第11章

类别:其他 作者:Galsworthy, John字数:10517更新时间:18/12/18 13:58:46
Evewon’tgetanyleavetillEaster;andIcanbequitealone,andseetoNolliehere。Theservantscanhaveaholiday——,NurseandI willrunthehousetogether。Ishallenjoyit。\" \"You’reagoodwoman,Thirza!\"Takinghiswife’shand,heputittohislips。\"Thereisn’tanotherwomanlikeyouintheworld。\" Thirza’seyessmiled。\"Passmeyourcup;I’llgiveyousomefreshcoffee。\" Itwasdecidedtoputtheplanintooperationatmid—month,andshebentallherwitstoinstillingintoherhusbandthethoughtthatababymoreorlesswasnogreatmatterinaworldwhichalreadycontainedtwelvehundredmillionpeople。Withaman’skeenersenseoffamilypropriety,hecouldnotseethatthisbabywouldbethesameasanyotherbaby。\"Byheaven!\"hewouldsay,\"Isimplycan’tgetusedtoit;inourfamily!AndTedaparson!Whatthedevilshallwedowithit?\" \"IfNolliewillletus,whyshouldn’tweadoptit?It’llbesomethingtotakemythoughtsofftheboys。\" \"That’sanidea!ButTed’safunnyfellow。He’llhavesomedoctrineofatonement,orotherinhisbonnet。\" \"Oh,bother!\"saidThirzawithasperity。 ThethoughtofsojourningintownforaspellwasnotunpleasanttoBobPierson。HisTribunalworkwasover,hisearly,potatoesin,andhehadvisionsofworkingfortheCountry,ofbeingaspecialconstable,anddiningathisClub。Thenearerhewastothefront,andthemorehecouldtalkaboutthewar,thegreatertheservicehefelthewouldbedoing。Hewouldaskforajobwherehisbrainswouldbeofuse。HeregrettedkeenlythatThirzawouldn’tbewithhim;alongseparationlikethiswouldbeagreattrial。Andhewouldsighandrunhisfingersthroughhiswhiskers。StillfortheCountry,andforNollie,onemustputupwithit! WhenThirzafinallysawhimintothetrain,tearsstoodintheeyesofboth,fortheywerehonestlyattached,andknewwellenoughthatthisjob,oncetakeninhand,wouldhavetobeseenthrough;athreemonths’separationatleast。 \"Ishallwriteeveryday。\" \"SoshallI,Bob。\" \"Youwon’tfret,oldgirl?\" \"Onlyifyoudo。\" \"Ishallbeupat5。5,andshe’llbedownat4。50。Giveusakiss—— damntheporters。Godblessyou!Isupposeshe’dmindif——I——weretocomedownnowandthen?\" \"I’mafraidshewould。It’s——it’s——well,youknow。\" \"Yes,Yes;Ido。\"Andhereallydid;forunderneath,hehadtruedelicacy。 Herlastwords:\"You’reverysweet,Bob,\"remainedinhisearsallthewaytoSevernJunction。 Shewentbacktothehouse,emptiedofherhusband,daughter,boys,andmaids;onlythedogsleftandtheoldnursewhomshehadtakenintoconfidence。Eveninthatsheltered,woodedvalleyitwasverycoldthiswinter。Thebirdshidthemselves,notoneflowerbloomed,andthered—brownriverwasfullandswift。Thesoundoftreesbeingfelledfortrenchprops,inthewoodabovethehouseresoundedalldaylonginthefrostyair。Shemeanttodothecookingherself;andfortherestofthemorningandearlyafternoonsheconcoctednicethings,andthoughtouthowsheherselfwouldfeelifshewereNoelandNoelshe,soastosmoothoutofthewayanythingwhichwouldhurtthegirl。Intheafternoonshewentdowntothestationinthevillagecar,thesamewhichhadborneCyrilMorlandawaythatJulynight,fortheircoachmanhadbeentakenforthearmy,andthehorseswereturnedout。 Noellookedtiredandwhite,butcalm——toocalm。HerfaceseemedtoThirzatohavefineddown,andwiththosebroodingeyes,tobemorebeautiful。