第19章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas Hardy字数:14254更新时间:18/12/13 16:52:01
Shelookeddownandsighed;andtheypassedoutofthecrumblingoldplace,andslowlycrossedtothechurchyardentrance。Knightwasnothimself,andhecouldnotpretendtobe。Shehadnottoldall。 Hesupportedherlightlyoverthestile,andwaspracticallyasattentiveasalovercouldbe。Buttherehadpassedawayaglory,andthedreamwasnotasithadbeenofyore。PerhapsKnightwasnotshapedbyNatureforamarryingman。Perhapshislifelongconstrainttowardswomen,whichhehadattributedtoaccident,wasnotchanceafterall,butthenaturalresultofinstinctiveactssominuteastobeundiscernibleevenbyhimself。Orwhethertheroughdispellingofanybrightillusion,howeverimaginative,depreciatestherealandunexaggeratedbrightnesswhichappertainstoitsbasis,onecannotsay。CertainitwasthatKnight\'sdisappointmentatfindinghimselfsecondorthirdinthefield,atElfride\'smomentaryequivoque,andatherreluctancetobecandid,broughthimtothevergeofcynicism。 ChapterXXXIII \'OdaughterofBabylon,wastedwithmisery。\' AhabitofKnight\'s,whennotimmediatelyoccupiedwithElfride—— towalkbyhimselfforhalfanhourorsobetweendinnerandbedtime——hadbecomefamiliartohisfriendsatEndelstow,Elfrideherselfamongthem。Whenhehadhelpedheroverthestile,shesaidgently,\'Ifyouwishtotakeyourusualturnonthehill,Harry,Icanrundowntothehousealone。\' \'Thankyou,Elfie;thenIthinkIwill。\' Herformdiminishedtoblacknessinthemoonlight,andKnight,afterremaininguponthechurchyardstileafewminuteslonger,turnedbackagaintowardsthebuilding。Hisusualcoursewasnowtolightacigarorpipe,andindulgeinaquietmeditation。Butto-nighthismindwastootensetobethinkitselfofsuchasolace。Hemerelywalkedroundtothesiteofthefallentower,andsathimselfdownuponsomeofthelargestoneswhichhadcomposedituntilthisday,whenthechainofcircumstanceoriginatedbyStephenSmith,whileintheemployofMr。Hewby,theLondonmanofart,hadbroughtaboutitsoverthrow。 PonderingonthepossibleepisodesofElfride\'spastlife,andonhowhehadsupposedhertohavehadnopastjustifyingthename,hesatandregardedthewhitetombofyoungJethway,nowcloseinfrontofhim。Thesea,thoughcomparativelyplacid,couldasusualbeheardfromthispointalongthewholedistancebetweenpromontoriestotherightandleft,flounderingandentanglingitselfamongtheinsulatedstacksofrockwhichdottedthewater\'sedge——themiserableskeletonsoftorturedoldcliffsthatwouldnotevenyetsuccumbtothewearandtearofthetides。 Asachangefromthoughtsnotofaverycheerfulkind,Knightattemptedexertion。Hestoodup,andpreparedtoascendtothesummitoftheruinousheapofstones,fromwhichamoreextendedoutlookwasobtainablethanfromtheground。Hestretchedouthisarmtoseizetheprojectingarrisofalargerblockthanordinary,andsohelphimselfup,whenhishandlightedplumpuponasubstancedifferinginthegreatestpossibledegreefromwhathehadexpectedtoseize——hardstone。Itwasstringyandentangled,andtraileduponthestone。Thedeepshadowfromtheaislewallpreventedhisseeinganythingheredistinctly,andhebeganguessingasanecessity。\'Itisatressyspeciesofmossorlichen,\'hesaidtohimself。 Butitlaylooselyoverthestone。 \'Itisatuftofgrass,\'hesaid。 Butitlackedtheroughnessandhumidityofthefinestgrass。 \'Itisamason\'swhitewash-brush。\' Suchbrushes,heremembered,weremorebristly;andhowevermuchusedinrepairingastructure,wouldnotberequiredinpullingonedown。 Hesaid,\'Itmustbeathreadysilkfringe。\' Hefeltfurtherin。Itwassomewhatwarm。Knightinstantlyfeltsomewhatcold。 Tofindthecoldnessofinanimatematterwhereyouexpectwarmthisstartlingenough;butacoldertemperaturethanthatofthebodybeingrathertherulethantheexceptionincommonsubstances,ithardlyconveyssuchashocktothesystemasfindingwarmthwhereutterfrigidityisanticipated。 \'Godonlyknowswhatitis,\'hesaid。 Hefeltfurther,andinthecourseofaminuteputhishanduponahumanhead。