Dorset’stoils,showedhimtobesocompletelyfreefromthemthathewasnotafraidofherproximity。
Thesethoughtssoengagedherthatshefellintoagaithardlylikelytocarryhertochurchbeforethesermon,andatlength,havingpassedfromthegardenstothewood-pathbeyond,sofarforgotherintentionastosinkintoarusticseatatabendofthewalk。Thespotwascharming,andLilywasnotinsensibletothecharm,ortothefactthatherpresenceenhancedit;butshewasnotaccustomedtotastethejoysofsolitudeexceptincompany,andthecombinationofahandsomegirlandaromanticscenestruckherastoogoodtobewasted。Noone,however,appearedtoprofitbytheopportunity;andafterahalfhouroffruitlesswaitingsheroseandwanderedon。Shefeltastealingsenseoffatigueasshewalked;thesparklehaddiedoutofher,andthetasteoflifewasstaleonherlips。Shehardlyknewwhatshehadbeenseeking,orwhythefailuretofindithadsoblottedthelightfromhersky:shewasonlyawareofavaguesenseoffailure,ofaninnerisolationdeeperthanthelonelinessabouther。
Herfootstepsflagged,andshestoodgazinglistlesslyahead,diggingthefernyedgeofthepathwiththetipofhersunshade。
Asshedidsoastepsoundedbehindher,andshesawSeldenatherside。
\"Howfastyouwalk!\"heremarked。\"IthoughtIshouldnevercatchupwithyou。\"
Sheansweredgaily:\"Youmustbequitebreathless!I’vebeensittingunderthattreeforanhour。\"
\"Waitingforme,Ihope?\"herejoined;andshesaidwithavaguelaugh:
\"Well——waitingtoseeifyouwouldcome。\"
\"Iseizethedistinction,butIdon’tmindit,sincedoingtheoneinvolveddoingtheother。Butweren’tyousurethatIshouldcome?\"
\"IfIwaitedlongenough——butyouseeIhadonlyalimitedtimetogivetotheexperiment。\"
\"Whylimited?Limitedbyluncheon?\"
\"No;bymyotherengagement。\"
\"YourengagementtogotochurchwithMurielandHilda?\"
\"No;buttocomehomefromchurchwithanotherperson。\"
\"Ah,Isee;Imighthaveknownyouwerefullyprovidedwithalternatives。Andistheotherpersoncominghomethisway?\"
Lilylaughedagain。\"That’sjustwhatIdon’tknow;andtofindout,itismybusinesstogettochurchbeforetheserviceisover。\"
\"Exactly;anditismybusinesstopreventyourdoingso;inwhichcasetheotherperson,piquedbyyourabsence,willformthedesperateresolveofdrivingbackintheomnibus。\"
Lilyreceivedthiswithfreshappreciation;hisnonsensewaslikethebubblingofherinnermood。\"Isthatwhatyouwoulddoinsuchanemergency?\"sheenquired。
Seldenlookedatherwithsolemnity。\"Iamheretoprovetoyou,\"
hecried,\"whatIamcapableofdoinginanemergency!\"
\"Walkingamileinanhour——youmustownthattheomnibuswouldbequicker!\"
\"Ah——butwillhefindyouintheend?That’stheonlytestofsuccess。\"
Theylookedateachotherwiththesameluxuryofenjoymentthattheyhadfeltinexchangingabsurditiesoverhistea-table;butsuddenlyLily’sfacechanged,andshesaid:\"Well,ifitis,hehassucceeded。\"
Selden,followingherglance,perceivedapartyofpeopleadvancingtowardthemfromthefartherbendofthepath。LadyCressidahadevidentlyinsistedonwalkinghome,andtherestofthechurch-goershadthoughtittheirdutytoaccompanyher。Lily’scompanionlookedrapidlyfromonetotheotherofthetwomenoftheparty;WetherallwalkingrespectfullyatLadyCressida’ssidewithhislittlesidelonglookofnervousattention,andPercyGrycebringinguptherearwithMrs。
WetherallandtheTrenors。
\"Ah——nowIseewhyyouweregettingupyourAmericana!\"Seldenexclaimedwithanoteofthefreestadmirationbuttheblushwithwhichthesallywasreceivedcheckedwhateveramplificationshehadmeanttogiveit。
ThatLilyBartshouldobjecttobeingbanteredabouthersuitors,orevenabouthermeansofattractingthem,wassonewtoSeldenthathehadamomentaryflashofsurprise,whichlitupanumberofpossibilities;butsherosegallantlytothedefenceofherconfusion,bysaying,asitsobjectapproached:\"ThatwaswhyI
waswaitingforyou——tothankyouforhavinggivenmesomanypoints!\"
\"Ah,youcanhardlydojusticetothesubjectinsuchashorttime,\"saidSelden,astheTrenorgirlscaughtsightofMissBart;andwhileshesignalledaresponsetotheirboisterousgreeting,headdedquickly:\"Won’tyoudevoteyourafternoontoit?YouknowImustbeofftomorrowmorning。We’lltakeawalk,andyoucanthankmeatyourleisure。\"
Theafternoonwasperfect。Adeeperstillnesspossessedtheair,andtheglitteroftheAmericanautumnwastemperedbyahazewhichdiffusedthebrightnesswithoutdullingit。
Inthewoodyhollowsoftheparktherewasalreadyafaintchill;
butasthegroundrosetheairgrewlighter,andascendingthelongslopesbeyondthehigh-road,Lilyandhercompanionreachedazoneoflingeringsummer。Thepathwoundacrossameadowwithscatteredtrees;thenitdippedintoalaneplumedwithastersandpurplingspraysofbramble,whence,throughthelightquiverofash-leaves,thecountryunrolleditselfinpastoraldistances。
Higherup,thelaneshowedthickeningtuftsoffernandofthecreepingglossyverdureofshadedslopes;treesbegantooverhangit,andtheshadedeepenedtothecheckeredduskofabeech-grove。Thebolesofthetreesstoodwellapart,withonlyalightfeatheringofundergrowth;thepathwoundalongtheedgeofthewood,nowandthenlookingoutonasunlitpastureoronanorchardspangledwithfruit。
Lilyhadnorealintimacywithnature,butshehadapassionfortheappropriateandcouldbekeenlysensitivetoascenewhichwasthefittingbackgroundofherownsensations。Thelandscapeoutspreadbelowherseemedanenlargementofherpresentmood,andshefoundsomethingofherselfinitscalmness,itsbreadth,itslongfreereaches。Onthenearerslopesthesugar-mapleswaveredlikepyresoflight;lowerdownwasamassingofgreyorchards,andhereandtherethelingeringgreenofanoak-grove。
Twoorthreeredfarm-housesdozedundertheapple-trees,andthewhitewoodenspireofavillagechurchshowedbeyondtheshoulderofthehill;whilefarbelow,inahazeofdust,thehigh-roadranbetweenthefields。
\"Letussithere,\"Seldensuggested,astheyreachedanopenledgeofrockabovewhichthebeechesrosesteeplybetweenmossyboulders。
Lilydroppeddownontherock,glowingwithherlongclimb。Shesatquiet,herlipspartedbythestressoftheascent,hereyeswanderingpeacefullyoverthebrokenrangesofthelandscape。Seldenstretchedhimselfonthegrassatherfeet,tiltinghishatagainstthelevelsun-rays,andclaspinghishandsbehindhishead,whichrestedagainstthesideoftherock。
Hehadnowishtomakehertalk;herquick-breathingsilenceseemedapartofthegeneralhushandharmonyofthings。Inhisownmindtherewasonlyalazysenseofpleasure,veilingthesharpedgesofsensationastheSeptemberhazeveiledthesceneattheirfeet。ButLily,thoughherattitudewasascalmashis,wasthrobbinginwardlywitharushofthoughts。Therewereinheratthemomenttwobeings,onedrawingdeepbreathsoffreedomandexhilaration,theothergaspingforairinalittleblackprison-houseoffears。Butgraduallythecaptive’sgaspsgrewfainter,ortheotherpaidlessheedtothem:thehorizonexpanded,theairgrewstronger,andthefreespiritquiveredforflight。
Shecouldnotherselfhaveexplainedthesenseofbuoyancywhichseemedtoliftandswingherabovethesun-suffusedworldatherfeet。Wasitlove,shewondered,oramerefortuitouscombinationofhappythoughtsandsensations?Howmuchofitwasowingtothespelloftheperfectafternoon,thescentofthefadingwoods,thethoughtofthedulnessshehadfledfrom?Lilyhadnodefiniteexperiencebywhichtotestthequalityofherfeelings。
Shehadseveraltimesbeeninlovewithfortunesorcareers,butonlyoncewithaman。Thatwasyearsago,whenshefirstcameout,andhadbeensmittenwitharomanticpassionforayounggentlemannamedHerbertMelson,whohadblueeyesandalittlewaveinhishair。Mr。Melson,whowaspossessedofnoothernegotiablesecurities,hadhastenedtoemploytheseincapturingtheeldestMissVanOsburgh:sincethenhehadgrownstoutandwheezy,andwasgiventotellinganecdotesabouthischildren。IfLilyrecalledthisearlyemotionitwasnottocompareitwiththatwhichnowpossessedher;theonlypointofcomparisonwasthesenseoflightness,ofemancipation,whichsherememberedfeeling,inthewhirlofawaltzortheseclusionofaconservatory,duringthebriefcourseofheryouthfulromance。
