Thelocalbookstore，ofcourse，wasclosed。Theywon\'tlettheoystersstayopenonSundayinthattown。Theonlyliteraturemyfellowguestsseemedinterestedinwasmailordertabsandpricecurrents。
Finally，whendespairwasabouttoclaimmeforherown，IranacrossanancientFifthReader，alltatteredandstainedandhavingthatsmellofagewhichiscommontooldbooksandoldsheep。I
tookituptobedwithme，andIreaditthroughfromcovertocover。LongbeforeIwasthroughtheveryideawhichforsolonghadbeensloshingroundinsideofmyhead——thisideawhich，asonemightsay，hadbeenagedinthewood——tookshape。ThenandthereIdecidedthattheveryfirstchanceIhadIwouldsitmedownandwriteapleaforOldCapCollier。
InmyyouthIwasspankedfreelyandfrequentlyfordoingmanydifferentthingsthatwereforbidden，andalsofordoingthesamethingmanydifferenttimesandgettingcaughtdoingit。That，ofcourse，wasbeforetheBoyScoutmovementhadcomealongtoshowhoweasilyandhowsanelyaboy\'snaturalrestlessnessandaboy\'snaturalloveforadventuremaybedirectedintohelpfulchannels；
thatwaswhennearlyeverythinganormal，activeboycravedtodowaswrongand，therefore，heldtobeaspankableoffense。
Thiswasageneralruleinourtown。Itdidnotespeciallyapplytoanyparticularhousehold，butitappliedpracticallytoallthehouseholdswithwhichIwasinanywayfamiliar。Itwasacommunitywhereanold-fashionedbrandofappliedtheologywasmoststrictlyapplied。HeavenwasaplacewhichwentunanimouslyDemocraticeveryfall，becausealltheRepublicanshadgoneelsewhere。Hellwasaplacefullofred-hotcoalsandclinkeredsinnersandunbaptizedbabiesandasmelllikesomebodycookingham，withadeputydevilcominginofamorningwithanasbestosnapkindrapedoverhisarmandflickingafireproofcockroachoffthetableclothandleaningacrossthebackofSatan\'schairandsaying:\"Goodmornin\'，boss。
How\'reyougoingtohaveyourlostsoulsthismornin\'——friedononesideorturnedover？\"Sundaywasthreeweekslong，andlongerthanthatifitrained。Aboutallafellowcoulddoafterhe\'dcomebackfromSundayschoolwastositroundwithhisfeetcrampedintotheshoesandstockingswhichheneverworeonweekdaysandwiththerestofhimincasedinstarchy，uncomfortabledress-upclothes——justsitroundandsitroundanditch。Youcouldn\'tscratchhardeither。Itwassinfultoscratchaudiblyandwithgood，broad，freestrokes，whichistheonlysatisfactorywaytoscratch。Inourtowntheydidn\'tspendSunday；theykepttheSabbath，whichisaverydifferentthing。
Lookingbackonmyjuvenileyearsitseemstomethat，generallyspeaking，whenspankedIdeservedit。Butalwaysthereweretwopunishablethingsagainstwhich——beingdisciplined——myyouthfulspiritrevoltedwithasortofinarticulatesenseofinjustice。
OnewasforviolationoftheSundaycode，whichstruckmeaswrong——thecode，Imean，nottheviolation——withoutknowingexactlywhyitwaswrong；andtheother，repeatedtimeswithoutnumber，waswhenIhadbeencaughtreadingnickullibruries，erroneouslyreferredtobyoureldersasdimenovels。
Ireadthemateverychance；sodideverynormalboyofmyacquaintance。Wetradedlessertreasuresforthem；weswappedthemonthebasisoftwooldvolumesforonenewone；wemaintainedaclandestinecirculating-librarysystemwhichhaditsbranchofficesineverystableloftinourpartoftown。Themoredaringamongusreadtheminschoolbehindtheshelterofanopengeographyproppeduponthedesk。
Shallyoueverforgetthehorrorofthemomentwhen，carriedawayonthewingsofadventurewithNickCarterorBig-FootWallaceorFrankReadeorbullyOldCap，youforgottoflashoccasionalglancesofcautiousinquiryforwardinordertomakesuretheteacherwaswheresheproperlyshouldbe，atherdeskupinfront，andreadonandonuntilthatsubtlesixthsensewhichcomestoyouwhenalotofpeoplebeginstaringatyouwarnedyousomethingwasamiss，andyoulookedupandroundyouandfoundyourselfallsurroundedbyaringofcruel，gloatingeyes？
