第17章

\"Yes，yousee，\"Fulkersonadded，\"nobodycangivein。\" \"Pardonme，\"saidthecolonel，\"thecaseisoneinwhichallcangivein。\" \"Idon\'tknowwhich\'llbegin，\"saidFulkerson。 Thecolonelrose。\"Mr。Lindaumustbegin，sir。WemustbeginbyseeingMr。Lindau，andsecuringfromhimtheassurancethatintheexpressionofhispeculiarviewshehadnointentionofofferinganypersonaloffencetoMr。Dryfoos。IfIhaveformedacorrectestimateofMr。Lindau，thiswillbeperfectlysimple。\" Fulkersonshookhishead。\"Butitwouldn\'thelp。Dryfoosdon\'tcarearapwhetherLindaumeantanypersonaloffenceornot。Asfarasthatisconcerned，he\'sgotahidelikeahippopotamus。ButwhathehatesisLindau\'sopinions，andwhathesaysisthatnomanwhoholdssuchopinionsshallhaveanyworkfromhim。AndwhatMarchsaysisthatnomanshallbepunishedthroughhimforhisopinions，hedon\'tcarewhattheyare。\" Thecolonelstoodamomentinsilence。\"Andwhatdoyouexpectmetodounderthecircumstances?\" \"Icametoyouforadvice——Ithoughtyoumightsuggest——?\" \"DoyouwishmetoseeMr。Dryfoos?\" \"Well，that\'saboutthesizeofit，\"Fulkersonadmitted。\"Yousee，colonel，\"hehastenedon，\"Iknowthatyouhaveagreatdealofinfluencewithhim；thatarticleofyoursisabouttheonlythinghe\'severreadin\'EveryOtherWeek，\'andhe\'sproudofyouracquaintance。Well，youknow\"—— andhereFulkersonbroughtinthefigurethatstruckhimsomuchinBeaton\'sphraseandhadbeenonhistongueeversince——\"you\'rethemanonhorsebacktohim；andhe\'dbemoreapttodowhatyousaythanifanybodyelsesaidit。\" \"Youareverygood，sir，\"saidthecolonel，tryingtobeproofagainsttheflattery，\"butIamafraidyouoverratemyinfluence。\"Fulkersonlethimponderitsilently，andhisdaughtergovernedherimpatiencebyholdingherfanagainstherlips。Whatevertheprocesswasinthecolonel\'smind，hesaidatlast:\"Iseenogoodreasonfordecliningtoactforyou，Mr。Fulkerson，andIshallbeveryhappyifIcanbeofservicetoyou。But\"——hestoppedFulkersonfromcuttinginwithprecipitatethanks——\"IthinkIhavearight，sir，toaskwhatyourcoursewillbeintheeventoffailure?\" \"Failure?\"Fulkersonrepeated，indismay。 \"Yes，sir。Iwillnotconcealfromyouthatthismissionisonenotwhollyagreeabletomyfeelings。\" \"Oh，Iunderstandthat，colonel，andIassureyouthatIappreciate，I——\" \"Thereisnousetryingtoblinkthefact，sir，thattherearecertainaspectsofMr。Dryfoos\'scharacterinwhichheisnotagentleman。 Wehavealludedtothisfactbefore，andIneednotdwelluponitnow:I maysay，however，thatmymisgivingswerenotwhollyremovedlastnight。\" \"No，\"Fulkersonassented；thoughinhishearthethoughttheoldmanhadbehavedverywell。 \"WhatIwishtosaynowisthatIcannotconsenttoactforyou，inthismatter，merelyasanintermediarywhosefailurewouldleavetheaffairinstatequo。\" \"Isee，\"saidFulkerson。 \"AndIshouldlikesomeintimation，someassurance，astowhichpartyyourownfeelingsarewithinthedifference。\" ThecolonelbenthiseyessharplyonFulkerson；MissWoodburnlethersfall；Fulkersonfeltthathewasbeingtested，andhesaid，togaintime，\"AsbetweenLindauandDryfoos?\"thoughheknewthiswasnotthepoint。 \"AsbetweenMr。DryfoosandMr。March，\"saidthecolonel。 Fulkersondrewalongbreathandtookhiscourageinbothhands。\"Therecan\'tbeanychoiceformeinsuchacase。I\'mforMarch，everytime。\" Thecolonelseizedhishand，andMissWoodburnsaid，\"Iftherehadbeenanychoicefo\'youinsuchacase，Ishouldneverhaveletpapastirastepwithyou。\" \"Why，inregardtothat，\"saidthecolonel，witha，literalapplicationoftheidea，\"wasityourintentionthatweshouldbothgo?\" \"Well，Idon\'tknow；Isupposeitwas。\" \"Ithinkitwillbebetterformetogoalone，\"saidthecolonel；and，withacolorfromhisexperienceinaffairsofhonor，headded:\"Inthesemattersaprincipalcannotappearwithoutcompromisinghisdignity。 IbelieveIhaveallthepointsclearlyinmind，andIthinkIshouldactmorefreelyinmeetingMr。Dryfoosalone。\" Fulkersontriedtohidetheeagernesswithwhichhemettheseagreeableviews。Hefelthimselfexaltedinsomesorttothelevelofthecolonel\'ssentiments，thoughitwouldnotbeeasytosaywhetherthiswasthroughthedesperationbredofhavingcommittedhimselftoMarch\'sside，orthroughthebuoyanthopehehadthatthecolonelwouldsucceedinhismission。 \"I\'mnotafraidtotalkwithDryfoosaboutit，\"hesaid。 \"Thereisnoquestionofcourage，\"saidthecolonel。\"Itisaquestionofdignity——ofpersonaldignity。\" \"Well，don\'tletthatdelayyou，papa，\"saidhisdaughter，followinghimtothedoor，whereshefoundhimhishat，andFulkersonhelpedhimonwithhisovercoat。\"Ahshallbejostwaldtoknowho\'it\'stonedoat。