“It’saverygoodbeginning,Ishouldthink。”
“Well,don’tyouthinkyououghttosaynowthatyou’resorryyouweresoformidable?”
“AmIsoformidable?”sheasked,andthenrecognisedthatshehadbeentrappedintoaleadingquestion。
“Youaretome。BecauseIwouldlikealwaystobesurethatIhadpleasedyou,andforthelasttwelvehoursI’veonlybeenabletomakesurethatIhadn’t。That’stheconsolationI’mgoingawaywith。I
thoughtI’dgetyoutoconfirmmyimpressionexplicitly。That’swhyI
wishedtojoinyou。”
“Areyou——wereyougoingaway?”
“I’mgoingbythenextboat。What’stheuseofstaying?Ishouldonlymakebadworse。YesterdayIhopedButlastnightspoiledeverything。
“MissPasmer。”hebrokeout,witharushoffeeling,“youmustknowwhyI
cameupheretoCampobello。”
Hisstepstookhimalittleaheadofher,andhecouldlookbackintoherfaceashespoke。Butapparentlyhesawnothinginittogivehimcouragetogoon,forhestopped,andthencontinued,lightly:“AndI’mgoingawaybecauseIfeelthatI’vemadeafailureoftheexpedition。I
knewthatyouweresupremelydisgustedwithmelastnight;butitwillbeasortofcomfortifyou’lltellmeso。”
“Oh。”saidAlice,“everybodythoughtitwasverybrilliant,I’msure。”
“Andyouthoughtitwasapieceofbuffoonery。Well,itwas。Iwishyou’dsayso,MissPasmer;thoughIdidn’tmeantheplayingentirely。Itwouldbesomethingtostartfrom,andIwanttomakeabeginning——turnoveranewleaf。Can’tyouhelpmetoinscribeagoodresolutionofthemostiron-claddescriptiononthestainlesspage?I’velainawakeallnightcomposingone。Wouldn’tyouliketohearit?”
“Ican’tseewhatgoodthatwoulddo。”shesaid,withsomerelentingtowardasmile,inwhichheinstantlypreparedhimselftobask。
“ButyouwillwhenI’vedoneit。Nowlisten!“
“Pleasedon’tgoon。”Shecuthimshortwithareturntoherseverity,whichhewouldnotrecognise。
“Well,perhapsI’dbetternot。”heconsented。“It’sratheralongresolution,andIdon’tknowthatI’vecommitteditperfectlyyet。ButI
doassureyouthatifyouweredisgustedlastnight,youwerenottheonlyone。Iwasimmenselydisgustedmyself;andwhyIwantedyoutotellmeso,wasbecausewhenIhaveastrongpressurebroughttobearIcanbraceup,anddoalmostanything。”hesaid,droppingintoearnest。Thenheroselightlyagain,andadded,“Youhavenoideahowunpleasantitistolieawakeallnightthrowingdustintheeyesofanaccusingconscience。”
“Itmusthavebeen,ifyoudidn’tsucceed。”saidAlicedrily。
“Yes,that’sit——that’sjustthepoint。IfI’dsucceeded,Ishouldbeallright,don’tyousee。Butitwasadifficultcase。”Sheturnedherfaceaway,buthesawthesmileonhercheek,andhelaughedasifthiswerewhathehadbeentryingtomakeherdo。“Igotbeaten。Ihadtogiveup,andownit。IhadtosaythatIhadthrownmychanceaway,andIhadbettertakemyselfoff。”Helookedatherwitharealanxietyinhisgayeyes。
“Theboatgoesjustafterlunch,Ibelieve。”shesaidindifferently。
“Ohyes,IshallhavetimetogetlunchbeforeIgo。”hesaid,withbitterness。“Butlunchisn’ttheonlything;itisn’teventhemainthing,MissPasmer。”
“No?”Shehardenedherheart。
Hewaitedforhertosaysomethingmore,andthenhewenton。“Thequestioniswhetherthere’stimetoundolastnight,abolishit,eraseitfromthecalendarofrecordedtime——spongeitout,inshort——andgetbacktoyesterdayafternoon。”Shemadenoreplytothis。“Don’tyouthinkitwasaverypleasantpicnic,MissPasmer?”heasked,withpensiverespectfulness。
“Very。”sheanswereddrily。
Hecastaglanceatthewoodsthatborderedtheroadoneitherside。
“Thatweirdforest——Ishallneverforgetit。”
“No;itwassomethingtoremember。”shesaid。
“Andtheblueberrypatch?Wemustn’tforgettheblueberrypatch。”
“Therewereagreatmanyblueberries。”
Shewalkedon,andhesaid,“Andthatbridge——youdon’thavethatfeelingofhavingbeenherebefore?”
“No。”
“AmIwalkingtoofastforyou,MissPasmer?”
“No;Iliketowalkfast。”
“Butwouldn’tyouliketositdown?Onthiswaysidelog,forexample?”
Hepointeditoutwithhisstick。“Itseemstoinviterepose,andIknowyoumustbetired。”
“I’mnottired。”
“Ah,thatshowsthatyoudidn’tlieawakegrievingoveryourfolliesallnight。Ihopeyourestedwell,MissPasmer。”Shesaidnothing。“IfI
thought——ifIcouldhopethatyouhadn’t,itwouldbeabondofsympathy,andIwouldgivealmostanythingforabondofsympathyjustnow,MissPasmer。Alice!“hesaid,withsuddenseriousness。“IknowthatI’mnotworthyeventothinkofyou,andthatyou’rewholeworldsabovemeineveryway。It’sthatthattakesallheartoutofme,andleavesmewithoutawordtosaywhenI’dliketosaysomuch。Iwouldliketospeak——tellyou——“
Sheinterruptedhim。“Iwishtospeaktoyou,Mr。Mavering,andtellyouthat——I’mverytired,andI’mgoingbacktothehotel。Imustaskyoutoletmegobackalone。”
“Alice,Iloveyou。”
“I’msorryyousaidit——sorry,sorry。”
“Why?”heasked,withhopelessfutility。
“Becausetherecanbenolovebetweenus——notfriendshipeven——notacquaintance。”
“Ishouldn’thaveaskedforyouracquaintance,yourfriendship,if——“
Hiswordsconveyedadelicatereproach,andtheystungher,becausetheyputherinthewrong。
“Nomatter。”shebeganwildly。“Ididn’tmeantowoundyou。Butwemustpart,andwemustneverseeeachotheragain:“
Hestoodconfused,asifhecouldnotmakeitoutorbelieveit。“Butyesterday——“
“It’sto-daynow。”
“Ah,no!It’slastnight。AndIcanexplain。”
“No!“shecried。“Youshallnotmakemeoutsomeanandvindictive。I
don’tcareforlastnight,norforanythingthathappened。”Thiswasnottrue,butitseemedsotoheratthemoment;shethoughtthatshereallynolongerresentedhisassociationwithMissAndersonandhisseparationfromherselfinallthathadtakenplace。
“Thenwhatisit?”