Isaycrueladvisedly，becauseuptoacertainagechildrenarenaturallymorecruelthantigers。Civilizationhasprovidedthemwithtools，asitwere，forpracticingcruelty，whereasthetigermustrelyonlyonhisteethandhisbareclaws。Soyoulookedround，feelingthattheshadowofanimpendingdoomencompassedyou，andthenyourealizedthatfornotellinghowlongtheteacherhadbeenstandingjustbehindyou，readingoveryourshoulder。
Andathomewereyoucaughtintheactofreadingthem，or——whatfromtheparentalstandpointwasalmostasbad——intheactofharboringthem？Iwas。Housecleaningtimes，whentheyfoundthemhiddenunderfurnitureortuckedawayonthebackshelvesofpantryclosets，IwaspaddleduntilIhadthefeelingsofasliceofhot，butteredtoastsomewhatscorchedontheunderside。Andeachtime，havingbeenpaddled，Iwasadmonishedthatboyswhoreaddimenovels——onlytheyweren\'tdimenovelsatallbutcostuniformlyfivecentsacopy——alwayscametoabadend，growinguptobecriminalsorRepublicansorsomethingequallyabhorrent。
AndIwasurgedtoreadbookswhichwouldhelpmetoshapemycareerinapropercourse。Suchbookswereputintomyhands，andIloathedthem。IknownowwhywhenIgrewupmygorgeroseandmyappetiteturnedagainstso-calledclassics。TheirstylewassomuchlikethestyleofthebookswhicholderpeoplewantedmetoreadwhenIwasinmyearlyteens。
Suchwerethespeciousstatementsadvancedbytheoldsters。Andwehadnoreplyfortheirargument，orifwehadonecouldnotfindthelanguageinwhichtocouchit。Besidestherewasanotherandadeeperreason。Aboy，beingwhatheis，themostsensitiveandthemostsecretiveoflivingcreaturesregardinghisinnermostemotions，rarelydoesbarehisrealthoughtstohiselders，forthey，alas，arenotyoungenoughtohaveafellowfeeling，andtheyaretoooldandtheyknowtoomuchtobereallywise。
Whatwemighthaveanswered，hadwehadtheverbalfacilityandhadwenotfearedfurtherpainfulcorporealmeasuresfortalkingback——orwhatwasworse，ridicule——wasthatreadingOldCapCollierneveryetsentaboytoabadend。Ineverheardofaboywhoranawayfromhomeandreallymadeagoofitwhowasactuatedatthestartbythenickullibrury。Burningwithasenseofinjustice，filledupwiththerealizationthatwewerenotappreciatedathome，weoftentalkedofrunningawayandgoingoutWesttofightIndians，butweneverdid。IrememberoncetwoofusstartedfortheFarWest，andgotnearlyasfarasOakGroveCemetery，when——
theduskofeveningimpending——wedecidedtoturnbackandgiveourparentsjustonemorechancetounderstandus。
What，also，wemighthavepointedoutwasthatinafive-centstorythevillainwasabsolutelysureofreceivingsuitableandadequatepunishmentforhismisdeeds。Rightthenandthere，onthespot，hegothis。Andtheheroinewasalwayssopluperfectlypure。Andtheheroalwayswasaherotohisfingertips，neverdoinganythingunmanlyorwrongorcowardly，andalwaysusingthemostrespectfullanguageinthepresenceoftheoppositesex。
Therewasneveranysexprobleminanickullibrury。Therewereneveranysmuttywordsorquestionablephrases。Ifavillainsaid\"Curseyou!\"hewasgoingprettyfar。AnyoneofusmightwhetupournaturalinstinctsforcrueltyonFore\'sBookofMartyrs，orreadofallmannerofunmentionablehorrorsintheOldTestament，butexceptsurreptitiouslywecouldn\'twalkwithNickCarter，whosemotiveswereeverpureandwhoneverusedthenaughtywordeveninthepassionofthedeathgrapplewiththetop-bootedforcesofsinisterevil。
