavedonesomeindiscreetthingsinmyday,butthisthingofplayingmyselfforaprophetwastheworst.Still,ithaditsameliorations.Aprophetdoesn\'thavetohaveanybrains.Theyaregoodtohave,ofcourse,fortheordinaryexigenciesoflife,buttheyarenouseinprofessionalwork.
Itistherestfulestvocationthereis.Whenthespiritofprophecycomesuponyou,youmerelycakeyourintellectandlayitoffinacoolplaceforarest,andunshipyourjawandleaveitalone;itwillworkitself:
theresultisprophecy.
Everydayaknight-errantorsocamealong,andthesightofthemfiredtheking\'smartialspiriteverytime.Hewouldhaveforgottenhimself,sure,andsaidsomethingtotheminastyleasuspiciousshadeorsoabovehisostensibledegree,andsoIalwaysgothimwelloutoftheroadintime.Thenhewouldstandandlookwithallhiseyes;andaproudlightwouldflashfromthem,andhisnostrilswouldinflatelikeawar-horse\'s,andIknewhewaslongingforabrushwiththem.ButaboutnoonofthethirddayIhadstoppedintheroadtotakeaprecautionwhichhadbeensuggestedbythewhip-strokethathadfallentomysharetwodaysbefore;
aprecautionwhichIhadafterwarddecidedtoleaveuntaken,Iwassoloathtoinstituteit;butnowIhadjusthadafreshreminder:whilestridingheedlesslyalong,withjawspreadandintellectatrest,forIwasprophesying,Istubbedmytoeandfellsprawling.IwassopaleIcouldn\'tthinkforamoment;thenIgotsoftlyandcarefullyupandunstrappedmyknapsack.
Ihadthatdynamitebombinit,doneupinwoolinabox.Itwasagoodthingtohavealong;thetimewouldcomewhenIcoulddoavaluablemiraclewithit,maybe,butitwasanervousthingtohaveaboutme,andIdidn\'tliketoaskthekingtocarryit.YetImusteitherthrowitawayorthinkupsomesafewaytogetalongwithitssociety.Igotitoutandslippeditintomyscrip,andjustthenherecameacoupleofknights.Thekingstood,statelyasastatue,gazingtowardthem——hadforgottenhimselfagain,ofcourse——andbeforeIcouldgetawordofwarningout,itwastimeforhimtoskip,andwellthathedidit,too.Hesupposedtheywouldturnaside.Turnasidetoavoidtramplingpeasantdirtunderfoot?Whenhadheeverturnedasidehimself——oreverhadthechancetodoit,ifapeasantsawhimoranyothernobleknightintimetojudiciouslysavehimthetrouble?Theknightspaidnoattentiontothekingatall;itwashisplacetolookouthimself,andifhehadn\'tskippedhewouldhavebeenplacidlyriddendown,andlaughedatbesides.
Thekingwasinaflamingfury,andlaunchedouthischallengeandepithetswithamostroyalvigor.Theknightsweresomelittledistancebynow.
Theyhalted,greatlysurprised,andturnedintheirsaddlesandlookedback,asifwonderingifitmightbeworthwhiletobotherwithsuchscumaswe.Thentheywheeledandstartedforus.Notamomentmustbelost.
IstartedforTHEM.Ipassedthematarattlinggait,andasIwentbyIflungoutahair-liftingsoulscorchingthirteen-jointedinsultwhichmadetheking\'seffortpoorandcheapbycomparison.Igotitoutofthenineteenthcenturywheretheyknowhow.Theyhadsuchheadwaythattheywerenearlytothekingbeforetheycouldcheckup;then,franticwithrage,theystooduptheirhorsesontheirhindhoofsandwhirledthemaround,andthenextmomentheretheycame,breasttobreast.Iwasseventyyardsoff,then,andscramblingupagreatbowlderattheroadside.Whentheywerewithinthirtyyardsofmetheylettheirlonglancesdrooptoalevel,depressedtheirmailedheads,andso,withtheirhorse-hairplumesstreamingstraightoutbehind,mostgallanttosee,thislightningexpresscametearingforme!Whentheywerewithinfifteenyards,Isentthatbombwithasureaim,anditstruckthegroundjustunderthehorses\'noses.
Yes,itwasaneatthing,veryneatandprettytosee.ItresembledasteamboatexplosionontheMississippi;andduringthenextfifteenminuteswestoodunderasteadydrizzleofmicroscopicfragmentsofknightsandhardwareandhorse-flesh.Isaywe,forthekingjoinedtheaudience,ofcourse,assoonashehadgothisbreathagain.Therewasaholetherewhichwouldaffordsteadyworkforallthepeopleinthatregionforsomeyearstocome——intryingtoexplainit,Imean;asforfillingitup,thatservicewouldbecomparativelyprompt,andwouldfalltothelotofaselectfew——peasantsofthatseignory;andtheywouldn\'tgetanythingforit,either.
