Thedoctorwastroubledinthinkingoverhisinterviewwiththeyounglady。Shewasfullypossessedwiththeideathatshehaddiscoveredthesecretwhichhaddefiedthemostsagaciousheadsofthevillage。
Itwasofnousetoopposeherwhilehermindwasinanexcitedstate。Buthefeltithisdutytoguardheragainstanypossibleresultsofindiscretionintowhichhereagernessandhertheoryoftheequality，almosttheidentity，ofthesexesmightbetrayher。
Toomuchofthewomaninadaughterofourraceleadshertoforgetdanger。Toolittleofthewomanpromptshertodefyit。Fortunatelyforthislastclassofwomen，theyarenotquitesolikelytobeperilouslyseductiveastheirmoreemphaticallyfemininesisters。
Dr。ButtshadknownLuridaandherfriendfromthedaysoftheirinfancy。HehadwatchedthedevelopmentofLurida\'sintelligencefromitsprecociousnursery-lifetothefullvigorofitstrainedfaculties。HehadlookedwithadmirationonthechildishbeautyofEuthymia，andhadseenhergrowuptowomanhood，everyyearmakinghermoreattractive。Heknewthatifanythingwastobedonewithhisself-willedyoungscholarandfriend，itwouldbemoreeasilyeffectedthroughthemediumofEuthymiathanbydirectadvicetotheyoungladyherself。SothethoughtfuldoctormadeuphismindtohaveagoodtalkwithEuthymia，andputheronherguard，ifLuridashowedanytendencytoforgettheconventionalitiesinhereagerpursuitofknowledge。
Forthedoctor\'shorseandchaisetostopatthedoorofMissEuthymiaTower\'sparentalhomewasaneventstrangeenoughtosetallthetonguesinthevillagegoing。Thiswasoneofthosefamilieswhereillnesswashardlylookedforamongthepossibilitiesoflife。
Therewereotherfamilieswhereacallfromthedoctorwashardlymorethoughtofthanacallfromthebaker。Butherehewasastranger，atleastonhisprofessionalrounds，andwhenheaskedforMissEuthymiatheservant，whoknewhisfacewell，staredasifhehadheldinhishandawarrantforherapprehension。
Euthymiadidnotkeepthedoctorwaitingverylongwhileshemadereadytomeethim。Onelookatherglasstomakesurethatalockhadnotrunastray，oraribbongotoutofplace，andhertoiletforamorningcallwasfinished。PerhapsifMr。MauriceKirkwoodhadbeenannounced，shemighthavetakenasecondlook，butwiththegoodmiddle-aged，marrieddoctoronewasenoughforayoungladywhohadthegiftofmakingallthedressessheworelookwell，andhadnooccasiontotreatherchamberlikethelaboratorywhereanactresscompoundsherself。
Euthymiawelcomedthedoctorveryheartily。Shecouldnothelpsuspectinghiserrand，andshewasverygladtohaveachancetotalkoverherfriend\'sschemesandfancieswithhim。
Thedoctorbeganwithoutanyroundaboutprelude。
\"IwanttoconferwithyouaboutourfriendLurida。Doesshetellyouallherplansandprojects？\"
\"Why，astothat，doctor，Icanhardlysay，positively，butIdonotbelieveshekeepsbackanythingofimportancefromme。Iknowwhatshehasbeenbusywithlately，andthequeerideashehasgotintoherhead。WhatdoyouthinkoftheTarantulabusiness？Shehasshownyouthepaper，shehaswritten，Isuppose。”
\"Indeedshehas。Itisaverycuriouscaseshehasgotholdof，andIdonotwonderatallthatsheshouldhavefeltconvincedthatshehadcomeatthetruesolutionofthevillageriddle。ItmaybethatthisyoungmanisthesamepersonastheboymentionedintheItalianmedicaljournal。Butitisveryfarfromclearthatheisso。Youknowallherreasons，ofcourse，asyouhavereadthestory。Thetimesseemtoagreewellenough。ItiseasytoconceivethatChmightbesubstitutedforKinthereport。Thesingularsolitaryhabitsofthisyoungmanentirelycoincidewiththestory。Ifwecouldonlyfindoutwhetherhehasanyofthosefeelingswithreferencetocertaincolors，wemightguesswithmorechanceofguessingrightthanwehaveatpresent。ButIdon\'tseeexactlyhowwearegoingtosubmithimtoexaminationonthispoint。Ifhewereonlyachemicalcompound，wecouldanalyzehim。Ifhewereonlyabirdoraquadruped，wecouldfindouthislikesanddislikes。Butbeing，asheis，ayoungman，withwaysofhisown，andawillofhisown，whichhemaynotchoosetohaveinterferedwith，theproblembecomesmorecomplicated。Ihearthatanewspapercorrespondenthasvisitedhimsoastomakeareporttohispaper，——doyouknowwhathefoundout？\"
\"CertainlyIdo，verywell。Mybrotherhasheardhisownstory，whichwasthis:Hefoundouthehadgotholdofthewrongpersontointerview。Theyounggentleman，hesays，interviewedhim，sothathedidnotlearnmuchabouttheSphinx。ButthenewspapermantoldWillyabouttheSphinx\'slibraryandacabinetofcoinshehad；andsaidheshouldmakeanarticleoutofhim，anyhow。Iwishthemanwouldtakehimselfoff。IamafraidLurida\'sloveofknowledgewillgetherintotrouble!\"
\"Whichofthemendoyouwishwouldtakehimselfoff？\"
\"Iwasthinkingofthenewspaperman。”
Sheblushedalittleasshesaid，\"Ican\'thelpfeelingastrangesortofinterestabouttheother，Mr。Kirkwood。DoyouknowthatI
methimthismorning，andhadagoodlookathim，fullintheface？\"
\"Well，tobesure!Thatwasaninterestingexperience。Andhowdidyoulikehislooks？\"
\"Ithoughthisfaceaveryremarkableone。Buthelookedverypaleashepassedme，andInoticedthatheputhishandtohisleftsideasifhehadatwingeofpain，orsomethingofthatsort，——spasmorneuralgia，——Idon\'tknowwhat。Iwonderedwhetherhehadwhatyoucallanginapectoris。Itwasthesamekindoflookandmovement，I
remember，asyoutrust，too，inmyunclewhodiedwiththatcomplaint。”
Thedoctorwassilentforamoment。Thenheasked，\"Wereyoudressedasyouarenow？\"
\"Yes，Iwas，exceptthatIhadathinmantleovermyshoulders。I
wasoutearly，andIhavealwaysrememberedyourcaution。”
\"Whatcolorwasyourmantle？\"
\"Itwasblack。IhavebeenoverallthiswithLucinda。Ablackmantleonawhitedress。Astrawhatwithanoldfadedribbon。
Therecan\'tbemuchinthosecolorstotroublehim，Ishouldthink，forhismanwearsablackcoatandwhitelinen，——moreorlesswhite，asyoumusthavenoticed，andhemusthaveseenribbonsofallcolorsoftenenough。ButLuridabelievesitwastheribbon，orsomethinginthecombinationofcolors。HerheadisfullofTarantulasandTarantism。Ifearthatshewillneverbeeasyuntilthequestionissettledbyactualtrial。Andwillyoubelieveit？thegirlisdeterminedinsomewaytotesthersupposition!\"
