Mybeautifulnewwatchhadruneighteenmonthswithoutlosingorgaining，andwithoutbreakinganypartofitsmachineryorstopping。Ihadcometobelieveitinfallibleinitsjudgmentsaboutthetimeofday，andtoconsideritsconstitutionanditsanatomyimperishable。Butatlast，onenight，Iletitrundown。Igrievedaboutitasifitwerearecognizedmessengerandforerunnerofcalamity。ButbyandbyIcheeredup，setthewatchbyguess，andcommandedmybodingsandsuperstitionstodepart。
NextdayIsteppedintothechiefjeweler’stosetitbytheexacttime，andtheheadoftheestablishmenttookitoutofmyhandandproceededtosetitforme。Thenhesaid，“Sheisfourminutesslow-regulatorwantspushingup。”，Itriedtostophim——triedtomakehimunderstandthatthewatchkeptperfecttime。Butno;allthishumancabbagecouldseewasthatthewatchwasfourminutesslow，andtheregulatormustbepushedupalittle;andso，whileIdancedaroundhiminanguish，andimploredhimtoletthewatchalone，hecalmlyandcruellydidtheshamefuldeed。Mywatchbegantogain。Itgainedfasterandfasterdaybyday。Withintheweekitsickenedtoaragingfever，anditspulsewentuptoahundredandfiftyintheshade。Attheendoftwomonthsithadleftallthetimepiecesofthetownfarintherear，andwasafractionoverthirteendaysaheadofthealmanac。ItwasawayintoNovemberenjoyingthesnow，whiletheOctoberleaveswerestillturning。Ithurrieduphouserent，billspayable，andsuchthings，insucharuinouswaythatIcouldnotabideit。Itookittothewatchmakertoberegulated。HeaskedmeifI
hadeverhaditrepaired。Isaidno，ithadneverneededanyrepairing。
Helookedalookofvicioushappinessandeagerlypriedthewatchopen，andthenputasmalldice-boxintohiseyeandpeeredintoitsmachinery。
Hesaiditwantedcleaningandoiling，besidesregulating——comeinaweek。Afterbeingcleanedandoiled，andregulated，mywatchsloweddowntothatdegreethatittickedlikeatollingbell。Ibegantobeleftbytrains，Ifailedallappointments，Igottomissingmydinner;mywatchstrungoutthreedays’gracetofourandletmegotoprotest;
Igraduallydriftedbackintoyesterday，thendaybefore，thenintolastweek，andbyandbythecomprehensioncameuponmethatallsolitaryandaloneIwaslingeringalonginweekbeforelast，andtheworldwasoutofsight。Iseemedtodetectinmyselfasortofsneakingfellow-feelingforthemummyinthemuseum，andadesiretoswapnewswithhim。Iwenttoawatchmakeragain。HetookthewatchalltopieceswhileIwaited，andthensaidthebarrelwas“swelled。”，Hesaidhecouldreduceitinthreedays。Afterthisthewatchaveragedwell，butnothingmore。Forhalfadayitwouldgoliketheverymischief，andkeepupsuchabarkingandwheezingandwhoopingandsneezingandsnorting，thatIcouldnothearmyselfthinkforthedisturbance;andaslongasitheldouttherewasnotawatchinthelandthatstoodanychanceagainstit。Buttherestofthedayitwouldkeeponslowingdownandfoolingalonguntilalltheclocksithadleftbehindcaughtupagain。Soatlast，attheendoftwenty-fourhours，itwouldtrotuptothejudges’standallrightandjustintime。Itwouldshowafairandsquareaverage，andnomancouldsayithaddonemoreorlessthanitsduty。Butacorrectaverageisonlyamildvirtueinawatch，andItookthisinstrumenttoanotherwatchmaker。Hesaidtheking-boltwasbroken。IsaidIwasgladitwasnothingmoreserious。Totelltheplaintruth，Ihadnoideawhattheking-boltwas，butIdidnotchoosetoappearignoranttoastranger。
Herepairedtheking-bolt，butwhatthewatchgainedinonewayitlostinanother。Itwouldrunawhileandthenstopawhile，andthenrunawhileagain，andsoon，usingitsowndiscretionabouttheintervals。
Andeverytimeitwentoffitkickedbacklikeamusket。Ipaddedmybreastforafewdays，butfinallytookthewatchtoanotherwatchmaker。
Hepickeditalltopieces，andturnedtheruinoverandoverunderhisglass;andthenhesaidthereappearedtobesomethingthematterwiththehair-trigger。Hefixedit，andgaveitafreshstart。Itdidwellnow，exceptthatalwaysattenminutestotenthehandswouldshuttogetherlikeapairofscissors，andfromthattimeforththeywouldtraveltogether。Theoldestmanintheworldcouldnotmakeheadortailofthetimeofdaybysuchawatch，andsoIwentagaintohavethethingrepaired。Thispersonsaidthatthecrystalhadgotbent，andthatthemainspringwasnotstraight。Healsoremarkedthatpartoftheworksneededhalf-soling。Hemadethesethingsallright，andthenmytimepieceperformedunexceptionably，savethatnowandthen，afterworkingalongquietlyfornearlyeighthours，everythinginsidewouldletgoallofasuddenandbegintobuzzlikeabee，andthehandswouldstraightwaybegintospinroundandroundsofastthattheirindividualitywaslostcompletely，andtheysimplyseemedadelicatespider’sweboverthefaceofthewatch。Shewouldreeloffthenexttwenty-fourhoursinsixorsevenminutes，andthenstopwithabang。
Iwentwithaheavyhearttoonemorewatchmaker，andlookedonwhilehetookhertopieces。ThenIpreparedtocross-questionhimrigidly，forthisthingwasgettingserious。Thewatchhadcosttwohundreddollarsoriginally，andIseemedtohavepaidouttwoorthreethousandforrepairs。WhileIwaitedandlookedonIpresentlyrecognizedinthiswatchmakeranoldacquaintance——asteamboatengineerofotherdays，andnotagoodengineer，either。Heexaminedallthepartscarefully，justastheotherwatchmakershaddone，andthendeliveredhisverdictwiththesameconfidenceofmanner。
Hesaid：
“Shemakestoomuchsteam-youwanttohangthemonkey-wrenchonthesafety-valve！”
Ibrainedhimonthespot，andhadhimburiedatmyownexpense。
MyuncleWilliam(nowdeceased，alas！)usedtosaythatagoodhorsewas，agoodhorseuntilithadrunawayonce，andthatagoodwatchwasagoodwatchuntiltherepairersgotachanceatit。Andheusedtowonderwhatbecameofalltheunsuccessfultinkers，andgunsmiths，andshoemakers，andengineers，andblacksmiths;butnobodycouldevertellhim。
POLITICALECONOMY
PoliticalEconomyisthebasisofallgoodgovernment。Thewisestmenofallageshavebroughttobearuponthissubjectthe——
[HereIwasinterruptedandinformedthatastrangerwishedtoseemedownatthedoor。Iwentandconfrontedhim，andaskedtoknowhisbusiness，strugglingallthetimetokeepatightreinonmyseethingpolitical-economyideas，andnotletthembreakawayfrommeorgettangledintheirharness。AndprivatelyIwishedthestrangerwasinthebottomofthecanalwithacargoofwheatontopofhim。Iwasallinafever，buthewascool。Hesaidhewassorrytodisturbme，butashewaspassinghenoticedthatIneededsomelightning-rods。Isaid，“Yes，yes——goon——whataboutit？”Hesaidtherewasnothingaboutit，inparticular——nothingexceptthathewouldliketoputthemupforme。
Iamnewtohousekeeping;havebeenusedtohotelsandboarding-housesallmylife。Likeanybodyelseofsimilarexperience，Itrytoappear(tostrangers)tobeanoldhousekeeper;consequentlyIsaidinanoffhandwaythatIhadbeenintendingforsometimetohavesixoreightlightning-rodsputup，but——Thestrangerstarted，andlookedinquiringlyatme，butIwasserene。IthoughtthatifIchancedtomakeanymistakes，hewouldnotcatchmebymycountenance。Hesaidhewouldratherhavemycustomthananyman’sintown。Isaid，“Allright，“andstartedofftowrestlewithmygreatsubjectagain，whenhecalledmebackandsaiditwouldbenecessarytoknowexactlyhowmany“points“I
wantedputup，whatpartsofthehouseIwantedthemon，andwhatqualityofrodIpreferred。Itwasclosequartersforamannotusedtotheexigenciesofhousekeeping;butIwentthroughcreditably，andheprobablyneversuspectedthatIwasanovice。Itoldhimtoputupeight“points，“andputthemallontheroof，andusethebestqualityofrod。
Hesaidhecouldfurnishthe“plain“articleat20centsafoot;
