第1章

类别:其他 作者:Anne Bronte字数:15338更新时间:18/12/14 13:39:02
ALLtruehistoriescontaininstruction;though,insome,thetreasuremaybehardtofind,andwhenfound,sotrivialinquantity,thatthedry,shrivelledkernelscarcelycompensatesforthetroubleofcrackingthenut。Whetherthisbethecasewithmyhistoryornot,Iamhardlycompetenttojudge。Isometimesthinkitmightproveusefultosome,andentertainingtoothers;buttheworldmayjudgeforitself。Shieldedbymyownobscurity,andbythelapseofyears,andafewfictitiousnames,Idonotfeartoventure;andwillcandidlylaybeforethepublicwhatIwouldnotdisclosetothemostintimatefriend。 MyfatherwasaclergymanofthenorthofEngland,whowasdeservedlyrespectedbyallwhoknewhim;and,inhisyoungerdays,livedprettycomfortablyonthejointincomeofasmallincumbencyandasnuglittlepropertyofhisown。Mymother,whomarriedhimagainstthewishesofherfriends,wasasquire\'sdaughter,andawomanofspirit。Invainitwasrepresentedtoher,thatifshebecamethepoorparson\'swife,shemustrelinquishhercarriageandherlady\'s-maid,andalltheluxuriesandeleganciesofaffluence; whichtoherwerelittlelessthanthenecessariesoflife。A carriageandalady\'s-maidweregreatconveniences;but,thankheaven,shehadfeettocarryher,andhandstoministertoherownnecessities。Aneleganthouseandspaciousgroundswerenottobedespised;butshewouldratherliveinacottagewithRichardGreythaninapalacewithanyothermanintheworld。 Findingargumentsofnoavail,herfather,atlength,toldtheloverstheymightmarryiftheypleased;but,insodoing,hisdaughterwouldforfeiteveryfractionofherfortune。Heexpectedthiswouldcooltheardourofboth;buthewasmistaken。Myfatherknewtoowellmymother\'ssuperiorworthnottobesensiblethatshewasavaluablefortuneinherself:andifshewouldbutconsenttoembellishhishumblehearthheshouldbehappytotakeheronanyterms;whileshe,onherpart,wouldratherlabourwithherownhandsthanbedividedfromthemansheloved,whosehappinessitwouldbeherjoytomake,andwhowasalreadyonewithherinheartandsoul。Soherfortunewenttoswellthepurseofawisersister,whohadmarriedarichnabob;andshe,tothewonderandcompassionateregretofallwhoknewher,wenttoburyherselfinthehomelyvillageparsonageamongthehillsof。Andyet,inspiteofallthis,andinspiteofmymother\'shighspiritandmyfather\'swhims,IbelieveyoumightsearchallEnglandthrough,andfailtofindahappiercouple。 Ofsixchildren,mysisterMaryandmyselfweretheonlytwothatsurvivedtheperilsofinfancyandearlychildhood。I,beingtheyoungerbyfiveorsixyears,wasalwaysregardedasTHEchild,andthepetofthefamily:father,mother,andsister,allcombinedtospoilme-notbyfoolishindulgence,torendermefractiousandungovernable,butbyceaselesskindness,tomakemetoohelplessanddependent-toounfitforbuffetingwiththecaresandturmoilsoflife。 MaryandIwerebroughtupinthestrictestseclusion。Mymother,beingatoncehighlyaccomplished,wellinformed,andfondofemployment,tookthewholechargeofoureducationonherself,withtheexceptionofLatin-whichmyfatherundertooktoteachus-sothatweneverevenwenttoschool;and,astherewasnosocietyintheneighbourhood,ouronlyintercoursewiththeworldconsistedinastatelytea-party,nowandthen,withtheprincipalfarmersandtradespeopleofthevicinity(justtoavoidbeingstigmatizedastooproudtoconsortwithourneighbours),andanannualvisittoourpaternalgrandfather\'s;wherehimself,ourkindgrandmamma,amaidenaunt,andtwoorthreeelderlyladiesandgentlemen,weretheonlypersonsweeversaw。Sometimesourmotherwouldamuseuswithstoriesandanecdotesofheryoungerdays,which,whiletheyentertainedusamazingly,frequentlyawoke-inME,atleast-asecretwishtoseealittlemoreoftheworld。 Ithoughtshemusthavebeenveryhappy:butsheneverseemedtoregretpasttimes。Myfather,however,whosetemperwasneithertranquilnorcheerfulbynature,oftenundulyvexedhimselfwiththinkingofthesacrificeshisdearwifehadmadeforhim;andtroubledhisheadwithrevolvingendlessschemesfortheaugmentationofhislittlefortune,forhersakeandours。Invainmymotherassuredhimshewasquitesatisfied;andifhewouldbutlaybyalittleforthechildren,weshouldallhaveplenty,bothfortimepresentandtocome:butsavingwasnotmyfather\'sforte。