Inthecarshepossessedherselfofthegirl’shand,andsqueezedithard;theironlyallusiontothesituation,exceptNoel’sformal: \"Thankyousomuch,Auntie,forhavingme;it’smostawfullysweetofyouandUncleBob。\" \"There’snooneinthehouse,mydear,exceptoldNurse。It’llbeverydullforyou;butIthoughtI’dteachyoutocook;it’sratheruseful。\" ThesmilewhichslippedontoNoel’sfacegaveThirzaquiteaturn。 Shehadassignedthegirladifferentroom,andhadmadeitextraordinarilycheerfulwithalogfire,chrysanthemums,brightcoppercandlesticks,warming—pans,andsuchlike。 Shewentupwithheratbedtime,andstandingbeforethefire,said: \"Youknow,Nollie,Iabsolutelyrefusetoregardthisasanysortoftragedy。Tobringlifeintotheworldsinthesedays,nomatter— how,oughttomakeanyonehappy。IonlywishIcoulddoitagain,thenIshouldfeelsomeuse。Goodnightdear;andifyouwantanything,knockonthewall。I’mnextdoor。Blessyou!\"Shesawthatthegirlwasgreatlymoved,underneathherpalemask;andwentoutastonishedatherniece’spowersofself—control。 Butshedidnotsleepatallwell;forinimagination,shekeptonseeingNoelturningfromsidetosideinthebigbed,andthosegreateyesofhersstaringatthedark。 2 ThemeetingofthebrothersPiersontookplaceatthedinner—hour,andwascharacterisedbyatrulyEnglishlackofdisplay。Theyweresoextremelydifferent,andhadbeentogethersolittlesinceearlydaysintheiroldBuckinghamshirehome,thattheywerepracticallystrangers,withjustthepotentlinkoffar—distantmemoriesincommon。Itwasofthesetheytalked,andaboutthewar。Onthissubjecttheyagreedinthelarge,anddifferedinthenarrow。Forinstance,boththoughttheyknewaboutGermanyandothercountries,andneitherofcoursehadanyrealknowledgeofanycountryoutsidetheirown;for,thoughbothhadpassedthroughconsiderabletractsofforeigngroundatonetimeoranother,theyhadneverremarkedanythingexceptitssurface,——itschurches,anditssunsets。Again,bothassumedthattheyweredemocrats,butneitherknewthemeaningoftheword,norfeltthattheworkingmancouldbereallytrusted; andbothreveredChurchand,King:Bothdislikedconscription,butconsidereditnecessary。BothfavouredHomeRuleforIreland,butneitherthoughtitpossibletograntit。Bothwishedforthewartoend,butwereforprosecutingittoVictory,andneitherknewwhattheymeantbythatword。Somuchforthelarge。Onthenarrowerissues,suchasstrategy,andthepersonalityoftheircountry’sleaders,theywereopposed。EdwardwasaWesterner,RobertanEasterner,aswasnaturalinonewhohadlivedtwenty—fiveyearsinCeylon。Edwardfavouredthefallengovernment,Roberttherisen。 Neitherhadanyparticularreasonsfortheirpartisanshipexceptwhathehadreadinthejournals。Afterall——whatotherreasonscouldtheyhavehad?EdwarddislikedtheHarmswortbPress;Robertthoughtitwasdoinggood。Robertwasexplosive,andrathervague;Edwarddreamy,andalittledidactic。RobertthoughtpoorTedlookinglikeaghost;EdwardthoughtpoorBoblookinglikethesettingsun。Theirfaceswereindeedascuriouslycontrastedastheirviewsandvoices; thepale—dark,hollowed,narrowfaceofEdward,withitsshort,pointedbeard,andthered—skinned,broad,full,whiskeredfaceofRobert。Theypartedforthenightwithanaffectionatehand—clasp。 Sobeganaqueerpartnershipwhichconsisted,asthedayswenton,ofhalfanhour’scompanionshipatbreakfast,eachreadingthepaper; andofdinnertogetherperhapsthreetimesaweek。