第25章

Thatisacaseofreallyunjustifiablecompounding； becauseitnotonlysavesnotimeortrouble，butconfersatitleonMrs。Johnsonwhichshehasnorightto。 Buttheselittleinstancesaretriflesindeed，contrastedwiththeponderousanddismalGermansystemofpilingjumbledcompoundstogether。Iwishtosubmitthefollowinglocalitem，fromaMannheimjournal，bywayofillustration: \"Inthedaybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno\'clockNight，theinthistownstandingtaverncalled\'TheWagoner\'wasdownburnt。 WhenthefiretotheonthedownburninghouserestingStork\'sNestreached，flewtheparentStorksaway。Butwhenthebytheraging，firesurroundedNestITSELFcaughtFire，straightwayplungedthequickreturningMother-StorkintotheFlamesanddied，herWingsoverheryoungonesoutspread。\" EventhecumbersomeGermanconstructionisnotabletotakethepathosoutofthatpicture——indeed，itsomehowseemstostrengthenit。Thisitemisdatedawaybackyondermonthsago。Icouldhaveuseditsooner，butI waswaitingtohearfromtheFather-stork。Iamstillwaiting。 \"ALSO!\"IfIhadnotshownthattheGermanisadifficultlanguage，Ihaveatleastintendedtodoso。 IhaveheardofanAmericanstudentwhowasaskedhowhewasgettingalongwithhisGerman，andwhoansweredpromptly:\"Iamnotgettingalongatall。Ihaveworkedatithardforthreelevelmonths，andallIhavegottoshowforitisonesolitaryGermanphrase——\'ZWEIGLAS\'\" (twoglassesofbeer)。Hepausedforamoment，reflectively； thenaddedwithfeeling:\"ButI\'vegotthatSOLID!\" AndifIhavenotalsoshownthatGermanisaharassingandinfuriatingstudy，myexecutionhasbeenatfault，andnotmyintent。IheardlatelyofawornandsorelytriedAmericanstudentwhousedtoflytoacertainGermanwordforreliefwhenhecouldbearupunderhisaggravationsnolonger——theonlywordwhosesoundwassweetandprecioustohisearandhealingtohislaceratedspirit。 ThiswasthewordDAMIT。ItwasonlytheSOUNDthathelpedhim，notthemeaning；[3]andso，atlast，whenhelearnedthattheemphasiswasnotonthefirstsyllable，hisonlystayandsupportwasgone，andhefadedawayanddied。 3。Itmerelymeans，initsgeneralsense，\"herewith。\" Ithinkthatadescriptionofanyloud，stirring，tumultuousepisodemustbetamerinGermanthaninEnglish。 Ourdescriptivewordsofthischaracterhavesuchadeep，strong，resonantsound，whiletheirGermanequivalentsdoseemsothinandmildandenergyless。 Boom，burst，crash，roar，storm，bellow，blow，thunder，explosion；howl，cry，shout，yell，groan；battle，hell。 Thesearemagnificentwords；thehaveaforceandmagnitudeofsoundbefittingthethingswhichtheydescribe。 ButtheirGermanequivalentswouldbeeversonicetosingthechildrentosleepwith，orelsemyawe-inspiringearsweremadefordisplayandnotforsuperiorusefulnessinanalyzingsounds。WouldanymanwanttodieinabattlewhichwascalledbysotameatermasaSCHLACHT? Orwouldnotacomsumptivefeeltoomuchbundledup，whowasabouttogoout，inashirt-collarandaseal-ring，intoastormwhichthebird-songwordGEWITTERwasemployedtodescribe?AndobservethestrongestoftheseveralGermanequivalentsforexplosion——AUSBRUCH。OurwordToothbrushismorepowerfulthanthat。ItseemstomethattheGermanscoulddoworsethanimportitintotheirlanguagetodescribeparticularlytremendousexplosionswith。 TheGermanwordforhell——Ho\"lle——soundsmorelikeHELLY thananythingelse；therefore，hownecessarychipper，frivolous，andunimpressiveitis。IfamanweretoldinGermantogothere，couldhereallyrisetotheedignityoffeelinginsulted? Havingpointedout，indetail，theseveralvicesofthislanguage，Inowcometothebriefandpleasanttaskofpointingoutitsvirtues。ThecapitalizingofthenounsIhavealreadymentioned。Butfarbeforethisvirtuestandsanother——thatofspellingawordaccordingtothesoundofit。 Afteroneshortlessoninthealphabet，thestudentcantellhowanyGermanwordispronouncedwithouthavingtoask； whereasinourlanguageifastudentshouldinquireofus，\"WhatdoesB，O，W，spell?\"weshouldbeobligedtoreply，\"Nobodycantellwhatitspellswhenyousetifoffbyitself； youcanonlytellbyreferringtothecontextandfindingoutwhatitsignifies——whetheritisathingtoshootarrowswith，oranodofone\'shead，ortheforwardendofaboat。\" TherearesomeGermanwordswhicharesingularlyandpowerfullyeffective。