Thegayyoungparty,touchedandsubdued,passedoutquietlywiththeothers.ButIdalingered.
\"Whoisthatoldgentleman?\"sheaskedofaladynearher.
\"ThatisMr.Eltinge——Mr.JamesEltinge,\"wasthereply.
Idapassedslowlytowardsthedoor,lookingwistfullybackattheoldman,whostoppedtogreetcheerilyoneandanother.
\"Nooneneedbeafraidtospeaktohim,\"shethought.\"Hiseverylookandtoneshowhimtobekindandsincere.I\'llseehimbefore——before\"——sheshuddered,andscarcelydaredtoputherdarkpurposeinthoughtinthepresenceofonewhohadlivedpatientlyatGod\'swillfornearlyacentury.
Shesteppedoutintothenightandwatchedforhiscoming.Inamomentortwotheoldgentlemanalsopassedout,andstoodwaitingforhiscarriage.
Timidlyapproachinghim,shesaid,\"Mr.Eltinge,mayIspeakwithyou?\"
Hesteppedwithheralittleasidefromtheothers.
\"Mr.Eltinge,\"shecontinued,inavoicethattrembledandwasbrokenbyherfeeling,\"Iamoneoftheyoungpeopleyouspoketothisevening.I\'mintrouble——deeptrouble.IwantsuchaFriendasyoudescribedto-night.\"
Hetookherhandandsaid,inaheartyvoice,\"Godblessyou,mychild.Hewantsyoumorethanyouwanthim.\"
\"MayIcomeandseeyouto-morrowmorning?\"askedIda,hurriedly,forhistonesofkindness,forwhichherheartwasfamishing,werefastbreakingdownherself-control.
\"I\'llcomeandseeyou,\"washispromptandcordialresponse.
\"No,\"shefaltered,\"letitbeasIwish.Pleasetellmewheretofindyou.\"
Ashefinisheddirectingher,shestoopeddownandkissedhishand,andthenvanishedinthedarkness.
\"PerhapsI\'mnotyetacumbereroftheground,\"murmuredtheoldman,wipingasuddenmoisturefromhiseyes.
ChapterXXXIX.VanBerg\'sEscape.
Idafoundtheparty,onwhosecompanionshipshehadinameasureforcedherself,waitingandcallingforher.Thewordsoftheoldgentlemanhadinspiredthemwithkinderandmoreconsideratefeeling.
\"I\'mcoming,\"sheanswered;\"don\'twaitforme,I\'llkeepnearyou.\"
Astheyhadalreadyobservedherevidentwishtobelefttoherself,theycompliedwithherrequest.
Theicycalmofherdespairwasnowbroken.
\"Godblesshimforhiskindness!\"shemurmured,and\"Godblesshimforhishearty,hopefulwords;theymaysavemeyet,\"andshefollowedtheothers,cryingsoftlytoherselflikealittlechild.
Itwouldseemasifeverywarmtearfellonherheart,thathadbeensohardanddesperatebefore,sorapidlydiditmeltatthethoughtoftheoldman\'skindness.
Butbeforeshereachedthehotelshebegantogrowexcessivelyweary.Shehadnotonlyovertaxedherpowersofendurance,buthadover-estimatedthem.
Atlast,asshewasabouttoaskhercompanionstowalkmoreslowly,lestsheshouldbeleftalonebytheroadsideinherweakness,sheheardthesoundofstrong,rapidsteps.
\"WhereisMissMayhew?\"wastheanxiousqueryofavoicethatmadeherheartboundandcolorcomeintoherface,evenatthemomentofalmostmortalweaknessandweariness.
\"HereisMissMayhew,\"saidoneofthehalf-grownyouths.\"Shepreferstowalkbyherself,itseems.\"
\"Thankyou,\"repliedVanBerg,decisively.\"Iwillseehersafelyhome;\"andthepartwenton,leavinghimfacetofacewiththemaidenwhomhenowbelievedhehadverygreatlywronged,andwho,hefearedmightyetprovedherselfcapableofaterriblecrime.
Shestoodbeforehimwithbowedhead.Inherweaknessandagitationshetrembledsoviolentlythateveninthestarlighthecouldnothelpseeingherdistress,anditfilledhimatoncewithpityandalarm.
\"Youareill,MissMayhew,\"hesaid,anxiously.
