第8章

类别:其他 作者:George Bernard Shaw字数:10779更新时间:18/12/18 08:58:36
MissWilson,atalossforareply,regrettedthatshehadnot,beforelettinghimgainsofaronher,dismissedhimsummarilyinsteadoftoleratingadiscussionwhichshedidnotknowhowtoendwithdignity。Herelievedherbyaddingunexpectedly: \"Yoursystemwasthecauseofmyabsurdmarriage。Mywifeacquiredadegreeofcultureandreasonablenessfromhertrainingherewhichmadeherseemasuperiorbeingamongthechattererswhoformthefemaleseasoninginordinarysociety。Iadmiredherdarkeyes,andwasonlytoogladtoseizetheexcusehereducationofferedmeforbelievingheramatchformeinmindaswellasinbody。\" MissWilson,astonished,determinedtotellhimcoldlythathertimewasvaluable。Butcuriositytookpossessionofherintheactofutterance,andthewordsthatcamewere,\"Whowasshe?\" \"HenriettaJansenius。SheisHenriettaTrefusis,andIamSidneyTrefusis,atyourmercy。IseeIhavearousedyourcompassionatlast。\" \"Nonsense!\"saidMissWilsonhastily;forhersurprisewasindeedtingedbyafeelingthathewasthrownawayonHenrietta。 \"Iranawayfromherandadoptedthisretreatandthisdisguiseinordertoavoidher。Theusualrebuketohumanforethoughtfollowed。Iranstraightintoherarms——orrathersheranintomine。Yourememberthescene,andwereprobablypuzzledbyit。\" \"Youseemtothinkyourmarriagecontractaverylightmatter,Mr。Trefusis。MayIaskwhosefaultwastheseparation?Hers,ofcourse。\" \"Ihavenothingtoreproachherwith。Iexpectedtofindhertemperhasty,butitwasnotso——herbehaviorwasunexceptionable。Sowasmine。Ourblisswasperfect,butunfortunately,Iwasnotmadefordomesticbliss——atalleventsI couldnotendureit——soIfled,andwhenshecaughtmeagainI couldgivenoexcuseformyflight,thoughImadeitcleartoherthatIwouldnotresumeourconnubialrelationsjustyet。Wepartedonbadterms。Ifullyintendedtowriteherasweetlettertomakeherforgivemeinspiteofherself,butsomehowtheweekshaveslippedawayandIamstillfullyintending。Shehasneverwritten,andIhaveneverwritten。Thisisaprettystateofthings,isn\'tit,MissWilson,afterallheradvantagesundertheinfluenceofmoralforceandthemovementforthehighereducationofwomen?\" \"Byyourownadmission,thefaultseemstolieuponyourmoraltrainingandnotuponhers。\" \"Thefaultwasintheconditionsofourassociation。Whytheyshouldhaveattractedmesostronglyatfirst,andrepelledmesohorriblyafterwards,isoneofthosedevil\'sriddleswhichwillnotbeanswereduntilweshallhavetracedalltheyetunsuspectedreactionsofourinveteratedishonesty。ButIamwastingyourtime,Ifear。YousentforSmilash,andIhaverespondedbypracticallyannihilatinghim。Inpublic,however,youmuststillbearwithhisantics。Onemomentmore。Ihadforgottentoaskyouwhetheryouareinterestedintheshepherdwhosewifeyoushelteredonthenightofthestorm?\" \"Heassuredme,beforehetookhiswifeaway,thathewascomfortablysettledinalodginginLyvern。\" \"Yes。Verycomfortablysettledindeed。Forhalf—a—crownaweekheobtainedpermissiontoshareaspaciousdrawing—roomwithtwootherfamiliesinaten—roomedhouseinnotmuchbetterrepairthanhisblown—downhovel。Thishouseyieldstoitslandlordovertwohundredayear,orrathermorethantherentofacommodiousmansioninSouthKensington。Itisatroublesomerenttocollect,butontheotherhandthereisnoexpenditureforrepairsorsanitation,whicharenotconsiderednecessaryintenementhouses。Ourfriendhastowalkthreemilestohisworkandthreemilesback。