Forinstance，thosewhichdescribelowly，peaceful，andaffectionatehomelife； thosewhichdealwithlove，inanyandallforms，frommerekindlyfeelingandhonestgoodwilltowardthepassingstranger，clearuptocourtship；thosewhichdealwithoutdoorNature，initssoftestandloveliestaspects——withmeadowsandforests，andbirdsandflowers，thefragranceandsunshineofsummer，andthemoonlightofpeacefulwinternights；inaword，thosewhichdealwithanyandallformsofrest，respose，andpeace；thosealsowhichdealwiththecreaturesandmarvelsoffairyland； andlastlyandchiefly，inthosewordswhichexpresspathos，isthelanguagesurpassinglyrichandaffective。ThereareGermansongswhichcanmakeastrangertothelanguagecry。 ThatshowsthattheSOUNDofthewordsiscorrect——itinterpretsthemeaningswithtruthandwithexactness； andsotheearisinformed，andthroughtheear，theheart。 TheGermansdonotseemtobeafraidtorepeatawordwhenitistherightone。theyrepeatitseveraltimes，iftheychoose。Thatiswise。ButinEnglish，whenwehaveusedawordacoupleoftimesinaparagraph，weimaginewearegrowingtautological，andsoweareweakenoughtoexchangeitforsomeotherwordwhichonlyapproximatesexactness，toescapewhatwewronglyfancyisagreaterblemish。Repetitionmaybebad，butsurelyinexactnessisworse—— Therearepeopleintheworldwhowilltakeagreatdealoftroubletopointoutthefaultsinareligionoralanguage，andthengoblandlyabouttheirbusinesswithoutsuggestinganyremedy。Iamnotthatkindofperson。IhaveshownthattheGermanlanguageneedsreforming。Verywell，Iamreadytoreformit。 AtleastIamreadytomakethepropersuggestions。 Suchacourseasthismightbeimmodestinanother；butI havedevotedupwardofninefullweeks，firstandlast，toacarefulandcriticalstudyofthistongue，andthushaveacquiredaconfidenceinmyabilitytoreformitwhichnomeresuperficialculturecouldhaveconferreduponme。 Inthefirstplace，IwouldleaveouttheDativecase。 Itconfusestheplurals；and，besides，nobodyeverknowswhenheisintheDativecase，excepthediscoveritbyaccident——andthenhedoesnotknowwhenorwhereitwasthathegotintoit，orhowlonghehasbeeninit，orhowheisgoingtogetoutofitagain。TheDativecaseisbutanornamentalfolly——itisbettertodiscardit。 Inthenextplace，IwouldmovetheVerbfurtheruptothefront。YoumayloadupwitheversogoodaVerb，butInoticethatyouneverreallybringdownasubjectwithitatthepresentGermanrange——youonlycrippleit。 SoIinsistthatthisimportantpartofspeechshouldbebroughtforwardtoapositionwhereitmaybeeasilyseenwiththenakedeye。 Thirdly，IwouldimportsomestrongwordsfromtheEnglishtongue——toswearwith，andalsotouseindescribingallsortsofvigorousthingsinavigorousways。[4] 4。\"Verdammt，\"anditsvariationsandenlargements，arewordswhichhaveplentyofmeaning，buttheSOUNDS aresomildandineffectualthatGermanladiescanusethemwithoutsin。Germanladieswhocouldnotbeinducedtocommitasinbyanypersuasionorcompulsion，promptlyripoutoneoftheseharmlesslittlewordswhentheyteartheirdressesordon\'tlikethesoup。Itsoundsaboutaswickedasour\"Mygracious。\"Germanladiesareconstantlysaying，\"Ach!Gott!\"\"MeinGott!\"\"GottinHimmel!\"\"HerrGott\" \"DerHerrJesus!\"etc。Theythinkourladieshavethesamecustom，perhaps；forIonceheardagentleandlovelyoldGermanladysaytoasweetyoungAmericangirl: \"Thetwolanguagesaresoalike——howpleasantthatis； wesay\'Ach!Gott!\'yousay\'Goddamn。\'\" Fourthly，Iwouldreorganizesthesexes，anddistributethemaccordinglytothewillofthecreator。Thisasatributeofrespect，ifnothingelse。 Fifthly，Iwoulddoawaywiththosegreatlongcompoundedwords；orrequirethespeakertodelivertheminsections，withintermissionsforrefreshments。 Towhollydoawaywiththemwouldbebest，forideasaremoreeasilyreceivedanddigestedwhentheycomeoneatatimethanwhentheycomeinbulk。Intellectualfoodislikeanyother；itispleasanterandmorebeneficialtotakeitwithaspoonthanwithashovel。 Sixthly，Iwouldrequireaspeakertostopwhenheisdone，andnothangastringofthoseuseless\"havensindgewesengehabthabengewordenseins\"totheendofhisoration。 Thissortofgewgawsundignifyaspeech，insteadofaddingagrace。Theyare，therefore，anoffense，andshouldbediscarded。 Seventhly，IwoulddiscardtheParenthesis。Alsothereparenthesis，there-reparenthesis，andthere-re-re-re-re-reparentheses，andlikewisethefinalwide-reachingall-enclosingking-parenthesis。Iwouldrequireeveryindividual，behehighorlow，tounfoldaplainstraightforwardtale，orelsecoilitandsitonitandholdhispeace。 