\"Isyourfriend,then,sohonorableaman?\"sheasked.
\"Heis,indeed,\"repliedVanBerg,earnestly,whileagenerousflushsuffusedhisface,\"atrue,noble-heartedfellow.Heshowshisworstsideatonce,butyouwoulddiscovernewandgoodtraitshinhimeveryday.\"
Sheturnedawaywithalowlaugh.\"Sinceyouaresoloyaltoyouroldfriend,\"shesaid,\"Ithinkyouwillprovetruetoyournewone.IshallputMr.Stantontothetest,anddiscoverwhetherhewillgiveuphisquarrelwithMr.SibleyforthesakeofsuchpoorthanksasIcangive.Oncemore,good-night.\"
Shewashasteningaway,whenheseizedherhandandsaid:
\"Whydoyougowithavertedface?HaveIoffendedyou?\"
Shetrembledviolently.\"Pleasedonotlookatmeso,\"shesaid,falteringly.\"Icannotendureit.Pitymyweakness.\"
Hishandtightenedinitswarmgrasp,andtheexpressionofhisfacegrewmoreardent.
Shelookedupwithasuddenflashinhereyes,andsaid,almoststernly:
\"Youmustnotlookatmeinthatway,orelseevenfriendshipwillbeimpossibleandwemustbecomestrangers.Perhaps,afterall,thiswillbethewisestcourseforusboth,\"sheadded,inagentlertone.
Hedroppedherhand,butsaidfirmly,\"No,MissJennie,youhavegivenmetherighttocallyoumyfriend,andIhaveseenfriendshipinyoureyes,andfriendsatleastweshallbetilltheendoftime.
Ishallnotsaygood-night.Ishallnotletyougoawayandbroodbyyourself.Ihavelearnedthatcheeringothersistheveryelixirofyourlife;so,comeintotheparlor.IwillfindStantonandourfriendwiththesopranovoice,andtheguestsofthehouseshallagainblessthestarsthatsentyoutous,asIdodaily.\"
Shesmiledfaintlyandsaid:
\"I\'lljoinyouthereafteralittlewhile,\"andsheflittedoutintothedarkeninghall-way,andsoughtherroombyasidestair.
AfewmomentslaterStanton,findingtheobjectofhisthoughtsdidnotappearamongtheguestswhosoughttoescapethesultrinessoftheeveningonthewidepiazzasorinthelarge,spaciousparlor,begantowanderrestlesslyinahalf-unconscioussearch.Aservantwasjustlightingthegasinthesmallandremotereception-roomasheglancedin.Theapartmentwasempty,andnoechoesofthewordsjustspokenwerelingering.
AlittlelaterMissBurtoncamedownthemainstair-wayinherbreezy,cheerymanner,andhisjealousfearswerequieted.
Hejoinedheratonce,sayingthatitwastheunanimouswishthatsheshouldgivethemsomemusicagainthatevening.
Shewouldjoinwithhimandothers,shesaid;andhermannerwassoperfectlyfrankandcordial,solikeherbearingtowardsaladyfriendtowhomshenextspoke,thathefairlygroanedindespairoftouchingaheartthatseemedtooverflowwithkindnesstowardall.
VanBergsoonappeared,butMissBurton,onthisoccasion,managedthatthesingingshouldbemaintainedbyquitealargegroupaboutthepiano,andonaccountofthesultrinessoftheeveningtheserviceofsongwasbrief.
WhileVanBergwasleadingahymnthathadbeenaskedforbyoneoftheguests,MissBurtonfoundtheopportunityofsaying,\"Mr.
