第5章

“Thoudostit——butthere’sa，rightandawrongwayofsettingabouteverything——andtomythinking，therightwayistotakeathingupheartily，ifitisonlymakingabed。Why！dearahme，makingabedmaybedoneafteraChristianfashion，Itakeit，orelsewhat’stocomeofsuchasmeinheaven，who’vehadlittleenoughtimeonearthforclappingourselvesdownonourkneesforsetprayers？WhenIwasagirl，andwretchedenoughaboutMasterThurstan，andthecrookonhisbackwhichcameofthefallIgavehim，Itooktoprayingandsighing，andgivinguptheworld;andIthoughtitwerewickedtocarefortheflesh，soImadeheavypuddings，andwascarelessaboutdinnerandtherooms，andthoughtIwasdoingmyduty，thoughIdidcallmyselfamiserablesinner。Butonenight，theoldmissus(MasterThurstan’smother)camein，andsatdownbyme，asIwasa-scoldingmyself，withoutthinkingofwhatIwassaying;and，saysshe，’Sally！whatareyoublamingyourselfabout，andgroaningover？Wehearyouintheparloureverynight，anditmakesmyheartache。’’Oh，ma’am，’saysI，’I’mamiserablesinner，andI’mtravailinginthenewbirth。’’Wasthatthereason，’saysshe，’whythepuddingwassoheavyto-day？’’Oh，ma’am，ma’am，’saidI，’ifyouwouldnotthinkofthethingsoftheflesh，buttroubleyourselfaboutyourimmortalsoul。’AndIsata-shakingmyheadtothinkabouthersoul。 ’But，’saysshe，inhersweetdroppingvoice，’Idotrytothinkofmysouleveryhouroftheday，ifbythatyoumeantryingtodothewillofGod，butwe’lltalknowaboutthepudding;MasterThurstancouldnoteatit，andIknowyou’llbesorryforthat。’Well！Iwassorry，butIdidn’tchoosetosayso，assheseemedtoexpectme;sosaysI，’It’sapitytoseechildrenbroughtuptocareforthingsoftheflesh;’andthenIcouldhavebittenmytongueout，forthemissuslookedsograve，andIthoughtofmydarlinglittleladpiningforwantofhisfood。Atlast，saysshe，’Sally，doyouthinkGodhasputusintotheworldjusttobeselfish，anddonothingbutseeafterourownsouls？ortohelponeanotherwithheartandhand，asChristdidtoallwhowantedhelp？’Iwassilent，for，yousee，shepuzzledme。Soshewenton，’WhatisthatbeautifulanswerinyourChurchcatechism，Sally？’IwerepleasedtohearaDissenter，asIdidnotthinkwouldhavedoneit，speaksoknowledgeablyaboutthecatechism，andshewenton：’“todomydutyinthatstationoflifeuntowhichitshallpleaseGodtocallme;“well，yourstationisaservantanditisashonourableasaking’s，ifyoulookatitright;youaretohelpandserveothersinoneway，justasakingistohelpothersinanother。Nowwhatwayareyoutohelpandserve，ortodoyourduty，inthatstationoflifeuntowhichithaspleasedGodtocallyou？DiditanswerGod’spurpose，andserveHim，whenthefoodwasunfitforachildtoeat，andunwholesomeforanyone？’Well！Iwouldnotgiveitup，Iwassopig-headedaboutmysoul;sosaysI，’Iwishfolkswouldbecontentwithlocustsandwildhoney，andleaveotherfolksinpeacetoworkouttheirsalvation;’ andIgroanedoutprettyloudtothinkofmissus’ssoul。Ioftenthinksinceshesmiledabitatme;butshesaid，’Well，Sally，to-morrow，youshallhavetimetoworkoutyoursalvation;butaswehavenolocustsinEngland，andIdon’tthinkthey’dagreewithMasterThurstanifwehad，Iwillcomeandmakethepudding;butIshalltryanddoitwell，notonlyforhimtolikeit，butbecauseeverythingmaybedoneinarightwayorawrong;therightwayistodoitaswellaswecan，asinGod’ssight; thewrongistodoitinaself-seekingspirit，whicheitherleadsustoneglectittofollowoutsomedeviceofourownforourownends，ortogiveuptoomuchtimeandthoughttoitbothbeforeandafterthedoing。’ Well！Ithoughtofoldmissus’swordsthismorning，whenIsawyoumakingthebeds。Yousighedso，youcouldnothalfshakethepillows;yourheartwasnotinyourwork;andyetitwasthedutyGodhadsetyou，Ireckon; Iknowit’snottheworkparsonspreachabout;thoughIdon’tthinktheygosofaroffthemarkwhentheyread，’whatsoeverthyhandfindethtodo，thatdowithallthymight。’JusttryforadaytothinkofalltheoddjobsastobedonewellandtrulyasinGod’ssight，notjustslurredoveranyhow，andyou’llgothroughthemtwiceascheerfully，andhavenothoughttospareforsighingorcrying。”，Sallybustledofftosetonthekettlefortea，andfelthalfashamed，inthequietofthekitchen，tothinkoftheorationshehadmadeintheparlour。Butshesawwithmuchsatisfaction，thathenceforwardRuthnursedherboywithavigourandcheerfulnessthatwerereflectedbackfromhim; andthehouseholdworkwasnolongerperformedwithalanguidindifference，asiflifeanddutyweredistasteful。MissBensonhadhershareinthisimprovement，thoughSallyplacidlytookallthecredittoherself。OnedayassheandRuthsattogether，MissBensonspokeofthechild，andthencewentontotalkaboutherownchildhood。By’degreestheyspokeofeducation，andthebook-learningthatformsonepartofit;andtheresultwasthatRuthdeterminedtogetupearlyallthroughthebrightsummermornings，toacquiretheknowledgehereaftertobegiventoherchild。Hermindwasuncultivated，herreadingscant;beyondthemeremechanicalartsofeducationsheknewnothing;butshehadarefinedtaste，andexcellentsenseandjudgmenttoseparatethetruefromthefalse。Withthesequalities，shesettoworkunderMr。Benson’sdirections。Shereadintheearlymorningthebooksthathemarkedout;shetrainedherselfwithstrictperseverancetodoallthoroughly;shedidnotattempttoacquireanyforeignlanguage，althoughherambitionwastolearnLatin，inordertoteachittoherboy。 Thosesummermorningswerehappy，forshewaslearningneithertolookbackwardsnorforwards，buttolivefaithfullyandearnestlyinthepresent。 Sherosewhilethehedge-sparrowwasyetsinginghisreveiltohismate;shedressedandopenedherwindow，shadingthesoft-blowingairandthesunnyeasternlightfromherbaby。Ifshegrewtired，shewentandlookedathim，andallherthoughtswereholyprayersforhim。Thenshewouldgazeawhileoutofthehighupperwindowontothemoorlands，thatswelledinwavesonebehindtheother，inthegrey，coolmorninglight。 Thesewereheroccasional。relaxations，andafterthemshereturnedwithstrengthtoherwork。 chapter17，CHAPTERXVII，LEONARD’SCHRISTENING，InthatbodyofDissenterstowhichMr。Bensonbelonged，itisnotconsiderednecessarytobaptizeinfantsasearlyastheceremonycanbeperformed; andmanycircumstancesconcurredtocausethesolemnthanksgivinganddedicationofthechild(forsotheseDissenterslookeduponchristenings)tobedeferreduntilitwasprobablysomewhereaboutsixmonthsold。Therehadbeenmanyconversationsinthelittlesitting-roombetweenthebrotherandsisterandtheirprotegee，whichhadconsistedofquestionsbetrayingathoughtfulwonderingkindofignoranceonthepartofRuth，andanswersmoresuggestivethanexplanatoryfromMr。Benson;whileMissBensonkeptupakindofrunningcommentary，alwayssimpleandoftenquaint，butwiththatintuitionintotheveryheartofallthingstrulyreligiouswhichisoftenthegiftofthosewhoseem，atfirstsight，tobeonlyaffectionateandsensible。WhenMr。Bensonhadexplainedhisownviewsofwhatachristeningoughttobeconsidered，and，bycallingoutRuth’slatentfeelingsintopiousearnestness，broughtherintoarightframeofmind，hefeltthathehaddonewhathecouldtomaketheceremonymorethanamereform，andtoinvestit，quiet，humble，andobscureasitmustnecessarilybeinoutwardshape——mournfulandanxiousasmanyofitsantecedentshadrenderedit——withtheseveregrandeurofanactdoneinfaithandtruth。Itwasnotfartocarrythelittleone，for，asIsaid，thechapelalmostadjoinedtheminister’shouse。ThewholeprocessionwastohaveconsistedofMr。andMissBenson，Ruthcarryingherbabe，andSally，whofeltherself，asaChurch-of-Englandwoman，tobecondescendingandkindinrequestingleavetoattendabaptismamong“themDissenters“butunlessshehadaskedpermission，shewouldnothavebeendesiredtoattend，socarefulwasthehabitofhermasterandmistressthatsheshouldbeallowedthatfreedomwhichtheyclaimedforthemselves。Buttheyweregladshewishedtogo; theylikedthefeelingthatallwereofonehousehold，andthattheinterestsofoneweretheinterestsofall。Itproducedaconsequence，however，whichtheydidnotanticipate。Sallywasfulloftheeventwhichherpresencewastosanction，and，asitwere，toredeemfromthecharacterofbeingutterlyschismatic;shespokeaboutitwithanairofpatronagetothreeorfour，andamongthemtosomeoftheservantsatMr。Bradshaw’s。MissBensonwasrathersurprisedtoreceiveacallfromJemimaBradshaw，ontheverymorningofthedayonwhichlittleLeonardwastobebaptized; MissBradshawwasrosyandbreathlesswitheagerness。Althoughthesecondinthefamily，shehadbeenatschoolwhenheryoungersistershadbeenchristened，andshewasnowcome，inthefullwarmthofagirl’sfancy，toaskifshemightbepresentattheafternoon’sservice。ShehadbeenstruckwithMrs。Denbigh’sgraceandbeautyattheveryfirstsight，whenshehadaccompaniedhermothertocallupontheBensonsontheirreturnfromWales;andhadkeptupanenthusiasticinterestinthewidowonlyalittleolderthanherself，whoseveryreserveandretirementbutaddedtoherunconsciouspowerofenchantment。”Oh，MissBenson！Ineversawachristening;papasaysImaygo，ifyouthinkMr。BensonandMrs。Denbighwouldnotdislikeit;andIwillbequitequiet，andsitupbehindthedoor，oranywhere;andthatsweetlittlebaby！ Ishouldsoliketoseehimchristened;ishetobecalledLeonard，didyousay？AfterMr。Denbigh，isit？”“No——notexactly，“saidMissBenson，ratherdiscomfited。”WasnotMr。Denbigh’snameLeonard，then？Mammathoughtitwouldbesuretobecalledafterhim，andsodidI。ButImaycometothechristening，mayInot，dearMissBenson？”