Eachthoughthisbrotherveryodd,butcontinuedtoholdthehighestopinionofhim。 And,behinditall,thedeeptribalsensethattheystoodtogetherintrouble,grew。Butofthattroubletheyneverspoke,thoughnotseldomRobertwouldlowerhisjournal,andabovetheglassesperchedonhiswell—shapednose,contemplatehisbrother,andalittlefrownofsympathywouldridgehisforeheadbetweenhisbushyeyebrows。AndonceinawayhewouldcatchEdward’seyescomingoffdutyfromhisjournal,tolook,notathisbrother,butat——theskeleton;whenthathappened,Robertwouldadjusthisglasseshastily,damnthenewspapertype,andapologisetoEdwardforswearing。Andhewouldthink: ’PoorTed!Heoughttodrinkport,and——andenjoyhimself,andforgetit。Whatapityhe’saparson!’ InhisletterstoThirzahewoulddeploreEdward’sasceticism。\"Heeatsnothing,hedrinksnothing,hesmokesamiserablecigaretteonceinabluemoon。He’saslonelyasacoot;it’sathousandpitiesheeverlosthiswife。Iexpecttoseehiswingssproutanyday;but— dashitallI——Idon’tbelievehe’sgotthefleshtogrowthemon。 Sendhimupsomeclottedcream;I’llseeifIcangethimtoeatit。\" Whenthecreamcame,hegotEdwardtoeatsomethefirstmorning,andatteatimefoundthathehadfinishedithimself。\"WenevertalkaboutNollie,\"hewrote,\"I’malwaysmeaningtohaveitoutwithhimandtellhimtobuckup,butwhenitcomestothepointIdryup; because,afterall,Ifeelittoo;itsticksinmygizzardhorribly。 WePiersonsareprettyold,andwe’vealwaysbeenrespectable,eversinceSt。Bartholomew,whenthatHuguenotchapcameoverandfoundedus。TheonlyblacksheepIeverheardofisCousinLeila。Bytheway,Isawhertheotherday;shecameroundheretoseeTed。I remembergoingtostaywithherandherfirsthusband;youngFane,atSimla,whenIwascominghome,justbeforeweweremarried。Phew! Thatwasaqueermenage;alltheyoungchapsflutteringroundher,andyoungFanelookinglikeacynicalghost。Evennowshecan’thelpsettinghercapalittleatTed,andheswallowsherwhole;thinksheradevotedcreaturereformedtothenineswithherhospitalandallthat。PooroldTed;heisthemostdreamychapthateverwas。\" \"WehavehadGratianandherhusbandupfortheweek—end,\"hewrotealittlelater;\"Idon’tlikehersowellasNollie;tooseriousanddownrightforme。Herhusbandseemsasensiblefellow,though;butthedevilofafree—thinker。HeandpoorTedarelikecatanddog。 WehadLeilaintodinneragainonSaturday,andamancalledFortcametoo。She’ssweetonhim,Icouldseewithhalfaneye,butpooroldTedcan’t。ThedoctorandTedtalkeduphillanddowndale。Thedoctorsaidathingwhichstruckme。’Whatdividesusfromthebeasts?Willpower:nothingelse。What’sthiswar,really,butadeathcarnivalofproofthatman’swillisinvincible?’Istuckitdowntotellyou,whenIgotupstairs。He’sacleverfellow。I believeinGod,asyouknow,butImustsaywhenitcomestoanargument,pooroldTeddoesseemabitweak,withhis:’We’retoldthis,’and’We’retoldthat:NobodymentionedNollie。ImusthavethewholethingoutwithTed;wemustknowhowtoactwhenit’sallover。\" ButnottillthemiddleofMarch,whenthebrothershadbeensittingoppositeeachotheratmealsfortwomonths,wasthesubjectbroachedbetweenthem,andthennotbyRobert。Edward,standingbythehearthafterdinner,inhisfamiliarattitude,onefootonthefender,onehandgraspingthemantel—shelf,andhiseyesfixedontheflames,said:\"I’veneveraskedyourforgiveness,Bob。