TheinferencebehindtheepithetwasnotlostonPaddy；hewentaswhiteashisson。\"Don’tyoudarecallmethat！\"
\"Whatelseareyou？You’redisgusting，you’reworsethanaraminrut！Couldn’tyouleaveheralone，couldn’tyoukeepyourhandsoffher？\"\"No，no，no！\"Meggiescreamed。FatherRalph’shandsbitintohershoulderslikeclawsandheldherpainfullyagainsthim。Thetearspoureddownherface，shetwistedtofreeherselffranticallyandvainly。\"No，Daddy，no！Oh，Frank，please！Please，please！\"sheshrilled。
ButtheonlyonewhoheardherwasFatherRalph。FrankandPaddyfacedeachother，thedislikeandthefear，eachfortheother，admittedatlast。ThedamofmutualloveforFeewasbreachedandthebitterrivalryforFeeacknowledged。
\"Iamherhusband。ItisbyGod’sgraceweareblessedwithourchildren，\"saidPaddymorecalmly，fightingforcontrol。
\"You’renobetterthanashittyolddogafteranybitchyoucanstickyourthinginto！\"
\"Andyou’renobetterthantheshittyolddogwhofatheredyou，whoeverhewas！ThankGodIneverhadahandinit！\"shoutedPaddy，andstopped。\"Oh，dearJesus！\"Hisragequithimlikeahowlingwind，hesaggedandshriveledandhishandspluckedathismouthasiftotearoutthetonguewhichhadutteredtheunutterable。\"Ididn’tmeanit，Ididn’tmeanit！1didn’tmeanit！\"ThemomentthewordswereoutFatherRalphletgoofMeggieandgrabbedFrank。HehadFrank’srightarmtwistedbehindhim，hisownleftarmaroundFrank’sneck，throttlinghim。Andhewasstrong，thegripparalyzing；Frankfoughttobefreeofhim，thensuddenlyhisresistanceflaggedandheshookhisheadinsubmission。Meggiehadfallentothefloorandkneltthere，weeping，hereyesgoingfromherbrothertoherfatherinhelpless，beseechingagony。Shedidn’tunderstandwhathadhappened，butsheknewitmeantshecouldn’tkeepthemboth。
\"Youmeantit，\"Frankcroaked。\"Imustalwayshaveknownit！Imustalwayshaveknownit。\"HetriedtoturnhisheadtoFatherRalph。\"Letmego，Father。Iwon’ttouchhim；sohelpmeGodIwon’t。\"
\"SohelpyouGod？Godrotyoursouls，bothofyou！Ifyou’veruinedthechildI’llkillyou！\"thepriestroared，theonlyoneangrynow。\"DoyourealizeIhadtokeepherheretolistentothis，forfearifItookherawayyou’dkilleachotherwhileIwasgone？Ioughttohaveletyoudoit，youmiserable，self-centeredcretins！\"
\"It’sallright，I’mgoing，\"Franksaidinastrange，emptyvoice。\"I’mgoingtojoinJimmySharman’stroupe，andIwon’tbeback。\"
\"You’vegottocomeback！\"Paddywhispered。\"WhatcanItellyourmother？Youmeanmoretoherthantherestofusputtogether。She’llneverforgiveme！\"
\"TellherIwenttojoinJimmySharmanbecauseIwanttobesomeone。It’sthetruth。\"
\"WhatIsaid-itwasn’ttrue，Frank。\"
Frank’salienblackeyesflashedscornfully，theeyesthepriesthadwonderedatthefirsttimehesawthem；whatweregrey-eyedFeeandblue-eyedPaddydoingwithablack-eyedson？FatherRalphknewhis
Mendelianlaws，anddidn’tthinkevenFee’sgreynessmadeitpossible。Frankpickeduphishatandcoat。\"Oh，itwastrue！Imustalwayshaveknownit。ThememoriesofMumplayingherspinetinaroomyoucouldneverhaveowned！Thefeelingyouhadn’talwaysbeenthere，thatyoucameafterme。Thatshewasminefirst。\"Helaughedsoundlessly。\"AndtothinkalltheseyearsI’veblamedyoufordraggingherdown，whenitwasme。Itwasme！\"\"Itwasnoone，Frank，noone！\"thepriestcried，tryingtopullhimback。\"It’sapartofGod’sgreatunfathomableplan；thinkofitlikethat！\"Frankshookoffthedetaininghandandwalkedtothedoorwithhislight，deadly，tiptoedgait。Hewasborntobeaboxer，thoughtFatherRalphinsomedetachedcornerofhisbrain，thatcardinal’sbrain。\"God’sgreatunfathomableplan！\"mockedtheyoungman’svoicefromthedoor。\"You’renobetterthanaparrotwhenyouactthepriest，FatherdeBricassart！IsayGodhelpyou，becauseyou’retheonlyoneofusherewhohasnoideawhathereallyis！\"
Paddywassittinginachair，ashen，hisshockedeyesonMeggieasshehuddledonherkneesbythefire，weepingandrockingherselfbackandforth。Hegotuptogotoher，butFatherRalphpushedhimroughlyaway。\"Leaveheralone。You’vedoneenough！There’swhiskeyinthesideboard；takesome。I’mgoingtoputthechildtobed，butI’llbebacktotalktoyou，sodon’tgo。Doyouhearme，man？\"
\"I’llbehere，Father。Puthertobed。\"
Upstairsinthecharmingapple-greenbedroomthepriestunbuttonedthelittlegirl’sdressandchemise，madehersitontheedgeofthebedsohecouldpulloffhershoesandstockings。HernightdresslayonthepillowwhereAnniehadleftit；hetuggeditoverherheadanddecentlydownbeforeheremovedherdrawers。Andallthewhilehetalkedtoheraboutnothing，sillystoriesofbuttonsrefusingtocomeundone，andshoesstubbornlystayingtied，andribbonsthatwouldnotcomeoff。Itwasimpossibletotellifsheheardhim；withtheirunspokentalesofinfanttragedies，oftroublesandpainsbeyondheryears，theeyesstareddrearilypasthisshoulder。\"Nowliedown，mydarlinggirl，andtrytogotosleep。I’llbebackinalittlewhiletoseeyou，sodon’tworry，doyouhear？We’lltalkaboutitthen。\"
\"Issheallright？\"askedPaddyashecamebackintothelounge。FatherRalphreachedforthewhiskeybottlestandingonthesideboard，andpouredatumblerhalffull。
\"Idon’thonestlyknow。Godinheaven，Paddy，IwishIknewwhichisanIrishman’sgreatercurse，thedrinkorthetemper。Whatpossessedyoutosaythat？No，don’tevenbotheranswering！Thetemper。It’strue，ofcourse。Iknewhewasn’tyoursthemomentIfirstsawhim。\"
\"There’snotmuchmissesyou，isthere？\"
\"Isupposenot。However，itdoesn’ttakemuchmorethanveryordinarypowersofobservationtoseewhenthevariousmembersofmyparisharetroubled，orinpain。Andhavingseen，itismydutytodowhatIcantohelp。\"
\"You’reverywelllikedinGilly，Father。\"
\"ForwhichnodoubtImaythankmyfaceandmyfigure，\"saidthepriestbitterly，unabletomakeitsoundaslightashehadintended。\"Isthatwhatyouthink？Ican’tagree，Father。Welikeyoubecauseyou’reagoodpastor。\"
\"Well，Iseemtobethoroughlyembroiledinyourtroubles，atanyrate，\"saidFatherRalphuncomfortably。\"You’dbestgetitoffyourchest，man。\"Paddystaredintothefire，whichhehadbuiltuptotheproportionsofafurnacewhilethepriestwasputtingMeggietobed，inanexcessofremorseandfrantic
1921-1928RALPHtobedoingsomething。Theemptyglassinhishandshookinaseriesofrapidjerks；FatherRalphgotupforthewhiskeybottleandreplenishedit。AfteralongdraftPaddysighed，wipingtheforgottentearsfromhisface。\"Idon’tknowwhoFrank’sfatheris。IthappenedbeforeImetFee。HerpeoplearepracticallyNewZealand’sfirstfamilysocially，andherfatherhadabigwheat-and-sheeppropertyoutsideAshburtonintheSouthIsland。Moneywasnoobject，andFeewashisonlydaughter。AsIunderstandit，he’dplannedherlifeforher-atriptotheoldcountry，adebutatcourt，therighthusband。Shehadneverliftedahandinthehouse，ofcourse。Theyhadmaidsandbutlersandhorsesandbigcarriages；theylivedlikelords。\"Iwasthedairyhand，andsometimesIusedtoseeFeeinthedistance，walkingwithalittleboyabouteighteenmonthsold。Thenextthing，oldJamesArmstrongcametoseeme。Hisdaughter，hesaid，haddisgracedthefamily；shewasn’tmarriedandshehadachild。Ithalebeenhushedup，ofcourse，butwhentheytriedtogetherawayhergrandmothermadesuchafusstheyhadnochoicebuttokeepherontheplace，inspiteoftheawkwardness。Nowthegrandmotherwasdying，therewasnothingtostopthemgettingridofFeeandherchild。Iwasasingleman，Jamessaid；ifI’dmarryherandguaranteetotakeheroutoftheSouthIsland，they’dpayourtravelingexpensesandanadditionalfivehundredpounds。\"Well，Father，itwasafortunetome，andIwastiredofthesinglelife。ButIwasalwayssoshyIwasneveranygoodwiththegirls。Itseemedlikeagoodideatome，andIhonestlydidn’tmindthechild。Thegrandmothergotwindofitandsentforme，eventhoughshewasveryill。Shewasatartarinherday，I’llbet，butareallady。ShetoldmeabitaboutFee，butshedidn’tsaywhothefatherwas，andIdidn’tliketoask。Anyway，shemademepromisetobegoodtoFeesheknewthey’dhaveFeeofftheplacetheminuteshewasdead，soshehadsuggestedtoJamesthattheyfindFeeahusband。Ifeltsorryforthepooroldthing；shewasterriblyfondofFee。
\"Wouldyoubelieve，Father，thatthefirsttimeIwasevercloseenoughtoFeetosayhellotoherwasthedayImarriedher？\"\"Oh，I’dbelieveit，\"thepriestsaidunderhisbreath。Helookedattheliquidinhisglass，thendraineditandreachedforthebottle，fillingbothglasses。\"Soyoumarriedaladyfaraboveyou，Paddy。\"
\"Yes。Iwasfrightenedtodeathofheratfirst。Shewassobeautifulinthosedays，Father，andso……outofit，ifyouknowwhatImean。Asifshewasn’teventhere，asifitwasallhappeningtosomeoneelse。\"\"She’sstillbeautiful，Paddy，\"saidFatherRalphgently。\"IcanseeinMeggiewhatshemusthavebeenlikebeforeshebegantoage。\"
\"Ithasn’tbeenaneasylifeforher，Father，butIdon’tknowwhatelseIcouldhavedone。Atleastwithmeshewassafe，andnotabused。Ittookmetwoyearstogetupthecouragetobe-well，arealhusbandtoher。Ihadtoteachhertocook，tosweepafloor，washandironclothes。Shedidn’tknowhow。
\"Andneveronceinalltheyearswe’vebeenmarried，Father，hassheevercomplained，orlaughed，orcried。It’sonlyinthemostprivatepartofourlifetogetherthatsheeverdisplaysanyfeeling，andeventhensheneverspeaks。Ihopeshewill，yetIdon’twantherto，becauseIalwayshavetheideaifshedid，itwouldbehisnameshe’dsay。Oh，Idon’tmeanshedoesn’tlikeme，orourchildren。ButIlovehersomuch，anditjustseemstomeshehasn’tgotthatsortoffeelingleftinher。ExceptforFrank。I’vealwaysknownshelovedFrankmorethantherestofusputtogether。Shemusthavelovedhisfather。ButIdon’tknowathingabouttheman，whohewas，whyshecouldn’tmarryhim。\"
FatherRalphlookeddownathishands，blinking。