“Ican’ttellyou。Buteverythingisoverbetweenus——that’sall。”
“Butyesterday——andallthesedayspast——youseemed——“
“It’sunfairofyoutoinsist——it’sungenerous,ungentlemanly。”
Thatword,whichfromawoman’stonguealwaysstrikesamanlikeablowintheface,silencedMavering。Hesethislipsandbowed,andtheyparted。Sheturneduponherway,andhekeptthepathwhichshehadbeengoing。
Itwasnotthehourwhenthepiazzaswereveryfull,andsheslippedintothedimhotelcorridorundetected,oratleastundetained。Sheflungintoherroom,andconfrontedhermother。
Mrs。Pasmerwastherelookingintoatrunkthathadoverflowedfromherownchamber。“Whatisthematter?”shesaidtoherdaughter’sexcitedface。
“Mr。Mavering——“
“Well?”
“AndIrefusedhim。”
Mrs。Pasmerwasoneofthoseladieswhoinanyfinalityhaveakeenretrovisionofalltheadvantagesofadifferentconclusion。Shehadbeenthinking,sinceshetoldDanMaveringwhichwayAlicehadgonetowalk,thatifheweretospeaktohernow,andsheweretoaccepthim,itwouldinvolveagreatmanyembarrassingconsequences;butshehadconsoledherselfwiththeprobabilitythathewouldnotspeaksosoonaftertheeffectsoflastnight,butwouldonlytryatthefurthesttomakehispeacewithAlice。Sincehehadspoken,though,andshehadrefusedhim,Mrs。Pasmerinstantlysawallthepleasantthingsthatwouldhavefollowedinanotherevent。“Refusedhim?”sherepeatedprovisionally,whileshegatheredherselfforafullexplorationofallthefacts。
“Yes,mamma;andIcan’ttalkaboutit。Iwishnevertohearhisnameagain,ortoseehim,ortospeaktohim。”
“Why,ofcoursenot。”saidMrs。Pasmer,withafinesmile,fromthevantage-groundofhersuperioryears,“ifyou’verefusedhim。”Sheleftthetrunkwhichshehadbeenstandingover,andsatdown,whileAliceswepttoandfrobeforeherexcitedly。“Butwhydidyourefusehim,mydear?”
“Why?Becausehe’sdetestable——perfectlyignoble。”
Hermotherprobablyknewhowtotranslatetheseexaltedexpressionsintothemoreaccuratelanguageofmaturerlife。“Doyoumeanlastnight?”
“Lastnight?”criedAlicetragically。“No。WhyshouldIcareforlastnight?”
“ThenIdon’tunderstandwhatyoumean。”retortedMrs。Pasmer。“Whatdidhesay?”shedemanded,withauthority。
“Mamma,Ican’ttalkaboutit——Iwon’t。”
“Butyoumust,Alice。It’syourduty。OfcourseImustknowaboutit。
Whatdidhesay?”
Alicewalkedupanddowntheroomwithherlipsfirmlyclosed——likeMavering’slips,itoccurredtoher;andthensheopenedthem,butwithoutspeaking。
“Whatdidhesay?”persistedhermother,andherpersistencehaditseffect。
“Say?”exclaimedthegirlindignantly。“Hetriedtomakemesay。”
“Isee。”saidMrs。Pasmer。“Well?”
“ButIforcedhimtospeak,andthen——Irejectedhim。That’sall。”
“Poorfellow!“saidMrs。Pasmer。“Hewasafraidofyou。”
“Andthat’swhatmadeitthemoreodious。DoyouthinkIwishedhimtobeafraidofme?Wouldthatbeanypleasure?IshouldhatemyselfifI
hadtoquellanybodyintobeingunlikethemselves。”Shesatdownforamoment,andthenjumpedupagain,andwenttothewindow,fornoreason,andcameback。
“Yes。”saidhermotherimpartially,“he’slight,andhe’sroundabout。Hecouldn’tcomestraightatanything。”
“Andwouldyouhavemeacceptsucha——being?”
Mrs。Pasmersmiledalittleattheliteraryword,andcontinued:“Buthe’sverysweet,andhe’sasgoodastheday’slong,andhe’sveryfondofyou,and——Ithoughtyoulikedhim。”
Thegirlthrewupherarmsacrosshereyes。“Oh,howcanyousaysuchathing,mamma?”