“coppered，“25cents;“zinc-platedspiral-twist，“at30cents，thatwouldstopastreakoflightninganytime，nomatterwhereitwasbound，and“renderitserrandharmlessanditsfurtherprogressapocryphal。”，Isaidapocryphalwasnoslouchofaword，emanatingfromthesourceitdid，but，philologyaside，Ilikedthespiral-twistandwouldtakethatbrand。
Thenhesaidhecouldmaketwohundredandfiftyfeetanswer;buttodoitright，andmakethebestjobintownofit，andattracttheadmirationofthejustandtheunjustalike，andcompelallpartiestosaytheyneversawamoresymmetricalandhypotheticaldisplayoflightning-rodssincetheywereborn，hesupposedhereallycouldn’tgetalongwithoutfourhundred，thoughhewasnotvindictive，andtrustedhewaswillingtotry。Isaid，goaheadandusefourhundred，andmakeanykindofajobhepleasedoutofit，butletmegetbacktomywork。SoIgotridofhimatlast;andnow，afterhalfanhourspentingettingmytrainofpolitical-economythoughtscoupledtogetheragain，Iamreadytogoononcemore。]
richesttreasuresoftheirgenius，theirexperienceoflife，andtheirlearning。Thegreatlightsofcommercialjurisprudence，internationalconfraternity，andbiologicaldeviation，ofallages，allcivilizations，andallnationalities，fromZoroasterdowntoHoraceGreeley，have——
[HereIwasinterruptedagain，andrequiredtogodownandconferfurtherwiththatlightning-rodman。Ihurriedoff，boilingandsurgingwithprodigiousthoughtswombedinwordsofsuchmajestythateachoneofthemwasinitselfastragglingprocessionofsyllablesthatmightbefifteenminutespassingagivenpoint，andoncemoreIconfrontedhim——hesocalmandsweet，Isohotandfrenzied。HewasstandinginthecontemplativeattitudeoftheColossusofRhodes，withonefootonmyinfanttuberose，andtheotheramongmypansies，hishandsonhiships，hishat-brimtiltedforward，oneeyeshutandtheothergazingcriticallyandadmiringlyinthedirectionofmyprincipalchimney。Hesaidnowtherewasastateofthingstomakeamangladtobealive;andadded，“Ileaveittoyouifyoueversawanythingmoredeliriouslypicturesquethaneightlightning-rodsononechimney？”IsaidIhadnopresentrecollectionofanythingthattranscendedit。HesaidthatinhisopinionnothingonearthbutNiagaraFallswassuperiortoitinthewayofnaturalscenery。Allthatwasneedednow，heverilybelieved，tomakemyhouseaperfectbalmtotheeye，wastokindoftouchuptheotherchimneysalittle，andthus“addtothegenerous’coupd’oeil’asoothinguniformityofachievementwhichwouldallaytheexcitementnaturallyconsequentuponthe’coupd’etat。’“Iaskedhimifhelearnedtotalkoutofabook，andifIcouldborrowitanywhere？，Hesmiledpleasantly，andsaidthathismannerofspeakingwasnottaughtinbooks，andthatnothingbutfamiliaritywithlightningcouldenableamantohandlehisconversationalstylewithimpunity。Hethenfiguredupanestimate，andsaidthatabouteightmorerodsscatteredaboutmyroofwouldaboutfixmeright，andheguessedfivehundredfeetofstuffwoulddoit;andaddedthatthefirsteighthadgotalittlethestartofhim，sotospeak，andusedupameretrifleofmaterialmorethanhehadcalculatedon——ahundredfeetoralongthere。IsaidIwasinadreadfulhurry，andIwishedwecouldgetthisbusinesspermanentlymappedout，sothatI
couldgoonwithmywork。Hesaid，“Icouldhaveputupthoseeightrods，andmarchedoffaboutmybusiness——somemenwouldhavedoneit。
Butno;Isaidtomyself，thismanisastrangertome，andIwilldiebeforeI’llwronghim;thereain’tlightning-rodsenoughonthathouse，andforoneI’llneverstiroutofmytrackstillI’vedoneasIwouldbedoneby，andtoldhimso。Stranger，mydutyisaccomplished;iftherecalcitrantanddephlogisticmessengerofheavenstrikesyour——“
“There，now，there，“Isaid，“putontheothereight——addfivehundredfeetofspiral-twist——doanythingandeverythingyouwanttodo;butcalmyoursufferings，andtrytokeepyourfeelingswhereyoucanreachthemwiththedictionary。Meanwhile，ifweunderstandeachothernow，Iwillgotoworkagain。”
IthinkIhavebeensittinghereafullhourthistime，tryingtogetbacktowhereIwaswhenmytrainofthoughtwasbrokenupbythelastinterruption;butIbelieveIhaveaccomplisheditatlast，andmayventuretoproceedagain。]
wrestledwiththisgreatsubject，andthegreatestamongthemhavefounditaworthyadversary，andonethatalwayscomesupfreshandsmilingaftereverythrow。ThegreatConfuciussaidthathewouldratherbeaprofoundpoliticaleconomistthanchiefofpolice。
Cicerofrequentlysaidthatpoliticaleconomywasthegrandestconsummationthatthehumanmindwascapableofconsuming;andevenourownGreeleyhadsaidvaguelybutforciblythat“Political——
[Herethelightning-rodmansentupanothercallforme。Iwentdowninastateofmindborderingonimpatience。Hesaidhewouldratherhavediedthaninterruptme，butwhenhewasemployedtodoajob，andthatjobwasexpectedtobedoneinaclean，workmanlikemanner，andwhenitwasfinishedandfatigueurgedhimtoseektherestandrecreationhestoodsomuchinneedof，andhewasabouttodoit，butlookedupandsawataglancethatallthecalculationshadbeenalittleout，andifathunder-stormweretocomeup，andthathouse，whichhefeltapersonalinterestin，stoodtherewithnothingonearthtoprotectitbutsixteenlightning-rods——“Letushavepeace！”Ishrieked。”Putupahundredandfifty！，Putsomeonthekitchen！，Putadozenonthebarn！，Putacoupleonthecow！，Putoneonthecook！——scatterthemalloverthepersecutedplacetillitlookslikeazinc-plated，spiral-twisted，silver-mountedcanebrake！，Move！，Useupallthematerialyoucangetyourhandson，andwhenyourunoutoflightning-rodsputupramrods，cam-rods，stair-rods，piston-rods——anythingthatwillpandertoyourdismalappetiteforartificialscenery，andbringrespitetomyragingbrainandhealingtomylaceratedsoul！”Whollyunmoved——furtherthantosmilesweetly——thisironbeingsimplyturnedbackhiswrist-bandsdaintily，andsaidhewouldnowproceedtohumphimself。Well，allthatwasnearlythreehoursago。
ItisquestionablewhetherIamcalmenoughyettowriteonthenoblethemeofpoliticaleconomy，butIcannotresistthedesiretotry，foritistheonesubjectthatisnearesttomyheartanddearesttomybrainofallthisworld’sphilosophy。]
“economyisheaven’sbestboontoman。”，WhentheloosebutgiftedByronlayinhisVenetianexileheobservedthat，ifitcouldbegrantedhimtogobackandlivehismisspentlifeoveragain，hewouldgivehislucidandunintoxicatedintervalstothecomposition，notoffrivolousrhymes，butofessaysuponpoliticaleconomy。
Washingtonlovedthisexquisitescience;suchnamesasBaker，Beckwith，Judson，Smith，areimperishablylinkedwithit;andevenimperialHomer，intheninthbookoftheIliad，hassaid：
Fiatjustitia，ruatcoelum，Postmortemunum，antebellum，Hicfacethoc，ex-parteres，Politicume-conomicoest。
Thegrandeuroftheseconceptionsoftheoldpoet，togetherwiththefelicityofthewordingwhichclothesthem，andthesublimityoftheimagerywherebytheyareillustrated，havesingledoutthatstanza，andmadeitmorecelebratedthananythatever——
[“Now，notawordoutofyou——notasingleword。Juststateyourbillandrelapseintoimpenetrablesilenceforeverandeveronthesepremises。Ninehundred，dollars？，Isthatall？，ThischeckfortheamountwillbehonoredatanyrespectablebankinAmerica。Whatisthatmultitudeofpeoplegatheredinthestreetfor？，How？——’lookingatthelightning-rods！’，Blessmylife，didtheyneverseeanylightning-rodsbefore？，Neversaw’suchastackofthemononeestablishment，’didI
understandyoutosay？，Iwillstepdownandcriticallyobservethispopularebullitionofignorance。”]
