第15章

类别:其他 作者:John Galsworthy字数:12404更新时间:18/12/18 14:50:10
\"ThisisatrickIlearnedfromtheRussiansafterPlevna;theyhadmylittlefinger,soIdeservedsomethinginexchange。\"Helookedround;hiseyes,hiswholeface,seemedtotwinkle。\"Iassureyouitwasworthit——makesallthedifference。Try!\"Hepouredoffthetea。 \"HadyouasympathywiththeTurks?\" \"Theweakerside——\"Hepausedabruptly,thenadded:\"Butitwasnotthat。\"Overhisfaceinnumerablecrow’s—feethadsuddenlyappeared,hiseyestwitched;hewentonhurriedly,\"Ihadtofindsomethingtodojustthen——itwasnecessary。\"Hestaredintohisglass;anditwassometimebeforeIventuredtoaskifhehadseenmuchfighting。 \"Yes,\"herepliedgravely,\"nearlytwentyyearsaltogether;IwasoneofGaribaldi’sMillein’60。\" \"SurelyyouarenotItalian?\" Heleanedforwardwithhishandsonhisknees。\"IwasinGenoaatthattimelearningbanking;Garibaldiwasawonderfulman!Onecouldnothelpit。\"Hespokequitesimply。\"Youmightsayitwaslikeseeingalittlemanstanduptoaringofgreathulkingfellows;I went,justasyouwouldhavegone,ifyou’dbeenthere。Iwasnotlongwiththem——ourwarbegan;Ihadtogobackhome。\"Hesaidthisasiftherehadbeenbutonewarsincetheworldbegan。\"In’60,\"hemused,\"till’65。Justthinkofit!Thepoorcountry。Why,inmyState,SouthCarolina——Iwasthroughitall——nobodycouldbesparedthere——wewereonetothree。\" \"Isupposeyouhavealoveoffighting?\" \"H’m!\"hesaid,asifconsideringtheideaforthefirsttime。 \"SometimesIfoughtforaliving,andsometimes——becauseIwasobliged;onemusttrytobeagentleman。Butwon’tyouhavesomemore?\" Irefusedmoreteaandtookmyleave,carryingawaywithmeapictureoftheoldfellowlookingdownfromthetopofthesteepstaircase,onehandpressedtohisback,theothertwistingupthoselittlewhitemoustaches,andmurmuring,\"Takecare,mydearsir,there’sastepthereatthecorner。\" \"Tobeagentleman!\"Irepeatedinthestreet,causinganoldFrenchladytodropherparasol,sothatforabouttwominuteswestoodbowingandsmilingtoeachother,thenseparatedfullofthebestfeeling。 II AweeklaterIfoundmyselfagainseatednexthimataconcert。InthemeantimeIhadseenhimnowandthen,butonlyinpassing。Heseemeddepressed。Thecornersofhislipsweretightened,histannedcheekshadagreyishtinge,hiseyeswererestless;and,betweentwonumbersoftheprogramme,hemurmured,tappinghisfingersonhishat,\"Doyoueverhavebaddays?Yes?Notpleasant,arethey?\" ThensomethingoccurredfromwhichallthatIhavetotellyoufollowed。Therecameintotheconcert—halltheheroineofoneofthoseromances,crimes,follies,orirregularities,callitwhatyouwill,whichhadjustattractedthe\"world’s\"stare。Shepasseduswithherpartner,andsatdowninachairafewrowstoourright。 Shekeptturningherheadround,andateveryturnIcaughtthegleamofheruneasyeyes。Someonebehindussaid:\"Thebrazenbaggage!\" Mycompanionturnedfullround,andglaredatwhoeveritwaswhohadspoken。Thechangeinhimwasquiteremarkable。Hislipsweredrawnbackfromhisteeth;hefrowned;thescaronhistemplehadreddened。 \"Ah!\"hesaidtome。\"Thehueandcry!Contemptible!HowIhateit!Butyouwouldn’tunderstand——!\"hebrokeoff,andslowlyregainedhisusualairofself—obliteration;heevenseemedashamed,andbegantryingtobrushhismoustacheshigherthanever,asifawarethathisheathadrobbedthemofneatness。 \"I’mnotmyself,whenIspeakofsuchmatters,\"hesaidsuddenly;andbeganreadinghisprogramme,holdingitupsidedown。