RainflewintoLondontoday[shewroteonce]，andhewastellingmehesawDaneinRomelastweek。Well，heseesalotmoreofDanethanofme，sinceRomeisatthetopofhistravelagendaandLondonisrockbottom。SoImustconfessRainisoneoftheprimereasonswhyImeetDaneinRomeeveryyearbeforewecomehome。DanelikescomingtoLondon，onlyIwon’tlethimifRainisinRome。Selfish。Butyou’venoideahowIenjoyRain。He’soneofthefewpeopleIknowwhogivesmearunformymoney，andIwishwemetmoreoften。InonerespectRain’sluckierthanIam。HegetstomeetDane’sfellowstudentswhereIdon’t。IthinkDanethinksI’mgoingtorapethemonthespot。Ormaybehethinksthey’llrapeme。Hah。OnlyhappeniftheysawmeinmyCharmiancostume。It’sastunner，people，itreallyis。Sortofup-to-dateThedaBara。Twolittleroundbronzeshieldsfortheoldtits，lotsandlotsofchainsandwhatIreckonisacha/ybeltyou’dneedapairoftin-cutterstogetinsideit，anyway。Inalongblackwig，tanbodypaintandmyfewscrapsofmetalIlookasmasher……WherewasI？？？Oh，yes，RaininRomelastweekmeetingDaneandhispals。Theyallwentoutonthetiles。Raininsistsonpaying，savesDaneembarrassment。Itwassomenight。Nowomen，natch，buteverythingelse。CanyouimagineDanedownonhiskneesinsomeseedyRomanbarsaying\"Fairdaffodils，wehastetoseetheeweepsosoonaway\"toavaseofdaffodils？Hetriedfortenminutestogetthewordsofthequotationintheirrightorderandcouldn’t，thenhegaveup，putoneofthedaffodilsbetweenhisteethinsteadanddidadance。CanyoueverimagineDanedoingthat？Rainsaysit’sharmlessandnecessary，allworkandnoplay，etc。Womenbeingout，thenextbestthingisaskinfulofgrog。OrsoRaininsists。Don’tgettheideaithappensoften，itdoesn’t，andIgatherwhenitdoesRainistheringleader，sohe’salongtowatchoutforthem，thenaivelotofrawprawns。ButIdidlaughtothinkofDane’shaloslippingduringthecourseofaflamencodancewithadaffodil。
IttookDaneeightyearsinRometoattainhispriesthood，andattheirbeginningnoonethoughttheycouldeverend。YetthoseeightyearsusedthemselvesupfasterthananyoftheDroghedapeoplehadimagined。Justwhattheythoughthewasgoingtodoafterhewasordainedtheydidn’tknow，exceptthattheydidassumehewouldreturntoAustralia。OnlyMeggieandJustinesuspectedhewouldwanttoremaininItaly，andMeggieatanyratecouldlullherdoubtswithmemoriesofhiscontentwhenhecamebackeachyeartohishome。HewasanAustralian，hewouldwanttocomehome。WithJustineitwasdifferent。Noonedreamedshewouldcomehomeforgood。Shewasanactress；hercareerwouldfounderinAustralia。WhereDane’scareercouldbepursuedwithequalzealanywhereatall。Thusintheeighthyeartherewerenoplansastowhatthechildrenwoulddowhentheycamefortheirannualholiday；insteadtheDroghedapeoplewereplanningtheirtriptoRome，toseeDaneordainedapriest。
\"Wefizzledout，\"saidMeggie。
\"Ibegyourpardon，dear？\"askedAnne。
Theyweresittinginawarmcorneroftheverandareading，butMeggie’sbookhadfallenneglectedintoherlap，andshewasabsentlywatchingtheanticsoftwowilly-wagtailsonthelawn。Ithadbeenawetyear；therewerewormseverywhereandthefattest，happiestbirdsanyoneeverremembered。Birdsongsfilledtheairfromdawntothelastofdusk。\"Isaidwefizzledout，\"repeatedMeggie，crowlike。\"Adampsquib。Allthatpromise！Whoeverwouldhaveguesseditin1921，whenwearrivedonDrogheda？\"\"Howdoyoumean？\"
\"Atotalofsixsons，plusme。Andayearlater，twomoresons。Whatwouldyouthink？Dozensofchildren，halfahundredgrandchildren？Solookatusnow。HalandStuaredead，noneoftheonesleftaliveseemtohaveanyintentionofevergettingmarried，andI，theonlyonenotentitledtopassonthename，havebeentheonlyonetogiveDroghedaitsheirs。Andeventhenthegodsweren’thappy，werethey？Asonandadaughter。Severalgrandchildrenatleast，youmightthink。Butwhathappens？Mysonembracesthepriesthoodandmydaughter’sanoldmaidcareerwoman。AnotherdeadendforDrogheda。\"
\"Idon’tseewhat’ssostrangeaboutit，\"saidAnne。\"Afterall，whatcouldyouexpectfromthemen？Stuckouthereasshyaskangas，nevermeetingthegirlstheymighthavemarried。AndwithJimsandPatsy，thewartoboot。CouldyouseeJimsmarryingwhenheknowsPatsycan’t？They’refartoofondofeachotherforthat。Andbesides，theland’sdemandinginaneuteredway。Ittakesjustaboutallthey’vegottogive，becauseIdon’tthinktheyhaveagreatdeal。Inaphysicalsense，Imean。Hasn’titeverstruckyou，Meggie？Yoursisn’taveryhighlysexedfamily，toputitbluntly。AndthatgoesforDaneandJustine，too。Imean，therearesomepeoplewhocompulsivelyhuntitliketomcats，butnotyourlot。ThoughperhapsJustinewillmarry。There’sthisGermanchapRainer；sheseemsterriblyfondofhim。\"
\"You’vehitthenailonthehead，\"saidMeggie，innomoodtobecomforted。\"Sheseemsterriblyfondofhim。Justthat。Afterall，she’sknownhimforsevenyears。Ifshewantedtomarryhim，itwouldhavehappenedagesago。\"\"Wouldit？IknowJustineprettywell，\"answeredAnnetruthfully，forshedid；betterthananyoneelseonDrogheda，includingMeggieandFee。\"Ithinkshe’sterrifiedofcommittingherselftothekindoflovemarriagewouldentail，andImustsayIadmireRainer。Heseemstounderstandherverywell。Oh，Idon’tsayhe’sinlovewithherforsure，butifheis，atleasthe’sgotthesensetowaituntilshe’sreadytotaketheplunge。\"Sheleanedforward，herbookfallingforgottentothetiles。\"Oh，willyoulistentothatbird？I’msureevenanightingalecouldn’tmatchit。\"Thenshesaidwhatshehadbeenwantingtosayforweeks。\"Meggie，whywon’tyougotoRometoseeDaneordained？Isn’tthatpeculiar？Dane-ordain。\"
\"I’mnotgoingtoRome！\"saidMeggiebetweenclenchedteeth。\"IshallneverleaveDroghedaagain。\"
\"Meggie，don’t！Youcan’tdisappointhimso！Go，please！Ifyoudon’t，Droghedawon’thaveasinglewomanthere，becauseyou’retheonlywomanyoungenoughtotaketheflight。ButItellyou，ifIthoughtforoneminutemybodywouldsurviveI’dberightonthatplane。\"
\"GotoRomeandseeRalphdeBricassartsmirking？I’dratherbedead！\"\"Oh，Meggie，Meggie！Whymustyoutakeoutyourfrustrationsonhim，andonyourson？Yousaiditonceyourself-it’syourownfault。Sobeggaryourpride，andgotoRome。Please！\"
\"Itisn’taquestionofpride。\"Sheshivered。\"Oh，Anne，I’mfrightenedtogo！BecauseIdon’tbelieveit，Ijustdon’t！MyfleshcreepswhenIthinkaboutit。\"
\"Andwhataboutthefacthemightn’tcomehomeafterhe’sapriest？Didthateveroccurtoyou？Hewon’tbegivenhugechunksofleavethewayhewasintheseminary，soifhedecidestoremaininRomeyoumaywellhavetotakeyourselfthereifyoueverwanttoseehimatall。GotoRome，Meggie！\"\"Ican’t。IfyouknewhowfrightenedIam！It’snotpride，orRalphscoringoneoveronme，oranyofthethingsIsayitistostoppeopleaskingmequestions。Lordknows，ImissbothmymensomuchI’dcrawlonmykneestoseethemifIthoughtforaminutetheywantedme。Oh，Danewouldbegladtoseeme，butRalph？He’sforgottenIeverexisted。I’mfrightened，Itellyou。IknowinmybonesthatifIgotoRomesomethingwillhappen。SoI’mnotgoing。\"
\"Whatcouldhappen，forpity’ssake？\"
\"Idon’tknow……IfIdid，I’dhavesomethingtobattle。Afeeling，howcanIbattleafeeling？Becausethat’sallitis。Apremonition。Asifthegodsaregathering。
Annelaughed。\"You’rebecomingarealoldwoman，Meggie。Stop！\"\"Ican’t，Ican’t！AndIamanoldwoman。\"
\"Nonsense，you’rejustinbriskmiddleage。Wellandtrulyyoungenoughtohoponthatplane。\"
\"Oh，leavemealone！\"saidMeggiesavagely，andpickedupherbook。
OccasionallyacrowdwithapurposeconvergesuponRome。Nottourism，thevoyeuristicsamplingofpastgloriesinpresentrelics；notthefillinginofalittlesliceoftimebetweenAandB，withRomeapointonthelinebetweenthosetwoplaces。Thisisacrowdwithasingleunitingemotion；itburstswithpride，foritiscomingtoseeitsson，nephew，cousin，friendordainedapriestinthegreatbasilicawhichisthemostveneratedchurchintheworld。Itsmembersputupinhumblepensiones，luxuryhotels，thehomesoffriendsorrelatives。Buttheyaretotallyunited，atpeacewitheachotherandwiththeworld。Theydotheroundsdutifully；theVaticanMuseumwiththeSistineChapelatitsendlikeaprizeforendurance；theForum，theColosseum，theAppianWay，theSpanishSteps，thegreedyTreviFountain，thesonetlumiere。Waitingfortheday，fillingintime。TheywillbeaccordedthespecialprivilegeofaprivateaudiencewiththeHolyFather，andforthemRomewillfindnothingtoogood。
Thistimeitwasn’tDanewaitingontheplatformtomeetJustine，asithadbeeneveryothertime；hewasinretreat。Instead，RainerMoerlingHartheimprowledthedirtypavinglikesomegreatanimal。Hedidn’tgreetherwithakiss，heneverdid；hejustputanarmabouthershouldersandsqueezed。\"Ratherlikeabear，\"saidJustine。
\"Abear？\"
\"IusedtothinkwhenIfirstmetyouthatyouweresomesortofmissinglink，butI’vefinallydecidedyou’remoreofabearthanagorilla。Itwasanunkindcomparison，thegorilla。\"
\"Andbearsarekind？\"
\"Well，perhapstheydoonetodeathjustasquickly，butthey’remorecuddly。\"Shelinkedherarmthroughhisandmatchedhisstride，forshewasalmostastallashe。\"How’sDane？Didyouseehimbeforehewentintoretreat？IcouldkillClyde，notlettingmegosooner。\"
\"Daneisasalways。\"
\"Youhaven’tbeenleadinghimastray？\"