Infractionsofthislawshouldbepunishablewithdeath。 Andeighthly，andlast，IwouldretainZUGandSCHLAG，withtheirpendants，anddiscardtherestofthevocabulary。 Thiswouldsimplifythelanguage。 IhavenownamedwhatIregardasthemostnecessaryandimportantchanges。TheseareperhapsallIcouldbeexpectedtonamefornothing；butthereareothersuggestionswhichIcanandwillmakeincasemyproposedapplicationshallresultinmybeingformallyemployedbythegovernmentintheworkofreformingthelanguage。 MyphilologicalstudieshavesatisfiedmethatagiftedpersonoughttolearnEnglish(barringspellingandpronouncing) inthirtyhours，Frenchinthirtydays，andGermaninthirtyyears。Itseemsmanifest，then，thatthelattertongueoughttobetrimmeddownandrepaired。 Ifitistoremainasitis，itoughttobegentlyandreverentlysetasideamongthedeadlanguages，foronlythedeadhavetimetolearnit。 AFOURTHOFJULYORATIONINTHEGERMANTONGUE，DELIVEREDAT ABANQUETOFTHEANGLO-AMERICANCLUBOFSTUDENTSBYTHE AUTHOROFTHISBOOK Gentlemen:SinceIarrived，amonthago，inthisoldwonderland，thisvastgardenofGermany，myEnglishtonguehassooftenprovedauselesspieceofbaggagetome，andsotroublesometocarryaround，inacountrywheretheyhaven\'tthecheckingsystemforluggage，thatI finallysettowork，andlearnedtheGermanlanguage。 Also!Esfreutmichdassdiessoist，dennesmuss，ineinhaupts:achlichdegree，h:oflichsein，dassmanaufeinoccasionlikethis，seinRedeindieSprachedesLandesworinheboards，aussprechensoll。Daf:urhabeich，ausreinischeVerlegenheit——no，Vergangenheit——no，I meanHoflichkeit——ausreinisheHoflichkeithabeichresolvedtotacklethisbusinessintheGermanlanguage，umGotteswillen!Also!Siemu\"ssensofreundlichsein，undverzeihmichdieinterlardingvoneinoderzweiEnglischerWorte，hieundda，dennichfindedassdiedeutscheisnotaverycopiouslanguage，andsowhenyou\'vereallygotanythingtosay，you\'vegottodrawonalanguagethatcanstandthestrain。 WennhabermankannnichtmeinemRedeVerstehen，sowerdeichihmsp:aterdasselbe:ubersetz，wennersolcheDienstverlangenwollenhabenwerdensollenseinh:atte。(Idon\'tknowwhatwollenhabenwerdensollenseinha\"ttemeans，butInoticetheyalwaysputitattheendofaGermansentence——merelyforgeneralliterarygorgeousness，Isuppose。) Thisisagreatandjustlyhonoredday——adaywhichisworthyofthevenerationinwhichitisheldbythetruepatriotsofallclimesandnationalities——adaywhichoffersafruitfulthemeforthoughtandspeech；undmeinemFreunde——no，meinENFreundEN——meinESFreundES——well，takeyourchoice，they\'reallthesameprice；Idon\'tknowwhichoneisright——also!ichhabegehabthabenwordengewesensein，asGoethesaysinhisParadiseLost——ich——ich——thatistosay——ich——butletuschangecars。 Also!DieAnblichsovieleGrossbrittanischerundAmerikanischerhierzusammengetroffeninBruderlicheconcord，istzwarawelcomeandinspiritingspectacle。Andwhathasmovedyoutoit?CantheterseGermantonguerisetotheexpressionofthisimpulse?IsitFreundschaftsbezeigungenstadtverordneten- versammlungenfamilieneigenth:umlichkeiten?Nein，onein!Thisisacrispandnobleword，butitfailstopiercethemarrowoftheimpulsewhichhasgatheredthisfriendlymeetingandproduceddieseAnblick——eineAnblichwelcheistgutzusehen——gutfu\"rdieAugeninaforeignlandandafarcountry——eineAnblicksolchealsindiegew:ohnlicheHeidelbergerphrasenenntmanein\"scho\"nesAussicht!\"Ja，freilichnatu\"rlichwahrscheinlichebensowohl!Also!DieAussichtaufdemK:onigsstuhlmehrgr:osserist，abergeistlischesprechendnichtsoscho\"n，lob\'Gott!Becausesiesindhierzusammengetroffen，inBruderlichemconcord，eingrossenTagzufeirn，whosehighbenefitswerenotforonelandandonelocality，buthaveconferredameasureofgooduponalllandsthatknowlibertytoday，andloveit。HundertJahrevoru\"ber，warendieEngla\"nderunddieAmerikanerFeinde； aberheutsindsieherzlichenFreunde，GottseiDank! Maythisgood-fellowshipendure；maythesebannershereblendedinamitysoremain；maytheyneveranymorewaveoveropposinghosts，orbestainedwithbloodwhichwaskindred，iskindred，andalwayswillbekindred，untilalinedrawnuponamapshallbeabletosay: \"THISbarstheancestralbloodfromflowingintheveinsofthedescendant!\" APPENDIXE LegendoftheCastlesCalledthe\"Swallow\'sNest\"and\"TheBrothers，\" asCondensedfromtheCaptain\'sTaleIntheneighborhoodofthreehundredyearsagotheSwallow\'sNestandthelargercastlebetweenitandNeckarsteinachwereownedandoccupiedbytwooldknightswhoweretwinbrothers，andbachelors。