Theheadwaswarm,butmotionless。Thethreadymasswasthehairofthehead——longandstraggling,showingthattheheadwasawoman\'s。 Knightinhisperplexitystoodstillforamoment,andcollectedhisthoughts。Thevicar\'saccountofthefallofthetowerwasthattheworkmenhadbeenunderminingitalltheday,andhadleftintheeveningintendingtogivethefinishingstrokethenextmorning。Halfanhouraftertheyhadgonetheunderminedanglecamedown。Thewomanwhowashalfburied,asitseemed,musthavebeenbeneathitatthemomentofthefall。 Knightleaptupandbeganendeavouringtoremovetherubbishwithhishands。Theheapoverlyingthebodywasforthemostpartfineanddusty,butinimmensequantity。Itwouldbeasavingoftimetorunforassistance。Hecrossedtothechurchyardwall,andhasteneddownthehill。 Alittlewaydownanintersectingroadpassedoverasmallridge,whichnowshowedupdarklyagainstthemoon,andthisroadhereformedakindofnotchinthesky-line。AtthemomentthatKnightarrivedatthecrossinghebeheldamanonthiseminence,comingtowardshim。Knightturnedasideandmetthestranger。 \'Therehasbeenanaccidentatthechurch,\'saidKnight,withoutpreface。\'Thetowerhasfallenonsomebody,whohasbeenlyingthereeversince。Willyoucomeandhelp?\' \'ThatIwill,\'saidtheman。 \'Itisawoman,\'saidKnight,astheyhurriedback,\'andIthinkwetwoareenoughtoextricateher。Doyouknowofashovel?\' \'Thegrave-diggingshovelsareaboutsomewhere。Theyusedtostayinthetower。\' \'Andtheremustbesomebelongingtotheworkmen。\' Theysearchedabout,andinanangleoftheporchfoundthreecarefullystowedaway。GoingroundtothewestendKnightsignifiedthespotofthetragedy。 \'Weoughttohavebroughtalantern,\'heexclaimed。\'Butwemaybeabletodowithout。\'Hesettoworkremovingthesuperincumbentmass。 Theotherman,wholookedonsomewhathelplesslyatfirst,nowfollowedtheexampleofKnight\'sactivity,andremovedthelargerstoneswhichweremingledwiththerubbish。Butwithalltheireffortsitwasquitetenminutesbeforethebodyoftheunfortunatecreaturecouldbeextricated。Theyliftedherascarefullyastheycould,breathlesslycarriedhertoFelixJethway\'stomb,whichwasonlyafewstepswestward,andlaidherthereon。 \'Isshedeadindeed?\'saidthestranger。 \'Sheappearstobe,\'saidKnight。\'Whichisthenearesthouse? Thevicarage,Isuppose。\' \'Yes;butsinceweshallhavetocallasurgeonfromCastleBoterel,Ithinkitwouldbebettertocarryherinthatdirection,insteadofawayfromthetown。\' \'Andisitnotmuchfurthertothefirsthousewecometogoingthatway,thantothevicarageortoTheCrags?\' \'Notmuch,\'thestrangerreplied。 \'Supposewetakeherthere,then。AndIthinkthebestwaytodoitwouldbethus,ifyoudon\'tmindjoininghandswithme。\' \'Notintheleast;Iamgladtoassist。\' Makingakindofcradle,byclaspingtheirhandscrosswiseundertheinanimatewoman,theyliftedher,andwalkedonsidebysidedownapathindicatedbythestranger,whoappearedtoknowthelocalitywell。 \'Ihadbeensittinginthechurchfornearlyanhour,\'Knightresumed,whentheywereoutofthechurchyard。\'AfterwardsI walkedroundtothesiteofthefallentower,andsofoundher。 ItispainfultothinkIunconsciouslywastedsomuchtimeintheverypresenceofaperishing,flyingsoul。\' \'Thetowerfellatdusk,diditnot?quitetwohoursago,I think?\' \'Yes。Shemusthavebeentherealone。Whatcouldhavebeenherobjectinvisitingthechurchyardthen? \'Itisdifficulttosay。\'Thestrangerlookedinquiringlyintotherecliningfaceofthemotionlessformtheybore。\'Wouldyouturnherroundforamoment,sothatthelightshinesonherface?\'hesaid。 Theyturnedherfacetothemoon,andthemanlookedcloserintoherfeatures。\'Why,Iknowher!\'heexclaimed。 \'Whoisshe?\' \'Mrs。Jethway。Andthecottagewearetakinghertoisherown。 Sheisawidow;andIwasspeakingtoheronlythisafternoon。I wasatCastleBoterelpost-office,andshecametheretopostaletter。Poorsoul!Letushurryon。\' \'Holdmywristalittletighter。Wasnotthattombwelaidheronthetombofheronlyson?