Stanton,Iwishtothankyouforyourchivalricdefenceto-dayofonewhoispoorandorphaned.Mr.VanBergtoldmeofyourgenerousandfriendlycourse.ThusfarIcanbelievethatyourconducthasbeeninspiredbythetruestandmostmanlyimpulses.ButifinanywayyouagainhaveaughttodowithMr.Sibley,Ishallfeeldeeplywoundedandhumiliated.Irefusetobeassociatedwiththatman,evenintheremotestdegree.Yourdelicatesenseofhonorwillteachyouthatifanyfurthertroublegrowsoutofthisaffairnoeffortonyourpartcanseparatemynamefromit.Theworldrarelydistinguishesbetweenagentlemanlyquarrelandavulgarbrawl,especiallywhereoneofthepartiesisessentiallyvulgar.Asagentlemanyouwillsurelyshieldmefromanysuchassociations.\"
Stanton,rememberinghisappointmentwithSibley,bowedlowtohidehisconfusion.
\"Iwouldgladlyshieldyouwithmylifefromanythingthatcouldcauseyoupain,\"hesaid,earnestly.
\"Idonotmakeanysuchvastandtragicdemands,\"shereplied,smilingly,andholdingoutherhand;\"onlysimpleandprosaicself-control,whentipsy,vulgarmenactaccordingtotheirnature.
Good-night.\"
Hewasabouttokissherhand,whenshegentlywithdrewit,remarking:
\"WeplainpeopleofNewEnglandarenotdescendedfromtheCavaliers,remember.\"
Hewatcheduntilindespairofherappearingagainthatevening,andthenstrolledoutintothenight,feelinginhisdespondencythatnostarinthesummerskywasmoreunattainablethanthepoorandorphanedgirl,theimpressofwhosewarmclaspstillseemedwithinhishand.
ChapterXXXI.AnEmblem.
ForsometimeIdaMayhewneitherheedednorheardthechoralmusicintheparlorbelow,butatlastaclearer,louderstrain,inwhichVanBerg\'svoicewaspre-eminent,caughtherattentionandshestartedupandlistenedatthewindow.
\"HeissingingsongsofHeavenwithJennieBurton,andI——cantherebeanyworseperditionthanthis?\"shesaidinalow,agonizedtone.
Asifbyasuddenimpulseshequietlyunfastenedthedoorthatledtoherfatherandmother\'sroom.Perceivingthathermotherwasnotthere,shestolenoiselesslyin,andturnedupthelamp.
Mr.Mayhewreclineduponaloungeinthedeepstuporofintoxication,hisdarkhairstreakedwithgrayfallingacrosshisfaceinamannerthatmadeitpeculiarlyghastlyandrepulsive.
\"Thisismywork,\"shegroaned.\"JennieBurtonmadeanoble-lookingmanofhimlastevening.Ihavemadehimthis.\"Shewrithedandwrungherhandsoverhisunconsciousform,appearingasmightoneofMilton\'sfallenangelsthathadlostHeavenandhappinessbutnottheprimalbeautyofhisbirth-place.
\"Well,\"sheexclaimedwiththesuddenrecklessnesswhichwasoneofhercharacteristics,\"ifIhavecausedyourdegradationIcanatleastshareinit;\"andshetookanopiatethatsheknewwouldproducespeedyandalmostasdeepalethargyasthatwhichparalyzedherfather;thenthrewherself,dressed,uponhercouch,anddidnotwakenuntillatethefollowingday.
StantonwassorelytroubledoverhisrashpromisethathewouldmeetSibleyatdaylightonMondaymorning.AfterMissBurton\'swordshefeltthathecouldnotkeephisappointment,andyetheshrankfromtheridiculehebelievedSibleywouldheapuponhim.
HisperturbationwassogreatthathehuntedupVanBergbeforeretiring,andtoldhimofhisdilemma.Theartistgreatlyrelievedhismindbysaying:
\"Ithinkwebothhavehadalesson,Stanton,inregardtoquarrelingwithsuchfellowsasSibley,althoughIhardlyseehowwecouldhaveacteddifferently.Butvillainsareusuallycowardsaftertheirpassioncoolsandtheybecomesober.Thecaseinhandisnoexception.BurleightellsmehehasjustlearnedthatSibleytookalateboattothecity,andsodoesnotmeantokeeptheappointmentto-morrow.Therefore,sleepthesleepofthejust,oldfellow.
