GeraldhadpenetratedalltheouterplacesofGudrun\'ssoul。Hewastoherthemostcrucialinstanceoftheexistingworld，theneplusultraoftheworldofmanasitexistedforher。Inhimsheknewtheworld，andhaddonewithit。KnowinghimfinallyshewastheAlexanderseekingnewworlds。Buttherewerenonewworlds，therewerenomoremen，therewereonlycreatures，little，ultimatecreatureslikeLoerke。Theworldwasfinishednow，forher。Therewasonlytheinner，individualdarkness，sensationwithintheego，theobscenereligiousmysteryofultimatereduction，themysticfrictionalactivitiesofdiabolicreducingdown，disintegratingthevitalorganicbodyoflife。
AllthisGudrunknewinhersubconsciousness，notinhermind。Sheknewhernextstep——sheknewwhatsheshouldmoveonto，whensheleftGerald。
ShewasafraidofGerald，thathemightkillher。Butshedidnotintendtobekilled。Afinethreadstillunitedhertohim。Itshouldnotbeherdeathwhichbrokeit。Shehadfurthertogo，afurther，slowexquisiteexperiencetoreap，unthinkablesubtletiesofsensationtoknow，beforeshewasfinished。
Ofthelastseriesofsubtleties，Geraldwasnotcapable。Hecouldnottouchthequickofher。Butwherehisruderblowscouldnotpenetrate，thefine，insinuatingbladeofLoerke\'sinsect—likecomprehensioncould。
Atleast，itwastimeforhernowtopassovertotheother，thecreature，thefinalcraftsman。SheknewthatLoerke，inhisinnermostsoul，wasdetachedfromeverything，forhimtherewasneitherheavennorearthnorhell。Headmittednoallegiance，hegavenoadherenceanywhere。Hewassingleand，byabstractionfromtherest，absoluteinhimself。
WhereasinGerald\'ssoultherestilllingeredsomeattachmenttotherest，tothewhole。Andthiswashislimitation。Hewaslimited，borne，subjecttohisnecessity，inthelastissue，forgoodness，forrighteousness，foronenesswiththeultimatepurpose。Thattheultimatepurposemightbetheperfectandsubtleexperienceoftheprocessofdeath，thewillbeingkeptunimpaired，thatwasnotallowedinhim。Andthiswashislimitation。
TherewasahoveringtriumphinLoerke，sinceGudrunhaddeniedhermarriagewithGerald。Theartistseemedtohoverlikeacreatureonthewing，waitingtosettle。HedidnotapproachGudrunviolently，hewasneverill—timed。Butcarriedonbyasureinstinctinthecompletedarknessofhissoul，hecorrespondedmysticallywithher，imperceptibly，butpalpably。
Fortwodays，hetalkedtoher，continuedthediscussionsofart，oflife，inwhichtheybothfoundsuchpleasure。Theypraisedtheby—gonethings，theytookasentimental，childishdelightintheachievedperfectionsofthepast。Particularlytheylikedthelateeighteenthcentury，theperiodofGoetheandofShelley，andMozart。
Theyplayedwiththepast，andwiththegreatfiguresofthepast，asortoflittlegameofchess，ormarionettes，alltopleasethemselves。
Theyhadallthegreatmenfortheirmarionettes，andtheytwoweretheGodoftheshow，workingitall。Asforthefuture，thattheynevermentionedexceptonelaughedoutsomemockingdreamofthedestructionoftheworldbyaridiculouscatastropheofman\'sinvention:amaninventedsuchaperfectexplosivethatitblewtheearthintwo，andthetwohalvessetoffindifferentdirectionsthroughspace，tothedismayoftheinhabitants:orelsethepeopleoftheworlddividedintotwohalves，andeachhalfdecideditwasperfectandright，theotherhalfwaswrongandmustbedestroyed;
soanotherendoftheworld。Orelse，Loerke\'sdreamoffear，theworldwentcold，andsnowfelleverywhere，andonlywhitecreatures，polar—bears，whitefoxes，andmenlikeawfulwhitesnow—birds，persistedinicecruelty。