Shedroppedintoachairatthebedside,andletherfacefallintoherhands,andcried。
Hermotherwaitedforthegustoftearstopassbeforeshesaid,“Butifyoufeelsoaboutit——“
“Mamma!“Alicesprangtoherfeet。
“Itneedn’tcomefromyou。Icouldmakesomeexcusetoseehim——writehimalittlenote——“
“Never!“exclaimedAlicegrandly。“WhatI’vedoneI’vedonefrommyreason,andmyfeelingshavenothingtodowithit。”
“Oh,verywell。”saidhermother,goingoutoftheroom,notwhollydisappointedwithwhatsheviewedasarespite,andamusedbyherdaughter’stragics。“Butifyouthinkthatthefeelingshavenothingtodowithsuchamatter,you’reverymuchmistaken。”IfshebelievedthatherdaughterdidnotknowherrealmotivesinrejectingDanMavering,orhadnotbeenabletogivethem,shedidnotsayso。
ThelittlegroupofAliceolatersonthepiazza,whobegantocanvassthecausesofMavering’sgoingbeforethetopofhishatdisappearedbelowthebankonthepathleadingtotheferry-boat,wereoftwominds。OnefactionheldthathewasgoingbecauseAlicehadrefusedhim,andthathisgaietyuptothelastmomentwasonlyamasktohidehisdespair。
Theothersidecontendedthat,ifheandAlicewerenotactuallyengaged,theyunderstoodeachother,andhewasgoingawaybecausehewantedtotellhisfamily,orsomethingofthatkind。BetweenthetwoopinionsMissCottonwaveredwithasentimentalattractiontoeither。“Whatdoyoureallythink?”sheaskedMrs。Brinkley,arrivingfromlunchatthecornerofthepiazzawherethegroupwasseated。
“Oh,whatdoesitmatter,attheirage?”shedemanded。
“Butthey’rejustoftheagewhenitdoeshappentomatter。”suggestedMrs。Stamwell。
“Yes。”saidMrs。Brinkley,“andthat’swhatmakesthewholethingsoperfectlyridiculous。Justthinkoftwochildren,oneoftwentyandtheotheroftwenty-three,proposingtodecidetheirlifelongdestinyinsuchavitalmatter!Shouldwetrusttheirjudgmentinregardtothesmallestbusinessaffair?Ofcoursenot。They’rebabesinarms,morallyandmentallyspeaking。Peoplehaven’tthedataforbeingwiselyinlovetillthey’vereachedtheagewhentheyhaven’ttheleastwishtobeso。Oh,I
supposeIthoughtthatIwasagrownwomantoowhenIwastwenty;IcanlookbackandseethatIdid;and,what’smorepreposterousstill,I
thoughtMr。Brinkleywasamanattwenty-four。Butwewerenomorefittoacceptorrejecteachotheratthatinfantileperiod——“
“Doyoureallythinkso?”askedMissCotton,onlypartiallycredulousofMrs。Brinkley’sirony。
“Yes,itdoesseemoutofallreason。”admittedMrs。Stamwell。
“Ofcourseitis。”saidMrs。Brinkley。“Ifshehasrejectedhim,she’sdoneaverysafething。Nobodyshouldbeallowedtomarrybeforefifty。
Then,ifpeoplemarried,itwouldbebecausetheyknewthattheylovedeachother。”
MissCottonreflectedamoment。“Itisstrangethatsuchanimportantquestionshouldhavetobedecidedatanagewhenthejudgmentissofarfrommature。Ineverhappenedtolookatitinthatlightbefore。”
“Yes。”saidMrs。Brinkley——andshemadeherselfcomfortableinanarmchaircommandingastretchofthebayoverwhichtheferry-boatmustpass——“butit’sonlypartandparcelofthewholeaffair。I’msurethatnogrownpersoncanseetheridiculousyoungthings——inexperienced,ignorant,featherbrained——thatnatureintrustswithchildren,theirimmortallittlesoulsandtheirextremelyperishablelittlebodies,withoutrebellingatthewholesystem。Whenyouseewhatmostyoungmothersare,howperfectlyunfitandincapable,youwonderthatthewholeracedoesn’tteethanddie。Yes,there’sonethingIfeelprettysureof——that,asmattersarearrangednow,thereoughtn’ttobemothersatall,thereoughttobeonlygrandmothers。”
Thegroupalllaughed,evenMissCotton,butshewasthefirsttobecomegrave。Atthebottomofherhearttherewasadoubtwhethersolightawayoftreatingseriousthingswasnotalittlewicked。
“Perhaps。”shesaid,“weshallhavetogobacktotheideathatengagementsandmarriagesarenotintendedtoberegulatedbythejudgment,butbytheaffections。”
“Idon’tknowwhat’sintended。”saidMrs。Brinkley,“butIknowwhatis。
Inninety-ninecasesoutofahundredtheaffectionshaveittheirownway,andImustsayIdon’tthinkthejudgmentcouldmakeagreatermessofit。Infact。”shecontinued,perhapsprovokedtotheexcessbythedeprecationshesawinMissCotton’seye,“Iconsidereverybrokenengagementnowadaysablessingindisguise。”
MissCottonsaidnothing。Theotherladiessaid,“Why,Mrs。Brinkley!“
“Yes。Thethinghasgonealtogethertoofar。Thependulumhasswunginthatdirectionoutofallmeasure。Wearemarriedtoomuch。Andasanaturalconsequencewearedivorcedtoomuch。Thewholecaseisinanutshell:iftherewerenomarriages,therewouldbenodivorces,andthatgreatabusewouldbecorrected,atanyrate。”
Alltheladieslaughed,MissCottonmoreandmoresorrowfully。Shelikedtohavepeopletalkastheydoingenteelnovels。Mrs。Brinkley’sboldexpressionswereaseriesofviolentshockstohernature,andimpartedaterriblevibrationtothefabricofherwholelittlerose-colouredidealworld;iftheyhadnotbeentheexpressionsofapersonwhomagreatmanyunquestionablepersonsaccepted,whohadsuchanundoubtedstanding,shewouldhavethoughtthemverycoarse。Asitwas,theyhadagreatfascinationforher。“Butinacaselikethatof“——shelookedroundandloweredhervoice——“ouryoungfriends,I’msureyoucouldn’trejoiceiftheengagementwerebrokenoff。”
“Well,I’mnotgoingtobe’amushofconcession,’asEmersonsays,MissCotton。And,inthefirstplace,howdoyouknowthey’reengaged?”
“Ah,Idon’t;Ididn’tmeanthattheywere。Butwouldn’titbealittlepatheticif,afterallthatwe’veseengoingon,hiscominghereexpresslyonheraccount,andhisperfectdevotiontoherforthepasttwoweeks,itshouldendinnothing?”
“Twoweeksisn’taverylongtimetosettlethebusinessofalifetime。”
“No。”
“Perhapsshe’sproposeddelay;alittlefurtheracquaintance。”
“Oh,ofcoursethatwouldbeperfectlyright。Doyouthinkshedid?”
“Notifshe’saswiseastherestofuswouldhavebeenatherage。ButIthinksheought。”
“Yes?”saidMissCottonsemi-interrogatively。
“Doyouthinkhisbehaviourlastnightwouldnaturallyimpressherwithhiswisdomandconstancy?”
