第4章

“Shewouldhave——ButI’lltalktoyouaboutmymothersomeothertime。 LetmecallyouMrs。Denbigh。Itwilldoverywell，too。Peoplewillthinkyouareadistantrelation。”，WhenshetoldMr。Bensonofthischoiceofname，hewasrathersorry;itwaslikehissister’simpulsivekindness——impulsiveineverything——andhecouldimaginehowRuth’shumilityhadtouchedher。Hewassorry，buthesaidnothing。Andnowtheletterwaswrittenhome，announcingtheprobablearrivalofthebrotherandsisteronacertainday，“withadistantrelation，earlyleftawidow，“asMissBensonexpressedit。Shedesiredthespareroommightbeprepared，andmadeeveryprovisionshecouldthinkofforRuth’scomfort;forRuthstillremainedfeebleandweak。Whentheblackgown，atwhichshehadstitchedawayincessantly，wasfinished——whennothingremained，buttorestforthenextday’sjourney——Ruthcouldnotsitstill。Shewanderedfromwindowtowindow，learningoffeachrockandtreebyheart。Eachhaditstale，whichitwasagonytoremember;butwhichitwouldhavebeenworseagonytoforget。Thesoundofrunningwaterssheheardthatquieteveningwasinherearsasshelayonherdeath-bed;sowellhadshelearnttheirtune。Andnowallwasover。ShehaddrivenintoLlan-dhu，sittingbyherlover’sside，livinginthebrightpresent，andstrangelyforgetfulofthepastorthefuture;shehaddreamedoutherdream，andshehadawakenedfromthevisionoflove。Shewalkedslowlyandsadlydownthelonghill，hertearsfastfalling，butasquicklywipedaway;whileshestrovetomakesteadythelowquiveringvoicewhichwasoftencalled。upontoanswersomeremarkofMissBenson’s。Theyhadtowaitforthecoach。RuthburiedherfaceinsomeflowerswhichMrs。Hugheshadgivenheronparting;andwasstartledwhenthemaildrewupwithasuddenpull，whichalmostthrewthehorsesontheirhaunches。 Shewasplacedinside，andthecoachhadsetoffagain，beforeshewasfullyawarethatMr。andMissBensonweretravellingontheoutside;butitwasarelieftofeelshemightnowcrywithoutexcitingtheirnotice。 Theshadowofaheavythunder-cloudwasonthevalley，butthelittleuplandvillage-church(thatshowedthespotinwhichsomuchofherlifewaspassed) stoodoutclearinthesunshine。Shegrudgedthetearsthatblindedherasshegazed。Therewasonepassenger，whotriedafterawhiletocomforther。”Don’tcry，miss，“saidthekind-heartedwoman。“You’repartingfromfriends，maybe？Well，that’sbadenough;but，whenyoucometomyage，you’llthinknoneofit。Why，I’vethreesons，andthey’resoldiersandsailors，allofthem——here，there，andeverywhere。OneisinAmerica，beyondtheseas; anotherisinChina，makingtea;andanotherisatGibraltar，threemilesfromSpain;andyet，yousee，Icanlaughandeatandenjoymyself。IsometimesthinkI’lltryandfretabit，justtomakemyselfabetterfigure：but，Lord！it’snouse，it’sagainstmynature;soIlaughandgrowfatagain。 I’dbequitethankfulforafitofanxietyaswouldmakemefeeleasyinmyclothes，whichthemmanty-makerswillmakesotightI’mfairlythrottled。”，Ruthdurstcrynomore;itwasnorelief，nowshewaswatchedandnoticed，andpliedwithasandwichoraginger-breadeachtimeshelookedsad。Shelaybackwithhereyesshut，asifasleep，andwenton，andon，thesunneverseemingtomovefromhishighplaceinthesky，northebrighthotdaytoshowtheleastsignofwaning。EverynowandthenMissBensonscrambleddown，andmadekindinquiriesofthepale，wearyRuth;andoncetheychangedcoaches，andthefatoldladyleftherwithaheartyshakeofthehand。”Itisnotmuchfurthernow，“saidMissBenson，apologetically，toRuth。 “See！wearelosingsightoftheWelshmountains。Wehaveabouteighteenmilesofplain，andthenwecometothemoorsandtherisingground，amidstwhichEcclestonlies。Iwishwewerethere，formybrotherissadlytired。”，ThefirstwonderinRuth’smindwas，whythen，ifMr。Bensonwassotired，didtheynotstopwheretheywereforthenight;forsheknewlittleoftheexpensesofanightataninn。Thenextthoughtwas，tobegthatMr。 Bensonwouldtakeherplaceinsidethecoach，andallowhertomountupbyMissBenson。Sheproposedthis，andMissBensonwasevidentlypleased。”Well，ifyou’renottired，itwouldbearestandachangeforhim，tobesure;andifyouwerebymeIcouldshowyouthefirstsightofEccleston，ifwereachtherebeforeitisquitedark。”，SoMr。Bensongotdown，andchangedplaceswithRuth。Shehardlyyetunderstoodthenumeroussmalleconomieswhichheandhissisterhadtopractise——thelittledailyself-denials——allenduredsocheerfullyandsimply，thattheyhadalmostceasedtorequireaneffort，andithadbecomenaturaltothemtothinkofothersbeforethemselves。Ruthhadnotunderstoodthatitwasforeconomythattheirplaceshadbeentakenontheoutsideofthecoach，whilehers，asaninvalidrequiringrest，wastobetheinside;andthatthebiscuitswhichsuppliedtheplaceofadinnerwere，infact，chosenbecausethedifferenceinpricebetweenthetwowouldgoalittlewaytowardsfulfillingtheirplanforreceivingherasaninmate。 Herthoughtaboutmoneyhadbeenhithertoachild’sthought;thesubjecthadnevertouchedher;butafterwards，whenshehadlivedalittlewhilewiththeBensons，hereyeswereopened，andsherememberedtheirsimplekindnessonthejourney，andtreasuredtheremembranceofitinherheart。AlowgreycloudwasthefirstsignofEccleston;itwasthesmokeofthetownhangingovertheplain。Beyondtheplacewhereshewasexpectedtobelieveitexisted，aroseround，wavinguplands;nothingtothefineoutlinesoftheWelshmountains，butstillgoingupnearertoheaventhantherestoftheflatworldintowhichshehadnowentered。Rumblingstones，lamp-posts，asuddenstop，andtheywereinthetownofEccleston;andastrange，uncouthvoice，onthedarksideofthecoach，washeardtosay——，“Beyethere，measter？”“Yes，yes！”saidMissBensonquickly。“DidSallysendyou，Ben？Gettheostler’slantern，andlookouttheluggage。” chapter13，CHAPTERXIII，THEDISSENTINGMINISTER’SHOUSEHOLD，MissBensonhadresumedeverymorselofthebrisknesswhichshehadratherlostinthemiddleoftheday;herfootwasonhernativestones，andaveryroughsettheywere，andshewasnearherhomeandamongknownpeople。 EvenMr。BensonspokeverycheerfullytoBen，andmademanyinquiriesofhimrespectingpeoplewhosenameswerestrangetoRuth。Shewascold，andutterlyweary。ShetookMissBenson’sofferedarm，andcouldhardlydragherselfasfarasthelittlequietstreetinwhichMr。Benson’shousewassituated。Thestreetwassoquietthattheirfootstepssoundedlikealouddisturbance，andannouncedtheirapproachaseffectuallyasthe“trumpet’slordlyblare“didthecomingofAbdallah。Adoorflewopen，andalightedpassagestoodbeforethem。Assoonastheyhadentered，astoutelderlyservantemergedfrombehindthedoor，herfaceradiantwithwelcome。”Eh，blessye！areyehackagain？IthoughtIshouldha’beenlostwithoutye。”，ShegaveMr。Bensonaheartyshakeofthehand，andkissedMissBensonwarmly;then，turningtoRuth，shesaid，inaloudwhisper——，“Who’syon？”Mr。Bensonwassilent，andwalkedasteponwards。MissBensonsaidboldlyout——，“TheladyInamedinmynote，Sally——Mrs。Denbigh，adistantrelation。”，“Ay，butyousaidhoowasawidow。Isthischitawidow？”“Yes，thisisMrs。Denbigh，“answeredMissBenson。”IfI’dbeenhermother，I’dha’givenheralollypopinsteadonahusband。 Hoolooksfitterforit。”，“Hush！Sally，Sally！Look，there’syourmastertryingtomovethatheavybox。”MissBensoncalculatedwellwhenshecalledSally’sattentiontohermaster;foritwasbelievedbyeveryone，andbySallyherself，thathisdeformitywasowingtoafallhehadhadwhenhewasscarcelymorethanababy，andintrustedtohercare——alittlenurse-girl，asshethenwas，notmanyyearsolderthanhimself。Foryearsthepoorgirlhadcriedherselftosleeponherpalletbed，moaningovertheblighthercarelessnesshadbroughtuponherdarling;norwasthisself-reproachdiminishedbytheforgivenessofthegentlemother，fromwhomThurstanBensonderivedsomuchofhischaracter。ThewayinwhichcomfortstoleintoSally’sheartwasinthegradually-formedresolutionthatshewouldneverleavehimnorforsakehim，butservehimfaithfullyallherlifelong;andshehadkepttoherword。ShelovedMissBenson，butshealmostworshippedthebrother。 Thereverenceforhimwasinherheart，however，anddidnotalwaysshowitselfinhermanners。Butifshescoldedhimherself，sheallowednooneelsethatprivilege。IfMissBensondifferedfromherbrother，andventuredtothinkhissayingsordoingsmighthavebeenimproved，Sallycamedownuponherlikeathunder-clap。”Mygoodnessgracious，MasterThurstan，whenwillyoulearntoleaveoffmeddlingwithotherfolks’business？Here，Ben！helpmeupwiththesetrunks。”，Thelittlenarrowpassagewascleared，andMissBensontookRuthintothesitting-room。Therewereonlytwositting-roomsontheground-floor，onebehindtheother。Outofthebackroomthekitchenopened，andforthisreasonthebackparlourwasusedasthefamilysitting-room;orelse，being，withitsgardenaspect，somuchthepleasanterofthetwo，bothSallyandMissBensonwouldhaveappropriateditforMr。Benson’sstudy。Asitwas，thefrontroom，whichlookedtothestreet，washisroom;andmanyapersoncomingforhelp——helpofwhichgivingmoneywasthelowestkind——wasadmitted，andletforthbyMr。Benson，unknowntoanyoneelseinthehouse。Tomakeamendsforhishavingtheleastcheerfulroomontheground-floor，hehadthegardenbedroom，whilehissistersleptoverhisstudy。Thereweretwomoreroomsagainoverthese，withslopingceilings，thoughotherwiselargeandairy。Theatticlookingintothegardenwasthesparebedroom;whilethefrontbelongedtoSally。Therewasnoroomoverthekitchen，whichwas，infact，asupplementtothehouse。Thesitting-roomwascalledbythepretty，old-fashionednameoftheparlour，whileMr。Benson’sroomwasstyledthestudy。Thecurtainsweredrawnintheparlour;therewasabrightfireandacleanhearth;indeed，exquisitecleanlinessseemedtheveryspiritofthehousehold，forthedoorwhichwasopentothekitchenshowedadelicately-whiteandspotlessfloor，andbrightglitteringtins，onwhichtheruddyfirelightdanced。