MYWIFE
CHAPTERI
HOWIcomenottohavealastnameisaquestionthathasalwayshadmoreorlessaggervationmixedupwithit。ImightofhadonejestaswellasnotifOldHankWaltershadn\'tbeensoall-fired，infernalbull-headedaboutthingsingineral，andhiswifeElmiraablamesightworse，andbothofemreadytorowataminute\'snoticeandsticktoitforevermore。
Hank，hewasconsiderableofalusher。OneSaturdaynight，whenhecomehomefromthevil-
lageinhisusualfix，hestumbledoverabasketthatwassettingonhisfrontsteps。Thenhegotupanddrawedbackhisfootunsteadytokickitplumbintokingdomcome。JestthenhehearnElmiraopeningthedoorbehindhim，andheturnedhisheadsudden。Butthekickwasalreadystartedintotheair，andwhenheturnshecan\'tstopit。
AndsoHankgetstwistedandfallsdownandstepsonhimself。Thatbasketletsoutayowl。
“It\'skittens，“saysHank，stillsettingdownandstaringatthattherebasket。Allofwhich，youunderstand，Iama-tellingyoufromhearsay，asthelawyersalwaysastsyouincourt。
Elmira，shesingsout：
“Kittens，nothing！It\'sababy！”
Andsheopensthebasketandlooksinanditwasme。
“HennereyWalters，“shesays——pickingmeup，andshakingmeathimlikeIwasacrime，“Hen-
nereyWalters，wheredidyougetthisherebaby？”
ShealwayscallshimHennereywhensheisgettingreadytogivehimfits。
Hank，hescratcheshishead，forhe\'skindo\'
confuddled，andthinksmebbyhereallyhasbroughtthisbasketwithhim。Hetriestothinkofalltheplaceshehasbeenthatnight。Buthecan\'tthinkofanyplacebutBillNolan\'ssaloon。Sohesays：
“Elmira，honest，Iain\'thadbutonedrinkallday。“Andthenhekindo\'rousesupalittlebit，andgetssurprisedandsays：
“ThataBABYyougotthere，Elmira？”Andthenhesays，dignified：“Sofurasthat\'sconsarned，Elmira，wheredidYOUgetthattherebaby？”
Shelooksathim，andsheseeshedon\'treallyknowwhereIcomefrom。OldHankmostlywastruth-
fulwhenlickeredup，furthatmatter，andsheknowedit，furhecouldn\'tthinkupnoliesexceptingagineraldenialwhenintoxicateduptothegills。
Elmiralooksintothebasket。Theywasoneofthemlongrubbertubesstringingoutofabottlethatwasinit，andIhadbeensuckingthatbottlewheninterrupted。Andtheywasn\'tnothingelseinthatbasketbutabigthickshawlwhichhadbeenwrappedallaroundme，andElmiraoftenworeittomeetingafterward。Shegoesinsideandshelooksatthebottleandmebythelight，andOldHank，hecomesstumblinginafterwardandsetsdowninachairandwaitstogetHailColumbiaforcominghomeinthatshape，so\'shecanrowbackagin，liketheydoneeverySaturdaynight。
Blowedintheglassofthebottlewasthename：
“Daniel，DunneandCompany。“Anybodybutthemtwooldignoramusescouldoftoldrightoffthatthatdidn\'thavenothingtodowithme，butwasjestthecompanythatmadethemkindofbottles。Butshereadsitoutloudthreeorfourtimes，andthenshesays：
“HisnameisDanielDunne，“shesays。
“AndCompany，“saysHank，feelingrightquarrelsome。
“COMPANYhain\'tnoname，“saysshe。
“WHYhain\'tit，I\'dliketoknow？”saysHank。
“IknowedamanoncetwhosenamewasFarmer，andifafarmer\'sanamewhyain\'tacompanyanametoo？”
“HisnameisDanielDunne，“saysElmira，quiet-
like，butnotdodgingarow，neither。
“ANDCOMPANY，“saysHank，gettingontohisfeet，likehealwaysdonewhenheseentroublecoming。WhenOldHankwasfulloflickerheknowedjestthewaystoaggervatehertheworst。
Shemightofbangedhimonethesameasusual，andgotherowneyeblackedalso，thesameasusual；butjestthenIletsoutanotherbigyowl，andshegivemesomemilk。
Iguesstheonlyreasontheyeverkep\'meatfirstwassotheycouldquarrelaboutmyname。
They\'dlivedtogetheragoodmanyyearsandquarrelledabouteverythingelseunderthesun，andwasrunningoutofsubjects。Anewsubjectkindo\'briskenedthingsupfurawhile。
Butfinallytheywenttoofarwithitonetime。
IwasabouttwoyearsoldthenandhewasstillcallingmeCompanyandhercallingmeDunne。
Thistimehehitsheralickthatlaysheroutandlikestokillher，anditgetshimscared。Butshegetsaroundaginafterawhile，andtheybothseeithaswenttoofurthattime，andsotheymakesup。
“Elmira，Igivein，“saysHank。“HisnameisDunne。“
“No，“saysshe，tender-like，“youwasright，Hank。HisnameisCompany。“Sotheyprettyneargotintoanotherrowoverthat。ButtheyfinallymadeitupbetweenemIdidn\'thavenolastname，andthey\'djestcallmeDanny。Whichtheybothdonefaithfuleverafter，asagreed。
OldHank，hewasablacksmith，andheusedtolammmeconsiderable，himandhiswifenothavinganykidsoftheirowntolick。Helammedmewhenhewasdrunk，andhewhaledmewhenhewassober。
Ineverheltitupaginhimmuch，neither，notfuragoodmanyyears，becausehegotmeusedtoityoung，andIhadn\'tneverknowednothingelse。
Hank\'swife，Elmira，sheusedtolickhimjestaboutasoftenashelickedher，andbosshimjestasmuch。
Sohefellbackonme。Amanhasjestnaturallygottohavesomethingtocussaroundandboss，so\'stokeephimselffromfindingouthedon\'tamounttonothing。Leastways，mostmenislikethat。AndHank，hedidn\'tamounttomuch；andhekindo\'knowedit，waydowndeepinhisinmostgizzards，anditwereacomforttohimtohavemearound。
Buttheywasonethingheneversotnostoreby，andIgotalongnowtowhereIholdthatupaginhimmore\'nallthelickingsheeverdone。Thatwasbooklearning。Heneverhadnonehimself，andhewassotaginit，andhenevermademegetnone，andifI\'deverastedhimforanyhe\'dofwhaledmefurthat。Hank\'swife，Elmira，hadmarriedbeneathher，andeverybodyinourtownhadcometoseeit，andusedtosympathizewithheraboutitwhenHankwasn\'taround。She\'dtellem，yes，itwasso。BackinElmira，NewYork，fromwhichherfatherandmothercometoourpartofIllinoiseintheearlydays，herfatherhadkep\'ahotel，andtheywasstylishkindo\'
folks。WhenshewasbornhermotherwashomesickfurallthatstyleandfurYorkStateways，andsoshenamedherElmira。
