第4章

类别:其他 作者:Anne Bronte字数:16665更新时间:18/12/14 13:39:02
wouldfainpersuademyselfwererathertheeffectofhereducationthanherdisposition:shehadneverbeenperfectlytaughtthedistinctionbetweenrightandwrong;shehad,likeherbrothersandsisters,beensuffered,frominfancy,totyrannizeovernurses,governesses,andservants;shehadnotbeentaughttomoderateherdesires,tocontrolhertemperorbridleherwill,ortosacrificeherownpleasureforthegoodofothers。Hertemperbeingnaturallygood,shewasneverviolentormorose,butfromconstantindulgence,andhabitualscornofreason,shewasoftentestyandcapricious;hermindhadneverbeencultivated:herintellect,atbest,wassomewhatshallow;shepossessedconsiderablevivacity,somequicknessofperception,andsometalentformusicandtheacquisitionoflanguages,buttillfifteenshehadtroubledherselftoacquirenothing;-thentheloveofdisplayhadrousedherfaculties,andinducedhertoapplyherself,butonlytothemoreshowyaccomplishments。AndwhenIcameitwasthesame: everythingwasneglectedbutFrench,German,music,singing,dancing,fancy-work,andalittledrawing-suchdrawingasmightproducethegreatestshowwiththesmallestlabour,andtheprincipalpartsofwhichweregenerallydonebyme。Formusicandsinging,besidesmyoccasionalinstructions,shehadtheattendanceofthebestmasterthecountryafforded;andintheseaccomplishments,aswellasindancing,shecertainlyattainedgreatproficiency。Tomusic,indeed,shedevotedtoomuchofhertime,as,governessthoughIwas,Ifrequentlytoldher;buthermotherthoughtthatifSHElikedit,sheCOULDnotgivetoomuchtimetotheacquisitionofsoattractiveanart。Offancy-workI knewnothingbutwhatIgatheredfrommypupilandmyownobservation;butnosoonerwasIinitiated,thanshemademeusefulintwentydifferentways:allthetediouspartsofherworkwereshiftedontomyshoulders;suchasstretchingtheframes,stitchinginthecanvas,sortingthewoolsandsilks,puttinginthegrounds,countingthestitches,rectifyingmistakes,andfinishingthepiecesshewastiredof。 Atsixteen,MissMurraywassomethingofaromp,yetnotmoresothanisnaturalandallowableforagirlofthatage,butatseventeen,thatpropensity,likeallotherthings,begantogivewaytotherulingpassion,andsoonwasswallowedupintheall- absorbingambitiontoattractanddazzletheothersex。Butenoughofher:nowletusturntohersister。 MissMatildaMurraywasaveritablehoyden,ofwhomlittleneedbesaid。Shewasabouttwoyearsandahalfyoungerthanhersister; herfeatureswerelarger,hercomplexionmuchdarker。Shemightpossiblymakeahandsomewoman;butshewasfartoobig-bonedandawkwardevertobecalledaprettygirl,andatpresentshecaredlittleaboutit。Rosalieknewallhercharms,andthoughtthemevengreaterthantheywere,andvaluedthemmorehighlythansheoughttohavedone,hadtheybeenthreetimesasgreat;Matildathoughtshewaswellenough,butcaredlittleaboutthematter; stilllessdidshecareaboutthecultivationofhermind,andtheacquisitionofornamentalaccomplishments。Themannerinwhichshelearntherlessonsandpractisedhermusicwascalculatedtodriveanygovernesstodespair。Shortandeasyashertaskswere,ifdoneatall,theywereslurredover,atanytimeandinanyway; butgenerallyattheleastconvenienttimes,andinthewayleastbeneficialtoherself,andleastsatisfactorytome:theshorthalf-hourofpractisingwashorriblystrummedthrough;she,meantime,unsparinglyabusingme,eitherforinterruptingherwithcorrections,orfornotrectifyinghermistakesbeforetheyweremade,orsomethingequallyunreasonable。Onceortwice,Iventuredtoremonstratewithherseriouslyforsuchirrationalconduct;butoneachofthoseoccasions,Ireceivedsuchreprehensiveexpostulationsfromhermother,asconvincedmethat,ifIwishedtokeepthesituation,ImustevenletMissMatildagooninherownway。 Whenherlessonswereover,however,herill-humourwasgenerallyovertoo:whileridingherspiritedpony,orrompingwiththedogsorherbrothersandsister,butespeciallywithherdearbrotherJohn,shewasashappyasalark。Asananimal,Matildawasallright,fulloflife,vigour,andactivity;asanintelligentbeing,shewasbarbarouslyignorant,indocile,carelessandirrational; and,consequently,verydistressingtoonewhohadthetaskofcultivatingherunderstanding,reforminghermanners,andaidinghertoacquirethoseornamentalattainmentswhich,unlikehersister,shedespisedasmuchastherest。