Whenshelefthim，histhoughtwasjustatired:’Well，soit’sbegunagain！’Whatdiditmatter，sincecommonloyaltyandcompassioncuthimofffromwhathisheartdesired;andthatdesirewasabsurd，aslittlelikelyofattainmentasthemoon。Whatdiditmatter？Ifitgaveheranypleasuretolovehim，letitgoon！Yet，allthetimethathewaswalkingacrossundertheplanetrees，Noelseemedtowalkinfrontofhim，justoutofreach，sothatheachedwiththethoughtthathewouldnevercatchherup，andwalkbesideher。
Twodayslater，onreachinghisroomsintheevening，hefoundthisletteronship’snote—paper，withthePlymouthpostmark\"Faretheewell，andifforever，Thenforeverfaretheewell\"
\"Leila\"
Hereaditwithareallyhorriblefeeling，foralltheworldasifhehadbeenaccusedofacrimeanddidnotknowwhetherhehadcommitteditornot。And，tryingtocollecthisthoughts，hetookacabanddrovetoherfiat。Itwasclosed，butheraddresswasgivenhim;abankinCapeTown。Hehadreceivedhisrelease。Inhisremorseandrelief，soconfusingandsopoignant，heheardthedriverofthecabaskingwherehewantedtogonow。\"Oh，backagain！\"Butbeforetheyhadgoneamilehecorrectedtheaddress，inanimpulseofwhichnextmomenthefeltthoroughlyashamed。Whathewasdoingindeed，wasasindecentasifheweredrivingfromthefuneralofhiswifetotheboudoirofanotherwoman。WhenhereachedtheoldSquare，andthewords\"Tolet\"staredhimintheface，hefeltacuriousrelief，thoughitmeantthathewouldnotseeherwhomtoseefortenminuteshefelthewouldgiveayearoflife。Dismissinghiscab，hestooddebatingwhethertoringthebell。Thesightofamaid’sfaceatthewindowdecidedhim。Mr。Piersonwasout，andtheyoungladieswereaway。HeaskedforMrs。Laird’saddress，andturnedaway，almostintothearmsofPiersonhimself。Thegreetingwasstiffandstrange。’DoesheknowthatLeila’sgone？’hethought。’Ifso，hemustthinkmethemostawfulskunk。AndamI？AmI？’
Whenhereachedhome，hesatdowntowritetoLeila。Buthavingstaredatthepaperforanhourandwrittenthesethreelines\"MYDEARLEILA，\"IcannotexpresstoyouthefeelingswithwhichIreceivedyourletter——\"
hetoreitup。Nothingwouldbeadequate，nothingwouldbedecent。
Letthedeadpastburyitsdead——thedeadpastwhichinhishearthadneverbeenalive！Whypretend？Hehaddonehisbesttokeephisendup。Whypretend？
PARTIV
I
Intheboarding—house，whencetheLairdshadnotyetremoved，theoldladywhoknitted，satbythefireplace，andlightfromthesettingsunthrewhershadowonthewall，movingspideryandgrey，overtheyellowishdistemper，intimetothetuneofherneedles。Shewasaveryoldlady——theoldestladyintheworld，Noelthought——andsheknittedwithoutstopping，withoutbreathing，sothatthegirlfeltinclinedtoscream。IntheeveningwhenGeorgeandGratianwerenotin，Noelwouldoftensitwatchingtheneedles，broodingoverherasyetundecidedfuture。Andnowandagaintheoldladywouldlookupaboveherspectacles;movethecornersofherlipseversoslightly，anddrophergazeagain。ShehadpittedherselfagainstFate;solongassheknitted，thewarcouldnotstop——suchwastheconclusionNoelhadcometo。Thisoldladyknittedtheepicofacquiesencetothetuneofherneedles;itwasshewhokeptthewargoingsuchathinoldlady！’IfIweretoholdherelbowsfrombehind，’thegirlusedtothink，’Ibelieveshe’ddie。IexpectIoughtto;thenthewarwouldstop。Andifthewarstopped，there’dbeloveandlifeagain。’Thenthelittlesilverytunewouldclickitselfoncemoreintoherbrain，andstopherthinking。Inherlapthiseveninglayaletterfromherfather。