\"Yes,\"sheanswered;then,consciousofhergrowingneed,shesaid,appealingly,\"Mr.VanBerg,withallmyfaultsIamatleastawoman.Pleasehelpmehome.I\'msoweakandwearythatI\'malmostreadytofaint.\"
Heseizedherhandandfalteredhoarsely,\"MissMayhew,youhavenot——youhavenottakenthatdrug——\"
Shewassovividlyconsciousofherowndarksecret,andsoimpressedbyhispowertodiscoveralltheevilinhernature,thatsherepliedinalowtone,\"Hush.Iunderstandyou.Notyet.\"
\"ThankGod!\"heejaculated,withsuchadeepsighofreliefthatshelookedathiminsurprise.Thehedrewherhandwithinhisarm,andwearyasshewas,shecouldnothelpnotingthatittrembledasifhehadanague.
Forafewmomentstheywalkedonwithoutspeaking.Thentheartistaddressedher.
\"MissMayhew——\"
\"Mr.VanBerg,\"shesaid,hastilyinterruptinghim.\"Sparemeto-night.I\'mtoowearyeventothink.\"
Againtheywalkedoninsilence,buthisagitationwasevidentlyincreasing.
\"Letmeenterbythatsidedoor,please,\"shesaidastheyapproachedthehotel.
\"MissMayhew,\"hebeganinalow,hurriedtone,\"Imustspeak.Yousaidyouwereawoman.AssuchIappealtoyou.Awomanmay,attimes,havenopityonherself,butitrarelyhappensthatsheispitilesstowardsothers,anditissaidthatsheisoftenthemostgenerousandmercifultowardsthosewhohavewrongedher.Ihavewrongedyoucruellyandunpardonably.Iknewitassoonasyouenteredtheparlorlastevening.Thereisnoexcuseforme——I
willneverforgivemyself,butIdomostsincerelyapologizeandaskyourforgiveness.MissMayhew,Iappealtoyourgenerosity——I
appealtoyourwoman\'sheart.IfyoushouldconsummatetheawfulpurposewhichIfearhasbeeninyourmind,Ishouldgomadwithremorse.Youwoulddestroymeassurelyasyourself.Pardonmeforspeakingthus,butIfearsogreatly——OGod!canshehavealreadycommittedthefatalact?\"
Ida\'sovertaxedpowershadgivenway,andshewouldhavefallenhadhenotsustainedher.Hiswordshadoverwhelmedher,and,takeninconnectionwiththosespokenbyoldMr.Eltinge,hadgivenaglimpseoftheawfulabyssintowhichshehadwellnighplunged,draggingothers,perhaps,afterher.Sherecoiledfromitallsostronglythatshebecamesickandfaintfromdread;andVanBergwascompelledtosupporthertoarusticseatnearthepath.Hewasbouttoleaveherinordertoobtainassistance,whensheputherhandonhisarmandgasped:
\"Wait——givemetime——I\'llsoonbebetter.Donotcallanyone,I
beg.\"
\"Letmequietlybringyoualittlewine,then,frommyownroom?\"
Shebowedherassent.
Thestimulantsoonrevivedher.Hestoodathersidewaitingwithintenseanxietytillsheshouldspeak.Atlastsheroseslowlyandweakly,sayinginalowtone:
\"Mr.VanBerg,IsupposeIhavenowreachedthelowestdepthinyourestimation,butIcannothelpit.IadmitthatIwasinanawfulanddesperatemood,andwasabouttoactaccordingly.Thereisnouseoftryingtohidanythingfromyou.Butagoodmanspokekindlytometo-night,andtheblackspellisbroken.ThereisthedrugIpurchased,\"andshehandedhimthephialoflaudanum.
\"Youmanynowdismissallfears.Iwillexplainfurtheranothertimeifyoucaretohear.Pleaseletmegoinbymyself.\"
\"Pardonmeforsaying,no,\"heanswered,gently.\"IthinkIambestableto-nighttojudgeofwhatisright.Youmustgoinatthemainentrance,andonmyarm.HenceforwardIshalltreatyouwithrespect,andIintendthatallothersshallalso.\"
Withalowsob,shesaid,impulsively:\"Oh,Mr.VanBerg,forgiveme!butthatwasmymotive.Imeanttocompelyourrespect;andIthoughttherewasnootherway.IthoughtthatifIwenttomygrave,insteadofgoingtothemanwhoattemptedyourlife,youwouldseethatyouhadmisjudgedme.HereisaletterwhichIwroteyou.Itshouldgowiththepoison.ItisallthatIcanofferinexcuseorextenuation.\"
\"GoodGod!\"heexclaimed.\"Ihaveescapedaworsefatethanyourswouldhavebeen,\"andshefelthisarmagaintremblingviolentlybeneathherhand.
