第18章

YourseverMARK。 NewscameofthedeathofRobertIngersoll。Clemenshadbeenalwaysoneofhismostardentadmirers，andawarmpersonalfriend。ToIngersoll”sniecehesentawordofheartfeltsympathy。 ToMissEvaFarrell，inNewYork： 30WELLINGTONCOURT，ALBERTGATE。 DEARMISSFARRELL，——Exceptmydaughter”s，IhavenotgrievedforanydeathasIhavegrievedforhis。Hiswasagreatandbeautifulspirit，hewasaman——allmanfromhiscrowntohisfootsoles。Myreverenceforhimwasdeepandgenuine；Iprizedhisaffectionformeandreturneditwithusury。 SincerelyYours，S。L。CLEMENS。 ClemensandfamilydecidedtospendthesummerinSweden，atSauna，inordertoavailthemselvesofosteopathictreatmentaspractisedbyHeinrickKellgren。Kellgren”smethod，knownasthe“Swedishmovements，“seemedtoMarkTwainawonderfulcureforallailments，andheheraldedthediscoveryfarandwide。HewrotetofriendsfarandnearadvisingthemtotryKellgrenforanythingtheymighthappentohave。Whateveritsbeginning，anyletterwaslikelytoclosewithsomementionofthenewpanacea。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，travelinginEurope： SANNA，Sept。6，”99。 DEARJOE，——I”venobusinessinhere——Ioughttobeoutside。Ishallneverseeanothersunsettobeginwithitthissideofheaven。Venice？ land，whatapoorinterestthatis！Thisistheplacetobe。Ihaveseenabout60sunsetshere；andagood40ofthemwereclearandawaybeyondanythingIhadeverimaginedbeforefordaintyandexquisiteandmarvellousbeautyandinfinitechangeandvariety。America？Italy？Thetropics？Theyhavenonotionofwhatasunsetoughttobe。Andthisone——thisunspeakablewonder！Itdiscountsalltherest。Itbringsthetears，itissounutterablybeautiful。 IfIhadtime，Iwouldsayawordaboutthiscurativesystemhere。ThepeopleactuallydoseveralofthegreatthingstheChristianScientistspretendtodo。Youwishtoadvisewithaphysicianaboutit？Certainly。 Thereisnoobjection。Heknowsnexttosomethingabouthisowntrade，butthatwillnotembarrasshiminframingaverdictaboutthisone。 Irespectyoursuperstitions——weallhavethem。ItwouldbequitenaturalforthecautiousChinamantoaskhisnativepriesttoinstructhimastothevalueofthenewreligiousspecialtywhichtheWesternmissionaryistryingtoputonthemarket，beforeinvestinginit。(Hewouldgetaverdict。) Lovetoyouall！ AlwaysYoursMARK。 Howellswrotethathewasgoingonareading-tour-dreadingit，ofcourse-andaskingforanyadvicethatClemensfeltqualifiedtogive。Naturally，Clemensgavehimthelatesthehadinstock，withoutrealizing，perhaps，thathewasrecommendinganindividualpracticewhichfewwouldbelikelytoimitate。Nevertheless，whathesaysisinteresting。 ToW。D。Howells，inAmerica： SANNA，SWEDEN，Sept。26，”99。 DEARHOWELLS，——Getyourlecturebyheart——itwillpayyou。IlearnedatrickinVienna——byaccident——whichIwishIhadlearnedyearsago。I meanttoreadfromaTauchnitz，becauseIknewIhadn”twellmemorizedthepieces；andIcameonwiththebookandreadafewsentences，thenrememberedthatthesketchneededafewwordsofexplanatoryintroduction；andso，loweringthebookandnowandthenunconsciouslyusingittogesturewith，Italkedtheintroduction，andithappenedtocarrymeintothesketchitself，andthenIwenton，pretendingthatI wasmerelytalkingextraneousmatterandwouldcometothesketchpresently。Itwasabeautifulsuccess。Iknewthesubstanceofthesketchandthetellingphrasesofit；andso，thethrowingoftherestofitintoinformaltalkasIwentalonglimbereditupandgaveitthesnapandgoandfreshnessofanimpromptu。Iwastoreadseveralpieces，andIplayedthesamegamewithallofthem，andalwaystheaudiencethoughtIwasbeingremindedofoutsidethingsandthrowingthemin，andwasgoingtoholdupthebookandbeginonthesketchpresently——andsoI alwaysgotthroughthesketchbeforetheywereentirelysurethatithadbegun。IdidthesamethinginBudapestandhadthesamegoodtimeoveragain。It”sanewdodge，andthebestonethatwaseverinvented。Tryit。You”llneverloseyouraudience——notevenforamoment。Theirattentionisfixed，andneverwavers。AndthatisnotthecasewhereonereadsfrombookorMS。，orwherehestandsupwithoutanoteandfranklyexposesthefact，byhisconfidentmannerandsmoothphrasing，thatheisnotimprovising，butrecitingfrommemory。Andintheheatoftellingathingthatismemorisedinsubstanceonly，oneflashesoutthehappiestsuddenly-begottenphraseseverynowandthen！Tryit。Suchaphrasehasalifeandsparkleaboutitthattwiceasgoodaonecouldnotexhibitifpreparedbeforehand，andit“fetches“anaudienceinsuchanenthusingandinspiringandupliftingwaythatthatluckyphrasebreedsanotherone，sure。 YourSeptemberinstalment——[“TheirSilverWeddingjourney。”]——wasdelicious——everywordofit。Youhaven”tlostanyofyoursplendidart。 Callershavearrived。 WithloveMARK。 “Yes，“wroteHowells，“ifIwereagreathistrionicartistlikeyouIwouldgetmypooressaysbyheart，andrecitethem，butbeingwhatIamIshoulddothethingsolifelesslythatIhadbetterrecognisetheirdeadnessfranklyandreadthem。” FromViennaClemenshadcontributedtotheCosmopolitan，thenownedbyJohnBrisbenWalker，hisfirstarticleonChristianScience。ItwasadeliciousbitofhumorandfoundsuchenthusiasticappreciationthatWalkerwasmovedtosendanadditional$200checkinpaymentforit。Thisbroughtpromptacknowledgment。 ToJohnBrisbenWalker，inIrvington，N。Y。： LONDON，Oct。19，”99 DEARMR。WALKER，——Bygraciousbutyouhaveatalentformakingamanfeelproudandgood！Tosayacomplimentwellisahighart——andfewpossessit。Youknowhowtodoit，andwhenyouconfirmitssinceritywithahandsomechequethelimitisreachedandcomplimentcannohighergo。 Iliketoworkforyou：whenyoudon”tapproveanarticleyousayso，recognizingthatIamnotachildandcanstandit；andwhenyouapproveanarticleIdon”thavetodickerwithyouasifIraisedpeanutsandyoukeptastand；IknowIshallgeteverypennythearticleisworth。 Youhavegivenmeverygreatpleasure，andIthankyouforit。 SincerelyYoursS。L。CLEMENS。 OnthesamedayhesentwordtoHowellsofthegoodluckwhichnowseemedtobecominghisway。TheJoanofArcintroductionwasthesamethattodayappearsinhiscollectedworksunderthetitleofSaintJoanofArc。 ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork： LONDON，Oct。19，”99。 DEARHOWELLS，——My，it”saluckyday！——ofthesortwhenitneverrainsbutitpours。Iwastowriteanintroductiontoanoblerbook——theEnglishtranslationoftheOfficialRecord(unabridged)oftheTrialsandRehabilitationofJoanofArc，andmakealotoffootnotes。IwrotetheintroductioninSweden，andhereafewdaysagoItoreloosefromataleIamwriting，andtooktheMSbookandwentatthegrindofnote-making——afearfuljobforamannotusedtoit。ThismorningbroughtanotefrommyexcellentfriendMurray，arichEnglishmanwhoeditsthetranslation，saying，“Nevermindthenotes——we”llmakethetranslatorsdothem。”Thatwascomfortandjoy。 ThesamemailbroughtanotefromCanonWilberforce，askingmetotalkJoanofArcinhisdrawing-roomtotheDukesandEarlsandM。P。”s—— (whichwouldfetchmeoutofmyseclusionandintoprint，andIcouldn”thavethat，)andsoofcourseImustrundowntotheAbbeyandexplain—— andloseanhour。JustthencameMurrayandsaid“Leavethattome——I”llgoanddotheexplainingandputthethingoff3months；youwriteanoteandtellhimIamcoming。” (WhichIdid，later。Wilberforcecarriedoffmyhatfromalunchpartylastsummer，andinto-day”snotehesaidhewouldn”tstealmynewhatthistime。InmynoteIsaidIcouldn”tmakethedrawing-roomtalk，now——Murraywouldexplain；andaddedaP。S。：“Youmustn”tthinkitisbecauseIamafraidtotrustmyhatinyourreachagain，forIassureyouuponhonoritisn”t。Ishouldbringmyoldone。” IhadsuggestedtoMurrayafortnightago，thathegetsomebiggunstowriteintroductorymonographsforthebook。 MissX，Joan”sVoicesandProphecies。 TheLordChiefJusticeofEngland，thelegalprodigieswhichsheperformedbeforeherjudges。 LordRoberts，hermilitarygenius。 Kipling，herpatriotism。 Andsoon。