Shehadnotseemedto-dayliketheshallowgirlwhohadhithertoacceptedofhismoreinnocentcomplimentsasiftheyweresugar-plums,andmerelyraisedherfingerinmockwarningatsuchascontainedaspiceofwickednessandboldness.Thereseemedacurrentofthoughtinhermindwhichhecouldnotfathom,andwhetheritwerecarryingherawayortowardhimhewasnotsure.Heunderstoodandwelcomedtheelementofrecklessness,butdidnotlikethewayinwhichshelookedatVanBerg,nordiditsuithispurposesthatsheshouldhearsomuchofwhathecharacterizedas\"pioustwaddle.\"
Hewhisperedagainbolderwordsthanhehadeverspokentoherbefore.
\"Iwishnobetterheaventhanthetouchofyourhandandthelightofyoureyes.See,themoonisrising;comewithme,forthisistheverywitchinghourforaramble.\"
Sheturneduponhimastartledlook,forheseemedtheveryembodimentoftemptation.Butsheonlysaidcoldly:
\"Hush!Mr.VanBergisabouttosing,\"andshesteppedsofarintothelightedroomthattheartistsawher.
WhenMissBurtonrosefromthepianoshedidnotreturntoherseatintheparlor,butstoodintheshadowofthedoor-wayleadingintothehall.Thethoughtofherhymnhadcomesodirectlyfromherheart,thathereyeswereslightlymoistwithanemotionthatwasmoreplainlymanifestonmanyotherfaces.Theoldgentlemanwhohadaskedhertosinghadtakenoffhisspectaclesandwasopenlywipinghiseyes.
Stanton,ashamedtohaveherseethefeelingshehadevoked,turnedhisbackuponherandslowlywalkeddownthecorridor.Shemisunderstoodhisactandthoughtitcausedbyindifferenceordislikeforthesentimentshehadexpressed.Hehadseemedtoherthusfaronlyasuperficialmanoftheworld,andthisactstruckherascharacteristic.Butbeyondthispassingimpressionshedidnotgivehimathought,andturned,withgenuineinterest,tolistentoVanBergwhohadsaidtoher:
\"IrememberafewsimpleverseswhichhavenomeritsavethattheyexpresswhatIwishratherthanwhatIam.\"
Withmuchmorefeeling,andthereforepower,thanwashiscustom,hesangasfollows:
\"IwouldIknewTheebetter——
Thattrustcouldbanishdoubt;
Iwishthatfrom\'theletter\'
ThySpiritmightshineout.
Iwishthatheavenwerenearer——
ThatearthweremoreakinTothehomethatshouldbedearerThantheonesomarredbysin.
IwishthatdesertsdrearyMightblossomastherose,Thatsouls,despairing,weary,Mightsmileandfindrepose.\"
BeforesingingthenextstanzahecouldnotforbearlookingtoseeifMissMayhewwerelistening,andthusithappenedthathisglancegavepeculiaremphasistothethoughtexpressed.Shewaslookingathimwithanintensityofexpressionthathedidnotunderstand.
Nothingthathedidescapedher,andthequickflashofhiseyesinherdirectionunintentionallygavethefollowingwordstheforceandpointednessofanopenrebuke;
\"IwishthatoutwardbeautyWerethemirroroftheheart,ThatpurityanddutySupplantedwilyart.\"
Hedidnotseethatwithasuddenflameofscarletinherfaceshesteppedbackontheduskypiazzaasabruptlyasifshehadreceivedablow.Hadhedoneso,hemightnothavesungaseffectivelytheremainingverses.Afterthefirstconfusedmomentofshameandresentmentpassed,shepausedonlylongenoughtonotewithasenseofreliefthatothershadnotseenormadeanysuchapplicationofhiswordsasshebelievedhehadintended,andthenshetookMr.