\"Oh，Paddy，whathellitistobealive！ThankGodIhaven’tthecouragetotrymorethanthefringeofit。\"
Paddygotup，ratherunsteadily。\"Well，I’vedoneitnow，Father，haven’tI？I’vesentFrankaway，andFeewillneverforgiveme。\"
\"Youcan’ttellher，Paddy。No，youmustn’ttellher，ever。JusttellherFrankranawaywiththeboxersandleaveitatthat。SheknowshowrestlessFrank’sbeen；she’llbelieveyou。\"
\"Icouldn’tdothat，Father！\"Paddywasaghast。\"You’vegotto，Paddy。Hasn’tsheknownenoughpainandmisery？Don’theapmoreonherhead。\"Andtohimselfhethought:Whoknows？Maybeshe’lllearntogivetheloveshehasforFranktoyouatlast，toyouandthelittlethingupstairs。
\"Youreallythinkthat，Father？\"
\"Ido。Whathappenedtonightmustgonofurther。\"
\"ButwhataboutMeggie？Shehearditall。\"
\"Don’tworryaboutMeggie，I’lltakecareofher。Idon’tthinksheunderstoodmoreofwhatwentonthanthatyouandFrankquarreled。I’llmakeherseethatwithFrankgone，totellhermotherofthequarrelwouldonlybeanadditionalgrief。Besides，IhaveafeelingMeggiedoesn’ttellhermothermuchtobeginwith。\"Hegotup。\"Gotobed，Paddy。You’vegottoseemnormalanddanceattendanceonMarytomorrow，remember？\"Meggiewasnotasleep；shewaslyingwitheyeswideinthedimlightofthelittlelampbesideherbed。Thepriestsatdownbesideherandnoticedherhairstillinitsbraids。Carefullyheuntiedthenavyribbonsandpulledgentlyuntilthehairlayinarippling，moltensheetacrossthepillow。\"Frankhasgoneaway，Meggie，\"hesaid。
\"Iknow，Father。\"
\"Doyouknowwhy，darting？\"
\"HehadafightwithDaddy。\"
\"Whatareyougoingtodo？\"
\"I’mgoingtogowithFrank。Heneedsme。\"
\"Youcan’t，myMeggie。\"
\"Yes，Ican。Iwasgoingtofindhimtonight，butmylegswouldn’tholdmeup，andIdon’tlikethedark。ButinthemorningI’lllookforhim。\"\"No，Meggie，youmustn’t。Yousee，Frank’sgothisownlifetolead，andit’stimehewentaway。Iknowyoudon’twanthimtogoaway，buthe’sbeenwantingtogoforalongtime。Youmustn’tbeselfish；you’vegottolethimlivehisownlife。\"Themonotonyofrepetition，hethought，keepondrummingitin。\"Whenwegrowupit’snaturalandrightforustowantalifeawayfromthehomewegrewupin，andFrankisagrownman。Heoughttohavehisownhomenow，hisownwifeandfamily。Doyouseethat，Meggie？ThefightbetweenyourdaddyandFrankwasonlyasignofFrank’swantingtogo。Itdidn’thappenbecausetheydon’tlikeeachother。Ithappenedbecausethat’sthewayalotofyoungmenleavehome，it’sasortofexcuse。ThefightwasjustanexcuseforFranktodowhathe’sbeenwantingtodoforalongtime，anexcuseforFranktoleave。Doyouunderstandthat，myMeggie？\"Hereyesshiftedtohisfaceandrestedthere。Theyweresoexhausted，sofullofpain，soold。\"Iknow，\"shesaid。\"Iknow。FrankwantedtogoawaywhenIwasalittlegirl，andhedidn’tgo。Daddybroughthimbackandmadehimstaywithus。\"
\"ButthistimeDaddyisn’tgoingtobringhimback，becauseDaddycan’tmakehimstaynow。Frankhasgoneforgood，Meggie。Heisn’tcomingback。\"\"Won’tIeverseehimagain？\"
\"Idon’tknow，\"heansweredhonestly。\"I’dliketosayofcourseyouwill，butnoonecanpredictthefuture，Meggie，evenpriests。\"Hedrewabreath。\"Youmustn’ttellMumtherewasafight，Meggie，doyouhearme？Itwouldupsetherverymuch，andsheisn’twell。\"
\"Becausethere’sgoingtobeanotherbaby？\"
\"Whatdoyouknowaboutthat？\"
\"Mumlikesgrowingbabies；she’sdoneitalot。Andshegrowssuchnicebabies，Father，evenwhensheisn’twell。I’mgoingtogrowonelikeHalmyself，thenIwon’tmissFranksomuch，willI？\"\"Parthenogenesis，\"hesaid。\"Goodluck，Meggie。Onlywhatifyoudon’tmanagetogrowone？\"
\"I’vestillgotHal，\"shesaidsleepily，nestlingdown。Thenshesaid，\"Father，willyougoaway，too？Willyou？\"
\"Oneday，Meggie。Butnotsoon，Ithink，sodon’tworry。IhaveafeelingI’mgoingtobestuckinGillyforalong，longtime，\"answeredthepriest，hiseyesbitter。
Therewasnohelpforit，Meggiehadtocomehome。Feecouldnotmanagewithouther，andthemomenthewasleftaloneattheconventinGilly，Stuartwentonahungerstrike，sohetoocamebacktoDrogheda。ItwasAugust，andbitterlycold。JustayearsincetheyhadarrivedinAustralia；butthiswasacolderwinterthanlast。Therainwasabsentandtheairwassocrispithurtthelungs。UponthetopsoftheGreatDividethreehundredmilestotheeast，snowlaythickerthaninmanyyears，butnorainhadfallenwestofBurrenJunctionsincethemonsoonaldrenchingoftheprevioussummer。PeopleinGillywerespeakingofanotherdrought:itwasoverdue，itmustcome，perhapsthiswouldbeit。WhenMeggiesawhermother，shefeltasifanawfulweightsettleduponherbeing；maybealeaving-behindofchildhood，apresentimentofwhatitwastobeawoman。Outwardlytherewasnochange，asidefromthebigbelly；butinwardlyFeehadsloweddownlikeatiredoldclock，runningtimedownanddownuntilitwasforeverstilled。ThebrisknessMeggiehadneverknownabsentfromhermotherhadgone。Shepickedherfeetupandputthemdownagainasifshewasnolongersureoftherightwaytodoit，asortofspiritualfumblinggotintohergait；andtherewasnojoyinherforthecomingbaby，noteventherigidlycontrolledcontentshehadshownoverHal。Thatlittlered-hairedfellowwastoddlingalloverthehouse，constantlyintoeverything，butFeemadenoattempttodisciplinehim，orevensupervisehisactivities。Sheploddedinherself-perpetuatingcircleofstove，worktableandsinkasifnothingelseexisted。SoMeggiehadnochoice；shesimplyfilledthevacuuminthechild’slifeandbecamehismother。Itwasn’tanysacrifice，forshelovedhimdearlyandfoundhimahelpless，willingtargetforalltheloveshewasbeginningtowanttolavishonsomehumancreature。Hecriedforher，hespokehernamebeforeallothers，heliftedhisarmstohertobepickedup；itwassosatisfyingitfilledherwithjoy。Inspiteofthedrudgery，theknittingandmendingandsewing，thewashing，theironing，thehens，alltheotherjobsshehadtodo，Meggiefoundherlifeverypleasant。
NooneevermentionedFrank，buteverysixweeksFeewouldliftherheadwhensheheardthemailcall，andforawhilebeanimated。ThenMrs。Smithwouldbringintheirshareofwhateverhadcome，andwhenitcontainednoletterfromFrankthesmallburstofpainfulinterestwoulddie。Thereweretwonewlivesinthehouse。Feewasdeliveredoftwins，twomoretinyred-hairedClearyboys，christenedJamesandPatrick。Thedearestlittlefellows，withtheirfather’ssunnydispositionandhissweetnessofnature，theybecamecommonpropertyimmediatelytheywereborn，for\"beyondgivingthemmilkFeetooknointerestinthem。SoontheirnameswereshortenedtoJimsandPatsy；theywereprimefavoriteswiththewomenupatthebighouse，thetwospinstermaidsandthewidowedchildlesshousekeeper，whowerestarvedforthedeliciousnessofbabies。ItwasmademagicallyeasyforFeetoforgetthem-theyhadthreeveryeagermothers-andastimewentonitbecametheacceptedthingthattheyshouldspendmostoftheirwakinghoursupatthebighouse。Meggiejustdidn’thavetimetotakethemunderherwingaswellasmanagingHal，whowasextremelypossessive。Notforhimtheawkward，unpracticedblandishmentsofMrs。Smith，MinnieandCat。MeggiewasthelovingnucleusofHal’sworld；hewantednoonebutMeggie，hewouldhavenoonebutMeggie。
BlueyWilliamstradedinhislovelydrafthorsesandhismassivedrayforatruckandthemailcameeveryfourweeksinsteadofeverysix，buttherewasneverawordfromFrank。Andgraduallyhismemoryslippedalittle，asmemoriesdo，eventhosewithsomuchloveattachedtothem；asifthereisanunconscioushealingprocesswithinthemindwhichmendsupinspiteofourdesperatedeterminationnevertoforget。ToMeggie，anachingfadingofthewayFrankhadlooked，ablurringofthebelovedlineamentstosomefuzzy，saintlikeimagenomorerelatedtotherealFrankthanaholypictureChristtowhatmusthavebeentheMan。AndtoFee，fromoutofthosesilentdepthsinwhichshehadstilledtheevolutionofhersoul，asubstitution。Itcameaboutsounobtrusivelythatnoonenoticed。ForFeekeptherselffoldedupwithquietness，andatotalundemonstrativeness；thesubstitutionwasaninnerthingnoonehadtimetosee，exceptthenewobjectofherlove，whomadenooutwardsign。Itwasahidden，unspokenthingbetweenthem，somethingtobuffertheirloneliness。
Perhapsitwasinevitable，forofallherchildrenStuartwastheonlyonelikeher。AtfourteenhewasasbigamysterytohisfatherandbrothersasFrankhadbeen，butunlikeFrankheengenderednohostility，noirritation。Hedidashewastoldwithoutcomplaint，workedashardasanyoneandcreatedabsolutelynoripplesinthepoolofClearylife。Thoughhishairwasredhewasthedarkestofalltheboys，moremahogany，andhiseyeswereasclearaspalewaterintheshade，asiftheyreachedallthewaybackintimetotheverybeginning，andsaweverythingasitreallywas。HewasalsotheonlyoneofPaddy’ssonswhopromisedadulthandsomeness，thoughprivatelyMeggiethoughtherHalwouldoutshinehimwhenitcamehisturntogrowup。NooneeverknewwhatStuartwasthinking；likeFee，hespokelittleandneverairedanopinion。Andhehadacuriousknackofbeingutterlystill，asstillwithinhimselfashewasinbody，andtoMeggie，closesttohiminage，itseemedhecouldgosomewherenooneelsecouldeverfollow。FatherRalphexpresseditanotherway。\"Thatladisn’thuman！\"hehadexclaimedthedayhedumpedahunger-strikingStuartbackatDroghedaafterhewasleftattheconventminusMeggie。\"Didhesayhewantedtogohome？DidhesayhemissedMeggie？No！Hejuststoppedeatingandpatientlywaitedforthereasonwhytosinkintoourthickskulls。Notoncedidheopenhismouthtocomplain，andwhenImarcheduptohimandyelleddidhewanttogohome，hesimplysmiledatmeandnodded！\"