\"Me？Certainlynot。Youlookverynice，Herzchen。\"
\"I’monmyverybestbehavior，andIboughtouteverycouturierinLondon。Doyoulikemynewshortskirt？Theycallitthemini。\"
\"Walkaheadofme，andI’lltellyou。\"
Thehemofthefullsilkskirtwasaboutmidthigh；itswirledassheturnedandcamebacktohim。\"Whatdoyouthink，Rain？Isitscandalous？InoticednooneinParisiswearingthislengthyet。\"
\"Itprovesapoint，Herzchen-thatwithlegsasgoodasyours，towearaskirtonemillimeterlongerisscandalous。I’msuretheRomanswillagreewithme。\"
\"Whichmeansmyarsewillbeblackandblueinanhourinsteadofaday。Damnthem！Thoughdoyouknowsomething，Rain？\"\"What？\"
\"I’veneverbeenpinchedbyapriest。AlltheseyearsI’vebeenflippinginandoutoftheVaticanwithnaryapinchtomycredit。SoIthoughtmaybeifIworeaminiskirt，Imightbetheundoingofsomepoorprelateyet。\"\"Youmightbemyundoing。\"Hesmiled。
\"No，really？Inorange？Ithoughtyouhatedmeinorange，whenI’vegotorangehair。\"
\"Itinflamesthesenses，suchabusycolor。\"
\"You’reteasingme，\"shesaid，disgusted，climbingintohisMercedeslimousine，whichhadaGermanpennantflutteringfromitsbonnettalisman。\"Whendidyougetthelittleflag？\"
\"WhenIgotmynewpostinthegovernment。\"
\"NowonderIratedamentionintheNewsoftheWorld！Didyouseeit？\"\"YouknowIneverreadrags，Justine。\"
\"Well，nordoI；someoneshowedittome，\"shesaid，thenpitchedhervoicehigherandendoweditwithashabby-genteel，fraightfullynaiceaccent。\"Whatup-and-comingcarrot-toppedAustralianactressiscementingverycordialrelationswithwhatmemberoftheWestGermancabinet？\"\"Theycan’tbeawarehowlongwe’veknowneachother，\"hesaidtranquilly，stretchingouthislegsandmakinghimselfcomfortable。Justineranhereyesoverhisclotheswithapproval；verycasual，veryItalian。HewasratherintheEuropeanfashionswimhimself，daringtowearoneofthefishing-netshirtswhichenabledItalianmalestodemonstratethehairinessoftheirchests。
\"Youshouldneverwearasuitandcollarandtie，\"shesaidsuddenly。\"No？Whynot？\"
\"Machismoisdefinitelyyourstyle-youknow，whatyou’vegotonnow，thegoldmedallionandchainonthehairychest。Asuitmakesyoulookasifyourwaistlineisbulging，whenitreallyisn’tatall。\"
Foramomenthegazedatherinsurprise，thentheexpressioninhiseyesbecamealert，inwhatshecalledhis\"concentratedthinkinglook。\"\"Afirst，\"hesaid。
\"What’safirst？\"
\"InthesevenyearsI’veknownyou，you’veneverbeforecommenteduponmyappearanceexceptperhapstodisparageit。\"
\"Oh，dear，haven’tI？\"sheasked，lookingalittleashamed。\"Heavens，I’vethoughtofitoftenenough，andneverdisparagingly。\"Forsomereasonsheaddedhastily，\"Imean，aboutthingslikethewayyoulookinasuit。\"
Hedidn’tanswer，buthewassmiling，asataverypleasantthought。ThatridewithRainerseemedtobethelastquietthingtohappenfordays。ShortlyaftertheyreturnedfromvisitingCardinaldeBricassartandCardinaldiContini-Verchese，thelimousineRainerhadhireddepositedtheDroghedacontingentattheirhotel。OutofthecornerofhereyeJustinewatchedRain’sreactiontoherfamily，entirelyuncles。Rightuntilthemomenthereyesdidn’tfindhermother’sface，JustinehadbeenconvincedshewouldchangehermindandcometoRome。Thatshehadn’twasacruelblow；Justinedidn’tknowwhethersheachedmoreonDane’sbehalforonherown。ButinthemeantimehereweretheUnks，andshewasundoubtedlytheirhostess。Oh，theyweresoshy！Whichoneofthemwaswhich？Theoldertheygot，themorealiketheylooked。AndinRometheystuckoutlike-well，likeAustraliangraziersonholidayinRome。Eachonewascladinthecitygoinguniformofaffluentsquatters:tanelastic-sidedridingboots，neutraltrousers，tansportsjacketsofveryheavy，fuzzywoolwithsideventsandplentyofleatherpatches，whiteshirts，knittedwoolties，flat-crownedgreyhatswithbroadbrims。NonoveltyonthestreetsofSydneyduringRoyalEasterShowtime，butinalateRomansummer，extraordinary。AndIcansaywithdoublesincerity，thankGodforRain！Howgoodheiswiththem。Iwouldn’thavebelievedanyonecouldstimulatePatsyintospeech，buthe’sdoingit，blesshim。They’retalkingawaylikeoldhens，andwheredidhegetAustralianbeerforthem？Helikesthem，andhe’sinterested，Isuppose。EverythingisgristtothemillofaGermanindustrialist-politician，isn’tit？Howcanhesticktohisfaith，beingwhatheis？Anenigma，that’swhatyouare，RainerMoerlingHartheim。Friendofpopesandcardinals，friendofJustineO’neill。Oh，ifyouweren’tsouglyI’dkissyou，I’msoterriblygrateful。Lord，fancybeingstuckinRomewiththeUnksandnoRain！Youarewellnamed。
Hewassittingbackinhischair，listeningwhileBobtoldhimaboutshearing，andhavingnothingbettertodobecausehehadsocompletelytakencharge，Justinewatchedhimcuriously。Mostlyshenoticedeverythingphysicalaboutpeopleimmediately，butjustoccasionallythatvigilanceslippedandpeoplestoleuponher，carvedanicheinherlifewithoutherhavingmadethatvitalinitialassessment。Forifitwasn’tmade，sometimesyearswouldgobybeforetheyintrudedintoherthoughtsagainasstrangers。Likenow，watchingRain。Thatfirstmeetinghadbeenresponsible，ofcourse；surroundedbychurchmen，awed，frightened，brazeningitout。Shehadnoticedonlytheobviousthings:hispowerfulbuild，hishair，howdarkhewas。Thenwhenhehadtakenherofftodinnerthechancetorectifythingshadbeenlost，forhehadforcedanawarenessofhimselfonherfarbeyondhisphysicalattributes；shehadbeentoointerestedinwhatthemouthwassayingtolookatthemouth。
Hewasn’treallyuglyatall，shedecidednow。Helookedwhathewas，perhaps，amixtureofthebestandtheworst。LikeaRomanemperor。Nowonderhelovedthecity。Itwashisspiritualhome。Abroadfacewithhigh，widecheekbonesandasmallyetaquilinenose。Thickblackbrows，straightinsteadoffollowingthecurveoftheorbits。Verylong，feminineblacklashesandquitelovelydarkeyes，mostlyhoodedtohidehisthoughts。Byfarhismostbeautifulpossessionwashismouth，neitherfullnorthin-lipped，neithersmallnorlarge，butverywellshaped，withadistinctcuttotheboundariesofitslipsandapeculiarfirmnessinthewayheheldit；asifperhapswerehetorelaxhisholduponit，itmightgiveawaysecretsaboutwhathewasreallylike。Interesting，totakeafaceapartwhichwasalreadysowellknown，yetnotknownatall。
Shecameoutofherreverietofindhimwatchingherwatchhim，whichwaslikebeingstrippednakedinfrontofacrowdarmedwithstones。Foramomenthiseyesheldhers，wideopenandalert，notexactlystartled，ratherarrested。ThenhetransferredhisgazecalmlytoBob，andaskedapertinentquestionaboutboggis。Justinegaveherselfamentalshake，toldherselfnottogoimaginingthings。Butitwasfascinating，suddenlytoseeamanwhohadbeenafriendforyearsasapossiblelover。Andnotfindingthethoughtatallrepulsive。
TherehadbeenanumberofsuccessorstoArthurLestrange，andshehadn’twantedtolaugh。Oh，I’vecomealongwaysincethatmemorablenight。ButIwonderhaveIactuallyprogressedatall？It’sverynicetohaveaman，andthehellwithwhatDanesaidaboutitbeingtheoneman。I’mnotgoingtomakeitoneman，soI’mnotgoingtosleepwithRain；oh，no。Itwouldchangetoomanythings，andI’dlosemyfriend。Ineedmyfriend，Ican’taffordtobewithoutmyfriend。IshallkeephimasIkeepDane，amalehumanbeingwithoutanyphysicalsignificanceforme。
Thechurchcouldholdtwentythousandpeople，soitwasn’tcrowded。NowhereintheworldhadsomuchtimeandthoughtandgeniusbeenputintothecreationofatempleofGod；itpaledthepaganworksofantiquitytoinsignificance。Itdid。Somuchlove，somuchsweat。Bramante’sbasilica，Michelangelo’sdome，Bernini’scolonnade。AmonumentnotonlytoGod，buttoMan。DeepundertheconfessioninalittlestoneroomSaintPeterhimselfwasburied；heretheEmperorCharlemagnehadbeencrowned。Theechoesofoldvoicesseemedtowhisperamongthepouringsliversoflight，deadfingerspolishedthebronzeraysbehindthehighaltarandcaressedthetwistedbronzecolumnsofthebaldacchino。
Hewaslyingonthesteps，facedown，asthoughdead。Whatwashethinking？Wasthereapaininhimthathadnorighttobethere，becausehismotherhadnotcome？CardinalRalphlookedthroughhistears，andknewtherewasnopain。Beforehand，yes；afterward，certainly。Butnow，nopain。Everythinginhimwasprojectedintothemoment，themiracle。NoroominhimforanythingwhichwasnotGod。Itwashisdayofdays，andnothingmatteredsavethetaskathand，thevowingofhislifeandsoultoGod。Hecouldprobablydoit，buthowmanyothersactuallyhad？NotCardinalRalph，thoughhestillrememberedhisownordinationasfilledwithholywonder。Witheverypartofhimhehadtried，yetsomethinghehadwithheld。
Notsoaugustasthis，myordination，butIliveitagainthroughhim。Andwonderwhathetrulyis，thatinspiteofourfearsforhimhecouldhavepassedamongussomanyyearsandnotmadeanunfriend，letalonearealenemy。Heislovedbyall，andhelovesall。Itnevercrosseshismindforaninstantthatthisstateofaffairsisextraordinary。Andyet，whenhecametousfirsthewasnotsosureofhimself；wehavegivenhimthat，forwhichperhapsourexistencesarevindicated。Therehavebeenmanypriestsmadehere，thousandsuponthousands，yetforhimthereissomethingspecial。Oh，Meggie！Whywouldn’tyoucometoseethegiftyou’vegivenOurLord-thegiftIcouldnot，havinggivenHimmyself？AndIsupposethat’sit，howhecanbeheretodayfreeofpain。BecausefortodayI’vebeenempoweredtotakehispaintomyself，freehimfromit。Iweephistears，Imourninhisplace。Andthatishowitshouldbe。