Hewouldnotrunindebt(atleast,mymothertookgoodcareheshouldnot),butwhilehehadmoneyhemustspendit: helikedtoseehishousecomfortable,andhiswifeanddaughterswellclothed,andwellattended;andbesides,hewascharitablydisposed,andlikedtogivetothepoor,accordingtohismeans: or,assomemightthink,beyondthem。 Atlength,however,akindfriendsuggestedtohimameansofdoublinghisprivatepropertyatonestroke;andfurtherincreasingit,hereafter,toanuntoldamount。Thisfriendwasamerchant,amanofenterprisingspiritandundoubtedtalent,whowassomewhatstraitenedinhismercantilepursuitsforwantofcapital;butgenerouslyproposedtogivemyfatherafairshareofhisprofits,ifhewouldonlyentrusthimwithwhathecouldspare;andhethoughthemightsafelypromisethatwhateversumthelatterchosetoputintohishands,itshouldbringhimincent。percent。 Thesmallpatrimonywasspeedilysold,andthewholeofitspricewasdepositedinthehandsofthefriendlymerchant;whoaspromptlyproceededtoshiphiscargo,andprepareforhisvoyage。 Myfatherwasdelighted,sowereweall,withourbrighteningprospects。Forthepresent,itistrue,wewerereducedtothenarrowincomeofthecuracy;butmyfatherseemedtothinktherewasnonecessityforscrupulouslyrestrictingourexpendituretothat;so,withastandingbillatMr。Jackson\'s,anotheratSmith\'s,andathirdatHobson\'s,wegotalongevenmorecomfortablythanbefore:thoughmymotheraffirmedwehadbetterkeepwithinbounds,forourprospectsofwealthwerebutprecarious,afterall;andifmyfatherwouldonlytrusteverythingtohermanagement,heshouldneverfeelhimselfstinted:buthe,foronce,wasincorrigible。 WhathappyhoursMaryandIhavepassedwhilesittingatourworkbythefire,orwanderingontheheath-cladhills,oridlingundertheweepingbirch(theonlyconsiderabletreeinthegarden),talkingoffuturehappinesstoourselvesandourparents,ofwhatwewoulddo,andsee,andpossess;withnofirmerfoundationforourgoodlysuperstructurethantherichesthatwereexpectedtoflowinuponusfromthesuccessoftheworthymerchant\'sspeculations。Ourfatherwasnearlyasbadasourselves;onlythatheaffectednottobesomuchinearnest:expressinghisbrighthopesandsanguineexpectationsinjestsandplayfulsallies,thatalwaysstruckmeasbeingexceedinglywittyandpleasant。Ourmotherlaughedwithdelighttoseehimsohopefulandhappy:butstillshefearedhewassettinghishearttoomuchuponthematter; andonceIheardherwhisperasshelefttheroom,\'Godgranthebenotdisappointed!Iknownothowhewouldbearit。\' Disappointedhewas;andbitterly,too。Itcamelikeathunder- claponusall,thatthevesselwhichcontainedourfortunehadbeenwrecked,andgonetothebottomwithallitsstores,togetherwithseveralofthecrew,andtheunfortunatemerchanthimself。 I wasgrievedforhim;Iwasgrievedfortheoverthrowofallourair-builtcastles:but,withtheelasticityofyouth,Isoonrecoveredtheshook。 Thoughricheshadcharms,povertyhadnoterrorsforaninexperiencedgirllikeme。Indeed,tosaythetruth,therewassomethingexhilaratingintheideaofbeingdriventostraits,andthrownuponourownresources。Ionlywishedpapa,mamma,andMarywereallofthesamemindasmyself;andthen,insteadoflamentingpastcalamitieswemightallcheerfullysettoworktoremedythem; andthegreaterthedifficulties,theharderourpresentprivations,thegreatershouldbeourcheerfulnesstoendurethelatter,andourvigourtocontendagainsttheformer。 Marydidnotlament,butshebroodedcontinuallyoverthemisfortune,andsankintoastateofdejectionfromwhichnoeffortofminecouldrouseher。IcouldnotpossiblybringhertoregardthematteronitsbrightsideasIdid:andindeedIwassofearfulofbeingchargedwithchildishfrivolity,orstupidinsensibility,thatIcarefullykeptmostofmybrightideasandcheeringnotionstomyself;wellknowingtheycouldnotbeappreciated。 Mymotherthoughtonlyofconsolingmyfather,andpayingourdebtsandretrenchingourexpenditurebyeveryavailablemeans;butmyfatherwascompletelyoverwhelmedbythecalamity:health,strength,andspiritssankbeneaththeblow,andheneverwhollyrecoveredthem。Invainmymotherstrovetocheerhim,byappealingtohispiety,tohiscourage,tohisaffectionforherselfandus。