“Tellme,whatisyourname?……andwheredoyoulive？”shesaidhurriedlyinabreathlessvoice。
Helaidbothhandsonhershouldersandlookedatherwithasortofrapture。Itwassuchajoytohimtolookather,hecouldnothavesaidwhy。
“Whosentyou？”
“SisterSoniasentme,“answeredthegirl,smilingstillmorebrightly。
“IknewitwassisterSoniasentyou。“
“Mammasentme,too……whensisterSoniawassendingme,mammacameup,too,andsaid\'Runfast,Polenka。\'“
“DoyoulovesisterSonia？”
“Ilovehermorethananyone,“Polenkaansweredwithapeculiarearnestness,andhersmilebecamegraver。
“Andwillyouloveme？”
Bywayofanswerhesawthelittlegirl\'sfaceapproachinghim,herfulllipsnaivelyheldouttokisshim。Suddenlyherarmsasthinassticksheldhimtightly,herheadrestedonhisshoulderandthelittlegirlweptsoftly,pressingherfaceagainsthim。
“Iamsorryforfather,“shesaidamomentlater,raisinghertear-stainedfaceandbrushingawaythetearswithherhands。“It\'snothingbutmisfortunesnow,“sheaddedsuddenlywiththatpeculiarlysedateairwhichchildrentryhardtoassumewhentheywanttospeaklikegrown-uppeople。
“Didyourfatherloveyou？”
“HelovedLidamost,“shewentonveryseriouslywithoutasmile,exactlylikegrown-uppeople,“helovedherbecausesheislittleandbecausesheisill,too。Andhealwaysusedtobringherpresents。
Buthetaughtustoreadandmegrammarandscripture,too,“sheaddedwithdignity。“Andmotherneverusedtosayanything,butweknewthatshelikeditandfatherknewit,too。AndmotherwantstoteachmeFrench,forit\'stimemyeducationbegan。“
“Anddoyouknowyourprayers？”
“Ofcourse,wedo!Weknewthemlongago。IsaymyprayerstomyselfasIamabiggirlnow,butKolyaandLidasaythemaloudwithmother。
Firsttheyrepeatthe\'AveMaria\'andthenanotherprayer：\'Lord,forgiveandblessSisterSonia,\'andthenanother,\'Lord,forgiveandblessoursecondfather。\'Forourelderfatherisdeadandthisisanotherone,butwedoprayfortheotheraswell。“
“Polenka,mynameisRodion。Praysometimesforme,too。\'AndThyservantRodion,\'nothingmore。“
“I\'llprayforyoualltherestofmylife,“thelittlegirldeclaredhotly,andsuddenlysmilingagainsherushedathimandhuggedhimwarmlyoncemore。
Raskolnikovtoldherhisnameandaddressandpromisedtobesuretocomenextday。Thechildwentawayquiteenchantedwithhim。Itwaspasttenwhenhecameoutintothestreet。Infiveminuteshewasstandingonthebridgeatthespotwherethewomanhadjumpedin。
“Enough,“hepronouncedresolutelyandtriumphantly。“I\'vedonewithfancies,imaginaryterrorsandphantoms!Lifeisreal!haven\'tIlivedjustnow?Mylifehasnotyetdiedwiththatoldwoman!TheKingdomofHeaventoher-andnowenough,madam,leavemeinpeace!Nowforthereignofreasonandlight……andofwill,andofstrength……andnowwewillsee!Wewilltryourstrength！”headdeddefiantly,asthoughchallengingsomepowerofdarkness。“AndIwasreadytoconsenttoliveinasquareofspace!
“Iamveryweakatthismoment,but……Ibelievemyillnessisallover。IknewitwouldbeoverwhenIwentout。Bytheway,Potchinkov\'shouseisonlyafewstepsaway。IcertainlymustgotoRazumihinevenifitwerenotcloseby……lethimwinhisbet!Letusgivehimsomesatisfaction,too-nomatter!Strength,strengthiswhatonewants,youcangetnothingwithoutit,andstrengthmustbewonbystrength-that\'swhattheydon\'tknow,“headdedproudlyandself-confidentlyandhewalkedwithflaggingfootstepsfromthebridge。Prideandself-confidencegrewcontinuallystrongerinhim;hewasbecomingadifferentmaneverymoment。Whatwasithadhappenedtoworkthisrevolutioninhim?Hedidnotknowhimself;likeamancatchingatastraw,hesuddenlyfeltthathe,too,\'couldlive,thattherewasstilllifeforhim,thathislifehadnotdiedwiththeoldwoman。\'Perhapshewasintoogreatahurrywithhisconclusion,buthedidnotthinkofthat。
“ButIdidaskhertoremember\'ThyservantRodion\'inherprayers,“
theideastruckhim。“Well,thatwas……incaseofemergency,“headdedandlaughedhimselfathisboyishsally。Hewasinthebestofspirits。
HeeasilyfoundRazumihin;thenewlodgerwasalreadyknownatPotchinkov\'sandtheporteratonceshowedhimtheway。Half-wayupstairshecouldhearthenoiseandanimatedconversationofabiggatheringofpeople。Thedoorwaswideopenonthestairs;hecouldhearexclamationsanddiscussion。Razumihin\'sroomwasfairlylarge;
thecompanyconsistedoffifteenpeople。Raskolnikovstoppedintheentry,wheretwoofthelandlady\'sservantswerebusybehindascreenwithtwosamovars,bottles,platesanddishesofpieandsavouries,broughtupfromthelandlady\'skitchen。RaskolnikovsentinforRazumihin。Heranoutdelighted。Atthefirstglanceitwasapparentthathehadhadagreatdealtodrinkand,thoughnoamountofliquormadeRazumihinquitedrunk,thistimehewasperceptiblyaffectedbyit。
“Listen,“Raskolnikovhastenedtosay,“I\'veonlyjustcometotellyouyou\'vewonyourbetandthatnoonereallyknowswhatmaynothappentohim。Ican\'tcomein;IamsoweakthatIshallfalldowndirectly。Andsogoodeveningandgood-bye!Comeandseemeto-morrow。“
“Doyouknowwhat?I\'llseeyouhome。Ifyousayyou\'reweakyourself,youmust……“
“Andyourvisitors?Whoisthecurly-headedonewhohasjustpeepedout？”
“He?Goodnessonlyknows!Somefriendofuncle\'sIexpect,orperhapshehascomewithoutbeinginvited……I\'llleaveunclewiththem,heisaninvaluableperson,pityIcan\'tintroduceyoutohimnow。Butconfoundthemallnow!Theywon\'tnoticeme,andIneedalittlefreshair,foryou\'vecomejustinthenickoftime-anothertwominutesandIshouldhavecometoblows!Theyaretalkingsuchalotofwildstuff……yousimplycan\'timaginewhatmenwillsay!
Thoughwhyshouldn\'tyouimagine?Don\'twetalknonsenseourselves?
Andletthem……that\'sthewaytolearnnotto!……Waitaminute,I\'llfetchZossimov。“
ZossimovpounceduponRaskolnikovalmostgreedily;heshowedaspecialinterestinhim;soonhisfacebrightened。
“Youmustgotobedatonce,“hepronounced,examiningthepatientasfarashecould,“andtakesomethingforthenight。Willyoutakeit?Igotitreadysometimeago……apowder。“
“Two,ifyoulike,“answeredRaskolnikov。Thepowderwastakenatonce。
“It\'sagoodthingyouaretakinghimhome,“observedZossimovtoRazumihin-“weshallseehowheisto-morrow,to-dayhe\'snotatallamiss-aconsiderablechangesincetheafternoon。Liveandlearn……“
“DoyouknowwhatZossimovwhisperedtomewhenwewerecomingout？”
Razumihinblurtedout,assoonastheywereinthestreet。“Iwon\'ttellyoueverything,brother,becausetheyaresuchfools。Zossimovtoldmetotalkfreelytoyouonthewayandgetyoutotalkfreelytome,andafterwardsIamtotellhimaboutit,forhe\'sgotanotioninhisheadthatyouare……madorcloseonit。Onlyfancy!Inthefirstplace,you\'vethreetimesthebrainshehas;inthesecond,ifyouarenotmad,youneedn\'tcareahangthathehasgotsuchawildidea;andthirdly,thatpieceofbeefwhosespecialtyissurgeryhasgonemadonmentaldiseases,andwhat\'sbroughthimtothisconclusionaboutyouwasyourconversationto-daywithZametov。“
“Zametovtoldyouallaboutit？”
“Yes,andhedidwell。NowIunderstandwhatitallmeansandsodoesZametov……Well,thefactis,Rodya……thepointis……Iamalittledrunknow……Butthat\'s……nomatter……thepointisthatthisidea……youunderstand?wasjustbeinghatchedintheirbrains……
youunderstand?Thatis,nooneventuredtosayitaloud,becausetheideaistooabsurdandespeciallysincethearrestofthatpainter,thatbubble\'sburstandgoneforever。Butwhyaretheysuchfools?IgaveZametovabitofathrashingatthetime-that\'sbetweenourselves,brother;pleasedon\'tletoutahintthatyouknowofit;I\'venoticedheisaticklishsubject;itwasatLuiseIvanovna\'s。Butto-day,to-dayit\'sallclearedup。ThatIlyaPetrovitchisatthebottomofit!Hetookadvantageofyourfaintingatthepolicestation,butheisashamedofithimselfnow;I
knowthat……“
Raskolnikovlistenedgreedily。Razumihinwasdrunkenoughtotalktoofreely。
“Ifaintedthenbecauseitwassocloseandthesmellofpaint,“
saidRaskolnikov。
“Noneedtoexplainthat!Anditwasn\'tthepaintonly：thefeverhadbeencomingonforamonth;Zossimovtestifiestothat!Buthowcrushedthatboyisnow,youwouldn\'tbelieve!\'Iamnotworthhislittlefinger,\'hesays。Yours,hemeans。Hehasgoodfeelingsattimes,brother。Butthelesson,thelessonyougavehimto-dayinthePalaisdeCrystal,thatwastoogoodforanything!Youfrightenedhimatfirst,youknow,henearlywentintoconvulsions!