\" \"Won\'tyouletmegouptothehousewithyou?\"Fulkersonbegan。 \"Ineedn\'tgoin——\" \"Iprefertogoalone，\"saidthecolonel。\"Iwishtoturnthepointsoverinmymind，andIamafraidyouwouldfindmeratherdullcompany。\" Hewentout，andFulkersonreturnedwithMissWoodburntothedrawing- room，whereshesaidtheLeightonswere。They，werenotthere，butshedidnotseemdisappointed。 \"Well，Mr。Fulkerson，\"shesaid，\"youhavegotanahdealoffriendship，sureenough。\" \"Me?\"saidFulkerson。\"Oh，myLord!Don\'tyouseeIcouldn\'tdoanythingelse?AndI\'mscaredhalftodeath，anyway。Ifthecoloneldon\'tbringtheoldmanround，Ireckonit\'sallupwithme。Buthe\'llfetchhim。AndI\'mjustprostratedwithgratitudetoyou，MissWoodburn。\" Shewavedhisthanksasidewithherfan。\"Whatdoyoumeanbyitsbeingallupwithyou?\" \"Why，iftheoldmanstickstohisposition，andIsticktoMarch，we\'vebothgottogooverboardtogether。Dryfoosownsthemagazine；hecanstopit，orhecanstopus，whichamountstothesamething，asfaraswe\'reconcerned。\" \"Andthenwhat?\"thegirlpursued。 \"Andthen，nothing——tillwepickourselvesup。\" \"DoyoumeanthatMr。Dryfooswillputyoubothoatofyourplaces?\" \"Hemay。\" \"AndMr。Mawchtakestheriskofthatjostfo\'aprinciple?\" \"Ireckon。\" \"Andyoudoitjostfo\'anahdeal?\" \"Itwon\'tdotoownit。Imusthavemylittleaxetogrind，somewhere。\" \"Well，menawesplendid，\"sighedthegirl。\"Ahwillsayit。\" \"Oh，they\'renotsomuchbetterthanwomen，\"saidFulkerson，withanervousjocosity。\"IguessMarchwouldhavebackeddownifithadn\'tbeenforhiswife。Shewasashotaspepperaboutit，andyoucouldseethatshewouldhavesacrificedallherhusband\'srelationssoonerthanlethimbackdownaninchfromthestandhehadtaken。It\'sprettyeasyforamantosticktoaprincipleifhehasawomantostandbyhim。 Butwhenyoucometoplayitalone——\" \"Mr。Fulkerson，\"saidthegirl，solemnly，\"Ahwillstandbahyouinthis，ifallthewoaldtonesagainstyou。\"Thetearscameintohereyes，andsheputoutherhandtohim。 \"Youwill?\"heshouted，inarapture。\"Ineveryway——andalways——aslongasyoulive?Doyoumeanit?\"Hehadcaughtherhandtohisbreastandwasgrapplingittightthereanddrawinghertohim。 Thechangingemotionschasedoneanotherthroughherheartandoverherface:dismay，shame，pride，tenderness。\"Youdon\'tbelieve，\"shesaid，hoarsely，\"thatAhmeantthat?\" \"No，butIhopeyoudomeanit；forifyoudon\'t，nothingelsemeansanything。\" Therewasnospace，therewasonlyapointofwavering。\"Ahdomeanit。\" Whentheyliftedtheireyesfromeachotheragainitwashalf-pastten。 \"No\'youmostgo，\"shesaid。 \"Butthecolonel——ourfate?\" \"Theco\'nelisoftenoatlate，andAh\'mnotafraidofouahfate，no\'thatwe\'vetakenitintoouahownhands。\"Shelookedathimwithdewyeyesoftrust，ofinspiration。 \"Oh，it\'sgoingtocomeoutallright，\"hesaid。\"Itcan\'tcomeoutwrongnow，nomatterwhathappens。Butwho\'dhavethoughtit，whenI cameintothishouse，insuchastateofsinandmisery，halfanhourago——\" \"Threehouahsandahalfago!\"shesaid。\"No!youmostjostgo。Ah\'mtahedtodeath。Good-night。Youcancomeinthemawningtosee-papa。\" Sheopenedthedoorandpushedhimoutwithenrapturingviolence，andheranlaughingdownthestepsintoherfather\'sarms。 \"Why，colonel!Iwasjustgoinguptomeetyou。\"Hehadreallythoughthewouldwalkoffhisexultationinthatdirection。 \"Iamverysorrytosay，Mr。Fulkerson，\"thecolonelbegan，gravely，\"thatMr。Dryfoosadherestohisposition。\" \"Oh，allright，\"saidFulkerson，withunabatedjoy。\"It\'swhatI expected。Well，mycourseisclear；IshallstandbyMarch，andIguesstheworldwon\'tcometoanendifhebouncesusboth。ButI\'meverlastinglyobligedtoyou，ColonelWoodburn，andIdon\'tknowwhattosaytoyou。I——Iwon\'tdetainyounow；it\'ssolate。I\'llseeyouinthemorning。Good-ni——\" Fulkersondidnotrealizethatittakestwotopart。Thecolonellaidholdofhisarmandturnedawaywithhim。\"Iwillwalktowardyourplacewithyou。IcanunderstandwhyyoushouldbeanxioustoknowtheparticularsofmyinterviewwithMr。Dryfoos\"；andinthestatementwhichfollowedhedidnotsparehimthesmallest。Itoutlastedtheirwalkanddetainedthemlongonthestepsofthe\'EveryOtherWeek\'building。ButattheendFulkersonlethimselfinwithhiskeyaslightofheartasifhehadbeenlisteningtothegayestpromisesthatfortunecouldmake。 BythetunehemetMarchattheofficenextmorning，alittle，butonlyaverylittle，misgivingsaddenedhisgoldenheaven。HetookMarch\'shandwithhighcourage，andsaid，\"Well，theoldmanstickstohispoint，March。\"Headded，withthesenseofsayingitbeforeMissWoodburn:\"AndIstickbyyou。