Thatveryaffectionwashisgreatesttorment: itwasforoursakeshehadsoardentlylongedtoincreasehisfortune-itwasourinterestthathadlentsuchbrightnesstohishopes,andthatimpartedsuchbitternesstohispresentdistress。Henowtormentedhimselfwithremorseathavingneglectedmymother\'sadvice;whichwouldatleasthavesavedhimfromtheadditionalburdenofdebt-hevainlyreproachedhimselfforhavingbroughtherfromthedignity,theease,theluxuryofherformerstationtotoilwithhimthroughthecaresandtoilsofpoverty。Itwasgallandwormwoodtohissoultoseethatsplendid,highly-accomplishedwoman,oncesocourtedandadmired,transformedintoanactivemanaginghousewife,withhandsandheadcontinuallyoccupiedwithhouseholdlaboursandhouseholdeconomy。Theverywillingnesswithwhichsheperformedtheseduties,thecheerfulnesswithwhichsheboreherreverses,andthekindnesswhichwithheldherfromimputingthesmallestblametohim,wereallpervertedbythisingeniousself-tormentorintofurtheraggravationsofhissufferings。Andthusthemindpreyeduponthebody,anddisorderedthesystemofthenerves,andtheyinturnincreasedthetroublesofthemind,tillbyactionandreactionhishealthwasseriouslyimpaired;andnotoneofuscouldconvincehimthattheaspectofouraffairswasnothalfsogloomy,soutterlyhopeless,ashismorbidimaginationrepresentedittobe。 Theusefulponyphaetonwassold,togetherwiththestout,well-fedpony-theoldfavouritethatwehadfullydeterminedshouldenditsdaysinpeace,andneverpassfromourhands;thelittlecoach- houseandstablewerelet;theservantboy,andthemoreefficient(beingthemoreexpensive)ofthetwomaid-servants,weredismissed。Ourclothesweremended,turned,anddarnedtotheutmostvergeofdecency;ourfood,alwaysplain,wasnowsimplifiedtoanunprecedenteddegree-exceptmyfather\'sfavouritedishes; ourcoalsandcandleswerepainfullyeconomized-thepairofcandlesreducedtoone,andthatmostsparinglyused;thecoalscarefullyhusbandedinthehalf-emptygrate:especiallywhenmyfatherwasoutonhisparishduties,orconfinedtobedthroughillness-thenwesatwithourfeetonthefender,scrapingtheperishingemberstogetherfromtimetotime,andoccasionallyaddingaslightscatteringofthedustandfragmentsofcoal,justtokeepthemalive。Asforourcarpets,theyintimewerewornthreadbare,andpatchedanddarnedeventoagreaterextentthanourgarments。Tosavetheexpenseofagardener,MaryandI undertooktokeepthegardeninorder;andallthecookingandhouseholdworkthatcouldnoteasilybemanagedbyoneservant- girl,wasdonebymymotherandsister,withalittleoccasionalhelpfromme:onlyalittle,because,thoughawomaninmyownestimation,Iwasstillachildintheirs;andmymother,likemostactive,managingwomen,wasnotgiftedwithveryactivedaughters: forthisreason-thatbeingsocleveranddiligentherself,shewasnevertemptedtotrustheraffairstoadeputy,but,onthecontrary,waswillingtoactandthinkforothersaswellasfornumberone;andwhateverwasthebusinessinhand,shewasapttothinkthatnoonecoulddoitsowellasherself:sothatwheneverIofferedtoassisther,Ireceivedsuchanansweras-\'No,love,youcannotindeed-there\'snothinghereyoucando。Goandhelpyoursister,orgethertotakeawalkwithyou-tellhershemustnotsitsomuch,andstaysoconstantlyinthehouseasshedoes- shemaywelllookthinanddejected。\' \'Mary,mammasaysI\'mtohelpyou;orgetyoutotakeawalkwithme;shesaysyoumaywelllookthinanddejected,ifyousitsoconstantlyinthehouse。\' \'Helpmeyoucannot,Agnes;andIcannotgooutwithYOU-Ihavefartoomuchtodo。\' \'Thenletmehelpyou。\' \'Youcannot,indeed,dearchild。Goandpractiseyourmusic,orplaywiththekitten。\' Therewasalwaysplentyofsewingonhand;butIhadnotbeentaughttocutoutasinglegarment,andexceptplainhemmingandseaming,therewaslittleIcoulddo,eveninthatline;fortheybothassertedthatitwasfareasiertodotheworkthemselvesthantoprepareitforme:andbesides,theylikedbettertoseemeprosecutingmystudies,oramusingmyself-itwastimeenoughformetositbendingovermywork,likeagravematron,whenmyfavouritelittlepussywasbecomeasteadyoldcat。Undersuchcircumstances,althoughIwasnotmanydegreesmoreusefulthanthekitten,myidlenesswasnotentirelywithoutexcuse。 