\"Ididnotthinkyouwouldcaresogreatly,\"shemurmured.
\"MissMayhew,\"hesaid,inadeepvoice,\"promiseme,beforeGod,thatyouwillneverharborsuchathoughtagain.\"
\"IhopeInevermay,\"shereplied,despondently,\"butI\'velostallconfidenceinmyself,Mr.VanBerg.\"
\"Poorchild!WhatabruteI\'vebeen,\"hemuttered;butsheheardhim.
Asthemountedthepiazza,theymetStantonandMrs.Mayhew.
\"Why,Ida,\"exclaimedhermother,\"Ithoughtyouwereinyourroom.\"
\"Iwalkedtothevillagewithapartyofyoungpeople,\"washerhastyreply,\"andMr.VanBergmetmeonourreturn.I\'mverytired.Good-night,\"andshewentdirectlytoherroom.
Theartist\'smannerinpartingwaspoliteandrespectful,andbythissimpleact,hedidmuchtoreinstateherinthesocialpositionshehadwellnighlost,throughhersupposedinfatuationwiththemanwhowasnowasynonyminthehouseforeverythingthatwasvile.
Onthefollowingday,throughtheaidofMissBurton,hecausedtheimpressiontobegenerallygiventhatMissMayhewhadbeenexceedinglymortifiedthatshehadeverassociatedwithsuchavillainasSibleyhadshownhimselftobe,andstillmorepainedtothinkthatsheshouldbeimaginedcapableofanyotherfeelingsavecontemptforhim,afterlearningofhisdisgracefulwordsandactions.Theseexplanationsgaveanentirelynewaspecttothematter,andsufficientlyaccountedforherincreasingindispositionandratheroddbehavior.Indeed,peopleplacedittohercreditthatshewassodeeplyaffected,andwereallthemoreinclinedtomakeamendsforhavingmisjudgedher.
Mrs.Mayhewaccompaniedherdaughtertoherroom,butIdatoldherthatshewastoowearytoanswerasinglequestion,andthatshewishedtobealone.
\"Van,mayIspeakwithyou?\"Stantonhadasked,anxiously.
Whentheyweresufficientlyfarfromthehousetoensureprivacyhebeganagain:\"Van,what\'sthematter?Youwereaswhiteasifyouhadseenaghost.\"
\"I\'mnotafraidofghosts,\"saidtheartist,almoststernly,\"buttherearethingswhichImortallyfear,andchiefamongtheseareblunders——stupid,irrationalacts,butinvolvingresultsthatmaybebeyondremedy.YouandIhavejustmadeonethatmighthavecostusdear.Ofcourseyouwilltreatyourcousinhereafterasyouplease,butImostdecidedlyrequestthatyoudoandsaynothingthatinvolvesanyreferencetome.Iwishhertoformheropinionsofmyattitudetowardshersolelyfromherownobservation.\"
\"Ithinkyouareatriflesevere,butIsupposeIdeserveit,\"saidStanton,stiffly.