\"MYDEARESTNOLLIE，\"IamgladtosayIhavemychaplaincy，andamtostartforEgyptverysoon。IshouldhavewishedtogotoFrance，butmusttakewhatIcanget，inviewofmyage，fortheyreallydon’twantuswhoaregettingon，Ifear。ItisagreatcomforttometothinkthatGratianiswithyou，andnodoubtyouwillallsoonbeinahousewheremylittlegrandsoncanjoinyou。Ihaveexcellentaccountsofhiminaletterfromyouraunt，justreceived:Mychild，youmustneveragainthinkthatmyresignationhasbeenduetoyou。Itisnotso。Youknow，orperhapsyoudon’t，thateversincethewarbrokeout，Ihavechafedoverstayingathome，myhearthasbeenwithourboysoutthere，andsoonerorlateritmusthavecometothis，apartfromanythingelse。MonsieurLavendiehasbeenroundintheevening，twice;heisaniceman，Ilikehimverymuch，inspiteofourdifferencesofview。HewantedtogivemethesketchhemadeofyouinthePark，butwhatcanIdowithitnow？Andtotellyouthetruth，Ilikeitnobetterthantheoilpainting。Itisnotalikeness，asIknowyou。IhopeIdidn’thurthisfeelings，thefeelingsofanartistaresoveryeasilywounded。ThereisonethingImusttellyou。LeilahasgonebacktoSouthAfrica;shecameroundoneeveningabouttendaysago，tosaygoodbye。Shewasverybrave，forIfearitmeansagreatwrenchforher。Ihopeandprayshemayfindcomfortandtranquillityoutthere。Andnow，mydear，IwantyoutopromisemenottoseeCaptainFort。Iknowthatheadmiresyou。But，apartfromthequestionofhisconductinregardtoLeila，hemadethesaddestimpressiononmebycomingtoourhousetheverydayafterherdeparture。ThereissomethingaboutthatwhichmakesmefeelhecannotbethesortofmaninwhomIcouldfeelanyconfidence。Idon’tsupposeforamomentthatheisinyourthoughts，andyetbeforegoingsofarfromyou，IfeelImustwarnyou。Ishouldrejoicetoseeyoumarriedtoagoodman;but，thoughIdon’twishtothinkhardlyofanyone，IcannotbelieveCaptainFortisthat。
\"IshallcomedowntoyoubeforeIstart，whichmaybeinquiteashorttimenow。MydearlovetoyouandGracie，andbestwishestoGeorge。
\"Youreverlovingfather，\"EDWARDPIERSON
Acrossthisletterlyingonherknees，Noelgazedatthespiderymovementonthewall。Wasitacquiescencethattheoldladyknitted，orwasitresistance——achallengetodeathitself，achallengedancingtothetuneoftheneedleslikethegreyghostofhumanresistancetoFate！Shewouldn’tgivein，thisoldestladyintheworld，shemeanttoknittillshefellintothegrave。AndsoLeilahadgone！Ithurthertoknowthat;andyetitpleasedher。
Acquiescence——resistance！WhydidDaddyalwayswanttochoosethewaysheshouldgo？Sogentlehewas，yethealwayswantedto！Andwhydidhealwaysmakeherfeelthatshemustgotheotherway？Thesunlightceasedtostreamin，theoldlady’sshadowfadedoffthewall，buttheneedlesstillsangtheirlittletune。Andthegirlsaid:
\"Doyouenjoyknitting，Mrs。Adam？\"
Theoldladylookedatherabovethespectacles。
\"Enjoy，mydear？Itpassesthetime。\"
\"Butdoyouwantthetimetopass？\"
Therewasnoanswerforamoment，andNoelthought:’Howdreadfulofmetohavesaidthat！’
\"Eh？\"saidtheoldlady。
\"Isaid:Isn’titverytiring？\"
\"NotwhenIdon’tthinkaboutit，mydear。\"
\"Whatdoyouthinkabout？\"
Theoldladycackledgently。
\"Oh——well！\"shesaid。
AndNoelthought:’Itmustbedreadfultogrowold，andpassthetime！’