Wemighthavetoldourparents，hadwehadthewordsinwhichtostatethecaseandtheybutthepatiencetolisten，thatinanickullibrurytherewaslogicandthethrillofswiftactionandthesharpspiceofadventure。There，invariablyvirtuewasrewardedandvillainyconfounded；there，inevitablywasthefinaltriumphforlawandforjusticeandfortheright；thereembalmedinonethinpapervolume，wasallthatSandfordandMertonlacked；allthattheRollobooksneverhad。WemighthavetoldthemthatthoughtheLeatherstockingTalesandRobinsonCrusoeandTwoYearsBeforetheMastandIvanhoewereallwellenoughintheirway，thetroublewiththemwasthattheymainlyweresolong-winded。Ittooksomuchtimetogettowherethefirstpunchwas，whereasNedBuntlineorCol。PrentissIngrahamwouldhandyouanexcitingjoltontheveryfirstpage，andsometimesintheveryfirstparagraph。
YoutakeJ。FenimoreCoopernow。Hemeantwellandhehadideas，buthisIndiansweresoeverlastinglyslowaboutgettingunderwaywiththeirscalpingoperations!Chapterafterchaptertherewassomuchfashionableanddifficultlanguagethattheplotwassmothered。Youcouldn\'tseethewoodsforthetrees，ButitwastheaccidentalfindingofanancientandreminiscentvolumeoneSundayinalittlehotelwhichgavemethecuetowhatreallymadeussuchconfirmedrebelsagainstconstitutedauthority，inaliterarywayofspeaking。Thethingwhichinspireduswithhatredfortheso-calledjuvenileclassicwasathingwhichstruckdeepereventhanthesentimentsIhavebeentryingtodescribe。
Thebasicreason，theunderlyingmotive，layinthefactthatintheschoolbooksofouradolescence，andnotablyintheschoolreaders，ouryoungmentalitieswerefedforciblyonapapwhichaffrontedourintelligenceatthesametimethatitcloyedouradolescentpalates。Itwasnotaltogetherthelackofaction；itwasmorethelackofplaincommonsenseintheliteraryspoonvictualswhichtheyladledintousatschoolthatcausedouryouthfulsoulstorevolt。Inthefinalanalysisitwasthismorethananyothercausewhichsentusuptothehaymowfordelicious，forbiddenhoursinthecompanyofCalamityJaneandWildBillHickok。
Midwayoftheolddog-earedreaderwhichIpickedupthatdayI
cameacrossatypicalexampleofthesortofstuffImean。I
hadn\'tseenitbeforeintwenty-fiveyears；butnow，seeingit，Iremembereditasclearlyalmostasthoughithadbeentheweekbeforeinsteadofaquarterofacenturybeforewhenforthefirsttimeithadbeenbroughttomyattention。Itwasapieceentitled，TheShipwreck，anditbeganasfollows:
Inthewinterof1824LieutenantG——，oftheUnitedStatesNavy，withhisbeautifulwifeandchild，embarkedinapacketatNorfolkboundtoSouthCarolina。
Sofarsogood。Atleast，hereisadirectbeginning。Afamilygroupisgoingsomewhere。Thereisanimpliedpromisethatbeforetheyhavetraveledveryfarsomethingofinteresttothereaderwillhappentothem。Sureenough，thepacketrunsintoastormandfounders。AssheisgoingdownLieutenantG——putshiswifeandbabyintoalifeboatmannedbysailors，andthen——therebeingnoroomforhiminthelifeboat——heremainsbehinduponthedeckofthesinkingvessel，whilethelifeboatputsoffforshore。
Agiantwaveoverturnstheburdenedcockleshellandheseesitspassengersengulfedinthewaters。Uptothispointthechroniclehasbeenwhatachronicleshouldbe。Perhapsthephraseologyhasbeenatrifletoploftical，andthereareafewwordsinitlongenoughtorunasserials，yetatanyratewearegettinganeffectindrama。ButbearwithmewhileIquotethenextparagraph，justasIcopieditdown:
Thewretchedhusbandsawbuttoodistinctlythedestructionofallhehelddear。Butherealasandforeverwereshutofffromhimallsublunaryprospects。Hefelluponthedeck——
powerless，senseless，acorpse——thevictimofasublimesensibility!