\"IadmitthatIamstronglymoved.Idonotexcusemyselfintheleast;andyetyouknowIwasmisled.ImusttellyouplainlythatIdaMayhewisnotagirltobetrifledwith.Ifearhermotherwhollyfailsinunderstandingher,andfromwhatyouyourselfhavetoldmeofherfather,shehasnohelpthere.Shehasnobrother,andyoushouldtaketheplaceofone,asfaraspossible.TheonlyrightIhavetospeakthusisonthegroundofthegreatwrongIhavedoneher,andforwhichIcanneverforgivemyself.MissMayhewandIarecomparativestrangersandourbriefsummersojournherewillsoonbeover.Bymereaccidentfactshavecometomyknowledgeto-nightwhichproveinthemostemphaticmanner,thatsherequireskind,unobtrusive,butvigilantcare.Ineverknewofagirlwhoneededabrothermorethanshe.Sheisnotbadatheart——farfromit,butsheisfearfullyrash,andsheiswarpedbyeducation,oritslack,andbythevileliteratureshehasread,tosuchadegreethatshecannotseethingsintheirtruemoralaspects.I\'llgiveyouaplainhint,andthenyoumustnotaskmeanythingfurther,forbothyouandImustbeabletosaythatthehistoryofmylastinterviewwasnevergiven.Myhintisthis——I
donotbelievethatself-destructioneverappearedtoMissMayhewasanawfulandrevoltingcrime.Heractuallife,hitherto,hasbeenaroundoffrivolity.Onlyonthestageorintheabsurdwoesofherstiltedheroesandheroines,hasshegivenanyattentiontothesadandserioussideoflife.Menandwomencommittingsuicidetoslowmusicisthechiefstockintradeinsomequarters,andwhenserioustroublecametoherthisdevil\'scomedyhadbeenrobbedofitshorrorbytheclap-trapofstageeffect.ThatistheonlywayinwhichIcanaccountforitallorexcuseher.ButthefactthatsherecoiledfromSibleysostronglyandfeltthedisgraceofherassociationsokeenly,provesthatshepossessesatruewoman\'snature.But,asIsaid,sheneedsabrother\'scare.Youarenearestofkin,Stanton,andyoumustgiveit.Indeed,Ik,pardonthefreedomofanoldfriendwhomcircumstanceshavestrangelymixedupinthisaffair,Ithinkyouarehonor-boundtogivethisbrother\'sprotection;andyouAREamanofhonorifyoupassyourword.\"
\"Doyou——doyouthinkthereisstillanydangerthatshewill——\"
\"No;thedangerispassedforthisoccasion;butyoumustguardherfromdeepdespondencyorstrongprovocationinthefuture.\"
\"Thetaskyourequireisadifficultone.Idoubtwhethersheeverforgivesmeeven.\"
\"Ithinkshewill.Ihavealsolearnedto-nightthatgenuinekindnessandsympathyhavegreatweightwithher.Pledgemeyourwordthatyouwilldothebestyoucan.\"
\"Well,Van,IsupposeIought——Iwill.Butyourwordshavequiteunnervedme.\"
\"Unnerved!I\'mworsethanthat.IfeelasifIhadpassedthroughamonth\'sillness.Neverbreatheawhisperofallthistoanyone.
Good-night.\"Andhestrodeawayinthedarkness.
Havingreachedasecludedspot,hegroundthephialoflaudanumthatIdahadgivenhimunderhisheelwiththevindictivenesswithwhichhewouldstampoutthelifeofapoisonousreptile.
ThenhereturnedtohisroomandtookoutIda\'sletter,buthishandstrembledsothathecouldscarcelyopenit.Asheread,theytrembledstillmore,andhisfacebecamealmostasheninitshue.
Hewassoappalledatwhatmighthavehappenedthathisheartseemedforasecondtoceaseitspulsations.
\"GreatGod!\"hesaid,inahoarsewhisper——\"whatanescapeI\'vehad!\"
Hourafterhourpassed,buthesatmotionless,staringattheabyssintowhichhehadalmoststumbled.
Thesongofabirdwithoutremindedhimthatmorningwasnear.Hedrewthecurtainandsawthatthedawnwasreddeningthesky.
\"ThankGod,\"hecried,fervently,\"fortheescapewebothhavehad!\"
Then,inordertothrowoffthehorriblenightmarethathadoppressedhim,hestolequietlyoutintothefresh,cool,dewyair.
ChapterXL.VanBerg\'sConclusions.
VanBergknewthattheword\"discouragement\"wasinthedictionary,andhesupposedheunderstooditsmeaning,butIdaMayhew\'sfarewellletterprovedtohimthathewasmistaken.Therearesomethingsweneverlearnuntiltaughtbytheseverelogicofeventsandexperience.Therehadbeennothinginhisownhistoryorcharacterthatenabledhimtorealizethedrearysinkingofheart——theparalyzingdespondencyofthosewhobelieveorfearthattheyhavebeendefeatedandthwartedinlife.Throughtheweaknessesanddangersofearlylifehehadbeenshieldedwithlovingvigilance.
