第7章

类别:其他 作者:Galsworthy, John字数:10258更新时间:18/12/18 13:58:46
Inthemorningshegotupfromhersleeplessbed,seemedtoeatherbreakfast,andwentofftoherhospital。Thereshewashedupplatesanddishes,withastonyface,darkundertheeyes。 ThenewscametoPiersoninaletterfromThirza,receivedatlunch— time。Hereaditwithadreadfulaching。Poor,poorlittleNollie! Whatanawfultroubleforher!Andhe,too,wentabouthisworkwiththenightmarethoughtthathehadtobreakthenewstoherthatevening。Neverhadhefeltmorelonely,moredreadfullyinwantofthemotherofhischildren。Shewouldhaveknownhowtosoothe,howtocomfort。Onherheartthechildcouldhavesobbedawaygrief。 Andallthathour,fromseventoeight,whenhewasusuallyinreadinesstofulfilthefunctionsofGod’ssubstitutetohisparishioners,hespentinprayerofhisown,forguidancehowtoinflictandhealthisblow。When,atlast,Noelcame,heopened。 thedoortoherhimself,and,puttingbackthehairfromherforehead,said:\"Comeinhereamoment,mydarling!\"Noelfollowedhimintothestudy,andsatdown。\"Iknowalready,Daddy。\"Piersonwasmoredismayedbythisstoicismthanhewouldhavebeenbyanynaturaloutburst。Hestood,timidlystrokingherhair,murmuringtoherwhathehadsaidtoGratian,andtosomanyothersinthesedays: \"Thereisnodeath;lookforwardtoseeinghimagain;Godismerciful\"Andhemarvelledatthecalmnessofthatpaleface——soyoung。 \"Youareverybrave,mychild!\"hesaid。 \"There’snothingelsetobe,isthere?\" \"Isn’tthereanythingIcandoforyou,Nollie?\" \"No,Daddy。\" \"Whendidyouseeit?\" \"Lastnight。\"Shehadalreadyknownfortwenty—fourhourswithouttellinghim! \"Haveyouprayed,mydarling?\" \"No。\" \"Try,Nollie!\" \"No。\" \"Ah,try!\" \"Itwouldberidiculous,Daddy;youdon’tknow。\" Grievouslyupsetandbewildered,Piersonmovedawayfromher,andsaid: \"Youlookdreadfullytired。Wouldyoulikeahotbath,andyourdinnerinbed?\" \"I’dlikesometea;that’sall。\"Andshewentout。 Whenhehadseenthattheteahadgoneuptoher,hetoowentout; and,movedbyalongingforwoman’shelp,tookacabtoLeila’sflat。 III 1 OnleavingtheconcertLeilaandJimmyForthadsecuredataxi;avehiclewhich,atnight,inwartime,hascertainadvantagesforthosewhodesiretobecomebetteracquainted。Vibration,sufficientnoise,darkness,areguaranteed;andallthatislackingforthefurtheranceofemotionisthescentofhoneysuckleandroses,orevenofthewhitefloweringcreeperwhichonthestoepatHighConstantiahadsmelledsomuchsweeterthanpetrol。 WhenLeilafoundherselfwithFortinthatlonelinesstowhichshehadbeenlookingforward,shewasovercomebyanaccessofnervoussilence。Shehadbeenpassingthroughastrangetimeforweekspast。 Everynightsheexaminedhersensationswithoutquiteunderstandingthemasyet。Whenawomancomestoherage,theworld—forceisliabletotakepossession,saying: \"Youwereyoung,youwerebeautiful,youstillhavebeauty,youarenot,cannotbe,old。Clingtoyouth,clingtobeauty;takeallyoucanget,beforeyourfacegetslinesandyourhairgrey;itisimpossiblethatyouhavebeenlovedforthelasttime。\" ToseeJimmyFortattheconcert,talkingtoNoel,hadbroughtthisemotiontoahead。Shewasnotofagrudgingnature,andcouldgenuinelyadmireNoel,buttheideathatJimmyFortmightalsoadmiredisturbedhergreatly。