Aminutelater,however,hesaidinapeculiarvoice:\"Therearepeopletobefoundwhoobjecttovivisectinganimals;butthevivisectionofawoman,whomindsthat?Willyoutellmeit’sright,thatbecauseofsometragedylikethis——believeme,itisalwaysatragedy——weshouldhuntdownawoman?Thatherfellow—womenshouldmakeanoutcastofher? Thatwe,whoaremen,shouldmakeapreyofher?IfIthoughtthat……\"Againhebrokeoff,staringveryhardinfrontofhim。 \"Itiswewhomakethemwhattheyare;andevenifthatisnotso—— why!ifIthoughttherewasawomanintheworldIcouldnottakemyhatoffto——I——I——couldn’tsleepatnight。\"Hegotupfromhisseat,putonhisoldstrawhatwithtremblingfingers,and,withoutaglanceback,wentout,stumblingoverthechair—legs。 Isatthere,horriblydisturbed;thewords,\"Onemusttrytobeagentleman!\"hauntingme。WhenIcameout,hewasstandingbytheentrancewithonehandonhishipandtheotheronhisdog。Inthatattitudeofwaitinghewassuchapatientfigure;thesunglareddownandshowedthethreadbarenatureofhisclothesandthethinnessofhisbrownhands,withtheirlongforgersandnailsyellowfromtobacco。Seeingmehecameupthestepsagain,andraisedhishat。 \"Iamgladtohavecaughtyou;pleaseforgetallthat。\"Iaskedifhewoulddomethehonourofdiningatmyhotel。 \"Dine?\"herepeatedwiththesortofsmileachildgivesifyouofferhimaboxofsoldiers;\"withthegreatestpleasure。Iseldomdineout,butIthinkIcanmusterupacoat。Yes——yes——andatwhattimeshallIcome?Athalf—pastseven,andyourhotelis——?Good!I shallbethere。Freda,miacara,youwillbealonethisevening。 Youdonotsmokecaporal,Ifear。Ifinditfairlygood;thoughithastoomuchbite。\"HewalkedoffwithFreda,puffingathisthinrollofcaporal。 Onceortwicehestopped,asifbewilderedorbesetbysomesuddendoubtormemory;andeverytimehestopped,Fredalickedhishand。 Theydisappearedroundthecornerofthestreet,andIwenttomyhoteltoseeaboutdinner。OnthewayImetJulesleFerrier,andaskedhimtocometoo。 \"Myfaith,yes!\"hesaid,withtherosypessimismcharacteristicoftheFrencheditor。\"Manmustdine!\" Athalf—pastsixweassembled。My\"Cosmopolitan\"wasinanoldfrock—coatbraidedroundtheedges,buttonedhighandtight,definingmorethaneverthesharplinesofhisshouldersandtheslightkinkofhisback;hehadbroughtwithhim,too,adark—peakedcapofmilitaryshape,whichhehadevidentlyselectedasmorefittingtothecoatthanastrawhat。Hesmelledslightlyofsomeherb。 Wesatdowntodinner,anddidnotrisefortwohours。Hewasacharmingguest,praisedeverythingheate——notwithcommonplaces,butinwordsthatmadeyoufeelithadgivenhimrealpleasure。Atfirst,wheneverJulesmadeoneofhiscausticremarks,helookedquitepained,butsuddenlyseemedtomakeuphismindthatitwasbark,notbite;andthenateachofthemhewouldturntomeandsay,\"Aha!that’sgood——isn’tit?\"Witheveryglassofwinehebecamemoregentleandmoregenial,sittingveryupright,andtightlybuttoned—in;whilethelittlewhitewingsofhismoustacheseemedabouttoleavehimforabetterworld。 Inspiteofthemostleadingquestions,however,wecouldnotgethimtotalkabouthimself,forevenJules,mostcynicalofmen,hadrecognisedthathewasaheroofromance。Hewouldanswergentlyandprecisely,andthensittwistinghismoustaches,perfectlyunconsciousthatwewantedmore。Presently,asthewinewentalittletohishead,histhin,highvoicegrewthinner,hischeeksbecameflushed,hiseyesbrighter;attheendofdinnerhesaid:\"I hopeIhavenotbeennoisy。