Youalmostconvincedhimagainofthetruthofallthathideousnonsense,andthenyousuddenly-putoutyourtongueathim：\'Therenow,whatdoyoumakeofit?\'Itwasperfect!Heiscrushed,annihilatednow!Itwasmasterly,byJove,it\'swhattheydeserve!Ah,thatIwasn\'tthere!Hewashopingtoseeyouawfully。Porfiry,too,wantstomakeyouracquaintance……“
“Ah!……hetoo……butwhydidtheyputmedownasmad？”
“Oh,notmad。Imusthavesaidtoomuch,brother……Whatstruckhim,yousee,wasthatonlythatsubjectseemedtointerestyou;nowit\'sclearwhyitdidinterestyou;knowingallthecircumstances……andhowthatirritatedyouandworkedinwithyourillness……Iamalittledrunk,brother,only,confoundhim,hehassomeideaofhisown……Itellyou,he\'smadonmentaldiseases。Butdon\'tyoumindhim……“
Forhalfaminutebothweresilent。
“Listen,Razumihin,“beganRaskolnikov,“Iwanttotellyouplainly：
I\'vejustbeenatadeath-bed,aclerkwhodied……Igavethemallmymoney……andbesidesI\'vejustbeenkissedbysomeonewho,ifI
hadkilledanyone,wouldjustthesame……infactIsawsomeoneelsethere……withaflame-colouredfeather……butIamtalkingnonsense;I
amveryweak,supportme……weshallbeatthestairsdirectly……“
“What\'sthematter?What\'sthematterwithyou？”Razumihinaskedanxiously。
“Iamalittlegiddy,butthat\'snotthepoint,Iamsosad,sosad……likeawoman。Look,what\'sthat?Look,look！”
“Whatisit？”
“Don\'tyousee?Alightinmyroom,yousee?Throughthecrack……“
Theywerealreadyatthefootofthelastflightofstairs,atthelevelofthelandlady\'sdoor,andtheycould,asafact,seefrombelowthattherewasalightinRaskolnikov\'sgarret。
“Queer!Nastasya,perhaps,“observedRazumihin。
“Sheisneverinmyroomatthistimeandshemustbeinbedlongago,but……Idon\'tcare!Good-bye！”
“Whatdoyoumean?Iamcomingwithyou,we\'llcomeintogether！”
“Iknowwearegoingintogether,butIwanttoshakehandshereandsaygood-byetoyouhere。Sogivemeyourhand,good-bye！”
“What\'sthematterwithyou,Rodya？”
“Nothing……comealong……youshallbewitness。“
Theybeganmountingthestairs,andtheideastruckRazumihinthatperhapsZossimovmightberightafterall。“Ah,I\'veupsethimwithmychatter！”hemutteredtohimself。
Whentheyreachedthedoortheyheardvoicesintheroom。
“Whatisit？”criedRazumihin。Raskolnikovwasthefirsttoopenthedoor;heflungitwideandstoodstillinthedoorway,dumbfounded。
Hismotherandsisterweresittingonhissofaandhadbeenwaitinganhourandahalfforhim。Whyhadheneverexpected,neverthoughtofthem,thoughthenewsthattheyhadstarted,wereontheirwayandwouldarriveimmediately,hadbeenrepeatedtohimonlythatday?TheyhadspentthathourandahalfplyingNastasyawithquestions。Shewasstandingbeforethemandhadtoldthemeverythingbynow。Theywerebesidethemselveswithalarmwhentheyheardofhis“runningaway“to-day,illand,astheyunderstoodfromherstory,delirious!“GoodHeavens,whathadbecomeofhim？”Bothhadbeenweeping,bothhadbeeninanguishforthathourandahalf。
Acryofjoy,ofecstasy,greetedRaskolnikov\'sentrance。Bothrushedtohim。Buthestoodlikeonedead;asuddenintolerablesensationstruckhimlikeathunderbolt。Hedidnotlifthisarmstoembracethem,hecouldnot。Hismotherandsisterclaspedhimintheirarms,kissedhim,laughedandcried。Hetookastep,totteredandfelltotheground,fainting。
Anxiety,criesofhorror,moans……Razumihinwhowasstandinginthedoorwayflewintotheroom,seizedthesickmaninhisstrongarmsandinamomenthadhimonthesofa。
“It\'snothing,nothing！”hecriedtothemotherandsister-“it\'sonlyafaint,ameretrifle!Onlyjustnowthedoctorsaidhewasmuchbetter,thatheisperfectlywell!Water!See,heiscomingtohimself,heisallrightagain！”
AndseizingDouniabythearmsothathealmostdislocatedit,hemadeherbenddowntoseethat“heisallrightagain。“Themotherandsisterlookedonhimwithemotionandgratitude,astheirProvidence。TheyhadheardalreadyfromNastasyaallthathadbeendonefortheirRodyaduringhisillness,bythis“verycompetentyoungman,“asPulcheriaAlexandrovnaRaskolnikovcalledhimthateveninginconversationwithDounia。
PARTTHREE
ChapterOneRASKOLNIKOVgotup,andsatdownonthesofa。HewavedhishandweaklytoRazumihintocutshorttheflowofwarmandincoherentconsolationshewasaddressingtohismotherandsister,tookthembothbythehandandforaminuteortwogazedfromonetotheotherwithoutspeaking。Hismotherwasalarmedbyhisexpression。Itrevealedanemotionagonisinglypoignant,andatthesametimesomethingimmovable,almostinsane。PulcheriaAlexandrovnabegantocry。
AvdotyaRomanovnawaspale;herhandtrembledinherbrother\'s。
“Gohome……withhim,“hesaidinabrokenvoice,pointingtoRazumihin,“good-byetillto-morrow;to-morroweverything……Isitlongsinceyouarrived？”
“Thisevening,Rodya,“answeredPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“thetrainwasawfullylate。But,Rodya,nothingwouldinducemetoleaveyounow!Iwillspendthenighthere,nearyou……“
“Don\'ttortureme！”hesaidwithagestureofirritation。
“Iwillstaywithhim,“criedRazumihin,“Iwon\'tleavehimforamoment。Botherallmyvisitors!Letthemragetotheirhearts\'
content!Myuncleispresidingthere。“
“How,howcanIthankyou！”PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasbeginning,oncemorepressingRazumihin\'shands,butRaskolnikovinterruptedheragain。
“Ican\'thaveit!Ican\'thaveit！”herepeatedirritably,“don\'tworryme!Enough,goaway……Ican\'tstandit！”
“Come,mamma,comeoutoftheroomatleastforaminute,“Douniawhisperedindismay;“wearedistressinghim,that\'sevident。“
“Mayn\'tIlookathimafterthreeyears？”weptPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Stay,“hestoppedthemagain,“youkeepinterruptingme,andmyideasgetmuddled……HaveyouseenLuzhin？”
“No,Rodya,butheknowsalreadyofourarrival。Wehaveheard,Rodya,thatPyotrPetrovitchwassokindastovisityoutoday,“
PulcheriaAlexandrovnaaddedsomewhattimidly。
“Yes……hewassokind……Dounia,IpromisedLuzhinI\'dthrowhimdownstairsandtoldhimtogotohell……“
“Rodya,whatareyousaying!Surely,youdon\'tmeantotellus……“
PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganinalarm,butshestopped,lookingatDounia。
AvdotyaRomanovnawaslookingattentivelyatherbrother,waitingforwhatwouldcomenext。BothofthemhadheardofthequarrelfromNastasya,sofarasshehadsucceededinunderstandingandreportingit,andwereinpainfulperplexityandsuspense。
“Dounia,“Raskolnikovcontinuedwithaneffort,“Idon\'twantthatmarriage,soatthefirstopportunityto-morrowyoumustrefuseLuzhin,sothatwemayneverhearhisnameagain。“
“GoodHeavens！”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Brother,thinkwhatyouaresaying！”AvdotyaRomanovnabeganimpetuously,butimmediatelycheckedherself。“Youarenotfittotalknow,perhaps;youaretired,“sheaddedgently。
“YouthinkIamdelirious?No……YouaremarryingLuzhinformysake。ButIwon\'tacceptthesacrifice。Andsowritealetterbeforeto-morrow,torefusehim……Letmereaditinthemorningandthatwillbetheendofit！”
“ThatIcan\'tdo！”thegirlcried,offended,“whatrighthaveyou……“
“Dounia,youarehasty,too,bequiet,to-morrow……Don\'tyousee……“themotherinterposedindismay。“Bettercomeaway！”
“Heisraving,“Razumihincriedtipsily,“orhowwouldhedare!