FromtheplaceinwhichRuthsatshecouldseeallSally’smovements。; andthoughshewasnotconsciousofcloseorminuteobservationatthetime(herbodybeingweary，andhermindfullofotherthoughts)，yetitwascurioushowfaithfullythatsceneremaineddepictedonhermemoryinafteryears。Thewarmlightfilledeverycornerofthekitchen，instrongdistinctiontothefaintilluminationoftheonecandleintheparlour，whoseradiancewasconfined，andwaslostinthedeadfoldsofwindow-curtains，carpet，andfurniture。Thesquare，stout，bustlingfigure，neatandcleanineveryrespect，butdressedinthepeculiar，old-fashionedcostumeofthecounty，namely，adark-stripedlinsey-woolseypetticoat，madeveryshort，displayingsturdylegsinwoollenstockingsbeneath;aloosekindofjacket，calledtherea“bedgown，“madeofpinkprint，asnow-whiteapronandcap，bothoflinen，andthelattermadeintheshapeofa“mutch“;——thesearticlescompletedSally’scostume，andwerepaintedonRuth’smemory。 WhilstSallywasbusiedinpreparingtea，MissBensontookoffRuth’sthings; andthelatterinstinctivelyfeltthatSally，inthemidstofhermovements，waswatchingtheirproceedings。Occasionallyshealsoputinawordintheconversation，andtheselittlesentenceswereutteredquiteinthetoneofanequal，ifnotofasuperior。Shehaddroppedthemoreformal“you，“withwhichatfirstshehadaddressedMissBenson，andthou’dherquietlyandhabitually。AlltheseparticularssankunconsciouslyintoRuth’smind，buttheydidnotrisetothesurface，andbecomeperceptible，foralengthoftime。 Shewaswearyandmuchdepressed。Eventheverykindnessthatministeredtoherwasoverpowering。Butoverthedark，mistymooralittlelightshone——abeacon;andonthatshefixedhereyes，andstruggledoutofherpresentdeepdejection——thelittlechildthatwascomingtoher！，Mr。BensonwasaslanguidandwearyasRuth，andwassilentduringallthisbustleandpreparation。HissilencewasmoregratefultoRuththanMissBenson’smanywords，althoughshefelttheirkindness。Aftertea，MissBensontookherupstairstoherroom。Thewhitedimitybed，andthewalls，stainedgreen，hadsomethingofthecolouringandpurityofeffectofasnowdrop;whilethefloor，rubbedwithamixturethatturneditintoarichdark-brown，suggestedtheideaofthegarden-mouldoutofwhichthesnowdropgrows。AsMissBensonhelpedthepaleRuthtoundress，hervoicebecamelessfull-tonedandhurried;thehushofapproachingnightsubduedherintoasoftened，solemnkindoftenderness，andthemurmuredblessingsoundedlikegrantedprayer。WhenMissBensoncamedownstairs，shefoundherbrotherreadingsomeletterswhichhadbeenreceivedduringhisabsence。Shewentandsoftlyshutthedoorofcommunicationbetweentheparlourandthekitchen;andthen，fetchingagreyworstedstockingwhichshewasknitting，satdownnearhim，hereyesnotlookingatherworkbutfliedonthefire;whiletheeternalrapidclickoftheknitting-needlesbrokethesilenceoftheroom，withasoundasmonotonousandincessantasthenoiseofahand-loom。Sheexpectedhimtospeak，buthedidnot。Sheenjoyedanexaminationinto，anddiscussionof，herfeelings;itwasaninterestandamusementtoher，whilehedreadedandavoidedallsuchconversation。Thereweretimeswhenhisfeelings，whichwerealwaysearnest，andsometimesmorbid，burstforth，anddefiedcontrol，andoverwhelmedhim;whenaforcewasuponhimcompellinghimtospeak。Buthe，ingeneral，strovetopreservehiscomposure，fromafearofthecompellingpainofsuchtimes，andtheconsequentexhaustion。 HishearthadbeenveryfullofRuthalldaylong，andhewasafraidofhissisterbeginningthesubject;sohereadon，orseemedtodoso，thoughhehardlysawtheletterheheldbeforehim。ItwasagreatrelieftohimwhenSallythrewopenthemiddledoorwithabang，whichdidnotindicateeithercalmnessofmindorsweetnessoftemper。”Isyonyoungwomangoingtostayanylengtho’timewithus？”askedsheofMissBenson。Mr。Bensonputhishandgentlyonhissister’sarm，tocheckherfrommakinganyreply，whilehesaid——，“Wecannotexactlytell，Sally。Shewillremainuntilafterherconfinement。”，“Lordblessusandsaveus！——ababyinthehouse！Nay，thenmytime’scome，andI’llpackupandbegone。Inevercouldabidethemthings。I’dsoonerhaveratsinthehouse。”，Sallyreallydidlookalarmed。”Why，Sally！”saidMr。Benson，smiling，“Iwasnotmuchmorethanababywhenyoucametotakecareofme。”，“Yes，youwere，MasterThurstan;youwereafinebouncingladofthreeyearoldandbetter。”，Thensherememberedthechangeshehadwroughtinthe“finebouncinglad，“ andhereyesfilledwithtears，whichshewastooproudtowipeawaywithherapron;for，asshesometimessaidtoherself，“shecouldnotabidecryingbeforefolk。”，“Well，it’snousetalking，Sally，“saidMissBenson，tooanxioustospeaktobeanylongerrepressed。“We’vepromisedtokeepher，andwemustdoit;you’llhavenoneofthetrouble，Sally，sodon’tbeafraid。”，“Well，Inever！asifImindedtrouble！Youmightha’knownmebetternorthat。I’vescouredmaster’sroomtwiceover，justtomaketheboardslookwhite，thoughthecarpetistocoverthem，andnowyougoandcastupaboutmemindingmytrouble。Ifthem’sthefashionsyou’velearntinWales，I’mthankfulI’veneverbeenthere。”，Sallylookedred，indignant，andreallyhurt。Mr。Bensoncameinwithhismusicalvoiceandsoftwordsofhealing。”Faithknowsyoudon’tcarefortrouble，Sally;sheisonlyanxiousaboutthispooryoungwoman，whohasnofriendsbutourselves。Weknowtherewillbemoretroubleinconsequenceofhercomingtostaywithus;andIthink，thoughweneverspokeaboutit，thatinmakingourplanswereckonedonyourkindhelp，Sally，whichhasneverfailedusyetwhenweneededit。”，“You’vetwicethesenseofyoursister，MasterThurstan，thatyouhave。 Boysalwayshas。It’struththerewillbemoretrouble，andIshallhavemyshareon’t，Ireckon。IcanfaceitifI’mtoldoutandout，butIcannotabidethewaysomefolk。hasofdenyingthere’stroubleorpaintobemet; justasiftheirsayingtherewasnone，woulddoawaywithit。Somefolktreatsonelikeababby，andIdon’tlikeit。I’mnotmeaningyou，MasterThurstan。”，“No，Sally，youneednotsaythat。Iknowwellenoughwhoyoumoanwhenyousay’somefolk。’However，IadmitIwaswronginspeakingasifyoumindedtrouble，forthereneverwasacreaturemindeditless。ButIwantyoutolikeMrs。Denbigh，“saidMissBenson。”IdaresayIshould，ifyou’dletmealone。Ididnalikehersittingdowninmaster’schair。Setherup，indeed，inanarm-chairwi’cushions！ Wenchesinmydayweregladenoughofstools。”，“Shewastiredto-night，“saidMr。Benson。“Wearealltired;soifyouhavedoneyourwork，Sally，comeintoreading。”，Thethreequietpeoplekneltdownsidebyside，andtwoofthemprayedearnestlyfor“themthathadgoneastray。”Beforeteno’clock，thehouseholdwereinbed。Ruth，sleepless，weary，restlesswiththeoppressionofasorrowwhichshedarednotfaceandcontemplatebravely，keptawakealltheearlypartofthenight。Manyatimedidsherise，andgotothelongcasementwindow，andlookedabroadoverthestillandquiettown——overthegreystonewalls，andchimneys，andoldhigh-pointedroofs——ontothefar-awayhillylineofthehorizon，lyingcalmunderthebrightmoonshine。Itwaslateinthemorningwhenshewokefromherlong-deferredslumbers;andwhenshewentdownstairs，shefoundMr。andMissBensonawaitingherintheparlour。 Thathomely，pretty，old-fashionedlittleroom！Howbrightandstillandcleanitlooked！Thewindow(allthewindowsatthehackofthehousewerecasements)wasopen，toletinthesweetmorningair，andstreamingeasternsunshine。Thelongjessaminesprays，withtheirwhite-scentedstars，forcedthemselvesalmostintotheroom。Thelittlesquaregardenbeyond，withgreystonewallsallround，wasrichandmellowinitsautumnalcolouring，runningfromdeepcrimsonhollyhocksuptoamberandgoldnasturtiums，andalltoneddownbytheclearanddelicateair。Itwassostill，thatthegossamer-webs，ladenwithdew，didnottrembleorquiverintheleast; butthesunwasdrawingtohimselfthesweetincenseofmanyflowers，andtheparlourwasscentedwiththeodoursofmignonetteandstocks。MissBensonwasarrangingabunchofChinaanddamaskrosesinanold-fashionedjar;theylay，alldewyandfresh，onthewhitebreakfast-clothwhenRuthentered。Mr。Bensonwasreadinginsomelargefolio。Withgentlemorningspeechtheygreetedher;butthequietreposeofthescenewasinstantlybrokenbySallypoppinginfromthekitchen，andglancingatRuthwithsharpreproach。Shesaid——，“IreckonImaybringinbreakfast，now？”withastrongemphasisonthelastword。”IamafraidIamverylate，“saidRuth。”Oh，nevermind，“saidMr。Bensongently。“Itwasourfaultfornottellingyouourbreakfasthour。Wealwayshaveprayersathalf-pastseven;andforSally’ssake，wenevervaryfromthattime;forshecansoarrangeherwork，ifsheknowsthehourofprayers，astohavehermindcalmanduntroubled。”，“Ahem！”saidMissBenson，ratherinclinedto“testify“againsttheinvariablecalmnessofSally’smindatanyhouroftheday;butherbrotherwentonasifhedidnothearher。”Butthebreakfastdoesnotsignifybeingdelayedalittle;andIamsureyouweresadlytiredwithyourlongdayyesterday。”，Sallycameslappingin，andputdownsomewithered，tough，drytoast，with——，“It’snotmydoingifitislikeleather“;butasnooneappearedtohearher，shewithdrewtoherkitchen，leavingRuth’scheekslikecrimsonattheannoyanceshehadcaused。Alldaylong，shehadthatfeelingcommontothosewhogotostayatafreshhouseamongcomparativestrangers：afeelingofthenecessitythatsheshouldbecomeaccustomedtothenewatmosphereinwhichshewasplaced，beforeshecouldmoveandactfreely;itwas，indeed，apurerether，adivinerair，whichshewasbreathinginnow，thanwhatshehadbeenaccustomedtoforlongmonths。Thegentle，blessedmother，whohadmadeherchildhood’shomeholyground，wasinherverynaturesofarremovedfromanyofearth’sstainsandtemptation，thatsheseemedtrulyoneofthose，“WhoasknotifThineeye，Beonthem;who，inloveandtruth，Wherenomisgivingis，rely，Uponthegenialsenseofyouth。”