Shetookupherfather’sletter，andbentitmeditativelyagainstherchin。Hewantedhertopassthetime——nottolive，nottoenjoy！Topassthetime。Whatelsehadhebeendoinghimself，alltheseyears，eversinceshecouldremember，eversincehermotherdied，butjustpassingthetime？Passingthetimebecausehedidnotbelieveinthislife;notlivingatall，justpreparingforthelifehedidbelievein。Denyinghimselfeverythingthatwasexcitingandnice，sothatwhenhediedhemightpasspureandsaintlytohisotherworld。HecouldnotbelieveCaptainFortagoodman，becausehehadnotpassedthetime，andresistedLeila;andLeilawasgone！Andnowitwasasinforhimtolovesomeoneelse;hemustpassthetimeagain。’Daddydoesn’tbelieveinlife，’shethought;’it’smonsieur’spicture。Daddy’sasaint;butIdon’twanttobeasaint，andpassthetime。Hedoesn’tmindmakingpeopleunhappy，becausethemorethey’rerepressed，thesaintlierthey’llbe。ButIcan’tbeartobeunhappy，ortoseeothersunhappy。IwonderifIcouldbeartobeunhappytosavesomeoneelse——asLeilais？Iadmireher！
Oh！Iadmireher！She’snotdoingitbecauseshethinksitgoodforhersoul;onlybecauseshecan’tbearmakinghimunhappy。Shemustlovehimverymuch。PoorLeila！Andshe’sdoneitallbyherself，ofherownaccord。’ItwaslikewhatGeorgesaidofthesoldiers;
theydidn’tknowwhytheywereheroes，itwasnotbecausethey’dbeentoldtobe，orbecausetheybelievedinafuturelife。Theyjusthadtobe，frominsidesomewhere，tosaveothers。’AndtheylovelifeasmuchasIdo，’shethought。’Whatabeastitmakesonefeel！’Thoseneedles！Resistance——acquiescence？Bothperhaps。Theoldestladyintheworld，withherlipsmovingatthecorners，keepingthingsin，hadlivedherlife，andknewit。Howdreadfultoliveonwhenyouwereofnomoreinteresttoanyone，butmustjust\"passthetime\"anddie。Buthowmuchmoredreadfulto\"passthetime\"whenyouwerestrong，andlifeandlovewereyoursforthetaking！’Ishan’tanswerDaddy，’shethought。
II
Themaid，whooneSaturdayinJulyopenedthedoortoJimmyFort，hadneverheardthenameofLaird，forshewasbutaunitintheceaselessprocessionwhichpassthroughtheboarding—housesofplacessubjecttoair—raids。Placinghiminasitting—room，shesaidshewouldfindMiss’Allow。Therehewaited，turningtheleavesofanillustratedJournal，whereinSocietybeauties;starvingServians，actresseswithprettylegs，prizedogs，sinkingships，Royalties，shellsbursting，andpadresreadingfuneralservices，testifiedtothecatholicityofthepublictaste，butdidnotassuagehisnerves。
Whatiftheiraddresswerenotknownhere？Why，inhisfearofputtingthingstothetest，hadheletthismonthgoby？Anoldladywassittingbythehearth，knitting，theclickofwhoseneedlesblendedwiththebuzzingofalargebeeonthewindow—pane。’Shemayknow，’hethought，’shelooksasifshe’dbeenhereforever。’Andapproachingher，hesaid:
\"Icanassureyouthosesocksareverymuchappreciated，ma’am。\"
Theoldladybridledoverherspectacles。
\"Itpassesthetime，\"shesaid。
\"Oh，morethanthat;ithelpstowinthewar，ma’am。\"
Theoldlady’slipsmovedatthecorners;shedidnotanswer。
’Deaf！’hethought。
\"MayIaskifyouknewmyfriends，DoctorandMrs。Laird，andMissPierson？\"
Theoldladycackledgently。
\"Oh，yes！Aprettyyounggirl;asprettyaslife。Sheusedtositwithme。Quiteapleasuretowatchher;suchlargeeyesshehad。\"
\"Wherehavetheygone？Canyoutellme？\"
\"Oh，Idon’tknowatall。\"
Itwasalittlecolddoucheonhisheart。Helongedtosay:’Stopknittingaminute，please。It’smylife，toknow。’Butthetuneoftheneedlesanswered:’It’smylifetoknit。’Andheturnedawaytothewindow。
\"Sheusedtositjustthere;quitestill;quitestill。\"
Fortlookeddownatthewindow—seat。So，sheusedtositjusthere，quitestill。
\"Whatadreadfulwarthisis！\"saidtheoldlady。\"Haveyoubeenatthefront？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Tothinkofthepooryounggirlswho’llneverhavehusbands！I’msureIthinkit’sdreadful。\"
\"Yes，\"saidFort;\"it’sdreadful——\"Andthenavoicefromthedoorwaysaid:
\"DidyouwantDoctorandMrs。Laird，sir？EastBungalowtheiraddressis;it’salittlewayoutontheNorthRoad。Anyonewilltellyou。\"
WithasighofreliefFortlookedgratefullyattheoldladywhohadcalledNoelasprettyaslife。\"Goodafternoon，ma’am。\"
\"Goodafternoon。\"Theneedlesclicked，andlittlemovementsoccurredatthecornersofhermouth。Fortwentout。Hecouldnotfindavehicle，andwasalongtimewalking。TheBungalowwasugly，ofyellowbrickpointedwithred。Itlayabouttwo—thirdsupbetweenthemainroadandcliffs，andhadarock—gardenandaglaring，brand—
newlook，intheafternoonsunlight。Heopenedthegate，utteringoneofthoseprayerswhichcomesogliblyfromunbelieverswhentheywantanything。Ababy’scryingansweredit，andhethoughtwithecstasy:’Heaven，sheishere！’Passingtherock—gardenhecouldseealawnatthebackofthehouseandaperambulatoroutthereunderaholm—oaktree，andNoel——surelyNoelherself！Hardeninghisheart，hewentforward。Inalilacsunbonnetshewasbendingovertheperambulator。Hetrodsoftlyonthegrass，andwasquiteclosebeforesheheardhim。Hehadpreparednowords，butjustheldouthishand。Thebaby，interestedintheshadowfailingacrossitspram，ceasedcrying。Noeltookhishand。Underthesunbonnet，whichhidherhair，sheseemedolderandpaler，asifshefelttheheat。
Hehadnofeelingthatshewasgladtoseehim。
\"Howdoyoudo？HaveyouseenGratian;sheoughttobein。\"
\"Ididn’tcometoseeher;Icametoseeyou。\"
Noelturnedtothebaby。
\"Hereheis。\"
Fortstoodattheendoftheperambulator，andlookedatthatotherfellow’sbaby。Intheshadeofthehood，withthefrillyclothes，itseemedtohimlyingwithitsheaddownhill。Ithadscratcheditssnubnoseandbumpyforehead，anditstaredupatitsmotherwithblueeyes，whichseemedtohavenounderlidssofatwereitscheeks。
\"Iwonderwhattheythinkabout，\"hesaid。
Noelputherfingerintothebaby’sfist。
\"Theyonlythinkwhentheywantsomething。\"
\"That’sadeepsaying:buthiseyesareawfullyinterestedinyou。\"
Noelsmiled;andveryslowlythebaby’scurlymouthunclosed，anddiscoveredhistoothlessness。
\"He’sadarling，\"shesaidinawhisper。
’Andsoareyou，’hethought，’ifonlyIdaredsayit！’
\"Daddyishere，\"shesaidsuddenly，withoutlookingup。\"He’ssailingforEgyptthedayafterto—morrow。Hedoesn’tlikeyou。\"
Fort’sheartgaveajump。Whydidshetellhimthat，unless——unlessshewasjustalittleonhisside？
\"Iexpectedthat，\"hesaid。\"I’masinner，asyouknow。\"
Noellookedupathim。\"Sin！\"shesaid，andbentagainoverherbaby。Theword，thetoneinwhichshesaidit，crouchingoverherbaby，gavehimthethought:’Ifitweren’tforthatlittlecreature，Ishouldn’thaveadog’schance。’Hesaid，\"I’llgoandseeyourfather。Ishein？\"
\"Ithinkso。\"
\"MayIcometo—morrow？。\"
\"It’sSunday;andDaddy’slastday。\"
\"Ah！Ofcourse。\"Hedidnotdarelookback，toseeifhergazewasfollowinghim，buthethought:’Chanceornochance，I’mgoingtofightforhertoothandnail。’
InaroomdarkenedagainsttheeveningsunPiersonwassittingonasofareading。ThesightofthatfigureinkhakidisconcertedFort，whohadnotrealisedthattherewouldbethismetamorphosis。Thenarrowface，clean—shavennow，withitsdeep—seteyesandcompressedlips，lookedmorepriestlythanever，inspiteofthisbrowngarb。
Hefelthishopesuddenlytobeveryforlornindeed。Andrushingatthefence，hebeganabruptly:
\"I’vecometoaskyou，sir，foryourpermissiontomarryNoel，ifshewillhaveme。\"
HehadthoughtPierson’sfacegentle;itwasnotgentlenow。\"DidyouknowIwashere，then，CaptainFort？\"
\"IsawNoelinthegarden。I’vesaidnothingtoher，ofcourse。Butshetoldmeyouwerestartingto—morrowforEgypt，soIshallhavenootherchance。\"