ButastimewentonitwastacitlyassumedthatStuartwouldnotgooutintothepaddockstoworkwithPaddyandtheotherboys，eventhoughinagehemighthave。Stuwouldremainonguardatthehouse，chopthewood，takecareofthevegetablegarden，dothemilking-thehugenumberofdutiesthewomenhadnotimeforwiththreebabiesinthehouse。Itwasprudenttohaveamanabouttheplace，albeitahalf-grownone；itgaveproofofothermencloseby。Fortherewerevisitors-theclumpofstrangebootsuptheplankstepstothebackveranda，astrangevoicesaying:\"Hullo，Missus，gotabitoftuckerforaman？\"TheOutbackhadswarmsofthem，swagmenhumpingtheirblueysfromstationtostation，downfromQueenslandandupfromVictoria，menwhohadlosttheirluckorwerecharyofholdingaregularjob，preferringtotramponfootthousandsofmilesinsearchofonlytheyknewwhat。Mostlytheyweredecentfellows，whoappeared，ateahugemeal，packedabitofdonatedteaandsugarandflourinthefoldsoftheirblueys，thendisappeareddownthetrackheadedforBarcoolaorNarrengang，batteredoldbillycansbouncing，skinnydogsbellydownbehindthem。Australianitinerantsrarelyrode；theywalked。
Occasionallyabadmanwouldcome，onthelookoutforwomenwhosemenwereaway；withaviewtorobbery，notrape。ThusFeekeptashotgunstandingloadedinacornerofthekitchenwherethebabiescouldn’tgettoit，andmadesureshewasclosertoitthanhervisitoruntilherexperteyeassessedhischaracter。AfterStuartwasofficiallyallottedthehouseashisdomain，Feepassedtheshotguntohimgladly。
Notallthevisitorswereswaggies，thoughtheywereinthemajority；therewastheWatkinsmaninhisoldmodel-T，forinstance。Hecarriedeverythingfromhorselinimenttofragrantsoapunliketherock-hardstuffFeemadeinthelaundrycopperfromfatandcaustic；hehadlavenderwaterandeaudecologne，powdersandcreamsforsun-driedfaces。TherewerecertainthingsoneneverdreamedofbuyingfromanyonebuttheWatkinsman；likehisointment，betterbyfarthananydrugstoreorprescriptionsalve，capableofhealinganythingfromarentinthesideofaworkdogtoanulceronahumanshin。Thewomenwouldcrowdaroundineverykitchenhevisited，waitingeagerlyforhimtopopopenhisbigsuitcaseofwares。Andtherewereothersalesmen，lessregularpatrollersoftheback-blocksthantheWatkinsmanbutequallywelcome，hawkingeverythingfromtailor-madecigarettesandfancypipestowholeboltsofmaterial，sometimesevenluridlyseductiveunderwearandlavishlyberibbonedstays。Theyweresostarved，thesewomenoftheOutback，limitedtomaybeoneortwotripsayearintothenearesttown，farfromthebrilliantshopsofSydney，farfromfashionsandfemininefurbelows。
Lifeseemedmostlyfliesanddust。Therehadnotbeenanyraininalongtime，evenasprinkletosettlethedustanddrowntheflies；forthelessrain，themoreflies，themoredust。
Everyceilingwasfestoonedwithlong，lazilyspinninghelixesofstickyflypaper，blackwithbodieswithinadayofbeingtackedup。Nothingcouldbeleftuncoveredforamomentwithoutbecomingeitheranorgyoragraveyardfortheflies，andtinyspecklesofflydirtdewedthefurniture，thewalls，theGillanboneGeneralStorecalendar。
Andoh，thedust！Therewasnogettingawayfromit，thatfine-grainedbrownpowderwhichseepedintoeventightlyliddedcontainers，dulledfreshlywashedhair，madetheskingritty，layinthefoldsofclothesandcurtains，smearedafilmacrosspolishedtableswhichresettledthemomentitwaswhiskedaway。Thefloorswerethickwithit，fromcarelesslywipedbootsandthehotdrywinddriftingitthroughtheopendoorsandwindows；FeewasforcedtorollupherPersiancarpetsintheparlorandhaveStuartnaildownlinoleumsheboughtsightunseenfromthestoreinGilly。Thekitchen，whichtookmostofthetrafficfromoutside，wasflooredinteakplanksbleachedtothecolorofoldbonesbyendlessscrubbingwithawirebrushandlyesoap。FeeandMeggiewouldstrewitwithsawdustStuartcarefullycollectedfromthewoodheap，sprinklethesawdustwithpreciousparticlesofwaterandsweepthedamp，pungent-fragrantmessawayoutofdoors，downofftheverandaontothevegetablegarden，theretodecomposeitselftohumus。
Butnothingkeptthedustatbayforlong，andafterawhilethecreekdrieduptoastringofwaterholes，sothattherewasnowatertobepumpedupfromittokitchenorbathroom。Stuarttookthetanktruckouttotheboreheadandbroughtitbackfull，emptieditintooneofthespareraintanks，andthewomenhadtogetusedtoadifferentkindofhorriblewaterondishesandclothesandbodies，worsethanmuddycreekwater。Therank，sulphur-smellingminerallystuffhadtobewipedoffdishesscrupulously，andmadethehairdullandcoarse，likestraw。Whatlittlerainwatertheyhadwasusedstrictlyfordrinkingandcooking。
FatherRalphwatchedMeggietenderly。ShewasbrushingPatsy’scurlyredhead，Jimsstandingobedientlybutalittlerockilywaitingforhisturn，bothpairsofbrightblueeyesturneduptoheradoringly。Justlikeatinymother，shewas。Ithadtobeathingborninthem，hemused，thatpeculiarobsessionwomenhadforinfants，elseatherageshewouldhaveregardeditasadutyratherthanpurepleasure，andbeenofftodosomethingmorealluringasfastasshecould。Insteadshewasdeliberatelyprolongingtheprocess，crimpingPatsy’shairbetweenherfingerstoshapewavesoutofitsunruliness。Forawhilethepriestwascharmedwithheractivity，thenhewhackedthesideofhisdustybootwithhiscropandstaredmoodilyofftheverandatowardthebighouse，hiddenbyitsghostgumsandvines，theprofusionofstationbuildingsandpeppertreeswhichlaybetweenitsisolationandthishubofstationlife，theheadstockman’sresidence。Whatplotwassheweaving，thatoldspiderupthereatthecenterofhervastweb？\"Father，you’renotwatching！\"Meggieaccusedhim。\"I’msorry，Meggie。Iwasthinking。\"HeturnedbacktoherasshefinishedwithJims；thethreeofthemstoodwatchinghimexpectantlyuntilhebentandscoopedthetwinsup，oneoneitherhip。\"Let’sgoandseeyourAuntieMary，shallwe？\"
Meggiefollowedhimupthetrackcarryinghiscropandleadingthechestnutmare；hetotedtheinfantswitheasyfamiliarityandseemednottomind，thoughitwasalmostamilefromthecreektothebighouse。AtthecookhouseherelinquishedthetwinstoanecstaticMrs。SmithandpassedonupthewalkwaytothemainhousewithMeggiebyhisside。MaryCarsonwassittinginherwingchair。Shehardlyevermovedfromitthesedays；therewasnotthenecessityanymorewithPaddysocapableofoverseeingthings。AsFatherRalphcameinholdingMeggie’shand，hermalevolentgazebeatthechild’sdown；FatherRalphfelttheincreaseinMeggie’spulserateandsqueezedherwristsympathetically。Thelittlegirldroppedherauntaclumsycurtsy，murmuringaninaudiblegreeting。\"Gotothekitchen，girl，haveyourteawithMrs。Smith，\"saidMaryCarsoncurtly。
\"Whydon’tyoulikeher？\"FatherRalphaskedashesankintothechairhehadcometothinkofashisown。
\"Becauseyoudo，\"sheanswered。
\"Oh，comenow！\"Foronceshemadehimfeelataloss。\"She’sjustawaif，Mary。\"
\"That’snotwhatyouseeinher，andyouknowit。\"
Thefineblueeyesrestedonhersardonically；hewasmoreatease。\"DoyouthinkItamperwithchildren？Iam，afterall，apriest！\"\"You’reamanfirst，RalphdeBricassart！Beingapriestmakesyoufeelsafe，that’sall。\"
Startled，helaughed。Somehowhecouldn’tfencewithhertoday；itwasasifshehadfoundthechinkinhisarmor，creptinsidewithherspider’spoison。Andhewaschanging，growingolderperhaps，becomingreconciledtoobscurityinGillanbone。Thefiresweredying；orwasitthatheburnednowforotherthings？
\"Iamnotaman，\"hesaid。\"Iamapriest……It’stheheat，maybe，thedustandtheflies……ButIamnotaman，Mary。I’mapriest。\"\"Oh，Ralph，howyou’vechanged！\"shemocked。\"CanthisbeCardinaldeBricassartIhear？\"
\"Itisn’tpossible，\"hesaid，apassingunhappinessinhiseyes。\"Idon’tthinkIwantitanymore。\"
Shebegantolaugh，rockingbackandforthinher
chair，watchinghim。\"Don’tyou，Ralph？Don’tyou？Well，I’llletyoustewalittlewhilelonger，butyourdayofreckoningiscoming，neverdoubtit。Notyet，notfortwoorthreeyears，perhaps，butitwillcome。I’llbeliketheDevil，andofferyou-Enoughsaid！ButneverdoubtI’llmakeyouwrithe。You’rethemostfascinatingmanI’veevermet。Youthrowyourbeautyinourteeth，contemptuousofourfoolishness。ButI’llpinyoutothewallonyourownweakness，I’llmakeyousellyourselflikeanypaintedwhore。Doyoudoubtit？\"
Heleanedback，smiling。\"Idon’tdoubtyou’lltry。ButIdon’tthinkyouknowmeaswellasyouthinkyoudo。\"
\"DoInot？Timewilltell，Ralph，andonlytime。I’mold；Ihavenothingbuttimelefttome。\"
\"AndwhatdoyouthinkIhave？\"heasked。\"Time，Mary，nothingbuttime。Time，anddust，andflies。\"
Thecloudsheapedthemselvesinthesky，andPaddybegantohopeforrain。\"Drystorms，\"saidMaryCarson。\"Wewon’tgetrainoutofthis。Wewon’tgetanyrainforalongtime。\"
IftheClearysthoughttheyhadseentheworstthatAustraliacouldofferinthewayofclimaticharshness，itwasbecausetheyhadn’tyetexperiencedthedrystormsofdrought-doggedplains。Bereftofsoothingdampness，thedrynessoftheearthandtheairrubbedeachotherrawandcrackling，anirritatingfrictionwhichbuiltupandupandupuntilitcouldendonlyinagargantuandissipationofaccumulatedenergy。TheskydroppedanddarkenedsomuchFeehadtolightthelampsindoors；outinthestockyardsthehorsesshiveredandjumpedattheslightestnoise；thehenssoughttheirperchesandsanktheirheadsintoapprehensivebreasts；thedogsfoughtandsnarled；thetamepigswhichrootedamongtherubbishof，thestationdumpburrowedtheirsnoutsintothedustandpeeredoutofitwithbright，skittisheyes。Broodingforcespentintheheavensstruckfearintothebonesofalllivingthings，asthevastdeepcloudsswallowedthesunwholeandpreparedtospewsolarfireovertheearth。
