第6章

类别:其他 作者:Anna Katharine Green字数:13558更新时间:18/12/14 10:51:13
\"HowlongIlaylisteningtothecreakingsandgroaningsofthericketyoldhouse,Icannotsay,norhowlongIremainedinthedozewhichfinallyseizedmeasIbecameaccustomedtothesoundsaroundandoverme。Enoughthatbeforethestormhadpasseditsheight,I awokeasifatthetouchofahand,andleapingwithaboundoutofthebed,beheldtomyincredibleamazememt,thealert,nervousformofLuttrastandingbeforeme。Shehadmycoatinherhand,anditwashertouchthathadevidentlyawakenedme。 \"\'Iwantyoutoputthison,\'saidsheinalowthrillingtonetotallynewinmyexperience,\'andcomewithme。Thehouseisunsafeforyoutoremainin。Hearhowitcracksandtrembles。Anotherblastlikethatandweshallberoofless。\' \"Shewasmovingtowardthedoor,whichtomyamazementstoodajar,butmyhesitationstoppedher。 \"\'Won\'tyoucome?\'shewhispered,turningherfacetowardsmewithalookofsuchpotentdetermination,Ifollowedinspiteofmyself\'I darenotletyoustayhere,yourbloodwillbeuponmyhead。\' \"\'Youexaggerate,\'Ireplied,shrinkingbackwithalonginglookatthecomfortablebedIhadjustleft。\'Theseoldhousesarealwaysstrong。Itwilltakemanysuchagustasthatyouhear,tooverturnit,Iassureyou。\' \"\'Iexaggerate!\'shereturnedwithalookofscornimpossibletodescribe。\'Hark!\'shesaid,\'hearthat。\' \"Ididhear,andImustacknowledgethatitseemedisifwewereabouttobesweptfromourfoundations。 \"\'Yes,\'saidI,\'butitisafearfulnighttobeoutin。\' \"\'Ishallgowithyou,\'saidshe。 \"\'Inthatcase——\'Ibeganwithanill-advisedattemptatgallantrywhichshecutshortwithagesture。 \"\'Hereisyourhat,\'remarkedshe,\'andhereisyourbag。Thefishing-polemustremain,youcannotcarryit。\' \"\'But,——\'Iexpostulated。 \"\'Hush!\'saidshewithherearturnedtowardsthedepthsofthestaircaseatthetopofwhichwestood。\'Myfatherandbrotherwillthinkasyoudothatitisfollytoleavetheshelterofarooffortheuncertaintiesoftheroadonsuchanightasthis,butyoumustnotheedthem。Itellyoushelterthisnightisdanger,andthattheonlysafetytobefoundisonthestormyhighway。\' \"Andwithoutwaitingformyreply,shepassedrapidlydownstairs,pushedopenadooratthebottom,andsteppedatonceintotheroomwehadleftanhourorsobefore。 \"Whatwasthereinthatroomthatforthefirsttimestruckanominouschillasofdistinctperilthroughmyveins?Nothingatfirstsight,everythingatthesecond。Thefirewhichhadnotbeenallowedtodieout,stillburnedbrightlyontheruddyhearthstone,butitwasnotthatwhichawakenedmyapprehension。Norwasittheloudtickingclockonthemantlepiecewithitshandpointingsilentlytothehourofeleven。Noryettheheavyquietofthescantily-furnishedroomwithitsonelampburningonthedealtableagainstthesideofthewall。 Itwasthesightofthosetwopowerfulmendrawnupingrimsilence,theoneagainstthedoorleadingtothefronthall,theotheragainstthatopeningintothekitchen。 \"AglanceatLuttrastandingsilentandundismayedatmyside,however,instantlyreassuredme。Withthatwillexercisedinmyfavor,Icouldnotbutwinthroughwhateveritwasthatmenacedme。 Slingingmybagovermyshoulder,Imadeamovetowardsthedoorandthesilentfigureofmyhost。Butwithaquickoutreachingofherhand,shedrewmeback。 \"\'Standstill!\'saidshe。\'Karl,\'shewenton,turningherfacetowardsthemoresullenbutlessintentcountenanceofherbrother,\'openthedoorandletthisgentlemanpass。Hefindsthehouseunsafeinsuchagaleanddesirestoleaveit。Atonce!\'shecontinuedasherbrothersettledhimselfmoredeterminedlyagainstthelock:\'I don\'toftenaskfavors。\' \"\'Themanisafoolthatwantstogooutinanightlikethis,\'quoththefellowwithadoggedmove;\'andsoareyoutoencourageit。I thinktoomuchofyourhealthtoallowit。\' \"Shedidnotseemtohear。\'Willyouopenthedoor?