“No,Ican’tsaythatitwould,but——“
“AndthisAliceofyoursisratherasevereyoungperson。Shehasherideas,andI’mafraidthey’reratherheroic。She’dbejustwithhim,ofcourse。Butthere’snothingamandreadssomuchasjustice——somemen。”
“Yes。”pursuedMissCotton,“butthatverydisparity——Iknowthey’reveryunlike——don’tyouthink——“
“Ohyes,Iknowthetheoryaboutthat。Butiftheywereexactlyalikeintemperament,they’dbesufficientlyunlikeforthepurposesofcounterparts。Thatwasarrangedonceforallwhen’maleandfemalecreatedHethem。’I’venodoubttheirfancywascaughtbyallthekindsofdifferencetheyfindineachother;that’sjustasnaturalasit’ssilly。Butthemisunderstanding,thetrouble,thequarrelling,thewearandtearofspirit,thatthey’dhavetogothroughbeforetheyassimilated——itmakesmetired,astheboyssay。No:Ihope,fortheyoungman’sownsake,he’sgothisconge。”
“Buthe’ssokind,sogood“
“Mydear,theworldissurfeitedwithkind,goodmen。Therearehalfadozenofthemattheotherendofthepiazzasmoking;andtherecomesanothertojointhem。”sheadded,asalargefigure,semicircularinprofile,advanceditselffromadoorwaytowardavacantchairamongthesmokers。“Theverysoulofkindnessandgoodness。”Shebeckonedtowardherhusband,whocaughtsightofhergesture。“NowIcantellyouallhismentalprocesses。First,surpriseatseeingsomeonebeckoning;thenastonishmentthatit’sI,thoughwhoelseshouldbeckonhim?——thenwonderwhatIcanwant;thenconjecturethatImaywanthimtocomehere;thenprideinhisconjecture;rebellion;compliance。”
TheladieswereinascreamoflaughterasMr。Brinkleylumberedheavilytotheirgroup。
“Whatisit?”heasked。
“Doyoubelieveinbrokenengagements?Nowquick——off-hand!“
“Who’sengaged?”
“Nomatter。”
“Well,youknowPunch’sadvicetothoseabouttomarry?”
“Iknow——chestnuts。”saidhiswifescornfully。Theydismissedeachotherwithtenderbluntness,andhewentintogetamatch。
“Ah,Mrs。Brinkley。”saidoneoftheladies,“itwouldbeofnouseforyoutopreachbrokenengagementstoanyonewhosawyouandMr。Brinkleytogether。”Theyfelluponher,oneafteranother,andmockedherwiththedifferencebetweenherdoctrineandpractice;andtheywereallthemoreagainstherbecausetheyhadbeenperhapsalittleputdownbyherwhimsicalsayings。
“Yes。”sheadmitted。“Butwe’vebeenthirtyyearscomingtotheunderstandingthatyoualladmiresomuch;anddoyouthinkitwasworththetime?”
XXI。
Maveringkeptupuntilhetookleaveofthepartyofyoungpeoplewhohadcomeoverontheferry-boattoEastportforthefrolicofseeinghimoff。
Itwasatremendoustourdeforcetoaccepttheircompanyasifheweregladofit,andtorespondtoalltheirgaynothingsgaily;tomaintainasunnysurfaceonhisturbidmisery。TheyhadtriedtomakeAlicecomewiththem,buthermotherpleadedabadheadacheforher;andhehadtoparryahundredsalliesabouther,andfromhissickhearthumourthepopularinsinuationthattherewasanunderstandingbetweenthem,andthattheyhadagreedtogethersheshouldnotcome。HehadtostandaboutonthesteamboatwharfandlistentoamiableinnuendoesfornearlyanhourbeforethesteamercameinfromSt。John。Thefondadieuxofhisfriends,theirofferstotakeanymessageback,lastedduringtheinterminablefifteenminutesthatshelayathermoorings,andthenheshowedhimselfatthesternoftheboat,andwavedhishandkerchiefinacknowledgmentofthelastpartingsalutationsonshore。
Whenitwasallover,hewentdownintohisstate-room,andshuthimselfin,andlethismiseryrolloverhim。Hefeltasiftherewereafloodofit,anditwashedhimtoandfro,onegallofshame,ofself-accusal,ofbitterness,fromheadtofoot。ButinitallhefeltnoresentmenttowardAlice,nowishtowreakanysmallestpartofhissufferinguponher。Evenwhilehehadhopedforherlove,itseemedtohimthathehadnotseenherinallthatperfectionwhichshenowhadinirreparableloss。Hissoulboweditselffondlyoverthethoughtofher;and,stungashewasbythatlastcruelwordofhers,hecouldnotupbraidher。
Thathumilitywhichislovecastingoutselfishness,themostegotisticofthepassionstriumphingoveritself——Maveringexperiencedittothefull。Hetookalltheblame。Hecouldnotseethatshehadeverencouragedhimtohopeforherlove,whichnowappearedatreasureheaven——farbeyondhisscope;hecouldonlycallhimselffool,andfool,andfool,andwonderthathecouldhavemetherintheremotenessofthatmorningwiththebeliefthatbutforthefolliesoflastnightshemighthaveansweredhimdifferently。Hebelievednowthat,whateverhadgonebefore,shemuststillhaverejectedhim。Shehadtreatedhispresumptionveryleniently;shehadreallysparedhim。
Itwenton,overandover。Sometimesitvariedalittle,aswhenhethoughtofhow,whensheshouldtellhermother,Mrs。Pasmermustlaugh。
Hepicturedthembothlaughingathim;andthenMr。Pasmer——hehadscarcelypassedadozenwordswithhim-cominginandaskingwhattheywerelaughingat,andtheirsaying,andhislaughingtoo。
Atothertimeshefiguredthemasincensedathistemerity,whichmustseemtothemgreaterandgreater,asnowitseemedtohim。Hehadneverthoughtmeanlyofhimself,andtheworldsofarhadseemedtothinkwellofhim;butbecauseAlicePasmerwasimpossibletohim,hefeltthatitwasanunpardonableboldnessinhimtohavedreamedofher。WhatmusttheybesayingofhishavingpassedfromthegroundofsocietycomplimentsandlightflirtationtoactuallytellingAlicethathelovedher?
