第8章

Sheherselffeltgladthatitwasso。Butherdelicacywasnotunnoticedbyall。HermotheroftenanxiouslyaskedherhusbandifhedidnotthinkJemimawaslookingill;nordidhisaffirmationtothecontrarysatisfyher，asmostofhisaffirmationsdid。Shethoughteverymorning，beforeshegotup，howshecouldtemptJemimatoeat，byorderingsomefavouritedaintyfordinner;inmanyotherlittlewaysshetriedtoministertoherchild;butthepoorgirl’sownabruptirritabilityoftemperhadmadehermotherafraidofopenlyspeakingtoheraboutherhealth。Ruth，too，sawthatJemimawasnotlookingwell。Howshehadbecomeanobjectofdisliketoherformerfriendshedidnotknow;butshewassensiblethatMissBradshawdislikedhernow。Shewasnotawarethatthisfeelingwasgrowingandstrengtheningalmostintorepugnance，forsheseldomsawJemimaoutofschool-hours，andthenonlyforaminuteortwo。Buttheevilelementofafellow-creature’sdislikeoppressedtheatmosphereofherlife。Thatfellow-creaturewasonewhohadoncelovedhersofondly，andwhomshestillloved，althoughshehadlearnttofearher，aswefearthosewhosefacescloudoverwhenwecomeinsight——whocastunlovingglancesatus，ofwhichwe，thoughnotseeing，areconscious，asofsomeoccultinfluence;andthecauseofwhosedislikeisunknowntous，thougheverywordandactionseemstoincreaseit。Ibelievethatthissortofdislikeisonlyshownbythejealous，andthatitrendersthedislikerevenmoremiserable，becausemorecontinuallyconsciousthantheobject;butthegrowingevidencesofJemima’sfeelingmadeRuthveryunhappyattimes。 ThisveryMay，too，anideahadcomeintohermind，whichshehadtriedtorepress——namely，thatMr。Farquharwasinlovewithher。Itannoyedherextremely;itmadeherreproachherselfthatsheevershouldthinksuchathingpossible。Shetriedtostranglethenotion，todrownit，tostarveitoutbyneglect——itsexistencecausedhersuchpainanddistress。Theworstwas，hehadwonLeonard’sheart，whowasconstantlyseekinghimout;or，whenabsent，talkingabouthim。Thebestwassomejourneyconnectedwithbusiness，whichwouldtakehimtotheContinentforseveralweeks; and，duringthattime，surelythisdisagreeablefancyofhiswoulddieaway，ifuntrue;andiftrue，somewaywouldbeopenedbywhichshemightputastoptoallincreaseofpredilectiononhispart，andyetretainhimasafriendforLeonard——thatdarlingforwhomshewasfar-seeingandcovetous，andmiserlyofeveryscrapofloveandkindlyregard。Mr。Farquharwouldnothavebeenflattered，ifhehadknownhowmuchhisdeparturecontributedtoRuth’srestofmindontheSaturdayafternoononwhichhesetoutonhisjourney。Itwasabeautifulday;theskyofthatintensequiveringblue，whichseemedasthoughyoucouldlookthroughitforever，yetnotreachtheblack，infinitespacewhichissuggestedaslyingbeyond。Nowandthen，athin，torn，vaporouscloudfloatedslowlywithinthevaulteddepth;butthesoftairthatgentlywafteditwasnotperceptibleamongtheleavesonthetrees，whichdidnoteventremble。 Ruthsatatherworkintheshadowformedbytheoldgreygardenwall; MissBensonandSally——theoneintheparlourwindow-seatmendingstockings，theotherhardatworkinherkitchen——werebothwithintalkingdistance，foritwasweatherforopendoorsandwindows;butnoneofthethreekeptupanycontinuedconversation;andintheintervalsRuthsanglowabroodingsong，suchassherememberedhermothersinginglongago。NowandthenshestoppedtolookatLeonard，whowaslabouringawaywithvehementenergyatdiggingoverasmallplotofground，wherehemeanttoprickoutsomeceleryplantsthathadbeengiventohim。Ruth’sheartwarmedattheearnest，spiritedwayinwhichhethrusthislargespadedeepdownintothebrownsoilhisruddyfaceglowing，hiscurlyhairwetwiththeexertion;andyetshesighedtothinkthatthedayswereoverwhenherdeedsofskillcouldgivehimpleasure。Now，hisdelightwasinactinghimself;lastyear，notfourteenmonthsago，hehadwatchedhermakingadaisy-chainforhim，asifhecouldnotadmireherclevernessenough;thisyear，thisweek，whenshehadbeendevotingeverysparehourtothesimpletailoringwhichsheperformedforherboy(shehadalwaysmadeeveryarticlehewore，andfeltalmostjealousoftheemployment)，hehadcometoherwithawistfullook，andaskedwhenhemightbegintohaveclothesmadebyaman？，EversincetheWednesdaywhenshehadaccompaniedMaryandElizabeth，atMrs。Bradshaw’sdesire，tobemeasuredforspringclothesbythenewEcclestondress-maker，shehadbeenlookingforwardtothisSaturdayafternoon’spleasureofmakingsummertrousersforLeonard;butthesatisfactionoftheemploymentwasalittletakenawaybyLeonard’sspeech。Itwasasign，however，thatherlifewasveryquietandpeaceful，thatshehadleisuretothinkuponthethingat。all;andoftensheforgotitentirelyinherlow，chantingsong，orinlisteningtothethrushwarblingouthisafternoondittytohispatientmateintheholly-bushbelow。Thedistantrumbleofcartsthroughthebusystreets(itwasmarket-day) notonlyformedalowrollingbasstothenearerandpleasantersounds，butenhancedthesenseofpeacebythesuggestionofthecontrastaffordedtothereposeofthegardenbythebustlenotfaroff。But，besidesphysicaldinandbustle，thereismentalstrifeandturmoil。Thatafternoon，asJemimawasrestlesslywanderingaboutthehouse，hermotherdesiredhertogoonanerrandtoMrs。Pearson’s，thenewdressmaker，inordertogivesomedirectionsabouthersisters’newfrocks。Jemimawent，ratherthanhavethetroubleofresisting;orelseshewouldhavepreferredstayingathome，movingorbeingoutwardlyquietaccordingtoherownfitfulwill。Mrs。Bradshaw，who，asIhavesaid，hadbeenawareforsometimethatsomethingwaswrongwithherdaughter，andwasveryanxioustosetittorightsifsheonlyknewhow，hadratherplannedthiserrandwithaviewtodispelJemima’smelancholy。”And，Mimiedear，“saidhermother，“whenyouarethere，lookoutforanewbonnetforyourself;shehasgotsomeveryprettyones，andyouroldoneissoshabby。”，“Itdoesforme，mother，“saidJemimaheavily。“Idon’twantanewbonnet。”，“ButIwantyoutohaveone，mylassie。Iwantmygirltolookwellandnice。”，TherewassomethingofhomelytendernessinMrs。Bradshaw’stonethattouchedJemima’sheart。Shewenttohermother，andkissedherwithmoreofaffectionthanshehadshowntoanyoneforweeksbefore;andthekisswasreturnedwithwarmfondness。”Ithinkyouloveme，mother，“saidJemima。”Weallloveyou，dear，ifyouwouldbutthinkso。Andifyouwantanything，orwishforanything，onlytellme，andwithalittlepatience，Icangetyourfathertogiveityou，Iknow。Onlybehappy，there’sagoodgirl。”，“Behappy！asifonecouldbyaneffortofwill！”thoughtJemimaasshewentalongthestreet，tooabsorbedinherselftonoticethebowsofacquaintancesandfriends，butinstinctivelyguidingherselfrightamongthethrongandpressofcarts，andgigs，andmarketpeopleinHighStreet。Buthermother’stonesandlooks，withtheircomfortingpower，remainedlongerinherrecollectionthantheinconsistencyofanywordsspoken。 Whenshehadcompletedhererrandaboutthefrocks，sheaskedtolookatsomebonnets，inordertoshowherrecognitionofhermother’skindthought。Mrs。Pearsonwasasmart，clever-lookingwomanoffiveorsixandthirty。 Shehadallthevarietyofsmall-talkatherfinger-ends，thatwasformerlyneededbybarberstoamusethepeoplewhocametobeshaved。ShehadadmiredthetowntillJemimawaswearyofitspraises，sickandoppressedbyitssameness，asshehadbeenthesemanyweeks。”Herearesomebonnets，ma’am，thatwillbejustthethingforyou——elegantandtasty，yetquiteofthesimplestyle，suitabletoyoungladies。Obligemebytryingonthiswhitesilk！”Jemimalookedatherselfintheglass;shewasobligedtoownitwasverybecoming，andperhapsnotthelesssofortheflushofmodestshamewhichcameintohercheeks，assheheardMrs。Pearson’sopenpraisesofthe“rich，beautifulhair，“andthe“Orientaleyes“ofthewearer。”Iinducedtheyoungladywhoaccompaniedyoursisterstheotherday——thegoverness，isshe，ma’am？”“Yes——Mrs。Denbighishername，“saidJemima，cloudingover。”Thankyou，ma’am。Well，IpersuadedMrs。Denbightotryonthatbonnet，andyoucan’tthinkhowcharmingshelookedinit;andyetIdon’tthinkitbecameherasmuchasitdoesyou。”，“Mrs。Denbighisverybeautiful，“saidJemima，takingoffthebonnet，andnotmuchinclinedtotryonanyother。”Very，ma’am。Quiteapeculiarstyleofbeauty。IfImightbeallowed，IshouldsaythatherswasaGrecianstyleofloveliness，whileyourswasOriental。SheremindedmeofayoungpersonIonceknewinFordham。”Mrs。 Pearsonsighedanaudiblesigh。”InFordham！”saidJemima，rememberingthatRuthhadoncespokenoftheplaceasoneinwhichshehadspentsometime，whilethecountyinwhichitwassituatedwasthesameinwhichRuthwasborn。“InFordham！Why，IthinkMrs。Denbighcomesfromthatneighbourhood。”，“Oh，ma’am！shecannotbetheyoungpersonImean——Iamsure，ma’am——holdingthepositionshedoesinyourestablishment。IshouldhardlysayIknewhermyself;forIonlysawhertwoorthreetimesatmysister’shouse; butshewassoremarkedforherbeauty，thatIrememberherfacequitewell——themoreso，onaccountofherviciousconductafterwards。”，“Herviciousconduct！”repeatedJemima，convincedbythesewordsthattherecouldbenoidentitybetweenRuthand“youngperson“alludedto。