Thundercamemarchingfromfarawaywithincreasingtread，tinyflickersonthehorizoncastsoaringbillowsintosharprelief，crestsofstartlingwhitenessfoamedandcurledovermidnight-bluedepths。Then，witharoaringwindthatsuckedupthedustandflungitstingingineyesandearsandmouths，camethecataclysm。NolongerdidtheytrytoimaginethebiblicalwrathofGod；theylivedthroughit。Nomancouldhavekepthimselffromjumpingwhenthethundercracked-itexplodedwiththenoiseandfuryofadisintegratingworld-butafterawhiletheassembledhouseholdgrewsoinuredtoittheycreptoutontotheverandaandstaredacrossthecreekatthefarpaddocks。Greatforksoflightningstoodribbedinveinsoffireallaroundthesky，dozensofboltseachandeverymoment；naphthaflashesinchainsstreakedacrosstheclouds，inandoutthebillowsinafantastichide-and-seek。Blastedtreesaloneinthegrassreekedandsmoked，andtheyunderstoodatlastwhytheselonelypaddocksentinelsweredead。Aneerie，unearthlyglowseepedintotheair，airwhichwasnolongerinvisiblebutonfirefromwithin，fluorescingpinkandlilacandsulphuryellow，andsmellingofsomehauntinglysweet，elusiveperfumequitebeyondrecognition。Thetreesshimmered，theredClearyhairwashaloedintonguesoffire，thehairsoftheirarmsstoodoutstiffly。Andallafternoonitwenton，onlyslowlyfadingintotheeasttoreleasethemfromitsawesomespellatsunset，andtheywereexcited，onedge，unappeased。Notadropofrainhadfallen。Butitwaslikedyingandcomingbacktolifeagain，tohavesurvivedtheatmospherictantrumunscathed；itwasalltheycouldtalkaboutforaweek。
\"We’llgetalotmore，\"saidMaryCarson，bored。Theydidgetalotmore。Theseconddrywintercameincolderthantheyhadthoughtitcouldgetwithoutsnow；frostsettledinchesthickonthegroundatnight，andthedogshuddledshiveringintheirkennels，keepingwarmbygorgingonkangaroomeatandmoundsoffatfromthehomestead’sslaughteredcattle。Atleasttheweathermeantbeefandporktoeatinsteadoftheeternalmutton。Inthehousetheybuiltgreatroaringfires，andthemenwereforcedtocomehomewhentheycould，foratnightinthepaddockstheyfroze。Buttheshearerswhentheyarrivedwereinamoodforrejoicing；theycouldgetthroughfasterandsweatless。Ateachman’sstandinthegreatshedwasacircleofflooringmuchlighterincolorthantherest，thespotwherefiftyyearsofshearershadstooddrippingtheirbleachingsweatintothewoodoftheboard。
Therewasstillgrassfromthefloodlongago，butitwasthinningominously。Dayafterdaytheskieswereovercastandthelightdull，butitneverrained。Thewindhowledsadlyacrossthepaddocks，spinningdriftingbrownsheetsofdustbeforeitlikerain，tormentingthemindwithimagesofwater。Somuchlikerainitlooked，thatraggedlyblowingdust。Thechildrendevelopedchilblainsontheirfingers，triednottosmilewithcrackedlips，hadtopeeltheirsocksawayfrombleedingheelsandshins。Itwasquiteimpossibletokeepwarminthefaceofthatbitterhighwind，especiallywhenthehouseshadbeendesignedtocatcheverystraypuffofair，notkeepitout。Goingtobedinicybedrooms，gettingupinicybedrooms，waitingpatientlyforMumtosparealittlehotwaterfromthegreatkettleonthehobsothatwashingwasnotateeth-chattering，painfulordeal。
OnedaysmallHalstartedtocoughandwheeze，andrapidlygrewworse。Feemixedupaglueyhotpoulticeofcharcoalandspreaditonhislaboringlittlechest，butitseemedtogivehimnorelief。Atfirstshewasnotundulyworried，butasthedaydrewonhebegantodeterioratesoquicklyshenolongerhadanyideawhattodo，andMeggiesatbyhissidewringingherhands，prayingawordlessstreamofOurFathersandHailMarys。WhenPaddycameinatsixthechild’sbreathingwasaudiblefromtheveranda，andhislipswereblue。Paddysetoffatonceforthebighouseandthetelephone，butthedoctorwasfortymilesawayandoutonanothercase。Theyignitedapanofsulphurandheldhimoveritinanattempttomakehimcoughupthemembraneinhisthroatslowlychokinghim，buthecouldnotmanagetocontracthisribcageenoughtodislodgeit。Hiscolorwasgrowingadeeperblue，hisrespirationwasconvulsive。Meggiesatholdinghimand。praying，herheartsqueezedtoawedgeofpainbecausethepoorlittlefellowfoughtsoforeverybreath。Ofallthechildren，Halwasthedearesttoher；shewashismother。Neverbeforehadshewishedsodesperatelytobeagrown-upmother，thinkingthatweresheawomanlikeFee，shewouldsomehowhavethepowertohealhim。Feecouldn’thealhimbecauseFeewasn’thismother。Confusedandterrified，sheheldtheheavinglittlebodyclose，tryingtohelpHalbreathe。Itneveroccurredtoherthathemightdie，evenwhenFeeandPaddysanktotheirkneesbythebedandprayed，notknowingwhatelsetodo。AtmidnightPaddypriedMeggie’sarmsfromaroundthestillchild，andlaidhimdowntenderlyagainstthestackofpillows。
Meggie’seyesflewopen；shehadhalffallentosleep，lulledbecauseHalhadstoppedstruggling。\"Oh，Daddy，he’sbetter！\"shesaid。Paddyshookhishead；heseemedshriveledandold，thelamppickingupfrostybitsinhishair，frostybitsinhisweek-longbeard。\"No，Meggie，Hal’snotbetterinthewayyoumean，buthe’satpeace。He’sgonetoGod，he’soutofhispain。\"
\"Daddymeanshe’sdead，\"saidFeetonelessly。\"Oh，Daddy，no！Hecan’tbedead。\"
Butthesmallcreatureinthepillowednestwasdead。
Meggieknewitthemomentshelooked，thoughshehadneverseendeathbefore。Helookedlikeadoll，notachild。Shegotupandwentouttotheboys，sittinghunchedinanuneasyvigilaroundthekitchenfire，withMrs。Smithonahardchairnearbykeepinganeyeonthetinytwins，whosecothadbeenmovedintothekitchenforwarmth。
\"Haljustdied，\"saidMeggie。
Stuartlookedupfromadistantreverie。\"It’sbetterso，\"hesaid。\"Thinkofthepeace。\"HegottohisfeetasFeecameoutofthehallway，andwenttoherwithouttouchingher。\"Mum，youmustbetired。Comeandliedown；I’lllightafireforyouinyourroom。Comeonnow，liedown。\"
Feeturnedandfollowedhimwithoutaword。Bobgotupandwentoutontotheveranda。Therestoftheboyssatshufflingforawhileandthenjoinedhim。Paddyhadn’tappearedatall。WithoutawordMrs。SmithtooktheperambulatorfromitscorneroftheverandaandcarefullyputthesleepingJimsandPatsyintoit。ShelookedacrossatMeggie，tearsrunningdownherface。
\"Meggie，I’mgoingbacktothebighouse，andI’mtakingJimsandPatsywithme。I’llbebackinthemorning，butit’sbestifthebabiesstaywithMinnieandCatandmeforawhile。Tellyourmother。\"
Meggiesatdownonavacantchairandfoldedherhandsinherlap。Oh，hewashersandhewasdead！LittleHal，whomshehadcaredforandlovedandmothered。Thespaceinhermindhehadoccupiedwasnotyetempty；shecouldstillfeelthewarmweightofhimagainstherchest。Itwasterribletoknowtheweightwouldneverrestthereagain，whereshehadfeltitforfourlongyears。No，notathingtocryover；tearswereforAgnes，forwoundsinthefragilesheathofself-esteem，andthechildhoodshehadleftbehindforever。Thiswasaburdenshewouldhavetocarryuntiltheendofherdays，andcontinueinspiteofit。
Thewilltosurviveisverystronginsome，notsostronginothers。InMeggieitwasasrefinedandtensileasasteelhawser。JustsodidFatherRalphfindherwhenhecameinwiththedoctor。Shepointedsilentlytothehallwaybutmadenoefforttofollowthem。AnditwasalongtimebeforethepriestcouldfinallydowhathehadwantedtodosinceMaryCarsonphonedthepresbytery；gotoMeggie，bewithher，givethepoorlittlefemaleoutsidersomethingfromhimselfforherveryown。HedoubtedthatanyoneelsefullyappreciatedwhatHalmeanttoher。Butitwasalongtime。Therewerethelastritestobeadministered，incasethesoulhadnotyetleftthebody；andFeetosee，Paddytosee，practicaladvicetogive。Thedoctorhadgone，dejectedbutlongusedtothetragedieshisfar-flungpracticemadeinevitable。Fromwhattheysaid，littlehecouldhavedoneanyway，sofarfromhishospitalandhistrainednursingstaff。Thesepeopletooktheirchances，theyfacedtheirdemonsandhungon。Hisdeathcertificatewouldsay\"Croup。\"Itwasahandymalady。EventuallytherewasnothingleftforFatherRalphtoseeto。PaddyhadgonetoFee，Bobandtheboystothecarpentryshedtomakethelittlecoffin。StuartwasonthefloorinFee’sbedroom，hispureprofilesolikeherownsilhouettedagainstthenightskyoutsidethewindow；fromwhereshelayonherpillowwithPaddy’shandinhers，Feeneverlefthercontemplationofthedarkshapehuddledonthecoldfloor。Itwasfiveo’clockinthemorningandtheroosterswerestirringdrowsily，butitwouldbedarkforalongtimeyet。
Purplestolearoundhisneckbecausehe。hadforgottenhewaswearingit，FatherRalphbenttothekitchenfireandbuiltitupfromembersintoablaze，turneddownthelamponthetablebehind，andsatonawoodenbenchoppositeMeggietowatchher。Shehadgrown，putonseven-leaguebootswhichthreatenedtoleavehimbehind，outstripped；hefelthisinadequacythenmorekeenly，watchingher，thaneverhehadinalifefilledwithagnawing，obsessivedoubtofhiscourage。Onlywhatwasheafraidof？Whatdidhethinkhecouldn’tfaceifitcame？Hecouldbestrongforotherpeople，hedidn’tfearotherpeople；butwithinhimself，expectingthatnamelesssomethingtocomeslidingintoconsciousnesswhenheleastexpectedit，heknewfear。WhileMeggie，borneighteenyearsafterhim，wasgrowingbeyondhim。Notthatshewasasaint，orindeedanythingmorethanmost。Onlythatshenevercomplained，thatshehadthegift-orwasitthecurse？-ofacceptance。Nomatterwhathadgoneorwhatmightcome，sheconfronteditandacceptedit，storeditawaytofuelthefurnaceofherbeing。Whathadtaughtherthat？Coulditbetaught？Orwashisideaofherafigmentofhisownfantasies？Diditreallymatter？Whichwasmoreimportant:whatshetrulywas，orwhathethoughtshewas？
\"Oh，Meggie，\"hesaidhelplessly。