Shehadnotknownagaintilltodaythatlightness,thatglowoffreedom;butnowitwassomethingmorethanablindgropingoftheblood。ThepeculiarcharmofherfeelingforSeldenwasthatsheunderstoodit;shecouldputherfingeroneverylinkofthechainthatwasdrawingthemtogether。Thoughhispopularitywasofthequietkind,feltratherthanactivelyexpressedamonghisfriends,shehadnevermistakenhisinconspicuousnessforobscurity。Hisreputedcultivationwasgenerallyregardedasaslightobstacletoeasyintercourse,butLily,whopridedherselfonherbroad-mindedrecognitionofliterature,andalwayscarriedanOmarKhayaminhertravelling-bag,wasattractedbythisattribute,whichshefeltwouldhavehaditsdistinctioninanoldersociety。Itwas,moreover,oneofhisgiftstolookhispart;tohaveaheightwhichliftedhisheadabovethecrowd,andthekeenly-modelleddarkfeatureswhich,inalandofamorphoustypes,gavehimtheairofbelongingtoamorespecializedrace,ofcarryingtheimpressofaconcentratedpast。Expansivepersonsfoundhimalittledry,andveryyounggirlsthoughthimsarcastic;butthisairoffriendlyaloofness,asfarremovedaspossiblefromanyassertionofpersonaladvantage,wasthequalitywhichpiquedLily’sinterest。Everythingabouthimaccordedwiththefastidiouselementinhertaste,eventothelightironywithwhichhesurveyedwhatseemedtohermostsacred。Sheadmiredhimmostofall,perhaps,forbeingabletoconveyasdistinctasenseofsuperiorityastherichestmanshehadevermet。
Itwastheunconsciousprolongationofthisthoughtwhichledhertosaypresently,withalaugh:\"Ihavebrokentwoengagementsforyoutoday。Howmanyhaveyoubrokenforme?\"
\"None,\"saidSeldencalmly。\"MyonlyengagementatBellomontwaswithyou。\"
Sheglanceddownathim,faintlysmiling。
\"DidyoureallycometoBellomonttoseeme?\"
\"OfcourseIdid。\"
Herlookdeepenedmeditatively。\"Why?\"shemurmured,withanaccentwhichtookalltingeofcoquetryfromthequestion。
\"Becauseyou’resuchawonderfulspectacle:Ialwaysliketoseewhatyouaredoing。\"
\"HowdoyouknowwhatIshouldbedoingifyouwerenothere?\"
Seldensmiled。\"Idon’tflattermyselfthatmycominghasdeflectedyourcourseofactionbyahair’sbreadth。\"
\"That’sabsurd——since,ifyouwerenothere,Icouldobviouslynotbetakingawalkwithyou。\"
\"No;butyourtakingawalkwithmeisonlyanotherwayofmakinguseofyourmaterial。YouareanartistandIhappentobethebitofcolouryouareusingtoday。It’sapartofyourclevernesstobeabletoproducepremeditatedeffectsextemporaneously。\"
Lilysmiledalso:hiswordsweretooacutenottostrikehersenseofhumour。Itwastruethatshemeanttousetheaccidentofhispresenceaspartofaverydefiniteeffect;orthat,atleast,wasthesecretpretextshehadfoundforbreakingherpromisetowalkwithMr。Gryce。Shehadsometimesbeenaccusedofbeingtooeager——evenJudyTrenorhadwarnedhertogoslowly。
Well,shewouldnotbetooeagerinthiscase;shewouldgivehersuitoralongertasteofsuspense。Wheredutyandinclinationjumpedtogether,itwasnotinLily’snaturetoholdthemasunder。Shehadexcusedherselffromthewalkonthepleaofaheadache:thehorridheadachewhich,inthemorning,hadpreventedherventuringtochurch。Herappearanceatluncheonjustifiedtheexcuse。Shelookedlanguid,fullofasufferingsweetness;shecarriedascent-bottleinherhand。Mr。Grycewasnewtosuchmanifestations;hewonderedrathernervouslyifsheweredelicate,havingfar-reachingfearsaboutthefutureofhisprogeny。Butsympathywontheday,andhebesoughthernottoexposeherself:healwaysconnectedtheouterairwithideasofexposure。
Lilyhadreceivedhissympathywithlanguidgratitude,urginghim,sincesheshouldbesuchpoorcompany,tojointherestofthepartywho,afterluncheon,werestartinginautomobilesonavisittotheVanOsburghsatPeekskill。Mr。Grycewastouchedbyherdisinterestedness,and,toescapefromthethreatenedvacuityoftheafternoon,hadtakenheradviceanddepartedmournfully,inadust-hoodandgoggles:asthemotor-carplungeddowntheavenueshesmiledathisresemblancetoabaffledbeetle。Seldenhadwatchedhermanoeuvreswithlazyamusement。Shehadmadenoreplytohissuggestionthattheyshouldspendtheafternoontogether,butasherplanunfoldeditselfhefeltfairlyconfidentofbeingincludedinit。Thehousewasemptywhenatlengthheheardhersteponthestairandstrolledoutofthebilliard-roomtojoinher。
Shehadonahatandwalking-dress,andthedogswereboundingatherfeet。
\"Ithought,afterall,theairmightdomegood,\"sheexplained;
andheagreedthatsosimplearemedywasworthtrying。
Theexcursionistswouldbegoneatleastfourhours;LilyandSeldenhadthewholeafternoonbeforethem,andthesenseofleisureandsafetygavethelasttouchoflightnesstoherspirit。Withsomuchtimetotalk,andnodefiniteobjecttobeledupto,shecouldtastetherarejoysofmentalvagrancy。
Shefeltsofreefromulteriormotivesthatshetookuphischargewithatouchofresentment。
\"Idon’tknow,\"shesaid,\"whyyouarealwaysaccusingmeofpremeditation。\"
\"Ithoughtyouconfessedtoit:youtoldmetheotherdaythatyouhadtofollowacertainline——andifonedoesathingatallitisamerittodoitthoroughly。\"
\"Ifyoumeanthatagirlwhohasnoonetothinkforherisobligedtothinkforherself,Iamquitewillingtoaccepttheimputation。ButyoumustfindmeadismalkindofpersonifyousupposethatIneveryieldtoanimpulse。\"
\"Ah,butIdon’tsupposethat:haven’tItoldyouthatyourgeniusliesinconvertingimpulsesintointentions?\"
\"Mygenius?\"sheechoedwithasuddennoteofweariness。\"Isthereanyfinaltestofgeniusbutsuccess?AndIcertainlyhaven’tsucceeded。\"
Seldenpushedhishatbackandtookaside-glanceather。
\"Success——whatissuccess?Ishallbeinterestedtohaveyourdefinition。\"
\"Success?\"Shehesitated。\"Why,togetasmuchasonecanoutoflife,Isuppose。It’sarelativequality,afterall。Isn’tthatyourideaofit?\"
\"Myideaofit?Godforbid!\"Hesatupwithsuddenenergy,restinghiselbowsonhiskneesandstaringoutuponthemellowfields。\"Myideaofsuccess,\"hesaid,\"ispersonalfreedom。\"
\"Freedom?Freedomfromworries?\"
\"Fromeverything——frommoney,frompoverty,fromeaseandanxiety,fromallthematerialaccidents。Tokeepakindofrepublicofthespirit——that’swhatIcallsuccess。\"
Sheleanedforwardwitharesponsiveflash。\"Iknow——Iknow——it’sstrange;butthat’sjustwhatI’vebeenfeelingtoday。\"
Hemethereyeswiththelatentsweetnessofhis。\"Isthefeelingsorarewithyou?\"hesaid。
Sheblushedalittleunderhisgaze。\"Youthinkmehorriblysordid,don’tyou?Butperhapsit’sratherthatIneverhadanychoice。Therewasnoone,Imean,totellmeabouttherepublicofthespirit。\"
\"Thereneveris——it’sacountryonehastofindthewaytoone’sself。\"
\"ButIshouldneverhavefoundmywaythereifyouhadn’ttoldme。\"
\"Ah,therearesign-posts——butonehastoknowhowtoreadthem。\"
\"Well,Ihaveknown,Ihaveknown!\"shecriedwithaglowofeagerness。\"WheneverIseeyou,Ifindmyselfspellingoutaletterofthesign——andyesterday——lasteveningatdinner——I
suddenlysawalittlewayintoyourrepublic。\"
Seldenwasstilllookingather,butwithachangedeye。Hithertohehadfound,inherpresenceandhertalk,theaestheticamusementwhichareflectivemanisapttoseekindesultoryintercoursewithprettywomen。Hisattitudehadbeenoneofadmiringspectatorship,andhewouldhavebeenalmostsorrytodetectinheranyemotionalweaknesswhichshouldinterferewiththefulfilmentofheraims。Butnowthehintofthisweaknesshadbecomethemostinterestingthingabouther。Hehadcomeonherthatmorninginamomentofdisarray;herfacehadbeenpaleandaltered,andthediminutionofherbeautyhadlentherapoignantcharm。THATISHOWSHELOOKSWHENSHEISALONE!hadbeenhisfirstthought;andthesecondwastonoteinherthechangewhichhiscomingproduced。Itwasthedanger-pointoftheirintercoursethathecouldnotdoubtthespontaneityofherliking。Fromwhateverangleheviewedtheirdawningintimacy,hecouldnotseeitaspartofherschemeoflife;andtobetheunforeseenelementinacareersoaccuratelyplannedwasstimulatingeventoamanwhohadrenouncedsentimentalexperiments。