Laterheturnedhishead，lookedattherowof-Droghedapeopleinaliendarksuits。Bob，Jack，Hughie，Jims，Patsy。AvacantchairforMeggie，thenFrank。Justine’sfieryhairdimmedunderablacklaceveil，theonlyfemaleClearypresent。Rainernexttoher。Andthenalotofpeoplehedidn’tknow，butwhosharedintodayasfullyastheDroghedapeopledid。Onlytodayitwasdifferent，todayitwasspecialforhim。Todayhefeltalmostasifhe，too，hadhadasontogive。Hesmiled，andsighed。HowmustVittoriofeel，bestowingDane’spriesthooduponhim？
Perhapsbecausehemissedhismother’spresencesoacutely，JustinewasthefirstpersonDanemanagedtotakeasideatthereceptionCardinalVittorioandCardinalRalphgaveforhim。Inhisblacksoutanewiththehighwhitecollarhelookedmagnificent，shethought；onlynotlikeapriestatall。Likeanactorplayingapriest，untilonelookedintotheeyes。Andthereitwas，theinnerlight，thatsomethingwhichtransformedhimfromaverygood-lookingmanintooneunique。
\"FatherO’neill，\"shesaid。
\"Ihaven’tassimilatedityet，Jus。\"
\"Thatisn’thardtounderstand。I’veneverfeltquitethewayIdidinSaintPeter’s，sowhatitmusthavebeenlikeforyouIcan’timagine。\"\"Oh，Ithinkyoucan，somewhereinside。Ifyoutrulycouldn’t，youwouldn’tbesuchafineactress。Butwithyou，Jus，itcomesfromtheunconscious；itdoesn’teruptintothoughtuntilyouneedtouseit。\"
Theyweresittingonasmallcouchinafarcorneroftheroom，andnoonecametodisturbthem。
Afterawhilehesaid，\"I’msopleasedFrankcame，\"lookingtowhereFrankwastalkingwithRainer，moreanimationinhisfacethanhisnieceandnephewhadeverseen。\"There’sanoldRumanianrefugeepriestIknow，\"Danewenton，\"whohasawayofsaying，\"Oh，thepoorone！\"withsuchcompassioninhisvoice……Idon’tknow，somehowthat’swhatIalwaysfindmyselfsayingaboutourFrank。Andyet，Jus，why？\"
ButJustineignoredthegambit，wentstraighttothecrux。\"IcouldkillMum！\"shesaidthroughherteeth。\"Shehadnorighttodothistoyou！\"\"Oh，Jus！Iunderstand。You’vegottotry，too。IfithadbeendoneinmaliceortogetbackatmeImightbehurt，butyouknowheraswellasIdo，youknowit’sneitherofthose。I’mgoingdowntoDroghedasoon。I’lltalktoherthen，findoutwhat’sthematter。\"\"Isupposedaughtersareneveraspatientwiththeirmothersassonsare。\"Shedrewdownthecornersofhermouthruefully，shrugged。\"Maybeit’sjustaswellI’mtoomuchofalonerevertoinflictmyselfonanyoneinthemotherrole。\"
Theblueeyeswereverykind，tender；Justinefeltherhacklesrising，thinkingDanepitiedher。
\"Whydon’tyoumarryRainer？\"heaskedsuddenly。Herjawdropped，shegasped。\"He’sneveraskedme，\"shesaidfeebly。\"Onlybecausehethinksyou’dsayno。Butitmightbearranged。\"Withoutthinking，shegrabbedhimbytheear，assheusedtodowhentheywerechildren。\"Don’tyoudare，youdog-collaredprawn！Notoneword，doyouhear？1don’tloveRain。He’sjustafriend，andIwanttokeepitthatway。Ifyousomuchaslightacandleforit，IswearI’llsitdown，crossmyeyesandputacurseonyou，andyourememberhowthatusedtoscarethelivingdaylightsoutofyou，don’tyou？\"
Hethrewbackhisheadandlaughed。\"Itwouldn’twork，Justine！Mymagicisstrongerthanyoursthesedays。Butthere’snoneedtogetsoworkedupaboutit，youtwit。Iwaswrong，that’sall。IassumedtherewasacasebetweenyouandRain。\"
\"No，thereisn’t。Aftersevenyears？Breakitdown，pigsmightfly。\"Pausing，sheseemedtoseekforwords，thenlookedathimalmostshyly。\"Dane，I’msohappyforyou。IthinkifMumwashereshe’dfeelthesame。That’sallitneeds，forhertoseeyounow，likethis。Youwait，she’llcomearound。\"
Verygentlyhetookherpointedfacebetweenhishands，smilingdownatherwithsomuchlovethatherownhandscameuptoclutchathiswrists，soakitinthrougheverypore。Asifallthosechildhoodyearswereremembered，treasured。
Yetbehindwhatshesawinhiseyesonherbehalfshesensedashadowydoubt，onlyperhapsdoubtwastoostrongaword；morelikeanxiety。MostlyhewassureMumwouldunderstandeventually，buthewashuman，thoughallsavehetendedtoforgetthefact。
\"Jus，willyoudosomethingforme？\"heaskedashelethergo。\"Anything，\"shesaid，meaningit。
\"I’vegotasortofrespite，tothinkaboutwhatI’mgoingtodo。Twomonths。AndI’mgoingtodotheheavythinkingonaDroghedahorseafterI’vetalkedtoMum-somehowIfeelIcan’tsortanythingoutuntilafterI’vetalkedtoher。Butfirst，well……I’vegottogetupmycouragetogohome。Soifyoucouldmanageit，comedowntothePeloponnesewithmeforacoupleofweeks，tickmeoffgoodandproperaboutbeingacowarduntilIgetsosickofyourvoiceIputmyselfonaplanetogetawayfromit。\"Hesmiledather。\"Besides，Jussy，Idon’twantyoutothinkI’mgoingtoexcludeyoufrommylifeabsolutely，anymorethanIwillMum。Youneedyouroldconsciencearoundoccasionally。\"
\"Oh，Dane，ofcourseI’llgo！\"
\"Good，\"hesaid，thengrinned，eyedhermischievously。\"Ireallydoneedyou，Jus。Havingyoubitchinginmyearwillbejustlikeoldtimes。\"\"Uh-uh-uh！Noobscenities，FatherO’neill！\"
Hisarmswentbehindhishead，heleanedbackonthecouchcontentedly。\"Iam！Isn’titmarvelous？AndmaybeafterI’veseenMum，IcanconcentrateonOurLord。Ithinkthat’swheremyinclinationslie，youknow。SimplythinkingaboutOurLord。\"
\"Yououghttohaveespousedanorder，Dane。\"
\"Istillcan，andIprobablywill。Ihaveawholelifetime；there’snohurry。\"
JustineleftthepartywithRainer，andaftershetalkedofgoingtoGreecewithDane，hetalkedofgoingtohisofficeinBonn。\"Aboutbloodytime，\"shesaid。\"Foracabinetministeryoudon’tseemtodomuchwork，doyou？Allthepaperscallyouaplayboy，foolingaroundwithcarrot-toppedAustralianactresses，youolddog，you。\"
Heshookhisbigfistather。\"Ipayformyfewpleasuresinmorewaysthanyou’lleverknow。\"
\"Doyoumindifwewalk，Rain？\"
\"Notifyoukeepyourshoeson。\"
\"Ihavetothesedays。Miniskirtshavetheirdisadvantages；thedaysofstockingsonecouldpeeloffeasilyareover。They’veinventedasheerversionoftheatricaltights，andonecan’tshedthoseinpublicwithoutcausingthebiggestfurorsinceLadyGodiva。SounlessIwanttoruinafive-guineapairoftights，I’mimprisonedinmyshoes。\"
\"Atleastyouimprovemyeducationinfemininegarb，underaswellasover，\"hesaidmildly。
\"Goon！I’llbetyou’vegotadozenmistresses，andundressthemall。\"\"Onlyone，andlikeallgoodmistressesshewaitsformeinhernegligee。\"\"Doyouknow，Ibelievewe’veneverdiscussedyoursexlifebefore？Fascinating！What’sshelike？\"
\"Fair，fat，fortyandflatulent。\"
Shestoppeddead。\"Oh，you’rekiddingme，\"shesaidslowly。\"Ican’tseeyouwithawomanlikethat。\"
\"Whynot？\"
\"You’vegottoomuchtaste。\"
\"Chacunasongout，mydear。I’mnothingmuchtolookat，myself-whyshouldyouassumeIcouldcharmayoungandbeautifulwomanintobeingmymistress？\"\"Becauseyoucould！\"shesaidindignantly。\"Oh，ofcourseyoucould！\"\"Mymoney，youmean？\"
\"Not，notyourmoney！You’reteasingme，youal-
waysdo！RainerMoerlingHartheim，you’reverywellawarehowattractiveyouare，otherwiseyouwouldn’tweargoldmedallionsandnettingshirts。Looksaren’teverything-iftheywere，I’dstillbewondering。\"
\"Yourconcernformeistouching，Herzchen。\"
\"WhyisitthatwhenI’mwithyouIfeelasifI’mforeverrunningtocatchupwithyou，andIneverdo？\"Herspurtoftemperdied；shestoodlookingathimuncertainly。\"You’renotserious，areyou？\"\"DoyouthinkIam？\"
\"No！You’renotconceited，butyoudoknowhowveryattractiveyouare。\"\"WhetherIdoornotisn’timportant。TheimportantthingisthatyouthinkI’mattractive。\"
Shewasgoingtosay:OfcourseIdo；Iwasmentallytryingyouonasalovernotlongago，butthenIdecideditwouldn’twork，I’dratherkeeponhavingyouformyfriend。Hadhelethersayit，hemighthaveconcludedhistimehadn’tcome，andacteddifferently。Asitwas，beforeshecouldshapethewordshehadherinhisarms，andwaskissingher。Foratleastsixtysecondsshestood，dying，splitopen，smashed，thepowerinherscreaminginwildelationtofindamatchingpower。Hismouth-itwasbeautiful！Andhishair，incrediblythick，vital，somethingtoseizeinherfingersfiercely。Thenhetookherfacebetweenhishandsandlookedather，smiling。\"Iloveyou，\"hesaid。
Herhandshadgoneuptohiswrists，butnottoenclosethemgently，aswithDane；thenailsbitin，scoreddowntomeatsavagely。Shesteppedbacktwopacesandstoodrubbingherarmacrosshermouth，eyeshugewithfright，breastsheaving。
\"Itcouldn’twork，\"shepanted。\"Itcouldneverwork，Rain！\"Offcametheshoes；shebenttopickthemup，thenturnedandran，andwithinthreesecondsthesoftquickpadofherfeethadvanished。