THREEDAYSLATER——Weareallaboutwornout。Forfour-and-twentyhoursourbristlingpremiseswerethetalkandwonderofthetown。Thetheaterslanguished，fortheirhappiestscenicinventionsweretameandcommonplacecomparedwithmylightning-rods。Ourstreetwasblockednightanddaywithspectators，andamongthemweremanywhocamefromthecountrytosee。Itwasablessedreliefontheseconddaywhenathunderstormcameupandthelightningbeganto“gofor“myhouse，asthehistorianJosephusquaintlyphrasesit。Itclearedthegalleries，sotospeak。Infiveminutestherewasnotaspectatorwithinhalfamileofmyplace;butallthehighhousesaboutthatdistanceawaywerefull，windows，roof，andall。Andwelltheymightbe，forallthefallingstarsandFourth-of-Julyfireworksofageneration，puttogetherandraineddownsimultaneouslyoutofheaveninonebrilliantshowerupononehelplessroof，wouldnothaveanyadvantageofthepyrotechnicdisplaythatwasmakingmyhousesomagnificentlyconspicuousinthegeneralgloomofthestorm。
Byactualcount，thelightningstruckatmyestablishmentsevenhundredandsixty-fourtimesinfortyminutes，buttrippedononeofthosefaithfulrodseverytime，andsliddownthespiral-twistandshotintotheearthbeforeitprobablyhadtimetobesurprisedatthewaythethingwasdone。Andthroughallthatbombardmentonlyonepatchofslateswasrippedup，andthatwasbecause，forasingleinstant，therodsinthevicinityweretransportingallthelightningtheycouldpossiblyaccommodate。Well，nothingwaseverseenlikeitsincetheworldbegan。
Foronewholedayandnightnotamemberofmyfamilystuckhisheadoutofthewindowbuthegotthehairsnatchedoffitassmoothasabilliard-ball;and;ifthereaderwillbelieveme，notoneofuseverdreamtofstirringabroad。Butatlasttheawfulsiegecametoanend-becausetherewasabsolutelynomoreelectricityleftinthecloudsaboveuswithingrapplingdistanceofmyinsatiablerods。ThenIsalliedforth，andgathereddaringworkmentogether，andnotabiteoranapdidwetaketillthepremiseswereutterlystrippedofalltheirterrificarmamentexceptjustthreerodsonthehouse，oneonthekitchen，andoneonthebarn——and，behold，theseremainthereevenuntothisday。Andthen，andnottillthen，thepeopleventuredtouseourstreetagain。
Iwillremarkhere，inpassing，thatduringthatfearfultimeIdidnotcontinuemyessayuponpoliticaleconomy。Iamnotevenyetsettledenoughinnerveandbraintoresumeit。
TOWHOMITMAYCONCERN——Partieshavingneedofthreethousandtwohundredandelevenfeetofbestqualityzinc-platedspiral-twistlightning-rodstuff，andsixteenhundredandthirty-onesilver-tippedpoints，allintolerablerepair(and，althoughmuchwornbyuse，stillequaltoanyordinaryemergency)，canhearofabargainsbyaddressingthepublisher。
THEJUMPINGFROG[writtenabout1865]
INENGLISH。THENINFRENCH。THENCLAWEDBACKINTOACIVILIZEDLANGUAGE
ONCEMOREBYPATIENT，UNREMUNERATEDTOIL。
Evenacriminalisentitledtofairplay;andcertainlywhenamanwhohasdonenoharmhasbeenunjustlytreated，heisprivilegedtodohisbesttorighthimself。MyattentionhasjustbeepcalledtoanarticlesomethreeyearsoldinaFrenchMagazineentitled，’RevuedesDeuxMondes’(ReviewofSomeTwoWorlds)，whereinthewritertreatsof“LesHumoristesAmericaines“(TheseHumoristAmericans)。IamoneofthesehumoristsAmericandissectedbyhim，andhencethecomplaintIammaking。
Thisgentleman’sarticleisanableone(asarticlesgo，intheFrench，wheretheyalwaystangleupeverythingtothatdegreethatwhenyoustartintoasentenceyouneverknowwhetheryouaregoingtocomeoutaliveornot)。Itisaverygoodarticleandthewritersaysallmannerofkindandcomplimentarythingsaboutme——forwhichIamsurethankhimwithallmyheart;butthenwhyshouldhegoandspoilallhispraisebyoneunluckyexperiment？，WhatIrefertoisthis：hesaysmyjumpingFrogisafunnystory，butstillhecan’tseewhyitshouldeverreallyconvulseanyonewithlaughter——andstraightwayproceedstotranslateitintoFrenchinordertoprovetohisnationthatthereisnothingsoveryextravagantlyfunnyaboutit。Justthereiswheremycomplaintoriginates。Hehasnottranslateditatall;hehassimplymixeditallup;itisnomorelikethejumpingFrogwhenhegetsthroughwithitthanIamlikeameridianoflongitude。Butmymereassertionisnotproof;
whereforeIprinttheFrenchversion，thatallmayseethatIdonotspeakfalsely;furthermore，inorderthateventheunletteredmayknowmyinjuryandgivemetheircompassion，IhavebeenatinfinitepainsandtroubletoretranslatethisFrenchversionbackintoEnglish;andtotellthetruthIhavewell-nighwornmyselfoutatit，havingscarcelyrestedfrommyworkduringfivedaysandnights。IcannotspeaktheFrenchlanguage，butIcantranslateverywell，thoughnotfast，Ibeingself-
educated。IaskthereadertorunhiseyeovertheoriginalEnglishversionofthejumpingFrog，andthenreadtheFrenchormyretranslation，andkindlytakenoticehowtheFrenchmanhasriddledthegrammar。IthinkitistheworstIeversaw;andyettheFrencharecalledapolishednation。IfIhadaboythatputsentencestogetherastheydo，Iwouldpolishhimtosomepurpose。Withoutfurtherintroduction，thejumpingFrog，asIoriginallywroteit，wasasfollows[afteritwillbefoundtheFrenchversion——(Frenchversionisdeletedfromthisedition)——，andafterthelattermyretranslationfromtheFrench]
THENOTORIOUSJUMPINGFROGOFCALAVERASCOUNTY[PronouncedCal-e-va-ras]
Incompliancewiththerequestofafriendofmine，whowrotemefromtheEast，Icalledongood-natured，garrulousoldSimonWheeler，andinquiredaftermyfriend’sfriend，LeonidasW。Smiley，asrequestedtodo，andI
hereuntoappendtheresult。IhavealurkingsuspicionthatLeonidasW。
Smileyisamyththatmyfriendneverknewsuchapersonage;andthatheonconjecturedthatifIaskedoldWheelerabouthim，itwouldremindhimofhisinfamousJimSmiley，andhewouldgotoworkandboremetodeathwithsomeexasperatingreminiscencehimaslongandastediousasitshouldbeuselesstome。Ifthatwasthedesign，itsucceeded。
IfoundSimonWheelerdozingcomfortablybythebar-roomstoveofthedilapidatedtaverninthedecayedminingcampAngel’s，andInoticedthathewasfatandbald-headed，andhadanexpressionofwinninggentlenessandsimplicityuponhistranquilcountenance。Herousedup，andgavemegoodday。ItoldhimthatafriendofminehadcommissionedmetomakesomeinquiriesaboutacherishedcompanionofhisboyhoodnamedLeonidasW。Smiley——Rev。LeonidasW。Smiley，ayoungministeroftheGospel，whohehadheardwasatonetimeresidentofAngel’sCamp。IaddedthatifMr。WheelercouldtellmeanythingaboutthisRev。LeonidasW。Smiley，Iwouldfeelundermanyobligationstohim。
SimonWheelerbackedmeintoacornerandblockadedmetherewithhischair，andthensatdownandreeledoffthemonotonousnarrativewhichfollowsthisparagraph。Heneversmiledheneverfrowned，heneverchangedhisvoicefromthegentleflowingkeytowhichhetunedhisinitialsentence，heneverbetrayedtheslightestsuspicionofenthusiasm;butallthroughtheinterminablenarrativethereranaveinofimpressiveearnestnessandsincerity，whichshowedmeplainlythat，sofarfromhisimaginingthattherewasanythingridiculousorfunnyabouthisstory，heregardeditasareallyimportantmatter，andadmireditstwoheroesasmenoftranscendentgeniusin’finesse。’，Ilethimgooninhisownway，andneverinterruptedhimonce。