I\'vethoughtitallover，andI\'dratherberightwithyouthanwrongwithhim。\" \"Well，Iappreciateyourmotive，Fulkerson，\"saidMarch。\"Butperhaps—— perhapswecansaveoverourheroicsforanotheroccasion。Lindauseemstohavegotinwithhis，forthepresent。\" HetoldhimofLindau\'slastvisit，andtheystoodamomentlookingateachotherratherqueerly。Fulkersonwasthefirsttorecoverhisspirits。\"Well，\"hesaid，cheerily，\"thatlet\'susout。\" \"Doesit?I\'mnotsureitletsmeout，\"saidMarch；buthesaidthisintributetohiscrippledself-respectratherthanasaforecastofanyactioninthematter。 \"Why，whatareyougoingtodo?\"Fulkersonasked。\"IfLindauwon\'tworkforDryfoos，youcan\'tmakehim。\" Marchsighed。\"Whatareyougoingtodowiththismoney?\"Heglancedattheheapofbillshehadflungonthetablebetweenthem。 Fulkersonscratchedhishead。\"Ah，doggedifIknow:Can\'twegiveittothedeservingpoor，somehow，ifwecanfind\'em?\" \"Isupposewe\'venorighttouseitinanyway。YoumustgiveittoDryfoos。\" \"Tothedeservingrich?Well，youcanalwaysfindthem。Ireckonyoudon\'twanttoappearinthetransaction!Idon\'t，either；butIguessI must。\"FulkersongatheredupthemoneyandcarriedittoConrad。 Hedirectedhimtoaccountforitinhisbooksasconscience-money，andheenjoyedthejokemorethanConradseemedtodowhenhewastoldwhereitcamefrom。 Fulkersonwasabletowearoffthedisagreeableimpressiontheaffairleftduringthecourseofthefore-noon，andhemetMissWoodburnwithallalover\'sbuoyancywhenhewenttolunch。Shewasashappyashewhenhetoldherhowfortunatelythewholethinghadended，andhetookherviewthatitwasarewardofhiscourageinhavingdaredtheworst。 Theybothfelt，asthenewlyplightedalwaysdo，thattheywereinthebestrelationswiththebeneficentpowers，andthattheirfelicityhadbeenespeciallylookedtointhedispositionofevents。Theywereinaglowofrapturouscontentwiththemselvesandradiantworshipofeachother；shewassurethathemeritedthebrightfutureopeningtothemboth，asmuchasifheoweditdirectlytosomenobleactionofhisown； hefeltthathewasindebtedforthefavorofHeavenentirelytothestillincredibleaccidentofherpreferenceofhimoverothermen。 ColonelWoodburn，whowasnotyetinthesecretoftheirlove，perhapsfailedforthisreasontosharetheirsatisfactionwitharesultsounexpectedlybroughtabout。TheblessingontheirhopesseemedtohisignorancetoinvolvecertainsacrificesofpersonalfeelingatwhichhehintedinsuggestingthatDryfoosshouldnowbeaskedtomakesomeabstractconcessionsandacknowledgments；hisdaughterhastenedtodenythatthesewereatallnecessary；andFulkersoneasilyexplainedwhy。 Thethingwasover；whatwastheuseofopeningitupagain? \"Perhapsnone，\"thecoloneladmitted。Butheadded，\"IshouldliketheopportunityoftakingMr。Lindau\'shandinthepresenceofMr。DryfoosandassuringhimthatIconsideredhimamanofprincipleandamanofhonor——agentleman，sir，whomIwasproudandhappytohaveknown。\" \"Well，Ah\'venodoabt，\"saidhisdaughter，demurely，\"thatyou\'llhavethechancesomeday；andwewouldalllahketojoinyou。Butatthesametahme，AhthinkMr。Fulkersoniswelloatofitfo\'thepresent。\" EndAHazardofNewFortunesV5 ByWilliamDeanHowellsPARTFIFTH I。 Superficially，theaffairsof\'EveryOtherWeek\'settledintotheirwontedformagain，andforFulkersontheyseemedthoroughlyreinstated。 ButMarchhadafeelingofimpermanencyfromwhathadhappened，mixedwithafantasticsenseofshametowardLindau。HedidnotsympathizewithLindau\'sopinions；hethoughthisremedyforexistingevilsaswildlyimpracticableasColonelWoodburn\'s。Butwhilehethoughtthis，andwhilehecouldjustlyblameFulkersonforLindau\'spresenceatDryfoos\'sdinner，whichhiszealhadbroughtaboutinspiteofMarch\'sprotests，stillhecouldnotridhimselfofthereproachofuncandorwithLindau。Heoughttohavetoldhimfranklyabouttheownershipofthemagazine，andwhatmannerofmanthemanwaswhosemoneyhewastaking。 Buthesaidthathenevercouldhaveimaginedthathewasseriousinhispreposterousattitudeinregardtoaclassofmenwhoembodyhalftheprosperityofthecountry；andhehadmomentsofrevoltagainsthisownhumiliationbeforeLindau，inwhichhefounditmonstrousthatheshouldreturnDryfoos\'smoneyasifithadbeenthespoilofarobber。Hiswifeagreedwithhiminthesemoments，andsaiditwasagreatreliefnottohavethattiresomeoldGermancomingabout。Theyhadtoaccountforhisabsenceevasivelytothechildren，whomtheycouldnotverywelltellthattheirfatherwaslivingonmoneythatLindaudisdainedtotake，eventhoughLindauwaswrongandtheirfatherwasright。ThisheightenedMrs。 