第3章

类别:其他 作者:Edith Wharton字数:27886更新时间:18/12/19 16:53:04
Dorset’stoils,showedhimtobesocompletelyfreefromthemthathewasnotafraidofherproximity。 Thesethoughtssoengagedherthatshefellintoagaithardlylikelytocarryhertochurchbeforethesermon,andatlength,havingpassedfromthegardenstothewood-pathbeyond,sofarforgotherintentionastosinkintoarusticseatatabendofthewalk。Thespotwascharming,andLilywasnotinsensibletothecharm,ortothefactthatherpresenceenhancedit;butshewasnotaccustomedtotastethejoysofsolitudeexceptincompany,andthecombinationofahandsomegirlandaromanticscenestruckherastoogoodtobewasted。Noone,however,appearedtoprofitbytheopportunity;andafterahalfhouroffruitlesswaitingsheroseandwanderedon。Shefeltastealingsenseoffatigueasshewalked;thesparklehaddiedoutofher,andthetasteoflifewasstaleonherlips。Shehardlyknewwhatshehadbeenseeking,orwhythefailuretofindithadsoblottedthelightfromhersky:shewasonlyawareofavaguesenseoffailure,ofaninnerisolationdeeperthanthelonelinessabouther。 Herfootstepsflagged,andshestoodgazinglistlesslyahead,diggingthefernyedgeofthepathwiththetipofhersunshade。 Asshedidsoastepsoundedbehindher,andshesawSeldenatherside。 \"Howfastyouwalk!\"heremarked。\"IthoughtIshouldnevercatchupwithyou。\" Sheansweredgaily:\"Youmustbequitebreathless!I’vebeensittingunderthattreeforanhour。\" \"Waitingforme,Ihope?\"herejoined;andshesaidwithavaguelaugh: \"Well——waitingtoseeifyouwouldcome。\" \"Iseizethedistinction,butIdon’tmindit,sincedoingtheoneinvolveddoingtheother。Butweren’tyousurethatIshouldcome?\" \"IfIwaitedlongenough——butyouseeIhadonlyalimitedtimetogivetotheexperiment。\" \"Whylimited?Limitedbyluncheon?\" \"No;bymyotherengagement。\" \"YourengagementtogotochurchwithMurielandHilda?\" \"No;buttocomehomefromchurchwithanotherperson。\" \"Ah,Isee;Imighthaveknownyouwerefullyprovidedwithalternatives。Andistheotherpersoncominghomethisway?\" Lilylaughedagain。\"That’sjustwhatIdon’tknow;andtofindout,itismybusinesstogettochurchbeforetheserviceisover。\" \"Exactly;anditismybusinesstopreventyourdoingso;inwhichcasetheotherperson,piquedbyyourabsence,willformthedesperateresolveofdrivingbackintheomnibus。\" Lilyreceivedthiswithfreshappreciation;hisnonsensewaslikethebubblingofherinnermood。\"Isthatwhatyouwoulddoinsuchanemergency?\"sheenquired。 Seldenlookedatherwithsolemnity。\"Iamheretoprovetoyou,\" hecried,\"whatIamcapableofdoinginanemergency!\" \"Walkingamileinanhour——youmustownthattheomnibuswouldbequicker!\" \"Ah——butwillhefindyouintheend?That’stheonlytestofsuccess。\" Theylookedateachotherwiththesameluxuryofenjoymentthattheyhadfeltinexchangingabsurditiesoverhistea-table;butsuddenlyLily’sfacechanged,andshesaid:\"Well,ifitis,hehassucceeded。\" Selden,followingherglance,perceivedapartyofpeopleadvancingtowardthemfromthefartherbendofthepath。LadyCressidahadevidentlyinsistedonwalkinghome,andtherestofthechurch-goershadthoughtittheirdutytoaccompanyher。Lily’scompanionlookedrapidlyfromonetotheotherofthetwomenoftheparty;WetherallwalkingrespectfullyatLadyCressida’ssidewithhislittlesidelonglookofnervousattention,andPercyGrycebringinguptherearwithMrs。 WetherallandtheTrenors。 \"Ah——nowIseewhyyouweregettingupyourAmericana!\"Seldenexclaimedwithanoteofthefreestadmirationbuttheblushwithwhichthesallywasreceivedcheckedwhateveramplificationshehadmeanttogiveit。 ThatLilyBartshouldobjecttobeingbanteredabouthersuitors,orevenabouthermeansofattractingthem,wassonewtoSeldenthathehadamomentaryflashofsurprise,whichlitupanumberofpossibilities;butsherosegallantlytothedefenceofherconfusion,bysaying,asitsobjectapproached:\"ThatwaswhyI waswaitingforyou——tothankyouforhavinggivenmesomanypoints!\" \"Ah,youcanhardlydojusticetothesubjectinsuchashorttime,\"saidSelden,astheTrenorgirlscaughtsightofMissBart;andwhileshesignalledaresponsetotheirboisterousgreeting,headdedquickly:\"Won’tyoudevoteyourafternoontoit?YouknowImustbeofftomorrowmorning。We’lltakeawalk,andyoucanthankmeatyourleisure。\" Theafternoonwasperfect。Adeeperstillnesspossessedtheair,andtheglitteroftheAmericanautumnwastemperedbyahazewhichdiffusedthebrightnesswithoutdullingit。 Inthewoodyhollowsoftheparktherewasalreadyafaintchill; butasthegroundrosetheairgrewlighter,andascendingthelongslopesbeyondthehigh-road,Lilyandhercompanionreachedazoneoflingeringsummer。Thepathwoundacrossameadowwithscatteredtrees;thenitdippedintoalaneplumedwithastersandpurplingspraysofbramble,whence,throughthelightquiverofash-leaves,thecountryunrolleditselfinpastoraldistances。 Higherup,thelaneshowedthickeningtuftsoffernandofthecreepingglossyverdureofshadedslopes;treesbegantooverhangit,andtheshadedeepenedtothecheckeredduskofabeech-grove。Thebolesofthetreesstoodwellapart,withonlyalightfeatheringofundergrowth;thepathwoundalongtheedgeofthewood,nowandthenlookingoutonasunlitpastureoronanorchardspangledwithfruit。 Lilyhadnorealintimacywithnature,butshehadapassionfortheappropriateandcouldbekeenlysensitivetoascenewhichwasthefittingbackgroundofherownsensations。Thelandscapeoutspreadbelowherseemedanenlargementofherpresentmood,andshefoundsomethingofherselfinitscalmness,itsbreadth,itslongfreereaches。Onthenearerslopesthesugar-mapleswaveredlikepyresoflight;lowerdownwasamassingofgreyorchards,andhereandtherethelingeringgreenofanoak-grove。 Twoorthreeredfarm-housesdozedundertheapple-trees,andthewhitewoodenspireofavillagechurchshowedbeyondtheshoulderofthehill;whilefarbelow,inahazeofdust,thehigh-roadranbetweenthefields。 \"Letussithere,\"Seldensuggested,astheyreachedanopenledgeofrockabovewhichthebeechesrosesteeplybetweenmossyboulders。 Lilydroppeddownontherock,glowingwithherlongclimb。Shesatquiet,herlipspartedbythestressoftheascent,hereyeswanderingpeacefullyoverthebrokenrangesofthelandscape。Seldenstretchedhimselfonthegrassatherfeet,tiltinghishatagainstthelevelsun-rays,andclaspinghishandsbehindhishead,whichrestedagainstthesideoftherock。 Hehadnowishtomakehertalk;herquick-breathingsilenceseemedapartofthegeneralhushandharmonyofthings。Inhisownmindtherewasonlyalazysenseofpleasure,veilingthesharpedgesofsensationastheSeptemberhazeveiledthesceneattheirfeet。ButLily,thoughherattitudewasascalmashis,wasthrobbinginwardlywitharushofthoughts。Therewereinheratthemomenttwobeings,onedrawingdeepbreathsoffreedomandexhilaration,theothergaspingforairinalittleblackprison-houseoffears。Butgraduallythecaptive’sgaspsgrewfainter,ortheotherpaidlessheedtothem:thehorizonexpanded,theairgrewstronger,andthefreespiritquiveredforflight。 Shecouldnotherselfhaveexplainedthesenseofbuoyancywhichseemedtoliftandswingherabovethesun-suffusedworldatherfeet。Wasitlove,shewondered,oramerefortuitouscombinationofhappythoughtsandsensations?Howmuchofitwasowingtothespelloftheperfectafternoon,thescentofthefadingwoods,thethoughtofthedulnessshehadfledfrom?Lilyhadnodefiniteexperiencebywhichtotestthequalityofherfeelings。 Shehadseveraltimesbeeninlovewithfortunesorcareers,butonlyoncewithaman。Thatwasyearsago,whenshefirstcameout,andhadbeensmittenwitharomanticpassionforayounggentlemannamedHerbertMelson,whohadblueeyesandalittlewaveinhishair。Mr。