MissBensongaveherconsentwithalittleinwardreluctance。BothherbrotherandRuthsharedinthisfeeling，althoughnooneexpressedit; anditwaspresentlyforgotten。Jemimastoodgraveandquietintheold-fashionedvestryadjoiningthechapel，astheyenteredwithstepssubduedtoslowness。ShethoughtRuthlookedsopaleandawedbecauseshewasleftasolitaryparent;butRuthcametothepresenceofGod，asonewhohadgoneastray，anddoubtedherownworthinesstobecalledHischild;shecameasamotherwhohadincurredaheavyresponsibility，andwhoentreatedHisalmightyaidtoenablehertodischargeit;fullofpassionate，yearninglovewhichcravedformorefaithinGod，tostillherdistrustandfearofthefuturethatmighthangoverherdarling。Whenshethoughtofherboy，shesickenedandtrembled： butwhensheheardofGod’sloving-kindness，farbeyondalltendermother’slove，shewashushedintopeaceandprayer。Thereshestood，herfairpalecheekrestingonherbaby’shead，asheslumberedonherbosom;hereyeswentslantingdownundertheirhalf-closedwhitelids;buttheirgazewasnotontheprimitivecottage-likeroom，itwasearnestlyfixedonadimmist，throughwhichshefainwouldhaveseenthelifethatlaybeforeherchild;butthemistwasstillanddense，toothickaveilforanxioushumanlovetopenetrate。ThefuturewashidwithGod。Mr。Bensonstoodrightunderthecasementwindowthatwasplacedhighupintheroom;hewasalmostinshade，exceptforoneortwomarkedlightswhichfellonhairalreadysilverywhite;hisvoicewasalwayslowandmusicalwhenhespoketofew;itwastooweaktospeaksoastobeheardbymanywithoutbecomingharshandstrange;butnowitfilledthelittleroomwithalovingsound，likethestock-dove’sbroodingmurmuroverheryoung。HeandRuthforgotallintheirearnestnessofthought;andwhenhesaid“Letuspray，“andthelittlecongregationkneltdownyoumighthaveheardthebaby’sfaintbreathing，scarcelysighingoutuponthestillness，soabsorbedwereallinthesolemnity。Buttheprayerwaslong;thoughtfollowedthought，andfearcrowdeduponfear，andallweretobelaidbarebeforeGod，andHisaidandcounselasked。Beforetheend，Sallyhadshuffledquietlyoutofthevestryintothegreenchapel-yard，uponwhichthedooropened。MissBensonwasalivetothismovement，andsofullofcuriosityastowhatitmightmeanthatshecouldnolongerattendtoherbrother，andfeltinclinedtorushoffandquestionSally，themomentallwasended。 MissBradshawhungaboutthebabeandRuth，andbeggedtobeallowedtocarrythechildhome，butRuthpressedhimtoher，asiftherewasnosafeharbourforhimbutinhismother’sbreast。Mr。Bensonsawherfeeling，andcaughtMissBradshaw’slookofdisappointment。”Comehomewithus，“saidhe，“andstaytotea。Youhaveneverdrunkteawithussinceyouwenttoschool。”，“IwishImight，“saidMissBradshaw，colouringwithpleasure。“ButImustaskpapa。MayIrunhomeandask？”“Tobesure，mydear！”Jemimaflewoff;andfortunatelyherfatherwasathome;forhermother’spermissionwouldhavebeendeemedinsufficient。Shereceivedmanydirectionsaboutherbehaviour。”Takenosugarinyourtea，Jemima。IamsuretheBensonsoughtnottobeabletoaffordsugar，withtheirmeans。Anddonoteatmuch;youcanhaveplentyathomeonyourreturn;rememberMrs。Denbigh’skeepmustcostthemagreatdeal。”，SoJemimareturnedconsiderablysobered，andverymuchafraidofherhungerleadinghertoforgetMr。Benson’spoverty。MeanwhileMissBensonandSally，acquaintedwithMr。Benson’sinvitationtoJemima，setaboutmakingsomecapitaltea-cakesonwhichtheypiquedthemselves。Theybothenjoyedtheofficesofhospitality;andweregladtoplacesomehome-madetemptingdaintybeforetheirguests。”Whatmadeyeleavethechapel-vestrybeforemybrotherhadended？”inquiredMissBenson。”Indeed，ma’am，Ithoughtmasterhadprayedsolonghe’dbedrouthy。SoIjustslippedouttoputonthekettlefortea。”，MissBensonwasonthepointofreprimandingherforthinkingofanythingbesidestheobjectoftheprayer，whensherememberedhowsheherselfhadbeenunabletoattendafterSally’sdepartureforwonderingwhathadbecomeofher;soshewassilent。ItwasadisappointmenttoMissBenson’skindandhospitableexpectationwhenJemima，ashungryasahound，confinedherselftoonepieceofthecakewhichherhostesshadhadsuchpleasureinmaking。AndJemimawishedshehadnotapropheticfeelingalltea-timeofthemannerinwhichherfatherwouldinquireintotheparticularsofthemeal，elevatinghiseyebrowsateveryviandnamedbeyondplainbread-and-butter，andwindingupwithsomesuchsentenceasthis：“Well，Imarvelhow，withBenson’ssalary，hecanaffordtokeepsuchatable。”Sallycouldhavetoldofself-denialwhennoonewasby，whenthelefthanddidnotknowwhattherighthanddid，onthepartofbothhermasterandmistress，practisedwithoutthinkingeventothemselvesthatitwaseitherasacrificeoravirtue，inordertoenablethemtohelpthosewhowereinneed，oreventogratifyMissBenson’skind，old-fashionedfeelingsonsuchoccasionsasthepresent，whenastrangercametothehouse。Herhomely，affectionatepleasureinmakingotherscomfortable，mighthaveshownthatsuchlittleoccasionalextravaganceswerenotwaste，butagoodwork;andwerenottobegaugedbythestandardofmoney-spending。ThiseveningherspiritsweredampedbyJemima’srefusaltoeat！PoorJemima！thecakesweresogood，andshewassohungry;butstillsherefused。WhileSallywasclearingawaythetea-things，MissBensonandJemimaaccompaniedRuthupstairs，whenshewenttoputlittleLeonardtobed。”Achristeningisaverysolemnservice，“saidMissBradshaw;“Ihadnoideaitwassosolemn。Mr。BensonseemedtospeakasifhehadaweightofcareonhisheartthatGodalonecouldrelieveorlighten。”，“Mybrotherfeelsthesethingsverymuch，“saidMissBenson，ratherwishingtocutshorttheconversation，forshehadbeenawareofseveralpartsintheprayerwhichsheknewweresuggestedbythepeculiarityandsadnessofthecasebeforehim。”Icouldnotquitefollowhimallthrough，“continuedJemima。“Whatdidhemeanbysaying，’Thischild，rebukedbytheworldandbiddentostandapart，Thouwiltnotrebuke，butwiltsufferittocometoTheeandbeblessedwithThinealmightyblessing’？Whyisthislittledarlingtoberebuked？IdonotthinkIremembertheexactwords，buthesaidsomethinglikethat。”，“Mydear！yourgownisdrippingwet！itmusthavedippedintothetub; letmewringitout。”，“Oh，thankyou！Nevermindmygown！”saidJemimahastily，andwantingtoreturntoherquestion;butjustthenshecaughtthesightoftearsfallingfastdownthecheeksofthesilentRuthasshebentoverherchild，crowingandsplashingawayinhistub。Withasuddenconsciousnessthatunwittinglyshehadtouchedonsomepainfulchord，Jemimarushedintoanothersubject，andwaseagerlysecondedbyMissBenson。Thecircumstanceseemedtodieaway，andleavenotrace;butinafteryearsitrose，vividandsignificant，beforeJemima’smemory。Atpresentitwasenoughforher，ifMrs。Denbighwouldletherserveherineverypossibleway。Heradmirationforbeautywaskeen，andlittleindulgedathome;andRuthwasverybeautifulinherquietmournfulness;hermeanandhomelydressleftherselfonlythemoreopentoadmiration，forshegaveitacharmbyherunconsciouswearingofitthatmadeitseemlikethedraperyofanoldGreekstatue——subordinatetothefigureitcovered，yetimbuedbyitwithanunspeakablegrace。Thenthepretendedcircumstancesofherlifeweresuchastocatchtheimaginationofayoungromanticgirl。Altogether，JemimacouldhavekissedherhandandprofessedherselfRuth’sslave。Shemovedawayallthearticlesusedatthislittlecoucher;shefoldedupLeonard’sday-clothes;shefeltonlytoomuchhonouredwhenRuthtrustedhimtoherforafewminutes——onlytooamplyrewardedwhenRuththankedherwithagrave，sweetsmile，andagratefullookofherlovingeyes。WhenJemimahadgoneawaywiththeservantwhowassenttofetchher，therewasalittlechorusofpraise。”She’sawarm-heartedgirl，“saidMissBenson。“Sheremembersalltheolddaysbeforeshewenttoschool。SheisworthtwoofMr。Richard。They’reeachofthemjustthesameastheywerewhentheywerechildren，whentheybrokethatwindowinthechapel，andheranawayhome，andshecameknockingatourdoorwithasingleknock，justlikeabeggar’s，andIwenttoseewhoitwas，andwasquitestartledtoseeherround，brownhonestfacelookingupatme，hall-frightened，andtellingmewhatshehaddone，andofferingmethemoneyinhersavingsbanktopayforit。WenevershouldhaveheardofMasterRichard’sshareinthebusinessifithadnotbeenforSally。”，“Butremember，“saidMr。Benson，“howstrictMr。Bradshawhasalwaysbeenwithhischildren。ItisnowonderifpoorRichardwasacowardinthosedays。”，“Heisnow，orI’mmuchmistaken，“answeredMissBenson。“AndMr。BradshawwasjustasstrictwithJemima，and。she’snocoward。ButI’venofaithinRichard。HehasalookabouthimthatIdon’tlike。AndwhenMr。BradshawwasawayonbusinessinHollandlastyear，forthosemonthsmyyounggentlemandidnotcomehallasregularlytochapel，andIalwaysbelievethatstoryofhisbeingseenoutwiththehoundsatSmithiles。”，“Thoseareneitherofthemgreatoffencesinayoungmanoftwenty，“saidMr。Benson，smiling。”No！Idon’tmindtheminthemselves;butwhenhecouldchangebacksoeasilytobeingregularandmimwhenhisfathercamehome，Idon’tlikethat。”，“Leonardshallneverbeafraidofme，“saidRuth，followingherowntrainofthought。“Iwillbehisfriendfromtheveryfirst;andIwilltryandlearnhowtobeawisefriend，andyouwillteachme;won’tyou，sir？”“WhatmadeyouwishtocallhimLeonard，Ruth？”askedMissBenson。”Itwasmymother’sfather’sname;andsheusedtotellmeabouthimandhisgoodness，andIthoughtifLeonardcouldbelikehim——““DoyourememberthediscussiontherewasaboutMissBradshaw’sname，Thurstan？ HerfatherwantinghertobecalledHephzibah，butinsistingthatshewastohaveaScripturenameatanyrate;andMrs。BradshawwantinghertobeJuliana，aftersomenovelshehadreadnotlongbefore;andatlastJemimawasfixedupon，becauseitwoulddoeitherforaScripturenameoranameforaheroineoutofabook。”，“IdidnotknowJemimawasaScripturename，“saidRuth。”Ohyes，itis。OneofJob’sdaughters;Jemima，Kezia，andKeren-Happuch。 ThereareagoodmanyJemimasintheworld，andsomeKezias，butIneverheardofaKeren-Happuch;andyetweknowjustasmuchofoneasofanother。 Peoplereallylikeaprettyname，whetherinScriptureoroutofit。”，“Whenthereisnoparticularassociationwiththename，“saidMr。Benson。”Now，IwascalledFaithafterthecardinalvirtue;andIlikemyname，thoughmanypeoplewouldthinkittooPuritan;thatwasaccordingtoourgentlemother’spiousdesire。AndThurstanwascalledbyhisnamebecausemyfatherwishedit;for，althoughhewaswhatpeoplecalledaradicalandademocratinhiswaysoftalkingandthinking，hewasveryproudinhisheartofbeingdescendedfromsomeoldSirThurstan，whofiguredawayintheFrenchwars。”，“Thedifferencebetweentheoryandpractice，thinkingandbeing，“putinMr。Benson，whowasinamoodforallowinghimselfalittlesocialenjoyment。 Heleanedbackinhischair，withhiseyeslookingat，butnotseeing，theceiling。MissBensonwasclickingawaywithhereternalknitting-needles，lookingatherbrother，andseeinghimtoo。Ruthwasarrangingherchild’sclothesagainstthemorrow。Itwasbuttheirusualwayofspendinganevening; thevarietywasgivenbythedifferenttonewhichtheconversationassumedonthedifferentnights。Yet，somehow，thepeacefulnessofthetime，thewindowopenintothelittlegarden，thescentsthatcamestealingin，andtheclearsummerheavenabove，madethetimeberememberedasahappyfestivalbyRuth。EvenSallyseemedmoreplacidthanusualwhenshecameintoprayers; andsheandMissBensonfollowedRuthtoherbedroom，tolookatthebeautifulsleepingLeonard。”Godblesshim！”saidMissBenson，stoopingdowntokisshislittledimpledhand，whichlayoutsidethecoverlet，tossedabroadintheheatoftheevening。”Now，don’tgetuptooearly，Ruth！Injuringyourhealthwillbeshort-sightedwisdomandpooreconomy。Goodnight！”“Goodnight，dearMissBenson。Goodnight，Sally。”WhenRuthhadshutherdoor，shewentagaintothebed，andlookedatherboytillhereyesfilledwithtears。”Godblessthee，darling！IonlyasktobeoneofHisinstruments，andnotthrownasideasuseless——orworsethanuseless。”，SoendedthedayofLeonard’schristening。Mr。Bensonhadsometimestaughtthechildrenofdifferentpeopleasanespecialfavour，whenrequestedbythem。Butthenhispupilswereonlychildren，andbytheirprogresshewaslittlepreparedforRuth’s。Shehadhadearlyteaching，ofthatkindwhichneedneverbeunlearnt，fromhermother;enoughtounfoldmanyofherpowers;theyhadremainedinactivenowforseveralyears，buthadgrownstronginthedarkandquiettime。 Hertutorwassurprisedattheboundsbywhichshesurmountedobstacles，thequickperceptionandreadyadaptationoftruthsandfirstprinciples，andherimmediatesenseofthefitnessofthings。Herdelightinwhatwasstrongandbeautifulcalledouthermaster’ssympathy;but，mostofall，headmiredthecompleteunconsciousnessofuncommonpower，orunusualprogress。 Itwaslessofawonderthanheconsideredittobe，itistrue，forsheneverthoughtofcomparingwhatshewasnowwithherformerself，muchlesswithanother。Indeed，shedidnotthinkofherselfatall，butofherboy，andwhatshemustlearninordertoteachhimtobeandtodoassuitedherhopeandherprayer。Ifanyone’sdevotioncouldhaveflatteredherintoself-consciousness，itwasJemima’s。Mr。Bradshawneverdreamedthathisdaughtercouldfeelherselfinferiortotheminister’sprotegee，butsoitwas;andnoknight-errantofoldcouldconsiderhimselfmorehonouredbyhisladye’scommandsthandidJemima，ifRuthallowedhertodoanythingforher，orforherboy。Ruthlovedherheartily，evenwhileshewasratherannoyedattheopenexpressionJemimausedofadmiration。”Please，Ireallywouldrathernotbetoldifpeopledothinkmepretty。”，“Butitwasnotmerelybeautiful;itwassweet-lookingandgood，Mrs。Postlethwaitecalledyou，“repliedJemima。”AllthemoreIwouldrathernothearit。Imaybepretty，butIknowI amnotgood。Besides，Idon’tthinkweoughttohearwhatissaidofusbehindourbacks。”，Ruthspokesogravely，thatJemimafearedlestshewasdispleased。”DearMrs。Denbigh，Ineverwilladmireorpraiseyouagain。Onlyletmeloveyou。”，“Andletmeloveyou！”saidRuth，withatenderkiss。JemimawouldnothavebeenallowedtocomesofrequentlyifMr。BradshawhadnotbeenpossessedwiththeideaofpatronisingRuth。Ifthelatterhadchosen，shemighthavegonedressedfromheadtofootinthepresentswhichhewishedtomakeher，butsherefusedthemconstantly;occasionallytoMissBenson’sgreatannoyance。Butifhecouldnotloadherwithgifts，hecouldshowhisapprobationbyaskinghertohishouse;andaftersomedeliberation，sheconsentedtoaccompanyMr。andMissBensonthere。Thehousewassquareandmassy-looking，withagreatdealofdrab-colouraboutthefurniture。Mrs。Bradshaw，inherlackadaisical，sweet-temperedway，secondedherhusbandinhisdesireofbeingkindtoRuth;andasshecherishedprivatelyagreattasteforwhatwasbeautifulorinteresting，asopposedtoherhusband’sloveofthepurelyuseful，thistasteofhershadrarelyhadsohealthyandtrueamodeofgratificationaswhenshewatchedRuth’smovementsabouttheroom，whichseemedinitsunobtrusivenessandpovertyofcolourtoreceivetherequisiteornamentoflightandsplendourfromRuth’spresence。Mrs。Bradshawsighed，andwishedshehadadaughteraslovely，aboutwhomtoweavearomance;forcastle-building，afterthemanneroftheMinervaPress，wastheoutletbywhichsheescapedfromthepressureofherprosaiclife，asMr。Bradshaw’swife。Herperceptionwasonlyofexternalbeauty，andshewasnotalwaysalivetothat，orshemighthaveseenhowawarm，affectionate，ardentnature，freefromallenvyorcarkingcareofself，gaveanunspeakablecharmtoherplain，bright-faceddaughterJemima，whosedarkeyeskeptchallengingadmirationforherfriend。ThefirsteveningspentatMr。Bradshaw’spassedlikemanysucceedingvisitsthere。Therewastea，theequipageforwhichwasashandsomeandasuglyasmoneycouldpurchase。Thentheladiesproducedtheirsewing，whileMr。 Bradshawstoodbeforethefire，andgavetheassembledpartythebenefitofhisopinionsonmanysubjects。Theopinionswereasgoodandexcellentastheopinionsofanymancanbewhoseesonesideofacaseverystrongly，andalmostignorestheother。TheycoincidedinmanypointswiththoseheldbyMr。Benson，butheonceortwiceinterposedwithapleaforthosewhomightdiffer;andthenhewasheardbyMr。Bradshawwithakindofevidentandindulgentpity，suchasonefeelsforachildwhounwittinglytalksnonsense。By-and-byMrs。BradshawandMissBensonfellintoonetete-a-tete，andRuthandJemimaintoanother。Twowell-behavedbutunnaturallyquietchildrenweresenttobedearlyintheevening，inanauthoritativevoice，bytheirfather，becauseoneofthemhadspokentooloudwhilehewasenlargingonanalterationinthetariff。Justbeforethesupper-traywasbroughtin，agentlemanwasannouncedwhomRuthhadneverpreviouslyseen，butwhoappearedwellknowntotherestoftheparty。ItwasMr。Farquhar，Mr。Bradshaw’spartner;hehadbeenontheContinentforthelastyear，andhadonlyrecentlyreturned。Heseemedperfectlyathome，butspokelittle。Heleanedbackinhischair，screweduphiseyes，andwatchedeverybody; yettherewasnothingunpleasantorimpertinentinhiskeennessofobservation。 RuthwonderedtohearhimcontradictMr。Bradshaw，andalmostexpectedsomerebuff;butMr。Bradshaw，ifhedidnotyieldthepoint，admitted，forthefirsttimethatevening，thatitwaspossiblesomethingmightbesaidontheotherside。Mr。FarquhardifferedalsofromMr。Benson，butitwasinamorerespectfulmannerthanMr。Bradshawhaddone。Forthesereasons，althoughMr。FarquharhadneverspokentoRuth，shecameawaywiththeimpressionthathewasamantoberespectedandperhapsliked。Sallywouldhavethoughtherselfmightilyaggrievedif，ontheirreturn，shehadnotheardsomeaccountoftheevening。AssoonasMissBensoncamein，theoldservantbegan——，“Well，andwhowasthere？andwhatdidtheygiveyouforsupper？”“OnlyMr。Farquharbesidesourselves：andsandwiches，sponge-cake，andwinetherewasnooccasionforanythingmore，“repliedMissBenson，whowastiredandpreparingtogoupstairs。”Mr。Farquhar！Why，theydosayhe’sthinkingofMissJemima！”“Nonsense，Sally！why，he’soldenoughtobeherfather！”saidMissBenson，halfwayupthefirstflight。”There’snoneedforittobecallednonsense，thoughhemaybetenyearolder，“mutteredSally，retreatingtowardsthekitchen。“Bradshaw’sBetsyknowswhatshe’sabout，andwouldn’thavesaiditfornothing。”，Ruthwonderedalittleaboutit。ShelovedJemimawellenoughtobeinterestedinwhatrelatedtoher;but，afterthinkingforafewminutes，shedecidedthatsuchamarriagewas，andwouldeverbe，veryunlikely。 chapter18，CHAPTERXVIII，RUTHBECOMESAGOVERNESSINMR。BRADSHAW’SFAMILY，Oneafternoon，notlongafterthis，Mr。andMissBensonsetofftocalluponafarmer，whoattendedthechapel，butlivedatsomedistancefromthetown。Theyintendedtostaytoteaiftheywereinvited，andRuthandSallywerelefttospendalongafternoontogether。Atfirst，Sallywasbusyinherkitchen，andRuthemployedherselfincarryingherbabyoutintothegarden。ItwasnownearlyayearsinceshecametotheBensons’; itseemedlikeyesterday，andyetasifalifetimehadgonebetween。