\"Believeit，Euthymia？IcanbelievealmostanythingofLurida。SheisthemostirrepressiblecreatureIeverknew。YouknowaswellasIdowhatacompletepossessionanyrulingideatakesofherwholenature。Ihavehadsomefearslestherzealmightrunawaywithherdiscretion。Itisagreatdealeasiertogetintoafalsepositionthantogetoutofit。”
\"Iknowitwellenough。Iwantyoutotellmewhatyouthinkaboutthewholebusiness。Idon\'tlikethelookofitatall，andyetI
candonothingwiththegirlexceptletherfollowherfancy，untilI
canshowherplainlythatshewillgetherselfintotroubleinsomewayorother。Butsheisingenious，——fullofallsortsofdevices，innocentenoughinthemselves，butliabletobemisconstrued。Yourememberhowshewonustheboat-race？\"
\"TobesureIdo。Itwasrathersharppractice，butshefeltshewaspayingoffanoldscore。TheclassicalstoryofAtalanta，told，likethatofEve，asillustratingtheweaknessofwoman，provokedhertomaketrialofthepowersofresistanceintheothersex。Butitwasaudacious。Ihopeheraudacitywillnotgotoofar。Youmustwatchher。Keepaneyeonhercorrespondence。”
ThedoctorhadgreatconfidenceinthegoodsenseofLurida\'sfriend。
HefeltsurethatshewouldnotletLuridacommitherselfbywritingfoolishletterstothesubjectofherspeculations，orsimilarindiscreetperformances。Theboldnessofyounggirls，whothinknoevil，inopeningcorrespondencewithidealizedpersonagesissomethingquiteastonishingtothosewhohavehadanopportunityofknowingthefacts。Luridahadpassedthemostdangerousage，buthertheoryoftheequalityofthesexesmadeherindifferenttotheby-lawsofsocialusage。Sherequiredwatching，andhertwoguardianswerereadytocheckher，incaseofneed。
XVI
MISSVINCENTWRITESALETTER。
Euthymianoticedthatherfriendhadbeenverymuchpreoccupiedfortwoorthreedays。Shefoundhermorethanoncebusyatherdesk，withamanuscriptbeforeher，whichsheturnedoverandplacedinsidethedesk，asEuthymiaentered。
Thisdesireofconcealmentwasnotwhateitherofthefriendsexpectedtoseeintheother。Itshowedthatsomeprojectwasunderway，which，atleastinitspresentstage，theMachiavellianyoungladydidnotwishtodisclose。Ithadcostheragooddealofthoughtandcare，apparently，forherwaste-basketwasfullofscrapsofpaper，whichlookedasiftheyweretheremainsofamanuscriptlikethatatwhichshewasatwork。\"Copyingandrecopying，probably，\"thoughtEuthymia，butshewaswillingtowaittolearnwhatLuridawasbusyabout，thoughshehadasuspicionthatitwassomethinginwhichshemightfeelcalledupontointerestherself。
\"DoyouknowwhatIthink？\"saidEuthymiatothedoctor，meetinghimashelefthisdoor。\"IbelieveLuridaiswritingtothisman，andI
don\'tlikethethoughtofherdoingsuchathing。Ofcoursesheisnotlikeothergirlsinmanyrespects，butotherpeoplewilljudgeherbythecommonrulesoflife。”
\"Iamgladthatyouspokeofit，\"answeredthedoctor；\"shewouldwritetohimjustasquicklyastoanywomanofhisage。Besides，underthecoverofheroffice，shehasgotintothewayofwritingtoanybody。IthinkshehasalreadywrittentoMr。Kirkwood，askinghimtocontributeapaperfortheSociety。Shecanfindapretexteasilyenoughifshehasmadeuphermindtowrite。Infact，Idoubtifshewouldtroubleherselfforanypretextatallifshedecidedtowrite。
Watchherwell。Don\'tletanylettergowithoutseeingit，ifyoucanhelpit。”
Youngwomenaremuchgiventowritingletterstopersonswhomtheyonlyknowindirectly，forthemostpartthroughtheirbooks，andespeciallytoromancersandpoets。Nothingcanbemoreinnocentandsimple-heartedthanmostoftheseletters。Theyarethespontaneousoutflowofyoungheartseasilyexcitedtogratitudeforthepleasurewhichsomestoryorpoemhasgiventhem，andrecognizingtheirownthoughts，theirownfeelings，inthoseexpressedbytheauthor，asifonpurposeforthemtoread。Undoubtedlytheygivegreatrelieftosolitaryyoungpersons，whomusthavesomeidealreflectionofthemselves，andknownotwheretolooksinceProtestantismhastakenawaythecrucifixandtheMadonna。Therecipientoftheseletterssometimeswonders，afterreadingthroughoneofthem，howitisthathisyoungcorrespondenthasmanagedtofillsomuchspacewithhersimplemessageofadmirationorofsympathy。
Luridadidnotbelongtothisparticularclassofcorrespondents，butshecouldnotresistthelawofhersex，whosethoughtsnaturallysurroundthemselveswithsuperabundantdraperyoflanguage，astheirpersonsfloatinawidesuperfluityofwoventissues。Wassheindeedwritingtothisunknowngentleman？Euthymiaquestionedherpoint-
blank。
\"AreyougoingtoopenacorrespondencewithMr。MauriceKirkwood，Lurida？Youseemtobesobusywriting，Icanthinkofnothingelse。
Orareyougoingtowriteanovel，orapaperfortheSociety，——dotellmewhatyouaresomuchtakenupwith。”
\"Iwilltellyou，Euthymia，ifyouwillpromisenottofindfaultwithmeforcarryingoutmyplanasIhavemadeupmymindtodo。
YoumayreadthisletterbeforeIsealit，andifyoufindanythinginityoudon\'tlikeyoucansuggestanychangethatyouthinkwillimproveit。Ihopeyouwillseethatitexplainsitself。Idon\'tbelievethatyouwillfindanythingtofrightenyouinit。”
Thisistheletter，assubmittedtoMissTowerbyherfriend。Theboldhandwritingmadeitlooklikeaman\'sletter，andgaveitconsequentlyalessdangerousexpressionthanthatwhichbelongstothetintedandoftenfragrantsheetwithitsdelicatethreadycharacters，whichslantacrossthepagelikeanAprilshowerwithasouthwindchasingit。
ARROWHEADVILLAGE，August——，18。
MYDEARSIR，——YouwilldoubtlessbesurprisedatthesightofaletterlikethisfromonewhomyouonlyknowastheSecretaryofthePansophianSociety。Thereisaverycommonfeelingthatitisunbecominginoneofmysextoaddressoneofyourownwithwhomsheisunacquainted，unlessshehassomespecialclaimuponhisattention。Iambynomeansdisposedtoconcedetothevulgarprejudiceonthispoint。Ifonehumanbeinghasanythingtocommunicatetoanother，——anythingwhichdeservesbeingcommunicated，——Iseenooccasionforbringinginthequestionofsex。IdonotthinkthehomosumofTerencecanbeclaimedforthemalesexasitsprivatepropertyongeneralanymorethanongrammaticalgrounds，Ihavesometimesthoughtofdevotingmyselftothenobleartofhealing。IfIdidso，itwouldbewiththefixedpurposeofgivingmywholepowerstotheserviceofhumanity。AndifIshouldcarryoutthatidea，shouldIrefusemycareandskilltoasufferingfellow-mortalbecausethatmortalhappenedtobeabrother，andnotasister？Mywholenatureprotestsagainstsuchone-sidedhumanity!