ButwhenshemarriedHank，hehadconsiderableland。Hisfatherhadleftittohim，butitwasallswampland，andsoHank\'sfather，hehuntedmore\'nhefarmed，andHankandhisbrothersdonethesamewhenhewasaboy。ButHank，helearntalittleblacksmithingwhenhewasgrowingup，causehelikedtotinkeraroundandtoshowhowstouthewas。Then，whenhemarriedElmiraAppleton，hehadtogotoworkpractisingthatperfessionreg\'lar，becauseheneverlearntnothingaboutfarming。He\'dsellfifteenortwentyacres，everynowandthen，andthey\'dbehightimestillhe\'dspentitup，andmebbyElmirawouldgetsomenewclothes。
ButwhenIwasfoundonthedoorstep，thelandwasallgone，andHankwaspractisingreg\'lar，whennotbusycussingoutthefellersthathadboughttheland。Fursomesmartfellershadcomealong，andboughtupallthatswamplandanddreenedit，andnowitwasworthseventyoreightydollarsanacre。Hank，hefiggeredsomeonehadcheatedhim。WhichtheWaltersescouldofdreenedtheirntoo，onlythey\'drutherhuntducksandhavefishfrysthantodigditches。AllofwhichIhearnElmiratalkingoverwiththeneighboursmore\'noncewhenIwasgrowingup，andtheyallsays：
“Howsaditisyouhavecametothis，Elmira！”
Andthenshe\'dkindo\'spunkupandsay，thankstoglory，she\'dkep\'herpride。
Well，theywasworseplacestoliveinthanthattherelittletown，eveniftheywasn\'tnorailroadwithineightmiles，andonlythreehundredsolesinthehullcopperation。WhichHank\'sshopandourhousesetintheedgeofthewoodsjestoutsidethecopperationline，so\'sthecitymarshaldidn\'thavenoauthoritytoarresthimafterhecrossedit。
TheywasonethinginthathouseIalwaysadmiredwhenIwasakid。Andthatwasabigcistern。Mostpeoplehastheircisternsoutsidetheirhouse，andtheyisatinpipetakesalltherainwaterofftheroofandscootsitintothem。Ournworkedthesame，butourcisternwasrightinunderourkitchenfloor，andtheywasatrapdoorwithleatherhingesopenedintoitrightbythekitchenstove。Butthatwasn\'twhyIwassoproudofit。
Itwasbecausethatcisternwasjestplumbfulloffish——bullheadsandredhorseandsunfishandotherkinds。
Hank\'sfatherhadbuiltthatcistern。Andonetimehebrunghomesomelivefishinabucketanddumpedeminthere。Andtheygrowed。Andtheymultipliedinthereandrefurnishedtheearth。
Sothatcisternhadgottobeafamblycustom，whichwaskep\'upinthatfamblyforahabit。ItwasagreatcomforttoHank，furallthemWalterseswasgreatfisheaters，thoughitneverwenttobrains。
Wefedemnowandthen，andthrowedbackinthelittleonestilltheywasgrowed，andkep\'thedeadonespickedoutsoon\'swesmelledanythingwrong，anditneverhurtthewaternone；andwhenIwasakidIwouldn\'toftookanythingfurlivinginahouselikethat。
Oncet，whenIwasakidaboutsixyearsold，Hankcomehomefromthebar-room。HegottochasingElmira\'scatcausehesaysitwasmakingfacesathim。Thecisterndoorwasopen，andHankfellin。Elmirawasovertotown，andIwasscared。
ShehadalwaystoldmenottofoolaroundtherenonewhenIwasalittlekid，furifIfellinthereI\'dbeacorpsequicker\'nscatt。
SowhenHankfellin，andIhearnhimsplash，beingonlyalittlefeller，andawfulscaredbecauseElmirahadalwaysmadeitsostrong，Ihadn\'tnosortofunbeliefbutwhatHankwasacorpsealready。
SoIslamsthetrapdoorshutoverthattherecisternwithoutlookingin，furIhearnHankfloppingarounddowninthere。Ihadn\'tneverhearnacorpseflopbefore，anddidn\'tknowbutwhatitmightbesome-
howinjurioustome，andIwasn\'tgoingtotakenochances。
SoIwentoutandplayedinthefrontyard，andwaitedfurElmira。ButIcouldn\'tseemtogetmymindsettledonplayingIwasahorse，nornothing。
Ikep\'thinkingmebbyHank\'scorpseisgoingtocomefloppingoutofthatcisternandwhalemesomeunusualway。Ihadn\'tneverbeenlickedbyacorpse，anddidn\'trightlyknowjestwhatoneis，anyhow，beingyoungandcomparitiveinnocent。
SoIsneaksbackinandsetsalltheflatironsinthehouseontopofthecisternlid。Ihearnsomeflop-
pingandsplashingandspluttering，likeHank\'scorpseistryingtojumpupandisfallingbackintothewater，andIhearnHank\'svoice，andgotscarederyet。AndwhenElmiracomealongdowntheroad，sheseenmebythegatea-crying，andsheastsmewhy。
“Hankisacorpse，“saysI，blubbering。
“Acorpse！”saysElmira，droppinghercoffeewhichshewascarryinghomefromthegineralstoreandpost-office。“Danny，whatdoyoumean？”
IseenIwastoblamesomehow，andIwishtthenIhadn\'tsaidnothingaboutHankbeingacorpse。
AndImadeupmymindIwouldn\'tsaynothingmore。SowhenshegrabsholtofmeandastsmeaginwhatdidImeanIblubberedharder，jestthewayakidwill，andsaysnothingelse。IwishtI
hadn\'tsetthemflatironsonthatdoor，furitcometomeallatoncetthatevenifHankHASturnedintoacorpseIain\'tgotanyrighttokeephiminthatcistern。
JestthenOldMis\'Rogers，whichisoneofourneighbours，comesby，whileElmiraisshakingmeandyellingoutwhatdidImeanandhowdidithappenandhadIsawitandwherewasHank\'scorpse？
AndMis\'Rogersshesays，“What\'sDannybeendoingnow，Elmira？”mebeingalwaysuptosome-
thing。
Elmirasheturnedaroundandseenher，andshegivesawhoopandthenhollersout：“Hankisdead！”andthrowsherapernoverherheadandsetsrightdowninthepathandboo-hooslikeababy。AndIbellerslouder。
Mis\'Rogers，sheneverwaitedtoastnothingmore。Sheseenshehadapieceofnews，andshe\'sboundtobethefirsttospreadit，liketheyisalwaysalotofwomenwantstobeinthemcountrytowns。
SherunrightacrosttheroadtowheretheAlexan-
derseslived。Mis\'Alexander，sheseenhercomingandunhookedthescreendoor，andMis\'
Rogersshehollersoutbeforeshereachedtheporch：
“HankWaltersisdead。“
Andthenshewentfootingitupthestreet。
Theywasablackplumeonherbunnetwhichnoddedthesameasonahearse，andshewasintoandoutofsevenfrontyardsinfiveminutes。
Mis\'Alexander，sherunsacrostthestreettowherewewas，andshekneelsdownandputsherarmaroundElmira，whichwasstillrockingbackandforthinthepath，andshesays：