To-morrowallthisnonsensewillbeover……to-dayhecertainlydiddrivehimaway。Thatwasso。AndLuzhingotangry,too……Hemadespeecheshere,wantedtoshowoffhislearningandhewentoutcrest-fallen……“
“Thenit\'strue？”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Good-byetillto-morrow,brother,“saidDouniacompassionately-
“letusgo,mother……Good-bye,Rodya。“
“Doyouhear,sister,“herepeatedafterthem,makingalasteffort,“Iamnotdelirious;thismarriageis-aninfamy。Letmeactlikeascoundrel,butyoumustn\'t……oneisenough……andthoughIamascoundrel,Iwouldn\'townsuchasister。It\'smeorLuzhin!Gonow……“
“Butyou\'reoutofyourmind!Despot！”roaredRazumihin;butRaskolnikovdidnotandperhapscouldnotanswer。Helaydownonthesofa,andturnedtothewall,utterlyexhausted。AvdotyaRomanovnalookedwithinterestatRazumihin;herblackeyesflashed;Razumihinpositivelystartedatherglance。
PulcheriaAlexandrovnastoodoverwhelmed。
“Nothingwouldinducemetogo,“shewhisperedindespairtoRazumihin。“Iwillstaysomewherehere……escortDouniahome。“
“You\'llspoileverything,“Razumihinansweredinthesamewhisper,losingpatience-“comeoutontothestairs,anyway。Nastasya,showalight!Iassureyou,“hewentoninahalfwhisperonthestairs-
“thathewasalmostbeatingthedoctorandmethisafternoon!Doyouunderstand?Thedoctorhimself!Evenhegavewayandlefthim,soasnottoirritatehim。Iremaineddownstairsonguard,buthedressedatonceandslippedoff。Andhewillslipoffagainifyouirritatehim,atthistimeofnight,andwilldohimselfsomemischief……“
“Whatareyousaying？”
“AndAvdotyaRomanovnacan\'tpossiblybeleftinthoselodgingswithoutyou。Justthinkwhereyouarestaying!ThatblackguardPyotrPetrovitchcouldn\'tfindyoubetterlodgings……ButyouknowI\'vehadalittletodrink,andthat\'swhatmakesme……swear;don\'tmindit……“
“ButI\'llgotothelandladyhere,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnainsisted,“IllbeseechhertofindsomecornerforDouniaandmeforthenight。Ican\'tleavehimlikethat,Icannot！”
Thisconversationtookplaceonthelandingjustbeforethelandlady\'sdoor。Nastasyalightedthemfromastepbelow。Razumihinwasinextraordinaryexcitement。Halfanhourearlier,whilehewasbringingRaskolnikovhome,hehadindeedtalkedtoofreely,buthewasawareofithimself,andhisheadwasclearinspiteofthevastquantitieshehadimbibed。Nowhewasinastateborderingonecstasy,andallthathehaddrunkseemedtoflytohisheadwithredoubledeffect。Hestoodwiththetwoladies,seizingbothbytheirhands,persuadingthem,andgivingthemreasonswithastonishingplainnessofspeech,andatalmosteverywordheuttered,probablytoemphasizehisarguments,hesqueezedtheirhandspainfullyasinavise。HestaredatAvdotyaRomanovnawithouttheleastregardforgoodmanners。Theysometimespulledtheirhandsoutofhishugebonypaws,butfarfromnoticingwhatwasthematter,hedrewthemalltheclosertohim。Ifthey\'dtoldhimtojumpheadforemostfromthestaircase,hewouldhavedoneitwithoutthoughtorhesitationintheirservice。ThoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnafeltthattheyoungmanwasreallytooeccentricandpinchedherhandtoomuch,inheranxietyoverherRodyashelookedonhispresenceasprovidentialandwasunwillingtonoticeallhispeculiarities。ButthoughAvdotyaRomanovnasharedheranxiety,andwasnotoftimorousdisposition,shecouldnotseetheglowinglightinhiseyeswithoutwonderandalmostalarm。ItwasonlytheunboundedconfidenceinspiredbyNastasya\'saccountofherbrother\'squeerfriend,whichpreventedherfromtryingtorunawayfromhim,andtopersuadehermothertodothesame。Sherealised,too,thatevenrunningawaywasperhapsimpossiblenow。Tenminuteslater,however,shewasconsiderablyreassured;itwascharacteristicofRazumihinthatheshowedhistruenatureatonce,whatevermoodhemightbein,sothatpeoplequicklysawthesortofmantheyhadtodealwith。
“Youcan\'tgotothelandlady,that\'sperfectnonsense！”hecried。
“Ifyoustay,thoughyouarehismother,you\'lldrivehimtoafrenzy,andthengoodnessknowswhatwillhappen!Listen,I\'lltellyouwhatI\'lldo：Nastasyawillstaywithhimnow,andI\'llconductyoubothhome,youcan\'tbeinthestreetsalone;Petersburgisanawfulplaceinthatway……Butnomatter!ThenI\'llrunstraightbackhereandaquarterofanhourlater,onmywordofhonour,I\'llbringyounewshowheis,whetherheisasleep,andallthat。Then,listen!ThenI\'llrunhomeinatwinkling-I\'vealotoffriendsthere,alldrunk-I\'llfetchZossimov-that\'sthedoctorwhoislookingafterhim,heisthere,too,butheisnotdrunk;heisnotdrunk,heisneverdrunk!I\'lldraghimtoRodya,andthentoyou,sothatyou\'llgettworeportsinthehour-fromthedoctor,youunderstand,fromthedoctorhimself,that\'saverydifferentthingfrommyaccountofhim!Ifthere\'sanythingwrong,IswearI\'llbringyouheremyself,but,ifit\'sallright,yougotobed。AndI\'llspendthenighthere,inthepassage,hewon\'thearme,andI\'lltellZossimovtosleepatthelandlady\'s,tobeathand。Whichisbetterforhim：youorthedoctor?Socomehomethen!Butthelandladyisoutofthequestion;it\'sallrightforme,butit\'soutofthequestionforyou：
shewouldn\'ttakeyou,forshe\'s……forshe\'safool……She\'dbejealousonmyaccountofAvdotyaRomanovnaandofyou,too,ifyouwanttoknow……ofAvdotyaRomanovnacertainly。Sheisanabsolutely,absolutelyunaccountablecharacter!ButIamafool,too!……Nomatter!Comealong!Doyoutrustme?Come,doyoutrustmeornot？”
“Letusgo,mother,“saidAvdotyaRomanovna,“hewillcertainlydowhathehaspromised。HehassavedRodyaalready,andifthedoctorreallywillconsenttospendthenighthere,whatcouldbebetter？”
“Yousee,you……you……understandme,becauseyouareanangel！”
Razumihincriedinecstasy,“letusgo!Nastasya!Flyupstairsandsitwithhimwithalight;I\'llcomeinaquarterofanhour。“
ThoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasnotperfectlyconvinced,shemadenofurtherresistance。Razumihingaveanarmtoeachanddrewthemdownthestairs。Hestillmadeheruneasy,asthoughhewascompetentandgood-natured,washecapableofcarryingouthispromise?Heseemedinsuchacondition……
“Ah,IseeyouthinkIaminsuchacondition！”Razumihinbrokeinuponherthoughts,guessingthem,ashestrolledalongthepavementwithhugesteps,sothatthetwoladiescouldhardlykeepupwithhim,afacthedidnotobserve,however。“Nonsense!Thatis……Iamdrunklikeafool,butthat\'snotit;Iamnotdrunkfromwine。It\'sseeingyouhasturnedmyhead……Butdon\'tmindme!Don\'ttakeanynotice：Iamtalkingnonsense,Iamnotworthyofyou……Iamutterlyunworthyofyou!TheminuteI\'vetakenyouhome,I\'llpouracoupleofpailfulsofwaterovermyheadinthegutterhere,andthenIshallbeallright……IfonlyyouknewhowIloveyouboth!
Don\'tlaugh,anddon\'tbeangry!Youmaybeangrywithanyone,butnotwithme!Iamhisfriend,andthereforeIamyourfriend,too,I
wanttobe……Ihadapresentiment……Lastyeartherewasamoment……thoughitwasn\'tapresentimentreally,foryouseemtohavefallenfromheaven。AndIexpectIshan\'tsleepallnight……
Zossimovwasafraidalittletimeagothathewouldgomad……that\'swhyhemustn\'tbeirritated。“
“Whatdoyousay？”criedthemother。
“Didthedoctorreallysaythat？”askedAvdotyaRomanovna,alarmed。
“Yes,butit\'snotso,notabitofit。Hegavehimsomemedicine,apowder,Isawit,andthenyourcominghere……Ah!Itwouldhavebeenbetterifyouhadcometo-morrow。It\'sagoodthingwewentaway。
AndinanhourZossimovhimselfwillreporttoyouabouteverything。
Heisnotdrunk!AndIshan\'tbedrunk……Andwhatmademegetsotight?Becausetheygotmeintoanargument,damnthem!I\'veswornnevertoargue!Theytalksuchtrash!Ialmostcametoblows!I\'veleftmyuncletopreside。Wouldyoubelieve,theyinsistoncompleteabsenceofindividualismandthat\'sjustwhattheyrelish!Nottobethemselves,tobeasunlikethemselvesastheycan。That\'swhattheyregardasthehighestpointofprogress。Ifonlytheirnonsenseweretheirown,butasitis……“
“Listen！”PulcheriaAlexandrovnainterruptedtimidly,butitonlyaddedfueltotheflames。
“Whatdoyouthink？”shoutedRazumihin,louderthanever,“youthinkIamattackingthemfortalkingnonsense?Notabit!Ilikethemtotalknonsense。That\'sman\'soneprivilegeoverallcreation。Througherroryoucometothetruth!IamamanbecauseIerr!Youneverreachanytruthwithoutmakingfourteenmistakesandverylikelyahundredandfourteen。Andafinething,too,initsway;butwecan\'tevenmakemistakesonourownaccount!Talknonsense,buttalkyourownnonsense,andI\'llkissyouforit。Togowronginone\'sownwayisbetterthantogorightinsomeoneelse\'s。Inthefirstcaseyouareaman,inthesecondyou\'renobetterthanabird。Truthwon\'tescapeyou,butlifecanbecramped。Therehavebeenexamples。Andwhatarewedoingnow?Inscience,development,thought,invention,ideals,aims,liberalism,judgment,experienceandeverything,everything,everything,wearestillinthepreparatoryclassatschool。Weprefertoliveonotherpeople\'sideas,it\'swhatweareusedto!AmIright,amIright？”criedRazumihin,pressingandshakingthetwoladies\'hands。
“Oh,mercy,Idonotknow,“criedpoorPulcheriaAlexandrovna。
“Yes,yes……thoughIdon\'tagreewithyouineverything,“addedAvdotyaRomanovnaearnestlyandatonceutteredacry,forhesqueezedherhandsopainfully。
“Yes,yousayyes……wellafterthatyou……you……“hecriedinatransport,“youareafountofgoodness,purity,sense……andperfection。Givemeyourhand……yougivemeyours,too!Iwanttokissyourhandshereatonce,onmyknees……“andhefellonhiskneesonthepavement,fortunatelyatthattimedeserted。
“Leaveoff,Ientreatyou,whatareyoudoing？”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacried,greatlydistressed。
“Getup,getup！”saidDounialaughing,thoughshe,too,wasupset。
“Notforanythingtillyouletmekissyourhands!That\'sit!
Enough!Igetupandwe\'llgoon!Iamalucklessfool,Iamunworthyofyouanddrunk……andIamashamed……Iamnotworthytoloveyou,buttodohomagetoyouisthedutyofeverymanwhoisnotaperfectbeast!AndI\'vedonehomage……Hereareyourlodgings,andforthataloneRodyawasrightindrivingyourPyotrPetrovitchaway……Howdarehe!howdareheputyouinsuchlodgings!
It\'sascandal!Doyouknowthesortofpeopletheytakeinhere?
Andyouhisbetrothed!Youarehisbetrothed?Yes,well,then,I\'lltellyou,yourfianceisascoundrel。“
“Excuseme,Mr。Razumihin,youareforgetting……“PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasbeginning。
“Yes,yes,youareright,Ididforgetmyself,Iamashamedofit,“Razumihinmadehastetoapologise。“But……butyoucan\'tbeangrywithmeforspeakingso!ForIspeaksincerelyandnotbecause……
hm,hm!Thatwouldbedisgraceful;infactnotbecauseI\'min……hm!