No!Iamblindtoalldistinctionswhenmyeyesareopenedtoanyformofsuffering，toanyspectacleofwant。
YoumayaskmewhyIaddressyou，whomIknowlittleornothingof，andtowhomsuchanadvancemayseempresumptuousandintrusive。ItisbecauseIwasdeeplyimpressedbythepaperwhichIattributedtoyou，——thatonOcean，River，andLake，whichwasreadatoneofourmeetings。IsaythatIwasdeeplyimpressed，butIdonotmeanthisasacomplimenttothatpaper。Iamnotbandyingcomplimentsnow，butthinkingofbetterthingsthanpraisesorphrases。Iwasinterestedinthepaper，partlybecauseIrecognizedsomeofthefeelingsexpressedinitasmyown，——partlybecausetherewasanundertoneofsadnessinallthevoicesofnatureasyouechoedthemwhichmademesadtohear，andwhichIcouldnothelplongingtocheerandenliven。Isaidtomyself，Ishouldliketoholdcommunionwiththewriterofthatpaper。Ihavehadmylonelyhoursanddays，ashehashad。Ihavehadsomeofhisexperiencesinmyintercoursewithnature。Andoh!ifIcoulddrawhimintothosebetterhumanrelationswhichawaitusall，ifwecomewiththerightdispositions，IshouldblushifIstoppedtoinquirewhetherIviolatedanyconventionalruleornot。
Youwillunderstandme，Ifeelsure。Youbelieve，doyounot？intheinsignificanceofthebarrierwhichdividesthesisterhoodfromthebrotherhoodofmankind。Youbelieve，doyounot？thattheyshouldbeeducatedsidebyside，thattheyshouldsharethesamepursuits，dueregardbeinghadtothefitnessoftheparticularindividualforhardorlightwork，asitmustalwaysbe，whetherwearedealingwiththe\"stronger\"orthe\"weaker\"sex。Imarkthesewordsbecause，notwithstandingtheircommonuse，theyinvolvesomuchthatisnottrue。Stronger!Yes，toliftabarrelofflour，orabarrelofcider，——thoughtherehavebeenwomenwhocoulddothat，andthoughwhenJohnWesleywasmobbedinStaffordshireawomanknockeddownthreeorfourmen，oneafteranother，untilshewasatlastoverpoweredandnearlymurdered。Talkabouttheweakersex!GoandseeMissEuthymiaToweratthegymnasium!Butnomatteraboutwhichsexhasthestrongestmuscles。Whichhasmosttosuffer，andwhichhasmostenduranceandvitality？Wegothroughmanyordealswhichyouarespared，butweoutlastyouinmindandbody。Ihavebeenledawayintooneofmyaccustomedtrainsofthought，butnotsofarawayfromitasyoumightatfirstsuppose。
Mybrother!Areyounotreadytorecognizeinmeafriend，anequal，asister，whocanspeaktoyouasifshehadbeenrearedunderthesameroof？Andisnottheskythatcoversusoneroof，whichmakesusallonefamily？Youarelonely，youmustbelongingforsomehumanfellowship。Takemeintoyourconfidence。WhatistherethatyoucantellmetowhichIcannotrespondwithsympathy？Whatsaddestnoteinyourspiritualdirgeswhichwillnotfinditschordinmine？
Ilongtoknowwhatinfluencehascastitsshadowoveryourexistence。Imyselfhaveknownwhatitistocarryabrainthatneverrestsinabodythatisalwaystired。Ihavedefieditsinfirmities，andforcedittodomybidding。Youhavenosuchhindrance，ifwemayjudgebyyouraspectandhabits。YoudealwithhorseslikeaHomerichero。NowildIndiancouldhandlehisbarkcanoemoredexterouslyormorevigorouslythanwehaveseenyouhandlingyours。Theremustbesomereasonforyourseclusionwhichcuriosityhasnotreached，andintowhichitisnottheprovinceofcuriositytoinquire。ButintheirresistibledesirewhichIhavetobringyouintokindlyrelationswiththosearoundyou，ImustruntheriskofgivingoffencethatImayknowinwhatdirectiontolookforthoserestorativeinfluenceswhichthesympathyofafriendandsistercanoffertoabrotherinneedofsomekindlyimpulsetochangethecourseofalifewhichisnot，whichcannotbe，inaccordancewithhistruenature。
Ihavethoughtthattheremaybesomethingintheconditionswithwhichyouareheresurroundedwhichisrepugnanttoyourfeelings，——
somethingwhichcanbeavoidedonlybykeepingyourselfapartfromthepeoplewhoseacquaintanceyouwouldnaturallyhaveformed。Therecanhardlybeanythingintheplaceitself，oryouwouldnothavevoluntarilysoughtitasaresidence，evenforasingleseason。
theremightbeindividualsherewhomyouwouldnotcaretomeet，theremustbesuch，butyoucannothaveapersonalaversiontoeverybody。Ihaveheardofcasesinwhichcertainsightsandsounds，whichhavenoparticularsignificanceformostpersons，producedfeelingsofdistressoraversionthatmade，themunbearabletothesubjectsoftheconstitutionaldislike。Ithasoccurredtomethatpossiblyyoumighthavesomesuchnaturalaversiontothesoundsofthestreet，orsuchasareheardinmosthouses，especiallywhereapianoiskept，asitisinfactinalmostallofthoseinthevillage。Oritmightbe，Iimagined，thatsomecolorinthedressesofwomenorthefurnitureofourroomsaffectedyouunpleasantly。I
knowthatinstancesofsuchantipathyhavebeenrecorded，andtheywouldaccountfortheseclusionofthosewhoaresubjecttoit。
Ifthereisanyremovableconditionwhichinterfereswithyourfreeentranceintoandenjoymentofthesociallifearoundyou，tellme，I
begofyou，tellmewhatitis，anditshallbeeliminated。Thinkitnotstrange，Omybrother，thatIthusventuretointroducemyselfintothehiddenchambersofyourlife。Iwillneversuffermyselftobefrightenedfromthecarryingoutofanythoughtwhichpromisestobeofusetoafellow-mortalbyafearlestitshouldbeconsidered\"unfeminine。”Icanbeartobeconsideredunfeminine，butIcannotenduretothinkofmyselfasinhuman。CanIhelpyou，mybrother\'？
Believemeyourmostsincerewell-wisher，LURIDAVINCENT。
Euthymiahadcarriedoffthisletterandreaditbyherself。Asshefinishedit，herfeelingsfoundexpressioninanoldphraseofhergrandmother\'s，whichcameupofitself，assuchsurvivalsofearlydaysareapttodo，ongreatoccasions。
\"Well，Inever!\"
Thensheloosenedsomebuttonorstringthatwastootight，andwenttothewindowforabreathofoutdoorair。Thenshebeganatthebeginningandreadthewholeletteralloveragain。
Whatshouldshedoaboutit？Shecouldnotletthisyounggirlsendaletterlikethattoastrangerofwhosecharacterlittlewasknownexceptbyinference，——toayoungman，whowouldconsideritamostextraordinaryadvanceonthepartofthesender。Shewouldhavelikedtotearitintoathousandpieces，butshehadnorighttotreatitinthatway。Luridameanttosenditthenextmorning，andinthemeantimeEuthymiahadthenighttothinkoverwhatsheshoulddoaboutit。
Thereisnothinglikethepillowforanoracle。Thereisnovoicelikethatwhichbreaksthesilence——ofthestagnanthoursofthenightwithitssuddensuggestionsandluminouscounsels。WhenEuthymiaawokeinthemorning，hercourseofactionwasasclearbeforeherasifitbadbeendictatedbyherguardianangel。ShewentstraightovertothehomeofLurida，whowasjustdressedforbreakfast。