\"Well,\"hesaid,\"diditmakeyouwanttoseemore?Areyougoingtobecomeoneofus?\"
Hehaddrawnouthiscigarettesashespoke,andshereachedherhandtowardthecase。
\"Oh,dogivemeone——Ihaven’tsmokedfordays!\"
\"Whysuchunnaturalabstinence?EverybodysmokesatBellomont。\"
\"Yes——butitisnotconsideredbecominginaJEUNEFILLEA
MARIER;andatthepresentmomentIamaJEUNEFILLEAMARIER。
\"Ah,thenI’mafraidwecan’tletyouintotherepublic。\"
\"Whynot?Isitacelibateorder?\"
\"Notintheleast,thoughI’mboundtosaytherearenotmanymarriedpeopleinit。Butyouwillmarrysomeoneveryrich,andit’sashardforrichpeopletogetintoasthekingdomofheaven。\"
\"That’sunjust,Ithink,because,asIunderstandit,oneoftheconditionsofcitizenshipisnottothinktoomuchaboutmoney,andtheonlywaynottothinkaboutmoneyistohaveagreatdealofit。\"
\"Youmightaswellsaythattheonlywaynottothinkaboutairistohaveenoughtobreathe。Thatistrueenoughinasense;butyourlungsarethinkingabouttheair,ifyouarenot。Andsoitiswithyourrichpeople——theymaynotbethinkingofmoney,butthey’rebreathingitallthewhile;takethemintoanotherelementandseehowtheysquirmandgasp!\"
Lilysatgazingabsentlythroughtheblueringsofhercigarette-smoke。
\"Itseemstome,\"shesaidatlength,\"thatyouspendagooddealofyourtimeintheelementyoudisapproveof。\"
Seldenreceivedthisthrustwithoutdiscomposure。\"Yes;butI
havetriedtoremainamphibious:it’sallrightaslongasone’slungscanworkinanotherair。Therealalchemyconsistsinbeingabletoturngoldbackagainintosomethingelse;andthat’sthesecretthatmostofyourfriendshavelost。\"
Lilymused。\"Don’tyouthink,\"sherejoinedafteramoment,\"thatthepeoplewhofindfaultwithsocietyaretooapttoregarditasanendandnotameans,justasthepeoplewhodespisemoneyspeakasifitsonlyuseweretobekeptinbagsandgloatedover?Isn’titfairertolookatthembothasopportunities,whichmaybeusedeitherstupidlyorintelligently,accordingtothecapacityoftheuser?\"
\"Thatiscertainlythesaneview;butthequeerthingaboutsocietyisthatthepeoplewhoregarditasanendarethosewhoareinit,andnotthecriticsonthefence。It’sjusttheotherwaywithmostshows——theaudiencemaybeundertheillusion,buttheactorsknowthatreallifeisontheothersideofthefootlights。Thepeoplewhotakesocietyasanescapefromworkareputtingittoitsproperuse;butwhenitbecomesthethingworkedforitdistortsalltherelationsoflife。\"Seldenraisedhimselfonhiselbow。\"Goodheavens!\"hewenton,\"Idon’tunderratethedecorativesideoflife。Itseemstomethesenseofsplendourhasjustifieditselfbywhatithasproduced。Theworstofitisthatsomuchhumannatureisusedupintheprocess。Ifwe’realltherawstuffofthecosmiceffects,onewouldratherbethefirethattempersaswordthanthefishthatdyesapurplecloak。Andasocietylikeourswastessuchgoodmaterialinproducingitslittlepatchofpurple!LookataboylikeNedSilverton——he’sreallytoogoodtobeusedtorefurbishanybody’ssocialshabbiness。There’saladjustsettingouttodiscovertheuniverse:isn’titapityheshouldendbyfindingitinMrs。Fisher’sdrawing-room?\"
\"Nedisadearboy,andIhopehewillkeephisillusionslongenoughtowritesomenicepoetryaboutthem;butdoyouthinkitisonlyinsocietythatheislikelytolosethem?\"
Seldenansweredherwithashrug。\"Whydowecallallourgenerousideasillusions,andthemeanonestruths?Isn’titasufficientcondemnationofsocietytofindone’sselfacceptingsuchphraseology?IverynearlyacquiredthejargonatSilverton’sage,andIknowhownamescanalterthecolourofbeliefs。\"
Shehadneverheardhimspeakwithsuchenergyofaffirmation。
Hishabitualtouchwasthatoftheeclectic,wholightlyturnsoverandcompares;andshewasmovedbythissuddenglimpseintothelaboratorywherehisfaithswereformed。
\"Ah,youareasbadastheothersectarians,\"sheexclaimed;
\"whydoyoucallyourrepublicarepublic?Itisaclosedcorporation,andyoucreatearbitraryobjectionsinordertokeeppeopleout。\"
\"ItisnotMYrepublic;ifitwere,IshouldhaveaCOUPD’ETAT
andseatyouonthethrone。\"
\"Whereas,inreality,youthinkIcanneverevengetmyfootacrossthethreshold?Oh,Iunderstandwhatyoumean。Youdespisemyambitions——youthinkthemunworthyofme!\"
Seldensmiled,butnotironically。\"Well,isn’tthatatribute?I
thinkthemquiteworthyofmostofthepeoplewholivebythem。\"
Shehadturnedtogazeonhimgravely。\"Butisn’titpossiblethat,ifIhadtheopportunitiesofthesepeople,Imightmakeabetteruseofthem?Moneystandsforallkindsofthings——itspurchasingqualityisn’tlimitedtodiamondsandmotor-cars。\"
\"Notintheleast:youmightexpiateyourenjoymentofthembyfoundingahospital。\"
\"ButifyouthinktheyarewhatIshouldreallyenjoy,youmustthinkmyambitionsaregoodenoughforme。\"
Seldenmetthisappealwithalaugh。\"Ah,mydearMissBart,IamnotdivineProvidence,toguaranteeyourenjoyingthethingsyouaretryingtoget!\"
\"Thenthebestyoucansayformeis,thatafterstrugglingtogetthemIprobablyshan’tlikethem?\"Shedrewadeepbreath。
\"Whatamiserablefutureyouforeseeforme!\"
\"Well——haveyouneverforeseenitforyourself?\"Theslowcolourrosetohercheek,notablushofexcitementbutdrawnfromthedeepwellsoffeeling;itwasasiftheeffortofherspirithadproducedit。
\"Oftenandoften,\"shesaid。\"Butitlookssomuchdarkerwhenyoushowittome!\"
Hemadenoanswertothisexclamation,andforawhiletheysatsilent,whilesomethingthrobbedbetweentheminthewidequietoftheair。
Butsuddenlysheturnedonhimwithakindofvehemence。\"Whydoyoudothistome?\"shecried。\"WhydoyoumakethethingsIhavechosenseemhatefultome,ifyouhavenothingtogivemeinstead?\"
ThewordsrousedSeldenfromthemusingfitintowhichhehadfallen。Hehimselfdidnotknowwhyhehadledtheirtalkalongsuchlines;itwasthelastusehewouldhaveimaginedhimselfmakingofanafternoon’ssolitudewithMissBart。Butitwasoneofthosemomentswhenneitherseemedtospeakdeliberately,whenanindwellingvoiceineachcalledtotheotheracrossunsoundeddepthsoffeeling。
\"No,Ihavenothingtogiveyouinstead,\"hesaid,sittingupandturningsothathefacedher。\"IfIhad,itshouldbeyours,youknow。\"
Shereceivedthisabruptdeclarationinawayevenstrangerthanthemannerofitsmaking:shedroppedherfaceonherhandsandhesawthatforamomentshewept。
Itwasforamomentonly,however;forwhenheleanedneareranddrewdownherhandswithagesturelesspassionatethangrave,sheturnedonhimafacesoftenedbutnotdisfiguredbyemotion,andhesaidtohimself,somewhatcruelly,thatevenherweepingwasanart。
Thereflectionsteadiedhisvoiceasheasked,betweenpityandirony:\"Isn’titnaturalthatIshouldtrytobelittleallthethingsIcan’tofferyou?\"
Herfacebrightenedatthis,butshedrewherhandaway,notwithagestureofcoquetry,butasthoughrenouncingsomethingtowhichshehadnoclaim。
\"ButyoubelittleME,don’tyou,\"shereturnedgently,\"inbeingsosuretheyaretheonlythingsIcarefor?\"
Seldenfeltaninnerstart;butitwasonlythelastquiverofhisegoism。Almostatonceheansweredquitesimply:\"Butyoudocareforthem,don’tyou?Andnowishingofminecanalterthat。\"
Hehadsocompletelyceasedtoconsiderhowfarthismightcarryhim,thathehadadistinctsenseofdisappointmentwhensheturnedonhimafacesparklingwithderision。
\"Ah,\"shecried,\"forallyourfinephrasesyou’rereallyasgreatacowardasIam,foryouwouldn’thavemadeoneofthemifyouhadn’tbeensosureofmyanswer。\"
TheshockofthisretorthadtheeffectofcrystallizingSelden’swaveringintentions。
\"Iamnotsosureofyouranswer,\"hesaidquietly。\"AndIdoyouthejusticetobelievethatyouarenoteither。\"
Itwasherturntolookathimwithsurprise;andafteramoment——\"Doyouwanttomarryme?\"sheasked。
Hebrokeintoalaugh。\"No,Idon’twantto——butperhapsIshouldifyoudid!\"
\"That’swhatItoldyou——you’resosureofmethatyoucanamuseyourselfwithexperiments。\"Shedrewbackthehandhehadregained,andsatlookingdownonhimsadly。
\"Iamnotmakingexperiments,\"hereturned。\"OrifIam,itisnotonyoubutonmyself。Idon’tknowwhateffecttheyaregoingtohaveonme——butifmarryingyouisoneofthem,Iwilltaketherisk。\"