Hermotherwaspartlyawareofherdeficiencies,andgavememanyalectureastohowI shouldtrytoformhertastes,andendeavourtorouseandcherishherdormantvanity;and,byinsinuating,skilfulflattery,towinherattentiontothedesiredobjects-whichIwouldnotdo;andhowIshouldprepareandsmooththepathoflearningtillshecouldglidealongitwithouttheleastexertiontoherself:whichI couldnot,fornothingcanbetaughttoanypurposewithoutsomelittleexertiononthepartofthelearner。 Asamoralagent,Matildawasreckless,headstrong,violent,andunamenabletoreason。Oneproofofthedeplorablestateofhermindwas,thatfromherfather\'sexampleshehadlearnedtoswearlikeatrooper。Hermotherwasgreatlyshockedatthe\'unlady-liketrick,\'andwondered\'howshehadpickeditup。\'\'Butyoucansoonbreakherofit,MissGrey,\'saidshe:\'itisonlyahabit;andifyouwilljustgentlyremindhereverytimeshedoesso,Iamsureshewillsoonlayitaside。\'Inotonly\'gentlyreminded\'her,I triedtoimpressuponherhowwrongitwas,andhowdistressingtotheearsofdecentpeople:butallinvain:Iwasonlyansweredbyacarelesslaugh,and,\'Oh,MissGrey,howshockedyouare! I\'msoglad!\'or,\'Well!Ican\'thelpit;papashouldn\'thavetaughtme:Ilearneditallfromhim;andmaybeabitfromthecoachman。\' HerbrotherJohn,ALIASMasterMurray,wasaboutelevenwhenI came:afine,stout,healthyboy,frankandgood-naturedinthemain,andmighthavebeenadecentladhadhebeenproperlyeducated;butnowhewasasroughasayoungbear,boisterous,unruly,unprincipled,untaught,unteachable-atleast,foragovernessunderhismother\'seye。Hismastersatschoolmightbeabletomanagehimbetter-fortoschoolhewassent,greatlytomyrelief,inthecourseofayear;inastate,itistrue,ofscandalousignoranceastoLatin,aswellasthemoreusefulthoughmoreneglectedthings:andthis,doubtless,wouldallbelaidtotheaccountofhiseducationhavingbeenentrustedtoanignorantfemaleteacher,whohadpresumedtotakeinhandwhatshewaswhollyincompetenttoperform。Iwasnotdeliveredfromhisbrothertillfulltwelvemonthsafter,whenhealsowasdespatchedinthesamestateofdisgracefulignoranceastheformer。 MasterCharleswashismother\'speculiardarling。HewaslittlemorethanayearyoungerthanJohn,butmuchsmaller,paler,andlessactiveandrobust;apettish,cowardly,capricious,selfishlittlefellow,onlyactiveindoingmischief,andonlycleverininventingfalsehoods:notsimplytohidehisfaults,but,inmeremaliciouswantonness,tobringodiumuponothers。Infact,MasterCharleswasaverygreatnuisancetome:itwasatrialofpatiencetolivewithhimpeaceably;towatchoverhimwasworse; andtoteachhim,orpretendtoteachhim,wasinconceivable。 Attenyearsold,hecouldnotreadcorrectlytheeasiestlineinthesimplestbook;andas,accordingtohismother\'sprinciple,hewastobetoldeveryword,beforehehadtimetohesitateorexamineitsorthography,andnevereventobeinformed,asastimulanttoexertion,thatotherboysweremoreforwardthanhe,itisnotsurprisingthathemadebutlittleprogressduringthetwoyearsI hadchargeofhiseducation。HisminuteportionsofLatingrammar,&;c。,weretoberepeatedovertohim,tillhechosetosayheknewthem,andthenhewastobehelpedtosaythem;ifhemademistakesinhislittleeasysumsinarithmetic,theyweretobeshownhimatonce,andthesumdoneforhim,insteadofhisbeinglefttoexercisehisfacultiesinfindingthemouthimself;sothat,ofcourse,hetooknopainstoavoidmistakes,butfrequentlysetdownhisfiguresatrandom,withoutanycalculationatall。 Ididnotinvariablyconfinemyselftotheserules:itwasagainstmyconsciencetodoso;butIseldomcouldventuretodeviatefromthemintheslightestdegree,withoutincurringthewrathofmylittlepupil,andsubsequentlyofhismamma;towhomhewouldrelatemytransgressionsmaliciouslyexaggerated,oradornedwithembellishmentsofhisown;andoften,inconsequence,wasIonthepointoflosingorresigningmysituation。But,fortheirsakesathome,Ismotheredmyprideandsuppressedmyindignation,andmanagedtostruggleontillmylittletormentorwasdespatchedtoschool;hisfatherdeclaringthathomeeducationwas\'nogo;forhim,itwasplain;hismotherspoiledhimoutrageously,andhisgovernesscouldmakenohandofhimatall。\' AfewmoreobservationsaboutHortonLodgeanditsongoings,andI havedonewithdrydescriptionforthepresent。Thehousewasaveryrespectableone;superiortoMr。Bloomfield\'s,bothinage,size,andmagnificence:thegardenwasnotsotastefullylaidout; butinsteadofthesmooth-shavenlawn,theyoungtreesguardedbypalings,thegroveofupstartpoplars,andtheplantationoffirs,therewasawidepark,stockedwithdeer,andbeautifiedbyfineoldtrees。Thesurroundingcountryitselfwaspleasant,asfarasfertilefields,flourishingtrees,quietgreenlanes,andsmilinghedgeswithwild-flowersscatteredalongtheirbanks,couldmakeit;butitwasdepressinglyflattoonebornandnurturedamongtheruggedhillsof。 