Shewasnaturallyalittlesurprisedatthisearlyvisit。ShewasstruckwiththeexcitedlookofEuthymia，beingherselfquitecalm，andcontemplatingherprojectwithentirecomplacency。
Euthymiabegan，intonesthatexpresseddeepanxiety。
\"Ihavereadyourletter，mydear，andadmireditsspiritandforce。
Itisafineletter，anddoesyougreatcreditasanexpressionofthetruesthumanfeeling。ButitmustnotbesenttoMr。Kirkwood。
Ifyouweresixtyyearsold，perhapsifyouwerefifty，itmightbeadmissibletosendit。Butifyouwereforty，Ishouldquestionitspropriety；ifyouwerethirty，Ishouldvetoit，andyouarebutalittlemorethantwenty。Howdoyouknowthatthisstrangerwillnotshowyourlettertoanybodyoreverybody？Howdoyouknowthathewillnotsendittooneofthegossipingjournalslikethe\'HouseholdInquisitor\'？Butsupposinghekeepsittohimself，whichismorethanyouhavearighttoexpect，whatopinionishelikelytoformofayoungladywhoinvadeshisprivacywithsuchfreedom？Tentoonehewillthinkcuriosityisatthebottomofit，——and，——come，don\'tbeangryatmeforsuggestingit，——maytherenotbealittleofthatsamemotivemingledwiththeothers？No，don\'tinterruptmequiteyet；youdowanttoknowwhetheryourhypothesisiscorrect。Youarefullofthebestandkindestfeelingsintheworld，butyourdesireforknowledgeisthefermentunderthemjustnow，perhapsmorethanyouknow。”
Lurida\'spalecheeksflushedandwhitenedmorethanoncewhileherfriendwasspeaking。Shelovedhertoosincerelyandrespectedherintelligencetoomuchtotakeoffenceatheradvice，butshecouldnotgiveupherhumaneandsisterlyintentionsmerelyfromthefearofsomeawkwardconsequencestoherself。ShehadpersuadedherselfthatshewasplayingthepartofaProtestantsisterofcharity，andthatthefactofhernotwearingthecostumeoftheseministeringangelsmadenodifferenceinherrelationstothosewhoneededheraid。
\"Icannotseeyourobjectionsinthelightinwhichtheyappeartoyou，\"shesaidgravely。\"ItseemstomethatIgiveupeverythingwhenIhesitatetohelpafellow-creaturebecauseIamawoman。Iamnotafraidtosendthisletterandtakealltheconsequences。”
\"Willyougowithmetothedoctor\'s，andlethimreaditinourpresence？Andwillyouagreetoabidebyhisopinion，ifitcoincideswithmine？\"
Luridawincedalittleatthisproposal。\"Idon\'tquitelike，\"shesaid，\"showingthisletterto——to\"shehesitated，butithadtocomeout——\"toaman，thatis，toanothermanthantheoneforwhomitwasintended。”
Theneutergenderbusinesshadgotaprettydamagingside-hit。
\"Well，nevermindaboutlettinghimreadtheletter。Willyougoovertohishousewithmeatnoon，whenhecomesbackafterhismorningvisits，andhaveatalkoverthewholematterwithhim？YouknowIhavesometimeshadtosaymusttoyou，Lurida，andnowIsayyoumustgotothedoctor\'swithmeandcarrythatletter。”
Therewasnoresistingthepotentmonosyllableasthesweetbutfirmvoicedeliveredit。Atnoonthetwomaidensrangatthedoctor\'sdoor。Theservantsaidhehadbeenatthehouseafterhismorningvisits，butfoundahastysummonstoMr。Kirkwood，whohadbeentakensuddenlyillandwishedtoseehimatonce。Wastheillnessdangerous？Theservant-maiddidn\'tknow，butthoughtitwasprettybad，forMr。Paulcameinaswhiteasasheet，andtalkedallsortsoflanguageswhichshecouldn\'tunderstand，andtookonasifhethoughtMr。Kirkwoodwasgoingtodierightoff。
Andsothehazardousquestionaboutsendingtheletterwasdisposedof，atleastforthepresent。
XVII
Dr。BUTTS\'SPATIENT。
ThephysicianfoundMauricejustregaininghisheatafterachillofasomewhatseverecharacter。Heknewtoowellwhatthismeant，andtheprobableseriesofsymptomsofwhichitwastheprelude。Hispatientwasnottheonlyoneintheneighborhoodwhowasattackedinthisway。Theautumnalfeverstowhichourcountrytownsaresubject，intheplaceofthose\"agues，\"orintermittents，solargelyprevalentintheSouthandWest，werealreadybeginning，andMaurice，whohadexposedhimselfintheearlyandlatehoursofthedangerousseason，mustbeexpectedtogothroughtheregularstagesofthisalwaysseriousandnotrarelyfataldisease。
Paolo，hisfaithfulservant，wouldfainhavetakenthesolechargeofhismasterduringhisillness。Butthedoctorinsistedthathemusthaveanursetohelphiminhistask，whichwaslikelytobelongandexhausting。
Atthementionoftheword\"nurse\"Paoloturnedwhite，andexclaimedinanagitatedandthoroughlyfrightenedway，\"No!nonuss!nowoman!Shekillhim!Istaybyhimdayandnight，butdon\'letnowomancomenearhim，——ifyoudo，hedie!\"
Thedoctorexplainedthatheintendedtosendamanwhowasusedtotakingcareofsickpeople，andwithnolittleeffortatlastsucceededinconvincingPaolothat，ashecouldnotbeawakedayandnightforafortnightorthreeweeks，itwasabsolutelynecessarytocallinsomeassistancefromwithout。AndsoMr。MauriceKirkwoodwastoplaytheleadingpartinthatdramaofnature\'scomposingcalledatyphoidfever，withitsregularbedchamberscenery，itspropertiesofphialsandpill-boxes，itslittlecompanyofstockactors，itsgradualevolutionofaverysimpleplot，itsfamiliarincidents，itsemotionalalternations，anditsdenouement，sometimestragic，oftenerhappy。
Itisneedlesstosaythatthesympathiesofallthegoodpeopleofthevillage，residentsandstrangers，wereactivelyawakenedfortheyoungmanaboutwhomtheyknewsolittleandconjecturedsomuch。
Tokensoftheirkindnesscametohimdaily:flowersfromthewoodsandfromthegardens；choicefruitgrownintheopenairorunderglass，forthereweresomefinehousessurroundedbywell-keptgrounds，andgreenhousesandgraperieswerenotunknowninthesmallbutfavoredsettlement。
OnalltheseluxuriesMauricelookedwithdullandlanguideyes。A
faintsmileofgratitudesometimesstruggledthroughthestillnessofhisfeatures，oramurmuredwordofthanksfounditswaythroughhisparchedlips，andhewouldrelapseintothepartialstupororthefitfulsleepinwhich，withintervalsofslightwandering，theslowhoursdraggedalongthesluggishdaysoneafteranother。Withnoviolentsymptoms，butwithsteadypersistency，thediseasemovedoninitsaccustomedcourse。Itwasatnotimeimmediatelythreatening，buttheexperiencedphysicianknewitsuncertaintiesonlytoowell。
Hehadknownfeverpatientssuddenlyseizedwithviolentinternalinflammation，andcarriedoffwithfrightfulrapidity。Herememberedthecaseofaconvalescent，ayoungwomanwhohadbeenattackedwhileinapparentlyvigorousgeneralhealth，who，onbeingliftedtoosuddenlytoasittingposition，whilestillconfinedtoherbed，fainted，andinafewmomentsceasedtobreathe。Itmaywellbesupposedthathetookeverypossibleprecautiontoaverttheaccidentswhichtendtothrowfromitstrackadiseasetheregularcourseofwhichisarrangedbynatureascarefullyastherouteofarailroadfromonecitytoanother。Themostnaturalinterpretationwhichthecommonobserverwouldputuponthemanifestationsofoneoftheseautumnalmaladieswouldbethatsomenoxiouscombustibleelementhadfounditswayintothesystemwhichmustbeburnedtoashesbeforetheheatwhichpervadesthewholebodycansubside。