Sibley\'sarmandwalkedaway,leavingtheremaningtwoversesunheard——
\"IwishthatallwerebetterAndnearertotheirGod——
Thatevil\'sbrokenfetterWereburiedwithHisrod;
Thatlovemightlastforever,Andwe,infuture,findThereisnopowertoseverThestrongandtrueinmind.\"
AshesangthelastversetherewasalsoarapidchangeintheexpressionofMissBurton\'sface.Therewassomethingofheroldpallorthathasbeenmentionedbefore.Shelookedathimquestioninglyamomentasiftoseeifhewereconsciouslymakinganallusionthattouchedherverynearly,andthen,seeminglyovercomebysomesuddenemotionthatshewouldgladlyhide,shequicklyvanisheddownthedimlylightedhallway,andwasseennomoreuntilshecamedowntobreakfastthefollowingmorning,assmilingandcheeryasever.
\"Confoundyou,Van,\"saidStanton,astheartistescapedfromthethanksoftheaudienceintothehall,\"Whatdidyouputinthatlastversefor?Youmadeherthinkofseeingherdeadfriendsagain,andsoshewasinnomoodtospeaktouspoormortalswhoarestillploddingoninthis\'valeoftears.\'I\'dgivemyearsforaquietchatwithherto-night.ByJove,Ineverwassostirredupbefore,andcouldturnChristian,Mohammedan,Buddhist,oranythingelse,ifsheaskedmeto.\"
\"Ineithercase,Ik,\"saidVanBerg,\"yourworshipwouldbethesame,Iimagine,andwouldneverrisehigherthanthepriestess.\"
\"Curseitall,\"exclaimedStantonimpetuously,\"Ifeelto-nightasifthatwerehigherthanIcaneverrise.Ineverwasafraidofawomanbefore;butno\'divinity\'ever\'hedgedaking\'likethatwhichfillsmewithanindescribableawewhenIapproachthisunassuminglittlewomanwhousuallyseemsnomoreformidablethanaflickeringsunbeam.Iagreewithyounow.Shehasevidentlyhadsomedeepexperienceinthepastthatgivestohercharacterapoweranddepththatweonlyhalfunderstand.IwishIknewherbetter.\"
\"Good-night,\"saidVanBerg,alittleabruptly;\"Ithinkthatafterthisevening\'sexperience,neitherofusisinthemoodforfurthertalk.\"
Stantonlookedafterhimwithaloweringbrowandmuttered:\"Ishesosensitiveonthissubject?ByJove.I\'msorry!Ifearwemustbecomerivals,Van.Andyet,\"headdedwithadespairinggesture,\"whatchancewouldIhavewithhimagainstme?\"
\"Icouldnotheardistinctly,\"SibleyhadremarkedasIdatookhisarmandwalkedawayfromherpostofobservation.\"Wereyoudisgustedwithhispiouswailongeneralprinciples,ordidsomethinginhistheologyoffendyou?\"
\"It\'senoughthatIwasnotpleased,\"sherepliedbriefly.
\"Littlewonder.I\'msurprisedyoustooditsolong.VanBergandStantonarenicefellowstoleadaconventicle.IthinkI\'lltakeahandatitmyselfnextSundayevening,andcertainlywouldwithyoursupport.I\'llsaynothingofthesinger,butifyouwillgowithmetotherusticseatinyondershadywalk,I\'llsingyouasongthatIknowwillbemoretoyourtastethananyyouhaveheardthisevening.\"
\"Pleaseexcuseme,Mr.Sibley;I\'mafraidofthenightair.\"
\"Youareunusuallyprudent,\"hesaid,alittletauntingly.
\"WhichprovesthatIpossessatleastonegoodquality,\"shereplied.
\"PerhapsifMr.VanBergaskedyoutogoyouwouldtaketherisk.\"
\"PerhapsImight,\"sheadmitted,halfunconsciouslyandfromthemereforceofhabit,givingthenaturalanswerofacoquette.
\"Hehadbetternotcrossmypath,\"saidSibley,withsuddenvindictiveness.
\"Come,come!\"repliedMissMayhew,withacarelesslaugh,\"let\'shavenohightragedy.I\'minnomoodforitto-night,andyouhavenooccasionforalarm.Ifhecrossesyourpathhewillstepdaintilyoveritatrightangles.\"
AtthatmomentVanBergcameoutonthepiazza.Althoughhecouldnothearherwords,herlaughandtonesjarredunpleasantlyonhisear.