“Rev。LeonidasW。H’m，ReverendLe——well，therewasafellerhere，oncebythenameofJimSmiley，inthewinterof’49——ormaybeitwasthespringof’50——Idon’trecollectexactly，somehow，thoughwhatmakesmethinkitwasoneortheotherisbecauseIrememberthebigflumewarn’tfinishedwhenhefirstcometothecamp;butanyway，hewasthecuriousestmanaboutalwaysbettingonanythingthatturnedupyoueversee，ifhecouldgetanybodytobetontheotherside;andifhecouldn’the’dchangesides。Anywaythatsuitedtheothermanwouldsuithimanywayjustso’shegotabet，hewassatisfied。Butstillhewaslucky，uncommonlucky;hemostalwayscomeoutwinner。Hewasalwaysreadyandlayingforachance;therecouldn’tbenosolit’rythingmentionedbutthatfeller’doffertobetonit，andtakeanysideyouplease，asIwasjusttellingyou。Iftherewasahorse-race，you’dfindhimflushoryou’dfindhimbustedattheendofit;iftherewasadog-fight，he’dbetonit;iftherewasacat-fight，he’dbetonit;iftherewasachicken-fight，he’dbetonit;why，iftherewastwobirdssettingonafence，hewouldbetyouwhichonewouldflyfirst;oriftherewasacamp-meeting，hewouldbetherereg’lartobetonParsonWalker，whichhejudgedtobethebestexhorterabouthere，andsohewastoo，andagoodman。Ifheevenseeastraddle-bugstarttogoanywheres，hewouldbetyouhowlongitwouldtakehimtogetto——towhereverhewasgoingto，andifyoutookhimup，hewouldfollerthatstraddle-bugtoMexicobutwhathewouldfindoutwherehewasboundforandhowlonghewasontheroad。LotsoftheboysherehasseenthatSmiley，andcantellyouabouthim。Why，itnevermadenodifferencetohim——he’dbetonanything——thedangdestfeller。ParsonWalker’swifelaidverysickonce，foragoodwhile，anditseemedasiftheywarn’tgoingtosaveher;butonemorninghecomein，andSmileyupandaskedhimhowshewas，andhesaidshewasconsiderablebetter——thanktheLordforhisinf’nitemercy——andcomingonsosmartthatwiththeblessingofProv’denceshe’dgetwellyet;andSmiley，beforehethought，says，’Well，I’llresktwo-and-a-halfshedon’tanyway。’
“Thish-yerSmile)hadamare——theboyscalledherthefifteen-minutenag，butthatwasonlyinfun，youknow，becauseofcourseshewasfasterthanthat——andheusedtowinmoneyonthathorse，forallshewassoslowandalwayshadtheasthma，orthedistemper，ortheconsumption，orsomethingofthatkind。Theyusedtogivehertwoorthreehundredyards’start，andthenpassherunderway;butalwaysatthefagendoftheraceshegetexcitedanddesperatelike，andcomecavortingandstraddlingup，andscatteringherlegsaroundlimber，sometimesintheair，andsometimesouttoonesideamongthefences，andkickingupm-o-r-edustandraisingm-o-r-eracketwithhercoughingandsneezingandblowinghernose——andalwaysfetchupatthestandjustaboutaneckahead，asnearasyoucouldcipheritdown。
“Andhehadalittlesmallbull-pup，thattolookathimyou’dthinkhewarn’tworthacentbuttosetaroundandlookorneryandlayforachancetostealsomething。Butassoonasmoneywasuponhimhewasadifferentdog;hisunder-jaw’dbegintostickoutlikethefo’castleofasteamboat，andhisteethwoulduncoverandshinelikethefurnaces。
Andadogmighttacklehimandbully-raghim，andbitehim，andthrowhimoverhisshouldertwoorthreetimes，andAndrewJackson——whichwasthenameofthepup——AndrewJacksonwouldneverletonbutwhathewassatisfied，andhadn’texpectednothingelse——andthebetsbeingdoubledanddoubledontheothersideallthetime，tillthemoneywasallup;
andthenallofasuddenhewouldgrabthatotherdogjestbythej’intofhishindlegandfreezetoit——notchaw，youunderstand，butonlyjustgripandhangontilltheythrowedupthesponge，ifitwasayear。
Smileyalwayscomeoutwinneronthatpup，tillheharnessedadogoncethatdidn’thavenohindlegs，becausethey’dbeensawedoffinacircularsaw，andwhenthethinghadgonealongfarenough，andthemoneywasallup，andhecometomakeasnatchforhispetholt，heseeinaminutehowhe’dbeenimposedon，andhowtheotherdoghadhiminthedoor，sotospeak，andhe’pearedsurprised，andthenhelookedsorterdiscouraged-likeanddidn’ttrynomoretowinthefight，andsohegotshuckedoutbad。HegiveSmileyalook，asmuchastosayhisheartwasbroke，anditwashisfault，forputtingupadogthathadn’tnohindlegsforhimtotakeholtof，whichwashismaindependenceinafight，andthenhelimpedoffapieceandlaiddownanddied。Itwasagoodpup，wasthatAndrewJackson，andwouldhavemadeanameforhisselfifhe’dlived，forthestuffwasinhimandhehadgenius——Iknowit，becausehehadn’tnoopportunitiestospeakof，anditdon’tstandtoreasonthatadogcouldmakesuchafightashecouldunderthemcircumstancesifhehadn’tnotalent。ItalwaysmakesmefeelsorrywhenIthinkofthatlastfightofhis’n，andthewayitturnedout。
“Well，thish-yerSmileyhadrat-tarriers，andchickencocks，andtomcatsandallthemkindofthings，tillyoucouldn’trest，andyoucouldn’tfetchnothingforhimtobetonbuthe’dmatchyou。Heketchedafrogoneday，andtookhimhome，andsaidhecal’latedtoeducatehim;andsoheneverdonenothingforthreemonthsbutsetinhisbackyardandlearnthatfrogtojump。Andyoubetyouhedidlearnhim，too。He’dgivehimalittlepunchbehind，andthenextminuteyou’dseethatfrogwhirlingintheairlikeadoughnut——seehimturnonesummerset，ormaybeacouple，ifhegotagoodstart，andcomedownflat-footedandallright，likeacat。Hegothimupsointhematterofketchingflies，andkep’himinpracticesoconstant，thathe’dnailaflyeverytimeasfurashecouldseehim。Smileysaidallafrogwantedwaseducation，andhecoulddo’mostanything——andIbelievehim。Why，I’veseenhimsetDan’lWebsterdownhereonthisfloor——Dan’1Websterwasthenameofthefrog——andsingout，’Flies，Dan’l，flies！’andquicker’nyoucouldwinkhe’dspringstraightupandsnakeaflyoff’nthecounterthere，andflopdownonthefloorag’inassolidasagobofmud，andfalltoscratchingthesideofhisheadwithhishindfootasindifferentasifhehadn’tnoideahe’dbeendoin’anymore’nanyfrogmightdo。Youneverseeafrogsomodestandstraightfor’ardashewas，forallhewassogifted。Andwhenitcometofairandsquarejumpingonadeadlevel，hecouldgetovermoregroundatonestraddlethananyanimalofhisbreedyoueversee。
Jumpingonadeadlevelwashisstrongsuit，youunderstand;andwhenitcometothat，Smileywouldanteupmoneyonhimaslongashehadared。
Smileywasmonstrousproudofhisfrog，andwellhemightbe，forfellersthathadtraveledandbeeneverywheresallsaidhelaidoveranyfrogthatevertheysee。
“Well，Smileykep’thebeastinalittlelatticebox，andheusedtofetchhimdown-townsometimesandlayforabet。Onedayafeller——astrangerinthecamp，hewas——comeacrosthimwithhisbox，andsays：
“’Whatmightitbethatyou’vegotinthebox？’
“AndSmileysays，sorterindifferent-like，’Itmightbeaparrot，oritmightbeacanary，maybe，butitain’t——it’sonlyjustafrog。’
“Andthefellertookit，andlookedatitcareful，andturneditroundthiswayandthat，andsays，’H’m——so’tis。Well，what’sHEgoodfor。
“’Well，’Smileysays，easyandcareless，’he’sgoodenoughforonething，Ishouldjudge——hecanoutjumpanyfroginCalaverasCounty。
“Thefellertooktheboxagain，andtookanotherlong，partiularlook，andgiveitbacktoSmiley，andsays，verydeliberate，’Well，’hesays，’Idon’tseenopintsaboutthatfrogthat’sanybetter’nanyotherfrog。’
“’Maybeyoudon’t，’Smileysays。’Maybeyouunderstandfrogsandmaybeyoudon’tunderstand’em;maybeyou’vehadexperience，andmaybeyouain’tonlyaamature，asitwere。Anyways，I’vegotmyopinion，andI’llreskfortydollarsthehecanoutjumpanyfroginCalaverasCounty。’
“Andthefellerstudiedaminute，andthensays，kindersad-like，’Well，I’monlya，strangerhere，andIain’tgotnofrog;butifIhadafrog，I’dbetyou。
“AndthenSmileysays，’That’sallright0-that’sallrightifyou’llholdmyboxaminute，I’llgoandgetyouafrog。’，Anysothefellertookthebox，andputuphisfortydollarsalongwithSmiley’s，andsetdowntowait。
“Sohesetthereagoodwhilethinkingandthinkingtohimselfandthenhegotthefrogoutandprizedhismouthopenandtookateaspoonandfilledhimfullofquail-shot-filledhimprettynearuptohischin——andsethimonthefloor。Smileyhewenttotheswampandsloppedaroundinthemudforalongtime，andfinallyheketchedafrog，andfetchedhimin，andgivehimtothisfellerandsays：
“’Now，ifyou’reready，sethimalongsideofDan’l，withhisforepawsjustevenwithDan’l’s，andI’llgivetheword。’Thenhesays，’One-two-
three——git’andhimandthefellertouchesupthefrogsfrombehind，andthenewfroghoppedofflivelybutDan’lgiveaheave，andhysteduphisshoulders——so-likeaFrenchman，butitwarn’tnouse——hecouldn’tbudge;