Sometimesthefiremaysmoulderandseemasifitweregoingout，orwerequiteextinguished，andagainitwillfindsomenewmaterialtoseizeupon，andflameupasfiercelyasever。Itscomingonmostfrequentlyattheseasonwhenthebrushfireswhichareconsumingthedeadbranches，andwitheredleaves，andalltherefuseofvegetationaresendinguptheirsmokeissuggestive。Sometimesitseemsasifthebody，relievedofitseffetematerials，reneweditsyouthafteroneofthesequiet，expurgating，internalfractionalcremations。
Lean，pallidstudentshavefoundthemselvesplumpandblooming，andithashappenedthatonewhosehairwasstraightasgnatofanIndianhasbeenstartledtobeholdhimselfinhismirrorwithafringeofhyacinthinecurlsabouthisrejuvenatedcountenance。
TherewasnothingofwhatmedicalmencallmalignityinthecaseofMauriceKirkwood。Themostalarmingsymptomwasaprofoundprostration，whichatlastreachedsuchapointthathelayutterlyhelpless，asunabletomovewithoutaidasthefeeblestofparalytics。Inthisstatehelayformanydays，notsufferingpain，butwiththesenseofgreatweariness，andthefeelingthatheshouldneverrisefromhisbedagain。Forthemostparthisintellectwasuncloudedwhenhisattentionwasaroused。Hespokeonlyinwhispers，afewwordsatatime。Thedoctorfeltsure，bytheexpressionwhichpassedoverhisfeaturesfromtimetotime，thatsomethingwasworryingandoppressinghim；somethingwhichhewishedtocommunicate，andhadnottheforce，orthetenacityofpurpose，tomakeperfectlyclear。Hiseyesoftenwanderedtoacertaindesk，andoncehehadfoundstrengthtolifthisemaciatedarmandpointtoit。
Thedoctorwenttowardsitasiftofetchittohim，butheslowlyshookhishead。Hehadnotthepowertosayatthattimewhathewished。Thenextdayhefeltalittlelessprostrated；andsucceededinexplainingtothedoctorwhathewanted。Hiswords，sofarasthephysiciancouldmakethemout，werethesewhichfollow。Dr。Buttslookeduponthemaspossiblyexpressingwisheswhichwouldbehislast，andnotedthemdowncarefullyimmediatelyafterleavinghischamber。
\"Icommitthesecretofmylifetoyourcharge。Mywholestoryistoldinapaperlockedinthatdesk。Thekeyis——putyourhandundermypillow。IfIdie，letthestorybeknown。ItwillshowthatI
was——human——andsavemymemoryfromreproach。”
Hewassilentforalittletime。Asingletearstoledownhishollowcheek。Thedoctorturnedhisheadaway，forhisowneyeswerefull。
Buthesaidtohimself，\"Itisagoodsign；Ibegintofeelstronghopesthathewillrecover。”
Mauricespokeoncemore。\"Doctor，Iputfulltrustinyou。Youarewiseandkind。Dowhatyouwillwiththispaper，butopenitatonceandread。Iwantyoutoknowthestoryofmylifebeforeitisfinished——iftheendisathand。Takeitwithyouandreaditbeforeyousleep。”Hewasexhaustedandpresentlyhiseyesclosed，butthedoctorsawatranquillookonhisfeatureswhichaddedencouragementtohishopes。
XVIII
MAURICEKIRKWOOD\'SSTORYOFHISLIFE。
IamanAmericanbybirth，butalargepartofmylifehasbeenpassedinforeignlands。Myfatherwasamanofeducation，possessedofanamplefortune；mymotherwasconsidered，averyaccomplishedandamiablewoman。Iwastheirfirstandonlychild。ShediedwhileIwasyetaninfant。IfIrememberheratallitisasavision，morelikeaglimpseofapre-natalexistencethanasapartofmyearthlylife。AtthedeathofmymotherIwasleftinthechargeoftheoldnursewhohadenjoyedherperfectconfidence。Shewasdevotedtome，andIbecameabsolutelydependentonher，whohadformealltheloveandallthecareofamother。Iwasnaturallytheobjectoftheattentionsandcaressesofthefamilyrelatives。I
havebeentoldthatIwasapleasant，smilinginfant，withnothingtoindicateanypeculiarnervoussusceptibility；notafraidofstrangers，butonthecontraryreadytomaketheiracquaintance。Myfatherwasdevotedtomeanddidallinhispowertopromotemyhealthandcomfort。
Iwasstillababe，oftencarriedinarms，whentheeventhappenedwhichchangedmywholefutureanddestinedmetoastrangeandlonelyexistence。Icannotrelateitevennowwithoutasenseofterror。I
mustforcemyselftorecallthecircumstancesastoldmeandvaguelyremembered，forIamnotwillingthatmydoomedandwhollyexceptionallifeshouldpassawayunrecorded，unexplained，unvindicated。Mynatureis，Ifeelsure，akindandsocialone，butIhavelivedapart，asifmyheartwerefilledwithhatredofmyfellow-creatures。Ifthereareanyreaderswholookwithoutpity，withoutsympathy，uponthosewhoshunthefellowshipoftheirfellowmenandwomen，whoshowbytheirdowncastoravertedeyesthattheydreadcompanionshipandlongforsolitude，Ipraythem，ifthispapereverreachesthem，tostopatthispoint。Followmenofurther，foryouwillnotbelievemystory，norenterintothefeelingswhichIamabouttoreveal。Butifthereareanytowhomallthatishumanisofinterest，whohavefeltintheirownconsciousnesssomestirringsofinvincibleattractiontooneindividualandequallyinvinciblerepugnancetoanother，whoknowbytheirownexperiencethatelectiveaffinitieshaveastheirnecessarycounterpart，and，asitwere，theirpolaropposites，currentsnotlessstrongofelectiverepulsions，letthemreadwithunquestioningfaiththestoryofablightedlifeIamabouttorelate，muchofit，ofcourse，receivedfromthelipsofothers。
MycousinLaura，agirlofseventeen，latelyreturnedfromEurope，wasconsideredeminentlybeautiful。Itwasinmysecondsummerthatshevisitedmyfather\'shouse，wherehewaslivingwithhisservantsandmyoldnurse，mymotherhavingbutrecentlylefthimawidower。
Laurawasfullofvivacity，impulsive，quickinhermovements，thoughtlessoccasionally，asitisnotstrangethatayounggirlofherageshouldbe。Itwasabeautifulsummerdaywhenshesawmeforthefirsttime。Mynursehadmeinherarms，walkingbackandforwardonabalconywithalowrailing，uponwhichopenedthewindowsofthesecondstoryofmyfather\'shouse。Whilethenursewasthuscarryingme，Lauracamesuddenlyuponthebalcony。Shenosoonersawmethanwithallthedelightedeagernessofheryouthfulnaturesherushedtowardme，and，catchingmefromthenurse\'sarms，begantossingmeafterthefashionofyounggirlswhohavebeensolatelyplayingwithdollsthattheyfeelasifbabieswereverymuchofthesamenature。Theabruptseizurefrightenedme；Isprangfromherarmsinmyterror，andfellovertherailingofthebalcony。I
shouldprobablyenoughhavebeenkilledonthespotbutforthefactthatalowthorn-bushgrewjustbeneaththebalcony，intowhichI