Melson,whowaspossessedofnoothernegotiablesecurities,hadhastenedtoemploytheseincapturingtheeldestMissVanOsburgh:sincethenhehadgrownstoutandwheezy,andwasgiventotellinganecdotesabouthischildren。IfLilyrecalledthisearlyemotionitwasnottocompareitwiththatwhichnowpossessedher;theonlypointofcomparisonwasthesenseoflightness,ofemancipation,whichsherememberedfeeling,inthewhirlofawaltzortheseclusionofaconservatory,duringthebriefcourseofheryouthfulromance。 Shehadnotknownagaintilltodaythatlightness,thatglowoffreedom;butnowitwassomethingmorethanablindgropingoftheblood。ThepeculiarcharmofherfeelingforSeldenwasthatsheunderstoodit;shecouldputherfingeroneverylinkofthechainthatwasdrawingthemtogether。Thoughhispopularitywasofthequietkind,feltratherthanactivelyexpressedamonghisfriends,shehadnevermistakenhisinconspicuousnessforobscurity。Hisreputedcultivationwasgenerallyregardedasaslightobstacletoeasyintercourse,butLily,whopridedherselfonherbroad-mindedrecognitionofliterature,andalwayscarriedanOmarKhayaminhertravelling-bag,wasattractedbythisattribute,whichshefeltwouldhavehaditsdistinctioninanoldersociety。Itwas,moreover,oneofhisgiftstolookhispart;tohaveaheightwhichliftedhisheadabovethecrowd,andthekeenly-modelleddarkfeatureswhich,inalandofamorphoustypes,gavehimtheairofbelongingtoamorespecializedrace,ofcarryingtheimpressofaconcentratedpast。Expansivepersonsfoundhimalittledry,andveryyounggirlsthoughthimsarcastic;butthisairoffriendlyaloofness,asfarremovedaspossiblefromanyassertionofpersonaladvantage,wasthequalitywhichpiquedLily’sinterest。Everythingabouthimaccordedwiththefastidiouselementinhertaste,eventothelightironywithwhichhesurveyedwhatseemedtohermostsacred。Sheadmiredhimmostofall,perhaps,forbeingabletoconveyasdistinctasenseofsuperiorityastherichestmanshehadevermet。 Itwastheunconsciousprolongationofthisthoughtwhichledhertosaypresently,withalaugh:\"Ihavebrokentwoengagementsforyoutoday。Howmanyhaveyoubrokenforme?\" \"None,\"saidSeldencalmly。\"MyonlyengagementatBellomontwaswithyou。\" Sheglanceddownathim,faintlysmiling。 \"DidyoureallycometoBellomonttoseeme?\" \"OfcourseIdid。\" Herlookdeepenedmeditatively。\"Why?\"shemurmured,withanaccentwhichtookalltingeofcoquetryfromthequestion。 \"Becauseyou’resuchawonderfulspectacle:Ialwaysliketoseewhatyouaredoing。\" \"HowdoyouknowwhatIshouldbedoingifyouwerenothere?\" Seldensmiled。\"Idon’tflattermyselfthatmycominghasdeflectedyourcourseofactionbyahair’sbreadth。\" \"That’sabsurd——since,ifyouwerenothere,Icouldobviouslynotbetakingawalkwithyou。\" \"No;butyourtakingawalkwithmeisonlyanotherwayofmakinguseofyourmaterial。YouareanartistandIhappentobethebitofcolouryouareusingtoday。It’sapartofyourclevernesstobeabletoproducepremeditatedeffectsextemporaneously。\" Lilysmiledalso:hiswordsweretooacutenottostrikehersenseofhumour。Itwastruethatshemeanttousetheaccidentofhispresenceaspartofaverydefiniteeffect;orthat,atleast,wasthesecretpretextshehadfoundforbreakingherpromisetowalkwithMr。Gryce。Shehadsometimesbeenaccusedofbeingtooeager——evenJudyTrenorhadwarnedhertogoslowly。 Well,shewouldnotbetooeagerinthiscase;shewouldgivehersuitoralongertasteofsuspense。Wheredutyandinclinationjumpedtogether,itwasnotinLily’snaturetoholdthemasunder。Shehadexcusedherselffromthewalkonthepleaofaheadache:thehorridheadachewhich,inthemorning,hadpreventedherventuringtochurch。Herappearanceatluncheonjustifiedtheexcuse。Shelookedlanguid,fullofasufferingsweetness;shecarriedascent-bottleinherhand。Mr。Grycewasnewtosuchmanifestations;hewonderedrathernervouslyifsheweredelicate,havingfar-reachingfearsaboutthefutureofhisprogeny。Butsympathywontheday,andhebesoughthernottoexposeherself:healwaysconnectedtheouterairwithideasofexposure。 Lilyhadreceivedhissympathywithlanguidgratitude,urginghim,sincesheshouldbesuchpoorcompany,tojointherestofthepartywho,afterluncheon,werestartinginautomobilesonavisittotheVanOsburghsatPeekskill。Mr。Grycewastouchedbyherdisinterestedness,and,toescapefromthethreatenedvacuityoftheafternoon,hadtakenheradviceanddepartedmournfully,inadust-hoodandgoggles:asthemotor-carplungeddowntheavenueshesmiledathisresemblancetoabaffledbeetle。Seldenhadwatchedhermanoeuvreswithlazyamusement。Shehadmadenoreplytohissuggestionthattheyshouldspendtheafternoontogether,butasherplanunfoldeditselfhefeltfairlyconfidentofbeingincludedinit。Thehousewasemptywhenatlengthheheardhersteponthestairandstrolledoutofthebilliard-roomtojoinher。 Shehadonahatandwalking-dress,andthedogswereboundingatherfeet。 \"Ithought,afterall,theairmightdomegood,\"sheexplained; andheagreedthatsosimplearemedywasworthtrying。 Theexcursionistswouldbegoneatleastfourhours;LilyandSeldenhadthewholeafternoonbeforethem,andthesenseofleisureandsafetygavethelasttouchoflightnesstoherspirit。Withsomuchtimetotalk,andnodefiniteobjecttobeledupto,shecouldtastetherarejoysofmentalvagrancy。 Shefeltsofreefromulteriormotivesthatshetookuphischargewithatouchofresentment。 \"Idon’tknow,\"shesaid,\"whyyouarealwaysaccusingmeofpremeditation。\" \"Ithoughtyouconfessedtoit:youtoldmetheotherdaythatyouhadtofollowacertainline——andifonedoesathingatallitisamerittodoitthoroughly。\" \"Ifyoumeanthatagirlwhohasnoonetothinkforherisobligedtothinkforherself,Iamquitewillingtoaccepttheimputation。ButyoumustfindmeadismalkindofpersonifyousupposethatIneveryieldtoanimpulse。\" \"Ah,butIdon’tsupposethat:haven’tItoldyouthatyourgeniusliesinconvertingimpulsesintointentions?\" \"Mygenius?\"sheechoedwithasuddennoteofweariness。\"Isthereanyfinaltestofgeniusbutsuccess?AndIcertainlyhaven’tsucceeded。\" Seldenpushedhishatbackandtookaside-glanceather。 \"Success——whatissuccess?Ishallbeinterestedtohaveyourdefinition。\" \"Success?\"Shehesitated。\"Why,togetasmuchasonecanoutoflife,Isuppose。It’sarelativequality,afterall。Isn’tthatyourideaofit?\" \"Myideaofit?Godforbid!\"Hesatupwithsuddenenergy,restinghiselbowsonhiskneesandstaringoutuponthemellowfields。\"Myideaofsuccess,\"hesaid,\"ispersonalfreedom。\" \"Freedom?Freedomfromworries?\" \"Fromeverything——frommoney,frompoverty,fromeaseandanxiety,fromallthematerialaccidents。Tokeepakindofrepublicofthespirit——that’swhatIcallsuccess。\" Sheleanedforwardwitharesponsiveflash。\"Iknow——Iknow——it’sstrange;butthat’sjustwhatI’vebeenfeelingtoday。\" Hemethereyeswiththelatentsweetnessofhis。\"Isthefeelingsorarewithyou?\"hesaid。 Sheblushedalittleunderhisgaze。\"Youthinkmehorriblysordid,don’tyou?Butperhapsit’sratherthatIneverhadanychoice。Therewasnoone,Imean,totellmeabouttherepublicofthespirit。\" \"Thereneveris——it’sacountryonehastofindthewaytoone’sself。\" \"ButIshouldneverhavefoundmywaythereifyouhadn’ttoldme。\" \"Ah,therearesign-posts——butonehastoknowhowtoreadthem。\" \"Well,Ihaveknown,Ihaveknown!\"shecriedwithaglowofeagerness。\"WheneverIseeyou,Ifindmyselfspellingoutaletterofthesign——andyesterday——lasteveningatdinner——I suddenlysawalittlewayintoyourrepublic。\" Seldenwasstilllookingather,butwithachangedeye。Hithertohehadfound,inherpresenceandhertalk,theaestheticamusementwhichareflectivemanisapttoseekindesultoryintercoursewithprettywomen。