Good-night.\"
ThethrobbingpaininIda\'sheadwassogreatwhensheawokeonMondaythatshehalfforgottheacheinherheart.ShefoundthatherfatherhadgonetotheCityandthatthedaywaswelladvanced.
Hermothersatlookingatherwithanexpressioninwhichanxietyandreproachwereequallyblended.
Theunhappywomanhadlearnedfromherhusband\'shabitstoknowwhatremediestoemploy,andsowasablegraduallytorelieveherdaughter\'sphysicaldistress;butIda\'swearylassitudeandreticencewereproofagainstallherquestionsandreproaches.Itseemedasifnothingcouldrouseorstingheroutofthedullapathyintowhichshehadreactedafterthedesperateexcitementoftheprecedingday.
Shepleadedillness,andstubbornlyrefusedtogodowntodinner.
Atlasthermother,muchtoherrelief,lefthertoherself,andwentouttodrivewithStanton,hopingthatshemighthituponsomeplanofactioninregardtothetwodifficultproblemspresentedinherhusbandanddaughter.
TowardseveningIdaslowlyandlanguidlydressedforsupper,andthensauntereddowntothemainpiazzaforalittlefreshair.
ThepoorgirldidnotexaggeratetheshadowthathadfallenuponherassociationwithSibley,andhersupposedgriefandresentmentathistreatment.Twoorthreewhomshemetbowedcoldlyanddistantly,andonepassedwithoutrecognition.EvenJennieBurtonhadbeenindignantalldaythatoneofhersexcouldbeinfatuatedwithsuchafellow;andinhercharitablethoughtsshewouldbegladtoexplainsuchperversityastheresultofadisorderedanduncurbedfancy,ratherthanofadepravedheart.
Itwasnotstrange,however,thatsheshouldsupposeIda\'smannerandindispositionwerecausedbySibley\'signominiousejectmentfromthehouse,whenherownmotherandcousinsharedthesameview.
Whatanunknownmysteryeachlifeis,eventothelivesnearesttoit!
Aswithslow,heavysteps,Idaapproachedthemainentrance,shenotedthedistantmannerofthoseshemet,anddivinedthecause;
butherapathywassogreatthatneitherangernorshamebroughtthefaintestcolortohercheeks.
Shestoodinthedoorwayandlookedoutafewmoments;butthelovelysummerlandscape,withthecoolshadowslengtheningacrossit,wasaweariness,andsheturnedfromitasthemiserabledofromsightsthatonlymockbytheirpleasantcontrast.
Thepiazzawasnearlyempty,butbeforeshesteppedoutuponitshesawnotfarawayagentlemanreading,whoatlastdidcausethebloodtorushtumultuouslyintoherface.
Atanothertimeshewouldhaveturnedhastilyfromhim;butinherpresentmorbidmoodsheactedfromadifferentimpulse.Theartisthadnotobservedherapproach,andstandingalittlebackintheshadowofthehall-wayshefoundacruelfascinationincomparingthemanshelovedwiththelowfellowwhoseshadownowfellsodarklyacrossherowncharacter.Shelookedsteadilyathisdowncastfaceuntileverylineandcurveinhisstrongprofilewasimpressedonhermemory.Inthehealthfulcolorofhisfinely-chiseledfeaturestherewerenoindicationsofthatexcesswhichalreadymarredSibley\'scountenance.Thedecidedcontourcorrespondedwiththepositivenature.Theunhappygirlfeltinstinctivelythatifhewereonherside,hewouldbeafaithfulally;butifagainsther,shewouldfindhisinflexiblewillagranitewallagainstalltheallurementsofherbeauty.Thefacebeforeherindicatedamancontrolledbyhishigher,notlowernature;andinherdeephumiliationshenowfeltthatevenifheknewallthatwaspassinginherheart,hewouldbestowonlytransientpity,mingledwithcontempt.