Theflowerswerebuddingnow，thatwereallinbloomwhenshecamedown，onthefirstautumnalmorning，intothesunnyparlour。Theyellowjessaminethatwasthenatenderplant，hadnowtakenfirmrootinthesoil，andwassendingoutstrongshoots;thewall-flowers，whichMissBensonhadsownonthewalladayortwoafterherarrival，werescentingtheairwiththeirfragrantflowers。Ruthkneweveryplantnow;itseemedasthoughshehadalwayslivedhere，andalwaysknowntheinhabitantsofthehouse。 SheheardSallysingingheraccustomedsonginthekitchen，asongshenevervaried，overherafternoon’swork。Itbegan——，“AsIwasgoingtoDerby，sir，Uponamarket-day。”，And，ifmusicisanecessaryelementinasong，perhapsIhadbettercallitbysomeothername。ButthestrangechangewasinRuthherself。Shewasconsciousofit，thoughshecouldnotdefineit，anddidnotdwelluponit。Lifehadbecomesignificantandfullofdutytoher。Shedelightedintheexerciseofherintellectualpowers，andlikedtheideaoftheinfiniteamountofwhichshewasignorant; foritwasagrandpleasuretolearn，——tocrave，andbesatisfied。Shestrovetoforgetwhathadgonebeforethislasttwelvemonths。Sheshudderedupfromcontemplatingit;itwaslikeabad，unholydream。Andyet，therewasastrangeyearningkindofloveforthefatherofthechildwhomshepressedtoherheart，whichcame，andshecouldnotbiditbegoneassinful，itwassopureandnatural，evenwhenthinkingofitasinthesightofGod。LittleLeonardcooedtotheflowers，andstretchedaftertheirbrightcolours;andRuthlaidhimonthedryturf，andpeltedhimwiththegaypetals。Hechinkedandcrowedwithlaughingdelight，andclutchedathercap，andpulleditoff。Hershortrichcurlsweregolden-brownintheslantingsun-light，andbytheirveryshortnessmadehermorechildlike。Shehardlyseemedasifshecouldbethemotherofthenoblebabeoverwhomsheknelt，nowsnatchingkisses，nowmatchinghischeekwithrose-leaves。Allatonce，thebellsoftheoldchurchstruckthehour，andfaraway，highupintheair，beganslowlytoplaytheoldtuneof“Life，letuscherish;“theyhadplayeditforyears——forthelifeofman——anditalwayssoundedfresh，andstrange，andaerial。Ruthwasstillinamoment，sheknewnotwhy; andthetearscameintohereyesasshelistened。Whenitwasended，shekissedherbaby，andbadeGodblesshim。JustthenSallycameout，dressedfortheevening，withaleisurelylookabouther。Shehaddoneherwork，andsheandRuthweretodrinkteatogetherintheexquisitelycleankitchen;butwhilethekettlewasboiling，shecameouttoenjoytheflowers。Shegatheredapieceofsouthern-wood，andstuffedituphernose，bywayofsmellingit。”Whattenyoucallthisinyourcountry？”askedshe。”Old-man，“repliedRuth。”Wecallitherelad’s-love。Itandpeppermintdropsalwaysremindsmeofgoingtochurchinthecountry。Here！I’llgetyouablack-currantleaftoputintheteapot。Itgivesitaflavour。Wehadbeesonceagainstthiswall;butwhenmissusdied，weforgottotell’emandput’eminmourning，and，incourse，theyswarmedawaywithoutourknowing，andthenextwintercameahardfrost，andtheydied。Now，Idaresay，thewaterwillbeboiling; andit’stimeforlittlemastertheretocomein，forthedewisfalling。 See，allthedaisiesisshuttingthemselvesup。”，Sallywasmostgraciousasahostess。ShequiteputonhercompanymannerstoreceiveRuthinthekitchen。TheylaidLeonardtosleeponthesofaintheparlour，thattheymighthearhimthemoreeasily，andthentheysatquietlydowntotheirsewingbythebrightkitchenfire。Sallywas，asusual，thetalker;and，asusual，thesubjectwasthefamilyofwhomforsomanyyearsshehadformedapart。”Ay！thingswasdifferentwhenIwasagirl，“quothshe。“Eggswasthirtyforashilling，andbutteronlysixpenceapound。MywagewhenIcameherewasbutthreepound，andIdidonit，andwasalwayscleanandtidy，whichismorethanmanyalasscansaynowwhogetssevenandeightpoundayear; andteawaskeptforanafternoondrink，andpuddingwaseatenaforemeatinthemdays，andtheupshotwas，peoplepaidtheirdebtsbetter;ay，ay！ we’ngonebackwards，andwethinkenwe’ngoneforrards。”，Aftershakingherheadalittleoverthedegeneracyofthetimes，SallyreturnedtoapartofthesubjectonwhichshethoughtshehadgivenRuthawrongidea。”You’llnotgofortothinknowthatI’venotmorethanthreepoundayear。 I’veadealabovethatnow。Firstofall，oldmissusgavemefourpound，forshesaidIwereworthit，andIthoughtinmyheartthatIwere;soItookitwithoutmoreado;butafterherdeath，MasterThurstanandMissFaithtookafitofspending，andsaystheytome，onedayasIcarriedteain，’Sally，wethinkyourwagesoughttoberaised。’’Whatmatterwhatyouthink！’saidI，prettysharp，forIthoughtthey’dha’shownmorerespecttomissus，ifthey’dletthingsstandastheywereinhertime;andthey’dgoneandmovedthesofaawayfromthewalltowhereitstandsnow，alreadythatveryday。SoIspeaksupsharp，andsaysI，’AslongasI’mcontent，Ithinkit’snobusinessofyourstobemeddlingwi’meandmymoneymatters。’ ’But，’saysMissFaith(she’salwaystheonetospeakfirstifyou’llnotice，thoughit’smasterthatcomesinandclinchesthematterwithsomereasonshe’dneverha’thoughtof——hewerealwaysasensiblelad)，’Sally，alltheservantsinthetownhavesixpoundandbetter，andyouhaveashardaplaceasanyof’em。’’Didyoueverhearmegrumbleaboutmyworkthatyoutalkaboutitinthatway？waittillIgrumble，’saysI，’butdon’tmeddlewi’metillthen。’SoIflungoffinahuff;butinthecourseoftheevening，MasterThurstancameinandsatdowninthekitchen，andhe’ssuchwinningwayshewilesoneovertoanything;andbesides，anotionhadcomeintomyhead——nowyou’llnottell，“saidshe，glancingroundtheroom，andhitchingherchairnearertoRuthinaconfidentialmanner;Ruthpromised，andSallywenton——，“IthoughtIshouldliketobeanheiresswi’money，andleaveitalltoMasterandMissFaith;andIthoughtifI’dsixpoundayear，Icould，maybe，gettobeanheiress;allIwasfearedonwasthatsomechaporothermightmarrymeformymoney，butI’vemanagedtokeepthefellowsoff;soIlooksmimandgrateful，andIthanksMasterThurstanforhisoffer，andItakesthewages;andwhatdoyouthinkI’vedone？”askedSally，withanexultantair。”Whathaveyoudone？”askedRuth。”Why，“repliedSally，slowlyandemphatically，“I’vesavedthirtypound！ butthat’snotit。I’vegettenalawyertomakemeawill;that’sit，wench！” saidshe，slappingRuthontheback。”Howdidyoumanageit？”askedRuth。”Ay，thatwasit，“saidSally;“IthowtaboutitmanyanightbeforeI hitontherightway。IwasafearedthemoneymightbethrownintoChanceryifIdidn’tmakeitallsafe，andyetIcouldna’askMasterThurstan。 Atlast，andatlength，JohnJackson，thegrocer，hadanephewcometostayaweekwithhim，aswas’prenticetoalawyerinLiverpool;sonowwasmytime，andherewasmylawyer。Waitaminute！IcouldtellyoumystorybetterifIhadmywillinmyhand;andI’llscomfishyouifeveryougofortotell。”，Sheheldupherhand，andthreatenedRuthassheleftthekitchentofetchthewill。Whenshecameback，shebroughtaparceltiedup，inabluepocket-handkerchief; shesatdown，squaredherknees，untiedthehandkerchief，anddisplayedasmallpieceofparchment。”Now，doyouknowwhatthisis？”saidshe，holdingitup。“It’sparchment，andit’stherightstufftomakewillson。PeoplegetsintoChanceryiftheydon’tmakethemo’thisstuff，andIreckonTomJacksonthowthe’dhaveafreshjobonitifhecouldgetitintoChancery;fortherascalwentandwroteitonapieceofpaperatfirst，andcameandreaditmeoutaloudoffapieceofpapernobetterthanwhatonewriteslettersupon。 Iwereuptohim;and，thinksI，Come，come，mylad，I’mnotafool，thoughyoumaythinkso;Iknowapaperwillwon’tstand，butI’llletyourunyourrig。SoIsitsandIlistens。Andwouldyoubelieveme，hereaditoutasifitwereasclearabusinessasyourgivingmethatthimble——nomoreado，thoughitwerethirtypoundIcouldunderstanditmysel’——thatwerenolawforme。Iwantedsummattoconsiderabout，andforth’meaningtobewrappedupasIwrapupmybestgown。So，saysI，’Tom！it’snotonparchment。Imunhaveitonparchment。’’This’lldoaswell，’sayshe。’We’llgetitwitnessed，anditwillstandgood。’Well！Ilikedthenotionofhavingitwitnessed，andforawhilethatsoothedme;butafterabit，IfeltIshouldlikeitdoneaccordingtolaw，andnotplainoutasanybodymightha’doneit;Imysel’，ifIcouldhavewritten。SosaysI，’Tom！Imunhaveitonparchment。’’Parchmentcostsmoney，’sayshe，verygrave。’Oh，oh，mylad！areyethere？’thinksI。’That’sthereasonI’mclippedoflaw。SosaysI，’Tom！Imunhaveitonparchment。I’llpaythemoneyandwelcome。It’sthirtypound，andwhatIcanlaytoit。I’llmakeitsafe。Itshallbeonparchment，andI’lltelltheewhat，lad！I’llgieyesixpenceforeverygoodlaw-wordyouputinit，soundinglike，andnottobecaughtupasapersonruns。Yourmasterhadneedtobeashamedofyouasa’prentice，ifyoucan’tdoathingmoretradesman-likethanthis！’Well！helaughedaboveabit，butIwerefirm，andstoodtoit。 Sohemadeitoutonparchment。Now，woman，tryandreadit！”saidshe，givingittoRuth。Ruthsmiled，andbegantoread;Sallylisteningwithraptattention。WhenRuthcametotheword“testatrix，“Sallystoppedher。”Thatwasthefirstsixpence，“saidshe。“Ithowthewasgoingtofobmeoffagainwi’plainlanguage;butwhenthatwordcame，Ioutwi’mysixpence，andgaveittohimonthespot。Now，goon。”，PresentlyRuthread“accruing。”，“Thatwasthesecondsixpence。Foursixpencesitwereinall，besidessix-and-eightpenceaswebargainedatfirst，andthree-and-fourpenceparchment。There！that’swhatIcallawill;witnessed，accordingtolaw，andall。MasterThurstanwillbeprettilytakeninwhenIdie，andhefindsallhisextrawageleftbacktohim。Butitwillteachhimit’snotsoeasyashethinksfor，tomakeawomangiveupherway。