，IntheBensons’housetherewasthesameunconsciousnessofindividualmerit，thesameabsenceofintrospectionandanalysisofmotive，astherehadbeeninhermother;butitseemedthattheirliveswerepureandgood，notmerelyfromalovelyandbeautifulnature，butfromsomelaw，theobediencetowhichwas，ofitself，harmoniouspeace，andwhichgovernedthemalmostimplicitly，andwithaslittlequestioningontheirpart，asthegloriousstarswhichhastenot，restnot，intheireternalobedience。Thishouseholdhadmanyfailings：theywerebuthuman，and，withalltheirlovingdesiretobringtheirlivesintoharmonywiththewillofGod，theyoftenerredandfellshort;but，somehow，theveryerrorsandfaultsofoneindividualservedtocallouthigherexcellencesinanother，andsotheyreacteduponeachother，andtheresultofshortdiscordswasexceedingharmonyandpeace。Buttheyhadthemselvesnoideaoftherealstateofthings;theydidnottroublethemselveswithmarkingtheirprogressbyself-examination; ifMr。Bensondidsometimes，inhoursofsickincapacityforexertion，turninwards，itwastocryaloudwithalmostmorbiddespair，“Godbemercifultomeasinner！”ButhestrovetoleavehislifeinthehandsofGod，andtoforgethimself。Ruthsatstillandquietthroughthelongfirstday。Shewaslanguidandwearyfromherjourney;shewasuncertainwhathelpshemightoffertogiveinthehouseholdduties，andwhatshemightnot。And，inherlanguorandinheruncertainty，itwaspleasanttowatchthenewwaysofthepeopleamongwhomshewasplaced。Afterbreakfast，Mr。Bensonwithdrewtohisstudy，MissBensontookawaythecupsandsaucers，andleavingthekitchen-dooropen，talkedsometimestoRuth，sometimestoSally，whileshewashedthemup。Sallyhadupstairsdutiestoperform，forwhichRuthwasthankful，asshekeptreceivingratherangryglancesforherunpunctualityaslongasSallyremaineddownstairs。MissBensonassistedinthepreparationfortheearlydinner，andbroughtsomekidney-beanstoshredintoabasinofbright，purespring-water，whichcaughtanddancedinthesunbeamsasshesatneartheopencasementoftheparlour，talkingtoRuthofthingsandpeoplewhichasyetthelatterdidnotunderstand，andcouldnotarrangeandcomprehend。Shewaslikeachildwhogetsafewpiecesofadissectedmap，andisconfuseduntilaglimpseofthewholeunityisshownhim。Mr。 andMrs。BradshawwerethecentrepiecesinRuth’smap;theirchildren，theirservants，weretheaccessories;andoneortwoothernameswereoccasionallymentioned。RuthwonderedandalmostweariedatMissBenson’sperseveranceintalkingtoheraboutpeoplewhomshedidnotknow;but，intruth，MissBensonheardthelong-drawn，quiveringsighswhichcamefromthepoorheavyheart，whenitwaslefttosilence，andhadleisuretoreviewthepast; andherquickaccustomedearcaughtalsothelowmutteringsofthethunderinthedistance，intheshapeofSally’ssoliloquies，which，liketheasidesatatheatre，wereintendedtobeheard。Suddenly，MissBensoncalledRuthoutoftheroomupstairsintoherownbed-chamber，andthenbeganrummaginginlittleold-fashionedboxes，drawnoutofanequallyold-fashionedbureau，half-desk，half-table，andwhollydrawers。”Mydear，I’vebeenverystupidandthoughtless。Oh！I’msogladIthoughtofitbeforeMrs。Bradshawcametocall。Hereitis！”andshepulledoutanoldwedding-ring，andhurrieditonRuth’sfinger。Ruthhungdownherhead，andreddeneddeepwithshame;hereyessmartedwiththehottearsthatfilledthem。MissBensontalkedon，inanervoushurriedway——，“Itwasmygrandmother’s;it’sverybroad;theymadethemsothen，toholdaposyinside：there’soneinthat——，’Thineownsweetheart，Tilldeathdothpart，’，Ithinkitis。There，there！Runaway，andlookasifyou’dalwayswornit。”，Ruthwentuptoherroom，andthrewherselfdownonherkneesbythebedside，andcriedasifherheartwouldbreak;andthen，asifalighthadcomedownintohersoul，shecalmedherselfandprayed——nowordscantellhowhumbly，andwithwhatearnestfeeling。Whenshecamedown，shewastearstainedandwretchedlypale;butevenSallylookedatherwithneweyes，becauseofthedignitywithwhichshewasinvestedbyanearnestnessofpurposewhichhadherchildforitsobject。Shesatandthought，butshenolongerheavedthosebittersighswhichhadwrungMissBenson’sheartinthemorning。 Inthiswaythedayworeon;earlydinner，earlyteaseemedtomakeitpreternaturallylongtoRuth;theonlyeventwassomeunexplainedabsenceofSally’s，whohaddisappearedoutofthehouseintheevening，muchtoMissBenson’ssurprise，andsomewhattoherindignation。Atnight，afterRuthhadgoneuptoherroom，thisabsencewasexplainedtoheratleast。Shehadletdownherlongwavingglossyhair，andwasstandingabsorbedinthoughtinthemiddleoftheroom，whensheheardaroundclumpingknockatherdoor，differentfromthatgivenbythesmallknucklesofdelicatefingers，andinwalkedSally，withajudge-likeseverityofdemeanour，holdinginherhandtwowidow’scapsofcommonestmakeandcoarsesttexture。QueenEleanorherself，whenshepresentedthebowltoFairRosamond，hadnotamorerelentlesspurposestampedonherdemeanourthanhadSallyatthismoment。Shewalkeduptothebeautiful，astonishedRuth，whereshestoodinherlong，soft，whitedressing-gown，withallherluxuriantbrownhairhangingdishevelleddownherfigure，andthusSallyspoke——，“Missus——ormiss，asthecasemaybe——I’vemydoubtsastoyou。I’mnotgoingtohavemymasterandMissFaithputupon，orshamecomenearthem。 Widowswearsthesesorto’caps，andhastheirhaircutoff;andwhetherwidowswearswedding-ringsornot，theyshallhavetheirhaircutoff——theyshall。I’llhavenohalfworkinthishouse。I’velivedwiththefamilyforty-nineyearcomeMichaelmas，andI’llnotseeitdisgracedbyanyone’sfinelongcurls。Sitdownandletmesnipoffyourhair;andletmeseeyoushamdecentlyinawidow’scapto-morrow，orI’llleavethehouse。 Whatten’scomeoverMissFaith，asusedtobeasmimaladyaseverwas，tobetakenbysuchasyou，Idunnotknow。HereIsitdownwithye，andletmecropyou。ShelaidnolighthandonRuth’sshoulder;andthelatter，partlyintimidatedbytheoldservant，whohadhithertoonlyturnedhervixenliningtoobservation，andpartlybecauseshewasbroken-spiritedenoughtobeindifferenttothemeasureproposed，quietlysatdown。Sallyproducedtheformidablepairofscissorsthatalwayshungatherside，andbegantocutinamercilessmanner。Sheexpectedsomeremonstranceorsomeopposition，andhadatorrentofwordsreadytoflowforthattheleastsignofrebellion;butRuthwasstillandsilent，withmeekly-bowedhead，underthestrangehandsthatwereshearingherbeautifulhairintotheclippedshortnessofaboy’s。 Longbeforeshehadfinished，Sallyhadsomeslightmisgivingsastothefanciednecessityofhertask;butitwastoolate，forhalfthecurlsweregone，andtherestmustnowcomeoff。Whenshehaddone，sheliftedupRuth’sfacebyplacingherhandundertheroundwhitechin。Shegazedintothecountenance，expectingtoreadsomeangerthere，thoughithadnotcomeoutinwords;but’sheonlymetthelarge，quieteyes，thatlookedatherwithsadgentlenessoutoftheirfinely-hollowedorbits。Ruth’ssoft，yetdignifiedsubmission，touchedSallywithcompunction，thoughshedidnotchoosetoshowthechangeinherfeelings。Shetriedtohideitindeed，bystoopingtopickupthelongbrighttresses;and，holdingthemupadmiringly，andlettingthemdropdownandfloatontheair(likethependentbranchesoftheweepingbirch)shesaid：“Ithoughtweshouldha’hadsomecrying——Idid。They’reprettycurlsenough;you’venotbeensobadtoletthembecutoffneither。Yousee，MasterThurstanisnowiserthanababbyinsomethings;andMissFaithjustletshimhavehisownway;soit’salllefttometokeephimoutofscrapes。I’llwishyouaverygoodnight。I’veheardmanyaonesayaslonghairwasnotwholesome。 Goodnight。”，ButinaminuteshepoppedherheadintoRuth’sroomoncemore——，You’llputonthemcapsto-morrowmorning。I’llmakeyouapresentonthem。”，Sallyhadcarriedawaythebeautifulcurls，andshecouldnotfinditinherhearttothrowsuchlovelychestnuttressesaway，soshefoldedthemupcarefullyinpaper，andplacedtheminasafecornerofherdrawer。 chapter14，CHAPTERXIV，RUTH’SFIRSTSUNDAYATECCLESTON，Ruthfeltveryshywhenshecamedown(athalf-pastseven)thenextmorning，inherwidow’scap。Hersmooth，paleface，withitsovaluntouchedbytime，lookedmoreyoungandchildlikethanever，whencontrastedwiththehead-gearusuallyassociatedwithideasofage。SheblushedverydeeplyasMr。andMissBensonshowedtheastonishment，whichtheycouldnotconceal，intheirlooks。ShesaidinalowvoicetoMissBenson——，“SallythoughtIhadbetterwearit。”，MissBensonmadenoreply;butwasstartledattheintelligence，whichshethoughtwasconveyedinthisspeech，ofSally’sacquaintancewithRuth’srealsituation。ShenoticedSally’slooksparticularlythismorning。ThemannerinwhichtheoldservanttreatedRuthhadinitfarmoreofrespectthantherehadbeenthedaybefore;buttherewasakindofsatisfiedwayofbravingoutMissBenson’sglanceswhichmadethelatteruncertainanduncomfortable。Shefollowedherbrotherintohisstudy。”Doyouknow，Thurstan，IamalmostcertainSallysuspects。”，Mr。Bensonsighed。Thatdeceptiongrievedhim，andyethethoughthesawitsnecessity。”Whatmakesyouthinkso？”askedhe。”Oh！manylittlethings。Itwasheroddwayofduckingherheadabout，asiftocatchagoodviewofRuth’slefthand，thatmademethinkofthewedding-ring;andonce，yesterday，whenIthoughtIhadmadeupquiteanaturalspeech，andwassayinghowsaditwasforsoyoungacreaturetobeleftawidowshebrokeinwith’widowbefarred！’inaverystrange，contemptuouskindofmanner。”，“Ifshesuspects，wehadfarbettertellherthetruthatonce。Shewillneverresttillshefindsitout，sowemustmakeavirtueofnecessity。”，“Well，brother，youshalltellherthen，forIamsureIdaren’t。Idon’tminddoingthething，sinceyoutalkedtomethatday，andsinceIhavegottoknowRuth;butIdomindalltheclatterpeoplewillmakeaboutit。”，“ButSallyisnot’people。’