“ThenitcouldnothavebeenourMrs。Denbigh。”，“Ohno，ma’am！IamsureIshouldbesorrytobeunderstoodtohavesuggestedanythingofthekind。IbegyourpardonifIdidso。AllImeanttosay——andperhapsthatwasalibertyIoughtnottohavetaken，consideringwhatRuthHiltonwas——““RuthHilton！”saidJemima，turningsuddenlyround，andfacingMrs。Pearson。”Yes，ma’am，thatwasthenameoftheyoungpersonIalludeto。”，“Tellmeabouther——whatdidshedo？”askedJemima，subduinghereagernessoftoneandlookasbestshemight，buttremblingasonthevergeofsomestrangediscovery。”Idon’tknowwhetherIoughttotellyou，ma’am——itishardlyafitstoryforayounglady;butthisRuthHiltonwasanapprenticetomysister-in-law，whohadafirst-ratebusinessinFordham，whichbroughtheragooddealofpatronagefromthecountyfamilies;andthisyoungcreaturewasveryartfulandbold，andthoughtsadlytoomuchofherbeauty;and，somehow，shebeguiledayounggentleman，whotookherintokeeping(Iamsure，ma’am，Ioughttoapologiseforpollutingyourears)——““Goon，“saidJemimabreathlessly。”Idon’tknowmuchmore。HismotherfollowedhimintoWales。Shewasaladyofagreatdealofreligion，andaveryoldfamily，andwasmuchshockedatherson’smisfortuneinbeingcaptivatedbysuchaperson;butsheledhimtorepentance，andtookhimtoParis，where，Ithink，shedied;butIamnotsure，for，owingtofamilydifferences，Ihavenotbeenontermsforsomeyearswithmysister-in-law，whowasmyinformant。”，“Whodied？”interruptedJemima——“theyoungman’smother，or——orRuthHilton？”“Ohdear，ma’am！praydon’tconfusethetwo。Itwasthemother，Mrs—— Iforgetthename——somethinglikeBillington。Itwastheladywhodied。”，“Andwhatbecameoftheother？”askedJemima，unable，asherdarksuspicionseemedthickening，tospeakthename。”Thegirl？Why，ma’am，whatcouldbecomeofher？NotthatIknowexactly——onlyoneknowstheycanbutgofrombadtoworse，poorcreatures！Godforgiveme，ifIamspeakingtootransientlyofsuchdegradedwomen，who，afterall，areadisgracetooursex。”，“Thenyouknownothingmoreabouther？”askedJemima。”IdidhearthatshehadgoneoffwithanothergentlemanthatshemetwithinWales，butI’msureIcan’ttellwhotoldme。”，Therewasalittlepause。Jemimawasponderingonallshehadheard。SuddenlyshefeltthatMrs。Pearson’seyeswereuponher，watchingher;notwithcuriosity，butwithanewly-awakenedintelligence;——andyetshemustaskonemorequestion;butshetriedtoaskitinanIndifferent，carelesstone，handlingthebonnetwhileshespoke。”Howlongisitsinceallthis——allyouhavebeentellingmeabout——happened！” (Leonardwaseightyearsold。)，“Why——letmesee。ItwasbeforeIwasmarried，andIwasmarriedthreeyears，andpoordearPearsonhasbeendeceasedfive——Ishouldsaygoingonfornineyearsthissummer。Blushroseswouldbecomeyourcomplexion，perhaps，betterthantheselilacs，“saidshe，aswithsuperficialobservationshewatchedJemimaturningthebonnetroundandroundonherhand——thebonnetthatherdizzyeyesdidnotsee。”Thankyou。Itisverypretty。ButIdon’twantabonnet。Ibegyourpardonfortakingupyourtime。”AndwithanabruptbowtothediscomfitedMrs。 Pearson，shewasoutandawayintheopenair，threadingherwaywithinstinctiveenergyalongthecrowdedstreet。Suddenlysheturnedround，andwentbacktoMrs。Pearson’swithevenmorerapiditythanshehadbeenwalkingawayfromthehouse。”Ihavechangedmymind，“saidshe，asshecame，breathless，upintotheshow-room。“Iwilltakethebonnet。Howmuchisit？”“Allowmetochangetheflowers;itcanbedoneinaninstant，andthenyoucanseeifyouwouldnotprefertheroses;butwitheitherfoliageitisalovelylittlebonnet，“saidMrs。Pearson，holdingitupadmiringlyonherhand。”Oh！nevermindtheflowers——yes！changethemtotheroses。”Andshestoodby，agitated(Mrs。Pearsonthoughtwithimpatience)，allthetimethemillinerwasmakingthealterationwithskilful，busyhaste。”Bytheway，“saidJemima，whenshesawthelasttoucheswerebeinggiven，andthatshemustnotdelayexecutingthepurposewhichwastherealcauseofherreturn——“Papa，Iamsure，wouldnotlikeyourconnectingMrs。Denbigh’snamewithsucha——storyasyouhavebeentellingme。”，“Ohdear！ma’am，Ihavetoomuchrespectforyoualltothinkofdoingsuchathing！OfcourseIknow，ma’am，thatitisnottobecastuptoanyladythatsheislikeany-bodydisreputable。”，“ButIwouldratheryoudidnotnamethelikenesstoanyone，“saidJemima; “nottoanyone。Don’ttellanyonethestoryyouhavetoldmethismorning。”，“Indeed，ma’am，Ishouldneverthinkofsuchathing！MypoorhusbandcouldhavebornewitnessthatIamascloseasthegravewherethereisanythingtoconceal。”，“Ohdear！”saidJemima，“Mrs。Pearson，thereisnothingtoconceal;onlyyoumustnotspeakaboutit。”，“Icertainlyshallnotdoit，ma’am;youmayrestassuredofme。”，ThistimeJemimadidnotgotowardshome，butinthedirectionoftheoutskirtsofthetown，onthehillyside。ShehadsomedimrecollectionofhearinghersistersaskiftheymightnotgoandinviteLeonardandhismothertotea;andhowcouldshefaceRuth，aftertheconvictionhadtakenpossessionofherheartthatshe，andthesinfulcreatureshebadjustheardof，wereoneandthesame？，Itwasyetonlythemiddleoftheafternoon;thehourswereearlyintheold-fashionedtownofEccleston。Softwhitecloudshadcomeslowlysailingupoutofthewest;theplainwasfleckedwiththinfloatingshadows，gentlybornealongbythewesterlywindthatwaswavingthelonggrassinthehay-fieldsintoalternatelightandshade。Jemimawentintooneofthesefields，lyingbythesideoftheuplandroad。Shewasstunnedbytheshockshehadreceived。Thediverleavingthegreensward，smoothandknown，wherehisfriendsstandwiththeirfamiliarsmilingfaces，admiringhisgladbravery——thediver，downinaninstantinthehorriddepthsofthesea，closetosomestrange，ghastly，lidless-eyedmonster，canhardlymorefeelhisbloodcurdleatthenearterrorthandidJemimanow。Twohoursago——butapointoftimeonhermind’sdial——shehadneverImaginedthatsheshouldevercomeincontactwithanyonewhohadcommittedopensin; shehadnevershapedherconvictionintowordsandsentences，butstillitwasthere，thatalltherespectable，allthefamilyandreligiouscircumstancesofherlife，wouldhedgeherin，andguardherfromeverencounteringthegreatshockofcomingfacetofacewithVice。Withoutbeingpharisaicalinherestimationofherself，shehadallaPharisee’sdreadofpublicansandsinners，andallachild’scowardliness——thatcowardlinesswhichpromptsittoshutitseyesagainsttheobjectofterror，ratherthanacknowledgeitsexistencewithbravefaith。Herfather’softenreiteratedspeecheshadnotbeenwithouttheireffect。Hedrewaclearlineofpartition，whichseparatedmankindintotwogreatgroups，tooneofwhich，bythegraceofGod，heandhisbelonged;whiletheotherwascomposedofthosewhomitwashisdutytotryandreform，andbringthewholeforceofhismoralitytobearupon，withlectures，admonitions，andexhortations——adutytobeperformed，becauseitwasaduty——butwithverylittleofthatHopeandFaithwhichistheSpiritthatmakethalive。Jemimahadrebelledagainsttheseharddoctrinesofherfather’s，buttheirfrequentrepetitionhadhaditseffect，andledhertolookuponthosewhohadgoneastraywithshrinking，shudderingrecoil，insteadofwithapitysoChrist-likeastohavebothwisdomandtendernessinit。Andnowshesawamongherownfamiliarassociatesone，almostherhouse-fellow，whohadbeenstainedwiththatevilmostrepugnanttoherwomanlymodesty，thatwouldfainhaveignoreditsexistencealtogether。SheloathedthethoughtofmeetingRuthagain。Shewishedthatshecouldtakeherup，andputherdownatadistancesomewhere——anywhere——whereshemightneverseeorhearofhermore;neverbereminded，asshemustbewhenevershesawher，thatsuchthingswereinthissunny，bright，lark-singingearth，overwhichthebluedomeofheavenbentsoftlydownasJemimasatinthehay-fieldthatJuneafternoon;hercheeksflushedandred，butherlipspaleandcompressed，andhereyesfullofaheavy，angrysorrow。ItwasSaturday，andthepeopleinthatpartofthecountrylefttheirworkanhourearlieronthatday。Bythis，Jemimaknewitmustbegrowingtimeforhertobeathome。Shehadhadsomuchofconflictinherownmindoflate，thatshehadgrowntodislikestruggle，orspeech，orexplanation;andsostrovetoconformtotimesandhoursmuchmorethanshehaddoneinhappierdays。 Butoh！howfullofhateherheartwasgrowingagainsttheworld！Andoh！ howshesickenedatthethoughtofseeingRuth！Whowastobetrustedmore，ifRuth——calm，modest，delicate，dignifiedRuth——hadamemoryblackenedbysin？，Asshewentheavilyalong，thethoughtofMr。Farquharcameintohermind。 Itshowedhowterriblehadbeenthestun，thathehadbeenforgottenuntilnow。WiththethoughtofhimcameinherfirstmercifulfeelingtowardsRuth。Thiswouldneverhavebeen，hadtherebeentheleastlatentsuspicioninJemima’sjealousmindthatRuthhadpurposelydoneaught——lookedalook——utteredaword——modulatedatone——forthesakeofattracting。AsJemimarecalledallthepassagesoftheirintercourse，sheslowlyconfessedtoherselfhowpureandsimplehadbeenallRuth’swaysinrelationtoMr。Farquhar。 