\'shewenton,notadvancingastepfromthefire,beforewhichshehadplacedherselfandme。\' \"\'No,Iwon\'t,\'wasthebrutalreply。\'Itsbeenlockedforthenightanditsnotmenoronelikeme,thatwillopenit。\' \"Withasuddenwhiteningofheralreadypaleface,sheturnedtowardsherfather。Hewasnotevenlookingather。 \"\'Someonemustopenthehouse,\'saidshe,glancingbackatherbrother。\'Thisgentlemanpurposestoleaveandhiswhimmustbehumored。WillyouunlockthatdoororshallI?\' \"Anangrysnarlinterruptedher。Herfatherhadboundedfromthedoorwherehestoodandwasstridinghastilytowardsher。InmyapprehensionIputupmyarmforashield,forhelookedreadytomurderher,butIletitdropagainaslcaughtherglancewhichwaslikewhiteflameundisturbedbytheleastbreezeofpersonalterror。 \"\'Youwillstopthere,\'saidshe,pointingtoaspotafewfeetfromwhereshestood。\'AnotherstepandIletthatforwhichIhaveheardyoudeclareyouwouldperilyourverysoul,fallintotheheartoftheflames。\'Anddrawingfromherbreastarollofbills,shestretchedthemoutabovethefirebeforewhichshewasstanding。 \"\'You——\'brokefromthegray-beardedlipsoftheoldman,buthestoppedwherehewas,eyeingthosebillsasiffascinated。 \"\'Iamnotagirlofmanywords,asyouknow,\'continuedsheinaloftytoneinexpressiblycommanding。\'Youmaystrangleme,youmaykillme,itmatterslittle;butthisgentlemanleavesthehousethisnight,orIdestroythemoneywithagesture。\' \"\'You——\'againbrokefromthosequiveringlips,buttheoldmandidnotmove。 \"Notsotheyounger。Witharushhelefthispostandinanotherinstantwouldhavehadhispowerfularmsaboutherslenderform,onlythatImethimhalfwaywithablowthatlaidhimontheflooratherfeet。Shesaidnothing,butoneofthebillsimmediatelyleftherhandandflutteredintothefirewhereitinstantlyshrivelledintonothing。 \"Withtheyellofamadbeastwoundedinhismostvulnerablespot,theoldmanbeforeusstampedwithhisheeluponthefloor。 \"\'Stop!\'criedhe;andgoingrapidlytothefrontdoorheopenedit。 \'There!\'shriekedhe,\'ifyouwillbefools,go!andmaythelightningblastyou。Butfirstgivemethemoney。\' \"\'Comefromthedoor,\'saidshe,reachingoutherlefthandforthelanternhangingatthesideofthefireplace,\'andletKarllightthisandkeephimselfoutoftheway。\' \"Itwasalldone。InlesstimethanIcantellit,theoldmanhadsteppedfromthedoor,theyoungeronehadlitthelanternandwewereinreadinesstodepart。 \"\'Nowdoyouproceed,\'saidshetome,\'Iwillfollow。\' \"\'No,\'saidI,\'wewillgotogether。\' \"\'Butthemoney?\'growledtheheavyvoiceofmyhostovermyshoulder。 \"\'Iwillgiveittoyouonmyreturn,\'saidthegirl。 CHAPTERXII AWOMAN\'SLOVE \"ShallIeverforgettheblastofdrivingrainthatstruckourfacesandenvelopedusinacloudofwet,asthedoorswungonitshingesandletusforthintothenight;ortheelectricthrillthatshotthroughmeasthatslendergirlgraspedmyhandanddrewmeawaythroughtheblindingdarkness。ItwasnotthatIwassomuchaffectedbyherbeautyasinfluencedbyherpowerandenergy。Thefuryofthegaleseemedtobendtoherwill,thewindlendwingstoherfeet。Ibegantorealizewhatintellectwas。Arrivedattheroadside,shepausedandlookedback。Thetwoburlyformsofthemenwehadleftbehinduswerestandinginthedooroftheinn;inanothermomenttheyhadplungedforthandtowardsus。WithalowcrytheyounggirlleapedtowardsatreewheretomyunboundedastonishmentIbeheldmyhorsestandingreadysaddled。Draggingthemarefromherfastenings,shehungthelantern,burningasitwas,onthepommelofthesaddle,struckthepantingcreatureasmartblowupontheflank,anddrewbackwithaleaptomyside。 \"Thestartledhorsesnorted,gaveaplungeofdismayandstartedawayfromusdowntheroad。 \"\'Wewillwait,\'saidLuttra。 \"Thewordswerenosooneroutofhermouththanherfatherandbrotherrushedby。 \"\'Theywillfollowthelight,\'whisperedshe;andseizingmeagainbythehand,shehurriedmeawayinthedirectionoppositetothatwhichthehorsehadtaken。\'Ifyouwilltrustme,Iwillbringyoutoshelter,\'shemurmured,bendingherslightformtothegustywindbutrelaxingnotawhitofherspeed。 \"\'Youaretookind,\'Imurmuredinreturn。\'Whyshouldyouexposeyourselftosuchanextentforastranger?\' \"Herhandtightenedonmine,butshedidnotreply,andwehastenedonasspeedilyasthewindandrainwouldallow。Afterashortbutdeterminedbreastingofthestorm,duringwhichmybreathhadnearlyfailedme,shesuddenlystopped。 \"\'Doyouknow,\'sheexclaimedinalowimpressivetone,\'thatweareonthevergeofasteepanddreadfulprecipice?Itrunsalonghereforaquarterofamileanditisnotanuncommonthingforahorseandridertobedashedoveritinanightlikethis。\' \"TherewassomethinginhermannerthatawakenedachillinmyveinsalmostasifshehadpointedoutsomedreadfuldoomwhichIhadunwittinglyescaped。 \"\'Thisis,then,adangerousroad,\'Imurmured。 \"\'Very,\'washerhurriedandalmostincoherentreply。 \"HowfarwetravelledthroughthemudandtangledgrassesofthathorribleroadIdonotknow。Itseemedalongdistance;itwasprobablynotmorethanthreequartersofamile。Atlastshepausedwithashort\'Hereweare;\'andlookingup,Isawthatwewereinfrontofasmallunlightedcottage。 \"NorefugeeverappearedmorewelcometoapairofsinkingwanderersI amsure。Wettotheskin,bedrabbledwithmud,exhaustedwithbreastingthegale,westoodforamomentundertheporchtoregainourbreath,thenwithhercharacteristicenergysheliftedtheknockerandstruckasmartblowonthedoor。 \"\'Wewillfindshelterhere,\'saidshe。 \"Shewasnotmistaken。Inafewmomentswewerestandingoncemorebeforeacomfortablefirehastilybuiltbytheworthycouplewhoseslumberswehadthusinterrupted。AsIbegantorealizethesweetnessofconscioussafety,allthatthisyoung,heroiccreaturehaddoneformesweptwarmlyacrossmymind。Lookingupfromthefirethatwasbeginingtoinfuseitsheatthroughmygratefulsystem,Isurveyedherassheslowlyundidherlongbraidsandshookthemdryovertheblaze,andalmoststartedtoseehowyoungshewas。NotmorethansixteenIshouldsay,andyetwhataninvinciblewillshonefromherdarkeyesanddignifiedherslenderform;awillgentleasitwasstrong,elevatedasitwasunbending。IbowedmyheadasIwatchedher,ingratefulthankfulnesswhichIpresentlyputintowords。 \"Atonceshedrewherselferect。\'Ididbutmyduty,\'saidshequietly。\'IamgladIwasprosperedinit。\'Thenslowly。\'Ifyouaregrateful,sir,willyoupromisetosaynothingof——ofwhattookplaceattheinn?\' \"InstantlyIrememberedasuspicionwhichhadcrossedmymindwhilethere,andmyhandwentinvoluntarilytomyvestpocket。Therollofbillswasgone。 \"Shedidnotfalter。\'Iwouldberelievedifyouwould,\'continuedshe。 \"Idrewoutmyemptyhand,lookedatit,butsaidnothing。 \"\'Haveyoulostanything?\'askedshe。\'Searchinyourovercoatpockets。\' \"Iplungedmyhandintotheonenearestheranddrewitoutwithsatisfaction;therollofbillswasthere。\'Igiveyoumypromise,\' saidI。 \"\'Youwillfindabillmissing,\'shemurmured;\'forwhatamountIdonotknow;thesacrificeofsomethingwasinevitable。\' \"\'Icanonlywonderovertheingenuityyoudisplayed,aswellasexpressmyappreciationforyourbravery,\'returnedIwithenthusiasm。\'Youareanoblegirl。\' \"Sheputoutherhandasifcomplimentshurther。\'Itisthefirsttimetheyhaveeverattemptedanythinglikethat,\'criedsheinaquicklowtonefullofshameandsuffering。\'Theyhaveshownadispositionto——totakemoneysometimes,buttheyneverthreatenedlifebefore。Andtheydidthreatenyours。Theysawyoutakeoutyourmoney,throughaholepiercedinthewalloftheroomyouoccupied,andthesightmadethemmad。Theyweregoingtokillyouandthentumbleyouandyourhorseovertheprecipicebelowthere。