Theyhadnorelatives。 Theywereveryrich。Theyhadfoughtthroughthewarsandretiredtoprivatelife——coveredwithhonorablescars。 Theywerehonest，honorablemenintheirdealings，butthepeoplehadgiventhemacoupleofnicknameswhichwereverysuggestive——HerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartless。 Theoldknightsweresoproudofthesenamesthatifaburghercalledthembytheirrightonestheywouldcorrectthem。 ThemostrenownedscholarinEurope，atthetime，wastheHerrDoctorFranzReikmann，wholivedinHeidelberg。 AllGermanywasproudofthevenerablescholar，wholivedinthesimplestway，forgreatscholarsarealwayspoor。 Hewaspoor，astomoney，butveryrichinhissweetyoungdaughterHildegardeandhislibrary。Hehadbeenallhislifecollectinghislibrary，bookandbook，andheliveditasamiserloveshishoardedgold。 Hesaidthetwostringsofhisheartwererooted，theoneinhisdaughter，theotherinhisbooks；andthatifeitherwereseveredhemustdie。Nowinanevilhour，hopingtowinamarriageportionforhischild，thissimpleoldmanhadentrustedhissmallsavingstoasharpertobeventuredinaglitteringspeculation。Butthatwasnottheworstofit:hesignedapaper——withoutreadingit。 Thatisthewaywithpoetsandscholars；theyalwayssignwithoutreading。Thiscunningpapermadehimresponsibleforheapsofthings。Therestwasthatonenighthefoundhimselfindebttothesharpereightthousandpiecesofgold!——anamountsoprodigiousthatitsimplystupefiedhimtothinkofit。Itwasanightofwoeinthathouse。 \"Imustpartwithmylibrary——Ihavenothingelse。 Soperishesoneheartstring，\"saidtheoldman。 \"Whatwillitbring，father?\"askedthegirl。 \"Nothing!Itisworthsevenhundredpiecesofgold； butbyauctionitwillgoforlittleornothing。\" \"Thenyouwillhavepartedwiththehalfofyourheartandthejoyofyourlifetonopurpose，sincesomightyofburdenofdebtwillremainbehind。\" \"Thereisnohelpforit，mychild。Ourdarlingsmustpassunderthehammer。Wemustpaywhatwecan。\" \"Myfather，IhaveafeelingthatthedearVirginwillcometoourhelp。Letusnotloseheart。\" \"ShecannotdeviseamiraclethatwillturnNOTHINGintoeightthousandgoldpieces，andlesserhelpwillbringuslittlepeace。\" \"Shecandoevengreaterthings，myfather。Shewillsaveus，Iknowshewill。\" Towardmorning，whiletheoldmansatexhaustedandasleepinhischairwherehehadbeensittingbeforehisbooksasonewhowatchesbyhisbeloveddeadandprintsthefeaturesonhismemoryforasolaceintheaftertimeofemptydesolation，hisdaughtersprangintotheroomandgentlywokehim，saying—— \"Mypresentimentwastrue!Shewillsaveus。 Threetimeshassheappearedtomeinmydreams，andsaid，\'GototheHerrGivenaught，gototheHerrHeartless，askthemtocomeandbid。\'There，didInottellyoushewouldsaveus，thethriceblessedVirgin!\" Sadastheoldmanwas，hewasobligedtolaugh。 \"Thoumightestaswellappealtotherockstheircastlesstanduponastotheharderonesthatlieinthosemen\'sbreasts，mychild。THEYbidonbookswritinthelearnedtongues!——theycanscarcereadtheirown。\" ButHildegarde\'sfaithwasinnowiseshaken。 BrightandearlyshewasonherwayuptheNeckarroad，asjoyousasabird。 MeantimeHerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartlesswerehavinganearlybreakfastintheformer\'scastle——theSparrow\'sNest——andflavoringitwithaquarrel；foralthoughthesetwinsborealoveforeachotherwhichalmostamountedtoworship，therewasonesubjectuponwhichtheycouldnottouchwithoutcallingeachotherhardnames—— andyetitwasthesubjectwhichtheyoftenesttouchedupon。 \"Itellyou，\"saidGivenaught，\"youwillbeggaryourselfyetwithyourinsanesquanderingsofmoneyuponwhatyouchoosetoconsiderpoorandworthyobjects。 AlltheseyearsIhaveimploredyoutostopthisfoolishcustomandhusbandyourmeans，butallinvain。 Youarealwayslyingtomeaboutthesesecretbenevolences，butyouneverhavemanagedtodeceivemeyet。EverytimeapoordevilhasbeensetuponhisfeetIhavedetectedyourhandinit——incorrigibleass!\" \"Everytimeyoudidn\'tsethimonhisfeetyourself，youmean。WhereIgiveoneunfortunatealittleprivatelift，youdothesameforadozen。TheideaofYOURswellingaroundthecountryandpettingyourselfwiththenicknameofGivenaught——intolerablehumbug!BeforeIwouldbesuchafraudasthat，Iwouldcutmyrighthandoff。 