hewasplantedassolidasachurch，andhecouldn’tnomorestirthanifhewasanchoredout。Smileywasagooddealsurprised，andhewasdisgustedtoo，buthedidn’thavenoideawhatthematterwasofcourse。
“TheTellertookthemoneyandstartedaway;andwhenhewasgoingoutatthedoor，hesorterjerkedhisthumboverhisshoulder——so——atDan’l，andsaysagain，verydeliberate，’Well，’hesays，’Idon’tseenopintsaboutthatfrogthat’sanybetter’nanyotherfrog。’
“SmileyhestoodscratchinghisheadandlookingdownatDan’lalongtime，andatlasthesays，’Idowonderwhatinthenationthatfrogthrow’dofffor——Iwonderifthereain’tsomethingthematterwithhim——he’pearstolookmightybaggy，somehow。’，AndheketchedDan’lbythenapoftheneck，andheftedhim，andsays，’Whyblamemycatsifhedon’tweighfivepound！’andturnedhimupsidedownandhebelchedoutadoublehandfulofshot。Andthenheseehowitwas，andhewasthemaddestman——hesetthefrogdownandtookoutafterthatfeller，butheneverketchedhim。And——“
[HereSimonWheelerheardhisnamecalledfromthefrontyard，andgotuptoseewhatwaswanted。]，Andturningtomeashemovedaway，hesaid：
“Justsetwhereyouare，stranger，andresteasy——Iain’tgoingtobegoneasecond。”
But，byyourleave，IdidnotthinkthatacontinuationofthehistoryoftheenterprisingvagabondJimSmileywouldbelikelytoaffordmemuchinformationconcerningtheRev。LeonidasW。Smiley，andsoIstartedaway。
AtthedoorImetthesociableWheelerreturning，andhebuttonholedmeandrecommenced：
“Well，thish-yerSmileyhadayallerone-eyedcowthatdidn’thavenotail，onlyjustashortstumplikeabannanner，and——“
However，lackingbothtimeandinclination，Ididnotwaittohearabouttheafflictedcow，buttookmyleave。
Nowletthelearnedlookuponthispictureandsayificonoclasmcanfurthergo：
[FromtheRevuedesDeuxMondes，ofJuly15th，1872。]……
THEJUMPINGFROG
“——Ilyavait，unefoisiciunindividuconnusouslenomdeJimSmiley：
c’etaitdansl’hiverde49，peut-etrebienauprintempsde50，jenemereappellepasexactement。Cequimefaitcroirequec’etaitl’unoul’autre，c’estquejemesouviensquelegrandbiefn’etaitpasachevelorsqu’ilarrivaaucamppourlapremierefois，maisdetoutesfaconsiletaitl’hommeleplusfrianddeparisquiseputvoir，pariantsurtoutcequisepresentaat，quandilpouvaittrouverunadversaire，et，quandn’entrouvaitpasilpassaitducoteoppose。Toutcequiconvenaiatl’autreluiconvenait;pourvuqu’ileutunpari，Smileyetaitsatisfait。
Etilavaitunechance！unechanceinouie：，presquetoujoursilgagnait。
Itfautdirequ’iletaittoujourspreta’exposer，qu’onnepouvaitmentionnerlamoindrechosesansquecegaillardoffritdeparierla-
dessusn’importequoietdeprendrelecotequel’onvoudrait，commejevousledisaistoutal’heure。S’ilyavaitdescourses，vousletrouviezricheouruinealafin;s’ilyavaituncombatdechiens，ilapportaitsonenjeu;ill’apportaitpouruncombatdechats，pouruncombatdecoqs;——parbleu！sivousaviezvudeuxoiseauxsurunehaieilvousauraitoffertdeparierlequels’envoleraitlepremier，ets’ilyaviat’meeting’aucamp，ilvenaitparierregulierementpourlecureWalker，qu’iljugeaitetrelemeilleurpredicateurdesenvirons，etquil’etaiteneffet，etunbravehomme。Ilaurairencontreunepunaisedeboisenchemin，qu’ilauraitpariesurletempsqu’illuifaudraitpourallerouellevoudraitaller，etsivousl’aviezprisaumot，itauraitsuivilapunaisejusqu’auMexique，sanssesoucierd’allersiloin，nidutempsqu’ilyperdrait。UnefoislafemmeducureWalkerfuttresmaladependantlongtemps，ilsemblaitqu’onnelasauveraitpas;maiunmatinlecurearrive，etSmileyluidemandecommentellavaetilditqu’elleestbienmieux，graceal’infiniemisericordetellementmieuxqu’aveclabenedictiondelaProvidenceelles’entirerait，etvoilaque，sansypenser，Smileyrepond：——Ehbien！yegagedeuxetdemiqu’ellemourratoutdememe。
“CeSmileyavaitunejumentquelesgarsappelaientlebidetduquartd’heure，maisseulementpourplaisanter，vouscomprenez，parseque，bienentendu，elleetaitplusvitequeca！，Etilavaitcoutumedegagnerdel’argentaveccettebete，quoi-qu’ellefutpoussive，cornarde，toujoursprised’asthme，decoliqueoudeconsomption，oudequelquechosed’approchant。Onluidonnait2ou300’yards’audepart，puffsonladepassaitsanspeine;maisjamaisalafinellenemanquaitdes’echauffer，des’exaspereretellearrivait，s’ecartant，sedefendant，sesjambesgrelesenl’aidevantlesobstacles，quelquefoislesevitantetfaisantaveccelaplusdepoussiarequ’aucuncheval，plusdebruitsurtoutavecseseternumensetreniflemens——crac！ellearrivaatdonctoujourpremiered’unetete，aussijustequ’onpeutlemesurer。Etilavaitunpetitbouledoguequi，alevoir，nevalaitpasunsou;onauraitcruquepariercontreluic’etaitvoler，tantiletaitordinaire;maisaussitotlesenjeuxfaits，ildevenaitunautrechien。Samachoireinferieurecommencaitaressortircommeungaillardd’avant，sesdentssedecouvcraientbrillantescommesdesfournaises，etunchienpouvaitletaquiner，l’exciter，lemordre，lejeterdeuxoutroisfoispar-dessussonepaule，AndreJackson，c’etaitlenomduchien，AndreJacksonprenaitcelatranquillement，commes’ilnesefutjamaisattenduaautrechose，etquandlesparisetaientdoublesetredoublescontrelui，ilvoussaisissaitl’autrechienjusteal’articulationdelajambedederriere，etilnelalachaitplus，nonpasqu’illamachat，vousconcevez，maisils’yseraittenupendujusqu’acequ’onjetatl’epongeenl’air，fallut-ilattendreunan。Smileygagnaittoujoursaveccettebete-la;
malheureusementilsontfinipardresserunchienquin’avaitpasdepattesdederriere，parcequ’onlesavaitsciees，etquandleschosesfurentaupointqu’ilvoulait，etqu’ilenvintasejetersursonmorceaufavori，lepauvrechiencompritenuninstantqu’ons’etaitmoquedelui，etquel’autreletenait。Vousn’avezjamaisvupersonneavoirl’airpluspenaudetplusdecourage;ilnefitaucuneffortpourgagnerlecombatetfutrudementsecoue，desorteque，regardantSmileycommepourluidire：——Moncoeurestbrise，c’esttofaute;pourquoim’avoirlivreaunchienquin’apasdepattesdederriere，puisquec’estparlaquejelesbats？——ils’enallaenclopinant，etsecouchapourmourir。
Ah！c’etaitunbonchien，cetAndreJackson，etilseseraitfaitunnom，s’ilavaitvecu，carilyavaitdel’etoffeenlui，ilavaitdugenie，jelasais，bienquedegrandesoccasionsluiaientmanque;maisilestimpossibledesupposerqu’unchiencapabledesebattrecommelui，certainescirconstancesetantdonnees，aitmanquedetalent。Jemesenstristetouteslesfoisquejepenseasonderniercombatetaudenoumentqu’ilaeu。Ehbien！ceSmileynourrissaitdesterriersarats，etdescoqscombat，etdeschats，ettoutesortedechoses，aupointqu’iletaittoujoursenmesuredevoustenirtete，etqu’avecsaragedeparisonn’avaitplusderepos。Ilattrapaunjourunegrenouilleetl’emportachezlui，disantqu’ilpretendaitfairesonEducation;vousmecroirezsivousvoulez，maispendanttroismoisiln’arienfaitqueluiapprendreasauterdansunecourretiredesamaison。Etjevousrepondsqu’ilavaitreussi。Illuidonnaitunpetitcoupparderriere，etl’instantd’apresvousvoyiezlagrenouilletournerenl’aircommeunbeignetau-dessusdelapoele，faireuneculbute，quelquefoisdeux，lorsqu’elleetaitbienpartie，etretombersursespattescommeunchat。Ill’avaitdresseedansl’artdegoberdesmouches，erl’yexercaitcontinuellement，sibienqu’unemouche，duplusloinqu’elleapparaissait，etaitunemoucheperdue。Smileyavaitcoutumededirequetoutcequimanquaitaunegrenouille，c’etaitl’education，qu’avecl’educationellepouvaitfairepresquetout，etjelecrois。Tenez，jel’aivuposerDanielWebsterlasurseplancher，——DanielWebsteretaitlenomdelagrenouille，——etluichanter：Desmouches！Daniel，desmouches！——Enunclind’oeil，Danielavaitbondietsaisiunemoucheicisurlecomptoir，puissautedenouveauparterre，ouilrestaitvraimentasegratterlateteavecsapattedederriere，commes’iln’avaitpaseulamoindreideedesasuperiorite。Jamaisvousn’avezgrenouillevudeaussimodeste，aussinaturelle，doueecommeellel’etait！，Etquandils’agissaitdesauterpurementetsimplementsurterrainplat，ellefaisaitplusdecheminenunsautqu’aucunebetedesonespecequevouspuissiezconnaitre。Sauteraplat，c’etaitsonfort！Quandils’agissaitdecela，Smileyentassaitlesenjeuxsurelletantqu’illui，restaitunrougeliard。Ilfautlereconnaitre，Smileyetaitmonstrueusementfierdesagrenouille，etilenavaitledroit，cardesgensquiavaientvoyage，quiavaienttoutvu，disaientqu’onluiferaitinjuredelacomparerauneautre;defaconqueSmileygardaitDanieldansunepetiteboiteaclaire-voiequ’ilemportaitparfoisalaVillepourquelquepari。
