第3章

类别:其他 作者:Laurence Sterne字数:11587更新时间:18/12/14 10:36:01
- Here!saidItoanoldsoldierwithonehand,whohadbeencampaignedandwornouttodeathintheservice-here\'sacoupleofsousforthee-VIVELEROI!saidtheoldsoldier。 Ihadthenbutthreesousleft:soIgaveone,simply,POURL\'AMOUR DEDIEU,whichwasthefootingonwhichitwasbegg\'d-Thepoorwomanhadadislocatedhip;soitcouldnotbewelluponanyothermotive。 MONCHERETTRES-CHARITABLEMONSIEUR-There\'snoopposingthis,saidI。 MILORDANGLOIS-theverysoundwasworththemoney;-soIgaveMY LASTSOUSFORIT。Butintheeagernessofgiving,IhadoverlookedaPAUVREHONTEUX,whohadhadnoonetoaskasousforhim,andwho,Ibelieve,wouldhaveperished,erehecouldhaveask\'doneforhimself:hestoodbythechaisealittlewithoutthecircle,andwipedatearfromafacewhichIthoughthadseenbetterdays- GoodGod!saidI-andIhavenotonesinglesouslefttogivehim-Butyouhaveathousand!criedallthepowersofnature,stirringwithinme;-soIgavehim-nomatterwhat-IamashamedtosayHOWMUCHnow,-andwasashamedtothinkhowlittle,then: so,ifthereadercanformanyconjectureofmydisposition,asthesetwofixedpointsaregivenhim,hemayjudgewithinalivreortwowhatwastheprecisesum。 Icouldaffordnothingfortherest,butDIEUVOUSBENISSE!- ETLEBONDIEUVOUSBENISSEENCORE,saidtheoldsoldier,thedwarf,&c。ThePAUVREHONTEUXcouldsaynothing;-hepull\'doutalittlehandkerchief,andwipedhisfaceasheturnedaway-andI thoughthethankedmemorethanthemall。 THEBIDET。 HAVINGsettledalltheselittlematters,Igotintomypost-chaisewithmoreeasethaneverIgotintoapost-chaiseinmylife;andLaFleurhavinggotonelargejack-bootonthefarsideofalittleBIDET,andanotheronthis(forIcountnothingofhislegs)-hecanter\'dawaybeforemeashappyandasperpendicularasaprince- Butwhatishappiness!whatisgrandeurinthispaintedsceneoflife!Adeadass,beforewehadgotaleague,putasuddenstoptoLaFleur\'scareer;-hisbidetwouldnotpassbyit,-acontentionarosebetwixtthem,andthepoorfellowwaskick\'doutofhisjack- bootstheveryfirstkick。 LaFleurborehisfalllikeaFrenchChristian,sayingneithermorenorlessuponit,thanDIABLE!Sopresentlygotup,andcametothechargeagainastridehisbidet,beatinghimuptoitashewouldhavebeathisdrum。 Thebidetflewfromonesideoftheroadtotheother,thenbackagain,-thenthisway,thenthatway,andinshort,everywaybutbythedeadass:-LaFleurinsisteduponthething-andthebidetthrewhim。 What\'sthematter,LaFleur,saidI,withthisbidetofthine? Monsieur,saidhe,C\'ESTUNCHEVALLEPLUSOPINIATREDUMONDE- Nay,ifheisaconceitedbeast,hemustgohisownway,repliedI。 SoLaFleurgotoffhim,andgivinghimagoodsoundlash,thebidettookmeatmyword,andawayhescamperedbacktoMontreuil- PESTE!saidLaFleur。 ItisnotMAL-E-PROPOStotakenoticehere,thatthoughLaFleuravailedhimselfbutoftwodifferenttermsofexclamationinthisencounter,-namely,DIABLE!andPESTE!thatthereare,nevertheless,threeintheFrenchlanguage:likethepositive,comparative,andsuperlative,oneortheotherofwhichservesforeveryunexpectedthrowofthediceinlife。 