Well,anywayIwon\'tsaywhy,Idaren\'t……Butweallsawto-daywhenhecameinthatthatmanisnotofoursort。Notbecausehehadhishaircurledatthebarber\'s,notbecausehewasinsuchahurrytoshowhiswit,butbecauseheisaspy,aspeculator,becauseheisaskin-flintandabuffoon。That\'sevident。Doyouthinkhimclever?No,heisafool,afool。Andisheamatchforyou?Goodheavens!Doyousee,ladies？”hestoppedsuddenlyonthewayupstairstotheirrooms,“thoughallmyfriendstherearedrunk,yettheyareallhonest,andthoughwedotalkalotoftrash,andIdo,too,yetweshalltalkourwaytothetruthatlast,forweareontherightpath,whilePyotrPetrovitch……isnotontherightpath。ThoughI\'vebeencallingthemallsortsofnamesjustnow,Idorespectthemall……
thoughIdon\'trespectZametov,Ilikehim,forheisapuppy,andthatbullockZossimov,becauseheisanhonestmanandknowshiswork。
Butenough,it\'sallsaidandforgiven。Isitforgiven?Well,then,let\'sgoon。Iknowthiscorridor,I\'vebeenhere,therewasascandalhereatNumber3……Whereareyouhere?Whichnumber?eight?Well,lockyourselvesinforthenight,then。Don\'tletanybodyin。InaquarterofanhourI\'llcomebackwithnews,andhalfanhourlaterI\'llbringZossimov,you\'llsee!Good-bye,I\'llrun。“
“Goodheavens,Dounia,whatisgoingtohappen？”saidPulcheriaAlexandrovna,addressingherdaughterwithanxietyanddismay。
“Don\'tworryyourself,mother,“saidDounia,takingoffherhatandcape。“Godhassentthisgentlemantoouraid,thoughhehascomefromadrinkingparty。Wecandependonhim,Iassureyou。AndallthathehasdoneforRodya……“
“Ah。Dounia,goodnessknowswhetherhewillcome!HowcouldI
bringmyselftoleaveRodya?……Andhowdifferent,howdifferentIhadfanciedourmeeting!Howsullenhewas,asthoughnotpleasedtoseeus……“
Tearscameintohereyes。
“No,it\'snotthat,mother。Youdidn\'tsee,youwerecryingallthetime。Heisquiteunhingedbyseriousillness-that\'sthereason。“
“Ah,thatillness!Whatwillhappen,whatwillhappen?Andhowhetalkedtoyou,Dounia！”saidthemother,lookingtimidlyatherdaughter,tryingtoreadherthoughtsand,alreadyhalfconsoledbyDounia\'sstandingupforherbrother,whichmeantthatshehadalreadyforgivenhim。“Iamsurehewillthinkbetterofitto-morrow,“sheadded,probingherfurther。
“AndIamsurethathewillsaythesameto-morrow……aboutthat,“
AvdotyaRomanovnasaidfinally。And,ofcourse,therewasnogoingbeyondthat,forthiswasapointwhichPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasafraidtodiscuss。Douniawentupandkissedhermother。Thelatterwarmlyembracedherwithoutspeaking。ThenshesatdowntowaitanxiouslyforRazumihin\'sreturn,timidlywatchingherdaughterwhowalkedupanddowntheroomwithherarmsfolded,lostinthought。
ThiswalkingupanddownwhenshewasthinkingwasahabitofAvdotyaRomanovna\'sandthemotherwasalwaysafraidtobreakinonherdaughter\'smoodatsuchmoments。
Razumihin,ofcourse,wasridiculousinhissuddendrunkeninfatuationforAvdotyaRomanovna。Yetapartfromhiseccentriccondition,manypeoplewouldhavethoughtitjustifiediftheyhadseenAvdotyaRomanovna,especiallyatthatmomentwhenshewaswalkingtoandfrowithfoldedarms,pensiveandmelancholy。AvdotyaRomanovnawasremarkablygoodlooking;shewastall,strikinglywell-proportioned,strongandself-reliant-thelatterqualitywasapparentineverygesture,thoughitdidnotintheleastdetractfromthegraceandsoftnessofhermovements。Infacesheresembledherbrother,butshemightbedescribedasreallybeautiful。Herhairwasdarkbrown,alittlelighterthanherbrother\'s;therewasaproudlightinheralmostblackeyesandyetattimesalookofextraordinarykindness。Shewaspale,butitwasahealthypallor;herfacewasradiantwithfreshnessandvigour。Hermouthwasrathersmall;thefullredlowerlipprojectedalittleasdidherchin;itwastheonlyirregularityinherbeautifulface,butitgaveitapeculiarlyindividualandalmosthaughtyexpression。Herfacewasalwaysmoreseriousandthoughtfulthangay;buthowwellsmiles,howwellyouthful,lighthearted,irresponsible,laughtersuitedherface!Itwasnaturalenoughthatawarm,open,simple-hearted,honestgiantlikeRazumihin,whohadneverseenanyonelikeherandwasnotquitesoberatthetime,shouldlosehisheadimmediately。
Besides,aschancewouldhaveit,hesawDouniaforthefirsttimetransfiguredbyherloveforherbrotherandherjoyatmeetinghim。
Afterwardshesawherlowerlipquiverwithindignationatherbrother\'sinsolent,cruelandungratefulwords-andhisfatewassealed。
Hehadspokenthetruth,moreover,whenheblurtedoutinhisdrunkentalkonthestairsthatPraskovyaPavlovna,Raskolnikov\'seccentriclandlady,wouldbejealousofPulcheriaAlexandrovnaaswellasofAvdotyaRomanovnaonhisaccount。AlthoughPulcheriaAlexandrovnawasforty-three,herfacestillretainedtracesofherformerbeauty;shelookedmuchyoungerthanherage,indeed,whichisalmostalwaysthecasewithwomenwhoretainserenityofspirit,sensitivenessandpuresincerewarmthofhearttooldage。Wemayaddinparenthesisthattopreserveallthisistheonlymeansofretainingbeautytooldage。Herhairhadbeguntogrowgreyandthin,therehadlongbeenlittlecrow\'sfootwrinklesroundhereyes,hercheekswerehollowandsunkenfromanxietyandgrief,andyetitwasahandsomeface。ShewasDouniaoveragain,twentyyearsolder,butwithouttheprojectingunderlip。PulcheriaAlexandrovnawasemotional,butnotsentimental,timidandyielding,butonlytoacertainpoint。Shecouldgivewayandacceptagreatdealevenofwhatwascontrarytoherconvictions,buttherewasacertainbarrierfixedbyhonesty,principleandthedeepestconvictionswhichnothingwouldinducehertocross。
ExactlytwentyminutesafterRazumihin\'sdeparture,therecametwosubduedbuthurriedknocksatthedoor：hehadcomeback。
“Iwon\'tcomein,Ihaven\'ttime,“hehastenedtosaywhenthedoorwasopened。“Hesleepslikeatop,soundly,quietly,andGodgranthemaysleeptenhours。Nastasya\'swithhim;ItoldhernottoleavetillIcame。NowIamfetchingZossimov,hewillreporttoyouandthenyou\'dbetterturnin;Icanseeyouaretootiredtodoanything……“
Andheranoffdownthecorridor。
“Whataverycompetentand……devotedyoungman！”criedPulcheriaAlexandrovnaexceedinglydelighted。
“Heseemsasplendidperson！”AvdotyaRomanovnarepliedwithsomewarmth,resumingherwalkupanddowntheroom。
Itwasnearlyanhourlaterwhentheyheardfootstepsinthecorridorandanotherknockatthedoor。BothwomenwaitedthistimecompletelyrelyingonRazumihin\'spromise;heactuallyhadsucceededinbringingZossimov。ZossimovhadagreedatoncetodesertthedrinkingpartytogotoRaskolnikov\'s,buthecamereluctantlyandwiththegreatestsuspiciontoseetheladies,mistrustingRazumihininhisexhilaratedcondition。Buthisvanitywasatoncereassuredandflattered;hesawthattheywerereallyexpectinghimasanoracle。HestayedjusttenminutesandsucceededincompletelyconvincingandcomfortingPulcheriaAlexandrovna。Hespokewithmarkedsympathy,butwiththereserveandextremeseriousnessofayoungdoctoratanimportantconsultation。Hedidnotutterawordonanyothersubjectanddidnotdisplaytheslightestdesiretoenterintomorepersonalrelationswiththetwoladies。RemarkingathisfirstentrancethedazzlingbeautyofAvdotyaRomanovna,heendeavourednottonoticeheratallduringhisvisitandaddressedhimselfsolelytoPulcheriaAlexandrovna。Allthisgavehimextraordinaryinwardsatisfaction。
Hedeclaredthathethoughttheinvalidatthismomentgoingonverysatisfactorily。Accordingtohisobservationsthepatient\'sillnesswasduepartlytohisunfortunatematerialsurroundingsduringthelastfewmonths,butithadpartlyalsoamoralorigin,“wassotospeaktheproductofseveralmaterialandmoralinfluences,anxieties,apprehensions,troubles,certainideas……andsoon。“NoticingstealthilythatAvdotyaRomanovnawasfollowinghiswordswithcloseattention,Zossimovallowedhimselftoenlargeonthistheme。OnPulcheriaAlexandrovna\'sanxiouslyandtimidlyinquiringasto“somesuspicionofinsanity,“herepliedwithacomposedandcandidsmilethathiswordshadbeenexaggerated;thatcertainlythepatienthadsomefixedidea,somethingapproachingamonomania-he,Zossimov,wasnowparticularlystudyingthisinterestingbranchofmedicine-butthatitmustberecollectedthatuntilto-daythepatienthadbeenindeliriumand……andthatnodoubtthepresenceofhisfamilywouldhaveafavourableeffectonhisrecoveryanddistracthismind,“ifonlyallfreshshockscanbeavoided,“headdedsignificantly。Thenhegotup,tookleavewithanimpressiveandaffablebow,whileblessings,warmgratitude,andentreatieswereshowereduponhim,andAvdotyaRomanovnaspontaneouslyofferedherhandtohim。Hewentoutexceedinglypleasedwithhisvisitandstillmoresowithhimself。
“We\'lltalkto-morrow;gotobedatonce！”Razumihinsaidinconclusion,followingZossimovout。“I\'llbewithyouto-morrowmorningasearlyaspossiblewithmyreport。“
“That\'safetchinglittlegirl,AvdotyaRomanovna,“remarkedZossimov,almostlickinghislipsastheybothcameoutintothestreet。