““Oh，Iseeitmustbedone;she’lltalkasmuchasalltheotherpersonsputtogether，sothat’sthereasonIcallher’people。’ShallIcallher？” (Forthehousewastoohomelyandprimitivetohavebells。)，Sallycame，fullyawareofwhatwasnowgoingtobetoldher，anddeterminednottohelpthemoutintellingtheirawkwardsecret，byunderstandingthenatureofitbeforeitwasputintotheplainestlanguage。Ineverypause，whentheyhopedshehadcaughtthemeaningtheywerehintingat，shepersistedinlookingstupidandperplexed，andinsaying，“Well，“asifquiteunenlightenedastotheendofthestory。Whenitwasallcompleteandbeforeher，shesaid，honestlyenough——，“It’sjustasIthoughtitwas;andIthinkyoumaythankmeforhavinghadthesensetoputherintowidow’scaps，andclipoffthatbonnybrownhairthatwasfitterforabrideinlawfulmatrimonythanforsuchasher。 Shetookitverywell，though。Shewasasquietasalamb，andIclippedherprettyroughlyatfirst。Imustsay，though，ifI’dha’knownwhoyourvisitorwas，I’dha’packedupmythingsandclearedmyselfoutofthehousebeforesuchashercameintoit。Asit’sdone，IsupposeImuststandbyyou，andhelpyouthroughwithit;IonlyhopeIsha’n’tlosemycharacter——andmeaparish-clerk’sdaughter！”“OSally！peopleknowyoutoowelltothinkanyillofyou，“saidMissBenson，whowaspleasedtofindthedifficultysoeasilygotover;for，intruth，SallyhadbeenmuchsoftenedbytheunresistinggentlenesswithwhichRuthhadsubmittedtothe“clipping“ofthenightbefore。”IfI’dbeenwithyou，MasterThurstan，I’dha’seensharpafteryou，foryou’realwayspickingupsomeoneoranotherasnobodyelsewouldtouchwithapairoftongs。Why，therewasthatNellyBrandon’schildaswasleftatourdoor，ifIhadn’tgonetoth’overseerweshouldhavehadthatIrishtramp’sbabbysaddledonusforlife;butIwentoffandtoldth’ overseer，andthemotherwascaught。”，“Yes，“saidMr。Bensonsadly，“andIoftenlieawakeandwonderwhatisthefateofthatpoorlittlething，forcedbackonthemotherwhotriedtogetquitofit。IoftendoubtwhetherIdidright;butit’snousethinkingaboutitnow。”，“I’mthankfulitisn’t，“saidSally;“andnow，ifwe’vetalkeddoctrinelongenough，I’llmaketh’beds。Yongirl’ssecretissafeenoughforme。”，Sayingthisshelefttheroom，andMissBensonfollowed。ShefoundRuthbusywashingthebreakfastthings;andtheyweredoneinsoquietandorderlyamanner，thatneitherMissBensonnorSally，bothparticularenough，hadanyoftheirlittlefanciesorprejudicesannoyed。Sheseemedtohaveaninstinctiveknowledgeoftheexactperiodwhenherhelpwaslikelytobecomeahindrance，andwithdrewfromthebusykitchenjustattherighttime。Thatafternoon，asMissBensonandRuthsatattheirwork，Mrs。andMissBradshawcalled。MissBensonwassonervousastosurpriseRuth，whodidnotunderstandtheprobableandpossiblequestionswhichmightbeaskedrespectinganyvisitorattheminister’shouse。Ruthwentonsewing，absorbedinherownthoughts，andgladthattheconversationbetweenthetwoelderladiesandthesilenceoftheyoungerone，whosatatsomedistancefromher，gaveheranopportunityofretreatingintothehauntsofmemory;andsoontheworkfellfromherhands，andhereyeswerefixedonthelittlegardenbeyond，butshedidnotseeitsflowersoritswalls;shesawthemountainswhichgirdledLlan-dhu，andsawthesunrisefrombehindtheirironoutline，justasithaddone——howlongago？wasitmonthsorwasityears？——sinceshehadwatchedthenightthrough，crouchedupathisdoor。Whichwasthedreamandwhichthereality？thatdistantlifeorthis？ HismoansrangmoreclearlyinherearsthanthebuzzingoftheconversationbetweenMrs。BradshawandMissBenson。Atlengththesubdued，scared-lookinglittleladyandherbright-eyedsilentdaughterrosetotakeleave;Ruthstartedintothepresent，andstoodupandcurtseyed，andturnedsickatheartwithsuddenrecollection。MissBensonaccompaniedMrs。Bradshawtothedoor;andinthepassagegaveheralongexplanationofRuth’s(fictitious)history。Mrs。Bradshawlookedsomuchinterestedandpleased，thatMissBensonenlargedalittlemorethanwasnecessary，androundedoffherinventionwithoneortwoimaginarydetails，which，shewasquiteunconscious，wereoverheardbyherbrotherthroughthehalf-openstudydoor。ShewasratherdismayedwhenhecalledherintohisroomafterMrs。Bradshaw’sdeparture，andaskedherwhatshehadbeensayingaboutRuth？，“Oh！Ithoughtitwasbettertoexplainitthoroughly——Imean，totellthestorywewishedtohavebelievedonceforall——youknowweagreedaboutthat，Thurstan？”deprecatingly。”Yes;butIheardyousayingyoubelievedherhusbandhadbeenayoungsurgeon，didInot？”“Well，Thurstan，youknowhemusthavebeensomething;andyoungsurgeonsaresointhewayofdying，itseemedverynatural。Besides，“saidshewithsuddenboldness，“IdothinkI’veatalentforfiction，itissopleasanttoinvent，andmaketheincidentsdovetailtogether;andafterall，ifwearetotellalie，wemayaswelldoitthoroughly，orelseit’sofnouse。Abunglingliewouldbeworsethanuseless。And，Thurstan——itmaybeverywrong——butIbelieve——IamafraidIenjoynotbeingfetteredbytruth。Don’tlooksograve。Youknowitisnecessary，ifeveritwas，totellfalsehoodsnow;anddon’tbeangrywithmebecauseIdoitwell。”，Hewasshadinghiseyeswithhishand，anddidnotspeakforsometime。 Atlasthesaid——，“Ifitwerenotforthechild，Iwouldtellall;buttheworldissocruel。 Youdon’tknowhowthisapparentnecessityforfalsehoodpainsme，Faith，oryouwouldnotinventallthesedetails，whicharesomanyadditionallies。”，“Well，well！IwillrestrainmyselfifIhavetotalkaboutRuthagain。 ButMrs。Bradshawwilltelleveryonewhoneedtoknow。Youdon’twishmetocontradictit，Thurstan，surely——itwassuchapretty，probablestory。”，“Faith！IhopeGodwillforgiveusifwearedoingwrong;andpray，dear，don’taddoneunnecessarywordthatisnottrue。”，Anotherdayelapsed，andthenitwasSunday：andthehouseseemedfilledwithadeeppeace。EvenSally’smovementswerelesshastyandabrupt。Mr。 Bensonseemedinvestedwithanewdignity，whichmadehisbodilydeformitybeforgotteninhiscalm，gravecomposureofspirit。Everytraceofweek-dayoccupationwasputaway;thenightbefore，abrightnewhandsometableclothhadbeensmootheddownoverthetable，andthejarshadbeenfreshlyfilledwithflowers。Sundaywasafestivalandaholydayinthehouse。Aftertheveryearlybreakfast，littlefeetpatteredintoMr。Benson’sstudy，forhehadaclassforboys——asortofdomesticSunday-school，onlythattherewasmoretalkingbetweenteachersandpupils，thandry，absolutelessonsgoingon。MissBenson，too，hadherlittle，neat-tippetedmaidenssittingwithherintheparlour;andshewasfarmoreparticularinkeepingthemtotheirreadingandspellingthanherbrotherwaswithhisboys。Sally，too，putinherwordofinstructionfromthekitchen，helping，asshefancied，thoughherassistancewasoftenrathermalapropos;forinstance，shecalledout，toalittlefat，stupid，roly-polygirl，towhomMissBensonwasbusyexplainingthemeaningofthewordquadruped——，“Quadruped，athingwi’fourlegs，Jenny;achairisaquadruped，child！”ButMissBensonhadadeafmannersometimeswhenherpatiencewasnottooseverelytried，andsheputitonnow。Ruthsatonalowhassock，andcoaxedtheleastofthelittlecreaturestoher，andshoweditpicturestillitfellasleepinherarms，andsentathrillthroughher，atthethoughtofthetinydarlingwhowouldlieonherbreastbeforelong，andwhomshewouldhavetocherishandtoshelterfromthestormsoftheworld。Andthensheremembered，thatshewasoncewhiteandsinlessastheweelassiewholayinherarms;andsheknewthatshehadgoneastray。By-and-bythechildrentroopedaway，andMissBensonsummonedhertoputonhe？thingsforchapel。Thechapelwasupanarrowstreet，orrathercul-de-sac，closeby。 Itstoodontheoutskirtsofthetown，almostinfields。ItwasbuiltaboutthetimeofMatthewandPhilipHenry，whentheDissenterswereafraidofattractingattentionorobservation，andhidtheirplacesofworshipinobscureandout-of-the-waypartsofthetownsinwhichtheywerebuilt。 Accordingly，itoftenhappened，asinthepresentcase，thatthebuildingsimmediatelysurrounding，aswellasthechapelsthemselves，lookedasiftheycarriedyoubacktoaperiodahundredandfiftyyearsago。Thechapelhadapicturesqueandold-worldlook，forluckilythecongregationhadbeentoopoortorebuildit，ornew-faceit，inGeorgetheThird’stime。 Thestaircaseswhichledtothegallerieswereoutside，ateachendofthebuilding，andtheirregularroofandwornstonestepslookedgreyandstainedbytimeandweather。Thegrassyhillocks，eachwithalittleuprightheadstone，wereshadedbyagrandoldwych-elm。Alilac-bushortwo，awhiterose-tree，andafewlaburnums，alloldandgnarledenough，wereplantedroundthechapelyard;andthecasementwindowsofthechapelweremadeofheavy-leaded，diamond-shapedpanes，almostcoveredwithivy，producingagreengloom，notwithoutitssolemnity，within。Thisivywasthehomeofaninfinitenumberoflittlebirds，whichtwitteredandwarbled，tillitmighthavebeenthoughtthattheywereemulousofthepowerofpraisepossessedbythehumancreatureswithin，withsuchearnest，long-drawnstrainsdidthiscrowdofwingedsongstersrejoiceandbegladintheirbeautifulgiftoflife。Theinteriorofthebuildingwasplainandsimpleasplainandsimplecouldbe。Whenitwasfittedup，oak-timberwasmuchcheaperthanitisnow，sothewood-workwasallofthatdescription;butroughlyhewed，fortheearlybuildershadnotmuchwealthtospare。Thewallswerewhitewashed，andwererecipientsoftheshadowsofthebeautywithout;ontheir“whiteplains“thetraceryoftheivymightbeseen，nowstill，nowstirredbythesuddenflightofsomelittlebird。Thecongregationconsistedofhereandthereafarmerwithhislabourers，whocamedownfromtheuplandsbeyondthetowntoworshipwheretheirfathersworshipped，andwholovedtheplacebecausetheyknewhowmuchthosefathershadsufferedforit，althoughtheynevertroubledthemselveswiththereasonwhytheylefttheparishchurch;andofafewshopkeepers，farmorethoughtfulandreasoning，whowereDissentersfromconviction，unmixedwithold。