\" Weassuredhimthathehadnotbeennoisyenough。\"You’relaughingatme,\"heanswered。\"SurelyI’vebeentalkingallthetime!\" \"MonDieu!\"saidJules,\"wehavebeenlookingforsomefablesofyourwars;butnothing——nothing,notenoughtofeedafrog!\" Theoldfellowlookedtroubled。 \"Tobesure!\"hemused。\"Letmethink!thereisthataboutColhounatGettysburg;andthere’sthestoryofGaribaldiandtheMiller。\" Heplungedintoatale,notatallabouthimself,whichwouldhavebeenextremelydull,butfortheconvictioninhiseyes,andthewayhestoppedandcommented。\"Soyousee,\"heended,\"that’sthesortofmanGaribaldiwas!Icouldtellyouanothertaleofhim。\" CatchinganintrospectivelookinJules’seye,however,Iproposedtakingourcigarsovertothecafeopposite。 \"Delightful!\"theoldfellowsaid:\"Weshallhaveabandandthefreshair,andclearconsciencesforourcigars。Icannotlikethissmokinginaroomwherethereareladiesdining。\" Hewalkedoutinfrontofus,smokingwithanairofgreatenjoyment。 Jules,glowingabovehiscandidshirtandwaistcoat,whisperedtome,\"MoncherGeorges,howheisgood!\"thensighed,andaddeddarkly: \"Thepoorman!\" Wesatdownatalittletable。Closeby,thebranchesofaplane— treerustledfaintly;theirleaveshunglifeless,speckledlikethebreastsofbirds,orblackagainstthesky;then,caughtbythebreeze,flutteredsuddenly。 Theoldfellowsat,withheadthrownback,asmileonhisface,comingnowandthenoutofhisenchanteddreamstodrinkcoffee,answerourquestions,orhumthetunethatthebandwasplaying。Theashofhiscigargrewverylong。OneofthosebizarrefiguresinOrientalgarb,who,nightafternight,offertheirdoubtfulwaresatagreatprice,appearedinthewhiteglareofalamp,lookedwithafurtivesmileathisface,andglidedback,discomfitedbyitsunconsciousness。Itwasanightfordreams!Afaint,half—easternscentintheair,ofblacktobaccoandspice;fewpeopleasyetatthelittletables,thewaitersleisurely,thebandsoft!Whatwashedreamingof,thatoldfellow,whosecigar—ashgrewsolong?Ofyouth,ofhisbattles,ofthosethingsthatmustbedonebythosewhotrytobegentlemen;perhapsonlyofhisdinner;anywayofsomethinggildedinvaguefashionasthelightwasgildingthebranchesoftheplane—tree。 Julespulledmysleeve:\"Hesleeps。\"Hehadsmilinglydroppedoff; thecigar—ash——thatfeatherytowerofhisdreams——hadbrokenandfallenonhissleeve。Heawoke,andfelltodustingit。 Thelittletablesroundusbegantofill。Oneofthebandsmenplayedaczardasontheczymbal。TwoyoungFrenchmen,talkingloudly,satdownattheadjoiningtable。Theywerediscussingtheladywhohadbeenattheconcertthatafternoon。 \"It’sabet,\"saidoneofthem,\"butthere’sthepresentman。Itakethreeweeks,that’senoughelleestdeclassee;cen’estquelepremierpas——’ Myoldfriend’scigarfellonthetable。\"Monsieur,\"hestammered,\"youspeakofaladyso,inapublicplace?\" Theyoungmanstaredathim。\"Whoisthisperson?\"hesaidtohiscompanion。 MyguesttookupJules’sglovethatlayonthetable;beforeeitherofuscouldraiseafinger,hehadswungitinthespeaker’sface。 \"Enough!\"hesaid,and,droppingtheglove,walkedaway。 Wealljumpedtoourfeet。IleftJulesandhurriedafterhim。Hisfacewasgrim,hiseyesthoseofacreaturewhohasbeenstruckonarawplace。Hemadeamovementofhisfingerswhichsaidplainly。 \"Leaveme,ifyouplease!\" Iwentbacktothecafe。