LEDIABLE!whichisthefirst,andpositivedegree,isgenerallyuseduponordinaryemotionsofthemind,wheresmallthingsonlyfalloutcontrarytoyourexpectations;suchas-thethrowingoncedoublets-LaFleur\'sbeingkick\'doffhishorse,andsoforth- Cuckoldom,forthesamereason,isalways-LEDIABLE! But,incaseswherethecasthassomethingprovokinginit,asinthatofthebidet\'srunningawayafter,andleavingLaFleuragroundinjack-boots,-\'tistheseconddegree。 \'TisthenPESTE! Andforthethird—— Butheremyheartiswrungwithpityandfellowfeeling,whenI reflectwhatmiseriesmusthavebeentheirlot,andhowbitterlysorefinedapeoplemusthavesmarted,tohaveforcedthemupontheuseofit- Grantme,Oyepowerswhichtouchthetonguewitheloquenceindistress!-whateverismyCAST,grantmebutdecentwordstoexclaimin,andIwillgivemynatureway- ButasthesewerenottobehadinFrance,Iresolvedtotakeeveryeviljustasitbefellme,withoutanyexclamationatall。 LaFleur,whohadmadenosuchcovenantwithhimself,followedthebidetwithhiseyestillitwasgotoutofsight,-andthen,youmayimagine,ifyouplease,withwhatwordheclosedthewholeaffair。 Astherewasnohuntingdownafrightenedhorseinjack-boots,thereremainednoalternativebuttakingLaFleureitherbehindthechaise,orintoit- Ipreferredthelatter,andinhalfanhourwegottothepost- houseatNampont。 NAMPONT。THEDEADASS- ANDthis,saidhe,puttingtheremainsofacrustintohiswallet-andthisshouldhavebeenthyportion,saidhe,hadstthoubeenalivetohaveshareditwithme-Ithought,bytheaccent,ithadbeenanapostrophetohischild;but\'twastohisass,andtotheveryasswehadseendeadintheroad,whichhadoccasionedLaFleur\'smisadventure。Themanseemedtolamentitmuch;anditinstantlybroughtintomymindSancho\'slamentationforhis;buthediditwithmoretruetouchesofnature。 Themournerwassittinguponastonebenchatthedoor,withtheass\'spannelanditsbridleononeside,whichhetookupfromtimetotime,-thenlaidthemdown,-look\'datthem,andshookhishead。Hethentookhiscrustofbreadoutofhiswalletagain,asiftoeatit;helditsometimeinhishand,-thenlaidituponthebitofhisass\'sbridle,-lookedwistfullyatthelittlearrangementhehadmade-andthengaveasigh。 Thesimplicityofhisgriefdrewnumbersabouthim,andLaFleuramongsttherest,whilstthehorsesweregettingready;asI continuedsittinginthepost-chaise,Icouldseeandhearovertheirheads- HesaidhehadcomelastfromSpain,wherehehadbeenfromthefurthestbordersofFranconia;andhadgotsofaronhisreturnhome,whenhisassdied。Everyoneseemeddesiroustoknowwhatbusinesscouldhavetakensooldandpooramansofarajourneyfromhisownhome。 Ithadpleasedheaven,hesaid,toblesshimwiththreesons,thefinestladsinGermany;buthavinginoneweeklosttwooftheeldestofthembythesmall-pox,andtheyoungestfallingillofthesamedistemper,hewasafraidofbeingbereftofthemall;andmadeavow,ifheavenwouldnottakehimfromhimalso,hewouldgoingratitudetoSt。IagoinSpain。 Whenthemournergotthusfaronhisstory,hestopp\'dtopayNaturehertribute,-andweptbitterly。 Hesaid,heavenhadacceptedtheconditions;andthathehadsetoutfromhiscottagewiththispoorcreature,whohadbeenapatientpartnerofhisjourney;-thatithadeatenthesamebreadwithhimalltheway,andwasuntohimasafriend。 