Hemustnot;itwasnotfair;hewastooold— —besides,thegirlhadherboy;andshehadtakencarethatheshouldknowit。So,leaningtowardshim,whileabare—shoulderedyoungladysang,shehadwhispered: \"Penny?\" Andhehadwhisperedback: \"Tellyouafterwards。\" Thathadcomfortedher。Shewouldmakehimtakeherhome。Itwastimesheshowedherheart。 Andnow,inthecab,resolvedtomakeherfeelingsknown,insuddenshynessshefounditverydifficult。Love,towhichforquitethreeyearsshehadbeenastranger,wascometolifewithinher。Theknowledgewasatoncesosweet,andsodisturbing,thatshesatwithfaceaverted,unabletoturnthepreciousminutestoaccount。Theyarrivedattheflatwithouthavingdonemorethanagreethatthestreetsweredark,andthemoonbright。Shegotoutwithasenseofbewilderment,andsaidratherdesperately: \"Youmustcomeupandhaveacigarette。It’squiteearly,still。\" Hewentup。 \"Waitjustaminute,\"saidLeila。 Sittingtherewithhisdrinkandhiscigarette,hestaredatsomesunflowersinabowl——FamilleRose——andwaitedjustten;smilingalittle,recallingthenoseofthefairyprincess,andthedaintywayherlipsshapedthewordsshespoke。Ifshehadnothadthatluckyyoungdevilofasoldierboy,onewouldhavewantedtobucklehershoes,layone’scoatinthemudforher,orwhatevertheydidinfairytales。Onewouldhavewanted——ah!whatwouldonenothavewanted!Hangthatsoldierboy!Leilasaidhewastwenty—two。ByGeorge!howolditmadeamanfeelwhowasrisingforty,andtenderontheoff—fore!Nofairyprincessesforhim!Thenawhiffofperfumecametohisnostrils;and,lookingup,hesawLeilastandingbeforehim,inalonggarmentofdarksilk,whenceherwhitearmspeepedout。 \"Anotherpenny?Doyourememberthesethings,Jimmy?TheMalaywomenusedtoweartheminCapeTown。Youcan’tthinkwhatareliefitistogetoutofmyslave’sdress。Oh!I’msosickofnursing! Jimmy,Iwanttoliveagainalittle!\" Thegarmenthadtakenfifteenyearsoffherage,andagardenia,justwherethesilkcrossedonherbreast,seemednowhiterthanherskin。 Hewonderedwhimsicallywhetherithaddroppedtoheroutofthedark! \"Live?\"hesaid。\"Why!Don’tyoualways?\" Sheraisedherhandssothatthedarksilkfell,backfromthewholelengthofthosewhitearms。 \"Ihaven’tlivedfortwoyears。Oh,Jimmy!Helpmetolivealittle!Life’ssoshort,now。\" Hereyesdisturbedhim,strainedandpathetic;thesightofherarms; thescentoftheflowerdisturbedhim;hefelthischeeksgrowingwarm,andlookeddown。 Sheslippedsuddenlyforwardontoherkneesathisfeet,tookhishand,presseditwithbothofhers,andmurmured: \"Lovemealittle!Whatelseisthere?Oh!Jimmy,whatelseisthere?\" Andwiththescentoftheflower,crushedbytheirhands,stirringhissenses,Fortthought:’Ah,whatelseisthere,intheseforsakendays?’ ToJimmyFort,whohadasenseofhumour,andwasinsomesortaphilosopher,thehaphazardwaylifesettledthingsseldomfailedtoseemamusing。ButwhenhewalkedawayfromLeila’shewaspensive。 Shewasagoodsort,aprettycreature,asportswoman,anenchantress;but——shewasdecidedlymature。Andherehewas—— involvedinhelpingherto\"live\";involvedalmostalarmingly,fortherehadbeennomistakingthefactthatshehadreallyfalleninlovewithhim。 Thiswasflatteringandsweet。