Yourlifeisacontinuallie。Butgoon，IhavetriedMY besttosaveyoufrombeggaringyourselfbyyourriotouscharities——nowforthethousandthtimeIwashmyhandsoftheconsequences。Amaunderingoldfool!that\'swhatyouare。\" \"Andyouabletheringoldidiot!\"roaredGivenaught，springingup。 \"Iwon\'tstayinthepresenceofamanwhohasnomoredelicacythantocallmesuchnames。Mannerlessswine!\" Sosaying，HerrHeartlesssprangupinapassion。 Butsomeluckyaccidentintervened，asusual，tochangethesubject，andthedailyquarrelendedinthecustomarydailylivingreconciliation。Thegray-headedoldeccentricsparted，andHerrHeartlesswalkedofftohisowncastle。 Halfanhourlater，HildegardewasstandinginthepresenceofHerrGivenaught。Heheardherstory，andsaid—— \"Iamsorryforyou，mychild，butIamverypoor，Icarenothingforbookishrubbish，Ishallnotbethere。\" Hesaidthehardwordskindly，buttheynearlybrokepoorHildegarde\'sheart，nevertheless。Whenshewasgonetheoldheartbreakermuttered，rubbinghishands—— \"Itwasagoodstroke。Ihavesavedmybrother\'spocketthistime，inspiteofhim。Nothingelsewouldhavepreventedhisrushingofftorescuetheoldscholar，theprideofGermany，fromhistrouble。Thepoorchildwon\'tventurenearHIMaftertherebuffshehasreceivedfromhisbrothertheGivenaught。\" Buthewasmistaken。TheVirginhadcommanded，andHildegardewouldobey。ShewenttoHerrHeartlessandtoldherstory。Buthesaidcoldly—— \"Iamverypoor，mychild，andbooksarenothingtome。 Iwishyouwell，butIshallnotcome。\" WhenHildegardewasgone，hechuckledandsaid—— \"Howmyfoolofasoft-headedsoft-heartedbrotherwouldrageifheknewhowcunninglyIhavesavedhispocket。 Howhewouldhaveflowntotheoldman\'srescue!Butthegirlwon\'tventurenearhimnow。\" WhenHildegardereachedhome，herfatheraskedherhowshehadprospered。Shesaid—— \"TheVirginhaspromised，andshewillkeepherword； butnotinthewayIthought。Sheknowsherownways，andtheyarebest。\" Theoldmanpattedheronthehead，andsmiledadoubtingsmile，buthehonoredherforherbravefaith，nevertheless。 II NextdaythepeopleassembledinthegreathalloftheRittertavern，towitnesstheauction——fortheproprietorhadsaidthetreasureofGermany\'smosthonoredsonshouldbebarteredawayinnomeanerplace。 Hildegardeandherfathersatclosetothebooks，silentandsorrowful，andholdingeachother\'shands。 Therewasagreatcrowdofpeoplepresent。Thebiddingbegan—— \"Howmuchforthispreciouslibrary，justasitstands，allcomplete?\"calledtheauctioneer。 \"Fiftypiecesofgold!\" \"Ahundred!\" \"Twohundred。\" \"Three!\" \"Four!\" \"Fivehundred!\" \"Fivetwenty-five。\" Abriefpause。 \"Fiveforty!\" Alongerpause，whiletheauctioneerredoubledhispersuasions。 \"Five-forty-five!\" Aheavydrag——theauctioneerpersuaded，pleaded，implored——itwasuseless，everybodyremainedsilent—— \"Well，then——going，going——one——two——\" \"Fivehundredandfifty!\" Thisinashrillvoice，fromabentoldman，allhungwithrags，andwithagreenpatchoverhislefteye。 Everybodyinhisvicinityturnedandgazedathim。 ItwasGivenaughtindisguise。Hewasusingadisguisedvoice，too。 \"Good!\"criedtheauctioneer。\"Going，going——one——two——\" \"Fivehundredandsixty!\" This，inadeep，harshvoice，fromthemidstofthecrowdattheotherendoftheroom。Thepeoplenearbyturned，andsawanoldman，inastrangecostume，supportinghimselfoncrutches。Heworealongwhitebeard，andbluespectacles。ItwasHerrHeartless，indisguise，andusingadisguisedvoice。 \"Goodagain!Going，going——one——\" \"Sixhundred!\" Sensation。Thecrowdraisedacheer，andsomeonecriedout，\"Goit，Green-patch!\"Thistickledtheaudienceandascoreofvoicesshouted，\"Goit，Green-patch!\" \"Going——going——going——thirdandlastcall——one——two——\" \"Sevenhundred!\" \"Huzzah!——welldone，Crutches!\"criedavoice。Thecrowdtookitup，andshoutedaltogether，\"Welldone，Crutches!\" \"Splendid，gentlemen!youaredoingmagnificently。 Going，going——\" \"Athousand!\" \"ThreecheersforGreen-patch!Upandathim，Crutches!\" \"Going——going——\" \"Twothousand!\" Andwhilethepeoplecheeredandshouted，\"Crutches\"muttered，\"Whocanthisdevilbethatisfightingsotogettheseuselessbooks?——Butnomatter，hesha\'n\'thavethem。 TheprideofGermanyshallhavehisbooksifitbeggarsmetobuythemforhim。\" \"Going，going，going——\" \"Threethousand!\" \"Come，everybody——givearouserforGreen-patch!