ThetimewasnowdrawingnearwhenlittleLeonardmightbeweaned——thetimeappointedbyallthreeforRuthtoendeavourtosupportherselfinsomewaymoreorlessindependentofMr。andMissBenson。Thisprospectdweltmuchinalloftheirminds，andwasineachshadedwithsomedegreeofperplexity;buttheynoneofthemspokeofit，forfearofacceleratingtheevent。Iftheyhadfeltclearanddeterminedastothebestcoursetobepursued，theywerenoneofthemdeficientincouragetocommenceuponthatcourseatonce。MissBensonwould，perhaps，haveobjectedthemosttoanyalterationintheirpresentdailymodeoflife;butthatwasbecauseshehadthehabitofspeakingoutherthoughtsastheyarose，andsheparticularlydislikedanddreadedchange。Besidesthis，shehadfeltherheartopenout，andwarmtowardsthelittlehelplesschild，inastrongandpowerfulmanner。Naturehadintendedherwarminstinctstofindventinamother’sduties;herhearthadyearnedafterchildren，andmadeherrestlessinherchildlessstate，withoutherwellknowingwhy;butnow，thedelightsheexperiencedintending，nursing，andcontrivingforthelittleboy，——evencontrivingtothepointofsacrificingmanyofhercherishedwhims，——madeherhappy，andsatisfied，andpeaceful。Itwasmoredifficulttosacrificeherwhimsthanhercomforts;butallhadbeengivenupwhenandwhererequiredbythesweetlordlybaby，whoreignedparamountinhisveryhelplessness。Fromsomecauseorother，anexchangeofministersforoneSundaywastobeeffectedwithaneighbouringcongregation，andMr。Bensonwentonashortabsencefromhome。WhenhereturnedonMonday，hewasmetatthehouse-doorbyhissister，whohadevidentlybeenlookingoutforhimforsometime。Shesteppedouttogreethim。”Don’thurryyourself，Thurstan！all’swell;onlyIwantedtotellyousomething。Don’tfidgetyourself——babyisquitewell，blesshim！It’sonlygoodnews。Comeintoyourroom，andletmetalkalittlequietlywithyou。”，Shedrewhimintohisstudy，whichwasneartheouterdoor，andthenshetookoffhiscoat，andputhiscarpet-baginacorner，andwheeledachairtothefire，beforeshewouldbegin。”Well，now！tothinkhowoftenthingsfalloutjustaswewantthem，Thurstan！ HavenotyouoftenwonderedwhatwastobedonewithRuthwhenthetimecameatwhichwepromisedhersheshouldearnherliving？Iamsureyouhave，becauseIhavesooftenthoughtaboutitmyself。AndyetIneverdaredtospeakoutmyfearbecausethatseemedgivingitashape。AndnowMr。Bradshawhasputalltorights。HeinvitedMr。Jacksontodinneryesterday，justasweweregoingintochapel;andthenheturnedtomeandaskedmeifIwouldcometotea——straightfromafternoonchapel，becauseMrs。Bradshawwantedtospeaktome。HemadeitveryclearIwasnottobringRuth;and，indeed，shewasonlytoohappytostayathomewithbaby。AndsoIwent; andMrs。Bradshawtookmeintoherbedroom，andshutthedoors，andsaidMr。Bradshawhadtoldher，thathedidnotlikeJemimabeingsomuchconfinedwiththeyoungeroneswhiletheywereattheirlessons，andthathewantedsomeoneaboveanurse-maidtositwiththemwhiletheirmasterswerethere——someonewhowouldseeabouttheirlearningtheirlessons，andwhowouldwalkoutwiththem;asortofnurserygoverness，Ithinkshemeant，thoughshedidnotsayso;andMr。Bradshaw(for，ofcourse，Isawhisthoughtsandwordsconstantlypeepingout，thoughhehadtoldhertospeaktome)believedthatourRuthwouldbetheveryperson。Now，Thurstan，don’tlooksosurprised，asifshehadnevercomeintoyourhead！IamsureIsawwhatMrs。Bradshawwasdrivingat，longbeforeshecametothepoint;andIcouldscarcelykeepfromsmiling，andsaying，’We’djumpattheproposal’——longbeforeIoughttohaveknownanythingaboutit。”，“Oh，Iwonderwhatweoughttodo！”saidMr。Benson。“Or，rather，IbelieveIseewhatweoughttodo，ifIdurstbutdoit。”，“Why，whatoughtwetodo？”askedhissister，insurprise。”IoughttogoandtellMr。Bradshawthewholestory——““AndgetRuthturnedoutofourhouse，“saidMissBensonindignantly。”Theycan’tmakeusdothat，“saidherbrother。“Idonotthinktheywouldtry。”，“Yes，Mr。Bradshawwouldtry;andhewouldblazonoutpoorRuth’ssin，andtherewouldnotbeachanceforherleft。Iknowhimwell，Thurstan; andwhyshouldhebetoldnow，morethanayearago？”“Ayearagohedidnotwanttoputherinasituationoftrustabouthischildren。”，“Andyouthinkshe’llabusethattrust，doyou？You’velivedatwelvemonthinthehousewithRuth，andtheendofitis，youthinkshewilldohischildrenharm！Besides，whoencouragedJemimatocometothehousesomuchtoseeRuth？Didyounotsayitwoulddothembothgoodtoseesomethingofeachother？”Mr。Bensonsatthinking。”IfyouhadnotknownRuthaswellasyoudo——if，duringherstaywithus，youhadmarkedanythingwrong，orforward，ordeceitful，orimmodest，Iwouldsayatonce，Don’tallowMr。Bradshawtotakeherintohishouse; butstillIwouldsay，Don’ttellofhersinandsorrowtososevereaman——sounpitifulajudge。ButhereIaskyou，Thurstan，canyouorI，orSally(quick-eyedassheis)，say，thatinanyonethingwehavehadtrue，justoccasiontofindfaultwithRuth？Idon’tmeanthatsheisperfect——sheactswithoutthinking，hertemperissometimeswarmandhasty;buthaveweanyrighttogoandinjureherprospectsforlife，bytellingMr。Bradshawallweknowofhererrors——onlysixteenwhenshedidsowrong，andnevertoescapefromitallhermanyyearstocome——tohavethedespairwhichwouldarisefromitsbeingknown，clutchingherbackintoworsesin？Whatharmdoyouthinkshecando？WhatistherisktowhichyouthinkyouareexposingMr。Bradshaw’schildren？”Shepaused，outofbreath，hereyesglitteringwithtearsofindignation，andimpatientforananswerthatshemightknockittopieces。”Idonotseeanydangerthatcanarise，“saidheatlength，andwithslowdifficulty，asifnotfullyconvinced。“IhavewatchedRuth，andIbelievesheispureandtruthful;andtheverysorrowandpenitenceshehasfelt——theverysufferingshehasgonethrough——hasgivenherathoughtfulconscientiousnessbeyondherage。”，“Thatandthecareofherbaby，“saidMissBenson，secretlydelightedatthetoneofherbrother’sthoughts。”Ah，Faith！thatbabyyousomuchdreadedonce，isturningoutablessing，yousee，“saidThurstan，withafaint，quietsmile。”Yes！anyonemightbethankful，andbettertoo，forLeonard;buthowcouldItellthatitwouldbelikehim？”“ButtoreturntoRuthandMr。Bradshaw。Whatdidyousay？”“Oh！withmyfeelings，ofcourse，Iwasonlytoogladtoaccepttheproposal，andsoItoldMrs。Bradshaw，then;andIafterwardsrepeatedittoMr。 Bradshaw，whenheaskedmeifhiswifehadmentionedtheirplans。TheywouldunderstandthatImustconsultyouandRuth，beforeitcouldbeconsideredasfinallysettled。”，“Andhaveyounamedittoher？”“Yes，“answeredMissBenson，halfafraidlestheshouldthinkshehadbeentooprecipitate。”Andwhatdidshesay？”askedhe，afteralittlepauseofgravesilence。”Atfirstsheseemedveryglad，andfellintomymoodofplanninghowitshouldallbemanaged;howSallyandIshouldtakecareofthebabythehoursthatshewasawayatMr。Bradshaw’s;butby-and-byshebecamesilentandthoughtful，andkneltdownbymeandhidherfaceinmylap，andshookalittleasifshewascrying;andthenIheardherspeakinaverylowsmotheredvoice，forherheadwasstillbentdown——quitehangingdown，indeed，sothatIcouldnotseeherface，soIstoopedtolisten，andI heardhersay，’DoyouthinkIshouldbegoodenoughtoteachlittlegirls，MissBenson？’ShesaiditsohumblyandfearfullythatallIthoughtofwashowtocheerher，andIansweredandaskedherifshedidnothopetobegoodenoughtobringupherowndarlingtobeabraveChristianman？ Andsheliftedupherhead，andIsawhereyeslookingwildandwetandearnest，andshesaid，’WithGod’shelp，thatwillItrytomakemychild。’ AndIsaidthen，’Ruth，asyoustriveandasyouprayforyourownchild，soyoumuststriveandpraytomakeMaryandElizabethgood，ifyouaretrustedwiththem。’Andshesaidoutquiteclear，thoughherfacewashiddenfrommeoncemore，’IwillstriveandIwillpray。’Youwouldnothavehadanyfears，Thurstan，ifyoucouldhaveheardandseenherlastnight。”，“Ihavenofear，“saidhedecidedly。“Lettheplangoon。”Afteraminute，headded，“ButIamgladitwassofararrangedbeforeIheardofit。Myindecisionaboutrightandwrong——myperplexityastohowfarwearetocalculateconsequences——growsuponme，Ifear。”，“Youlooktiredandweary，dear。Youshouldblameyourbodyratherthanyourconscienceatthesetimes。”，“Averydangerousdoctrine。”，ThescrollofFatewasclosed，andtheycouldnotforeseetheFuture;andyet，iftheycouldhaveseenit，thoughtheymighthaveshrunkfearfullyatfirst，theywouldhavesmiledandthankedGodwhenallwasdoneandsaid。 chapter19，CHAPTERXIX，AFTERFIVEYEARS，Thequietdaysgrewintoweeksandmonths，andevenyears，withoutanyeventtostartlethelittlecircleintotheconsciousnessofthelapseoftime。OnewhohadknownthematthedateofRuth’sbecomingagovernessinMr。Bradshaw’sfamily，andhadbeenabsentuntilthetimeofwhichI amnowgoingtotellyou，wouldhavenotedsomechangeswhichhadimperceptiblycomeoverall;buthe，too，wouldhavethought，thatthelifewhichhadbroughtsolittleofturmoilandvicissitudemusthavebeencalmandtranquil，andinaccordancewiththebygoneactivityofthetowninwhichtheirexistencepassedaway。Thealterationsthathewouldhaveperceivedwerethosecausedbythenaturalprogressoftime。TheBensonhomewasbrightenedintovividnessbythepresenceofthelittleLeonard，nowanobleboyofsix，largeandgrandinlimbandstature，andwithafaceofmarkedbeautyandintelligence。 