“Howdoyouknowhe\'sdead，Elmira？Iseenhimnotmore\'nanhourago。“
“Dannyseenitall，“saysElmira。
Mis\'Alexanderturnedtome，andwantstoknowwhathappenedandhowithappenedandwhereithappened。ButIdon\'twanttosaynothingaboutthatcistern。SoIbustsoutbelleringfresher\'never，andIsays：
“Hewasdrunk，andhecomehomedrunk，andhedoneitthen，andthat\'showheconeit，“Isays。
“Andyouseenhim？”shesays。Inodded。
“Whereishe？”sayssheandElmira，bothtooncet。
ButIwasscaredtosaynothingaboutthattherecistern，soIjestbawledsomemore。
“Wasitintheblacksmithshop？”saysMis\'
Alexander。Inoddedmyheadaginandletitgoatthat。
“Isheintherenow？”astsMis\'Alexander。I
noddedagin。Ihadn\'tmeanttogiveoutnountruestories。Butakidwillalwaystellalie，notmeaningtotellone，ifyousortofinvitehimwithquestionslikethat，andgethimscaredthewayyou\'reacting。
Besides，Isaystomyself，“solongasHankhasturnedintoacorpseandthatmakeshimdead，what\'sthedifferencewhetherhe\'sintheblack-
smithshopornot？”FurIhadn\'thadanyplainidea，beingsuchalittlekid，thatacorpsemeanttobedead，andwasn\'tsurewhatbeingdeadwaslike，neither，excepttheyhadfuneralsoveryouthen。Iknowedbeingacorpsemustbesomesortofabigdisad-
vantagefromthewayElmiraalwayssayskeepawayfromthatcisterndoororI\'llbeone。Butiftheywasgoingtobeafuneralinourhouse，I\'dfeelkindo\'important，too。Theydidn\'thaveemeverydayinourtown，andwehadn\'tneverhadoneofourown。
SoMis\'Alexander，sheledElmiraintothehouse，botha-crying，andMis\'Alexandertryingtocomforther，andmeataggingalongbehindholdingontoElmira\'sskirtsandsnifflingintothem。AndinafewminutesallthemwomenMis\'Rogershastoldcomefilingintothatroom，oneatatime，lookingsad。OnlyOldMis\'Primrose，shewasawfullategettingtherebecauseshestoppedtoputonherbunnetshealwaysworetofuneralswiththeblackParislaceonithercousinArmintyWhitehadsentherfromChicago。
WhentheyfoundoutHankhadcomehomewithlickerinhimanddoneithimself，theywasallexcited，andtheyallcrowdsaroundandastsmehow，excepttwoasisholdingontoElmira\'shandswhichsetsmoaninginachair。AndtheyallastsmequestionsastowhatIseenhimdo，whichiftheyhadn\'tIwouldn\'thavetoldemtheliesIdid。
Buttheyeggedmeontoit。
Saysonewoman：“Danny，youseenhimdoitintheblacksmithshop？”
Inodded。
“Buthowdidhegetin？”singsoutanotherwoman。“ThedoorwaslockedontheoutsidewithapadlockjestnowwhenIcomeby。Hecouldn\'tofkilledhimselfinthereandlockedthedoorontheoutside。“
Ididn\'tseehowhecouldofdonethatmyself，soIbeguntobawlaginandsaidnothingatall。
“Hemustofcrawledthroughthatlittlesidewindow，“saysanotherone。“ItwasopenwhenI
comeby，ifthedoorWASlocked。Didyouseehimcrawlthroughthelittlesidewindow，Danny？”
Inodded。Theywasn\'tnothingelsefurmetodo。
“ButYOUhain\'ttallenoughtolookthroughthattherewindow，“saysanotheronetome。“Howcouldyouseeintothatshop，Danny？”
Ididn\'tknow，soIdidn\'tsaynothingatall；I
jestsniffled。
“Theyisastoreboxrightinunderthatwindow，“
saysanotherone。“DannymusthaveclumbontothatstoreboxandlookedinafterheseenHankcomedowntheroadandcrawlthroughthewindow。
Didyouscrambleontothestoreboxandlookin，Danny？”
Ijestnoddedagin。
“Andwhatwasityouseenhimdo？Howdidhekillhimself？”theyallaststooncet。
_I_didn\'tknow。SoIjestbellersandboo-hoossomemore。ThingswasgettingpastanythingI
couldseethewayoutof。
“Hemightofhunghimselftooneoftheironringsinthejistsabovetheforge，“saysanotherwoman。“Heclumbontotheforgetotietheropetooneofthemrings，andhetiedtheotherendaroundhisneck，andthenhesteppedoff\'ntheforge。
Wasthathowhedoneit，Danny？”
Inodded。AndthenIbelleredlouderthanever。
IknowedHankwasdowninthattherecistern，acorpseandamightywetcorpse，allthistime；buttheykindo\'gotmetothinkingmebbyhewashang-
ingoutintheshopbytheforge，too。AndIguessedI\'dbettersticktotheshopstory，notwantingtosaynothingaboutthatcisternnosooner\'nIcouldhelpit。
Prettysoononewomansays，kindo\'shivery：
“Idon\'twanttohavethejobofopeningthedoorofthatblacksmithshopthefirstone！”
Andtheyallkindo\'shiveredthen，andlookedatElmira。Theysaystoletsomeofthemenopenit。AndMis\'Alexander，shesaysshe\'llrunhomeandtellherhusbandrightoff。
AndallthetimeElmiraismoaninginthatchair。
OnewomansaysElmiraorterhaveacupo\'tea，whichshe\'lllayoffherbunnetandgotothekitchenandmakeitfurher。ButElmirasaysno，shecan\'ta-beartothinkoftea，withpoorHennereya-hang-
ingoutthereintheshop。Butshewaskindo\'
enjoyingallthatfussbeingmadeoverher，too。
Andalltheotherwomensays：
“Poorthing！”Butallthesametheywasmadshesaidshedidn\'twantanytea，fortheyallwantedsomeanddidn\'tfeelfreewithoutshetookittoo。
Whichshesaidshewouldafterthey\'dcoaxedawhileandmadeherseeherduty。
Sotheyallgoesouttothekitchen，bringingalongsomeofthebestroomchairs，Elmiracomingtoo，andmetaggingalongbehind。Andthefirstthingtheynoticedwasthemflatironsontopofthecisterndoor。Mis\'Primrose，shesaysthatlooksfunny。
ButanotherwomanspeaksupandsaysDannymustofbeenplayingwiththemwhileElmirawasovertown。Shesays，“Wasyouplayingtheywashorses，Danny？”
Iwasfeelingconsiderablelikealiarbythistime，butIsaysIwasplayinghorseswiththem，furI
couldn\'tseenouseinhurryingthingsup。Iwasboundtogetalammingpurtysoonanyhow。WhenIwasakidIcouldalwaysbetonthat。Sotheypicksuptheflatirons，andastheypicksemuptheycomeasplashingnoiseinthecistern。Ithinkstomyself，Hank\'scorpse\'llbeoutofthereinaminute。
Onewoman，shesays：
“Goodnessgracioussakesalive！What\'sthat，Elmira？”