\' \'Yes,itwas。Yes,Iseeitnow。Shewastheretovisitthetomb。Sincethedeathofthatsonshehasbeenadesolate,despondingwoman,alwaysbewailinghim。Shewasafarmer\'swife,verywelleducated——agovernessoriginally,Ibelieve。\' Knight\'sheartwasmovedtosympathy。HisownfortunesseemedinsomestrangewaytobeinterwovenwiththoseofthisJethwayfamily,throughtheinfluenceofElfrideoverhimselfandtheunfortunatesonofthathouse。Hemadenoreply,andtheystillwalkedon。 \'Shebeginstofeelheavy,\'saidthestranger,breakingthesilence。 \'Yes,shedoes,\'saidKnight;andafteranotherpauseadded,\'I thinkIhavemetyoubefore,thoughwhereIcannotrecollect。MayIaskwhoyouare?\' \'Ohyes。IamLordLuxellian。Whoareyou?\' \'IamavisitoratTheCrags——Mr。Knight。\' \'Ihaveheardofyou,Mr。Knight。\' \'AndIofyou,LordLuxellian。Iamgladtomeetyou。\' \'Imaysaythesame。Iamfamiliarwithyournameinprint。\' \'AndIwithyours。Isthisthehouse?\' \'Yes。\' Thedoorwaslocked。Knight,reflectingamoment,searchedthepocketofthelifelesswoman,andfoundthereinalargekeywhich,onbeingappliedtothedoor,openediteasily。Thefirewasout,butthemoonlightenteredthequarriedwindow,andmadepatternsuponthefloor。Theraysenabledthemtoseethattheroomintowhichtheyhadenteredwasprettywellfurnished,itbeingthesameroomthatElfridehadvisitedalonetwoorthreeeveningsearlier。Theydepositedtheirstillburdenonanold-fashionedcouchwhichstoodagainstthewall,andKnightsearchedaboutforalamporcandle。Hefoundacandleonashelf,lightedit,andplaceditonthetable。 BothKnightandLordLuxellianexaminedthepalecountenanceattentively,andbothwerenearlyconvincedthattherewasnohope。Nomarksofviolencewerevisibleinthecasualexaminationtheymade。 \'IthinkthatasIknowwhereDoctorGransonlives,\'saidLordLuxellian,\'Ihadbetterrunforhimwhilstyoustayhere。\' Knightagreedtothis。LordLuxellianthenwentoff,andhishurryingfootstepsdiedaway。Knightcontinuedbendingoverthebody,andafewminuteslongerofcarefulscrutinyperfectlysatisfiedhimthatthewomanwasfarbeyondthereachofthelancetandthedrug。Herextremitieswerealreadybeginningtogetstiffandcold。Knightcoveredherface,andsatdown。 Theminuteswentby。Theessayistremainedmusingonalltheoccurrencesofthenight。Hiseyesweredirecteduponthetable,andhehadseenforsometimethatwriting-materialswerespreaduponit。Henownoticedthesemoreparticularly:therewereaninkstand,pen,blotting-book,andnote-paper。Severalsheetsofpaperwerethrustasidefromtherest,uponwhichlettershadbeenbegunandrelinquished,asiftheirformhadnotbeensatisfactorytothewriter。Astickofblacksealing-waxandsealweretheretoo,asiftheordinaryfasteninghadnotbeenconsideredsufficientlysecure。Theabandonedsheetsofpaperlyingastheydidopenuponthetable,madeitpossible,ashesat,toreadthefewwordswrittenoneach。Oneranthus: \'SIR,——Asawomanwhowasonceblestwithadearsonofherown,I imploreyoutoacceptawarning——\' Another: \'SIR,——Ifyouwilldeigntoreceivewarningfromastrangerbeforeitistoolatetoalteryourcourse,listento——\' Thethird: \'SIR,——WiththisletterIenclosetoyouanotherwhich,unaidedbyanyexplanationfromme,tellsastartlingtale。Iwish,however,toaddafewwordstomakeyourdelusionyetmorecleartoyou—— \' Itwasplainthat,aftertheserenouncedbeginnings,afourthletterhadbeenwrittenanddespatched,whichhadbeendeemedaproperone。Uponthetableweretwodropsofsealing-wax,thestickfromwhichtheyweretakenhavingbeenlaiddownoverhangingtheedgeofthetable;theendofitdrooped,showingthatthewaxwasplacedtherewhilstwarm。Therewasthechairinwhichthewriterhadsat,theimpressionoftheletter\'saddressupontheblotting-paper,andthepoorwidowwhohadcausedtheseresultslyingdeadhardby。KnighthadseenenoughtoleadhimtotheconclusionthatMrs。Jethway,havingmatterofgreatimportancetocommunicatetosomefriendoracquaintance,hadwrittenhimaverycarefulletter,andgoneherselftopostit;thatshehadnotreturnedtothehousefromthattimeofleavingittillLordLuxellianandhimselfhadbroughtherbackdead。 