\"Iamsorryyouhavecome。Itisnotformetojudge，butIdon’tthinkyouwillmakeNoelhappy。\"
\"MayIaskyouwhy，sir？\"
\"CaptainFort，theworld’sjudgmentofthesethingsisnotmine;butsinceyouaskme。Iwilltellyoufrankly。MycousinLeilahasaclaimonyou。Itisheryoushouldasktomarryyou。\"
\"Ididaskher;sherefused。\"
\"Iknow。Shewouldnotrefuseyouagainifyouwentouttoher。\"
\"Iamnotfreetogoouttoher;besides，shewouldrefuse。SheknowsIdon’tloveher，andneverhave。\"
\"Neverhave？\"
\"No。\"
\"Thenwhy——\"
\"BecauseI’maman，Isuppose，andafool\"
\"Ifitwassimply，’becauseyouareaman’asyoucallit，itisclearthatnoprincipleorfaithgovernsyou。AndyetyouaskmetogiveyouNoel;mypoorNoel，whowantstheloveandprotectionnotofa’man’butofagoodman。No，CaptainFort，no！\"
Fortbithislips。\"I’mclearlynotagoodmaninyoursenseoftheword;butIloveherterribly，andIwouldprotecther。Idon’tintheleastknowwhethershe’llhaveme。Idon’texpectherto，naturally。ButIwarnyouthatImeantoaskher，andtowaitforher。I’msomuchinlovethatIcandonothingelse。\"。
\"Themanwhoistrulyinlovedoeswhatisbestfortheoneheloves。\"Fortbenthishead;hefeltasifhewereatschoolagain，confrontinghishead—master。\"That’strue，\"hesaid。\"AndIshallnevertradeonherposition。Ifshecan’tfeelanythingformenoworinthefuture，Ishan’ttroubleher，youmaybesureofthat。Butifbysomewonderfulchancesheshould，IknowIcanmakeherhappy，sir。\"
\"Sheisachild。\"
\"No，she’snotachild，\"saidFortstubbornly。
Piersontouchedthelapelofhisnewtunic。\"CaptainFort，Iamgoingfarawayfromher，andleavingherwithoutprotection。Itrusttoyourchivalrynottoaskher，tillIcomeback。\"
Fortthrewbackhishead。\"No，no，Iwon’tacceptthatposition。
Withorwithoutyourpresencethefactswillbethesame。Eithershecanloveme，orshecan’t。Ifshecan，she’llbehappierwithme。
Ifshecan’t，there’sanendofit。\"
Piersoncameslowlyuptohim。\"Inmyview，\"hesaid，\"youareasboundtoLeilaasifyouweremarriedtoher。\"
\"Youcan’t，expectmetotakethepriest’sview，sir。
Pierson’slipstrembled。
\"Youcallitapriest’sview;Ithinkitisonlytheviewofamanofhonour。\"
Fortreddened。\"That’sformyconscience，\"hesaidstubbornly。
\"Ican’ttellyou，andI’mnotgoingto，howthingsbegan。Iwasafool。ButIdidmybest，andIknowthatLeiladoesn’tthinkI’mbound。Ifshehad，shewouldneverhavegone。Whenthere’snofeeling——thereneverwasrealfeelingonmyside——andwhenthere’sthisterriblyrealfeelingforNoel，whichIneversought，whichI
triedtokeepdown，whichIranawayfrom\"Didyou？\"
\"Yes。Togoonwiththeotherwasfoul。Ishouldhavethoughtyoumighthaveseenthat，sir;butIdidgoonwithit。ItwasLeilawhomadeanend。\"
\"Leilabehavednobly，Ithink。\"
\"Shewassplendid;butthatdoesn’tmakemeabrute。\"。
Piersonturnedawaytothewindow，whencehemustseeNoel。
\"Itisrepugnanttome，\"hesaid。\"Istherenevertobeanypurityinherlife？\"
\"Istherenevertobeanylifeforher？Atyourrate，sir，therewillbenone。I’mnoworsethanothermen，andIlovehermorethantheycould。\"
ForfullyaminutePiersonstoodsilent，beforehesaid:\"ForgivemeifI’vespokenharshly。Ididn’tmeanto。Iloveherintensely;I
wishfornothingbuthergood。ButallmylifeIhavebelievedthatforamanthereisonlyonewoman——forawomanonlyoneman。\"
\"Then，Sir，\"Fortburstout，\"youwishher——\"
Piersonhadputhishandup，asiftowardoffablow;and，angrythoughhewas，Fortstopped。
\"Weareallmadeoffleshandblood，\"hecontinuedcoldly，\"anditseemstomethatyouthinkwearen’t。\"