Weweresituatednearlytwomilesfromthevillagechurch,and,consequently,thefamilycarriagewasputinrequisitioneverySundaymorning,andsometimesoftener。Mr。andMrs。Murraygenerallythoughtitsufficienttoshowthemselvesatchurchonceinthecourseoftheday;butfrequentlythechildrenpreferredgoingasecondtimetowanderingaboutthegroundsallthedaywithnothingtodo。Ifsomeofmypupilschosetowalkandtakemewiththem,itwaswellforme;forotherwisemypositioninthecarriagewastobecrushedintothecornerfarthestfromtheopenwindow,andwithmybacktothehorses:apositionwhichinvariablymademesick;andifIwerenotactuallyobligedtoleavethechurchinthemiddleoftheservice,mydevotionsweredisturbedwithafeelingoflanguorandsickliness,andthetormentingfearofitsbecomingworse:andadepressingheadachewasgenerallymycompanionthroughouttheday,whichwouldotherwisehavebeenoneofwelcomerest,andholy,calmenjoyment。 \'It\'sveryodd,MissGrey,thatthecarriageshouldalwaysmakeyousick:itnevermakesME,\'remarkedMissMatilda,\'Normeeither,\'saidhersister;\'butIdaresayitwould,ifI satwhereshedoes-suchanasty,horridplace,MissGrey;I wonderhowyoucanbearit!\' \'Iamobligedtobearit,sincenochoiceisleftme,\'-Imighthaveanswered;butintendernessfortheirfeelingsIonlyreplied,-\'Oh!itisbutashortway,andifIamnotsickinchurch,I don\'tmindit。\' IfIwerecalledupontogiveadescriptionoftheusualdivisionsandarrangementsoftheday,Ishouldfinditaverydifficultmatter。Ihadallmymealsintheschoolroomwithmypupils,atsuchtimesassuitedtheirfancy:sometimestheywouldringfordinnerbeforeitwashalfcooked;sometimestheywouldkeepitwaitingonthetableforaboveanhour,andthenbeoutofhumourbecausethepotatoeswerecold,andthegravycoveredwithcakesofsolidfat;sometimestheywouldhaveteaatfour;frequently,theywouldstormattheservantsbecauseitwasnotinpreciselyatfive;andwhentheseorderswereobeyed,bywayofencouragementtopunctuality,theywouldkeepitonthetabletillsevenoreight。 Theirhoursofstudyweremanagedinmuchthesameway;myjudgmentorconveniencewasneveronceconsulted。SometimesMatildaandJohnwoulddetermine\'togetalltheplaguybusinessoverbeforebreakfast,\'andsendthemaidtocallmeupathalf-pastfive,withoutanyscrupleorapology;sometimes,Iwastoldtobereadypreciselyatsix,and,havingdressedinahurry,camedowntoanemptyroom,andafterwaitingalongtimeinsuspense,discoveredthattheyhadchangedtheirminds,andwerestillinbed;or,perhaps,ifitwereafinesummermorning,Brownwouldcometotellmethattheyoungladiesandgentlemenhadtakenaholiday,andweregoneout;andthenIwaskeptwaitingforbreakfasttillIwasalmostreadytofaint:theyhavingfortifiedthemselveswithsomethingbeforetheywent。 Oftentheywoulddotheirlessonsintheopenair;whichIhadnothingtosayagainst:exceptthatIfrequentlycaughtcoldbysittingonthedampgrass,orfromexposuretotheeveningdew,orsomeinsidiousdraught,whichseemedtohavenoinjuriouseffectonthem。Itwasquiterightthattheyshouldbehardy;yet,surely,theymighthavebeentaughtsomeconsiderationforotherswhowerelessso。ButImustnotblamethemforwhatwas,perhaps,myownfault;forInevermadeanyparticularobjectionstosittingwheretheypleased;foolishlychoosingtorisktheconsequences,ratherthantroublethemformyconvenience。Theirindecorousmannerofdoingtheirlessonswasquiteasremarkableasthecapricedisplayedintheirchoiceoftimeandplace。Whilereceivingmyinstructions,orrepeatingwhattheyhadlearned,theywouldloungeuponthesofa,lieontherug,stretch,yawn,talktoeachother,orlookoutofthewindow;whereas,Icouldnotsomuchasstirthefire,orpickupthehandkerchiefIhaddropped,withoutbeingrebukedforinattentionbyoneofmypupils,ortoldthat\'mammawouldnotlikemetobesocareless。\' Theservants,seeinginwhatlittleestimationthegovernesswasheldbybothparentsandchildren,regulatedtheirbehaviourbythesamestandard。Ihavefrequentlystoodupforthem,attheriskofsomeinjurytomyself,againstthetyrannyandinjusticeoftheiryoungmastersandmistresses;andIalwaysendeavouredtogivethemaslittletroubleaspossible:buttheyentirelyneglectedmycomfort,despisedmyrequests,andslightedmydirections。Allservants,Iamconvinced,wouldnothavedoneso;butdomesticsingeneral,beingignorantandlittleaccustomedtoreasonandreflection,aretooeasilycorruptedbythecarelessnessandbadexampleofthoseabovethem;andthese,Ithink,werenotofthebestordertobeginwith。 