WhenhecamethismorninghesaidhehadcapturedMissX； thatLordRobertsandKiplingweregoingtotakeholdandseeiftheycoulddomonographsworthyofthebook。Hehadn”truntheotherstocoveryet，butwasontheirtrack。Verygoodnews。Itisagrandbook，andisentitledtothebesteffortsofthebestpeople。Asforme，I tookpainswithmyIntroduction，andIadmitthatitisnoslouchofaperformance。 ThenIcamedowntoChatto”s，andfoundyouralltoobeautifulletter，andwasliftedhigherthanever。NextcamelettersfromAmericaproperlyglorifyingmyChristianSciencearticleintheCosmopolitan(andoneroundlyabusingit，)andaletterfromJohnBrisbenWalkerenclosing$200 additionalpayforthearticle(hehadalreadypaidenough，butIdidn”tmentionthat——whichwasn”trightofme，forthisisthesecondtimehehasdonesuchathing，whereasGilderhasdoneitonlyonceandnooneelseever。)ImakenopriceswithWalkerandGilder——Icantrustthem。 AndlastofallcamealetterfromM。HowIdowishthatmanwasinhell。Even-thebriefestlinefromthatidiotputsmeinarage。 Butonthewholeithasbeenadelightfulday，andwithM——inhellitwouldhavebeenperfect。Butthatwillhappen，andIcanwait。 Ah，ifIcouldlookintotheinsideofpeopleasyoudo，andputitonpaper，andinventthingsforthemtodoandsay，andtellhowtheysaidit，Icouldwritsafineandreadablebooknow，forI”vegotaprimesubject。I”vewritten30，000wordsofitandsatisfiedmyselfthatthestuffisthere；soIamgoingtodiscardthatMSandbeginalloveragainandhaveagoodtimewithit。 Oh，Iknowhowyoufeel！I”vebeeninhellmyself。Youaretheretonight。Bydifferenceintimeyouareatluncheon，now——andnoteatingit。Nothingissolonesomeasgaddingaroundplatforming。Ihavedeclined45lecturesto-day-EnglandandScotland。Iwantedthemoney，butnotthetorture：Goodlucktoyou！——andrepentance。 WithlovetoallofyouMARK。 LETTERSOF1900，MAINLYTOTWICHELL。THEBOERWAR。BOXERTROUBLES。 THERETURNTOAMERICA TheNewYearfoundClemensstillinLondon，chieflyinterestedinosteopathyandcharacteristicallyglorifyingthepracticeattheexpenseofotherhealingmethods。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： LONDON，Jan。8，1900。 DEARJOE，——MentalTelepathyhasscoredanother。MentalTelegraphywillbegreatlyrespectedacenturyhence。 BytheaccidentofwritingmysisteranddescribingtohertheremarkablecuresmadebyKellgrenwithhishandsandwithoutdrugs，Ibroughtuponmyselfaquitestunningsurprise；forshewrotetomethatshehadbeentakingthisverytreatmentinBuffalo——andthatitwasanAmericaninvention。 Well，itdoesreallyturnoutthatDr。Still，inthemiddleofKansas，inavillage，begantoexperimentin1874，onlyfiveyearsafterKellgrenbeganthesameworkobscurelyinthevillageofGotha，inGermany。Dr。 Stillseemstobeanhonestman；thereforeIampersuadedthatKellgrenmovedhimtohisexperimentsbyMentalTelegraphyacrosssixhoursoflongitude，withoutneedofawire。BythetimeStillbegantoexperiment，KellgrenhadcompletedhisdevelopmentoftheprinciplesofhissystemandestablishedhimselfinagoodpracticeinLondon——1874—— andwasingoodshapetoconveyhisdiscoverytoKansas，MentalTelegraphically。 Yes，Iwasgreatlysurprisedtofindthatmymare”snestwasmuchinarrears：thatthisnewsciencewaswellknowninAmericaunderthenameofOsteopathy。Sincethen，Ifindthatinthepast3yearsithasgotitselflegalizedin14Statesinspiteoftheoppositionofthephysicians；thatithasestablished20Osteopathicschoolsandcolleges； thatamongitsstudentsare75allopathicphysicians；thatthereisaschoolinBostonandanotherinPhiladelphia，thatthereareabout100 studentsintheparentcollege(Dr。Still”satKirksville，Missouri，)andthatthereareabout2，000graduatespracticinginAmerica。Dearme，therearenot30inEurope。Europeissosunkinsuperstitionsandprejudicesthatitisanalmostimpossiblethingtogethertodoanythingbutscoffatanewthing——unlessitcomefromabroad；aswitnessthetelegraph，dentistry，&c。 PresentlytheOsteopathwillcomeoverherefromAmericaandwillsoonmakehimselfapowerthatmustberecognizedandreckonedwith；andthen，25yearsfromnow，Englandwillbegintoclaimtheinventionandtellallaboutitsorigin，intheCyclopediaB——asinthecaseofthetelegraph，appliedanaestheticsandtheotherbenefactionswhichsheheapedherabuseuponwhenherinventorsfirstofferedthemtoher。 IcannothelpfeelingratherinordinatelyproudofAmericaforthegayandheartywayinwhichshetakesholdofanynewthingthatcomesalongandgivesitafirstratetrial。ManyanassinAmerica，isgettingadealofbenefitoutofX-Science”snewexploitationofanage-oldhealingprinciple——faith，combinedwiththepatient”simagination——letitboomalong！Ihavenoobjection。Letthemcallitbywhatnametheychoose，solongasitdoeshelpfulworkamongtheclasswhichisnumericallyvastlythelargestbulkofthehumanrace，i。e。thefools，theidiots，thepudd”nheads。 Wedonotguess，weknowthat9in10ofthespeciesarepudd”nheads。 Weknowitbyvariousevidences；andoneofthemis，thatforagestheracehasrespected(andalmostvenerated)thephysician”sgrotesquesystem——theemptyingofmiscellaneousandharmfuldrugsintoaperson”sstomachtoremoveailmentswhichinmanycasesthedrugscouldnotreachatall；inmanycasescouldreachandhelp，butonlyatcostofdamagetosomeotherpartoftheman；andintheremainderofthecasesthedrugeitherretardedthecure，orthediseasewascuredbynatureinspiteofthenostrums。Thedoctor”sinsanesystemhasnotonlybeenpermittedtocontinueitsfolliesforages，buthasbeenprotectedbytheStateandmadeaclosemonopoly——aninfamousthing，acrimeagainstafree-man”sproperrighttochoosehisownassassinorhisownmethodofdefendinghisbodyagainstdiseaseanddeath。 Andyetatthesametime，withcuriousandsenileinconsistency，theStatehasallowedthemantochoosehisownassassin——inonedetail——thepatent-medicinedetail——makingitselftheprotectorofthatperilousbusiness，collectingmoneyoutofit，andappointingnocommitteeofexpertstoexaminethemedicinesandforbidthemwhenextradangerous。 Really，whenamancanprovethatheisnotajackass，Ithinkheisinthewaytoprovethatheisnolegitimatememberoftherace。 Ihavebymealistof52humanailments——commonones——andinthislistI count19whichthephysician”sartcannotcure。Butthereisn”tonewhichOsteopathyorKellgrencannotcure，ifthepatientcomesearly。 FifteenyearsagoIhadadeepreverenceforthephysicianandthesurgeon。But6monthsofcloselywatchingtheKellgrenbusinesshasrevolutionizedallthat，andnowIhaveneitherreverencenorrespectforthephysician”strade，andscarcelyanyforthesurgeon”s，——Iamconvincedthatofallquackeries，thephysician”sisthegrotesquestandthesilliest。Andtheyknowtheyareshamsandhumbugs。Theyhavetakentheplaceofthoseaugurswhocouldn”tlookeachotherinthefacewithoutlaughing。 Seewhatapowerfulholdourancientsuperstitionshaveuponus：twoweeksago，whenLivycommittedanincredibleimprudenceandbyconsequencewaspromptlystrickendownwithaheavytripleattack—— influenza，bronchitis，andalungaffected——sherecognizedthegravityofthesituation，andheroldsuperstitionsrose：shethoughtsheoughttosendforadoctor——Thinkofit——thelastmanintheworldIshouldwantaroundatsuchatime。OfcourseIdidnotsayno——notthatIwasindisposedtotaketheresponsibility，forIwasnot，mynotionofadangerousresponsibilitybeingquitetheotherway——butbecauseitisunsafetodistressasickperson；Ionlysaidweknewnogooddoctor，anditcouldnotbegoodpolicytochooseathazard；sosheallowedmetosendforKellgren。To-daysheisupandaround-Lured。Itissafetosaythatpersonshitinthesamewayatthesametimeareinbedyet，andbookedtostaythereagoodwhile，andtobeinashacklyconditionandafraidoftheirshadowsforacoupleofyearsormoretocome。 ItwillbeseenbytheforegoingthatMarkTwain”sinterestintheKellgrensystemwasstillanardentone。Indeed，foratimehegavemostofhisthoughttoit，andwroteseverallongappreciations，perhapswithlittleideaofpublication，butmerelytogethisenthusiasmphysicallyexpressed。