There\'slanguageforyou!HowdifferentitisfromthathistoricpassagewhenthecrackofLittleSureShot\'sriflerangoutandanotherRedskinbitthedust。Nothingissaidthereaboutanybodyhavinghissublunaryprospectsshutoff；nothingabouttheRedskinbecomingthevictimofasublimesensibility。InfifteengraphicwordsandinonesentenceLittleSureShotcroakedhim，andthenwithbatedbreathyoumovedontothenextparagraph，sureoffindinginityetmoreattractivecasualtiessnappilynarrated。
No，sir!Inthenickullibrurytheauthordidnotwastehistimeandyourstellingyouthatanindividualonbecomingacorpsewouldsimultaneouslybecomepowerlessandsenseless。Hecreditedyourintelligenceforsomething。Forcontrast，taketheimmortalworkentitledDeadwoodDickofDeadwood；or，ThePickedParty；byEdwardL。Wheeler，acopyofwhichhasjustcometomyattentionagainnearlythirtyyearsafterthetimeofmyfirstreadingofit。
Considertheopeningparagraph:
ThesunwasjustkissingthemountaintopsthatfrowneddownuponBilly-GoatGulch，andintheaforesaidmightyseaminthefaceofmightyNaturetheshadowsofaWarmJunenightweregatheringrapidly。
Thebirdshadmostlyhushedtheirsongsandflowntotheirnestsinthedismallonelypines，andonlythetunefultwangofawell-playedbanjoarousedthebroodingquiet，saveitbetheshrill，croakingscreamsofacrow，percheduponthetopofadeadpine，whichrosefromthenearlyperpendicularmountainsidethatretreatedintheascendingfromthegulchbottom。
That，asIrecall，wasapowerfullylongbitofdescriptionforanickullibrury，andhavinggotitoutofhissystemMr。Wheelerwastednomorevaluablespaceonthescenery。Fromthispointonhegaveyouaction——actionwithreasonbehinditandlogictoitandtheguarantyofaproperclimaxandasatisfactoryconclusiontofollow。DeadwoodDickmarchedmanyaflower-strewnmilethroughmyyounglife，buttothebestofmyrecollectionhenevershutoffanybody\'ssublunaryprospects。IfapartydeservedkillingDeadwoodjustnaturallyupandkilledhim，andthehistoriantoldaboutitingraphicyetstraightforwardtermsofspeech；andthatwasalltherewastoit，andthatwasallthereshouldhavebeentoit。
Attheriskofbeingtermedaniconoclastandasmasherofthepurehighidealsoftheoldendays，Iproposetoundertaketoshowthatpracticallyallofthepreposterousassesandtheimpossibleidiotsofliteraturefoundtheirwayintotheschoolreadersofmygeneration。Withthepassageofyearstheremayhavebeensomereforminthisdirection，butIdareaffirm，withouthavingpositiveknowledgeofthefacts，thatamajorityofthesehalf-witsstillarebeingfeaturedinthegrammar-gradeliteratureofthepresenttime。Theauthorsofschoolreaders，evenmodernschoolreaders，surelyarenosmarterthantherunofgrown-upseven，say，asyouandasI；andweblindlygoonholdingupasexamplesbeforetheeyesoftheyoungoftheperiodthecharactersandtheactsofcertainpopularfiguresofpoetryandprosewho——didbutwegivethemtheacidtestofreason——wouldrevealthemselveseitherasincurableidiots，orelseasfiguresinscenesandincidentswhichphysicallycouldneverhaveoccurred。
Youremember，don\'tyou，theschoolbookclassicofthenobleladwhobyreasonofhisneatdress，andbyhisuseinthemostcasualconversationofthesortoflanguagewhichthelateMr。HenryJamesusedwhenhewaswritinghisveryJamesiest，securedajobasatrustedmessengerinthelargecitystoreorinthecity\'slargestore，ifwearegoingtobepuristsaboutit，astheboyinquestionundoubtedlywas？