ancestralassociation;andofoneortwofamiliesofstillhigherworldlystation。 Withmanypoor，whoweredrawntherebyloveforMr。Benson’scharacter，andbyafeelingthatthefaithwhichmadehimwhathewascouldnotbefarwrong，forthebaseofthepyramid，andwithMr。Bradshawforitsapex，thecongregationstoodcomplete。Thecountrypeoplecameinsleekingdowntheirhair，andtreadingwithearnestattemptsatnoiselesslightnessofstepovertheflooroftheaisle; and，by-and-by，whenallwereassembled，Mr。Bensonfollowed，unmarshalledandunattended。Whenhehadclosedthepulpit-door，andkneltinprayerforaninstantortwo，hegaveoutapsalmfromthedearoldScottishparaphrase，withitsprimitiveinversionofthesimpleperfectBiblewords;andakindofprecentorstoodup，and，havingsoundedthenoteonapitch-pipe，sangacoupleoflinesbywayofindicatingthetune;thenallthecongregationstoodup，andsangaloud，Mr。Bradshaw’sgreatbassvoicebeinghalfanoteinadvanceoftheothers，inaccordancewithhisplaceofprecedenceasprincipalmemberofthecongregation。Hispowerfulvoicewaslikeanorganverybadlyplayed，andverymuchoutoftune;butashehadnoear，andnodiffidence，itpleasedhimverymuchtohearthefineloudsound。 Hewasatall，large-boned，ironman;stern，powerful，andauthoritativeinappearance;dressedinclothesofthefinestbroadcloth，andscrupulouslyill-made，asiftoshowthathewasindifferenttoalloutwardthings。 Hiswifewassweetandgentle-looking，butasifshewasthoroughlybrokenintosubmission。Ruthdidnotseethis，orhearaughtbutthewordswhichwerereverently——oh，howreverently！——spokenbyMr。Benson。HehadhadRuthpresentinhisthoughtsallthetimehehadbeenpreparingforhisSundayduty;andhehadtriedcarefullytoescheweverythingwhichshemightfeelasanallusiontoherowncase。HerememberedhowtheGoodShepherd，inPoussin’sbeautifulpicture，tenderlycarriedthelambswhichhadweariedthemselvesbygoingastray，andfelthowliketendernesswasrequiredtowardspoorRuth。Butwhereisthechapterwhichdoesnotcontainsomethingwhichabrokenandcontritespiritmaynotapplytoitself？Andsoitfelloutthat，asheread，Ruth’sheartwassmitten，andshesankdown，anddown，tillshewaskneelingonthefloorofthepew，andspeakingtoGodinthespirit，ifnotinthewords，oftheProdigalSon：“Father！IhavesinnedagainstHeavenandbeforeThee，andamnomoreworthytobecalledThychild！”MissBensonwasthankful(althoughshelovedRuththebetterforthisself-abandonment)thattheminister’sseatwasfarintheshadeofthegallery。Shetriedtolookmostattentivetoherbrother，inorderthatMr。Bradshawmightnotsuspectanythingunusual，whileshestealthilytookholdofRuth’spassivehand，asitlayhelplessonthecushion，andpresseditsoftlyandtenderly。 ButRuthsatontheground，boweddownandcrushedinhersorrow，tillallwasended。MissBensonloiteredinherseat，dividedbetweentheconsciousnessthatshe，aslocumtenensfortheminister’swife，wasexpectedtobeatthedoortoreceivethekindgreetingsofmanyafterherabsencefromhome，andherunwillingnesstodisturbRuth，whowasevidentlypraying，and，byherquietbreathing，receivinggraveandsolemninfluencesintohersoul。Atlengthsheroseup，calmandcomposedeventodignity。Thechapelwasstillandempty;butMissBensonheardthebuzzofvoicesinthechapel-yardwithout。Theywereprobablythoseofpeoplewaitingforher;andshesummonedcourage，andtakingRuth’sarminhers，andholdingherhandaffectionately，theywentoutintothebroaddaylight。Astheyissuedforth，MissBensonheardMr。Bradshaw’sstrongbassvoicespeakingtoherbrother，andwinced，assheknewhewouldbewincing，underthebroadpraise，whichisimpertinence，howeverlittleitmaybeintendedoresteemedassuch。”Oh，yes！——mywifetoldmeyesterdayabouther——herhusbandwasasurgeon; myfatherwasasurgeontoo，asIthinkyouhaveheard。Verymuchtoyourcredit，Imustsay，Mr。Benson，withyourlimitedmeans，toburdenyourselfwithapoorrelation。Verycreditableindeed。”，MissBensonglancedatRuth;sheeitherdidnothearordidnotunderstand，butpassedonintotheawfulsphereofMr。Bradshaw’sobservationunmoved。 Hewasinablandandcondescendinghumourofuniversalapproval，andwhenhesawRuthhenoddedhisheadintokenofsatisfaction。Thatordealwasover，MissBensonthought，andinthethoughtrejoiced。”Afterdinner，youmustgoandliedown，mydear，“saidshe，untyingRuth’sbonnet-strings，andkissingher。“Sallygoestochurchagain，butyouwon’tmindstayingaloneinthehouse。Iamsorrywehavesomanypeopletodinner; butmybrotherwillalwayshaveenoughonSundaysforanyoldorweakpeople，whomayhavecomefromadistance，tostayanddinewithus;andto-daytheyallseemtohavecome，becauseitishisfirstSabbathathome。InthiswayRuth’sfirstSundaypassedover。 chapter15，CHAPTERXV，MOTHERANDCHILD，“Hereisaparcelforyou，Ruth！”saidMissBensonontheTuesdaymorning。”Forme！”saidRuth，allsortsofrushingthoughtsandhopesfillinghermind，andturningherdizzywithexpectation。Ifithadbeenfrom“him，“ thenew-bornresolutionswouldhavehadabardstruggleforexistence。”Itisdirected’Mrs。Denbigh，’“saidMissBenson，beforegivingitup。 “ItisinMrs。Bradshaw’shandwriting;“and，farmorecuriousthanRuth，sheawaitedtheuntyingoftheclose-knottedstring。Whenthepaperwasopened，itdisplayedawholepieceofdelicatecambricmuslin;andtherewasashortnotefromMrs。BradshawtoRuth，sayingherhusbandhadwishedhertosendthismuslininaidofanypreparationsMrs。Denbighmighthavetomake。Ruthsaidnothing，butcolouredup，andsatdownagaintoheremployment。”Veryfinemuslin，indeed，“saidMissBenson，feelingit，andholdingitupagainstthelight，withtheairofaconnoisseur;yetallthetimeshewasglancingatRuth’sgraveface。Thelatterkeptsilence，andshowednowishtoinspectherpresentfurther。Atlastshesaid，inalowvoice——，“IsupposeImaysenditbackagain？”“Mydearchild！senditbacktoMr。Bradshaw！You’doffendhimforlife。 Youmaydependuponit，hemeansitasamarkofhighfavour！”“Whatrighthadhetosenditme？”askedRuth，stillinherquietvoice。”Whatright？Mr。Bradshawthinks——Idon’tknowexactlywhatyoumeanby’right。’“Ruthwassilentforamoment，andthensaid——，“TherearepeopletowhomIlovetofeelthatIowegratitude——gratitudewhichIcannotexpress，andhadbetternottalkabout——butIcannotseewhyapersonwhomIdonotknowshouldlaymeunderanobligation。Oh！ don’tsayImusttakethismuslin，please，MissBenson！”WhatMissBensonmighthavesaidifherbrotherhadnotjustthenenteredtheroom，neitherhenoranyotherpersoncouldtell;butshefelthispresencewasmostopportune，andcalledhiminasumpire。Hehadcomehastily，forhehadmuchtodo;buthenosoonerheardthecasethanhesatdown，andtriedtodrawsomemoreexplicitdeclarationofherfeelingfromRuth，whohadremainedsilentduringMissBenson’sexplanation。”Youwouldrathersendthispresentback？”saidhe。”Yes，“sheansweredsoftly。“Isitwrong？”“Whydoyouwanttoreturnit？”“BecauseIfeelasifMr。Bradshawhadnorighttoofferitme。”，Mr。Bensonwassilent。”It’sbeautifullyfine，“saidMissBenson，stillexaminingthepiece。”Youthinkthatitisarightwhichmustbeearned？”“Yes，“saidshe，afteraminute’spause。“Don’tyou？”“Iunderstandwhatyoumean。Itisadelighttohavegiftsmadetoyoubythosewhomyouesteemandlove，becausethensuchgiftsaremerelytobeconsideredasfringestothegarment——asinconsiderableadditionstothemightytreasureoftheiraffection，addingagrace，butnoadditionalvalue，towhatbeforewasprecious，andproceedingasnaturallyoutofthatasleavesburgeonoutuponthetrees;butyoufeelittobedifferentwhenthereisnoregardforthegivertoidealisethegift——whenitsimplytakesitsstandamongyourpropertyassomuchmoney’svalue。Isthisit，Ruth？”“Ithinkitis。IneverreasonedwhyIfeltasIdid;IonlyknewthatMr。Bradshaw’sgivingmeapresenthurtme，insteadofmakingmeglad。”，“Well，butthereisanothersideofthecasewehavenotlookedatyet——wemustthinkofthat，too。Youknowwhosaid，’Dountoothersasyewouldthattheyshoulddountoyou’？Mr。Bradshawmaynothavehadthatinhismindwhenhedesiredhiswifetosendyouthis;hemayhavebeenself-seeking，andonlyanxioustogratifyhisloveofpatronising——thatistheworstmotivewecangivehim;andthatwouldbenoexcuseforyourthinkingonlyofyourself，andreturninghispresent。”，“Butyouwouldnothavemepretendtobeobliged？”askedRuth。”No，Iwouldnot。Ihaveoftenbeensimilarlysituatedtoyou，Ruth;Mr。 BradshawhasfrequentlyopposedmeonthepointsonwhichIfeelthewarmest——amthemostearnestlyconvinced。He，nodoubt，thinksmeQuixotic，andoftenspeaksofme，andtome，withgreatcontemptwhenheisangry。Isupposehehasalittlefitofpenitenceafterwards，orperhapshethinkshecanpayforungraciousspeechesbyapresent;so，formerly，heinvariablysentmesomethingaftertheseoccasions。Itwasatime，ofallothers，tofeelasyouaredoingnow;butIbecameconvinceditwouldberighttoacceptthem，givingonlytheverycoolthankswhichIfelt。Thisomissionofallshowofmuchgratitudehadthebesteffect——thepresentshavemuchdiminished; but，ifthegiftshavelessened，theunjustifiablespeecheshavedecreasedinstillgreaterproportion，andIamsurewerespecteachothermore。 Takethismuslin，Ruth，forthereasonInamed;andthankhimasyourfeelingspromptyou。Overstrainedexpressionsofgratitudealwaysseemlikeanendeavourtoplacethereceiveroftheseexpressionsinthepositionofdebtorforfuturefavours。Butyouwon’tfallintothiserror。”，RuthlistenedtoMr。Benson;butshehadnotyetfallensufficientlyintothetoneofhismindtounderstandhimfully。SheonlyfeltthathecomprehendedherbetterthanMissBenson，whooncemoretriedtoreconcilehertoherpresent，bycallingherattentiontothelengthandbreadththereof。”Iwilldowhatyouwishme，“shesaid，afteralittlepauseofthoughtfulness。 “Maywetalkofsomethingelse？”Mr。Bensonsawthathissister’sframeofmindwasnotparticularlycongenialwithRuth’s，anymorethanRuth’swaswithMissBenson’s;and，puttingasideallthoughtofreturningtothebusinesswhichhadappearedtohimsoimportantwhenhecameintotheroom(butwhichprincipallyrelatedtohimself)，heremainedaboveanhourintheparlour，interestingthemonsubjectsfarremovedfromthepresent，andleftthemattheendofthattimesoothedandcalm。ButthepresentgaveanewcurrenttoRuth’sideas。Herheartwasasyettoosoretospeak，buthermindwascrowdedwithplans。SheaskedSallytobuyher(withthemoneyproducedbythesaleofaringortwo)thecoarsestlinen，thehomeliestdarkblueprint，andsimilarmaterials;onwhichshesetbusilytoworktomakeclothesforherself;andastheyweremade，sheputthemon;andassheputthemon，shegaveagracetoeach，whichsuchhomelymaterialandsimpleshapinghadneverhadbefore。Thenthefinelinenanddelicatesoftwhitemuslin，whichshehadchoseninpreferencetomoreexpensivearticlesofdresswhenMr。BellinghamhadgivenhercarteblancheinLondon，werecutintosmallgarments，mostdaintilystitchedandmadereadyforthelittlecreature，forwhominitswhitepurityofsoulnothingcouldbetooprecious。Thelovewhichdictatedthisextremesimplicityandcoarsenessofattire，wastakenforstiff，hardeconomybyMr。Bradshaw，whenhedeignedtoobserveit。Andeconomybyitself，withoutanysoulorspiritinittomakeitlivingandholy，wasagreatmeritinhiseyes。Indeed，Ruthaltogetherfoundfavourwithhim。Herquietmanner，subduedbyaninternalconsciousnessofadeepercauseforsorrowthanhewasawareof，heinterpretedintoaveryproperandbecomingaweofhim。Helookedofffromhisownprayerstoobservehowwellsheattendedtohersatchapel;whenhecametoanyverseinthehymnrelatingtoimmortalityorafuturelife，hesungitunusuallyloud，thinkingheshouldthuscomfortherinhersorrowforherdeceasedhusband。HedesiredMrs。Bradshawtopayhereveryattentionshecould;andevenonceremarked，thathethoughthersorespectableayoungpersonthatheshould。notobjecttoherbeingaskedtoteathenexttimeMr。andMissBensoncame。Headded，thathethought，indeed，BensonhadlookedlastSundayasifheratherhopedtogetaninvitation;anditwasrighttoencouragetheministers，andtoshowthemrespect，eventhoughtheirsalariesweresmall。TheonlythingagainstthisMrs。Denbighwasthecircumstanceofherhavingmarriedtooearly，andwithoutanyprovisionforafamily。ThoughRuthpleadeddelicacyofhealth，anddeclinedaccompanyingMr。andMissBensonontheirvisittoMr。Bradshaw，shestillpreservedherplaceinhisesteem;andMissBensonhadtocallalittleuponher“talentforfiction“tospareRuthfromtheinflictionoffurtherpresents，inmakingwhichhisloveofpatronisingdelighted。TheyellowandcrimsonleavescamefloatingdownonthestillOctoberair; Novemberfollowed，bleakanddreary;itwasmorecheerfulwhentheearthputonherbeautifulrobeofwhite，whichcoveredupallthegreynakedstems，andloadedtheleavesoftheholliesandevergreenseachwithitsburdenoffeatherysnow。WhenRuthsatdowntolanguorandsadness，MissBensontrottedupstairs，andrummagedupeveryarticleofspareorworn-outclothing，andbringingdownavarietyofstrangematerials，shetriedtointerestRuthinmakingthemupintogarmentsforthepoor。But，thoughRuth’sfingersflewthroughthework，shestillsighedwiththoughtandremembrance。MissBensonwasatfirstdisappointed，andthenshewasangry。 Whensheheardthelow，longsigh，andsawthedreamyeyesfillingwithglitteringtears，shewouldsay，“Whatisthematter，Ruth？”inahalf-reproachfultone，forthesightofsufferingwaspainfultoher;shehaddoneallinherpowertoremedyit;and，thoughsheacknowledgedacausebeyondherreachforRuth’sdeepsorrow，and，infact，lovedandrespectedherallthemoreforthesemanifestationsofgrief，yetatthetimetheyirritatedher。ThenRuthwouldsnatchupthedroppedwork，andstitchawaywithdroopingeyes，fromwhichthehottearsfellfast;andMissBensonwasthenangrywithherself，yetnotatallinclinedtoagreewithSallywhensheaskedhermistress“whyshekept’mithering’thepoorlasswithaskingherforeverwhatwasthematter，asifshedidnotknowwellenough。”Someelementofharmonywaswanting——somelittleangelofpeace，inlovingwhomallheartsandnaturesshouldbedrawntogether，andtheirdiscordshushed。Theearthwasstill“hidingherguiltyfrontwithinnocentsnow，“whenalittlebabywaslaidbythesideofthepale，whitemother。Itwasaboy;beforehandshehadwishedforagirl，asbeinglesslikelytofeelthewantofafather——asbeingwhatamother，worsethanwidowed，couldmosteffectuallyshelter。Butnowshedidnotthinkorrememberthis。Whatitwas，shewouldnothaveexchangedforawildernessofgirls。Itwasherown，herdarling，herindividualbaby，already，thoughnotanhourold，separateandsoleinherheart，strangelyfillingupitsmeasurewithloveandpeace，andevenhope。Forherewasanew，pure，beautiful，innocentlife，whichshefondlyimagined，inthatearlypassionofmaternallove，shecouldguardfromeverytouchofcorruptingsinbyeverwatchfulandmosttendercare。Andhermotherhadthoughtthesame，mostprobably; andthousandsofothersthinkthesame，andpraytoGodtopurifyandcleansetheirsouls，thattheymaybefitguardiansfortheirlittlechildren。 Oh，howRuthprayed，evenwhileshewasyettooweaktospeak;andhowshefeltthebeautyandsignificanceofthewords，“OurFather！”ShewasrousedfromthisholyabstractionbythesoundofMissBenson’svoice。Itwasverymuchasifshehadbeencrying。”Look，Ruth！”itsaidsoftly，“mybrothersendsyouthese。Theyarethefirstsnowdropsinthegarden。”AndsheputthemonthepillowbyRuth; thebabylayontheoppositeside。”Won’tyoulookathim？”saidRuth;“heissopretty！”MissBensonhadastrangereluctancetoseehim。ToRuth，inspiteofallthathadcomeandgone，shewasreconciled——nay，more，shewasdeeplyattached; butoverthebabytherehungacloudofshameanddisgrace。Poorlittlecreature！herheartwasclosedagainstit——firmly，asshethought。ButshecouldnotresistRuth’slowfaintvoice，norherpleadingeyes，andshewentroundtopeepathimashelayonhismother’sarm，asyethisshieldandguard。”Sallysayshewillhaveblackhair，shethinks，“saidRuth。“Hislittlehandisquiteaman’s，already。Justfeelhowfirmlyheclosesit;“andwithherownweakfingerssheopenedhislittleredfist，andtakingMissBenson’sreluctanthand，placedoneofherfingersinhisgrasp。Thatbaby-touchcalledoutherlove;thedoorsofherheartwerethrownopenwideforthelittleinfanttogoinandtakepossession。”Ah，mydarling！”saidRuth，failingbackweakandweary。“IfGodwillbutspareyoutome，nevermotherdidmorethanIwill。Ihavedoneyouagrievouswrong——but，ifImaybutlive，Iwillspendmylifeinservingyou！”“AndinservingGod！”saidMissBenson，withtearsinhereyes。“Youmustnotmakehimintoanidol，orGodwill，perhaps，punishyouthroughhim。”，ApangofaffrightshotthroughRuth’sheartatthesewords;hadshealreadysinnedandmadeherchildintoanidol，andwastherepunishmentalreadyinstoreforherthroughhim？ButthentheinternalvoicewhisperedthatGodwas“OurFather，“andthatHeknewourframe，andknewhownaturalwasthefirstoutburstofamother’slove;so，althoughshetreasuredupthewarning，sheceasedtoaffrightherselfforwhathadalreadygushedforth。”Nowgotosleep，Ruth，“saidMissBenson，kissingher，anddarkeningtheroom。ButRuthcouldnotsleep;ifherheavyeyesclosed，sheopenedthemagainwithastart，forsleepseemedtobeanenemystealingfromhertheconsciousnessofbeingamother。Thatonethoughtexcludedallremembranceandallanticipation，inthosefirsthoursofdelight。Butsoonremembranceandanticipationcame。Therewasthenaturalwantoftheperson，whoalonecouldtakeaninterestsimilarinkind，thoughnotinamount，tothemother’s。Andsadnessgrewlikeagiantinthestillwatchesofthenight，whensherememberedthattherewouldbenofathertoguideandstrengthenthechild，andplacehiminafavourablepositionforfightingthehard“BattleofLife。”Shehopedandbelievedthatnoonewouldknowthesinofhisparents;andthatthatstrugglemightbesparedtohim。Butafather’spowerfulcareandmightyguidancewouldneverbehis;andthen，inthosehoursofspiritualpurification，camethewonderandthedoubtofhowfartherealfatherwouldbetheonetowhom，withherdesireofheavenforherchild，whatevermightbecomeofherself，shewouldwishtointrusthim。Slightspeeches，tellingofaselfish，worldlynature，unnoticedatthetime，camebackuponherear，havinganewsignificance。 Theytoldofalowstandard，ofimpatientself-indulgence，ofnoacknowledgmentofthingsspiritualandheavenly。Evenwhilethisexaminationwasforceduponher，bythenewspiritofmaternitythathadenteredintoherandmadeherchild’swelfaresupreme，shehatedandreproachedherselfforthenecessitythereseemeduponherofexaminingandjudgingtheabsentfatherofherchild。Andsothecompellingpresencethathadtakenpossessionofherweariedherintoakindoffeverishslumber;inwhichshedreamtthattheinnocentbabethatlaybyhersideinsoftruddyslumber，hadstartedupintoman’sgrowth，and，insteadofthepureandnoblebeingwhomshehadprayedtopresentasherchildto“OurFatherinheaven，“ hewasarepetitionofhisfather;and，likehim，luredsomemaiden(whoinherdreamseemedstrangelylikeherself，onlymoreutterlysadanddesolateeventhanshe)intosin，andlefthertheretoevenaworsefatethanthatofsuicide。ForRuthbelievedtherewasaworse。Shedreamtshesawthegirl，wandering，lost;andthatshesawhersoninhighplaces，prosperous——butwithmorethanbloodonhissoul。Shesawhersondraggeddownbytheclinginggirlintosomepitofhorrorsintowhichshedarednotlook，butfromwhencehisfather’svoicewasheard，cryingaloud，thatinhisdayandgenerationhehadnotrememberedthewordsofGod，andthatnowhewas“tormentedinthisflame。”