Timesweresad,andpleasurescarce,but——!Therovinginstinctwhichhadkepthim,fromhisyouthup,rollingabouttheworld,shiedinstinctivelyatbonds,howeverpleasant,thestrengthandthicknessofwhichhecouldnotgauge;or,wasitthatperhapsforthefirsttimeinhislifehehadbeenpeepingintofairylandoflate,andthisaffairwithLeilawasbynomeansfairyland?Hehadanotherreason,moreunconscious,foruneasiness。Hisheart,forallhiswanderings,wassoft,hehadalwaysfounditdifficulttohurtanyone,especiallyanyonewhodidhimthehonourtolovehim。Asortofpresentimentweighedonhimwhilehewalkedthemoonlitstreetsatthismostemptyhour,wheneventhelatetaxishadceasedtorun。Wouldshewanthimtomarryher?Woulditbehisduty,ifshedid?Andthenhefoundhimselfthinkingoftheconcert,andthatgirl’sface,listeningtothetaleshewastellingher。’Deucedqueerworld,’hethought,’thewaythingsgo!Iwonderwhatshewouldthinkofus,ifsheknew——andthatgoodpadre!Phew!’ Hemadesuchveryslowprogress,forfearofgivingwayinhisleg,andhavingtospendthenightonadoor—step,thathehadplentyoftimeforrumination;butsinceitbroughthimnoconfidencewhatever,hebeganatlasttofeel:’Well;itmightbealotworse。Takethegoodsthegodssendyouanddon’tfuss!’AndsuddenlyherememberedwithextremevividnessthatnightonthestoepatHighConstantia,andthoughtwithdismay:’Icouldhaveplungedinoverheadandearsthen;andnow——Ican’t!That’slifeallover!PoorLeila!Memiserum,too,perhaps——whoknows!’ IV WhenLeilaopenedherdoortoEdwardPierson,hereyesweresmiling,andherlipsweresoft。Sheseemedtosmileandbesoftallover,andshetookbothhishands。Everythingwasapleasuretoherthatday,eventhesightofthissadface。Shewasinloveandwaslovedagain;hadapresentandafutureoncemore,notonlyherownfullpast;andshemustfinishwithEdwardinhalfanhour,forJimmywascoming。Shesatdownonthedivan,tookhishandinasisterlyway,andsaid: \"Tellme,Edward;Icanseeyou’reintrouble。Whatisit?\" \"Noel。Theboyshewasfondofhasbeenkilled。\" Shedroppedhishand。 \"Oh,no!Poorchild!It’stoocruel!\"Tearsstartedupinhergreyeyes,andshetouchedthemwithatinyhandkerchief。\"Poor,poorlittleNoel!Wassheveryfondofhim?\" \"Averysudden,shortengagement;butI’mafraidshetakesitdesperatelytoheart。Idon’tknowhowtocomforther;onlyawomancould。Icametoaskyou:Doyouthinksheoughttogoonwithherwork?Whatdoyouthink,Leila?Ifeellost!\" Leila,gazingathim,thought:’Lost?Yes,youlooklost,mypoorEdward!’ \"Ishouldlethergoon,\"shesaid:\"ithelps;it’stheonlythingthatdoeshelp。I’llseeifIcangetthemtolethercomeintothewards。Sheoughttobeintouchwithsufferingandthemen;thatkitchenworkwilltryherawfullyjustnow:Washeveryyoung?\" \"Yes。Theywantedtogetmarried。Iwasopposedtoit。\" Leila’slipcurledeversolittle。’Youwouldbe!’shethought。 \"Icouldn’tbeartothinkofNolliegivingherselfhastily,likethat;theyhadonlyknowneachotherthreeweeks。Itwasveryhardforme,Leila。Andthensuddenlyhewassenttothefront。\" ResentmentwelledupinLeila。Thekill—Joys!Asiflifedidn’tkilljoyfastenough!Hercousin’sfaceatthatmomentwasalmostabhorrenttoher,itsgentleperplexedgoodnessdarkenedandwarpedbythatmonkishlook。