War，however，presentlysupplantedmedicine——theBoertroublesinSouthAfricaandtheBoxerinsurrectioninChina。Itwasadisturbing，excitingyear。 ToW。D。Howells，inBoston： WELLINGTONCOURT，KNIGHTSBRIDGE，Jan。25，1900。 DEARHOWELLS，——IfyougothalfasmuchasPondprophesied，becontentandpraiseGod——ithasnothappenedtoanother。ButIamsorryhedidn”tgowithyou；foritismarveloustohearhimyarn。Heisgoodcompany，cheeryandhearty，andhismillisneveridle。Yourdoingalecturetourwasheroic。Itwasthehighestorderofgrit，andyouhavearighttobeproudofyourself。Nomountofapplauseormoneyorbothcouldsaveitfrombeingahelltoamanconstitutedasyouare。Itisthateventome，whoammadeofcoarserstuff。 Iknewtheaudienceswouldcomeforwardandshakehandswithyou——thatoneinfalliblesignofsincereapproval。Inallmylife，whereveritfailedmeIleftthehallsickandashamed，knowingwhatitmeant。 Privatelyspeaking，thisisasordidandcriminalwar，andineverywayshamefulandexcuseless。EverydayIwrite(inmyhead)bittermagazinearticlesaboutit，butIhavetostopwiththat。ForEnglandmustnotfall；itwouldmeananinundationofRussianandGermanpoliticaldegradationswhichwouldenveloptheglobeandsteepitinasortofMiddle-AgenightandslaverywhichwouldlasttillChristcomesagain。 Evenwrong——andsheiswrong——Englandmustbeupheld。Heisanenemyofthehumanracewhoshallspeakagainsthernow。Whywasthehumanracecreated？Oratleastwhywasn”tsomethingcreditablecreatedinplaceofit。Godhadhisopportunity。Hecouldhavemadeareputation。Butno，Hemustcommitthisgrotesquefolly——alarkwhichmusthavecosthimaregretortwowhenHecametothinkitoverandobserveeffects。Foragiddyandunbecomingcapricetherehasbeennothinglikeittillthiswar。Italkthewarwithbothsides——alwayswaitinguntiltheothermanintroducesthetopic。ThenIsay“MyheadiswiththeBriton，butmyheartandsuchragsofmoralsasIhavearewiththeBoer——nowwewilltalk，unembarrassedandwithoutprejudice。”Andsowediscuss，andhavenotrouble。 Jan。26。 Itwasmyintentiontomakesomedisparagingremarksaboutthehumanrace；andsoIkeptthisletteropenforthatpurpose，andforthepurposeoftellingmydream，whereintheTrinityweretryingtoguessaconundrum，butIcandobetter——forIcansnipoutofthe“Times“varioussamplesandside-lightswhichbringtheracedowntodate，andexposeitasofyesterday。Ifyouwillnotice，thereisseldomatelegraminapaperwhichfailstoshowuponeormoremembersandbeneficiariesofourCivilizationaspromenadinginhisshirt-tail，withtherestofhisregaliainthewash。 Ilovetoseetheholyonesairtheirsmugpietiesandadmirethemandsmirkoverthem，andatthesamemomentfranklyandpubliclyshowtheircontemptforthepietiesoftheBoer——confidentlyexpectingtheapprovalofthecountryandthepulpit，andgettingit。 InoticethatGodisonbothsidesinthiswar；thushistoryrepeatsitself。ButIamtheonlypersonwhohasnoticedthis；everybodyherethinksHeisplayingthegameforthisside，andforthissideonly。 WithgreatlovetoyouallMARK。 OnecannothelpwonderingwhatMarkTwainwouldhavethoughtofhumannaturehadhelivedtoseethegreatWorldWar，foughtmainlybytheChristiannationswhofornearlytwothousandyearshadbeenpreachingpeaceonearthandgoodwilltowardmen。Buthisopinionoftheracecouldhardlyhavebeenworsethanitwas。Andnothingthathumanbeingscoulddowouldhavesurprisedhim。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： LONDON，Jan。27，1900。 DEARJOE，——ApparentlywearenotproposingtosettheFilipinosfreeandgivetheirislandstothem；andapparentlywearenotproposingtohangthepriestsandconfiscatetheirproperty。Ifthesethingsareso，thewarouttherehasnointerestforme。 IhavejustbeenexaminingchapterLXXof“FollowingtheEquator，“toseeiftheBoer”soldmilitaryeffectivenessisholdingout。Itreadscuriouslyasifithadbeenwrittenaboutthepresentwar。 IbelievethatinthenextchaptermynotionoftheBoerwasrightlyconceived。Heispopularlycalleduncivilized，Idonotknowwhy。 Happiness，food，shelter，clothing，wholesalelabor，modestandrationalambitions，honesty，kindliness，hospitality，loveoffreedomandlimitlesscouragetofightforit，composureandfortitudeintimeofdisaster，patienceintimeofhardshipandprivation，absenceofnoiseandbragintimeofvictory，contentmentwithahumbleandpeacefullifevoidofinsaneexcitements——ifthereisahigherandbetterformofcivilizationthanthis，Iamnotawareofitanddonotknowwheretolookforit。Isupposewehavethehabitofimaginingthatalotofartistic，intellectualandotherartificialitiesmustbeadded，oritisn”tcomplete。WeandtheEnglishhavetheselatter；butaswelackthegreatbulkoftheseothers，IthinktheBoercivilizationisthebestofthetwo。Myideaofourcivilizationisthatitisashabbypoorthingandfullofcruelties，vanities，arrogancies，meannesses，andhypocrisies。Asfortheword，Ihatethesoundofit，foritconveysalie；andasforthethingitself，Iwishitwasinhell，whereitbelongs。 Providedwecouldgetsomethingbetterintheplaceofit。Butthatisnotpossible，perhaps。Poorasitis，itisbetterthanrealsavagery，thereforewemuststandbyit，extendit，and(inpublic)praiseit。 AndsowemustnotutteranyhatefulwordaboutEnglandinthesedays，norfailtohopethatshewillwininthiswar，forherdefeatandfallwouldbeanirremediabledisasterforthemangyhumanrace……Naturally，then，IamforEngland；butsheisprofoundlyinthewrong，Joe，andno(instructed)Englishmandoubtsit。Atleastthatismybelief。 MaybeImanagedtomakemyselfmisunderstood，astotheOsteopathists。 Iwantedtoknowhowthemenimpressyou。AstotheirArt，Iknowfairlywellaboutthat，andshouldnotvalueHartford”sopinionofit；noraphysician”s；northatofanotherwhoproposedtoenlightenmeoutofhisignorance。Opinionsbasedupontheory，superstitionandignorancearenotveryprecious。 Livyandtheothersareoffforthecountryforadayortwo。 LovetoyouallMARK。 Thenextletteraffordsapleasantvariation。Withoutdoubtitwaswrittenonrealizingthatgoodnatureandenthusiasmhadledhimintoindiscretion。Thiswasalwayshappeningtohim，andletterslikethisarenotinfrequent，thoughgenerallylessentertaining。 ToMr。Ann，inLondon： WELLINGTONCOURT，Feb。23，”00。 DEARMR。ANN，——Uponsobersecondthought，itwon”tdo！——Iwithdrawthatletter。NotbecauseIsaidanythinginitwhichisnottrue，forI didn”t；butbecausewhenIallowmynametobeusedinforwardingastock-schemeIamassumingacertaindegreeofresponsibilityastowardtheinvestor，andIamnotwillingtodothat。Ihaveanotherobjection，apurelyselfishone：tradinguponmyname，whethertheenterprisescoredasuccessorafailurewoulddamageme。Ican”taffordthat；eventheArchbishopofCanterburycouldn”taffordit，andhehasmorecharactertosparethanIhave。(Ah，ahappythought！Ifhewouldsigntheletterwithmethatwouldchangethewholecomplexionofthething，ofcourse。 Idonotknowhim，yetIwouldsignanycommercialschemethathewouldsign。Ashedoesnotknowme，itfollowsthathewouldsignanythingthatIwouldsign。Thisisunassailablelogic——butreallythatisallthatcanbesaidforit。) No，Iwithdrawtheletter。Thisvirginispureuptodate，andisgoingtoremainso。 Yssincerely，S。L。C。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： WELLINGTONCOURT，KNIGHTSBRIDGE，Mch。4，”00。 DEARJOE，——HenryRobinson”sdeathisasharpwoundtome，anditgoesverydeep。Ihadastrongaffectionforhim，andIthinkhehadforme。 EveryFriday，three-fourthsoftheyearfor16yearshewasofthebilliard-partyinourhouse。Whenwecomehome，howshallwehavebilliard-nightsagain——withnoNedBunceandnoHenryRobinson？ IbelieveIcouldnotendurethat。Wemustfindanotheruseforthatroom。Susyisgone，Georgeisgone，LibbyHamersley，NedBunce，HenryRobinson。Thefriendsarepassing，onebyone；ourhouse，wheresuchwarmbloodandsuchdearbloodflowedsofreely，isbecomeacemetery。 Butnotinanyrepellentsense。