Hismindandtastehadbeenfosteredwithuntiringcare,andyeteverynewdevelopmentpraisedasunstintedlyasifallwereofnativegrowth.Fortunatelyheaboundedinvirileforceandgoodsense,andsograduallypassedfromself-complacencyandconceittotheself-relianceandcourageofastrongman,who,whileawareofhisabilityandvantage-ground,alsorecognizesthefactthatnothingcantaketheplaceofskillfullydirectedindustryinwell-defineddirections.Theconfidencethathadbeencreatedbythefavorableconditionsofhislothadbeenincreasedfarmorebytheknowledgethathecouldgooutintotheworldandholdhisownamongmenonthecommongroundofhardworkandinnatestrength.
Heexpectedesteem,respectfulcourtesy——andevenadmiration——asamatterofcourse.Theywereinparthisbirthrightandpartlytheresultofhisownachievement,andhereceivedthemasquietlyashiscustomaryincome.Theirpresencewaslikehisexcellenthealth,towhichhescarcelygaveathought,buttheirwithdrawalwouldhaveaffectedhimkeenly,althoughhehadneverconsideredthepossibilityofsuchathing.
Whatinhimwasconfidenceandself-reliancehadbeeninIdalittleelsethanvanityandpride,andthese,circumstanceshadenabledhimtowounduntodeath.Hehad,fromthefirst,calmlyandphilosophicallyrecognizedthefactthathemustbreakdown,inpart,theChinesewallofherself-approval,beforeanyelevatingideasandennoblingimpulsescouldenter,andasmuchthroughunforeseeneventsasbyhiseffort,thishadbeendonetoadegreethatthreatenedresultsthatappalledhim.Hehadbeentaughtthoroughlythatfaultyandignorantassheundoubtedlywas,shewasbynomeansshalloworweak.Tohismindthedepthofherdespondencywasthemeasureofherpowertorealizeherimperfection,forhenowsupposedherdepressionwascausedimmediatelybythefactthatshehadbeensoharshlymisjudged,butinthemainbecauseofherresemblancetotheflowerhehadtossedawayandwhichhenowremembered,withdeepsatisfaction,wasinhisnote-book,readytoaidinthereassuringandencouragingworkuponwhichhewaseagertoenter.
Hedidnotdreamthatbytacticsthereverseofthosepursuedbyhernumerousadmirershehadwonherheart,andthattheapparenthopelessnessofherpassionhadoutweighedallotherburdens.
Herkindestsentimenttowardshim,hebelieved,wasthecoldrespect,mingledwithfearanddislike,inwhichaseverbuthonestcriticissometimesheld;andasherecalledhiscoursetowardsherhenowfeltthatshehadlittlereasonforeventhisdegreeofregard.
Hehadawakenedhersleepingmindnottoanatmosphereofkindnessandsympathylikethatinwhichthebeautyinthefabledcastlehadrevived,buttoabitingfrostofharshcriticismandunjustsuspicion.Thatthereseemed,atthetime,goodreasonfortheseonhispartdidnotmakeitanyeasierforhertobearthem;
andinthefactthathehadsomisunderstoodandwrongedher,hisconfidenceinhisownsagacityreceivedtheseverestshockithadeverexperienced.Hefeltthathecouldnevergoforwardinlifewithhisoldassuredtreadandmanner.
MoreoverthekindnessandrespectwhichhenowproposedtoshowIdawerecausedmorebycompunctionandfearthanbyanywarmerandfriendliermotive.Hewishedtomakeamendsforhisinjustice,toreassurethegirl,tosmoothovermattersandextricatehimselffromhisfatefulofficeofcritic.Thisexperimentingwithhumansoulsforartisticpurposeswasamuchmoreseriousmatterthanhecouldhaveimagined.Hehadentereduponitasapartofhissummerrecreation,buthadfoundhimselfplayingwithforcesthathadwell-nighdestroyedhimaswellasthesubjectofhisfanciedskill.Hereafterheproposedtoilluminefaceswiththought,feeling,andspiritualbeautyoncanvasonly,sothat,incaseheshouldbecomediscouragedordisgustedwithhiseffortsandthrowtheworkaside,theremightbenosuchtragicprotestasIdaMayhewhadalmostoffered.Whilehepitied,andnowinacertainsenserespectedher,shefilledhimwiththeuncomfortabledreadandnervousapprehensionwhichrashandunbalancednaturesalwaysinspire.ThechargehehadgivenStantonrevealedhisopinion.
