No:whatIwantistogetridofallthatnonsense。(Hesitsdownbesideher，sonaturallythatshedoesnotthinkofobjecting，andproceeds，withenthusiasm)Don\'tyouthinkitahorriblethingthatamanandawomancanhardlyknowoneanotherwithoutbeingsupposedtohavedesignsofthatkind？Asiftherewerenootherinterests——noothersubjectsofconversation——asifwomenwerecapableofnothingbetter!
GLORIA(interested)。Ah，nowyouarebeginningtotalkhumanlyandsensibly，Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINE(withagleaminhiseyeatthesuccessofhishunter\'sguile)。Ofcourse!——twointelligentpeoplelikeus。Isn\'titpleasant，inthisstupid，convention-riddenworld，tomeetwithsomeoneonthesameplane——someonewithanunprejudiced，enlightenedmind？
GLORIA(earnestly)。IhopetomeetmanysuchpeopleinEngland。
VALENTINE(dubiously)。Hm!Thereareagoodmanypeoplehere——
nearlyfortymillions。They\'renotallconsumptivemembersofthehighlyeducatedclasseslikethepeopleinMadeira。
GLORIA(nowfullofhersubject)。Oh，everybodyisstupidandprejudicedinMadeira——weak，sentimentalcreatures!Ihateweakness；
andIhatesentiment。
VALENTINE。That\'swhatmakesyousoinspiring。
GLORIA(withaslightlaugh)。AmIinspiring？
VALENTINEYes。Strength\'sinfectious。
GLORIA。Weaknessis，Iknow。
VALENTINE(withconviction)。You\'restrong。Doyouknowthatyouchangedtheworldformethismorning？Iwasinthedumps，thinkingofmyunpaidrent，frightenedaboutthefuture。Whenyoucamein，Iwasdazzled。(Herbrowcloudsalittle。Hegoesonquickly。)Thatwassilly，ofcourse；butreallyandtrulysomethinghappenedtome。
Explainithowyouwill，mybloodgot——(hehesitates，tryingtothinkofasufficientlyunimpassionedword)——oxygenated:mymusclesbraced；
mymindcleared；mycouragerose。That\'sodd，isn\'tit？consideringthatIamnotatallasentimentalman。
GLORIA(uneasily，rising)。Letusgobacktothebeach。
VALENTINE(darkly——lookingupather)。What!youfeelit，too？
GLORIA。Feelwhat？
VALENTINE。Dread。
GLORIA。Dread!
VALENTINE。Asifsomethingweregoingtohappen。Itcameovermesuddenlyjustbeforeyouproposedthatweshouldrunawaytotheothers。
GLORIA(amazed)。That\'sstrange——verystrange!Ihadthesamepresentiment。
VALENTINE。Howextraordinary!(Rising。)Well:shallwerunaway？
GLORIA。Runaway!Oh，no:thatwouldbechildish。(Shesitsdownagain。Heresumeshisseatbesideher，andwatchesherwithagravelysympatheticair。Sheisthoughtfulandalittletroubledassheadds)
Iwonderwhatisthescientificexplanationofthosefanciesthatcrossusoccasionally!
VALENTINE。Ah，Iwonder!It\'sacuriouslyhelplesssensation:isn\'tit？
GLORIA(rebellingagainsttheword)。Helpless？
VALENTINE。Yes。AsifNature，afterallowingustobelongtoourselvesanddowhatwejudgedrightandreasonableforalltheseyears，weresuddenlyliftinghergreathandtotakeus——hertwolittlechildren——bythescruff\'sofourlittlenecks，anduseus，inspiteofourselves，forherownpurposes，inherownway。
GLORIA。Isn\'tthatratherfanciful？
VALENTINE(withanewandstartlingtransitiontoatoneofutterrecklessness)。Idon\'tknow。Idon\'tcare。(Burstingoutreproachfully。)Oh，MissClandon，MissClandon:howcouldyou？
GLORIA。WhathaveIdone？
VALENTINE。Thrownthisenchantmentonme。I\'mhonestlytryingtobesensible——scientific——everythingthatyouwishmetobe。But——but——
oh，don\'tyouseewhatyouhavesettoworkinmyimagination？
GLORIA(withindignant，scornfulsternness)。Ihopeyouarenotgoingtobesofoolish——sovulgar——astosaylove。
VALENTINE(withironicalhastetodisclaimsuchaweakness)。No，no，no。Notlove:weknowbetterthanthat。Let\'scallitchemistry。Youcan\'tdenythatthereissuchathingaschemicalaction，chemicalaffinity，chemicalcombination——themostirresistibleofallnaturalforces。Well，you\'reattractingmeirresistibly——chemically。
GLORIA(contemptuously)。Nonsense!