Theunutterablemelancholyofthewholescene,ashewaitedon,silentandalone,didnotaltogetherclashwiththemoodofKnight,eventhoughhewastheaffiancedofafairandwinninggirl,andthoughsolatelyhehadbeeninhercompany。Whilstsittingontheremainsofthedemolishedtowerhehaddefinedanewsensation;thatthelengthenedcourseofinactionhehadlatelybeenindulginginonElfride\'saccountmightprobablynotbegoodforhimasamanwhohadworktodo。Itcouldquicklybeputanendtobyhasteningonhismarriagewithher。 Knight,inhisownopinion,wasonewhohadmissedhismarkbyexcessiveaiming。Havingnow,toagreatextent,givenupidealambitions,hewishedearnestlytodirecthispowersintoamorepracticalchannel,andthuscorrecttheintrospectivetendencieswhichhadneverbroughthimselfmuchhappiness,ordonehisfellow-creaturesanygreatgood。Tomakeastartinthisnewdirectionbymarriage,which,sinceknowingElfride,hadbeensoentrancinganidea,waslessexquisiteto-night。Thatthecurtailmentofhisillusionregardingherhadsomethingtodowiththereaction,andwiththereturnofhisoldsentimentsonwastingtime,ismorethanprobable。ThoughKnight\'shearthadsogreatlymasteredhim,themasterywasnotsocompleteastobeeasilymaintainedinthefaceofamoderateintellectualrevival。 Hisreveriewasbrokenbythesoundofwheels,andahorse\'stramp。Thedooropenedtoadmitthesurgeon,LordLuxellian,andaMr。Coole,coronerforthedivision(whohadbeenattendingatCastleBoterelthatveryday,andwashavinganafter-dinnerchatwiththedoctorwhenLordLuxellianarrived);nextcametwofemalenursesandsomeidlers。 Mr。Granson,afteracursoryexamination,pronouncedthewomandeadfromsuffocation,inducedbyintensepressureontherespiratoryorgans;andarrangementsweremadethattheinquiryshouldtakeplaceonthefollowingmorning,beforethereturnofthecoronertoSt。Launce\'s。 Shortlyafterwardsthehouseofthewidowwasdesertedbyallitslivingoccupants,andsheabodeindeath,asshehadinherlifeduringthepasttwoyears,entirelyalone。 ChapterXXXIV \'Yea,happyshallhebethatrewardeththeeasthouhastservedus。\' Sixteenhourshadpassed。Knightwasenteringtheladies\'boudoiratTheCrags,uponhisreturnfromattendingtheinquesttouchingthedeathofMrs。Jethway。Elfridewasnotintheapartment。 Mrs。Swancourtmadeafewinquiriesconcerningtheverdictandcollateralcircumstances。Thenshesaid—— \'Thepostmancamethismorningtheminuteafteryouleftthehouse。Therewasonlyoneletterforyou,andIhaveithere。\' Shetookaletterfromthelidofherworkbox,andhandedittohim。Knighttookthemissiveabstractedly,butstruckbyitsappearancemurmuredafewwordsandlefttheroom。 Theletterwasfastenedwithablackseal,andthehandwritinginwhichitwasaddressedhadlainunderhiseyes,longandprominently,onlytheeveningbefore。 Knightwasgreatlyagitated,andlookedaboutforaspotwherehemightbesecurefrominterruption。Itwastheseasonofheavydews,whichlayontheherbageinshadyplacesallthedaylong; nevertheless,heenteredasmallpatchofneglectedgrass-platenclosedbytheshrubbery,andthereperusedtheletter,whichhehadopenedonhiswaythither。 Thehandwriting,theseal,thepaper,theintroductorywords,allhadtoldontheinstantthattheletterhadcometohimfromthehandsofthewidowJethway,nowdeadandcold。Hehadinstantlyunderstoodthattheunfinishednoteswhichcaughthiseyeyesternightwereintendedfornobodybuthimself。HehadrememberedsomeofthewordsofElfrideinhersleeponthesteamer,thatsomebodywasnottotellhimofsomething,oritwouldbeherruin——acircumstancehithertodeemedsotrivialandmeaninglessthathehadwell-nighforgottenit。Allthesethingsinfusedintohimanemotionintenseinpowerandsupremelydistressinginquality。Thepaperinhishandquiveredasheread: \'THEVALLEY,ENDELSTOW。 \'SIR,——Awomanwhohasnotmuchintheworldtolosebyanycensurethisactmaybringuponher,wishestogiveyousomehintsconcerningaladyyoulove。