Everybodywhostoodabout,heardthepoorfellowwithconcern- LaFleurofferedhimmoney-Themournersaidhedidnotwantit;- itwasnotthevalueoftheass-butthelossofhim-Theass,hesaid,hewasassured,lovedhim;-anduponthistoldthemalongstoryofamischanceupontheirpassageoverthePyreneanmountains,whichhadseparatedthemfromeachotherthreedays; duringwhichtimetheasshadsoughthimasmuchashehadsoughttheass,andthattheyhadscarceeithereatenordranktilltheymet。 Thouhastonecomfort,friend,saidI,atleast,inthelossofthypoorbeast;I\'msurethouhastbeenamercifulmastertohim- Alas!saidthemourner,Ithoughtsowhenhewasalive;-butnowthatheisdead,Ithinkotherwise-Ifeartheweightofmyselfandmyafflictionstogetherhavebeentoomuchforhim,-theyhaveshortenedthepoorcreature\'sdays,andIfearIhavethemtoanswerfor-Shameontheworld!saidItomyself-Didwebutloveeachotherasthispoorsoullovedhisass-\'twouldbesomething- NAMPONT。THEPOSTILION。 THEconcernwhichthepoorfellow\'sstorythrewmeintorequiredsomeattention;thepostilionpaidnottheleasttoit,butsetoffuponthePAVEinafullgallop。 ThethirstiestsoulinthemostsandydesertofArabiacouldnothavewishedmoreforacupofcoldwater,thanminedidforgraveandquietmovements;andIshouldhavehadanhighopinionofthepostilionhadhebutstolenoffwithmeinsomethinglikeapensivepace-Onthecontrary,asthemournerfinishedhislamentation,thefellowgaveanunfeelinglashtoeachofhisbeasts,andsetoffclatteringlikeathousanddevils。 IcalledtohimasloudasIcould,forheaven\'ssaketogoslower:- andthelouderIcalled,themoreunmercifullyhegalloped-Thedeucetakehimandhisgallopingtoo-saidI,-he\'llgoontearingmynervestopiecestillhehasworkedmeintoafoolishpassion,andthenhe\'llgoslowthatImayenjoythesweetsofit。 Thepostilionmanagedthepointtoamiracle:bythetimehehadgottothefootofasteephill,abouthalfaleaguefromNampont,-hehadputmeoutoftemperwithhim,-andthenwithmyself,forbeingso。 Mycasethenrequiredadifferenttreatment;andagoodrattlinggallopwouldhavebeenofrealservicetome—— Then,prithee,geton-geton,mygoodlad,saidI。 Thepostilionpointedtothehill-IthentriedtoreturnbacktothestoryofthepoorGermanandhisass-butIhadbroketheclue,-andcouldnomoregetintoitagain,thanthepostilioncouldintoatrot- Thedeucego,saidI,withitall!HereamIsittingascandidlydisposedtomakethebestoftheworst,aseverwightwas,andallrunscounter。 Thereisonesweetlenitiveatleastforevils,whichNatureholdsouttous:soItookitkindlyatherhands,andfellasleep;andthefirstwordwhichrousedmewasAMIENS- Blessme!saidI,rubbingmyeyes,-thisistheverytownwheremypoorladyistocome。 AMIENS。 THEwordswerescarceoutofmymouthwhentheCountdeL-\'spost- chaise,withhissisterinit,drovehastilyby:shehadjusttimetomakemeabowofrecognition,-andofthatparticularkindofit,whichtoldmeshehadnotyetdonewithme。Shewasasgoodasherlook;for,beforeIhadquitefinishedmysupper,herbrother\'sservantcameintotheroomwithabillet,inwhichshesaidshehadtakenthelibertytochargemewithaletter,whichIwastopresentmyselftoMadameR-thefirstmorningIhadnothingtodoatParis。