“Unjour，unindividuetrangeraucampl’arreteaversaboiteetluidit：——Qu’est-cequevousavezdoncserreladedans？
“Smileyditd’unairindifferent：——Celapourraitetreunperroquetouunserin，maiscen’estriendepareil，cen’estqu’unegrenouille。
“L’individulaprend，laregardeavecsoin，latourned’uncoteetdel’autrepuisildit——Tiens！eneffet！，Aquoiestellebonne？
“——MonDieu！repondSmiley，toujoursd’unairdegage，elleestbonnepourunechoseamonavis，ellepeutbattreensautanttoutegrenouilleducomtedeCalaveras。
“L’individureprendlaboite，l’examinedenouveaulonguement，etlarendaSmileyendisantd’unairdelibere：——Ehbien！jenevoispasquecettegrenouilleaitriendemieuxqu’aucunegrenouille。
“——Possiblequavousnelevoyiezpat，ditSmiley，possiblequevousvousentendiezengrenouilles，possiblequevousnevousyentendezpoint，possiblequavousavezdel’experience，etpossiblequevousnesoyezqu’unamateur。Detoutemaniere，jepariequarantedollarsqu’ellebattraensautantn’importequellegrenouilleducomtedeCalaveras。
“L’individureflechitonesecondeetditcommaattriste：——Jenesuisqu’unetrangerici，jen’aipasdegrenouille;mais，sij’enavaisune，jetiendraislepari。
“——Fortbien！repondSmiley。Riendeplusfacile。Sivousvouleztenirmaboiteoneminute，j’iraivouschercherunegrenouille——Voiledoncl’individuquigardelaboite，quimetsesquarantedollarssurceuxdeSmileyetquiattend。Ilattendassezlongtemps，reflechissanttoutseul，etfigurez-vousqu’ilprendDaniel，luiouvrelabouchedeforceatavecunecuillerathel’emplitdemenuplombdechasse，maill’emplitjusqu’aumenton，puisilleposeparterre。Smileypendantcetempsetaitabarboterdansunemare。Finalementilattrapeunegrenouille，l’apportecetindividuetdit：——Maintenant，sivousetespret，mettez-latoutcontraDaniel，avecleurspattesdedevantsurlamemeligne，etjedonnerailesignal;puisilajoute：——Un，deux，trois，sautez！
“Luietl’individutouchentleursgrenouillesparderriere，etlagrenouilleneuvesemethsautiller，maisDanielsesoulevelourdement，hausselesepaulesainsi，commaunFrancais;aquoibon？ilnepouvaitbouger，iletaitplantesolidecommauneenclume，iln’avancaitpasplusquesionl’eutmisal’ancre。Smileyfutsurprisetdegoute，maisilnesedoutaitpasdutour，bienentendu。L’individuempochel’argent，s’enva，etens’enallantest-cequ’ilnedonnapasuncoupdepoucepar-
dessusl’epaule，commaca，aupauvreDaniel，endisantdesonairdelibere：——Ehbien！jenevoispasquacettegrenouilleaitriendemuiexqu’uneautre。
“Smileysegrattalongtempslatete，lesyeuxfixesSurDaniel;jusqu’acequ’enfinildit：——jemedemandecommentdiableilsefaitquacettebiteaitrefuse，……Est-cequ’elleauraitquelquechose？……Oncroiraitqu’elleestenflee。
“IlempoigneDanielparlapeauducoo，lesouleveetdit：——Leloupmecroque，s’ilnepesepascinqlivres。
“Illeretourne，etlemalheureuxcrachedeuxpoigneesdeplomb。QuandSmileyreconnutcequienetait，ilfutcommefou。Vouslevoyezd’iciposersagrenouilleparterraetcouriraprescetindividu，maisilnelerattrapajamais，et……
[TranslationoftheabovebackfromtheFrench：
THEFROGJUMPINGOFTHECOUNTYOFCALAVERAS
IttherewasonetimehereanindividualknownunderthenameofJimSmiley;itwasinthewinterof’89，possiblywellatthespringof’50，Inomerecollectnotexactly。Thiswhichmemakestobelievethatitwastheoneortheother，itisthatIshallrememberthatthegrandflumeisnotachievedwhenhearrivesatthecampforthefirsttime，butofallsideshewasthemanthemostfondoftobetwhichonehaveseen，bettinguponallthatwhichispresented，whenhecouldfindanadversary;andwhenhenotofitcouldnot，hepassedtothesideopposed。Allthatwhichconveniencedtotheothertohimconveniencedalso;seeingthathehadabetSmileywassatisfied。Andhehadachance！achanceevenworthless;nearlyalwayshegained。Itmusttosaythathewasalwaysneartohimselfexpose，butonenocouldmentiontheleastthingwithoutthatthisgaillardofferedtobetthebottom，nomatterwhat，andtotakethesidethatonehimwould，asIyouitsaidallatthehour(toutal’heure)。Ifittherewasofraces，youhimfindrichorruinedattheend;ifit，hereisacombatofdogs，hebringhisbet;hehimselflaidalwaysforacombatofcats，foracombatofcocks——by-blue！，Ifyouhaveseetwobirdsuponafence，heyoushouldhaveofferedoftobetwhichofthosebirdsshallflythefirst;andifthereismeetingatthecamp(meetingaucamp)hecomestobetregularlyforthecureWalker，whichhejudgedtobethebestpredicatoroftheneighborhood(predicateurdesenvirons)andwhichhewasineffect，andabraveman。Hewouldencounterabugofwoodintheroad，whomhewillbetuponthetimewhichheshalltaketogowhereshewouldgo——andifyouhimhavetakeattheword，hewillfollowthebugasfarasMexique，withouthimselfcaringtogosofar;neitherofthetimewhichhetherelost。OnetimethewomanofthecureWalkerisverysickduringlongtime，itseemedthatonenothersavednot;butonemorningthecurearrives，andSmileyhimdemandedhowshegoes，andhesaidthatsheiswellbetter，gracetotheinfinitemisery(luidemandecommentelleva，etilditqu’elleestbienmieux，graceal’infiniemisericorde)somuchbetterthatwiththebenedictionoftheProvidencesheherselfofitwouldpullout(elles’entirerait);andbeholdthatwithouttherethinkingSmileyresponds：“Well，Igagetwo-and-halfthatshewilldieallofsame。”
ThisSmileyhadananimalwhichtheboyscalledthenagofthequarterofhour，butsolelyforpleasantry，youcomprehend，because，wellunderstand，shewasmorefastasthat！[Nowwhythatexclamation？——M。T。]
Anditwascustomoftogainofthesilverwiththisbeast，notwithstandingshewaspoussive，cornarde，alwaystakenofasthma，ofcolicsorofconsumption，orsomethingofapproaching。Onehimwouldgivetwoorthreehundredyardsatthedeparture，thenonehimpassedwithoutpain;butneveratthelastshenotfailofherselfechauffer，ofherselfexasperate，andshearrivesherselfecartant，sedefendant，herlegsgrelesintheairbeforetheobstacles，sometimesthemelevatingandmakingwiththismoreofdustthananyhorse，moreofnoiseabovewithhiseternumensandreniflemens——crac！shearrivesthenalwaysfirstbyonehead，asjustasonecanitmeasure。Andhehadasmallbulldog(bouledogue！)who，tohimsee，novalue，notacent;onewouldbelievethattobetagainsthimitwastosteal，somuchhewasordinary;butassoonasthegamemade，shebecomesanotherdog。Herjawinferiorcommencetoprojectlikeadeckofbefore，histeeththemselvesdiscoverbrilliantlikesomefurnaces，andadogcouldhimtackle(letaquiner)，himexcite，himmurder(lemordre)，himthrowtwoorthreetimesoverhisshoulder，AndreJackson——thiswasthenameofthedog——AndreJacksontakesthattranquilly，asifhenothimselfwasneverexpectingotherthing，andwhenthebetsweredoubledandredoubledagainsthim，heyouseizetheotherdogjustatthearticulationofthelegofbehind，andhenotitleavemore，notthatheitmasticate，youconceive，buthehimselfthereshallbeholdingduringuntilthatonethrowsthespongeintheair，musthewaitayear。Smileygainedalwayswiththisbeast-la;