\"Wehavespiritstoo，CaptainFort。\"ThevoicewassuddenlysogentlethatFort’sangerevaporated。
\"Ihaveagreatrespectforyou，sir;butagreaterloveforNoel，andnothinginthisworldwillpreventmetryingtogivemylifetoher。\"
AsmilequiveredoverPierson’sface。\"Ifyoutry，thenIcanbutpraythatyouwillfail。\"
Fortdidnotanswer，andwentout。
Hewalkedslowlyawayfromthebungalow，withhisheaddown，sore，angry，andyet—relieved。Heknewwherehestood;nordidhefeelthathehadbeenworsted——thosestrictureshadnottouchedhim。
Convictedofimmorality，heremainedconsciousofprivatejustifications，inawaythathumanbeingshave。Onlyonelittlecornerofmemory，unseenanduncriticisedbyhisopponent，troubledhim。Hepardonedhimselftherest;theonethinghedidnotpardonwasthefactthathehadknownNoelbeforehisliaisonwithLeilacommenced;hadevenletLeilasweephimawayon，aneveningwhenhehadbeeninNoel’scompany。Forthathefeltarealdisgustwithhimself。Andallthewaybacktothestationhekeptthinking:’HowcouldI？Ideservetoloseher！Still，Ishalltry;butnotnow——
notyet！’And，wearilyenough，hetookthetrainbacktotown。
III
Bothgirlsroseearlythatlastday，andwentwiththeirfathertoCommunion。AsGratianhadsaidtoGeorge:\"It’snothingtomenow，butitwillmeanalottohimoutthere，asamemoryofus。SoI
mustgo。\"Andhehadanswered:\"Quiteright，mydear。Lethimhaveallhecangetofyoubothto—day。I’llkeepoutoftheway，andbebackthelastthingatnight。\"Theirfather’ssmilewhenhesawthemwaitingforhimwentstraighttoboththeirhearts。Itwasadeliciousday，andtheearlyfreshnesshadnotyetdriedoutoftheair，whentheywerewalkinghometobreakfast。Eachgirlhadslippedahandunderhisarm。’It’slikeMosesorwasitAaron？’NoelthoughtabsurdlyMemoryhadcompleteholdofher。Alltheolddays！
NurseryhoursonSundaysaftertea，storiesoutofthehugeBibleboundinmother—o’pearl，withphotogravuresoftheHolyLand——palms，andhills，andgoats，andlittleEasternfigures，andfunnyboatsontheSeaofGalilee，andcamels——alwayscamels。Thebookwouldbeonhisknee，andtheyoneoneacharmofhischair，waitingeagerlyforthepagestobeturnedsothatanewpicturecame。Andtherewouldbethefeelofhischeek，pricklyagainsttheirs;andtheoldnameswiththeoldglamour——toGratian，Joshua，Daniel，Mordecai，Peter;toNoelAbsalombecauseofhishair，andHamanbecauseshelikedthesound，andRuthbecauseshewasprettyandJohnbecauseheleanedonJesus’breast。NeitherofthemcaredforJoborDavid，andElijahandElishatheydetestedbecausetheyhatedthenameEliza。Andlaterdaysbyfirelightinthedrawing—room，roastingchestnutsjustbeforeeveningchurch，andtellingghoststories，andtryingtomakeDaddyeathisshare。Andhoursbesidehimatthepiano，eacheagerforherspecialhymns——forGratian，\"Onward，ChristianSoldiers，\"
\"Lead，KindlyLight，\"and\"OGodOurHelp\";forNoel，\"Nearer，MyGod，toThee，\"theonewith\"TheHostsofMidian\"init，and\"ForThoseinPerilontheSea。\"Andcarols！Ah！AndChoristers！Noelhadlovedonedeeply——theword\"chorister\"wassoenchanting;andbecauseofhiswhiteness，andhairwhichhadnogreaseonit，butstoodupallbright;shehadneverspokentohim——afarworship，likethatforastar。Andalways，alwaysDaddyhadbeengentle;sometimesangry，butalwaysgentle;andtheysometimesnotatall！Andmixedupwithitall，thedogstheyhadhad，andthecatstheyhadhad，andthecockatoo，andthegovernesses，andtheirredcloaks，andthecurates，andthepantomimes，and\"PeterPan，\"and\"AliceinWonderland\"——Daddysittingbetweenthem，sothatonecouldsnuggleup。