Shewasonewhomustbewatchedover,notwiththetendercareandsympathythathehopedtobestowonJennieBurton,butwithkind,yetfirmandwaryvigilance,inordertopreventactiondangerousbothtoherselfandothers;andaheavy,anxioustaskhebelievedsuchcarewouldbe.
Hisaimwasnottohealthewoundshehadmadebyadecidedmanifestationofkindnessandrespectwhichshouldbeassincereaspossibleinviewofhisknowledgeofherfaults;andifherpresentgoodimpulseswereanythingmorethanpassingmoods,toencouragethem,asfarashecould,andthenretirefromthesceneassoonascircumstancespermitted.Hehadbeentoothoroughlyfrightenedtowishtocontinueintheroleofaspiritualreformer,andhehadagrowingperceptionthat,withhispresentmotiveandknowledge,theworkwasinfinitelybeyondhim.Hebegantofearthathewaslikecertainphysicians,whoseskillconsistschieflyintheirpowertoaggravatediseaseratherthantocureit.HehadfoundIdaavain,sillygirl,apparently.Hehadpartedthepreviouseveningfromadesperatewoman,capableofself-destruction,andherletterinseparablylinkedhimwiththemarvellouschange.
Thushegainedtheuneasyimpressionthattherewastoomuchnitro-glycerineinhumannatureingeneral,andinIdaMayhewinparticular,forhimtousesuchmaterialinworkingoutmetaphysicalandartisticproblems.
Attheendofhislongmorningwalkheconcluded:
\"Poorchild!afterhereyeswereopenedshecouldnothelpseeingagreatdealthatwasexceedinglydepressing.Inregardtoherparents,sheisfarworseoffthaniforphaned.Inregardtoherself,shefindsthatherbestyearsaregone,andshehasneithercultureofmindnorheart——thatherbeautyisbutamaskthatcannotlongconcealtheenduringimperfectionanddeformityofhercharacter.
SheassociatesthesediscoverieswithmebecauseIfirstdisturbedhervanity;butthebeautyofJennieBurton\'slife,thedastardlybehaviorofSibley,andthedeephumiliationreceivedthroughhim,withothercircumstances,haveallcombinedtobringabouttherevelation.Andyet,confounditall!IdidactthestupidPhariseeonseveraloccasions,andImightaswellownitbothtoherandmyself.APhariseeisafool\'perse.\'Well,I\'msorrytosay,heroutlookforlifeisdarkatbest,evenifshewerenotsofearfullyrashandunbalanced.AsitisIexpecttohearsomesadstoryofIdaMayhewbeforemanyyearspass.I\'lltrytobrightenafewdaysforher,however,beforeIgototown,andthenthefartherwecandriftapartthebetter.Howdelightful,incontrast,isthesenseofrestandsecuritythatJennieBurtonalwaysinspiresinspiteofhersadmystery.\"
ChapterXLI.TheProtestantConfessional.
Ida\'ssleepwasalmostasdeepandquiet,andwhenhermotherstoleintolookatherfromtimetotimethefollowingmorning,herfacewasascolorless,asifshehadtakenthedrugwhichVanBerg\'sheelhadgroundintotheearth;butMrs.Mayhewobservedwithsatisfactionthatherrespirationwasasregularandnaturalasthatofalittlechild.Wrongednaturewill,toacertainextent,forgivetheyoungandrestoretothemthepricelesstreasuresofhealthandstrengththeythrowaway.Idahadbeenasadspendthriftofbothlately,butnowthattheevilspellwasbroken,thepoorwornbodyandmindsankintoalongandmercifuloblivion,duringwhichanewlifebegantoflowbackfromthe,asyet,unexhaustedfountainofyouth.
Sheawokelateinthemorning,anditwassomemomentsbeforeshecouldrecallallthathadhappened.Then,assherememberedherdreadfulpurpose,therecameastrongrushofgratefulfeelingthatsheHADawakened——thatlifeanditsopportunitieswerestillhers.