ButI overheardthemtalkingandwhentheywentouttosaddlethehorse,I hurrieduptoyourroomtowakeyou。Ihadtotakepossessionofthebills;youwerenotsafewhileyouheldthem。ItookthemquietlybecauseIhopedtosaveyouwithoutbetrayingthem。ButIfailedinthat。Youmustremembertheyaremyfatherandmybrother。\' \"\'Iwillnotbetraythem,\'saidI。 \"Shesmiled。Itwasawintrygleambutitineffablysoftenedherface。 Ibecameconsciousofamovementofpitytowardsher。 \"\'Youhaveahardlot,\'remarkedI。\'Yourlifemustbeasadone。\' \"Sheflasheduponmeoneglanceofherdarkeye。\'Iwasbornforhardship,\'saidshe,\'but——\'andasuddenwildshudderseizedher,\'butnotforcrime。\' \"Thewordfelllikeadropofbloodwrungfromherheart。 \"\'Goodheavens!\'criedI,\'andmustyou——\' \"\'No,\'rangfromherlipsinaclarion-likepeal;\'somethingscuttheverybondsofnature。Iamnotcalledupontocleavetowhatwilldragmeintoinfamy。\'Thencalmly,asifspeakingofthemostordinarymatterintheworld,\'Ishallnevergobacktothathousewehaveleftbehindus,sir。\' \"\'But,\'criedI,glancingatherscantygarments,\'wherewillyougo? Whatwillyoudo?Youareyoung——\' \"\'Andverystrong,\'sheinterrupted。\'Donotfearforme。\'Andhersmilewaslikeaburstofsuddensunshine。 \"Isaidnomorethatnight。 \"ButwheninthemorningIstumbleduponhersittinginthekitchenreadingabooknotonlyaboveherpositionbutbeyondheryears,asuddenimpulseseizedmeandIaskedherifshewouldliketobeeducated。Theinstantaneousilluminingofherwholefacewassufficientreplywithoutherlowemphaticwords,\"\'Iwouldbecontenttostudyonmykneestoknowwhatsomewomendo,whomIhaveseen。\' \"ItisnotnecessaryformetorelatewithwhatpleasureIcaughtattheideathatherewasachancetorepayinsomeslightmeasuretheinestimablefavorshehaddoneme;norbywhatargumentsIfinallywonhertoacceptaneducationatmyhandsassomesortofrecompenseforthelifeshehadsaved。Theadvantagewhichitwouldgiveherinherstrugglewiththeworldsheseemeddulytoappreciate,butthatsogreatafavorcouldbeshownherwithoutcausingmemuchtroubleandanunwarrantableexpense,shecouldnotatoncebebroughttocomprehend,andtillshecould,sheheldoutwiththatgentlebutinflexiblewillofhers。Thebattle,however,waswonatlastandI leftherinthatlittlecottage,withtheunderstandingthatassoonasthemattercouldbearranged,shewastoenteracertainboarding-schoolinTroywiththemistressofwhichIwasacquainted。 MeanwhileshewastogoouttoserviceatMelvilleandearnenoughmoneytoprovideherselfwithclothes。 \"IwasacarelessfellowinthosedaysbutIkeptmypromisetothatgirl。Inotonlyenteredherintothatschoolforacourseofthreeyears,butactingthroughitsmistresswhohadtakenagreatfancytoher,suppliedherwiththenecessitiesherpositionrequired。Itwassoeasy;merelythesigningofacheckfromtimetotime,anditwasdone。IsaythisbecauseIreallythinkifithadinvolvedanypersonalsacrificeonmypart,evenofanhourofmytime,orthelaborofathought,Ishouldnothavedoneit。Forwithmyreturntothecitymyinterestinmycousinrevived,absorbingmetosuchanextentthatanymatterdisconnectedwithhersoonlostallcharmforme。 \"Twoyearspassed;IwastheslaveofEvelynBlake,buttherewasnoengagementbetweenus。Myfather\'sdeterminedoppositionwasenoughtopreventthat。ButtherewasanunderstandingwhichIfondlyhopedwouldonedayopenformethewayofhappiness。ButIdidnotknowmyfather。Sickashewas——hewasatthattimelaboringunderthediseasewhichinacoupleofmonthslaterborehimtothetomb——hekeptaneyeuponmymovementsandseemedtoprobemyinmostheart。Atlasthecametoadefinitedecisionandspoke。 \"Hiswordsopenedaworldofdismaybeforeme。Iwashisonlychild,asheremarked,andithadbeenandwasthedesireofhishearttoleavemeasrichandindependentamanashimself。