VALENTINE。Ofcourseit\'snonsense，youstupidgirl。(Gloriarecoilsinoutragedsurprise。)Yes，stupidgirl:that\'sascientificfact，anyhow。You\'reaprig——afeminineprig:that\'swhatyouare。(Rising。)NowIsupposeyou\'vedonewithmeforever。(Hegoestotheirontableandtakesuphishat。)
GLORIA(withelaboratecalm，sittinguplikeaHigh-school-mistressposingtobephotographed)。Thatshowshowverylittleyouunderstandmyrealcharacter。Iamnotintheleastoffended。(Hepausesandputshishatdownagain。)Iamalwayswillingtobetoldofmyowndefects，Mr。Valentine，bymyfriends，evenwhentheyareasabsurdlymistakenaboutmeasyouare。Ihavemanyfaults——veryseriousfaults——ofcharacterandtemper；butifthereisonethingthatIamnot，itiswhatyoucallaprig。(Sheclosesherlipstrimlyandlookssteadilyandchallenginglyathimasshesitsmorecollectedlythanever。)
VALENTINE(returningtotheendofthegardenseattoconfronthermoreemphatically)。Oh，yes，youare。Myreasontellsmeso:myknowledgetellsmeso:myexperiencetellsmeso。
GLORIA。Excusemyremindingyouthatyourreasonandyourknowledgeandyourexperiencearenotinfallible。AtleastIhopenot。
VALENTINE。Imustbelievethem。Unlessyouwishmetobelievemyeyes，myheart，myinstincts，myimagination，whicharealltellingmethemostmonstrousliesaboutyou。
GLORIA(thecollectednessbeginningtorelax)。Lies!
VALENTINE(obstinately)。Yes，lies。(Hesitsdownagainbesideher。)Doyouexpectmetobelievethatyouarethemostbeautifulwomanintheworld？
GLORIA。Thatisridiculous，andratherpersonal。
VALENTINE。Ofcourseit\'sridiculous。Well，that\'swhatmyeyestellme。(Gloriamakesamovementofcontemptuousprotest。)No:I\'mnotflattering。ItellyouIdon\'tbelieveit。(Sheisashamedtofindthatthisdoesnotquitepleasehereither。)Doyouthinkthatifyouweretoturnawayindisgustfrommyweakness，Ishouldsitdownhereandcrylikeachild？
GLORIA(beginningtofindthatshemustspeakshortlyandpointedlytokeephervoicesteady)。Whyshouldyou，pray？
VALENTINE(withastiroffeelingbeginningtoagitatehisvoice)。
Ofcoursenot:I\'mnotsuchanidiot。AndyetmyhearttellsmeI
should——myfoolofaheart。ButI\'llarguewithmyheartandbringittoreason。IfIlovedyouathousandtimes，I\'llforcemyselftolookthetruthsteadilyintheface。Afterall，it\'seasytobesensible:
thefactsarethefacts。What\'sthisplace？it\'snotheaven:it\'stheMarineHotel。What\'sthetime？it\'snoteternity:it\'sabouthalfpastoneintheafternoon。WhatamI？adentist——afiveshillingdentist!
GLORIA。AndIamafeminineprig。
VALENTINE。(passionately)。No，no:Ican\'tfacethat:Imusthaveoneillusionleft——theillusionaboutyou。Iloveyou。(Heturnstowardsherasiftheimpulsetotouchherwereungovernable:sherisesandstandsonherguardwrathfully。Hespringsupimpatientlyandretreatsastep。)Oh，whatafoolIam!——anidiot!Youdon\'tunderstand:Imightaswelltalktothestonesonthebeach。(Heturnsaway，discouraged。)
GLORIA(reassuredbyhiswithdrawal，andalittleremorseful)。Iamsorry。Idonotmeantobeunsympathetic，Mr。Valentine；butwhatcanI
say？
VALENTINE(returningtoherwithallhisrecklessnessofmannerreplacedbyanengagingandchivalrousrespect)。Youcansaynothing，MissClandon。Ibegyourpardon:itwasmyownfault，orrathermyownbadluck。Yousee，italldependedonyournaturallylikingme。(Sheisabouttospeak:hestopsherdeprecatingly。)Oh，Iknowyoumustn\'ttellmewhetheryoulikemeornot；but——
GLORIA(herprinciplesupinarmsatonce)。Mustnot!Whynot？I
amafreewoman:whyshouldInottellyou？
VALENTINE(pleadinginterror，andretreating)。Don\'t。I\'mafraidtohear。
GLORIA(nolongerscornful)。Youneednotbeafraid。Ithinkyouaresentimental，andalittlefoolish；butIlikeyou。
VALENTINE(droppingintotheironchairasifcrushed)。Thenit\'sallover。(Hebecomesthepictureofdespair。)
GLORIA(puzzled，approachinghim)。Butwhy？
VALENTINE。Becauselikingisnotenough。NowthatIthinkdownintoitseriously，Idon\'tknowwhetherIlikeyouornot。
GLORIA(lookingdownathimwithwonderingconcern)。I\'msorry。
VALENTINE(inanagonyofrestrainedpassion)。Oh，don\'tpityme。
Yourvoiceistearingmyhearttopieces。Letmealone，Gloria。Yougodownintotheverydepthsofme，troublingandstirringme——Ican\'tstrugglewithit——Ican\'ttellyou——
GLORIA(breakingdownsuddenly)。Oh，stoptellingmewhatyoufeel:
Ican\'tbearit。
VALENTINE(springinguptriumphantly，theagonizedvoicenowsolid，ringing，andjubilant)。Ah，it\'scomeatlast——mymomentofcourage。
(Heseizesherhands:shelooksathiminterror。)Ourmomentofcourage!(Hedrawshertohim；kissesherwithimpetuousstrength；andlaughsboyishly。)Nowyou\'vedoneit，Gloria。It\'sallover:we\'reinlovewithoneanother。(Shecanonlygaspathim。)Butwhatadragonyouwere!AndhowhideouslyafraidIwas!
PHILIP\'SVOICE(callingfromthebeach)。Valentine!
DOLLY\'SVOICE。Mr。Valentine!