Shesmiledfaintly。\"Itwouldbeagreatrisk,certainly——Ihaveneverconcealedfromyouhowgreat。\"
\"Ah,it’syouwhoarethecoward!\"heexclaimed。
Shehadrisen,andhestoodfacingherwithhiseyesonhers。Thesoftisolationofthefallingdayenvelopedthem:theyseemedliftedintoafinerair。Alltheexquisiteinfluencesofthehourtrembledintheirveins,anddrewthemtoeachotherastheloosenedleavesweredrawntotheearth。
\"It’syouwhoarethecoward,\"herepeated,catchingherhandsinhis。
Sheleanedonhimforamoment,asifwithadropoftiredwings:
hefeltasthoughherheartwerebeatingratherwiththestressofalongflightthanthethrillofnewdistances。Then,drawingbackwithalittlesmileofwarning——\"Ishalllookhideousindowdyclothes;butIcantrimmyownhats,\"shedeclared。
Theystoodsilentforawhileafterthis,smilingateachotherlikeadventurouschildrenwhohaveclimbedtoaforbiddenheightfromwhichtheydiscoveranewworld。Theactualworldattheirfeetwasveilingitselfindimness,andacrossthevalleyaclearmoonroseinthedenserblue。
Suddenlytheyheardaremotesound,likethehumofagiantinsect,andfollowingthehigh-road,whichwoundwhiterthroughthesurroundingtwilight,ablackobjectrushedacrosstheirvision。
Lilystartedfromherattitudeofabsorption;hersmilefadedandshebegantomovetowardthelane。
\"Ihadnoideaitwassolate!Weshallnotbebacktillafterdark,\"shesaid,almostimpatiently。
Seldenwaslookingatherwithsurprise:ittookhimamomenttoregainhisusualviewofher;thenhesaid,withanuncontrollablenoteofdryness:\"Thatwasnotoneofourparty;
themotorwasgoingtheotherway。\"
\"Iknow——Iknow——\"Shepaused,andhesawherreddenthroughthetwilight。\"ButItoldthemIwasnotwell——thatIshouldnotgoout。Letusgodown!\"shemurmured。
Seldencontinuedtolookather;thenhedrewhiscigarette-casefromhispocketandslowlylitacigarette。Itseemedtohimnecessary,atthatmoment,toproclaim,bysomehabitualgestureofthissort,hisrecoveredholdontheactual:hehadanalmostpuerilewishtolethiscompanionseethat,theirflightover,hehadlandedonhisfeet。
Shewaitedwhilethesparkflickeredunderhiscurvedpalm;thenheheldoutthecigarettestoher。
Shetookonewithanunsteadyhand,andputtingittoherlips,leanedforwardtodrawherlightfromhis。Intheindistinctnessthelittleredgleamlitupthelowerpartofherface,andhesawhermouthtrembleintoasmile。
\"Wereyouserious?\"sheasked,withanoddthrillofgaietywhichshemighthavecaughtup,inhaste,fromaheapofstockinflections,withouthavingtimetoselectthejustnote。
Selden’svoicewasunderbettercontrol。\"Whynot?\"hereturned。
\"YouseeItooknorisksinbeingso。\"Andasshecontinuedtostandbeforehim,alittlepaleundertheretort,headdedquickly:\"Letusgodown。\"
ItspokemuchforthedepthofMrs。Trenor’sfriendshipthathervoice,inadmonishingMissBart,tookthesamenoteofpersonaldespairasifshehadbeenlamentingthecollapseofahouse-party。
\"AllIcansayis,Lily,thatIcan’tmakeyouout!\"Sheleanedback,sighing,inthemorningabandonoflaceandmuslin,turninganindifferentshouldertotheheaped-upimportunitiesofherdesk,whilesheconsidered,withtheeyeofaphysicianwhohasgivenupthecase,theerectexteriorofthepatientconfrontingher。
\"Ifyouhadn’ttoldmeyouweregoinginforhimseriously——butI’msureyoumadethatplainenoughfromthebeginning!Whyelsedidyouaskmetoletyouoffbridge,andtokeepawayCarryandKateCorby?Idon’tsupposeyoudiditbecauseheamusedyou;wecouldnoneofusimagineyourputtingupwithhimforamomentunlessyoumeanttomarryhim。AndI’msureeverybodyplayedfair!Theyallwantedtohelpitalong。EvenBerthakeptherhandsoff——Iwillsaythat——tillLawrencecamedownandyoudraggedhimawayfromher。Afterthatshehadarighttoretaliate——whyonearthdidyouinterferewithher?You’veknownLawrenceSeldenforyears——whydidyoubehaveasifyouhadjustdiscoveredhim?IfyouhadagrudgeagainstBerthaitwasastupidtimetoshowit——youcouldhavepaidherbackjustaswellafteryouweremarried!ItoldyouBerthawasdangerous。Shewasinanodiousmoodwhenshecamehere,butLawrence’sturningupputherinagoodhumour,andifyou’donlyletherthinkhecameforHERitwouldhaveneveroccurredtohertoplayyouthistrick。Oh,Lily,you’llneverdoanythingifyou’renotserious!\"
MissBartacceptedthisexhortationinaspiritofthepurestimpartiality。Whyshouldshehavebeenangry?ItwasthevoiceofherownconsciencewhichspoketoherthroughMrs。Trenor’sreproachfulaccents。Buteventoherownconscienceshemusttrumpupasemblanceofdefence。\"Ionlytookadayoff——I
thoughthemeanttostayonallthisweek,andIknewMr。Seldenwasleavingthismorning。\"
Mrs。Trenorbrushedasidethepleawithagesturewhichlaidbareitsweakness。
\"Hedidmeantostay——that’stheworstofit。Itshowsthathe’srunawayfromyou;thatBertha’sdoneherworkandpoisonedhimthoroughly。\"
Lilygaveaslightlaugh。\"Oh,ifhe’srunningI’llovertakehim!\"
Herfriendthrewoutanarrestinghand。\"Whateveryoudo,Lily,donothing!\"
MissBartreceivedthewarningwithasmile。\"Idon’tmean,literally,totakethenexttrain。Thereareways——\"Butshedidnotgoontospecifythem。
Mrs。Trenorsharplycorrectedthetense。\"ThereWEREways——plentyofthem!Ididn’tsupposeyouneededtohavethempointedout。
Butdon’tdeceiveyourself——he’sthoroughlyfrightened。Hehasrunstraighthometohismother,andshe’llprotecthim!\"
\"Oh,tothedeath,\"Lilyagreed,dimplingatthevision。
\"HowyoucanLAUGH——\"herfriendrebukedher;andshedroppedbacktoasobererperceptionofthingswiththequestion:\"WhatwasitBerthareallytoldhim?\"
\"Don’taskme——horrors!Sheseemedtohaverakedupeverything。
Oh,youknowwhatImean——ofcoursethereisn’tanything,REALLY;
butIsupposeshebroughtinPrinceVarigliano——andLordHubert——andtherewassomestoryofyourhavingborrowedmoneyofoldNedVanAlstyne:didyouever?\"
\"Heismyfather’scousin,\"MissBartinterposed。
\"Well,ofcoursesheleftTHATout。ItseemsNedtoldCarryFisher;andshetoldBertha,naturally。They’reallalike,youknow:theyholdtheirtonguesforyears,andyouthinkyou’resafe,butwhentheiropportunitycomestheyremembereverything。\"
Lilyhadgrownpale:hervoicehadaharshnoteinit。\"ItwassomemoneyIlostatbridgeattheVanOsburghs’。Irepaidit,ofcourse。\"
\"Ah,well,theywouldn’trememberthat;besides,itwastheideaofthegamblingdebtthatfrightenedPercy。Oh,Berthaknewherman——sheknewjustwhattotellhim!\"
InthisstrainMrs。Trenorcontinuedfornearlyanhourtoadmonishherfriend。MissBartlistenedwithadmirableequanimity。Hernaturallygoodtemperhadbeendisciplinedbyyearsofenforcedcompliance,sinceshehadalmostalwayshadtoattainherendsbythecircuitouspathofotherpeople’s;and,beingnaturallyinclinedtofaceunpleasantfactsassoonastheypresentedthemselves,shewasnotsorrytohearanimpartialstatementofwhatherfollywaslikelytocost,themoresoasherownthoughtswerestillinsistingontheothersideofthecase。PresentedinthelightofMrs。Trenor’svigorouscomments,thereckoningwascertainlyaformidableone,andLily,asshelistened,foundherselfgraduallyrevertingtoherfriend’sviewofthesituation。Mrs。Trenor’swordsweremoreoveremphasizedforherhearerbyanxietieswhichsheherselfcouldscarcelyguess。Affluence,unlessstimulatedbyakeenimagination,formsbutthevaguestnotionofthepracticalstrainofpoverty。Judyknewitmustbe\"horrid\"forpoorLilytohavetostoptoconsiderwhethershecouldaffordreallaceonherpetticoats,andnottohaveamotor-carandasteam-yachtatherorders;butthedailyfrictionofunpaidbills,thedailynibbleofsmalltemptationstoexpenditure,weretrialsasfaroutofherexperienceasthedomesticproblemsofthechar-woman。Mrs。
Trenor’sunconsciousnessoftherealstressofthesituationhadtheeffectofmakingitmoregallingtoLily。Whileherfriendreproachedherformissingtheopportunitytoeclipseherrivals,shewasoncemorebattlinginimaginationwiththemountingtideofindebtednessfromwhichshehadsonearlyescaped。Whatwindoffollyhaddrivenheroutagainonthosedarkseas?