Exerciseisacapitalthingforastudentoracityclerk,buttoashepherdwhohasbeeninthefieldsallday,alongwalkattheendofhisworkissomewhattoomuchofagoodthing。Hebeggedforanincreaseofwagestocompensatehimforthelossofthehut,butSirJohnpointedouttohimthatifhewasnotsatisfiedhisplacecouldbeeasilyfilledbylessexorbitantshepherds。SirJohnevencondescendedtoexplainthatthelawsofpoliticaleconomybindemployerstobuylaborinthecheapestmarket,andourpoorfriend,justasignorantofeconomicsasSirJohn,ofcoursedidnotknowthatthiswasuntrue。However,aslaborisactuallysopurchasedeverywhereexceptinDowningStreetandafewotherprivilegedspots,I suggestedthatourfriendshouldgotosomeplacewherehismarketpricewouldbehigherthaninmerryEngland。Hewaswillingenoughtodoso,butunablefromwantofmeans。SoIlenthimatrifle,andnowheisonhiswaytoAustralia。Workmenarethegeesethatlaythegoldeneggs,buttheyflyawaysometimes。 Ihearagongsounding,toremindmeofthefightoftimeandthevalueofyourshareofit。Good—morning!\" MissWilsonwassuddenlymovednottolethimgowithoutanappealtohisbetternature。\"Mr。Trefusis,\"shesaid,\"excuseme,butareyounot,inyourgenerositytoothersalittleforgetfulofyourdutytoyourself;and——\" \"Thefirstandhardestofallduties!\"heexclaimed。\"Ibegyourpardonforinterruptingyou。Itwasonlytopleadguilty。\" \"Icannotadmitthatitisthefirstofallduties,butitissometimesperhapsthehardest,asyousay。Still,youcouldsurelydoyourselfmorejusticewithoutanygreateffort。Ifyouwishtolivehumbly,youcandosowithoutpretendingtobeanuneducatedmanandwithouttakinganirritatingandabsurdname。 WhyonearthdoyoucallyourselfSmilash?\" \"Iconfessthatthenamehasbeenafailure。Itookgreatpains,inconstructingit,tosecureapleasantimpression。Itisnotamereinvention,butacompoundofthewordssmileandeyelash。A smilesuggestsgoodhumor;eyelashessoftentheexpressionandaretheonlyfeaturesthatneverblemishaface。HenceSmilashisasoundthatshouldcheerandpropitiate。Yetitexasperates。Itisreallyveryoddthatitshouldhavethateffect,unlessitisthatitraisesexpectationswhichIamunabletosatisfy。\" MissWilsonlookedathimdoubtfully。Heremainedperfectlygrave。Therewasapause。Then,asifshehadmadeuphermindtobeoffended,shesaid,\"Good—morning,\"shortly。 \"Good—morning,MissWilson。Thesonofamillionaire,likethesonofaking,isseldomfreefrommentaldisease。Iamjustmadenoughtobeamountebank。IfIwerealittlemadder,IshouldperhapsreallybelievemyselfSmilashinsteadofmerelyactinghim。Whetheryouaskmetoforgetmyselfforamoment,ortoremembermyselfforamoment,IreplythatIamthesonofmyfather,andcannot。Withmyegotism,mycharlatanry,mytongue,andmyhabitofhavingmyownway,Iamfitfornocallingbutthatofsaviourofmankind——justofthesorttheylike。\"Afteranimpressivepauseheturnedslowlyandlefttheroom。 \"Iwonder,\"hesaid,ashecrossedthelanding,\"whether,byjudiciouslylosingmyway,Icancatchaglimpseofthatgirlwhoislikeagoldenidol?\" Downstairs,onhiswaytothedoor,hesawAgathacomingtowardshim,occupiedwithabookwhichshewastossinguptotheceilingandcatching。Hermelancholyexpression,habitualinherlonelymoments,showedthatshewasnotamusingherself,butgivingventtoherrestlessness。Ashergazetravelledupward,followingtheflightofthevolume,itwasarrestedbySmilash。Thebookfelltothefloor。Hepickeditupandhandedittoher,saying: \"And,ingoodtime,hereisthegoldenidol!\" \"What?\"saidAgatha,confused。 \"Icallyouthegoldenidol,\"hesaid。