IsometimesfeltmyselfdegradedbythelifeIled,andashamedofsubmittingtosomanyindignities;andsometimesIthoughtmyselfafoolforcaringsomuchaboutthem,andfearedImustbesadlywantinginChristianhumility,orthatcharitywhich\'sufferethlongandiskind,seekethnotherown,isnoteasilyprovoked,bearethallthings,endurethallthings。\' But,withtimeandpatience,mattersbegantobeslightlyameliorated:slowly,itistrue,andalmostimperceptibly;butI gotridofmymalepupils(thatwasnotriflingadvantage),andthegirls,asIintimatedbeforeconcerningoneofthem,becamealittlelessinsolent,andbegantoshowsomesymptomsofesteem。 \'MissGreywasaqueercreature:sheneverflattered,anddidnotpraisethemhalfenough;butwhenevershedidspeakfavourablyofthem,oranythingbelongingtothem,theycouldbequitesureherapprobationwassincere。Shewasveryobliging,quiet,andpeaceableinthemain,butthereweresomethingsthatputheroutoftemper:theydidnotmuchcareforthat,tobesure,butstillitwasbettertokeepherintune;aswhenshewasinagoodhumourshewouldtalktothem,andbeveryagreeableandamusingsometimes,inherway;whichwasquitedifferenttomamma\'s,butstillverywellforachange。Shehadherownopinionsoneverysubject,andkeptsteadilytothem-verytiresomeopinionstheyoftenwere;asshewasalwaysthinkingofwhatwasrightandwhatwaswrong,andhadastrangereverenceformattersconnectedwithreligion,andanunaccountablelikingtogoodpeople。\' chapter08 CHAPTERVIII-THE\'COMINGOUT\' ATeighteen,MissMurraywastoemergefromthequietobscurityoftheschoolroomintothefullblazeofthefashionableworld-asmuchofit,atleast,ascouldbehadoutofLondon;forherpapacouldnotbepersuadedtoleavehisruralpleasuresandpursuits,evenforafewweeks\'residenceintown。ShewastomakeherdebutonthethirdofJanuary,atamagnificentball,whichhermammaproposedtogivetoallthenobilityandchoicegentryofO-anditsneighbourhoodfortwentymilesround。Ofcourse,shelookedforwardtoitwiththewildestimpatience,andthemostextravagantanticipationsofdelight。 \'MissGrey,\'saidshe,oneevening,amonthbeforetheall- importantday,asIwasperusingalongandextremelyinterestingletterofmysister\'s-whichIhadjustglancedatinthemorningtoseethatitcontainednoverybadnews,andkepttillnow,unablebeforetofindaquietmomentforreadingit,-\'MissGrey,doputawaythatdull,stupidletter,andlistentome!I\'msuremytalkmustbefarmoreamusingthanthat。\' Sheseatedherselfonthelowstoolatmyfeet;andI,suppressingasighofvexation,begantofolduptheepistle。 \'Youshouldtellthegoodpeopleathomenottoboreyouwithsuchlongletters,\'saidshe;\'and,aboveall,dobidthemwriteonpropernote-paper,andnotonthosegreatvulgarsheets。Youshouldseethecharminglittlelady-likenotesmammawritestoherfriends。\' \'Thegoodpeopleathome,\'repliedI,\'knowverywellthatthelongertheirlettersare,thebetterIlikethem。Ishouldbeverysorrytoreceiveacharminglittlelady-likenotefromanyofthem; andIthoughtyouweretoomuchofaladyyourself,MissMurray,totalkaboutthe\"vulgarity\"ofwritingonalargesheetofpaper。\' \'Well,Ionlysaidittoteaseyou。ButnowIwanttotalkabouttheball;andtotellyouthatyoupositivelymustputoffyourholidaystillitisover。\' \'Whyso?-Ishallnotbepresentattheball。\' \'No,butyouwillseetheroomsdeckedoutbeforeitbegins,andhearthemusic,and,aboveall,seemeinmysplendidnewdress。 I shallbesocharming,you\'llbereadytoworshipme-youreallymuststay。\' \'Ishouldliketoseeyouverymuch;butIshallhavemanyopportunitiesofseeingyouequallycharming,ontheoccasionofsomeofthenumberlessballsandpartiesthataretobe,andI cannotdisappointmyfriendsbypostponingmyreturnsolong。\' \'Oh,nevermindyourfriends!Tellthemwewon\'tletyougo。\' \'But,tosaythetruth,itwouldbeadisappointmenttomyself: I longtoseethemasmuchastheytoseeme-perhapsmore。\' \'Well,butitissuchashorttime。\' \'Nearlyafortnightbymycomputation;and,besides,IcannotbearthethoughtsofaChristmasspentfromhome:and,moreover,mysisterisgoingtobemarried。\' \'Isshe-when?\' \'Nottillnextmonth;butIwanttobetheretoassistherinmakingpreparations,andtomakethebestofhercompanywhilewehaveher。\' \'Whydidn\'tyoutellmebefore?\' \'I\'veonlygotthenewsinthisletter,whichyoustigmatizeasdullandstupid,andwon\'tletmeread。\' \'Towhomisshetobemarried?\' \'ToMr。Richardson,thevicarofaneighbouringparish。\' \'Isherich?\' \'No;onlycomfortable。\' \'Ishehandsome?\' \'No;onlydecent。\' \'Young?\' \'No;onlymiddling。\' \'Oh,mercy!whatawretch!Whatsortofahouseisit?\' \'Aquietlittlevicarage,withanivy-cladporch,anold-fashionedgarden,and-\' \'Oh,stop!-you\'llmakemesick。HowCANshebearit?