Andlater，theschool—days，thehockey，theprizes，theholidays，therushintohisarms;andthegreatandwonderfulyearlyexodustofarplaces，fishingandbathing;walksanddrives;ridesandclimbs，alwayswithhim。AndconcertsandShakespeareplaysintheChristmasandEasterholidays;andthewalkhomethroughthestreets——alllightedinthosedays——oneoneachsideofhim。Andthiswastheend！Theywaitedonhimatbreakfast:theykeptstealingglancesathim，photographinghimintheirminds。GratiangothercameraanddidactuallyphotographhiminthemorningsunlightwithNoel，withoutNoel，withthebaby;againstallregulationsforthedefenceoftherealm。ItwasNoelwhosuggested:
\"Daddy，let’stakelunchoutandgoforalldayonthecliffs，usthree，andforgetthere’sawar。\"
Soeasytosay，sodifficulttodo，withtheboomofthegunstravellingtotheirearsalongthegrass，mingledwiththebuzzofinsects。Yetthathumofsummer，theinnumerablevoicesoftinylives，gossamerthingsallasaliveasthey，andasimportanttotheirfrailselves;andthewhiteclouds，fewandsoslow—moving，andtheremotestrangepuritywhichclingstothechalkydowns，allthiswhiteandgreenandblueoflandandseahaditspeace，whichcreptintothespiritsofthosethreealonewithNature，thisoncemore，thelasttimefor——whocouldsayhowlong？Theytalked，bytacitagreement，ofnothingbutwhathadhappenedbeforethewarbegan，whiletheflockoftheblowndandelionsdriftedpast。Piersonsatcross—leggedonthegrass，withouthiscap，sufferingalittlestillfromthestiffnessofhisunwontedgarments。Andthegirlslayoneoneachsideofhim，halfcritical，andhalfadmiring。Noelcouldnotbearhiscollar。
\"Ifyouhadasoftcollaryou’dbelovely，Daddy。Perhapsouttherethey’llletyoutakeitoff。ItmustbefearfullyhotinEgypt。Oh！
IwishIweregoing。IwishIweregoingeverywhereintheworld。
Someday！\"Presentlyhereadtothem，Murray’s\"Hippolytus\"ofEuripides。AndnowandthenGratianandhediscussedapassage。ButNoellaysilent，lookingatthesky。Wheneverhisvoiceceased，therewasthesongofthelarks，andveryfaint，thedistantmutteroftheguns。
Theystayeduptheretillpastsix，anditwastimetogoandhaveteabeforeEveningService。Thosehoursinthebakingsunhaddrawnvirtueoutofthem;theyweresilentandmelancholyalltheevening。
Noelwasthefirsttogouptoherbedroom。Shewentwithoutsayinggoodnight——sheknewherfatherwouldcometoherroomthatlastevening。Georgehadnotyetcomein;andGratianwasleftalonewithPiersoninthedrawing—room，roundwhosesinglelamp，inspiteofclose—drawncurtains，mothswerecircling:Shemovedovertohimonthesofa。
\"Dad，promisemenottoworryaboutNollie;we’lltakecareofher。\"
\"Shecanonlytakecareofherself，Gracie，andwillshe？DidyouknowthatCaptainFortwashereyesterday？\"
\"Shetoldme。\"
\"Whatisherfeelingabouthim？\"
\"Idon’tthinksheknows。Nolliedreamsalong，andthensuddenlyrushes。\"
\"Iwishsheweresafefromthatman。\"
\"But，Dad，why？GeorgelikeshimandsodoI。
Abiggreymothwasflutteringagainstthelamp。Piersongotupandcaughtitinthecurveofhispalm。\"Poorthing！You’relikemyNollie;sosoft，anddreamy，sofeckless，soreckless。\"Andgoingtothecurtains，hethrusthishandthrough，andreleasedthemoth。
\"Dad！\"saidGratiansuddenly，\"wecanonlyfindoutforourselves，evenifwedosingeourwingsindoingit。We’vebeenreadingJames’s’Pragmatism。’Georgesaystheonlychapterthat’simportantismissing——theoneonethics，toshowthatwhatwedoisnotwrongtillit’sprovedwrongbytheresult。Isupposehewasafraidtodeliverthatlecture。\"
Pierson’sfaceworethesmilewhichalwayscameonitwhenhehadtodealwithGeorge，thesmilewhichsaid:\"Ah，George，that’sveryclever;butIknow。\"