Itwasnotmerelythattherehadbeennocoquetting，buttherehadbeensimpleunconsciousnessonRuth’spart，forsolongatimeafterJemimabaddiscoveredMr。Farquhar’sinclinationforher;and，whenatlengthshehadslowlyawakenedtosomeperceptionofthestateofhisfeelings，therehadbeenamodest，shrinkingdignityofmanner，notstartled，oremotional，oreventimid，butpure，grave，andquiet;andthisconductofRuth’sJemimainstinctivelyacknowledgedtobeofnecessitytransparentandsincere。Now，andhere，therewasnohypocrisy;butsometime，somewhere，onthepartofsomebody，whathypocrisy，whatliesmusthavebeenacted，ifnotabsolutelyspoken，beforeRuthcouldhavebeenreceivedbythemallasthesweet，gentle，girlishwidow，whichsherememberedtheyhadallbelievedMrs。Denbightobewhenfirstshecameamongthem！CouldMr。 andMissBensonknow？Couldtheybeapartytothedeceit？Notsufficientlyacquaintedwiththeworldtounderstandhowstronghadbeenthetemptationtoplaytheparttheydid，iftheywishedtogiveRuthachance，JemimacouldnotbelievethemguiltyofsuchdeceitastheknowledgeofMrs。Denbigh’spreviousconductwouldimply;andyethowitdarkenedthelatterintoatreacheroushypocrite，withablacksecretshutupinhersoulforyears——livinginapparentconfidence，anddailyhouseholdfamiliaritywiththeBensonsforyears，yetnevertellingtheremorsethatoughttobecorrodingherheart！Whowastrue？Whowasnot？Whowasgoodandpure？Whowasnot？TheveryfoundationsofJemima’sbeliefinhermindwereshaken。Coulditbefalse？CouldtherebetwoRuthHiltons？Shewentovereverymorselofevidence。Itcouldnotbe。SheknewthatMrs。Denbigh’sformernamehadbeenHilton。Shehadheardherspeakcasually，butcharily，ofhavinglivedinFordham。SheknewshehadbeeninWalesbutashorttimebeforeshemadeherappearanceinEccleston。Therewasnodoubtoftheidentity。IntothemiddleofJemima’spainandhorrorattheafternoon’sdiscovery，therecameasenseofthepowerwhichtheknowledgeofthissecretgaveheroverRuth;butthiswasnorelief，onlyanaggravationoftheregretwithwhichJemimalookedbackonherstateofignorance。 Itwasnowonderthatwhenshearrivedathome，shewassooppressedwithheadachethatshehadtogotobeddirectly。”Quiet，mother！quiet，dear，dearmother“(forsheclungtotheknownandtriedgoodnessofhermothermorethanevernow)，“thatisallIwant。” Andshewaslefttothestillnessofherdarkenedroom，theblindsidlyflappingtoandfrointhesofteveningbreeze，andlettingintherustlingsoundofthebrancheswhichwavedclosetoherwindow，andthethrush’sgurglingwarble，andthedistanthumofthebusytown。Herjealousywasgone——sheknewnothoworwhere。ShemightshunandrecoilfromRuth，butshenowthoughtthatshecouldnevermorebejealousofher。Inherprideofinnocence，shefeltalmostashamedthatsuchafeelingcouldhavehadexistence。CouldMr。Farquharhesitatebetweenherownselfandonewho——No！shecouldnotnamewhatRuthhadbeen，eveninthought。 Andyethemightneverknow，sofairaseemingdidherrivalwear。Oh！ foronerayofGod’sholylighttoknowwhatwasseeming，andwhatwastruth，inthistraitoroushollowearth！Itmightbe——sheusedtothinksuchthingspossible，beforesorrowhadembitteredher——thatRuthhadworkedherwaythroughthedeeppurgatoryofrepentanceuptosomethinglikepurityagain;Godonlyknew！Ifherpresentgoodnesswasreal——if，afterhavingstrivenbackthusfarontheheights，afellow-womanwastothrowherdownintosometerribledepthwithherunkind，incontinenttongue，thatwouldbetoocruel！Andyet，if——therewassuchwoefuluncertaintyanddeceitsomewhere——ifRuth——No！that，Jemimawithnoblecandouradmitted，wasimpossible。WhateverRuthhadbeen，shewasgood，andtoberespectedassuch，now。ItdidnotfollowthatJemimawastopreservethesecretalways; shedoubtedherownpowertodoso，ifMr。Farquharcamehomeagain，andwerestillconstantinhisadmirationofMrs。Denbigh，andifMrs。Denbighgavehimany——theleastencouragement。Butthislastshethought，fromwhatsheknewofRuth’scharacter，wasimpossible。Only，whatwasimpossibleafterthisafternoon’sdiscovery？Atanyrate，shewouldwatchandwait。 Comewhatmight，Ruthwasinherpower。And，strangetosay，thislastcertaintygaveJemimaakindofprotecting，almostpitying，feelingforRuth。Herhorroratthewrongwasnotdiminished;but，themoreshethoughtofthestrugglesthatthewrong-doermusthavemadetoextricateherself，themoreshefelthowcruelitwouldbetobaffleallbyrevealingwhathadbeen。Butforhersisters’sakeshehadadutytoperform;shemustwatchRuth。Forherlover’ssakeshecouldnothavehelpedwatching;butshewastoomuchstunnedtorecognisetheforceofherlove，whiledutyseemedtheonlystablethingtoclingto。ForthepresentshewouldneithermeddlenormarinRuth’scourseoflife。 chapter26，CHAPTERXXVI，MR。BRADSHAW’SVIRTUOUSINDIGNATION，SoitwasthatJemimanolongeravoidedRuth，normanifestedbywordorlookthedislikewhichforalongtimeshehadbeenscarceconcealing。 RuthcouldnothelpnoticingthatJemimaalwayssoughttobeinherpresencewhileshewasatMr。Bradshaw’shouse;eitherwhendailyteachingMaryandElizabeth，orwhenshecameasanoccasionalvisitorwithMr。andMissBenson，orbyherself。UptothistimeJemimahadusednogentleskilltoconcealtheabruptnesswithwhichshewouldleavetheroomratherthanthatRuthandsheshouldbebroughtintocontact——ratherthanthatitshouldfalltoherlottoentertainRuthduringanypartoftheevening。ItwasmonthssinceJemimahadleftoffsittingintheschoolroom，ashadbeenherwontduringthefirstfewyearsofRuth’sgoverness-ship。Now，eachmorningMissBradshawseatedherselfatalittleroundtableinthewindow，atherwork，oratherwriting;but，whethershesewed，orwrote，orread，Ruthfeltthatshewasalwayswatching——watching。AtfirstRuthhadwelcomedallthesechangesinhabitandbehaviour，asgivingherachance，shethought，bysomepatientwaitingorsomeopportuneshowofenduring，constantlove，toregainherlostfriend’sregard;butby-and-bytheicychillness，immovableandgrey，struckmoretoherheartthanmanysuddenwordsofunkindnesscouldhavedone。Theymightbeattributedtothehotimpulsesofahastytemper——tothevehementangerofanaccuser;butthismeasuredmannerwastheconsciousresultofsomedeep-seatedfeeling;thiscoldsternnessbefittedthecalmimplacabilityofsomeseverejudge。Thewatching，whichRuthfeltwaseveruponher，madeherunconsciouslyshiver，asyouwouldifyousawthatthepassionlesseyesofthedeadwerevisiblygazinguponyou。HerverybeingshrivelledandparchedupinJemima’spresence，asifblownuponbyabitter，keeneastwind。JemimabenteverypowershepossessedupontheoneobjectofascertainingwhatRuthreallywas。Sometimesthestrainwasverypainful;theconstanttensionmadehersoulweary;andshemoanedaloud，andupbraidedcircumstance(shedarednotgohigher——totheMakerofcircumstance)forhavingdeprivedherofherunsuspicious，happyignorance。ThingswereinthisstatewhenMr。RichardBradshawcameonhisannualhomevisit。HewastoremainanotheryearinLondon，andthentoreturnandbeadmittedintothefirm。Afterhehadbeenaweekathomehegrewtiredofthemonotonousregularityofhisfather’shousehold，andbegantocomplainofittoJemima。”IwishFarquharwereathome。Thoughheissuchastiff，quietoldfellow，hiscominginintheeveningsmakesachange。WhathasbecomeoftheMillses？ Theyusedtodrinkteawithussometimes，formerly。”，“Oh！papaandMr。Millstookoppositesidesattheelection，andwehavenevervisitedsince。Idon’tthinktheyareanygreatloss。”，Anybodyisaloss——thestupidestborethateverwaswouldbeablessing，ifheonlywouldcomeinsometimes。”，“Mr。andMissBensonhavedrunkteaheretwicesinceyoucame。”，“Come，that’scapital！Aproposofstupidbores，youtalkoftheBensons。 Ididnotthinkyouhadsomuchdiscrimination，mylittlesister。”，Jemimalookedupinsurprise;andthenreddenedangrily。”InevermeanttosayawordagainstMr。orMissBenson，andthatyouknowquitewell，Dick。”，“Nevermind！Iwon’ttelltales。Theyarestupidoldfogeys，buttheyarebetterthannobody，especiallyasthathandsomegovernessofthegirlsalwayscomeswiththemtobelookedat。”，Therewasalittlepause;Richardbrokeitbysaying——，“Doyouknow，Mimie，I’veanotion，ifsheplayshercardswell，shemayhookFarquhar！”“Who？”askedJemimashortly，thoughsheknewquitewell。”Mrs。Denbigh，tobesure。Weweretalkingofher，youknow。Farquharaskedmetodinewithhimathishotelashepassedthroughtown，and——I’dmyownreasonsforgoingandtryingtocreepuphissleeve——Iwantedhimtotipme，asheusedtodo。”，“Forshame！Dick，“burstinJemima。”Well，well！nottipmeexactly，butlendmesomemoney。Thegovernorkeepsmedeucedlyshort。”，“Why！itwasonlyyesterday，whenmyfatherwasspeakingaboutyourexpenses，andyourallowance，Iheardyousaythatyou’dmorethanyouknewhowtospend。”，“Don’tyouseethatwastheperfectionofart？Ifmyfatherhadthoughtmeextravagant，hewouldhavekeptmeinwithatightrein;asitis，I’mingreathopesofahandsomeaddition，andIcantellyouit’sneeded。 IfmyfatherhadgivenmewhatIoughttohavehadatfirst，IshouldnothavebeendriventothespeculationsandmessesI’vegotinto。”，“Whatspeculations？Whatmesses？”askedJemima，withanxiouseagerness。”Oh！messeswasnottherightword。