Thetwoyoungmenhaddisappeared,sohadJules,buteverythingelsewasgoingonjustasbefore;thebandsmanstilltwangingouthisczardas;thewaitersservingdrinks;theorientalstryingtoselltheircarpets。Ipaidthebill,soughtoutthemanager,andapologised。Heshruggedhisshoulders,smiledandsaid:\"Aneccentric,yourfriend,nichtwahr?\"CouldhetellmewhereM。LeFerrierwas?Hecouldnot。IlefttolookforJules; couldnotfindhim,andreturnedtomyhoteldisgusted。Iwassorryformyoldguest,butvexedwithhimtoo;whatbusinesshadhetocarryhisQuixotismtosuchanunpleasantlength?Itriedtoread。 Eleveno’clockstruck;thecasinodisgorgedastreamofpeople;thePlaceseemedfulleroflifethanever;thenslowlyitgrewemptyandquitedark。Thewhimseizedmetogoout。Itwasastillnight,verywarm,veryblack。Ononeoftheseatsamanandwomansatembraced,onanotheragirlwassobbing,onathird——strangesight——apriestdozed。Ibecameawareofsomeoneatmyside;itwasmyoldguest。 \"Ifyouarenottootired,\"hesaid,\"canyougivemetenminutes?\" \"Certainly;willyoucomein?\" \"No,no;letusgodowntotheTerrace。Ishan’tkeepyoulong。\" Hedidnotspeakagaintillwereachedaseatabovethepigeon— shootinggrounds;there,inadarknessdenserforthestringoflightsstillburninginthetown,wesatdown。 \"Ioweyouanapology,\"hesaid;\"firstintheafternoon,thenagainthisevening——yourguest——yourfriend’sglove!Ihavebehavedasnogentlemanshould。\"Hewasleaningforwardwithhishandsonthehandleofastick。Hisvoicesoundedbrokenanddisturbed。 \"Oh!\"Imuttered。\"It’snothing!\"’ \"Youareverygood,\"hesighed;\"butIfeelthatImustexplain。I considerIowethistoyou,butImusttellyouIshouldnothavethecourageifitwerenotforanotherreason。YouseeIhavenofriend。\"Helookedatmewithanuncertainsmile。Ibowed,andaminuteortwolaterhebegan…… III \"YouwillexcusemeifIgobackratherfar。Itwasin’74,whenI hadbeenillwithCubanfever。TokeepmealivetheyhadputmeonboardashipatSantiago,andattheendofthevoyageIfoundmyselfinLondon。Ihadverylittlemoney;Iknewnobody。Itellyou,sir,therearetimeswhenit’shardforafightingmantogetanythingtodo。Peoplewouldsaytome:’Afraidwe’venothingforamanlikeyouinourbusiness。’Itriedpeopleofallsorts;butitwastrue——I hadbeenfightinghereandtheresince’60,Iwasn’tfitforanything——\"Heshookhishead。\"IntheSouth,beforethewar,theyhadasaying,Iremember,aboutadogandasoldierhavingthesamevalue。ButallthishasnothingtodowithwhatIhavetotellyou。\" Hesighedagainandwenton,moisteninghislips:\"IwaswalkingalongtheStrandoneday,verydisheartened,whenIheardmynamecalled。It’saqueerthing,that,inastrangestreet。Bytheway,\" heputinwithdryceremony,\"youdon’tknowmyname,Ithink:itisBrune——RogerBrune。AtfirstIdidnotrecognisethepersonwhocalledme。Hehadjustgotoffanomnibus——asquare—shoulderedmanwithheavymoustaches,androundspectacles。ButwhenheshookmyhandIknewhimatonce。HewasamancalledDalton,whowastakenprisoneratGettysburg;oneofyouEnglishmenwhocametofightwithus——amajorintheregimentwhereIwascaptain。Wewerecomradesduringtwocampaigns。IfIhadbeenhisbrotherhecouldn’thaveseemedmorepleasedtoseeme。Hetookmeintoabarforthesakeofoldtimes。Thedrinkwenttomyhead,andbythetimewereachedTrafalgarSquareIwasquiteunabletowalk。Hemademesitdownonabench。Iwasinfact——drunk。It’sdisgracefultobedrunk,buttherewassomeexcuse。