Ourdeadarewelcomethere；theirlifemadeitbeautiful，theirdeathhashallowedit，weshallhavethemwithusalways，andtherewillbenoparting。 ItwasamovingaddressyoumadeoverWardCheney——thatfortunate，youth！ LikeSusy，hegotoutoflifeallthatwasworththeliving，andgothisgreatrewardbeforehehadcrossedthetropicfrontierofdreamsandenteredtheSaharaoffact。ThedeepconsciousnessofSusy”sgoodfortuneisaconstantcomforttome。 Londonishappy-heartedatlast。TheBritishvictorieshavesweptthecloudsawayandtherearenouncheerfulfaces。Forthreemonthstheprivatedinnerparties(wegotonopublicones)havebeenLodgesofSorrow，andjustalittledepressingsometimes；butnowtheyaresmileyandanimatedagain。Joe，doyouknowtheIrishgentlemanandtheIrishlady，theScotchgentlemanandtheScotchlady？Thesearedarlings，everyone。NightbeforelastitwasallIrish——24。Onewouldhavetotravelfartomatchtheireaseandsociabilityandanimationandsparkleandabsenceofshynessandself-consciousness。 ItwasAmericaninthesefinequalities。ThiswasatMr。Lecky”s。HeisIrish，youknow。LastnightitwasIrishagain，atLadyGregory”s。LordRobertsisIrish；andSirWilliamButler；andKitchener，Ithink；andadisproportionoftheotherprominentGeneralsareofIrishandScotchbreed-keepingupthetraditionsofWellington，andSirColinCampbelloftheMutiny。YouwillhavenoticedthatinS。A。asintheMutiny，itisusuallytheIrishandtheScotchthatareplacedinthefore-frontofthebattle。AnIrishfriendofminesaysthisisbecausetheKeltsareidealists，andenthusiasts，withage-oldheroismstoemulateandkeepbrightbeforetheworld；butthatthelow-classEnglishmanisdullandwithoutideals，fightingbull-doggishlywhilehehasaleader，butlosinghisheadandgoingtopieceswhenhisleaderfalls——notsowiththeKelt。 SirWm。Butlersaid“theKeltisthespear-headoftheBritishlance。” Lovetoyouall。 MARK。 TheHenryRobinsonmentionedintheforegoingletterwasHenryC。 Robinson，one-timeGovernorofConnecticut，longadearandintimatefriendoftheClemenshousehold。“Lecky“wasW。E。H。Lecky，theIrishhistorianwhoseHistoryofEuropeanMoralshadbeen，formanyyears，oneofMarkTwain”sfavoritebooks： InJulytheClemensesleftthesmallapartmentat30WellingtonCourtandestablishedasummerhouseholdalittlewayoutofLondon，atDollisHill。To-daytheplacehasbeengiventothepublicunderthenameofGladstonePark，socalledforthereasonthatinanearliertimeGladstonehadfrequentlyvisitedthere。Itwasabeautifulspot，aplaceofgreengrassandspreadingoaks。InaletterinwhichMrs。Clemenswrotetohersistershesaid：“Itissimplydivinelybeautifulandpeaceful；thegreat，oldtreesarebeyondeverything。IbelievenowhereintheworlddoyoufindsuchtreesasinEngland。”ClemenswrotetoTwichell：“Fromthehouseyoucanseelittlebutspaciousstretchesofhay-fieldsandgreenturf……Yetthemassed，brickblocksofLondonarereachableinthreeminutesonahorse。ByrailwecanbeintheheartofLondon，inBakerStreet，inseventeenminutes——byasmarttraininfive。” Mail，however，wouldseemtohavebeenlessprompt。 TotheEditoroftheTimes，inLondon： SIR，——IthasoftenbeenclaimedthattheLondonpostalservicewasswifterthanthatofNewYork，andIhavealwaysbelievedthattheclaimwasjustified。Butadoubthaslatelysprungupinmymind。IliveeightmilesfromPrintingHouseSquare；theTimesleavesthatpointat4 o”clockinthemorning，bymail，andreachesmeat5intheafternoon，thusmakingthetripinthirteenhours。 ItismyconvictionthatinNewYorkweshoulddoitineleven。 C。 DOLLISHILL，N。W。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： DOLLISHILLHOUSE，KILBURN，N。W。 LONDON，Aug。12，”00。 DEARJOE，——TheSagesProf。FiskeandBranderMatthewswereoutheretoteaaweekagoanditwasabreathofAmericanairtoseethem。Wefurnishedthemabrightdayandcomfortableweather——andtheyuseditallup，intheirextravagantAmericanway。Sincethenwehavesatbycoalfires，evenings。 WeshallsailforhomesometimeinOctober，butshallwinterinNewYorkwherewecanhaveanosteopathofgoodreputetocontinuetheworkofputtingthisfamilyinpropercondition。 LivyandIdinedwiththeChiefjusticeamonthagoandhewasaswell- conditionedasanathlete。 ItisallChina，now，andmysympathiesarewiththeChinese。TheyhavebeenvillainouslydealtwithbythesceptredthievesofEurope，andI hopetheywilldrivealltheforeignersoutandkeepthemoutforgood。 Ionlywishit；ofcourseIdon”treallyexpectit。 Why，hangit，itoccurstomethatbythetimewereachNewYorkyouTwichellswillbeinvadingEuropeandoncemoreweshallmisstheconnection。Thisisthoroughlyexasperating。Aren”tweevergoingtomeetagain？ Withnoendoflovefromallofus，MARK。 P。S。Aug。18。 DEARJOE，——Itis7。30a。m。Ihavebeenwakingveryearly，lately。Ifitoccursoncemore，itwillbehabit；thenIwillsubmitandadoptit。 Thisisourdayofmourning。ItisfouryearssinceSusydied；itisfiveyearsandamonththatIsawheraliveforthelasttime-throwingkissesatusfromtherailwayplatformwhenwestartedWestaroundtheworld。 Sometimesitisacentury；sometimesitwasyesterday。 WithloveMARK。 WediscoverintheforegoingletterthatthelongEuropeanresidencewasdrawingtoanend。MorethannineyearshadpassedsincetheclosingoftheHartfordhouse——eventfulyearsthathadseenfailure，bereavement，battlewithdebt，andrehabilitatedfortunes。Allthefamilywereanxioustogethome——MarkTwainmostanxiousofall。 TheyclosedDollisHillHouseneartheendofSeptember，andputupforabriefperiodatafamilyhotel，anamusingpictureofwhichfollows。 ToJ。Y。M。MacAlister，inLondon： Sep。1900。 MYDEARMACALISTER，——WedoreallystartnextSaturday。Imeanttosailearlier，butwaitedtofinishsomestudiesofwhatarecalledFamilyHotels。TheyareaLondonspecialty，Godhasnotpermittedthemtoexistelsewhere；theyareramshackleclubswhichweredwellingsatthetimeoftheHeptarchy。DoverandAlbemarleStreetsarefilledwiththem。Theoncespaciousroomsaresplitupintocoopswhichaffordasmuchdiscomfortascanbehadanywhereoutofjailforanymoney。Allthemoderninconveniencesarefurnished，andsomethathavebeenobsoleteforacentury。Thepricesareastonishinglyhighforwhatyouget。Thebedroomsarehospitalsforincurablefurniture。Ifinditsointhisone。Theyexistuponatradition；theyrepresentthevanishinghome-likeinnoffiftyyearsago，andaremistakenbyforeignersforit。SomequiterespectableEnglishmenstillfrequentthemthroughinheritedhabitandarresteddevelopment；manyAmericansalso，throughignoranceandsuperstition。TheroomsareasinterestingastheTowerofLondon，butolderIthink。Olderanddearer。TheliftwasagiftofWilliamtheConqueror，someofthebedsareprehistoric。Theyrepresentgeologicalperiods。Mineistheoldest。ItisformedinstrataofOldRedSandstone，volcanictufa，ignisfatuus，andbicarbonateofhornblende，superimposeduponargillaceousshale，andcontainstheprintsofprehistoricman。ItisinNo。149。Thousandsofscientistscometoseeit。Theyconsideritholy。Theywanttoblastouttheprintsbutcannot。Dynamitereboundsfromit。 FinishedstudiesandsailSaturdayinMinnehaha。 Yourseveraffectionately，MARKTWAIN。 TheysailedforNewYorkOctober6th，andsomethingmorethanaweeklaterAmericagavethemaroyalwelcome。Thepress，farandwide，soundedMarkTwain”spraisesoncemore；dinnersandreceptionswereofferedoneveryhand；editorsandlectureagentsclamoredforhim。 ThefamilysettledintheEarlingtonHotelduringaperiodofhouse- hunting。TheyhopedeventuallytoreturntoHartford，butafterabriefvisitpaidbyClemensalonetotheoldplacehewrote： ToSylvesterBaxter，inBoston： NEWYORK，Oct。26，1900。 DEARMR。BAXTER，——Itwasagreatpleasuretometorenewtheotherdayswithyou，andtherewasapatheticpleasureinseeingHartfordandthehouseagain；butIrealizethatifweeverenterthehouseagaintolive，ourheartswillbreak。Iamnotsurethatweshalleverbestrongenoughtoendurethatstrain。 Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。 