Speculationshardlywas;fortheyaresuretoturnoutwell，andthenIshallsurprisemyfatherwithmyriches。” Hesawthathehadgonealittletoofarinhisconfidence，andwastryingtodrawin。”Butwhatdoyoumean？Doexplainittome。”，“Neveryoutroubleyourheadaboutmybusiness，mydear。Womencan’tunderstandtheshare-market，andsuchthings。Don’tthinkI’veforgottentheawfulblundersyoumadewhenyoutriedtoreadthestateofthemoney-marketaloudtomyfatherthatnightwhenhehadlosthisspectacles。Whatwerewetalkingof？Oh！ofFarquharandprettyMrs。Denbigh。Yes！Isoonfoundoutthatwasthesubjectmygentlemanlikedmetodwellon。Hedidnottalkabouthermuchhimself，buthiseyessparkledwhenItoldhimwhatenthusiasticlettersPollyandElizabethwroteabouther。Howolddoyouthinksheis？”“Iknow！”saidJemima。“AtleastIheardheragespokenabout，amongstotherthings，whenfirstshecame。Shewillbefive-and-twentythisautumn。”，“AndFarquharisforty，ifheisaday。She’syoung，too，tohavesuchaboyasLeonard;younger-looking，orfullasyoung-lookingassheis！ Itellyouwhat，Mimie，shelooksyoungerthanyou。Howoldareyou？Three-and-twenty，ain’tit？”“LastMarch，“repliedJemima。”You’llhavetomakehasteandpickupsomebody，ifyou’relosingyourgoodlooksatthisrate。Why，Jemima，IthoughtyouhadagoodchanceofFarquharayearortwoago。Howcomeyoutohavelosthim？I’dfarratheryou’dhadhimthanthatproud，haughtyMrs。Denbigh，whoflasheshergreatgreyeyesuponmeifeverIdaretopayheracompliment。SheoughttothinkitanhonourthatItakethatmuchnoticeofher。Besides，Farquharisrich，andit’skeepingthebusinessofthefirminone’sownfamily; andifhemarriesMrs。DenbighshewillbesuretobewantingLeonardinwhenhe’sofage，andIwon’thavethat。HaveatryforFarquhar，Mimie！ Tentooneit’snottoolate。IwishI’dbroughtyouapinkbonnetdown。 Yougoabout’sodowdy——socarelessofhowyoulook。”，“IfMr。FarquharhasnotlikedmeasIam，“saidJemima，choking，“Idon’twanttoowehimtoapinkbonnet。”，“Nonsense！Idon’tliketohavemysisters’governessstealingamarchonmysister。ItellyouFarquharisworthtryingfor。Ifyou’llwearthepinkbonnetI’llgiveittoyou，andI’llbackyouagainstMrs。Denbigh。 Ithinkyoumighthavedonesomethingwith’ourmember，’asmyfathercallshim，whenyouhadhimsolonginthehouse。But，altogether，IshouldlikeFarquharbestforabrother-in-law。Bytheway，haveyouhearddownherethatDonneisgoingtobemarried？Iheardofitintown，justbeforeI left，fromamanthatwasgoodauthority。SomeSirThomasCampbell’sseventhdaughter：agirlwithoutapenny;fatherruinedhimselfbygambling，andobligedtoliveabroad。ButDonneisnotamantocareforanyobstacle，fromallaccounts，whenoncehehastakenafancy。Itwasloveatfirstsight，theysay。Ibelievehedidnotknowofherexistenceamonthago。”，“No！wehavenotheardofit，“repliedJemima。“Myfatherwillliketoknow;tellithim;“continuedshe，asshewasleavingtheroom，tobealone，inordertostillherhabitualagitationwheneversheheardMr。FarquharandRuthcoupledtogether。Mr。FarquharcamehomethedaybeforeRichardBradshawleftfortown。HedroppedinafterteaattheBradshaws’;hewasevidentlydisappointedtoseenonebutthefamilythere，andlookedroundwheneverthedooropened。”Look！look！”saidDicktohissister。“Iwantedtomakesureofhiscominginto-night，tosavememyfather’spartingexhortationsagainstthetemptationsoftheworld(asifIdidnotknowmuchmoreoftheworldthanhedoes！)，soIusedaspellIthoughtwouldproveefficacious;Itoldhimthatweshouldbebyourselves，withtheexceptionofMrs。Denbigh，andlookhowheisexpectinghertocomein！”Jemimadidsee;didunderstand。Sheunderstood，too，whycertainpacketswereputcarefullyononeside，apartfromtherestofthepurchasesofSwisstoysandjewellery，bywhichMr。FarquharprovedthatnoneofMr。 Bradshaw’sfamilyhadbeenforgottenbyhimduringhisabsence。Beforetheendoftheevening，shewasveryconsciousthathersorehearthadnotforgottenhowtobejealous。Herbrotherdidnotallowaword，alook，oranincident，which。mightbesupposedonMr。Farquhar’ssidetorefertoRuthtopassunnoticed;hepointedoutalltohissister，neverdreamingofthetorturehewasinflicting，onlyanxioustoprovehisownextremepenetration。AtlengthJemimacouldstanditnolonger，andlefttheroom。 Shewentintotheschoolroom，wheretheshutterswerenotclosed，asitonlylookedintothegarden。Sheopenedthewindow，toletthecoolnightairblowinonherhotcheeks。Thecloudswerehurryingoverthemoon’sfaceinatempestuousandunstablemanner，makingallthingsseemunreal; nowclearoutinitsbrightlight，nowtremblingandquiveringinshadow。 ThepainatherheartseemedtomakeJemima’sbraingrowdull;shelaidherheadonherarms，whichrestedonthewindow-sill，andgrewdizzywiththesickwearynotionthattheearthwaswanderinglawlessandaimlessthroughtheheavens，whereallseemedonetossedandwhirlingwrackofclouds。Itwasawakingnightmare，fromtheuneasyheavinessofwhichshewasthankfultoberousedbyDick’sentrance。”What，youarehere，areyou？Ihavebeenlookingeverywhereforyou。I wantedtoaskyouifyouhaveanysparemoneyyoucouldlendmeforafewweeks？”“Howmuchdoyouwant？”askedJemima，inadull，hopelessvoice。”Oh！themorethebetter。ButIshouldbegladofanytrifle，Iamkeptsoconfoundedlyshort。”，WhenJemimareturnedwithherlittlestore，evenhercareless，selfishbrotherwasstruckbythewannessofherface，lightedbythebed-candleshecarried。”Come，Mimie，don’tgiveitup。IfIwereyou，IwouldhaveagoodtryagainstMrs。Denbigh。I’llsendyouthebonnetassoonaseverIgetbacktotown，andyoupluckupaspirit，andI’llbackyouagainstherevenyet。”，ItseemedtoJemimastrange——andyetonlyafittingpartofthisstrange，chaoticworld——tofindthatherbrother，whowasthelastpersontowhomshecouldhavegivenherconfidenceinherownfamily，andalmostthelastpersonofheracquaintancetowhomshecouldlookforrealhelpandsympathy，shouldhavebeentheonlyonetohituponthesecretofherlove。Andtheideapassedawayfromhismindasquicklyasallideasnotbearinguponhisownself-interestsdid。Thenight，thesleeplessnight，wassocrowdedandhauntedbymiserableimages，thatshelongedforday;andwhendaycame，withitsstingingrealities，sheweariedandgrewsickforthesolitudeofnight。Forthenextweek，sheseemedtoseeandhearnothingbutwhatconfirmedtheideaofMr。Farquhar’sdecidedattachmenttoRuth。Evenhermotherspokeofitasathingwhichwasimpending，andwhichshewonderedhowMr。Bradshawwouldlike;forhisapprovalordisapprovalwasthestandardbywhichshemeasuredallthings。”Oh！mercifulGod，“prayedJemima，inthedeadsilenceofthenight，“thestrainistoogreat——Icannotbearitlonger——mylife——mylove——theveryessenceofme，whichismyselfthroughtimeandeternity;andontheothersidethereisall-pityingCharity。Ifshehadnotbeenwhatsheis——ifshehadshownanysignoftriumph——anyknowledgeofherprize——ifshehadmadeanyefforttogainhisdearheart，Imusthavegivenwaylongago，andtauntedher，evenifIdidnottellothers——tauntedher，eventhoughIsankdowntothepitthenextmoment。”Thetemptationistoostrongforme。OLord！whereisThypeacethatI believedin，inmychildhood？——thatIhearpeoplespeakingofnowasifithushedupthetroublesoflife，andhadnottobesoughtfor——soughtfor，aswithtearsofblood！”Therewasnosoundnoranswertothiswildimploringcry，whichJemimahalfthoughtmustforceoutasignfromHeaven。Buttherewasadawnstealingonthroughthedarknessofhernight。ItwasgloriousweatherfortheendofAugust。Thenightswereasfulloflightasthedays——everywhere，saveinthelowduskymeadowsbytheriver-side，wherethemistsroseandblendedthepaleskywiththelandsbelow。Unknowingofthecareandtroublearoundthem，MaryandElizabethexultedintheweather，andsawsomenewgloryineverytouchoftheyear’sdecay。Theywereclamorousforanexpeditiontothehills，beforethecalmstillnessoftheautumnshouldbedisturbedbystorms。TheygainedpermissiontogoonthenextWednesday——thenexthalf-holiday。Theyhadwontheirmotherovertoconsenttoafullholiday，buttheirfatherwouldnothearofit。Mrs。Bradshawhadproposedanearlydinner，buttheideawasscoutedatbythegirls。Whatwouldtheexpeditionbeworthiftheydidnotcarrytheirdinnerswiththeminbaskets？Anythingoutofabasket，andeatenintheopenair，wasworthtwentytimesasmuchasthemostsumptuousmealinthehouse。Sothebasketswerepackedup，whileMrs。Bradshawwailedoverprobablecoldstobecaughtfromsittingonthedampground。RuthandLeonardweretogotheyfour。Jemimahadrefusedallinvitationstomakeoneoftheparty;andyetshehadahalf-sympathywithhersisters’ joy——asortoflonging，lingeringlookbacktothetimewhenshetoowouldhaverevelledintheprospectthatlaybeforethem。They，too，wouldgrowup，andsuffer;thoughnowtheyplayed，regardlessoftheirdoom。Themorningwasbrightandglorious;justcloudenough，assomeonesaid，tomakethedistantplainlookbeautifulfromthehills，withitsfloatingshadowspassingoverthegoldencorn-fields。Leonardwastojointhemattwelve，whenhislessonswithMr。Benson，andthegirls’withtheirmasters，shouldbeover。