\" Andwhiletheydidit，\"Green-patch\"muttered，\"Thiscrippleisplainlyalunatic；buttheoldscholarshallhavehisbooks，nevertheless，thoughmypocketsweatforit。\" \"Going——going——\" \"Fourthousand!\" \"Huzza!\" \"Fivethousand!\" \"Huzza!\" \"Sixthousand!\" \"Huzza!\" \"Seventhousand!\" \"Huzza!\" \"EIGHTthousand!\" \"Wearesaved，father!ItoldyoutheHolyVirginwouldkeepherword!\"\"Blessedbehersacredname!\" saidtheoldscholar，withemotion。Thecrowdroared，\"Huzza，huzza，huzza——athimagain，Green-patch!\" \"Going——going——\" \"TENthousand!\"AsGivenaughtshoutedthis，hisexcitementwassogreatthatheforgothimselfandusedhisnaturalvoice。Hebrotherrecognizedit，andmuttered，undercoverofthestormofcheers—— \"Aha，youarethere，areyou，besottedoldfool?Takethebooks，Iknowwhatyou\'lldowiththem!\" Sosaying，heslippedoutoftheplaceandtheauctionwasatanend。GivenaughtshoulderedhiswaytoHildegarde，whisperedawordinherear，andthenhealsovanished。 Theoldscholarandhisdaughterembraced，andtheformersaid，\"TrulytheHolyMotherhasdonemorethanshepromised，child，forshehasgiveyouasplendidmarriageportion—— thinkofit，twothousandpiecesofgold!\" \"Andmorestill，\"criedHildegarde，\"forshehasgiveyoubackyourbooks；thestrangerwhisperedmethathewouldnoneofthem——\'thehonoredsonofGermanymustkeepthem，\'sohesaid。IwouldImighthaveaskedhisnameandkissedhishandandbeggedhisblessing； buthewasOurLady\'sangel，anditisnotmeetthatweofearthshouldventurespeechwiththemthatdwellabove。\" APPENDIXF GermanJournalsThedailyjournalsofHamburg，Frankfort，Baden，Munich，andAugsburgareallconstructedonthesamegeneralplan。 IspeakofthesebecauseIammorefamiliarwiththemthanwithanyotherGermanpapers。Theycontainno\"editorials\"whatever；no\"personals\"——andthisisratherameritthanademerit，perhaps；nofunny-paragraphcolumn； nopolice-courtreports；noreportsofproceedingsofhighercourts；noinformationaboutprize-fightsorotherdog-fights，horse-races，walking-machines，yachting-contents，rifle-matches，orothersportingmattersofanysort；noreportsofbanquetspeeches； nodepartmentofcuriousoddsandendsoffloatingfactandgossip；no\"rumors\"aboutanythingoranybody； noprognosticationsorpropheciesaboutanythingoranybody； nolistsofpatentsgrantedorsought，oranyreferencetosuchthings；noabuseofpublicofficials，bigorlittle，orcomplaintsagainstthem，orpraisesofthem；noreligiouscolumnsSaturdays，norehashofcoldsermonsMondays； no\"weatherindications\"；no\"localitem\"unveilingofwhatishappeningintown——nothingofalocalnature，indeed，ismentioned，beyondthemovementsofsomeprince，ortheproposedmeetingofsomedeliberativebody。 Aftersoformidablealistofwhatonecan\'tfindinaGermandaily，thequestionmaywellbeasked，WhatCANbefoundinit?Itiseasilyanswered:Achild\'shandfuloftelegrams，mainlyaboutEuropeannationalandinternationalpoliticalmovements；letter-correspondenceaboutthesamethings；marketreports。Thereyouhaveit。 ThatiswhataGermandailyismadeof。AGermandailyistheslowestandsaddestanddreariestoftheinventionsofman。Ourowndailiesinfuriatethereader，prettyoften；theGermandailyonlystupefieshim。 OnceaweektheGermandailyofthehighestclasslightensupitsheavycolumns——thatis，itthinksitlightensthemup——withaprofound，anabysmal，bookcriticism； acriticismwhichcarriesyoudown，down，downintothescientificbowelsofthesubject——fortheGermancriticisnothingifnotscientific——andwhenyoucomeupatlastandscentthefreshairandseethebonnydaylightoncemore，youresolvewithoutadissentingvoicethatabookcriticismisamistakenwaytolightenupaGermandaily。Sometimes，inplaceofthecriticism，thefirst-classdailygivesyouwhatitthinksisagayandchipperessay——aboutancientGrecianfuneralcustoms，ortheancientEgyptianmethodoftarringamummy，orthereasonsforbelievingthatsomeofthepeopleswhoexistedbeforetheflooddidnotapproveofcats。 Thesearenotunpleasantsubjects；theyarenotuninterestingsubjects；theyareevenexcitingsubjects—— untiloneofthesemassivescientistsgetsholdofthem。 Hesoonconvincesyouthateventhesematterscanbehandledinsuchawayastomakeapersonlow-spirited。 AsIhavesaid，theaverageGermandailyismadeupsolelyofcorrespondences——atrifleofitbytelegraph，therestofitbymail。Everyparagraphhastheside-head，\"London，\"\"Vienna，\"orsomeothertown，andadate。 