\" Robert,lingeringatthetableoverhisglassofport,started,lookedatEdward’sbackinitsparson’scoat,andanswered: \"Mydearoldchap!\" \"Ithasbeenverydifficulttospeakofthis。\" \"Ofcourse,ofcourse!\"Andtherewasasilence,whileRobert’seyestravelledroundthewallsforinspiration。TheyencounteredonlytheeffigiesofpastPiersonsveryoilyworks,andfellbackonthedining—table。Edwardwentonspeakingtothefire: \"Itstillseemstomeincredible。DayandnightIthinkofwhatit’smydutytodo。\" \"Nothing!\"ejaculatedRobert。\"LeavethebabywithThirza;we’lltakecareofit,andwhenNollie’sfit,lethergobacktoworkinahospitalagain。She’llsoongetoverit。\"Hesawhisbrothershakehishead,andthought:’Ah!yes;nowthere’sgoingtobesomed——dconscientiouscomplication。’ Edwardturnedroundonhim:\"Thatisverysweetofyouboth,butitwouldbewrongandcowardlyformetoallowit。\" Theresentmentwhichspringsupinfatherswhenotherfathersdisposeofyounglives,roseinRobert。 \"Dashitall,mydearTed,that’sforNollietosay。She’sawomannow,remember。\" Asmilewentstrayingaboutintheshadowsofhisbrother’sface。\"A woman?LittleNollie!Bob,I’vemadeaterriblemessofitwithmygirls。\"Hehidhislipswithhishand,andturnedagaintotheflames。Robertfeltalumpinhisthroat。\"Oh!Hangit,oldboy,I don’tthinkthat。Whatelsecouldyouhavedone?Youtaketoomuchonyourself。Afterall,they’refinegirls。I’msureNollie’sadarling。It’sthesemodernnotions,andthiswar。Cheerup!It’llalldrystraight。\"Hewentuptohisbrotherandputahandonhisshoulder。Edwardseemedtostiffenunderthattouch。 \"Nothingcomesstraight,\"hesaid,\"unlessit’sfaced;youknowthat,Bob。\" Robert’sfacewasastudyatthatmoment。Hischeeksfilledandcollapsedagainlikeadog’swhenithasbeenrebuked。Hiscolourdeepened,andherattledsomemoneyinatrouserpocket。 \"Somethinginthat,ofcourse,\"hesaidgruffly。\"Allthesame,thedecision’swithNollie。We’llseewhatThirzasays。Anyway,there’snohurry。It’sathousandpitiesyou’reaparson;thetrouble’senoughwithoutthat:\" Edwardshookhishead。\"Mypositionisnothing;it’sthethoughtofmychild,mywife’schild。It’ssheerpride;andIcan’tsubdueit。 Ican’tfightitdown。Godforgiveme,Irebel。\" AndRobertthought:’ByGeorge,hedoestakeittoheart!Well,soshouldI!Ido,asitis!’Hetookouthispipe,andfilledit,pushingthetobaccodownanddown。 \"I’mnotamanoftheworld,\"heheardhisbrothersay;\"I’moutoftouchwithmanythings。It’salmostunbearabletometofeelthatI’mjoiningwiththeworldtocondemnmyowndaughter;notfortheirreasons,perhaps——Idon’tknow;Ihopenot,butstill,I’magainsther。\" Robertlithispipe。 \"Steady,oldman!\"hesaid。\"It’samisfortune。ButifIwereyouIshouldfeel:’She’sdoneawild,sillything,but,hangit,ifanybodysaysawordagainsther,I’llwringhisneck。’Andwhat’smore,you’llfeelmuchthesame,whenitcomestothepoint。\"Heemittedahugepuffofsmoke,whichobscuredhisbrother’sface,andtheblood,buzzinginhistemples,seemedtothickenthesoundofEdward’svoice。 \"Idon’tknow;I’vetriedtoseeclearly。Ihaveprayedtobeshownwhatherdutyis,andmine。Itseemstometherecanbenopeaceforheruntilshehasatoned,byopensuffering;thattheworld’sjudgmentishercross,andshemustbearit;especiallyinthesedays,whenalltheworldisfacingsufferingsonobly。