Elmirasaysthatcisternismightyfulloffish，andtheyissomegreatbigonesinthere，anditmustbesomeofthema-floppingaround。Whichiftheyhadn\'tofbeenallworkedupandtalkingalltooncetandallthinkingofHank\'sbodyhangingoutthereintheblacksmithshoptheymightofsuspicionedsomething。Forthatfloppingkep\'upsteady，andalotofsplashingtoo。Imebbyortermentionedsoonerithadbeenadrysummerandtheywasonlythreeorfourfeetofwaterinourcistern，andHankwasn\'tinscarcelyuptohisbighairychest。SowhenElmirasaysthecisternisfulloffish，thatwomanopensthetrapdoorandlooksin。Hankthinksit\'sElmiracometogethimout。Heallowshe\'llkeepquietinthereandmakebelieveheisdrownedandgiveheragoodscareandmakehersorryfurhim。Butwhenthecisterndoorisopened，hehearsalotofclackingtonguesallofasuddenliketheywasahenconventionon。
Heallowsshehastoldsomeoftheneighbours，andhe\'llscarethemtoo。SoHank，helaidlow。
Andthewomanaslooksinseesnothing，forit\'sasdarkdownthereastheinsidesofthewhalewhatswalleredNoah。Butsheleavesthedooropenandgoesona-makingtea，andtheyain\'tskeerclyasoundfromthatcistern，onlylittle，ripplynoiseslikeitmighthavebeenfish。
Prettysoonawomansays：
“Ithasdrawed，Elmira；won\'tyouhaveacup？”
Elmirashekickedsomemore，butshetookhern。
Andeachwomantookhern。Andonewoman，a-sippingofhern，shesays：
“Thedepartedhadhisgoodpints，Elmira。“
WhichwasthebestthinghadbeensaidofHankinthattownfuryearsandyears。
OldMis\'Primrose，shealwayspridedherselfonbeinghonest，nomatterwhatcome，andsheupsandsays：
“Idon\'tbelieveinnohippercriticsatatimelikethis，nomore\'nnoothertime。Thedepartedwasn\'tnogood，andthehulltownknowedit；andElmiraorterfeellikeit\'sgoodriddanceofbadrubbishandthemismysentimentsandthesenti-
mentsofrightfulness。“
Alltheotherwomensingsout：
“W\'y，MIS\'PRIMROSE！Inever！”Andtheyseemedawfulshocked。Butdowninunderneathmoreofemagreedthanleton。Elmirashewipedhereyesandshesaid：
“Hennereyandmehashadourtroubles。Theyain\'tanyuseindenyingthat，Mis\'Primrose。Ithasoftenbeengiveandtakebetweenusandbetwixtus。Andthehulltownknowshehasliftedhishandaginmemore\'noncet。ButIalwaysstooduptoHennerey，andIfithimback，freeandfairandopen。
Igivehimasgoodashesentonthishereearth，andIain\'ttheonetocarrynoannermositiesbe-
yondthegrave。IforgiveHankalltheornerinesshedoneme，andtheywasalotofit，asisbecominguntoachurchmember，whichheneverwas。“
AndallthewomenbutMis\'Primrose，theysays：
“ElmiraAppleton，youHAVEgotaChristiansperrit！”Whichdoneheraheapofgood，andshecriedconsiderableharder，leakingouttearsasfastasshepouredteain。EachoneonemtriestofindoutsomethinggoodtosayaboutHank，onlytheywasn\'tmuchtheycouldsay。AndHankinthattherecisterna-listeningtoeverywordofit。
Mis\'Rogers，shesays：
“Aforehetooktodrinkinglikeafish，HankWalterswasaslikelylookingayoungfellerasI
eversee。“
Mis\'White，shesays：
“Well，Hankheneverwasastingyman，nohow。
OftenandoftenWhitehastoldmeaboutseeingHank，afterhe\'dsoldapieceofland，treatingthehulltowndowninNolan\'sbar-roomjestascome-
easy，go-easyasifitwasn\'tmoneyheorterpaidhishonestdebtswith。“
Theysettherethat-a-waytellingofwhatgoodpintstheycouldthinkoffurtenminutes，andHanka-hearingitandgettingmadderandmadderallthetime。ThegineralopinionwasthatHankwasn\'tnogoodandwasbetterdonefur，andnomatterwhattheysaidthemfeelingskep\'stickingoutthroughthewords。
ByandbyTomAlexandercomebustingintothehouse，andhiswife，Mis\'Alexander，waswithhim。
“What\'sthematterwithallyoufolks，“hesays。
“Theyain\'tnobodyhanginginthatthereblack-
smithshop。Ibrokethedoordownandwentin，anditwasempty。“
Thentheywasaprettyhowdy-do，andtheyallsingsout：
“Where\'sthecorpse？”
Andsomethinksmebbysomeonehascutitdownandtookitaway，andallgabblestooncet。ButforaminutenoonethinksmebbylittleDannyhasbeeneggedontotelllies。LittleDannyain\'tsayingaword。ButElmirashegrabsmeandshakesmeandshesays：
“Youlittleliar，you，whatdoyoumeanbythattaleyoutold？”
Ithinksthatlammingisaboutduenow。ButwhilstalleyesisturnedonmeandElmira，theycomesavoicefromthatcistern。ItisHank\'svoice，andhesingsout：
“TomAlexander，isthatyou？”
Someofthewomenscream，forsomethinksitisHank\'sghost。Butonewomansayswhatwouldaghostbedoinginacistern？
TomAlexander，helaughsandhesays：
“Whatinblazesyouwanttojumpintherefur，Hank？”
“Youdernijut！”saysHank，“youquitmockingmeandgetaladder，andwhenIgetout\'nhereI\'lllearnyoutoastwhatdidIwanttojumpinherefur！”
“Youneverseenthedayyoucoulddoit，“saysTomAlexander，meaningthedayhecouldlickhim。“Andifyoufeelthatwayaboutityoucanstaytherefurallofme。Iguessalittlewaterwon\'thurtyounone。“Andheleftthehouse。
“Elmira，“singsoutHank，madandbossy，“yougogetmealadder！”
ButElmira，hertemperrizuptoo，allofasudden。
“Don\'tyoudareordermearoundlikeIwasthedirtunderyourfeet，HennereyWalters，“shesays。
AtthatHankfairlyroared，hewassomad。Hesays：
“Elmira，whenIgetout\'nhereI\'llgiveyouwhatyouwon\'tfergitinahurry。Ihearnyoua-forgivingmeanda-weepingoverme，andIwon\'tbeforgivenorweepedoverbynoone！Yougoandgetthatladder。“
ButElmiraonlyanswers：
“Youwasn\'tsoberwhenyoufellintothere，HennereyWalters。Andnowyoucanjeststayintheretillyougetabettertemperonyou！”Andallthewomensays：“That\'sright，Elmira；spunkuptohim！”
Theywasconsiderablesplashingaroundinthewaterfuracoupleofminutes。Andthen，allofasudden，alivefishcomea-whirlingoutofthathole，whichhehadketcheditwithhishands。Itwasabigbullhead，anditswhiskersarounditsmouthwasstiffenedintospikes，anditlandskerplumpintoMis\'Rogers\'slap，a-wiggling，anditkindo\'hornsheronthehands，andsheisthatsurprisedshefaints。