Hisattitudehadbeenoneofadmiringspectatorship,andhewouldhavebeenalmostsorrytodetectinheranyemotionalweaknesswhichshouldinterferewiththefulfilmentofheraims。Butnowthehintofthisweaknesshadbecomethemostinterestingthingabouther。Hehadcomeonherthatmorninginamomentofdisarray;herfacehadbeenpaleandaltered,andthediminutionofherbeautyhadlentherapoignantcharm。THATISHOWSHELOOKSWHENSHEISALONE!hadbeenhisfirstthought;andthesecondwastonoteinherthechangewhichhiscomingproduced。Itwasthedanger-pointoftheirintercoursethathecouldnotdoubtthespontaneityofherliking。Fromwhateverangleheviewedtheirdawningintimacy,hecouldnotseeitaspartofherschemeoflife;andtobetheunforeseenelementinacareersoaccuratelyplannedwasstimulatingeventoamanwhohadrenouncedsentimentalexperiments。 \"Well,\"hesaid,\"diditmakeyouwanttoseemore?Areyougoingtobecomeoneofus?\" Hehaddrawnouthiscigarettesashespoke,andshereachedherhandtowardthecase。 \"Oh,dogivemeone——Ihaven’tsmokedfordays!\" \"Whysuchunnaturalabstinence?EverybodysmokesatBellomont。\" \"Yes——butitisnotconsideredbecominginaJEUNEFILLEA MARIER;andatthepresentmomentIamaJEUNEFILLEAMARIER。 \"Ah,thenI’mafraidwecan’tletyouintotherepublic。\" \"Whynot?Isitacelibateorder?\" \"Notintheleast,thoughI’mboundtosaytherearenotmanymarriedpeopleinit。Butyouwillmarrysomeoneveryrich,andit’sashardforrichpeopletogetintoasthekingdomofheaven。\" \"That’sunjust,Ithink,because,asIunderstandit,oneoftheconditionsofcitizenshipisnottothinktoomuchaboutmoney,andtheonlywaynottothinkaboutmoneyistohaveagreatdealofit。\" \"Youmightaswellsaythattheonlywaynottothinkaboutairistohaveenoughtobreathe。Thatistrueenoughinasense;butyourlungsarethinkingabouttheair,ifyouarenot。Andsoitiswithyourrichpeople——theymaynotbethinkingofmoney,butthey’rebreathingitallthewhile;takethemintoanotherelementandseehowtheysquirmandgasp!\" Lilysatgazingabsentlythroughtheblueringsofhercigarette-smoke。 \"Itseemstome,\"shesaidatlength,\"thatyouspendagooddealofyourtimeintheelementyoudisapproveof。\" Seldenreceivedthisthrustwithoutdiscomposure。\"Yes;butI havetriedtoremainamphibious:it’sallrightaslongasone’slungscanworkinanotherair。Therealalchemyconsistsinbeingabletoturngoldbackagainintosomethingelse;andthat’sthesecretthatmostofyourfriendshavelost。\" Lilymused。\"Don’tyouthink,\"sherejoinedafteramoment,\"thatthepeoplewhofindfaultwithsocietyaretooapttoregarditasanendandnotameans,justasthepeoplewhodespisemoneyspeakasifitsonlyuseweretobekeptinbagsandgloatedover?Isn’titfairertolookatthembothasopportunities,whichmaybeusedeitherstupidlyorintelligently,accordingtothecapacityoftheuser?\" \"Thatiscertainlythesaneview;butthequeerthingaboutsocietyisthatthepeoplewhoregarditasanendarethosewhoareinit,andnotthecriticsonthefence。It’sjusttheotherwaywithmostshows——theaudiencemaybeundertheillusion,buttheactorsknowthatreallifeisontheothersideofthefootlights。Thepeoplewhotakesocietyasanescapefromworkareputtingittoitsproperuse;butwhenitbecomesthethingworkedforitdistortsalltherelationsoflife。\"Seldenraisedhimselfonhiselbow。\"Goodheavens!\"hewenton,\"Idon’tunderratethedecorativesideoflife。Itseemstomethesenseofsplendourhasjustifieditselfbywhatithasproduced。Theworstofitisthatsomuchhumannatureisusedupintheprocess。Ifwe’realltherawstuffofthecosmiceffects,onewouldratherbethefirethattempersaswordthanthefishthatdyesapurplecloak。Andasocietylikeourswastessuchgoodmaterialinproducingitslittlepatchofpurple!LookataboylikeNedSilverton——he’sreallytoogoodtobeusedtorefurbishanybody’ssocialshabbiness。There’saladjustsettingouttodiscovertheuniverse:isn’titapityheshouldendbyfindingitinMrs。Fisher’sdrawing-room?\" \"Nedisadearboy,andIhopehewillkeephisillusionslongenoughtowritesomenicepoetryaboutthem;butdoyouthinkitisonlyinsocietythatheislikelytolosethem?\" Seldenansweredherwithashrug。\"Whydowecallallourgenerousideasillusions,andthemeanonestruths?Isn’titasufficientcondemnationofsocietytofindone’sselfacceptingsuchphraseology?IverynearlyacquiredthejargonatSilverton’sage,andIknowhownamescanalterthecolourofbeliefs。\" Shehadneverheardhimspeakwithsuchenergyofaffirmation。 Hishabitualtouchwasthatoftheeclectic,wholightlyturnsoverandcompares;andshewasmovedbythissuddenglimpseintothelaboratorywherehisfaithswereformed。 \"Ah,youareasbadastheothersectarians,\"sheexclaimed; \"whydoyoucallyourrepublicarepublic?Itisaclosedcorporation,andyoucreatearbitraryobjectionsinordertokeeppeopleout。\" \"ItisnotMYrepublic;ifitwere,IshouldhaveaCOUPD’ETAT andseatyouonthethrone。\" \"Whereas,inreality,youthinkIcanneverevengetmyfootacrossthethreshold?Oh,Iunderstandwhatyoumean。Youdespisemyambitions——youthinkthemunworthyofme!\" Seldensmiled,butnotironically。\"Well,isn’tthatatribute?I thinkthemquiteworthyofmostofthepeoplewholivebythem。\" Shehadturnedtogazeonhimgravely。\"Butisn’titpossiblethat,ifIhadtheopportunitiesofthesepeople,Imightmakeabetteruseofthem?Moneystandsforallkindsofthings——itspurchasingqualityisn’tlimitedtodiamondsandmotor-cars。\" \"Notintheleast:youmightexpiateyourenjoymentofthembyfoundingahospital。\" \"ButifyouthinktheyarewhatIshouldreallyenjoy,youmustthinkmyambitionsaregoodenoughforme。\" Seldenmetthisappealwithalaugh。\"Ah,mydearMissBart,IamnotdivineProvidence,toguaranteeyourenjoyingthethingsyouaretryingtoget!\" \"Thenthebestyoucansayformeis,thatafterstrugglingtogetthemIprobablyshan’tlikethem?\"Shedrewadeepbreath。 \"Whatamiserablefutureyouforeseeforme!\" \"Well——haveyouneverforeseenitforyourself?\"Theslowcolourrosetohercheek,notablushofexcitementbutdrawnfromthedeepwellsoffeeling;itwasasiftheeffortofherspirithadproducedit。 \"Oftenandoften,\"shesaid。\"Butitlookssomuchdarkerwhenyoushowittome!\" Hemadenoanswertothisexclamation,andforawhiletheysatsilent,whilesomethingthrobbedbetweentheminthewidequietoftheair。 Butsuddenlysheturnedonhimwithakindofvehemence。\"Whydoyoudothistome?\"shecried。\"WhydoyoumakethethingsIhavechosenseemhatefultome,ifyouhavenothingtogivemeinstead?\" ThewordsrousedSeldenfromthemusingfitintowhichhehadfallen。Hehimselfdidnotknowwhyhehadledtheirtalkalongsuchlines;itwasthelastusehewouldhaveimaginedhimselfmakingofanafternoon’ssolitudewithMissBart。Butitwasoneofthosemomentswhenneitherseemedtospeakdeliberately,whenanindwellingvoiceineachcalledtotheotheracrossunsoundeddepthsoffeeling。 \"No,Ihavenothingtogiveyouinstead,\"hesaid,sittingupandturningsothathefacedher。\"IfIhad,itshouldbeyours,youknow。\" Shereceivedthisabruptdeclarationinawayevenstrangerthanthemannerofitsmaking:shedroppedherfaceonherhandsandhesawthatforamomentshewept。 Itwasforamomentonly,however;forwhenheleanedneareranddrewdownherhandswithagesturelesspassionatethangrave,sheturnedonhimafacesoftenedbutnotdisfiguredbyemotion,andhesaidtohimself,somewhatcruelly,thatevenherweepingwasanart。 Thereflectionsteadiedhisvoiceasheasked,betweenpityandirony:\"Isn’titnaturalthatIshouldtrytobelittleallthethingsIcan’tofferyou?\" Herfacebrightenedatthis,butshedrewherhandaway,notwithagestureofcoquetry,butasthoughrenouncingsomethingtowhichshehadnoclaim。 \"ButyoubelittleME,don’tyou,\"shereturnedgently,\"inbeingsosuretheyaretheonlythingsIcarefor?\" Seldenfeltaninnerstart;butitwasonlythelastquiverofhisegoism。