VALENTINE。Good-bye。Forgiveme。(Herapidlykissesherhands，andrunsawaytothesteps，wherehemeetsMrs。Clandon，ascending。Gloria，quitelost，canonlystartafterhim。)
MRS。CLANDON。Thechildrenwantyou，Mr。Valentine。(Shelooksanxiouslyaround。)Ishegone？
VALENTINE(puzzled)。He？(Recollecting。)Oh，Crampton。Gonethislongtime，Mrs。Clandon。(Herunsoffbuoyantlydownthesteps。)
GLORIA(sinkingupontheseat)。Mother!
MRS。CLANDON(hurryingtoherinalarm)。Whatisit，dear？
GLORIA(withheartfelt，appealingreproach)。Whydidn\'tyoueducatemeproperly？
MRS。CLANDON(amazed)。Mychild:Ididmybest。
GLORIA。Oh，youtaughtmenothing——nothing。
MRS。CLANDON。Whatisthematterwithyou？
GLORIA(withthemostintenseexpression)。Onlyshame——shame——
shame。(Blushingunendurably，shecoversherfacewithherhandsandturnsawayfromhermother。)
ENDOFACTII。
ActIII
TheClandon\'ssittingroominthehotel。Anexpensiveapartmentonthegroundfloor，withaFrenchwindowleadingtothegardens。Inthecentreoftheroomisasubstantialtable，surroundedbychairs，anddrapedwithamaroonclothonwhichopulentlyboundhotelandrailwayguidesaredisplayed。Avisitorenteringthroughthewindowandcomingdowntothiscentraltablewouldhavethefireplaceonhisleft，andawritingtableagainstthewallonhisright，nextthedoor，whichisfurtherdown。Hewould，ifhistastelaythatway，admirethewalldecorationofLincrustaWaltoninplumcolorandbronzelacquer，withdadoandcornice；theormoluconsolesinthecorners；thevasesonpillarpedestalsofveinedmarblewithbasesofpolishedblackwood，oneoneachsideofthewindow；theornamentalcabinetnextthevaseonthesidenearestthefireplace，itscentrecompartmentclosedbyaninlaiddoor，anditscornersroundedoffwithcurvedpanesofglassprotectingshelvesofcheapblueandwhitepottery；thebambooteatable，withfoldingshelves，inthecorrespondingspaceontheothersideofthewindow；thepicturesofoceansteamersandLandseer\'sdogs；thesaddlebagottomaninlinewiththedoorbutontheothersideoftheroom；thetwocomfortableseatsofthesamepatternonthehearthrug；
andfinally，onturningroundandlookingup，themassivebrasspoleabovethewindow，sustainingapairofmaroonrepcurtainswithdecoratedbordersofstaidgreen。Altogether，aroomwellarrangedtoflattertheoccupant\'ssenseofimportance，andreconcilehimtoachargeofapoundadayforitsuse。
Mrs。Clandonsitsatthewritingtable，correctingproofs。Gloriaisstandingatthewindow，lookingoutinatormentedrevery。
Theclockonthemantelpiecestrikesfivewithasicklyclink，thebellbeingunabletobearupagainsttheblackmarblecenotaphinwhichitisimmured。
MRS。CLANDON。Five!Idon\'tthinkweneedwaitanylongerforthechildren。Thearesuretogetteasomewhere。
GLORIA(wearily)。ShallIring？
MRS。CLANDON。Do，mydear。(Gloriagoestothehearthandrings。)
Ihavefinishedtheseproofsatlast，thankgoodness!
GLORIA(strollinglistlesslyacrosstheroomandcomingbehindhermother\'schair)。Whatproofs？
MRS。CLANDONTheneweditionofTwentiethCenturyWomen。
GLORIA(withabittersmile)。There\'sachaptermissing。
MRS。CLANDON(beginningtohuntamongherproofs)。Isthere？Surelynot。
GLORIA。Imeananunwrittenone。PerhapsIshallwriteitforyou——
whenIknowtheendofit。(Shegoesbacktothewindow。)
MRS。CLANDON。Gloria!Moreenigmas!