Ifanythingwasneededtoputthelasttouchtoherself-abasementitwasthesenseofthewayheroldlifewasopeningitsrutsagaintoreceiveher。Yesterdayherfancyhadflutteredfreepinionsaboveachoiceofoccupations;nowshehadtodroptothelevelofthefamiliarroutine,inwhichmomentsofseemingbrilliancyandfreedomalternatedwithlonghoursofsubjection。
Shelaidadeprecatinghandonherfriend’s。\"DearJudy!I’msorrytohavebeensuchabore,andyouareverygoodtome。Butyoumusthavesomelettersformetoanswer——letmeatleastbeuseful。\"
Shesettledherselfatthedesk,andMrs。Trenoracceptedherresumptionofthemorning’staskwithasighwhichimpliedthat,afterall,shehadprovedherselfunfitforhigheruses。
Theluncheontableshowedadepletedcircle。ALIthemenbutJackStepneyandDorsethadreturnedtotown(itseemedtoLilyalasttouchofironythatSeldenandPercyGryceshouldhavegoneinthesametrain),andLadyCressidaandtheattendantWetherallshadbeendespatchedbymotortolunchatadistantcountry-house。
AtsuchmomentsofdiminishedinterestitwasusualforMrs。
Dorsettokeepherroomtilltheafternoon;butonthisoccasionshedriftedinwhenluncheonwashalfover,hollowed-eyedanddrooping,butwithanedgeofmaliceunderherindifference。
Sheraisedhereyebrowsasshelookedaboutthetable。\"Howfewofusareleft!Idosoenjoythequiet——don’tyou,Lily?Iwishthemenwouldalwaysstopaway——it’sreallymuchnicerwithoutthem。Oh,youdon’tcount,George:onedoesn’thavetotalktoone’shusband。ButIthoughtMr。Grycewastostayfortherestoftheweek?\"sheaddedenquiringly。\"Didn’theintendto,Judy?
He’ssuchaniceboy——Iwonderwhatdrovehimaway?Heisrathershy,andI’mafraidwemayhaveshockedhim:hehasbeenbroughtupinsuchanold-fashionedway。Doyouknow,Lily,hetoldmehehadneverseenagirlplaycardsformoneytillhesawyoudoingittheothernight?Andhelivesontheinterestofhisincome,andalwayshasalotleftovertoinvest!\"
Mrs。Fisherleanedforwardeagerly。\"Idobelieveitissomeone’sdutytoeducatethatyoungman。Itisshockingthathehasneverbeenmadetorealizehisdutiesasacitizen。Everywealthymanshouldbecompelledtostudythelawsofhiscountry。\"
Mrs。Dorsetglancedatherquietly。\"IthinkheHASstudiedthedivorcelaws。HetoldmehehadpromisedtheBishoptosignsomekindofapetitionagainstdivorce。\"
Mrs。Fisherreddenedunderherpowder,andStepneysaidwithalaughingglanceatMissBart:\"Isupposeheisthinkingofmarriage,andwantstotinkeruptheoldshipbeforehegoesaboard。\"
Hisbetrothedlookedshockedatthemetaphor,andGeorgeDorsetexclaimedwithasardonicgrowl:\"Poordevil!Itisn’ttheshipthatwilldoforhim,it’sthecrew。\"
\"Orthestowaways,\"saidMissCorbybrightly。\"IfIcontemplatedavoyagewithhimIshouldtrytostartwithafriendinthehold。\"
MissVanOsburgh’svaguefeelingofpiquewasstrugglingforappropriateexpression。\"I’msureIdon’tseewhyyoulaughathim;Ithinkhe’sverynice,\"sheexclaimed;\"and,atanyrate,agirlwhomarriedhimwouldalwayshaveenoughtobecomfortable。\"
Shelookedpuzzledattheredoubledlaughterwhichhailedherwords,butitmighthaveconsoledhertoknowhowdeeplytheyhadsunkintothebreastofoneofherhearers。
Comfortable!AtthatmomentthewordwasmoreeloquenttoLilyBartthananyotherinthelanguage。Shecouldnotevenpausetosmileovertheheiress’sviewofacolossalfortuneasamereshelteragainstwant:hermindwasfilledwiththevisionofwhatthatsheltermighthavebeentoher。Mrs。Dorset’spin-pricksdidnotsmart,forherownironycutdeeper:noonecouldhurtherasmuchasshewashurtingherself,fornooneelse——notevenJudyTrenor——knewthefullmagnitudeofherfolly。
Shewasrousedfromtheseunprofitableconsiderationsbyawhisperedrequestfromherhostess,whodrewherapartastheylefttheluncheon-table。
\"Lily,dear,ifyou’venothingspecialtodo,mayItellCarryFisherthatyouintendtodrivetothestationandfetchGus?Hewillbebackatfour,andIknowshehasitinhermindtomeethim。OfcourseI’mverygladtohavehimamused,butIhappentoknowthatshehasbledhimratherseverelysinceshe’sbeenhere,andsheissokeenaboutgoingtofetchhimthatIfancyshemusthavegotalotmorebillsthismorning。Itseemstome,\"Mrs。
Trenorfeelinglyconcluded,\"thatmostofheralimonyispaidbyotherwomen’shusbands!\"
MissBart,onherwaytothestation,hadleisuretomuseoverherfriend’swords,andtheirpeculiarapplicationtoherself。
Whyshouldshehavetosufferforhavingonce,forafewhours,borrowedmoneyofanelderlycousin,whenawomanlikeCarryFishercouldmakealivingunrebukedfromthegood-natureofhermenfriendsandthetoleranceoftheirwives?Itallturnedonthetiresomedistinctionbetweenwhatamarriedwomanmight,andagirlmightnot,do。Ofcourseitwasshockingforamarriedwomantoborrowmoney——andLilywasexpertlyawareoftheimplicationinvolved——butstill,itwasthemereMALUMPROHIBITUM
whichtheworlddecriesbutcondones,andwhich,thoughitmaybepunishedbyprivatevengeance,doesnotprovokethecollectivedisapprobationofsociety。ToMissBart,inshort,nosuchopportunitieswerepossible。Shecouldofcourseborrowfromherwomenfriends——ahundredhereorthere,attheutmost——buttheyweremorereadytogiveagownoratrinket,andlookedalittleaskancewhenshehintedherpreferenceforacheque。Womenarenotgenerouslenders,andthoseamongwhomherlotwascastwereeitherinthesamecaseasherself,orelsetoofarremovedfromittounderstanditsnecessities。TheresultofhermeditationswasthedecisiontojoinherauntatRichfield。ShecouldnotremainatBellomontwithoutplayingbridge,andbeinginvolvedinotherexpenses;andtocontinueherusualseriesofautumnvisitswouldmerelyprolongthesamedifficulties。Shehadreachedapointwhereabruptretrenchmentwasnecessary,andtheonlycheaplifewasadulllife。ShewouldstartthenextmorningforRichfield。
AtthestationshethoughtGusTrenorseemedsurprised,andnotwhollyunrelieved,toseeher。Sheyieldedupthereinsofthelightrunaboutinwhichshehaddrivenover,andasheclimbedheavilytoherside,crushingherintoascantthirdoftheseat,hesaid:\"Halloo!Itisn’toftenyouhonourme。Youmusthavebeenuncommonlyhardupforsomethingtodo。\"
Theafternoonwaswarm,andpropinquitymadehermorethanusuallyconsciousthathewasredandmassive,andthatbeadsofmoisturehadcausedthedustofthetraintoadhereunpleasantlytothebroadexpanseofcheekandneckwhichheturnedtoher;
butshewasawarealso,fromthelookinhissmalldulleyes,thatthecontactwithherfreshnessandslendernesswasasagreeabletohimasthesightofacoolingbeverage。
Theperceptionofthisfacthelpedhertoanswergaily:\"It’snotoftenIhavethechance。Therearetoomanyladiestodisputetheprivilegewithme。\"
\"Theprivilegeofdrivingmehome?Well,I’mgladyouwontherace,anyhow。ButIknowwhatreallyhappened——mywifesentyou。Nowdidn’tshe?\"
Hehadthedullman’sunexpectedflashesofastuteness,andLilycouldnothelpjoininginthelaughwithwhichhehadpouncedonthetruth。
\"Yousee,JudythinksI’mthesafestpersonforyoutobewith;
andshe’squiteright,\"sherejoined。
\"Oh,isshe,though?Ifsheis,it’sbecauseyouwouldn’twasteyourtimeonanoldhulklikeme。Wemarriedmenhavetoputupwithwhatwecanget:alltheprizesareforthecleverchapswho’vekeptafreefoot。Letmelightacigar,willyou?I’vehadabeastlydayofit。\"
Hedrewupintheshadeofthevillagestreet,andpassedthereinstoherwhileheheldamatchtohiscigar。Thelittleflameunderhishandcastadeepercrimsononhispuffingface,andLilyavertedhereyeswithamomentaryfeelingofrepugnance。Andyetsomewomenthoughthimhandsome!