\"Yonderisagenuineaffinity,\"hemuttered,\"whichIwasafooltothinkIcouldbreakup;\"andwithaslightcontemptuousgestureheturnedonhisheelandwenttohisroom.
\"Icannotaltogetherunderstandyouthisevening,MissMayhew,\"
saidSibley,withsomeresentmentinhistone.
\"Youarenottoblameforthat,Mr.Sibley,forIdonotunderstandmyself.Ihavenotfeltwellto-day,andsohadbettersaygood-night.\"
Butbeforeshecouldleavehimheseizedherhandandexclaimed,inhissoft,insinuatingtones:
\"Thatthenistheonlytroublebetweenus.NextSaturdayeveningIshallfindyouyouroldcharmingself?\"
\"Perhaps,\"washerunsatisfactoryanswer.
Withastepthatgrewslowerandheaviereverymoment,shewenttoherroom,turnedupthelight,andlookedfixedlyatherselfintheglass,\"IwishthatoutwardbeautyWerethemirroroftheheart,\"
sherepeatedinaudibly,andtheherexquisitelipcurledinself-contempt.
\"Ida,whatISthematterwithyou?\"drawledhermother,lookingthroughtheopendoor-wayofheradjacentroom.\"Youactasifyouweredemented.\"
\"WhydidyoumakemewhatIam?\"sheexclaimed,turninguponhermotherinasuddenpassion.
\"Goodgracious!whatareyou?\"ejaculatedthatmatter-of-factlady.
\"I\'masgoodasyouare——asgoodasoursetaverages,Isuppose,\"
sheansweredinaweary,carelesstone.\"Goodnight;\"andsheclosedandlockedherdoor.
\"Oh,pshaw!\"saidMrs.Mayhew,petulantly;\"thosehymnshavemadeheroutofsortswithherselfandeverything.Theyusedtostirmeupinthesameway.Whycan\'tpeoplelearntoperformtheirreligiousdutiesproperlyandthenletthematterrest;\"andwithayawnsheretiredatpeacewithherselfandalltheworld.
Idathrewherselfonaloungeandlookedstraightbeforeherwiththatfixed,vacantstarewhichindicatesthatnothingisseensavebytheeyeofthemind.
\"Father\'sdrunkto-night,\"shemoaned;\"IknowitassurelyasifIsawhim.IalsoknowthatI\'minparttoblameforit.Couldoutwardbeautymaskablackerheartthanmine?Itdoesnotmaskitfromhimwhosangthosewords,\"andsheburiedherfaceinherhandsandsobbed,until,exhaustedanddisheartened,shesoughsuchpoorrestandrespiteasafewhoursoftroubledsleepcouldbring.
ChapterXVIII.LovePuttoWork.
OnthefollowingdaytherewastheusualbustleofchangeanddeparturethatischaracteristicofalargesummerresortonMondaymorning.StantonfoundMrs.Mayhewveryreadytooccupytheseatshehadobtained,andallthemoresofromhisstatementofthefactthatseveralothershadspokenforthem.
\"Ida,mydear,\"calledhermother;\"comehere,I\'vegoodnewsforyou.Ikhasgotusoutofthatodiouscornerofthedining-room,andsecuredseatsforusatMr.VanBerg\'stable.\"
\"Iwishnoseatthere,\"shesaiddecisively.
\"Oh,itsallarranged,mydear;andagoodmanyotherswanttheseats,butIkwastooprompt.\"
\"I\'llstaywhereIam,\"saidIda,sullenly.
\"Andhaveeveryoneinthehouseaskingwhy?\"addedStanton,provokingly.\"Mr.VanBergtreatsyouasagentlemanshould.Whycannotyouactlikealadytowardhim?IfIwereyouIwouldnotcarrymypreferencesfortheSibleystyleoffellowssofarthatIcouldnotbeciviltoamanlikemyfriend.\"
\"Youmisjudgeme,\"criedIda,passionately.