Apartfromthesestories，theynevertalkedofthefuture。Theydelightedmosteitherinmockingimaginationsofdestruction，orinsentimental，finemarionette—showsofthepast。ItwasasentimentaldelighttoreconstructtheworldofGoetheatWeimar，orofSchillerandpovertyandfaithfullove，ortoseeagainJeanJacquesinhisquakings，orVoltaireatFerney，orFredericktheGreatreadinghisownpoetry。
Theytalkedtogetherforhours，ofliteratureandsculptureandpainting，amusingthemselveswithFlaxmanandBlakeandFuseli，withtenderness，andwithFeuerbachandBocklin。Itwouldtakethemalife—time，theyfelttoliveagain，inpetto，thelivesofthegreatartists。Buttheypreferredtostayintheeighteenthandthenineteenthcenturies。
Theytalkedinamixtureoflanguages。Theground—workwasFrench，ineithercase。ButheendedmostofhissentencesinastumbleofEnglishandaconclusionofGerman，sheskilfullywoveherselftoherendinwhateverphrasecametoher。Shetookapeculiardelightinthisconversation。Itwasfullofodd，fantasticexpression，ofdoublemeanings，ofevasions，ofsuggestivevagueness。Itwasarealphysicalpleasuretohertomakethisthreadofconversationoutofthedifferent—colouredstandsofthreelanguages。
Andallthewhiletheytwowerehovering，hesitatingroundtheflameofsomeinvisibledeclaration。Hewantedit，butwasheldbackbysomeinevitablereluctance。Shewanteditalso，butshewantedtoputitoff，toputitoffindefinitely，shestillhadsomepityforGerald，someconnectionwithhim。Andthemostfatalofall，shehadthereminiscentsentimentalcompassionforherselfinconnectionwithhim。Becauseofwhathadbeen，shefeltherselfheldtohimbyimmortal，invisiblethreads——becauseofwhathadbeen，becauseofhiscomingtoherthatfirstnight，intoherownhouse，inhisextremity，because——
GeraldwasgraduallyovercomewitharevulsionofloathingforLoerke。
Hedidnottakethemanseriously，hedespisedhimmerely，exceptashefeltinGudrun\'sveinstheinfluenceofthelittlecreature。ItwasthisthatdroveGeraldwild，thefeelinginGudrun\'sveinsofLoerke\'spresence，Loerke\'sbeing，flowingdominantthroughher。
`Whatmakesyousosmittenwiththatlittlevermin？\'heasked，reallypuzzled。Forhe，man—like，couldnotseeanythingattractiveorimportantatallinLoerke。Geraldexpectedtofindsomehandsomenessornobleness，toaccountforawoman\'ssubjection。Buthesawnonehere，onlyaninsect—likerepulsiveness。
Gudrunflusheddeeply。Itwastheseattacksshewouldneverforgive。
`Whatdoyoumean？\'shereplied。`MyGod，whatamercyIamnotmarriedtoyou！\'
Hervoiceoffloutingandcontemptscotchedhim。Hewasbroughtupshort。
Butherecoveredhimself。
`Tellme，onlytellme，\'hereiteratedinadangerousnarrowedvoice——`tellmewhatitisthatfascinatesyouinhim。\'
`Iamnotfascinated，\'shesaid，withcoldrepellinginnocence。
`Yes，youare。Youarefascinatedbythatlittledrysnake，likeabirdgapingreadytofalldownitsthroat。\'
Shelookedathimwithblackfury。
`Idon\'tchoosetobediscussedbyyou，\'shesaid。
`Itdoesn\'tmatterwhetheryouchooseornot，\'hereplied，`thatdoesn\'talterthefactthatyouarereadytofalldownandkissthefeetofthatlittleinsect。AndIdon\'twanttopreventyou——doit，falldownandkisshisfeet。ButIwanttoknow，whatitisthatfascinatesyou——whatisit？\'
Shewassilent，suffusedwithblackrage。
`Howdareyoucomebrow—beatingme，\'shecried，`howdareyou，youlittlesquire，youbully。Whatrighthaveyouoverme，doyouthink？\'