Throughallourtroubles,Ineverbutonceheardmymothercomplainofourwantofmoney。AssummerwascomingonsheobservedtoMaryandme,\'Whatadesirablethingitwouldbeforyourpapatospendafewweeksatawatering-place。Iamconvincedthesea-airandthechangeofscenewouldbeofincalculableservicetohim。Butthen,yousee,there\'snomoney,\'sheadded,withasigh。Webothwishedexceedinglythatthethingmightbedone,andlamentedgreatlythatitcouldnot。\'Well,well!\'saidshe,\'it\'snousecomplaining。Possiblysomethingmightbedonetofurthertheprojectafterall。Mary,youareabeautifuldrawer。Whatdoyousaytodoingafewmorepicturesinyourbeststyle,andgettingthemframed,withthewater-coloureddrawingsyouhavealreadydone,andtryingtodisposeofthemtosomeliberalpicture-dealer,whohasthesensetodiscerntheirmerits?\' \'Mamma,IshouldbedelightedifyouthinktheyCOULDbesold;andforanythingworthwhile。\' \'It\'sworthwhiletrying,however,mydear:doyouprocurethedrawings,andI\'llendeavourtofindapurchaser。\' \'IwishIcoulddosomething,\'saidI。 \'You,Agnes!well,whoknows?Youdrawprettywell,too: ifyouchoosesomesimplepieceforyoursubject,Idaresayyouwillbeabletoproducesomethingweshallallbeproudtoexhibit。\' \'ButIhaveanotherschemeinmyhead,mamma,andhavehadlong,onlyIdidnotliketomentionit。\' \'Indeed!praytelluswhatitis。\' \'Ishouldliketobeagoverness。\' Mymotherutteredanexclamationofsurprise,andlaughed。Mysisterdroppedherworkinastonishment,exclaiming,\'YOUagoverness,Agnes!Whatcanyoubedreamingof?\' \'Well!Idon\'tseeanythingsoVERYextraordinaryinit。 Idonotpretendtobeabletoinstructgreatgirls;butsurelyIcouldteachlittleones:andIshouldlikeitsomuch:Iamsofondofchildren。Doletme,mamma!\' \'But,mylove,youhavenotlearnedtotakecareofYOURSELFyet: andyoungchildrenrequiremorejudgmentandexperiencetomanagethanelderones。\' \'But,mamma,Iamaboveeighteen,andquiteabletotakecareofmyself,andotherstoo。YoudonotknowhalfthewisdomandprudenceIpossess,becauseIhaveneverbeentried。\' \'Onlythink,\'saidMary,\'whatwouldyoudoinahousefullofstrangers,withoutmeormammatospeakandactforyou-withaparcelofchildren,besidesyourself,toattendto;andnoonetolooktoforadvice?Youwouldnotevenknowwhatclothestoputon。\' \'Youthink,becauseIalwaysdoasyoubidme,Ihavenojudgmentofmyown:butonlytryme-thatisallIask-andyoushallseewhatIcando。\' Atthatmomentmyfatherenteredandthesubjectofourdiscussionwasexplainedtohim。 \'What,mylittleAgnesagoverness!\'criedhe,and,inspiteofhisdejection,helaughedattheidea。 \'Yes,papa,don\'tYOUsayanythingagainstit:Ishouldlikeitsomuch;andIamsureIcouldmanagedelightfully。\' \'But,mydarling,wecouldnotspareyou。\'Andatearglistenedinhiseyeasheadded-\'No,no!afflictedasweare,surelywearenotbroughttothatpassyet。\' \'Oh,no!\'saidmymother。\'Thereisnonecessitywhateverforsuchastep;itismerelyawhimofherown。Soyoumustholdyourtongue,younaughtygirl;for,thoughyouaresoreadytoleaveus,youknowverywellwecannotpartwithYOU。\' Iwassilencedforthatday,andformanysucceedingones;butstillIdidnotwhollyrelinquishmydarlingscheme。Marygotherdrawingmaterials,andsteadilysettowork。Igotminetoo;butwhileIdrew,Ithoughtofotherthings。Howdelightfulitwouldbetobeagoverness!Togooutintotheworld;toenteruponanewlife;toactformyself;toexercisemyunusedfaculties;totrymyunknownpowers;toearnmyownmaintenance,andsomethingtocomfortandhelpmyfather,mother,andsister,besidesexoneratingthemfromtheprovisionofmyfoodandclothing;toshowpapawhathislittleAgnescoulddo;toconvincemammaandMarythatIwasnotquitethehelpless,thoughtlessbeingtheysupposed。Andthen,howcharmingtobeentrustedwiththecareandeducationofchildren!Whateverotherssaid,IfeltIwasfullycompetenttothetask:theclearremembranceofmyownthoughtsinearlychildhoodwouldbeasurerguidethantheinstructionsofthemostmatureadviser。