Almostatonceheansweredquitesimply:\"Butyoudocareforthem,don’tyou?Andnowishingofminecanalterthat。\" Hehadsocompletelyceasedtoconsiderhowfarthismightcarryhim,thathehadadistinctsenseofdisappointmentwhensheturnedonhimafacesparklingwithderision。 \"Ah,\"shecried,\"forallyourfinephrasesyou’rereallyasgreatacowardasIam,foryouwouldn’thavemadeoneofthemifyouhadn’tbeensosureofmyanswer。\" TheshockofthisretorthadtheeffectofcrystallizingSelden’swaveringintentions。 \"Iamnotsosureofyouranswer,\"hesaidquietly。\"AndIdoyouthejusticetobelievethatyouarenoteither。\" Itwasherturntolookathimwithsurprise;andafteramoment——\"Doyouwanttomarryme?\"sheasked。 Hebrokeintoalaugh。\"No,Idon’twantto——butperhapsIshouldifyoudid!\" \"That’swhatItoldyou——you’resosureofmethatyoucanamuseyourselfwithexperiments。\"Shedrewbackthehandhehadregained,andsatlookingdownonhimsadly。 \"Iamnotmakingexperiments,\"hereturned。\"OrifIam,itisnotonyoubutonmyself。Idon’tknowwhateffecttheyaregoingtohaveonme——butifmarryingyouisoneofthem,Iwilltaketherisk。\" Shesmiledfaintly。\"Itwouldbeagreatrisk,certainly——Ihaveneverconcealedfromyouhowgreat。\" \"Ah,it’syouwhoarethecoward!\"heexclaimed。 Shehadrisen,andhestoodfacingherwithhiseyesonhers。Thesoftisolationofthefallingdayenvelopedthem:theyseemedliftedintoafinerair。Alltheexquisiteinfluencesofthehourtrembledintheirveins,anddrewthemtoeachotherastheloosenedleavesweredrawntotheearth。 \"It’syouwhoarethecoward,\"herepeated,catchingherhandsinhis。 Sheleanedonhimforamoment,asifwithadropoftiredwings: hefeltasthoughherheartwerebeatingratherwiththestressofalongflightthanthethrillofnewdistances。Then,drawingbackwithalittlesmileofwarning——\"Ishalllookhideousindowdyclothes;butIcantrimmyownhats,\"shedeclared。 Theystoodsilentforawhileafterthis,smilingateachotherlikeadventurouschildrenwhohaveclimbedtoaforbiddenheightfromwhichtheydiscoveranewworld。Theactualworldattheirfeetwasveilingitselfindimness,andacrossthevalleyaclearmoonroseinthedenserblue。 Suddenlytheyheardaremotesound,likethehumofagiantinsect,andfollowingthehigh-road,whichwoundwhiterthroughthesurroundingtwilight,ablackobjectrushedacrosstheirvision。 Lilystartedfromherattitudeofabsorption;hersmilefadedandshebegantomovetowardthelane。 \"Ihadnoideaitwassolate!Weshallnotbebacktillafterdark,\"shesaid,almostimpatiently。 Seldenwaslookingatherwithsurprise:ittookhimamomenttoregainhisusualviewofher;thenhesaid,withanuncontrollablenoteofdryness:\"Thatwasnotoneofourparty; themotorwasgoingtheotherway。\" \"Iknow——Iknow——\"Shepaused,andhesawherreddenthroughthetwilight。\"ButItoldthemIwasnotwell——thatIshouldnotgoout。Letusgodown!\"shemurmured。 Seldencontinuedtolookather;thenhedrewhiscigarette-casefromhispocketandslowlylitacigarette。Itseemedtohimnecessary,atthatmoment,toproclaim,bysomehabitualgestureofthissort,hisrecoveredholdontheactual:hehadanalmostpuerilewishtolethiscompanionseethat,theirflightover,hehadlandedonhisfeet。 Shewaitedwhilethesparkflickeredunderhiscurvedpalm;thenheheldoutthecigarettestoher。 Shetookonewithanunsteadyhand,andputtingittoherlips,leanedforwardtodrawherlightfromhis。Intheindistinctnessthelittleredgleamlitupthelowerpartofherface,andhesawhermouthtrembleintoasmile。 \"Wereyouserious?\"sheasked,withanoddthrillofgaietywhichshemighthavecaughtup,inhaste,fromaheapofstockinflections,withouthavingtimetoselectthejustnote。 Selden’svoicewasunderbettercontrol。\"Whynot?\"hereturned。 \"YouseeItooknorisksinbeingso。\"Andasshecontinuedtostandbeforehim,alittlepaleundertheretort,headdedquickly:\"Letusgodown。\" ItspokemuchforthedepthofMrs。Trenor’sfriendshipthathervoice,inadmonishingMissBart,tookthesamenoteofpersonaldespairasifshehadbeenlamentingthecollapseofahouse-party。 \"AllIcansayis,Lily,thatIcan’tmakeyouout!\"Sheleanedback,sighing,inthemorningabandonoflaceandmuslin,turninganindifferentshouldertotheheaped-upimportunitiesofherdesk,whilesheconsidered,withtheeyeofaphysicianwhohasgivenupthecase,theerectexteriorofthepatientconfrontingher。 \"Ifyouhadn’ttoldmeyouweregoinginforhimseriously——butI’msureyoumadethatplainenoughfromthebeginning!Whyelsedidyouaskmetoletyouoffbridge,andtokeepawayCarryandKateCorby?Idon’tsupposeyoudiditbecauseheamusedyou;wecouldnoneofusimagineyourputtingupwithhimforamomentunlessyoumeanttomarryhim。AndI’msureeverybodyplayedfair!Theyallwantedtohelpitalong。EvenBerthakeptherhandsoff——Iwillsaythat——tillLawrencecamedownandyoudraggedhimawayfromher。Afterthatshehadarighttoretaliate——whyonearthdidyouinterferewithher?You’veknownLawrenceSeldenforyears——whydidyoubehaveasifyouhadjustdiscoveredhim?IfyouhadagrudgeagainstBerthaitwasastupidtimetoshowit——youcouldhavepaidherbackjustaswellafteryouweremarried!ItoldyouBerthawasdangerous。Shewasinanodiousmoodwhenshecamehere,butLawrence’sturningupputherinagoodhumour,andifyou’donlyletherthinkhecameforHERitwouldhaveneveroccurredtohertoplayyouthistrick。Oh,Lily,you’llneverdoanythingifyou’renotserious!\" MissBartacceptedthisexhortationinaspiritofthepurestimpartiality。Whyshouldshehavebeenangry?ItwasthevoiceofherownconsciencewhichspoketoherthroughMrs。Trenor’sreproachfulaccents。Buteventoherownconscienceshemusttrumpupasemblanceofdefence。\"Ionlytookadayoff——I thoughthemeanttostayonallthisweek,andIknewMr。Seldenwasleavingthismorning。\" Mrs。Trenorbrushedasidethepleawithagesturewhichlaidbareitsweakness。 \"Hedidmeantostay——that’stheworstofit。Itshowsthathe’srunawayfromyou;thatBertha’sdoneherworkandpoisonedhimthoroughly。\" Lilygaveaslightlaugh。\"Oh,ifhe’srunningI’llovertakehim!\" Herfriendthrewoutanarrestinghand。\"Whateveryoudo,Lily,donothing!\" MissBartreceivedthewarningwithasmile。\"Idon’tmean,literally,totakethenexttrain。Thereareways——\"Butshedidnotgoontospecifythem。 Mrs。Trenorsharplycorrectedthetense。\"ThereWEREways——plentyofthem!Ididn’tsupposeyouneededtohavethempointedout。 Butdon’tdeceiveyourself——he’sthoroughlyfrightened。Hehasrunstraighthometohismother,andshe’llprotecthim!\" \"Oh,tothedeath,\"Lilyagreed,dimplingatthevision。 \"HowyoucanLAUGH——\"herfriendrebukedher;andshedroppedbacktoasobererperceptionofthingswiththequestion:\"WhatwasitBerthareallytoldhim?\" \"Don’taskme——horrors!Sheseemedtohaverakedupeverything。 Oh,youknowwhatImean——ofcoursethereisn’tanything,REALLY; butIsupposeshebroughtinPrinceVarigliano——andLordHubert——andtherewassomestoryofyourhavingborrowedmoneyofoldNedVanAlstyne:didyouever?\" \"Heismyfather’scousin,\"MissBartinterposed。 \"Well,ofcoursesheleftTHATout。ItseemsNedtoldCarryFisher;andshetoldBertha,naturally。They’reallalike,youknow:theyholdtheirtonguesforyears,andyouthinkyou’resafe,butwhentheiropportunitycomestheyremembereverything。\" Lilyhadgrownpale:hervoicehadaharshnoteinit。\"ItwassomemoneyIlostatbridgeattheVanOsburghs’。Irepaidit,ofcourse。\" \"Ah,well,theywouldn’trememberthat;besides,itwastheideaofthegamblingdebtthatfrightenedPercy。Oh,Berthaknewherman——sheknewjustwhattotellhim!\" InthisstrainMrs。Trenorcontinuedfornearlyanhourtoadmonishherfriend。MissBartlistenedwithadmirableequanimity。