fellandthushadtheviolenceoftheshockbroken。Butthethornstoremytenderflesh，andIbeartothisdaymarksofthedeepwoundstheyinflicted。
Thatdreadfulexperienceisburneddeepintomymemory。Thesuddenapparitionofthegirl；thesenseofbeingtornawayfromtheprotectingarmsaroundme；thefranticefforttoescape；theshriekthataccompaniedmyfallthroughwhatmusthaveseemedunmeasurablespace；thecruellacerationsofthepiercingandrendingthorns，——allthesefearfulimpressionsblendedinoneparalyzingterror。
WhenIwastakenupIwasthoughttobedead。Iwasperfectlywhite，andthephysicianwhofirstsawmesaidthatnopulsewasperceptible。Butafteratimeconsciousnessreturned；thewounds，thoughpainful，werenoneofthemdangerous，andthemostalarmingeffectsoftheaccidentpassedaway。Myoldnursecaredformetenderlydayandnight，andmyfather，whohadbeenalmostdistractedinthefirsthourswhichfollowedtheinjury，hopedandbelievedthatnopermanentevilresultswouldbefoundtoresultfromit。MycousinLaurawasofcoursedeeplydistressedtofeelthatherthoughtlessnesshadbeenthecauseofsograveanaccident。AssoonasIhadsomewhatrecoveredshecametoseeme，verypenitent，veryanxioustomakemeforgetthealarmshehadcausedme，withallitsconsequences。Iwasinthenurserysittingupinmybed，bandaged，butnotinanypain，asitseemed，forIwasquietandtoallappearanceinaperfectlynaturalstateoffeeling。AsLauracamenearmeIshriekedandinstantlychangedcolor。IputmyhanduponmyheartasifIhadbeenstabbed，andfellover，unconscious。ItwasverymuchthesamestateasthatinwhichIwasfoundimmediatelyaftermyfall。
Thecauseofthisviolentandappallingseizurewasbuttooobvious。
Theapproachoftheyounggirlandthedreadthatshewasabouttolayherhanduponmehadcalledupthesametrainofeffectswhichthemomentofterrorandpainhadalreadyoccasioned。Theoldnursesawthisinamoment。\"Go!go!\"shecriedtoLaura，\"go，orthechildwilldie!\"Hercommanddidnothavetoberepeated。AfterLaurahadgoneIlaysenseless，whiteandcoldasmarble，forsometime。Thedoctorsooncame，andbytheuseofsmartrubbingandstimulantsthecolorcamebackslowlytomycheeksandthearrestedcirculationwasagainsetinmotion。
Itwashardtobelievethatthiswasanythingmorethanatemporaryeffectoftheaccident。Therecouldbelittledoubt，itwasthoughtbythedoctorandbymyfather，thatafterafewdaysIshouldrecoverfromthismorbidsensibilityandreceivemycousinasotherinfantsreceivepleasant-lookingyoungpersons。Theoldnurseshookherhead。\"Thegirlwillbethedeathofthechild，\"shesaid，\"ifshetoucheshimorcomesnearhim。Hisheartstoppedbeatingjustaswhenthegirlsnatchedhimoutofmyarms，andhefelloverthebalconyrailing。”Oncemoretheexperimentwastried，cautiously，almostinsidiously。Thesamealarmingconsequencesfollowed。Itwastooevidentthatachainofnervousdisturbanceshadbeensetupinmysystemwhichrepeateditselfwhenevertheoriginalimpressiongavethefirstimpulse。IneversawmycousinLauraafterthislasttrial。Itsresulthadsodistressedherthatsheneverventuredagaintoshowherselftome。
Iftheeffectofthenervousshockhadstoppedthere，itwouldhavebeenamisfortuneformycousinandmyself，buthardlyacalamity。
Theworldiswide，andacousinortwomoreorlesscanhardlybeconsideredanessentialofexistence。IoftenheardLaura\'snamementioned，butneverbyanyonewhowasacquaintedwithallthecircumstances，foritwasnoticedthatIchangedcolorandcaughtatmybreastasifIwantedtograspmyheartinmyhandwheneverthatfatalnamewasmentioned。
Alas!thiswasnotall。WhileIwassufferingfromtheeffectsofmyfallamongthethornsIwasattendedbymyoldnurse，assistedbyanotheroldwoman，byaphysician，andmyfather，whowouldtakehisshareincaringforme。Itwasthoughtbesttokeep——meperfectlyquiet，andstrangersandfriendswerealikeexcludedfrommynursery，withoneexception，thatmyoldgrandmothercameinnowandthen。
WithheritseemsthatIwassomewhattimidandshy，followingherwithratheranxiouseyes，asifnotquitecertainwhetherornotshewasdangerous。Butoneday，whenIwasfaradvancedtowardsrecovery，myfatherbroughtinayounglady，arelativeofhis，whohadexpressedagreatdesiretoseeme。Shewas，asIhavebeentold，averyhandsomegirl，ofaboutthesameageasmycousinLaura，butbearingnopersonalresemblancetoherinform，features，orcomplexion。Shehadnosoonerenteredtheroomthanthesamesuddenchangeswhichhadfollowedmycousin\'svisitbegantoshowthemselves，andbeforeshehadreachedmybedsideIwasinastateofdeadlycollapse，asontheoccasionsalreadymentioned。
Sometimepassedbeforeanyrecurrenceoftheseterrifyingseizures。
Alittlegirloffiveorsixyearsoldwasallowedtocomeintothenurseryonedayandbringmesomeflowers。Itookthemfromherhand，butturnedawayandshutmyeyes。Therewasnoseizure，buttherewasacertaindreadandaversion，nothingmorethanafeelingwhichitmightbehopedthattimewouldovercome。ThosearoundmeweregraduallyfindingoutthecircumstanceswhichbroughtonthedeadlyattacktowhichIwassubject。
Thedaughterofoneofournearneighborswasconsideredtheprettiestgirlofthevillagewherewewerepassingthesummer。Shewasveryanxioustoseeme，andasIwasnownearlywellitwasdeterminedthatsheshouldbepermittedtopaymeashortvisit。I
hadalwaysdelightedinseeingherandbeingcaressedbyher。Iwassleepingwhensheenteredthenurseryandcameandtookaseatatmysideinperfectsilence。PresentlyIbecamerestless，andamomentlaterIopenedmyeyesandsawherstoopingoverme。Myhandwenttomyleftbreast，——thecolorfadedfrommycheeks，——Iwasagainthecoldmarbleimagesolikedeaththatithadwell-nighbeenmistakenforit。
Coulditbepossiblethatthefrightwhichhadchilledmybloodhadleftmewithanunconquerablefearofwomanattheperiodwhensheismostattractivenotonlytoadolescents，buttochildrenoftenderage，whofeelthefascinationofherflowinglocks，herbrighteyes，herbloomingcheeks，andthatmysteriousmagnetismofsexwhichdrawsalllifeintoitswarmandpotentlyvitalizedatmosphere？Soitdidindeedseem。Thedangerousexperimentcouldnotberepeatedindefinitely。Itwasnotintentionallytriedagain，butaccidentbroughtaboutmorethanonerenewalofitduringthefollowingyears，untilitbecamefullyrecognizedthatIwastheunhappysubjectofamortaldreadofwoman，——notabsolutelyofthehumanfemale，forIhadnofearofmyoldnurseorofmygrandmother，orofanyoldwrinkledface，andIhadbecomeaccustomedtotheoccasionalmeetingofalittlegirlortwo，whomIneverthelessregardedwithacertainill-
definedfeelingthattherewasdangerintheirpresence。Iwassenttoaboys\'schoolveryearly，andduringthefirsttenortwelveyearsofmylifeIhadrarelyanyoccasiontoberemindedofmystrangeidiosyncrasy。