Ifyouwilldeigntoacceptawarningbeforeitistoolate,youwillnoticewhatyourcorrespondenthastosay。 \'Youaredeceived。Cansuchawomanasthisbeworthy? \'Onewhoencouragedanhonestyouthtoloveher,thenslightedhim,sothathedied。 \'Onewhonexttookamanofnobirthasalover,whowasforbiddenthehousebyherfather。 \'Onewhosecretlyleftherhometobemarriedtothatman,methim,andwentwithhimtoLondon。 \'Onewho,forsomereasonorother,returnedagainunmarried。 \'Onewho,inherafter-correspondencewithhim,wentsofarastoaddresshimasherhusband。 \'Onewhowrotetheenclosedlettertoaskme,whobetterthananybodyelseknowsthestory,tokeepthescandalasecret。 \'Ihopesoontobebeyondthereachofeitherblameorpraise。 ButbeforeremovingmeGodhasputitinmypowertoavengethedeathofmyson。 \'GERTRUDEJETHWAY。\' TheletterenclosedwasthenoteinpencilthatElfridehadwritteninMrs。Jethway\'scottage: \'DEARMRS。JETHWAY,——Ihavebeentovisityou。Iwantedmuchtoseeyou,butIcannotwaitanylonger。Icametobegyounottoexecutethethreatsyouhaverepeatedtome。Donot,Ibeseechyou,Mrs。Jethway,letanyoneknowIranawayfromhome!Itwouldruinmewithhim,andbreakmyheart。Iwilldoanythingforyou,ifyouwillbekindtome。Inthenameofourcommonwomanhood,donot,Iimploreyou,makeascandalofme——Yours,\'E。SWANCOURT。 Knightturnedhisheadwearilytowardsthehouse。Thegroundroserapidlyonnearingtheshrubberyinwhichhestood,raisingitalmosttoalevelwiththefirstfloorofTheCrags。Elfride\'sdressing-roomlayinthesalientangleinthisdirection,anditwaslightedbytwowindowsinsuchapositionthat,fromKnight\'sstanding-place,hissightpassedthroughbothwindows,andrakedtheroom。Elfridewasthere;shewaspausingbetweenthetwowindows,lookingatherfigureinthecheval-glass。Sheregardedherselflongandattentivelyinfront;turned,flungbackherhead,andobservedthereflectionoverhershoulder。 Nobodycanpredicateastoherobjectorfancy;shemayhavedonethedeedintheveryabstractionofdeepsadness。Shemayhavebeenmoaningfromthebottomofherheart,\'HowunhappyamI!\'ButtheimpressionproducedonKnightwasnotagoodone。Hedroppedhiseyesmoodily。Thedeadwoman\'sletterhadavirtueintheaccidentofitsjuncturefarbeyondanyitintrinsicallyexhibited。Circumstancelenttoevilwordsaringofpitilessjusticeechoingfromthegrave。Knightcouldnotenduretheirpossession。Hetoretheletterintofragments。 Heheardabrushingamongthebushesbehind,andturninghisheadhesawElfridefollowinghim。Thefairgirllookedinhisfacewithawistfulsmileofhope,tooforcedlyhopefultodisplacethefirmlyestablisheddreadbeneathit。Hisseverewordsofthepreviousnightstillsatheavyuponher。 \'Isawyoufrommywindow,Harry,\'shesaidtimidly。 \'Thedewwillmakeyourfeetwet,\'heobserved,asonedeaf。 \'Idon\'tmindit。\' \'Thereisdangeringettingwetfeet。\' \'Yes……Harry,whatisthematter?\' \'Oh,nothing。ShallIresumetheseriousconversationIhadwithyoulastnight?No,perhapsnot;perhapsIhadbetternot。\' \'Oh,Icannottell!Howwretcheditallis!Ah,Iwishyouwereyourowndearselfagain,andhadkissedmewhenIcameup!Whydidn\'tyouaskmeforone?whydon\'tyounow?\' \'Toofreeinmannerbyhalf,\'heheardmurmurthevoicewithinhim。 \'Itwasthathatefulconversationlastnight,\'shewenton。\'Oh,thosewords!Lastnightwasablacknightforme。\' \'Kiss!——Ihatethatword!Don\'ttalkofkissing,forGod\'ssake!I shouldthinkyoumightwithadvantagehaveshowntactenoughtokeepbackthatword\"kiss,\"consideringthoseyouhaveaccepted。\' Shebecameverypale,andarigidanddesolatecharacterytookpossessionofherface。Thatfacewassodelicateandtenderinappearancenow,thatonecouldfancythepressureofafingeruponitwouldcausealividspot。 Knightwalkedon,andElfridewithhim,silentandunopposing。Heopenedagate,andtheyenteredapathacrossastubble-field。 \'PerhapsIintrudeuponyou?\'shesaidasheclosedthegate。 \'ShallIgoaway?\' \'No。Listentome,Elfride。