Hernaturallygoodtemperhadbeendisciplinedbyyearsofenforcedcompliance,sinceshehadalmostalwayshadtoattainherendsbythecircuitouspathofotherpeople’s;and,beingnaturallyinclinedtofaceunpleasantfactsassoonastheypresentedthemselves,shewasnotsorrytohearanimpartialstatementofwhatherfollywaslikelytocost,themoresoasherownthoughtswerestillinsistingontheothersideofthecase。PresentedinthelightofMrs。Trenor’svigorouscomments,thereckoningwascertainlyaformidableone,andLily,asshelistened,foundherselfgraduallyrevertingtoherfriend’sviewofthesituation。Mrs。Trenor’swordsweremoreoveremphasizedforherhearerbyanxietieswhichsheherselfcouldscarcelyguess。Affluence,unlessstimulatedbyakeenimagination,formsbutthevaguestnotionofthepracticalstrainofpoverty。Judyknewitmustbe\"horrid\"forpoorLilytohavetostoptoconsiderwhethershecouldaffordreallaceonherpetticoats,andnottohaveamotor-carandasteam-yachtatherorders;butthedailyfrictionofunpaidbills,thedailynibbleofsmalltemptationstoexpenditure,weretrialsasfaroutofherexperienceasthedomesticproblemsofthechar-woman。Mrs。 Trenor’sunconsciousnessoftherealstressofthesituationhadtheeffectofmakingitmoregallingtoLily。Whileherfriendreproachedherformissingtheopportunitytoeclipseherrivals,shewasoncemorebattlinginimaginationwiththemountingtideofindebtednessfromwhichshehadsonearlyescaped。Whatwindoffollyhaddrivenheroutagainonthosedarkseas? Ifanythingwasneededtoputthelasttouchtoherself-abasementitwasthesenseofthewayheroldlifewasopeningitsrutsagaintoreceiveher。Yesterdayherfancyhadflutteredfreepinionsaboveachoiceofoccupations;nowshehadtodroptothelevelofthefamiliarroutine,inwhichmomentsofseemingbrilliancyandfreedomalternatedwithlonghoursofsubjection。 Shelaidadeprecatinghandonherfriend’s。\"DearJudy!I’msorrytohavebeensuchabore,andyouareverygoodtome。Butyoumusthavesomelettersformetoanswer——letmeatleastbeuseful。\" Shesettledherselfatthedesk,andMrs。Trenoracceptedherresumptionofthemorning’staskwithasighwhichimpliedthat,afterall,shehadprovedherselfunfitforhigheruses。 Theluncheontableshowedadepletedcircle。ALIthemenbutJackStepneyandDorsethadreturnedtotown(itseemedtoLilyalasttouchofironythatSeldenandPercyGryceshouldhavegoneinthesametrain),andLadyCressidaandtheattendantWetherallshadbeendespatchedbymotortolunchatadistantcountry-house。 AtsuchmomentsofdiminishedinterestitwasusualforMrs。 Dorsettokeepherroomtilltheafternoon;butonthisoccasionshedriftedinwhenluncheonwashalfover,hollowed-eyedanddrooping,butwithanedgeofmaliceunderherindifference。 Sheraisedhereyebrowsasshelookedaboutthetable。\"Howfewofusareleft!Idosoenjoythequiet——don’tyou,Lily?Iwishthemenwouldalwaysstopaway——it’sreallymuchnicerwithoutthem。Oh,youdon’tcount,George:onedoesn’thavetotalktoone’shusband。ButIthoughtMr。Grycewastostayfortherestoftheweek?\"sheaddedenquiringly。\"Didn’theintendto,Judy? He’ssuchaniceboy——Iwonderwhatdrovehimaway?Heisrathershy,andI’mafraidwemayhaveshockedhim:hehasbeenbroughtupinsuchanold-fashionedway。Doyouknow,Lily,hetoldmehehadneverseenagirlplaycardsformoneytillhesawyoudoingittheothernight?Andhelivesontheinterestofhisincome,andalwayshasalotleftovertoinvest!\" Mrs。Fisherleanedforwardeagerly。\"Idobelieveitissomeone’sdutytoeducatethatyoungman。Itisshockingthathehasneverbeenmadetorealizehisdutiesasacitizen。Everywealthymanshouldbecompelledtostudythelawsofhiscountry。\" Mrs。Dorsetglancedatherquietly。\"IthinkheHASstudiedthedivorcelaws。HetoldmehehadpromisedtheBishoptosignsomekindofapetitionagainstdivorce。\" Mrs。Fisherreddenedunderherpowder,andStepneysaidwithalaughingglanceatMissBart:\"Isupposeheisthinkingofmarriage,andwantstotinkeruptheoldshipbeforehegoesaboard。\" Hisbetrothedlookedshockedatthemetaphor,andGeorgeDorsetexclaimedwithasardonicgrowl:\"Poordevil!Itisn’ttheshipthatwilldoforhim,it’sthecrew。\" \"Orthestowaways,\"saidMissCorbybrightly。\"IfIcontemplatedavoyagewithhimIshouldtrytostartwithafriendinthehold。\" MissVanOsburgh’svaguefeelingofpiquewasstrugglingforappropriateexpression。\"I’msureIdon’tseewhyyoulaughathim;Ithinkhe’sverynice,\"sheexclaimed;\"and,atanyrate,agirlwhomarriedhimwouldalwayshaveenoughtobecomfortable。\" Shelookedpuzzledattheredoubledlaughterwhichhailedherwords,butitmighthaveconsoledhertoknowhowdeeplytheyhadsunkintothebreastofoneofherhearers。 Comfortable!AtthatmomentthewordwasmoreeloquenttoLilyBartthananyotherinthelanguage。Shecouldnotevenpausetosmileovertheheiress’sviewofacolossalfortuneasamereshelteragainstwant:hermindwasfilledwiththevisionofwhatthatsheltermighthavebeentoher。Mrs。Dorset’spin-pricksdidnotsmart,forherownironycutdeeper:noonecouldhurtherasmuchasshewashurtingherself,fornooneelse——notevenJudyTrenor——knewthefullmagnitudeofherfolly。 Shewasrousedfromtheseunprofitableconsiderationsbyawhisperedrequestfromherhostess,whodrewherapartastheylefttheluncheon-table。 \"Lily,dear,ifyou’venothingspecialtodo,mayItellCarryFisherthatyouintendtodrivetothestationandfetchGus?Hewillbebackatfour,andIknowshehasitinhermindtomeethim。OfcourseI’mverygladtohavehimamused,butIhappentoknowthatshehasbledhimratherseverelysinceshe’sbeenhere,andsheissokeenaboutgoingtofetchhimthatIfancyshemusthavegotalotmorebillsthismorning。Itseemstome,\"Mrs。 Trenorfeelinglyconcluded,\"thatmostofheralimonyispaidbyotherwomen’shusbands!\" MissBart,onherwaytothestation,hadleisuretomuseoverherfriend’swords,andtheirpeculiarapplicationtoherself。 Whyshouldshehavetosufferforhavingonce,forafewhours,borrowedmoneyofanelderlycousin,whenawomanlikeCarryFishercouldmakealivingunrebukedfromthegood-natureofhermenfriendsandthetoleranceoftheirwives?Itallturnedonthetiresomedistinctionbetweenwhatamarriedwomanmight,andagirlmightnot,do。Ofcourseitwasshockingforamarriedwomantoborrowmoney——andLilywasexpertlyawareoftheimplicationinvolved——butstill,itwasthemereMALUMPROHIBITUM whichtheworlddecriesbutcondones,andwhich,thoughitmaybepunishedbyprivatevengeance,doesnotprovokethecollectivedisapprobationofsociety。ToMissBart,inshort,nosuchopportunitieswerepossible。Shecouldofcourseborrowfromherwomenfriends——ahundredhereorthere,attheutmost——buttheyweremorereadytogiveagownoratrinket,andlookedalittleaskancewhenshehintedherpreferenceforacheque。Womenarenotgenerouslenders,andthoseamongwhomherlotwascastwereeitherinthesamecaseasherself,orelsetoofarremovedfromittounderstanditsnecessities。TheresultofhermeditationswasthedecisiontojoinherauntatRichfield。ShecouldnotremainatBellomontwithoutplayingbridge,andbeinginvolvedinotherexpenses;andtocontinueherusualseriesofautumnvisitswouldmerelyprolongthesamedifficulties。Shehadreachedapointwhereabruptretrenchmentwasnecessary,andtheonlycheaplifewasadulllife。ShewouldstartthenextmorningforRichfield。 AtthestationshethoughtGusTrenorseemedsurprised,andnotwhollyunrelieved,toseeher。Sheyieldedupthereinsofthelightrunaboutinwhichshehaddrivenover,andasheclimbedheavilytoherside,crushingherintoascantthirdoftheseat,hesaid:\"Halloo!Itisn’toftenyouhonourme。Youmusthavebeenuncommonlyhardupforsomethingtodo。\" Theafternoonwaswarm,andpropinquitymadehermorethanusuallyconsciousthathewasredandmassive,andthatbeadsofmoisturehadcausedthedustofthetraintoadhereunpleasantlytothebroadexpanseofcheekandneckwhichheturnedtoher; butshewasawarealso,fromthelookinhissmalldulleyes,thatthecontactwithherfreshnessandslendernesswasasagreeabletohimasthesightofacoolingbeverage。 