Andthenitseemssohard—sobitter;mypoorlittleNollie!\" Therewasasilence,brokenonlybythegurglingofRobert’spipe,tillhesaidabruptly: \"Idon’tfollowyou,Ted;no,Idon’t。Ithinkamanshouldscreenhischildrenallhecan。Talktoherasyoulike,butdon’tlettheworlddoit。Dashit,theworld’sarottengabblingplace。Icallmyselfamanoftheworld,butwhenitcomestoprivatematters—— well,thenIdrawtheline。Itseemstomeitseemstomeinhuman。 WhatdoesGeorgeLairdthinkaboutit?He’saknowingchap。I supposeyou’ve——no,Isupposeyouhaven’t——\"ForapeculiarsmilehadcomeonEdward’sface。 \"No,\"hesaid,\"IshouldhardlyaskGeorgeLaird’sopinion。\" AndRobertrealisedsuddenlythestubbornlonelinessofthatthinblackfigure,whosefingerswereplayingwithalittlegoldcross。 ’ByJove!’hethought,’IbelieveoldTed’slikeoneofthoseEasternchapswhogointolonelyplaces。He’sgothimselfsurroundedbyvisionsofthingsthataren’tthere。Helivesinunreality—— somethingwecan’tunderstand。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifheheardvoices,like——whowasit?Tt,tt!Whatapity!’Tedwasdeceptive。 Hewasgentleand——allthat,agentlemanofcourse,andthatdisguisedhim;butunderneath;whatwasthere——aregularascetic,afakir!Andasenseofbewilderment,ofdealingwithsomethingwhichhecouldnotgrasp,besetBobPierson,sothathewentbacktothetable,andsatdownagainbesidehisport。 \"Itseemstome,\"hesaidrathergruffly,\"thatthechickenhadbetterbehatchedbeforewecountit。\"Andthen,sorryforhisbrusqueness,emptiedhisglass。Asthefluidpassedoverhispalate,hethought:’PooroldTed!Hedoesn’tevendrink——hasn’tapleasureinlife,sofarasIcansee,exceptdoinghisduty,anddoesn’tevenseemtoknowwhatthatis。Therearen’tmanylikehim——luckily!AndyetIlovehim——patheticchap!’ The\"patheticchap\"wasstillstaringattheflames。 3 Andatthisveryhour,whenthebrothersweretalking——forthoughtandfeelingdopassmysteriouslyovertheinvisiblewiresofspaceCyrilMorland’ssonwasbeingbornofNoel,alittlebeforehistime。 PARTIII I DownbytheRiverWye,amongplum—treesinblossom,Noelhadlaidherbabyinahammock,andstoodreadingaletter: \"MYDEARESTNOLLIE,\"Nowthatyouarestrongagain,IfeelthatImustputbeforeyoumyfeelingastoyourdutyinthiscrisisofyourlife。Yourauntandunclehavemadethemostkindandgenerousoffertoadoptyourlittleboy。Ihaveknownthatthiswasintheirmindsforsometime,andhavethoughtitoverdayandnightforweeks。Intheworldlysenseitwouldbethebestthing,nodoubt。Butthisisaspiritualmatter。Thefutureofoursoulsdependsonhowwemeettheconsequencesofourconduct。Andpainful,dreadful,indeed,astheymustbe,Iamdriventofeelthatyoucanonlyreachtruepeacebyfacingtheminaspiritofbravehumility。Iwantyoutothinkandthink——tillyouarriveatacertaintywhichsatisfiesyourconscience。Ifyoudecide,asItrustyouwill,tocomebacktomeherewithyourboy,Ishalldoallinmypowertomakeyouhappywhilewefacethefuturetogether。Todoasyourauntanduncleintheirkindnesswish,would,Iamsoreafraid,endindeprivingyouoftheinnerstrengthandhappinesswhichGodonlygivestothosewhodotheirdutyandtrycourageouslytorepairtheirerrors。Ihaveconfidenceinyou,mydearchild。 \"Everyourmostlovingfather,\"EDWARDPIERSON。