NowItellyou,sir\"(allthroughhisstoryhewasalwaysmakinguseofthatexpression,itseemedtoinfusefreshspiritintohim,tohelphismemoryinobscureplaces,togivehimthemasteryofhisemotions;itwaslikethepieceofpaperanervousmanholdsinhishandtohelphimthroughaspeech),\"thereneverwasamanwithafinersoulthanmyfriendDalton。Hewasnotclever,thoughhehadreadmuch;andsometimesperhapshewastoofondoftalking。Buthewasagentleman;helistenedtomeasifI hadbeenachild;hewasnotashamedofme——andittakesagentlemannottobeashamedofadrunkenmaninthestreetsofLondon;GodknowswhatthingsIsaidtohimwhileweweresittingthere!Hetookmetohishomeandputmetobedhimself;forIwasdownagainwithfever。\"Hestopped,turnedslightlyfromme,andputhishanduptohisbrow。\"Well,thenitwas,sir,thatIfirstsawher。IamnotapoetandIcannottellyouwhatsheseemedtome。Iwasdelirious,butIalwaysknewwhenshewasthere。Ihaddreamsofsunshineandcornfields,ofdancingwavesatsea,youngtrees——neverthesamedreams,neveranythingforlongtogether;andwhenIhadmysensesI wasafraidtosaysoforfearshewouldgoaway。She’dbeinthecorneroftheroom,withherhairhangingaboutherneck,abrightgoldcolour;sheneverworkedandneverread,butsatandtalkedtoherselfinawhisper,orlookedatmeforalongtimetogetheroutofherblueeyes,alittlefrownbetweenthem,andherupperlipclosedfirmonherlowerlip,whereshehadanuneventooth。Whenherfathercame,she’djumpupandhangontohisneckuntilhegroaned,thenrunaway,butpresentlycomestealingbackontiptoe。Iusedtolistenforherfootstepsonthestairs,thentheknock,thedoorflungbackoropenedquietly——younevercouldtellwhich;andhervoice,withalittlelisp,’Areyoubettertoday,Mr。Brune?Whatfunnythingsyousaywhenyou’redelirious!Fathersaysyou’vebeeninheapsofbattles!\"’ Hegotup,pacedrestlesslytoandfro,andsatdownagain。\"I remembereverywordasifitwereyesterday,allthethingsshesaid,anddid;I’vehadalongtimetothinkthemover,yousee。Well,I musttellyou,thefirstmorningthatIwasabletogetup,Imissedher。Daltoncameinherplace,andIaskedhimwhereshewas。’Mydearfellow,’heanswered,’I’vesentEilieawaytoheroldnurse’sinndownontheriver;she’sbetterthereatthistimeofyear。’Welookedateachother,andIsawthathehadsentherawaybecausehedidn’ttrustme。Iwashurtbythis。Illnessspoilsone。Hewasright,hewasquiteright,forallheknewaboutmewasthatIcouldfightandhadgotdrunk;butIamveryquick—tempered。Imadeupmymindatoncetoleavehim。ButIwastooweak——hehadtoputmetobedagain。TheverynextmorninghecameandproposedthatIshouldgointopartnershipwithhim。Hekeptafencing—schoolandpistol— gallery。ItseemedlikethefingerofGod;andperhapsitwas——whoknows?\"Hefellintoareverie,andtakingouthiscaporal,rolledhimselfacigarette;havinglightedit,hewentonsuddenly:\"There,intheroomabovetheschool,weusedtositintheevenings,oneoneachsideofthegrate。Theroomwasonthesecondfloor,Iremember,withtwowindows,andaviewofnothingbutthehousesopposite。Thefurniturewascoveredupwithchintz。Thethingsonthebookshelfwereneverdisturbed,theywereEilie’s——half—brokencaseswithbutterflies,adeadfroginabottle,ahorse—shoecoveredwithtinfoil,someshellstoo,andacardboardboxwiththreespeckledeggsinit,andthesewordswrittenonthelid:’Missel— thrushfromLucy’stree——secondfamily,onlyoneblown。’\"Hesmokedfiercely,withpuffsthatwerelikesharpsighs。 \"Daltonwaswrappedupinher。Hewasnevertiredoftalkingtomeabouther,andIwasnevertiredofhearing。