unhappilytheyhavefinishedbyelevatingadogwhonohadnotoffeetofbehind，becauseonethemhadsawed;andwhenthingswereatthepointthathewould，andthathecametohimselfthrowuponhismorselfavorite，thepoordogcomprehendedinaninstantthathehimselfwasdeceivedinhim，andthattheotherdoghimhad。Younohaveneverseenpersonhavingtheairmorepenaudandmorediscouraged;henotmadenoefforttogainthecombat，andwasrudelyshucked。
Ehbien！thisSmileynourishedsometerriersarats，andsomecocksofcombat，andsomepats，andallsortsofthings;andwithhisrageofbettingonenohadmoreofrepose。Hetrappedonedayafrogandhimimportedwithhim(et1’emportachezlui)sayingthathepretendedtomakehiseducation。Youmebelieveifyouwill，butduringthreemonthshenothasnothingdonebuttohimapprehendtojump(apprendreasauter)
inacourtretiredofhermansion(desamaison)。AndIyourespondthathehavesucceeded。Hehimgivesasmallblowbybehind，andtheinstantafteryoushallseethefrogturnintheairlikeagrease-biscuit，makeonesummersault，sometimestwo，whenshewaswellstarted，andrefalluponhisfeetlikeacat。Hehimhadaccomplishedintheartoftogobbletheflies(goberdesmouches)，andhimthereexercisedcontinually——sowellthataflyatthemostfarthatsheappearedwasaflylost。
Smileyhadcustomtosaythatallwhichlackedtoafrogitwastheeducation，butwiththeeducationshecoulddonearlyall——andIhimbelieve。Tenez，IhimhaveseenposeDanielWebsterthereuponthisplank——DanielWebsterwasthenameofthefrog——andtohimsing，“Someflies，Daniel，somefifes！”——inaflashoftheeyeDaniel30
hadboundedandseizedaflyhereuponthecounter，thenjumpedanewattheearth，whereherestedtrulytohimselfscratchtheheadwithhisbehindfoot，asifhenohadnottheleastideaofhissuperiority。
Neveryounothaveseenfrogasmodest，asnatural，sweetasshewas。
Andwhenhehimselfagitatedtojumppurelyandsimplyuponplainearth，shedoesmoregroundinonejumpthananybeastofhisspeciesthanyoucanknow。Tojumpplain-thiswashisstrong。Whenhehimselfagitatedforthat，Smileymultipliedthebetsuponheraslongastheretohimremainedared。Itmusttoknow，Smileywasmonstrouslyproudofhisfrog，andheofitwasright，forsomemenwhoweretraveled，whohadallseen，saidthattheytohimwouldbeinjurioustohimcompare，toanotherfrog。SmileyguardedDanielinalittleboxlatticedwhichhecarriedbytimestothevillageforsomebet。
Onedayanindividualstrangeratthecamphimarrestedwithhisboxandhimsaid：
“Whatisthisthatyouhavethemshutuptherewithin？”
Smileysaid，withanairindifferent：
“Thatcouldbeaparoquet，orasyringe(ouunserin)，butthisnoisnothingofsuch，itnotisbutafrog。”
Theindividualittook，itregardedwithcare，itturnedfromonesideandfromtheother，thenhesaid：
“Tiens！ineffect！——Atwhatisshegood？”
“MyGod！”respondSmiley，alwayswithanairdisengaged，“sheisgoodforonething，tomynotice(Amonavis)，shecanbetterinjumping(ellepentbattreensautant)allfrogsofthecountyofCalaveras。”
Theindividualretookthebox，itexaminedofnewlongly，anditrenderedtoSmileyinsayingwithanairdeliberate：
“Ehbien！Inosawnotthatthatfroghadnothingofbetterthaneachfrog。”，(Jenevoispasquecettegrenouilleaitriendemieuxqu’aucunegrenouille。)[Ifthatisn’tgrammargonetoseed，thenIcountmyselfnojudge——M。T。]
“Possiblethatyounotitsawnot，“saidSmiley，“possiblethatyou——youcomprehendfrogs;possiblethatyounotyoutherecomprehendnothing;
possiblethatyouhadoftheexperience，andpossiblethatyounotbebutanamateur。Ofallmanner(Detoutemaniere)IbetfortydollarsthatshebetterinjumpingnomatterwhichfrogofthecountyofCalaveras。”
Theindividualreflectedasecond，andsaidlikesad：
“Inotambutastrangerhere，Inohavenotafrog;butifIofithadone，Iwouldembracethebet。”
“Strongwell！”respondSmiley;“nothingofmorefacility。Ifyouwillholdmyboxaminute，Igoyoutosearchafrog(j’iraivouschercher)。”
Behold，then，theindividual，whoguardsthebox，whoputshisfortydollarsuponthoseofSmiley，andwhoattends(etquiattend)。Heattendedenoughlongtimes，reflectingallsolely。AndfigureyouthathetakesDaniel，himopensthemouthbyforceandwithateaspoonhimfillswithshotofthehunt，evenhimfillsjusttothechin，thenhehimputsbytheearth。Smileyduringthesetimeswasatsloppinginaswamp。
Finallyhetrapped(attrape)afrog，himcarriedtothatindividual，andsaid：
“Nowifyoubeready，puthimallagainstDanielwiththeirbeforefeetuponthesameline，andIgivethesignal“——thenheadded：“One，two，three——advance！”
Himandtheindividualtouchedtheirfrogsbybehind，andthefrognewputtojumpsmartly，butDanielhimselfliftedponderously，exaltedtheshouldersthus，likeaFrenchman——towhatgood？，henotcouldbudge，heisplantedsolidlikeachurchhenotadvancenomorethanifonehimhadputattheanchor。
Smileywassurprisedanddisgusted，buthenohimselfdoubtednotoftheturnbeingintended(maisilnesedoutaitpasdutour，bienentendu)。
Theindividualempocketedthesilver，himselfwithitwent，andofithimselfingoingisitthathenogivesnotajerkofthumbovertheshoulder——likethat——atthepoorDaniel，insayingwithhisairdeliberate——(L’individuempochel’argent，s’envaetens’enallantest-
cequ’ilnedonnepasuncoupdpoucepar-dessusl’epaule，commega，aupauvreDaniel，endisantdesonairdelibere)：
“Ehbien！Inoseenotthatthatfroghasnothinofbetterthananother。”
Smileyhimselfscratchedlongtimesthehead，theeyesfixeduponDaniel，untilthatwhichatlasthesaid：
“Imedemandhowthedevilitmakesitselfthatthisbeasthasrefused。
Isitthatshehadsomething？，Onewouldbelievethatsheisstuffed。”
HegraspedDanielbytheskinoftheneck，himliftedandsaid：
“Thewolfmebiteifhenoweighnotfivepounds：“
Hehimreversedandtheunhappybelchedtwohandfulsofshot(etlemalheureux，etc。)。WhenSmileyrecognizedhowitwas，hewaslikemad。
Hedepositedhisfrogbytheearthandranafterthatindividual，buthenothimcaughtnever。
SuchisthejumpingFrog，tothedistortedFrencheye。IclaimthatI
neverputtogethersuchanodiousmixtureofbadgrammaranddeliriumtremensinmylife。Andwhathasapoorforeignerlikemedone，tobeabusedandmisrepresentedlikethis？，WhenIsay，“Well，Idon’tseenopintsaboutthatfrogthat’sanybetter’nanyotherfrog，“isitkind，isitjust，forthisFrenchmantotrytomakeitappearthatIsaid，“Ehbien！Inosawnotthatthatfroghadnothingofbetterthaneachfrog“？
Ihavenohearttowritemore。Ineverfeltsoaboutanythingbefore。
HARTFORD，March，1875，JOURNALISMINTENNESSEE——[Writtenabout1871。]
TheeditoroftheMemphisAvalancheswoopsthusmildlydownuponacorrespondentwhopostedhimasaRadical：——“Whilehewaswritingthefirstword，themiddle，dottinghisi’s，crossinghist’s，andpunchinghisperiod，heknewhewasconcoctingasentencethatwassaturatedwithinfamyandreekingwithfalsehood。”——Exchange。
IwastoldbythephysicianthataSouthernclimatewouldimprovemyhealth，andsoIwentdowntoTennessee，andgotaberthontheMorningGloryandJohnsonCountyWar-Whoopasassociateeditor。WhenIwentondutyIfoundthechiefeditorsittingtiltedbackinathree-leggedchairwithhisfeetonapinetable。Therewasanotherpinetableintheroomandanotherafflictedchair，andbothwerehalfburiedundernewspapersandscrapsandsheetsofmanuscript。Therewasawoodenboxofsand，sprinkledwithcigarstubsand“oldsoldiers，“andastovewithadoorhangingbyitsupperhinge。Thechiefeditorhadalong-tailedblackclothfrock-coaton，andwhitelinenpants。Hisbootsweresmallandneatlyblacked。Heworearuffledshirt，alargeseal-ring，astandingcollarofobsoletepattern，andacheckeredneckerchiefwiththeendshangingdown。Dateofcostumeabout1848。Hewassmokingacigar，andtryingtothinkofaword，andinpawinghishairhehadrumpledhislocksagooddeal。Hewasscowlingfearfully，andIjudgedthathewasconcoctingaparticularlyknottyeditorial。Hetoldmetotaketheexchangesandskimthroughthemandwriteupthe“SpiritoftheTennesseePress，“condensingintothearticlealloftheircontentsthatseemedofinterest。