March\'sresentmenttowardbothLindauandDryfoos，whobetweenthemhadplacedherhusbandinafalseposition。Ifanything，sheresentedDryfoos\'sconductmorethanLindau\'s。HehadneverspokentoMarchabouttheaffairsinceLindauhadrenouncedhiswork，oraddedtotheapologeticmessageshehadsentbyFulkerson。SofarasMarchknew，DryfooshadbeenlefttosupposethatLindauhadsimplystoppedforsomereasonthatdidnotpersonallyaffecthim。Theyneverspokeofhim，andMarchwastooproudtoaskeitherFulkersonorConradwhethertheoldmanknewthatLindauhadreturnedhismoney。HeavoidedtalkingtoConrad，fromafeelingthatifbedidheshouldinvoluntarilyleadhimontospeakofhisdifferenceswithhisfather。BetweenhimselfandFulkerson，even，hewasuneasilyawareofawantoftheiroldperfectfriendliness。 Fulkersonhadfinallybehavedwithhonorandcourage；buthisprovisionalreluctancehadgivenMarchthemeasureofFulkerson\'scharacterinonedirection，andhecouldnotignorethefactthatitwassmallerthanhecouldhavewished。 HecouldnotmakeoutwhetherFulkersonsharedhisdiscomfortornot。 Itcertainlyworeaway，evenwithMarch，astimepassed，andwithFulkerson，intheblissofhisfortunatelove，itwasprobablyfarmoretransient，ifitexistedatall。Headvancedintothewinterasradiantlyasiftomeetthespring，andhesaidthatiftherewereanypleasantermonthoftheyearthanNovember，itwasDecember，especiallywhentheweatherwasgoodandwetandmuddymostofthetime，sothatyouhadtokeepindoorsalongwhileafteryoucalledanywhere。 ColonelWoodburnhadtheanxiety，inviewofhisdaughter\'sengagement，whensheaskedhisconsenttoit，thatsuchadreamermusthaveinregardtoanyrealitythatthreatenstoaffectthecourseofhisreveries。Hehadnotperhapstakenhermarriageintoaccount，exceptasaremotecontingency；andcertainlyFulkersonwasnotthekindofson-in-lawthathehadimaginedindealingwiththatabstraction。Butbecausehehadnothingofthesortdefinitelyinmind，hecouldnotopposetheselectionofFulkersonwithsuccess；hereallyknewnothingagainsthim，andheknew，manythingsinhisfavor；Fulkersoninspiredhimwiththelikingthateveryonefeltforhiminameasure；heamusedhim，hecheeredhim； andthecolonelhadbeensomuchusedtoleavingactionofallkindstohisdaughterthatwhenhecametoclosequarterswiththequestionofason-in-lawhefelthelplesstodecideit，andheletherdecideit，asifitwerestilltobedecidedwhenitwassubmittedtohim。Shewascompetenttotreatitinallitsphases:notmerelythoseofpersonalinterest，butthoseofdutytothebrokenSouthernpast，sentimentallydeartohim，andpracticallyabsurdtoher。NosuchSouthasherememberedhadeverexistedtoherknowledge，andnosuchcivilizationasheimaginedwouldeverexist，toherbelief，anywhere。Shetooktheworldasshefoundit，andmadethebestofit。ShetrustedinFulkerson；shehadprovedhismagnanimityinaseriousemergency；andinsmallthingsshewaswillingfearlesslytochanceitwithhim。Shewasnotasentimentalist，andtherewasnothingfantasticinherexpectations；shewasagirlofgoodsenseandrightmind，andshelikedtheimmediatepracticalityaswellasthefinalhonorofFulkerson。Shedidnotidealizehim，butinthehighesteffectsherealizedhim；shedidhimjustice，andshewouldnothavebelievedthatshedidhimmorethanjusticeifshehadsometimesknownhimtodohimselfless。 TheirengagementwasafacttowhichtheLeightonhouseholdadjusteditselfalmostassimplyastheloversthemselves；MissWoodburntoldtheladiesatonce，anditwasnotathingthatFulkersoncouldkeepfromMarchverylong。HesentwordofittoMrs。Marchbyherhusband；andhisengagementperhapsdidmorethananythingelsetoconfirmtheconfidenceinhimwhichhadbeenshakenbyhisearlybehaviorintheLindauepisode，andnotwhollyrestoredbyhistardyfidelitytoMarch。 Butnowshefeltthatamanwhowishedtogetmarriedsoobviouslyandentirelyforlovewasfullofallkindsofthebestinstincts，andonlyneededtheguidanceofawife，tobecomeverynoble。Sheinterestedherselfintenselyinbalancingtherespectivemeritsoftheengagedcouple，andafterhercalluponMissWoodburninhernewcharactershepridedherselfuponrecognizingtheworthofsomestrictlySouthernqualitiesinher，whilemaintainingthegeneralaverageofNewEnglandsuperiority。ShecouldnotreconcileherselftotheVirginiancustomillustratedinherhavingbeenchristenedwiththesurnameofMadison； andshesaidthatitspetformofMad，whichFulkersonpromptlyinvented，onlymadeitmoreridiculous。 FulkersonwasslowerintellingBeaton。Hewasafraid，somehow，ofBeaton\'stakingthematterinthecynicalway；MissWoodburnsaidshewouldbreakofftheengagementifBeatonwaslefttoguessitorfinditoutbyaccident，andthenFulkersonpluckeduphiscourage。