\"WhenweareapartI alwaysimagineyourfaceasafaceofgold,witheyesandteethofbdellium,orchalcedony,oragate,oranywonderfulunknownstonesofappropriatecolors。\" Agatha,witlessanddumb,couldonlylookdowndeprecatingly。 \"Youthinkyououghttobeangrywithme,andyoudonotknowexactlyhowtomakemefeelthatyouareso。Isthatit?\" \"No。Quitethecontrary。Atleast——Imeanthatyouarewrong。I amthemostcommonplacepersonyoucanimagine——ifyouonlyknew。 NomatterwhatImaylook,Imean。\" \"Howdoyouknowthatyouarecommonplace?\" \"OfcourseIknow,\"saidAgatha,hereyeswanderinguneasily。 \"Ofcourseyoudonotknow;youcannotseeyourselfasothersseeyou。Forinstance,youhaveneverthoughtofyourselfasagoldenidol。\" \"Butthatisabsurd。Youarequitemistakenaboutme。\" \"Perhapsso。Iknow,however,thatyourfaceisnotreallymadeofgoldandthatithasnotthesamecharmforyouthatithasforothers——forme。\" \"Imustgo,\"saidAgatha,suddenlyinhaste。 \"Whenshallwemeetagain?\" \"Idon\'tknow,\"shesaid,withagrowingsenseofalarm。\"I reallymustgo。\" \"Believeme,yourhurryisonlyimaginary。DoyoufancythatyouarebehavinginamannerquiteubduedardorthataffectedAgathastrangely。\"Butfirsttellmewhetheritisnewtoyouornot。\" \"Itisnotanemotionatall。Ididnotsaythatitwas。\" \"Donotbeafraidofit。Itisonlybeingalonewithamanwhomyouhavebewitched。Youwouldbemistressofthesituationifyouonlyknewhowtomanagealover。Itisfareasierthanmanagingahorse,orskating,orplayingthepiano,orhalfadozenotherfeatsofwhichyouthinknothing。\" Agathacoloredandraisedherhead。 \"Forgiveme,\"hesaid,interruptingtheaction。\"Iamtryingtooffendyouinordertosavemyselffromfallinginlovewithyou,andIhavenotthehearttoletmyselfsucceed。Onyourlife,donotlistentomeorbelieveme。Ihavenorighttosaythesethingstoyou。SomefiendentersintomewhenIamatyourside。 Youshouldwearaveil,Agatha。\" Sheblushed,andstoodburningandtingling,herpresenceofmindgone,andherchiefsensationoneofrelieftohear——forshedidnotdaretosee——thathewasdeparting。Herconsciousnesswasinadeliciousconfusion,withtheonedefinitethoughtinitthatshehadwonherloveratlast。ThetoneofTrefusis\'svoice,richwithtruthandearnestness,hisquickinsight,andhispassionatewarningtohernottoheedhim,convincedherthatshehadenteredintoarelationdestinedtoinfluenceherwholelife。 \"Andyet,\"shesaidremorsefully,\"Icannotlovehimashelovesme。Iamselfish,cold,calculating,worldly,andhavedoubteduntilnowwhethersuchathingaslovereallyexisted。IfIcouldonlylovehimrecklesslyandwholly,ashelovesme!\" Smilashwasalsosoliloquizingashewentonhisway。 \"NowIhavemadethepoorchild——whowassoanxiousthatIshouldnotmistakeherforasupernaturallygiftedandlovelywomanashappyasanangel;andsoisthatfinegirlwhomtheycallJaneCarpenter。Ihopetheywon\'texchangeconfidencesonthesubject。\" CHAPTERVIII Mrs。TrefusisfoundherparentssounsympatheticonthesubjectofhermarriagethatshelefttheirhouseshortlyafterhervisittoLyvern,andwenttoresidewithahospitablefriend。Unabletoremainsilentuponthematterconstantlyinherthoughts,shediscussedherhusband\'sflightwiththisfriend,andelicitedanopinionthatthebehaviorofTrefusiswasscandalousandwicked。 Henriettacouldnotbearthis,andsoughtshelterwitharelative。Thesamediscussionarising,therelativesaid: \"Well,Hetty,ifIamtospeakcandidly,ImustsaythatIhaveknownSidneyTrefusisforalongtime,andheistheeasiestpersontogetonwithIevermet。Andyouknow,dear,thatyouareverytryingsometimes。