\"Youhaveastrangewayofprovingit.Allthatisaskedofyouistositatthesametablewithagentlemanwhohaswontherespectandadmirationofeveryoneinthehotel,whosesocietyispeculiarlyagreeabletoyourmotherandmyself,andwhohasalsoshownunusualcourtesytowardsyoueversincehelearnedwhoyouwere.WhatelsecanIthink——whatelsecanothersthink,thanthatyourtasteleanssodecidedlytotheSibleystylethatyoucannotevenbepolitetoamanofhighcultureandgenuineworth?\"
\"Youaretoosevere,Ik,\"saidMrs.Mayhew.\"ForsomereasonthatIcannotfathom,Idadoesnotlikethisartist;andyetIthinkmyselfthatshewouldsubjectherselftoveryunpleasantremarksifshemadeanytroubleaboutsittingatthesametablewithhim.\"
\"Canyounotsee,\"retortedIda,irritably,\"thatIkhasnotconsideredusatall,butonlyhimself?HewishestobenearMissBurton,andwithoutgivingusanychancetoobject,hasmadeallthearrangementssothatwemusteithercomplyorelsebethetalkofthehouse.It\'sjustapieceofhisselfishness,\"sheconcludedwithtearsofvexationinhereyes.
\"Oh,comeIda!\"saidhermothercoaxingly,\"Icanseeonlyamole-hillinthismatter,andIwouldn\'tmakeamountainoutofit.AsfarasIamconcerned,Ishouldenjoythechangeverymuch,and,asyousay,theaffairhasgonetoofarnowtomakeobjection.Idonotintendthateitheryouormyselfshallbethesubjectofunpleasantremark.\"
Andsothematterwassettled,butIda\'scoldnessandconstraint,whentheyallmetatdinner,veryclearlyindicatedthatthechangehadbeenmadewithoutherconsent.VanBergaddressedheraffablytwoorthreetimes,butreceivedbriefanddiscouraginganswers.
\"Yourcousinevidentlyisnotpleasedwiththenewarrangementyouhavebroughtabout.IcannotseewhatIhavedoneoflatetovexher.\"
\"I\'lltellyouthetrouble.YouoffendherbynotbeingthecounterpartofMr.Sibley,\"saidStanton,irritably.
VanBerg\'sbrowdarkened.\"Doyouthink,\"heaskedinameaningtone,\"thatsheunderstandswhatkindofamanheis?\"
\"Oh,sheknowsthathecandance,flirt,andtalknonsense,andsheasksfornothingmoreandthinksofnothingfurther.I\'moutofpatiencewithher.\"
Stanton\'swordscontainedthemostplausibleexplanationofIda\'sconductthatoccurredtoVanBerg.Theepisodeinthestagehadmadethemacquainted,andherpreconceivedprejudiceandhostilityhadbeensofarremovedastopermitacertaindegreeofsocialcompanionship,whoseresultwouldnowseemonlyincreaseddislikeanddistaste.Ashesupposedshewouldexpressherself,\"hewasnotofherstyle.\"HadshenotspentthegreaterpartofSundayafternoonandeveningwithSibley?Whatotherconclusionwastheresavethathewas\"ofherstyle,\"congenialbothinthoughtandcharacter!Andyethestillrefusedtoentertainthebeliefthatsherecognizedinhimmorethanafashionablemanoftheworld.
Ifonlyastheresultofthepiqueoriginatingontheeveningoftheconcert,IdaMayhewhadstoodalooffromhim,hecouldhopetoremovethisearlyprejudicebybetteracquaintance.Butiffulleracquaintanceincreasedheraversion,thenhemustbelievethatthedefectsinhercharacterwereradical,inwroughtthroughthewholewebandwoofofhernature.Hecouldnotassumethe\"Sibleystyle\"ifhewould,andwouldnotifhecould,wereherbeautyahundred-foldgreater,werethatpossible.