Andalways，beforethenameofthetown，isplacedaletterorasign，toindicatewhothecorrespondentis，sothattheauthoritiescanfindhimwhentheywanttohanghim。 Stars，crosses，triangles，squares，half-moons，suns—— sucharesomeofthesignsusedbycorrespondents。 Someofthedailiesmovetoofast，otherstooslowly。 Forinstance，myHeidelbergdailywasalwaystwenty-fourhoursoldwhenitarrivedatthehotel；butoneofmyMunicheveningpapersusedtocomeafulltwenty-fourhoursbeforeitwasdue。 Someofthelessimportantdailiesgiveoneatablespoonfulofacontinuedstoryeveryday；itisstrungacrossthebottomofthepage，intheFrenchfashion。 BysubscribingforthepaperforfiveyearsIjudgethatamanmightsucceedingettingprettymuchallofthestory。 IfyouaskacitizenofMunichwhichisthebestMunichdailyjournal，hewillalwaystellyouthatthereisonlyonegoodMunichdaily，andthatitispublishedinAugsburg，fortyorfiftymilesaway。ItislikesayingthatthebestdailypaperinNewYorkispublishedoutinNewJerseysomewhere。Yes，theAugsburgALLGEMEINE ZEITUNGis\"thebestMunichpaper，\"anditistheoneI hadinmymindwhenIwasdescribinga\"first-classGermandaily\"above。Theentirepaper，openedout，isnotquiteaslargeasasinglepageoftheNewYorkHERALD。 Itisprintedonbothsides，ofcourse；butinsuchlargetypethatitsentirecontentscouldbeput，inHERALDtype，uponasinglepageoftheHERALD——andtherewouldstillberoomenoughonthepagefortheZEITUNG\'s\"supplement\" andsomeportionoftheZEITUNG\'snextday\'scontents。 Suchisthefirst-classdaily。ThedailiesactuallyprintedinMunichareallcalledsecond-classbythepublic。 Ifyouaskwhichisthebestofthesesecond-classpaperstheysaythereisnodifference；oneisasgoodasanother。Ihavepreservedacopyofoneofthem； itiscalledtheMU\"NCHENERTAGES-ANZEIGER，andbearsdateJanuary25，1879。Comparisonsareodious，buttheyneednotbemalicious；andwithoutanymaliceIwishtocomparethisjournalsofothercountries。 Iknowofnootherwaytoenablethereaderto\"size\" thething。 AcolumnofanaveragedailypaperinAmericacontainsfrom1，800to2，500words；thereading-matterinasingleissueconsistsoffrom25，000to50，000words。 Thereading-matterinmycopyoftheMunichjournalconsistsofatotalof1，654words——forIcountedthem。 Thatwouldbenearlyacolumnofoneofourdailies。 Asingleissueofthebulkiestdailynewspaperintheworld——theLondonTIMES——oftencontains100，000wordsofreading-matter。ConsideringthattheDAILYANZEIGER issuestheusualtwenty-sixnumberspermonth，thereadingmatterinasinglenumberoftheLondonTIMESwouldkeepitin\"copy\"twomonthsandahalf。 TheANZEIGERisaneight-pagepaper；itspageisoneinchwiderandoneinchlongerthanafoolscappage； thatistosay，thedimensionsofitspagearesomewherebetweenthoseofaschoolboy\'sslateandalady\'spockethandkerchief。One-fourthofthefirstpageistakenupwiththeheadingofthejournal；thisgivesitarathertop-heavyappearance；therestofthefirstpageisreading-matter；allofthesecondpageisreading-matter； theothersixpagesaredevotedtoadvertisements。 Thereading-matteriscompressedintotwohundredandfivesmall-picalines，andislightedupwitheightpicaheadlines。Thebilloffareisasfollows:First，underapicaheadline，toenforceattentionandrespect，isafour-linesermonurgingmankindtorememberthat，althoughtheyarepilgrimsherebelow，theyareyetheirsofheaven；andthat\"Whentheydepartfromearththeysoartoheaven。\"Perhapsafour-linesermoninaSaturdaypaperisthesufficientGermanequivalentoftheeightortencolumnsofsermonswhichtheNew-YorkersgetintheirMondaymorningpapers。Thelatestnews(twodaysold) followsthefour-linesermon，underthepicaheadline\"Telegrams\"——theseare\"telegraphed\"withapairofscissorsoutoftheAUGSBURGERZEITUNGofthedaybefore。 Thesetelegramsconsistoffourteenandtwo-thirdslinesfromBerlin，fifteenlinesfromVienna，andtwoandfive-eightslinesfromCalcutta。Thirty-threesmall-picalinesnewsinadailyjournalinaKing\'sCapitalofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsissurelynotanoverdose。 Nextwehavethepicaheading，\"NewsoftheDay，\" underwhichthefollowingfactsaresetforth:PrinceLeopoldisgoingonavisittoVienna，sixlines； PrinceArnulphiscomingbackfromRussia，twolines； theLandtagwillmeetatteno\'clockinthemorningandconsideranelectionlaw，threelinesandonewordover； acitygovernmentitem，fiveandone-halflines； pricesofticketstotheproposedgrandCharityBall，twenty-threelines——forthisoneitemoccupiesalmostone-fourthoftheentirefirstpage；thereistobeawonderfulWagnerconcertinFrankfurt-on-the-Main，withanorchestraofonehundredandeightinstruments，sevenandone-halflines。