Sheturnedhergazetohimandoutofherpaingavehimasmileofabsolute，overflowinglove，nothinginitheldback，thetaboosandinhibitionsofwomanhoodnotyetapartofherworld。Tobesolovedshookhim，consumedhim，madehimwishtotheGodWhoseexistencehesometimesdoubtedthathewasanyoneintheuniversebutRalphdeBricassart。Wasthisit，theunknownthing？Oh，God，whydidheloveherso？Butasusualnooneansweredhim；andMeggiesatstillsmilingathim。AtdawnFeegotuptomakebreakfast，Stuarthelpingher，thenMrs。SmithcamebackwithMinnieandCat，andthefourwomenstoodtogetherbythestovetalkinginhushedmonotones，boundinsomeleagueofgriefneitherMeggienorthepriestunderstood。AfterthemealMeggiewenttolinethelittlewoodenboxtheboyshadmade，planedsmoothandvarnished。SilentlyFeehadgivenherawhitesatineveninggownlongsincegonetothehueofivorywithage，andshefittedstripsofittothehardcontoursoftheboxinterior。WhileFatherRalphputatowelingpaddinginitsheranthepiecesofsatinintoshapeonthesewingmachine，thentogethertheyfixedthelininginplacewiththumbtacks。AndafterthatFeedressedherbabyinhisbestvelvetsuit，combedhishairandlaidhiminthesoftnestwhichsmelledofher，butnotofMeggie，whohadbeenhismother。Paddycloseddownthelid，weeping；thiswasthefirstchildhehadlost。ForyearsthereceptionroomatDroghedahadbeeninuseasachapel；analtarhadbeenbuiltatoneend，andwasdrapedingoldenraimentMaryCarsonhadpaidthenunsofSt。Maryd’Ursoathousandpoundstoembroider。Mrs。SmithhaddeckedtheroomandthealtarwithwinterflowersfromDrogheda’sgardens，wallflowersandearlystocksandlateroses，massesofthemlikepinkandrustypaintingsmagicallyfindingthedimensionofscent。Inalacelesswhitealbandablackchasublefreeofanyornamentation，FatherRalphsaidtheRequiemMass。
AswithmostofthegreatOutbackstations，Droghedaburieditsdeadonitsownland。Thecemeterylaybeyondthegardensbythewillow-litteredbanksofthecreek，boundedbyawhite-paintedwrought-ironrailingandgreeneveninthisdrytime，foritwaswateredfromthehomesteadtanks。MichaelCarson*andhisbabysonwereentombedthereinanimposingmarblevault，alife-sizeangelontopofitspedimentwithsworddrawntoguardtheirrest。Butperhapsadozenlesspretentiousplotsringedthemausoleum，markedonlybyplainwhitewoodencrossesandwhitecroquethoopstodefinetheirneatboundaries，someofthembareevenofaname:ashearerwithnoknownrelativeswhohaddiedinabarracksbrawl；twoorthreeswaggieswhoselastearthlycallingplacehadbeenDrogheda；somesexlessandtotallyanonymousbonesfoundinoneofthepaddocks；
MichaelCarson’sChinesecook，overwhoseremainsstoodaquaintscarletumbrella，whosesadsmallbellsseemedperpetuallytochimeoutthenameHeeSing，HeeSing，HeeSing；adroverwhosecrosssaidonlyTANKSTANDCHARLIEHEWASAGOODBLOKE；andmorebesides，someofthemwomen。ButsuchsimplicitywasnotforHal，theowner’snephew；theystowedhishomemadeboxonashelfinsidethevaultandclosedelaboratebronzedoorsuponit。
AfterawhileeveryoneceasedtospeakofHalexceptinpassing。Meggie’ssorrowshekeptexclusivelytoherself；herpainhadtheunreasoningdesolationpeculiartochildren，magnifiedandmysterious，yetherveryyouthburieditbeneatheverydayevents，anddiminisheditsimportance。TheboyswerelittleaffectedsaveBob，whohadbeenoldenoughtobefondofhistinybrother。Paddygrieveddeeply，butnooneknewwhetherFeegrieved。Itseemedshegrewfurtherandfurtherawayfromhusbandandchildren，fromallfeeling。Becauseofthis，PaddywassogratefultoStuforthewayhemindedhismother，thegravetendernesswithwhichhetreatedher。OnlyPaddyknewhowFeehadlookedthedayhecamebackfromGillywithoutFrank。Therehadnotbeenaflickerofemotioninthosesoftgreyeyes，nothardeningnoraccusation，hateorsorrow。Asifshehadsimplybeenwaitingfortheblowtofalllikeacondemneddogforthekillingbullet，knowingherfateandpowerlesstoavoidit。
\"Iknewhewouldn’tcomeback，\"shesaid。
\"Maybehewill，Fee，ifyouwritetohimquickly，\"Paddysaid。Sheshookherhead，butbeingFeewentintonoexplanations。BetterthatFrankmadeanewlifeforhimselffarfromDroghedaandher。Sheknewhersonwellenoughtobeconvincedthatonewordfromherwouldbringhimback，soshemustnotutterthatword，ever。Ifthedayswerelongandbitterwithasenseoffailure，shemustbearitinsilence。Paddyhadn’tbeenthemanofherchoice，butabettermanthanPaddyneverlived。Shewasoneofthosepeoplewhosefeelingsaresointensetheybecomeunbearable，unlivable，andherlessonhadbeenaharshone。Foralmosttwenty-fiveyearsshehadbeencrushingemotionoutofexistence，andshewasconvincedthatintheendpersistencewouldsucceed。
Lifewentonintherhythmic，endlesscycleoftheland；thefollowingsummertherainscame，notmonsoonalbutaby-productofthem，fillingthecreekandthetanks，succoringthethirstinggrassroots，spongingawaythestealthydust。Almostweepinginjoy，themenwentaboutthebusinessofthepatternedseasons，secureintheknowledgetheywouldnothavetohandfeedthesheep。Thegrasshadlastedjustlongenough，ekedoutbyscrub-cuttingfromthemorejuicytrees；butitwasnotsoonalltheGillystations。Howmanystockastationcarrieddependedentirelyonthegrazierrunningit。ForitsgreatsizeDroghedawasunderstocked，whichmeantthegrasslastedjustthatmuchlonger。
Lambingandthehecticweeksthatfolloweditwerebusiestofallinthesheepcalendar。Everylambbornhadtobecaught；itstailwasringed，itsearmarked，andifitwasamalenotrequiredforbreedingitwasalsocastrated。Filthy，abominableworkwhichsoakedthemtotheskinwithblood，fortherewasonlyonewaytowadethroughthousandsuponthousandsofmalelambsintheshorttimeavailable。Thetesticleswerepoppedoutbetweenthefingersandbittenoff，spatontheground。Circledbytinbandsincapableofexpanding，thetailsofmaleandfemalelambsalikegraduallylosttheirvitalbloodysupply，swelled，witheredanddroppedoff。Thesewerethefinestwoolsheepintheworld，raisedonascaleunheardofinanyothercountry，andwithapaucityofmanpower。Everythingwasgearedtotheperfectproductionofperfectwool。Therewascrutching；aroundthesheep’srearendthewoolgrewfoulwithexcrement，fly-blown，blackandlumpedtogetherinwhatwerecalleddags。Thisareahadtobekeptshavenclose，orcrutched。Itwasaminorshearingjobbutonefarlesspleasing，stinkingandfly-ridden，anditpaidbetterrates。Thentherewasdipping:thousandsuponthousandsofbleating，leapingcreatureswerehoundedandyankedthroughamazeofruns，inandoutofthephenyldipswhichridthemofticks，pestsandvermin。Anddrenching:theadministrationofmedicinethroughhugesyringesrammeddownthethroat，toridthesheepofintestinalparasites。
Forworkwiththesheepnever，neverended；asonejobfinisheditbecametimeforanother。Theyweremusteredandgraded，movedfromonepaddocktoanother，bredandunbred，shornandcrutched，dippedanddrenched，slaughteredandshippedofftobesold。Droghedacarriedaboutathousandheadofprimebeefcattleaswellasitssheep，butsheepwerefarmoreprofitable，soingoodtimesDroghedacarriedaboutonesheepforeverytwoacresofitsland，orabout125，000altogether。Beingmerinos，theywereneversoldformeat；attheendofamerino’swool-producingyearsitwasshippedofftobecomeskins，lanolin，tallowandglue，usefulonlytothetanneriesandtheknackeries。
ThusitwasthatgraduallytheclassicsofBushliteraturetookonmeaning。ReadinghadbecomemoreimportantthanevertotheClearys，isolatedfromtheworldonDrogheda；theironlycontactwithitwasthroughthemagicwrittenword。Buttherewasnolendinglibraryclose，astherehadbeeninWahine，noweeklytripintotownformailandnewspapersandafreshstackoflibrarybooks，astherehadbeeninWahine。FatherRalphfilledthebreachbyplunderingtheGillanbonelibrary，hisownandtheconvent’sshelves，andfoundtohisastonishmentthatbeforehewasdonehehadorganizedawholeBushcirculatinglibraryviaBlueyWilliamsandthemailtruck。Itwasperpetuallyloadedwithbooks-worn，thumbedvolumeswhichtraveleddownthetracksbetweenDroghedaandBugela，Dibban-DibbanandBraichyPwll，CunnamuttaandEach-Uisge，seizedupongratefullybymindsstarvedforsustenanceandescape。Treasuredstorieswerealwaysreturnedwithgreatreluctance，butFatherRalphandthenunskeptacarefulrecordofwhatbooksstayedlongestwhere，thenFatherRalphwouldordercopiesthroughtheGillynewsagencyandblandlychargethemtoMaryCarsonasdonationstotheHolyCrossBushBibliophilicSociety。Thosewerethedayswhenabookwasluckytocontainachastekiss，whenthesenseswerenevertitillatedbyeroticpassages，sothatthedemarcationlinebetweenbooksmeantforadultsandthosemeantforolderchildrenwaslessstrictlydrawn，andtherewasnodisgraceforamanofPaddy’sagetolovebestthebookshischildrenalsoadored:DotandtheKangaroo，theBillabongseriesaboutJimandNorahandWally，Mrs。AeneasGunn’simmortalWeoftheNever-Never。InthekitchenatnighttheywouldtaketurnstoreadthepoemsofBanjoPatersonandC。J。Dennisoutloud，thrillingtotherideof\"TheManfromSnowyRiver，\"orlaughingwith\"TheSentimentalBloke\"andhisDoreen，orwipingawaysurreptitioustearsshedforJohnO’Hara’s\"LaughingMary。\"
IhadwrittenhimaletterwhichIhad，forwantofbetterKnowledge，senttowhereImethimdowntheLachlanyearsago；HewasshearingwhenIknewhim，soIsentthelettertohim，Justonspec，addressedasfollows，\"Clancy，oftheOverflow。\"
Andananswercamedirectedinawritingunexpected(andIthinkthesamewaswrittenwithathumb-naildippedintar)；’Twashisshearingmatewhowroteit，andverbatimIwillquoteit:\"Clancy’sgonetoQueenslanddroving，andwedon’tknowwhereheare。\"