Indeed，hemighthavebeenconsideredbymanyastoointelligentforhisyears;andoftenthelivingwitholdandthoughtfulpeoplegavehim，beyondmostchildren，theappearanceofponderingoverthemysterieswhichmeettheyoungonthethresholdoflife，butwhichfadeawayasadvancingyearsbringusmoreintocontactwiththepracticalandtangible——fadeawayandvanish，untilitseemstorequiretheagitationofsomegreatstormofthesoulbeforewecanagainrealisespiritualthings。But，attimes，Leonardseemedoppressedandbewildered，afterlisteningintent，withgraveandwonderingeyes，totheconversationaroundhim; atothers，thebrightanimallifeshoneforthradiant，andnothreemonths’ kitten——nofoal，suddenlytossingupitsheelsbythesideofitssedatedam，andcareeringaroundthepastureinpuremadenjoyment——noyoungcreatureofanykind，couldshowmoremerrimentandgladnessofheart。”Foreverinmischief，“wasSally’saccountofhimatsuchtimes;butitwasnotintentionalmischief;andSallyherselfwouldhavebeenthefirsttoscoldanyoneelsewhohadusedthesamewordsinreferencetoherdarling。 Indeed，shewasoncenearlygivingwarning，becauseshethoughttheboywasbeingill-used。Theoccasionwasthis：Leonardhadforsometimeshownastrange，odddisregardoftruth;heinventedstories，andtoldthemwithsograveaface，thatunlesstherewassomeinternalevidenceoftheirincorrectness(suchasdescribingacowwithabonneton)hewasgenerallybelieved，andhisstatements，whichweregivenwiththefullappearanceofrelatingarealoccurrence，hadonceortwiceledtoawkwardresults。 Allthethree，whoseheartswerepainedbythisapparentunconsciousnessofthedifferencebetweentruthandfalsehood，wereunaccustomedtochildren，ortheywouldhaverecognisedthisasastagethroughwhichmostinfants，whowouldhavelivelyimaginations，pass;and，accordingly，therewasaconsultationinMr。Benson’sstudyonemorning。Ruthwasthere，quiet，verypale，andwithcompressedlips，sickatheartassheheardMissBenson’sargumentsforthenecessityofwhipping，inordertocureLeonardofhisstory-telling。Mr。Bensonlookedunhappyanduncomfortable。Educationwasbutaseriesofexperimentstothemall，andtheyallhadasecretdreadofspoilingthenobleboy，whowasthedarlingoftheirhearts。And，perhaps，thisveryintensityoflovebegotanimpatient，unnecessaryanxiety，andmadethemresolveonsternermeasuresthantheparentofalargefamily(wherelovewasmorespreadabroad)wouldhavedaredtouse。Atanyrate，thevoteforwhippingcarriedtheday;andevenRuth，tremblingandcold，agreedthatitmustbedone;onlysheasked，inameek，sadvoice，ifsheneedbepresent(Mr。Bensonwastobetheexecutioner——thescene，thestudy)，and，beinginstantlytoldthatshehadbetternot，shewentslowlyandlanguidlyuptoherroom，andkneelingdown，sheclosedherears，andprayed。MissBenson，havingcarriedherpoint，wasverysorryforthechild，andwouldhavebeggedhimoff;butMr。Bensonhadlistenedmoretoherargumentsthannowtoherpleadings，and，onlyanswered，“Ifitisright，itshallbedone！”Hewentintothegarden，anddeliberately，almostasifhewishedtogaintime，choseandcutoffalittleswitchfromthelaburnum-tree。 Thenhereturnedthroughthekitchen，andgravelytakingtheawedandwonderinglittlefellowbythehand，heledhimsilentlyintothestudy，andplacinghimbeforehim，begananadmonitionontheimportanceoftruthfulness，meaningtoconcludewithwhathebelievedtobethemoralofallpunishment： “Asyoucannotrememberthisofyourself，Imustgiveyoualittlepaintomakeyourememberit。Iamsorryitisnecessary，andthatyoucannotrecollectwithoutmydoingso。”，Butbeforehehadreachedthisveryproperanddesirableconclusion，andwhilehewasyetworkinghisway，hisheartachingwiththeterrifiedlookofthechildatthesolemnlysadfaceandwordsofupbraiding，Sallyburstin——，“AndwhatmayyebegoingtodowiththatfineswitchIsawyegathering，MasterThurstan？”askedshe，hereyesgleamingwithangerattheanswersheknewmustcome，ifanswershehadatall。”Goaway，Sally，“saidMr。Benson，annoyedatthefreshdifficultyinhispath。”I’llnotstirneverasteptillyougivemethatswitch，asyou’vegotforsomemischief，I’llbebound。”，“Sally！rememberwhereitissaid，’Hethatspareththerod，spoileththechild，’“saidMr。Bensonausterely。”Ay，Iremember;andIrememberabitmorethanyouwantmetoremember，Ireckon。ItwereKingSolomonasspokethemwords，anditwereKingSolomon’ssonthatwereKingRehoboam，andnogreatshakeseither。Icanrememberwhatissaidonhim，2Chronicles，xii。chapter，14thv。：’Andhe’——that’sKingRehoboam，theladthattastedtherod——’didevil，becausehepreparednothishearttoseektheLord。’I’venotbeenreadingmychapterseverynightforfiftyyeartobecaughtnappingbyaDissenter，neither！”saidshetriumphantly。“Comealong，Leonard。”Shestretchedoutherhandtothechild，thinkingthatshehadconquered。ButLeonarddidnotstir。HelookedwistfullyatMr。Benson。“Come！”saidsheimpatiently。Theboy’smouthquivered。”Ifyouwanttowhipme，uncle，youmaydoit。Idon’tmuchmind。”，Putinthisform，itwasimpossibletocarryouthisintentions;andsoMr。Bensontoldtheladhemightgo——thathewouldspeaktohimanothertime。Leonardwentaway，moresubduedinspiritthanifhehadbeenwhipped。 Sallylingeredamoment。Shestoppedtoadd：“Ithinkit’sforthemwithoutsintothrowstonesatapoorchild，andcutupgoodlaburnum-branchestowhiphim。Ionlydoasmybettersdo，whenIcallLeonard’smotherMrs。 Denbigh。”Themomentshehadsaidthisshewassorry;itwasanungenerousadvantageaftertheenemyhadacknowledgedhimselfdefeated。Mr。Bensondroppedhisheaduponhishandsandbidhisface，andsigheddeeply。Leonardflewinsearchofhismother，asinsearchofarefuge。Ifhehadfoundhercalm，hewouldhaveburstintoapassionofcryingafterhisagitation;asitwas，hecameuponherkneelingandsobbing，andhestoodquitestill。Thenhethrewhisarmsroundherneck，andsaid，“Mamma！mamma！ Iwillbegood——Imakeapromise;Iwillspeaktrue——Imakeapromise。” Andhekepthisword。MissBensonpiquedherselfuponbeinglesscarriedawaybyherloveforthischildthananyoneelseinthehouse;shetalkedseverely，andhadcapitaltheories;butherseverityendedintalk，andhertheorieswouldnotwork。However，shereadseveralbooksoneducation，knittingsocksforLeonardallthewhile;and，uponthewhole，Ithink，thehandsweremoreusefullyemployedthanthehead，andthegoodhonestheartbetterthaneither。Shelookedolderthanwhenwefirstknewher，butitwasaripe，kindlyagethatwascomingoverher。Herexcellentpracticalsense，perhaps，madeheramoremasculinecharacterthanherbrother。Hewasoftensomuchperplexedbytheproblemsoflife，thatheletthetimeforactiongoby;butshekepthimincheckbyherclear，pithytalk，whichbroughtbackhiswanderingthoughtstothedutythatlaystraightbeforehim，waitingforaction;andthenherememberedthatitwasthefaithfulpartto“waitpatientlyuponGod，“andleavetheendsinHishands，whoaloneknowswhyEvilexistsinthisworld，andwhyiteverhoversoneithersideofGood。 Inthisrespect，MissBensonhadmorefaiththanherbrother——orsoitseemed;forquick，resoluteactioninthenextstepofLifewasallsherequired，whilehedeliberatedandtrembled，andoftendidwrongfromhisverydeliberation，whenhisfirstinstinctwouldhaveledhimright。But，althoughdecidedandpromptasever，MissBensonwasgrownoldersincethesummerafternoonwhenshedismountedfromthecoachatthefootofthelongWelshhillthatledtoLlan-dhu，whereherbrotherawaitedhertoconsultheraboutRuth。Thoughhereyewasasbrightandstraight-lookingasever，quickandbraveinitsglances，herhairhadbecomealmostsnowywhite;anditwasonthispointsheconsultedSally，soonafterthedateofLeonard’slastuntruth。ThetwowerearrangingMissBenson’sroomonemorning，when，afterdustingthelooking-glass，shesuddenlystoppedinheroperation，andafteracloseinspectionofherself，startledSallybythisspeech——，“Sally！I’mlookingagreatdealolderthanIusedtodo！”Sally，whowasbusydilatingontheincreasedpriceofflour，consideredthisremarkofMissBenson’sasstrangelyirrelevanttothematterinhand，andonlynoticeditbya——，“Tobesure！Isupposeweallonusdo。Buttwo-and-fourpenceadozenistoomuchtomakeuspayforit。”，MissBensonwentonwithherinspectionofherself，andSallywithhereconomicalprojects。”Sally！”saidMissBenson，“myhairisnearlywhite。ThelasttimeIlookeditwasonlypepper-and-salt。WhatmustIdo？”“Do——why，whatwouldthewenchdo？”askedSallycontemptuously。“Ye’renevergoingtobetakenin，atyourtimeoflife，byhair-dyesandsuchgimcracks，ascanonlytakeinyounggirlswhosewisdom-teetharenotcut。”，“Andwhoarenotverylikelytowantthem，“saidMissBensonquietly。“No！ butyousee，Sally，it’sveryawkwardhavingsuchgreyhair，andfeelingsoyoung。Doyouknow，Sally，I’veasgreatamindfordancing，whenI hearalivelytuneonthestreet-organs，asever;andasgreatamindtosingwhenI’mhappy——tosinginmyoldway，Sally，youknow。”，“Ay，youhaditfromagirl，“saidSally;“andmanyatime，whenthedoor’sbeenshut，Ididnotknowifitwasyouintheparlour，orabigbumble-beeinthekitchen，aswasmakingthatdrumblingnoise。Iheardyouatityesterday。”，“Butanoldwomanwithgreyhairoughtnottohaveafancyfordancingorsinging，“continuedMissBenson。”Whattennonsenseareyetalking？”saidSally，rousedtoindignation。“Callingyoursel’anoldwomanwhenyou’rebetterthantenyearsyoungerthanme; andmanyagirlhasgreyhairatfive-and-twenty。”，“ButI’mmorethanfive-and-twenty，Sally——I’mfifty-sevennextMay！”“Moreshameforye，then，nottoknowbetterthantotalkofdyeingyourhair。Icannotabidesuchvanities！”“Ohdear！Sally，whenwillyouunderstandwhatImean？IwanttoknowhowI’mtokeeprememberinghowoldIam，soastopreventmyselffromfeelingsoyoung？