Thatconcludesthefirstpage。 Eighty-fivelines，altogether，onthatpage，includingthreeheadlines。Aboutfiftyofthoselines，asoneperceives，dealwithlocalmatters；sothereportersarenotoverworked。 Exactlyone-halfofthesecondpageisoccupiedwithanoperacriticism，fifty-threelines(threeofthembeingheadlines)，and\"DeathNotices，\"tenlines。 Theotherhalfofthesecondpageismadeupoftwoparagraphsundertheheadof\"MiscellaneousNews。\" OneoftheseparagraphstellsaboutaquarrelbetweentheCzarofRussiaandhiseldestson，twenty-oneandahalflines； andtheothertellsabouttheatrociousdestructionofapeasantchildbyitsparents，fortylines，orone-fifthofthetotalofthereading-mattercontainedinthepaper。 Considerwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofanAmericandailypaperissuedinacityofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsamountsto!Thinkwhatamassitis。 WouldanyonesupposeIcouldsosnuglytuckawaysuchamassinachapterofthisbookthatitwouldbedifficulttofinditagaininthereaderlosthisplace?Surelynot。 Iwilltranslatethatchild-murderwordforword，togivethereaderarealizingsenseofwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofaMunichdailyactuallyiswhenitcomesundermeasurementoftheeye: \"FromOberkreuzberg，January21st，theDONAUZEITUNG receivesalongaccountofacrime，whichweshortenedasfollows:InRametuach，avillagenearEppenschlag，livedayoungmarriedcouplewithtwochildren，oneofwhich，aboyagedfive，wasbornthreeyearsbeforethemarriage。 Forthisreason，andalsobecausearelativeatIggensbachhadbequeathedM400($100)totheboy，theheartlessfatherconsideredhimintheway；sotheunnaturalparentsdeterminedtosacrificehiminthecruelestpossiblemanner。Theyproceededtostarvehimslowlytodeath，meantimefrightfullymaltreatinghim——asthevillagepeoplenowmakeknown，whenitistoolate。 Theboywasshutinahole，andwhenpeoplepassedbyhecried，andimploredthemtogivehimbread。 Hislong-continuedtorturesanddeprivationsdestroyedhimatlast，onthethirdofJanuary。Thesudden(sic) deathofthechildcreatedsuspicion，themoresoasthebodywasimmediatelyclothedandlaiduponthebier。 Thereforethecoronergavenotice，andaninquestwasheldonthe6th。Whatapitifulspectaclewasdisclosedthen! Thebodywasacompleteskeleton。Thestomachandintestineswereutterlyempty；theycontainednothingwhatsoever。 Thefleshonthecorpsewasnotasthickasthebackofaknife，andincisionsinitbroughtnotonedropofblood。 Therewasnotapieceofsoundskinthesizeofadollaronthewholebody；wounds，scars，bruises，discoloredextravasatedblood，everywhere——evenonthesolesofthefeettherewerewounds。Thecruelparentsassertedthattheboyhadbeensobadthattheyhadbeenobligedtouseseverepunishments，andthathefinallyfelloverabenchandbrokehisneck。However，theywerearrestedtwoweeksaftertheinquestandputintheprisonatDeggendorf。\" Yes，theywerearrested\"twoweeksaftertheinquest。\" Whatahomesoundthathas。ThatkindofpolicebrisknessrathermoreremindsmeofmynativelandthanGermanjournalismdoes。 IthinkaGermandailyjournaldoesn\'tdoanygoodtospeakof，butatthesametimeitdoesn\'tdoanyharm。 Thatisaverylargemerit，andshouldnotbelightlyweightednorlightlythoughtof。 TheGermanhumorouspapersarebeautifullyprinteduponfinepaper，andtheillustrationsarefinelydrawn，finelyengraved，andarenotvapidlyfunny，butdeliciouslyso。 Soalso，generallyspeaking，arethetwoorthreetersesentenceswhichaccompanythepictures。Irememberoneofthesepictures:Amostdilapidatedtrampisruefullycontemplatingsomecoinswhichlieinhisopenpalm。 Hesays:\"Well，beggingisgettingplayedout。Onlyaboutfivemarks($1。25)forthewholeday；manyanofficialmakesmore!\"AndIcalltomindapictureofacommercialtravelerwhoisabouttounrollhissamples: MERCHANT(pettishly)——NO，don\'t。Idon\'twanttobuyanything! DRUMMER——Ifyouplease，Iwasonlygoingtoshowyou—— MERCHANT——ButIdon\'twishtoseethem! DRUMMER(afterapause，pleadingly)——ButdoyouyoumindlettingMElookatthem!Ihaven\'tseenthemforthreeweeks!