Notthathehadanyintentionoffollowingher，thoughapparentlyshehadthoughthemight。Bothhiswristswerebleeding，andtheyhurt。Hepressedhishandkerchieffirsttooneandthentotheother，shrugged，putthestainedclothaway，andstoodconcentratingonthepain。Afterawhileheunearthedhiscigarettecase，tookoutacigarette，litit，andbegantowalkslowly。Noonepassingbycouldhavetoldfromhisfacewhathefelt。Everythinghewantedwithinhisgrasp，reachedfor，lost。Idiotgirl。Whenwouldshegrowup？Tofeelit，respondtoit，anddenyit。Buthewasagambler，ofthewin-a-few，lose-a-fewkind。Hehadwaitedsevenlongyearsbeforetryinghisluck，feelingthechangeinheratthisordinationtime。Yetapparentlyhehadmovedtoosoon。Ah，well。Therewasalwaystomorrow-orknowingJustine，nextyear，theyearafterthat。Certainlyhewasn’tabouttogiveup。Ifhewatchedhercarefully，onedayhe’dgetlucky。
Thesoundlesslaughquiveredinhim；fair，fat，fortyandflatulent。Whathadbroughtittohislipshedidn’tknow，exceptthatalong-timeagohisex-wifehadsaidittohim。ThefourF’s，describingthetypicalvictimofgallstones。Shehadbeenamartyrtothem，poorAnnelise，eventhoughshewasdark，skinny，fiftyandaswellcorkedasagenieinabottle。WhatamIthinkingofAnnelisefor，now？Mypatientcampaignofyearsturnedintoarout，andIcandonobetterthanpoorAnnelise。So，FrauleinJustineO’neill！Weshallsee。
Therewerelightsinthepalacewindows；hewouldgoupforafewminutes，talktoCardinalRalph，whowaslookingold。Notwell。Perhapsheoughttobepersuadedintoamedicalexamination。Rainerached，butnotforJustine；shewasyoung，therewastime。ForCardinalRalph，whohadseenhisownsonordained，andnotknownit。
Itwasstillearly，sothehotelfoyerwascrowded。Shoeson，Justinecrossedquicklytothestairsandranupthem，headbent。Thenforsometimehertremblinghandscouldn’tfindtheroomkeyinherbagandshethoughtshewouldhavetogodownagain，bravethecrowdaboutthedesk。Butitwasthere；shemusthavepassedherfingersoveritadozentimes。
Insideatlast，shegropedherwaytothebed；satdownonitsedgeandletcoherentthoughtgraduallyreturn。Tellingherselfshewasrevolted，horrified，disillusioned；allthewhilestaringdrearilyatthewiderectangleofpalelightwhichwasthenightskythroughthewindow，wantingtocurse，wantingtoweep。Itcouldneverbethesameagain，andthatwasatragedy。Thelossofthedearestfriend。Betrayal。Emptywords，untrue；suddenlysheknewverywellwhathadfrightenedherso，madeherfleefromRainasifhehadattemptedmurder，notakiss。Therightnessofit！Thefeelingofcominghome，whenshedidn’twanttocomehomeanymorethanshewantedtheliabilityoflove。Homewasfrustration，sowaslove。Notonlythat，eveniftheadmissionwashumiliating；shewasn’tsureshecouldlove。Ifshewascapableofit，surelyonceortwiceherguardwouldhaveslipped；surelyonceortwiceshewouldhaveexperiencedapangofsomethingmorethantolerantaffectionforherinfrequentlovers。Itdidn’toccurtoherthatshedeliberatelychoseloverswhowouldneverthreatenherself-imposeddetachment，somuchapartofherselfbynowthatsheregardeditascompletelynatural。Forthefirsttimeinherlifeshehadnoreferencepointtoassisther。Therewasnotimeinthepastshecouldtakecomfortfrom，noonce-deepinvolvement，eitherforherselforforthoseshadowylovers。NorcouldtheDroghedapeoplehelp，becauseshehadalwayswithheldherselffromthem，too。
ShehadhadtorunfromRain。Tosayyes，commitherselftohim，andthenhavetowatchhimrecoilwhenhefoundouttheextentofherinadequacy？Unbearable！Hewouldlearnwhatshewasreallylike，andtheknowledgewouldkillhisloveforher。Unbearabletosayyes，andendinbeingrebuffedforalltime。Farbettertodoanyrebuffingherself。Thatwayatleastpridewouldbesatisfied，andJustineownedallhermother’spride。Rainmustneverdiscoverwhatshewaslikebeneathallthatbrickflippancy。
HehadfalleninlovewiththeJustinehesaw；shehadnotallowedhimanyopportunitytosuspecttheseaofdoubtsbeneath。ThoseonlyDanesuspected-no，knew。
Shebentforwardtoputherforeheadagainstthecoolbedsidetable，tearsrunningdownherface。Thatwaswhysheloved。Daneso，ofcourse。KnowingwhattherealJustinewaslike，andstilllovingher。Bloodhelped，sodidalifetimeofsharedmemories，problems，pains，joys。WhereasRainwasastranger，notcommittedtoherthewayDanewas，oreventheothermembersofherfamily。Nothingobligedhimtoloveher。
Shesniffled，wipedherpalmaroundherface，shruggedhershouldersandbeganthedifficultbusinessofpushinghertroublebackintosomecornerofhermindwhereitcouldliepeacefully，unremembered。Sheknewshecoulddoit；shehadspentallherlifeperfectingthetechnique。Onlyitmeantceaselessactivity，continuousabsorptioninthingsoutsideherself。Shereachedoverandswitchedonthebedsidelamp。
OneoftheUnksmusthavedeliveredthelettertoherroom，foritwaslyingonthebedsidetable，apale-blueairletterwithQueenElizabethinitsuppercorner。
\"DarlingJustine，\"wroteClydeDaltinham-Roberts，\"Comebacktothefold，you’reneeded！Atonce！There’sapartgoingbegginginthenewseason’srepertoire，andatinylittledicky-birdtoldmeyoujustmightwantit。Desdemona，darling？WithMarcSimpsonasyourOthello？Rehearsalsfortheprincipalsstartneatweek，ifyou’reinterested\"Ifshewasinterested！Desdemona！DesdemonainLondon！AndwithMarcSimpsonasOthello！Theopportunityofalifetime。HermoodskyrocketedtoapointwherethescenewithRainlostsignificance，orratherassumedadifferentsignificance。Perhapsifshewasvery，verycarefulshemightbeabletokeepRain’slove；ahighlyacclaimed，successfulactresswastoobusytosharemuchofherlifewithherlovers。Itwasworthatry。Ifhelookedasifheweregettingtooclosetothetruth，shecouldalwaysbackoffagain。TokeepRaininherlife，butespeciallythisnewRain，shewouldbepreparedtodoanythingsavestripoffthemask。Inthemeantime，newslikethisdeservedsomesortofcelebration。Shedidn’tfeeluptofacingRainyet，buttherewereotherpeopleonhandtosharehertriumph。Sosheputonhershoes，walkeddownthecorridortotheUnks’communalsittingroom，andwhenPatsyletherinshestoodwitharmsspreadwide，beaming。
\"Breakoutthebeer，I’mgoingtobeDesdemona！\"sheannouncedinringingtones。
Foramomentnooneanswered，thenBobsaidwarmly，\"That’snice，Justine。\"Herpleasuredidn’tevaporate；insteaditbuiltuptoanuncontrollableelation。Laughing，shefloppedintoachairandstaredatheruncles。Whattrulylovelymentheywere！Ofcoursehernewsmeantnothingtothem！Theydidn’thaveacluewhoDesdemonawas。Ifshehadcometotellthemshewasgettingmarried，Bob’sanswerwouldhavebeenmuchthesame。Sincethebeginningofmemorytheyhadbeenapartofherlife，andsadlyshehaddismissedthemascontemptuouslyasshedideverythingaboutDrogheda。TheUnks，apluralityhavingnothingtodowithJustineO’neill。Simplymembersofaconglomeratewhodriftedinandoutofthehomestead，smiledathershyly，avoidedherifitmeantconversation。Notthattheydidn’tlikeher，sherealizednow；onlythattheysensedhowforeignshewas，anditmadethemuncomfortable。ButinthisRomanworldwhichwasalientothemandfamiliartoher，shewasbeginningtounderstandthembetter。Feelingaglowofsomethingforthemwhichmighthavebeencalledlove，Justinestaredfromonecreased，smilingfacetothenext。Bob，whowasthelifeforceoftheunit，theBossofDrogheda，butinsuchanunobtrusiveway；Jack，whomerelyseemedtofollowBobaround，ormaybeitwasjustthattheygotalongsowelltogether；Hughie，whohadastreakofmischieftheothertwodidnot，andyetsoverylikethem；JimsandPatsy，thepositiveandnegativesidesofaself-sufficientwhole；andpoorquenchedFrank，theonlyonewhoseemedplaguedbyfearandinsecurity。AllofthemsaveJimsandPatsy，weregrizzlednow，indeedBobandFrankwerewhite-haired，buttheydidn’treallylookverydifferentfromthewaysherememberedthemasalittlegirl。
\"Idon’tknowwhetherIoughttogiveyouabeer，\"Bobsaiddoubtfully，standingwithacoldbottleofSwaninhishand。Theremarkwouldhaveannoyedherintenselyevenhalfadayago，butatthemomentshewastoohappytotakeoffense。
\"Look，love，Iknowit’sneveroccurredtoyoutooffermeonethroughthecourseofoursessionswithRain，buthonestlyI’mabiggirlnow，andIcanhandleabeer。Ipromiseitisn’tasin。\"Shesmiled。\"Where’sRainer？\"Jimsasked，takingafullglassfromBobandhandingittoher。
\"Ihadafightwithhim。\"
\"WithRainer？\"
\"Well，yes。Butitwasallmyfault。I’mgoingtoseehimlaterandtellhimI’msorry。\"
NoneoftheUnkssmoked。Thoughshehadneveraskedforabeerbefore，onearlieroccasionsshehadsatsmokingdefiantlywhiletheytalkedwithRain；nowittookmorecouragethanshecouldcommandtoproducehercigarettes，soshecontentedherselfwiththeminorvictoryofthebeer，dyingtogulpitdownthirstilybutmindfuloftheirdubiousregard。Ladylikesips，Justine，evenifyouaredryerthanasecondhandsermon。
\"Rain’sabonzerbloke，\"saidHughie，eyestwinkling。Startled，Justinesuddenlyrealizedwhyshehadgrownsomuchinimportanceintheirthoughts:shehadcaughtherselfamanthey’dliketohaveinthefamily。\"Yes，heisrather，\"shesaidshortly，andchangedthesubject。\"Itwasalovelyday，wasn’tit？\"
Alltheheadsbobbedinunison，evenFrank’s，buttheydidn’tseemtowanttodiscussit。Shecouldseehowtiredtheywere，yetshedidn’tregretherimpulsetovisitthem。Ittookalittlewhilefornear-atrophiedsensesandfeelingstolearnwhattheirproperfunctionswere，andtheUnkswereagoodpracticetarget。Thatwasthetroublewithbeinganisland；oneforgottherewasanythinggoingonbeyonditsshores。