GLORIA。Oh，no。Thesameenigma。
MRS。CLANDON(puzzledandrathertroubled；afterwatchingherforamoment)。Mydear。
GLORIA(returning)。Yes。
MRS。CLANDON。YouknowIneveraskquestions。
GLORIA(kneelingbesideherchair)。Iknow，Iknow。(Shesuddenlythrowsherarmsabouthermotherandembracesheralmostpassionately。)
MRS。CLANDON。(gently，smilingbutembarrassed)。Mydear:youaregettingquitesentimentalGLORIA(recoiling)。Ah，no，no。Oh，don\'tsaythat。Oh!(Sherisesandturnsawaywithagestureasiftearingherself。)
MRS。CLANDON(mildly)。Mydear:whatisthematter？What——(Thewaiterenterswiththeteatray。)
WAITER(balmily)。Thiswaswhatyourangfor，ma\'am，Ihope？
MRS。CLANDON。Thankyou，yes。(Sheturnsherchairawayfromthewritingtable，andsitsdownagain。Gloriacrossestothehearthandsitscrouchingtherewithherfaceaverted。)
WAITER(placingthetraytemporarilyonthecentretable)。Ithoughtso，ma\'am。Curioushowthenervesseemtogiveoutintheafternoonwithoutacupoftea。(HefetchestheteatableandplacesitinfrontofMrs。Cladon，conversingmeanwhile。)theyoungladyandgentlemanhavejustcomeback，ma\'am:theyhavebeenoutinaboat，ma\'am。Verypleasantonafineafternoonlikethis——verypleasantandinvigoratingindeed。(Hetakesthetrayfromthecentretableandputsitontheteatable。)Mr。McComaswillnotcometotea，ma\'am:hehasgonetocalluponMr。Crampton。(Hetakesacoupleofchairsandsetsoneateachendoftheteatable。)
GLORIA(lookingroundwithanimpulseofterror)。Andtheothergentleman？
WAITER(reassuringly，asheunconsciouslydropsforamomentintothemeasureof\"I\'vebeenroaming，\"whichhesangasaboy。)Oh，he\'scoming，miss，he\'scoming。Hehasbeenrowingtheboat，miss，andhasjustrundowntheroadtothechemist\'sforsomethingtoputontheblisters。Buthewillbeheredirectly，miss——directly。(Gloria，inungovernableapprehension，risesandhurriestowardsthedoor。)
MRS。CLANDON。(halfrising)。Glo——(Gloriagoesout。Mrs。Clandonlooksperplexedlyatthewaiter，whosecomposureisunruffled。)
WAITER(cheerfully)。Anythingmore，ma\'am？
MRS。CLANDON。Nothing，thankyou。
WAITER。Thankyou，ma\'am。(Ashewithdraws，PhilandDolly，inthehighestspirits，cometearingin。Heholdsthedooropenforthem；thengoesoutandclosesit。)
DOLLY(ravenously)。Oh，givemesometea。(Mrs。Clandonpoursoutacupforher。)We\'vebeenoutinaboat。Valentinewillbeherepresently。
PHILIP。Heisunaccustomedtonavigation。Where\'sGloria？
MRS。CLANDON(anxiously，asshepoursouthistea)。Phil:thereissomethingthematterwithGloria。Hasanythinghappened？(PhilandDollylookatoneanotherandstiflealaugh。)Whatisit？
PHILIP(sittingdownonherleft)。Romeo——
DOLLY(sittingdownonherright)——andJuliet。
PHILIP(takinghiscupofteafromMrs。Clandon)。Yes，mydearmother:theold，oldstory。Dolly:don\'ttakeallthemilk。
(Hedeftlytakesthejugfromher。)Yes:inthespring——
DOLLY——ayoungman\'sfancy——
PHILIP——lightlyturnsto——thankyou(toMrs。Clandon，whohaspassedthebiscuits)——thoughtsoflove。Italsooccursintheautumn。
Theyoungmaninthiscaseis——
DOLLY。Valentine。
PHILIP。AndhisfancyhasturnedtoGloriatotheextentof——
DOLLY——kissingher——
PHILIP——ontheterrace——
DOLLY(correctinghim)——onthelips，beforeeverybody。
MRS。CLANDON(incredulously)。Phil!Dolly!Areyoujoking？(Theyshaketheirheads。)Didsheallowit？
PHILIP。Wewaitedtoseehimstrucktoearthbythelightningofherscorn；——
DOLLY——buthewasn\'t。
PHILIP。Sheappearedtolikeit。
DOLLY。Asfaraswecouldjudge。(StoppingPhil，whoisabouttopouroutanothercup。)No:you\'veswornofftwocups。
MRS。CLANDON(muchtroubled)。Children:youmustnotbeherewhenMr。Valentinecomes。Imustspeakveryseriouslytohimaboutthis。
PHILIP。Toaskhimhisintentions？WhataviolationofTwentiethCenturyprinciples!
DOLLY。Quiteright，mamma:bringhimtobook。Makethemostofthenineteenthcenturywhileitlasts。
PHILIP。Sh!Hereheis。(Valentinecomesin。)
VALENTINEVerysorrytobelatefortea，Mrs。Clandon。(Shetakesupthetea-pot。)No，thankyou:Inevertakeany。NodoubtMissDollyandPhilhaveexplainedwhathappenedtome。
PHILIP(momentouslyrising)。Yes，Valentine:wehaveexplained。
DOLLY(significantly，alsorising)。Wehaveexplainedverythoroughly。
PHILIP。Itwasourduty。(Veryseriously。)Come，Dolly。(HeoffersDollyhisarm，whichshetakes。Theylooksadlyathim，andgooutgravely，arminarm。Valentinestaresafterthem，puzzled；thenlooksatMrs。Clandonforanexplanation。)
MRS。CLANDON(risingandleavingtheteatable)。Willyousitdown，Mr。Valentine。Iwanttospeaktoyoualittle，ifyouwillallowme。
(Valentinesitsdownslowlyontheottoman，hisconsciencepresagingabadquarterofanhour。Mrs。ClandontakesPhil\'schair，andseatsherselfdeliberatelyataconvenientdistancefromhim。)Imustbeginbythrowingmyselfsomewhatatyourconsideration。IamgoingtospeakofasubjectofwhichIknowverylittle——perhapsnothing。Imeanlove。
VALENTINE。Love!