\' \'Iexpectshe\'llnotonlybeabletobearit,buttobeveryhappy。 YoudidnotaskmeifMr。Richardsonwereagood,wise,oramiableman;IcouldhaveansweredYes,toallthesequestions-atleastsoMarythinks,andIhopeshewillnotfindherselfmistaken。\' \'But-miserablecreature!howcanshethinkofspendingherlifethere,coopedupwiththatnastyoldman;andnohopeofchange?\' \'Heisnotold:he\'sonlysixorsevenandthirty;andsheherselfistwenty-eight,andassoberasifshewerefifty。\' \'Oh!that\'sbetterthen-they\'rewellmatched;butdotheycallhimthe\"worthyvicar\"?\' \'Idon\'tknow;butiftheydo,Ibelievehemeritstheepithet。\' \'Mercy,howshocking!andwillshewearawhiteapronandmakepiesandpuddings?\' \'Idon\'tknowaboutthewhiteapron,butIdaresayshewillmakepiesandpuddingsnowandthen;butthatwillbenogreathardship,asshehasdoneitbefore。\' \'Andwillshegoaboutinaplainshawl,andalargestrawbonnet,carryingtractsandbonesouptoherhusband\'spoorparishioners?\' \'I\'mnotclearaboutthat;butIdaresayshewilldoherbesttomakethemcomfortableinbodyandmind,inaccordancewithourmother\'sexample。\' chapter09 CHAPTERIX-THEBALL \'NOW,MissGrey,\'exclaimedMissMurray,immediatelyIenteredtheschoolroom,afterhavingtakenoffmyoutdoorgarments,uponreturningfrommyfourweeks\'recreation,\'Now-shutthedoor,andsitdown,andI\'lltellyouallabouttheball。\' \'No-damnit,no!\'shoutedMissMatilda。\'Holdyourtongue,can\'tye?andletmetellheraboutmynewmare-SUCHasplendour,MissGrey!afinebloodmare-\' \'Dobequiet,Matilda;andletmetellmynewsfirst。\' \'No,no,Rosalie;you\'llbesuchadamnedlongtimeoverit-sheshallhearmefirst-I\'llbehangedifshedoesn\'t!\' \'I\'msorrytohear,MissMatilda,thatyou\'venotgotridofthatshockinghabityet。\' \'Well,Ican\'thelpit:butI\'llneversayawickedwordagain,ifyou\'llonlylistentome,andtellRosalietoholdherconfoundedtongue。\' Rosalieremonstrated,andIthoughtIshouldhavebeentorninpiecesbetweenthem;butMissMatildahavingtheloudestvoice,hersisteratlengthgavein,andsufferedhertotellherstoryfirst: soIwasdoomedtohearalongaccountofhersplendidmare,itsbreedingandpedigree,itspaces,itsaction,itsspirit,&;c。,andofherownamazingskillandcourageinridingit;concludingwithanassertionthatshecouldclearafive-barredgate\'likewinking,\'thatpapasaidshemighthuntthenexttimethehoundsmet,andmammahadorderedabrightscarlethunting-habitforher。 \'Oh,Matilda!whatstoriesyouaretelling!\'exclaimedhersister。 \'Well,\'answeredshe,nowhitabashed,\'IknowICOULDclearafive-barredgate,ifItried,andpapaWILLsayImayhunt,andmammaWILLorderthehabitwhenIaskit。\' \'Well,nowgetalong,\'repliedMissMurray;\'anddo,dearMatilda,trytobealittlemorelady-like。MissGrey,Iwishyouwouldtellhernottousesuchshockingwords;shewillcallherhorseamare:itissoinconceivablyshocking!andthensheusessuchdreadfulexpressionsindescribingit:shemusthavelearneditfromthegrooms。Itnearlyputsmeintofitswhenshebegins。\' \'Ilearneditfrompapa,youass!andhisjollyfriends,\'saidtheyounglady,vigorouslycrackingahunting-whip,whichshehabituallycarriedinherhand。\'I\'masgoodjudgeofhorsefleshasthebestof\'m。\' \'Well,nowgetalong,youshockinggirl!Ireallyshalltakeafitifyougooninsuchaway。Andnow,MissGrey,attendtome; I\'mgoingtotellyouabouttheball。Youmustbedyingtohearaboutit,Iknow。Oh,SUCHaball!Youneversaworheard,orread,ordreamtofanythinglikeitinallyourlife。Thedecorations,theentertainment,thesupper,themusicwereindescribable!andthentheguests!Thereweretwonoblemen,threebaronets,andfivetitledladies,andotherladiesandgentlemeninnumerable。Theladies,ofcourse,wereofnoconsequencetome,excepttoputmeinagoodhumourwithmyself,byshowinghowuglyandawkwardmostofthemwere;andthebest,mammatoldme,-themosttranscendentbeautiesamongthem,werenothingtome。Asforme,MissGrey- I\'msoSORRYyoudidn\'tseeme!IwasCHARMING-wasn\'tI,Matilda?\' \'Middling。\' \'No,butIreallywas-atleastsomammasaid-andBrownandWilliamson。Brownsaidshewassurenogentlemancouldseteyesonmewithoutfallinginlovethatminute;andsoImaybeallowedtobealittlevain。Iknowyouthinkmeashocking,conceited,frivolousgirl;butthen,youknow,Idon\'tattributeitALLtomypersonalattractions:Igivesomepraisetothehairdresser,andsometomyexquisitelylovelydress-youmustseeitto-morrow- whitegauzeoverpinksatin-andsoSWEETLYmade!andanecklaceandbraceletofbeautiful,largepearls!\' \'Ihavenodoubtyoulookedverycharming:butshouldthatdelightyousoverymuch?\' \'Oh,no!