ButIseemeddisposedtocommitoneofthoseactsagainstwhichhehadthemostdeterminedprejudice;marriagebetweencousinsbeinginhiseyesanunsanctifiedanddangerousproceeding,liabletoconsequencesthemostunhappy。IfIpersisted,hemustwillhispropertyelsewhere。TheBlakeestateshouldneverdescendwiththesealofhisapprobationtoaraceofprobableimbeciles。 \"Norwasthisenough。HenotonlyrobbedmeofthewomanIloved,butwithaclearinsightintothefuture,Ipresume,insisteduponmymarryingsomeoneelseofrespectabilityandworthbeforehedied。 \'Anyonewhoseappearancewilldoyoucreditandwhosevirtueisbeyondreproach,\'saidhe。\'Idon\'taskhertoberichoreventheoffspringofoneofouroldfamilies。Letherbegoodandpureandofnoconnectiontous,andIwillblessherandyouwithmydyingbreath。\' \"Theideahadseizeduponhimwithgreatforce,andIsoonsawhewasnottobeshakenoutofit。Toallmyobjectionshereturnedbuttheoneword,\"\'Idon\'trestrictyourchoiceandIgiveyouamonthinwhichtomakeit。Ifattheendofthattimeyoucannotbringyourbridetomybedside,Imustlookaroundforanheirwhowillnotthwartmydyingwishes。\'\" \"Amonth!Isurveyedthefashionablebellesthatnightlythrongedtheparlorsofmyfriendsandfeltmyheartsinkwithinme。Takeoneofthemformywife,lovinganotherwoman?Impossible。Womenlikethesedemandedsomethinginreturnforthehonortheyconferreduponamanbymarryinghim。Wealth?theyhadit。Position?thatwastheirsalso。Consideration?ah,whatconsiderationhadItogive?Iturnedfromthemwithdistaste。 \"MycousinEvelyngavemenohelp。Shewasaproudwomanandlovedmymoneyandmyexpectationsasmuchasshedidme。 \"\'Ifyoumustmarryanotherwomantoretainyourwealth,marry,saidshe,\'butdonotmarryoneofmyassociates。Iwillhavenorivalinmyownempire;yourwifemustbeaplainerandalessaspiringwomanthanEvelynBlake。Yetdonotdiscredityourname,——whichismine,\' shewouldalwaysadd。 \"Meanwhilethedaysflewby。Ifmyownconsciencehadallowedmetoforgetthefact,myfather\'seagerlyinquiring,butsternlyunrelentinggazeasIcameeacheveningtohisbedside,wouldhavekeptitsufficientlyinmymind。Ibegantofeellikeoneinthepowerofsomehugecrushingmachinewhoseslowlydescendingweightheinvainendeavorstoescape。 \"HoworwhenthethoughtofLuttrafirstcrossedmymindIcannotsay。 AtfirstIrecoiledatthesuggestionandputitawayfrommeindisdain;butiteverrecurredandwithitsomanyargumentsinherfavorthatbeforelongIfoundmyselfregardingitasarefuge。Tobesureshewasawaifandastray,butthatseemedtobethekindofwifedemandedofme。Shewasalliedtoroguesifnotvillains,I knew;butthenhadshenotcutallconnectionwiththem,droppedawayfromthem,plantedherfeetonnewgroundwhichtheywouldneverinvade?Icommencedtocherishtheidea。Withthisfriendless,grateful,unassumingprotegeeofmineforawife,Iwouldbeaslittleboundasmightbe。Shewouldasknothing,andIneedgivenothing,beyondahomeandthecommonattentionsrequiredofagentlemanandafriend。Thenshewasnotdisagreeable,norwasherbeautyofatypetosuggestthecharmsofherIhadlost。Noneofthegracesofthehaughtypatricianladywhoselightestgesturewasacommand,wouldappearinthishumblegirl,tomockandconstrainme。 No,Ishouldhaveafairwifeandanobedientone,butnovulgarizedshadowofEvelyn,thankGod,orofanyofherfashionablydressedfriends。 \"Advancedthusfartowardstheend,IwenttoseeLuttraIhadnotbeheldhersincethemorningwepartedatthedoorofthatlittlecottageinVermont,andherpresencecausedmeashock。This,thehumblewaifwiththeappealinggratefuleyesIhadexpectedtoencounter?thistallandslendercreaturewithanaureolaofgoldenhairaboutafacethatitwasaneducationtobehold!IfeltahalfmovementofangerasIsurveyedher。Ihadbeencheated;Ihadplantedagrapeseedandapalmtreehadsprungupinitsplace。