“Fetching?Yousaidfetching？”roaredRazumihinandheflewatZossimovandseizedhimbythethroat。“Ifyoueverdare……Doyouunderstand?Doyouunderstand？”heshouted,shakinghimbythecollarandsqueezinghimagainstthewall。“Doyouhear？”
“Letmego,youdrunkendevil,“saidZossimov,strugglingandwhenhehadlethimgo,hestaredathimandwentoffintoasuddenguffaw。
Razumihinstoodfacinghimingloomyandearnestreflection。
“Ofcourse,Iamanass,“heobserved,sombreasastormcloud,“butstill……youareanother。“
“No,brother,notatallsuchanother。Iamnotdreamingofanyfolly。“
TheywalkedalonginsilenceandonlywhentheywereclosetoRaskolnikov\'slodgings,Razumihinbrokethesilenceinconsiderableanxiety。
“Listen,“hesaid,“you\'reafirst-ratefellow,butamongyourotherfailings,you\'realoosefish,that,Iknow,andadirtyone,too。Youareafeeble,nervouswretch,andamassofwhims,you\'regettingfatandlazyandcan\'tdenyyourselfanything-andIcallthatdirtybecauseitleadsonstraightintothedirt。You\'veletyourselfgetsoslackthatIdon\'tknowhowitisyouarestillagood,evenadevoteddoctor。You-adoctor-sleeponafeatherbedandgetupatnighttoyourpatients!Inanotherthreeorfouryearsyouwon\'tgetupforyourpatients……Buthangitall,that\'snotthepoint!……Youaregoingtospendto-nightinthelandlady\'sflathere。(HardworkI\'vehadtopersuadeher!)AndI\'llbeinthekitchen。Sohere\'sachanceforyoutogettoknowherbetter……It\'snotasyouthink!There\'snotatraceofanythingofthesort,brother……！”
“ButIdon\'tthink！”
“Hereyouhavemodesty,brother,silence,bashfulness,asavagevirtue……andyetshe\'ssighingandmeltinglikewax,simplymelting!Savemefromher,byallthat\'sunholy!She\'smostprepossessing……I\'llrepayyou,I\'lldoanything……“
Zossimovlaughedmoreviolentlythanever。
“Well,youaresmitten!ButwhatamItodowithher？”
“Itwon\'tbemuchtrouble,Iassureyou。Talkanyrotyouliketoher,aslongasyousitbyherandtalk。You\'readoctor,too;trycuringherofsomething。Iswearyouwon\'tregretit。Shehasapiano,andyouknow,Istrumalittle。Ihaveasongthere,agenuineRussianone：\'Ishedhottears。\'Shelikesthegenuinearticle-andwell,itallbeganwiththatsong;Nowyou\'rearegularperformer,amaitre,aRubinstein……Iassureyou,youwon\'tregretit！”
“Buthaveyoumadehersomepromise?Somethingsigned?Apromiseofmarriage,perhaps？”
“Nothing,nothing,absolutelynothingofthekind!Besidessheisnotthatsortatall……Tchebarovtriedthat……“
“Well,then,dropher！”
“ButIcan\'tdropherlikethat！”
“Whycan\'tyou？”
“Well,Ican\'t,that\'sallaboutit!There\'sanelementofattractionhere,brother。“
“Thenwhyhaveyoufascinatedher？”
“Ihaven\'tfascinatedher;perhaps,Iwasfascinatedmyselfinmyfolly。Butshewon\'tcareastrawwhetherit\'syouorI,solongassomebodysitsbesideher,sighing……Ican\'texplaintheposition,brother……lookhere,youaregoodatmathematics,andworkingatitnow……beginteachinghertheintegralcalculus;uponmysoul,I\'mnotjoking。I\'minearnest,it\'llbejustthesametoher。Shewillgazeatyouandsighforawholeyeartogether。ItalkedtoheroncefortwodaysatatimeaboutthePrussianHouseofLords(foronemusttalkofsomething)-shejustsighedandperspired!Andyoumustn\'ttalkoflove-she\'sbashfultohysterics-butjustletherseeyoucan\'ttearyourselfaway-that\'senough。It\'sfearfullycomfortable;
you\'requiteathome,youcanread,sit,lieabout,write。Youmayevenventureonakiss,ifyou\'recareful。“
“ButwhatdoIwantwithher？”
“Ach,Ican\'tmakeyouunderstand!Yousee,youaremadeforeachother!Ihaveoftenbeenremindedofyou!……You\'llcometoitintheend!Sodoesitmatterwhetherit\'ssoonerorlater?There\'sthefeatherbedelementhere,brother,-ach!andnotonlythat!There\'sanattractionhere-hereyouhavetheendoftheworld,ananchorage,aquiethaven,thenaveloftheearth,thethreefishesthatarethefoundationoftheworld,theessenceofpancakes,ofsavouryfish-pies,oftheeveningsamovar,ofsoftsighsandwarmshawls,andhotstovestosleepon-assnugasthoughyouweredead,andyetyou\'realive-theadvantagesofbothatonce!Well,hangit,brother,whatstuffI\'mtalking,it\'sbedtime!Listen。Isometimeswakeupatnight;soI\'llgoinandlookathim。Butthere\'snoneed,it\'sallright。Don\'tyouworryyourself,yetifyoulike,youmightjustlookinonce,too。Butifyounoticeanything,deliriumorfever-wakemeatonce。Buttherecan\'tbe……“
ChapterTwoRAZUMIHINwakedupnextmorningateighto\'clock,troubledandserious。Hefoundhimselfconfrontedwithmanynewandunlooked-forperplexities。Hehadneverexpectedthathewouldeverwakeupfeelinglikethat。Herememberedeverydetailofthepreviousdayandheknewthataperfectlynovelexperiencehadbefallenhim,thathehadreceivedanimpressionunlikeanythinghehadknownbefore。Atthesametimeherecognisedclearlythatthedreamwhichhadfiredhisimaginationwashopelesslyunattainable-sounattainablethathefeltpositivelyashamedofit,andhehastenedtopasstotheothermorepracticalcaresanddifficultiesbequeathedhimbythat“thriceaccursedyesterday。“
Themostawfulrecollectionofthepreviousdaywasthewayhehadshownhimself“baseandmean,“notonlybecausehehadbeendrunk,butbecausehehadtakenadvantageoftheyounggirl\'spositiontoabuseherfianceinhisstupidjealousy,knowingnothingoftheirmutualrelationsandobligationsandnexttonothingofthemanhimself。
Andwhatrighthadhetocriticisehiminthathastyandunguardedmanner?Whohadaskedforhisopinion!WasitthinkablethatsuchacreatureasAvdotyaRomanovnawouldbemarryinganunworthymanformoney?Sotheremustbesomethinginhim。Thelodgings?Butafterallhowcouldheknowthecharacterofthelodgings?Hewasfurnishingaflat……Foo,howdespicableitallwas!Andwhatjustificationwasitthathewasdrunk?Suchastupidexcusewasevenmoredegrading!Inwineistruth,andthetruthhadallcomeout,“thatis,alltheuncleannessofhiscoarseandenviousheart！”Andwouldsuchadreameverbepermissibletohim,Razumihin?Whatwashebesidesuchagirl-
he,thedrunkennoisybraggartoflastnight?“Wasitpossibletoimaginesoabsurdandcynicalajuxtaposition？”RazumihinblusheddesperatelyattheveryideaandsuddenlytherecollectionforceditselfvividlyuponhimofhowhehadsaidlastnightonthestairsthatthelandladywouldbejealousofAvdotyaRomanovna……thatwassimplyintolerable。Hebroughthisfistdownheavilyonthekitchenstove,hurthishandandsentoneofthebricksflying。
“Ofcourse,“hemutteredtohimselfaminutelaterwithafeelingofself-abasement,“ofcourse,alltheseinfamiescanneverbewipedoutorsmoothedover……andsoit\'suselesseventothinkofit,andI
mustgototheminsilenceanddomyduty……insilence,too……andnotaskforgiveness,andsaynothing……forallislostnow！”
Andyetashedressedheexaminedhisattiremorecarefullythanusual。Hehadn\'tanothersuit-ifhehadhad,perhapshewouldn\'thaveputiton。“Iwouldhavemadeapointofnotputtingiton。“Butinanycasehecouldnotremainacynicandadirtysloven;hehadnorighttooffendthefeelingsofothers,especiallywhentheywereinneedofhisassistanceandaskinghimtoseethem。Hebrushedhisclothescarefully。Hislinenwasalwaysdecent;inthatrespecthewasespeciallyclean。
Hewashedthatmorningscrupulously-hegotsomesoapfromNastasya-
hewashedhishair,hisneckandespeciallyhishands。Whenitcametothequestionwhethertoshavehisstubbychinornot(PraskovyaPavlovnahadcapitalrazorsthathadbeenleftbyherlatehusband),thequestionwasangrilyansweredinthenegative。“Letitstayasitis!WhatiftheythinkthatIshavedonpurposeto……?Theycertainlywouldthinkso!Notonanyaccount！”
“And……theworstofitwashewassocoarse,sodirty,hehadthemannersofapothouse;and……andevenadmittingthatheknewhehadsomeoftheessentialsofagentleman……whatwasthereinthattobeproudof?Everyoneoughttobeagentlemanandmorethanthat……
andallthesame(heremembered)he,too,haddonelittlethings……
notexactlydishonest,andyet……andwhatthoughtshesometimeshad;
hm……andtosetallthatbesideAvdotyaRomanovna!Confoundit!Sobeit!Well,he\'dmakeapointthenofbeingdirty,greasy,pothouseinhismannersandhewouldn\'tcare!He\'dbeworse！”
HewasengagedinsuchmonologueswhenZossimov,whohadspentthenightinPraskovyaPavlovna\'sparlour,camein。
Hewasgoinghomeandwasinahurrytolookattheinvalidfirst。
RazumihininformedhimthatRaskolnikovwassleepinglikeadormouse。Zossimovgaveordersthattheyshouldn\'twakehimandpromisedtoseehimagainabouteleven。
“Ifheisstillathome,“headded。“Damnitall!Ifonecan\'tcontrolone\'spatients,howisonetocurethem!Doyouknowwhetherhewillgotothem,orwhethertheyarecominghere？”
“Theyarecoming,Ithink,“saidRazumihin,understandingtheobjectofthequestion,“andtheywilldiscusstheirfamilyaffairs,nodoubt。I\'llbeoff。You,asthedoctor,havemorerighttobeherethanI。“
“ButIamnotafatherconfessor;Ishallcomeandgoaway;I\'veplentytodobesideslookingafterthem。“