Ruthtookoffherbonnet，andfoldedhershawlwithherusualdainty，carefulneatness，andlaidthemasideinacorneroftheroomtobeinreadiness。Shetriedtoforgetthepleasureshealwaysanticipatedfromalongwalktowardsthehillswhilethemorning’sworkwenton;butsheshowedenoughofsympathytomakethegirlsclingroundherwithmanyacaressofjoyouslove。Everythingwasbeautifulintheireyes;fromtheshadowsofthequiveringleavesonthewalltotheglitteringbeadsofdew，notyetabsorbedbythesun，whichdeckedthegossamerwebinthevineoutsidethewindow。Eleveno’clockstruck。TheLatinmasterwentaway，wonderingmuchattheradiantfacesofhispupils，andthinkingthatitwasonlyveryyoungpeoplewhocouldtakesuchpleasureinthe“Delectus。” Ruthsaid，“Nowdoletustrytobeverysteadythisnexthour，“andMarypulledbackRuth’shead，andgavetheprettybuddingmouthakiss。Theysatdowntowork，whileMrs。Denbighreadaloud。Afreshsun-gleamburstintotheroom，andtheylookedateachotherwithglad，anticipatingeyes。Jemimacamein，ostensiblytoseekforabook，butreallyfromthatsortofrestlesswearinessofanyoneplaceoremploymentwhichhadtakenpossessionofhersinceMr。Farquhar’sreturn。Shestoodbeforethebookcaseintherecess，languidlypassingoverthetitlesinsearchoftheoneshewanted。 Ruth’svoicelostatoneortwoofitspeacefulness，andhereyeslookedmoredimandanxiousatJemima’spresence。ShewonderedinherheartifshedaredtoaskMissBradshawtoaccompanyingthemintheirexpedition。 Eighteenmonthsagoshewouldhaveurgeditonherfriendwithsoft，lovingentreaty;nowshewasafraideventoproposeitasahardpossibility; everythingshedidorsaidwastakensowrongly——seemedtoaddtotheolddislike，orthelaterstonycontemptwithwhichMissBradshawhadregardedher。WhiletheywereinthiswayMr。Bradshawcameintotheroom。Hisentrance——hisbeingathomeatallatthistime——wassounusualathing，thatthereadingwasinstantlystopped;andallfourinvoluntarilylookedathim，asifexpectingsomeexplanationofhisunusualproceeding。Hisfacewasalmostpurplewithsuppressedagitation。”MaryandElizabeth，leavetheroom。Don’tstaytopackupyourbooks。 Leavetheroom，Isay！”Hespokewithtremblinganger，andthefrightenedgirlsobeyedwithoutawonAcloudpassingoverthesuncastacoldgloomintotheroomwhichwaslatesobrightandbeaming;but，byequalisingthelight，ittookawaythedarkshadowfromtheplacewhereJemimahadbeenstanding，andherfigurecaughtherfather’seye。”Leavetheroom，Jemima，“saidhe。”Why，father？”repliedshe，inanoppositionthatwasstrangeeventoherself，butwhichwaspromptedbythesullenpassionwhichseethedbelowthestagnantsurfaceofherlife，andwhichsoughtaventindefiance。Shemaintainedherground，facingrounduponherfather，andRuth——Ruth，whohadrisen，andstoodtrembling，shaking，alightning-fearhavingshownhertheprecipiceonwhichshestood。Itwasofnouse;noquiet，innocentlife——noprofoundsilence，eventoherownheart，astothePast;theoldoffencecouldneverbedrownedintheDeep;butthus，whenallwascalmonthegreat，broad，sunnysea，itrosetothesurface，andfacedherwithitsunclosedeyesanditsghastlycountenance。Thebloodbubbleduptoherbrain，andmadesuchasoundthere，asofboilingwaters，thatshedidnothearthewordswhichMr。Bradshawfirstspoke;indeed，hisspeechwasbrokenanddisjointedbyintensepassion。Butsheneedednottohear;sheknew。Assheroseupatfirst，soshestoodnow——numbandhelpless。Whenherearsheardagain(asifthesoundsweredrawingnearer，andbecomingmoredistinct，fromsomefaint，vaguedistanceofspace)，Mr。Bradshawwassaying，“IftherebeonesinIhate——Iutterlyloathe——morethanallothers，itiswantonness。 Itincludesallothersins。Itisbutofapiecethatyoushouldhavecomewithyoursickly，hypocriticalfaceimposinguponusall。ItrustBensondidnotknowofit——forhisownsake，Itrustnot。BeforeGod，ifhegotyouintomyhouseonfalsepretences，heshallfindhischarityatothermen’sexpenseshallcosthimdear——you——thecommontalkofEcclestonforyourprofligacy——“Hewasabsolutelychokedbyhisboilingindignation。 Ruthstoodspeechless，motionless。Herheaddroopedalittleforward;hereyesweremorethanhalfveiledbythelargequiveringlids;herarmshungdownstraightandheavy。Atlastsheheavedtheweightoffherheartenoughtosay，inafaint，moaningvoice，speakingwithinfinitedifficulty——，“Iwassoyoung。”，“Themoredepraved，themoredisgustingyou，“Mr。Bradshawexclaimed，almostgladthatthewoman，unresistingsolong，shouldnowbegintoresist。But，tohissurprise(forinhisangerhehadforgottenherpresence)，Jemimamovedforwardsandsaid，“Father！”“Youholdyourtongue，Jemima。Youhavegrownmoreandmoreinsolent——moreandmoredisobedienteveryday。Inowknowwhotothankforit。Whensuchawomancameintomyfamilythereisnowonderatanycorruption——anyevil——anydefilement——““Father！”“Notaword！If，inyourdisobedience，youchoosetostayandhearwhatnomodestyoungwomanwouldputherselfinthewayofhearing，youshallbesilentwhenIbidyou。Theonlygoodyoucangainisinthewayofwarning。 Lookatthatwoman“(indicatingRuth，whomovedherdroopingheadalittleononeside，asifbysuchmotionshecouldavertthepitilesspointing——herfacegrowingwhiterandwhiterstilleveryinstant)——“Lookatthatwoman，Isay——corruptlongbeforeshewasyourage——hypocriteforyears！Ifeveryou，oranychildofmine，caredforher，shakeherofffromyou，asSt。 Paulshookofftheviper——evenintothefire。”Hestoppedforverywantofbreath。Jemima，allflushedandpanting，wentupandstoodsidebysidewithwanRuth。Shetookthecold，deadhandwhichhungnexttoherinherwarmconvulsivegrasp，and，holdingitsotightthatitwasblueanddiscolouredfordays，shespokeoutbeyondallpowerofrestraintfromherfather。”Father！Iwillspeak。Iwillnotkeepsilence。IwillbearwitnesstoRuth。Ihavehatedher——sokeenly，mayGodforgivemeIbutyoumayknow，fromthat，thatmywitnessistrue。Ihavehatedher，andmyhatredwasonlyquenchedintocontempt——notcontemptnow，dearRuth——dearRuth“——(thiswasspokenwithinfinitesoftnessandtenderness，andinspiteofherfather’sfierceeyesandpassionategesture)——“Iheardwhatyouhavelearntnow，father，weeksandweeksago——ayearitmaybe，alltimeoflatehasbeensolong;andIshudderedupfromherandfromhersin;andImighthavespokenofit，andtolditthereandthen，ifIhadnotbeenafraidthatitwasfromnogoodmotiveIshouldactinsodoing，buttogainawaytothedesireofmyownjealousheart。Yes，father，toshowyouwhatawitnessIamforRuth，IwillownthatIwasstabbedtotheheartwithjealousy;someone——someonecaredforRuththat——ohfather！sparemesayingall。”Herfacewasdouble-dyedwithcrimsonblushes，andshepausedforonemoment——nomore。”Iwatchedher，andIwatchedherwithmywild-beasteyes。IfIhadseenonepalteringwithduty——ifIhadwitnessedoneflickeringshadowofuntruthinwordoraction——if，morethanallthings，mywoman’sinstincthadeverbeenconsciousofthefaintestspeckofimpurityinthought，orword，orlook，myoldhatewouldhaveflamedoutwiththeflameofhell！mycontemptwouldhaveturnedtoloathingdisgust，insteadofmybeingfullofpity，andthestirringsofnew-awakenedlove，andmosttruerespect。Father，Ihavebornemywitness！”“AndIwilltellyouhowmuchyourwitnessisworth，“saidherfather，beginninglow，thathispent-upwrathmighthaveroomtoswellout。“Itonlyconvincesmemoreandmorehowdeepisthecorruptionthiswantonhasspreadinmyfamily。Shehascomeamongstuswithherinnocentseeming，andspreadhernetswellandskilfully。Shehasturnedrightintowrong，andwrongintoright，andtaughtyoualltobeuncertainwhethertherebeanysuchthingasViceintheworld，orwhetheritoughtnottobelookeduponasVirtue。Shehasledyoutothebrinkofthedeeppit，readyforthefirstchancecircumstancetopushyouin。AndItrusted——Itrustedher——Iwelcomedher。”，“Ihavedoneverywrong，“murmuredRuth，butsolow，thatperhapshedidnothearher，forhewentonlashinghimselfup。”Iwelcomedher。Iwasdupedintoallowingherbastard——(Isickenatthethoughtofit)——“AtthementionofLeonard，Ruthlifteduphereyesforthefirsttimesincetheconversationbegan，thepupilsdilating，asifshewerejustbecomingawareofsomenewagonyinstoreforher。Ihaveseensuchalookofterroronapoordumbanimal’scountenance，andonceortwiceonhumanfaces; IprayImayneverseeitagainoneither！Jemimafeltthehandsheheldinherstronggraspwritheitselffree。Ruthspreadherarmsbeforeher，claspingandlacingherfingerstogether，herheadthrownalittlebackasifinintensestsuffering。Mr。Bradshawwenton——，“Thatverychildandheirofshametoassociatewithmyowninnocentchildren！ Itrusttheyarenotcontaminated。”，“Icannotbearit——Icannotbearit！”werethewordswrungoutofRuth。”Cannotbearit！cannotbearit！”herepeated。“Youmustbearit，madam。 Doyousupposeyourchildistobeexemptfromthepenaltiesofhisbirth？ Doyousupposethathealoneistobesavedfromtheupbraidingscoff？ Doyousupposethatheisevertorankwithotherboys，whoarenotstainedandmarkedwithsinfromtheirbirth？EverycreatureinEcclestonmayknowwhatheis;doyouthinktheywillsparehimtheirscorn？’Cannotbearit，’indeed！