\" \"Andso,\"criedHenrietta,burstingintotears,\"aftertheinfamouswayhehastreatedmeIamtobetoldthatitisallmyownfault。\" Sheleftthehousenextday,havingobtainedanotherinvitationfromadiscreetladywhowouldnotdiscussthesubjectatall。 Thisprovedquiteintolerable,andHenriettawenttostaywithheruncleDanielJansenius,ajollyandindulgentman。Heopinedthatthingswouldcomerightassoonasbothpartiesgrewmoresensible;and,astowhichofthemwas,infault,hisverdictwas,sixofoneandhalfadozenoftheother。Wheneverhesawhisniecepensiveortearfulhelaughedatherandcalledheragrasswidow。Henriettafoundthatshecouldendureanythingratherthanthis。Declaringthattheworldwashatefultoher,shehiredafurnishedvillainSt。John\'sWood,whithershemovedinDecember。But,sufferingmuchtherefromloneliness,shesoonwroteapatheticlettertoAgatha,entreatinghertospendtheapproachingChristmasvacationwithher,andpromisinghereveryluxuryandamusementthatboundlessaffectioncouldsuggestandboundlessmeansprocure。Agatha\'sreplycontainedsomeunlooked—forinformation。 \"AltonCollege,Lyvern,\"14thDecember。 \"DearestHetty:Idon\'tthinkIcandoexactlywhatyouwant,asImustspendXmaswithMammaatChiswick;butIneednotgetthereuntilXmasEve,andwebreakuphereonyesterdayweek,the20th。SoIwillgostraighttoyouandbringyouwithmetoMamma\'s,whereyouwillspendXmasmuchbetterthanmopinginastrangehouse。Itisnotquitesettledyetaboutmyleavingthecollegeafterthisterm。Youmustpromisenottotellanyone;butIhaveanewfriendhere——alover。NotthatIaminlovewithhim,thoughIthinkveryhighlyofhim——youknowIamnotaromanticfool;butheisverymuchinlovewithme;andIwishI couldreturnitashedeserves。TheFrenchsaythatonepersonturnsthecheekandtheotherkissesit。Ithasnotgotquitesofarasthatwithus;indeed,sincehedeclaredwhathefelthehasonlybeenabletosnatchafewwordswithmewhenIhavebeenskatingorwalking。Buttherehasalwaysbeenatleastonewordorlookthatmeantagreatdeal。 \"Andnow,whodoyouthinkheis?Hesaysheknowsyou。Canyouguess?Hesaysyouknowallhissecrets。Hesaysheknowsyourhusbandwell;thathetreatedyouverybadly,andthatyouaregreatlytobepitied。Canyouguessnow?Hesayshehaskissedyou——forshame,Hetty!Haveyouguessedyet?Hewasgoingtotellmesomethingmorewhenwewereinterrupted,andIhavenotseenhimsinceexceptatadistance。Heisthemanwithwhomyouelopedthatdaywhenyougaveusallsuchafright——Mr。Sidney。I wasthefirsttopenetratehisdisguise;andthatverymorningI hadtaxedhimwithit,andhehadconfessedit。Hesaidthenthathewashidingfromawomanwhowasinlovewithhim;andIshouldnotbesurprisedifitturnedouttobetrue;forheiswonderfullyoriginal——infactwhatmakesmelikehimisthatheisbyfarthecleverestmanIhaveevermet;andyethethinksnothingofhimself。Icannotimaginewhatheseesinmetocarefor,thoughheisevidentlyensnaredbymycharms。Ihopehewon\'tfindouthowsillyIam。Hecalledmehisgoldenidol——\" Henrietta,withascreamofrage,toretheletteracross,andstampeduponit。Whentheparoxysmsubsidedshepickedupthepieces,heldthemtogetherasaccuratelyashertremblinghandscould,andreadon。 \"——butheisnotallhoney,andwillsaythemostseverethingssometimesifhethinksheoughtto。HehasmademesoashamedofmyignorancethatIamresolvedtostayhereforanothertermatleast,andstudyashardasIcan。Ihavenotbegunyet,asitisnotworthwhileattheeleventhhourofthisterm;butwhenI returninJanuaryIwillsettoworkinearnest。Soyoumayseethathisinfluenceovermeisanentirelygoodone。