Sheturnedaway,glancedattheclockoverthehearth,andthought:’Yes,andhewouldstopJimmyandme!Hewouldsay:\"Oh,no!dearLeila——youmustn’tlove——it’ssin!\"HowIhatethatword!’ \"Ithinkthemostdreadfulthinginlife,\"shesaidabruptly,\"isthewaypeoplesuppresstheirnaturalinstincts;whattheysuppressinthemselvestheymakeotherpeoplesuppresstoo,iftheycan;andthat’sthecauseofhalfthemiseryinthisworld。\" Thenatthesurpriseonhisfaceatthislittleoutburst,whosecausehecouldnotknow,sheaddedhastily:\"IhopeNoelwillgetoveritquickly,andfindsomeoneelse。\" \"Yes。Iftheyhadbeenmarried——howmuchworseitwouldhavebeen。 ThankGod,theyweren’t!\" \"Idon’tknow。Theywouldhavehadanhourofbliss。Evenanhourofblissisworthsomethinginthesedays。\" \"Tothosewhoonlybelieveinthis’life——perhaps。\" ’Tenminutesmore!’shethought:’Oh,whydoesn’thego?’Butatthatverymomenthegotup,andinstantlyherheartwentouttohimagain。 \"I’msosorry,Edward。IfIcanhelpinanyway——I’lltrymybestwithNoelto—morrow;anddocometomewheneveryoufeelinclined。\" Shetookhishandinhers;afraidthathewouldsitdownagain,sheyetcouldnothelpasoftglanceintohiseyes,andalittlerushofpityingwarmthinthepressureofherhand。 Piersonsmiled;thesmilewhichalwaysmadehersorryforhim。 \"Good—bye,Leila;you’reverygoodandkindtome。Good—bye。\" Herbosomswelledwithreliefandcompassion;and——shelethimout。 Runningupstairsagainshethought:’I’vejusttime。WhatshallI puton?PoorEdward,poorNoel!WhatcolourdoesJimmylike?Oh! Whydidn’tIkeephimthosetenyearsago——whatutterwaste!’And,feverishlyadorningherself,shecamebacktothewindow,andstoodthereinthedarktowatch,whilesomejasminewhichgrewbelowsentupitsscenttoher。’WouldImarryhim?’shethought,’ifheaskedme?Buthewon’taskme——whyshouldhenow?Besides,Icouldn’tbearhimtofeelIwantedpositionormoneyfromhim。Ionlywantlove——love——love!’Thesilentrepetitionofthatwordgaveherawonderfulsenseofsolidityandcomfort。Solongassheonlywantedlove,surelyhewouldgiveit。 Atallfigureturneddownpastthechurch,comingtowardsher。Itwashe!Andsuddenlyshebethoughtherself。Shewenttothelittleblackpiano,satdown,andbegantosingthesongshehadsungtohimtenyearsago:\"IfIcouldbethefallingdewandfallontheeallday!\"Shedidnotevenlookroundwhenhecamein,butcontinuedtocroonoutthewords,consciousofhimjustbehindhershoulderinthedark。Butwhenshehadfinished,shegotupandthrewherarmsroundhim,strainedhimtoher,andburstintotearsonhisshoulder; thinkingofNoelandthatdeadboy,thinkingofthemillionsofotherboys,thinkingofherownhappiness,thinkingofthosetenyearswasted,ofhowshortwaslife,andlove;thinking——hardlyknowingwhatshethought!AndJimmyFort,verymovedbythisemotionwhichheonlyhalfunderstood,pressedhertightlyinhisarms,andkissedherwetcheeksandherneck,paleandwarminthedarkness。 V 1 Noelwentonwithherworkforamonth,andthen,onemorning,faintedoverapileofdishes。Thenoiseattractedattention,andMrs。Lynchwassummoned。 ThesightofherlyingtheresodeadlywhitetaxedLeila’snervesseverely。Butthegirlrevivedquickly,andacabwassentfor。 Leilawentwithher,andtoldthedrivertostopatCamelotMansions。 Whytakeherhomeinthisstate,whynotsavethejolting,andletherrecoverproperly?Theywentupstairsarminarm。