\'Knight\'svoicewaslowandunequal。 \'Ihavebeenhonestwithyou:willyoubesowithme?Ifany—— strange——connectionhasexistedbetweenyourselfandapredecessorofmine,tellitnow。ItisbetterthatIknowitnow,eventhoughtheknowledgeshouldpartus,thanthatIshoulddiscoveritintimetocome。Andsuspicionshavebeenawakenedinme。I thinkIwillnotsayhow,becauseIdespisethemeans。A discoveryofanymysteryofyourpastwouldembitterourlives。\' Knightwaitedwithaslowmannerofcalmness。Hiseyesweresadandimperative。Theywentfartheralongthepath。 \'WillyouforgivemeifItellyouall?\'sheexclaimedentreatingly。 \'Ican\'tpromise;somuchdependsuponwhatyouhavetotell。\' Elfridecouldnotendurethesilencewhichfollowed。 \'Areyounotgoingtoloveme?\'sheburstout。\'Harry,Harry,loveme,andspeakasusual!Do;Ibeseechyou,Harry!\' \'Areyougoingtoactfairlybyme?\'saidKnight,withrisinganger;\'orareyounot?WhathaveIdonetoyouthatIshouldbeputofflikethis?Becaughtlikeabirdinaspringe;everythingintendedtobehiddenfromme!Whyisit,Elfride?That\'swhatI askyou。\' Intheiragitationtheyhadleftthepath,andwerewanderingamongthewetandobstructivestubble,withoutknowingorheedingit。 \'WhathaveIdone?\'shefaltered。 \'What?Howcanyouaskwhat,whenyouknowsowell?YouKNOWthatIhavedesignedlybeenkeptinignoranceofsomethingattachingtoyou,which,hadIknownofit,mighthavealteredallmyconduct; andyetyousay,what?\' Shedroopedvisibly,andmadenoanswer。 \'NotthatIbelieveinmaliciousletter-writersandwhisperers; notI。Idon\'tknowwhetherIdoordon\'t:uponmysoul,Ican\'ttell。Iknowthis:areligionwasbuildingitselfuponyouinmyheart。Ilookedintoyoureyes,andthoughtIsawtheretruthandinnocenceaspureandperfectaseverembodiedbyGodinthefleshofwoman。Perfecttruthistoomuchtoexpect,butordinarytruthIWILLHAVEornothingatall。Justsay,then;isthematteryoukeepbackofthegravestimportance,orisitnot?\' \'Idon\'tunderstandallyourmeaning。IfIhavehiddenanythingfromyou,ithasbeenbecauseIlovedyouso,andIfeared—— feared——toloseyou。\' \'Sinceyouarenotgiventoconfidence,Iwanttoaskyousomeplainquestions。HaveIyourpermission?\' \'Yes,\'shesaid,andtherecameoverherfaceawearyresignation。 \'Saytheharshestwordsyoucan;Iwillbearthem!\' \'Thereisascandalintheairconcerningyou,Elfride;andI cannotevencombatitwithoutknowingdefinitelywhatitis。Itmaynotrefertoyouentirely,orevenatall。\'Knighttrifledintheverybitternessofhisfeeling。\'InthetimeoftheFrenchRevolution,Pariseau,aballet-master,wasbeheadedbymistakeforParisot,acaptainoftheKing\'sGuard。Iwishtherewasanother\"E。Swancourt\"intheneighbourhood。Lookatthis。\' HehandedherthelettershehadwrittenandleftonthetableatMrs。Jethway\'s。Shelookedoveritvacantly。 \'Itisnotsomuchasitseems!\'shepleaded。\'Itseemswickedlydeceptivetolookatnow,butithadamuchmorenaturaloriginthanyouthink。Mysolewishwasnottoendangerourlove。O Harry!thatwasallmyidea。Itwasnotmuchharm。\' \'Yes,yes;butindependentlyofthepoormiserablecreature\'sremarks,itseemstoimply——somethingwrong。\' \'Whatremarks?\' \'Thoseshewroteme——nowtorntopieces。Elfride,DIDyourunawaywithamanyouloved?——thatwasthedamnablestatement。Hassuchanaccusationlifeinit——really,truly,Elfride?\' \'Yes,\'shewhispered。 Knight\'scountenancesank。\'Tobemarriedtohim?\'camehuskilyfromhislips。 \'Yes。Oh,forgiveme!Ihadneverseenyou,Harry。\' \'ToLondon?\' \'Yes;butI——\' \'Answermyquestions;saynothingelse,ElfrideDidyoueverdeliberatelytrytomarryhiminsecret?\' \'No;notdeliberately。\' \'Butdidyoudoit?\' Afeebleredpassedoverherface。 \'Yes,\'shesaid。 \'Andafterthat——didyou——writetohimasyourhusband;anddidheaddressyouashiswife?\' \'Listen,listen!Itwas——\' \'Doanswerme;onlyanswerme!\' \'Then,yes,wedid。\'Herlipsshook;butitwaswithsomelittledignitythatshecontinued:\'Iwouldgladlyhavetoldyou;forI knewandknowIhaddonewrong。