Beatonreceivedthenewswithgravity，andwithasortofmelancholymeeknessthatstronglymovedFulkerson\'ssympathy，andmadehimwishthatBeatonwasengaged，too。 ItmadeBeatonfeelveryold；itsomehowlefthimbehindandforgotten； inamanner，itmadehimfeeltrifledwith。Somethingoftheunfriendlinessoffateseemedtoovercasthisresentment，andheallowedthesadnessofhisconvictionthathehadnotthemeanstomarryontotingehisrecognitionofthefactthatAlmaLeightonwouldnothavewantedhimtomarryherifhehad。Hewasnowofteninthatmartyrmoodinwhichhewishedtohelphisfather；notonlytodenyhimselfChianti，buttoforegoafur-linedovercoatwhichheintendedtogetforthewinter，HepostponedthemomentofactualsacrificeasregardedtheChianti，andheboughttheovercoatinananguishofself-reproach。 HeworeitthefirsteveningafterhegotitingoingtocallupontheLeightons，anditseemedtohimapieceofghastlyironywhenAlmacomplimentedhispicturesquenessinitandaskedhimtolethersketchhim。 \"Oh，youcansketchme，\"hesaid，withsomuchgloomthatitmadeherlaugh。 \"Ifyouthinkit\'ssoserious，I\'drathernot。\" \"No，no!Goahead!Howdoyouwantme?\" Oh，flingyourselfdownonachairinoneofyourattitudesofstudiednegligence；andtwistonecornerofyourmustachewithaffectedabsenceofmind。\" \"AndyouthinkI\'malwaysstudied，alwaysaffected?\" \"Ididn\'tsayso。\" \"Ididn\'taskyouwhatyousaid。\" \"AndIwon\'ttellyouwhatIthink。\" \"Ah，Iknowwhatyouthink。\" \"Whatmadeyouask，then?\"Thegirllaughedagainwiththesatisfactionofhersexincorneringaman。 Beatonmadeashowofnotdeigningtoreply，andputhimselfintheposeshesuggested，frowning。 \"Ah，that\'sit。Butalittlemoreanimation—— \"\'Aswhenagreatthoughtstrikesalongthebrain，Andflushesallthecheek。\'\" Sheputherforeheaddownonthebackofherhandandlaughedagain。 \"Yououghttobephotographed。Youlookasifyouweresittingforit。\" Beatonsaid:\"That\'sbecauseIknowIambeingphotographed，inoneway。 Idon\'tthinkyououghttocallmeaffected。Ineveramsowithyou；I knowitwouldn\'tbeofanyuse。\" \"Oh，Mr。Beaton，youflatter。\" \"No，Ineverflatteryou。\" \"Imeantyouflatteredyourself。\" \"How?\" \"Oh，Idon\'tknow。Imagine。\" \"Iknowwhatyoumean。YouthinkIcan\'tbesincerewithanybody。\" \"Ohno，Idon\'t。\" \"Whatdoyouthink?\" \"Thatyoucan\'t——try。\"Almagaveanothervictoriouslaugh。 MissWoodburnandFulkersonwouldoncehavebothfeignedagreatinterestinAlma\'ssketchingBeaton，andmadeitthesubjectoftalk，inwhichtheyapproachedasnearlyaspossibletherealinterestoftheirlives。 Nowtheyfranklyremainedawayinthedining-room，whichwasverycozyafterthedinnerhaddisappeared；thecolonelsatwithhislampandpaperinthegallerybeyond；Mrs。Leightonwasaboutherhousekeepingaffairs，inthecontentshealwaysfeltwhenAlmawaswithBeaton。 \"Theyseemtobehavingaprettygoodtimeinthere，\"saidFulkerson，detachinghimselffromhisownabsolutegoodtimeaswellashecould。 \"AtleastAlmadoes，\"saidMissWoodburn。 \"Doyouthinkshecaresforhim?\" \"Quahteasmochashedesoves。\" \"WhatmakesyoualldownonBeatonaroundhere?He\'snotsuchabadfellow。\" \"Weawenotalldoanonhim。Mrs。Leightonisn\'tdoanonhim。\" \"Oh，Iguessifitwastheoldlady，therewouldn\'tbemuchquestionaboutit。\" Theybothlaughed，andAlmasaid，\"Theyseemtobegreatlyamusedwithsomethinginthere。\" \"Me，probably，\"saidBeaton。\"Iseemtoamuseeverybodyto-night。\" \"Don\'tyoualways?\" \"Ialwaysamuseyou，I\'mafraid，Alma。\" Shelookedathimasifsheweregoingtosnubhimopenlyforusinghername；butapparentlyshedecidedtodoitcovertly。\"Youdidn\'tatfirst。Ireallyusedtobelieveyoucouldbeserious，once。\" \"Couldn\'tyoubelieveitagain?Now?\" \"Notwhenyouputonthatwind-harpstop。\" \"Wetmorehasbeentalkingtoyouaboutme。Hewouldsacrificehisbestfriendtoaphrase。Hespendshistimemakingthem。\" \"He\'smadesomeveryprettyonesaboutyou。\" \"Liketheoneyoujustquoted?\" \"No，notexactly。Headmiresyoueversomuch。Hesays\"Shestopped，teasingly。 \"What?\" \"Hesaysyoucouldbealmostanythingyouwished，ifyoudidn\'twishtobeeverything。\" \"ThatsoundsmoreliketheschoolofWetmore。That\'swhatyousay，Alma。 Well，ifthereweresomethingyouwishedmetobe，Icouldbeit。\" \"WemightadaptKingsley:\'Begood，sweetman，andletwhowillbeclever。\'\"Hecouldnothelplaughing。Shewenton:\"Ialwaysthoughtthatwasthemostpatronizingandexasperatingthingeveraddressedtoahumangirl；andwe\'vehadtostandagooddealinourtime。Ishouldliketohaveitappliedtotheother\'sect\'awhile。Asifanygirlthatwasagirlwouldbegoodifshehadtheremotestchanceofbeingclever。