Leilamadeherliedownonthedivan,andputahot—waterbottletoherfeet。Noelwasstillsopassiveandpalethateventospeaktoherseemedacruelty。And,goingtoherlittlesideboard,LeilastealthilyextractedapintbottleofsomechampagnewhichJimmyForthadsentin,andtookitwithtwoglassesandacorkscrewintoherbedroom。 Shedrankalittleherself,andcameoutbearingaglasstothegirl。 Noelshookherhead,andhereyesseemedtosay:\"DoyoureallythinkI’msoeasilymended?\"ButLeilahadbeenthroughtoomuchinhertimetodespiseearthlyremedies,andsheheldittothegirl’slipsuntilshedrank。Itwasexcellentchampagne,and,sinceNoelhadneveryettouchedalcohol,hadaninstantaneouseffect。Hereyesbrightened;littleredspotscameupinhercheeks。Andsuddenlysherolledoverandburiedherfacedeepinacushion。Withhershorthair,shelookedsolikeachildlyingthere,thatLeilakneltdown,strokingherhead,andsaying:\"There,there;mylove!There,there!\" Atlastthegirlraisedherself;nowthatthepallid,masklikedespairofthelastmonthwasbroken,sheseemedonfire,andherfacehadawildlook。She,withdrewherselffromLeila’stouch,and,crossingherarmstightlyacrossherchest,said: \"Ican’tbearit;Ican’tsleep。Iwanthimback;Ihatelife—— Ihatetheworld。Wehadn’tdoneanything——onlyjustlovedeachother。Godlikespunishing;justbecausewelovedeachother;wehadonlyonedaytoloveeachother——onlyoneday——onlyone!\" Leilacouldseethelongwhitethroatabovethoserigidarmsstrainingandswallowing;itgaveherachokyfeelingtowatchit。 Thevoice,uncannilydaintyforallthewildnessofthewordsandface,wenton: \"Iwon’t——Idon’twanttolive。Ifthere’sanotherlife,Ishallgotohim。Andifthereisn’t——it’sjustsleep。\" Leilaputoutherhandtowardofthesewildwanderings。Likemostwomenwholivesimplythelifeoftheirsensesandemotions,shewasorthodox;orratherneverspeculatedonsuchthings。 \"Tellmeaboutyourselfandhim,\"shesaid。 Noelfastenedhergreateyesonhercousin。\"Welovedeachother; andchildrenareborn,aren’tthey,afteryou’veloved?Butminewon’tbe!\"Fromthelookonherfaceratherthanfromherwords,thefullrealityofhermeaningcametoLeila,vanished,cameagain。 Nonsense!But——whatanawfulthing,iftrue!Thatwhichhadalwaysseemedtohersuchanexaggeratedoccurrenceinthecommonwalksoflife——why!now,itwasatragedy!Instinctivelysheraisedherselfandputherarmsroundthegirl。 \"Mypoordear!\"shesaid;\"you’refancyingthings!\" ThecolourhadfadedoutofNoel’sface,and,withherheadthrownbackandhereyelidshalf—closed,shelookedlikeascornfulyoungghost。 \"Ifitis——Ishan’tlive。Idon’tmeanto——it’seasytodie。 Idon’tmeanDaddytoknow。\" \"Oh!mydear,mydear!\"wasallLeilacouldstammer。 \"Wasitwrong,Leila?\" \"Wrong?Idon’tknow——wrong?Ifitreallyisso——itwas—— unfortunate。Butsurely,surely——you’remistaken?\" Noelshookherhead。\"Ididitsothatweshouldbelongtoeachother。Nothingcouldhavetakenhimfromme。\" Leilacaughtatthegirl’swords。 \"Then,mydear——hehasn’tquitegonefromyou,yousee?\" Noel’slipsformeda\"No\"whichwasinaudible。\"ButDaddy!\"shewhispered。 Edward’sfacecamebeforeLeilasovividlythatshecouldhardlyseethegirlforthetorturedshapeofit。