Hewasfastcomingtotheconclusion,therefore,thathemustabandontheprojectwhichhadsofascinatedhim,andwhosesuccesshadsostronglykindledhisimagination.Andyethedidsoreluctantly,veryregretfully,chafingasonlythestrong-willeddo,whenconfrontedandthwartedbythatwhichisonlyapparentlyimpossible,andwhichtheystillfeelmightandoughttobeaccomplished.
\"Ifeelastheoldalchemistsmusthavedone,\"heoftenthought.
\"Hereisabasemetal.WhycanInottransmuteitintogold?\"
Butastheconvictionofhisimpotencegrewuponhimhefeltsomethinglikeresentmenttowardtheonewhohadthwartedhispurpose;andsoitnaturallyhappenedthatwhentheymetagainatthesupper-table,hiscoolandindifferentmannercorrespondedwiththatofMissMayhewtoadegreethatgaveheradeeperpainthanshecouldunderstand.
\"Whyshouldshecare?\"sheaskedherselfahundredtimesthatevening.Buttheunpleasanttruthhourlygrewmoreplaintoherthatshedidcare.
Stantonandhermotherquietlyignoredher\"foolishpique,\"astheytermedit.IntruththeformerwassopreoccupiedwithMissBurton,andwithjealousyofhisfriend,thathehadfewthoughtsforanythingelse.
Headmittedtohimselfthathehadneverbeforebeensothoroughlyfascinatedandawakened;anditwasinaccordancewithhispleasure-loving,self-indulgentnaturetodriftonthisshiningtidewithersoeveritmightcarryhim.
ButwithagrowingfeelingofdisquietudehesawthatVanBergalsowasdeeplyinterestedinMissBurton,and,whatwasworse,hethoughthedetectedanansweringinterestonherpart.
Occasionally,whentheartist\'sfacewasturnedawaysothatsheobtainedagoodprofileviewofit,Stantonobservedherlookingathimwithanexpressionwhichbothpuzzledandtroubledhim.Sheseemedtoforgeteverythingandeveryone,andtogazeforamomentwithawistful,longingintensitythathewouldgivehisfortuneforweretheglancedirectedtowardhimself.AndyetwhenVanBergaddressedher,soughthersociety,methersuddenly,therewasnoheighteningofcolor,noratraceofthe\"sweetconfusion\"thatisusuallyinseparablefromanewandgrowingaffectioninamaiden\'sheart.
Apartfromthisoccasion,furtive,andwistfullookduringwhichhercheekswouldgrowpaleandsheappearforthemomentobliviousofpresentsurroundings,hermannertowardtheartistwasasfrankandnaturalastowardanyoneelse.Itwasevidentthatshelikedandrespectedhim,butevenhisjealousycouldnotdetectthecertaintyofanythingmore.
ButwhatwasthetendencyofVanBerg\'smindtowardher?Thatwasthequestionwhichtroubledhimmoreandmoreeveryday.FromthetimeoftheirpartingonthepreviousSabbatheveningtherehadbeenagrowingreluctanceonthepartofeachtospeakofonewhosolargelyoccupiedthethoughtsofboth.Theoldjestandbanteraboutthe\"schoolma\'am\"ceasedutterly,andtheymentionedheronlyoccasionallyas\"MissBurton.\"Theoldfrankconfidencebetweenthemdiminisheddaily,andintheirsecretconsciousnesstheybegantorecognizethefactthattheymightsoonbecomeopenrivals.
TheattitudeofVanBergtowardtheyoungstrangerwhohadsodeeplyinterestedhimfromthefirsthouroftheirmeeting,waspeculiarbutcharacteristic.Hisreasonapprovedofher.Neverbeforehadhemetawomanwhohadseemedendowedwithsomanyattractivequalities.Shewasnotbeautiful,——acardinalvirtuewithhim——butherfaceoftenlightedupwithsomethingsonearakintobeautyastoleavelittlecausetoregretitsabsenceandtheconvictiongrewuponhimthatthespiritenshrinedwithinthegracefulandfragileformwasalmostperfectionitself.