Thenshestartedinsickterror，andsaw，bythedimrushlight，Sally，noddinginanarmchairbythefire;andfeltherlittlesoftwarmbabe，nestledupagainstherbreast，rockedbyherheart，whichyetbeathardfromtheeffectsoftheevildream。Shedarednotgotosleepagain，butprayed。And，everytimesheprayed，sheaskedwithamorecompletewisdom，andamoreutterandself-forgettingfaith。Littlechild！thyangelwaswithGod，anddrewhernearerandnearertoHim，whosefaceiscontinuallybeheldbytheangelsoflittlechildren。 chapter16，CHAPTERXVI，SALLYTELLSOFHERSWEETHEARTS，ANDDISCOURSESONTHEDUTIESOFLIFE，SallyandMissBensontookitinturnstositup，orrather，theytookitinturnstonodbythefire;forifRuthwasawakeshelayverystillinthemoonlightcalmofhersickbed。ThattimeresembledabeautifulAugustevening，suchasIhaveseen。Thewhite，snowyrollingmistcoversupunderitsgreatsheetalltreesandmeadows，andtokensofearth;butitcannotrisehighenoughtoshutouttheheavens，whichonsuchnightsseembendingverynear，andtobetheonlyrealandpresentobjects;andsonear，sorealandpresent，didheaven，andeternity，andGodseemtoRuth，asshelayencirclinghermysteriousholychild。OnenightSallyfoundoutshewasnotasleep。”I’mararehandattalkingfolkstosleep，“saidshe。“I’lltryonthee，forthoumustgetstrengthbysleepingandeating。WhatmustItalktotheeabout，Iwonder。ShallItelltheealovestoryorafairystory，suchasI’vetelledMasterThurstanmanyatimeandmanyatime，forallhisfathersethisfaceagainfairies，andcalleditvaintalking;orshallItellyouthedinnerIoncecooked，whenMr。Harding，aswasMissFaith’ssweetheart，cameunlookedfor，andwe’dnoughtinthehousebutaneckofmutton，outofwhichImadesevendishes，allwithadifferentname？”“WhowasMr。Harding？”askedRuth。”Oh，hewasagrandgentlemanfromLunnon，ashadseenMissFaith，andbeenstruckbyherprettylookswhenshewasoutonavisit，andcameheretoaskhertomarryhim。Shesaid，’No，shewouldneverleaveMasterThurstan，ascouldnevermarry;’butshepinedadealatafterhewentaway。ShekeptupaforeMasterThurstan，butIseedherfretting，thoughIneverletonthatIdid，forIthoughtshe’dsoonestgetoveritandbethankfulataftershe’dthestrengthtodoright。However，I’venobusinesstobetalkingofMissBenson’sconcerns。I’lltellyouofmyownsweetheartsandwelcome，orI’lltellyouofthedinner，whichwasthegrandestthingIeverdidinmylife，butIthoughtaLunnonershouldneverthinkcountryfolksknewnothing;and，myword，Ipuzzledhimwithhisdinner。I’mdoubtingwhethertothisdayheknowswhetherwhathewaseatingwasfish，flesh，orfowl。ShallItellyouhowImanaged？”ButRuthsaidshewouldratherhearaboutSally’ssweethearts;muchtothedisappointmentofthelatter，whoconsideredthedinnerbyfarthegreatestachievement。”Well，yousee，Idon’tknowasIshouldcallthemsweethearts;forexceptingJohnRawson，whowasshutupinamad-housethenextweek，Ineverhadwhatyoumaycalladownrightofferofmarriagebutonce。ButIhadonce; andsoImaysayIhadasweetheart。Iwasbeginningtobeafeardthough，foronelikestobeaxed;that’sbutcivility;andIremember，afterI hadturnedforty，andaforeJeremiahDixonhadspoken，IbegantothinkJohnRawsonhadperhapsnotbeensoverymad，andthatI’ddoneilltolightlyhisoffer，asamadman’s，ifitwastobetheonlyoneIwasevertohave;Idon’tmeanasI’dhavehadhim，butIthought，ifitwastocomeo’eragain，I’dspeakrespectfulofhimtofolk，andsayitwereonlyhiswaytogoaboutonall-fours，butthathewasasensiblemaninmostthings。HoweverI’dhadmylaugh，andsohadothers，atmycrazylover，anditwaslatenowtosethimupasaSolomon。However，Ithoughtitwouldbenobadthingtobetriedagain;butIlittlethoughtthetrialwouldcomewhenitdid。Yousee，Saturdaynightisaleisurenightincounting-housesandsuch-likeplaces，whileit’sthebusiestofallforservants。Well！ itwasaSaturdaynight，andI’dmybaizeapronon，andthetailsofmybed-gownpinnedtogetherbehind，downonmyknees，pipeclayingthekitchen，whenaknockcomestothebackdoor。’Comein！’saysI;butitknockedagain，asifitweretoostatelytoopenthedoorforitself;soIgotuprathercross，andopenedthedoor;andtherestoodJerryDixon，Mr。 Holt’shead-clerk;onlyhewasnothead-clerkthen。SoIstood，stoppingupthedoor，fancyinghewantedtospeaktomaster;buthekindofpushedpastme，andtellingmesummutabouttheweather(asifIcouldnotseeitformyself)，hetookachair，andsatdownbytheoven。’Coolandeasy！’ thoughtI;meaninghisself，nothisplace，whichIknewmustbeprettyhot。Well！itseemednousestandingwaitingformygentlemantogo;notthathehadmuchtosayeither;buthekepttwirlinghishatroundandround，andsmoothingthenapon’twiththebackofhishand。SoatlastIsquatteddowntomywork，andthinksI，Ishallbeonmykneesallreadyifheputsupaprayer，forIknewhewasaMethodeebybringing-up，andhadonlylatelyturnedtomaster’swayofthinking;andthemMethodeesareterriblehandsatunexpectedprayerswhenoneleastlooksfor’em。 Ican’tsayIliketheirwayoftakingonebysurprise，asitwere;butthenI’maparish-clerk’sdaughter，andcouldneverdemeanmyselftodissentingfashions，alwayssaveandexceptMasterThurstan’s，blesshim。However，I’dbeencaughtonceortwiceunawares，sothistimeIthoughtI’dbeuptoit，andImovedadrydusterwhereverIwent，tokneeluponincasehebeganwhenIwereinawetplace。By-and-byIthought，ifthemanwouldprayitwouldbeablessing，foritwouldpreventhissendinghiseyesaftermewhereverIwent;forwhentheytakestoprayingtheyshutstheireyes，andquiversth’lidsinaqueerkindo’way——themDissentersdoes。 Icanspeakprettyplaintoyou，foryou’rebredintheChurchlikemysel’，andmustfinditasouto’thewayasIdotobeamongdissentingfolk。 GodforbidIshouldspeakdisrespectfulofMasterThurstanandMissFaith，though;IneverthinkonthemasChurchorDissenters，butjustasChristians。 ButtocomebacktoJerry。First，Itriedalwaystobecleaningathisback;butwhenhewheeledround，soasalwaystofaceme，IthoughtI’dtryadifferentgame。So，saysI，’MasterDixon，Iaxyourpardon，butImustpipeclayunderyourchair。Willyoupleasetomove？’Well，hemoved; andby-and-byIwasathimagainwiththesamewords;andatafterthat，againandagain，tillhewerealwaysmovingaboutwi’hischairbehindhim，likeasnailascarriesitshouseonitsback。AndthegreatgaupusneverseedthatIwerepipeclayingthesameplacestwiceover。AtlastIgotdesperatecross，heweresoinmyway;soImadetwobigcrossesonthetailsofhisbrowncoat;foryousee，whereverhewent，upordown，hedrewoutthetailsofhiscoatfromunderhim，andstuckthemthroughthebarsofthechair;andfleshandbloodcouldnotresistpipeclayingthemforhim;andaprettybrushinghe’dhave，Ireckon，togetitoffagain。Well！atlengthheclearshisthroatuncommonloud;soIspreadsmyduster，andshutsmyeyesallready;butwhennoughtcomedofit，I openedmyeyesalittlebittoseewhathewereabout。Myword！iftherehewasn’tdownonhiskneesrightfacingme，staringasbardashecould。 Well！Ithoughtitwouldbehardworktostandthat，ifhemadealongado;soIshutmyeyesagain，andtriedtothinkserious，asbecamewhatIfanciedwerecoming;butforgiveme！butIthoughtwhycouldn’tthefellowgoinandpraywi’MasterThurstan，ashadalwaysacalmspiritreadyforprayer，insteado’mewhohadmydressertoscour，letaloneanaprontoiron。Atlasthesays，sayshe，’Sally！willyouobligemewithyourhand？’ SoIthoughtitwere，maybe，Methodeefashiontoprayhandinhand;andI’llnotdenybutIwishedI’dwasheditbetterafterblackleadingthekitchenfire。IthoughtI’dbettertellhimitwerenotsocleanasIcouldwish，sosaysI，’MasterDixon，youshallhaveit，andwelcome，ifImayjustgoandwash’emfirst。’But，sayshe，’MydearSally，dirtyorclean，it’sallthesametome，seeingI’monlyspeakinginafiguringway。WhatI’maskingonmybendedkneesis，thatyou’dpleasetobesokindastobemyweddedwife;weekafternextwillsuitme，ifit’sagreeabletoyou！’ Myword！Iwereuponmyfeetinaninstant！Itwereoddnow，weren’tit？ Ineverthoughtoftakingthefellow，andgettingmarried;forall，I’llnotdeny，Ihadbeenthinkingitwouldbeagreeabletobeaxed。Butallatonce，Icouldn’tabidethechap。’Sir，’saysI，tryingtolookshamefacedasbecametheoccasion，butforallthatfeelingatwitteringroundmymouththatIwereafeardmightendinalaugh——’MasterDixon，I’mobleegedtoyouforthecompliment，andthankyeallthesame，butIthinkI’dpreferasinglelife。’Helookedmightytakenaback;butinaminuteheclearedup，andwasassweetasever。Hestillkeptonhisknees，andIwishedhe’dtakehimselfup;but，Ireckon，hethoughtitwouldgiveforcetohiswords;sayshe，’Thinkagain，mydearSally。I’veafour-roomedhouse，andfurnitureconformable;andeightypoundayear。Youmayneverhavesuchachanceagain。’Thereweretruthenoughinthat，butitwasnotprettyinthemantosayit;anditputmeupabit。’Asforthat，neitheryounorIcantell，MasterDixon。You’renotthefirstchapasI’vehaddownonhiskneesaforeme，axingmetomarryhim(youseeIwerethinkingofJohnRawson，onlyIthoughttherewerenoneedtosayhewereonall-fours——itweretruthhewereonhisknees，youknow)，andmaybeyou’llnotbethelast。Anyhow，I’venowishtochangemyconditionjustnow。’’I’llwaittillChristmas，’sayshe。’I’veapigaswillbereadyforkillingthen，soImustgetmarriedbeforethat。’Wellnow！wouldyoubelieveit？thepigwasatemptation。I’dareceiptforcuringhams，asMissFaithwouldneverletmetry，sayingtheoldwayweregoodenough。However，Iresisted。 SaysI，verystern，becauseIfeltI’dbeenwavering，’MasterDixon，onceforall，pigornopig，I’llnotmarryyou。Andifyou’lltakemyadvice，you’llgetupoffyourknees。Theflagsisbutdampyet，anditwouldbeanawkwardthingtohaverheumatizjustbeforewinter。’Withthathegotup，stiffenough。HelookedassulkyachapaseverIclappedeyeson。 Andasheweresoblackandcross，IthoughtI’ddonewell(whatevercameofthepig)tosay’No’tohim。’Youmaylivetorepentthis，’sayshe，veryred。’ButI’llnotbeharduponye，I’llgiveyouanotherchance。 