MRS。CLANDON。Yes，love。Oh，youneednotlooksoalarmedasthat，Mr。Valentine:Iamnotinlovewithyou。
VALENTINE(overwhelmed)。Oh，really，Mrs——(Recoveringhimself。)
Ishouldbeonlytooproudifyouwere。
MRS。CLANDON。Thankyou，Mr。Valentine。ButIamtoooldtobegin。
VALENTINE。Begin!Haveyounever——？
MRS。CLANDON。Never。Mycaseisaverycommonone，Mr。Valentine。
ImarriedbeforeIwasoldenoughtoknowwhatIwasdoing。Asyouhaveseenforyourself，theresultwasabitterdisappointmentforbothmyhusbandandmyself。Soyousee，thoughIamamarriedwoman，Ihaveneverbeeninlove；Ihaveneverhadaloveaffair；andtobequitefrankwithyou，Mr。Valentine，whatIhaveseenoftheloveaffairsofotherpeoplehasnotledmetoregretthatdeficiencyinmyexperience。
(Valentine，lookingveryglum，glancesscepticallyather，andsaysnothing。Hercolorrisesalittle；andsheadds，withrestrainedanger)
Youdonotbelieveme？
VALENTINE(confusedathavinghisthoughtread)。Oh，whynot？Whynot？
MRS。CLANDON。Letmetellyou，Mr。Valentine，thatalifedevotedtotheCauseofHumanityhasenthusiasmsandpassionstoofferwhichfartranscendtheselfishpersonalinfatuationsandsentimentalitiesofromance。Thosearenotyourenthusiasmsandpassions，Itakeit？
(Valentine，quiteawarethatshedespiseshimforit，answersinthenegativewithamelancholyshakeofthehead。)Ithoughtnot。Well，Iamequallyatadisadvantageindiscussingthoseso-calledaffairsoftheheartinwhichyouappeartobeanexpert。
VALENTINE(restlessly)。Whatareyoudrivingat，Mrs。Clandon？
MRS。CLANDON。Ithinkyouknow。
VALENTINE。Gloria？
MRS。CLANDON。Yes。Gloria。
VALENTINE(surrendering)。Well，yes:I\'minlovewithGloria。
(Interposingassheisabouttospeak。)Iknowwhatyou\'regoingtosay:I\'venomoney。
MRS。CLANDON。Icareverylittleaboutmoney，Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINE。Thenyou\'reverydifferenttoalltheothermotherswhohaveinterviewedme。
MRS。CLANDON。Ah，nowwearecomingtoit，Mr。Valentine。Youareanoldhandatthis。(Heopenshismouthtoprotest:shecutshimshortwithsomeindignation。)Oh，doyouthink，littleasIunderstandthesematters，thatIhavenotcommonsenseenoughtoknowthatamanwhocouldmakeasmuchwayinoneinterviewwithsuchawomanasmydaughter，canhardlybeanovice!
VALENTINE。Iassureyou——
MRS。CLANDON(stoppinghim)。Iamnotblamingyou，Mr。Valentine。ItisGloria\'sbusinesstotakecareofherself；andyouhavearighttoamuseyourselfasyouplease。But——
VALENTINE(protesting)。Amusemyself!Oh，Mrs。Clandon!
MRS。CLANDON(relentlessly)。Onyourhonor，Mr。Valentine，areyouinearnest？
VALENTINE(desperately)。OnmyhonorIaminearnest。(Shelookssearchinglyathim。Hissenseofhumorgetsthebetterofhim；andheaddsquaintly)Only，Ialwayshavebeeninearnest；andyet——hereI
am，yousee!
MRS。CLANDON。ThisisjustwhatIsuspected。(Severely。)Mr。
Valentine:youareoneofthosemenwhoplaywithwomen\'saffections。
VALENTINE。Well，whynot，iftheCauseofHumanityistheonlythingworthbeingseriousabout？However，Iunderstand。(Risingandtakinghishatwithformalpoliteness。)Youwishmetodiscontinuemyvisits。
MRS。CLANDON。No:IamsensibleenoughtobewellawarethatGloria\'sbestchanceofescapefromyounowistobecomebetteracquaintedwithyou。
VALENTINE(unaffectedlyalarmed)。Oh，don\'tsaythat，Mrs。Clandon。
Youdon\'tthinkthat，doyou？
MRS。CLANDON。Ihavegreatfaith，Mr。Valentine，inthesoundtrainingGloria\'smindhashadsinceshewasachild。
VALENTINE(amazinglyrelieved)。O-oh!Oh，that\'sallright。(Hesitsdownagainandthrowshishatflippantlyasidewiththeairofamanwhohasnolongeranythingtofear。)
MRS。CLANDON(indignantathisassurance)。Whatdoyoumean？
VALENTINE(turningconfidentiallytoher)。Come:shallIteachyousomething，Mrs。Clandon？
MRS。CLANDON(stiffly)。Iamalwayswillingtolearn。
VALENTINE。Haveyoueverstudiedthesubjectofgunnery——artillery——
cannonsandwar-shipsandsoon？
MRS。CLANDON。HasgunneryanythingtodowithGloria？
VALENTINE。Agreatdeal——bywayofillustration。Duringthiswholecentury，mydearMrs。Clandon，theprogressofartilleryhasbeenaduelbetweenthemakerofcannonsandthemakerofarmorplatestokeepthecannonballsout。Youbuildashipproofagainstthebestgunknown:
somebodymakesabettergunandsinksyourship。Youbuildaheaviership，proofagainstthatgun:somebodymakesaheaviergunandsinksyouagain。Andsoon。Well，theduelofsexisjustlikethat。
MRS。CLANDON。Theduelofsex!