Iwilltellyouallabouthimwhenwemeet;forIhavenotimetosayanythingnow,asthegirlsarebotheringmetogoskatingwiththem。Hepretendstobeaworkman,andputsonourskatesforus; andJaneCarpenterbelievesthatheisinlovewithher。Janeisexceedinglykindhearted;butshehasatalentformakingherselfridiculousthatnothingcansuppress。Theiceislovely,andtheweatherjolly;wedonotmindthecoldintheleast。Theyarethreateningtogowithoutme——good—bye! \"Everyouraffectionate\"Agatha。\" Henriettalookedroundforsomethingsharp。Shegraspedapairofscissorsgreedilyandstabbedtheairwiththem。Thenshebecameconsciousofhermurderousimpulse,andsheshudderedatit;butinamomentmoreherjealousysweptbackuponher。Shecried,asifsuffocating,\"Idon\'tcare;Ishouldliketokillher!\"Butshedidnottakeupthescissorsagain。 Atlastsherangthebellviolentlyandaskedforarailwayguide。Onbeingtoldthattherewasnotoneinthehouse,shescoldedhermaidsounreasonablythatthegirlsaidpertlythatifsheweretobespokentolikethatsheshouldwishtoleavewhenhermonthwasup。ThischeckbroughtHenriettatohersenses。Shewentupstairsandputonthefirstcloakathand,whichwasfortunatelyaheavyfurone。Thenshetookherbonnetandpurse,leftthehouse,hailedapassinghansom,andbadethecabmandrivehertoSt。Pancras。 WhenthenightcametheairatLyvernwaslikeironintheintensecold。Thetreesandthewindseemedice—bound,asthewaterwas,andsilence,stillness,andstarlight,frozenhard,broodedoverthecountry。Atthechalet,Smilash,indifferenttothepriceofcoals,keptuparoaringfirethatglowedthroughtheuncurtainedwindows,andtantalizedthechilledwayfarerwhodidnothappentoknow,astheherdsmenoftheneighborhooddid,thathewaswelcometoenterandwarmhimselfwithoutriskofrebufffromthetenant。Smilashwasinhighspirits。Hehadbecomeaproficientskater,andfrostyweatherwasnowaluxurytohim。Itbracedhim,anddroveawayhisgloomyfits,whilsthissympathieswerekeptawakeandhisindignationmaintainedatanexhilaratingpitchbythesufferingsofthepoor,who,unabletoaffordfiresorskating,warmedthemselvesinsuchswelteringheatasovercrowdingproducesinallseasons。 ItwasSmilash\'scustomtomakeahotdrinkofoatmealandwaterforhimselfathalf—pastnineo\'clockeachevening,andtogotobedatten。Heopenedthedoortothrowoutsomewaterthatremainedinthesaucepanfromitslastcleansing。Itfrozeasitfelluponthesoil。Helookedatthenight,andshookhimselftothrowoffanoppressivesensationofbeingclaspedintheicyribsoftheair,forthemercuryhaddescendedbelowthefamiliarregionofcrispandcracklycoldandmarkedatemperatureatwhichthenumbatmosphereseemedonthepointofcongealingintoblacksolidity。Nothingwasstirring。 \"ByGeorge!\"hesaid,\"thisisoneofthosenightsonwhicharichmandaren\'tthink!\" Heshutthedoor,hastenedbacktohisfire,andsettoworkathiscaudle,whichhewatchedandstirredwithasolicitudethatwouldhaveamusedaprofessedcook。Whenitwasdonehepoureditintoalargemug,whereitsteamedinvitingly。Hetookupsomeinaspoonandblewuponittocoolit。Tap,tap,tap,tap! hurriedlyatthedoor。 \"Nicenightforawalk,\"hesaid,puttingdownthespoon;thenshouting,\"Comein。\" Thelatchroseunsteadily,andHenrietta,withfrozentearsonhercheeks,andanunintelligibleexpressionofwretchednessandrage,appeared。Afteraninstantofamazement,hesprangtoherandclaspedherinhisarms,andshe,againstherwill,andprotestingvoicelessly,stumbledintohisembrace。 \"Youarefrozentodeath,\"heexclaimed,carryinghertothefire。\"Thissealjacketislikeasheetofice。Soisyourface\" (kissingit)。