-notthatalone:but,then,Iwassomuchadmired;andI madesoMANYconquestsinthatonenight-you\'dbeastonishedtohear-\' \'Butwhatgoodwilltheydoyou?\' \'Whatgood!Thinkofanywomanaskingthat!\' \'Well,Ishouldthinkoneconquestwouldbeenough;andtoomuch,unlessthesubjugationweremutual。\' \'Oh,butyouknowIneveragreewithyouonthosepoints。Now,waitabit,andI\'lltellyoumyprincipaladmirers-thosewhomadethemselvesveryconspicuousthatnightandafter:forI\'vebeentotwopartiessince。Unfortunatelythetwonoblemen,LordG- andLordF-,weremarried,orImighthavecondescendedtobeparticularlygracioustoTHEM;asitwas,Ididnot:thoughLordF-,whohateshiswife,wasevidentlymuchstruckwithme。Heaskedmetodancewithhimtwice-heisacharmingdancer,by-the- by,andsoamI:youcan\'tthinkhowwellIdid-Iwasastonishedatmyself。Mylordwasverycomplimentarytoo-rathertoomuchsoinfact-andIthoughtpropertobealittlehaughtyandrepellent;butIhadthepleasureofseeinghisnasty,crosswifereadytoperishwithspiteandvexation-\' \'Oh,MissMurray!youdon\'tmeantosaythatsuchathingcouldreallygiveyoupleasure?Howevercrossor-\' \'Well,Iknowit\'sverywrong;-butnevermind!Imeantobegoodsometime-onlydon\'tpreachnow,there\'sagoodcreature。I haven\'ttoldyouhalfyet。Letmesee。Oh!IwasgoingtotellyouhowmanyunmistakeableadmirersIhad:-SirThomasAshbywasone,-SirHughMelthamandSirBroadleyWilsonareoldcodgers,onlyfitcompanionsforpapaandmamma。SirThomasisyoung,rich,andgay;butanuglybeast,nevertheless:however,mammasaysI shouldnotmindthatafterafewmonths\'acquaintance。Then,therewasHenryMeltham,SirHugh\'syoungerson;rathergood-looking,andapleasantfellowtoflirtwith:butBEINGayoungerson,thatisallheisgoodfor;thentherewasyoungMr。Green,richenough,butofnofamily,andagreatstupidfellow,amerecountrybooby! andthen,ourgoodrector,Mr。Hatfield:anHUMBLEadmirerheoughttoconsiderhimself;butIfearhehasforgottentonumberhumilityamonghisstockofChristianvirtues。\' \'WasMr。Hatfieldattheball?\' \'Yes,tohesure。Didyouthinkhewastoogoodtogo?\' \'Ithoughtbemightconsideritunclerical。\' \'Bynomeans。Hedidnotprofanehisclothbydancing;butitwaswithdifficultyhecouldrefrain,poorman:helookedasifheweredyingtoaskmyhandjustforONEset;and-oh!by-the-by- he\'sgotanewcurate:thatseedyoldfellowMr。Blighhasgothislong-wished-forlivingatlast,andisgone。\' \'Andwhatisthenewonelike?\' \'Oh,SUCHabeast!Westonhisnameis。Icangiveyouhisdescriptioninthreewords-aninsensate,ugly,stupidblockhead。 That\'sfour,butnomatter-enoughofHIMnow。\' Thenshereturnedtotheball,andgavemeafurtheraccountofherdeportmentthere,andattheseveralpartiesshehadsinceattended;andfurtherparticularsrespectingSirThomasAshbyandMessrs。Meltham,Green,andHatfield,andtheineffaceableimpressionshehadwroughtuponeachofthem。 \'Well,whichofthefourdoyoulikebest?\'saidI,suppressingmythirdorfourthyawn。 \'Idetestthemall!\'repliedshe,shakingherbrightringletsinvivaciousscorn。 \'Thatmeans,Isuppose,\"Ilikethemall\"-butwhichmost?\' \'No,Ireallydetestthemall;butHarryMelthamisthehandsomestandmostamusing,andMr。Hatfieldthecleverest,SirThomasthewickedest,andMr。Greenthemoststupid。ButtheoneI\'mtohave,Isuppose,ifI\'mdoomedtohaveanyofthem,isSirThomasAshby。\' \'Surelynot,ifhe\'ssowicked,andifyoudislikehim?\' \'Oh,Idon\'tmindhisbeingwicked:he\'sallthebetterforthat; andasfordislikinghim-Ishouldn\'tgreatlyobjecttobeingLadyAshbyofAshbyPark,ifImustmarry。ButifIcouldbealwaysyoung,Iwouldbealwayssingle。Ishouldliketoenjoymyselfthoroughly,andcoquetwithalltheworld,tillIamonthevergeofbeingcalledanoldmaid;andthen,toescapetheinfamyofthat,afterhavingmadetenthousandconquests,tobreakalltheirheartssaveone,bymarryingsomehigh-born,rich,indulgenthusband,whom,ontheotherhand,fiftyladiesweredyingtohave。\' \'Well,aslongasyouentertaintheseviews,keepsinglebyallmeans,andnevermarryatall:noteventoescapetheinfamyofold-maidenhood。\' chapter10 CHAPTERX-THECHURCH \'WELL,MissGrey,whatdoyouthinkofthenewcurate?\'askedMissMurray,onourreturnfromchurchtheSundayaftertherecommencementofourduties。 \'Icanscarcelytell,\'wasmyreply:\'Ihavenotevenheardhimpreach。\' \'Well,butyousawhim,didn\'tyou?\' \'Yes,butIcannotpretendtojudgeofaman\'scharacterbyasinglecursoryglanceathisface。\' \'Butisn\'theugly?\' \'Hedidnotstrikemeasbeingparticularlyso;Idon\'tdislikethatcastofcountenance:buttheonlythingIparticularlynoticedabouthimwashisstyleofreading;whichappearedtomegood-infinitelybetter,atleast,thanMr。