I wassotakenaback,mysalutelostsomethingofthebenevolentcondescensionIhadintendedtoinfuseintoit。Sheseemedtofeelmyembarassmentandahalfsmileflutteredtoherlips。Thatsmiledecidedme。Itwassweetbutaboveallelseitwasappealing。 \"HowIwonthatwomantomarrymeintendaystimeIcarenottostate。Notbyholdingupmywealthandpositionbeforeher。 Somethingrestrainedmefromthat。Iwasresolved,andperhapsitwastheonlypointoflightinmyconductatthattime,nottobuythisyounggirl。Ineverspokeofmyexpectations,IneveralludedtomypresentadvantagesyetIwonher。 \"Weweremarried,there,inTroyinthequietestandmostunpretendingmanner。WhythefacthasnevertranspiredIcannotsay。Icertainlytooknoespecialpainstoconcealitatthetime,thoughI acknowledgethatafterourseparationIdidresorttosuchmeasuresasIthoughtnecessary,tosuppresswhathadbecomegallandwormwoodtomypride。 \"MyfirstmoveaftertheceremonywastobringherimmediatelytoNewYorkandtothishouse。Withperhapsapardonablebitternessofspirit,Ihadrefrainedfromanynotificationofmyintentions,anditwasasstrangersmightenteranunprepareddwelling,thatwesteppedacrossthethresholdofthishouseandpassedimmediatelytomyfather\'sroom。 \"\'Icangiveyounoweddingandnohoneymoon,\'Ihadtoldher。\'Myfatherisdyinganddemandsmycare。Fromthealtartoadeath-bedmaybesadforyou,butitisaninevitableconditionofyourmarriagewithme。\'Andshehadacceptedherfatewithadeepunspeakablesmileithastakenmelongmonthsoflonelinessandsufferingtounderstand。 \"\'Father,Ibringyoumybride,\'weremyfirstwordstohimasthedoorclosedbehindusshuttingusinwiththedread,invisiblePresencethatforsolongatimehadbeenrelentlesslyadvancinguponourhome。 \"Ishallneverforgethowherousedhimselfinhisbed,norwithwhateagereyeshereadheryoungfaceandsurveyedherslightformswayingtowardshiminhersuddenemotionlikeaflameinabreeze。 NorwhileIliveshallIlosesightofthespasmofuncontrollablejoywithwhichheliftedhisagedarmstowardsher,northelookwithwhichshesprangfrommysideandnestled,yesnestled,onthebreastthatnevertomyremembrancehadopeneditselftomeevenintheyearsofmyearliestchildhood。Formyfatherwasasternmanwhobelievedinholdingloveatarm\'slengthandmeasuredaffectionbythedepthofaweitinspired。 \"\'Mydaughter!\'brokefromhislips,andheneverinquiredwhoshewasorwhat;no,notevenwhenafteramomentofsilencesheraisedherheadandwithasuddenlowcryofpassionatelonginglookedinhisfaceandmurmured,\"\'Ineverhadafather。\' \"Sirs,itisimpossibleformetocontinuewithoutrevealingdepthsofprideandbitternessinmyownnature,fromwhichInowshrinkwithunspeakablepain。Sofarfrombeingtouchedbythisscene,Ifeltmyselfgrowhardunderit。Ifhehadbeendisappointedinmychoice,queriedatitorevenbeensimplypleasedatmyobedience,ImighthaveacceptedthewifeIhadwon,andbeentolerablygrateful。Buttoloveher,admireher,gloryinherwhenEvelynBlakehadneversucceededinwinningaglancefromhiseyesthatwasnotapublicdisapprobation!Icouldnotendureit;mywholebeingrebelled,andamovementlikehatetookpossessionofme。 \"Biddingmywifetoleavemewithmyfatheralone,Iscarcelywaitedforthedoortocloseuponthepooryoungthingbeforeallthathadbeenseethinginmybreastforamonth,burstfrommeintheonecry,\"\'Ihavebroughtyouadaughterasyoucommandedme。Nowgivemetheblessingyoupromisedandletmego;forIcannotlivewithawomanI donotlove。\' \"Instantly,andbeforehislipscouldmove,thedooropenedandthewomanIthusrepudiatedinthefirstdawninghourofheryoungbliss,stoodbeforeus。