Hisfacewaswhiteandgleaming，sheknewbythelightinhiseyesthatshewasinhispower——thewolf。Andbecauseshewasinhispower，shehatedhimwithapowerthatshewondereddidnotkillhim。Inherwillshekilledhimashestood，effacedhim。
`Itisnotaquestionofright，\'saidGerald，sittingdownonachair。
Shewatchedthechangeinhisbody。Shesawhisclenched，mechanicalbodymovingtherelikeanobsession。Herhatredofhimwastingedwithfatalcontempt。
`It\'snotaquestionofmyrightoveryou——thoughIhavesomeright，remember。Iwanttoknow，Ionlywanttoknowwhatitisthatsubjugatesyoutothatlittlescumofasculptordownstairs，whatitisthatbringsyoudownlikeahumblemaggot，inworshipofhim。Iwanttoknowwhatyoucreepafter。\'
Shestoodoveragainstthewindow，listening。Thensheturnedround。
`Doyou？\'shesaid，inhermosteasy，mostcuttingvoice。`Doyouwanttoknowwhatitisinhim？It\'sbecausehehassomeunderstandingofawoman，becauseheisnotstupid。That\'swhyitis。\'
Aqueer，sinister，animal—likesmilecameoverGerald\'sface。
`Butwhatunderstandingisit？\'hesaid。`Theunderstandingofaflea，ahoppingfleawithaproboscis。Whyshouldyoucrawlabjectbeforetheunderstandingofaflea？\'
TherepassedthroughGudrun\'smindBlake\'srepresentationofthesoulofaflea。ShewantedtofitittoLoerke。Blakewasaclowntoo。ButitwasnecessarytoanswerGerald。
`Don\'tyouthinktheunderstandingofafleaismoreinterestingthantheunderstandingofafool？\'sheasked。
`Afool！\'herepeated。
`Afool，aconceitedfool——aDummkopf，\'shereplied，addingtheGermanword。
`Doyoucallmeafool？\'hereplied。`Well，wouldn\'tIratherbethefoolIam，thanthatfleadownstairs？\'
Shelookedathim。Acertainblunt，blindstupidityinhimpalledonhersoul，limitingher。
`Yougiveyourselfawaybythatlast，\'shesaid。
Hesatandwondered。
`Ishallgoawaysoon，\'hesaid。
Sheturnedonhim。
`Remember，\'shesaid，`Iamcompletelyindependentofyou——completely。
Youmakeyourarrangements，Imakemine。\'
Heponderedthis。
`Youmeanwearestrangersfromthisminute？\'heasked。
Shehaltedandflushed。Hewasputtingherinatrap，forcingherhand。
Sheturnedroundonhim。
`Strangers，\'shesaid，`wecanneverbe。Butifyouwanttomakeanymovementapartfromme，thenIwishyoutoknowyouareperfectlyfreetodoso。Donotconsidermeintheslightest。\'
Evensoslightanimplicationthatsheneededhimandwasdependingonhimstillwassufficienttorousehispassion。Ashesatachangecameoverhisbody，thehot，moltenstreammountedinvoluntarilythroughhisveins。Hegroanedinwardly，underitsbondage，buthelovedit。Helookedatherwithcleareyes，waitingforher。
Sheknewatonce，andwasshakenwithcoldrevulsion。Howcouldhelookatherwiththoseclear，warm，waitingeyes，waitingforher，evennow？Whathadbeensaidbetweenthem，wasitnotenoughtoputthemworldsasunder，tofreezethemforeverapart！Andyethewasalltransfusedandroused，waitingforher。
Itconfusedher。Turningherheadaside，shesaid:
`Ishallalwaystellyou，wheneverIamgoingtomakeanychange——\'
Andwiththisshemovedoutoftheroom。
Hesatsuspendedinafinerecoilofdisappointment，thatseemedgraduallytobedestroyinghisunderstanding。Buttheunconsciousstateofpatiencepersistedinhim。Heremainedmotionless，withoutthoughtorknowledge，foralongtime。Thenherose，andwentdownstairs，toplayatchesswithoneofthestudents。Hisfacewasopenandclear，withacertaininnocentlaisser—allerthattroubledGudrunmost，madeheralmostafraidofhim，whilstshedislikedhimdeeplyforit。