Asshehandedbackthereins,shesaidsympathetically:\"Didyouhavesuchalotoftiresomethingstodo?\"
\"Ishouldsayso——rather!\"Trenor,whowasseldomlistenedto,eitherbyhiswifeorherfriends,settleddownintotherareenjoymentofaconfidentialtalk。\"Youdon’tknowhowafellowhastohustletokeepthiskindofthinggoing。\"HewavedhiswhipinthedirectionoftheBellomontacres,whichlayoutspreadbeforetheminopulentundulations。\"Judyhasnoideaofwhatshespends——notthatthereisn’tplentytokeepthethinggoing,\"heinterruptedhimself,\"butamanhasgottokeephiseyesopenandpickupallthetipshecan。Myfatherandmotherusedtolivelikefighting-cocksontheirincome,andputbyagoodbitofittoo——luckilyforme——butatthepacewegonow,Idon’tknowwhereIshouldbeifitweren’tfortakingaflyernowandthen。
Thewomenallthink——ImeanJudythinks——I’venothingtodobuttogodowntownonceamonthandcutoffcoupons,butthetruthisittakesadevilishlotofhardworktokeepthemachineryrunning。NotthatIoughttocomplainto-day,though,\"hewentonafteramoment,\"forIdidaveryneatstrokeofbusiness,thankstoStepney’sfriendRosedale:bytheway,MissLily,Iwishyou’dtrytopersuadeJudytobedecentlyciviltothatchap。He’sgoingtoberichenoughtobuyusalloutoneofthesedays,andifshe’donlyaskhimtodinenowandthenIcouldgetalmostanythingoutofhim。Themanismadtoknowthepeoplewhodon’twanttoknowhim,andwhenafellow’sinthatstatethereisnothinghewon’tdoforthefirstwomanwhotakeshimup。\"
Lilyhesitatedamoment。Thefirstpartofhercompanion’sdiscoursehadstartedaninterestingtrainofthought,whichwasrudelyinterruptedbythementionofMr。Rosedale’sname。Sheutteredafaintprotest。
\"ButyouknowJackdidtrytotakehimabout,andhewasimpossible。\"
\"Oh,hangit——becausehe’sfatandshiny,andhasasloppymanner!Well,allIcansayisthatthepeoplewhoarecleverenoughtobeciviltohimnowwillmakeamightygoodthingofit。Afewyearsfromnowhe’llbeinitwhetherwewanthimornot,andthenhewon’tbegivingawayahalf-a-milliontipforadinner。\"
Lily’smindhadrevertedfromtheintrusivepersonalityofMr。
RosedaletothetrainofthoughtsetinmotionbyTrenor’sfirstwords。ThisvastmysteriousWallStreetworldof\"tips\"and\"deals\"——mightshenotfindinitthemeansofescapefromherdrearypredicament?Shehadoftenheardofwomenmakingmoneyinthiswaythroughtheirfriends:shehadnomorenotionthanmostofhersexoftheexactnatureofthetransaction,anditsvaguenessseemedtodiminishitsindelicacy。Shecouldnot,indeed,imagineherself,inanyextremity,stoopingtoextracta\"tip\"fromMr。Rosedale;butathersidewasamaninpossessionofthatpreciouscommodity,andwho,asthehusbandofherdearestfriend,stoodtoherinarelationofalmostfraternalintimacy。
InherinmostheartLilyknewitwasnotbyappealingtothefraternalinstinctthatshewaslikelytomoveGusTrenor;butthiswayofexplainingthesituationhelpedtodrapeitscrudity,andshewasalwaysscrupulousaboutkeepingupappearancestoherself。Herpersonalfastidiousnesshadamoralequivalent,andwhenshemadeatourofinspectioninherownmindtherewerecertaincloseddoorsshedidnotopen。
AstheyreachedthegatesofBellomontsheturnedtoTrenorwithasmile。\"Theafternoonissoperfect——don’tyouwanttodriveme
alittlefarther?I’vebeenratheroutofspiritsallday,andit’ssorestfultobeawayfrompeople,withsomeonewhowon’tmindifI’malittledull。\"
Shelookedsoplaintivelylovelyassheprofferedtherequest,sotrustfullysureofhissympathyandunderstanding,thatTrenorfelthimselfwishingthathiswifecouldseehowotherwomentreatedhim——notbatteredwire-pullerslikeMrs。Fisher,butagirlthatmostmenwouldhavegiventheirbootstogetsuchalookfrom。
\"Outofspirits?Whyonearthshouldyoueverbeoutofspirits?
IsyourlastboxofDoucetdressesafailure,ordidJudyrookyououtofeverythingatbridgelastnight?\"
Lilyshookherheadwithasigh。\"IhavehadtogiveupDoucet;
andbridgetoo——Ican’taffordit。InfactIcan’taffordanyofthethingsmyfriendsdo,andIamafraidJudyoftenthinksmeaborebecauseIdon’tplaycardsanylonger,andbecauseIamnotassmartlydressedastheotherwomen。ButyouwillthinkmeaboretooifItalktoyouaboutmyworries,andIonlymentionthembecauseIwantyoutodomeafavour——theverygreatestoffavours。\"
Hereyessoughthisoncemore,andshesmiledinwardlyatthetingeofapprehensionthatshereadinthem。
\"Why,ofcourse——ifit’sanythingIcanmanage——\"Hebrokeoff,andsheguessedthathisenjoymentwasdisturbedbytheremembranceofMrs。Fisher’smethods。
\"Thegreatestoffavours,\"sherejoinedgently。\"Thefactis,Judyisangrywithme,andIwantyoutomakemypeace。\"
\"Angrywithyou?Oh,come,nonsense——\"hisreliefbrokethroughinalaugh。\"Why,youknowshe’sdevotedtoyou。\"
\"SheisthebestfriendIhave,andthatiswhyImindhavingtovexher。ButIdaresayyouknowwhatshehaswantedmetodo。Shehassetherheart——poordear——onmymarrying——marryingagreatdealofmoney。\"
Shepausedwithaslightfalterofembarrassment,andTrenor,turningabruptly,fixedonheralookofgrowingintelligence。
\"Agreatdealofmoney?Oh,byJove——youdon’tmeanGryce?