InmywilderraticfancyvisionscometomeofClancyGonea-droving\"downtheCooper\"wheretheWesterndroversgo；AsthestockareslowlystringingClancyridesbehindthemsinging，Forthedrover’slifehaspleasuresthatthetownsfolkneverknow。Andthebushhasfriendstomeethim，andtheirkindlyvoicesgreethimInthemurmurofthebreezesandtheriveronitsbars，Andheseesthevisionsplendidofthesunlitplainsextended，Andatnightthewondrousgloryoftheeverlastingstars。
\"ClancyoftheOverflow\"waseveryone’sfavorite，\"theBanjo\"theirfavoritepoet。Hoppity-go-kickdoggerel，perhaps，butthepoemshadneverbeenintendedfortheeyesofsophisticatedsavants；theywereforthepeople，ofthepeople，andmoreAustraliansofthatdaycouldrecitethemoffbyheartthanknewthestandardschoolroompiecesbyTennysonandWordsworth，fortheirbrandofhoppity-go-kickdoggerelwaswrittenwithEnglandasinspiration。CrowdsofdaffodilsandfieldsofasphodelmeantnothingtotheClearys，livinginaclimatewhereneithercouldexist。TheClearysunderstoodthebushpoetsbetterthanmost，fortheOverflowwastheirbackyard，thetravelingsheeparealityontheTSR’S。TherewasanofficialTravelingStockRouteorTSRwindingitswayneartheBarwonRiver，freecrownlandforthetransferenceoflivingmerchandisefromoneendoftheeasternhalfofthecontinenttotheother。Intheolddaysdroversandtheirhungry，grass-ruiningmobsofstockhadnotbeenwelcome，andthebullockiesahatedbreedastheyinchedtheirmammothteamsoffromtwentytoeightyoxenthroughthemiddleofthesquatters\"bestgrazing。Now，withofficialstockroutesforthedroversandthebullockiesvanishedintolegend，thingsweremoreamicablebetweenvagabondsandstay-puts。
Theoccasionaldroverswerewelcomedastheyrodeinforabeerandatalk，ahome-cookedmeal。Sometimestheybroughtwomenwiththem，drivingbatteredoldsulkieswithgalledex-stockhorsesbetweentheshafts，potsandbilliesandbottlesbangingandclankinginafringeallaround。ThesewerethemostcheerfulorthemostmorosewomenintheOutback，driftingfromKynunatotheParoo，fromGoondiwinditoGundagai；，fromtheKatherinetotheCurry。Strangewomen；theyneverknewaroofovertheirheadsorthefeelofakapokmattressbeneaththeiriron-hardspines。Nomanhadbestedthem；theywereastoughandenduringasthecountrywhichflowedundertheirrestlessfeet。Wildasthebirdsinthesun-drenchedtrees，theirchildrenskulkedshylybehindthesulkywheelsorscuttledfortheprotectionofthewoodheapwhiletheirparentsyarnedovercupsoftea，swappedtallstoriesandbooks，promisedtopassonvaguemessagestoHoopironCollinsorBrumbyWaters，andtoldthefantastictaleofthePommyjackarooonGnarlunga。Andsomehowyoucouldbesuretheserootlesswanderershaddugagrave，buriedachildorawife，ahusbandoramate，undersomenever-to-be-forgottencoolibahonastretchoftheTSRwhichonlylookedthesametothosewhodidn’tknowhowheartscouldmarkoutassingularandspecialonetreeinawildernessoftrees。
Meggiewasignorantevenofthemeaningofaphraseashackneyedas\"thefactsoflife，\"forcircumstanceshadconspiredtoblockeveryavenuewherebyshemighthavelearned。Herfatherdrewarigidlinebetweenthemalesofthefamilyandthefemales；subjectslikebreedingormatingwereneverdiscussedinfrontofthewomen，nordidthemeneverappearinfrontofthewomenunlessfullyclothed。ThekindofbooksthatmighthavegivenheraclueneverappearedonDrogheda，andshehadnofriendsofherownagetocon-tributetohereducation。Herlifewasabsolutelyharnessedtotheneedsofthehouse，andaroundthehousetherewerenosexualactivitiesatall。TheHomePaddockcreatureswerealmostliterallysterile。MaryCarsondidn’tbreedhorses，sheboughtthemfromMartinKingofBugela，whodid；unlessonebredhorsesstallionswereanuisance，soDroghedadidn’thaveanystallions。Itdidhaveabull，awildandsavagebeastwhosepenwasstrictlyoutofbounds，andMeggiewassofrightenedofitsheneverwentanywherenearit。Thedogswerekeptkenneledandchained，theirmatingascientific，supervisedexerciseconductedunderPaddy’sorBob’seagleeye，thereforealsooutofbounds。Norwastheretimetowatchthepigs，whichMeggiehatedandresentedhavingtofeed。Intruth，therewasn’ttimeforMeggietowatchanyonebeyondhertwotinybrothers。Andignorancebreedsignorance；anunawakenedbodyandmindsleepthrougheventswhichawarenesscataloguesautomatically。
JustbeforeMeggie’sfifteenthbirthday，asthesummerheatwasbuildinguptowarditsstupefyingpeak，shenoticedbrown，streakystainsonherdrawers。Afteradayortwotheywentaway，butsixweekslatertheycameback，andhershameturnedtoterror。Thefirsttimeshehadthoughtthemsignsofadirtybottom，thushermortification，butintheirsecondappearancetheybecameunmistakablyblood。Shehadnoideawherethebloodwascomingfrom，butassumeditwasherbottom。Theslowhemorrhagewasgonethreedayslater，anddidnotrecurforovertwomonths；herfurtivewashingofthedrawershadgoneunnoticed，forshedidmostofthelaundryanyway。Thenextattackbroughtpain，thefirstnon-biliousrigorsofherlife。Andthebleedingwasworse，farworse。Shestolesomeofthetwins’discardeddiapersandtriedtobindherselfunderherdrawers，terrifiedthebloodwouldcomethrough。DeathtakingHalhadbeenlikeatempestuousvisitfromsomethingghostly；butthisstrung-outcessationofherownbeingwasterrifying。HowcouldshepossiblygotoFeeorPaddytobreakthenewsthatshewasdyingfromsomedisreputable，forbiddendiseaseofthebottom？OnlytoFrankmightshehavepouredouthertorment，butFrankwassofarawayshedidn’tknowwheretofindhim。Shehadlistenedtothewomentalkovertheircupsofteaoftumorsandcancers，gruesomelingeringdeathstheirfriendsormothersorsistershadendured，anditseemedtoMeggiesuretobesomekindofgrowtheatingherinsidesaway，chewingsilentlyuptowardherfrightenedheart。Oh，shedidn’twanttodie！
Herideasabouttheconditionofdeathwerevague；shewasn’tevenclearonwhatherstatuswouldbeinthatincomprehensibleotherworld。ReligiontoMeggiewasasetoflawsratherthanaspiritualexperience，itcouldn’thelpheratall。Wordsandphrasesjostledpiecemealinherpanickedconsciousness，utteredbyherparents，theirfriends，thenuns，priestsinsermons，badmeninbooksthreateningvengeance。Therewasnowayshecouldcometotermswithdeath；shelaynightafternightinaconfusedterror，tryingtoimagineifdeathwasperpetualnight，oranabyssofflamesshehadtojumpovertoreachthegoldenfieldsonthefarside，orasphereliketheinsideofagiganticballoonfullofsoaringchoirsandlightattenuatedthroughlimitlessstained-glasswindows。Shegrewveryquiet，butinamannerquitedifferentfromStuart’speaceful，dreamyisolation；herswasthepetrifiedfreezingofananimalcaughtintheserpent’sbasiliskstare。Ifshewasspokentosuddenlyshejumped，ifthelittleonescriedforhershefussedovertheminanagonyofexpiationforherneglect。Andwhenevershehadararemomenttoherselfsheranaway，downtothecemeteryandHal，whowastheonlydeadpersonsheknew。
Everyonenoticedthechangeinher，butaccepteditasMeggiegrowingupwithoutonceaskingthemselveswhatgrowingupforMeggieentailed；shehidherdistresstoowell。Theoldlessonshadbeenwelllearned；herself-controlwasphenomenalandherprideformidable。Noonemusteverknowwhatwentoninsideher，thefacademustcontinueflawlesstotheend；fromFeetoFranktoStuarttheexampleswerethere，andshewasofthesameblood，itwasapartofhernatureandherheritage。ButasFatherRalphpaidhisfrequentvisitstoDroghedaandthechangeinMeggiedeepenedfromaprettyfemininemetamorphosistoaquenchingofallhervitality，hisconcernforhermushroomedintoworry，andthenintofear。Aphysicalandspiritualwastingawaywastakingplacebeneathhisveryeyes；shewasslippingawayfromthem，andhecouldn’tbeartoseeherbecomeanotherFee。Thesmallpointedfacewasalleyesstaringatsomedreadfulprospect，themilkyopaqueskinwhichnevertannedorfreckledwasgrowingmoretranslucent。Iftheprocesswenton，hethought，shewouldonedaydisappearintoherowneyeslikeasnakeswallowingitstail，untilshedriftedthroughtheuniverseasanalmostinvisibleshaftofglassygreylight，seenonlyfromthecornerofthevisionwhereshadowslurkandblackthingscrawldownawhitewall。
Well，hewouldfindoutifhehadtowringitfromherforcibly。MaryCarsonwasathermostdemandingthesedays，jealousofeverymomenthespentdownattheheadstockman’shouse；onlytheinfinitepatienceofasubtle，deviousmankepthisrebellionagainstherpossessivenesshiddenfromher。EvenhisalienpreoccupationwithMeggiecouldn’talwaysovercomehispoliticwisdom，thepurringcontenthederivedfromwatchinghischarmworkonsuchacantankerous，refractorysubjectasMaryCarson。Whilethatlong-dormantcareforthewelfareofasingleotherpersonchampedandstampedupanddownhismind，heacknowledgedtheexistenceofanotherentitydwellingsidebysidewithit:thecat-coldcrueltyofgettingthebetterof，makingafoolofaconceited，masterfulwoman。Oh，he’dalwayslikedtodothat！Theoldspiderwouldnevergetthebetterofhim。
EventuallyhemanagedtoshakefreeofMaryCarsonandrunMeggietoearthinthelittlegraveyardundertheshadowofthepallid，unwarlikeavengingangel。Shewasstaringupintoitsmawkishlyplacidfacewithshrinkingfearwrittenonherown，anexquisitecontrastbetweenthefeelingandtheunfeeling，hethought。Butwhatwashedoinghere，chasingafterherlikeacluckyoldhenwhenitwasreallynoneofhisbusiness，whenitoughttobehermotherorherfathertofindoutwhatwasthematter？Onlythattheyhadn’tseenanythingwrong，thatshedidn’tmattertothemthewayshematteredtohim。Andthathewasapriest，hemustgivecomforttothelonelyorthedespairinginspirit。Hecouldn’tbeartoseeherunhappy，yetheshrankfromthewayhewastyinghimselftoherbyanaccumulationofevents。Hewasmakingawholearsenalofhappeningsandmemoriesoutofher，andhewasafraid。Hisloveforherandhispriestlyinstincttoofferhimselfinanyrequiredspiritualcapacitywarredwithanobsessivehorrorofbecomingutterlynecessarytosomeonehuman，andofhavingsomeonehumanbecomeutterlynecessarytohimself。Assheheardhimwalkacrossthegrasssheturnedtoconfronthim，foldingherhandsinherlapandlookingdownatherfeet。Hesatnearher，armslockedaroundhisknees，thesoutaneinfoldsnomoregracefulthantheeasylengthofthebodyinhabitingit。Nosensebeatingaroundthebush，hedecided；ifshecould，shewouldevadehim。