MyGod!whataface!WhenIthinkofitnowinthenightseason——whenfromdreamsthatgloomyastheyare,areoftenelysiantothethoughtswhichbesetmeinmywakinghours,Isuddenlyarousetoseestartinguponmefromthesurroundingshadowsthatyoungfairbrowwithitshaloofgoldentresses,blotted,ayblottedbytheagonythatturnedherthatinstantintostone,IwonderIdidnottakeoutthepistolthatlayinthetablenearwhichIstood,andshootherlifelessonthespotassomesortofacompensationforthemiseryIhadcausedher。IsayIwondernow:thenIonlythoughtofbravingitout。 \"Straightasadart,butwiththatlookonherface,shecametowardsus。\'DidIheararight?\'werethewordsthatcamefromherlips。 \'Haveyoumarriedme,awomanbeneathyourstationasInowperceive,becauseyouwerecommandedtodoso?Haveyounotlovedme?givenmethatwhichalonemakesmarriageasacramentorevenapossibility? andmustyouleavethishousemadesacredbytherecumbentformofyourdyingfatherifIremainwithinit?\' \"Isawmyfather\'sstiffandpallidlipsmovesilentlyasthoughhewouldanswerformeifhecould,andsummoningupwhatcourageI possessed,ItoldherthatIdeeplyregrettedshehadoverheardmyinconsideratewords。ThatIhadnevermeanttowoundher,whateverbitternesslayinmyhearttowardsonewhohadthwartedmeinmydearestandmostcherishedhopes。ThatIhumblybeggedherpardonandwouldsofaracknowledgeherclaimuponmeastopromisethatIwouldnotleavemyhomeatthistime,ifitdistressedher;mydesirebeingnottoinjureher,onlytoprotectmyself。 \"Othescornthatmountedtoherbrowattheseweakwords。Notscornofme,thankGod,worthyasIwasofitthathour,butscornofmyslightopinionofher。 \"\'ThenIheardaright,\'shemurmured,andwaitedwithalookthatwouldnotbegainsaid。 \"Icouldonlybowmyhead,cursingthedayIwasborn。 \"\'Holman!Holman!\'cameinagonizedentreatyfromthebed,\'youwillnotrobmeofmydaughternow?\' \"Startled,Ilookedup。Luttrawashalfwaytothedoor。 \"\'Whatareyougoingtodo?\'criedI,boundingtowardsher。 \"Shestoppedmewithalook。\'Thesonmustneverforsakethefather,\' saidshe。\'Ifeitherofusmustleavethehousethisday,letitbeI。\'Theninasoftertone,\'Whenyouaskedmetobeyourwife,Iwhohadworshippedyoufromthemomentyouenteredmyfather\'shouseonthememorablenightIleftit,wassoovercomeatyourcondescensionthatIforgotyoudidnotprefaceitbytheusualpassionate,\'Iloveyou,\'whichmorethanthemarriageringbindstwoheartstogether。Intheglamourandglowofmyjoy,Ididnotseethatthesmilethatwasinmyheart,wasmissingfromyourface。Iwastobeyourwifeandthatwasenough,orsoIthoughtthen,forIlovedyou。Ah,andIdonow,myhusband,loveyousothatIleaveyou。WereitforyourhappinessIwoulddomorethanthat,Iwouldgiveyoubackyourfreedom,butfromwhatIhear,itseemsthatyouneedawifeinnameandIwillbebutfulfillingyourdesireinholdingthatplaceforyou。Iwillneverdisgracethepositionhighasitisabovemypoordeserts。Whenthedaycomes——ifthedaycomes——thatyouneedorfeelyouneedthesustainmentofmypresenceorthedevotionofmyheart,nopoweronearthsavethatofdeathitself,shallkeepmefromyourside。TillthatdayarrivesIremainwhatyouhavemademe,abridewholaysnoclaimtothenameyouthismorningbestoweduponher。\'Andwithagesturethatwaslikeabenediction,sheturned,andnoiselessly,breathlesslyasadreamthatvanishes,lefttheroom。 \"Sirs,IbelieveIutteredacryandstumbledtowardsher。Someoneinthatroomutteredacry,butitmaybethatitonlyroseinmyheartandthattheoneIheardcamefrommyfather\'slips。ForwhenatthedoorIturned,startledatthedeathlysilence,Isawhehadfaintedonhispillow。Icouldnotleavehimso。CallingtoMrs。Daniels,whowasneverfarfrommyfatherinthosedays,Ibadeherstopthelady——IbelieveIcalledhermywife——whowasgoingdownthestairs,andthenrushedtohisside。Ittookminutestorevivehim。Whenhecametohimselfitwastoaskforthecreaturewhohadflashedlikeabeaconoflightuponhisdarkeningpath。IroseasiftofetchherbutbeforeIcouldadvanceIheardavoicesay,\'Sheisnothere,\' andlookingupIsawMrs。