ButIdarednot;Ilovedyoutoowell。Oh,sowell!Youhavebeeneverythingintheworldtome—— andyouarenow。Willyounotforgiveme?\' Itisamelancholythought,thatmenwhoatfirstwillnotallowtheverdictofperfectiontheypronounceupontheirsweetheartsorwivestobedisturbedbyGod\'sowntestimonytothecontrary,will,oncesuspectingtheirpurity,morallyhangthemuponevidencetheywouldbeashamedtoadmitinjudgingadog。 Thereluctancetotell,whicharosefromElfride\'ssimplicityinthinkingherselfsomuchmoreculpablethanshereallywas,hadbeendoingfatalworkinKnight\'smind。Themanofmanyideas,nowthathisfirstdreamofimpossiblethingswasover,vibratedtoofarinthecontrarydirection;andhereverymovementoffeature——everytremor——everyconfusedword——wastakenassomuchproofofherunworthiness。 \'Elfride,wemustbidgood-byetocompliment,\'saidKnight:\'wemustdowithoutpolitenessnow。Lookinmyface,andasyoubelieveinGodabove,tellmetrulyonethingmore。Wereyouawayalonewithhim?\' \'Yes。\' \'Didyoureturnhomethesamedayonwhichyouleftit?\' \'No。\' Thewordfelllikeabolt,andtheverylandandskyseemedtosuffer。Knightturnedaside。MeantimeElfride\'scountenanceworealookindicatingutterdespairofbeingabletoexplainmatterssothattheywouldseemnomorethantheyreallywere,——adespairwhichnotonlyrelinquishesthehopeofdirectexplanation,butwearilygivesupallcollateralchancesofextenuation。 ThescenewasengravedforyearsontheretinaofKnight\'seye: thedeadandbrownstubble,theweedsamongit,thedistantbeltofbeechesshuttingouttheviewofthehouse,theleavesofwhichwerenowredandsicktodeath。 \'Youmustforgetme,\'hesaid。\'Weshallnotmarry,Elfride。\' Howmuchanguishpassedintohersoulatthosewordsfromhimwastoldbythelookofsupremetortureshewore。 \'Whatmeaninghaveyou,Harry?Youonlysayso,doyou?\' Shelookeddoubtinglyupathim,andtriedtolaugh,asiftheunrealityofhiswordsmustbeunquestionable。 \'Youarenotinearnest,Iknow——Ihopeyouarenot?SurelyI belongtoyou,andyouaregoingtokeepmeforyours?\' \'Elfride,Ihavebeenspeakingtooroughlytoyou;IhavesaidwhatIoughtonlytohavethought。Ilikeyou;andletmegiveyouawordofadvice。Marryyourmanassoonasyoucan。Howeverwearyofeachotheryoumayfeel,youbelongtoeachother,andI amnotgoingtostepbetweenyou。DoyouthinkIwould——doyouthinkIcouldforamoment?Ifyoucannotmarryhimnow,andanothermakesyouhiswife,donotrevealthissecrettohimaftermarriage,ifyoudonotbefore。Honestywouldbedamnationthen。\' Bewilderedbyhisexpressions,sheexclaimed—— \'No,no;IwillnotbeawifeunlessIamyours;andImustbeyours!\' \'Ifwehadmarried——\' \'Butyoudon\'tMEAN——that——that——youwillgoawayandleaveme,andnotbeanythingmoretome——oh,youdon\'t!\' Convulsivesobstookallnerveoutofherutterance。Shecheckedthem,andcontinuedtolookinhisfacefortherayofhopethatwasnottobefoundthere。 \'Iamgoingindoors,\'saidKnight。\'Youwillnotfollowme,Elfride;Iwishyounotto。\' \'Ohno;indeed,Iwillnot。\' \'AndthenIamgoingtoCastleBoterel。Good-bye。\' Hespokethefarewellasifitwerebutfortheday——lightly,ashehadspokensuchtemporaryfarewellsmanytimesbefore——andsheseemedtounderstanditassuch。Knighthadnotthepowertotellherplainlythathewasgoingforever;hehardlyknewforcertainthathewas:whetherheshouldrushbackagainuponthecurrentofanirresistibleemotion,orwhetherhecouldsufficientlyconquerhimself,andherinhim,toestablishthatpartingasasupremefarewell,andpresenthimselftotheworldagainasnowoman\'s。 Tenminuteslaterhehadleftthehouse,leavingdirectionsthatifhedidnotreturnintheeveninghisluggagewastobesenttohischambersinLondon,whenceheintendedtowritetoMr。 Swancourtastothereasonsofhissuddendeparture。Hedescendedthevalley,andcouldnotforbearturninghishead。Hesawthestubble-field,andaslightgirlishfigureinthemidstofit——upagainstthesky。Elfride,docileasever,hadhardlymovedastep,forhehadsaid,Remain。