\"Whatisthematter?Whydoyoustruggleso?\" \"Letmego,\"shegasped,inavehementwhisper。\"Ih——hateyou。\" \"Mypoorlove,youaretoocoldtohateanyone——evenyourhusband。YoumustletmetakeofftheseatrociousFrenchboots。 Yourfeetmustbeperfectlydead。\" Bythistimehervoiceandtearswerethawinginthewarmthofthechaletandofhiscaresses。\"Youshallnottakethemoff,\" shesaid,cryingwithcoldandsorrow。\"Letmealone。Don\'ttouchme。Iamgoingaway——straightback。Iwillnotspeaktoyou,nortakeoffmythingshere,nortouchanythinginthehouse。\" \"No,mydarling,\"hesaid,puttingherintoacapaciouswoodenarmchairandbusilyunbuttoningherboots,\"youshalldonothingthatyoudon\'twishtodo。Yourfeetarelikestones。Yes,yes,mydear,Iamawretchunworthytolive。Iknowit。\" \"Letmealone,\"shesaidpiteously。\"Idon\'twantyourattentions。Ihavedonewithyouforever。\" \"Come,youmustdrinksomeofthisnastystuff。Youwillneedstrengthtotellyourhusbandalltheunpleasantthingsyoursoulischargedwith。Takejustalittle。\" Sheturnedherfaceawayandwouldnotanswer。Hebroughtanotherchairandsatdownbesideher。\"Mylost,forlorn,betrayedone——\" \"Iam,\"shesobbed。\"Youdon\'tmeanit,butIam。\" \"Youarealsomydearestandbestofwives。Ifyoueverlovedme,Hetty,do,formyoncedearsake,drinkthisbeforeitgetscold。\" Shepouted,sobbed,andyieldedtosomegentleforcewhichheused,asachildallowsherselftobehalfpersuaded,halfcompelled,totakephysic。 \"Doyoufeelbetterandmorecomfortablenow?\"hesaid。 \"No,\"shereplied,angrywithherselfforfeelingboth。 \"Then,\"hesaidcheerfully,asifshehadutteredaheartyaffirmative,\"Iwillputsomemorecoalsonthefire,andweshallbeassnugaspossible。Itmakesmewildlyhappytoseeyouatmyfireside,andtoknowthatyouaremyownwife。\" \"Iwonderhowyoucanlookmeinthefaceandsayso,\"shecried。 \"IshouldwonderatmyselfifIcouldlookatyourfaceandsayanythingelse。Oatmealisacapitalrestorative;allyourenergyiscomingback。There,thatwillmakeamagnificentblazepresently。\" \"Ineverthoughtyoudeceitful,Sidney,whateverotherfaultsyoumighthavehad。\" \"Precisely,mylove。Iunderstandyourfeelings。Murder,burglary,intemperance,ortheminorvicesyoucouldhaveborne; butdeceityoucannotabide。\" \"Iwillgoaway,\"shesaiddespairingly,withafreshburstoftears。\"Iwillnotbelaughedatandbetrayed。Iwillgobarefooted。\"Sheroseandattemptedtoreachthedoor;butheinterceptedherandsaid: \"Mylove,thereissomethingseriousthematter。Whatisit? Don\'tbeangrywithme。\" Hebroughtherbacktothechair。ShetookAgatha\'sletterfromthepocketofherfurcloak,andhandedittohimwithafaintattempttobetragic。 \"Readthat,\"shesaid。\"Andneverspeaktomeagain。Allisoverbetweenus。\" Hetookitcuriously,andturnedittolookatthesignature。 \"Aha!\"hesaid,\"mygoldenidolhasbeenmakingmischief,hasshe?\" \"There!\"exclaimedHenrietta。\"Youhavesaidittomyface!Youhaveconvictedyourselfoutofyourownmouth!\" \"Waitamoment,mydear。Ihavenotreadtheletteryet。\" Heroseandwalkedtoandfrothroughtheroom,reading。Shewatchedhim,angrilyconfidentthatsheshouldpresentlyseehimchangecountenance。Suddenlyhedroopedasifhisspinehadpartlygivenway;andinthisungracefulattitudehereadtheremainderoftheletter。Whenhehadfinishedhethrewitonthetable,thrusthishandsdeepintohispockets,androaredwithlaughter,huddlinghimselftogetherasifhecouldconcentratethejokebycollectinghimselfintothesmallestpossiblecompass。Henrietta,speechlesswithindignation,couldonlylookherfeelings。