Itbecameclearertohimeverydaythatsomedeepexperienceorsorrowhassothoroughlyrefinedawaythedrossofhernatureastomakeherseemtheembodimentoftruthandpurity.Whatthoughshestillmaintainedcompletereticenceastothepast,avoidingintheirconversationallallusiontoherself,asfaraspossible;
hestill,inhisinmostsoul,knewhecouldtrusther,andthatwhilehersmilingface,likethesunlitripplingsurfaceofmountainlakesnotfaraway,mighthidedark,silentdepths,itconcealednothingimpure.
Healsofeltthattherewasnooccasiontoimagineanydeepmysterytobepartofherpasthistory.Thefactsthatshewaspoorandorphanedsuggestedalltheexplanationsneeded,andhefeltsurethatthesorrowsshesosacredlyandunselfishlyshroudedfromthegeneralviewwouldbefranklyrevealedtothemanwhomightwintherighttocomfortandsustainher.
Couldhewinthatright?Didhewishtowinit?Asdayafterdaypassedhefeltthisquestiontobegrowingmoreandmorevitallyimportant.
Hewasnotonehebelievedwho,likeStanton,couldbecarriedawaybyasuddenandabsorbingpassion.Inanyandeverycase,reason,judgment,andtastewouldoffertheircounsel,andtheiradvicewouldbecarefullyweighed.Withincreasingdistinctness,thiscabinetwithinhisownbreasturgedhimtoobservethismaidenwelllestthechiefopportunityofhislifepassbeyondrecall.
Andhedidstudyhercharactercarefully.Stanton,withthekeenpainofjealousy,andIdaMayhewwithadisquietandsinkingofheartthatshecouldnotunderstand,notedthatheveryquietlyandunobtrusivelysoughthersociety.Whenshespoke,helistened.
Whenitwaspossiblewithoutattractingattentionhiseyesfollowedher,andyethisconductwasgovernedsothoroughlybygoodtasteandchivalricregardfortheladyherself,thatonlyeyesrenderedpenetratingbythepromptingsoftheheartwouldhaveseenanythingmorethanthegeneralfriendlinesswhichsheinspiredoneveryside.
Stanton,onthecontrary,grewmoreundisguisedanddemonstrativeinhisattentions,althoughheaimedtoconcealhisfeelingunderthehumorousandbanteringstyleofaddressthatwashabitualwithhim.TheguestsofthehousewerenotverylonginrecognizinginhimanadmirerofMissBurton,buttheyimaginedthathisdevotionwascausedmorebyawishtowhileawayhisidlehoursthanfromanyothermotive;anditwasalsoquiteevidentthattheyoungladyherselftookthesameview.Shegavealightandhumorousaspecttoeverythingshesaid,andpermittedhimscarcelyanopportunityforasolitary\"tete-a-tete.\"Invainheplacedhisbaysandbuggyatherdisposal.
\"Iamsocialandgregariousinmytastes,\"shewouldreply,\"andneedtheexhilarationofapartytoenjoymyself.\"
ThusStantonwasledtoacourseofactiondecidedlyincontrastwithhispasttendencies.Hewouldattachhisbaystoaroomycarriage,givinghera\"carte-blanche\"inmakingupthepartyifshewouldbeoneofthenumber.Hewouldperspirelikeaheroinanyboatingexcursionorpicnicthatshewouldoriginate;andthusthefastidiousandelegantfellowoftenfoundhimselfinunwontedcompany,for,withaninstinctpeculiarlyherown,shesoonfoundoutthecomparativelypoorandneglectedinthehotel,andappearedtoderiveherchiefpleasureinenliveningtheirdulldays.
Quick-wittedStantonearlylearnedthatthesurestwaytowinningasmilefromherwastobepolitetopeoplethat,hitherto,hehadhabituallyignored.ToMissBurtonherselfhemadenosecretofthefactthathiscoursewaspromptedonlybyadesiretopleaseher,butshesmilingpersistedinascribingitalltohisgood-natureandkindnessofheart.
ChapterXIX.Man\'sHighestHonor.