VALENTINE。Yes:you\'veheardoftheduelofsex，haven\'tyou？Oh，I
forgot:you\'vebeeninMadeira:theexpressionhascomeupsinceyourtime。NeedIexplainit？
MRS。CLANDON(contemptuously)。No。
VALENTINE。Ofcoursenot。Nowwhathappensintheduelofsex？Theoldfashionedmotherreceivedanoldfashionededucationtoprotectheragainstthewilesofman。Well，youknowtheresult:theoldfashionedmangotroundher。Theoldfashionedwomanresolvedtoprotectherdaughtermoreeffectually——tofindsomearmortoostrongfortheoldfashionedman。Soshegaveherdaughterascientificeducation——yourplan。Thatwasacorkerfortheoldfashionedman:hesaiditwasn\'tfair——unwomanlyandalltherestofit。Butthatdidn\'tdohimanygood。Sohehadtogiveuphisoldfashionedplanofattack——youknow——
goingdownonhiskneesandswearingtolove，honorandobey，andsoon。
MRS。CLANDON。Excuseme:thatwaswhatthewomanswore。
VALENTINE。Wasit？Ah，perhapsyou\'reright——yes:ofcourseitwas。Well，whatdidthemando？Justwhattheartillerymandoes——
wentonebetterthanthewoman——educatedhimselfscientificallyandbeatheratthatgamejustashehadbeatenherattheoldgame。I
learnthowtocircumventtheWomen\'sRightswomanbeforeIwastwenty-
three:it\'sallbeenfoundoutlongago。Yousee，mymethodsarethoroughlymodern。
MRS。CLANDON(withquietdisgust)。Nodoubt。
VALENTINE。Butforthatveryreasonthere\'sonesortofgirlagainstwhomtheyareofnouse。
MRS。CLANDON。Praywhichsort？
VALENTINE。Thethoroughlyoldfashionedgirl。IfyouhadbroughtupGloriaintheoldway，itwouldhavetakenmeeighteenmonthstogettothepointIgottothisafternoonineighteenminutes。Yes，Mrs。
Clandon:theHigherEducationofWomendeliveredGloriaintomyhands；
anditwasyouwhotaughthertobelieveintheHigherEducationofWomen。
MRS。CLANDON(rising)。Mr。Valentine:youareveryclever。
VALENTINE(risingalso)。Oh，Mrs。Clandon!
MRS。CLANDONAndyouhavetaughtmenothing。Good-bye。
VALENTINE(horrified)。Good-bye!Oh，mayn\'tIseeherbeforeIgo？
MRS。CLANDON。IamafraidshewillnotreturnuntilyouhavegoneMr。Valentine。Shelefttheroomexpresslytoavoidyou。
VALENTINE(thoughtfully)。That\'sagoodsign。Good-bye。(Hebowsandmakesforthedoor，apparentlywellsatisfied。)
MRS。CLANDON(alarmed)。Whydoyouthinkitagoodsign？
VALENTINE(turningnearthedoor)。BecauseIammortallyafraidofher；anditlooksasifsheweremortallyafraidofme。(HeturnstogoandfindshimselffacetofacewithGloria，whohasjustentered。Shelookssteadfastlyathim。Hestareshelplesslyather；thenroundatMrs。Clandon；thenatGloriaagain，completelyataloss。)
GLORIA(white，andcontrollingherselfwithdifficulty)。Mother:iswhatDollytoldmetrue？
MRS。CLANDON。Whatdidshetellyou，dear？
GLORIA。Thatyouhavebeenspeakingaboutmetothisgentleman。
VALENTINE(murmuring)。Thisgentleman!Oh!
MRS。CLANDON(sharply)。Mr。Valentine:canyouholdyourtongueforamoment？(Helookspiteouslyatthem；then，withadespairingshrug，goesbacktotheottomanandthrowshishatonit。)
GLORIA(confrontinghermother，withdeepreproach)。Mother:whatrighthadyoutodoit？
MRS。CLANDON。Idon\'tthinkIhavesaidanythingIhavenorighttosay，Gloria。
VALENTINE(confirmingherofficiously)。Nothing。Nothingwhatever。
(Glorialooksathimwithunspeakableindignation。)Ibegyourpardon。
(Hesitsdownignominiouslyontheottoman。)
GLORIA。Icannotbelievethatanyonehasanyrighteventothinkaboutthingsthatconcernmeonly。(Sheturnsawayfromthemtoconcealapainfulstrugglewithheremotion。)
MRS。CLANDON。Mydear，ifIhavewoundedyourpride——
GLORIA(turningonthemforamoment)。Mypride!Mypride!!
Oh，it\'sgone:IhavelearntnowthatIhavenostrengthtobeproudof。
(Turningawayagain。)Butifawomancannotprotectherself，noonecanprotecther。Noonehasanyrighttotry——notevenhermother。IknowIhavelostyourconfidence，justasIhavelostthisman\'srespect；——
(Shestopstomasterasob。)
VALENTINE(underhisbreath)。Thisman!(Murmuringagain。)Oh!