Shebelievedshecouldhopefornothingfromhim;andyet,didnotthatbeliefleaveherhopeless?Towhatelse,towhomelsecouldsheturn?Nothingelse,nooneelsethenseemedtopromiseanyhelp,anyhappiness.HerwretchedexperiencehadcomeasunexpectedlyasoneofthosemysteriouswavesthatsweepthesunnyshoreofPeru.
Whitheritwouldcarryhershedidnotknow,buteverymomentseparatedhermorehopelesslyfromhimwhoappearedlikeanimmovablerockinhisquietstrength.
ShewasturningdespondentlyawaywhensheheardJennieBurton\'svoice,andamomentlaterthatyoungladymountedtheadjacentstepsandsaidtoVanBerg:
\"SeewhataprizeIcapturedatthislateseason.RosesearlyinAugustarelikehiddentreasures.See,theyaregenuinehybrids.
HaveInothadraregoodfortune?\"
VanBergroseatonce,andmetheratthetopofthesteps;andIda,whostillremainedunseeninthehall,nowsteppedforwardintothedoorway,sothatshemightnotseemafurtivelistener,ashewasstandingwithhisbacktowardsher.
\"HadImyway,MissBurton,\"saidtheartist,\"youshouldhavethisraregoodfortuneeverydayoftheyear.\"
Sheblushedslightly,andsaid,rathercoldly,\"Goodevening,MissMayhew,\"thusrenderingVanBergawareofthelatter\'spresence.
Theartistonlyfrowned,andgavenootherrecognitionofIda\'sproximity.
\"Sinceyoucan\'thaveyourway,Ishallmakethemostofmypresentgoodfortune.Isnotthatabeautifulcluster?\"
\"Itisindeed,withoneexception.Doyounotseethatthisdefectivebudmarsthebeautyofalltheothers?\"
\"A\'wormI\'thebudfellonitsdamaskcheek.\'Itookitoutandkilledit,andwasinhopesthatifIplacedtheinjuredflowerinwaterwiththeothersitmightstillmakeapartialbloom.YouwillthinkmeabsurdwhenItellyouIfeltsorryforit,andthoughthowmanyrosesandliveswouldbemoreperfectwereitnotforsomegnawing\'wormi\'thebud.\'\"
\"The\'worm\'inShakespeare\'sallusion,\"saidtheartist,lightly,\"isredeemedbyitsassociationandsymbolism;buttheonethathasbeenatworkherewasadisagreeablyprosaicthingthatyourightlyputyourfootupon.Thebud,asitnowappears,suggestthewormmorethananythingelse.So,please,letmecutitout;
forartcannottolerateanythingsoradicallymarredanddefective.
Itsworm-eatenheartspoilsthebeautyoftheentirecluster.\"
\"Ifearyouartistsbecometoocriticalandexacting.Well,cutitout.Iwillsubmittoartinroses,butfeelthatmarredanddefectivelivesshouldhaveverydifferenttreatment.\"
\"Thatdepends.Ifpeoplepersistincherishingsomewormofevil,theycannotexpecttobeheldinthesameesteemasthosewhoareaimingatamoreperfectdevelopment.There,now!doesnotourclusterappearmuchbetter?\"
\"Yes;andyetIcannothelpfeelingsorryforthepoorlittlebudthathasmisseditsonechancetobloom,andallwillwitherunlessIhastentomyroomandputtheminwater.\"
InherprejudiceagainstIdashehadnotlookedtowardsherwhiletalkingwithVanBerg,butinpassing,ahastyglancealmostcausedhertostayandspeaktoher,forshethoughtshesawhereyesfullofunshedtears.Butherglancewasbriefandherprejudicestrong.MissBurtonhadnotalittleofthewholesomefeminineintoleranceforcertainweaknessesinhersex.Shewouldcounselawifetoendureabadhusbandwithameekandpatientspirit.Butgentleasshewas,shewouldscornthemaidenwhocouldbeattractedbyacorruptman,andalmostloatheherforindulginginsuchanaffinity.ShecouldpityIda——shecouldpityanyone;butthepoorgirl\'sunfortunateassociationwithSibley,andherseeminginterestinhim,wouldsubordinatepitytoindignationandcontempt.