\"What’sthematter，Meggie？\"
\"Nothing，Father。\"
\"Idon’tbelieveyou。\"
\"Please，Father，please！Ican’ttellyou！\"
\"Oh，Meggie！Yeoflittlefaith！Youcantellmeanything，anythingunderthesun。That’swhatI’mherefor，that’swhyI’mapriest。IamOurLord’schosenrepresentativehereonearth，IlistenonHisbehalf，IevenforgiveonHisbehalf。And，weeMeggie，thereisnothinginGod’suniverseHeandIcannotfinditinourheartstoforgive。Youmusttellmewhatthematteris，mylove，becauseifanyonecanhelpyou，1c。AslongasIliveI’lltrytohelpyou，watchoveryou。Ifyoulike，asortofguardianangel，betterbyfarthanthatchunkofmarbleaboveyourhead。\"Hetookabreathandleanedforward。\"Meggie，ifyouloveme，tellme！\"
Herhandsgrippedoneanother。\"Father，I’mdying！I’vegotcancer！\"Firstcameawilddesiretolaugh，agreatsurgeofuproariousanticlimax；thenhelookedatthethinblueskin，thewastingofherlittlearms，andtherecameanawfullongingtoweepandcry，screamofitsunfairnesstotheroofofheaven。No，Meggiewouldn’timaginethisoutofnothing；therehadtobeavalidreason。
\"Howdoyouknow，dearheart？\"
Ittookheralongtimetosayit，andwhenshedidhehadtobendhisheadrightdowntoherlipsinanunconsciousparodyoftheconfessionalpose，hand
shieldinghisfacefromhereyes，finelymodeledearpresentedforthesullying。
\"It’ssixmonths，Father，sinceitstarted。Igetthemostawfulpainsinmytummy，butnotlikeabiliousattack，and-oh，Father！-alotofbloodrunsoutofmybottom！\"
Hisheadrearedback，somethingwhichhadneverhappenedinsidetheconfessional；hestareddownathershamedbentheadwithsomanyemotionsassaultinghimthathecouldnotmarshalhiswits。Anabsurd，deliciousrelief；anangeratFeesogreathewantedtokillher；awedadmirationforsuchalittlethingasher，tobearsomuchsowell；andaghastly，all-pervasiveembarrassment。
Hewasasmuchaprisonerofthetimesasshewas。ThecheapgirlsineverytownhehadknownfromDublintoGillanbonewoulddeliberatelycomeintotheconfessionaltowhispertheirfantasiestohimasactualhappenings，concernedwiththeonlyfacetofhimwhichinterestedthem，hismanhood，andnotwillingtoadmititlaybeyondtheirpowertoarouseit。Theymutteredofmenviolatingeveryorifice，ofillicitgameswithothergirls，oflustandadultery，oneortwoofsuperiorimaginationevengoingsofarastodetailsexualrelationswithapriest。Andhewouldlistentotallyunmovedsaveforasickcontempt，forhehadbeenthroughtherigorsoftheseminaryandthatparticularlessonwasaneasyoneforamanofhistype。Butthegirls，never，nevermentionedthatsecretactivitywhichsetthemapart，demeanedthem。
Tryashewould，hecouldnotpreventthescorchingtidefromdiffusingupunderhisskin；FatherRalphdeBricassartsatwithhisfaceturnedawaybehindhishandandwrithedthroughthehumiliationofhisfirstblush。Butthiswasn’thelpinghisMeggie。Whenhewassurethecolorhadsubsidedhegottohisfeet，pickedherupandsatheronaflat-toppedmarblepedestal，whereherfaceandhiswerelevel。
\"Meggie，lookatme。No，lookatme！\"
Sheraisedhuntedeyesandsawthathewassmiling；animmeasurablecontentmentfilledhersoulatonce。Hewouldnotsmilesoifsheweredying；sheknewverywellhowmuchshemeanttohim，forhehadneverconcealedit。
\"Meggie，you’renotdyingandyouhaven’tgotcancer。Itisn’tmyplacetotellyouwhat’sthematter，butIthinkIhadbetter。Yourmothershouldhavetoldyouyearsago，preparedyou，andwhyshedidn’tisbeyondme。\"Helookedupattheinscrutablemarbleangelabovehimandgaveapeculiar，half-strangledlaugh。\"DearJesus！ThethingsThougivestmetodo！\"Then，tothewaitingMeggie:\"Inyearstocome，asyougrowolderandlearnmoreaboutthewaysoftheworld，youmightbetemptedtoremembertodaywithembarrassment，evenshame。Butdon’tremembertodaylikethat，Meggie。There’sabsolutelynothingshamefulorembarrassingaboutit。Inthis，asineverythingIdo，IamsimplytheinstrumentofOurLord。Itismyonlyfunctiononthisearth；Imustadmitnoother。Youwereveryfrightened，youneededhelp，andOurLordhassentyouthathelpinmyperson。Rememberthatalone，Meggie。IamOurLord’spriest，andIspeakinHisName。\"You’reonlydoingwhatallwomendo，Meggie。Onceamonthforseveraldaysyou’llpassblood。Itstartsusuallyaroundtwelveorthirteenyearsofage-howoldareyou，asmuchasthat？\"
\"I’mfifteen，Father。\"
\"Fifteen？You？\"Heshookhishead，onlyhalfbelievingher。\"Well，ifyousayyouare，I’llhavetotakeyourwordforit。Inwhichcaseyou’relaterthanmostgirls。Butitcontinueseverymonthuntilyou’reaboutfifty，andinsomewomenit’sasregularasthephasesofthemoon，inothersit’snotsopredictable。Somewomenhavenopainwithit，otherssufferalotofpain。Nooneknowswhyit’ssodifferentfromonewomantoanother。Buttopassbloodeverymonthisasignthatyou’remature。Doyouknowwhat\"mature’means？\"\"Ofcourse，Father！Iread！Itmeansgrownup。\"
\"Allright，thatwilldo。Whileeverthebleedingpersists，you’recapableofhavingchildren。Thebleedingisapartofthecycleofprocreation。InthedaysbeforetheFall，itissaidEvedidn’tmenstruate。Thepropernameforitismenstruation，tomenstruate。ButwhenAdamandEvefell，GodpunishedthewomanmorethanHedidtheman，becauseitwasreallyherfaulttheyfell。Shetemptedtheman。DoyourememberthewordsinyourBiblehistory？\"Insorrowthoushaltbringforthchildren。\"WhatGodmeantwasthatforawomaneverythinghavingtodowithchildreninvolvespain。Greatjoy，butalsogreatpain。Itisyourlot，Meggie，andyoumustacceptit。\"Shedidn’tknowit，butjustsowouldhehaveofferedcomfortandhelptoanyofhisparishioners，ifwithalessintensepersonalinvolvement；soverykindly，butneveridentifyinghimselfwiththetrouble。And，perhapsnotsooddly，therebythecomfortandhelpheofferedwasallthegreater。Asifhehadgonebeyondsuchsmallthings，sotheywereboundtopass。Itwasnotaconsciousthinginhim，either；noonewhocametohimforsuccoreverfeltthathelookeddownonthem，orblamedthemfortheirweaknesses。Manypriestslefttheirpeoplefeelingguilty，worthlessorbestial，butheneverdid。Forhemadethemthinkthathe，too，hadhissorrowsandhisstruggles；aliensorrowsandincomprehensiblestruggles，perhaps，yetnolessreal。Heneitherknewnorcouldhavebeenbroughttounderstandthatthelargerpartofhisappealandattractionlaynotinhisperson，butinthisaloof，almostgodlike，veryhumansomethingfromhissoul。
AsfarasMeggiewasconcerned，hetalkedtoherthewayFrankhadtalkedtoher:asifshewerehisequal。
Buthewasolder，wiserandfarbettereducatedthanFrank，amoresatisfactoryconfidant。Andhowbeautifulhisvoicewas，withitsfaintIrishnessandpearshapedBritishness。Ittookallthefearandanguishaway。Yetshewasyoung，fullofcuriosity，eagernowtoknowalltherewastoknow，andnottroubledbytheperplexingphilosophiesofthosewhoconstantlyquestionnotthewhoofthemselvesbutthewhy。Hewasherfriend，thecherishedidolofherheart，thenewsuninherfirmament。\"Whyshouldn’tyoutellme，Father？WhydidyousayitoughttobeMum？\"\"It’sasubjectwomenkeepverymuchtothemselves。Tomentionmenstruationorone’speriodinfrontofmenorboysjustisn’tdone，Meggie。It’ssomethingstrictlybetweenwomen。\"
Heshookhishead，andlaughed。\"Tobehonest，Ireallydon’tknowwhy。Ievenwishitweren’tso。Butyoumusttakemywordforitthatitisso。Nevermentionittoasoulexceptyourmother，anddon’ttellheryoudiscusseditwithme。\"
\"Allright，Father，Iwon’t。\"
Itwasdamnablydifficult，thisbeingamother；somanypracticalconsiderationstoremember！\"Meggie，youmustgohomeandtellyourmotheryou’vebeenpassingblood，andaskhertoshowyouhowtofixyourselfup。\"\"Mumdoesit，too？\"
\"Allhealthywomendo。Butwhenthey’reexpectingababytheystopuntilafterthebabyisborn。That’showwomentellthey’reexpectingbabies。\"\"Whydotheystopwhenthey’reexpectingbabies？\"\"Idon’tknow，Ireallydon’t。Sorry，Meggie。\"
\"Whydoesthebloodcomeoutofmybottom，Father？\"Heglaredupattheangel，whichlookedbackathimserenely，nottroubledbywomen’stroubles。ThingsweregettingtoostickyforFatherRalph。Amazingthatshepersistedwhenshewasusuallysoreticent！Yetrealizinghehadbecomethesourceofherknowledgeabouteverythingshecouldn’tfindinbooks，heknewhertoowelltogiveheranyhintofhisembarrassmentordiscomfort。Shewouldwithdrawintoherselfandneveraskhimanythingagain。
Soheansweredpatiently，\"Itdoesn’tcomeoutofyourbottom，Meggie。Thereisahiddenpassagewayinfrontofyourbottom，whichhastodowithchildren。\"
\"Oh！Wheretheygetout，youmean，\"shesaid。\"Ialwayswonderedhowtheygotout。\"
Hegrinned，andliftedherdownfromherpedestal。\"Nowyouknow。Doyouknowwhatmakesbabies，Meggie？\"
\"Oh，yes，\"shesaidimportantly，gladsheknewatleastsomething。\"Yougrowthem，Father。\"
\"Whatcausesthemtostartgrowing？\"
\"Youwishthem。\"
\"Whotoldyouthat？\"
\"Noone。Iworkeditoutformyself，\"shesaid。FatherRalphclosedhiseyesandtoldhimselfthathecouldn’tpossiblybecalledacowardforleavingmatterswheretheystood。Hecouldpityher，buthecouldn’thelpheranyfurther。Enoughwasenough。