Wehadanumberofpupils;butintheeveningwhenwesatthere,smoking——ourtalkwouldsoonerorlater——comeroundtoher。Herbedroomopenedoutofthatsitting——room;hetookmeinonceandshowedmeanarrowlittleroomthewidthofapassage,freshandwhite,withaphotographofhermotherabovethebed,andanemptybasketforadogorcat。\"Hebrokeoffwithavexedair,andresumedsternly,asiftryingtobindhimselftothenarrationofhismoreimportantfacts:\"Shewasthenfifteen——hermotherhadbeendeadtwelveyears——abeautiful,face,hermother’s;ithadbeenherdeaththatsentDaltontofightwithus。Well,sir,onedayinAugust,veryhotweather,heproposedarunintothecountry,andwhoshouldmeetusontheplatformwhenwearrivedbutEilie,inabluesun—bonnetandfrock—flaxblue,herfavouritecolour。IwasangrywithDaltonfornottellingmethatweshouldseeher;myclotheswerenotquite——myhairwantedcutting。 Itwasblackthen,sir,\"headded,tracingapatterninthedarknesswithhisstick。\"Shehadalittledonkey—cart;shedrove,and,whilewewalkedoneoneachside,shekeptlookingatmefromunderhersunbonnet。Imusttellyouthatsheneverlaughed——hereyesdanced,hercheekswouldgopink,andherhairshakeaboutonherneck,butsheneverlaughed。Heroldnurse,Lucy,averybroad,goodwoman,hadmarriedtheproprietoroftheinninthevillagethere。Ihaveneverseenanythinglikethatinn:sweetbriaruptotheroof!Andthescent——Iamverysusceptibletoscents!\"Hisheaddrooped,andthecigarettefellfromhishand。Atrainpassingbeneathsentupashowerofsparks。Hestarted,andwenton:\"Wehadourlunchintheparlour——Irememberthatroomverywell,forIspentthehappiestdaysofmylifeafterwardsinthatinn……Wewentintoameadowafterlunch,andmyfriendDaltonfellasleep。Awonderfulthinghappenedthen。Eiliewhisperedtome,’Let’shaveajollytime。’ Shetookmeforthemostgloriouswalk。Theriverwascloseby。 Alovelystream,yourriverThames,socalmandbroad;itislikethespiritofyourpeople。Iwasbewitched;Iforgotmyfriend,I thoughtofnothingbuthowtokeephertomyself。Itwassuchaday! Therearedaysthatarethedevil’s,butthatwastrulyoneofGod’s。 Shetookmetoalittlepondunderanelm—tree,andwedraggedit,wetwo,anhour,forakindoftinyredwormtofeedsomecreaturethatshehad。Wefoundtheminthemud,andwhileshewasbendingover,thecurlsgotinhereyes。Ifyoucouldhaveseenherthen,Ithink,sir,youwouldhavesaidshewaslikethefirstsightofspring…… Wehadteaafterwards,alltogether,inthelonggrassundersomefruit—trees。IfIhadtheknackofwords,therearethingsthatI couldsay。\"Hebent,asthoughindeferencetothoseunspokenmemories。\"Twilightcameonwhileweweresittingthere。Awonderfulthingistwilightinthecountry!Itbecametimeforustogo。 Therewasanavenueoftreescloseby——likeachurchwithawindowattheend,wheregoldenlightcamethrough。Iwalkedupanddownitwithher。’Willyoucomeagain?’shewhispered,andsuddenlysheliftedupherfacetobekissed。Ikissedherasifshewerealittlechild。Andwhenwesaidgood—bye,hereyeswerelookingatmeacrossherfather’sshoulder,withsurpriseandsorrowinthem。’Whydoyougoaway?’theyseemedtosay……ButImusttellyou,\"hewentonhurriedly,\"ofathingthathappenedbeforewehadgoneahundredyards。Weweresmokingourpipes,andI,thinkingofher——whenoutshesprangfromthehedgeandstoodinfrontofus。Daltoncriedout,’Whatareyouhereforagain,youmadgirl?’Sherusheduptohimandhuggedhim;butwhenshelookedatme,herfacewasquitedifferent——careless,defiant,asonemightsay——ithurtme。