Therewasonlyadded,shewassorry,butfromwhatPENCHANTshehadnotconsidered,thatshehadbeenpreventedtellingmeherstory,-thatshestillowedittome;andifmyrouteshouldeverlaythroughBrussels,andIhadnotbythenforgotthenameofMadamedeL-,-thatMadamedeL-wouldbegladtodischargeherobligation。 ThenIwillmeetthee,saidI,fairspirit!atBrussels;-\'tisonlyreturningfromItalythroughGermanytoHolland,bytherouteofFlanders,home;-\'twillscarcebetenpostsoutofmyway;but,wereittenthousand!withwhatamoraldelightwillitcrownmyjourney,insharinginthesickeningincidentsofataleofmiserytoldtomebysuchasufferer?Toseeherweep!and,thoughI cannotdryupthefountainofhertears,whatanexquisitesensationistherestillleft,inwipingthemawayfromoffthecheeksofthefirstandfairestofwomen,asI\'msittingwithmyhandkerchiefinmyhandinsilencethewholenightbesideher? Therewasnothingwronginthesentiment;andyetIinstantlyreproachedmyheartwithitinthebitterestandmostreprobateofexpressions。 Ithadever,asItoldthereader,beenoneofthesingularblessingsofmylife,tobealmosteveryhourofitmiserablyinlovewithsomeone;andmylastflamehappeningtobeblownoutbyawhiffofjealousyonthesuddenturnofacorner,IhadlighteditupafreshatthepuretaperofElizabutaboutthreemonthsbefore,-swearing,asIdidit,thatitshouldlastmethroughthewholejourney-WhyshouldIdissemblethematter?Ihadsworntohereternalfidelity;-shehadarighttomywholeheart:-todividemyaffectionswastolessenthem;-toexposethemwastoriskthem:wherethereisrisktheremaybeloss:-andwhatwiltthouhave,Yorick,toanswertoaheartsofulloftrustandconfidence-sogood,sogentle,andunreproaching!- IwillnotgotoBrussels,repliedI,interruptingmyself-Butmyimaginationwenton,-Irecalledherlooksatthatcrisisofourseparation,whenneitherofushadpowertosayadieu!I look\'datthepictureshehadtiedinablackribandaboutmyneck,-andblush\'dasIlook\'datit-Iwouldhavegiventheworldtohavekiss\'dit,-butwasashamed-Andshallthistenderflower,saidI,pressingitbetweenmyhands,-shallitbesmittentoitsveryroot,-andsmitten,Yorick!bythee,whohastpromisedtoshelteritinthybreast? EternalFountainofHappiness!saidI,kneelingdownupontheground,-bethoumywitness-andeverypurespiritwhichtastesit,bemywitnessalso,ThatIwouldnottraveltoBrussels,unlessElizawentalongwithme,didtheroadleadmetowardsheaven! Intransportsofthiskind,theheart,inspiteoftheunderstanding,willalwayssaytoomuch。 THELETTER。AMIENS。 FORTUNEhadnotsmileduponLaFleur;forhehadbeenunsuccessfulinhisfeatsofchivalry,-andnotonethinghadofferedtosignalisehiszealformyservicefromthetimethathehadenteredintoit,whichwasalmostfour-and-twentyhours。Thepoorsoulburn\'dwithimpatience;andtheCountdeL-\'sservantcomingwiththeletter,beingthefirstpracticableoccasionwhichoffer\'d,LaFleurhadlaidholdofit;and,inordertodohonourtohismaster,hadtakenhimintoabackparlourintheauberge,andtreatedhimwithacuportwoofthebestwineinPicardy;andtheCountdeL-\'sservant,inreturn,andnottobebehindhandinpolitenesswithLaFleur,hadtakenhimbackwithhimtotheCount\'shotel。