Theperceptionofthisfacthelpedhertoanswergaily:\"It’snotoftenIhavethechance。Therearetoomanyladiestodisputetheprivilegewithme。\" \"Theprivilegeofdrivingmehome?Well,I’mgladyouwontherace,anyhow。ButIknowwhatreallyhappened——mywifesentyou。Nowdidn’tshe?\" Hehadthedullman’sunexpectedflashesofastuteness,andLilycouldnothelpjoininginthelaughwithwhichhehadpouncedonthetruth。 \"Yousee,JudythinksI’mthesafestpersonforyoutobewith; andshe’squiteright,\"sherejoined。 \"Oh,isshe,though?Ifsheis,it’sbecauseyouwouldn’twasteyourtimeonanoldhulklikeme。Wemarriedmenhavetoputupwithwhatwecanget:alltheprizesareforthecleverchapswho’vekeptafreefoot。Letmelightacigar,willyou?I’vehadabeastlydayofit。\" Hedrewupintheshadeofthevillagestreet,andpassedthereinstoherwhileheheldamatchtohiscigar。Thelittleflameunderhishandcastadeepercrimsononhispuffingface,andLilyavertedhereyeswithamomentaryfeelingofrepugnance。Andyetsomewomenthoughthimhandsome! Asshehandedbackthereins,shesaidsympathetically:\"Didyouhavesuchalotoftiresomethingstodo?\" \"Ishouldsayso——rather!\"Trenor,whowasseldomlistenedto,eitherbyhiswifeorherfriends,settleddownintotherareenjoymentofaconfidentialtalk。\"Youdon’tknowhowafellowhastohustletokeepthiskindofthinggoing。\"HewavedhiswhipinthedirectionoftheBellomontacres,whichlayoutspreadbeforetheminopulentundulations。\"Judyhasnoideaofwhatshespends——notthatthereisn’tplentytokeepthethinggoing,\"heinterruptedhimself,\"butamanhasgottokeephiseyesopenandpickupallthetipshecan。Myfatherandmotherusedtolivelikefighting-cocksontheirincome,andputbyagoodbitofittoo——luckilyforme——butatthepacewegonow,Idon’tknowwhereIshouldbeifitweren’tfortakingaflyernowandthen。 Thewomenallthink——ImeanJudythinks——I’venothingtodobuttogodowntownonceamonthandcutoffcoupons,butthetruthisittakesadevilishlotofhardworktokeepthemachineryrunning。NotthatIoughttocomplainto-day,though,\"hewentonafteramoment,\"forIdidaveryneatstrokeofbusiness,thankstoStepney’sfriendRosedale:bytheway,MissLily,Iwishyou’dtrytopersuadeJudytobedecentlyciviltothatchap。He’sgoingtoberichenoughtobuyusalloutoneofthesedays,andifshe’donlyaskhimtodinenowandthenIcouldgetalmostanythingoutofhim。Themanismadtoknowthepeoplewhodon’twanttoknowhim,andwhenafellow’sinthatstatethereisnothinghewon’tdoforthefirstwomanwhotakeshimup。\" Lilyhesitatedamoment。Thefirstpartofhercompanion’sdiscoursehadstartedaninterestingtrainofthought,whichwasrudelyinterruptedbythementionofMr。Rosedale’sname。Sheutteredafaintprotest。 \"ButyouknowJackdidtrytotakehimabout,andhewasimpossible。\" \"Oh,hangit——becausehe’sfatandshiny,andhasasloppymanner!Well,allIcansayisthatthepeoplewhoarecleverenoughtobeciviltohimnowwillmakeamightygoodthingofit。Afewyearsfromnowhe’llbeinitwhetherwewanthimornot,andthenhewon’tbegivingawayahalf-a-milliontipforadinner。\" Lily’smindhadrevertedfromtheintrusivepersonalityofMr。 RosedaletothetrainofthoughtsetinmotionbyTrenor’sfirstwords。ThisvastmysteriousWallStreetworldof\"tips\"and\"deals\"——mightshenotfindinitthemeansofescapefromherdrearypredicament?Shehadoftenheardofwomenmakingmoneyinthiswaythroughtheirfriends:shehadnomorenotionthanmostofhersexoftheexactnatureofthetransaction,anditsvaguenessseemedtodiminishitsindelicacy。Shecouldnot,indeed,imagineherself,inanyextremity,stoopingtoextracta\"tip\"fromMr。Rosedale;butathersidewasamaninpossessionofthatpreciouscommodity,andwho,asthehusbandofherdearestfriend,stoodtoherinarelationofalmostfraternalintimacy。 InherinmostheartLilyknewitwasnotbyappealingtothefraternalinstinctthatshewaslikelytomoveGusTrenor;butthiswayofexplainingthesituationhelpedtodrapeitscrudity,andshewasalwaysscrupulousaboutkeepingupappearancestoherself。Herpersonalfastidiousnesshadamoralequivalent,andwhenshemadeatourofinspectioninherownmindtherewerecertaincloseddoorsshedidnotopen。 AstheyreachedthegatesofBellomontsheturnedtoTrenorwithasmile。\"Theafternoonissoperfect——don’tyouwanttodrivemealittlefarther?I’vebeenratheroutofspiritsallday,andit’ssorestfultobeawayfrompeople,withsomeonewhowon’tmindifI’malittledull。\" Shelookedsoplaintivelylovelyassheprofferedtherequest,sotrustfullysureofhissympathyandunderstanding,thatTrenorfelthimselfwishingthathiswifecouldseehowotherwomentreatedhim——notbatteredwire-pullerslikeMrs。Fisher,butagirlthatmostmenwouldhavegiventheirbootstogetsuchalookfrom。 \"Outofspirits?Whyonearthshouldyoueverbeoutofspirits? IsyourlastboxofDoucetdressesafailure,ordidJudyrookyououtofeverythingatbridgelastnight?\" Lilyshookherheadwithasigh。\"IhavehadtogiveupDoucet; andbridgetoo——Ican’taffordit。InfactIcan’taffordanyofthethingsmyfriendsdo,andIamafraidJudyoftenthinksmeaborebecauseIdon’tplaycardsanylonger,andbecauseIamnotassmartlydressedastheotherwomen。ButyouwillthinkmeaboretooifItalktoyouaboutmyworries,andIonlymentionthembecauseIwantyoutodomeafavour——theverygreatestoffavours。\" Hereyessoughthisoncemore,andshesmiledinwardlyatthetingeofapprehensionthatshereadinthem。 \"Why,ofcourse——ifit’sanythingIcanmanage——\"Hebrokeoff,andsheguessedthathisenjoymentwasdisturbedbytheremembranceofMrs。Fisher’smethods。 \"Thegreatestoffavours,\"sherejoinedgently。\"Thefactis,Judyisangrywithme,andIwantyoutomakemypeace。\" \"Angrywithyou?Oh,come,nonsense——\"hisreliefbrokethroughinalaugh。\"Why,youknowshe’sdevotedtoyou。\" \"SheisthebestfriendIhave,andthatiswhyImindhavingtovexher。ButIdaresayyouknowwhatshehaswantedmetodo。Shehassetherheart——poordear——onmymarrying——marryingagreatdealofmoney。\" Shepausedwithaslightfalterofembarrassment,andTrenor,turningabruptly,fixedonheralookofgrowingintelligence。 \"Agreatdealofmoney?Oh,byJove——youdon’tmeanGryce? What——youdo?Oh,no,ofcourseIwon’tmentionit——youcantrustmetokeepmymouthshut——butGryce——goodLord,GRYCE!DidJudyreallythinkyoucouldbringyourselftomarrythatportentouslittleass?Butyoucouldn’t,eh?Andsoyougavehimthesack,andthat’sthereasonwhyhelitoutbythefirsttrainthismorning?\"Heleanedback,spreadinghimselffartheracrosstheseat,asifdilatedbythejoyfulsenseofhisowndiscernment。\"HowonearthcouldJudythinkyouwoulddosuchathing?Icouldhavetoldheryou’dneverputupwithsuchalittlemilksop!\" Lilysighedmoredeeply。\"Isometimesthink,\"shemurmured,\"thatmenunderstandawoman’smotivesbetterthanotherwomendo。\" \"Somemen——I’mcertainofit!IcouldhaveTOLDJudy,\"herepeated,exultingintheimpliedsuperiorityoverhiswife。 \"Ithoughtyouwouldunderstand;that’swhyIwantedtospeaktoyou,\"MissBartrejoined。\"Ican’tmakethatkindofmarriage; it’simpossible。ButneithercanIgoonlivingasallthewomeninmysetdo。Iamalmostentirelydependentonmyaunt,andthoughsheisverykindtomeshemakesmenoregularallowance,andlatelyI’velostmoneyatcards,andIdon’tdaretellheraboutit。Ihavepaidmycarddebts,ofcourse,butthereishardlyanythingleftformyotherexpenses,andifIgoonwithmypresentlifeIshallbeinhorribledifficulties。Ihaveatinyincomeofmyown,butI’mafraidit’sbadlyinvested,foritseemstobringinlesseveryyear,andIamsoignorantofmoneymattersthatIdon’tknowifmyaunt’sagent,wholooksafterit,isagoodadviser。