Itseemsthathehadsupportedhiswidowedmotherandalargefamilyofbrothersandsistersbyshovelingsnowand，Ithink，layingbrickorsomethingofthattechnicalnature。AfterthislapseofyearsIwon\'tbesureaboutthebricklaying，butatanyrate，workwasslackinhisregularline，andsohewenttotheproprietorofthisvastretailestablishmentandprocuredaresponsiblepositiononthestrengthofhiseasyandgracefulpersonaladdressandhisemploymentofsomeofthemoststylishadjectivesinthedictionary。Atthistimehewasnearlysevenyearsold——yes，sir，actuallynearlyseven。Wehavethewordoftheschoolbookforit。Weshouldhavehadasecondchapteronthisboy。ProbablyatninehewasbeingconsideredforpresidentofYale——no，Harvard。HewouldknowtoomuchtobepresidentofYale。
ThentherewasthefamiliarinstanceoftheSpartanyouthwhohavingstolenafoxandhiddenitinsidehisrobecalmlystoodupandlettheanimalgnawhisvitalsratherthanbecaughtwithitinhispossession。But，why？Iaskyou，why？Whatwasthegoodofitall？Whatobjectwasserved？Tobeginwith，theboyhadabscondedwithsomebodyelse\'sfox，orwithsomebody\'selsefox，whichisundoubtedlythewayacompilerofschoolreaderswouldphraseit。This，rightatthebeginning，makesthemoralityofthetransactionhighlydubious。Inthesecondplace，heshowedpoortaste。Ifhewasgoingtoswipesomething，whyshouldhenothaveswipedachickenorsomethingelseofpracticalvalue？
Wewaivethatpoint，though，andcometothelackofdiscretionshownbythefox。Hestartseatinghiswayoutthroughtheboy，amessyanddifficultprocedure，whenmerelybybitinganapertureinthetunichecouldhaveemergedbythefrontwaywitheaseanddispatch。Andwhatisthefinalupshotofitall？Theboyfallsdead，withalargeunsightlygapinthemiddleofhim。Probably，too，hewasaboywhoseparentswereraisinghimfortheirownpurposes。Asitis，allgnawedupinthisfashionanddeceasedbesides，heloseshisattractionsforeveryoneexcepttheundertaker。
Thefoxpresumablyhasanattackofacuteindigestion。Andthereyouare!ComparethemoralofthiswiththemoralofanyoneoftheOldCapCollierseries，wherevirtuecomesintoitsownandsanityisprevalentthroughoutandvicegetswhatitdeserves，andall。
InMcGuffey\'sThirdReader，Ithinkitwas，occurredthatstoryaboutthesmallboywholivedinHollandamongthedikesanddams，andoneeveninghewentacrossthecountrytocarryafewillustratedpostcardsorsomeequallysuitablegifttoapoorblindman，andonhiswaybackhomeinthetwilighthediscoveredaleakintheseawall。Ifhewentforhelpthebreachmightwidenwhilehewasgoneandthewholestructuregiveway，andthentheseawouldcomeroaringin，carryingdeathanddestructionandwindmillsandwoodenshoesandpineapplecheesesonitscrest。Atleast，thisistheinferenceonegathersfromreadingMr。McGuffey\'saccountoftheaffair。
Sowhatdoesthequick-wittedyoungsterdo？Heshoveshislittlearminthecreviceontheinnerside，wherealreadythewateristricklingthrough，thusblockingtheleak。Allnightlonghestandsthere，onesmall，half-frozenDutchboyholdingbacktheentireNorthAtlantic。Notuntilcenturieslater，whenJudgeAltonB。ParkerrunsforpresidentagainstColonelRooseveltandisdefeatedpracticallybyacclamationistheretobepresentedsohistoricandsomagnificentanexampleofacontestagainsttremendousodds。Inthemorningapeasant，goingouttomowthetulipbeds，findsthelittlefellowcrouchedatthefootofthedikeandinquireswhatailshim。Thelad，raisinghiswearyhead——butwait，Ishallquotetheexactlanguageofthebook:
\"Iamhinderingtheseafromrunningin，\"wasthesimplereplyofthechild。