Mis\'Primrose，shegetsupandpushesthatfishbackintothecisternwithherfootfromthefloorwhereithadfell，andshesaysrightdecided：
“ElmiraWalters，thatwasElmiraAppleton，ifyouletHankout\'nthatcisternbeforehehassignedthepledgeandpromisedtojinethechurchyou\'reabiggerfool\'nItakeyoutobe。Awomanhasgottomakeastand！”Withthatshemarchesout\'nourhouse。
Thenallthewomensingsout：
“SendfurBrotherCartwright！SendfurBrotherCartwright！”
Andtheysentmescootingacrosttowntogethimquick。WhichhewasthepreacheroftheBaptistchurchandlivednexttoit。AndIhadn\'tgotnolammingyet！
CHAPTERII
Ineverstoppedtotellbuttwo，threefolksonthewaytoBrotherCartwright\'s，buttheymustofspreaditquick。\'CausewhenIgotbackhomewithhimitseemedlikethehulltownwasthere。Itwasalongaboutduskbythistime，anditwasaprayer-meetingnightatthechurch。Mr。Cartwrighttoldhiswifetotellthefolkswhatcometotheprayer-meetinghe\'dbebackbeforelong，andtowaitfurhim。Whichshereallytoldthemwherehehadwent，andwhatfur。
Mr。Cartwrightmarchesrightintothekitchen。
Allthechairsinourhousewasintothekitchen，andthewomenwasa-talkinganda-laughing，andtheyhadsentovertoAlexandersesfortheirchairsandtoRogersesfortheirn。Everyoncetinawhiletheywouldbeaawfulbustoflanguagecomeupfromthatholewherethatunreginerateoldsinnerwascoopedupin。
Ihavetravelledaroundconsiderablesincethemdays，andIhavemixedupalongofmanykindsofpeopleinmanydifferentplaces，andsomeof\'emwascusserstoadmire。ButIneverhearnsuchcussingbeforeorsinceasoldHankdonethatnight。
Hebustedhisownrecordsandrizhigher\'nhisownwatermarksforprevioustimes。Iwasn\'tnothingbutalittlekidthen，andskeerclyfittenfurtoad-
mirethefullbeautyofit。Theywasdeepdowncusses，thatcomefromtheheart。Lookingbackatitafteralltheseyears，IcanbelievewhatBrotherCartwrightsaidhimselfthatnight，thatitwasn\'tnatcheralcussingandsomehigherpower，likeademonoraevilsperrit，mustofenteredintoHank\'shumancarkisandgivethatturribleeloquencetohisremarks。Itbustedouteveryfewminutes，andthewomenwouldputtheirfingersintotheirearstillaspellwasover。Anditwaspersonal，too。
Hank，hewouldlistenuntilhehearnawoman\'svoicethatheknowed，andthenhewouldletlooseonherfambly，goingbackwardstohergrandfathersanddownwardstoherchildren\'schildren。Ifherfatherhadoncestolenahog，orherhusbanddoneanydisgracethatgotfoundoutonhim，Hankwouldputitallintohisgineralremarks，withtrimmingsontoit。
BrotherCartwright，hestepsuptotheholeinthefloorwhenhefirstcomesinandhesays，gentle-
likeandsoothing，likeaundertakerwhenhetellsyouwheretosetatahomefuneral：
“BrotherWalters。“
“Brother！”Hankyellsout，“don\'tyebrotherme，yousniffling，psalm-singing，yaller-faced，pigeon-toedhippercrit，you！Getmealadder，goldernyou，andI\'llcomeout\'nhereandlearnyoutobrotherme，Iwill。“Onlythatwasn\'tnothingtowhatHankreallysaidtothatpreacher；
nomorelikeitthanalittleyaller，fluffycanaryislikeabuzzard。
“BrotherWalters，“saysthepreacher，ca\'ambutfirm，“wehavealldecidedthatyouain\'tgoingtocomeoutofthatcisterntillyousignthepledge。“
AndHanktellshimwhathethinksofpledgesandhimandchurchdoings，anditwasn\'tpurty。Andhesaysifhewasasdeepineternalfireaswhathenowisinrain-water，andeveryfishthatnibblesathistoeswasapreacherwithared-hotpitchforka-jabbingathim，theycouldjabtillthehullhere-
afterturnedintosnowaforehe\'deversignnothingamanlikeMr。Cartwrightgivehimtosign。Hankwasstubbornerthananymuleheevernailedshoesonto，andproudofbeingthatstubborn。Thattownwasaawfulreligioustown，andHankheknowedhewascalledthemostonreligiousmaninit，andhewasproudofthattoo；andifanyonecalledhimaheathenitjestplumbtickledhimallover。
“BrotherWalters，“saysthatpreacher，“wearegoingtoprayforyou。“
Andtheydoneit。Theybroughtallthemchairscloseuparoundthatcistern，inaring，andtheyallkneeleddownthere，withtheirheadson\'em，andtheyprayedfurHank\'ssalvation。Theydoneitupinstyle，too，oneatatime，andtheotherssingingout，“Amen！”everynowandthen，andtheyshedtearsdownontoHank。Thefrontyardwascrowdedwithmen，alla-laughinganda-talkingandchawingandspittingtobaccoandbettinghowlongHankwouldholdout。OldSiEmery，thatwasthecitymarshal，andalwaysworeabignickel-
platedstar，wasouttherewith\'em。Siwasinasweat，\'causeBillNolan，thatrunthebar-room，andsomemoreofHank\'sfriends，orasnearfriendsashehad，wasoutintheroad。TheysaystoSihemustarrestthatpreacher，furHankisbeinggradualmurderedinthattherewater，andhe\'lldieifhe\'shelttheretoolong，anditwillbeacrime。
Onlytheydidn\'tcomeintotheyardtosayitamongstusreligiousfolks。ButSi，hesayshedassentarrestnoonebecauseitisoutsidethetowncopperation；buthe\'sconsiderableworriedtooaboutwhathisdutyorterbe。
PrettysoonthegangthatMrs。Cartwrighthasroundedupattheprayer-meetingcomesstringingalongin。Theyhadallbrungtheirhymnbookswiththem，andtheysung。Thehulltownwastherethen，andtheyallsung，andtheysungre-
vivalhymnsoverHank。AndHankhewouldjestcussandcuss。Everytimehebustedoutintoanothercussingspelltheywouldstartanotherhymn。Finallythemenoutinthefrontyardgotwarmeduptoo，andbeguntosing，allbutBillNolan\'scrowd，andtheygiveHankupforlostandwentawaydisgusted。
Thefirstthingyouknowedtheywasareg\'larrevivalmeetingthere，andthatpreacherwaspreachingareg\'larrevivalsermon。Ibeentomore\'nonecampmeeting，butfurjestnatcherallytakingholtofthehullhumanracebytheslackofitspantsanddanglingofitoverhell-fire，Ineverhearnnothingcouldcomeuptothattheresermon。