I couldn’tunderstandit,andwhatonedoesn’tunderstandfrightensone。 IV \"Timewenton。Therewasnoswordsman,orpistol—shotlikemeinLondon,theysaid。Wehadasmanypupilsasweliked——itwastheonlypartofmylifewhenIhavebeenabletosavemoney。Ihadnochancetospendit。Wegavelessonsallday,andintheeveningweretootiredtogoout。ThatyearIhadthemisfortunetolosemydearmother。Ibecamearichman——yes,sir,atthattimeImusthavehadnotlessthansixhundredayear。 \"ItwasalongtimebeforeIsawEilieagain。ShewentabroadtoDresdenwithherfather’ssistertolearnFrenchandGerman。Itwasintheautumnof1875whenshecamebacktous。Shewasseventeenthen——abeautifulyoungcreature。\"Hepaused,asiftogatherhisforcesfordescription,andwenton。 \"Tall,asayoungtree,witheyeslikethesky。Iwouldnotsayshewasperfect,butherimperfectionswerebeautifultome。Whatisitmakesyoulove——ah!sir,thatisveryhiddenandmysterious。Shehadneverlostthetrickofclosingherlipstightlywhensherememberedheruneventooth。Youmaysaythatwasvanity,butinayounggirl—— andwhichofusisnotvain,eh?’Oldmenandmaidens,youngmenandchildren!’ \"AsIsaid,shecamebacktoLondontoherlittleroom,andintheeveningswasalwaysreadywithourtea。Youmustn’tsupposeshewashousewifely;thereissomethinginmethatneveradmiredhousewifeliness——afinequality,nodoubt,still——\"Hesighed。 \"No,\"heresumed,\"Eiliewasnotlikethat,forshewasneverquitethesametwodaystogether。Itoldyouhereyeswerelikethesky—— thatwastrueofallofher。Inonething,however,atthattime,shealwaysseemedthesame——inloveforherfather。Forme!Idon’tknowwhatIshouldhaveexpected;butmypresenceseemedtohavetheeffectofmakingherdumb;Iwouldcatchherlookingatmewithafrown,andthen,asiftomakeuptoherownnature——andamorelovingnaturenevercameintothisworld,thatIshallmaintaintomydyingday——shewouldgotoherfatherandkisshim。WhenItalkedwithhimshepretendednottonotice,butIcouldseeherfacegrowcoldandstubborn。Iamnotquick;anditwasalongtimebeforeI understoodthatshewasjealous,shewantedhimalltoherself。I’veoftenwonderedhowshecouldbehisdaughter,forhewastheverysoulofjusticeandaslowmantoo——andshewasasquickasabird。 ForalongtimeafterIsawherdislikeofme,Irefusedtobelieveit——ifonedoesnotwanttobelieveathingtherearealwaysreasonswhyitshouldnotseemtrue,atleastsoitiswithme,andIsupposewithallselfishmen。 \"Ispenteveningaftereveningthere,when,ifIhadnotthoughtonlyofmyself,Ishouldhavekeptaway。ButonedayIcouldnolongerbeblind。 \"ItwasaSundayinFebruary。IalwayshadaninvitationonSundaystodinewiththeminthemiddleoftheday。Therewasnooneinthesitting—room;butthedoorofEilie’sbedroomwasopen。Iheardhervoice:’Thatman,alwaysthatman!’Itwasenoughforme,Iwentdownagainwithoutcomingin,andwalkedaboutallday。 \"ForthreeweeksIkeptaway。TotheschoolofcourseIcameasusual,butnotupstairs。Idon’tknowwhatItoldDalton——itdidnotsignifywhatyoutoldhim,healwayshadatheoryofhisown,andwaspersuadedofitstruth——averysingle—mindedman,sir。 \"ButnowIcometothemostwonderfuldaysofmylife。Itwasanearlyspringthatyear。Ihadfallenawayalreadyfrommyresolution,andusedtoslinkup——seldom,it’strue——andspendtheeveningwiththemasbefore。OneafternoonIcameuptothesitting— room;thelightwasfailing——itwaswarm,andthewindowswereopen。 