“Onethingworriesme,“interposedRazumihin,frowning。“OnthewayhomeItalkedalotofdrunkennonsensetohim……allsortofthings……andamongstthemthatyouwereafraidthathe……mightbecomeinsane。“
“Youtoldtheladiesso,too。“
“Iknowitwasstupid!Youmaybeatmeifyoulike!Didyouthinksoseriously？”
“That\'snonsense,Itellyou,howcouldIthinkitseriously!You,yourself,describedhimasamonomaniacwhenyoufetchedmetohim……andweaddedfueltothefireyesterday,youdid,thatis,withyourstoryaboutthepainter;itwasaniceconversation,whenhewas,perhaps,madonthatverypoint!IfonlyI\'dknownwhathappenedthenatthepolicestationandthatsomewretch……hadinsultedhimwiththissuspicion!Hm……Iwouldnothaveallowedthatconversationyesterday。Thesemonomaniacswillmakeamountainoutofamolehill……andseetheirfanciesassolidrealities……AsfarasIremember,itwasZametov\'sstorythatcleareduphalfthemysterytomymind。Why,Iknowonecaseinwhichahypochondriac,amanofforty,cutthethroatofalittleboyofeight,becausehecouldn\'tendurethejokeshemadeeverydayattable!Andinthiscasehisrags,theinsolentpoliceofficer,thefeverandthissuspicion!Allthatworkinguponamanhalffranticwithhypochondria,andwithhismorbidexceptionalvanity!Thatmaywellhavebeenthestarting-pointofillness。Well,botheritall!……And,bytheway,thatZametovcertainlyisanicefellow,buthm……heshouldn\'thavetoldallthatlastnight。Heisanawfulchatterbox！”
“Butwhomdidhetellitto?Youandme？”
“AndPorfiry。“
“Whatdoesthatmatter？”
“And,bytheway,haveyouanyinfluenceonthem,hismotherandsister?Tellthemtobemorecarefulwithhimto-day……“
“They\'llgetonallright！”Razumihinansweredreluctantly。
“WhyishesosetagainstthisLuzhin?Amanwithmoneyandshedoesn\'tseemtodislikehim……andtheyhaven\'tafarthingI
suppose?eh？”
“Butwhatbusinessisitofyours？”Razumihincriedwithannoyance。“HowcanItellwhetherthey\'veafarthing?Askthemyourselfandperhapsyou\'llfindout……“
“Foo,whatanassyouaresometimes!Lastnight\'swinehasnotgoneoffyet……Good-bye;thankyourPraskovyaPavlovnafrommeformynight\'slodging。Shelockedherselfin,madenoreplytomybonjourthroughthedoor;shewasupatseveno\'clock,thesamovarwastakenintoherfromthekitchen。Iwasnotvouchsafedapersonalinterview……“
Atnineo\'clockpreciselyRazumihinreachedthelodgingsatBakaleyev\'shouse。Bothladieswerewaitingforhimwithnervousimpatience。Theyhadrisenatseveno\'clockorearlier。Heenteredlookingasblackasnight,bowedawkwardlyandwasatoncefuriouswithhimselfforit。Hehadreckonedwithouthishost：PulcheriaAlexandrovnafairlyrushedathim,seizedhimbybothhandsandwasalmostkissingthem。HeglancedtimidlyatAvdotyaRomanovna,butherproudcountenanceworeatthatmomentanexpressionofsuchgratitudeandfriendliness,suchcompleteandunlooked-forrespect(inplaceofthesneeringlooksandill-disguisedcontempthehadexpected),thatitthrewhimintogreaterconfusionthanifhehadbeenmetwithabuse。Fortunatelytherewasasubjectforconversation,andhemadehastetosnatchatit。
HearingthateverythingwasgoingwellandthatRodyahadnotyetwaked,PulcheriaAlexandrovnadeclaredthatshewasgladtohearit,because“shehadsomethingwhichitwasvery,verynecessarytotalkoverbeforehand。“Thenfollowedaninquiryaboutbreakfastandaninvitationtohaveitwiththem;theyhadwaitedtohaveitwithhim。AvdotyaRomanovnarangthebell：itwasansweredbyaraggeddirtywaiter,andtheyaskedhimtobringteawhichwasservedatlast,butinsuchadirtyanddisorderlyway,thattheladieswereashamed。Razumihinvigorouslyattackedthelodgings,but,rememberingLuzhin,stoppedinembarrassmentandwasgreatlyrelievedbyPulcheriaAlexandrovna\'squestions,whichshoweredinacontinualstreamuponhim。
Hetalkedforthreequartersofanhour,beingconstantlyinterruptedbytheirquestions,andsucceededindescribingtothemallthemostimportantfactsheknewofthelastyearofRaskolnikov\'slife,concludingwithacircumstantialaccountofhisillness。Heomitted,however,manythings,whichwerebetteromitted,includingthesceneatthepolicestationwithallitsconsequences。Theylistenedeagerlytohisstory,and,whenhethoughthehadfinishedandsatisfiedhislisteners,hefoundthattheyconsideredhehadhardlybegun。
“Tellme,tellme!Whatdoyouthink……?Excuseme,Istilldon\'tknowyourname！”PulcheriaAlexandrovnaputinhastily。
“DmitriProkofitch。“
“Ishouldlikevery,verymuchtoknow,DmitriProkofitch……howhelooks……onthingsingeneralnow,thatis,howcanIexplain,whatarehislikesanddislikes?Ishealwayssoirritable?Tellme,ifyoucan,whatarehishopesandsotosayhisdreams?Underwhatinfluencesishenow?Inaword,Ishouldlike……“
“Ah,mother,howcanheanswerallthatatonce？”observedDounia。
“Goodheavens,Ihadnotexpectedtofindhimintheleastlikethis,DmitriProkofitch！”
“Naturally,“answeredRazumihin。“Ihavenomother,butmyunclecomeseveryyearandalmosteverytimehecanscarcelyrecogniseme,eveninappearance,thoughheisacleverman;andyourthreeyears\'
separationmeansagreatdeal。WhatamItotellyou?IhaveknownRodionforayearandahalf;heismorose,gloomy,proudandhaughty,andoflate-andperhapsforalongtimebefore-hehasbeensuspiciousandfanciful。Hehasanoblenatureandakindheart。Hedoesnotlikeshowinghisfeelingsandwouldratherdoacruelthingthanopenhisheartfreely。Sometimes,though,heisnotatallmorbid,butsimplycoldandinhumanlycallous;it\'sasthoughhewerealternatingbetweentwocharacters。Sometimesheisfearfullyreserved!Hesaysheissobusythateverythingisahindrance,andyetheliesinbeddoingnothing。Hedoesn\'tjeeratthings,notbecausehehasn\'tthewit,butasthoughhehadn\'ttimetowasteonsuchtrifles。Heneverlistenstowhatissaidtohim。Heisneverinterestedinwhatinterestsotherpeopleatanygivenmoment。Hethinksveryhighlyofhimselfandperhapsheisright。Well,whatmore?Ithinkyourarrivalwillhaveamostbeneficialinfluenceuponhim。“
“Godgrantitmay,“criedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,distressedbyRazumihin\'saccountofherRodya。
AndRazumihinventuredtolookmoreboldlyatAvdotyaRomanovnaatlast。Heglancedatheroftenwhilehewastalking,butonlyforamomentandlookedawayagainatonce。AvdotyaRomanovnasatatthetable,listeningattentively,thengotupagainandbeganwalkingtoandfrowithherarmsfoldedandherlipscompressed,occasionallyputtinginaquestion,withoutstoppingherwalk。Shehadthesamehabitofnotlisteningtowhatwassaid。Shewaswearingadressofthindarkstuffandshehadawhitetransparentscarfroundherneck。Razumihinsoondetectedsignsofextremepovertyintheirbelongings。HadAvdotyaRomanovnabeendressedlikeaqueen,hefeltthathewouldnotbeafraidofher,butperhapsjustbecauseshewaspoorlydressedandthathenoticedallthemiseryofhersurroundings,hisheartwasfilledwithdreadandhebegantobeafraidofeverywordheuttered,everygesturehemade,whichwasverytryingforamanwhoalreadyfeltdiffident。
“You\'vetoldusagreatdealthatisinterestingaboutmybrother\'scharacter……andhavetolditimpartially。Iamglad。I
thoughtthatyouweretoouncriticallydevotedtohim,“observedAvdotyaRomanovnawithasmile。“Ithinkyouarerightthatheneedsawoman\'scare,“sheaddedthoughtfully。
“Ididn\'tsayso;butIdaresayyouareright,only……“
“What？”
“Helovesnooneandperhapsheneverwill,“Razumihindeclareddecisively。
“Youmeanheisnotcapableoflove？”
“Doyouknow,AvdotyaRomanovna,youareawfullylikeyourbrother,ineverything,indeed！”heblurtedoutsuddenlytohisownsurprise,butrememberingatoncewhathehadjustbeforesaidofherbrother,heturnedasredasacrabandwasovercomewithconfusion。AvdotyaRomanovnacouldn\'thelplaughingwhenshelookedathim。
“YoumaybothbemistakenaboutRodya,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnaremarked,slightlypiqued。“Iamnottalkingofourpresentdifficulty,Dounia。WhatPyotrPetrovitchwritesinthisletterandwhatyouandIhavesupposedmaybemistaken,butyoucan\'timagine,DmitriProkofitch,howmoodyand,sotosay,capriciousheis。Inevercoulddependonwhathewoulddowhenhewasonlyfifteen。AndIamsurethathemightdosomethingnowthatnobodyelsewouldthinkofdoing……Well,forinstance,doyouknowhowayearandahalfagoheastoundedmeandgavemeashockthatnearlykilledme,whenhehadtheideaofmarryingthatgirl-whatwashername-hislandlady\'sdaughter？”
“Didyouhearaboutthataffair？”askedAvdotyaRomanovna。
“Doyousuppose-“PulcheriaAlexandrovnacontinuedwarmly。“Doyousupposethatmytears,myentreaties,myillness,mypossibledeathfromgrief,ourpovertywouldhavemadehimpause?No,hewouldcalmlyhavedisregardedallobstacles。Andyetitisn\'tthathedoesn\'tloveus！”
“Hehasneverspokenawordofthataffairtome,“Razumihinansweredcautiously。“ButIdidhearsomethingfromPraskovyaPavlovnaherself,thoughsheisbynomeansagossip。AndwhatIheardcertainlywasratherstrange。“
“Andwhatdidyouhear？”boththeladiesaskedatonce。