HewonderedwhatMrs。PasmerhadthoughtofhistellingherthathehadcometoCampobellotoconsiderthequestionwhetherheshouldstudylaworgointobusiness,andwhatmotiveshehadsupposedhehadintellingherthat。Heaskedhimselfwhatmotivehehad,andtriedtopretendthathehadnone。HedramatisedconversationswithMrs。Pasmerinwhichhelaugheditoff。
Hotriedtorememberallthathadpassedthedaybeforeatthepicnic,andwhetherAlicehaddoneorsaidanythingtoencouragehim,andhecouldnotfindthatshehad。Allhertrustandfreedomwasbecauseshefeltperfectlysafewithhimfromanysuchdisgustingabsurdityashehadbeenguiltyof。Theridehomethroughthemist,withitssweetintimacy,thatpartingwhichhadseemedsofulloftenderintelligence,werepartsofthesameillusion。Therehadbeennothingofitonhersidefromthebeginningbutakindlinesswhichhehadnowflungawayforever。
Hewentbacktothebeginning,andtriedtorememberthepointwherehehadstartedinthisfatallabyrinthoferror。Shehadnevermisledhim,buthehadmisledhimselffromthefirstglimpseofher。
Whateverwasbestinhislightnature,whateverwasgenerousandself-
denying,cameoutinthishumiliation。Fromthevisionofherderisionhepassedtoapictureofhersufferingfrompityforhim,andwrungwithasenseofthepainshehadgivenhim。Hepromisedhimselftowritetoher,andbeghernottocareforhim,becausehewasnotworthyofthat。
Heframedaletterinhismind,inwhichheposedinsomenobleattitudes,andbroughttearsintohiseyesbyhismagnanimousappealtohernottosufferforthesakeofonesounworthyofherseriousthought。
Hepicturedhergreatlymovedbysomeofthephrases,andhecomposedforherareply,whichledtoanotherletterfromhim,andsotoacorrespondenceandalongandtenderfriendship。Intheendhediedsuddenly,andthenshediscoveredthatshehadalwayslovedhim。Hediscoveredthathewasplayingthefoolagain,andherosefromtheberthwherehehadtumbledhimself。Thestate-roomhadthatsmellofparboiledpaintwhichstate-roomshave,andremindedhimofthesteamerinwhichhehadgonetoEuropewhenaboy,withthefamily,justafterhismother’shealthbegantofail。
Hewentdownonthedeckneartheladies’saloon,wherethesecond-classpassengersweregatheredlisteningtothesamebandofplantationnegroeswhohadamusedhimsomuchontheeastwardtrip。ThepassengersweremostlypockmarkedProvincials,andmanyofthemwerewomen;theyloungedonthebarrelsofapplesneatlypiledup,andlistenedtothemusicwithoutsmiling。Oneofthenegroeswassingingtothebanjo,andanotherbegantodotherheumaticuncle’sbreakdown。Maveringsaidtohimself:“Ican’tstandthat。Oh,whatafoolIam!Alice,Iloveyou。
Omercifulheavens!Oinfernaljackass!Ow!Gaw!“
AtthebowoftheboathefoundagangofItalianlabourersreturningtotheStatesaftersomejobintheProvinces。TheysmokedtheirpipesandwhinedtheirNeapolitandialecttogether。ItmadeMaveringthinkofDante,oftheInferno,towhichhepassednaturallyfromhisself-
denunciationforhavingbeenaninfernaljackass。Theinscriptiononthegateofhellranthroughhismind。Hethoughthewouldmakehislife——
hisdesolate,brokenlife——aperpetualexile,likeDante’s。Atthesametimehegroundhisteeth,andmuttered:“Oh,whatafoolIam!Oh,idiot!beast!Oh!oh!“Thepipesremindedhimtosmoke,andhetookouthiscigarettecase。TheItalianslookedathim;hegaveallthecigarettesamongthem,withoutkeepinganyforhimself。Hedeterminedtospendthemiserableremnantofhislifeingoingaboutdoinggoodandbestowingalms。
Hegroanedaloud,sothattheItaliansnoticedit,anddoubtlessspokeofitamongthemselves。Hecouldnotunderstandtheirdialect,buthefeignedthemsayingrespectfullycompassionatethings。Thenhegnashedhisteethagain,andcursedhisfolly。Whenthebellrangforsupperhefoundhimselfveryhungry,andateheavily。Afterthathewentoutinfrontofthecabin,andwalkedupanddown,thinking,andtryingnottothink。Theturmoilinhismindtiredhimlikeaprodigiousphysicalexertion。
Towardteno’clockthenightgrewrougher。Theseawassophosphorescentthatitbrokeinsheetsandflakesofpalebluishflamefromthebowsandwheel-houses,andoutinthedarkthewavesrevealedthemselvesinflashesandlonggleamsoffire。OneoftheofficersoftheboatcameandhungwithMaveringovertheguard。Theweirdlightfromthewaterwasreflectedontheirfaces,andshowedthemtoeachother。
“Well,Ineversawanythinglikethisbefore。Lookslikehell;don’tit?”saidtheofficer。
“Yes。”saidMavering。“Isituncommon?”
“Well,Ishouldsayso。Iguesswe’regoingtohaveapicnic。”
Maveringthoughtofblueberries,buthedidnotsayanything。
“Iguessit’sgoingtobearegularcircus。”
Maveringdidnotcare。Heaskedincuriously,“Howdoyoufindyourcourseinsuchweather?”
“Well,weguesswhereweare,andthengivehersomanyturnsofthewheel。”Theofficerlaughed,andMaveringlaughedtoo。Hewasstruckbythehollownoteinhislaugh;itseemedtohimpathetic;hewonderedifheshouldnowalwayslaughso,andifpeoplewouldremarkit。Hetriedanotherlaugh;itsoundedmechanical。
Hewenttobed,andwassowornoutthathefellasleepandbegantodream。Afacecameupoutofthesea,andbroodedoverthewaters,asinthatpictureofVedder’swhichhecalls“Memory。”butthehairwasnotblond;itwasthecolourofthosephosphorescentflames,andtheeyeswerelikeit。“Horrible!horrible!“hetriedtoshriek,buthecried,“Alice,Iloveyou。”Therewasaburglarintheroom,andhewasrunningafterMissPasmer。Maveringcaughthim,andtriedtobeathim;hisfistsfelllikebollsofcotton;theburglardrewhisbreathinwithalong,washingsoundlikewater。
Maveringwokedeathlysick,andheardthesweepofthewaves。Theboatwaspitchingfrightfully。Hestruggledoutintothesaloon,andsawthatitwasfiveo’clock。InfivehoursmoreitwouldbeadaysincehetoldAlicethathelovedher;itnowseemedveryimprobable。Therewereagoodmanyhalf-dressedpeopleinthesaloon,andawomancamerunningoutofherstate-roomstraighttoMavering。Shewasinherstockingfeet,andherhairhungdownherback。
“Oh!arewegoingdown?”sheimploredhim。“Havewestruck?Oughtn’twetopray——somebody?ShallIwakethechildren?”