VanBerghadnotbeenverylongindiscoveringthatMissBurtonhadarulingpassion,anditseemedtohimaratheruniqueone.
Hewasfamiliarwiththemanyformsofself-seeking,commoninsociety;heknewofthosewhoweredevotedtoliterature,science,orsomefavoritecalling,ashewastohisart;hehadseenafewwhoapparentlysoaboundedingenialgood-naturethattheyrarelylostanopportunityofperformingakindact;andthereweremenandwomenintheworldwho,hebelieved,hadfullyconsecratedthemselvestotheworkofdoinggoodfromthepurestanddivinestmotives:buthedidnotrememberofeverhavingmetwithonewhosewholethoughtappearedbentondisseminatingimmediatesunshine.
AndyetthisseemedtrueofMissBurton.Withadmirabletact,withatirelesspatience,andanenergyoutofproportioninonesofragile,shekeptherselfquietlyandunobtrusivelybusyamongthemiscellaneouspeopleofthehouse.Hercharitywaswideenoughforall.Wherevershecoulddiscovergloom,despondency,dulness,orpain,thereshetriedtoshinelikeasunbeam,asifthatweretheprimallawofherbeing.Sherarelysoughtto\"dogood\"intheordinaryacceptanceoftheterm;stillmorerarelydidshespeakofherownpersonalfaith;tocheerandtobrightenappearedtobeheroneconstantimpulse.Itwasevidentthatthishadbecomeakindofsecondnatureinhernow;butthethoughtoccurredmorethanoncetoVanBergthatshehadadoptedthiscourseatfirsttoescapefromherselfandherownunhappymemories.Everydayincreasedtheconvictionthatsorrowwastheblack,heavysoilthatproducedthisconstantbloomofunselfishdeeds.
Beforetheweekwasovershegavehimspecialreasontobelievethatthiswastrue.Theywerewalkingupanddownthepiazzaoneeveningandhadbeentalkingwithmuchanimationonasubjectofmutualinterest.Butsheprovedthattherewasinhermindadeeperandstrongercurrentofthoughtthanthatwhichhadbeenapparent.
Astheduskinessincreased,andasintheirpromenadetheirfaceswereturnedawayfromthosewhomighthaveobservedthem,shesaidalittleabruptlyandyetwithtremuloushesitancy:
\"Mr.VanBerg,doesyourphilosophyteachyoutobelieve,asyousung,onSabbathevening,that\'ThereisnopowertoseverThestrongandtrueinmind?\'\"
Beforeansweringheturnedtolookather.Herfaceseemedtostandoutfromthegloomofthenightwithalightofitsown,andwassowhiteandeagerastobealmostspirit-like.Histonesweresadashereplied:
\"IwishIcouldansweryouotherwisethanasImust,fortheimpulsetosaysomewordsofcomfort,whichIfeelyouneed,isverystrong.
IonlysangofwhatIwishedonSundayevening.Ihavelittlephilosophy,andstilllessofdefinitebeliefinregardtothefuturelife.WhileIamnotatheoreticskeptic,allquestionsoffaitharetomesovagueandincomprehensiblethatIamapracticalmaterialist,andliveonlyinthepresenthour.\"
\"But,Mr.VanBerg,\"shesaid,inalowtremuloustone,\"canyounotunderstandthatsomepeoplecannotliveinthepresenthour,tryastheymay?Oh,howdesperatelyhardItrytodoso!Canyounotimaginethatsomethinginone\'spastmaymakeafuturenecessarytosavefromdespair?IfIlostmyholdonthatfutureIshouldgomad,\"sheaddedinawhisper.\"Howcananymaterialisticphilosophybetruewhenitfailsusandsobitterlydisappointsusinourneed?\"
\"Idonotsayitistrue,\"hereplied,earnestly.\"Indeedyourwordsandmannerprovetome,ascouldnolaboredargument,whatapoorsuperficialthingitis.Ifeel,withtheforceofconviction,thatitcannomoremeetyourneedthancouldthehuskswhichtheswinedideat.\"