Beforeyouwentintoyoursin，youshouldhavethoughtwhetheryoucouldbeartheconsequencesornot——havehadsomeideahowfaryouroffspringwouldbedegradedandscouted，tillthebestthingthatcouldhappentohimwouldbeforhimtobelosttoallsenseofshame，deadtoallknowledgeofguilt，forhismother’ssake。”，Ruthspokeout。Shestoodlikeawildcreatureatbay，pastfearnow。“I appealtoGodagainstsuchadoomformychild。IappealtoGodtohelpme。Iamamother，andassuchIcrytoGodforhelp——forhelptokeepmyboyinHispityingsight，andtobringhimupinHisholyfear。Lettheshamefallonme！Ihavedeservedit，buthe——heissoinnocentandgood。”，Ruthhadcaughtuphershawl，andwastyingonherbonnetwithhertremblinghands。WhatifLeonardwashearingofhershamefromcommonreport？Whatwouldbethemysteriousshockoftheintelligence？Shemustfacehim，andseethelookinhiseyes，beforesheknewwhetherherecoiledfromher; hemighthavehisheartturnedtohateher，bytheircrueljeers。Jemimastoodby，dumbandpitying。Hersorrowwaspastherpower。Shehelpedinarrangingthedress，withoneortwogentletouches，whichwerehardlyfeltbyRuth，butwhichcalledoutallMr。Bradshaw’sireafresh;heabsolutelytookherbytheshouldersandturnedherbyforceoutoftheroom。Inthehall，andalongthestairs，herpassionatewoefulcryingwasheard。ThesoundonlyconcentratedMr。Bradshaw’sangeronRuth。Heheldthestreet-dooropenwide，andsaid，betweenhisteeth，“Ifeveryou，oryourbastard，darkenthisdooragain，Iwillhaveyoubothturnedoutbythepolice！”HeneedednothaveaddedthisifhehadseenRuth’sface。 chapter27，CHAPTERXXVII，PREPARINGTOSTANDONTHETRUTH，AsRuthwentalongtheaccustomedstreets，everysightandeverysoundseemedtohearanewmeaning，andeachandalltohavesomereferencetoherboy’sdisgrace。Sheheldherheaddown，andscuddedalongdizzywithfear，lestsomewordshouldhavetoldhimwhatshehadbeen，andwhathewas，beforeshecouldreachhim。Itwasawild，unreasoningfear，butittookholdofherasstronglyasifithadbeenwellfounded。And，indeed，thesecretwhisperedbyMrs。Pearson，whosecuriosityandsuspicionhadbeenexcitedbyJemima’smanner，andconfirmedsincebymanyalittlecorroboratingcircumstance，hadspreadabroad，andwasknowntomostofthegossipsinEcclestonbeforeitreachedMr。Bradshaw’sears。AsRuthcameuptothedooroftheChapel-house，itwasopened，andLeonardcameout，brightandhopefulasthemorning，hisfaceradiantattheprospectofthehappydaybeforehim。Hewasdressedintheclothesithadbeensuchapleasantpridetohertomakeforhim。Hehadthedark-blueribbontiedroundhisneckthatshehadleftoutforhimthatverymorning，withasmilingthoughtofhowitwouldsetoffhisbrown，handsomeface。Shecaughthimbythehandastheymet，andturnedhim，withhisfacehomewards，withoutaword。Herlooks，herrushingmovement，hersilence，awedhim; andalthoughhewondered，hedidnotstaytoaskwhyshedidso。Thedoorwasonthelatch;sheopenedit，andonlysaid，“Upstairs，“inahoarsewhisper。Uptheywentintoherownroom。Shedrewhimin，andboltedthedoor;andthen，sittingdown，sheplacedhim(shehadneverletgoofhim) beforeher，holdinghimwithherhandsoneachofhisshoulders，andgazingintohisfacewithawoefullockoftheagonythatcouldnotfindventinwords。Atlastshetriedtospeak：shetriedwithstrongbodilyeffort，almostamountingtoconvulsion。Butthewordswouldnotcome;itwasnottillshesawtheabsoluteterrordepictedonhisfacethatshefoundutterance; andthenthesightofthatterrorchangedthewordsfromwhatshemeantthemtohavebeen。Shedrewhimtoher，andlaidherheaduponhisshoulder; hidingherfaceeventhere。”Mypoor，poorboy！mypoor，poordarling！Oh！wouldthatIhaddied——I haddied，inmyinnocentgirlhood！”“Mother！mother！”sobbedLeonard。“Whatisthematter？Whydoyoulooksowildandill？Whydoyoucallmeyour’poorboy’？ArewenotgoingtoScaursideHill？Idon’tmuchmindit，mother;onlypleasedon’tgaspandquiverso。Dearestmother，areyouill？LetmecallAuntFaith！”Ruthliftedherselfup，andputawaythehairthathadfallenoverandwasblindinghereyes。Shelookedathimwithintensewistfulness。”Kissme，Leonard！”saidshe——“kissme，mydarling，oncemoreintheoldway！”Leonardthrewhimselfintoherarmsandhuggedherwithallhisforce，andtheirlipsclungtogetherasinthekissgiventothedying。”Leonard！”saidsheatlength，holdinghimawayfromher，andnervingherselfuptotellhimallbyonespasmodiceffort——“listentome。”Theboystoodbreathlessandstill，gazingather。OnherimpetuoustransitfromMr。 Bradshaw’stotheChapel-househerwild，desperatethoughthadbeenthatshewouldcallherselfbyeveryviolent，coarsenamewhichtheworldmightgiveher——thatLeonardshouldhearthosewordsappliedtohismotherfirstfromherownlips;buttheinfluenceofhispresence——forhewasaholyandsacredcreatureinhereyes，andthispointremainedsteadfast，thoughalltherestwereupheaved——subduedher;andnowitseemedasifshecouldnotfindwordsfineenough，andpureenough，toconveythetruththathemustlearn，andshouldlearnfromnotonguebuthers。”Leonard！whenIwasveryyoungIdidverywrong。IthinkGod，whoknowsall，willjudgememoretenderlythanmen——butIdidwronginawaywhichyoucannotunderstandyet“(shesawtheredflushcomeintohischeek，anditstungherasthefirsttokenofthatshamewhichwastobehisportionthroughlife)——“inawaypeopleneverforget，neverforgive。Youwillhearmecalledthehardestnamesthatevercanbethrownatwomen——Ihavebeento-day;and，mychild，youmustbearitpatiently，becausetheywillbepartlytrue。Nevergetconfused，byyourloveforme，intothinkingthatwhatIdidwasright——WherewasI？”saidshe，suddenlyfaltering，andforgettingallshehadsaidandallshehadgottosay;andthen，seeingLeonard’sfaceofwonder，andburningshameandindignation，shewentonmorerapidly，asfearinglestherstrengthshouldfailbeforeshehadended。”And，Leonard，“continuedshe，inatrembling，sadvoice，“thisisnotall。Thepunishmentofpunishmentsliesawaitingmestill。Itistoseeyousufferfrommywrongdoing。Yes，darling！theywillspeakshamefulthingsofyou，poorinnocentchild！aswellasofme，whoamguilty。Theywillthrowitinyourteeththroughlife，thatyourmotherwasnevermarried——wasnotmarriedwhenyouwereborn——““Werenotyoumarried？Arenotyouawidow？”askedheabruptly，forthefirsttimegettinganythinglikeaclearideaoftherealstateofthecase。”No！MayGodforgiveme，andhelpme！”exclaimedshe，asshesawastrangelookofrepugnancecloudovertheboy’sface，andfeltaslightmotiononhisparttoextricatehimselffromherhold。Itwasasslight，astransientasitcouldbe——overinaninstant。Butshehadtakenherhandsaway，andcoveredupherfacewiththemasquickly——coveredupherfaceinshamebeforeherchild;andinthebitternessofherheartshewaswailingout，“Oh！wouldtoGodIhaddied——thatIhaddiedasababy——thatIhaddiedasalittlebabyhangingatmymother’sbreast！”“Mother，“saidLeonard，timidlyputtinghishandonherarm;butsheshrankfromhim，andcontinuedherlow，passionatewailing。“Mother，“saidhe，afterapausecomingnearer，thoughshesawitnot——“mammydarling，“saidhe，usingthecaressingname，whichhehadbeentryingtodropasnotsufficientlymanly，“mammy，myown，owndear，deardarlingmother，Idon’tbelievethem; Idon’t，Idon’t，Idon’t，Idon’t！”Hebrokeoutintoawildburstofcryingashesaidthis。Inamomentherarmswereroundtheboy，andshewashushinghimuplikeababyonherbosom。“Hush，Leonard！Leonard，bestill，mychild！Ihavebeentoosuddenwithyou！——Ihavedoneyouharm——oh！ Ihavedoneyounothingbutharm，“criedshe，inatoneofbitterself-reproach。”No，mother，“saidhe，stoppinghistears，andhiseyesblazingoutwithearnestness;“thereneverwassuchamotherasyouhavebeentome，andIwon’tbelieveanyonewhosaysit。Iwon’t;andI’llknockthemdowniftheysayitagain，Iwill！”Heclenchedhisfist，withafierce，defiantlookonhisface。”Youforget，mychild，“saidRuth，inthesweetest，saddesttonethateverwasheard，“Isaiditofmyself;Isaiditbecauseitwastrue。”Leonardthrewhisarmstightroundherandhidhisfaceagainstherbosom。Shefelthimpanttherelikesomehuntedcreature。Shehadnosoothingcomforttogivehim。“Oh，thatsheandhelaydead！”Atlast，exhausted，helaysostillandmotionless，thatshefearedtolook。Shewantedhimtospeak，yetdreadedhisfirstwords。Shekissedhishair，hishead，hisveryclothes;murmuringlow，inarticulate，andmoaningsounds。”Leonard，“saidshe，“Leonard，lookupatme！Leonard，lookup！”Butheonlyclungthecloser，andhidhisfacethemore。”Myboy！”saidshe，“whatcanIdoorsay？IfItellyounevertomindit——thatitisnothing——Itellyoufalse。ItisabittershameandasorrowthatIhavedrawndownuponyou。Ashame，Leonard，becauseofme，yourmother;but，Leonard，itisnodisgraceorloweringofyouintheeyesofGod。”Shespokenowasifshehadfoundthecluewhichmightleadhimtorestandstrengthatlast。“Rememberthat，always。Rememberthat，whenthetimeoftrialcomes——anditseemsahardandcruelthingthatyoushouldbecalledreproachfulnamesbymen，andallforwhatwasnofaultofyours——rememberGod’spityandGod’sjustice;and，thoughmysinshallhavemadeyouanoutcastintheworld——oh，mychild，mychild“——(shefelthimkissher，asifmutuallytryingtocomforther——itgaveherstrengthtogoon)——“remember，darlingofmyheart，itisonlyyourownsinthatcanmakeyouanoutcastfromGod。”