Ihadbuttoturnfrommylittlepupilstomyselfattheirage,andIshouldknow,atonce,howtowintheirconfidenceandaffections:howtowakenthecontritionoftheerring;howtoemboldenthetimidandconsoletheafflicted;howtomakeVirtuepracticable,Instructiondesirable,andReligionlovelyandcomprehensible- Delightfultask! Toteachtheyoungideahowtoshoot! Totrainthetenderplants,andwatchtheirbudsunfoldingdaybyday! Influencedbysomanyinducements,Ideterminedstilltopersevere; thoughthefearofdispleasingmymother,ordistressingmyfather\'sfeelings,preventedmefromresumingthesubjectforseveraldays。Atlength,again,Imentionedittomymotherinprivate;and,withsomedifficulty,gothertopromisetoassistmewithherendeavours。Myfather\'sreluctantconsentwasnextobtained,andthen,thoughMarystillsighedherdisapproval,mydear,kindmotherbegantolookoutforasituationforme。Shewrotetomyfather\'srelations,andconsultedthenewspaperadvertisements-herownrelationsshehadlongdroppedallcommunicationwith:aformalinterchangeofoccasionalletterswasallshehadeverhadsincehermarriage,andshewouldnotatanytimehaveappliedtotheminacaseofthisnature。Butsolongandsoentirehadbeenmyparents\'seclusionfromtheworld,thatmanyweekselapsedbeforeasuitablesituationcouldbeprocured。 Atlast,tomygreatjoy,itwasdecreedthatIshouldtakechargeoftheyoungfamilyofacertainMrs。Bloomfield;whommykind,primauntGreyhadknowninheryouth,andassertedtobeaverynicewoman。Herhusbandwasaretiredtradesman,whohadrealizedaverycomfortablefortune;butcouldnotbeprevailedupontogiveagreatersalarythantwenty-fivepoundstotheinstructressofhischildren。I,however,wasgladtoacceptthis,ratherthanrefusethesituation-whichmyparentswereinclinedtothinkthebetterplan。 Butsomeweeksmorewereyettobedevotedtopreparation。Howlong,howtediousthoseweeksappearedtome!Yettheywerehappyonesinthemain-fullofbrighthopesandardentexpectations。 WithwhatpeculiarpleasureIassistedatthemakingofmynewclothes,and,subsequently,thepackingofmytrunks!Buttherewasafeelingofbitternessminglingwiththelatteroccupationtoo;andwhenitwasdone-whenallwasreadyformydepartureonthemorrow,andthelastnightathomeapproached-asuddenanguishseemedtoswellmyheart。Mydearfriendslookedsosad,andspokesoverykindly,thatIcouldscarcelykeepmyeyesfromoverflowing:butIstillaffectedtobegay。IhadtakenmylastramblewithMaryonthemoors,mylastwalkinthegarden,androundthehouse;Ihadfed,withher,ourpetpigeonsforthelasttime-theprettycreaturesthatwehadtamedtopecktheirfoodfromourhands:Ihadgivenafarewellstroketoalltheirsilkybacksastheycrowdedinmylap。Ihadtenderlykissedmyownpeculiarfavourites,thepairofsnow-whitefantails;Ihadplayedmylasttuneontheoldfamiliarpiano,andsungmylastsongtopapa:notthelast,Ihoped,butthelastforwhatappearedtomeaverylongtime。And,perhaps,whenIdidthesethingsagainitwouldbewithdifferentfeelings:circumstancesmightbechanged,andthishousemightneverbemysettledhomeagain。Mydearlittlefriend,thekitten,wouldcertainlybechanged:shewasalreadygrowingafinecat;andwhenIreturned,evenforahastyvisitatChristmas,would,mostlikely,haveforgottenbothherplaymateandhermerrypranks。Ihadrompedwithherforthelasttime;andwhenIstrokedhersoftbrightfur,whileshelaypurringherselftosleepinmylap,itwaswithafeelingofsadnessI couldnoteasilydisguise。Thenatbed-time,whenIretiredwithMarytoourquietlittlechamber,wherealreadymydrawerswereclearedoutandmyshareofthebookcasewasempty-andwhere,hereafter,shewouldhavetosleepalone,indrearysolitude,assheexpressedit-myheartsankmorethanever:IfeltasifI hadbeenselfishandwrongtopersistinleavingher;andwhenI kneltoncemorebesideourlittlebed,IprayedforablessingonherandonmyparentsmoreferventlythaneverIhaddonebefore。 Toconcealmyemotion,Iburiedmyfaceinmyhands,andtheywerepresentlybathedintears。Iperceived,onrising,thatshehadbeencryingtoo:butneitherofusspoke;andinsilencewebetookourselvestoourrepose,creepingmorecloselytogetherfromtheconsciousnessthatweweretopartsosoon。 Butthemorningbroughtarenewalofhopeandspirits。Iwastodepartearly;thattheconveyancewhichtookme(agig,hiredfromMr。Smith,thedraper,grocer,andtea-dealerofthevillage)mightreturnthesameday。