\"Sinceyouweresincere,Iwillbealso,\"shecontinuedinthesamelowtone,lookingawayfromhimintothedarkcloudysky.\"AsthehymnIsungmayhavesuggestedtoyou,Ihavenotgotveryfarbeyondmeresubmissionandhope.Somethinginmyownsoulaswellasinrevelationtellsmethatthereisa\'happiershore,\'andI
amtryingtoreachit;buttheway,toooften,islikethatsky,utterlyopaqueandrayless.\"
\"Iregretmoredeeplythanyoucaneverknow,MissBurton,thatI
findnothinginmyownknowledgeorexperiencetohelpyou.AllIcanofferismyhonestsympathy,andthatyouhavehadfromthefirst;forfromthetimeofourfirstmeetingtheimpressionhasbeengrowinguponmethatyourcharacterhadobtaineditspowerandbeautythroughsomedeepandsorrowfulexperience.ButwhileIamunabletogiveyouanyhelp,perhapsIcansuggestapleasantthoughtfromyourownillustration.Theblackcloudsyonderwhichseemtoyouatruetypeoftheshadowsthathavefallenacrossyourpath,are,afterall,butafilminthesky.Thesun,andamultitudeofotherluminousworlds,areshiningbeyondthemintheheavens.IwouldIhadyourchancesofreachinga\'happiershore.\'\"
\"That\'saprettysentiment,\"shesaid,shakingherheadslowly;
\"butthoseluminousworldsareagreatwayoff,withcoldandvastreachesofspacebetweenthem.Besides,aluminousworldwouldnotdomeonebitofgood.Iwant——\"shestoppedabruptlywithsomethinglikealowsob.\"There,there,\"sheresumedhastilydashingawayafewtears.\"Ihaveoccupiedyourthoughtstoolongwithmyforlornlittleself.Ididnotmeantoshowthisweakness,buthavebeenbetrayedintodoingos,Ithink,becauseyouimpressedmeasbeinghonest,andIthoughtthatperhaps——perhapsyourman\'sreasonmighthavethoughtofsomeargumentorprobablyconjecturerelatingtothesubjectthat,forcausesobvioustoyou,wouldbenaturallyinterestingtoonesoaloneintheworldasIam.\"
\"IamsorryindeedthatIneverusedmyreasontosogoodapurpose,\"
hereplied;\"andyet,asIsaidatfirst,thesesubjectshaveeverseemedtomesoaboveandbeyondmyreasonthatIhavecarelesslygiventhemthego-by.MyprofessionhaswhollyabsorbedmesinceIhavebeencapableofanythingworththenameofthought,andtheworld,towardwhichyourmindisturning,issolargeandvaguethatIcannotevenfollowyou,muchlessguide.\"
Shesighed:\"Itisindeed\'largeandvague.\'\"Thensheaddedinfirm,quiettones:\"Mr.VanBerg,pleaseforgetwhatIhavesaid.
Theweakmustshowtheirweaknessattimesinspiteofthemselves,andyourkindnessandsincerityhavebeguiledmeintoinflictingmyselfuponyou.\"
\"Youaskthatwhichisimpossible,MissBurton,\"herepliedearnestly.
\"Icannotforgetwhatyouhavesaid,nordoIwishto.Ineednotassureyou,however,thatIregardyourconfidenceassacredasifitcamefrommyownsister.WillyoualsoletmesaythatIneverfeltsohonoredbeforeinmylifeasIhaveto-night,inthefactthatIseemedtoyourwoman\'sintuitionworthyofyourtrust.\"
Theywerenowturnedtowardsthelightthatstreameddimlyfromoneofthewindows.Shelookedupathimwithabright,gratefulsmile,butsheapparentlysawsomethinginhiseagerfaceandmannerwhichcheckedhersmileassuddenlyasifhehadbeenanapparition.
shegavehimherhand,sayinghastily,\"Good-night,Mr.VanBerg;
Ithankyou.I——I——donotfeelverywell,\"andshepassedswiftlytoasidedooranddisappeared.
ChapterXX.AWretchedSecretthatMustbeKept.