Thenthehedonistinherrevoltedagainstthatasceticvision。Herworldlyjudgmentcondemnedanddeploredthiscalamity,herinstinctcouldnothelpapplaudingthathouroflifeandlove,snatchedoutofthejawsofdeath。\"Needheeverknow?\"shesaid。 \"IcouldneverlietoDaddy。Butitdoesn’tmatter。Whyshouldonegoonliving,whenlifeisrotten?\" Outsidethesunwasshiningbrightly,thoughitwaslateOctober。 Leilagotupfromherknees。Shestoodatthewindowthinkinghard。 \"Mydear,\"shesaidatlast,\"youmustn’tgetmorbid。Lookatme! I’vehadtwohusbands,and——and——well,aprettystormyupanddowntimeofit;andIdaresayI’vegotlotsoftroublebeforeme。ButI’mnotgoingtocavein。Normustyou。ThePiersonshaveplentyofpluck;youmustn’tbeatraitortoyourblood。That’sthelastthing。Yourboywouldhavetoldyoutostickit。Theseareyour’trenches,’andyou’renotgoingtobedowned,areyou?\" Aftershehadspokentherewasalongsilence,beforeNoelsaid: \"Givemeacigarette,Leila。\" Leilaproducedthelittleflatcaseshecarried。 \"That’sbrave,\"shesaid。\"Nothing’sincurableatyourage。Onlyonething’sincurable——gettingold。\" Noellaughed。\"That’scurabletoo,isn’tit?\" \"Notwithoutsurrender。\" Againtherewasasilence,whilethebluefumefromtwocigarettesfast—smoked,rosetowardsthelowceiling。ThenNoelgotupfromthedivan,andwentovertothepiano。Shewasstillinherhospitaldressoflilac—colouredlinen,andwhileshestoodtheretouchingthekeys,playingachordnow,andthen,Leila’sheartfelthollowfromcompassion;shewassohappyherselfjustnow,andthischildsoverywretched! \"Playtome,\"shesaid;\"no——don’t;I’llplaytoyou。\"Andsittingdown,shebegantoplayandsingalittleFrenchsong,whosefirstlineran:\"Sionestjolie,joliecommevous。\"Itwassoft,gay,charming。Ifthegirlcried,somuchthebetter。ButNoeldidnotcry。Sheseemedsuddenlytohaverecoveredallherself—possession。 Shespokecalmly,answeredLeila’squestionswithoutemotion,andsaidshewouldgohome。Leilawentoutwithher,andwalkedsomewayinthedirectionofherhome;distressed,butfranklyataloss。AtthebottomofPortlandPlaceNoelstoppedandsaid:\"I’mquiteallrightnow,Leila;thankyouawfully。Ishalljustgohomeandliedown。AndIshallcometo—morrow,thesameasusual。Goodbye!\" Leilacouldonlygraspthegirl’shand,andsay:\"Mydear,that’ssplendid。There’smanyaslip——besides,it’swar—time。\" Withthatsaying,enigmaticeventoherself,shewatchedthegirlmovingslowlyaway;andturnedbackherselftowardsherhospital,withadisturbedandcompassionateheart。 2 ButNoeldidnotgoeast;shewalkeddownRegentStreet。Shehadreceivedacertainmeasureofcomfort,beensteadiedbyherexperiencedcousin’svitality,andthenewthoughtssuggestedbythosewords:\"Hehasn’tquitegonefromyou,hashe?\"\"Besides,it’swar—time。\"Leilahadspokenfreely,too,andthephysicalignoranceinwhichthegirlhadbeengropingtheselastweekswasnowremoved。 Likemostproudnatures,shedidnotnaturallythinkmuchabouttheopinionofotherpeople;besides,sheknewnothingoftheworld,itsfeelingsandjudgments。Hernightmarewasthethoughtofherfather’shorrorandgrief。Shetriedtolessenthatnightmarebyrememberinghisoppositiontohermarriage,andtheresentmentshehadfelt。Hehadneverrealised,neverunderstood,howsheandCyrilloved。