Mr。andMrs。Rogerswishedtohavethemintheirneighborhood，butthehousestherewerenotsuitable，orweretooexpensive。ThroughMr。FrankDoubledaytheyeventuallyfound，at14WestTenthStreet，alargeresidencehandsomelyfurnished，andthistheyengagedforthewinter。“Wewereluckytogetthisbighousefurnished，“hewroteMacAlisterinLondon。“Therewasnotanotheroneintownprocurablethatwouldanswerus，butthisoneisallright——spaceenoughinitforseveralfamilies，theroomsallold-fashioned，greatsize。” ThelittlenotethatfollowsshowsthatMarkTwainhadnotentirelyforgottenthedaysofTomSawyerandHuckFinn。 ToaNeighboronWestTenthStreet，NewYork： Nov。30。 DEARMADAM，——IknowIoughttorespectmydutyandperformit，butIamweakandfaithlesswhereboysareconcerned，andIcan”thelpsecretlyapprovingprettybadandnoisyones，thoughIdoobjecttothekindthatringdoor-bells。Myfamilytrytogetmetostoptheboysfromholdingconventionsonthefrontsteps，butIbaselyshirkoutofit，becauseI thinktheboysenjoyit。 MywifehasbeencomplainingtomethiseveningabouttheboysonthefrontstepsandundercompulsionIhavemadesomepromises。ButIamveryforgetful，nowthatIamold，andmysenseofdutyisgettingspongy。 Verytrulyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。 EndLettersVol。5 byMarkTwainVOLUMEV。 MARKTWAIN”SLETTERS1901-1906 XL LETTERSOF1901，CHIEFLYTOTWICHELL。MARKTWAINASAREFORMER。 SUMMERATSARANAC。ASSASSINATIONOFPRESIDENTMcKINLEY AneditorialintheLouisvilleCourier-Journal，earlyin1901，said： “Aremarkabletransformation，orratheradevelopment，hastakenplaceinMarkTwain。Thegenialhumoristoftheearlierdayisnowareformerofthevigorouskind，asortofknighterrantwhodoesnothesitatetobreakalancewitheitherChurchorStateifhethinkstheminterposingonthatbroadhighwayoverwhichhebelievesnotapartbutthewholeofmankindhastheprivilegeofpassingintheonwardmarchoftheages。” MarkTwainhadbegun“breakingthelance“verysoonafterhisreturnfromEurope。Hedidnotbelievethathecouldreformtheworld，butatleastheneednotwithholdhisprotestagainstthosethingswhichstirredhiswrath。Hebeganbycausingthearrestofacabmanwhohadnotonlyoverchargedbutinsultedhim；hecontinuedbywritingopenlyagainsttheAmericanpolicyinthePhilippines，themissionarypropagandawhichhadresultedintheChineseuprisingandmassacre，andagainstTammanypolitics。Notallofhiseffortswereinthelineofreform；hehadbecomeasortofgeneralspokesmanwhichthepublicflockedtohear，whateverthesubject。OntheoccasionofaLincolnBirthdayserviceatCarnegieHallhewaschosentopreside，andhewasobligedtoattendmoredinnersthanweregoodforhishealth。HislettersofthisperiodweremainlywrittentohisoldfriendTwichell，inHartford。Howells，wholivedinNewYork，hesawwithconsiderablefrequency。 IntheletterwhichfollowsthemedicinewhichTwichellwastotakewasPlasmon，anEnglishproprietaryremedyinwhichMarkTwainhadinvested——apanaceaforallhumanillswhichosteopathycouldnotreach。 ToRev。JosephTwichell，inHartford： 14W。10THST。Jan。23，”01。 DEARJOE，——Certainly。Iusedtotakeitinmycoffee，butitsettledtothebottomintheformofmud，andIhadtoeatitwithaspoon；soI droppedthecustomandtookmy2teaspoonfulsincoldmilkafterbreakfast。IfwewereoutofmilkIshoveledthedrypowderintomymouthandwasheditdownwithwater。Theonlyessentialistogetitdown，themethodisnotimportant。 No，blameit，Ican”tgototheAlumnidinner，Joe。Ittakestwodays，andIcan”tsparethetime。MoreoverIpresideattheLincolnbirthdaycelebrationinCarnegieHallFeb。11andImustnotmaketwospeechessoclosetogether。Thinkofit——twooldrebelsfunctioningthere——IasPresident，andWattersonasOratoroftheDay！Thingshavechangedsomewhatinthese40years，thankGod。 Lookhere——whenyoucomedownyoumustbeourguest——we”vegotaroomyroomforyou，andLivywillmaketroubleifyougoelsewhere。Comestraightto14West10th。 Jan。24。LivysaysAmentothat；also，canyougiveusadayortwo”snotice，sotheroomwillbesuretobevacant？ I”mgoingtostickclosetomydeskforamonth，now，hopingtowriteasmallbook。 YsEverMARK TheletterwhichfollowsisafairsampleofMarkTwain”sprivateviolenceonasubjectwhich，inpublicprint，hecouldonlytreateffectivelybypreservinghisgoodhumor。Whenhefounditnecessarytoboilover，ashedid，nowandthen，forrelief，healwaysfoundawillingaudienceinTwichell。Thementionofhis“PrivatePhilosophy“refersto”WhatIsMan？”，privatelypublishedin1906；reissuedbyhispublishersin1916。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： 14W。10thJan。29，”01。 DEARJOE，——I”mnotexpectinganythingbutkicksforscoffing，andamexpectingadiminutionofmybreadandbutterbyit，butifLivywillletmeIwillhavemysay。Thisnationislikealltheothersthathavebeenspewedupontheearth——readytoshoutforanycausethatwilltickleitsvanityorfillitspocket。Whatahellofaheavenitwillbe，whentheygetallthesehypocritesassembledthere！ Ican”tunderstandit！Youareapublicguideandteacher，Joe，andareunderaheavyresponsibilitytomen，youngandold；ifyouteachyourpeople——asyouteachme——tohidetheiropinionswhentheybelievetheflagisbeingabusedanddishonored，lesttheutterancedothemandapublisheradamage，howdoyouanswerforittoyourconscience？Youaresorryforme；inthefairwayofgiveandtake，Iamwillingtobealittlesorryforyou。 However，IseemtobegoingcountertomyownPrivatePhilosophy——whichLivywon”tallowmetopublish——becauseitwoulddestroyme。ButIhopetoseeitinprintbeforeIdie。Iplannedit15yearsago，andwroteitin”98。I”veoftentriedtoreadittoLivy，butshewon”thaveit；itmakeshermelancholy。Thetruthalwayshasthateffectonpeople。Wouldhave，anyway，iftheyevergotholdofaragofit——Whichtheydon”t。 YouaresupposingthatIamsupposingthatIammovedbyaLargePatriotism，andthatIamdistressedbecauseourPresidenthasblundereduptohisneckinthePhilippinemess；andthatIamgrievedbecausethisgreatbigignorantnation，whichdoesn”tknoweventheABCfactsofthePhilippineepisode，isindisgracebeforethesarcasticworld——dropthatidea！Icarenothingfortherest——IamonlydistressedandtroubledbecauseIambefouledbythesethings。Thatisall。WhenIsearchmyselfawaydowndeep，Ifindthisout。Whateveramanfeelsorthinksordoes，thereisneveranybutonereasonforit——andthatisaselfishone。 Atgreatinconvenience，andexpenseofprecioustimeIwenttothechiefsynagoguetheothernightandtalkedintheinterestofacharityschoolofpoorJewgirls。Iknow——tothefinest，shades——theselfishendsthatmovedme；butnooneelsesuspects。IcouldgiveyouthedetailsifI hadtime。Youwouldperceivehowtruetheyare。 I”vewrittenanotherarticle；youbetterhurrydownandhelpLivysquelchit。 She”soutpotteringaroundsomewhere，poorhousekeepingslave；andClaraisinthehandsoftheosteopath，gettingthebronchitispulledandhauledoutofher。Itwasabadattack，andalittledisquieting。Itcamedaybeforeyesterday，andshehasn”tsatuptillthisafternoon。 Sheisgettingalongsatisfactorily，now。 Lotsoflovetoyouall。 MARK MarkTwain”sreligionhadtodochieflywithhumanityinitspresentincarnation，andconcerneditselfverylittlewithanypossiblemeasureofrewardorpunishmentinsomesupposedcourtofthehereafter。Nevertheless，psychicinvestigationalwaysinterestedhim，andhewasgood-naturedlywillingtoexplore，evenhoping，perhaps，tobeconvincedthatindividualitycontinuesbeyonddeath。 Theletterwhichfollowsindicateshiscustomaryattitudeinrelationtospiritualisticresearch。Theexperimentsherementioned，however，werenotsatisfactory。 ToMrs。CharlesMcQuiston： DOBBSFERRY，N。Y。 March26，1901。 DEARMRS。McQUISTON，——Ihaveneverhadanexperiencewhichmovedmetobelievethelivingcancommunicatewiththedead，butmywifeandIhaveexperimentedinthematterwhenopportunityofferedandshallcontinuetodoso。 Ienclosealetterwhichcamethismorning——thesecondfromthesamesource。