Twoorthreeoldbackslidersinthecrowdcomerightupandrepentedalloveraginonthespot。Thehullkitandbilingof\'emgotthepowergoodandhard，liketheydoesatcampmeetingsandrevivals。
ButHank，heonlycussed。Hewasobstinate，Hankwas，andhisprideanddanderhadrizup。
Finallyhesays：
“You\'retakingaornery，low-downadvantageo\'me，youare。Letmeout\'nthisherecisternandI\'llshowyouwho\'llstickitoutlongestondryland，dernyourreligioushides！”
Someofthefolkstherehadn\'thadnosuppers，soafteralltheothersinnersbutHankhadeithergotconvertedorelsesneakedaway，someofthewomensayswhynotmakeakindoflovefeastoutofit，andbringsomevittles，liketheydoestochurchsociables。BecauseitseemslikelySatanisgoingtowrastleallnightlong，likehedonewiththeangelJacob，andtheyoughttobeprepared。
Sotheydoneit。TheywentandtheycomebackwithvittlesandtheymadeuphotcoffeeandtheyfeastedthatpreacherandtheirselvesandElmiraandme，allrightinHank\'shearing。
AndHankwasgettinghungryhimself。Andhewascoldinthatwater。Andthefishwasnibblingathim。Andhewasgettingcussedoutandweakandsoakedfullofdespair。Andtheywasn\'tnowayfurhimtosetdownandrest。Andhewasscaredofgettingacrampinhislegs，andsinkingdownwithhisheadunderwaterandbeingdrownded。
Hesaidafterwardhe\'dofdonethelastwithpleasureiftheywasanywayofsuingthatcrowdfurmurder。
Soalongaboutteno\'clockhesingsout：
“Igivein，goshdernye！Igivein。LetmeoutandI\'llsignyourpeskypledge！”
BrotherCartwrightwasfurgettingaladderandlettinghimclimboutrightaway。ButElmira，shesays：
“Don\'tyoudoit，BrotherCartwright；don\'tyoudoit。Youdon\'tknowHankWalterslikeI
does。Ifheoncetgetsouto\'therebeforehe\'ssignedthatpledge，hewon\'tneversignit。“
SotheyfixeditupthatBrotherCartwrightwastowriteoutapledgeontheinsideleafoftheBible，andtietheBibleontoastring，andaleadpencilontoanotherstring，andletthestringsdowntoHank，andhewastomakehismark，furhecouldn\'twrite，andtheywastobepulledupagin。Hank，hesaysallright，andtheydoneit。ButjestasHankwasmakinghismarkontheleafofthebook，thatpreacherdonewhatIhasalwaysthoughtwasameantrick。Hewaslyingonthefloorwithhisheadandshouldersintothatholeasfurashecould，holdingalanternwaydownintoit，soasHankcouldsee。AndjestasHankmadethatmarkhespokesomewordsoverhim，andthenhesays：
“Now，HenryWalters，Ihavebaptizedyou，andyouareamemberofthechurch。“
You\'dathoughtHankwouldofbrokeoutcussingaginatbeingtookunexpectedthat-a-way，furhehadn\'treallyagreedtonothingbutsigningthepledge。Butnaryacuss。Hejestsays：“Now，yougetthatladder。“
Theygotit，andheclumbupintothekitchen，drippingandshivering。
“Youwentandbaptizedmeinthatwater？”
heaststhepreacher。Thepreachersayshehas。
“Then，“saysHank，“youdonealow-downtrickonme。YouknowedIhasmademybragsIneverjinednochurchnorneverwouldjine。YouknowedIwasproudofthat。Youknowedthatitwasmyglorytotellofit，andthatIsetaheapofstorebyitineveryway。Andnowyou\'vewentandtookitawayfromme！Youneverfoughtitoutfairandsquare，neither，manplayingtooutlastman，likeyoudonewiththisherepledge，butyousneakeditinonmewhenIwasn\'tlooking。“
Theywasalotofmeninthatcrowdthatthoughtthepreacherhadwenttoofar，andsympathizedwithHank。ThewayhedoneaboutthathurtBrotherCartwrightinourtown，andtheywasasplitinthechurch，becausesomesaiditwasn\'treg\'larandwasn\'tbinding。Helosthisjobafterawhileandbecomeanevangelist。Whichitdon\'tmakenodifferencewhatoneofthemdoes，nohow。
ButHank，healwaysthoughthehadbeenbap-
tizedreg\'lar。Andheneverwasthesameafter-
ward。Hehadmadehislife-longbrags，andhispridewasbrokeinthatthereonepertic\'lerspot。
Andhesorreredandgrievedoveritagood\'eal，andgotgrouchierandgrouchierandmeanerandmeaner，andlickeredoftener，ifanything。Signingthepledgecouldn\'tholdHank。Hewasworseineverywayafterthatnightinthecistern，andtooktolammingmeharderandharder。
CHAPTERIII
Well，allthelammingsHanklaidonneverdonemeanygood。ItseemedlikeIwasjestnatcherallycutouttohavenosuccessinlife，andnoamountofwhalingcouldchangeit，thoughHank，hewasfaithful。BeforeIwastwelveyearsoldthehulltownhadseenit，andtheywasn\'tnothingelseexpectedofmeexceptnottobeanygood。
Thathaditshandysidestoit，too。Theywaslotsofkidstherethathadtogotoschool，butHank，heneverwouldofletmedonethatifIhadasthim，andIneverasted。Andtheywaslotsofkidsconsiderablybotheredallthetimewiththeirparentsandrelations。Theymade\'emgotoSundaySchool，andwashupreg\'laralloveronSaturdaynights，andputonshoesandstockingspartofthetime，eveninthesummer，andsomeof\'emhadtoasttogoinswimming，andthehullthingwasacontinuoustroubleandprivationto\'em。
Buttheywasn\'tnothingperdictedofme，andI
donelikeitwasperdicted。Everybody\'lowedfromthestartthatHankwouldofmadetrashout\'nme，evenifIhadn\'tshowedallthesignsofbeingtrashanyhow。Andiftheywasdevilmentanywhereaboutthattowntheyallsays，“Danny，hedoneit。“AndlikeasnotIhas。SoIgetstobewhatyoumightcallanoutcast。Allthekidswhosefolksain\'ttrash，theirmotherstells\'emnottorunwithmenomore。Whichtheydoneitallthemorefurthatreason，onthesly，anditmakesmemoreimportantwiththem。
ButwhenIgetsalittlebigger，allthatmakesmefeelkindo\'badsometimes。Itain\'tsohandythen。Furfolksgetstosaying，whenIwouldcomearound：
“Danny，whatdoYOUwant？”
AndifIsays，“Nothing，“theywouldsay：
“Well，then，yougetouto\'here！”
Whichtheyneedn\'tofbeensuspicioningnothingliketheypertendedtheydid，furIneverstolenothingmore\'nwortermillionsandmushmillionsandsuchtruck，andmebbynowandthenachickenuskidsusetoroastinthewoodsonSundays，andjestaslikeasnotitwasoneofHank\'shensthen，whichIfiggeredI\'dearntit。