“Well,nothingveryspecial。Ionlylearnedthatthemarriage,whichonlyfailedtotakeplacethroughthegirl\'sdeath,wasnotatalltoPraskovyaPavlovna\'sliking。Theysay,too,thegirlwasnotatallpretty,infactIamtoldpositivelyugly……andsuchaninvalid……
andqueer。Butsheseemstohavehadsomegoodqualities。Shemusthavehadsomegoodqualitiesorit\'squiteinexplicable……Shehadnomoneyeitherandhewouldn\'thaveconsideredhermoney……Butit\'salwaysdifficulttojudgeinsuchmatters。“
“Iamsureshewasagoodgirl,“AvdotyaRomanovnaobservedbriefly。
“Godforgiveme,Isimplyrejoicedatherdeath。ThoughIdon\'tknowwhichofthemwouldhavecausedmostmiserytotheother-hetoherorshetohim,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnaconcluded。ThenshebegantentativelyquestioninghimaboutthesceneonthepreviousdaywithLuzhin,hesitatingandcontinuallyglancingatDounia,obviouslytothelatter\'sannoyance。Thisincidentmorethanalltherestevidentlycausedheruneasiness,evenconsternation。Razumihindescribeditindetailagain,butthistimeheaddedhisownconclusions：heopenlyblamedRaskolnikovforintentionallyinsultingPyotrPetrovitch,notseekingtoexcusehimonthescoreofhisillness。
“Hehadplanneditbeforehisillness,“headded。
“Ithinkso,too,“PulcheriaAlexandrovnaagreedwithadejectedair。ButshewasverymuchsurprisedathearingRazumihinexpresshimselfsocarefullyandevenwithacertainrespectaboutPyotrPetrovitch。AvdotyaRomanovna,too,wasstruckbyit。
“SothisisyouropinionofPyotrPetrovitch？”PulcheriaAlexandrovnacouldnotresistasking。
“Icanhavenootheropinionofyourdaughter\'sfuturehusband,“
Razumihinansweredfirmlyandwithwarmth,“andIdon\'tsayitsimplyfromvulgarpoliteness,butbecause……simplybecauseAvdotyaRomanovnahasofherownfreewilldeignedtoacceptthisman。IfI
spokesorudelyofhimlastnight,itwasbecauseIwasdisgustinglydrunkand……madbesides;yes,mad,crazy,Ilostmyheadcompletely……andthismorningIamashamedofit。“
Hecrimsonedandceasedspeaking。AvdotyaRomanovnaflushed,butdidnotbreakthesilence。ShehadnotutteredawordfromthemomenttheybegantospeakofLuzhin。
WithouthersupportPulcheriaAlexandrovnaobviouslydidnotknowwhattodo。Atlast,falteringandcontinuallyglancingatherdaughter,sheconfessedthatshewasexceedinglyworriedbyonecircumstance。
“Yousee,DmitriProkofitch,“shebegan。“I\'llbeperfectlyopenwithDmitriProkofitch,Dounia？”
“Ofcourse,mother,“saidAvdotyaRomanovnaemphatically。
“Thisiswhatitis,“shebeganinhaste,asthoughthepermissiontospeakofhertroubleliftedaweightoffhermind。“VeryearlythismorningwegotanotefromPyotrPetrovitchinreplytoourletterannouncingourarrival。Hepromisedtomeetusatthestation,youknow;insteadofthathesentaservanttobringustheaddressoftheselodgingsandtoshowustheway;andhesentamessagethathewouldbeherehimselfthismorning。Butthismorningthisnotecamefromhim。You\'dbetterreadityourself;thereisonepointinitwhichworriesmeverymuch……youwillsoonseewhatthatis,and……
tellmeyourcandidopinion,DmitriProkofitch!YouknowRodya\'scharacterbetterthananyoneandnoonecanadviseusbetterthanyoucan。Dounia,Imusttellyou,madeherdecisionatonce,butIstilldon\'tfeelsurehowtoactandI……I\'vebeenwaitingforyouropinion。“
Razumihinopenedthenotewhichwasdatedthepreviouseveningandreadasfollows：-
“DEARMADAM,PulcheriaAlexandrovna,IhavethehonourtoinformyouthatowingtounforeseenobstaclesIwasrenderedunabletomeetyouattherailwaystation;Isentaverycompetentpersonwiththesameobjectinview。Ilikewiseshallbedeprivedofthehonourofaninterviewwithyouto-morrowmorningbybusinessintheSenatethatdoesnotadmitofdelay,andalsothatImaynotintrudeonyourfamilycirclewhileyouaremeetingyourson,andAvdotyaRomanovnaherbrother。Ishallhavethehonourofvisitingyouandpayingyoumyrespectsatyourlodgingsnotlaterthanto-morroweveningateighto\'clockprecisely,andherewithIventuretopresentmyearnestand,I
mayadd,imperativerequestthatRodionRomanovitchmaynotbepresentatourinterview-asheofferedmeagrossandunprecedentedaffrontontheoccasionofmyvisittohiminhisillnessyesterday,and,moreover,sinceIdesirefromyoupersonallyanindispensableandcircumstantialexplanationuponacertainpoint,inregardtowhichIwishtolearnyourowninterpretation。Ihavethehonourtoinformyou,inanticipation,thatif,inspiteofmyrequest,ImeetRodionRomanovitch,Ishallbecompelledtowithdrawimmediatelyandthenyouhaveonlyyourselftoblame。IwriteontheassumptionthatRodionRomanovitchwhoappearedsoillatmyvisit,suddenlyrecoveredtwohourslaterandso,beingabletoleavethehouse,mayvisityoualso。
Iwasconfirmedinthatbeliefbythetestimonyofmyowneyesinthelodgingofadrunkenmanwhowasrunoverandhassincedied,towhosedaughter,ayoungwomanofnotoriousbehaviour,hegavetwenty-fiveroublesonthepretextofthefuneral,whichgravelysurprisedmeknowingwhatpainsyouwereattoraisethatsum。
Herewithexpressingmyspecialrespecttoyourestimabledaughter,AvdotyaRomanovna,Ibegyoutoaccepttherespectfulhomageof“Yourhumbleservant,“P。LUZHIN。“-
“WhatamItodonow,DmitriProkofitch？”beganPulcheriaAlexandrovna,almostweeping。“HowcanIaskRodyanottocome?
YesterdayheinsistedsoearnestlyonourrefusingPyotrPetrovitchandnowweareorderednottoreceiveRodya!Hewillcomeonpurposeifheknows,and……whatwillhappenthen？”
“ActonAvdotyaRomanovna\'sdecision,“Razumihinansweredcalmlyatonce。
“Oh,dearme!Shesays……goodnessknowswhatshesays,shedoesn\'texplainherobject!Shesaysthatitwouldbebest,atleast,notthatitwouldbebest,butthatit\'sabsolutelynecessarythatRodyashouldmakeapointofbeinghereateighto\'clockandthattheymustmeet……Ididn\'twanteventoshowhimtheletter,buttopreventhimfromcomingbysomestratagemwithyourhelp……becauseheissoirritable……BesidesIdon\'tunderstandaboutthatdrunkardwhodiedandthatdaughter,andhowhecouldhavegiventhedaughterallthemoney……which……“
“Whichcostyousuchsacrifice,mother,“putinAvdotyaRomanovna。
“Hewasnothimselfyesterday,“Razumihinsaidthoughtfully,“ifyouonlyknewwhathewasuptoinarestaurantyesterday,thoughtherewassenseinittoo……Hm!Hedidsaysomething,asweweregoinghomeyesterdayevening,aboutadeadmanandagirl,butIdidn\'tunderstandaword……Butlastnight,Imyself……“
“Thebestthing,mother,willbeforustogotohimourselvesandthereIassureyouweshallseeatoncewhat\'stobedone。Besides,it\'sgettinglate-goodheavens,it\'spastten,“shecriedlookingatasplendidgoldenamelledwatchwhichhungroundherneckonathinVenetianchain,andlookedentirelyoutofkeepingwiththerestofherdress。“Apresentfromherfiance,“thoughtRazumihin。
“Wemuststart,Dounia,wemuststart,“hermothercriedinaflutter。“Hewillbethinkingwearestillangryafteryesterday,fromourcomingsolate。Mercifulheavens！”
Whileshesaidthisshewashurriedlyputtingonherhatandmantle;
Dounia,too,putonherthings。Hergloves,asRazumihinnoticed,werenotmerelyshabbybuthadholesinthem,andyetthisevidentpovertygavethetwoladiesanairofspecialdignity,whichisalwaysfoundinpeoplewhoknowhowtowearpoorclothes。RazumihinlookedreverentlyatDouniaandfeltproudofescortingher。“Thequeenwhomendedherstockingsinprison,“hethought,“musthavelookedtheneveryinchaqueenandevenmoreaqueenthanatsumptuousbanquetsandlevees。“
“MyGod,“exclaimedPulcheriaAlexandrovna,“littledidIthinkthatIshouldeverfearseeingmyson,mydarling,darlingRodya!Iamafraid,DmitriProkofitch,“sheadded,glancingathimtimidly。
“Don\'tbeafraid,mother,“saidDounia,kissingher,“betterhavefaithinhim。“
“Oh,dear,Ihavefaithinhim,butIhaven\'tsleptallnight,“
exclaimedthepoorwoman。
Theycameoutintothestreet。
“Doyouknow,Dounia,whenIdozedalittlethismorningIdreamedofMarfaPetrovna……shewasallinwhite……shecameuptome,tookmyhand,andshookherheadatme,butsosternlyasthoughshewereblamingme……Isthatagoodomen?Oh,dearme!Youdon\'tknow,DmitriProkofitch,thatMarfaPetrovna\'sdead！”
“No,Ididn\'tknow;whoisMarfaPetrovna？”
“Shediedsuddenly;andonlyfancy……“
“Afterwards,mamma,“putinDounia。“Hedoesn\'tknowwhoMarfaPetrovnais。“
“Ah,youdon\'tknow?AndIwasthinkingthatyouknewallaboutus。Forgiveme,DmitriProkofitch,Idon\'tknowwhatIamthinkingabouttheselastfewdays。Ilookuponyoureallyasaprovidenceforus,andsoItookitforgrantedthatyouknewallaboutus。I
lookonyouasarelation……Don\'tbeangrywithmeforsayingso。
Dearme,what\'sthematterwithyourrighthand?Haveyouknockedit？”
“Yes,Ibruisedit,“mutteredRazumihinoverjoyed。
“Isometimesspeaktoomuchfromtheheart,sothatDouniafindsfaultwithme……But,dearme,whatacupboardhelivesin!I
wonderwhetherheisawake?Doesthiswoman,hislandlady,consideritaroom?Listen,yousayhedoesnotliketoshowhisfeelings,soperhapsIshallannoyhimwithmy……weaknesses?Doadviseme,DmitriProkofitch,howamItotreathim?Ifeelquitedistracted,youknow。“
“Don\'tquestionhimtoomuchaboutanythingifyouseehimfrown!