Mrs。K——isaMissourian，andlatelyshediscovered，byaccident，thatshewasaremarkablehypnotiser。HerbestsubjectisaMissourigirl，MissWhite，whoistocomeheresoonandsustainstrictlyscientifictestsbeforeprofessorsatColumbiaUniversity。Mrs。ClemensandIintendtobepresent。Andweshallaskthepairtocometoourhousetodowhateverthingstheycando。Meantime，ifyouthoughtwellofit，youmightwriteherandarrangeameeting，tellingheritisbymysuggestionandthatIgaveyouheraddress。 SomeonehastoldmethatMrs。Piperisdiscredited。Icannotbesure，butIthinkitwasMr。Myers，PresidentoftheLondonPsychicalResearchSociety——weheardofhisdeathyesterday。Hewasaspiritualist。Iamafraidhewasaveryeasilyconvincedman。WevisitedtwomediumswhomheandAndrewLangconsideredquitewonderful，buttheywerequitetransparentfrauds。 Mrs。Clemenscorrectsme：Oneofthosewomenwasafraud，theothernotafraud，butonlyaninnocent，well-meaning，drivelingvacancy。 Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。 InMarkTwain”sBermudachaptersentitledIdleNotesofanIdleExcursionhetellsofanoldseacaptain，oneHurricaneJones，whoexplainedbiblicalmiraclesinapractical，evenifsomewhatstartling，fashion。InhisstoryoftheprophetsofBaal，forinstance，theoldcaptaindeclaredthattheburningwaterwasnothingmorenorlessthanpetroleum。Uponreadingthe“notes，“ ProfessorPhelpsofYalewrotethatthesamemethodofexplainingmiracleshadbeenofferedbySirThomasBrowne。 PerhapsitmaybeaddedthatCaptainHurricaneJonesalsoappearsinRoughingIt，asCaptainNedBlakely。 ToProfessorWilliamLyonPhelps； YALEUNIVERSITY，NEWYORK，April24，1901。 MYDEARSIR，——IwasnotawarethatoldSirThomashadanticipatedthatstory，andIammuchobligedtoyouforfurnishingmetheparagraph。 tiscuriousthatthesameideashouldleaveenteredtwoheadssounlikeastheheadofthatwiseoldphilosopherandthatofCaptainNedWakeman，asplendidlyunculturedoldsailor，butinhisownopinionathinkerbydivineright。Hewasanoldfriendofmineofmanyyears”standing； Imadetwoorthreevoyageswithhim，andfoundhimadarlinginmanyways。Thepetroleumstorywasnottoldtome；hetoldittoJoeTwichell，whoranacrosshimbyaccidentonaseavoyagewhereIthinkthetwoweretheonlypassengers。Adeliciouspair，andadmirablymated，theytooktoeachotheratonceandbecameasthickasthieves。Joewaspassingunderafictitiousname，andoldWakemandidn”tsuspectthathewasaparson；sohegavehisprofanityfullswing，andhewasamasterofthatgreatart。YouprobablyknowTwichell，andwillknowthatthatisakindofrefreshmentwhichheisverycapableofenjoying。 Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。 ForthesummerClemensandhisfamilyfoundacomfortablelodgeintheAdirondacks——alogcabincalled“TheLair“——onSaranacLake。 SoonafterhisarrivaltherehereceivedaninvitationtoattendthecelebrationofMissouri”seightiethanniversary。Hesentthefollowingletter： ToEdwardL。Dimmitt，inSt。Louis： AMONGTHEADIRONDACKLAKES，July19，1901。 DEARMR。DIMMITT，——Byanerrorintheplans，thingsgowrongendfirstinthisworld，andmuchprecioustimeislostandmattersofurgentimportancearefatallyretarded。Invitationswhichabriskyoungfellowshouldget，andwhichwouldtransporthimwithjoy，aredelayedandimpededandobstructeduntiltheyarefiftyyearsoverduewhentheyreachhim。 Ithashappenedagaininthiscase。 WhenIwasaboyinMissouriIwasalwaysonthelookoutforinvitationsbuttheyalwaysmiscarriedandwentwanderingthroughtheaislesoftime； andnowtheyarearrivingwhenIamoldandrheumaticandcan”ttravelandmustlosemychance。 Ihavelostaworldofdelightthroughthismatterofdelayinginvitations。FiftyyearsagoIwouldhavegoneeagerlyacrosstheworldtohelpcelebrateanythingthatmightturnup。ITwouldhavemadenodifferencetomewhatitwas，sothatIwasthereandallowedachancetomakeanoise。 Thewholeschemeofthingsisturnedwrongendto。Lifeshouldbeginwithageanditsprivilegesandaccumulations，andendwithyouthanditscapacitytosplendidlyenjoysuchadvantages。Asthingsarenow，wheninyouthadollarwouldbringahundredpleasures，youcan”thaveit。Whenyouareold，yougetitandthereisnothingworthbuyingwithitthen。 It”sanepitomeoflife。Thefirsthalfofitconsistsofthecapacitytoenjoywithoutthechance；thelasthalfconsistsofthechancewithoutthecapacity。 Iamadmonishedinmanywaysthattimeispushingmeinexorablyalong。 Iamapproachingthethresholdofage；in1977Ishallbe142。Thisisnotimetobeflittingabouttheearth。Imustceasefromtheactivitiespropertoyouthandbegintotakeonthedignitiesandgravitiesandinertiapropertothatseasonofhonorablesenilitywhichisonitswayandimminentasindicatedabove。 Yoursisagreatandmemorableoccasion，andasasonofMissouriI shouldholditahighprivilegetobethereandshareyourjustprideinthestate”sachievements；butImustdenymyselftheindulgence，whilethankingyouearnestlyfortheprizedhonoryouhavedonemeinaskingmetobepresent。 Verytrulyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。 IntheforegoingMarkTwaintouchesupononeofhisfavoritefancies：thatlifeshouldbeginwitholdageandapproachstrongmanhood，goldenyouth，toendatlastwithpamperedandbelovedbabyhood。Possiblyhecontemplatedwritingastorywiththisideaasthetheme，butHeseemsnevertohavedoneso。 ThereaderwhohasfollowedtheselettersmayrememberYungWing，whohadchargeoftheChineseeducationalmissioninHartford，andhowMarkTwain，withTwichell，calledonGeneralGrantinbehalfofthemission。YungWing，nowreturnedtoChina，hadconceivedtheideaofmakinganappealtotheGovernmentoftheUnitedStatesforreliefofhisstarvingcountrymen。 ToJ。H。Twichell，inHartford： AMPERSAND，N。Y。，July28，”01。 DEARJOE，——Asyousay，itisimpracticable——inmycase，certainly。FormetoassistinanappealtothatCongressofland-thievesandliarswouldbetobringderisionuponit；andformetoassistinanappealforcashtopassthroughthehandsofthosemissionariesoutthere，ofanydenomination，CatholicorProtestant，wouldn”tdoatall。Theywouldn”thandlemoneywhichIhadsoiled，andIwouldn”ttrustthemwithit，anyway。Theywoulddevoteittothereliefofsuffering——Iknowthat—— butthesufferersselectedwouldbeconverts。Themissionary-utterancesexhibitnohumanefeelingtowardtheothers，butinplaceofitaspiritofhateandhostility。Anditisnatural；theBibleforbidstheirpresencethere，theirtradeisunlawful，whyshouldn”ttheircharactersbeofnecessityinharmonywith——butnevermind，letitgo，itirritatesme。 Later……IhavebeenreadingYungWing”sletteragain。Itmaybethatheisover-wroughtbyhissympathies，butitmaynotbeso。TheremaybeotherreasonswhythemissionariesaresilentabouttheShensi-2-yearfamineandcannibalism。ItmaybethattherearesofewProtestantconvertstherethatthemissionariesareabletotakecareofthem。ThattheyarenotlikelytolargelyconcernthemselvesaboutCatholicconvertsandtheothers，isquitenatural，Ithink。 ThatcrudewayofappealingtothisGovernmentforhelpinacausewhichhasnomoneyinit，andnopolitics，risesbeforemeagaininallitsadmirableinnocence！Doesn”tYungWingknowusyet？However，hehasbeenabsentsince”96or”97。Wehavegonetohellsincethen。Kossuthcouldn”traise30centsinCongress，now，ifhewerebackwithhismovingMagyar-Tale。 Iamonthefrontporch(lowerone——maindeck)ofourlittlebijouofadwelling-house。Thelake-edge(LowerSaranac)issonearlyundermethatIcan”tseetheshore，butonlythewater，small-poredwithrain- splashes——forthereisaheavydown-pour。Itischarminglylikesittingsnuggleduponaship”sdeckwiththestretchingseaallaround——butverymuchmoresatisfactory，foratseaarain-stormisdepressing，whilehereofcoursetheeffectengenderedisjustadeepsenseofcomfortandcontentment。Theheavyforestshutsussolidlyinonthreesidestherearenoneighbors。Therearebeautifullittletan-coloredimpudentsquirrelsabout。Theytaketea，5p。