Herthoughtwasthis:
\"MissMayhewisstillamaidenfreetochoose.Shameonherthatshechoosessoignobly!Shameonherthatsheturnshereyeslonginglytofetidpools,insteadofupwardtothebreezyhills.
Whatkindofnatureisthatwhichpromptssuchachoice?\"
TheartistwasmorecapableofJennieBurton\'sindignationandcontemptthanofherpity;andalthoughheknewIdastillstoodinthedoorwayhedidnotturntospeaktoher.Hisveryattitudeseemedtoindicatetotheunhappygirlahaughtyindifference,andyetshewassounhappy,soinneedofakindwordorreassuringglancethatshecouldnotturnaway.
\"Whatawretchedmysteryitallis,\"shethought.\"Ioughttohate,yetIlovehim.ProudasIhavethoughtmyself,IcouldkneelathisfeetforonesuchwordandglanceashejustgaveMissBurton.
ForcontemptIreturnhimhonorandadmiration.Icannothelpmyself.Bysomestrangeperversityofmyheart,Ihavebecomehisveryslave.Howcanhebesoblind!HethinksmepiningforamanthatIdespiseandhatemorethanheevercan,thoughthefellowattemptedhislife.Sibleyhascomebetweenmeandthatwhichismorethanlife——mychanceforhappinessandrightliving.
Ishallbecomedesperateandbad,likehim,ifthiscontinues.
Howstrangeitisthatsomesense,someinstinctdoesnottellhimtherethatthegirlwhostandssonearislavishingeverytreasureofhersouluponhim!
\"Thatpoorlittlerose-budrepresentsmetohismind.Howruthlesslyheispullingopenitsheart!Willheseeanythingelsetheresavetheworkofthedestroyer?Canitnotawakenathoughtofpity?
Iwill——Imustspeaktohim.\"
Shetookahesitatingsteportwotowardshim.Shecouldalmosthearherheartbeat.Twice,thrice,wordsdieduponherlips.
Whenwassheeversotimidbefore!Ifhewouldonlygiveheranencouragingglance!Ifhewouldonlyturnalittletowardsherandrelaxthathaughty,unbendingattitude——
\"Mr.VanBerg,\"shesaidatlast,inavoicethatwasconstrainedandhardfromherefforttobecalm,\"youseemveryvindictivetowardsthatpoorlittleflower.\"
Heturnedpartiallytowardsherandcoldlysaid,\"GoodeveningMissMayhew;\"then,afterasecond,addedcarelessly:\"Iadmitthatthisworm-eatenbudisrathervexatious.Ithas——whatisleftofit——exquisitecolor,andinformnaturehaddesignedittobeperfect;but\"(withaslightcontemptuousshrug)\"youseewhatitis,\"andhetosseditdownintotheroadway.
Herfacewasverypaleandhervoicelow,assheanswered:\"Andsoyoucondemnittobetrampledunderfoot.\"
\"Icondemnit!Notatall.Itsownimperfectioncondemnsit.\"
\"Theresultisallthesame,\"shereplied,withsuddenchangeofmanner.\"Itistossedcontemptuouslyawaytobetroddenunderfoot.Dullandignorantasyoudiscoveredmetobe,Mr.VanBerg,IamnotsostupidbutthatIcanunderstandyouthisevening.
ImperfectasIamIcouldpitythatunfortunateflowerwhosefragrancerosetoyoulikealowappealforalittleconsideration,atleast.Woulditnothavebloomedasperfectlyastheothersifthewormhadletitalone?But,Isuppose,withartist,ifrosesorhumanlivesareimperfect,thatistheendofthem.Misfortunecountsfornothing.\"
VanBerglistenedinsurprisetothesewords,andhishaughtycomplacencywasdecidedlydisturbed.Hewasabouttoreplythat\"Evilchosenandcherishedwasnotamisfortunebutafault,\"whensheturnedfromhimwithmorethanherformercoldnessandenteredthehouse.