\"What’sDesdemona？\"Frankaskedfromtheshadowswherehehid。Justinelaunchedintoavividdescription，charmedbytheirhorrorwhentheylearnedshewouldbestrangledonceanight，andonlyrememberedhowtiredtheymustbehalfanhourlaterwhenPatsyyawned。\"Imustgo，\"shesaid，puttingdownheremptyglass。Shehadnotbeenofferedasecondbeer；onewasapparentlythelimitforladies。\"Thanksforlisteningtomeblather。\"
MuchtoBob’ssurpriseandconfusion，shekissedhimgoodnight；Jackedgedawaybutwaseasilycaught，whileHughieacceptedthefarewellwithalacrity。Jimsturnedbrightred，endureditdumbly。ForPatsy，ahugaswellasakiss，becausehewasalittlebitofanislandhimself。AndforFranknokissatall，heavertedhishead；yetwhensheputherarmsaroundhimshecouldsenseafaintechoofsomeintensityquitemissingintheothers。PoorFrank。Whywashelikethat？
Outsidetheirdoor，sheleanedforamomentagainstthewall。Rainlovedher。Butwhenshetriedtophonehisroomtheoperatorinformedherhehadcheckedout，returnedtoBonn。
Nomatter。ItmightbebettertowaituntilLondontoseehim，anyway。Acontriteapologyviathemail，andaninvitationtodinnernexttimehewasinEngland。Thereweremanythingsshedidn’tknowaboutRain，butofonecharacteristicshehadnodoubtatall；hewouldcome，becausehehadn’tagrudgingboneinhisbody。Sinceforeignaffairshadbecomehisforte，Englandwasoneofhismostregularportsofcall。\"Youwaitandsee，mylad，\"shesaid，staringintohermirrorandseeinghisfaceinsteadofherown。\"I’mgoingtomakeEnglandyourmostimportantforeignaffair，ormynameisn’tJustineO’neill。\"
IthadnotoccurredtoherthatperhapsasfarasRainwasconcerned，hernamewasindeedthecruxofthematter。Herpatternsofbehaviorwereset，andmarriagewasnopartofthem。ThatRainmightwanttomakeheroverintoJustineHartheimneverevencrossedhermind。Shewastoobusyrememberingthequalityofhiskiss，anddreamingofmore。
ThereremainedonlythetaskoftellingDaneshecouldn’tgotoGreecewithhim，butaboutthisshewasuntroubled。Danewouldunderstand，healwaysdid。Onlysomehowshedidn’tthinkshe’dtellhimallthereasonswhyshewasn’tabletogo。Muchasshelovedherbrother，shedidn’tfeellikelisteningtowhatwouldbeoneofhissternesthomiliesever。HewantedhertomarryRain，soifshetoldhimwhatherplansforRainwere，he’dcartherofftoGreecewithhimifitmeantforcibleabduction。WhatDane’searsdidn’thear，hisheartcouldn’tgrieveabout。
\"DearRain，\"thenotesaid。\"SorryIranlikeahairygoattheothernight，can’tthinkwhatgotintome。Thehecticdayandeverything，Isuppose。Pleaseforgivemeforbehavinglikeanutterprawn。I’mashamedofmyselfformakingsomuchfussaboutatrifle。AndIdaresaythedayhadgottoyou，too，wordsofloveandall，Imean。SoItellyouwhat-youforgiveme，andI’llforgiveyou。Let’sbefriends，please。Ican’tbeartobeatoutswithyou。Nexttimeyou’reinLondon，cometodinneratmyplaceandwe’llformallydraftoutapeacetreaty。\"
Asusualitwassignedplain\"Justine。\"Nowordsevenofaffection；sheneverusedthem。Frowning，hestudiedtheartlesslycasualphrasesasifhecouldseethroughthemtowhatwasreallyinhermindasshewrote。Itwascertainlyanovertureoffriendship，butwhatelse？Sighing，hewasforcedtoadmitprobablyverylittle。Hehadfrightenedherbadly；thatshewantedtoretainhisfriendshipspokeofhowmuchhemeanttoher，butheverymuchdoubtedwhethersheunderstoodexactlywhatshefeltforhim。Afterall，nowsheknewhelovedher；ifshehadsortedherselfoutsufficientlytorealizeshelovedhimtoo，shewouldhavecomestraightoutwithitinherletter。YetwhyhadshereturnedtoLondoninsteadofgoingtoGreecewithDane？Heknewheshouldn’thopeitwasbecauseofhim，butdespitehismisgivings，hopebegantocolorhisthoughtssocheerfullyhebuzzedhissecretary。Itwas10A。m。GreenwichMeanTime，thebesthourtofindherathome。\"GetmeMissO’neill’sLondonflat，\"heinstructed，andwaitedtheinterveningsecondswithafrownpullingattheinnercornersofhisbrows。\"Rain！\"Justinesaid，apparentlydelighted。\"Didyougetmyletter？\"\"Thisminute。\"
Afteradelicatepauseshesaid。\"Andwillyoucometodinnersoon？\"\"I’mgoingtobeinEnglandthiscomingFridayandSaturday。Isthenoticetooshort？\"
\"NotifSaturdayeveningisallrightwithyou。I’minrehearsalforDesdemona，soFriday’sout。\"
\"Desdemona？\"
\"That’sright，youdon’tknow！ClydewrotetomeinRomeandofferedmethepart。MarcSimpsonas
Othello，Clydedirectingpersonally。Isn’titwonderful？IcamebacktoLondononthefirstplane。\"
Heshieldedhiseyeswithhishand，thankfulhissecretarywassafelyinherouteroffice，notsittingwhereshecouldseehisface。\"Justine，Herzchen，that’smarvelousnews！\"hemanagedtosayenthusiastically。\"IwaswonderingwhatbroughtyoubacktoLondon。\"
\"Oh，Daneunderstood，\"shesaidlightly，\"andinawayIthinkhewasquitegladtobealone。Hehadconcoctedastoryaboutneedingmetobitchathimtogohome，butIthinkitwasallmoreforhissecondreason，thathedoesn’twantmetofeelexcludedfromhislifenowhe’sapriest。\"\"Probably，\"heagreedpolitely。
\"Saturdayevening，then，\"she-said。\"Aroundsix，thenwecanhavealeisurelypeacetreatysessionwiththeaidofabottleortwo，andI’llfeedyouafterwe’vereachedasatisfactorycompromise。Allright？\"\"Yes，ofcourse。Goodbye，Herzchen。\"
Contactwascutoffabruptlybythesoundofherreceivergoingdown；hesatforamomentwithhisstillinhishand，thenshruggedandreplaceditonitscradle。DamnJustine！Shewasbeginningtocomebetweenhimandhiswork。Shecontinuedtocomebetweenhimandhisworkduringthesucceedingdays，thoughitwasdoubtfulifanyonesuspected。AndonSaturdayeveningalittleaftersixhepresentedhimselfatherapartment，empty-handedasusualbecauseshewasadifficultpersontobringgifts。Shewasindifferenttoflowers，neveratecandyandwouldhavethrownamoreexpensiveofferingcarelesslyinsomecorner，thenforgottenit。TheonlygiftsJustineseemedtoprizewerethoseDanehadgivenher。
\"Champagnebeforedinner？\"heasked，lookingatherinsurprise。\"Well，Ithinktheoccasioncallsforit，don’tyou？Itwasourfirst-everbreakingofrelations，andthisisourfirst-everreconciliation，\"sheansweredplausibly，indicatingacomfortablechairforhimandsettlingherselfonthetawnykangaroo-furrug，lipspartedasifshehadalreadyrehearsedrepliestoanythinghemightsaynext。Butconversationwasbeyondhim，atleastuntilhewasbetterabletoassesshermood，sohewatchedherinsilence。Untilhehadkissedherithadbeeneasytokeephimselfpartiallyaloof，butnow，seeingheragainforthefirsttimesince，headmittedthatitwasgoingtobeagreatdealharderinthefuture。
Probablyevenwhenshewasaveryoldwomanshewouldstillretainsomethingnotquitefullymatureaboutfaceandbearing；asthoughessentialwomanlinesswouldalwayspassherby。Thatcool，self-centered，logicalbrainseemedtodominatehercompletely，yetforhimsheownedafascinationsopotenthedoubtedifhewouldeverbeabletoreplaceherwithanyotherwoman。Neveroncehadhequestionedwhethershewasworththelongstruggle。Possiblyfromaphilosophicalstandpointshewasn’t。Diditmatter？Shewasagoal，anaspiration。
\"You’relookingverynicetonight；Herzchen，\"hesaidatlast，tippinghischampagneglasstoherinagesturehalftoast，halfacknowledgmentofanadversary。
AcoalfiresimmeredunshieldedinthesmallVictoriangrate，butJustinedidn’tseemtomindtheheat，huddledclosetoitwithhereyesfixedonhim。Thensheputherglassonthehearthwitharingingsnapandsatforward，herarmslinkedaboutherknees，barefeethiddenbyfoldsofdenselyblackgown。\"Ican’tstandbeatingaroundthebush，\"shesaid。\"Didyoumeanit，Rain？\"Suddenlyrelaxingdeeply，helaybackinhischair。\"Meanwhat？\"\"WhatyousaidinRome……Thatyoulovedme。\"
\"Isthatwhatthisisallabout，Herzchen？\"
Shelookedaway，shrugged，lookedbackathimandnodded。\"Well，ofcourse。\"
\"Butwhybringitupagain？Youtoldmewhatyouthought，andIhadgatheredtonight’sinvitationwasn’textendedtobringupthepast，onlyplanafuture。\"
\"Oh，Rain！You’reactingasifI’mmakingafuss！EvenifIwas，surelyyoucanseewhy。\"
\"No，Ican’t。\"Heputhisglassdownandbentforwardtowatchhermoreclosely。\"Yougavemetounderstandmostemphaticallythatyouwantednopartofmylove，andIhadhopedyou’datleasthavethedecencytorefrainfromdiscussingit。\"
Ithadnotoccurredtoherthatthismeeting，nomatterwhatitsoutcome，wouldbesouncomfortable；afterall，hehadputhimselfinthepositionofasuppliant，andoughttobewaitinghumblyforhertoreverseherdecision。Insteadheseemedtohaveturnedthetablesneatly。Hereshewasfeelinglikeanaughtyschoolgirlcalledupontoanswerforsomeidioticprank。\"Look，sport，you’retheonewhochangedthestatusquo，notme！Ididn’taskyoutocometonightsoIcouldbegforgivenessforhavingwoundedthegreatHartheimego！\"
\"Onthedefensive，Justine？\"
Shewriggledimpatiently。\"Yes，dammit！Howdoyoumanagetodothattome，Rain？Oh，Iwishjustonceyou’dletmeenjoyhavingtheupperhand！\"\"IfIdid，you’dthrowmeoutlikeasmellyoldrag，\"hesaid，smiling。\"Icandothatyet，mate！\"
\"Nonsense！Ifyouhaven’tdoneitbynowyouneverwill。You’llgoonseeingmebecauseIkeepyouonthehop-youneverknowwhattoexpectfromme。\"