m。，(notinvited)atthetableinthewoodswhereJeandoesmytypewriting，andoneofthemhasbeenbraveenoughtosituponJean”skneewithhistailcurvedoverhisbackandmunchhisfood。Theycometodinner，7p。m。，onthefrontporch(notinvited)。Theyallhavetheonename——Blennerhasset，fromBurr”sfriend——andnoneofthemanswerstoitexceptwhenhungry。 WehavebeenheresinceJune21st。Foralittlewhilewehadsomewarmdays——accordingtothefamily”sestimate；Iwashardlydiscommodedmyself。Otherwisetheweatherhasbeenofthesortyouarefamiliarwithintheseregions：cooldaysandcoolnights。WehaveheardofthehotwaveeveryWednesday，pertheweeklypaper——weallownodailiestointrude。Lastweekthroughvisitorsalso——theonlyoneswehavehad—— Dr。RootandJohnHowells。 Wehavethedailylake-swim；andallthetribe，servantsincluded(butnotI)doagooddealofboating；sometimeswiththeguide，sometimeswithouthim——JeanandClaraarecompetentwiththeoars。Ifweliveanotheryear，Ihopeweshallspenditssummerinthishouse。 WehavetakentheAppletoncountryseat，overlookingtheHudson，atRiverdale，25minutesfromtheGrandCentralStation，forayear，beginningOct。1，withoptionforanotheryear。WeareobligedtobeclosetoNewYorkforayearortwo。 Aug。3rd。Igoyachtingafortnightupnorthina20-knotboat225feetlong，withtheowner，(Mr。Rogers)，TomReid，Dr。Rice，Col。A。G。Paineandoneortwoothers。JudgeHowlandwouldgo，butcan”tgetawayfromengagements；ProfessorSloanewouldgo，butisinthegripofanillness。 Come——willyougo？Ifyoucanmanageit，dropapost-cardtomec/oH。H。 Rogers，26Broadway。IshallbeinNewYorkacoupleofdaysbeforewesail——July31orAug。1，perhapsthelatter，——andIthinkIshallstopattheHotelGrosvenor，cor。l0thStand5thave。 WeallsendyouandtheHarmonieslotsandgobsoflove。 MARK ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： AMPERSAND，N。Y。，Aug。28。 DEARJOE，——Justaword，toscoffatyou，withyourextravagantsuggestionthatIreadthebiographyofPhillipsBrooks——theverydullestbookthathasbeenprintedforacentury。Joe，tenpagesofMrs。Cheney”smasterlybiographyofherfathers——no，fivepagesofit——containmoremeat，moresense，moreliterature，morebrilliancy，thanthatwholebasketfulofdrowsyrubbishputtogether。Why，inthatdeadatmosphereevenBrookshimselfisdull——heweariedme；ohhowheweariedme！ WehadanoblegoodtimeintheYacht，andcaughtaChinesemissionaryanddrownedhim。 Lovefromusalltoyouall。 MARK。 TheassassinationofPresidentMcKinleyoccurredSeptember6，1901。 SuchaneventwouldnaturallystirMarkTwaintocommentonhumannatureingeneral。HislettertoTwichellisasindividualasitissoundinphilosophy。Atwhatperiodofhisownlife，orunderwhatcircumstances，hemadethelongjourneywithtragicintentthereisnomeansofknowingnow。Thereisnoothermentionofitelsewhereintherecordsthatsurvivehim。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： AMPERSAND，Tuesday，(Sept。10，1901) DEARJOE，——Itisanotheroffday，buttomorrowIshallresumeworktoacertainty，andbidalongfarewelltoletter-scribbling。 ThenewsofthePresidentlooksdecidedlyhopeful，andweareallglad，andthehouseholdfacesaremuchimproved，astocheerfulness。Oh，thetalkinthenewspapers！EvidentlytheHumanRaceisthesameoldHumanRace。Andhowunjust，andunreflectinglydiscriminating，thetalkersare。Undertheunsettlingeffectsofpowerfulemotionthetalkersaresayingwildthings，crazythings——theyareoutofthemselves，anddonotknowit；theyaretemporarilyinsane，yetwithonevoicetheydeclaretheassassinsane——amanwhohasbeenentertainingfieryandreason—— debauchingmaggotsinhisheadforweeksandmonths。Why，nooneissane，straightalong，yearinandyearout，andweallknowit。Ourinsanitiesareofvaryingsorts，andexpressthemselvesinvaryingforms——fortunatelyharmlessformsasarule——butinwhateverformtheyoccuranimmenseupheavaloffeelingcanatanytimetoppleusdistinctlyoverthesanity-lineforalittlewhile；andthenifourformhappenstobeofthemurderouskindwemustlookout——andsomustthespectator。 Thisasswiththeunpronounceablenamewasprobablymoreinsanethanusualthisweekortwoback，andmaygetbackuponhisbearingsbyandby，buthewasoverthesanity-borderwhenheshotthePresident。ItispossiblethatithastakenhimthewholeintervalsincethemurderoftheKingofItalytogetinsaneenoughtoattemptthePresident”slife。 Withoutadoubtsomethousandsofmenhavebeenmeditatingthesameactinthesameinterval，butnewandstronginterestshaveintervenedanddivertedtheirover-excitedmindslongenoughtogivethemachancetosettle，andtranquilize，andgetbackuponahealthylevelagain。Everyextraordinaryoccurrenceunsettlestheheadsofhundredsofthousandsofmenforafewmomentsorhoursordays。IftherehadbeentenkingsaroundwhenHumbertfelltheywouldhavebeeningreatperilforadayormore——andfrommeninwhosepresencetheywouldhavebeenquitesafeaftertheexcessoftheirexcitementhadhadanintervalinwhichtocooldown。Iboughtarevolveronceandtravelledtwelvehundredmilestokillaman。Hewasaway。Hewasgoneaday。Withnothingelsetodo，Ihadtostopandthink——anddid。Withinanhour——withinhalfofit—— Iwasashamedofmyself——andfeltunspeakablyridiculous。IdonotknowwhattocallitifIwasnotinsane。Duringawholeweekmyheadwasinaturmoilnightanddayfierceenoughandexhaustingenoughtoupsetastrongerreasonthanmine。 Allovertheworld，everyday，therearesomemillionsofmeninthatconditiontemporarily。Andinthattimethereisalwaysamoment—— perhapsonlyasingleonewhentheywoulddomurderiftheirmanwasathand。Iftheopportunitycomesashadetoolate，thechancesarethatithascomepermanentlytoolate。Opportunityseldomcomesexactlyatthesuprememoment。Thissavesamillionlivesadayintheworld——forsure。 NoRuleriseverslainbutthetremendousdetailsofitareravenouslydevouredbyahundredthousandmenwhosemindsdwell，unaware，nearthetemporary-insanityfrontier——andovertheygo，now！Thereisaday——twodays——three——duringwhichnoRulerwouldbesafefromperhapsthehalfofthem；andthereisasinglemomentwhereinhewouldnotbesafefromanyofthem，nodoubt。 Itmaytakethispresentshooting-casesixmonthstobreedanotherruler- tragedy，butitwillbreedit。Thereisatleastonemindsomewherewhichwillbrood，andwear，anddecayitselftothekilling-pointandproducethattragedy。 Everynegroburnedatthestakeunsettlestheexcitablebrainofanotherone——Imeantheinflamingdetailsofhiscrime，andtheluridtheatricalityofhisexitdoit——andtheduplicatecrimefollows；andthatbegetsarepetition，andthatoneanotheroneandsoon。Everylynching-accountunsettlesthebrainsofanothersetofexcitablewhitemen，andlightsanotherpyre——115lynchingslastyear，102insideof8 monthsthisyear；intenyearsthiswillbehabit，ontheseterms。 Yes，thewildtalkyouseeinthepapers！Andfrommenwhoaresanewhennotupsetbyoverwhelmingexcitement。AU。S。Senator-Cullom——wantsthisBuffalocriminallynched！Itwouldbreedotherlynchings——ofmenwhoarenotdreamingofcommittingmurders，now，andwillcommitnoneifCullomwillkeepquietandnotprovidetheexcitingcause。 AndaDistrictAttorneywantsalawwhichshallpunishwithdeathattemptsuponaPresident”slife——this，mindyou，asadeterrent。 Itwouldhavenoeffect——ortheoppositeone。Thelunatic”smind-spaceisalloccupied——asminewas——withthematterinhand；thereisnoroominitforreflectionsuponwhatmayhappentohim。Thatcomesafterthecrime。 Itisthenoisetheattemptwouldmakeintheworldthatwouldbreedthesubsequentattempts，byunsettlingthericketymindsofmenwhoenvythecriminalhisvastnotoriety——hisobscurenametonguedbystupendousKingsandEmperors——hispictureprintedeverywhere，thetrivialestdetailsofhismovements，whatheeats，whathedrinks；howhesleeps，whathesays，cabledabroadoverthewholeglobeatcostoffiftythousanddollarsaday——andheonlyalowlyshoemakeryesterday！