ItwasafterthisthatLoerke，whohadneveryetspokentoherpersonally，begantoaskherofherstate。
`Youarenotmarriedatall，areyou？\'heasked。
Shelookedfullathim。
`Notintheleast，\'shereplied，inhermeasuredway。Loerkelaughed，wrinklinguphisfaceoddly。Therewasathinwispofhishairstrayingonhisforehead，shenoticedthathisskinwasofaclearbrowncolour，hishands，hiswrists。Andhishandsseemedcloselyprehensile。Heseemedliketopaz，sostrangelybrownishandpellucid。
`Good，\'hesaid。
Stillitneededsomecourageforhimtogoon。
`WasMrsBirkinyoursister？\'heasked。
`Yes。\'
`Andwasshemarried？\'
`Shewasmarried。\'
`Haveyouparents，then？\'
`Yes，\'saidGudrun，`wehaveparents。\'
Andshetoldhim，briefly，laconically，herposition。Hewatchedherclosely，curiouslyallthewhile。
`So！\'heexclaimed，withsomesurprise。`AndtheHerrCrich，isherich？\'
`Yes，heisrich，acoalowner。\'
`Howlonghasyourfriendshipwithhimlasted？\'
`Somemonths。\'
Therewasapause。
`Yes，Iamsurprised，\'hesaidatlength。`TheEnglish，Ithoughttheywereso——cold。Andwhatdoyouthinktodowhenyouleavehere？\'
`WhatdoIthinktodo？\'sherepeated。
`Yes。Youcannotgobacktotheteaching。No——\'heshruggedhisshoulders——`thatisimpossible。Leavethattothecanaillewhocandonothingelse。You，foryourpart——youknow，youarearemarkablewoman，eineseltsameFrau。Whydenyit——whymakeanyquestionofit？Youareanextraordinarywoman，whyshouldyoufollowtheordinarycourse，theordinarylife？\'
Gudrunsatlookingatherhands，flushed。Shewaspleasedthathesaid，sosimply，thatshewasaremarkablewoman。Hewouldnotsaythattoflatterher——hewasfartooself—opinionatedandobjectivebynature。Hesaiditashewouldsayapieceofsculpturewasremarkable，becauseheknewitwasso。
Anditgratifiedhertohearitfromhim。Otherpeoplehadsuchapassiontomakeeverythingofonedegree，ofonepattern。InEnglanditwaschictobeperfectlyordinary。Anditwasarelieftohertobeacknowledgedextraordinary。Thensheneednotfretaboutthecommonstandards。
`Yousee，\'shesaid，`Ihavenomoneywhatsoever。\'
`Ach，money！\'hecried，liftinghisshoulders。`Whenoneisgrownup，moneyislyingaboutatone\'sservice。Itisonlywhenoneisyoungthatitisrare。Takenothoughtformoney——thatalwaysliestohand。\'
`Doesit？\'shesaid，laughing。
`Always。TheGeraldwillgiveyouasum，ifyouaskhimforit——\'
Sheflusheddeeply。
`Iwillaskanybodyelse，\'shesaid，withsomedifficulty——`butnothim。\'
Loerkelookedcloselyather。
`Good，\'hesaid。`Thenletitbesomebodyelse。Onlydon\'tgobacktothatEngland，thatschool。No，thatisstupid。\'
Againtherewasapause。Hewasafraidtoaskheroutrighttogowithhim，hewasnotevenquitesurehewantedher;andshewasafraidtobeasked。Hebegrudgedhisownisolation，wasverycharyofsharinghislife，evenforaday。
`TheonlyotherplaceIknowisParis，\'shesaid，`andIcan\'tstandthat。\'
Shelookedwithherwide，steadyeyesfullatLoerke。Heloweredhisheadandavertedhisface。
`Paris，no！\'hesaid。`Betweenthereligiond\'amour，andthelatest\'ism，andthenewturningtoJesus，onehadbetterrideonacarrouselallday。ButcometoDresden。Ihaveastudiothere——Icangiveyouwork，——oh，thatwouldbeeasyenough。Ihaven\'tseenanyofyourthings，butIbelieveinyou。CometoDresden——thatisafinetowntobein，andasgoodalifeasyoucanexpectofatown。Youhaveeverythingthere，withoutthefoolishnessofParisorthebeerofMunich。\'
Hesatandlookedather，coldly。Whatshelikedabouthimwasthathespoketohersimpleandflat，astohimself。Hewasafellowcraftsman，afellowbeingtoher，first。