don\'taskhimtoomuchabouthishealth;hedoesn\'tlikethat。“
“Ah,DmitriProkofitch,howharditistobeamother!Butherearethestairs……Whatanawfulstaircase！”
“Mother,youarequitepale,don\'tdistressyourself,darling,“saidDouniacaressingher,thenwithflashingeyessheadded：“Heoughttobehappyatseeingyou,andyouaretormentingyourselfso。“
“Wait,I\'llpeepinandseewhetherhehaswakedup。“
TheladiesslowlyfollowedRazumihin,whowentonbefore,andwhentheyreachedthelandlady\'sdooronthefourthstorey,theynoticedthatherdoorwasatinycrackopenandthattwokeenblackeyeswerewatchingthemfromthedarknesswithin。Whentheireyesmet,thedoorwassuddenlyshutwithsuchaslamthatPulcheriaAlexandrovnaalmostcriedout。
ChapterThree“HEISwell,quitewell！”Zossimovcriedcheerfullyastheyentered。
Hehadcomeintenminutesearlierandwassittinginthesameplaceasbefore,onthesofa。Raskolnikovwassittingintheoppositecorner,fullydressedandcarefullywashedandcombed,ashehadnotbeenforsometimepast。Theroomwasimmediatelycrowded,yetNastasyamanagedtofollowthevisitorsinandstayedtolisten。
Raskolnikovreallywasalmostwell,ascomparedwithhisconditionthedaybefore,buthewasstillpale,listless,andsombre。Helookedlikeawoundedmanoronewhohasundergonesometerriblephysicalsuffering。Hisbrowswereknitted,hislipscompressed,hiseyesfeverish。Hespokelittleandreluctantly,asthoughperformingaduty,andtherewasarestlessnessinhismovements。
Heonlywantedaslingonhisarmorabandageonhisfingertocompletetheimpressionofamanwithapainfulabscessorabrokenarm。Thepale,sombrefacelightedupforamomentwhenhismotherandsisterentered,butthisonlygaveitalookofmoreintensesuffering,inplaceofitslistlessdejection。Thelightsoondiedaway,butthelookofsufferingremained,andZossimov,watchingandstudyinghispatientwithallthezestofayoungdoctorbeginningtopractise,noticedinhimnojoyatthearrivalofhismotherandsister,butasortofbitter,hiddendeterminationtobearanotherhourortwoofinevitabletorture。Hesawlaterthatalmosteverywordofthefollowingconversationseemedtotouchonsomesoreplaceandirritateit。Butatthesametimehemarvelledatthepowerofcontrollinghimselfandhidinghisfeelingsinapatientwhothepreviousdayhad,likeamonomaniac,fallenintoafrenzyattheslightestword。
“Yes,IseemyselfnowthatIamalmostwell,“saidRaskolnikov,givinghismotherandsisterakissofwelcomewhichmadePulcheriaAlexandrovnaradiantatonce。“AndIdon\'tsaythisasIdidyesterday,“hesaidaddressingRazumihin,withafriendlypressureofhishand。
“Yes,indeed,Iamquitesurprisedathimto-day,“beganZossimov,muchdelightedattheladies\'entrance,forhehadnotsucceededinkeepingupaconversationwithhispatientfortenminutes。“Inanotherthreeorfourdays,ifhegoesonlikethis,hewillbejustasbefore,thatis,ashewasamonthago,ortwo……orperhapseventhree。Thishasbeencomingonforalongwhile……eh?Confess,now,thatithasbeenperhapsyourownfault？”headded,withatentativesmile,asthoughstillafraidofirritatinghim。
“Itisverypossible,“answeredRaskolnikovcoldly。
“Ishouldsay,too,“continuedZossimovwithzest,“thatyourcompleterecoverydependssolelyonyourself。Nowthatonecantalktoyou,Ishouldliketoimpressuponyouthatitisessentialtoavoidtheelementary,sotospeak,fundamentalcausestendingtoproduceyourmorbidcondition：inthatcaseyouwillbecured,ifnot,itwillgofrombadtoworse。ThesefundamentalcausesIdon\'tknow,buttheymustbeknowntoyou。Youareanintelligentman,andmusthaveobservedyourself,ofcourse。Ifancythefirststageofyourderangementcoincideswithyourleavingtheuniversity。Youmustnotbeleftwithoutoccupation,andso,workandadefiniteaimsetbeforeyoumight,Ifancy,beverybeneficial。“
“Yes,yes;youareperfectlyright……Iwillmakehasteandreturntotheuniversity：andtheneverythingwillgosmoothly……“
Zossimov,whohadbegunhissageadvicepartlytomakeaneffectbeforetheladies,wascertainlysomewhatmystified,when,glancingathispatient,heobservedunmistakablemockeryonhisface。Thislastedaninstant,however。PulcheriaAlexandrovnabeganatoncethankingZossimov,especiallyforhisvisittotheirlodgingthepreviousnight。
“What!hesawyoulastnight？”Raskolnikovasked,asthoughstartled。“Thenyouhavenotslepteitherafteryourjourney。“
“Ach,Rodya,thatwasonlytilltwoo\'clock。DouniaandInevergotobedbeforetwoathome。“
“Idon\'tknowhowtothankhimeither,“Raskolnikovwentonsuddenlyfrowningandlookingdown。“Settingasidethequestionofpayment-
forgivemeforreferringtoit(heturnedtoZossimov)-Ireallydon\'tknowwhatIhavedonetodeservesuchspecialattentionfromyou!I
simplydon\'tunderstandit……and……and……itweighsuponme,indeed,becauseIdon\'tunderstandit。Itellyousocandidly。“
“Don\'tbeirritated。“Zossimovforcedhimselftolaugh。“Assumethatyouaremyfirstpatient-well-wefellowsjustbeginningtopractiseloveourfirstpatientsasiftheywereourchildren,andsomealmostfallinlovewiththem。And,ofcourse,Iamnotrichinpatients。“
“Isaynothingabouthim,“addedRaskolnikov,pointingtoRazumihin,“thoughhehashadnothingfrommeeitherbutinsultandtrouble。“
“Whatnonsenseheistalking!Why,youareinasentimentalmoodto-day,areyou？”shoutedRazumihin。
Ifhehadhadmorepenetrationhewouldhaveseenthattherewasnotraceofsentimentalityinhim,butsomethingindeedquitetheopposite。ButAvdotyaRomanovnanoticedit。Shewasintentlyanduneasilywatchingherbrother。
“Asforyou,mother,Idon\'tdaretospeak,“hewenton,asthoughrepeatingalessonlearnedbyheart。“Itisonlyto-daythatIhavebeenabletorealisealittlehowdistressedyoumusthavebeenhereyesterday,waitingformetocomeback。“
Whenhehadsaidthis,hesuddenlyheldouthishandtohissister,smilingwithoutaword。Butinthissmiletherewasaflashofrealunfeignedfeeling。Douniacaughtitatonce,andwarmlypressedhishand,overjoyedandthankful。Itwasthefirsttimehehadaddressedhersincetheirdisputethepreviousday。Themother\'sfacelightedupwithecstatichappinessatthesightofthisconclusiveunspokenreconciliation。“Yes,thatiswhatIlovehimfor,“Razumihin,exaggeratingitall,mutteredtohimself,withavigorousturninhischair。“Hehasthesemovements。“
“Andhowwellhedoesitall,“themotherwasthinkingtoherself。
“Whatgenerousimpulseshehas,andhowsimply,howdelicatelyheputanendtoallthemisunderstandingwithhissister-simplybyholdingouthishandattherightminuteandlookingatherlikethat……Andwhatfineeyeshehas,andhowfinehiswholefaceis!……
HeisevenbetterlookingthanDounia……But,goodheavens,whatasuit-howterriblyhe\'sdressed!……Vasya,themessengerboyinAfanasyIvanitch\'sshop,isbetterdressed!Icouldrushathimandhughim……weepoverhim-butIamafraid……Oh,dear,he\'ssostrange!He\'stalkingkindly,butI\'mafraid!Why,whatamIafraidof?……“
“Oh,Rodya,youwouldn\'tbelieve,“shebegansuddenly,inhastetoanswerhiswordstoher,“howunhappyDouniaandIwereyesterday!Nowthatit\'salloveranddonewithandwearequitehappyagain-Icantellyou。Fancy,weranherealmoststraightfromthetraintoembraceyouandthatwoman-ah,heresheis!Goodmorning,Nastasya!……Shetoldusatoncethatyouwerelyinginahighfeverandhadjustrunawayfromthedoctorindelirium,andtheywerelookingforyouinthestreets。Youcan\'timaginehowwefelt!Icouldn\'thelpthinkingofthetragicendofLieutenantPotanchikov,afriendofyourfather\'s-
youcan\'trememberhim,Rodya-whoranoutinthesamewayinahighfeverandfellintothewellinthecourtyardandtheycouldn\'tpullhimouttillnextday。Ofcourse,weexaggeratedthings。WewereonthepointofrushingtofindPyotrPetrovitchtoaskhimtohelp