LaFleur\'sPREVENANCY(fortherewasapassportinhisverylooks)soonseteveryservantinthekitchenateasewithhim;andasaFrenchman,whateverbehistalents,hasnosortofpruderyinshowingthem,LaFleur,inlessthanfiveminutes,hadpulledouthisfife,andleadingoffthedancehimselfwiththefirstnote,settheFILLEDECHAMBRE,theMAITRED\'HOTEL,thecook,thescullion,andallthehouse-hold,dogsandcats,besidesanoldmonkey,adancing:Isupposethereneverwasamerrierkitchensincetheflood。 MadamedeL-,inpassingfromherbrother\'sapartmentstoherown,hearingsomuchjollitybelowstairs,rungupherFILLEDECHAMBRE toaskaboutit;and,hearingitwastheEnglishgentleman\'sservant,whohadsetthewholehousemerrywithhispipe,sheorderedhimup。 Asthepoorfellowcouldnotpresenthimselfempty,hehadloadedhimselfingoingupstairswithathousandcomplimentstoMadamedeL-,onthepartofhismaster,-addedalongapocryphaofinquiriesafterMadamedeL-\'shealth,-toldher,thatMonsieurhismasterwasAUDESESPOIREforherre-establishmentfromthefatiguesofherjourney,-and,tocloseall,thatMonsieurhadreceivedtheletterwhichMadamehaddonehimthehonour-Andhehasdonemethehonour,saidMadamedeL-,interruptingLaFleur,tosendabilletinreturn。 MadamedeL-hadsaidthiswithsuchatoneofrelianceuponthefact,thatLaFleurhadnotpowertodisappointherexpectations;- hetrembledformyhonour,-andpossiblymightnotaltogetherbeunconcernedforhisown,asamancapableofbeingattachedtoamasterwhocouldbewantingENEGARDSVISEVISD\'UNEFEMME!sothatwhenMadamedeL-askedLaFleurifhehadbroughtaletter,- OQU\'OUI,saidLaFleur:solayingdownhishatupontheground,andtakingholdoftheflapofhisrightsidepocketwithhislefthand,hebegantosearchfortheletterwithhisright;-thencontrariwise-DIABLE!thensoughteverypocket-pocketbypocket,round,notforgettinghisfob:-PESTE!-thenLaFleuremptiedthemuponthefloor,-pulledoutadirtycravat,-ahandkerchief,-acomb,-awhiplash,-anightcap,-thengaveapeepintohishat,-QUELLEETOURDERIE!Hehadlefttheletteruponthetableintheauberge;-hewouldrunforit,andbebackwithitinthreeminutes。 IhadjustfinishedmysupperwhenLaFleurcameintogivemeanaccountofhisadventure:hetoldthewholestorysimplyasitwas: andonlyaddedthatifMonsieurhadforgot(PARHAZARD)toanswerMadame\'sletter,thearrangementgavehimanopportunitytorecovertheFAUXPAS;-andifnot,thatthingswereonlyastheywere。 NowIwasnotaltogethersureofmyETIQUETTE,whetherIoughttohavewroteorno;-butifIhad,-adevilhimselfcouldnothavebeenangry:\'twasbuttheofficiouszealofawellmeaningcreatureformyhonour;and,howeverhemighthavemistooktheroad,-orembarrassedmeinsodoing,-hisheartwasinnofault,-Iwasundernonecessitytowrite;-and,whatweighedmorethanall,- hedidnotlookasifhehaddoneamiss- \'Tisallverywell,LaFleur,saidI-\'Twassufficient。LaFleurflewoutoftheroomlikelightning,andreturnedwithpen,ink,andpaper,inhishand;and,cominguptothetable,laidthemclosebeforeme,withsuchadelightinhiscountenance,thatI couldnothelptakingupthepen。 Ibeganandbeganagain;and,thoughIhadnothingtosay,andthatnothingmighthavebeenexpressedinhalfadozenlines,Imadehalfadozendifferentbeginnings,andcouldnowaypleasemyself。 Inshort,Iwasinnomoodtowrite。 