\" \"Thenyouwouldn\'twishmetobegood?\"Beatonasked。 \"Notifyouwereagirl。\" \"Youwanttoshockme。Well，IsupposeIdeserveit。ButifIwereone- tenthpartasgoodasyouare，Alma，IshouldhavealighterheartthanI havenow。IknowthatI\'mfickle，butI\'mnotfalse，asyouthinkIam。\" \"WhosaidIthoughtyouwerefalse?\" \"Noone，\"saidBeaton。\"Itisn\'tnecessary，whenyoulookit——liveit。\" \"Oh，dear!Ididn\'tknowIdevotedmywholetimetothesubject。\" \"IknowI\'mdespicable。Icouldtellyousomething——thehistoryofthisday，even——thatwouldmakeyoudespiseme。\"Beatonhadinmindhispurchaseoftheovercoat，whichAlmawasgettinginsoeffectively，withthemoneyheoughttohavesenthisfather。\"But，\"hewenton，darkly，withasensethatwhathewasthatmomentsufferingforhisselfishnessmustsomehowbeakindofatonement，whichwouldfinallyleavehimtotheguiltlessenjoymentoftheovercoat，\"youwouldn\'tbelievethedepthsofbasenessIcoulddescendto。\" \"Iwouldtry，\"saidAlma，rapidlyshadingthecollar，\"ifyou\'dgivemesomehint。\" Beatonhadasuddenwishtopourouthisremorsetoher，buthewasafraidofherlaughingathim。Hesaidtohimselfthatthiswasaverywholesomefear，andthatifhecouldalwayshaveherathandheshouldnotmakeafoolofhimselfsooften。Amanconceivesofsuchanofficeastheverynoblestforawoman；heworshipsherforitifheismagnanimous。ButBeatonwassilent，andAlmaputbackherheadfortherightdistanceonhersketch。\"Mr。FulkersonthinksyouarethesublimestofhumanbeingsforadvisinghimtogetColonelWoodburntointerviewMr。DryfoosaboutLindau。WhathaveyoueverdonewithyourJudas?\" \"Ihaven\'tdoneanythingwithit。Nadelthoughthewouldtakeholdofitatonetime，buthedroppeditagain。Afterall，Idon\'tsupposeitcouldbepopularized。Fulkersonwantedtoofferitasapremiumtosubscribersfor\'EveryOtherWeek，\'butIsatdownonthat。\" Almacouldnotfeeltheabsurdityofthis，andshemerelysaid，\"\'EveryOtherWeek\'seemstobegoingonjustthesameasever。\" \"Yes，thetroublehasallblownover，Ibelieve。Fulkerson，\"saidBeaton，withareturntowhattheyweresaying，\"hasmanagedthewholebusinessverywell。Butheexaggeratesthevalueofmyadvice。\" \"Verylikely，\"Almasuggested，vaguely。\"Or，no!Excuseme!Hecouldn\'t，hecouldn\'t!\"ShelaugheddelightedlyatBeaton\'sfoolishlookofembarrassment。 Hetriedtorecoverhisdignityinsaying，\"He\'s\'averygoodfellow，andhedeserveshishappiness。\" \"Oh，indeed!\"saidAlma，perversely。\"Doesanyonedeservehappiness?\" \"IknowIdon\'t，\"sighedBeaton。 \"Youmeanyoudon\'tgetit。\" \"Icertainlydon\'tgetit。\" \"Ah，butthatisn\'tthereason。\" \"Whatis?\" \"That\'sthesecretoftheuniverse，\"Shebitinherlowerlip，andlookedathimwitheyes，ofgleamingfun。 \"Areyouneverserious?\"heasked。 \"Withseriouspeoplealways。\" \"Iamserious；andyouhavethesecretofmyhappiness——\"Hethrewhimselfimpulsivelyforwardinhischair。 \"Oh，pose，pose!\"shecried。 \"Iwon\'tpose，\"heanswered，\"andyouhavegottolistentome。YouknowI\'minlovewithyou；andIknowthatonceyoucaredforme。Can\'tthattime——won\'tit——comebackagain?Trytothinkso，Alma!\" \"No，\"shesaid，brieflyandseriouslyenough。 \"Butthatseemsimpossible。WhatisitI\'vedonewhathaveyouagainstme?\" \"Nothing。Butthattimeispast。Icouldn\'trecallitifIwished。Whydidyoubringitup?You\'vebrokenyourword。YouknowIwouldn\'thaveletyoukeepcominghereifyouhadn\'tpromisednevertorefertoit。\" \"HowcouldIhelpit?Withthathappinessnearus——Fulkerson——\" \"Oh，it\'sthat?Imighthaveknownit!\" \"No，itisn\'tthat——it\'ssomethingfardeeper。Butifit\'snothingyouhaveagainstme，whatisit，Alma，thatkeepsyoufromcaringformenowasyoudidthen?Ihaven\'tchanged。\" \"ButIhave。Ishallnevercareforyouagain，Mr。Beaton；youmightaswellunderstanditonceforall。Don\'tthinkit\'sanythinginyourself，orthatIthinkyouunworthyofme。I\'mnotsoself-satisfiedasthat； IknowverywellthatI\'mnotaperfectcharacter，andthatI\'venoclaimonperfectioninanybodyelse。Ithinkwomenwhowantthatarefools； theywon\'tgetit，andtheydon\'tdeserveit。ButI\'velearnedagood。 dealmoreaboutmyselfthanIknewinSt。Barnaby，andalifeofwork，ofart，andofartalonethat\'swhatI\'vemadeupmymindto。\" \"Awomanthat\'smadeuphermindtothathasnohearttohinderher!\" \"Wouldamanhavethathaddoneso?\" \"ButIdon\'tbelieveyou，Alma。You\'remerelylaughingatme。And，besides，withmeyouneedn\'tgiveupart。Wecouldworktogether。YouknowhowmuchIadmireyourtalent。IbelieveIcouldhelpit——serveit； Iwouldbeitswillingslave，andyours，Heavenknows!\" \"Idon\'twantanyslave——noranyslavery。