Foramomentsheportrayedtoherselfwhatshehadsupposedwouldhavehappenedthatday——sheimaginedherselflyingwhiteandstill——thepeoplecomingandgoingontiptoeandspeakinginhushedtones,asifdeathwerebutatroubledandeasilybrokensleep;
whiletheylookedatherwithfacesinwhichcuriosityandhorrorwereequallyblended;shesawherfatherstaringatherinutterdespair,andhermothertrying,inapitifullyhelplessway,tothinkhowappearancesmightstillbekeptupandalittleshredofrespectabilityretained.Shesawtheartistlookingatherwithstern,whiteface,andheardhimmutter:\"Whatwereyoutomethatyoushouldcommitthisawfuldeedandlayitatmydoor,thusblightingalifefulloftherichestpromisewithyourhorribleshadow?\"
\"ThankGod,thankGod!\"shecriedpassionately.\"It\'salllikeadreadfuldreamandneverhappened.\"
\"Why,Ida,whatISthematter?\"saidMrs.Mayhew,cominginhastily.
\"Ihadabaddream,\"saidIda,withsomethinglikealowsob.
\"Ida,Iwantyoutoseethedoctor,to-day.Youhaven\'tactedlikeyourselfforovertwoweeks.\"
\"Mother,whattimeisit?\"
\"Teno\'clockandafter.\"
\"Pleasedrawthecurtain.Iwanttoseethesunlight.\"
\"Thesunisveryhotto-day.\"
\"Isit?\"Thenunderherbreathshemurmured:\"ThankGod,soitis.\"
Shearoseandbeganmakinghertoiletslowly,forthelanguorofherlongsleepandexcessivefatiguewasonherstill.Butthoughtwasverybusy.ThesubjectuppermostinhermindwasthepromisedvisittooldMr.Eltinge,andsheresolvedtogoatonce,ifitwereapossiblething.Mrs.Mayhewhavingagainreferredtoherpurposeofsendingforaphysician,Idaturnedtoherandsaid,decisively:
\"Mother,doyounotrealizethatIamnotachild?WhatistheuseofsendingforadoctorwhenIwillnotseehim?Iask——IinsistthatyouandMr.Stantoninterferewithmenolonger.\"
\"Mygoodness,Ida,shallnotI,yourownmother,takeanycareofyou?\"
\"Itistoolateinthedaynowtocommencetakingcareofme.Youhavepermittedmetogrowupsowantinginmentalandmoralculturethatyounaturallysuspectmeofthevilestaction.HenceforthItakecareofmyself,andactformyself;\"andsheabruptlylefttheroomandwenttoMr.Burleigh\'soffice,requestingthatthelightphaetonandasafehorse,suchasshecoulddrive,shouldbesentaroundtohedooratonce.
\"MissIda,you\'venotbeenwell.Doyouthinkyouhadbettergooutintheheatoftheday?\"askedMr.Burleigh,kindly.
Shelookedathimamoment,andthensaid,alittleimpulsively,\"Mr.Burleigh,Ithankyouforspeakingtomeinthatway.Yes,Iwishtogo,andthinkIshallbebetterforit.\"
Assheenteredthelargehall,VanBerg,whohadbeenonthewatch,rosetogreether,butshemerelybowedpolitelyanddistantly,andpassedatonceintothediningroom.Afterahastybreakfastshereturnedtoherroombyasidepassage,andpreparedforherexpedition,payingnoheedtohermother\'sexpostulations.
VanBergwasonthepiazzawhenshecamedown,butshepassedhimswiftly,givinghimnotimetospeaktoher,andspringingintothephaeton,droveaway.Hisanxietywassodeepthathetookpainstonotetheroadshetook,andthenwaitedimpatientlyforherreturn.
Afterdrivingseveralmiles,andmakingafewinquiriesbytheway,Idafoundherselfapproachinganold-fashionedhousesecludedamongthehills.
Itwasonashadysideroad,intowhichbutfeweddiesfromtheturbulentcurrentofworldlylifefoundtheirway.
Thegatestoodhospitablyopen,andshedroveinundertheshadeofanenormoussilverpoplar,whoseleavesflutteredinthebreathlesssummerair,asifeachonepossessedaseparatelifeofitsown.
AsshedrewneartothehouseshesawoldMr.Eltingecomingfromhisgardentogreether.
\"Ihadaboutgivenyouup,\"hesaid,\"andsoyouaredoublywelcome.
Oldpeoplearelikechildren,anddon\'tbeardisappointmentsverywell.\"
\"Didyoureallywanttoseemeverymuch?\"Idaasked,asheassistedhertoalight.