Helookedandsawheragain——hesawherforweeksandmonths。Hewithdrewhiseyesfromthescene,swepthishandacrossthem,asiftobrushawaythesight,breathedalowgroan,andwenton。 ChapterXXXV \'Andwiltthouleavemethus?——saynay——saynay!\' ThesceneshiftstoKnight\'schambersinBede\'sInn。ItwaslateintheeveningofthedayfollowinghisdeparturefromEndelstow。 AdrizzlingraindescendeduponLondon,formingahumidanddrearyhaloovereverywell-lightedstreet。Therainhadnotyetbeenprevalentlongenoughtogivetorapidvehiclesthatclearanddistinctrattlewhichfollowsthethoroughwashingofthestonesbyadrenchingrain,butwasjustsufficienttomakefootwayandroadwayslippery,adhesive,andcloggingtobothfeetandwheels。 Knightwasstandingbythefire,lookingintoitsexpiringembers,previouslytoemergingfromhisdoorforadrearyjourneyhometoRichmond。Hishatwason,andthegasturnedoff。Theblindofthewindowoverlookingthealleywasnotdrawndown;andwiththelightfrombeneath,whichshoneovertheceilingoftheroom,came,inplaceoftheusualbabble,onlythereducedclatterandquickspeechwhichweretheresultofnecessityratherthanchoice。 Whilsthethusstood,waitingfortheexpirationofthefewminutesthatwerewantingtothetimeforhiscatchingthetrain,alighttappinguponthedoormingledwiththeothersoundsthatreachedhisears。Itwassofaintatfirstthattheouternoiseswerealmostsufficienttodrownit。FindingitrepeatedKnightcrossedthelobby,crowdedwithbooksandrubbish,andopenedthedoor。 Awoman,closelymuffledup,butvisiblyoffragilebuild,wasstandingonthelandingunderthegaslight。Shesprangforward,flungherarmsroundKnight\'sneck,andutteredalowcry—— \'OHarry,Harry,youarekillingme!Icouldnothelpcoming。 Don\'tsendmeaway——don\'t!ForgiveyourElfrideforcoming——Iloveyouso!\' Knight\'sagitationandastonishmentmasteredhimforafewmoments。 \'Elfride!\'hecried,\'whatdoesthismean?Whathaveyoudone?\' \'Donothurtmeandpunishme——Oh,donot!Icouldn\'thelpcoming; itwaskillingme。Lastnight,whenyoudidnotcomeback,I couldnotbearit——Icouldnot!Onlyletmebewithyou,andseeyourface,Harry;Idon\'taskformore。\' Hereyelidswerehot,heavy,andthickwithexcessiveweeping,andthedelicaterose-redofhercheekswasdisfiguredandinflamedbytheconstantchafingofthehandkerchiefinwipinghermanytears。 \'Whoiswithyou?Haveyoucomealone?\'hehurriedlyinquired。 \'Yes。Whenyoudidnotcomelastnight,Isatuphopingyouwouldcome——andthenightwasallagony——andIwaitedonandon,andyoudidnotcome!Thenwhenitwasmorning,andyourlettersaidyouweregone,Icouldnotendureit;andIranawayfromthemtoSt。 Launce\'s,andcamebythetrain。AndIhavebeenalldaytravellingtoyou,andyouwon\'tmakemegoawayagain,willyou,Harry,becauseIshallalwaysloveyoutillIdie?\' \'Yetitiswrongforyoutostay。OElfride!whathaveyoucommittedyourselfto?Itisruintoyourgoodnametoruntomelikethis!Hasnotyourfirstexperiencebeensufficienttokeepyoufromthesethings?\' \'Myname!Harry,Ishallsoondie,andwhatgoodwillmynamebetomethen?Oh,couldIbutbethemanandyouthewoman,Iwouldnotleaveyouforsuchalittlefaultasmine!Donotthinkitwassovileathinginmetorunawaywithhim。Ah,howIwishyoucouldhaverunawaywithtwentywomenbeforeyouknewme,thatI mightshowyouIwouldthinkitnofault,butbegladtogetyouafterthemall,sothatIhadyou!Ifyouonlyknewmethroughandthrough,howtrueIam,Harry。CannotIbeyours?Sayyoulovemejustthesame,anddon\'tletmebeseparatedfromyouagain,willyou?Icannotbearit——allthelonghoursanddaysandnightsgoingon,andyounotthere,butawaybecauseyouhateme!\' \'Nothateyou,Elfride,\'hesaidgently,andsupportedherwithhisarm。\'Butyoucannotstayherenow——justatpresent,Imean。\' \'IsupposeImustnot——IwishImight。Iamafraidthatif——youlosesightofme——somethingdarkwillhappen,andweshallnotmeetagain。Harry,ifIamnotgoodenoughtobeyourwife,I wishIcouldbeyourservantandlivewithyou,andnotbesentawaynevertoseeyouagain。Idon\'tmindwhatitisexceptthat!\'