What——youdo?Oh,no,ofcourseIwon’tmentionit——youcantrustmetokeepmymouthshut——butGryce——goodLord,GRYCE!DidJudyreallythinkyoucouldbringyourselftomarrythatportentouslittleass?Butyoucouldn’t,eh?Andsoyougavehimthesack,andthat’sthereasonwhyhelitoutbythefirsttrainthismorning?\"Heleanedback,spreadinghimselffartheracrosstheseat,asifdilatedbythejoyfulsenseofhisowndiscernment。\"HowonearthcouldJudythinkyouwoulddosuchathing?Icouldhavetoldheryou’dneverputupwithsuchalittlemilksop!\"
Lilysighedmoredeeply。\"Isometimesthink,\"shemurmured,\"thatmenunderstandawoman’smotivesbetterthanotherwomendo。\"
\"Somemen——I’mcertainofit!IcouldhaveTOLDJudy,\"herepeated,exultingintheimpliedsuperiorityoverhiswife。
\"Ithoughtyouwouldunderstand;that’swhyIwantedtospeaktoyou,\"MissBartrejoined。\"Ican’tmakethatkindofmarriage;
it’simpossible。ButneithercanIgoonlivingasallthewomeninmysetdo。Iamalmostentirelydependentonmyaunt,andthoughsheisverykindtomeshemakesmenoregularallowance,andlatelyI’velostmoneyatcards,andIdon’tdaretellheraboutit。Ihavepaidmycarddebts,ofcourse,butthereishardlyanythingleftformyotherexpenses,andifIgoonwithmypresentlifeIshallbeinhorribledifficulties。Ihaveatinyincomeofmyown,butI’mafraidit’sbadlyinvested,foritseemstobringinlesseveryyear,andIamsoignorantofmoneymattersthatIdon’tknowifmyaunt’sagent,wholooksafterit,isagoodadviser。\"Shepausedamoment,andaddedinalightertone:\"Ididn’tmeantoboreyouwithallthis,butIwantyourhelpinmakingJudyunderstandthatIcan’t,atpresent,goonlivingasonemustliveamongyouall。IamgoingawaytomorrowtojoinmyauntatRichfield,andIshallstaytherefortherestoftheautumn,anddismissmymaidandlearnhowtomendmyownclothes。\"
Atthispictureoflovelinessindistress,thepathosofwhichwasheightenedbythelighttouchwithwhichitwasdrawn,amurmurofindignantsympathybrokefromTrenor。Twenty-fourhoursearlier,ifhiswifehadconsultedhimonthesubjectofMissBart’sfuture,hewouldhavesaidthatagirlwithextravaganttastesandnomoneyhadbettermarrythefirstrichmanshecouldget;butwiththesubjectofdiscussionathisside,turningtohimforsympathy,makinghimfeelthatheunderstoodherbetterthanherdearestfriends,andconfirmingtheassurancebytheappealofherexquisitenearness,hewasreadytoswearthatsuchamarriagewasadesecration,andthat,asamanofhonour,hewasboundtodoallhecouldtoprotectherfromtheresultsofherdisinterestedness。ThisimpulsewasreinforcedbythereflectionthatifshehadmarriedGryceshewouldhavebeensurroundedbyflatteryandapproval,whereas,havingrefusedtosacrificeherselftoexpediency,shewaslefttobearthewholecostofherresistance。Hangit,ifhecouldfindawayoutofsuchdifficultiesforaprofessionalspongelikeCarryFisher,whowassimplyamentalhabitcorrespondingtothephysicaltitillationsofthecigaretteorthecock-tail,hecouldsurelydoasmuchforagirlwhoappealedtohishighestsympathies,andwhobroughthertroublestohimwiththetrustfulnessofachild。
TrenorandMissBartprolongedtheirdrivetilllongaftersunset;andbeforeitwasoverhehadtried,withsomeshowofsuccess,toprovetoherthat,ifshewouldonlytrusthim,hecouldmakeahandsomesumofmoneyforherwithoutendangeringthesmallamountshepossessed。Shewastoogenuinelyignorantofthemanipulationsofthestock-markettounderstandhistechnicalexplanations,orevenperhapstoperceivethatcertainpointsinthemwereslurred;thehazinessenvelopingthetransactionservedasaveilforherembarrassment,andthroughthegeneralblurherhopesdilatedlikelampsinafog。Sheunderstoodonlythathermodestinvestmentsweretobemysteriouslymultipliedwithoutrisktoherself;andtheassurancethatthismiraclewouldtakeplacewithinashorttime,thattherewouldbenotediousintervalforsuspenseandreaction,relievedherofherlingeringscruples。
Againshefeltthelighteningofherload,andwithitthereleaseofrepressedactivities。Herimmediateworriesconjured,itwaseasytoresolvethatshewouldneveragainfindherselfinsuchstraits,andastheneedofeconomyandself-denialrecededfromherforegroundshefeltherselfreadytomeetanyotherdemandwhichlifemightmake。EventheimmediateoneoflettingTrenor,astheydrovehomeward,leanalittlenearerandresthishandreassuringlyonhers,costheronlyamomentaryshiverofreluctance。Itwaspartofthegametomakehimfeelthatherappealhadbeenanuncalculatedimpulse,provokedbythelikingheinspired;andtherenewedsenseofpowerinhandlingmen,whileitconsoledherwoundedvanity,helpedalsotoobscurethethoughtoftheclaimatwhichhismannerhinted。Hewasacoarsedullmanwho,underallhisshowofauthority,wasameresupernumeraryinthecostlyshowforwhichhismoneypaid:
surely,toaclevergirl,itwouldbeeasytoholdhimbyhisvanity,andsokeeptheobligationonhisside。
ThefirstthousanddollarchequewhichLilyreceivedwithablottedscrawlfromGusTrenorstrengthenedherself-confidenceintheexactdegreetowhichiteffacedherdebts。
Thetransactionhadjustifieditselfbyitsresults:shesawnowhowabsurditwouldhavebeentoletanyprimitivescrupledepriveherofthiseasymeansofappeasinghercreditors。Lilyfeltreallyvirtuousasshedispensedthesuminsopstohertradesmen,andthefactthatafreshorderaccompaniedeachpaymentdidnotlessenhersenseofdisinterestedness。Howmanywomen,inherplace,wouldhavegiventheorderswithoutmakingthepayment!
ShehadfounditreassuringlyeasytokeepTrenorinagoodhumour。Tolistentohisstories,toreceivehisconfidencesandlaughathisjokes,seemedforthemomentallthatwasrequiredofher,andthecomplacencywithwhichherhostessregardedtheseattentionsfreedthemoftheleasthintofambiguity。Mrs。TrenorevidentlyassumedthatLily’sgrowingintimacywithherhusbandwassimplyanindirectwayofreturningherownkindness。
\"I’msogladyouandGushavebecomesuchgoodfriends,\"shesaidapprovingly。\"It’stoodelightfulofyoutobesonicetohim,andputupwithallhistiresomestories。Iknowwhattheyare,becauseIhadtolistentothemwhenwewereengaged——I’msureheistellingthesameonesstill。AndnowIshan’talwayshavetobeaskingCarryFisherheretokeephiminagood-humour。She’saperfectvulture,youknow;andshehasn’ttheleastmoralsense。
SheisalwaysgettingGustospeculateforher,andI’msuresheneverpayswhensheloses。\"
MissBartcouldshudderatthisstateofthingswithouttheembarrassmentofapersonalapplication。Herownpositionwassurelyquitedifferent。Therecouldbenoquestionofhernotpayingwhenshelost,sinceTrenorhadassuredherthatshewascertainnottolose。InsendingherthechequehehadexplainedthathehadmadefivethousandforheroutofRosedale’s\"tip,\"
andhadputfourthousandbackinthesameventure,astherewasthepromiseofanother\"bigrise\";sheunderstoodthereforethathewasnowspeculatingwithherownmoney,andthatsheconsequentlyowedhimnomorethanthegratitudewhichsuchatriflingservicedemanded。Shevaguelysupposedthat,toraisethefirstsum,hehadborrowedonhersecurities;butthiswasapointoverwhichhercuriositydidnotlinger。Itwasconcentrated,forthemoment,ontheprobabledateofthenext\"bigrise。\"
Thenewsofthiseventwasreceivedbyhersomeweekslater,ontheoccasionofJackStepney’smarriagetoMissVanOsburgh。Asacousinofthebridegroom,MissBarthadbeenaskedtoactasbridesmaid;butshehaddeclinedonthepleathat,sinceshewasmuchtallerthantheotherattendantvirgins,herpresencemightmarthesymmetryofthegroup。Thetruthwas,shehadattendedtoomanybridestothealtar:whennextseenthereshemeanttobethechieffigureintheceremony。Sheknewthepleasantriesmadeattheexpenseofyounggirlswhohavebeentoolongbeforethepublic,andshewasresolvedtoavoidsuchassumptionsofyouthfulnessasmightleadpeopletothinkherolderthanshereallywas。