，Shegrewsofaintthatherholdofhimrelaxed。Helookedupaffrighted。 Hebroughtherwater——hethrewitoverher;inhisterroratthenotionthatshewasgoingtodieandleavehim，hecalledherbyeveryfondname，imploringhertoopenhereyes。Whenshepartiallyrecoveredhehelpedhertothebed，onwhichshelaystill，wan，anddeath-like。ShealmosthopedtheswoonthathungaroundhermightbeDeath，andinthatimaginationsheopenedhereyestotakealastlookatherboy。Shesawhimpaleandterror-stricken;andpityforhisaffrightrousedher，andmadeherforgetherselfinthewishthatheshouldnotseeherdeath，ifshewereindeeddying。”GotoAuntFaith！”whisperedshe;“Iamweary，andwantsleep。”，Leonardaroseslowlyandreluctantly。Shetriedtosmileuponhim，thatwhatshethoughtwouldbeherlastlookmightdwellinhisremembranceastenderandstrong;shewatchedhimtothedoor;shesawhimhesitate，andreturntoher。Hecamebacktoher，andsaidinatimid，apprehensivetone，“Mother——willtheyspeaktomeabout——it？”Ruthclosedhereyes，thattheymightnotexpresstheagonyshefelt，likeasharpknife，atthisquestion。Leonardhadaskeditwithachild’sdesireofavoidingpainfulandmysterioustopics，——fornopersonalsenseofshameassheunderstoodit，shamebeginningthusearly，thusinstantaneously。”No，“shereplied。“Youmaybesuretheywillnot。”，Sohewent。Butnowshewouldhavebeenthankfulfortheunconsciousnessoffainting;thatonelittlespeechboresomuchmeaningtoherhot，irritablebrain。Mr。andMissBenson，allintheirhouse，wouldneverspeaktotheboy——butinhishomealonewouldhebesafefromwhathehadalreadylearnedtodread。Everyforminwhichshameandopprobriumcouldoverwhelmherdarlinghauntedher。Shehadbeenexercisingstrongself-controlforhissakeeversinceshehadmethimatthehouse-door;therewasnowareaction。 Hispresencehadkepthermindonitsperfectbalance。Whenthatwaswithdrawntheeffectofthestrainofpowerwasfelt。Andathwartthefever-miststhatarosetoobscureherjudgment，allsortsofwill-o’-the-wispplansflitteredbeforeher;temptinghertothisandthatcourseofaction——toanythingratherthanpatientendurance——torelieveherpresentstateofmiserybysomesuddenspasmodiceffort，thattookthesemblanceofbeingwiseandright。Graduallyallherdesires，allherlonging，settledthemselvesononepoint。Whathadshedone——whatcouldshedo，toLeonardbutevil？ Ifshewereaway，andgonenooneknewwhere——lostinmystery，asifsheweredead——perhapsthecruelheartsmightrelent，andshowpityonLeonard; whileherperpetualpresencewouldbutcalluptheremembranceofhisbirth。 Thusshereasonedinherhot，dullbrain;andshapedherplansinaccordance。Leonardstoledownstairsnoiselessly。Helistenedtofindsomequietplacewherehecouldhidehimself。Thehousewasverystill。MissBensonthoughtthepurposedexpeditionhadtakenplace，andneverdreamedbutthatRuthandLeonardwereondistant，sunnyScaursideHill;and，afteraveryearlydinner，shehadsetouttodrinkteawithafarmer’swife，wholivedinthecountrytwoorthreemilesoff。Mr。Bensonmeanttohavegonewithher;but，whiletheywereatdinner，hehadreceivedanunusuallyauthoritativenotefromMr。Bradshawdesiringtospeakwithhim，sohewenttothatgentleman’shouseinstead。Sallywasbusyinherkitchen，makingagreatnoise(notunlikeagroomrubbingdownahorse)overhercleaning。Leonardstoleintothesitting-room，andcrouchedbehindthelargeold-fashionedsofatoeasehissore，achingheart，bycryingwithalltheprodigalwasteandabandonmentofchildhood。Mr。BensonwasshownintoMr。Bradshaw’sownparticularroom。Thelattergentlemanwaswalkingupanddown，anditwaseasytoperceivethatsomethinghadoccurredtochafehimtogreatanger。”Sitdown，sir！”saidhetoMr。Benson，noddingtoachair。Mr。Bensonsatdown。ButMr。Bradshawcontinuedhiswalkforafewminuteslongerwithoutspeaking。Thenhestoppedabruptly，rightinfrontofMr。 Benson;andinavoicewhichhetriedtorendercalm，butwhichtrembledwithpassion——withafaceglowingpurpleashethoughtofhiswrongs(andrealwrongstheywere)，hebegan——，“Mr。Benson，Ihavesentforyoutoask——Iamalmosttooindignantatthebaresuspiciontospeakasbecomesme——butdidyou——Ireallyshallbeobligedtobegyourpardon，ifyouareasmuchinthedarkasIwasyesterdayastothecharacterofthewomanwholivesunderyourroof？”TherewasnoanswerfromMr。Benson。Mr。Bradshawlookedathimveryearnestly。 Hiseyeswerefixedontheground——hemadenoinquiry——heutterednoexpressionofwonderordismay。Mr。Bradshawgroundhisfootonthefloorwithgatheringrage;butjustashewasabouttospeakMr。Bensonroseup——apoordeformedoldman——beforethesternandportlyfigurethatwasswellingandpantingwithpassion。”Hearme，sir！”(stretchingouthishandasiftoavertthewordswhichwereimpending)。“Nothingyoucansaycanupbraidmelikemyownconscience; nodegradationyoucaninflict，bywordordeed，cancomeuptothedegradationIhavesufferedforyears，atbeingapartytoadeceit，evenforagoodend——““Foragoodend！——Nay！whatnext？”ThetauntingcontemptwithwhichMr。Bradshawspokethesewordsalmostsurprisedhimselfbywhatheimaginedmustbeitssuccessfulpowerofwithering; butinspiteofitMr。BensonliftedhisgraveeyestoMr。Bradshaw’scountenance，andrepeated——，“Foragoodend。Theendwasnot，asperhapsyouconsiderittohavebeen，toobtainheradmissionintoyourfamily——noryettoputherinthewayofgainingherlivelihood;mysisterandIwouldwillinglyhavesharedwhatwehavewithher;itwasourintentiontodosoatfirst，ifnotforanylengthoftime，atleastaslongasherhealthmightrequireit。WhyIadvised(perhapsIonlyyieldedtoadvice)achangeofname——anassumptionofafalsestateofwidowhood——wasbecauseIearnestlydesiredtoplaceherincircumstancesinwhichshemightworkoutherself-redemption;andyou，sir，knowhowterriblytheworldgoesagainstallsuchashavesinnedasRuthdid。Shewassoyoung，too。”，“Youmistake，sir;myacquaintancehasnotlainsomuchamongthatclassofsinnersastogivememuchexperienceofthewayinwhichtheyaretreated。 But，judgingfromwhatIhaveseen，Ishouldsaytheymeetwithfullasmuchleniencyastheydeserve;andsupposingtheydonot——Iknowthereareplentyofsicklysentimentalistsjustnowwhoreservealltheirinterestandregardforcriminals——whynotpickoutoneofthesetohelpyouinyourtaskofwashingtheblackamoorwhite？Whychoosemetobeimposedupon——myhouseholdintowhichtointrudeyourprotegee？Whyweremyinnocentchildrentobeexposedtocorruption？Isay，“saidMr。Bradshaw，stampinghisfoot，“howdaredyoucomeintothishouse，whereyouwerelookeduponasaministerofreligion，withalieinyourmouth？Howdaredyousinglemeout，ofallpeople，tobegulled，anddeceived，andpointedatthroughthetownasthepersonwhohadtakenanabandonedwomanintohishousetoteachhisdaughters？”“Iownmydeceitwaswrongandfaithless。”，“Yes！youcanownit，nowitisfoundout！Thereissmallmeritinthat，Ithink！”“Sir！Iclaimnomerit。Itakeshametomyself。Ididnotsingleyouout。 YouappliedtomewithyourproposalthatRuthshouldbeyourchildren’sgoverness。”，“Pah！”“Andthetemptationwastoogreat——no！Iwillnotsaythat——butthetemptationwasgreaterthanIcouldstand——itseemedtoopenoutapathofusefulness。”，“Now，don’tletmehearyouspeakso，“saidMr。Bradshaw，blazingup。“I can’tstandit。Itistoomuchtotalkinthatwaywhentheusefulnesswastoconsistincontaminatingmyinnocentgirls。”，“GodknowsthatifIhadbelievedtherehadbeenanydangerofsuchcontamination——GodknowshowIwouldhavediedsoonerthanhaveallowedhertoenteryourfamily。Mr。Bradshaw，youbelieveme，don’tyou？”askedMr。Bensonearnestly。”Ireallymustbeallowedtheprivilegeofdoubtingwhatyousayinfuture，“ saidMr。Bradshaw，inacold，contemptuousmanner。”Ihavedeservedthis，“Mr。Bensonreplied。“But，“continuedhe，afteramoment’spause，“Iwillnotspeakofmyself，butofRuth。Surely，sir，theendIaimedat(themeansItooktoobtainitwerewrong;youcannotfeelthatmorethanIdo)wasarightone;andyouwillnot——youcannotsaythatyourchildrenhavesufferedfromassociatingwithher。Ihadherinmyfamily，underthewatchfuleyesofthreeanxiouspersonsforayearormorewesawfaults——nohumanbeingiswithoutthem——andpoorRuth’swerebutslightvenialerrors;butwesawnosignofacorruptmind——noglimpseofboldnessorforwardness——notokenofwantofconscientiousness; sheseemed，andwas，ayoungandgentlegirl，whohadbeenledastraybeforeshefairlyknewwhatlifewas。”，“Isupposemostdepravedwomenhavebeeninnocentintheirtime，“saidMr。Bradshaw，withbittercontempt。”Oh，Mr。Bradshaw！Ruthwasnotdepraved，andyouknowit。Youcannothaveseenher——haveknownherdaily，alltheseyears，withoutacknowledgingthat！”Mr。Bensonwasalmostbreathless，awaitingMr。Bradshaw’sanswer。 Thequietself-controlwhichhehadmaintainedsolongwasgonenow。”Isawherdaily——Ididnotknowher。IfIhadknownher，Ishouldhaveknownshewasfallenanddepraved，andconsequentlynotfittocomeintomyhouse，nortoassociatewithmypurechildren。”