LaFleurstepp\'doutandbroughtalittlewaterinaglasstodilutemyink,-thenfetch\'dsandandseal-wax-Itwasallone; Iwrote,andblotted,andtoreoff,andburnt,andwroteagain- LEDIABLEL\'EMPORTE!saidI,halftomyself,-Icannotwritethisself-sameletter,throwingthependowndespairinglyasIsaidit。 AssoonasIhadcastdownmypen,LaFleuradvancedwiththemostrespectfulcarriageuptothetable,andmakingathousandapologiesforthelibertyhewasgoingtotake,toldmehehadaletterinhispocketwrotebyadrummerinhisregimenttoacorporal\'swife,whichhedurstsaywouldsuittheoccasion。 Ihadamindtoletthepoorfellowhavehishumour-Thenprithee,saidI,letmeseeit。 LaFleurinstantlypulledoutalittledirtypocketbookcramm\'dfullofsmalllettersandbillet-douxinasadcondition,andlayingituponthetable,andthenuntyingthestringwhichheldthemalltogether,runthemover,onebyone,tillhecametotheletterinquestion,-LAVOILA!saidhe,clappinghishands:so,unfoldingitfirst,helaiditopenbeforeme,andretiredthreestepsfromthetablewhilstIreadit。 THELETTER。 Madame,JEsuispenetredeladouleurlaplusvive,etreduitenmemetempsaudesespoirparceretourimprevuduCaporalquirendnotreentrevuedecesoirlachosedumondelaplusimpossible。 Maisvivelajoie!ettoutelamienneseradepenserevous。 L\'amourn\'estRIENsanssentiment。 EtlesentimentestencoreMOINSsansamour。 Onditqu\'onnedoitjamaissedesesperer。 OnditaussiqueMonsieurleCaporalmontelagardeMercredi:alorsceceramontour。 CHACUNESONTOUR。 Enattendant-Vivel\'amour!etvivelabagatelle! Jesuis,Madame,Avectouslessentimenslesplusrespectueuxetlesplustendres,toutevous,JAQUESROQUE。 ItwasbutchangingtheCorporalintotheCount,-andsayingnothingaboutmountingguardonWednesday,-andtheletterwasneitherrightnorwrong:-so,togratifythepoorfellow,whostoodtremblingformyhonour,hisown,andthehonourofhisletter,-Itookthecreamgentlyoffit,andwhippingitupinmyownway,Iseal\'ditupandsenthimwithittoMadamedeL-;-andthenextmorningwepursuedourjourneytoParis。 PARIS。 WHENamancancontestthepointbydintofequipage,andcarryallonflounderingbeforehimwithhalfadozenoflackiesandacoupleofcooks-\'tisverywellinsuchaplaceasParis,-hemaydriveinatwhichendofastreethewill。 Apoorprincewhoisweakincavalry,andwhosewholeinfantrydoesnotexceedasingleman,hadbestquitthefield,andsignalizehimselfinthecabinet,ifhecangetupintoit;-IsayUPINTO IT-forthereisnodescendingperpendicularamongst\'emwitha\"MEVOICI!MESENFANS\"-hereIam-whatevermanymaythink。 Iownmyfirstsensations,assoonasIwasleftsolitaryandaloneinmyownchamberinthehotel,werefarfrombeingsoflatteringasIhadprefiguredthem。Iwalkedupgravelytothewindowinmydustyblackcoat,andlookingthroughtheglasssawalltheworldinyellow,blue,andgreen,runningattheringofpleasure-Theoldwithbrokenlances,andinhelmetswhichhadlosttheirvizards;-theyounginarmourbrightwhichshonelikegold,beplumedwitheachgayfeatheroftheeast,-all,-all,tiltingatitlikefascinatedknightsintournamentsofyoreforfameandlove- Alas,poorYorick!criedI,whatartthoudoinghere?Ontheveryfirstonsetofallthisglitteringclatterthouartreducedtoanatom;-seek,-seeksomewindingalley,withatourniquetattheendofit,wherechariotneverrolledorflambeaushotitsrays;- therethoumayestsolacethysoulinconversesweetwithsomekindgrisetteofabarber\'swife,andgetintosuchcoteries!