“Maveringreassuredher,andtoldhertherewasnodanger。
“Well,then。”shesaid,“I’llgobackformyshoes。”
“Yes,bettergetyourshoes。”
Thesaloonroseroundhimandsank。Hecontrolledhissicknessbyplantingachairinthecentreandsittinginitwithhiseyesshut。Ashegrewmorecomfortablehereflectedhowhehadcalmedthatwoman,andheresolvedagaintospendhislifeindoinggood。“Yes,that’stheonlyticket。”hesaidtohimself,withinvoluntaryfrivolity。Hethoughtofwhattheofficerhadsaid,andhehelplesslyadded,“Circusticket——
reservedseat。”Thenhebeganagain,andloadedhimselfwithexecration。
TheboatgotintoPortlandatnineo’clock,andMaveringlefther,takinghishand-bagwithhim,andlettinghistrunkgoontoBoston。
Theofficerwhoreceivedhisticketatthegangplanknoticedthedestinationonit,andsaid,“Gotenough?”
“Yes,foronewhile。”Maveringrecognisedhisacquaintanceofthenightbefore。
“Don’tlikepicnicsverymuch。”
“No。”saidMavering,withabysmalgloom。“Theydon’tagreewithme。
Neverdid。”Hewasawareoftryingtomakehislaughbitter。Theofficerdidnotnotice。
Maveringwassurprised,afterthechillofthestormatsea,tofinditratherawarm,closemorninginPortland。Therestauranttowhichthehackmantookhimasthebestintownwasfullofflies;theybithimawakeoutofthedrearyreverieshefellintowhilewaitingforhisbreakfast。Inamirroroppositehesawhisface。Itdidnotlookhaggard;itlookedverymuchasitalwaysdid。Hefanciedplayingapartthroughlife——hidingabrokenheartunderasmile。“0youincorrigibleass!“hesaidtohimself,andwasafraidhehadsaidittotheyoungladywhobroughthimhisbreakfast,andlookedhaughtilyathimfromunderherbang。Shewasverythin,andworeablackjersey。
Hetriedtofindoutwhetherhehadspokenaloudbyaddressingherpleasantly。“It’sprettycoldthismorning。”
“Whatsay?”
“Prettycool。”
“Ohyes。Butit’sprettyclo-ose。”shereplied,inherYankeecantillation。Shewentawayandlefthimtothebaconandeggshehadorderedatrandom。Therewasaflyunderoneoftheslicesofbacon,andMaveringconfinedhimselftothecoffee。
Amancameupinawhitecapandjacketfromabasementinthefrontoftherestaurant,whereconfectionerywassold,andthrewdownamassofmalleablecandyonamarbleslab,andbegantoworkit。Maveringwatchedhim,thinkingfuzzilyallthetimeofAlice,andholdinglong,fatiguingdialogueswiththepeopleattheTy’n-y-Coed,whoseseveralvoicesheheard。
Hesaidtohimselfthatitwasworsethanyesterday。Hewonderedifitwouldgoongettingworseeveryday。
HesawamanpassthedooroftherestaurantwholookedexactlylikeBoardmanasheglancedin。Theresemblancewasexplainedbytheman’scomingback,andprovingtobereallyBoardman。
XXII。
Maveringsprangathimwithademandforthereasonofhisbeingthere。
“IthoughtitwasyouasIpassed。”saidBoardman,“butIcouldn’tmakesure——sodarkbackhere。”
“AndIthoughtitwasyou,butIcouldn’tbelieveit。”saidMavering,withequalforce,cuttingshortaninteriorconversationwithMr。Pasmer,whichhadbeguntoholditselfsincehisfirstglimpseofBoardman。
“Icamedownheretodoasortofone-horseyachtraceto-day。”Boardmanexplained。
“Goingtobeayachtrace?Betterhavesomebreakfast。Orbetternot——
here。Fliesunderyourbacon。”
“Roughontheflies。”saidBoardman,snappingthebellwhichsummonedthespectreintheblackjersey,andhesatdown。“WhatareyoudoinginPortland?”