Atlasthecameandsatdownbesideher。 \"Andso,\"hesaid,\"onreceivingthisyourushedoutinthecoldandcameallthewaytoLyvern。Now,itseemstomethatyoumusteitherlovemeverymuch——\" \"Idon\'t。Ihateyou。\" \"Orelseloveyourselfverymuch。\" \"Oh!\"Andsheweptafresh。\"Youareaselfishbrute,andyoudojustasyoulikewithoutconsideringanyoneelse。Nooneeverthinksofme。Andnowyouwon\'teventakethetroubletodenythatshamefulletter。\" \"WhyshouldIdenyit?Itistrue。Doyounotseetheironyofallthis?IamusemyselfbypayingafewcomplimentstoaschoolgirlforwhomIdonotcaretwostrawsmorethanforanyagreeableandpassablycleverwomanImeet。Nevertheless,I occasionallyfeelapangofremorsebecauseIthinkthatshemaylovemeseriously,althoughIamonlyplayingwithher。IpitythepoorheartIhavewantonlyensnared。And,allthetime,sheispityingmeforexactlythesamereason!Sheisconscience—strickenbecausesheisonlyindulgingintheluxuryofbeingadored\'byfarthecleverestmanshehasevermet,\'andisasheart—wholeasIam!Ha,ha!Thatisthebasisofthereligionofloveofwhichpoetsarethehigh—priests。Eachworshipperknowsthathisownloveiseitheratransientpassionorashamcopiedfromhisfavoritepoem;buthebelieveshonestlyintheloveofothersforhim。Ho,ho!Isitnotasillyworld,mydear?\" \"YouhadnorighttomakelovetoAgatha。Youhavenorighttomakelovetoanyonebutme;andIwon\'tbearit。\" \"YouareangrybecauseAgathahasinfringedyourmonopoly。Alwaysmonopoly!Why,yousillygirl,doyousupposethatIbelongtoyou,bodyandsoul?——thatImaynotbemovedexceptbyyouraffection,orthinkexceptofyourbeauty?\" \"Youmaycallmeasmanynamesasyouplease,butyouhavenorighttomakelovetoAgatha。\" \"Mydearest,Idonotrecollectcallingyouanynames。Ithinkyousaidsomethingaboutaselfishbrute。\" \"Ididnot。Youcalledmeasillygirl。\" \"But,mylove,youare。\" \"AndsoYOUare。Youarethoroughlyselfish。\" \"Idon\'tdenyit。Butletusreturntooursubject。Whatdidwebegintoquarrelabout?\" \"Iamnotquarrelling,Sidney。Itisyou。\" \"Well,whatdidIbegintoquarrelabout?\" \"AboutAgathaWylie。\" \"Oh,pardonme,Hetty;Icertainlydidnotbegintoquarrelabouther。Iamveryfondofher——moreso,itappears,thansheisofme。Onemoment,Hetty,beforeyourecommenceyourreproaches。 WhydoyoudislikemysayingprettythingstoAgatha?\" Henriettahesitated,andsaid:\"Becauseyouhavenorightto。Itshowshowlittleyoucareforme。\" \"Ithasnothingtodowithyou。ItonlyshowshowmuchIcareforher。\" \"Iwillnotstayheretobeinsulted,\"saidHetty,herdistressreturning。\"Iwillgohome。\" \"Notto—night;thereisnotrain。\" \"Iwillwalk。\" \"Itistoofar。\" \"Idon\'tcare。Iwillnotstayhere,thoughIdieofcoldbytheroadside。\" \"Mycherishedone,Ihavebeenannoyingyoupurposelybecauseyoushowbyyourangerthatyouhavenotceasedtocareforme。Iaminthewrong,asIusuallyam,anditisallmyfault。Agathaknowsnothingaboutourmarriage。\" \"Idonotblameyousomuch,\"saidHenrietta,sufferinghimtoplaceherheadonhisshoulder;\"butIwillneverspeaktoAgathaagain。Shehasbehavedshamefullytome,andIwilltellherso。\" \"Nodoubtshewillopinethatitisallyourfault,dearest,andthatIhavebehavedadmirably。BetweenyouIshallstandexonerated。Andnow,sinceitistoocoldforwalking,sinceitislate,sinceitisfartoLyvernandfarthertoLondon,Imustimprovisesomeaccommodationforyouhere。\" \"But——\" \"Butthereisnohelpforit。Youmuststay。\" CHAPTERIX NextdaySmilashobtainedfromhiswifeapromisethatshewouldbehavetowardsAgathaasiftheletterhadgivennooffence。