\"Shepausedamoment,andaddedinalightertone:\"Ididn’tmeantoboreyouwithallthis,butIwantyourhelpinmakingJudyunderstandthatIcan’t,atpresent,goonlivingasonemustliveamongyouall。IamgoingawaytomorrowtojoinmyauntatRichfield,andIshallstaytherefortherestoftheautumn,anddismissmymaidandlearnhowtomendmyownclothes。\" Atthispictureoflovelinessindistress,thepathosofwhichwasheightenedbythelighttouchwithwhichitwasdrawn,amurmurofindignantsympathybrokefromTrenor。Twenty-fourhoursearlier,ifhiswifehadconsultedhimonthesubjectofMissBart’sfuture,hewouldhavesaidthatagirlwithextravaganttastesandnomoneyhadbettermarrythefirstrichmanshecouldget;butwiththesubjectofdiscussionathisside,turningtohimforsympathy,makinghimfeelthatheunderstoodherbetterthanherdearestfriends,andconfirmingtheassurancebytheappealofherexquisitenearness,hewasreadytoswearthatsuchamarriagewasadesecration,andthat,asamanofhonour,hewasboundtodoallhecouldtoprotectherfromtheresultsofherdisinterestedness。ThisimpulsewasreinforcedbythereflectionthatifshehadmarriedGryceshewouldhavebeensurroundedbyflatteryandapproval,whereas,havingrefusedtosacrificeherselftoexpediency,shewaslefttobearthewholecostofherresistance。Hangit,ifhecouldfindawayoutofsuchdifficultiesforaprofessionalspongelikeCarryFisher,whowassimplyamentalhabitcorrespondingtothephysicaltitillationsofthecigaretteorthecock-tail,hecouldsurelydoasmuchforagirlwhoappealedtohishighestsympathies,andwhobroughthertroublestohimwiththetrustfulnessofachild。 TrenorandMissBartprolongedtheirdrivetilllongaftersunset;andbeforeitwasoverhehadtried,withsomeshowofsuccess,toprovetoherthat,ifshewouldonlytrusthim,hecouldmakeahandsomesumofmoneyforherwithoutendangeringthesmallamountshepossessed。Shewastoogenuinelyignorantofthemanipulationsofthestock-markettounderstandhistechnicalexplanations,orevenperhapstoperceivethatcertainpointsinthemwereslurred;thehazinessenvelopingthetransactionservedasaveilforherembarrassment,andthroughthegeneralblurherhopesdilatedlikelampsinafog。Sheunderstoodonlythathermodestinvestmentsweretobemysteriouslymultipliedwithoutrisktoherself;andtheassurancethatthismiraclewouldtakeplacewithinashorttime,thattherewouldbenotediousintervalforsuspenseandreaction,relievedherofherlingeringscruples。 Againshefeltthelighteningofherload,andwithitthereleaseofrepressedactivities。Herimmediateworriesconjured,itwaseasytoresolvethatshewouldneveragainfindherselfinsuchstraits,andastheneedofeconomyandself-denialrecededfromherforegroundshefeltherselfreadytomeetanyotherdemandwhichlifemightmake。EventheimmediateoneoflettingTrenor,astheydrovehomeward,leanalittlenearerandresthishandreassuringlyonhers,costheronlyamomentaryshiverofreluctance。Itwaspartofthegametomakehimfeelthatherappealhadbeenanuncalculatedimpulse,provokedbythelikingheinspired;andtherenewedsenseofpowerinhandlingmen,whileitconsoledherwoundedvanity,helpedalsotoobscurethethoughtoftheclaimatwhichhismannerhinted。Hewasacoarsedullmanwho,underallhisshowofauthority,wasameresupernumeraryinthecostlyshowforwhichhismoneypaid: surely,toaclevergirl,itwouldbeeasytoholdhimbyhisvanity,andsokeeptheobligationonhisside。 ThefirstthousanddollarchequewhichLilyreceivedwithablottedscrawlfromGusTrenorstrengthenedherself-confidenceintheexactdegreetowhichiteffacedherdebts。 Thetransactionhadjustifieditselfbyitsresults:shesawnowhowabsurditwouldhavebeentoletanyprimitivescrupledepriveherofthiseasymeansofappeasinghercreditors。Lilyfeltreallyvirtuousasshedispensedthesuminsopstohertradesmen,andthefactthatafreshorderaccompaniedeachpaymentdidnotlessenhersenseofdisinterestedness。Howmanywomen,inherplace,wouldhavegiventheorderswithoutmakingthepayment! ShehadfounditreassuringlyeasytokeepTrenorinagoodhumour。Tolistentohisstories,toreceivehisconfidencesandlaughathisjokes,seemedforthemomentallthatwasrequiredofher,andthecomplacencywithwhichherhostessregardedtheseattentionsfreedthemoftheleasthintofambiguity。Mrs。TrenorevidentlyassumedthatLily’sgrowingintimacywithherhusbandwassimplyanindirectwayofreturningherownkindness。 \"I’msogladyouandGushavebecomesuchgoodfriends,\"shesaidapprovingly。\"It’stoodelightfulofyoutobesonicetohim,andputupwithallhistiresomestories。Iknowwhattheyare,becauseIhadtolistentothemwhenwewereengaged——I’msureheistellingthesameonesstill。AndnowIshan’talwayshavetobeaskingCarryFisherheretokeephiminagood-humour。She’saperfectvulture,youknow;andshehasn’ttheleastmoralsense。 SheisalwaysgettingGustospeculateforher,andI’msuresheneverpayswhensheloses。\" MissBartcouldshudderatthisstateofthingswithouttheembarrassmentofapersonalapplication。Herownpositionwassurelyquitedifferent。Therecouldbenoquestionofhernotpayingwhenshelost,sinceTrenorhadassuredherthatshewascertainnottolose。InsendingherthechequehehadexplainedthathehadmadefivethousandforheroutofRosedale’s\"tip,\" andhadputfourthousandbackinthesameventure,astherewasthepromiseofanother\"bigrise\";sheunderstoodthereforethathewasnowspeculatingwithherownmoney,andthatsheconsequentlyowedhimnomorethanthegratitudewhichsuchatriflingservicedemanded。Shevaguelysupposedthat,toraisethefirstsum,hehadborrowedonhersecurities;butthiswasapointoverwhichhercuriositydidnotlinger。Itwasconcentrated,forthemoment,ontheprobabledateofthenext\"bigrise。\" Thenewsofthiseventwasreceivedbyhersomeweekslater,ontheoccasionofJackStepney’smarriagetoMissVanOsburgh。Asacousinofthebridegroom,MissBarthadbeenaskedtoactasbridesmaid;butshehaddeclinedonthepleathat,sinceshewasmuchtallerthantheotherattendantvirgins,herpresencemightmarthesymmetryofthegroup。Thetruthwas,shehadattendedtoomanybridestothealtar:whennextseenthereshemeanttobethechieffigureintheceremony。Sheknewthepleasantriesmadeattheexpenseofyounggirlswhohavebeentoolongbeforethepublic,andshewasresolvedtoavoidsuchassumptionsofyouthfulnessasmightleadpeopletothinkherolderthanshereallywas。 TheVanOsburghmarriagewascelebratedinthevillagechurchnearthepaternalestateontheHudson。Itwasthe\"simplecountrywedding\"towhichguestsareconvoyedinspecialtrains,andfromwhichthehordesoftheuninvitedhavetobefendedoffbytheinterventionofthepolice。Whilethesesylvanritesweretakingplace,inachurchpackedwithfashionandfestoonedwithorchids,therepresentativesofthepresswerethreadingtheirway,note-bookinhand,throughthelabyrinthofweddingpresents,andtheagentofacinematographsyndicatewassettinguphisapparatusatthechurchdoor。ItwasthekindofsceneinwhichLilyhadoftenpicturedherselfastakingtheprincipalpart,andonthisoccasionthefactthatshewasoncemoremerelyacasualspectator,insteadofthemysticallyveiledfigureoccupyingthecentreofattention,strengthenedherresolvetoassumethelatterpartbeforetheyearwasover。Thefactthatherimmediateanxietieswererelieveddidnotblindhertoapossibilityoftheirrecurrence;itmerelygaveherenoughbuoyancytoriseoncemoreaboveherdoubtsandfeelarenewedfaithinherbeauty,herpower,andhergeneralfitnesstoattractabrilliantdestiny。Itcouldnotbethatoneconsciousofsuchaptitudesformasteryandenjoymentwasdoomedtoaperpetuityoffailure;andhermistakeslookedeasilyreparableinthelightofherrestoredself-confidence。 Aspecialappositenesswasgiventothesereflectionsbythediscovery,inaneighbouringpew,oftheseriousprofileandneatly-trimmedbeardofMr。