Irose,washed,dressed,swallowedahastybreakfast,receivedthefondembracesofmyfather,mother,andsister,kissedthecat-tothegreatscandalofSally,themaid- shookhandswithher,mountedthegig,drewmyveilovermyface,andthen,butnottillthen,burstintoafloodoftears。Thegigrolledon;Ilookedback;mydearmotherandsisterwerestillstandingatthedoor,lookingafterme,andwavingtheiradieux。 I returnedtheirsalute,andprayedGodtoblessthemfrommyheart: wedescendedthehill,andIcouldseethemnomore。 \'It\'sacoldishmornin\'foryou,MissAgnes,\'observedSmith;\'andadarksome\'untoo;butwe\'shappengettoyonspotaforetherecomemuchraintosignify。\' \'Yes,Ihopeso,\'repliedI,ascalmlyasIcould。 \'It\'scomedagoodsuplastnighttoo。\' \'Yes。\' \'Butthiscoldwindwillhappenkeepitoff。\' \'Perhapsitwill。\' Hereendedourcolloquy。Wecrossedthevalley,andbegantoascendtheoppositehill。Asweweretoilingup,Ilookedbackagain;therewasthevillagespire,andtheoldgreyparsonagebeyondit,baskinginaslantingbeamofsunshine-itwasbutasicklyray,butthevillageandsurroundinghillswereallinsombreshade,andIhailedthewanderingbeamasapropitiousomentomyhome。WithclaspedhandsIferventlyimploredablessingonitsinhabitants,andhastilyturnedaway;forIsawthesunshinewasdeparting;andIcarefullyavoidedanotherglance,lestI shouldseeitingloomyshadow,liketherestofthelandscape。 chapter02 CHAPTERII-FIRSTLESSONSINTHEARTOFINSTRUCTION ASwedrovealong,myspiritsrevivedagain,andIturned,withpleasure,tothecontemplationofthenewlifeuponwhichIwasentering。ButthoughitwasnotfarpastthemiddleofSeptember,theheavycloudsandstrongnorth-easterlywindcombinedtorenderthedayextremelycoldanddreary;andthejourneyseemedaverylongone,for,asSmithobserved,theroadswere\'veryheavy\';andcertainly,hishorsewasveryheavytoo:itcrawledupthehills,andcreptdownthem,andonlycondescendedtoshakeitssidesinatrotwheretheroadwasatadeadleveloraverygentleslope,whichwasrarelythecaseinthoseruggedregions;sothatitwasnearlyoneo\'clockbeforewereachedtheplaceofourdestination。 Yet,afterall,whenweenteredtheloftyirongateway,whenwedrovesoftlyupthesmooth,well-rolledcarriage-road,withthegreenlawnoneachside,studdedwithyoungtrees,andapproachedthenewbutstatelymansionofWellwood,risingaboveitsmushroompoplar-groves,myheartfailedme,andIwisheditwereamileortwofartheroff。ForthefirsttimeinmylifeImuststandalone: therewasnoretreatingnow。Imustenterthathouse,andintroducemyselfamongitsstrangeinhabitants。Buthowwasittobedone?True,Iwasnearnineteen;but,thankstomyretiredlifeandtheprotectingcareofmymotherandsister,Iwellknewthatmanyagirloffifteen,orunder,wasgiftedwithamorewomanlyaddress,andgreatereaseandself-possession,thanIwas。Yet,ifMrs。Bloomfieldwereakind,motherlywoman,Imightdoverywell,afterall;andthechildren,ofcourse,Ishouldsoonbeateasewiththem-andMr。Bloomfield,Ihoped,Ishouldhavebutlittletodowith。 \'Becalm,becalm,whateverhappens,\'Isaidwithinmyself;andtrulyIkeptthisresolutionsowell,andwassofullyoccupiedinsteadyingmynervesandstiflingtherebelliousflutterofmyheart,thatwhenIwasadmittedintothehallandusheredintothepresenceofMrs。Bloomfield,Ialmostforgottoanswerherpolitesalutation;anditafterwardsstruckme,thatthelittleIdidsaywasspokeninthetoneofonehalf-deadorhalf-asleep。Thelady,too,wassomewhatchillyinhermanner,asIdiscoveredwhenIhadtimetoreflect。Shewasatall,spare,statelywoman,withthickblackhair,coldgreyeyes,andextremelysallowcomplexion。 Withduepoliteness,however,sheshowedmemybedroom,andleftmetheretotakealittlerefreshment。Iwassomewhatdismayedatmyappearanceonlookingintheglass:thecoldwindhadswelledandreddenedmyhands,uncurledandentangledmyhair,anddyedmyfaceofapalepurple;addtothismycollarwashorridlycrumpled,myfrocksplashedwithmud,myfeetcladinstoutnewboots,andasthetrunkswerenotbroughtup,therewasnoremedy;sohavingsmoothedmyhairaswellasIcould,andrepeatedlytwitchedmyobduratecollar,Iproceededtoclompdownthetwoflightsofstairs,philosophizingasIwent;andwithsomedifficultyfoundmywayintotheroomwhereMrs。Bloomfieldawaitedme。 Sheledmeintothedining-room,wherethefamilyluncheonhadbeenlaidout。