AsIgrewoutofboyhoodintoyouth，achangecameoverthefeelingswhichhadsolongheldcompletepossessionofme。Thiswaswhatmyfatherandhisadvisershadalwaysanticipated，andwasthegroundoftheirconfidenthopeinmyreturntonaturalconditionsbeforeI
shouldhavegrowntomaturemanhood。
HowshallIdescribetheconflictsofthosedreamy，bewildering，dreadfulyears？Visionsoflovelinesshauntedmesleepingandwaking。SometimesagracefulgirlishfigurewouldsodrawmyeyestowardsitthatIlostsightofallelse，andwasreadytoforgetallmyfearsandfindmyselfatherside，likeotheryouthsbythesideofyoungmaidens，——happyintheircheerfulcompanionship，whileI，——
I，underthecurseofoneblightingmoment，lookedon，hopeless。
Sometimestheglimpseofafairfaceorthetoneofasweetvoicestirredwithinmealltheinstinctsthatmakethemorningoflifebeautifultoadolescence。Ireasonedwithmyself:
WhyshouldInothaveoutgrownthatidleapprehensionwhichhadbeenthenightmareofmyearlieryears？Whyshouldnottherisingtideoflifehavedrownedoutthefeeblegrowthsthatinfestedtheshallowsofchildhood？Howmanychildrentherearewhotrembleatbeingleftaloneinthedark，butwho，afewyearslater，willsmileattheirfoolishterrorsandbravealltheghostsofahauntedchamber!WhyshouldIanylongerbetheslaveofafoolishfancythathasgrownintoahalfinsanehabitofmind？Iwasfamiliarlyacquaintedwithallthestoriesofthestrangeantipathiesandinvinciblerepugnancestowhichothers，someofthemfamousmen，hadbeensubject。Isaidtomyself，WhyshouldnotIovercomethisdreadofwomanasPetertheGreatfoughtdownhisdreadofwheelsrollingoverabridge？WasI，aloneofallmankind，tobedoomedtoperpetualexclusionfromthesocietywhich，asitseemedtome，wasallthatrenderedexistenceworththetroubleandfatigueofslaverytothevulgarneedofsupplyingthewasteofthesystemandworkingatthetaskofrespirationlikethedaughtersofDanaus，——toilingdayandnightastheworn-outsailorlaborsatthepumpofhissinkingvessel？
WhydidInotbravetheriskofmeetingsquarely，andwithoutregardtoanypossibledanger，someoneofthosefairmaidenswhosefar-offsmile，whosegracefulmovements，atonceattractedandagitatedme？
IcanonlyanswerthisquestiontothesatisfactionofanyreallyinquiringreaderbygivinghimthetrueinterpretationofthesingularphenomenonofwhichIwasthesubject。ForthisIshallhavetorefertoapaperofwhichIhavemadeacopy，andwhichwillbefoundincludedwiththismanuscript。Itisenoughtosayhere，withoutenteringintotheexplanationofthefact，whichwillbefoundsimpleenoughasseenbythelightofmodernphysiologicalscience，thatthe\"nervousdisturbance\"whichthepresenceofawomanintheflowerofherageproducedinmysystemwasasenseofimpendingdeath，sudden，overwhelming，unconquerable，appalling。Itwasareversedactionofthenervouscentres，——theoppositeofthatwhichflushestheyounglover\'scheekandhurrieshisboundingpulsesashecomesintothepresenceoftheobjectofhispassion。Noonewhohaseverfeltthesensationcanhavefailedtorecognizeitasanimperativesummons，whichcommandsinstantandterrifiedsubmission。
Itwasatthisperiodofmylifethatmyfatherdeterminedtotrytheeffectoftravelandresidenceindifferentlocalitiesuponmybodilyandmentalcondition。Isaybodilyaswellasmental，forIwastooslenderformyheightandsubjecttosomenervoussymptomswhichwereacauseofanxiety。Thatthemindwaslargelyconcernedinthesetherewasnodoubt，butthemutualinteractionsofmindandbodyareoftentoocomplextoadmitofsatisfactoryanalysis。Eachisinpartcauseandeachalsoinparteffect。
WepassedsomeyearsinItaly，chieflyinRome，whereIwasplacedinaschoolconductedbypriests，andwhereofcourseImetonlythoseofmyownsex。ThereIhadtheopportunityofseeingtheinfluencesunderwhichcertainyoungCatholics，destinedforthepriesthood，areledtoseparatethemselvesfromallcommunionwiththesexassociatedintheirmindswiththemostsubtledangerstowhichthehumansoulcanbeexposed。Ibecameinsomedegreereconciledtothethoughtofexclusionfromthesocietyofwomenbyseeingaroundmesomanywhowereself-devotedtocelibacy。ThethoughtsometimesoccurredtomewhetherIshouldnotfindthebestandtheonlynaturalsolutionoftheproblemofexistence，assubmittedtomyself，intakinguponmethevowswhichsettlethewholequestionandraiseanimpassablebarrierbetweenthedevoteeandtheobjectofhisdangerousattraction。
HowoftenItalkedthiswholematteroverwiththeyoungpriestwhowasatoncemyspecialinstructorandmyfavoritecompanion!ButaccustomedasIhadbecometotheformsoftheRomanChurch，andimpressedasIwaswiththepurityandexcellenceofmanyofitsyoungmemberswithwhomIwasacquainted，myearlytrainingrendereditimpossibleformetoacceptthecredentialswhichitofferedmeasauthoritative。Myfriendandinstructorhadtosetmedownasacaseof\"invincibleignorance。”Thiswastheloop-holethroughwhichhecreptoutoftheprison-houseofhiscreed，andwasenabledtolookuponmewithoutthefeelingofabsolutedespairwithwhichhissternerbrethrenwould，Ifear，haveregardedme。
IhavesaidthataccidentexposedmeattimestotheinfluencewhichIhadsuchreasonsfordreading。Hereisoneexampleofsuchanoccurrence，whichIrelateassimplyaspossible，vividlyasitisimpresseduponmymemory。AyoungfriendwhoseacquaintanceIhadmadeinRomeaskedmeonedaytocometohisroomsandlookatacabinetofgemsandmedalswhichhehadcollected。Ihadbeenbutashorttimeinhislibrarywhenavaguesenseofuneasinesscameoverme。Myheartbecamerestless，——Icouldfeelitstirringirregularly，asifitweresomefrightenedcreaturecagedinmybreast。TherewasnothingthatIcouldseetoaccountforit。Adoorwaspartlyopen，butnotsothatIcouldseeintothenextroom。Thefeelinggrewuponmeofsomeinfluencewhichwasparalyzingmycirculation。I
beggedmyfriendtoopenawindow。Asbedidso，thedoorswunginthedraught，andIsawabloomingyoungwoman，——itwasmyfriend\'ssister，whohadbeensittingwithabookinherhand，andwhoroseattheopeningofthedoor。Somethinghadwarnedmeofthepresenceofawoman，thatoccultandpotentauraofindividuality，callitpersonalmagnetism，spiritualeffluence，orreduceittoasimplerexpressionifyouwill；whateveritwas，ithadwarnedmeofthenearnessofthedreadattractionwhichalluredatadistanceandrevealeditselfwithalltheterrorsoftheLoreleiifapproachedtoorecklessly。Asignfromherbrothercausedhertowithdrawatonce，butnotbeforeIhadfelttheimpressionwhichbetrayeditselfinmychangeofcolor，anxietyabouttheregionoftheheart，andsuddenfailureasifabouttofallinadeadlyfainting-fit。