Hatfield\'s。HereadtheLessonsasifhewerebentongivingfulleffecttoeverypassage;itseemedasifthemostcarelesspersoncouldnothavehelpedattending,northemostignoranthavefailedtounderstand; andtheprayershereadasifhewerenotreadingatall,butprayingearnestlyandsincerelyfromhisownheart。\' \'Oh,yes,that\'sallheisgoodfor:hecanplodthroughtheservicewellenough;buthehasnotasingleideabeyondit。\' \'Howdoyouknow?\' \'Oh!Iknowperfectlywell;Iamanexcellentjudgeinsuchmatters。Didyouseehowhewentoutofchurch?stumpingalong- asiftherewerenobodytherebuthimself-neverlookingtotherighthandortheleft,andevidentlythinkingofnothingbutjustgettingoutofthechurch,and,perhaps,hometohisdinner:hisgreatstupidheadcouldcontainnootheridea。\' \'Isupposeyouwouldhavehadhimcastaglanceintothesquire\'spew,\'saidI,laughingatthevehemenceofherhostility。 \'Indeed!Ishouldhavebeenhighlyindignantifhehaddaredtodosuchathing!\'repliedshe,haughtilytossingherhead;then,afteramoment\'sreflection,sheadded-\'Well,well!Isupposehe\'sgoodenoughforhisplace:butI\'mgladI\'mnotdependentonHIM foramusement-that\'sall。DidyouseehowMr。Hatfieldhurriedouttogetabowfromme,andbeintimetoputusintothecarriage?\' \'Yes,\'answeredI;internallyadding,\'andIthoughtitsomewhatderogatorytohisdignityasaclergymantocomeflyingfromthepulpitinsucheagerhastetoshakehandswiththesquire,andhandhiswifeanddaughtersintotheircarriage:and,moreover,Iowehimagrudgefornearlyshuttingmeoutofit\';for,infact,thoughIwasstandingbeforehisface,closebesidethecarriagesteps,waitingtogetin,hewouldpersistinputtingthemupandclosingthedoor,tilloneofthefamilystoppedhimbycallingoutthatthegovernesswasnotinyet;then,withoutawordofapology,hedeparted,wishingthemgood-morning,andleavingthefootmantofinishthebusiness。 NOTABENE-Mr。Hatfieldneverspoketome,neitherdidSirHughorLadyMeltham,norMr。HarryorMissMeltham,norMr。Greenorhissisters,noranyotherladyorgentlemanwhofrequentedthatchurch:nor,infact,anyonethatvisitedatHortonLodge。 MissMurrayorderedthecarriageagain,intheafternoon,forherselfandhersister:shesaiditwastoocoldforthemtoenjoythemselvesinthegarden;andbesides,shebelievedHarryMelthamwouldbeatchurch。\'For,\'saidshe,smilingslylyatherownfairimageintheglass,\'hehasbeenamostexemplaryattendantatchurchtheselastfewSundays:youwouldthinkhewasquiteagoodChristian。Andyoumaygowithus,MissGrey:Iwantyoutoseehim;heissogreatlyimprovedsincehereturnedfromabroad-youcan\'tthink!Andbesides,thenyouwillhaveanopportunityofseeingthebeautifulMr。Westonagain,andofhearinghimpreach。\' Ididhearhimpreach,andwasdecidedlypleasedwiththeevangelicaltruthofhisdoctrine,aswellastheearnestsimplicityofhismanner,andtheclearnessandforceofhisstyle。 Itwastrulyrefreshingtohearsuchasermon,afterbeingsolongaccustomedtothedry,prosydiscoursesoftheformercurate,andthestilllessedifyingharanguesoftherector。Mr。Hatfieldwouldcomesailinguptheaisle,orrathersweepingalonglikeawhirlwind,withhisrichsilkgownflyingbehindhimandrustlingagainstthepewdoors,mountthepulpitlikeaconquerorascendinghistriumphalcar;then,sinkingonthevelvetcushioninanattitudeofstudiedgrace,remaininsilentprostrationforacertaintime;thenmutteroveraCollect,andgabblethroughtheLord\'sPrayer,rise,drawoffonebrightlavenderglove,togivethecongregationthebenefitofhissparklingrings,lightlypasshisfingersthroughhiswell-curledhair,flourishacambrichandkerchief,reciteaveryshortpassage,or,perhaps,amerephraseofScripture,asahead-piecetohisdiscourse,and,finally,deliveracompositionwhich,asacomposition,mightbeconsideredgood,thoughfartoostudiedandtooartificialtobepleasingtome:thepropositionswerewelllaiddown,theargumentslogicallyconducted;andyet,itwassometimeshardtolistenquietlythroughout,withoutsomeslightdemonstrationsofdisapprovalorimpatience。 Hisfavouritesubjectswerechurchdiscipline,ritesandceremonies,apostolicalsuccession,thedutyofreverenceandobediencetotheclergy,theatrociouscriminalityofdissent,theabsolutenecessityofobservingalltheformsofgodliness,thereprehensiblepresumptionofindividualswhoattemptedtothinkforthemselvesinmattersconnectedwithreligion,ortobeguidedbytheirowninterpretationsofScripture,and,occasionally(topleasehiswealthyparishioners)thenecessityofdeferentialobediencefromthepoortotherich-supportinghismaximsandexhortationsthroughoutwithquotationsfromtheFathers:withwhomheappearedtobefarbetteracquaintedthanwiththeApostlesandEvangelists,andwhoseimportanceheseemedtoconsideratleastequaltotheirs。