FurHank，hehadstreakswhenhe\'dworkmeconsiderablehard。Henevergivemeanymoneyfurit。Heloafedalottoo，andwhenhe\'dloafI\'dloaf。ButIdidpickuprightsmartofhandinesswithtoolsaroundthatthereshopofhis\'n，andifhe\'deverofusedmerightImightofturnedintoapurtyfairblacksmith。Butitwasn\'tnousetryingtoworkfurHank。WhenIwasaboutfifteen，timesisrightbadaroundthehousefuraspell，andElmiraisworkingpurtyhard，andIthinkstomyself：
“Well，thesefolkshaskindo\'brungyouup，andyouain\'tneverdonemore\'nHankmadeyoudo。Mebbyyouortersticktoworkalittlemorewhenthey\'sajobintheshop，evenifHankdon\'t。“
WhichItrieditfurabouttwoorthreeyears，doingasmuchworkaroundtheshopasHankdoneandmebbymore。Butitwasn\'tnouse。OnedaywhenI\'mabouteighteen，IseenawfulplainI\'llhavetolightoutfromthere。Theywasacircuscometotownthatday。IsaystoHank：
“Hank，theyisacircusthisafternoonandaginto-night。“
“SoIhashearn，“saysHank。
“Areyougoingtoit？”saysI。
“Imout，“saysHank，“andthenaginImoutn\'t。
Idon\'tseeasit\'snoconsarnsofyourn，nohow。“
Iknowedhewasgoing，though。Hank，henevermissedacircus。
“Well，“Isays，“theywasn\'tnoharmtoast，wasthey？”
“Well，you\'veasted，ain\'tyou？”saysHank。
“Well，then，“saysI，“I\'dliketogotothattherecircusmyself。“
“Theyain\'tnouseinmesayingfuryounottogo，“saysHank，“furyouwouldgoanyhow。Youalwaysdoesgooffwhenyouisneeded。“
“ButIain\'tgotnomoney，“Isays，“andIwasgoingtoastyoucouldyousparemehalfadollar？”
“GreatJehosephat！”saysHank，“butain\'tyougettingstuckup！What\'sthematterofyoucrawlinginunderthetentlikeyoualwaysdone？
FirstthingIknowyou\'llbewantingapairofthesehereyallershoesandastove-pipehat。“
“No，“saysI，“Iain\'tnodude，Hank，andyouknowit。Buttheyisalwaysthingsaboutacircustospendmoneyonbesidesjestthecircusherself。
Theyisthesideshow，furinstance，andtheyisthegrandconcertafterward。IcalkelatedI\'dtake\'emallinthisyear——thehulldernthing，jestfuroncet。“
Hank，helooksatmelikeI\'dastedfurahouse\'n\'
lot，oramilliondollars，orsomethinglikethat。Buthedon\'tsaynothing。Hejestsnorts。
“Hank，“Isays，“Ibeendoingrightsmartworkaroundtheshopfurtwo，threeyearsnow。Ifyouwasn\'tloafingsomuchyou\'danoticeditmore。
AndIain\'tneverastfuracentofpayfurit，nor——“
“Youain\'twuthnopay，“saysHank。“Youain\'twuthnothingbuttoeatvittlesandwearoutclothes。“
“Well，“Isays，“IfiggerIearnmyvittlesandagood\'ealmore。Andasfurasclothesgoes，IneverhadnonebutwhatElmiramadeout\'nyourn。“
“Whobrungyouup？”astsHank。
“Youdoneit，“saysI，“andbyyourownsay-soyoudoneadernpoorjobatit。“
“Yougotothattherecircus，“saysHank，a-flaringup，“andI\'lllambasteyouuptoainchofyourlife。
Sofurashandingoutmoneyfuryoutoslingittothedogs，Iain\'tnobank，andifIwasIain\'tnoijut。Butyoujestletmehearofyouevengoingnighthatcircuslotandallthelammingsyouhasevergot，rolledintoone，won\'tbeameaslylittlesarcumstancetowhatyouWILLget。Theyain\'tnoleather-facedyoungupstartwithweepin\'-willowhailgoingtothrowuptomehowIbrunghimup。
That\'sgratitoodfuryou，thatis！”saysHank。“Ifithadn\'tofbeenfurmegivingyouahomewhenI
foundyoufirst，wherewouldyouofbeennow？”
“Well，“Isays，“Imightofbeenagood\'ealbetteroff。Ifyouhadn\'toftookmeintheAlexan-
derseswouldof，andthenIwouldn\'tofbeenkep\'outofschoolandgrowedupaignoramuslikeyouis。“
“Ineverhadnotroublekeepingyouawayfromschool，Inotice，“saysHank，withasnort。“ThisisthefirstIeverhearnofyouwantingtogothere。“
Whichwastrueinoneway，andalieinanother。
Ihadn\'tneverwantedtogotilllately，buthe\'doflammedmeifIhadofwantedto。Healwayssaidhewould。AndnowIwastoobigandknowedit。
Well，Hank，henevergivemenomoney，soI
watchesmychancetthatafternoonandslipsinunderthetentthesameasalways。AndIlayslowunderthemgreenbenchesandwiggledthroughwhenIseenagoodchancet。ThefirstpersonI
seenwasHank。Ofcourseheseenme，andheshookhisfistatmeinapromisingkindofway，andtheywasn\'tnotroublefiggeringoutwhathemeant。FurawhileIdidn\'tenjoythatcircustonoextent。FurIwasthinkingthatifHanktriestolickmefuritI\'llfighthimbackthistime，whichIhadn\'tneverfithimbackmuchyetfurfearhe\'dpickupsomethingironaroundtheshopandjestnatcherallylaymecoldwithit。
IgothomebeforeHankdid。Itwasnighsun-
down，andIwaswaitinginthedooroftheshopfurElmiratohollervittlesisready，andHankcomealong。Hedidn\'twastenotime。Hestepsinsidetheshopandhetakesdownastrapandhesays：
“Youcomehereandtakeoffyourshirt。“
ButIjestmovesaway。Hank，herunsinonme，andheswingshisstrap。Ithrowedupmyarm，anditcutmeacrosttheknuckles。Iruninonhim，andhedroppedthestrapandfetchedmeanopen-
handedsmackplumbonthemouththatjarredmyheadbackandliketoofbusteditloose。ThenI
gotrightmad，andIruninonhimagin，andthistimeIgottohim，andwrastledwithhim。
Well，sir，Ineverwassosurprisedinallmylifebefore。FurIhadn\'thadholtonhimmore\'naminutebeforeIseenI\'mstrongerthanHankis。
Ithrowedhim，andhehitthegroundwithcon-
siderableofajar，andthenIputmykneeinthepitofhisstomachandchurneditacouple。AndIthinkstomyselfwhatafoolImustofbeenfurbetter\'nayear，becauseImightofdonethisanytime。IgothimbytheearsandIslammedhisheadintothegravelafewtimes，hima-reachingfurmythroat，anda-poundingmewithhisfists，butmea-takingthelicksandkeepingholt。AndIhadamightycontentedtimefurafewminutesthereontopofHank，chucklingtomyself，andbattinghimoneeverynowandthenfurluck，andtryingtomakehimhollerit\'senough。ButHankisstubbornandhewon\'tholler。AndpurtysoonIthinks，whatamIgoingtodo？FurHankwillbesomadwhenIlethimuphe\'lljestnatcherallykillme，withoutIkillhim。AndIwasscared，becauseIdon\'twantneitheroneofthemthingstohappen。WhilstIwasthinkingitover，andgettingscarederandscareder，andbangingHank\'sheadharderandharder，someonegrabsmefrombehind。