Maveringtoldhim,andthenBoardmanaskedhimhowhehadleftthePasmers。Maveringneedednootherhinttospeak,andhespokefully,whileBoardmanlistenedwithanagreeablesilence,lettingtheheroofthetalebreakintoself-scornfulgroansanddolefullaughs,andeasehisheartwithgrotesque,inarticulatenoises,andmadelittleornocomments。
Bythetimehisbreakfastcame,Boardmanwasreadytosay,“Ididn’tsupposeitwassomuchofamash。”
“Ididn’teither。”saidMavering,“whenIleftBoston。OfcourseIknewIwasgoingdowntheretoseeher,butwhenIgotthereitkeptgoingon,justlikeanythingelse,uptothelastmoment。Ididn’trealisetillitcametotheworstthatIhadbecomeamerepulp。”
“Well,youwon’tstayso。”saidBoardman,makingthefirstvainattemptatconsolation。Heliftedthesteakhehadordered,andpeeredbeneathit。Allrightthistime,anyway。”
“Idon’tknowwhatyoumeanbystayingso。”repliedMavering,withgloomyrejectionofthecomfortoffered。
“You’llseethatit’sallforthebest;thatyou’rewelloutofit。Ifshecouldthrowyouover,afterleadingyouon——“
“Butshedidn’tleadmeon!“exclaimedMavering。“Don’tyouunderstandthatitwasallmymistakefromthefirst?IfIhadn’tbeenperfectlybesottedIshouldhaveseenthatshewasonlytoleratingme。Don’tyousee?Why,hangit,Boardman,Imusthavehadakindofconsciousnessofitundermythick-skinnedconceit,afterall,forwhenIcametothepoint——whenIdidcometothepoint——Ihadn’tthesandtosticktoitlikeaman,andItriedtogethertohelpme。Yes,IcanseethatIdidnow。Ikeptfoolingabout,andfoolingabout,anditwasbecauseIhadthatsortofprescience——ofwhateveryoucallit——thatIwasmistakenaboutitfromtheverybeginning。”
HewishedtotellBoardmanabouttheeventsofthenightbefore;buthecouldnot。Hesaidtohimselfthathedidnotcareabouttheirbeinghardlytohiscredit;buthedidnotchoosetoletAliceseemtohaveresentedanythinginthem;itbelittledher,andclaimedtoomuchforhim。SoBoardmanhadtoproceeduponapartialknowledgeofthefacts。
“Idon’tsupposethatboomerangwayofyours,ifthat’swhatyoumean,wasofmuchuse。”hesaid。
“Use?Itruinedme!Butwhatareyougoingtodo?”HowareyougoingtopresupposethatagirllikeMissPasmerisinterestedinanidiotlikeyou?Imeanme,ofcourse。”Maveringbrokeoffwithadolorouslaugh。
“Andifyoucan’tpresupposeit,whatareyougoingtodowhenitcomestothepoint?You’vegottoshillyshally,andthenyou’vegottogoitblind。Itellyouit’saleapinthedark。”
“Well,then,ifyou’vegotyourselftoblame——“
“HowamItoblame,Ishouldliketoknow?”retortedMavering,rejectingthefirstofferfromanotherofthecensurewhichhehadbeenheapinguponhimself:theirritationofhisnervesspoke。“Ididspeakoutatlast——whenitwastoolate。Well,letitallgo。”hegroanedaimlessly。
“Idon’tcare。Butsheisn’ttoblame。Idon’tthinkIcouldadmireanybodyverymuchwhoadmiredme。No,sir。Shedidjustright。Iwasafool,andshecouldn’thavetreatedmedifferently。”
“Oh,Iguessit’llcomeoutallright。”saidBoardman,abandoninghimselftomereoptimism。
“Howcomeallright?”demandedMavering,flatteredbythehopeherefused。“It’scomerightnow。I’vegotmydeserts;that’sall。”
“Ohno,youhaven’t。Whatharmhaveyoudone?It’sallrightforyoutothinksmallbeerofyourself,andIdon’tseehowyoucouldthinkanythingelsejustatpresent。Butyouwaitawhile。Whendidithappen?”
Maveringtookouthiswatch。“Oneday,onehour,twentyminutes,andfifteensecondsago。”
“Sureabouttheseconds?Isupposeyoudidn’thangroundagreatwhileafterward?”
“Well,peopledon’t,generally。”saidMavering,withscorn。
“Nevertriedit。”saidBoardman,lookingcriticallyathisfriedpotatoesbeforeventuringuponthem。“Ifyouhadstayed,perhapsshemighthavechangedhermind。”headded,asifencouragedtothishopefulviewbytheresultofhisscrutiny。
“Wheredidyougetyourfraudulentreputationforcommon-sense,Boardman?”retortedMavering,whohadfollowedhisexaminationofthepotatoeswithinvoluntaryinterest。“Shewon’tchangehermind;sheisn’toneofthatkind。Butshe’stheonewomaninthisworldwhocouldhavemadeamanofme,Boardman。”
“Isthatso?”askedBoardmanlightly。“Well,sheisagood-lookinggirl。”
“She’sdivine!“
“WhatadressthatwasshehadonClassDay!“
“Ineverthinkwhatshehason。Shemakeseverythingperfect,andthenmakesyouforgetit。”
“She’sgotstyle;there’snomistakeaboutthat。”
“Style!“sighedMavering;butheattemptednoexemplification。
“She’sawfullygraceful。Whatawalkshe’sgot!“
“Oh,don’t,don’t,Boardman!Allthat’strue,andallthat’snothing——
nothingtohergoodness。She’ssogood,Boardman!Well,Igiveitup!
She’sreligious。Youwouldn’tthinkthat,maybe;youcan’timagineaprettygirlreligious。Andshe’sallthemoreintoxicatingwhenshe’sserious;andwhenshe’sforgottenyourwholeworthlessexistenceshe’stenthousandtimesmorefascinatingthanandothergirlwhenshe’sgoingrightforyou。There’sakindoflookcomesintohereyes——kindofabsence,rapture,don’tyouknow——whenshe’sserious,thatbringsyourheartrightintoyourmouth。Shemakesyouthinkofsomeofthosepictures——Iwanttotellyouwhatshesaidtheotherdayatapicnicwhenwewereoffgettingblueberries,andyou’llunderstandthatsheisn’tlikeothergirls——thatshehasasoulfallof——of——youknowwhat,Boardman。Shehashighthoughtsabouteverything。Idon’tbelieveshe’severhadameanorignobleimpulse——shecouldn’thave。”Inthebusinessofimpartinghisideasconfidentially,MaveringhaddrawnhimselfacrossthetabletowardBoardman,withoutheedtowhatwasonit。
“Lookout!You’llbeintomysteakfirstthingyouknow。”
“0h,confoundyoursteak?”criedMavering,pushingthedishaway。Whatdifferencedoesitmake?I’velosther,anyway。”
“Idon’tbelieveyou’velosther。”saidBoardman。
“What’sthereasonyoudon’t?”retortedMavering,withcontempt。
“Because,ifshe’stheseriouskindofagirlyousaysheis,shewouldn’tletyoucomeupthereanddangleroundawholefortnightwithoutlettingyouknowshedidn’tlikeit,unlessshedidlikeit。Nowyoujustgoalittleintodetail。”
Maveringwasquitewilling。HewentsomuchintodetailthatheleftnothingtoBoardman’simagination。HelostthesenseofitscalamitouscloseinrecountingthefactsofhisstoryatCampobello;hesmiledandblushedandlaughedintellingcertainthings;hedescribedMissAndersonandimitatedhervoice;hedrewheadsofsomeoftheladiesonthemarginofanewspaper,andthetearscameintohiseyeswhenherepeatedthecruelwordswhichAlicehadusedattheirlastmeeting。
“Oh,well,youmustbraceup。”saidBoardman。“I’vegottogonow。Shedidn’tmeanit,ofcourse。”
“Meanwhat?”