\"Isthatwhyyousaidyoulovedme？\"sheaskedpainfully。\"Wasitonlyaploytokeepmeonthehop？\"
\"Whatdoyouthink？\"
\"Ithinkyou’reaprizebastard！\"shesaidthroughherteeth，andmarchedacrosstherugonherkneesuntilshewascloseenoughtogivehimthefullbenefitofheranger。\"Sayyoulovemeagain，youbigKrautprawn，andwatchmespitinyoureye！\"Hewasangry，too。\"No，I’mnotgoingtosayitagain！Thatisn’twhyyouaskedmetocome，isit？Myfeelingsdon’tconcernyouonebit，Justine。Youaskedmetocomesoyoucouldexperimentwithyourownfeelings，anditdidn’tenteryourmindtoconsiderwhetherthatwasbeingfairtome。\"Beforeshecouldmoveawayheleanedforward，grippedherarmsneartheshouldersandclampedherbodybetweenhislegs，holdingherfirmly。Herragevanishedatonce；sheflattenedherpalmsonhisthighsandliftedherface。Buthedidn’tkissher。Heletgoofherarmsandtwistedtoswitchoffthelampbehindhim，thenrelaxedhisholdonherandlaidhisheadbackagainstthechair，sothatshewasn’tsureifhehaddimmedtheroomdowntoglowingcoalsasthefirstmoveinhislove-making，orsimplytoconcealhisexpression。Uncertain，afraidofoutrightrejection，shewaitedtobetoldwhattodo。Sheshouldhaverealizedearlierthatonedidn’ttamperwithpeoplelikeRain。Theywereasinvincibleasdeath。Whycouldn’tsheputherheadonhislapandsay:Rain，loveme，IneedyousomuchandI’msosorry？Oh，surelyifshecouldgethimtomakelovetohersomeemotionalkeywouldturnanditwouldallcometumblingout，released……Stillwithdrawn，remote，helethertakeoffhisjacketandtie，butbythetimeshebegantounbuttonhisshirtsheknewitwasn’tgoingtowork。Thekindofinstinctiveeroticskillswhichcouldmakethemostmundaneoperationexcitingwerenotinherrepertoire。Thiswassoimportant，andshewasmakinganabsolutemessofit。Herfingersfaltered，hermouthpuckered。Sheburstintotears。
\"Oh，no！Herzchen，liebchen，don’tcry！\"Hepulledherontohislapandturnedherheadintohisshoulder，hisarmsaroundher。\"I’msorry，Herzchen，Ididn’tmeantomakeyoucry。\"\"Nowyouknow，\"shesaidbetweensobs。\"I’mamiserablefailure；Itoldyouitwouldn’twork！Rain，Iwantedsobadlytokeepyou，butIknewitwouldn’tworkifIletyouseehowawfulIam！\"
\"No，ofcourseitwouldn’twork。Howcouldit？Iwasn’thelpingyou，Herzchen。\"Hetuggedatherhairtobringherfaceuptohis，kissedhereyelids，herwetcheeks，thecornersofhermouth。\"It’smyfault，Herzchen，notyours。Iwaspayingyouback；Iwantedtoseehowfaryoucouldgowithoutencouragement。ButIthinkIhavemistakenyourmotives，nichtwahr？\"Hisvoicehadgrownthicker，moreGerman。\"AndIsay，ifthisiswhatyouwantyoushallhaveit，butitshallbetogether。\"
\"Please，Rain，let’scallitoff！Ihaven’tgotwhatittakes。I’llonlydisappointyou！\"
\"Oh，you’vegotit，Herzchen，I’veseenitonthestage。Howcanyoudoubtyourselfwhenyou’rewithme？\"
Whichwassorighthertearsdried。
\"KissmethewayyoudidinRome，\"shewhispered。Onlyitwasn’tlikethekissinRomeatall。Thathadbeensomethingraw，startled，explosive；thiswasverylanguorousanddeep，anopportunitytotasteandsmellandfeel，settlebylayersintovoluptuousease。Herfingersreturnedtothebuttons，hiswenttothezipperofherdress，thenhecoveredherhandwithhisandthrustitinsidehisshirt，acrossskinmattedwithfinesofthair。Thesuddenhardeningofhismouthagainstherthroatbroughtahelplessresponsesoacuteshefeltfaint，thoughtshewasfallingandfoundshehad，flatonthesilkyrugwithRainloomingaboveher。Hisshirthadcomeoff，perhapsmore，shecouldn’tsee，onlythefireglancingoffhisshouldersspreadoverher，andthebeautifulsternmouth。Determinedtodestroyitsdisciplineforalltime，shelockedherfingersinhishairandmadehimkissheragain，harder，harder！
Andthefeelofhim！Likecominghome，recognizingeverypartofhimwithherlipsandhandsandbody，yetfabulousandstrange。Whiletheworldsankdowntotheminutewidthofthefirelightlappingagainstdarkness，sheopenedherselftowhathewanted，andlearnedsomethinghehadkeptentirelyconcealedforaslongasshehadknownhim；thathemusthavemadelovetoherinimaginationathousandtimes。Herownexperienceandnewbornintuitiontoldherso。Shewascompletelydisarmed。Withanyothermantheintimacyandastonishingsensualitywouldhaveappalledher，butheforcedhertoseethatthesewerethingsonlyshehadtherighttocommand。Andcommandthemshedid。Untilfinallyshecriedforhimtofinishit，herarmsabouthimsostronglyshecouldfeelthecontoursofhisverybones。Theminutesworeaway，wrappedinasatedpeace。Theyhadfallenintoanidenticalrhythmofbreathing，slowandeasy，hisheadagainsthershoulder，herlegthrownacrosshim。Graduallyherrigidclasponhisbackrelaxed，becameadreamy，circularcaress。Hesighed，turnedoverandreversedthewaytheywerelying，quiteunconsciouslyinvitinghertoslidestilldeeperintothepleasureofbeingwithhim。Sheputherpalmonhisflanktofeelthetextureofhisskin，slidherhandacrosswarmmuscleandcuppeditaroundthesoft，heavymassinhisgroin。Tofeelthecuriouslyalive，independentmovementswithinitwasasensationquitenewtoher；herpastlovershadneverinterestedhersufficientlytowanttoprolonghersexualcuriositytothislanguidandundemandingaftermath。Yetsuddenlyitwasn’tlanguidandundemandingatall，butsoenormouslyexcitingshewantedhimalloveragain。Stillshewastakenunaware，knewasuffocatedsurprisewhenheslippedhisarmsacrossherback，tookherheadinhishandsandheldhercloseenoughtoseetherewasnothingcontrolledabouthismouth，shapednowsolelybecauseofher，andforher。Tendernessandhumilitywereliterallyborninherinthatmoment。Itmusthaveshowninherface，forhewasgazingatherwitheyesgrownsobrightshecouldn’tbearthem，andbentovertotakehisupperlipbetweenherown。Thoughtsandsensesmergedatlast，buthercrywassmotheredsoundless，anunutteredwailofgladnesswhichshookhersodeeplyshelostawarenessofeverythingbeyondimpulse，themindlessguidanceofeachurgentminute。Theworldachieveditsultimatecontraction，turnedinuponitself，andtotallydisappeared。
Rainermusthavekeptthefiregoing，forwhengentleLondondaylightsoakedthroughthefoldsofthecurtainstheroomwasstillwarm。ThistimewhenhemovedJustinebecameconsciousofit，andclutchedhisarmfearfully。\"Don’tgo！\"
\"I’mnot，Herzchen。\"Hetwitchedanotherpillowfromthesofa，pusheditbehindhisheadandshiftedhercloserintohisside，sighingsoftly。\"Allright？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Areyoucold？\"
\"No，butifyouarewecouldgotobed。\"
\"Aftermakinglovetoyouforhoursonafurrug？Whatacomedown！Evenifyoursheetsareblacksilk。\"
\"They’reordinaryoldwhiteones，cotton。ThisbitofDroghedaisallright，isn’tit？\"
\"BitofDrogheda？\"
\"Therug！It’smadeofDroghedakangaroos，\"sheexplained。\"Notnearlyexoticoreroticenough。I’llorderyouatigerskinfromIndia。\"
\"RemindsmeofapoemIheardonce:
Wouldyouliketosin
WithElinorGlyn
Onatigerskin？
Orwouldyouprefer
ToerrwithherOnsomeotherfur？
\"Well，Herzchen，Imustsayit’shightimeyoubouncedback！BetweenthedemandsofErosandMorpheus，youhaven’tbeenflippantinhalfaday。\"Hesmiled。
\"Idon’tfeeltheneedatthemoment，\"shesaidwithanansweringsmile，settlinghishandcomfortablybetweenherlegs。\"Thetigerskindoggereljustpoppedoutbecauseitwastoogoodtoresist，butIhaven’tgotasingleskeletonlefttohidefromyou，sothere’snotmuchpointinflippancy，isthere？\"Shesniffed，suddenlyawareofafaintodorofstalefishdriftingontheair。\"Heavens，youdidn’tgetanydinnerandnowit’stimeforbreakfast！Ican’texpectyoutoliveonlove！\"
\"Notifyouexpectsuchstrenuousdemonstrationsofit，anyway。\"\"Goon，youenjoyedeverymomentofit。\"
\"IndeedIdid。\"Hesighed，stretched，yawned。\"IwonderifyouhaveanyideahowhappyIam。\"
\"Oh，Ithinkso，\"shesaidquietly:
Heraisedhimselfononeelbowtolookather。\"Tellme，wasDesdemonatheonlyreasonyoucamebacktoLondon？\"
Grabbinghisear，shetweakeditpainfully。\"Nowit’smyturntopayyoubackforallthoseheadmasterishquestions！Whatdoyouthink？\"Heprizedherfingersawayeasily，grinning。\"Ifyoudon’tanswerme，Herzchen，I’llstrangleyoufarmorepermanentlythanMarcdoes。\"\"IcamebacktoLondontodoDesdemona，butbecauseofyou。Ihaven’tbeenabletocallmylifemyownsinceyoukissedmeinRome，andwellyouknowit。You’reaveryintelligentman，RainerMoerlingHartheim。\"
\"IntelligentenoughtohaveknownIwantedyouformywifealmostthefirstmomentIsawyou，\"hesaid。
Shesatupquickly。\"Wife？\"
\"Wife。IfI’dwantedyouformymistressI’dhavetakenyouyearsago，andIcouldhave。Iknowhowyourmindworks；itwouldhavebeenrelativelyeasy。TheonlyreasonIdidn’twasbecauseIwantedyouformywifeandIknewyouweren’treadytoaccepttheideaofahusband。\"
\"Idon’tknowthatIamnow，\"shesaid，digestingit。Hegottohisfeet，pullingheruptostandagainsthim。\"Well，youcanputinalittlepracticebygettingmesomebreakfast。IfthiswasmyhouseI’ddothehonors，butinyourkitchenyou’rethecook。\"
\"Idon’tmindgettingyourbreakfastthismorning，buttheoreticallytocommitmyselfuntilthedayIdie？\"Sheshookherhead。\"Idon’tthinkthat’smycupoftea，Rain。\"