Theywastwoofthem，andonegetsmycollarandonegetstheseatofmypants，andtheydrugmeoff\'nhim。Hank，hegetsup，andthenhesetsdownsuddenonahorseblockandwipeshisfaceonhissleeve，whichtheywasconsiderablebloodcomeontothesleeve。
Ilooksaroundtoseewhohashadholtofme，anditistwomen。Oneofthemlooksaboutsevenfeettall，onaccountofabigplughatandalongwhitelinenduster，andhasabeautifulredbeard。Intheroadtheyisabigstoutroadwagon，withacanopytopoverit，pulledbytwohosses，andonthewagonboxtheyisastripofcanvas。WhichIcouldn\'treadthenwhatwaswroteonthecanvas，butI
learntlateritsaid，inbigprint：
SIWASHINDIANSAGRAW。
NATURE\'SUNIVERSALMEDICINALSPECIFIC。
DISCOVEREDBYDR。HARTLEYL。KIRBY
AMONGTHEABORIGINESOFOREGON。
Onaccountofbeingsobusy，neitherHanknormehadhearnthewagoncomealongtheroadandstop。Thebigmanintheplughat，hesays，ortheywaswordstothateffect，jestasserious：
“Whyareyoumaulingtheagedgent？”
“Well，“saysI，“heneededitconsiderable。“
“But，“sayshe，stillmoresolemn，“thegoodbooksaystohonourthyfatherandthymother。“
“Well，“Isays，“mebbyitdoesandmebbyitdon\'t。ButHEain\'tmyfather，nohow。Andheain\'tbeengettingnomore\'nhiscome-uppings。“
“Vengeanceismine，saiththeLord，“thebigmanremarks，veryserious。Hank，herizupthen，andhesays：
“Mister，beyouapreacher？\'Causeifyoube，thesooneryouhavedruvon，thebetterfurye。
Igotagrudgeaginallpreachers。“
Thatfeller，hejestlooksHankoverca\'amandeasyandslowbeforeheanswers，andhewrinklesuphisfacelikeheneverseenanythinglikeHankbefore。Thenhefetchesakindo\'aggervatingsmile，andhesays：
“BeneathashadychestnuttreeThevillageblacksmithstands。
Thesmith，apleasantsoulisheWithwartsuponhishands——“
HestaresatHankhardandsolemnandseriouswhileheissayingthatpoetryathim。Hankfidgetsandturnshiseyesaway。Butthefellertoucheshimonthebreastwithhisfinger，andmakeshimlookathim。
“Myhonestfriend，“saysthefeller，“IamNOT
apreacher。Notrightnow，anyhow。No！Mymissionisspreadingthegladtidingsofgoodhealth。
Lookatme，“andheswellshischestup，andkeepsa-holtofHank\'seyeswithhis\'n。“Youbeholdbeforeyouthediscoverer，manufacturer，andproprietorofSiwashIndianSagraw，nature\'sownremedyforBright\'sDisease，rheumatism，liverandkidneytrouble，catarrh，consumption，bronchitis，ring-worm，erysipelas，lungfever，typhoid，croup，dandruff，stomachtrouble，dyspepsia——“Andtheywasalotmoreof\'em。
“Well，“saysHank，sorto\'backingupasthebigmancomenearerandnearertohim，jestnatcherallybully-ragginghimwiththemeyes，“Igotnoneofthemtherecomplaints。“
Thedoctorhekindo\'snarls，andhebringshishanddownhardonHank\'sshoulder，andhesays：
“TherearemorethingsbetwixtDanandBeer-
shebathanwaseverdreamtofinthysagacity，Romeo！”Ortheywaswordstothateffect，furthatdoctorwasjestplumbfullofScripterquota-
tions。Andhesingsoutsudden，givingHankashovethatnearlypusheshimover：“Manalive！”
heyells，“youDON\'TKNOWwhatdiseaseyoumayhave！
Many\'sthestrongmanI\'veseenrejoicinginhisstrengthatthedawnofdaycutdownlikethegrassinthefieldbeforesunset，“hesays。
Hank，he\'stryingtolooktheotherway，butthatdoctorwon\'tlethiseyeswiggleawayfromhis\'n。
Hesaysverysharp：
“Stickoutyourtongue！”
Hank，hesticksherout。
Thedoctor，hetakessomeglassesout\'nhispocketandputs\'emon，andhefetchesalonglookather。
Thenheopenshismouthlikehewasgoingtosaysomething，andshutsitaginlikehisfeelingswon\'tlethim。HeputshisarmacrossHank\'sshoulderaffectionateandsad，andthenheturnshisheadawayliketheywassomeonedeadinthefambly。
Finally，hesays：
“Ithoughtso。Isawit。IsawitinyoureyeswhenIfirstdroveup。Ihope，“hesays，verymournful，“Ihaven\'tcometoolate！”
Hank，heturnspale。IwasgettingsorryfurHankmyself。IseennowwhyIlickedhimsoeasy。Anyonecouldoftoldfromthatdoctor\'sactionsHankwasasgoodasadeadmanalready。
ButHank，hemakesabigeffort，andhesays：
“Shucks！I\'msixty-eightyearsold，doctor，andIhain\'tneverhadasickdayinmylife。“Buthewasawfuluneasytoo。
Thedoctor，hesaystothefellerwithhim：
“Looey，bringmeoneofthesamplesize。“
Looeybrungit，thedoctornevertakinghiseyesoff\'nHank。HehandedittoHank，andhesays：
“Awhiskeyglassfullthreetimesaday，myfriend，andthereisagoodchanceforevenyou。
Igiveittoyou，withoutmoneyandwithoutprice。“
“ButwhathaveIgot？”astsHank。
“Youhavespinalmeningitis，“saysthedoctor，neverbattinganeye。
“Willthisherecureme？”saysHank。
“It\'llcureANYTHING，“saysthedoctor。
Hankhesays，“Shucks，“agin，buthetookthebottleandpulledthecorkoutandsmeltit，rightthoughtful。Andwhatthemfellershadstoppedatourplacefurwastohavetheshoeofthenighhoss\'soffhindfootnailedon，whichitwasmostreadytodropoff。Hank，hedoneitfuraregula-
tion，dollar-sizebottleandtheydruvonintothevillage。
RightaftersupperIgoesdowntown。TheywasinfrontofSmith\'sPalaceHotel。TheywasjeststartingupwhenIgotthere。Well，sir，thatdoctorwasasight。Hedidn\'thavehisdusterontohim，buthisstove-pipehatwas，andoneofthemlongPrinceAlferdcoatsnearlytohisknees，andshinyshoes，buthisvestwascutouthollerfurtoshowhisbiledshirt，anditwasthepinkestshirtIeversee，andinthemiddleofthattheywasadia-
mondasbigasUnclePatHickey\'swen，whatwasoneofthetownsights。No，sir；theyneverwasamanwithmoregenuinefashionablenessstickingoutalloverhimthanDoctorKirby。Hejestfairlywalleredinit。