Iwasquitestartledjustnowtoseemyhairintheglass，forIcangenerallytellifmycapisstraightbyfeeling。I’lltellyouwhatI’lldo——I’llcutoffapieceofmygreyhair，andplaitittogetherforamarkerinmyBible！”MissBensonexpectedapplauseforthisbrightidea，butSallyonlymadeanswer——，“You’llbetakingtopaintingyourcheeksnext，nowyou’veoncethoughtofdyeingyourhair。”SoMissBensonplaitedhergreyhairinsilenceandquietness，Leonardholdingoneendofitwhileshewoveit，andadmiringthecolourandtextureallthetime，withasortofimplieddissatisfactionattheauburncolourofhisowncurls，whichwasonlyhalf-comfortedawaybyMissBenson’sinformation，that，ifhelivedlongenough，hishairwouldbelikehers。Mr。Benson，whohadlookedoldandfrailwhilehewasyetbutyoung，wasnowstationaryastothedateofhisappearance。Buttherewassomethingmoreofnervousrestlessnessinhisvoiceandwaysthanformerly;thatwastheonlychangefiveyearshadbroughttohim。AndasforSally，shechosetoforgetageandthepassageofyearsaltogether，andhadasmuchworkinher，touseherownexpression，asshehadatsixteen;norwasherappearanceveryexplicitastotheflightoftime。Fifty，sixty，orseventy，shemightbe——notmorethanthelast，notlessthanthefirst——thoughherusualanswertoanycircuitousinquiryastoheragewasnow(whatithadbeenformanyyearspast)，“I’mfearedIshallneverseethirtyagain。”，Thenastothehouse。Itwasnotonewherethesitting-roomsarerefurnishedeverytwoorthreeyears;notnow，even(sinceRuthcametosharetheirliving)aplacewhere，asanarticlegrewshabbyorworn，anewonewaspurchased。Thefurniturelookedpoor，andthecarpetsalmostthreadbare; buttherewassuchadaintyspiritofcleanlinessabroad，suchexquisiteneatnessofrepair，andaltogethersobrightandcheerfulalookabouttherooms——everythingsoabove-board——noshiftstoconcealpovertyunderflimsyornament——thatmanyasplendiddrawing-roomwouldgivelesspleasuretothosewhocouldseeevidencesofcharacterininanimatethings。Butwhateverpovertytheremightbeinthehouse，therewasfullluxurianceinthelittlesquarewall-encircledgarden，ontwosidesofwhichtheparlourandkitchenlooked。Thelaburnum-tree，whichwhenRuthcamewaslikeatwigstuckintotheground，wasnowagoldengloryinspring，andapleasantshadeinsummer。Thewildhop，thatMr。Bensonhadbroughthomefromoneofhiscountryrambles，andplantedbytheparlour-window，whileLeonardwasyetababyinhismother’sarms，wasnowagarlandoverthecasement，hangingdownlongtendrils，thatwavedinthebreezes，andthrewpleasantshadowsandtraceries，likesomeoldBacchanaliancarving，ontheparlour-walls，at“mornorduskyeve。”TheyellowrosehadclambereduptothewindowofMr。Benson’sbedroom，anditsblossom-ladenbranchesweresupportedbyajargonellepear-treerichinautumnalfruit。But，perhaps，inRuthherselftherewasthegreatestexternalchange;forofthechangewhichhadgoneoninherheart，andmind，andsoul，oriftherehadbeenany，neithershenoranyonearoundherwasconscious;butsometimesMissBensondidsaytoSally，“HowveryhandsomeRuthisgrown！” TowhichSallymadeungraciousanswer，“Yes，she’swellenough。Beautyisdeceitful，andfavourasnare，andI’mthankfultheLordhassparedmefromsuchman-trapsandspring-guns。”ButevenSallycouldnothelpsecretlyadmiringRuth。Ifherearlybrilliancyofcolouringwasgone，aclearivoryskin，assmoothassatin，toldofcompleteandperfecthealth，andwasaslovely，ifnotsostrikingineffect，asthebanishedliliesandroses。Herhairhadgrowndarkeranddeeper，intheshadowthatlingeredinitsmasses;hereyes，evenifyoucouldhaveguessedthattheyhadshedbittertearsintheirday，hadathoughtful，spirituallookaboutthem，thatmadeyouwonderattheirdepth，andlook——andlookagain。Theincreaseofdignityinherfacehadbeenimpartedtoherform。Idonotknowifshehadgrowntallersincethebirthofherchild，butshelookedasifshehad。Andalthoughshehadlivedinaveryhumblehome，yettherewassomethingabouteitheritorher，orthepeopleamongstwhomshehadbeenthrownduringthelastfewyears，whichhadsochangedher，thatwhereas，sixorsevenyearsago，youwouldhaveperceivedthatshewasnotaltogetheraladybybirthandeducation，yetnowshemighthavebeenplacedamongthehighestintheland，andwouldhavebeentakenbythemostcriticaljudgefortheirequal，althoughignorantoftheirconventionaletiquette——anignorancewhichshewouldhaveacknowledgedinasimple，child-likeway，beingunconsciousofanyfalseshame。Herwholeheartwasinherboy。Sheoftenfearedthatshelovedhimtoomuch——morethanGodHimself——yetshecouldnotbeartopraytohaveherloveforherchildlessened。Butshewouldkneeldownbyhislittlebedatnight——atthedeep，stillmidnight——withthestarsthatkeptwatchoverRizpahshiningdownuponher，andtellGodwhatIhavenowtoldyou，thatshefearedshelovedherchildtoomuch，yetcouldnot，wouldnot，lovehimless;andspeaktoHimofheronetreasureasshecouldspeaktonoearthlyfriend。Andso，unconsciously，herloveforherchildledheruptolovetoGod，totheAll-knowing，whoreadherheart。Itmightbesuperstition——Idaresayitwas——but，some-how，sheneverlaydowntorestwithoutsaying，asshelookedherlastonherboy，“Thywill，notmine，bedone“;andevenwhileshetrembledandshrankwithinfinitedreadfromsoundingthedepthsofwhatthatwillmightbe，shefeltasifhertreasureweremoresecuretowakenuprosyandbrightinthemorning，asoneoverwhoseslumbersGod’sholyangelshadwatched，fortheverywordswhichshehadturnedawayinsickterrorfromrealisingthenightbefore。HerdailyabsenceatherdutiestotheBradshawchildrenonlyministeredtoherloveforLeonard。Everythingdoesministertolovewhenitsfoundationliesdeepinatrueheart，anditwaswithanexquisitepangofdelightthat，afteramomentofvaguefear，(“Oh，mercy！tomyselfIsaid，IfLucyshouldbedead！”)，shesawherchild’sbrightfaceofwelcomeashethrewopenthedooreveryafternoononherreturnhome。Foritwashissilently-appointedworktolistenforherknock，andrushbreathlesstoletherin。Ifhewereinthegarden，orupstairsamongthetreasuresofthelumber-room，eitherMissBenson，orherbrother，orSallywouldfetchhimtohishappylittletask;noonesosacredashetotheallottedduty。Andthejoyousmeetingwasnotdeadenedbycustom，toeithermotherorchild。RuthgavetheBradshawsthehighestsatisfaction，asMr。BradshawoftensaidbothtoherandtotheBensons;indeed，sheratherwincedunderhispompousapprobation。Buthisfavouriterecreationwaspatronising;andwhenRuthsawhowquietlyandmeeklyMr。Bensonsubmittedtogiftsandpraise，whenanhonestwordofaffection，oratacit，impliedacknowledgmentofequality，wouldhavebeenwortheverythingsaidanddone，shetriedtobemoremeekinspirit，andtorecognisethegoodthatundoubtedlyexistedinMr。Bradshaw。Hewasricherandmoreprosperousthanever;——akeen，far-seeingmanofbusiness，withanundisguisedcontemptforallwhofailedinthesuccesswhichhehadachieved。Butitwasnotalonethosewhowerelessfortunateinobtainingwealththanhimselfthathevisitedwithseverityofjudgment;everymoralerrorordelinquencycameunderhisunsparingcomment。Stainedbynovicehimself，eitherinhisowneyesorinthatofanyhumanbeingwhocaredtojudgehim，havingnicelyandwiselyproportionedandadaptedhismeanstohisends，hecouldaffordtospeakandactwithaseveritywhichwasalmostsanctimoniousinitsostentationofthankfulnessastohimself。NotamisfortuneorasinwasbroughttolightbutMr。Bradshawcouldtracetoitscauseinsomeformermodeofaction，whichhehadlongagoforetoldwouldleadtoshame。Ifanother’ssonturnedoutwildorbad，Mr。Bradshawhadlittlesympathy;itmighthavebeenpreventedbyastricterrule，ormorereligiouslifeathome;youngRichardBradshawwasquietandsteady，andotherfathersmighthavehadsonslikehimiftheyhadtakenthesamepainstoenforceobedience。Richardwasanonlyson，andyetMr。Bradshawmightventuretosayhehadneverhadhisownwayinhislife。Mrs。Bradshawwas，heconfessed(Mr。Bradshawdidnotdislikeconfessinghiswife’serrors)，ratherlessfirmthanheshouldhavelikedwiththegirls;andwithsomepeople，hebelieved，Jemimawasratherheadstrong; buttohiswishesshehadalwaysshownherselfobedient。Allchildrenwereobedientiftheirparentsweredecidedandauthoritative;andeveryonewouldturnoutwell，ifproperlymanaged。Iftheydidnotprovegood，theymighttaketheconsequencesoftheirerrors。Mrs。Bradshawmurmuredfaintlyatherhusbandwhenhisbackwasturned; butifhisvoicewasheard，orhisfoot-stepssoundedinthedistance，shewasmute，andhurriedherchildrenintotheattitudeoractionmostpleasingtotheirfather。Jemima，itistrue，rebelledagainstthismannerofproceeding，whichsavouredtoheralittleofdeceit;butevenshehadnot，asyet，overcomeheraweofherfathersufficientlytoactindependentlyofhim，andaccordingtoherownsenseofright——orrather，Ishouldsay，accordingtoherownwarm，passionateimpulses。Beforehimthewilfulnesswhichmadeherdarkeyesblazeoutattimeswashushedandstill;hehadnoideaofherself-tormenting，nonotionofthealmostsouthernjealousywhichseemedtobelongtoherbrunettecomplexion。Jemimawasnotpretty; theflatnessandshortnessofherfacemadeheralmostplain;yetmostpeoplelookedtwiceatherexpressivecountenance，attheeyeswhichflamedormeltedateverytrifle，attherichcolourwhichcameateveryexpressedemotionintoherusuallysallowface，atthefaultlessteethwhichmadehersmilelikeasunbeam。Butthen，again，whenshethoughtshewasnotkindlytreated，whenasuspicioncrossedhermind，orwhenshewasangrywithherself，herlipsweretight-pressedtogether，hercolourwaswanandalmostlivid，andastormygloomcloudedhereyesaswithafilm。