MRS。CLANDON(inanundertone)。Praybesilent，sir。
GLORIA(continuing)——butIhaveatleasttherighttobeleftaloneinmydisgrace。Iamoneofthoseweakcreaturesborntobemasteredbythefirstmanwhoseeyeiscaughtbythem；andImustfulfillmydestiny，Isuppose。Atleastsparemethehumiliationoftryingtosaveme。(Shesitsdown，withherhandkerchieftohereyes，atthefartherendofthetable。)
VALENTINE(jumpingup)。Lookhere——
MRS。CLANDON。Mr。Va——
VALENTINE(recklessly)。No:Iwillspeak:I\'vebeensilentfornearlythirtyseconds。(HegoesuptoGloria。)MissClandon——
GLORIA(bitterly)。Oh，notMissClandon:youhavefoundthatitisquitesafetocallmeGloria。
VALENTINE。No，Iwon\'t:you\'llthrowitinmyteethafterwardsandaccusemeofdisrespect。Isayit\'saheartbreakingfalsehoodthatI
don\'trespectyou。It\'struethatIdidn\'trespectyouroldpride:whyshouldI？Itwasnothingbutcowardice。Ididn\'trespectyourintellect:I\'veabetteronemyself:it\'samasculinespecialty。Butwhenthedepthsstirred!——whenmymomentcame!——whenyoumademebrave!——ah，then，then，then!
GLORIA。Thenyourespectedme，Isuppose。
VALENTINE。No，Ididn\'t:Iadoredyou。(Sherisesquicklyandturnsherbackonhim。)Andyoucannevertakethatmomentawayfromme。SonowIdon\'tcarewhathappens。(Hecomesdowntheroomaddressingacheerfulexplanationtonobodyinparticular。)I\'mperfectlyawarethatI\'mtalkingnonsense。Ican\'thelpit。(ToMrs。Clandon。)IloveGloria；andthere\'sanendofit。
MRS。CLANDON(emphatically)。Mr。Valentine:youareamostdangerousman。Gloria:comehere。(Gloria，wonderingalittleatthecommand，obeys，andstands，withdroopinghead，onhermother\'srighthand，Valentinebeingontheoppositeside。Mrs。Clandonthenbegins，withintensescorn。)Askthismanwhomyouhaveinspiredandmadebrave，howmanywomenhaveinspiredhimbefore(Glorialooksupsuddenlywithaflashofjealousangerandamazement)；howmanytimeshehaslaidthetrapinwhichhehascaughtyou；howoftenhehasbaiteditwiththesamespeeches；howmuchpracticeithastakentomakehimperfectinhischosenpartinlifeastheDuellistofSex。
VALENTINE。Thisisn\'tfair。You\'reabusingmyconfidence，Mrs。
Clandon。
MRS。CLANDON。Askhim，Gloria。
GLORIA(inaflushofrage，goingovertohimwithherfistsclenched)。Isthattrue？
VALENTINE。Don\'tbeangry——
GLORIA(interruptinghimimplacably)。Isittrue？Didyoueversaythatbefore？Didyoueverfeelthatbefore——foranotherwoman？
VALENTINE(bluntly)。Yes。(Gloriaraisesherclenchedhands。)
MRS。CLANDON(horrified，springingtohersideandcatchingherupliftedarm)。Gloria!!Mydear!You\'reforgettingyourself。
(Gloria，withadeepexpiration，slowlyrelaxesherthreateningattitude。)
VALENTINE。Remember:aman\'spowerofloveandadmirationislikeanyotherofhispowers:hehastothrowitawaymanytimesbeforehelearnswhatisreallyworthyofit。
MRS。CLANDON。Anotheroftheoldspeeches，Gloria。Takecare。
VALENTINE(remonstrating)。Oh!
GLORIA(toMrs。Clandon，withcontemptuousself-possession)。DoyouthinkIneedtobewarnednow？(ToValentine。)Youhavetriedtomakemeloveyou。
VALENTINE。Ihave。
GLORIA。Well，youhavesucceededinmakingmehateyou——
passionately。
VALENTINE(philosophically)。It\'ssurprisinghowlittledifferencethereisbetweenthetwo。(Gloriaturnsindignantlyawayfromhim。Hecontinues，toMrs。Clandon)Iknowmenwhosewiveslovethem；andtheygoonexactlylikethat。
MRS。CLANDON。Excuseme，Mr。Valentine；buthadyounotbettergo？
GLORIA。Youneednotsendhimawayonmyaccount，mother。Heisnothingtomenow；andhewillamuseDollyandPhil。(Shesitsdownwithslightingindifference，attheendofthetablenearestthewindow。)
VALENTINE(gaily)。Ofcourse:that\'sthesensiblewayoflookingatit。Come，Mrs。Clandon:youcan\'tquarrelwithamerebutterflylikeme。
MRS。CLANDON。Iverygreatlymistrustyou，Mr。Valentine。ButIdonotliketothinkthatyourunfortunatelevityofdispositionismereshamelessnessandworthlessness；——
GLORIA(toherself，butaloud)。Itisshameless；anditisworthless。
MRS。CLANDON——soperhapswehadbettersendforPhilandDollyandallowyoutoendyourvisitintheordinaryway。
VALENTINE(asifshehadpaidhimthehighestcompliment)。Youoverwhelmme，Mrs。Clandon。Thankyou。(Thewaiterenters。)
WAITER。Mr。McComas，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Oh，certainly。Bringhimin。
WAITER。Hewishestoseeyouinthereception-room，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Whynothere？
WAITER。Well，ifyouwillexcusemymentioningit，ma\'am，IthinkMr。McComasfeelsthathewouldgetfairerplayifhecouldspeaktoyouawayfromtheyoungermembersofyourfamily，ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Tellhimtheyarenothere。
WAITER。Theyarewithinsightofthedoor，ma\'am；andverywatchful，forsomereasonorother。
MRS。CLANDON(going)。Oh，verywell:I\'llgotohim。
WAITER(holdingthedooropenforher)。Thankyou，ma\'am。(Shegoesout。Hecomesbackintotheroom，andmeetstheeyeofValentine，whowantshimtogo。)Allright，sir。Onlythetea-things，sir。(Takingthetray。)Excuseme，sir。Thankyousir。(Hegoesout。)
VALENTINE(toGloria)。Lookhere。Youwillforgiveme，soonerorlater。Forgivemenow。
GLORIA(risingtolevelthedeclarationmoreintenselyathim)。
Never!Whilegrassgrowsorwaterruns，never，never，never!!!