Animpulsethathewouldhavefounddifficulttoanalyzeledhimtodescendthestepsandpickupthesymbolicbud,nowtornandwitheringfast,andtoplaceitbetweentheleavesofhisnote-book.
Ifshehadonlyseenthisactitwouldhavemadeagreatdifference;
but,everpresenttoherthought,itlaywherehehadtossedit,theemblemofherself.
ChapterXXXII.TheDangersofDespair.
Discouragementanddespairaredangerousandoftendestructivetocharacter.ThiswouldbeespeciallytrueofonelikeIdaMayhew;
foreveninherimperfectionshepossessedasimplicityandunitywhichmadeitimpossibleforapartofsuchmoralnatureasshepossessedtostand,ifanotherpartwereunderminedorbrokendown.
Thewholefabricwouldstandorfalltogether.
Shehadbeenawaywardchild,moreneglectedthanpetted,andhadnaturallydevelopedapassionforhavingherownwill,rightorwrong.Asshegrewolder,herextraordinarydowerofbeautythreatenedtobeafatalone.Itbroughtherattentioncontinuousadmirationandflatteryfromthosewhocarednothingforherpersonally.Shehadreceivedinchildhoodbutlittleofthepraisewhichloveprompts,thetender,indulgentidolatrywhich,althoughdangerousindeedtoone\'sbestdevelopment,sometimessoftensandhumanizes,insteadofrenderingselfishandarrogant.
Mrs.Mayhewpettedandscoldedherchildaccordingtohermood,butwasquiteconsistentinhergeneralneglect.Mr.Mayhewwasatired,busyman,whovisitedathisownhomeratherthanlivedthere.Thusthegrowinggirlwasleftchieflytoherownimpulses,andaveragehumannatureensuredthatthehabitofthinkingofherselffirstandofpleasingherselfatalltimesshouldbeearlyformed.Then,asshesawandbecamecapableofunderstandingthehomagethatwaitsonmerebeauty,theworldover,prideandvanitygrewinovershadowingrankness.Theattentionshereceived,however,waschieflymadeupoftheboldstareofstrangers,andtheopenflatteryofthosewhoadmiredherbeautyastheywouldthatofapicture,unconsciouslybutcorrectlyleavingtheimpressionthattheycaredforheronlybecauseofherbeauty.Thatthegirl\'snatureshouldgrowhardandcallousundersuchinfluenceswaswhatmighthavebeenexpected.
Neglectandamiserableshamofaneducationhaddwarfedhermind.
Shehadbeen\"finished\"byanultrafashionableschoolbeforesheunderstoodthemeaningofthestudieswhichshepassedoverinadaintyquickstep,scarcelytouchingthesurface.
Herheartandmoralnaturewerealmostequallyundeveloped.Hithertoshehadknownbutlittleexperiencetendingtoevokegentlefeelingorgenerousaction.Shehadconfoundedthefewgenuineadmirers,who,infatuatedwithherbeauty,endowedherwithallheavenlygraces,awaitingonlytheawakeninghandoftheirlove,withtheheartlessorbrainlessfellowswhowerenotparticularaboutheavenlygraces,providedagirlhadafinefigureandafairface.
Whentheartistfirstmetherattheconcertgarden,shewasintruthamodernUndine.Shehadfemininequalitiesandvices,butnotawoman\'ssoul.Shewasnotcapableofanystrong,womanlyactionorfeeling.Herschemeoflifewassimpleindeed,althoughshewaslearningtobeveryartfulincarryingitout.Itwastohave\"agoodtime,\"asshewouldphraseit,andatanyandeverycosttoothers.Afterwearyingofthelifeofabelle,sheproposedtomarrythebestestablishmentthatcameherway,andbecamealeaderoffashion.
Itwouldseemthatnotafewfineladiescarryoutthissimpleschemeoflife,andneverreceiveawoman\'ssoul.ThereareUndinesatsixtyaswellasatsixteen.