Butbeforeherfatherherwordswerefew，andhedidnotnoticelooksortones。HerbrotherRichardhadbeenequallysilentbeforehisfatherinboyhoodandearlyyouth;butsincehehadgonetobeaclerkinaLondonhouse，preparatorytoassuminghisplaceasjuniorpartnerinMr。Bradshaw’sbusiness，hespokemoreonhisoccasionalvisitsathome。Andveryproperandhighlymoralwashisconversation;setsentencesofgoodness，whichwereliketheflowersthatchildrenstickintheground，andthathavenotsprungupwardsfromroots——deepdowninthehiddenlifeandexperienceoftheheart。Hewasassevereajudgeashisfatherofotherpeople’sconduct，butyoufeltthatMr。Bradshawwassincereinhiscondemnationofalloutwarderrorandvice，andthathewouldtryhimselfbythesamelawsashetriedothers;somehow，Richard’swordswerefrequentlyheardwithalurkingdistrust，andmanyshooktheirheadsoverthepatternson;butthenitwasthosewhosesonshadgoneastray，andbeencondemned，innoprivateortendermanner，byMr。Bradshaw，soitmightberevengeinthem。Still，Jemimafeltthatallwasnotright;herheartsympathisedintherebellionagainsthisfather’scommands，whichherbrotherhadconfessedtoherinanunusualmomentofconfidence，butheruneasyconsciencecondemnedthedeceitwhichhehadpractised。ThebrotherandsisterweresittingaloneoverablazingChristmasfire，andJemimaheldanoldnewspaperinherhandtoshieldherfacefromthehotlight。Theyweretalkingoffamilyevents，when，duringapause，Jemima’seyecaughtthenameofagreatactor，whohadlatelygivenprominenceandlifetoacharacterinoneofShakespeare’splays。Thecriticisminthepaperwasfine，andwarmedJemima’sheart。”HowIshouldliketoseeaplay！”exclaimedshe。”Shouldyou？”saidherbrotherlistlessly。”Yes，tobesure！Justhearthis！”andshebegantoreadafinepassageofcriticism。”Thosenewspaperpeoplecanmakeanarticleoutofanything，“saidhe，yawning。“I’veseenthemanmyself，anditwasallverywell，butnothingtomakesuchafussabout。”，“You！youseen——！Haveyouseenaplay，Richard？Oh，whydidyounevertellmebefore？Tellmeallaboutit！Whydidyounevernameseeing—— inyourletters？”Hehalfsmiled，contemptuouslyenough。“Oh！atfirstitstrikesonerather，butafterawhileonecaresnomoreforthetheatrethanonedoesformince-pies。”，“Oh，IwishImightgotoLondon！”saidJemimaimpatiently。“I’veagreatmindtoaskpapatoletmegototheGeorgeSmiths’，andthenIcouldsee。Iwouldnotthinkhimlikemince-pies。”，“Youmustnotdoanysuchthing！”saidRichard，nowneitheryawningnorcontemptuous。“Myfatherwouldneverallowyoutogotothetheatre;andtheGeorgeSmithsaresucholdfogeys——theywouldbesuretotell。”，“Howdoyougo，then？Doesmyfathergiveyouleave？”“Oh！manythingsarerightformenwhicharenotforgirls。”，Jemimasatandpondered。Richardwishedhehadnotbeensoconfidential。”Youneednotnameit，“saidhe，ratheranxiously。”Namewhat？”saidshe，startled，forherthoughtshadgonefarafield。”Oh，namemygoingonceortwicetothetheatre！”“No，Ishan’tnameit！”saidshe。“Nooneherewouldcaretohearit。”，Butitwaswithsomelittlesurprise，andalmostwithafeelingofdisgust，thatsheheardRichardjoinwithherfatherincondemningsomeone，andaddtoMr。Bradshaw’slistofoffences，byallegingthattheyoungmanwasaplaygoer。Hedidnotthinkhissisterheardhiswords。MaryandElizabethwerethetwogirlswhomRuthhadincharge;theyresembledJemimamorethantheirbrotherincharacter。Thehouseholdruleswereoccasionallyalittlerelaxedintheirfavour，for，Mary，theelder，wasnearlyeightyearsyoungerthanJemima，andthreeintermediatechildrenhaddied。TheylovedRuthdearly，madeagreatpetofLeonard，andhadmanyprofoundsecretstogether，mostofwhichrelatedtotheirwondersifJemimaandMr。Farquharwouldeverbemarried。Theywatchedtheirsisterclosely;andeverydayhadsomefreshconfidencetomaketoeachother，confirmingordiscouragingtotheirhopes。Ruthroseearly，andsharedthehouseholdworkwithSallyandMissBensontillseven;andthenshehelpedLeonardtodress，andhadaquiettimealonewithhimtillprayersandbreakfast。AtnineshewastobeatMr。 Bradshaw’shouse。ShesatintheroomwithMaryandElizabethduringtheLatin，thewriting，andarithmeticlessons，whichtheyreceivedfrommasters; thensheread，andwalkedwiththem，clingingtoherastoaneldersister; shedinedwithherpupilsatthefamilylunch，andreachedhomebyfour。 Thathappyhome——thosequietdays！，Andsothepeacefuldayspassedonintoweeks，andmonths，andyears，andRuthandLeonardgrewandstrengthenedintotheriperbeautyoftheirrespectiveages;whileasyetnotouchofdecayhadcomeonthequaint，primitiveeldersofthehousehold。 chapter20，CHAPTERXX，JEMIMAREFUSESTOBEMANAGED，Itwasnowonderthatthelookers-onwereperplexedastothestateofaffairsbetweenJemimaandMr。Farquhar，fortheytwoweresorelypuzzledthemselvesatthesortofrelationshipbetweenthem。Wasitlove，orwasitnot？thatwasthequestioninMr。Farquhar’smind。Hehopeditwasnot; hebelieveditwasnot;andyethefeltasifitwere。Therewassomethingpreposterous，hethought，inamannearlyfortyyearsofagebeinginlovewithagirloftwenty。Hehadgoneonreasoning，throughallthedaysofhismanhood，ontheideaofastaid，noble-mindedwife，graveandsedate，thefitcompanioninexperienceofherhusband。Hehadspokenwithadmirationofreticentcharacters，fullofself-controlanddignity;andhehoped——hetrusted，thatallthistimehehadnotbeenallowinghimselfunconsciouslytofallinlovewithawild-hearted，impetuousgirl，whoknewnothingoflifebeyondherfather’shouse，andwhochafedunderthestrictdisciplineenforcedthere。ForitwasratherasuspicioussymptomofthestateofMr。Farquhar’saffections，thathehaddiscoveredthesilentrebellionwhichcontinuedinJemima’sheart，unperceivedbyanyofherownfamily，againsttheseverelawsandopinionsofherfather。Mr。Farquharsharedintheseopinions;butinhimtheyweremodified，andtookamilderform。 Still，heapprovedofmuchthatMr。Bradshawdidandsaid;andthismadeitallthemorestrangethatheshouldwincesoforJemima，wheneveranythingtookplacewhichheinstinctivelyknewthatshewoulddislike。AfteraneveningatMr。Bradshaw’s，whenJemimahadgonetotheveryvergeofquestioningordisputingsomeofherfather’sseverejudgments，Mr。Farquharwenthomeinadissatisfied，restlessstateofmind，whichhewasalmostafraidtoanalyse。Headmiredtheinflexibleintegrity——andalmostthepompofprinciple——evincedbyMr。Bradshawoneveryoccasion;hewonderedhowitwasthatJemimacouldnotseehowgrandalifemightbe，whoseeveryactionwasshapedinobediencetosomeeternallaw;insteadofwhich，hewasafraidsherebelledagainsteverylaw，andwasonlyguidedbyimpulse。Mr。Farquharhadbeentaughttodreadimpulsesaspromptingsofthedevil。Sometimes，ifhetriedtopresentherfather’sopinionbeforeherinanotherform，soastobringhimselfandherrathermoreintothatstateofagreementhelongedfor，sheflashedoutuponhimwiththeindignationofdifferencethatshedarednotshowto，orbefore，herfather，asifshehadsomedivinerinstinctwhichtaughthermoretrulythantheyknew，withalltheirexperience; atleast，inherfirstexpressionsthereseemedsomethinggoodandfine; butoppositionmadeherangryandirritable，andtheargumentswhichhewasconstantlyprovoking(wheneverhewaswithherinherfather’sabsence) frequentlyendedinsomevehemenceofexpressiononherpartthatoffendedMr。Farquhar，whodidnotseehowsheexpiatedherangerintearsandself-reproacheswhenaloneinherchamber。Thenhewouldlecturehimselfseverelyontheinteresthecouldnothelpfeelinginawilfulgirl;hewoulddeterminenottointerferewithheropinionsinfuture，andyet，theverynexttimetheydiffered，hestrovetoargueherintoharmonywithhimself，inspiteofallresolutionstothecontrary。Mr。BradshawsawjustenoughofthisinterestwhichJemimahadexcitedinhispartner’smind，todeterminehiminconsideringtheirfuturemarriageasasettledaffair。Thefitnessofthethinghadlongagostruckhim; herfather’spartner——sothefortunehemeanttogivehermightcontinueinthebusiness;amanofsuchsteadinessofcharacter，andsuchacapitaleyeforadesirablespeculation，asMr。Farquhar——justtherightagetounitethepaternalwiththeconjugalaffection，andconsequentlytheverymanforJemima，whohadsomethingunrulyinher，whichmightbreakoutunderaregimelesswiselyadjustedtothecircumstancesthanwasMr。Bradshaw’s(inhisownopinion)——ahousereadyfurnished，ataconvenientdistancefromherhome——nonearrelationsonMr。Farquhar’sside，whomightbeinclinedtoconsiderhisresidenceastheirownforanindefinitetime，andsoaddtothehouseholdexpenses——inshort，whatcouldbemoresuitableineveryway？Mr。Bradshawrespectedtheveryself-restrainthethoughthesawinMr。Farquhar’sdemeanour，attributingittoawisedesiretowaituntiltradeshouldberathermoreslack，andthemanofbusinessmoreatleisuretobecomethelover。AsforJemima，attimesshethoughtshealmosthatedMr。Farquhar。”Whatbusinesshashe，“shewouldthink，“tolectureme？OftenIcanhardlybearitfrompapa，andIwillnotbearitfromhim。Hetreatsmejustlikeachild，andasifIshouldloseallmypresentopinionswhenIknowmoreoftheworld。IamsureIshouldlikenevertoknowtheworld，ifitwastomakemethinkashedoes，hardmanthatheis！IwonderwhatmadehimtakeJemBrownonasgardeneragain，ifhedoesnotbelievethataboveonecriminalinathousandisrestoredtogoodness。I’llaskhim，someday，ifthatwasnotactingonimpulseratherthanprinciple。Poorimpulse！