`No——Paris，\'heresumed，`itmakesmesick。Pah——l\'amour。Idetestit。L\'amour，l\'amore，dieLiebe——Idetestitineverylanguage。Womenandlove，thereisnogreatertedium，\'hecried。
Shewasslightlyoffended。Andyet，thiswasherownbasicfeeling。
Men，andlove——therewasnogreatertedium。
`Ithinkthesame，\'shesaid。
`Abore，\'herepeated。`WhatdoesitmatterwhetherIwearthishatoranother。Solove。Ineedn\'twearahatatall，onlyforconvenience。
NeitherneedIloveexceptforconvenience。Itellyouwhat，gnadigeFrau——\'andheleanedtowardsher——thenhemadeaquick，oddgesture，asofstrikingsomethingaside——`gnadigeFraulein，nevermind——Itellyouwhat，Iwouldgiveeverything，everything，allyourlove，foralittlecompanionshipinintelligence——\'hiseyesflickereddarkly，evillyather。`Youunderstand？\'heasked，withafaintsmile。`Itwouldn\'tmatterifshewereahundredyearsold，athousand——itwouldbeallthesametome，sothatshecanunderstand。\'Heshuthiseyeswithalittlesnap。
AgainGudrunwasratheroffended。Didhenotthinkhergoodlooking，then？Suddenlyshelaughed。
`Ishallhavetowaitabouteightyyearstosuityou，atthat！\'shesaid。`Iamuglyenough，aren\'tI？\'
Helookedatherwithanartist\'ssudden，critical，estimatingeye。
`Youarebeautiful，\'hesaid，`andIamgladofit。Butitisn\'tthat——itisn\'tthat，\'hecried，withemphasisthatflatteredher。`Itisthatyouhaveacertainwit，itisthekindofunderstanding。Forme，Iamlittle，chetif，insignificant。Good！Donotaskmetobestrongandhandsome，then。
Butitistheme——\'heputhisfingerstohismouth，oddly——`itisthemethatislookingforamistress，andmymeiswaitingforthetheeofthemistress，forthematchtomyparticularintelligence。
Youunderstand？\'
`Yes，\'shesaid，`Iunderstand。\'
`Asfortheother，thisamour——\'hemadeagesture，dashinghishandaside，asiftodashawaysomethingtroublesome——`itisunimportant，unimportant。Doesitmatter，whetherIdrinkwhitewinethisevening，orwhetherIdrinknothing？Itdoesnotmatter，itdoesnotmatter。
Sothislove，thisamour，thisbaiser。Yesorno，soitousoitpas，today，tomorrow，ornever，itisallthesame，itdoesnotmatter——nomorethanthewhitewine。\'
Heendedwithanodddroppingoftheheadinadesperatenegation。Gudrunwatchedhimsteadily。Shehadgonepale。
Suddenlyshestretchedoverandseizedhishandinherown。
`Thatistrue，\'shesaid，inratherahigh，vehementvoice，`thatistrueformetoo。Itistheunderstandingthatmatters。\'
Helookedupatheralmostfrightened，furtive。Thenhenodded，alittlesullenly。Sheletgohishand:hehadmadenotthelightestresponse。Andtheysatinsilence。
`Doyouknow，\'hesaid，suddenlylookingatherwithdark，self—important，propheticeyes，`yourfateandmine，theywillruntogether，till——\'andhebrokeoffinalittlegrimace。
`Tillwhen？\'sheasked，blanched，herlipsgoingwhite。Shewasterriblysusceptibletotheseevilprognostications，butheonlyshookhishead。
`Idon\'tknow，\'hesaid，`Idon\'tknow。\'
Geralddidnotcomeinfromhisskiinguntilnightfall，hemissedthecoffeeandcakethatshetookatfouro\'clock。Thesnowwasinperfectcondition，hehadtravelledalongway，byhimself，amongthesnowridges，onhisskis，hehadclimbedhigh，sohighthathecouldseeoverthetopofthepass，fivemilesdistant，couldseetheMarienhutte，thehostelonthecrestofthepass，halfburiedinsnow，andoverintothedeepvalleybeyond，totheduskofthepinetrees。Onecouldgothatwayhome;butheshudderedwithnauseaatthethoughtofhome;——onecouldtravelonskisdownthere，andcometotheoldimperialroad，belowthepass。Butwhycometoanyroad？Herevoltedatthethoughtoffindinghimselfintheworldagain。Hemuststayupthereinthesnowforever。Hehadbeenhappybyhimself，highuptherealone，travellingswiftlyonskis，takingfarflights，andskimmingpastthedarkrocksveinedwithbrilliantsnow。