Butnowandthenhegaveusasermonofadifferentorder-whatsomewouldcallaverygoodone;butsunlessandsevere:representingtheDeityasaterribletaskmasterratherthanabenevolentfather。Yet,asIlistened,Ifeltinclinedtothinkthemanwassincereinallhesaid:hemusthavechangedhisviews,andbecomedecidedlyreligious,gloomyandaustere,yetstilldevout。Butsuchillusionswereusuallydissipated,oncomingoutofchurch,byhearinghisvoiceinjocundcolloquywithsomeoftheMelthamsorGreens,or,perhaps,theMurraysthemselves;probablylaughingathisownsermon,andhopingthathehadgiventherascallypeoplesomethingtothinkabout;perchance,exultinginthethoughtthatoldBettyHolmeswouldnowlayasidethesinfulindulgenceofherpipe,whichhadbeenherdailysolaceforupwardsofthirtyyears:thatGeorgeHigginswouldbefrightenedoutofhisSabbatheveningwalks,andThomasJacksonwouldbesorelytroubledinhisconscience,andshakeninhissureandcertainhopeofajoyfulresurrectionatthelastday。 Thus,IcouldnotbutconcludethatMr。Hatfieldwasoneofthosewho\'bindheavyburdens,andgrievoustobeborne,andlaythemuponmen\'sshoulders,whiletheythemselveswillnotmovethemwithoneoftheirfingers\';andwho\'makethewordofGodofnoneeffectbytheirtraditions,teachingfordoctrinesthecommandmentsofmen。\'Iwaswellpleasedtoobservethatthenewcurateresembledhim,asfarasIcouldsee,innoneoftheseparticulars。 \'Well,MissGrey,whatdoyouthinkofhimnow?\'saidMissMurray,aswetookourplacesinthecarriageafterservice。 \'Noharmstill,\'repliedI。 \'Noharm!\'repeatedsheinamazement。\'Whatdoyoumean?\' \'Imean,IthinknoworseofhimthanIdidbefore。\' \'Noworse!Ishouldthinknotindeed-quitethecontrary! Ishenotgreatlyimproved?\' \'Oh,yes;verymuchindeed,\'repliedI;forIhadnowdiscoveredthatitwasHarryMelthamshemeant,notMr。Weston。Thatgentlemanhadeagerlycomeforwardtospeaktotheyoungladies: athinghewouldhardlyhaveventuredtodohadtheirmotherbeenpresent;hehadlikewisepolitelyhandedthemintothecarriage。 Hehadnotattemptedtoshutmeout,likeMr。Hatfield;neither,ofcourse,hadheofferedmehisassistance(Ishouldnothaveacceptedit,ifhehad),butaslongasthedoorremainedopenhehadstoodsmirkingandchattingwiththem,andthenliftedhishatanddepartedtohisownabode:butIhadscarcelynoticedhimallthetime。Mycompanions,however,hadbeenmoreobservant;and,aswerolledalong,theydiscussedbetweenthemnotonlyhislooks,words,andactions,buteveryfeatureofhisface,andeveryarticleofhisapparel。 \'Youshan\'thavehimalltoyourself,Rosalie,\'saidMissMatildaatthecloseofthisdiscussion;\'Ilikehim:Iknowhe\'dmakeanice,jollycompanionforme。\' \'Well,you\'requitewelcometohim,Matilda,\'repliedhersister,inatoneofaffectedindifference。 \'AndI\'msure,\'continuedtheother,\'headmiresmequiteasmuchashedoesyou;doesn\'the,MissGrey?\' \'Idon\'tknow;I\'mnotacquaintedwithhissentiments。\' \'Well,butheDOESthough。\' \'MyDEARMatilda!nobodywilleveradmireyoutillyougetridofyourrough,awkwardmanners。\' \'Oh,stuff!HarryMelthamlikessuchmanners;andsodopapa\'sfriends。\' \'Well,youMAYcaptivateoldmen,andyoungersons;butnobodyelse,Iamsure,willevertakeafancytoyou。\' \'Idon\'tcare:I\'mnotalwaysgrabbingaftermoney,likeyouandmamma。Ifmyhusbandisabletokeepafewgoodhorsesanddogs,I shallbequitesatisfied;andalltherestmaygotothedevil!\' \'Well,ifyouusesuchshockingexpressions,I\'msurenorealgentlemanwilleverventuretocomenearyou。Really,MissGrey,youshouldnotletherdoso。\' \'Ican\'tpossiblypreventit,MissMurray。\' \'Andyou\'requitemistaken,Matilda,insupposingthatHarryMelthamadmiresyou:Iassureyouhedoesnothingofthekind。\' Matildawasbeginninganangryreply;but,happily,ourjourneywasnowatanend;andthecontentionwascutshortbythefootmanopeningthecarriage-door,andlettingdownthestepsforourdescent。 chapter11 CHAPTERXI-THECOTTAGERS ASIhadnowonlyoneregularpupil-thoughshecontrivedtogivemeasmuchtroubleasthreeorfourordinaryones,andthoughhersisterstilltooklessonsinGermananddrawing-IhadconsiderablymoretimeatmyowndisposalthanIhadeverbeenblessedwithbefore,sinceIhadtakenuponmethegoverness\'syoke;whichtimeIdevotedpartlytocorrespondencewithmyfriends,partlytoreading,study,andthepracticeofmusic,singing,&;c。,partlytowanderinginthegroundsoradjacentfields,withmypupilsiftheywantedme,aloneiftheydidnot。