Now,ifshewerereallygoingtohaveachild,itwouldbeCyril’s——Cyril’sson——Cyriloveragain。Theinstinctstrongerthanreason,refinement,tradition,upbringing,whichhadpushedheroninsuchhastetomakesureofunion——theirrepressiblepulseoflifefacedwithannihilation——seemedtorevivewithinher,andmakeherterriblesecretalmostprecious。Shehadreadabout\"Warbabies\"inthepapers,readwithadullcuriosity;butnowtheatmosphere,asitwere,ofthosewritingswasilluminedforher。Thesebabieswerewrong,werea\"problem,\"andyet,behindallthat,sheseemednowtoknowthatpeopleweregladofthem;theymadeup,theyfilledthegaps。Perhaps,whenshehadone,shewouldbeproud,secretlyproud,inspiteofeveryone,inspiteofherfather!TheyhadtriedtokillCyril——Godandeveryone;buttheyhadn’tbeenable,hewasalivewithinher!Aglowcameintoherface,walkingamongthebusyshoppingcrowd,andpeopleturnedtolookather;shehadthatappearanceofseeingnoone,nothing,whichisstrangeandattractivetothosewhohaveamomenttosparefromcontemplationoftheirownaffairs。Fullytwohoursshewanderedthus,beforegoingin,andonlylostthatexaltedfeelingwhen,inherownlittleroom,shehadtakenuphisphotograph,andwassittingonherbedgazingatit。 Shehadabadbreakdownthen。Lockedinthere,shelayonherbed,crying,dreadfullylonely,tillshefellasleepexhausted,withthetear—stainedphotographclutchedinhertwitchingfingers。Shewokewithastart。Itwasdark,andsomeonewasknockingonherdoor。 \"MissNoel!\" Childishperversitykepthersilent。Whycouldn’ttheyleaveheralone?Theywouldleaveheraloneiftheyknew。Thensheheardanotherkindofknocking,andherfather’svoice: \"Nollie!Nollie!\" Shescrambledup,andopened。Helookedscared,andherheartsmoteher。 \"It’sallright,Daddy;Iwasasleep。\" \"Mydear,I’msorry,butdinner’sready。\" \"Idon’twantanydinner;IthinkI’llgotobed。\" Thefrownbetweenhisbrowsdeepened。 \"Youshouldn’tlockyourdoor,Nollie:Iwasquitefrightened。I wentroundtothehospitaltobringyouhome,andtheytoldmeaboutyourfainting。Iwantyoutoseeadoctor。\" Noelshookherheadvigorously。\"Oh,no!It’snothing!\" \"Nothing?Tofaintlikethat?Come,mychild。Topleaseme。\"Hetookherfaceinhishands。Noelshrankaway。 \"No,Daddy。Iwon’tseeadoctor。Extravaganceinwartime!I won’t。It’snogoodtryingtomakeme。I’llcomedownifyoulike; Ishallbeallrightto—morrow。\" WiththisPiersonhadtobecontent;but,oftenthatevening,shesawhimlookingatheranxiously。Andwhenshewentup,hecameoutofhisstudy,followedtoherroom,andinsistedonlightingherfire。 Kissingheratthedoor,hesaidveryquietly: \"IwishIcouldbeamothertoyou,mychild!\" ForamomentitflashedthroughNoel:’Heknows!’then,bythepuzzledlookonhisface,sheknewthathedidnot。Ifonlyhedidknow;whataweightitwouldbeoffhermind!Butsheansweredquietlytoo;\"Goodnight,Daddydear!\"kissedhim,andshutthedoor。 Shesatdownbeforethelittlenewfire,andspreadherhandsouttoit;allwassocoldandwintryinherheart。Andthefirelightflickeredonherface,whereshadowslaythickunderhereyes,foralltheroundnessofhercheeks,andonherslimpalehands,andthesupplegraceofheryoungbody。Andoutinthenight,cloudsracedoverthemoon,whichhadcomefulloncemore。