\"Yes,mychild,\"hereplied,gravely,holdingherhandinastrong,warmgrasp.\"Ifelt,fromyourmannerlastevening,youweresincere.YoucomeonanerrandthatismostpleasingtomyMaster,andIwelcomeyouinhisnameaswellasmyown.\"
\"Perhapsifyouknewallyouwouldnotwelcomeme,\"shesaidinalowtone,turningaway.
\"OnlyforonecausecouldIwithdrawmywelcome,\"hesaid,stillmoregravely.
\"Whatisthat?\"sheaskedinalowertone,notdaringtolookathim.
\"Ifyouarenotsincere,\"hereplied,lookingatherkeenly.
Givinghimherhandagain,andlookingupintohisface,shesaid,earnestly:
\"Mr.Eltinge,Iamsincere.Icouldnotbeotherwisewithyouafteryourwordslastnight.Icometoyouingreattrouble,withaburdenedheartandconscience,andIshalltellyoueverything,andthenyoumustadviseme,forIhavenootherfriendtowhomI
cango.\"
\"Oh,yes,youhave,mychild,\"saidtheoldman,cheerily.\"TheOnetheycalledthe\'Friendofsinners\'ishereto-daytowelcomeyou,andismorereadytoreceiveandadviseyouthanIam.I\'mnotgoingtodoanythingforyoubutleadyoutohimwhosaid,\'Comeuntome,allyethatareheavyladen;\'and,\'WhosoevercomethIwillinnowisecastout.\'\"
\"Howmuchyoumakethosewordsmean,asyouspeakthem,\"falteredIda.\"Youalmostleadmetofeelthatnotfarawaythereissomeone,goodandtender-hearted,whowilltakemebythehandwithreassuringkindness,asyouhave.\"
\"Andyouareright.Why,blessyou,mychild,religiondoesn\'tdousmuchgooduntilwelearntoknowourLordas\'goodandtender-hearted,\'
andsonear,too,thatwecanspeaktohim,wheneverwewish,asthedisciplesdidinoldtimes.Sodon\'tbeonebitdiscouraged;
see,I\'llfastenyourhorserighthereintheshade,andbyandbyI\'llhavehimfed,foryoumustspendthedaywithus,andnotgobackuntilthecooloftheevening.Ithasn\'tseemedhospitablethatyoushouldhavestoodsolonghereunderthetrees;andI
didn\'tmeanthatyoushould,butthingsneverturnoutasweexpect.\"
\"Itisoftenwelltheydon\'t,\"thoughtIda,asshelookedaroundthequietandquaintlybeautifulspot,towhichakindProvidencehadbroughther.Itseemedasifherburdenalreadywerebeginningtogrowlighter.
\"Nowcomein,mychild,andtellmeallyourtrouble.\"
\"Please,Mr.Eltinge,mayInotgobackwithyouintothegarden?\"
\"Yes,whynot?Wecantalktherejustaswell;\"andheledhertoarusticseatinashadywalk,whilefromatool-housenearhebroughtoutforhimselfachairthathadlostitsback.
\"I\'llleanagainstthispear-tree,\"hesaid.\"It\'syoungandstrong,andowesmeagoodturn.Now,mychild,tellmewhatyouthinkbest,andthenI\'lltellyouofOnewhosewordandtouchcureseverytrouble.\"
ButpoorIdahadsuddenandstrongmisgivings.Asshesawtheoldgentlemansurroundedbyhisflowersandfruits,assheglancedhesitatinglyintohisserene,quietface,fromwhichthefireandpassionofyouthhadlongsincefaded,shethought.\"SoAdammighthavelookedhadheneversinnedbutgrownoldinhisbeautifulgarden.Thisagedman,wholivesnearerheaventhanearth,can\'tunderstandmywicked,passionateheart.Mystorywillonlyshockandpainhim,andit\'sashametopollutethisplacewithsuchastory.\"
\"Youspokeasifyouwerealoneandfriendlessintheworld,\"saidMr.Eltinge,tryingtohelphermakeabeginning.\"Areyouanorphan?\"
\"No,\"saidIda,withrisingcolor,andavertingherface.\"Myparentsarebothliving.\"
\"Andyetyoucannotgotothem?Poorchild!Thatistheworstkindoforphanage.\"
\"Oh,Mr.Eltinge,thisplaceseemslikethegardenofEden,andI
ambringingintoitaheartfulloftroubleandwickedness.\"