——liketheassassinofthePresidentofFrance——indebtthreefrancstohislandlady，andinsultedbyher——andto-daysheisproudtobeabletosaysheknewhim“asfamiliarlyasyouknowyourownbrother，“andgladtostandtillshedropsandpouroutcolumnsandpagesofhergrandeurandherhappinessupontheeagerinterviewer。 Nothingwillcheckthelynchingsandruler-murderbutabsolutesilence—— theabsenceofpow-powaboutthem。Howareyougoingtomanagethat？ Bygaggingeverywitnessandjamminghimintoadungeonforlife；byabolishingallnewspapers；byexterminatingallnewspapermen；andbyextinguishingGod”smostelegantinvention，theHumanRace。Itisquitesimple，quiteeasy，andIhopeyouwilltakeadayoffandattendtoit，Joe。Iblowakisstoyou，andamLovinglyYours，MARK。 WhentheAdirondacksummerendedClemenssettledforthewinterinthebeautifulAppletonhomeatRiverdale-on-the-Hudson。Itwasaplaceofwide-spreadinggrassandshade-ahouseofampleroom。TheywereestablishedinitintimeforMarkTwaintotakeanactiveinterestintheNewYorkelectionsandassistaticketforgoodgovernmenttodefeatTammanyHall。 XLI LETTERSOF1902。RIVERDALE。YORKHARBOR。ILLNESSOFMRS。CLEMENS Theyear1902wasaneventfuloneforMarkTwain。InAprilhereceivedadegreeofLL。D。fromtheUniversityofMissouriandreturnedtohisnativeStatetoacceptit。ThiswashislastjourneytotheMississippiRiver。DuringthesummerMrs。Clemens”shealthbrokedownandillnessesofonesortoranothervisitedothermembersofthefamily。AmidsomuchstressandanxietyClemenshadlittletimeorinclinationforwork。Hewrotenotmanylettersandmainlysomberones。Once，bywayofdiversion，heworkedouttheideaofacuriousclub——whichheformed——itsmemberstobeyounggirls——girlsforthemostpartwhomhehadneverseen。Theywereelectedwithouttheirconsentfromamongthosewhowrotetohimwithouthisconsent，anditisnotlikelythatanyonesochosendeclinedmembership。OneselectionfromhisletterstotheFrenchmember，MissHelenePicard，ofSt-Die，France，willexplaintheclubandpresentasideofMaskTwainsomewhatdifferentfromthatfoundinmostofhiscorrespondence。 ToMissPicard，inSt-Die，France： RIVERDALE-ON-THE-HUDSON，February22，1902。 DEARMISSHELENE，——Ifyouwillletmecallyouso，consideringthatmyheadiswhiteandthatIhavegrownupdaughters。Yourbeautifulletterhasgivenmesuchdeeppleasure！Iwillmakeboldtoclaimyouforafriendandlockyouupwiththerestofmyriches；forIamamiserwhocountshisspoileverydayandhoardsitsecretlyandaddstoitwhenhecan，andisgratefultoseeitgrow。 Someofthatgoldcomes，likeyourself，inasealedpackage，andIcan”tseeitandmayneverhavethehappiness；butIknowitsvaluewithoutthat，andbywhatsumitincreasesmywealth。 IhaveaClub，aprivateClub，whichisallmyown。IappointtheMembersmyself，andtheycan”thelpthemselves，becauseIdon”tallowthemtovoteontheirownappointmentandIdon”tallowthemtoresign！ TheyareallfriendswhomIhaveneverseen(saveone)，butwhohavewrittenfriendlyletterstome。 BythelawsofmyClubtherecanbeonlyoneMemberineachcountry，andtherecanbenomaleMemberbutmyself。SomedayImayadmitmales，butIdon”tknow——theyarecapriciousandinharmonious，andtheirwaysprovokemeagooddeal。ItisamatterwhichtheClubshalldecide。 Ihavemadefourappointmentsinthepastthreeorfourmonths：YouasMemberforFrance，ayoungHighlandgirlasMemberforScotland，aMohammedangirlasMemberforBengal，andadearandbrightyoungnieceofmineasMemberfortheUnitedStates——forIdonotrepresentacountrymyself，butammerelyMemberatLargefortheHumanRace。 Youmustnottrytoresign，forthelawsoftheClubdonotallowthat。 Youmustconsoleyourselfbyrememberingthatyouareinthebestofcompany；thatnobodyknowsofyourmembershipexceptmyself——thatnoMemberknowsanother”sname，butonlyhercountry；thatnotaxesareleviedandnomeetingsheld(buthowdearlyIshouldliketoattendone！)。 OneofmyMembersisaPrincessofaroyalhouse，anotheristhedaughterofavillagebook-selleronthecontinentofEurope。FortheonlyqualificationforMembershipisintellectandthespiritofgoodwill； otherdistinctions，hereditaryoracquired，donotcount。 MayIsendyoutheConstitutionandLawsoftheClub？IshallbesopleasedifImay。ItisadocumentwhichoneofmydaughterstypewritesformewhenIneedoneforanewMember，andshewouldgivehereyebrowstoknowwhatitisallabout，butIstranglehercuriositybysaying： “Therearemuchcheapertypewritersthanyouare，mydear，andifyoutrytopryintothesacredmysteriesofthisCluboneofyourprosperitieswillperishsure。” Myfavorite？Itis“JoanofArc。”Mynextis“HuckleberryFinn，“butthefamily”snextis“ThePrinceandthePauper。”(Yes，youareright—— Iamamoralistindisguise；itgetsmeintoheapsoftroublewhenIgothrashingaroundinpoliticalquestions。) IwishyoueverygoodfortuneandhappinessandIthankyousomuchforyourletter。 Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。 EarlyintheyearClemenspaidavisittoTwichellinHartford，andafteroneoftheirregularargumentsontheologyandthemoralaccountabilityofthehumanrace，argumentsthathadbeengoingonbetweenthemformorethanthirtyyears——TwichelllenthisvisitorFreedomoftheWill，byJonathanEdwards，toreadonthewayhome。 Thenextletterwastheresult。 ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford： RIVERDALE-ON-THE-HUDSON。 Feb。”02。 DEARJOE”Aftercompliments。”——[Meaning“Whatagoodtimeyougaveme； whatahappinessitwastobeunderyourroofagain；etc。，etc。”SeeopeningsentenceofalltranslationsofletterspassingbetweenLordRobertsandIndianprincesandrulers。]——FromBridgeporttoNewYork； thencetohome；andcontinuouslyuntilnearmidnightIwallowedandreekedwithJonathaninhisinsanedebauch；roseimmediatelyrefreshedandfineat10thismorning，butwithastrangeandhauntingsenseofhavingbeenonathreedays”tearwithadrunkenlunatic。ItisyearssinceIhaveknownthesesensations。Allthroughthebookistheglazeofaresplendentintellectgonemad——amarvelousspectacle。No，notallthroughthebook——thedrunkdoesnotcomeontillthelastthird，wherewhatItaketobeCalvinismanditsGodbeginstoshowupandshineredandhideousintheglowfromthefiresofhell，theironlyrightandproperadornment。ByGodIwasashamedtobeinsuchcompany。 Jonathanseemstohold(asagainsttheArminianposition)thattheMan(orhisSoulorhisWill)nevercreatesanimpulseitself，butismovedtoactionbyanimpulsebackofit。That”ssound！ Also，thatoftwoormorethingsofferedit，itinfalliblychoosestheonewhichforthemomentismostpleasingtoITSELF。Perfectlycorrect！ Animmenseadmissionforamannototherwisesane。 UptothatpointhecouldhavewrittenchaptersIIIandIVofmysuppressed“Gospel。”Butthereweseemtoseparate。HeseemstoconcedetheindisputableandunshakabledominionofMotiveandNecessity(callthemwhathemay，theseareexteriorforcesandnotundertheman”sauthority，guidanceorevensuggestion)——thenhesuddenlyfliesthelogictrackand(toallseeming)makesthemanandnottheseexteriorforcesresponsibletoGodfortheman”sthoughts，wordsandacts。Itisfrankinsanity。 IthinkthatwhenheconcedestheautocraticdominionofMotiveandNecessityhegrants，athirdpositionofmine——thataman”smindisameremachine——anautomaticmachine——whichishandledentirelyfromtheoutside，themanhimselffurnishingitabsolutelynothing：notanounceofitsfuel，andnotsomuchasabaresuggestiontothatexteriorengineerastowhatthemachineshalldo，norhowitshalldoitnorwhen。 Afterthatconcession，itwastimeforhimtogetalarmedandshirk——forhewaspointingstraightfortheonlyrationalandpossiblenext-stationonthatpieceofroadtheirresponsibilityofmantoGod。 Andsoheshirked。Shirked，andarrivedatthishandsomeresult： Maniscommandedtodoso-and-so。Ithasbeenordainedfromthebeginningoftimethatsomemenshan”tandotherscan”t。 Thesearetobeblamed：letthembedamned。 IenjoytheColonelverymuch，andshallenjoytherestofhimwithanobscenedelight。 Joe，thewholetribeshoutlovetoyouandyours！ MARK。