Theartisthadbeenattractedbyherbeauty,likesomanyothers,butunlikeothershehadnot(aswasthecasewithnotafewsensiblemen)givenanadmiringglanceattheface,andthen,recognizingthefactthattherewasnotawomanbackofit,passedonindifferently;
norhadhebestoweduponherimaginaryvirtues;andmuchlesshadhebeensatisfiedwithmorefleshandblood.
Hismannerhadbeenexploring,questioning.Hewaslookingforherwoman\'ssoul,eventhoughhemightfinditunawakened,likethefabledbeautyinthemythicalcastle.
Hiskeeneyeshaddisturbedherequanimityfromthefirst.Ashepursuedhisquest,herundefinedfearsandmisgivingsincreased.
Atlastshewascompelledtofollowhisquestioningglances,andlookpastoutwardbeautytoherrealselfwithin.Fromthathourtherankandevilweedsofprideandvanitybegantowither.Honestself-scrutinywaslikeaknifeattheirroots.
Butthesetraitsgiveatransientsupportlikeafalsestimulant.
Astheyfailedtherewasnothingtotaketheirplace——nofaithinGod,noself-respectorself-reliance.Shecouldnotturntoherownfamilyforsustainingsympathy,suchasmanyfindintheirhomes,andwhichisallthemoregratefulbecausenotinquisitivenorexpressedinformalterms.Inherselfishpleasure-seekinglifeshefoundthatshehadmadeanendlessnumberofacquaintances,butnofriends.Shehadnoteventheresourcesofacultivatedmindthatcouldexistuponitsownstoresthroughthissuddenfaminewhichhadimpoverishedherworld,norcouldshethinkofasingleinnocent,attractive,pursuitbywhichshecouldfillthewearydays.Shewaslikeachildthathaddweltinatropicaloasis,theflowersandfruitsofwhichhadseemedaslimitlessasitsextent.
Shehadsupposedthatthewholeworldwouldbelikethisoasis,andtheonlynecessityeverimposedonherwouldbethatofchoicefromitsrichprofusion.Butereshewasawareshehadlostherselfinadesert;theoasishadvanishedlikeamirage,andshehadnochoiceatall.Thatwhichherheartcravedwithanintensitywhichfairlymadeitache,seemedashopelessasasuddenbloomandfruitagefromaridsands.
Insteadofgoingdowntosuppershereturnedtothesolitudeofherownroom,buttheapathyoftheearlierpartofthedayhadvanishedutterly.Indeed,bodyadsoulseemedtoquiverwithpainlikeawoundednerve.Anger,whichhadgivenabriefsupport,fadedout,andleftonlyshameanddespairasinmemoryshesawtheemblem,representingherself,tossedcontemptuouslyintothecarriage-waybythemansheloved.
\"Irememberreading,\"shegroaned,\"whenatschool,howconquerorsputtheirfeetonthenecksoftheircaptives.Hehasputhisspurningfootonmyheart.Oh,hatefulriddle!WhyshouldIlovethemanthatdespisesme?\"
Hermother,andthenStanton,calledatherdoorandaskedhertocomedowntosupper.
\"No,\"shesaid,brieflytoeach.
\"Ifyouknewwhatpeopleweresayingandsurmisingyouwouldnotcontinuetomakeaspectacleofyourself,\"saidhercousin,throughthecloseddoor.
\"ThatisonereasonwhyIdonotcomedown,\"shereplied.\"I\'mnotinthemoodtomakeaspectacleofmyself.Ihavebeenshownhowoneperfectmemberofsocietyregardsme,andIamnotequaltomeetinganymorefaultlesspeopleto-night.\"
\"Oh,nonsense!\"criedStanton,irritably.\"Youmustcomedown.\"
\"Breakinthedoorthen,andcarrymedown,\"wasthesharpreply.
Withamutteredoathhedescendedtothesupper-room,andhismoodyandabsentmannerrevealedtoMrs.MayhewandVanBergthathisinterviewwithhiscousinhadbeenanythingbutsatisfactory.