ButIexplainedittothekingmyself.Isaiditwasdonewithadynamitebomb,Thisinformationdidhimnodamage,becauseitlefthimasintelligentashewasbefore.However,itwasanoblemiracle,inhiseyes,andwasanothersettlerforMerlin.Ithoughtitwellenoughtoexplainthatthiswasamiracleofsorareasortthatitcouldn\'tbedoneexceptwhentheatmosphericconditionswerejustright.Otherwisehewouldbeencoringiteverytimewehadagoodsubject,andthatwouldbeinconvenient,becauseIhadn\'tanymorebombsalong.
AConnecticutYankeeinKingArthur\'sCourt-Chapter28Chapter28-DrillingtheKingONthemorningofthefourthday,whenitwasjustsunrise,andwehadbeentrampinganhourinthechilldawn,Icametoaresolution:thekingMUSTbedrilled;thingscouldnotgoonso,hemustbetakeninhandanddeliberatelyandconscientiouslydrilled,orwecouldn\'teverventuretoenteradwelling;theverycatswouldknowthismasqueraderforahumbugandnopeasant.SoIcalledahaltandsaid:
\"Sire,asbetweenclothesandcountenance,youareallright,thereisnodiscrepancy;butasbetweenyourclothesandyourbearing,youareallwrong,thereisamostnoticeablediscrepancy.Yoursoldierlystride,yourlordlyport——thesewillnotdo.Youstandtoostraight,yourlooksaretoohigh,tooconfident.Thecaresofakingdomdonotstooptheshoulders,theydonotdroopthechin,theydonotdepressthehighleveloftheeye-glance,theydonotputdoubtandfearintheheartandhangoutthesignsoftheminslouchingbodyandunsurestep.Itisthesordidcaresofthelowlybornthatdothesethings.Youmustlearnthetrick;youmustimitatethetrademarksofpoverty,misery,oppression,insult,andtheotherseveralandcommoninhumanitiesthatsapthemanlinessoutofamanandmakehimaloyalandproperandapprovedsubjectandasatisfactiontohismasters,ortheveryinfantswillknowyouforbetterthanyourdisguise,andweshallgotopiecesatthefirsthutwestopat.Praytrytowalklikethis.\"
Thekingtookcarefulnote,andthentriedanimitation.
\"Prettyfair——prettyfair.Chinalittlelower,please——there,verygood.Eyestoohigh;praydon\'tlookatthehorizon,lookattheground,tenstepsinfrontofyou.Ah——thatisbetter,thatisverygood.Wait,please;youbetraytoomuchvigor,toomuchdecision;youwantmoreofashamble.Lookatme,please——thisiswhatImeanNowyouaregettingit;thatistheidea——atleast,itsortofapproachesitYes,thatisprettyfair.BUT!Thereisagreatbigsomethingwanting,Idon\'tquiteknowwhatitis.Pleasewalkthirtyyards,sothatIcangetaperspectiveonthethingNow,then——yourhead\'sright,speed\'sright,shouldersright,eyesright,chinright,gait,carriage,generalstyleright——everything\'sright!Andyetthefactremains,theaggregate\'swrong.Theaccountdon\'tbalance.Doitagain,pleaseNOWIthinkIbegintoseewhatitis.
Yes,I\'vestruckit.Yousee,thegenuinespiritlessnessiswanting;that\'swhat\'sthetrouble.It\'sallAMATUEUR——mechanicaldetailsallright,almosttoahair;everythingaboutthedelusionperfect,exceptthatitdon\'tdelude.\"
\"What,then,mustonedo,toprevail?\"
\"LetmethinkIcan\'tseemtoquitegetatit.Infact,thereisn\'tanythingthatcanrightthematterbutpractice.Thisisagoodplaceforit:rootsandstonygroundtobreakupyourstatelygait,aregionnotliabletointerruption,onlyonefieldandonehutinsight,andtheysofarawaythatnobodycouldseeusfromthere.Itwillbewelltomovealittleofftheroadandputinthewholedaydrillingyou,sire.\"
Afterthedrillhadgoneonalittlewhile,Isaid:
\"Now,sire,imaginethatweareatthedoorofthehutyonder,andthefamilyarebeforeus.Proceed,please——accosttheheadofthehouse.\"
Thekingunconsciouslystraighteneduplikeamonument,andsaid,withfrozenausterity:
\"Varlet,bringaseat;andservetomewhatcheeryehave.\"
\"Ah,yourgrace,thatisnotwelldone.\"
\"Inwhatlackethit?\"
\"ThesepeopledonotcallEACHOTHERvarlets.\"
\"Nay,isthattrue?\"
\"Yes;onlythoseabovethemcallthemso.\"
\"ThenmustItryagain.Iwillcallhimvillein.\"
\"No-no;forhemaybeafreeman.\"
\"Ah——so.ThenperadventureIshouldcallhimgoodman.\"
\"Thatwouldanswer,yourgrace,butitwouldbestillbetterifyousaidfriend,orbrother.\"
\"Brother!——todirtlikethat?\"
\"Ah,butWEarepretendingtobedirtlikethat,too.\"
\"Itiseventrue.Iwillsayit.Brother,bringaseat,andtheretowhatcheeryehave,withal.Now\'tisright.\"
\"Notquite,notwhollyright.Youhaveaskedforone,notUS——forone,notboth;foodforone,aseatforone.\"