\" Shereaditthroughasecondtime,andlookedatherbaby。Daddyseemedtothinkthatshemightbewillingtopartfromthiswonderfulcreature!Sunlightfellthroughtheplumblossom,inanextrapatchworkquiltoverthebundlelyingthere,touchedthebaby’snoseandmouth,sothathesneezed。Noellaughed,andputherlipsclosetohisface。’Giveyouup!’shethought:’Oh,no!AndI’mgoingtobehappytoo。Theyshan’tstopme: Inanswertothelettershesaidsimplythatshewascomingup;andaweeklatershewent,tothedismayofheruncleandaunt。Theoldnursewenttoo。EverythinghadhithertobeensocarefullywatchedandguardedagainstbyThirza,thatNoeldidnotreallycomefacetofacewithherpositiontillshereachedhome。 Gratian,whohadmanagedtogettransferredtoaLondonHospital,wasnowlivingathome。Shehadprovidedthehousewithnewmaidsagainsthersister’sreturn;andthoughNoelwasrelievednottomeetheroldfamiliars,sheencounteredwithdifficultythestolidcuriosityofnewfaces。ThatmorningbeforesheleftKestrel,heraunthadcomeintoherroomwhileshewasdressing,takenherlefthandandslippedalittlegoldbandontoitsthirdfinger。 \"Topleaseme,Nollie,nowthatyou’regoing,justforthefoolish,whoknownothingaboutyou。\" Noelhadsuffereditwiththethought:’It’sallverysilly!’Butnow,whenthenewmaidwaspouringoutherhotwater,shewassuddenlyawareofthegirl’sroundblueeyeswandering,asitwere,mechanicallytoherhand。Thislittlehoopofgold,then,hadanawfulpower!Arushofdisgustcameoverher。Alllifeseemedsuddenlyathingofformsandsham。Everybodythenwouldlookatthatlittlering;andshewasacoward,savingherselffromthem! Whenshewasaloneagain,sheslippeditoff,andlaiditonthewashstand,wherethesunlightfell。Onlythislittleshiningbandofmetal,thislittleyellowring,stoodbetweenherandtheworld’shostilescorn!Herlipstrembled。Shetookupthering,andwenttotheopenwindow;tothrowitout。Butshedidnot,uncertainandunhappy——halfrealisingthecrueltyoflife。Aknockatthedoorsentherflyingbacktothewashstand。ThevisitorwasGratian。 \"I’vebeenlookingathim,\"shesaidsoftly;\"he’slikeyou,Nollie,exceptforhisnose。\" \"He’shardlygotoneyet。Butaren’thiseyesintelligent?Ithinkthey’rewonderful。\"Sheheldupthering:\"WhatshallIdoaboutthis,Gratian?\" Gratianflushed。\"Wearit。Idon’tseewhyoutsidersshouldknow。 ForthesakeofDadIthinkyouought。There’stheparish。\" Noelslippedtheringbackontoherfinger。\"Wouldyou?\" \"Ican’ttell。IthinkIwould。\" Noellaughedsuddenly。\"I’mgoingtogetcynical;Icanfeelitinmybones。HowisDaddylooking?\" \"Verythin;Mr。LauderisbackagainfromtheFrontforabit,andtakingsomeoftheworknow。\" \"DoIhurthimverymuchstill?\" \"He’sawfullypleasedthatyou’vecome。He’sassweetashecanbeaboutyou。\" \"Yes,\"murmuredNoel,\"that’swhat’sdreadful。I’mgladhewasn’tinwhenIcame。Hashetoldanyone?\" Gratianshookherhead。\"Idon’tthinkanybodyknows;unless—— perhapsCaptainFort。Hecameinagaintheothernight;andsomehow——\" Noelflushed。\"Leila!\"shesaidenigmatically。\"Haveyouseenher?\" \"IwenttoherflatlastweekwithDad——helikesher。\" \"Delilahisherrealname,youknow。Allmenlikeher。AndCaptainFortisherlover。\" Gratiangasped。Noelwouldsaythingssometimeswhichmadeherfeeltheyoungerofthetwo。 \"Ofcourseheis,\"wentonNoelinahardvoice。