Somebeefsteaksandhalf-coldpotatoesweresetbeforeme;andwhileIdineduponthese,shesatopposite,watchingme(asIthought)andendeavouringtosustainsomethinglikeaconversation-consistingchieflyofasuccessionofcommonplaceremarks,expressedwithfrigidformality:butthismightbemoremyfaultthanhers,forIreallycouldNOTconverse。Infact,myattentionwasalmostwhollyabsorbedinmydinner:notfromravenousappetite,butfromdistressatthetoughnessofthebeefsteaks,andthenumbnessofmyhands,almostpalsiedbytheirfive-hours\'exposuretothebitterwind。Iwouldgladlyhaveeatenthepotatoesandletthemeatalone,buthavinggotalargepieceofthelatterontomyplate,Icouldnotbesoimpoliteastoleaveit;so,aftermanyawkwardandunsuccessfulattemptstocutitwiththeknife,ortearitwiththefork,orpullitasunderbetweenthem,sensiblethattheawfulladywasaspectatortothewholetransaction,Iatlastdesperatelygraspedtheknifeandforkinmyfists,likeachildoftwoyearsold,andfelltoworkwithallthelittlestrengthIpossessed。Butthisneededsomeapology-withafeebleattemptatalaugh,Isaid,\'MyhandsaresobenumbedwiththecoldthatIcanscarcelyhandlemyknifeandfork。\' \'Idaresayyouwouldfinditcold,\'repliedshewithacool,immutablegravitythatdidnotservetore-assureme。 Whentheceremonywasconcluded,sheledmeintothesitting-roomagain,wheresherangandsentforthechildren。 \'Youwillfindthemnotveryfaradvancedintheirattainments,\' saidshe,\'forIhavehadsolittletimetoattendtotheireducationmyself,andwehavethoughtthemtooyoungforagovernesstillnow;butIthinktheyarecleverchildren,andveryapttolearn,especiallythelittleboy;heis,Ithink,thefloweroftheflock-agenerous,noble-spiritedboy,onetobeled,butnotdriven,andremarkableforalwaysspeakingthetruth。Heseemstoscorndeception\'(thiswasgoodnews)。\'HissisterMaryAnnwillrequirewatching,\'continuedshe,\'butsheisaverygoodgirluponthewhole;thoughIwishhertobekeptoutofthenurseryasmuchaspossible,assheisnowalmostsixyearsold,andmightacquirebadhabitsfromthenurses。Ihaveorderedhercribtobeplacedinyourroom,andifyouwillbesokindastooverlookherwashinganddressing,andtakechargeofherclothes,sheneedhavenothingfurthertodowiththenurserymaid。\' IrepliedIwasquitewillingtodoso;andatthatmomentmyyoungpupilsenteredtheapartment,withtheirtwoyoungersisters。 MasterTomBloomfieldwasawell-grownboyofseven,withasomewhatwiryframe,flaxenhair,blueeyes,smallturned-upnose,andfaircomplexion。MaryAnnwasatallgirltoo,somewhatdarklikehermother,butwitharoundfullfaceandahighcolourinhercheeks。ThesecondsisterwasFanny,averyprettylittlegirl;Mrs。Bloomfieldassuredmeshewasaremarkablygentlechild,andrequiredencouragement:shehadnotlearnedanythingyet; butinafewdays,shewouldbefouryearsold,andthenshemighttakeherfirstlessoninthealphabet,andbepromotedtotheschoolroom。TheremainingonewasHarriet,alittlebroad,fat,merry,playfulthingofscarcelytwo,thatIcovetedmorethanalltherest-butwithherIhadnothingtodo。 ItalkedtomylittlepupilsaswellasIcould,andtriedtorendermyselfagreeable;butwithlittlesuccessIfear,fortheirmother\'spresencekeptmeunderanunpleasantrestraint。They,however,wereremarkablyfreefromshyness。Theyseemedbold,livelychildren,andIhopedIshouldsoonbeonfriendlytermswiththem-thelittleboyespecially,ofwhomIhadheardsuchafavourablecharacterfromhismamma。InMaryAnntherewasacertainaffectedsimper,andacravingfornotice,thatIwassorrytoobserve。Butherbrotherclaimedallmyattentiontohimself; hestoodboltuprightbetweenmeandthefire,withhishandsbehindhisback,talkingawaylikeanorator,occasionallyinterruptinghisdiscoursewithasharpreprooftohissisterswhentheymadetoomuchnoise。 \'Oh,Tom,whatadarlingyouare!\'exclaimedhismother。\'Comeandkissdearmamma;andthenwon\'tyoushowMissGreyyourschoolroom,andyournicenewbooks?\' \'Iwon\'tkissYOU,mamma;butIWILLshowMissGreymyschoolroom,andmynewbooks。\' \'AndMYschoolroom,andMYnewbooks,Tom,\'saidMaryAnn。 \'They\'reminetoo。\' \'They\'reMINE,\'repliedhedecisively。\'Comealong,MissGrey- I\'llescortyou。