Intheairwasthatfeelingwhichcomestoyouonceayear,inthespring,nomatterwhereyoumaybe,inacrowdedstreet,oraloneinaforest;onlyonce——afeelinglike——butIcannotdescribeit。 \"Eiliewassittingthere。Ifyoudon’tknow,sir,Ican’ttellyouwhatitmeanstobenearthewomanoneloves。Shewasleaningonthewindowsill,staringdownintothestreet。Itwasasthoughshemightbelookingoutforsomeone。Istood,hardlybreathing。Sheturnedherhead,andsawme。Hereyeswerestrange。Theyseemedtoaskmeaquestion。ButIcouldn’thavespokenfortheworld。Ican’ttellyouwhatIfelt——Idarednotspeak,orthink,orhope。Ihavebeeninnineteenbattles——severaltimesinpositionsofsomedanger,whentheliftingofafingerperhapsmeantdeath;butIhaveneverfeltwhatIwasfeelingatthatmoment。Iknewsomethingwascoming;andIwasparalysedwithterrorlestitshouldnotcome!\"Hedrewalongbreath。 \"Theservantcameinwithalightandbrokethespell。AllthatnightIlayawakeandthoughtofhowshehadlookedatme,withthecolourcomingslowlyupinhercheeks\"ItwasthreedaysbeforeIpluckedupcouragetogoagain;andthenIfelthereyesonmeatonce——shewasmakinga’cat’scradle’withabitofstring,butIcouldseethemstealingupfromherhandstomyface。Andshewentwanderingabouttheroom,fingeringateverything。Whenherfathercalledout:’What’sthematterwithyou,Elie?’shestaredathimlikeachildcaughtdoingwrong。Ilookedstraightatherthen,shetriedtolookatme,butshecouldn’t;andaminutelatershewentoutoftheroom。GodknowswhatsortofnonsenseItalked——Iwastoohappy。 \"Thenbeganourlove。Ican’ttellyouofthattime。OftenandoftenDaltonsaidtome:’What’scometothechild?NothingIcandopleasesher。’Alltheloveshehadgivenhimwasnowforme;buthewastoosimpleandstraighttoseewhatwasgoingon。Howmanytimeshaven’tIfeltcriminaltowardshim!Butwhenyou’rehappy,withthetideinyourfavour,youbecomeacowardatonce…… V \"Well,sir,\"hewenton,\"weweremarriedonhereighteenthbirthday。 ItwasalongtimebeforeDaltonbecameawareofourlove。Butonedayhesaidtomewithaverygravelook: \"’Eiliehastoldme,Brune;Iforbidit。She’stooyoung,andyou’re——tooold!’Iwasthenforty—five,myhairasblackandthickasarook’sfeathers,andIwasstrongandactive。Iansweredhim: ’Weshallbemarriedwithinamonth!’Wepartedinanger。ItwasaMaynight,andIwalkedoutfarintothecountry。There’snoremedyforanger,or,indeed,foranything,sofineaswalking。OnceI stopped——itwasonacommon,withoutahouseorlight,andthestarsshininglikejewels。Iwashotfromwalking,Icouldfeelthebloodboilinginmyveins——Isaidtomyself’Old,areyou?’AndIlaughedlikeafool。Itwasthethoughtoflosingher——Iwishedtobelievemyselfangry,butreallyIwasafraid;fearandangerinmeareverymuchthesame。Afriendofmine,abitofapoet,sir,oncecalledthem’thetwoblackwingsofself。’Andsotheyare,sotheyare……! ThenextmorningIwenttoDaltonagain,andsomehowImadehimyield。I’mnotaphilosopher,butithasoftenseemedtomethatnobenefitcancometousinthislifewithoutanequallosssomewhere,butdoesthatstopus?No,sir,notoften…… \"Weweremarriedonthe3othofJune1876,intheparishchurch。TheonlypeoplepresentwereDalton,Lucy,andLucy’shusband——abig,red—facedfellow,withblueeyesandagoldenbeardpartedintwo。 Ithadbeenarrangedthatweshouldspendthehoneymoondownattheirinnontheriver。Mywife,DaltonandI,wenttoarestaurantforlunch。Shewasdressedingrey,thecolourofapigeon’sfeathers。\" Hepaused,leaningforwardoverthecrutchhandleofhisstick;