ItwasthesameRomanemperor’sface，andimperiallyunperturbedbythreatsofinsurrection。\"Justine，thisisnotsomethingtoplaywith，noramIsomeonetoplaywith。There’splentyoftime。YouhaveeveryreasontoknowIcanbepatient。Butgetitoutofyourheadentirelythatthiscanbesettledinanywaybutmarriage。Ihavenowishtobeknownasanyonelessimportanttoyouthanahusband。\"
\"I’mnotgivingupacting！\"shesaidaggressively。\"VerfluchteKiste，didIaskyouto？Growup，Justine！AnyonewouldthinkIwascondemningyoutoalifesentenceoverasinkandstove！We’renotexactlyonthebreadline，youknow。Youcanhaveasmanyservantsasyouwant，nanniesforthechildren，whateverelseisnecessary。\"
\"Erk！\"saidJustine，whohadn’tthoughtofchildren。Hethrewbackhisheadandlaughed。\"Oh，Herzchen，thisiswhat’sknownasthemorningafterwithavengeance！I’mafooltobringuprealities。sosoon，Iknow，butallyouhavetodoatthisstageisthinkaboutthem。ThoughIgiveyoufairwarning-whileyou’remakingyourdecision，rememberthatifIcan’thaveyouformywife，Idon’twantyouatall。\"
Shethrewherarmsaroundhim，clingingfiercely。\"Oh，Rain，don’tmakeitsohard！\"shecried。
Alone，DanedrovehisLagondauptheItalianboot，pastPerugia，Firenze，Bologna，Ferrara，Padova，betterby-passVenezia，spendthenightinTrieste。Itwasoneofhisfavoritecities，sohestayedontheAdriaticcoastafurthertwodaysbeforeheadingupthemountainroadtoLjubljana，anothernightinZagreb。DownthegreatSavaRivervalleyamidfieldsbluewithchicoryflowerstoBeograd，thencetoNis，anothernight。MacedoniaandSkopje，stillincrumblingruinsfromtheearthquaketwoyearsbefore；andTito-Velesthevacationcity，quaintlyTurkishwithitsmosquesandminarets。AllthewaydownYugoslaviahehadeatenfrugally，tooashamedtositwithagreatplateofmeatinfrontofhimwhenthepeopleofthecountrycontentedthemselveswithbread。
TheGreekborderatEvzone，beyonditThessalonika。TheItalianpapershadbeenfulloftherevolutionbrewinginGreece；standinginhishotelbedroomwindowwatchingthebobbingthousandsofflamingtorchesmovingrestlesslyinthedarknessofaThessalonikanight，hewasgladJustinehadnotcome。\"Pap-an-dre-out！Pap-an-dre-out！Pap-an-dre-out！\"thecrowdsroared，chanting，millingamongthetorchesuntilaftermidnight。Butrevolutionwasaphenomenonofcities，ofdenseconcentrationsofpeopleandpoverty；thescarredcountrysideofThessalymuststilllookasithadlookedtoCaesar’slegions，marchingacrossthestubble-burnedfieldstoPompeyatPharsala。Shepherdssleptintheshadeofskintents，storksstoodone-leggedinnestsatoplittleoldwhitebuildings，andeverywherewasaterrifyingaridity。Itremindedhim，withitshighclearsky，itsbrowntreelesswastes，ofAustralia。Andhebreathedofitdeeply，begantosmileatthethoughtofgoinghome。Mumwouldunderstand，whenhetalkedtoher。
AboveLarisahecameontothesea，stoppedthecarandgotout。Homer’swine-darksea，adelicateclearaquamarinenearthebeaches，purple-stainedlikegrapesasitstretchedtothecurvinghorizon。Onagreenswardfarbelowhimstoodatinyroundpillaredtemple，verywhiteinthesun，andontheriseofthehillbehindhimafrowningCrusaderfortressendured。Greece，youareverybeautiful，morebeautifulthanItaly，forallthatIloveItaly。Buthereisthecradle，forever。
PantingtobeinAthens，hepushedon，gunnedtheredsportscaruptheswitchbacksoftheDomokosPassanddescendeditsothersideintoBoeotia，astunningpanoramaofolivegroves，rustyhillsides，mountains。YetinspiteofhishastehestoppedtolookattheoddlyHollywoodishmonumenttoLeonidasandhisSpartansatThermopylae。Thestonesaid:\"Stranger，gotelltheSpartansthatherewelie，inobediencetotheircommand。\"Itstruckachordinhim，almostseemedtobewordshemighthaveheardinadifferentcontext；heshiveredandwentonquickly。
InmeltedsunhepausedforawhileaboveKamenaVoura，swamintheclearwaterlookingacrossthenarrowstraittoEuboea；theremustthethousandshipshavesailedfromAulis，ontheirwaytoTroy。Itwasastrongcurrent，swirlingseaward；theymustnothavehadtoplytheiroarsveryhard。Theecstaticcooingsandstrokingsoftheancientblack-garbedcroneinthebath-houseembarrassedhim；hecouldn’tgetawayfromherfastenough。Peopleneverreferredtohisbeautytohisfaceanymore，somostofthetimehewasabletoforgetit。Delayingonlytobuyacoupleofhuge，custard-filledcakesintheshop，hewentondowntheAtticcoastandfinallycametoAthensasthesunwassetting，gildingthegreatrockanditspreciouscrownofpillars。
ButAthenswastenseandvicious，andtheopenadmirationofthewomenmortifiedhim；Romanwomenweremoresophisticated，subtle。Therewasafeelinginthecrowds，pocketsofrioting，grimdeterminationonthepartofthepeopletohavePapandreou。No，Athenswasn’therself；bettertobeelsewhere。HeputtheLagondainagarageandtooktheferrytoCrete。Andthereatlast，amidtheolivegroves，thewildthymeandthemountains，hefoundhispeace。Afteralongbusridewithtrussedchickensscreechingandtheall-pervasivereekofgarlicinhisnostrils，hefoundatinywhite-paintedinnwithanarchedcolonnadeandthreeumbrellaedtablesoutsideontheflagstones，gayGreekbagshangingfestoonedlikelanterns。PeppertreesandAustraliangumtrees，plantedfromthenewSouthLandinsoiltooaridforEuropeantrees。Thegutroarofcicadas。Dust，swirlinginredclouds。
Atnighthesleptinatinycell-likeroomwithshutterswideopen，inthehushofdawnhecelebratedasolitaryMass，duringthedayhewalked。Noonebotheredhim；hebotherednoone。Butashepassedthedarkeyesofthepeasantswouldfollowhiminslowamazement，andeveryfacewouldcreasedeeperinasmile。Itwashot，andsoquiet，andverysleepy。Perfectpeace。Dayfollowedday，likebeadsslippingthroughaleatheryCretanhand。Voicelesslyheprayed，afeeling，anextensionofwhatlayallthroughhim，thoughtslikebeads，dayslikebeads。Lord，IamtrulyThine。ForThymanyblessingsIthankThee。ForthegreatCardinal，hishelp，hisdeepfriendship，hisunfailinglove。ForRomeandthechancetobeatThyheart，tohavelainprostratebeforeTheeinThineownbasilica，tohavefelttherockofThyChurchwithinme。Thouhastblessedmeabovemyworth；whatcanIdoforThee，toshowmyappreciation？Ihavenotsufferedenough。Mylifehasbeenonelong，absolutejoysinceIbeganinThyservice。Imustsuffer，andThouWhosufferedwillknowthat。ItisonlythroughsufferingthatImayriseabovemyself，understandTheebetter。Forthatiswhatthislifeis:thepassagetowardunderstandingThymystery。PlungeThyspearintomybreast，buryittheresodeeplyIamneverabletowithdrawit！Makemesuffer……ForTheeIforsakeallothers，evenmymotherandmysisterandtheCardinal。Thoualoneartmypain，myjoy。AbasemeandIshallsingThybelovedName。Destroyme，andIshallrejoice。IloveThee。OnlyThee……
Hehadcometothelittlebeachwherehelikedtoswim，ayellowcrescentbetweenbeetlingcliffs，andstoodforamomentlookingacrosstheMediterraneantowhatmustbeLibya，farbelowthedarkhorizon。Thenheleapedlightlydownthestepstothesand，kickedoffhissneakers，pickedthemup，andtrodthroughthesoftlyyieldingcontourstothespotwhereheusuallydroppedshoes，shirt，outershorts。TwoyoungEnglishmentalkingindrawlingOxfordaccentslaylikebroilinglobstersnotfaraway，andbeyondthemtwowomendrowsilyspeakinginGerman。Daneglancedatthewomenandself-consciouslyhitchedhisswimsuit，awaretheyhadstoppedconversingandhadsatuptopattheirhair，smileathim。
\"Howgoesit？\"heaskedtheEnglishmen，thoughinhismindhecalledthemwhatallAustralianscalltheEnglish，Pommies。Theyseemedtobefixtures，sincetheywereonthebeacheveryday。
\"Splendidly，oldboy。Watchthecurrent-it’stoostrongforus。Stormouttheresomewhere。\"
\"Thanks。\"Danegrinned，randowntotheinnocentlycurlingwaveletsanddivedcleanlyintoshallowwaterliketheexpertSurferhewas。Amazing，howdeceptivecalmwatercouldbe。Thecurrentwasvicious，hecouldfeelittuggingathislegstodrawhimunder，buthewastoostrongaswimmertobeworriedbyit。Headdown，heslidsmoothlythroughthewater，revelinginthecoolness，thefreedom。WhenhepausedandscannedthebeachhesawthetwoGermanwomenpullingontheircaps，runningdownlaughingtothewaves。Cuppinghishandsaroundhismouth，hecalledtotheminGermantostayinshallowwaterbecauseofthecurrent。Laughing，theywavedacknowledgment。Heputhisheaddownthen，swamagain，andthoughtheheardacry。Butheswamalittlefarther，thenstoppedtotreadwaterinaspotwheretheundertowwasn’tsobad。Therewerecries；asheturnedhesawthewomenstruggling，theirtwistedfacesscreaming，onewithherhandsup，sinking。OnthebeachthetwoEnglishmenhadrisentotheirfeetandwerereluctantlyapproachingthewater。
Heflippedoverontohisbellyandflashedthroughthewater，closerandcloser。Panickedarmsreachedforhim，clungtohim，draggedhimunder；hemanagedtogriponewomanaroundthewaistlongenoughtostunherwithaswiftcliponthechin，thengrabbedtheotherbythestrapofherswimsuit，shovedhiskneehardintoherspineandwindedher。Coughing，forhehadswallowedwaterwhenhewentunder，heturnedonhisbackandbegantowinghishelplessburdensin。