Doesallthisseemstrangeandincredibletothereaderofmymanuscript？Nothinginthehistoryoflifeissostrangeorexceptionalasitseemstothosewhohavenotmadealongstudyofitsmysteries。Ihaveneverknownjustsuchacaseasmyown，andyettheremusthavebeensuch，andifthewholehistoryofmankindwereunfoldedIcannotdoubtthattherehavebeenmanylikeit。LetmyreadersuspendhisjudgmentuntilhehasreadthepaperIhavereferredto，whichwasdrawnupbyaCommitteeoftheRoyalAcademyoftheBiologicalSciences。InthispaperthemechanismoftheseriesofnervousderangementstowhichIhavebeensubjectsincethefatalshockexperiencedinmyinfancyisexplainedinlanguagenothardtounderstand。Itwillbeseenthatsuchachangeofpolarityinthenervouscentresisonlyapermanentformandanextremedegreeofanemotionaldisturbance，whichasatemporaryandcomparativelyunimportantpersonalaccidentisfarfrombeinguncommon，——issofrequent，infact，thateveryonemusthaveknowninstancesofit，andnotafewmusthavehadmoreorlessseriousexperiencesofitintheirownprivatehistory。
ItmustnotbesupposedthatmyimaginationdealtwithmeasIamnowdealingwiththereader。Iwasfullofstrangefanciesandwildsuperstitions。OneofmyCatholicfriendsgavemeasilvermedalwhichhadbeenblessedbythePope，andwhichIwastowearnextmybody。Iwastoldthatthiswouldturnblackafteratime，invirtueofapowerwhichitpossessedofdrawingoutoriginalsin，orcertainportionsofit，togetherwiththeevilandmorbidtendencieswhichhadbeenengraftedonthecorruptnature。Iworethemedalfaithfully，asdirected，andwatcheditcarefully。Itbecametarnishedandafteratimedarkened，butitwroughtnochangeinmyunnaturalcondition。
Therewasanoldgypsywhohadthereputationofknowingmoreoffuturitythanshehadanyrighttoknow。ThestorywasthatshehadforetoldtheassassinationofCountRossiandthedeathofCavour。
Howeverthatmayhavebeen，Iwaspersuadedtolethertryherblackartuponmyfuture。Ishallneverforgetthestrange，wildlookofthewrinkledhagasshetookmyhandandstudieditslinesandfixedherwickedoldeyesonmyyoungcountenance。Afterthisexaminationsheshookherheadandmutteredsomewords，whichasnearlyasI
couldgetthemwouldbeinEnglishlikethese:
Fairladycastaspellonthee，Fairlady\'shandshallsettheefree。
Strangeasitmayseem，thesewordsofawitheredoldcreature，whosepalmhadtobecrossedwithsilvertobringforthheroracularresponse，havealwaysclungtomymemoryasiftheyweredestinedtofulfilment。TheextraordinarynatureoftheafflictiontowhichI
wassubjectdisposedmetobelievetheincrediblewithreferencetoallthatrelatestoit。Ihaveneverceasedtohavethefeelingthat，soonerorlater，Ishouldfindmyselffreedfromtheblightlaiduponmeinmyinfancy。Itseemsasifitwouldnaturallycomethroughtheinfluenceofsomeyoungandfairwoman，towhomthatmercifulerrandshouldbeassignedbytheProvidencethatgovernsourdestiny。Withstrangehopes，withtremblingfears，withmingledbeliefanddoubt，whereverIhavefoundmyselfIhavesoughtwithlongingyethalf-avertedeyesforthe\"electlady，\"asIhavelearnedtocallher，whowastoliftthecursefrommyruinedlife。
ThreetimesIhavebeenledtothehope，ifnotthebelief，thatI
hadfoundtheobjectofmysuperstitiousbelief——Singularlyenoughitwasalwaysonthewaterthatthephantomofmyhopeappearedbeforemybewilderedvision。OnceitwasanEnglishgirlwhowasafellowpassengerwithmeinoneofmyoceanvoyages。Ineednotsaythatshewasbeautiful，forshewasmydreamrealized。Iheardhersinging，Isawherwalkingthedeckonsomeofthefairdayswhensea-sicknesswasforgotten。Thepassengerswereasocialcompanyenough，butIhadkeptmyselfapart，aswasmywont。Atlasttheattractionbecametoostrongtoresistanylonger。\"Iwillventureintothecharmedcircleifitkillsme，\"Isaidtomyfather。Ididventure，anditdidnotkillme，orIshouldnotbetellingthisstory。Buttherewasarepetitionoftheoldexperiences。Ineednotrelatetheseriesofalarmingconsequencesofmyventure。TheEnglishgirlwasverylovely，andIhavenodoubthasmadesomeonesupremelyhappybeforethis，butshewasnotthe\"electlady\"oftheprophecyandofmydreams。
AsecondtimeIthoughtmyselfforamomentinthepresenceofthedestineddelivererwhowastorestoremetomynaturalplaceamongmyfellowmenandwomen。ItwasontheTiberthatImettheyoungmaidenwhodrewmeoncemoreintothatinnercirclewhichsurroundedyoungwomanhoodwithdeadlyperilforme，ifIdaredtopassitslimits。IwasfloatingwiththestreaminthelittleboatinwhichI
passedmanylonghoursofreveriewhenIsawanothersmallboatwithaboyandayounggirlinit。Theboyhadbeenrowing，andoneofhisoarshadslippedfromhisgrasp。Hedidnotknowhowtopaddlewithasingleoar，andwashopelesslyrowingroundandround，hisoarallthetimefloatingfartherawayfromhim。Icouldnotrefusemyassistance。Ipickeduptheoarandbroughtmyskiffalongsideoftheboat。WhenIhandedtheoartotheboytheyounggirlliftedherveilandthankedmeintheexquisitemusicofthelanguagewhich\'Soundsasifitshouldbewritonsatin。”
ShewasatypeofItalianbeauty，——anocturneinfleshandblood，ifImayborrowatermcertainartistsarefondof；butitwashervoicewhichcaptivatedmeandforamomentmademebelievethatIwasnolongershutofffromallrelationswiththesociallifeofmyrace。
AnhourlaterIwasfoundlyinginsensibleonthefloorofmyboat，white，cold，almostpulseless。Itcostmuchpatientlabortobringmebacktoconsciousness。Hadnotsuchextremeeffortsbeenmade，itseemsprobablethatIshouldneverhavewakedfromaslumberwhichwashardlydistinguishablefromthatofdeath。
WhyshouldIprovokeacatastrophewhichappearsinevitableifI
inviteitbyexposingmyselftoitstoowellascertainedcause？Thehabitofthesedeadlyseizureshasbecomeasecondnature。Thestrongestandtheablestmenhavefounditimpossibletoresisttheimpressionproducedbythemostinsignificantobject，bythemostharmlesssightorsoundtowhichtheyhadacongenitaloracquiredantipathy。WhatprospecthaveIofeverbeingridofthislonganddeep-seatedinfirmity？Imaywellaskmyselfthesequestions，butmyansweristhatIwillnevergiveupthehopethattimewillyetbringitsremedy。Itmaybethatthewildpredictionwhichsohauntsmeshallfinditselffulfilled。Ihavehadoflatestrangepremonitions，towhichifIweresuperstitiousIcouldnothelpgivingheed。ButIhaveseentoomuchofthefaiththatdealsinmiraclestoacceptthesupernaturalinanyshape，——assuredlywhenitcomesfromanoldwitch-likecreaturewhotakespayforherrevelationsofthefuture。Beitso:thoughIamnotsuperstitious，Ihavearighttobeimaginative，andmyimaginationwillholdtothosewordsoftheoldzingarawithanirresistiblefeelingthat，soonerorlater，theywillprovetrue。