—— MayIperish!ifIdo,saidI,pullingouttheletterwhichIhadtopresenttoMadamedeR——I\'llwaituponthislady,theveryfirstthingIdo。SoIcalledLaFleurtogoseekmeabarberdirectly,-andcomebackandbrushmycoat。 THEWIG。PARIS。 WHENthebarbercame,heabsolutelyrefusedtohaveanythingtodowithmywig:\'twaseitheraboveorbelowhisart:Ihadnothingtodobuttotakeonereadymadeofhisownrecommendation- ButIfear,friend!saidI,thisbucklewon\'tstand-Youmayemergeit,repliedhe,intotheocean,anditwillstand- WhatagreatscaleiseverythinguponinthiscitythoughtI- TheutmoststretchofanEnglishperiwig-maker\'sideascouldhavegonenofurtherthantohave\"dippeditintoapailofwater。\"- Whatdifference!\'tislikeTimetoEternity! IconfessIdohateallcoldconceptions,asIdothepunyideaswhichengenderthem;andamgenerallysostruckwiththegreatworksofnature,thatformyownpart,ifIcouldhelpit,Ineverwouldmakeacomparisonlessthanamountainatleast。AllthatcanbesaidagainsttheFrenchsublime,inthisinstanceofit,isthis:-ThatthegrandeurisMOREintheWORD,andLESSintheTHING。Nodoubt,theoceanfillsthemindwithvastideas;butParisbeingsofarinland,itwasnotlikelyIshouldrunpostahundredmilesoutofit,totrytheexperiment;-theParisianbarbermeantnothing- Thepailofwaterstandingbesidethegreatdeep,makes,certainly,butasorryfigureinspeech;-but,\'twillbesaid,-ithasoneadvantage-\'tisinthenextroom,andthetruthofthebucklemaybetriedinit,withoutmoreado,inasinglemoment。 Inhonesttruth,anduponamorecandidrevisionofthematter,THE FRENCHEXPRESSIONPROFESSESMORETHANITPERFORMS。 IthinkIcanseethepreciseanddistinguishingmarksofnationalcharactersmoreinthesenonsensicalMINUTIAEthaninthemostimportantmattersofstate;wheregreatmenofallnationstalkandstalksomuchalike,thatIwouldnotgiveninepencetochooseamongstthem。 Iwassolongingettingfromundermybarber\'shands,thatitwastoolatetothinkofgoingwithmylettertoMadameR-thatnight: butwhenamanisoncedressedatallpointsforgoingout,hisreflectionsturntolittleaccount;sotakingdownthenameoftheHoteldeModene,whereIlodged,Iwalkedforthwithoutanydeterminationwheretogo;-Ishallconsiderofthat,saidI,asI walkalong。 THEPULSE。PARIS。 HAIL,yesmallsweetcourtesiesoflife,forsmoothdoyemaketheroadofit!likegraceandbeauty,whichbegetinclinationstoloveatfirstsight:\'tisyewhoopenthisdoorandletthestrangerin- Pray,Madame,saidI,havethegoodnesstotellmewhichwayI mustturntogototheOperaComique?-Mostwillingly,Monsieur,saidshe,layingasideherwork- Ihadgivenacastwithmyeyeintohalfadozenshops,asIcamealong,insearchofafacenotlikelytobedisorderedbysuchaninterruption:tillatlast,this,hittingmyfancy,Ihadwalkedin。 Shewasworkingapairofruffles,asshesatinalowchair,onthefarsideoftheshop,facingthedoor- TRESVOLONTIERS,mostwillingly,saidshe,layingherworkdownuponachairnexther,andrisingupfromthelowchairshewassittingin,withsocheerfulamovement,andsocheerfulalook,thathadIbeenlayingoutfiftylouisd\'orswithher,Ishouldhavesaid-\"Thiswomanisgrateful。