Buthefeltsomethingicygatheringathisheart。Thisstrangemoodofpatienceandinnocencewhichhadpersistedinhimforsomedays，waspassingaway，hewouldbeleftagainapreytothehorriblepassionsandtortures。
Sohecamedownreluctantly，snow—burned，snow—estranged，tothehouseinthehollow，betweentheknucklesofthemountaintops。Hesawitslightsshiningyellow，andheheldback，wishingheneednotgoin，toconfrontthosepeople，toheartheturmoilofvoicesandtofeeltheconfusionofotherpresences。Hewasisolatedasiftherewereavacuumroundhisheart，orasheathofpureice。
ThemomenthesawGudrunsomethingjoltedinhissoul。Shewaslookingratherloftyandsuperb，smilingslowlyandgraciouslytotheGermans。
Asuddendesireleaptinhisheart，tokillher。Hethought，whataperfectvoluptuousfulfilmentitwouldbe，tokillher。Hismindwasabsentalltheevening，estrangedbythesnowandhispassion。Buthekepttheideaconstantwithinhim，whataperfectvoluptuousconsummationitwouldbetostrangleher，tostrangleeverysparkoflifeoutofher，tillshelaycompletelyinert，soft，relaxedforever，asoftheaplyingdeadbetweenhishands，utterlydead。Thenhewouldhavehadherfinallyandforever;
therewouldbesuchaperfectvoluptuousfinality。
Gudrunwasunawareofwhathewasfeeling，heseemedsoquietandamiable，asusual。Hisamiabilityevenmadeherfeelbrutaltowardshim。
Shewentintohisroomwhenhewaspartiallyundressed。Shedidnotnoticethecurious，gladgleamofpurehatred，withwhichhelookedather。Shestoodnearthedoor，withherhandbehindher。
`Ihavebeenthinking，Gerald，\'shesaid，withaninsultingnonchalance，`thatIshallnotgobacktoEngland。\'
`Oh，\'hesaid，`wherewillyougothen？\'
Butsheignoredhisquestion。Shehadherownlogicalstatementtomake，anditmustbemadeasshehadthoughtit。
`Ican\'tseetheuseofgoingback，\'shecontinued。`Itisoverbetweenmeandyou——\'
Shepausedforhimtospeak。Buthesaidnothing。Hewasonlytalkingtohimself，saying`Over，isit？Ibelieveitisover。Butitisn\'tfinished。
Remember，itisn\'tfinished。Wemustputsomesortofafinishonit。Theremustbeaconclusion，theremustbefinality。\'
Sohetalkedtohimself，butaloudhesaidnothingwhatever。
`Whathasbeen，hasbeen，\'shecontinued。`ThereisnothingthatIregret。
Ihopeyouregretnothing——\'
Shewaitedforhimtospeak。
`Oh，Iregretnothing，\'hesaid，accommodatingly。
`Goodthen，\'sheanswered，`goodthen。Thenneitherofuscherishesanyregrets，whichisasitshouldbe。\'
`Quiteasitshouldbe，\'hesaidaimlessly。
Shepausedtogatherupherthreadagain。
`Ourattempthasbeenafailure，\'shesaid。`Butwecantryagain，elsewhere。\'
Alittleflickerofrageranthroughhisblood。Itwasasifshewererousinghim，goadinghim。Whymustshedoit？
`Attemptatwhat？\'heasked。
`Atbeinglovers，Isuppose，\'shesaid，alittlebaffled，yetsotrivialshemadeitallseem。
`Ourattemptatbeinglovershasbeenafailure？\'herepeatedaloud。
Tohimselfhewassaying，`Ioughttokillherhere。Thereisonlythisleft，formetokillher。\'Aheavy，overchargeddesiretobringaboutherdeathpossessedhim。Shewasunaware。
`Hasn\'tit？\'sheasked。`Doyouthinkithasbeenasuccess？\'
Againtheinsultoftheflippantquestionranthroughhisbloodlikeacurrentoffire。