PercyGryce。Therewassomethingalmostbridalinhisownaspect:hislargewhitegardeniahadasymbolicairthatstruckLilyasagoodomen。Afterall,seeninanassemblageofhiskindhewasnotridiculous-looking:afriendlycriticmighthavecalledhisheavinessweighty,andhewasathisbestintheattitudeofvacantpassivitywhichbringsouttheodditiesoftherestless。Shefanciedhewasthekindofmanwhosesentimentalassociationswouldbestirredbytheconventionalimageryofawedding,andshepicturedherself,intheseclusionoftheVanOsburghconservatories,playingskillfullyuponsensibilitiesthuspreparedforhertouch。Infact,whenshelookedattheotherwomenabouther,andrecalledtheimageshehadbroughtawayfromherownglass,itdidnotseemasthoughanyspecialskillwouldbeneededtorepairherblunderandbringhimoncemoretoherfeet。 ThesightofSelden’sdarkhead,inapewalmostfacingher,disturbedforamomentthebalanceofhercomplacency。Theriseofherbloodastheireyesmetwassucceededbyacontrarymotion,awaveofresistanceandwithdrawal。Shedidnotwishtoseehimagain,notbecauseshefearedhisinfluence,butbecausehispresencealwayshadtheeffectofcheapeningheraspirations,ofthrowingherwholeworldoutoffocus。Besides,hewasalivingreminderoftheworstmistakeinhercareer,andthefactthathehadbeenitscausedidnotsoftenherfeelingstowardhim。Shecouldstillimagineanidealstateofexistenceinwhich,allelsebeingsuperadded,intercoursewithSeldenmightbethelasttouchofluxury;butintheworldasitwas,suchaprivilegewaslikelytocostmorethanitwasworth。 \"Lily,dear,Ineversawyoulooksolovely!Youlookasifsomethingdelightfulhadjusthappenedtoyou!\" Theyoungladywhothusformulatedheradmirationofherbrilliantfrienddidnot,inherownperson,suggestsuchhappypossibilities。MissGertrudeFarish,infact,typifiedthemediocreandtheineffectual。Iftherewerecompensatingqualitiesinherwidefrankglanceandthefreshnessofhersmile,thesewerequalitieswhichonlythesympatheticobserverwouldperceivebeforenoticingthathereyeswereofaworkadaygreyandherlipswithouthauntingcurves。Lily’sownviewofherwaveredbetweenpityforherlimitationsandimpatienceathercheerfulacceptanceofthem。ToMissBart,astohermother,acquiescenceindinginesswasevidenceofstupidity;andthereweremomentswhen,intheconsciousnessofherownpowertolookandtobesoexactlywhattheoccasionrequired,shealmostfeltthatothergirlswereplainandinferiorfromchoice。Certainlynooneneedhaveconfessedsuchacquiescenceinherlotaswasrevealedinthe\"useful\"colourofGertyFarish’sgownandthesubduedlinesofherhat:itisalmostasstupidtoletyourclothesbetraythatyouknowyouareuglyastohavethemproclaimthatyouthinkyouarebeautiful。 Ofcourse,beingfatallypooranddingy,itwaswiseofGertytohavetakenupphilanthropyandsymphonyconcerts;buttherewassomethingirritatinginherassumptionthatexistenceyieldednohigherpleasures,andthatonemightgetasmuchinterestandexcitementoutoflifeinacrampedflatasinthesplendoursoftheVanOsburghestablishment。Today,however,herchirpingenthusiasmsdidnotirritateLily。Theyseemedonlytothrowherownexceptionalnessintobecomingrelief,andgiveasoaringvastnesstoherschemeoflife。 \"Doletusgoandtakeapeepatthepresentsbeforeeveryoneelseleavesthedining-room!\"suggestedMissFarish,linkingherarminherfriend’s。Itwascharacteristicofhertotakeasentimentalandunenviousinterestinallthedetailsofawedding:shewasthekindofpersonwhoalwayskeptherhandkerchiefoutduringtheservice,anddepartedclutchingaboxofwedding-cake。 \"Isn’teverythingbeautifullydone?\"shepursued,astheyenteredthedistantdrawing-roomassignedtothedisplayofMissVanOsburgh’sbridalspoils。\"IalwayssaynoonedoesthingsbetterthancousinGrace!DidyouevertasteanythingmoredeliciousthanthatMOUSSEoflobsterwithchampagnesauce?ImadeupmymindweeksagothatIwouldn’tmissthiswedding,andjustfancyhowdelightfullyitallcameabout。WhenLawrenceSeldenheardIwascoming,heinsistedonfetchingmehimselfanddrivingmetothestation,andwhenwegobackthiseveningIamtodinewithhimatSherry’s。IreallyfeelasexcitedasifI weregettingmarriedmyself!\" Lilysmiled:sheknewthatSeldenhadalwaysbeenkindtohisdullcousin,andshehadsometimeswonderedwhyhewastedsomuchtimeinsuchanunremunerativemanner;butnowthethoughtgaveheravaguepleasure。 \"Doyouseehimoften?\"sheasked。 \"Yes;heisverygoodaboutdroppinginonSundays。Andnowandthenwedoaplaytogether;butlatelyIhaven’tseenmuchofhim。Hedoesn’tlookwell,andheseemsnervousandunsettled。 Thedearfellow!Idowishhewouldmarrysomenicegirl。Itoldhimsotoday,buthesaidhedidn’tcareforthereallyniceones,andtheotherkinddidn’tcareforhim——butthatwasjusthisjoke,ofcourse。HecouldnevermarryagirlwhoWASN’Tnice。 Oh,mydear,didyoueverseesuchpearls?\" Theyhadpausedbeforethetableonwhichthebride’sjewelsweredisplayed,andLily’sheartgaveanenviousthrobasshecaughttherefractionoflightfromtheirsurfaces——themilkygleamofperfectlymatchedpearls,theflashofrubiesrelievedagainstcontrastingvelvet,theintenseblueraysofsapphireskindledintolightbysurroundingdiamonds:alltheseprecioustintsenhancedanddeepenedbythevariedartoftheirsetting。TheglowofthestoneswarmedLily’sveinslikewine。Morecompletelythananyotherexpressionofwealththeysymbolizedthelifeshelongedtolead,thelifeoffastidiousaloofnessandrefinementinwhicheverydetailshouldhavethefinishofajewel,andthewholeformaharmonioussettingtoherownjewel-likerareness。 \"Oh,Lily,dolookatthisdiamondpendant——it’sasbigasadinner-plate!Whocanhavegivenit?\"MissFarishbentshort-sightedlyovertheaccompanyingcard。\"MR。SIMONROSEDALE。 What,thathorridman?Oh,yes——Irememberhe’safriendofJack’s,andIsupposecousinGracehadtoaskhimheretoday;butshemustratherhatehavingtoletGwenacceptsuchapresentfromhim。\" Lilysmiled。ShedoubtedMrs。VanOsburgh’sreluctance,butwasawareofMissFarish’shabitofascribingherowndelicaciesoffeelingtothepersonsleastlikelytobeencumberedbythem。 \"Well,ifGwendoesn’tcaretobeseenwearingitshecanalwaysexchangeitforsomethingelse,\"sheremarked。 \"Ah,hereissomethingsomuchprettier,\"MissFarishcontinued。 \"Dolookatthisexquisitewhitesapphire。I’msurethepersonwhochoseitmusthavetakenparticularpains。Whatisthename? PercyGryce?Ah,thenI’mnotsurprised!\"Shesmiledsignificantlyasshereplacedthecard。\"Ofcourseyou’veheardthathe’sperfectlydevotedtoEvieVanOsburgh?CousinGraceissopleasedaboutit——it’squitearomance!HemetherfirstattheGeorgeDorsets’,onlyaboutsixweeksago,andit’sjustthenicestpossiblemarriagefordearEvie。Oh,Idon’tmeanthemoney——ofcourseshehasplentyofherown——butshe’ssuchaquietstay-at-homekindofgirl,anditseemshehasjustthesametastes;sotheyareexactlysuitedtoeachother。\" Lilystoodstaringvacantlyatthewhitesapphireonitsvelvetbed。EvieVanOsburghandPercyGryce?Thenamesrangderisivelythroughherbrain。EVIEVANOSBURGH?Theyoungest,dumpiest,dullestofthefourdullanddumpydaughterswhomMrs。VanOsburgh,withunsurpassedastuteness,had\"placed\"onebyoneinenviablenichesofexistence!Ah,luckygirlswhogrowupintheshelterofamother’slove——amotherwhoknowshowtocontriveopportunitieswithoutconcedingfavours,howtotakeadvantageofpropinquitywithoutallowingappetitetobedulledbyhabit!Thecleverestgirlmaymiscalculatewhereherowninterestsareconcerned,mayyieldtoomuchatonemomentandwithdrawtoofaratthenext:ittakesamother’sunerringvigilanceandforesighttolandherdaughterssafelyinthearmsofwealthandsuitability。