ThetwoPommieswerestandingshoulder-deep，toofrightenedtoventureanyfarther，forwhichDanedidn’tblamethemintheleast。Histoesjusttouchedthesand；hesighedinrelief。Exhausted，heexertedalastsuperhumaneffortandthrustthewomentosafety。Fastregainingtheirsenses，theybeganscreamingagain，thrashingaboutwildly。Gasping，Danemanagedagrin。Hehaddonehisbit；thePomscouldtakeovernow。Whileherested，chestheaving，thecurrenthadsuckedhimoutagain，hisfeetnolongerbrushedthebottomevenwhenhestretchedthemdownward。Ithadbeenaclosecall。Ifhehadn’tbeenpresenttheywouldcertainlyhavedrowned；thePomshadn’tthestrengthorskilltosavethem。But，saidavoice，theyonlywantedtoswimsotheycouldbenearyou；untiltheysawyouthey
hadn’tanyintentionofgoingin。Itwasyourfaulttheywereindanger，yourfault。
Andashefloatedeasilyaterriblepainblossomedinhischest，surelyasaspearwouldfeel，onelongandred-hotshaftofscreamingagony。Hecriedout，threwhisarmsupabovehishead，stiffening，musclesconvulsed；butthepaingrewworse，forcedhisarmsdownagain，thrusthisfistsintohisarmpits，broughtuphisknees。Myheart！I’mhavingaheartattack，I’mdying！Myheart！Idon’twanttodie！Notyet，notbeforeI’vebegunmywork，notbeforeI’vehadachancetoprovemyself！DearLord，helpme！Idon’twanttodie，Idon’twanttodie！
Thespasmedbodystilled，relaxed；Daneturnedontohisback，lethisarmsfloatwideandlimpinspiteofthepain。Wet-lashed，hestared——upatthesoaringvaultofthesky。Thisisit；thisisThyspear，thatIinmypridebeggedfornotanhourago。Givemethechancetosuffer，Isaid，makemesuffer。NowwhenitcomesIresist，notcapableofperfectlove。DearestLord，Thypain！Imustacceptit，Imustnotfightit，ImustnotfightThywill。ThyhandismightyandthisisThypain，asThoumusthavefeltitontheCross。MyGod，myGod，IamThine！IfthisisThywill，sobeit。LikeachildIputmyselfintoThyinfinitehand。Thouarttoogoodtome。WhathaveIdonetodeservesomuchfromThee，andfromthepeoplewholovemebetterthantheyloveanyoneelse？WhyhastThougivenmesomuch，whenIamnotworthy？Thepain，thepain！Thouartsogoodtome。Letitnotbelong，Iasked，andithasnotbeenlong。Mysufferingwillbeshort，quicklyover。SoonIshallseeThyface，butnow，stillinthislife，IthankThee。Thepain！MydearestLord，Thouarttoogoodtome。IloveThee！Ahugetremorpassedthroughthestill，waitingbody。Hislipsmoved，murmuredaName，triedtosmile。Thenthepupilsdilated，droveallthebluefromhiseyesforever。Safeonthebeachatlast，thetwoEnglishmen
dumpedtheirweepingchargesonthesandandstoodlookingforhim。Buttheplaciddeepblueseawasempty，vast；thewaveletsranuprushingandretreated。Danewasgone。
SomeonethoughtoftheUnitedStatesAirForcestationnearby，andranforhelp。NotthirtyminutesafterDanehaddisappearedahelicoptertookoff，beattheairfranticallyandswoopedinever-increasingcirclesoutwardfromthebeach，searching。Nooneexpectedtoseeanything。Drownedmensanktothebottomanddidn’tcomeupfordays。Anhourpassed；thenfifteenmilesouttoseatheysightedDanefloatingpeacefullyonthebosomofthedeep，armsoutstretched。，faceturneduptothesky。Foramomenttheythoughthewasaliveandcheered，butasthecraftcamelowenoughtothrowthewaterintohissingfoam，itwasplainhewasdead。Thecoordinatesweregivenoverthehelicopter’sradio，alaunchspedout，andthreehourslaterreturned。Wordhadspread。TheCretanshadlovedtoseehimpass，lovedtoexchangeafewshywords。Lovedhim，thoughtheydidn’tknowhim。Theyflockeddowntothesea，womenallinblacklikedowdybirds，meninold-fashionedbaggytrousers，whiteshirtsopenatthecollarandsleevesrolledup。Andstoodinsilentgroups，waiting。
Whenthelaunchcameinaburlymastersergeantsprangoutontothesand，turnedbacktoreceiveablanket-drapedformintohisarms。Hemarchedafewfleetupthebeachbeyondthewaterline，andwiththehelpofanothermanlaidhisburdendown。Theblanketfellapart；therewasahigh，rustlingwhisperfromtheCretans。Theycamecrowdingaround，pressingcrucifixestoweather-beatenlips，thewomensoftlykeening，awordlessohhhhhhhh！thathadalmostamelodyinit，mournful，patient，earthbound，female。Itwasaboutfiveintheafternoon；thebarredsunwasslidingwestwardbehindthefrowningcliff，butwasstillhighenoughtolightupthelittledarkclusteronthebeach，thelong，stillformonthesandwithitsgoldenskin，itsclosedeyeswhoselasheswerespikyfromdryingsalt，thefaintsmileonthebluedlips。Astretcherwasbroughtforward，thenalltogetherCretansandAmericanservicemenboreDaneaway。
Athenswasinturmoil，riotingcrowdsoverturningallorder，buttheUSAFcolonelgotthroughtohissuperiorsonaspecialfrequencyband，Dane’sblueAustralianpassportinhishand。Itsaid，assuchdocumentsdo，nothingabouthim。Hisprofessionwassimplymarked\"Student，\"andinthebackundernextofkinJustine’snamewaslisted，withherLondonaddress。Unconcernedbythelegalmeaningoftheterm，hehadputhernamebecauseLondonwasfarclosertoRomethanDrogheda。Inhislittleroomattheinn，thesquareblackcasewhichhousedhispriestlyimplementshadnotbeenopened；itwaitedwithhissuitcasefordirectionsastowhereitshouldbesent。
WhenthephonerangatnineinthemorningJustinerolledover，openedablearyeyeandlaycursingit，vowingshewouldhavethebloodythingdisconnected。Becausetherestoftheworldthoughtitonlyrightandpropertocommencewhatevertheydidatnineinthemorning，whydidtheyassumethesameofher？
Butitrang，andrang，andrang。MaybeitwasRain；thatthoughttippedthebalancetowardconsciousness，andJustinegotup，sloppedreelingouttothelivingroom。TheGermanparliamentwasinurgentsession；shehadn’tseenRaininaweekandhadn’tbeenoptimisticaboutherchancesofseeinghimforatleastanotherweek。Butperhapsthecrisishadresolved，andhewascallingtotellherhewasonhiswayover。
\"Hello？\"
\"MissJustineO’neill？\"
\"Yes，speaking。\"
\"ThisisAustraliaHouse，intheAldwych，youknow？\"ThevoicehadanEnglishinflection，gaveanameshewastootiredtohearbecauseshewasstillassimilatingthefactthatthevoicewasnotRain’s。
\"Okay，AustraliaHouse。\"Yawning，shestoodononefootandscratcheditstopwiththesoleoftheother。
\"Doyouhaveabrother，aMr。DaneO’neill？\"
Justine’seyesopened。\"Yes，Ido。\"
\"IsheatpresentinGreece，MissO’neill？\"
Bothfeetsettledintotherug，stoodbraced。\"Yes，that’sright，\"Itdidnotoccurtohertocorrectthevoice，explainitwasFather，notMister。\"MissO’neill，Iverymuchregrettosaythatitismyunfortunatedutytogiveyousomebadnews。\"
\"Badnews？Badnews？Whatisit？What’sthematter？What’shappened？\"\"Iregrettohavetoinformyouthatyourbrother，Mr。DaneO’neill，wasdrownedyesterdayinCrete，Iunderstandinheroiccircumstances，performingasearescue。However，yourealizethereisarevolutioninGreece，andwhatinformationwehaveissketchyandpossiblynotaccurate。\"
ThephonestoodonatablenearthewallandJustineleanedagainstthesolidsupportthewalloffered。Herkneesbuckled，shebegantoslideveryslowlydownward，woundupinacurledheaponthefloor。Notlaughingandnotcrying，shemadenoisessomewhereinbetween，audiblegasps。Danedrowned。Gasp。Danedead。Gasp。Crete，Dane，drowned。Gasp。Dead，dead。\"MissO’neill？Areyouthere，MissO’neill？\"askedthevoiceinsistently。Dead。Drowned。Mybrother！
\"MissO’neill，answerme！\"
\"Yes，yes，yes，yes，yes！Oh，God，I’mhere！\"\"Iunderstandyouarehisnextofkin，thereforewemusthaveyourinstructionsastowhattodowiththebody。MissO’neill，areyouthere？\"\"Yes，yes！\"
\"Whatdoyouwantdonewiththebody，MissO’neill？\"Body！Hewasabody，andtheycouldn’tevensayhisbody，theyhadtosaythebody。Dane，myDane。Heisabody。\"Nextofkin？\"sheheardhervoiceasking，thinandfaint，tornbythosegreatgasps。\"I’mnotDane’snextofkin。Mymotheris，Isuppose。\"
Therewasapause。\"Thisisverydifficult，MissO’neill。Ifyou’renotthenextofkin，we’vewastedvaluabletime。\"Thepolitesympathygavewaytoimpatience。\"Youdon’tseemtounderstandthere’sarevolutiongoingoninGreeceandtheaccidenthappenedinCrete，evenmoreremoteandhardtocontact。Really！CommunicationwithAthensisvirtuallyimpossibleandwehavebeeninstructedtoforwardthenextofkin’spersonalwishesandinstructionsregardingthebodyimmediately。Isyourmotherthere？MayIspeaktoher，please？\"
\"Mymother’snothere。She’sinAustralia。\"
\"Australia？Lord，thisgetsworseandworse！Nowwe’llhavetosendacabletoAustralia；moredelays。Ifyouarenotthenextofkin，MissO’neill，whydidyourbrother’spassportsayyouwere？\"
\"Idon’tknow，\"shesaid，andfoundshehadlaughed。\"Givemeyourmother’saddressinAustralia；we’llcableheratonce。Wehavetoknowwhattodowiththebody！Bythetimecablesgetbackandforth，thiswillmeanatwelve-hourdelay，Ihopeyourealizethat。It’sgoingtobedifficultenoughwithoutthismix-up。\"
\"Phoneher，then。Don’twastetimewithcables。\"
\"Ourbudgetdoesnotextendtointernationalphonecalls，MissO’neill，\"saidthatstiffvoice。\"Now，willyoupleasegivemeyourmother’snameandaddress？\"
\"Mrs。MeggieO’neill，\"Justinerecited，\"Drogheda，Gillanbone，NewSouthWales，Australia。\"Shespelledouttheunfamiliarnamesforhim。\"Onceagain，MissO’neill，mydeepestregrets。\"