`Ithadsomeoftheelementsofsuccess，ourrelationship，\'hereplied。
`It——mighthavecomeoff。\'
Buthepausedbeforeconcludingthelastphrase。Evenashebeganthesentence，hedidnotbelieveinwhathewasgoingtosay。Heknewitnevercouldhavebeenasuccess。
`No，\'shereplied。`Youcannotlove。\'
`Andyou？\'heasked。
Herwide，dark—filledeyeswerefixedonhim，liketwomoonsofdarkness。
`Icouldn\'tloveyou，\'shesaid，withstarkcoldtruth。
Ablindingflashwentoverhisbrain，hisbodyjolted。Hishearthadburstintoflame。Hisconsciousnesswasgoneintohiswrists，intohishands。Hewasoneblind，incontinentdesire，tokillher。Hiswristswerebursting，therewouldbenosatisfactiontillhishandshadclosedonher。
Butevenbeforehisbodyswervedforwardonher，asudden，cunningcomprehensionwasexpressedonherface，andinaflashshewasoutofthedoor。Sheraninoneflashtoherroomandlockedherselfin。Shewasafraid，butconfident。Sheknewherlifetrembledontheedgeofanabyss。Butshewascuriouslysureofherfooting。Sheknewhercunningcouldoutwithim。
Shetrembled，asshestoodinherroom，withexcitementandawfulexhilaration。
Sheknewshecouldoutwithim。Shecoulddependonherpresenceofmind，andonherwits。Butitwasafighttothedeath，sheknewitnow。Oneslip，andshewaslost。Shehadastrange，tense，exhilaratedsicknessinherbody，asonewhoisinperiloffallingfromagreatheight，butwhodoesnotlookdown，doesnotadmitthefear。
`Iwillgoawaythedayaftertomorrow，\'shesaid。
SheonlydidnotwantGeraldtothinkthatshewasafraidofhim，thatshewasrunningawaybecauseshewasafraidofhim。Shewasnotafraidofhim，fundamentally。Sheknewitwashersafeguardtoavoidhisphysicalviolence。Butevenphysicallyshewasnotafraidofhim。Shewantedtoproveittohim。Whenshehadprovedit，that，whateverhewas，shewasnotafraidofhim;whenshehadprovedthat，shecouldleavehimforever。Butmeanwhilethefightbetweenthem，terribleassheknewittobe，wasinconclusive。Andshewantedtobeconfidentinherself。Howevermanyterrorsshemighthave，shewouldbeunafraid，uncowedbyhim。Hecouldnevercowher，nordominateher，norhaveanyrightoverher;thisshewouldmaintainuntilshehadprovedit。Onceitwasproved，shewasfreeofhimforever。
Butshehadnotprovedityet，neithertohimnortoherself。Andthiswaswhatstillboundhertohim。Shewasboundtohim，shecouldnotlivebeyondhim。Shesatupinbed，closelywrappedup，formanyhours，thinkingendlesslytoherself。Itwasasifshewouldneverhavedoneweavingthegreatprovisionofherthoughts。
`Itisn\'tasifhereallylovedme，\'shesaidtoherself。`Hedoesn\'t。
Everywomanhecomesacrosshewantstomakeherinlovewithhim。Hedoesn\'tevenknowthatheisdoingit。Butthereheis，beforeeverywomanheunfurlshismaleattractiveness，displayshisgreatdesirability，hetriestomakeeverywomanthinkhowwonderfulitwouldbetohavehimforalover。Hisveryignoringofthewomenispartofthegame。Heisneverunconsciousofthem。Heshouldhavebeenacockerel，sohecouldstrutbeforefiftyfemales，allhissubjects。Butreally，hisDonJuandoesnotinterestme。IcouldplayDonaJuanitaamilliontimesbetterthanheplaysJuan。
Heboresme，youknow。Hismalenessboresme。Nothingissoboring，soinherentlystupidandstupidlyconceited。Really，thefathomlessconceitofthesemen，itisridiculous——thelittlestrutters。
`Theyareallalike。LookatBirkin。Builtoutofthelimitationofconceittheyare，andnothingelse。Really，nothingbuttheirridiculouslimitationandintrinsicinsignificancecouldmakethemsoconceited。