\' Whentheroomandbookshadbeenshown,withsomebickeringsbetweenthebrotherandsisterthatIdidmyutmosttoappeaseormitigate,MaryAnnbroughtmeherdoll,andbegantobeveryloquaciousonthesubjectofitsfineclothes,itsbed,itschestofdrawers,andotherappurtenances;butTomtoldhertoholdherclamour,thatMissGreymightseehisrocking-horse,which,withamostimportantbustle,hedraggedforthfromitscornerintothemiddleoftheroom,loudlycallingonmetoattendtoit。Then,orderinghissistertoholdthereins,hemounted,andmademestandfortenminutes,watchinghowmanfullyheusedhiswhipandspurs。Meantime,however,IadmiredMaryAnn\'sprettydoll,andallitspossessions;andthentoldMasterTomhewasacapitalrider,butIhopedhewouldnotusehiswhipandspurssomuchwhenherodearealpony。 \'Oh,yes,Iwill!\'saidhe,layingonwithredoubledardour。\'I\'llcutintohimlikesmoke!Eeh!myword!butheshallsweatforit。\' Thiswasveryshocking;butIhopedintimetobeabletoworkareformation。 \'Nowyoumustputonyourbonnetandshawl,\'saidthelittlehero,\'andI\'llshowyoumygarden。\' \'AndMINE,\'saidMaryAnn。 Tomliftedhisfistwithamenacinggesture;sheutteredaloud,shrillscream,rantotheothersideofme,andmadeafaceathim。 \'Surely,Tom,youwouldnotstrikeyoursister!IhopeIshallNEVERseeyoudothat。\' \'Youwillsometimes:I\'mobligedtodoitnowandthentokeepherinorder。\' \'Butitisnotyourbusinesstokeepherinorder,youknow-thatisfor-\' \'Well,nowgoandputonyourbonnet。\' \'Idon\'tknow-itissoverycloudyandcold,itseemslikelytorain;-andyouknowIhavehadalongdrive。\' \'Nomatter-youMUSTcome;Ishallallowofnoexcuses,\'repliedtheconsequentiallittlegentleman。And,asitwasthefirstdayofouracquaintance,IthoughtImightaswellindulgehim。ItwastoocoldforMaryAnntoventure,soshestayedwithhermamma,tothegreatreliefofherbrother,wholikedtohavemealltohimself。 Thegardenwasalargeone,andtastefullylaidout;besidesseveralsplendiddahlias,thereweresomeotherfineflowersstillinbloom:butmycompanionwouldnotgivemetimetoexaminethem: Imustgowithhim,acrossthewetgrass,toaremotesequesteredcorner,themostimportantplaceinthegrounds,becauseitcontainedHISgarden。Thereweretworoundbeds,stockedwithavarietyofplants。Inonetherewasaprettylittlerose-tree。 I pausedtoadmireitslovelyblossoms。 \'Oh,nevermindthat!\'saidhe,contemptuously。\'That\'sonlyMARY ANN\'Sgarden;look,THISismine。\' AfterIhadobservedeveryflower,andlistenedtoadisquisitiononeveryplant,Iwaspermittedtodepart;butfirst,withgreatpomp,hepluckedapolyanthusandpresentedittome,asoneconferringaprodigiousfavour。Iobserved,onthegrassabouthisgarden,certainapparatusofsticksandcorn,andaskedwhattheywere。 \'Trapsforbirds。\' \'Whydoyoucatchthem?\' \'Papasaystheydoharm。\' \'Andwhatdoyoudowiththemwhenyoucatchthem?\' \'Differentthings。SometimesIgivethemtothecat;sometimesI cuttheminpieceswithmypenknife;butthenext,Imeantoroastalive。\' \'Andwhydoyoumeantodosuchahorriblething?\' \'Fortworeasons:first,toseehowlongitwilllive-andthen,toseewhatitwilltastelike。\' \'Butdon\'tyouknowitisextremelywickedtodosuchthings? Remember,thebirdscanfeelaswellasyou;andthink,howwouldyoulikeityourself?\' \'Oh,that\'snothing!I\'mnotabird,andIcan\'tfeelwhatIdotothem。\' \'Butyouwillhavetofeelitsometime,Tom:youhaveheardwherewickedpeoplegotowhentheydie;andifyoudon\'tleaveofftorturinginnocentbirds,remember,youwillhavetogothere,andsufferjustwhatyouhavemadethemsuffer。\' \'Oh,pooh!Ishan\'t。PapaknowshowItreatthem,andheneverblamesmeforit:hesaysitisjustwhatHEusedtodowhenHE wasaboy。Lastsummer,hegavemeanestfullofyoungsparrows,andhesawmepullingofftheirlegsandwings,andheads,andneversaidanything;exceptthattheywerenastythings,andImustnotletthemsoilmytrousers:endUncleRobsonwastheretoo,andhelaughed,andsaidIwasafineboy。\' \'Butwhatwouldyourmammasay?\' \'Oh,shedoesn\'tcare!shesaysit\'sapitytokilltheprettysingingbirds,butthenaughtysparrows,andmice,andrats,ImaydowhatIlikewith。Sonow,MissGrey,youseeitisNOTwicked。\' \'Istillthinkitis,Tom;andperhapsyourpapaandmammawouldthinksotoo,iftheythoughtmuchaboutit。However,\'I