MaryCarsonwasgoingtobeseventy-twoyearsold，andshewasplanningthebiggestpartytobeheldonDroghedainfiftyyears。HerbirthdayfellatthestartofNovember，whenitwashotbutstillbearable-atleastforGillynatives。
\"Markthat，Mrs。Smith！\"Minniewhispered。\"Doyemarkthat！Novemberthet’urrdherselfwasborn！\"
\"Whatareyouonaboutnow，Min？\"thehousekeeperasked。Minnie’sCelticmysteriousnessgotonherowngoodsteadyEnglishnerves。\"Why，andtobesureitmeansherselfisaScorpiowoman，doesitnot？AScorpiowoman，now！\"
\"Ihaven’tgottheslightestideawhatyou’retalkingabout，Min！\"\"Thewurrstsignawomancanfindherselfborninto，Mrs。Smithdarlin\"。Och，they’rechildrenoftheDevil，sotheyare！\"saidCat，round-eyed，blessingherself。
\"Honestly，Minnie，youandCatarethedizzylimit，\"saidMrs。Smith，notawhitimpressed。
Butexcitementwasrunninghigh，andwouldrunhigher。Theoldspiderinherwingchairattheexactcenterofherwebissuedanever-endingstreamoforders；thiswastobedone，thatwastobedone，suchandsuchwastobetakenoutofstorage，orputintoStorage。ThetwoIrishmaidsranpolishingsilverandwashingthebestHavilandchina，turningthechapelbackintoareceptionroomandreadyingitsadjacentdiningrooms。
HinderedratherthanhelpedbythelittleClearyboys，Stuartandateamofrouseaboutsmowedandscythedthelawn，weededtheflowerbeds，sprinkleddampsawdustontheverandastocleardustfrombetweentheSpanishtiles，anddrychalkonthereceptionroomfloortomakeitfitfordancing。ClarenceO’Toole’sbandwascomingallthewayfromSydney，alongwithoystersandprawns，crabsandlobsters；severalwomenfromGillywerebeinghiredastemporaryhelpers。ThewholedistrictfromRudnaHunishtoInishmurraytoBugelatoNarrengangwasinaferment。Asthemarblehallwaysechoedtounaccustomedsoundsofobjectsbeingmovedandpeopleshouting，MaryCarsonshiftedherselffromherwingchairtoherdesk，drewasheetofparchmentforward，dippedherpeninthestandish，andbegantowrite。Therewasnohesitation，notsomuchasapausetoconsiderthepositioningofacomma。Forthelastfiveyearsshehadworkedouteveryintricatephraseinhermind，untilitwasabsolutelywordperfect。Itdidnottakeherlongtofinish；thereweretwosheetsofpaper，thesecondonewithagoodquarterofitblank。Butforamoment，thelastsentencecomplete，shesatoninherchair。Theroll-topdeskstoodalongsideoneofthebigwindows，sothatbysimplyturningherheadshecouldlookoutacrossthelawns。Alaughfromoutsidemadeherdoso，idlyatfirst，theninstiffeningrage。Goddamnhimandhisobsession！FatherRalphhadtaughtMeggietoride；daughterofacountryfamily，shehadneversatastrideahorseuntilthepriestremediedthedeficiency。Foroddlyenough，thedaughtersofpoorcountryfamiliesdidnotoftenride。Ridingwasapastimefortherichyoungwomenofcountryandcityalike。Oh，girlsofMeggie’sbackgroundcoulddrivebuggiesandteamsofheavyhorses，eventractorsandsometimescars，butrarelydidtheyride。Itcosttoomuchtomountadaughter。
FatherRalphhadbroughtelastic-sidedanklebootsandtwilljodhpursfromGillyandplumpedthemdownontheClearykitchentablenoisily。Paddyhadlookedupfromhisafter-dinnerbook，mildlysurprised。\"Well，whathaveyougotthere，Father？\"heasked。\"RidingclothesforMeggie。\"
\"What？\"bellowedPaddy’svoice。
\"What？\"squeakedMeggie’s。
\"RidingclothesforMeggie。Honestly，Paddy，you’reafirst-classidiot！Heirtothebiggest，richeststationinNewSouthWales，andyou’veneverletyouronlydaughtersitahorse！Howdoyouthinkshe’sgoingtotakeherplacealongsideMissCarmichael，MissHopetonandMrs。AnthonyKing，equestriennesall？Meggie’sgottolearntoride，sidesaddleaswellasastride，doyouhear？Irealizeyou’rebusy，soI’mgoingtoteachMeggiemyself，andyoucanlikeitorlumpit。Ifithappenstointerferewithherdutiesinthehouse，toobad。ForafewhourseachweekFeeisjustgoingtohavetomanageminusMeggie，andthat’sthat。\"
OnethingPaddycouldn’tdowasarguewithapriest；Meggielearnedtorideforthwith。Foryearsshehadlongedforthechance，hadoncetimidlyventuredtoaskherfathermightshe，buthehadforgottenthenextmomentandsheneveraskedagain，thinkingthatwasDaddy’swayofsayingno。TolearnundertheaegisofFatherRalphcastherintoajoywhichshedidn’tshow，forbythistimeheradorationofFatherRalphhadturnedintoanardent，verygirlishcrush。Knowingitwasquiteimpossible，shepermittedherselftheluxuryofdreamingabouthim，ofwonderingwhatitwouldbeliketobeheldinhisarms，receivehiskiss。Furtherthanthatherdreamscouldn’tgo，asshehadnoideawhatcamenext，oreventhatanythingcamenext。Andifsheknewitwaswrongtodreamsoofapriest，theredidn’tseemtobeanywayshecoulddisciplineherselfintonotdoingit。Thebestshecouldmanagewastomakeabsolutelysurehehadnoideaoftheunrulyturnherthoughtshadtaken。
AsMaryCarsonwatchedthroughthedrawingroomwindow，FatherRalphandMeggiewalkeddownfromthestables，whichwereonthefarsideofthebighousefromtheheadstockman’sresidence。Thestationmenroderawbonedstockhorseswhichhadneverseentheinsideofastableinalltheirlives，justshuffledaroundtheyardswhenpennedforduty，orfriskedthroughthegrassoftheHomePaddockwhenbeingspelled。ButtherewerestablesonDrogheda，thoughonlyFatherRalphusedthemnow。MaryCarsonkepttwothoroughbredhacksthereforFatherRalph’sexclusiveuse；norawbonedstockhorsesforhim。WhenhehadaskedherifMeggiemightusehismountsalso，shecouldnotverywellobject。Thegirlwasherniece，andhewasright。Sheoughttobeabletoridedecently。
WitheverybitterboneinherswollenoldbodyMaryCarsonhadwishedshehadbeenabletorefuse，orelseridewiththem。Butshecouldneitherrefusenorhoistherselfonahorseanymore。Anditgalledhertoseethemnow，strollingacrossthelawntogether，themaninhisbreechesandkneebootsandwhiteshirtasgracefulasadancer，thegirlinherjodhpursslimandboyishlybeautiful。Theyradiatedaneasyfriendship；forthemillionthtimeMaryCarsonwonderedwhynoonesaveshedeploredtheirclose，almostintimaterelationship。Paddythoughtitwonderful，Fee-logthatshewas！-saidnothing，asusual，whiletheboystreatedthemasbrotherandsister。WasitbecauseshelovedRalphdeBricassartherselfthatshesawwhatnooneelsesaw？Ordidsheimagineit，wastherereallynothingsavethefriendshipofamaninhismiddlethirtiesforagirlnotyetallthewayintowomanhood？Piffle！Nomaninhismiddlethirties，evenRalphdeBricassart，couldfailtoseetheunfoldingrose。EvenRalphdeBricassart？Hah！EspeciallyRalphdeBricassart！Nothingevermissedthatman。Herhandsweretrembling；thepensprinkleddarkbluedropsacrossthebottomofthepaper。Thegnarledfingerpluckedanothersheetfromapigeonhole，dippedthepeninthestandishagain，andrewrotethewordsassurelyasthefirsttime。Thensheheavedherselftoherfeetandmovedherbulktothedoor。
\"Minnie！Minnie！\"shecalled。
\"Lordhelpus，it’sherself！\"themaidsaidclearlyfromthereceptionroomopposite。Heragelessfreckledfacecameroundthedoor。\"AndwhatmightIbegettin’forye，Mrs。Carsondarlin’？\"sheasked，wonderingwhytheoldwomanhadnotrungthebellforMrs。Smith，aswasherwont。\"GoandfindthefencerandTom。Sendthemheretomeatonce。\"\"OughtInotbereportin’toMrs。Smithfurrst？\"\"No！Justdoasyou’retold，girl！\"
Tom，thegardenrouseabout，wasanold，wizenedfellowwhohadbeenonthetrackwithhisblueyandhisbilly，andtakenworkforawhileseventeenyearsago；hehadfalleninlovewiththeDroghedagardensandcouldn’tbeartoleavethem。Thefencer，adrifterlikeallhisbreed，hadbeenpulledfromtheendlesstaskofstringingtautwirebetweenpostsinthepaddockstorepairthehomestead’swhitepicketsfortheparty。Awedatthesummons，theycamewithinafewminutesandstoodinworktrousers，bracesandflannelundershirts，hatsscrewednervouslyintheirhands。\"Canbothofyouwrite？\"askedMrs。Carson。
Theynodded，swallowed。
\"Good。Iwantyoutowatchmesignthispieceofpaper，thenfixyourownnamesandaddressesjustbelowmysignature。Doyouunderstand？\"Theynodded。
\"Makesureyousignthewayyoualwaysdo，andprintyourpermanentaddressesclearly。Idon’tcareifit’sapostofficegeneraldeliveryorwhat，solongasyoucanbereachedthroughit。\"Thetwomenwatchedherinscribehername；itwastheonlytimeherwritingwasnotcompressed。Tomcameforward，sputteredthepenacrossthepaperpainfully，thenthefencerwrote\"Chas。Hawkins\"inlargeroundletters，andaSydneyaddress。MaryCarsonwatchedthemclosely；whentheyweredoneshegaveeachofthemadullredten-poundnote，anddismissedthemwithaharshinjunctiontokeeptheirmouthsshut。
Meggieandthepriesthadlongsincedisappeared。MaryCarsonsatdownatherdeskheavily，drewanothersheetofpapertowardher，andbeganoncemoretowrite。Thiscommunicationwasnotachievedwiththeeaseandfluencyofthelast。Timeandtimeagainshestoppedtothink，thenwithlipsdrawnbackinahumorlessgrin，shewouldcontinue。Itseemedshehadalottosay，forherwordswerecramped，herlinesveryclosetogether，andstillsherequiredasecondsheet。Attheendshereadwhatshehadputdown，placedallthesheetstogether，foldedthemandslidthemintoanenvelope，thebackofwhichshesealedwithredwax。
OnlyPaddy，Fee，Bob，JackandMeggieweregoingtotheparty；HughieandStuartweredeputedtomindthelittleones，muchtotheirsecretrelief。ForonceinherlifeMaryCarsonhadopenedherwalletwideenoughforthemothstoflyout，foreveryonehadnewclothes，thebestGillycouldprovide。Paddy，BobandJackwereimmobilizedbehindstarchedshirtfronts，highcollarsandwhitebowties，blacktails，blacktrousers，whitewaistcoats。Itwasgoingtobeaveryformalaffair，whitetieandtailsforthemen，sweepinggownsforthewomen。