\" Youmustturn,Monsieur,saidshe,goingwithmetothedooroftheshop,andpointingthewaydownthestreetIwastotake,-youmustturnfirsttoyourlefthand,-MAISPRENEZGARDE-therearetwoturns;andbesogoodastotakethesecond-thengodownalittlewayandyou\'llseeachurch:and,whenyouarepastit,giveyourselfthetroubletoturndirectlytotheright,andthatwillleadyoutothefootofthePontNeuf,whichyoumustcross-andthereanyonewilldohimselfthepleasuretoshowyou- Sherepeatedherinstructionsthreetimesovertome,withthesamegoodnatur\'dpatiencethethirdtimeasthefirst;-andifTONES ANDMANNERShaveameaning,whichcertainlytheyhave,unlesstoheartswhichshutthemout,-sheseemedreallyinterestedthatI shouldnotlosemyself。 Iwillnotsupposeitwasthewoman\'sbeauty,notwithstandingshewasthehandsomestgrisette,Ithink,Ieversaw,whichhadmuchtodowiththesenseIhadofhercourtesy;onlyIremember,whenI toldherhowmuchIwasobligedtoher,thatIlookedveryfullinhereyes,-andthatIrepeatedmythanksasoftenasshehaddoneherinstructions。 Ihadnotgottenpacesfromthedoor,beforeIfoundIhadforgoteverytittleofwhatshehadsaid;-solookingback,andseeingherstillstandinginthedooroftheshop,asiftolookwhetherI wentrightornot,-Ireturnedbacktoaskher,whetherthefirstturnwastomyrightorleft,-forthatIhadabsolutelyforgot- Isitpossible!saidshe,halflaughing。\'Tisverypossible,repliedI,whenamanisthinkingmoreofawomanthanofhergoodadvice。 Asthiswastherealtruth-shetookit,aseverywomantakesamatterofright,withaslightcurtsey- ATTENDEZ!saidshe,layingherhanduponmyarmtodetainme,whilstshecalledaladoutofthebackshoptogetreadyaparcelofgloves。Iamjustgoingtosendhim,saidshe,withapacketintothatquarter,andifyouwillhavethecomplaisancetostepin,itwillbereadyinamoment,andheshallattendyoutotheplace-SoIwalk\'dinwithhertothefarsideoftheshop:andtakinguptheruffleinmyhandwhichshelaiduponthechair,asifIhadamindtosit,shesatdownherselfinherlowchair,andIinstantlysatmyselfdownbesideher- Hewillbeready,Monsieur,saidshe,inamoment-Andinthatmoment,repliedI,mostwillinglywouldIsaysomethingveryciviltoyouforallthesecourtesies。Anyonemaydoacasualactofgoodnature,butacontinuationofthemshowsitisapartofthetemperature;andcertainly,addedI,ifitisthesamebloodwhichcomesfromtheheartwhichdescendstotheextremes(touchingherwrist)Iamsureyoumusthaveoneofthebestpulsesofanywomanintheworld-Feelit,saidshe,holdingoutherarm。Solayingdownmyhat,Itookholdofherfingersinonehand,andappliedthetwoforefingersofmyothertotheartery—— Wouldtoheaven!mydearEugenius,thouhadstpassedby,andbeheldmesittinginmyblackcoat,andinmylack-a-day-sicalmanner,countingthethrobsofit,onebyone,withasmuchtruedevotionasifIhadbeenwatchingthecriticalebborflowofherfever-Howwouldstthouhavelaugh\'dandmoralizeduponmynewprofession!-andthoushouldsthavelaugh\'dandmoralizedon- Trustme,mydearEugenius,Ishouldhavesaid,\"ThereareworseoccupationsinthisworldTHANFEELINGAWOMAN\'SPULSE。\"-Butagrisette\'s!thouwouldsthavesaid,-andinanopenshop!Yorick—— Somuchthebetter:forwhenmyviewsaredirect,Eugenius,I carenotifalltheworldsawmefeelit。 THEHUSBAND。PARIS。