I’llletyouhavethenighttothinkaboutit，andI’lljustcallintohearyoursecondthoughts，afterchapel，to-morrow。’Wellnow！dideveryouhearthelike！Butthatisthewaywithallofthemmen，thinkingsomuchoftheirselves，andthatit’sbutaskandhave。They’veneverhadme，though;andIshallbesixty-onenextMartinmas，sothere’snotmuchtimeleftforthemtotryme，Ireckon。Well！whenJeremiahsaidthatheputmeupmorethanever，andIsays，’Myfirstthoughts，secondthoughts，andthirdthoughtsisalloneandthesame;you’vebuttemptedmeonce，andthatwaswhenyouspokeofyourpig。Butofyoursel’you’renothingtoboaston，andsoI’llbidyougoodnight，andI’llkeepmymanners，orelse，ifItoldthetruth，Ishouldsayithadbeenagreatlossoftimelisteningtoyou。ButI’llbecivil——sogoodnight。’Heneversaidaword，butwentoffasblackasthunder，slammingthedoorafterhim。 Themastercalledmeintoprayers，butIcan’tsayIcouldputmymindtothem，formyheartwasbeatingso。However，itwasacomforttohavehadanofferofholymatrimony;andthoughitflusteredme，itmademethinkmoreofmyself。Inthenight，IbegantowonderifI’dnotbeencruelandhardtohim。Yousee，Iwerefeverish-like;andtheoldsongofBarbaryAllenwouldkeeprunninginmyhead，andIthoughtIwereBarbary，andhewereyoungJemmyGray，andthatmaybehe’ddieforloveofme;andI picturedhimtomysel’，lyingonhisdeath-bed，withhisfaceturnedtothewall’wi’deadlysorrowsighing，’andIcouldha’pinchedmysel’forhavingbeensolikecruelBarbaryAllen。AndwhenIgotupnextday，I foundithardtothinkontherealJerryDixonIhadseenthenightbefore，apartfromthesadandsorrowfulJerryIthoughtona-dying，whenIwerebetweensleepingandwaking。AndformanyadayIturnedsick，whenIheardthepassingbell，forIthoughtitwerethebellloud-knellingwhichweretobreakmyheartwi’asenseofwhatI’dmissedinsaying’No’toJerry，andsoIdlinghimwithcruelty。Butinlessthanathreeweek，Iheardparishbellsa-ringingmerrilyforawedding;andinthecourseofthemorning，someonesaystome，’Hark！howthebellsisringingforJerryDixon’swedding！’And，allonasudden，hechangedbackagainfromaheart-brokenyoungfellow，likeJemmyGray，intoastout，middle-agedman，ruddy-complexioned，withawartonhisleftcheeklikelife！”Sallywaitedforsomeexclamationattheconclusionofhertale;butreceivingnone，shesteppedsoftlytothebedside，andtherelayRuth，peacefulasdeath，withherbabyonherbreast。”IthoughtI’dlostsomeofmygiftsifIcouldnottalkabodytosleep，“ saidSally，inasatisfiedandself-complacenttone。Youthisstrongandpowerful，andmakesahardbattleagainstsorrow。SoRuthstroveandstrengthened，andherbabyflourishedaccordingly;andbeforethelittlecelandineswereoutonthehedge-banks，orthewhitevioletshadsentforththeirfragrancefromtheborderunderthesouthwallofMissBenson’ssmallgarden，Ruthwasabletocarryherbabyintothatshelteredplaceonsunnydays。SheoftenwishedtothankMr。Bensonandhissister，butshedidnotknowhowtotellthedeepgratitudeshefelt，andthereforeshewassilent。 Buttheyunderstoodhersilencewell。Oneday，asshewatchedhersleepingchild，shespoketoMissBenson，withwhomshehappenedtobealone。”Doyouknowofanycottagewherethepeopleareclean，andwheretheywouldnotmindtakingmein？”askedshe。”Takingyouin！Whatdoyoumean？”saidMissBenson，droppingherknitting，inordertoobserveRuthmoreclosely。”Imean，“saidRuth，“whereImightlodgewithmybaby——anyverypoorplacewoulddo，onlyitmustbeclean，orhemightbeill。”，“Andwhatintheworlddoyouwanttogoandlodgeinacottagefor？”saidMissBensonindignantly。Ruthdidnotliftuphereyes，butshespokewithafirmnesswhichshowedthatshehadconsideredthesubject。”IthinkIcouldmakedresses。IknowIdidnotlearnasmuchasImight，butperhapsImightdoforservantsandpeoplewhoarenotparticular。”，“Servantsareasparticularasanyone，“saidMissBenson，gladtolayholdofthefirstobjectionthatshecould。”Well！somebodywhowouldbepatientwithme，“saidRuth。”Nobodyispatientoveranill-fittinggown，“putinMissBenson。“There’sthestuffspoilt，andwhatnot！”“PerhapsIcouldfindplainworktodo，“saidRuth，verymeekly。“ThatIcandoverywell;mammataughtme，andIlikedtolearnfromher。Ifyouwouldbesogood，MissBenson，youmighttellpeopleIcoulddoplainworkveryneatly，andpunctually，andcheaply。”，“You’dgetsixpenceaday，perhaps，“saidMissBenson“andwhowouldtakecareofbaby，Ishouldliketoknow？Prettilyhe’dbeneglected，wouldnothe？Why，he’dhavethecroupandthetyphusfeverinnotime，andbeburnttoashesafter。”，“Ihavethoughtofall。Lookhowhesleeps！Hush，darling;“forjustatthispointhebegantocry，andtoshowhisdeterminationtobeawake，asifincontradictiontohismother’swords。Ruthtookhimup，andcarriedhimabouttheroomwhileshewentonspeaking。”Yes，justnowIknowhewillnotsleep;butveryoftenhewill，andinthenighthealwaysdoes。”，“Andsoyou’dworkinthenightandkillyourself，andleaveyourpoorbabyanorphan。Ruth！I’mashamedofyou。Now，brother“(Mr。Bensonhadjustcomein)，“isnotthistoobadofRuth？heresheisplanningtogoawayandleaveus，justaswe——asI，atleast——havegrownsofondofbaby，andhe’sbeginningtoknowme。”，“Wherewereyouthinkingofgoingto，Ruth？”interruptedMr。Benson，withmildsurprise。”AnywheretobenearyouandMissBenson;inanypoorcottagewhereImightlodgeverycheaply，andearnmylivelihoodbytakinginplainsewing，andperhapsalittledressmaking;andwhereIcouldcomeandseeyouanddearMissBensonsometimesandbringbaby。”，“Ifhewasnotdeadbeforethenofsomefever，orburn，orscald，poorneglectedchild，oryouhadnotworkedyourselftodeathwithneversleeping“ saidMissBenson。Mr。Bensonthoughtaminuteortwo，andthenhespoketoRuth——，“Whateveryoumaydowhenthislittlefellowisayearold，andabletodispensewithsomeofamother’scare，letmebegyou，Ruth，asafavourtome——asastillgreaterfavourtomysister，isitnot，Faith？”“Yes;youmayputitsoifyoulike。”，“Tostaywithus，“continuedhe，“tillthen。Whenbabyistwelvemonthsold，we’lltalkaboutitagain，andverylikelybeforethensomeopeningmaybeshownus。Neverfearleadinganidlelife，Ruth。We’lltreatyouasadaughter，andsetyouallthehouseholdtasks;anditisnotforyoursakethatweaskyoutostay，butforthislittledumbhelplesschild’s： anditisnotforoursakethatyoumuststay，butforhis。”，Ruthwassobbing。”Idonotdeserveyourkindness，“saidshe，inabrokenvoice;“Idonotdeserveit。”，Hertearsfellfastandsoftlikesummerrain，butnofurtherwordwasspoken。Mr。Bensonquietlypassedontomaketheinquiryforwhichhehadenteredtheroom。Butwhentherewasnothingtodecideupon，andnonecessityforenteringuponanynewcourseofaction，Ruth’smindrelaxedfromitsstrung-upstate。 Shefellintotrainsofreverie，andmournfulregretfulrecollectionswhichrenderedherlanguidandtearful。ThiswasnoticedbothbyMissBensonandSally，andaseachhadkindsympathies，andfeltdepressedwhentheysawanyonenearthemdepressed，andaseach，withoutmuchreasoningonthecauseorreasonforsuchdepression，feltirritatedattheuncomfortablestateintowhichtheythemselveswerethrown，theybothresolvedtospeaktoRuthonthenextfittingoccasion。Accordingly，oneafternoon——themorningofthatdayhadbeenspentbyRuthinhouse-work，forshehadinsistedonMr。Benson’swords，andhadtakenMissBenson’sshareofthemoreactiveandfatiguinghouseholdduties，butshewentthroughthemheavily，andasifherheartwasfaraway——intheafternoonwhenshewasnursingherchild，Sally，oncomingintothebackparlour，foundhertherealone，andeasilydetectedthefactthatshewascrying。”Where’sMissBenson？”askedSallygruffly。”GoneoutwithMr。Benson，“answeredRuth，withanabsentsadnessinhervoiceandmanner。Hertears，scarcecheckedwhileshespoke，begantofallafresh;andasSallystoodandgazedshesawthebabelookhackinhismother’sface，andhislittlelipbegintoquiver，andhisopenblueeyetogrowoverclouded，aswithsomemysterioussympathywiththesorrowfulfacebentoverhim。Sallytookhimbrisklyfromhismother’sarms;Ruthlookedupingravesurprise，forintruthshehadforgottenSally’spresence，andthesuddennessofthemotionstartledher。”Mybonnyboy！aretheylettingthesalttearsdroponthysweetfacebeforethou’rtweaned！Littlesomebodyknowshowtobeamother——Icouldmakeabettermyself。’Dance，thumbkin，dance——dance，yemerrymeneveryone。’ Ay，that’sit！smile，mypretty。Anyonebutachildlikethee，“continuedshe，turningtoRuth，“wouldhaveknownbetterthantobringill-luckonthybabbybylettingtearsfallonitsfacebeforeitwasweaned。Butthou’rtnotfittohaveababby，andsoI’vesaidmanyatime。I’veagreatmindtobuytheeadoll，andtakethybabbymysel’。”，SallydidnotlookatRuth，forshewastoomuchengagedinamusingthebabywiththetasselofthestringtothewindow-blind，orelseshewouldhaveseenthedignitywhichthemother’ssoulputintoRuthatthatmoment。 Sallywasquelledintosilencebythegentlecomposure，theself-commandoverherpassionatesorrow，whichgavetoRuthanunconsciousgrandeurofdemeanourasshecameuptotheoldservant。”Givehimbacktome，please。Ididnotknowitbroughtill-luck，orifmyheartbrokeIwouldnothaveletateardroponhisface——Ineverwillagain。Thankyou，Sally，“astheservantrelinquishedhimtoherwhocameinthenameofamother。SallywatchedRuth’sgrave，sweetsmile，asshefollowedupSally’splaywiththetassel，andimitated，withallthedocilityinspiredbylove，everymovementandsoundwhichhadamusedherbabe。”Thou’ltbeamother，afterall，“saidSally，withakindofadmirationofthecontrolwhichRuthwasexercisingoverherself。“Butwhytalkofthyheartbreaking？Idon’tquestiontheeaboutwhat’spastandgone;butnowthou’rtwantingfornothing，northychildeither;thetimetocomeistheLord’sandinHishands;andyetthougoestabouta-sighinganda-moaninginawaythatIcan’tstandorthole。”，“WhatdoIdowrong？”saidRuth;“ItrytodoallIcan。”，“Yes，inaway，“saidSally，puzzledtoknowhowtodescribehermeaning。