Iwanttobefreealways。Nowdoyousee?Idon\'tcareforyou，andInevercouldintheoldway；butIshouldhavetocareforsomeonemorethanIbelieveIevershalltogiveupmywork。Shallwegoon?\"Shelookedathersketch。 \"No，weshallnotgoon，\"hesaid，gloomily，asherose。 \"Isupposeyoublameme，\"shesaid，risingtoo。 \"Ohno!Iblamenoone——oronlymyself。Ithrewmychanceaway。\" \"I\'mgladyouseethat；andI\'mgladyoudidit。Youdon\'tbelieveme，ofcourse。Whydomenthinklifecanbeonlytheonethingtowomen? Andifyoucometotheselfishview，whoarethehappywomen?I\'msurethatifworkdoesn\'tfailme，healthwon\'t，andhappinesswon\'t。\" \"Butyoucouldworkonwithme——\" \"Secondfiddle。DoyousupposeIshouldn\'tbewomanenoughtowishmyworkalwayslessandlowerthanyours?AtleastI\'veheartenoughforthat!\" \"You\'veheartenoughforanything，Alma。Iwasafooltosayyouhadn\'t。\" \"Ithinkthewomenwhokeeptheirheartshaveanevenchance，atleast，ofhavingheart——\" \"Ah，there\'swhereyou\'rewrong!\" \"Butmineisn\'tminetogiveyou，anyhow。AndnowIdon\'twantyouevertospeaktomeaboutthisagain。\" \"Oh，there\'snodanger!\"hecried，bitterly。\"Ishallneverwillinglyseeyouagain。\" \"That\'sasyoulike，Mr。Beaton。We\'vehadtobeveryfrank，butIdon\'tseewhyweshouldn\'tbefriends。Still，weneedn\'t，ifyoudon\'tlike。\" \"AndImaycome——Imaycomehere——as——asusual?\" \"Why，ifyoucanconsistently，\"shesaid，withasmile，andsheheldoutherhandtohim。 Hewenthomedazed，andfeelingasifitwereabadjokethathadbeenputuponhim。Atleasttheaffairwentsodeepthatitestrangedtheaspectofhisfamiliarstudio。Someofthethingsinitwerenotveryfamiliar；hehadspentlatelyagreatdealonrugs，onstuffs，onJapanesebric-a-brac。Whenhesawthesethingsintheshopshehadfeltthathemusthavethem；thattheywerenecessarytohim；andhewaspartlyindebtforthem，stillwithouthavingsentanyofhisearningstopayhisfather。Ashelookedatthemnowhelikedtofancysomethingweirdandconsciousinthemasthesilentwitnessesofabrokenlife。 Hefeltaboutamongsomeofthesmallerobjectsonthemantelforhispipe。Beforeheslepthewasaware，intheluxuryofhisdespair，ofaremoterelief，anescape；and，afterall，theunderstandinghehadcometowithAlmawasonlytheexplicitformulationoftermslongtacitbetweenthem。Beatonwouldhavebeenpuzzledmorethanheknewifshehadtakenhimseriously。Itwasinevitablethatheshoulddeclarehimselfinlovewithher；buthewasnotdisappointedatherrejectionofhislove；perhapsnotsomuchashewouldhavebeenatitsacceptance，thoughhetriedtothinkotherwise，andtogivehimselfairsoftragedy。 Hedidnotreallyfeelthattheresultwasworsethanwhathadgonebefore，anditlefthimfree。 ButhedidnotgototheLeightonsagainforsolongatimethatMrs。 LeightonaskedAlmawhathadhappened。Almatoldher。 \"Andhewon\'tcomeanymore?\"hermothersighed，withreservedcensure。 \"Oh，Ithinkhewill。Hecouldn\'tverywellcomethenextnight。Buthehasthehabitofcoming，andwithMr。Beatonhabitiseverything——eventhehabitofthinkinghe\'sinlovewithsomeone。\" \"Alma，\"saidhermother，\"Idon\'tthinkit\'sveryniceforagirltoletayoungmankeepcomingtoseeheraftershe\'srefusedhim。\" \"Whynot，ifitamuseshimanddoesn\'thurtthegirl?\" \"Butitdoeshurther，Alma。It——it\'sindelicate。Itisn\'tfairtohim； itgiveshimhopes。\" \"Well，mamma，ithasn\'thappenedinthegivencaseyet。IfMr。Beatoncomesagain，Iwon\'tseehim，andyoucanforbidhimthehouse。\" \"IfIcouldonlyfeelsure，Alma，\"saidhermother，takingupanotherbranchoftheinquiry，\"thatyoureallyknewyourownmind，Ishouldbeeasieraboutit。\" \"Thenyoucanrestperfectlyquiet，mamma。Idoknowmyownmind；and，what\'sworse，IknowMr。Beaton\'smind。\" \"Whatdoyoumean?\" \"ImeanthathespoketometheothernightsimplybecauseMr。 Fulkerson\'sengagementhadbrokenhimallup。\" \"Whatexpressions!\"Mrs。Leightonlamented。 \"Heletitouthimself，\"Almawenton。\"Andyouwouldn\'thavethoughtitwasveryflatteringyourself。WhenI\'mmadeloveto，afterthis，Iprefertobemadelovetoinanoff-year，whenthereisn\'tanotherengagedcoupleanywhereabout。\" \"Didyoutellhimthat，Alma?\" \"Tellhimthat!Whatdoyoumean，mamma?Imaybeindelicate，butI\'mnotquitesoindelicateasthat。\" \"Ididn\'tmeanyouwereindelicate，really，Alma，butIwantedtowarnyou。IthinkMr。Beatonwasverymuchinearnest。\" \"Oh，sodidhe!\" \"Andyoudidn\'t?\" \"Ohyes，forthetimebeing。Isupposehe\'sverymuchinearnestwithMissVanceattimes，andwithMissDryfoosatothers。Sometimeshe\'sapainter，andsometimeshe\'sanarchitect，andsometimeshe\'sasculptor。 Hehastoomanygifts——toomanytastes。