TheVanOsburghmarriagewascelebratedinthevillagechurchnearthepaternalestateontheHudson。Itwasthe\"simplecountrywedding\"towhichguestsareconvoyedinspecialtrains,andfromwhichthehordesoftheuninvitedhavetobefendedoffbytheinterventionofthepolice。Whilethesesylvanritesweretakingplace,inachurchpackedwithfashionandfestoonedwithorchids,therepresentativesofthepresswerethreadingtheirway,note-bookinhand,throughthelabyrinthofweddingpresents,andtheagentofacinematographsyndicatewassettinguphisapparatusatthechurchdoor。ItwasthekindofsceneinwhichLilyhadoftenpicturedherselfastakingtheprincipalpart,andonthisoccasionthefactthatshewasoncemoremerelyacasualspectator,insteadofthemysticallyveiledfigureoccupyingthecentreofattention,strengthenedherresolvetoassumethelatterpartbeforetheyearwasover。Thefactthatherimmediateanxietieswererelieveddidnotblindhertoapossibilityoftheirrecurrence;itmerelygaveherenoughbuoyancytoriseoncemoreaboveherdoubtsandfeelarenewedfaithinherbeauty,herpower,andhergeneralfitnesstoattractabrilliantdestiny。Itcouldnotbethatoneconsciousofsuchaptitudesformasteryandenjoymentwasdoomedtoaperpetuityoffailure;andhermistakeslookedeasilyreparableinthelightofherrestoredself-confidence。
Aspecialappositenesswasgiventothesereflectionsbythediscovery,inaneighbouringpew,oftheseriousprofileandneatly-trimmedbeardofMr。PercyGryce。Therewassomethingalmostbridalinhisownaspect:hislargewhitegardeniahadasymbolicairthatstruckLilyasagoodomen。Afterall,seeninanassemblageofhiskindhewasnotridiculous-looking:afriendlycriticmighthavecalledhisheavinessweighty,andhewasathisbestintheattitudeofvacantpassivitywhichbringsouttheodditiesoftherestless。Shefanciedhewasthekindofmanwhosesentimentalassociationswouldbestirredbytheconventionalimageryofawedding,andshepicturedherself,intheseclusionoftheVanOsburghconservatories,playingskillfullyuponsensibilitiesthuspreparedforhertouch。Infact,whenshelookedattheotherwomenabouther,andrecalledtheimageshehadbroughtawayfromherownglass,itdidnotseemasthoughanyspecialskillwouldbeneededtorepairherblunderandbringhimoncemoretoherfeet。
ThesightofSelden’sdarkhead,inapewalmostfacingher,disturbedforamomentthebalanceofhercomplacency。Theriseofherbloodastheireyesmetwassucceededbyacontrarymotion,awaveofresistanceandwithdrawal。Shedidnotwishtoseehimagain,notbecauseshefearedhisinfluence,butbecausehispresencealwayshadtheeffectofcheapeningheraspirations,ofthrowingherwholeworldoutoffocus。Besides,hewasalivingreminderoftheworstmistakeinhercareer,andthefactthathehadbeenitscausedidnotsoftenherfeelingstowardhim。Shecouldstillimagineanidealstateofexistenceinwhich,allelsebeingsuperadded,intercoursewithSeldenmightbethelasttouchofluxury;butintheworldasitwas,suchaprivilegewaslikelytocostmorethanitwasworth。
\"Lily,dear,Ineversawyoulooksolovely!Youlookasifsomethingdelightfulhadjusthappenedtoyou!\"
Theyoungladywhothusformulatedheradmirationofherbrilliantfrienddidnot,inherownperson,suggestsuchhappypossibilities。MissGertrudeFarish,infact,typifiedthemediocreandtheineffectual。Iftherewerecompensatingqualitiesinherwidefrankglanceandthefreshnessofhersmile,thesewerequalitieswhichonlythesympatheticobserverwouldperceivebeforenoticingthathereyeswereofaworkadaygreyandherlipswithouthauntingcurves。Lily’sownviewofherwaveredbetweenpityforherlimitationsandimpatienceathercheerfulacceptanceofthem。ToMissBart,astohermother,acquiescenceindinginesswasevidenceofstupidity;andthereweremomentswhen,intheconsciousnessofherownpowertolookandtobesoexactlywhattheoccasionrequired,shealmostfeltthatothergirlswereplainandinferiorfromchoice。Certainlynooneneedhaveconfessedsuchacquiescenceinherlotaswasrevealedinthe\"useful\"colourofGertyFarish’sgownandthesubduedlinesofherhat:itisalmostasstupidtoletyourclothesbetraythatyouknowyouareuglyastohavethemproclaimthatyouthinkyouarebeautiful。
Ofcourse,beingfatallypooranddingy,itwaswiseofGertytohavetakenupphilanthropyandsymphonyconcerts;buttherewassomethingirritatinginherassumptionthatexistenceyieldednohigherpleasures,andthatonemightgetasmuchinterestandexcitementoutoflifeinacrampedflatasinthesplendoursoftheVanOsburghestablishment。Today,however,herchirpingenthusiasmsdidnotirritateLily。Theyseemedonlytothrowherownexceptionalnessintobecomingrelief,andgiveasoaringvastnesstoherschemeoflife。
\"Doletusgoandtakeapeepatthepresentsbeforeeveryoneelseleavesthedining-room!\"suggestedMissFarish,linkingherarminherfriend’s。Itwascharacteristicofhertotakeasentimentalandunenviousinterestinallthedetailsofawedding:shewasthekindofpersonwhoalwayskeptherhandkerchiefoutduringtheservice,anddepartedclutchingaboxofwedding-cake。
\"Isn’teverythingbeautifullydone?\"shepursued,astheyenteredthedistantdrawing-roomassignedtothedisplayofMissVanOsburgh’sbridalspoils。\"IalwayssaynoonedoesthingsbetterthancousinGrace!DidyouevertasteanythingmoredeliciousthanthatMOUSSEoflobsterwithchampagnesauce?ImadeupmymindweeksagothatIwouldn’tmissthiswedding,andjustfancyhowdelightfullyitallcameabout。WhenLawrenceSeldenheardIwascoming,heinsistedonfetchingmehimselfanddrivingmetothestation,andwhenwegobackthiseveningIamtodinewithhimatSherry’s。IreallyfeelasexcitedasifI
weregettingmarriedmyself!\"
Lilysmiled:sheknewthatSeldenhadalwaysbeenkindtohisdullcousin,andshehadsometimeswonderedwhyhewastedsomuchtimeinsuchanunremunerativemanner;butnowthethoughtgaveheravaguepleasure。
\"Doyouseehimoften?\"sheasked。
\"Yes;heisverygoodaboutdroppinginonSundays。Andnowandthenwedoaplaytogether;butlatelyIhaven’tseenmuchofhim。Hedoesn’tlookwell,andheseemsnervousandunsettled。
Thedearfellow!Idowishhewouldmarrysomenicegirl。Itoldhimsotoday,buthesaidhedidn’tcareforthereallyniceones,andtheotherkinddidn’tcareforhim——butthatwasjusthisjoke,ofcourse。HecouldnevermarryagirlwhoWASN’Tnice。
Oh,mydear,didyoueverseesuchpearls?\"
Theyhadpausedbeforethetableonwhichthebride’sjewelsweredisplayed,andLily’sheartgaveanenviousthrobasshecaughttherefractionoflightfromtheirsurfaces——themilkygleamofperfectlymatchedpearls,theflashofrubiesrelievedagainstcontrastingvelvet,theintenseblueraysofsapphireskindledintolightbysurroundingdiamonds:alltheseprecioustintsenhancedanddeepenedbythevariedartoftheirsetting。TheglowofthestoneswarmedLily’sveinslikewine。Morecompletelythananyotherexpressionofwealththeysymbolizedthelifeshelongedtolead,thelifeoffastidiousaloofnessandrefinementinwhicheverydetailshouldhavethefinishofajewel,andthewholeformaharmonioussettingtoherownjewel-likerareness。
\"Oh,Lily,dolookatthisdiamondpendant——it’sasbigasadinner-plate!Whocanhavegivenit?\"MissFarishbentshort-sightedlyovertheaccompanyingcard。\"MR。SIMONROSEDALE。
What,thathorridman?Oh,yes——Irememberhe’safriendofJack’s,andIsupposecousinGracehadtoaskhimheretoday;butshemustratherhatehavingtoletGwenacceptsuchapresentfromhim。\"
Lilysmiled。ShedoubtedMrs。VanOsburgh’sreluctance,butwasawareofMissFarish’shabitofascribingherowndelicaciesoffeelingtothepersonsleastlikelytobeencumberedbythem。
\"Well,ifGwendoesn’tcaretobeseenwearingitshecanalwaysexchangeitforsomethingelse,\"sheremarked。
\"Ah,hereissomethingsomuchprettier,\"MissFarishcontinued。
\"Dolookatthisexquisitewhitesapphire。I’msurethepersonwhochoseitmusthavetakenparticularpains。Whatisthename?
PercyGryce?Ah,thenI’mnotsurprised!\"Shesmiledsignificantlyasshereplacedthecard。\"Ofcourseyou’veheardthathe’sperfectlydevotedtoEvieVanOsburgh?CousinGraceissopleasedaboutit——it’squitearomance!HemetherfirstattheGeorgeDorsets’,onlyaboutsixweeksago,andit’sjustthenicestpossiblemarriagefordearEvie。Oh,Idon’tmeanthemoney——ofcourseshehasplentyofherown——butshe’ssuchaquietstay-at-homekindofgirl,anditseemshehasjustthesametastes;sotheyareexactlysuitedtoeachother。\"
Lilystoodstaringvacantlyatthewhitesapphireonitsvelvetbed。EvieVanOsburghandPercyGryce?Thenamesrangderisivelythroughherbrain。EVIEVANOSBURGH?Theyoungest,dumpiest,dullestofthefourdullanddumpydaughterswhomMrs。VanOsburgh,withunsurpassedastuteness,had\"placed\"onebyoneinenviablenichesofexistence!Ah,luckygirlswhogrowupintheshelterofamother’slove——amotherwhoknowshowtocontriveopportunitieswithoutconcedingfavours,howtotakeadvantageofpropinquitywithoutallowingappetitetobedulledbyhabit!Thecleverestgirlmaymiscalculatewhereherowninterestsareconcerned,mayyieldtoomuchatonemomentandwithdrawtoofaratthenext:ittakesamother’sunerringvigilanceandforesighttolandherdaughterssafelyinthearmsofwealthandsuitability。