，“NowIwishGodwouldgivemepowertospeakoutconvincinglywhatIbelievetobeHistruth，thatnoteverywomanwhohasfallenisdepraved;thatmany——howmanytheGreatJudgmentDaywillrevealtothosewhohaveshakenoffthepoor，sore，penitentheartsonearth——many，manycraveandhungerafterachanceofvirtue——thehelpwhichnomangivestothem——help——thatgentle，tenderhelpwhichJesusgaveoncetoMaryMagdalen。”Mr。Bensonwasalmostchokedbyhisownfeelings。”Come，come，Mr。Benson，letushavenomoreofthismorbidwayoftalking。 Theworldhasdecidedhowsuchwomenaretobetreated;and，youmaydependuponit，thereissomuchpracticalwisdomintheworld，thatitswayofactingisrightinthelong-run，andthatnoonecanflyinitsfacewithimpunity，unless，indeed，theystooptodeceitandimposition。”，“ItakemystandwithChristagainsttheworld，“saidMr。Bensonsolemnly，disregardingthecovertallusiontohimself。“Whathavetheworld’swaysendedin？Canwebemuchworsethanweare？”“Speakforyourself，ifyouplease。”，“Isitnottimetochangesomeofourwaysofthinkingandacting？IdeclarebeforeGod，thatifIbelieveinanyonehumantruth，itisthis——thattoeverywomanwho，likeRuth，hassinnedshouldbegivenachanceofself-redemption——andthatsuchachanceshouldbegiveninnosuperciliousorcontemptuousmanner，butinthespiritoftheholyChrist。”，“Suchasgettingherintoafriend’shouseunderfalsecolours。”，“IdonotargueonRuth’scase。InthatIhaveacknowledgedmyerror。I donotargueonanycase。Istatemyfirmbelief，thatitisGod’swillthatweshouldnotdaretotrampleanyofHiscreaturesdowntothehopelessdust;thatitisGod’swillthatthewomenwhohavefallenshouldbenumberedamongthosewhohavebrokenheartstobeboundup，notcastasideaslostbeyondrecall。IfthisbeGod’swill，asathingofGoditwillstand; andHewillopenaway。”，“IshouldhaveattachedmuchmoreimportancetoallyourexhortationonthispointifIcouldhaverespectedyourconductinothermatters。Asitis，whenIseeamanwhohasdeludedhimselfintoconsideringfalsehoodright，Iamdisinclinedtotakehisopiniononsubjectsconnectedwithmorality;andIcannolongerregardhimasafittingexponentofthewillofGod。YouperhapsunderstandwhatImean，Mr。Benson。Icannolongerattendyourchapel。”，IfMr。BensonhadfeltanyhopeofmakingMr。Bradshaw’sobstinatemindreceivethetruth，thatheacknowledgedandrepentedofhisconnivanceatthefalsehoodbymeansofwhichRuthhadbeenreceivedintotheBradshawfamily，thislastsentencepreventedhismakingtheattempt。Hesimplybowedandtookhisleave——Mr。Bradshawattendinghimtothedoorwithformalceremony。HefeltacutelytheseveranceofthetiewhichMr。Bradshawhadjustannouncedtohim。Hehadexperiencedmanymortificationsinhisintercoursewiththatgentleman，buttheyhadfallenofffromhismeekspiritlikedropsofwaterfromabird’splumage;andnowheonlyrememberedtheactsofsubstantialkindnessrendered(theostentationallforgotten)——manyhappyhoursandpleasantevenings——thechildrenwhomhehadloveddearerthanhethoughttillnow——theyoungpeopleaboutwhomhehadcared，andwhomhehadstriventoleadaright。HewasbutayoungmanwhenMr。Bradshawfirstcametohischapel;theyhadgrownoldtogether;hehadneverrecognisedMr。Bradshawasanoldfamiliarfriendsocompletelyasnowwhentheyweresevered。Itwaswithaheavyheartthatheopenedhisowndoor。Hewenttohisstudyimmediately;hesatdowntosteadyhimselfintohisposition。Howlonghewasthere——silentandalone——reviewinghislife——confessinghissins——hedidnotknow;butheheardsomeunusualsoundinthehousethatdisturbedhim——rousedhimtopresentlife。Aslow，languidstepcamealongthepassagetothefrontdoor——thebreathingwasbrokenbymanysighs。Ruth’shandwasonthelatchwhenMr。Bensoncameout。Herfacewasverywhite，excepttworedspotsoneachcheek——hereyesweredeep-sunkandhollow，butglitteredwithfeverishlustre。“Ruth！”exclaimedhe。Shemovedherlips，butherthroatandmouthweretoodryforhertospeak。”Whereareyougoing？”askedhe;forshehadallherwalkingthingson，yettrembledsoevenasshestood，thatitwasevidentshecouldnotwalkfarwithoutfalling。Shehesitated——shelookedupathim，stillwiththesamedryglitteringeyes。Atlastshewhispered(forshecouldonlyspeakinawhisper)，“ToHelmsby——IamgoingtoHelmsby。”，“Helmsby！mypoorgirl——mayGodhavemercyuponyou！”forhesawshehardlyknewwhatshewassaying。“WhereisHelmsby？”“Idon’tknow。InLincolnshire，Ithink。”，“Butwhyareyougoingthere？”“Hush！he’sasleep，“saidshe，asMr。Bensonhadunconsciouslyraisedhisvoice。”Whoisasleep？”askedMr。Benson。”Thatpoorlittleboy，“saidshe，beginningtoquiverandcry。”Comehere！”saidheauthoritatively，drawingherintothestudy。”Sitdowninthatchair。Iwillcomebackdirectly。”，Hewentinsearchofhissister，butshehadnotreturned。ThenhehadrecoursetoSally，whowasasbusyaseverabouthercleaning。”HowlonghasRuthbeenathome？”askedhe。”Ruth！Shehasneverbeenathomesin’morning。SheandLeonardweretobeoffforthedaysomewhereorotherwiththemBradshawgirls。”，“Thenshehashadnodinner？”“Nothere，anyrate。Ican’tanswerforwhatshemayhavedoneatotherplaces。”，“AndLeonard——whereishe？”“HowshouldIknow？Withhismother，Isuppose。Leastways，thatwaswhatwasfixedon。I’veenoughtodoofmyown，withoutroutingafterotherfolks。”，Shewentonscouringinnoverygoodtemper。Mr。Bensonstoodsilentforamoment。”Sally，“hesaid，“Iwantacupoftea。Willyoumakeitassoonasyoucan;andsomedrytoasttoo？I’llcomeforitintenminutes。”，Struckbysomethinginhisvoice，shelookedupathimforthefirsttime。”Whatha’yebeendoingtoyourself，tolooksogrimandgrey？Tiringyourselfalltotatters，lookingaftersomenaught，I’llbebound！Well！well！I munmakeyeyourtea，Ireckon;butIdidhopeasyougrewolderyou’dha’grownwiser。”，Mr。Bensonmadenoreply，butwenttolookforLeonard，hopingthatthechild’spresencemightbringbacktohismotherthepowerofself-control。 Heopenedtheparlour-door，andlookedin，butsawnoone。Justashewasshuttingit，however，heheardadeep，broken，sobbingsigh;and，guidedbythesound，hefoundtheboylyingonthefloor，fastasleep，butwithhisfeaturesallswollenanddisfiguredbypassionatecrying。”Poorchild！Thiswaswhatshemeant，then，“thoughtMr。Benson。“Hehasbegunhisshareofthesorrowstoo“hecontinuedpitifully。“No！Iwillnotwakenhimbacktoconsciousness。”Sohereturnedaloneintothestudy。 Ruthsatwherehehadplacedher，herheadbentback，andhereyesshut。 Butwhenhecameinshestartedup。”Imustbegoing，“shesaidinahurriedway。”Nay，Ruth，youmustnotgo。Youmustnotleaveus。Wecannotdowithoutyou。Weloveyoutoomuch。”，“Loveme！”saidshe，lookingathimwistfully。Asshelooked，hereyesfilledslowlywithtears。Itwasagoodsign，andMr。Bensontookhearttogoon。”Yes！Ruth。Youknowwedo。Youmayhaveotherthingstofillupyourmindjustnow，butyouknowweloveyou;andnothingcanalterourloveforyou。Yououghtnottohavethoughtofleavingus。Youwouldnot，ifyouhadbeenquitewell。”，“Doyouknowwhathashappened？”sheasked，inalow，hoarsevoice。”Yes。Iknowall，“heanswered。“Itmakesnodifferencetous。Whyshouldit？”“Oh！Mr。Benson，don’tyouknowthatmyshameisdiscovered？”shereplied，burstingintotears——“andImustleaveyou，andleaveLeonard，thatyoumaynotshareinmydisgrace。”，“Youmustdonosuchthing。LeaveLeonard！YouhavenorighttoleaveLeonard。 Wherecouldyougoto？”“ToHelmsby，“shesaidhumbly。“Itwouldbreakmyhearttogo，butIthinkIought，forLeonard’ssake。IknowIought。”Shewascryingsadlybythistime，butMr。Bensonknewtheflowoftearswouldeaseherbrain。“Itwillbreakmyhearttogo，butIknowImust。”，“Sitstillhereatpresent，“saidhe，inadecidedtoneofcommand。Hewentforthecupoftea。HebroughtittoherwithoutSally’sbeingawareforwhomitwasintended。”Drinkthis！”Hespokeasyouwoulddotoachild，ifdesiringittotakemedicine。“Eatsometoast。”Shetookthetea，anddrankitfeverishly; butwhenshetriedtoeat，thefoodseemedtochokeher。Stillshewasdocile，andshetried。”Icannot，“saidsheatlast，puttingdownthepieceoftoast。Therewasareturnofsomethingofherusualtoneinthewords。Shespokegentlyandsoftly;nolongerintheshrill，hoarsevoiceshehadusedatfirst。 Mr。Bensonsatdownbyher。”Now，Ruth，wemusttalkalittletogether。Iwanttounderstandwhatyourplanwas。WhereisHelmsby？Whydidyoufixtogothere？”“Itiswheremymotherlived，“sheanswered。“Beforeshewasmarriedshelivedthere;andwherevershelived，thepeoplealllovedherdearly;andIthought——Ithink，thatforhersake，someonewouldgivemework。Imeanttotellthemthetruth，“saidshe，droppinghereyes;“butstilltheywould，perhaps，givemesomeemployment——Idon’tcarewhat——forhersake。Icoulddomanythings，“saidshe，suddenlylookingup。“IamsureIcouldweed——I couldingardens——iftheydidnotliketohavemeintheirhouses。Butperhapssomeone，formymother’ssake——oh！mydear，dearmother！——doyouknowwhereandwhatIam？”shecriedout，sobbingafresh。Mr。Benson’sheartwasverysore，thoughhespokeauthoritatively，andalmoststernly——，“Ruth！youmustbestillandquiet。Icannothavethis。Iwantyoutolistentome。YourthoughtofHelmsbywouldbeagoodone，ifitwasrightforyoutoleaveEccleston;butIdonotthinkitis。Iamcertainofthis，thatitwouldbeagreatsininyoutoseparateyourselffromLeonard。