VALENTINE(unabashed)。Well，Idon\'tcare。Ican\'tbeunhappyaboutanything。Ishallneverbeunhappyagain，never，never，never，whilegrassgrowsorwaterruns。Thethoughtofyouwillalwaysmakemewildwithjoy。(Somequicktauntisonherlips:heinterposesswiftly。)
No:Ineversaidthatbefore:that\'snew。
GLORIA。Itwillnotbenewwhenyousayittothenextwoman。
VALENTINE。Oh，don\'t，Gloria，don\'t。(Hekneelsatherfeet。)
GLORIA。Getup。Getup!Howdareyou？(PhilandDolly，racing，asusual，forfirstplace，burstintotheroom。Theycheckthemselvesonseeingwhatispassing。Valentinespringsup。)
PHILIP(discreetly)。Ibegyourpardon。Come，Dolly。(Heturnstogo。)
GLORIA(annoyed)。Motherwillbebackinamoment，Phil。
(Severely。)Pleasewaithereforher。(Sheturnsawaytothewindow，whereshestandslookingoutwithherbacktothem。)
PHILIP(significantly)。Oh，indeed。Hmhm!
DOLLY。Ahah!
PHILIP。Youseeminexcellentspirits，Valentine。
VALENTINE。Iam。(Comesbetweenthem。)Nowlookhere。Youbothknowwhat\'sgoingon，don\'tyou？(Gloriaturnsquickly，asifanticipatingsomefreshoutrage。)
DOLLY。Perfectly。
VALENTINE。Well，it\'sallover。I\'vebeenrefused——scorned。I\'monlyhereonsufferance。Youunderstand:it\'sallover。Yoursisterisinnosenseentertainingmyaddresses，orcondescendingtointerestherselfinmeinanyway。(Gloria，satisfied，turnsbackcontemptuouslytothewindow。)Isthatclear？
DOLLY。Serveyouright。Youwereintoogreatahurry。
PHILIP(pattinghimontheshoulder)。Nevermind:you\'dneverhavebeenabletocallyoursoulyourownifshe\'dmarriedyou。Youcannowbeginanewchapterinyourlife。
DOLLY。Chapterseventeenorthereabouts，Ishouldimagine。
VALENTINE(muchputoutbythispleasantry)。No:don\'tsaythingslikethat。That\'sjustthesortofthoughtlessremarkthatmakesalotofmischief。
DOLLY。Oh，indeed。Hmhm!
PHILIP。Ahah!(Hegoestothehearthandplantshimselfthereinhisbesthead-of-the-familyattitude。)
McComas，lookingveryserious，comesinquicklywithMrs。Clandon，whosefirstanxietyisaboutGloria。Shelooksroundtoseewheresheis，andisgoingtojoinheratthewindowwhenGloriacomesdowntomeetherwithamarkedairoftrustandaffection。Finally，Mrs。
Clandontakesherformerseat，andGloriapostsherselfbehindit。
McComas，onhiswaytotheottoman，ishailedbyDolly。
DOLLY。Whatcheer，Finch？
McCOMAS(sternly)。Veryseriousnewsfromyourfather，MissClandon。
Veryseriousnewsindeed。(Hecrossestotheottoman，andsitsdown。
Dolly，lookingdeeplyimpressed，followshimandsitsbesidehimonhisright。)
VALENTINE。PerhapsIhadbettergo。
McCOMAS。Bynomeans，Mr。Valentine。Youaredeeplyconcernedinthis。(Valentinetakesachairfromthetableandsitsastrideofit，leaningovertheback，neartheottoman。)Mrs。Clandon:yourhusbanddemandsthecustodyofhistwoyoungerchildren，whoarenotofage。
(Mrs。Clandon，inquickalarm，looksinstinctivelytoseeifDollyissafe。)
DOLLY(touched)。Oh，howniceofhim!Helikesus，mamma。
McCOMAS。Iamsorrytohavetodisabuseyouofanysuchidea，MissDorothea。
DOLLY(cooingecstatically)。Dorothee-ee-ee-a!(Nestlingagainsthisshoulder，quiteovercome。)Oh，Finch!
McCOMAS(nervously，movingaway)。No，no，no，no!
MRS。CLANDON(remonstrating)。DearestDolly!(ToMcComas。)
Thedeedofseparationgivesmethecustodyofthechildren。
McCOMAS。Italsocontainsacovenantthatyouarenottoapproachormolesthiminanyway。
MRS。CLANDON。Well，haveIdoneso？
McCOMAS。Whetherthebehaviorofyouryoungerchildrenamountstolegalmolestationisaquestiononwhichitmaybenecessarytotakecounsel\'sopinion。Atallevents，Mr。Cramptonnotonlyclaimstohavebeenmolested；buthebelievesthathewasbroughtherebyaplotinwhichMr。Valentineactedasyouragent。