\" \"AndifMissVanceandMissDryfoos——\" \"Oh，dosaySculptureandArchitecture，mamma!It\'sgettingsodreadfullypersonal!\" \"Alma，youknowthatIonlywishtogetatyourrealfeelinginthematter。\" \"AndyouknowthatIdon\'twanttoletyou——especiallywhenIhaven\'tgotanyrealfeelinginthematter。ButIshouldthink——speakingintheabstractentirely——thatifeitherofthoseartswasevergoingtobeinearnestabouthim，itwouldwanthisexclusivedevotionforaweekatleast。\" \"Ididn\'tknow，\"saidMrs。Leighton，\"thathewasdoinganythingnowattheothers。Ithoughthewasentirelytakenupwithhisworkon\'EveryOtherWeek。\'\" \"Oh，heis!heis!\" \"Andyoucertainlycan\'tsay，mydear，thathehasn\'tbeenverykind—— veryusefultoyou，inthatmatter。\" \"AndsoIoughttohavesaidyesoutofgratitude?Thankyou，mamma!I didn\'tknowyouheldmesocheap。\" \"YouknowwhetherIholdyoucheapornot，Alma。Idon\'twantyoutocheapenyourself。Idon\'twantyoutotriflewithanyone。Iwantyoutobehonestwithyourself。\" \"Well，comenow，mamma!Supposeyoubegin。I\'vebeenperfectlyhonestwithmyself，andI\'vebeenhonestwithMr。Beaton。Idon\'tcareforhim，andI\'vetoldhimIdidn\'t；sohemaybesupposedtoknowit。Ifhecomeshereafterthis，he\'llcomeasaplain，unostentatiousfriendofthefamily，andit\'sforyoutosaywhetherheshallcomeinthatcapacityornot。Ihopeyouwon\'ttriflewithhim，andlethimgetthenotionthathe\'scomingonanyotherbasis。\" Mrs。Leightonfeltthecomfortofthecriticalattitudefartookeenlytoabandonitforanythingconstructive。Sheonlysaid，\"Youknowverywell，Alma，that\'samatterIcanhavenothingtodowith。\" \"Thenyouleavehimentirelytome?\" \"Ihopeyouwillregardhisrighttocandidandopentreatment。\" \"He\'shadnothingbutthemostopenandcandidtreatmentfromme，mamma。 It\'syouthatwantstoplayfastandloosewithhim。And，totellyouthetruth，Ibelievehewouldlikethatagooddealbetter；Ibelievethat，ifthere\'sanythinghehates，it\'sopennessandcandor。\" Almalaughed，andputherarmsroundhermother，whocouldnothelplaughingalittle，too。 II。 ThewinterdidnotrenewforChristineandMelathesocialopportunitywhichthespringhadoffered。AfterthemusicaleatMrs。Horn\'s，theybothmadetheirparty-call，asMelasaid，indueseason；buttheydidnotfindMrs。Hornathome，andneithershenorMissVancecametoseethemafterpeoplereturnedtotowninthefall。TheytriedtobelieveforatimethatMrs。Hornhadnotgottheircards；thispretencefailedthem，andtheyfellbackupontheirpride，orratherChristine\'spride。Melahadlittlebuthergood-naturetoavailherinanyexigency，andifMrs。 HornorMissVancehadcometocallafterayearofneglect，shewouldhavereceivedthemasamiablyasiftheyhadnotlostadayincoming。 ButChristinehaddrawnalinebeyondwhichtheywouldnothavebeenforgiven；andshehadplannedthewordsandthebehaviorwithwhichshewouldhavepunishedthemiftheyhadappearedthen。Neithersisterimaginedherselfinanywiseinferiortothem；butChristinewassuspicious，atleast，anditwasMelawhoinventedthehypothesisofthelostcards。Asnothinghappenedtoproveortodisprovethefact，shesaid，\"ImoveweputCoonroduptogittun\'itoutofMissVance，atsomeoftheirmeetun\'s。\" \"Ifyoudo，\"saidChristine，\"I\'llkillyou。\" Christine，however，hadthevisitsofBeatontoconsoleher，and，iftheseseemedtohavenodefiniteaim，shewaswillingtorestinthepleasuretheygavehervanity；butMelahadnothing。Sometimessheevenwishedtheywereallbackonthefarm。 \"Itwouldbethebestthingforbothofyou，\"saidMrs。Dryfoos，inanswertosuchaburstofdesperation。\"Idon\'tthinkNewYorkisanyplaceforgirls。\" \"Well，whatIhate，mother，\"saidMela，\"is，itdon\'tseemtobeanyplaceforyoungmen，either。\"ShefoundthissogoodwhenshehadsaiditthatshelaughedoverittillChristinewasangry。 \"Abodywouldthinktherehadneverbeenanyjokebefore。\" \"Idon\'tseeasit\'sajoke，\"saidMrs。Dryfoos。\"It\'stheplaintruth。\" \"Oh，don\'tmindher，mother，\"saidMela。\"She\'sputoutbecauseheroldMr。Beatonha\'r\'tbeenroundforacoupleo\'weeks。Ifyoudon\'twatchout，thatfellow\'llgiveyoutheslipyit，Christine，afterallyourpains。\" \"Well，thereain\'tanybodytogiveyoutheslip，Mela，\"Christineclawedback。 \"No；Iha\'n\'teversetmytrapsforanybody。\"ThiswaswhatMelasaidforwantofabetterretort；butitwasnotquitetrue。WhenKendrickscamewithBeatontocallafterherfather\'sdinner，sheusedallhercunningtoensnarehim，andshehadhimtoherselfaslongasBeatonstayed；Dryfoossentdownwordthathewasnotverywellandhadgonetobed。ThenoveltyofMelahadwornoffforKendricks，andshefoundhim，asshefranklytoldhim，nothalfasentertainingashewasatMrs。