Iwroteasfollows：
SPIRITOFTHETENNESSEEPRESS
TheeditorsoftheSemi-WeeklyEarthquakeevidentlylaborunderamisapprehensionwithregardtotheDallyhackrailroad。ItisnottheobjectofthecompanytoleaveBuzzardvilleofftooneside。
Onthecontrary，theyconsideritoneofthemostimportantpointsalongtheline，andconsequentlycanhavenodesiretoslightit。
ThegentlemenoftheEarthquakewill，ofcourse，takepleasureinmakingthecorrection。
JohnW。Blossom，Esq。theableeditoroftheHigginsvilleThunderboltandBattleCryofFreedom，arrivedinthecityyesterday。HeisstoppingattheVanBurenHouse。
WeobservethatourcontemporaryoftheMudSpringsMorningHowlhasfallenintotheerrorofsupposingthattheelectionofVanWerterisnotanestablishedfact，buthewillhavediscoveredhismistakebeforethisreminderreacheshim，nodoubt。Hewasdoubtlessmisledbyincompleteelectionreturns。
ItispleasanttonotethatthecityofBlathersvilleisendeavoringtocontractwithsomeNewYorkgentlementopaveitswell-nighimpassablestreetswiththeNicholsonpavement。TheDailyHurrahurgesthemeasurewithability，andseemsconfidentofultimatesuccess。
Ipassedmymanuscriptovertothechiefeditorforacceptance，alteration，ordestruction。Heglancedatitandhisfaceclouded。Heranhiseyedownthepages，andhiscountenancegrewportentous。Itwaseasytoseethatsomethingwaswrong。Presentlyhesprangupandsaid：
“Thunderandlightning！DoyousupposeIamgoingtospeakofthosecattlethatway？，Doyousupposemysubscribersaregoingtostandsuchgruelasthat？，Givemethepen！”
Ineversawapenscrapeandscratchitswayscviciously，orplowthroughanotherman’sverbsandadjectivessorelentlessly。Whilehewasinthemidstofhiswork，somebodyshotathimthroughtheopenwindow，andmarredthesymmetryofmyear。
“Ah，“saidhe，“thatisthatscoundrelSmith，oftheMoralVolcano——hewasdueyesterday。”，Andhesnatchedanavyrevolverfromhisbeltandfired——Smithdropped，shotinthethigh。TheshotspoiledSmith’saim，whowasjusttakingasecondchanceandhecrippledastranger。Itwasme。Merelyafingershotoff。
Thenthechiefeditorwentonwithhiserasure;andinterlineations。
Justashefinishedthemahandgrenadecamedownthestove-pipe，andtheexplosionshiveredthestoveintoathousandfragments。However，itdidnofurtherdamage，exceptthatavagrantpieceknockedacoupleofmyteethout。
“Thatstoveisutterlyruined，“saidthechiefeditor。
IsaidIbelieveditwas。
“Well，nomatter——don’twantitthiskindofweather。Iknowthemanthatdidit。I’llgethim。Now，hereisthewaythisstuffoughttobewritten。”
Itookthemanuscript。Itwasscarredwitherasuresandinterlineationstillitsmotherwouldn’thaveknownitifithadhadone。Itnowreadasfollows：
SPIRITOFTHETENNESSEEPRESS
TheinveterateliarsoftheSemi-WeeklyEarthquakeareevidentlyendeavoringtopalmoffuponanobleandchivalrouspeopleanotheroftheirvileandbrutalfalsehoodswithregardtothatmostgloriousconceptionofthenineteenthcentury，theBallyhackrailroad。TheideathatBuzzardvillewastobeleftoffatonesideoriginatedintheirownfulsomebrains——orratherinthesettlingswhichtheyregardasbrains。Theyhadbetter，swallowthislieiftheywanttosavetheirabandonedreptilecarcassesthecowhidingtheysorichlydeserve。
Thatass，Blossom，oftheHigginsvilleThunderboltandBattleCryofFreedom，isdownhereagainspongingattheVanBuren。
WeobservethatthebesottedblackguardoftheMudSpringsMorningHowlisgivingout，withhisusualpropensityforlying，thatVanWerterisnotelected。Theheaven-bornmissionofjournalismistodisseminatetruth;toeradicateerror;toeducate，refine，andelevatethetoneofpublicmoralsandmanners，andmakeallmenmoregentle，morevirtuous，morecharitable，andinallwaysbetter，andholier，andhappier;andyetthisblackheartedscoundreldegradeshisgreatofficepersistentlytothedisseminationoffalsehood，calumny，vituperation，andvulgarity。
BlathersvillewantsaNicholsonpavement——itwantsajailandapoorhousemore。Theideaofapavementinaone-horsetowncomposedoftwogin-mills，ablacksmithshop，andthatmustard-plasterofanewspaper，theDailyHurrah！，Thecrawlinginsect，Buckner，whoeditstheHurrah，isbrayingabouthisbusinesswithhiscustomaryimbecility，andimaginingthatheistalkingsense。
“Nowthatisthewaytowrite——pepperyandtothepoint。Mush-and-milkjournalismgivesmethefan-tods。”
Aboutthistimeabrickcamethroughthewindowwithasplinteringcrash，andgavemeaconsiderableofajoltintheback。Imovedoutofrange——Ibegantofeelintheway。
Thechiefsaid，“ThatwastheColonel，likely。I’vebeenexpectinghimfortwodays。Hewillbeupnowrightaway。”
Hewascorrect。TheColonelappearedinthedooramomentafterwardwithadragoonrevolverinhishand。
Hesaid，“Sir，haveIthehonorofaddressingthepoltroonwhoeditsthismangysheet？”
“Youhave。Beseated，sir。Becarefulofthechair，oneofitslegsisgone。IbelieveIhavethehonorofaddressingtheputridliar，ColonelBlatherskiteTecumseh？”
“Right，Sir。Ihavealittleaccounttosettlewithyou。Ifyouareatleisurewewillbegin。”
“Ihaveanarticleonthe’EncouragingProgressofMoralandIntellectualDevelopmentinAmerica’tofinish，butthereisnohurry。Begin。”
Bothpistolsrangouttheirfierceclamoratthesameinstant。Thechieflostalockofhishair，andtheColonel’sbulletendeditscareerinthefleshypartofmythigh。TheColonel’sleftshoulderwasclippedalittle。Theyfiredagain。Bothmissedtheirmenthistime，butIgotmyshare，ashotinthearm。Atthethirdfirebothgentlemenwerewoundedslightly，andIhadaknucklechipped。Ithensaid，IbelievedIwouldgooutandtakeawalk，asthiswasaprivatematter，andIhadadelicacyaboutparticipatinginitfurther。Butbothgentlemenbeggedmetokeepmyseat，andassuredmethatIwasnotintheway。
Theythentalkedabouttheelectionsandthecropswhiletheyreloaded，andIfelltotyingupmywounds。Butpresentlytheyopenedfireagainwithanimation，andeveryshottookeffect——butitispropertoremarkthatfiveoutofthesixfelltomyshare。ThesixthonemortallywoundedtheColonel，whoremarked，withfinehumor，thathewouldhavetosaygoodmorningnow，ashehadbusinessuptown。Hetheninquiredthewaytotheundertaker’sandleft。
Thechiefturnedtomeandsaid，“Iamexpectingcompanytodinner，andshallhavetogetready。Itwillbeafavortomeifyouwillreadproofandattendtothecustomers。”
Iwincedalittleattheideaofattendingtothecustomers，butIwastoobewilderedbythefusilladethatwasstillringinginmyearstothinkofanythingtosay。
Hecontinued，“Joneswillbehereatthree——cowhidehim。Gillespiewillcallearlier，perhaps——throwhimoutofthewindow。Fergusonwillbealongaboutfour——killhim。Thatisallfortoday，Ibelieve。Ifyouhaveanyoddtime，youmaywriteablisteringarticleonthepolice——givethechiefinspectorrats。Thecowhidesareunderthetable;weaponsinthedrawer——ammunitionthereinthecorner——lintandbandagesupthereinthepigeonholes。Incaseofaccident，gotoLancet，thesurgeon，down-
stairs。Headvertises——wetakeitoutintrade。”
Hewasgone。Ishuddered。AttheendofthenextthreehoursIhadbeenthroughperilssoawfulthatallpeaceofmindandallcheerfulnessweregonefromme。Gillespiehadcalledandthrownmeoutofthewindow。