Danielsglideintotheroom。 \"\'Mrs。Blakehasgone,sir,Icouldnotkeepher。\' CHAPTERXIII AMAN\'SHEART \"ThatwasthelasttimemyeyeseverIresteduponmywife。Whithershewentorwhatrefugeshegained,Ineverknew。Myfatherwhohadreceivedinthissceneagreatshock,begantofailsorapidly,hedemandedmyconstantcare;andthoughfromtimetotimeasI ministeredtohimandnotedwithwhatayearningpersistencyhewouldeyethedoorandthenturnandmeetmygazewithalookIcouldnotunderstand,IcaughtmyselfaskingwhetherIhaddoneadeeddestinedtohangforeveraboutmelikeapall;itwasnottillafterhisdeaththatthedespairingimageofthebrightyoungcreaturetowhomIhadgivenmyname,returnedwithanystartlingdistinctnesstomymind,orthatIallowedmyselftoaskwhethertheheavygloomwhichInowfeltsettlinguponmewasowingtothesenseofshamethatoverpoweredmeattheremembranceofthepast,ortothepossiblelossIhadsustainedinthedepartureofmyyoungunlovedbride。 \"TheannouncementatthistimeoftheengagementbetweenEvelynBlakeandtheCountDeMiracmayhavehadsomethingtodowiththis。ThoughIhadneverinthemostpassionatehoursofmyloveforher,lostsightofthatsideofhernaturewhichdemandedasherrighttheluxuryofgreatwealth;andthoughinmytacitabandonmentofherandsecretmarriagewithanotherIhadcertainlylosttherighttocomplainofheractionswhatevertheymightbe,thismanifestsurrenderingofherselftothepowerofwealthandshowatthepriceofallthatwomenarebelievedtoholddear,wasanundoubtedblowtomyprideandtheconfidenceIhadtillnowunconsciouslyreposedinherinherentwomanlinessandaffection。Thatshehadbutmadeonamoreconspicuousscale,thesamesacrificeasmyselftothegodofWealthandPosition,wasinmyeyesatthattime,nopalliationofherconduct。Iwasamannonetoogoodorexaltedatthebest;she,awoman,shouldhavebeensuperiortothetemptationsthatoverpoweredme。Thatshewasnot,seemedtodragallwomanhoodalittlenearerthedust;fashionablewomanhoodIoughttosay,forsomehowevenatthatearlydayherconductdidnotseemtoaffectthevividimageofLuttrastandinguponmythreshold,shornofherjoybutburningwithadevotionIdidnotcomprehend,andsaying,\"\'Ilovedyou。Ah,andIdoyet,myhusband,loveyousothatIleaveyou。Whenthedaycomes——ifthedaycomes——youneedorfeelyouneedthesustainmentofmypresenceorthedevotionofmyheart,nopoweronearthsavethatofdeathitself,shallkeepmefromyourside。\' \"Yes,withthefadingawayofotherfacesandotherforms,thatfaceandthatformnowbegantousurpthechiefplaceinmythoughts。Nottomyreliefandpleasure。Thatcouldscarcelybe,rememberingallthathadoccurred;rathertomyincreasingdistressandpassionateresentment。IlongedtoforgetIwasheldbyatie,thatknowntotheworldwouldcausemethebitterestshame。ForbythistimethetruecharacterofherfatherandbrotherhadbeenrevealedandI foundmyselfboundtothedaughterofaconvictedcriminal。 \"ButIcouldnotforgether。Thelookwithwhichshehadleftmewasbrandedintomyconsciousness。Nightanddayitfloatedbeforeme,tilltoescapeitIresolvedtofastenituponcanvas,ifbythatmeansImightsucceedineliminatingitfrommydreams。 \"Thepaintingyouhaveseenthisnightistheresult。Bornwithanartist\'stouchandinsightthatunderothercircumstancesmight,perhaps,haveraisedmeintothecolddryatmosphereoffame,theexecutionofthispieceofwork,presentedbutfewdifficultiestomysomewhataccustomedhand。Daybydayherbeautygrewbeneathmybrush,startlingmeoftenwithitsspiritualforceandsignificancetillmymindgrewfeverishoveritswork,andIcouldscarcelyrefrainfromrisingatnighttogiveatouchhereortheretothefloatinggoldenhairorthepiercing,tendereyesturned,ah,everturnedupontheinmostcitadelofmyheartwiththatlookthatslewmyfatherbeforehistimeandmademe,yesme,oldinspiritevenintheardentyearsofmyfirstmanhood。