\"Mydear，\"hesaid，\"thatdoctrineisthemostdangerousintheworld。IamsurprisedatGeorge。\"
\"Idon’tthinkGeorgeisindanger，Dad。\"
\"Georgeisamanofwideexperienceandstrongjudgmentandcharacter;butthinkhowfatalitwouldbeforNollie，mypoorNollie，whomalittlegustcanblowintothecandle。\"
\"Allthesame，\"saidGratianstubbornly，\"Idon’tthinkanyonecanbegoodorworthanythingunlesstheyjudgeforthemselvesandtakerisks。\"
Piersonwentclosetoher;hisfacewasquivering。
\"Don’tletusdifferonthislastnight;ImustgouptoNollieforaminute，andthentobed。Ishan’tseeyouto—morrow;youmustn’tgetup;Icanbearpartingbetterlikethis。Andmytraingoesateight。
Godblessyou，Gracie;giveGeorgemylove。Iknow，Ihavealwaysknownthathe’sagoodman，thoughwedofightso。Good—bye，mydarling。\"
HewentoutwithhischeekswetfromGratian’stears，andstoodintheporchaminutetorecoverhiscomposure。Theshadowofthehousestretchedvelvetandbluntovertherock—garden。Anight—jarwasspinning;thechurringsoundaffectedhimoddly。ThelastEnglishnight—birdhewouldhear。England！Whatanight—tosaygood—bye！
’Mycountry！’hethought;’mybeautifulcountry！’Thedewwaslyingthickandsilveryalreadyonthelittlepatchofgrass—thelastdew，thelastscentofanEnglishnight。Thecallofabuglefloatedout。
\"England！\"heprayed;\"Godbeaboutyou！\"Alittlesoundansweredfromacrossthegrass，likeanoldman’scough，andthescrapeandrattleofachain。Afaceemergedattheedgeofthehouse’sshadow;
beardedandhornedlikethatofPan，itseemedtostareathim。Andhesawthedimgreyformofthegardengoat，hearditscuttleroundthestaketowhichitwastethered，asthoughalarmedatthisvisitortoits’domain。
Hewentupthehalf—flightofstairstoNoel’snarrowlittleroom，nextthenursery。Novoiceansweredhistap。Itwasdark，buthecouldseeheratthewindow，leaningfarout，withherchinonherhands。
\"Nollie！\"
Sheansweredwithoutturning:\"Suchalovelynight，Daddy。Comeandlook！I’dliketosetthegoatfree，onlyhe’deattherockplants。
Butitishisnight，isn’tit？Heoughttoberunningandskippinginit:it’ssuchashametotiethingsup。Didyounever，feelwildinyourheart，Daddy？\"
\"Always，Ithink，Nollie;toowild。It’sbeenhardtotameoneself。\"
Noelslippedherhandthroughhisarm。\"Let’sgoandtakethegoatandskiptogetheronthehills。Ifonlywehadapennywhistle！Didyouhearthebugle？Thebugleandthegoat！\"
Piersonpressedthehandagainsthim。
\"Nollie，begoodwhileI’maway。YouknowwhatIdon’twant。Itoldyouinmyletter。\"Helookedathercheek，anddaredsaynomore。
Herfacehadits\"fey\"lookagain。
\"Don’tyoufeel，\"shesaidsuddenly，\"onanightlikethis，allthethings，allthethings——thestarshavelives，Daddy，andthemoonhasabiglife，andtheshadowshave，andthemothsandthebirdsandthegoatsandthetrees，andtheflowers，andallofus——escaped？Oh！
Daddy，whyisthereawar？Andwhyarepeoplesoboundandsounhappy？。Don’ttellmeit’sGod——don’t！\"
Piersoncouldnotanswer，fortherecameintohismindtheGreeksonghehadbeenreadingaloudthatafternoon\"OforadeepanddewySpring，Withrunletscoldtodrawanddrink，Andagreatmeadowblossoming，Long—grassed，andpoplarsinaring，Torestmebythebrink。
Otakemetothemountain，O，Pastthegreatpinesandthroughthewood，Upwheretheleanhoundssoftlygo，A—whineforwildthings’blood，Andmadlyfliesthedappledroe，OGod，toshoutandspeedthemthere;
AnarrowbymychestnuthairDrawntightandonekeenglimmeringspearAh！ifIcould！\"
Allthatinlifehadbeentohimunknown，ofventureandwildsavour;