\"Shehasnomenfriends;hersortneverhave,onlylovers。Whydoyouthinkheknowsaboutme?\" \"Whenheaskedafteryouhelooked——\" \"Yes;I’veseenhimlooklikethatwhenhe’ssorryforanything。I don’tcare。HasMonsieurLavendiebeeninlately?\" \"Yes;helooksawfullyunhappy。\" \"Hiswifedrugs。\" \"Oh,Nollie!Howdoyouknow?\" \"Isawheronce;I’msureshedoes;therewasasmell;andshe’sgotwanderingeyesthatgoallglassy。Hecanpaintmenow,ifhelikes。 Iwouldn’tlethimbefore。Doesbeknow?\" \"Ofcoursenot。\" \"Heknowstherewassomething;he’sgotsecondsight,Ithink。ButI mindhimlessthananybody。IshispictureofDaddygood?\" \"Powerful,butithurts,somehow。\" \"Let’sgodownandseeit。\" Thepicturewashunginthedrawing—room,anditsintensemodernitymadethatold—fashionedroomseemlifelessandstrange。Theblackfigure,withlongpalefingerstouchingthepalerpianokeys,hadafrighteningactuality。Theface,three—quartersfull,wasraisedasifforinspiration,andtheeyesrested,dreamyandunseeing,onthefaceofagirlpaintedandhungonabackgroundofwallabovethepiano。 \"It’sthefaceofthatgirl,\"saidGratian,whentheyhadlookedatthepictureforsometimeinsilence: \"No,\"saidNoel,\"it’sthelookinhiseyes。\" \"Butwhydidhechoosesuchahorrid,commongirl?Isn’tshefearfullyalive,though?Shelooksasifsheweresaying: ’Cheerio!’\" \"Sheis;it’sawfullypathetic,Ithink。PoorDaddy!\" \"It’salibel,\"saidGratianstubbornly。 \"No。That’swhathurts。Heisn’tquite——quiteallthere。Willhebecominginsoon?\" Gratiantookherarm,andpressedithard。\"Wouldyoulikemeatdinnerornot;Icaneasilybeout?\" Noelshookherhead。\"It’snogoodtofunkit。Hewantedme,andnowhe’sgotme。Oh!whydidhe?It’llbeawfulforhim。\" Gratiansighed。\"I’vetriedmybest,buthealwayssaid:’I’vethoughtsolongaboutitallthatIcan’tthinkanylonger。Icanonlyfeelthebravercourseisthebest。Whenthingsarebravelyandhumblymet,therewillbecharityandforgiveness。’\" \"Therewon’t,\"saidNoel,\"Daddy’sasaint,andhedoesn’tsee。\" \"Yes,heisasaint。Butonemustthinkforoneself——onesimplymust。Ican’tbelieveashedoes,anymore;canyou,Nollie?\" \"Idon’tknow。WhenIwasgoingthroughit,Iprayed;butIdon’tknowwhetherIreallybelieved。Idon’tthinkImindmuchaboutthat,onewayortheother。\" \"Imindterribly,\"saidGratian,\"Iwantthetruth。\" \"Idon’tknowwhatIwant,\"saidNoelslowly,\"exceptthatsometimesIwant——life;awfully。\" Andthetwosistersweresilent,lookingateachotherwithasortofwonder。 Noelhadafancytoputonabright—colouredbluefrockthatevening,andatherneckshehungaBretoncrossofoldpaste,whichhadbelongedtohermother。Whenshehadfinisheddressingshewentintothenurseryandstoodbythebaby’scot。Theoldnursewhowassittingtherebesidehim,gotupatonceandsaid: \"He’ssleepingbeautiful——thelamb。I’llgodownandgetacupo’ tea,andcomeup,ma’am,whenthegonggoes。\"Inthewaypeculiartothosewhohavenevertoinitiate,butonlytosupportpositionsinwhichtheyareplacedbyothers,shehadadoptedforherselfthetheorythatNoelwasarealwar—widow。Sheknewthetruthperfectly; forshehadwatchedthathurriedlittleromanceatKestrel,butbydintofcharityandblurredmeditationsitwaseasyforhertoimaginethemarriageceremonywhichwouldandshouldhavetakenplace;andshewaszealousthatotherpeopleshouldimagineittoo。