“Thatyouwereungentlemanly。Womendon’tknowhalfthetimehowhardthey’rehitting。”
“Iguessshemeantthatshedidn’twantme,anyway。”saidMaveringgloomily。
“Ah,Idon’tknowaboutthat。You’dbetteraskherthenexttimeyouseeher。Good-bye。”Hehadrisen,andheofferedhishandtoMavering,whowasstillseated。
“Why,I’vehalfamindtogowithyou。”
“Allright,comealong。ButIthoughtyoumightbegoingrightontoBoston。”
“No;I’llwaitandgoonwithyou。How,doyougototherace?”
“Inthepressboat。”
“Anywomen?”
“No;wedon’tsendthemonthissortofduty。”
“Thatsettlesit。IhavegotallIwantofthatparticularsexforthetimebeing。”Maveringworeaverybitterairashesaidthis;itseemedtohimthathewouldalwaysbecynical;herose,andarrangedtoleavehisbagwiththerestaurateur,whoputitunderthecounter,andthenhewentoutwithhisfriend。
Thesunhadcomeout,andthefogwasburningaway;therewaslifeandliftintheair,whichtherejectedlovercouldnotrefusetofeel,andhesaid,lookinground,andupanddowntheanimatedstreet。“Iguessyou’regoingtohaveagooddayforit。”
Thepavementwasprettywellfilledwithwomenwhohadbegunshopping。
Carriageswerestandingbesidethepavement;aladycrossedthepavementfromashopdoortowardacoupejustinfrontofthem,withherhandfulloflightpackages;shedroppedoneofthem,andMaveringsprangforwardinstinctivelyandpickeditupforher。
“Oh,thankyou!“shesaid,withthedeepgratitudewhichsocietycultivatesforthesmallestservices。Thensheliftedherdroopedeyelashes,and,withaflashofsurprise,exclaimed,“Mr。Mavering!“anddroppedallherpackagesthatshemightshakehandswithhim。
Boardmansaunteredslowlyon,butsawwithabackwardglanceMaveringcarryingthelady’spackagestothecoupeforher;sawhimlifthishatthere,andshakehandswithsomebodyinthecoupe,andthenstandtalkingbesideit。HewaitedatthecorneroftheblockforMaveringtocomeup,affectinganinterestintheneck-wearofafurnisher’swindow。
InaboutfiveminutesMaveringjoinedhim。
“Lookhere,Boardman!Thoseladieshavesnaggedontome。”
“Aretheretwoofthem?”
“Yes,oneinside。Andtheywantmetogowiththentoseetherace。
Theirfather’sgotalittlesteam-yacht。Theywantyoutogotoo。”
Boardmanshookhishead。
“Well,that’swhatItoldthem——toldthemthatyouhadtogoonthepressboat。Theysaidtheywishedtheyweregoingonthepressboattoo。ButIdon’tseehowIcanrefuse。They’reladiesthatImetClassDay,andI
oughttohaveshownthemalittlemoreattentionthen;butIgotsotakenupwith——“
“Isee。”saidBoardman,showinghisteeth,fineandevenasgrainsofpop-corn,inaslightsarcasticsmile。“Sortofpoeticaljustice。”hesuggested。
“Well,itis——sortof。”saidMavering,withashamefacedconsciousness。
“Whattrainareyougoingbackon?”
“Seveno’clock。”
“I’llbethere。”
Hehurriedbacktorejointheladies,andBoardmansawhim,aftersomeparleyandlaughter,getintothecoupe,fromwhichheinferredthattheyhadturneddownthelittleseatinfront,andmadehimtakeit;andheinferredthattheymustbeveryjolly,sociablegirls。
HedidnotseeMaveringagaintillthetrainwasonitsway,whenhecamein,lookingdistraughtlyaboutforhisfriend。Hewasagainverymelancholy,andsaiddejectedlythattheyhadmadehimstaytodinner,andhadthendrivenhimdowntothestation,bagandall。“Theoldgentlemancametoo。IwasinhopesI’dfindyouhangingroundsomewhere,sothatIcouldintroduceyou。They’reawfullynice。NoneofthatinfernalBostonstiffness。Theoneyousawmetalkingwithismarried,though。”
Boardmanwaswritingouthisreportfromalittlebookwithshorthandnotesinit。Therewerehalfadozenotherreportersinthecarbusywiththeirwork。Amanwhoseemedtobeinauthoritysaidtooneofthem,“Trytothrowinalittlehumour。”
Maveringpulledhishatoverhiseyes,andleanedhisheadonthebackofhisseat,andtriedtosleep。
XXIII。
Athisfather’sagencyinBostonhefound,thenextmorning,aletterfromhimsayingthatheexpectedtobedownthatday,andaskingDantomeethimattheParkerHousefordinner。TheletterintimatedtheelderMavering’sexpectationthathissonhadreachedsomeconclusioninthemattertheyhadtalkedofbeforeheleftforCampobello。
ItgaveDanashiverofself-disgustandasickfeelingofhopelessness。
Hewasquitewillingnowtodowhateverhisfatherwished,buthedidnotseehawhecouldfacehimandownhisdefeat。
Whentheymet,hisfatherdidnotseemtonoticehisdespondency,andheaskedhimnothingaboutthePasmers,ofcourse。ThatwouldnothavebeentheAmericanway。NothinghadbeensaidbetweenthefatherandsonastothespecialadvantagesofCampobelloforthedecisionofthequestionpendingwhentheysaweachotherlast;butthesonknewthatthefatherguessedwhyhechosethatislandforthepurpose;andnowtheelderknewthatiftheyoungerhadanythingtotellhimhewouldtellit,andifhehadnothewouldkeepit。Itwastacitlyunderstoodthattherewasnoobjectiononthefather’sparttoMissPasmer;infact,therehadbeenaglimmerofhumorousintelligenceinhiseyewhenthesonsaidhethoughtheshouldrundowntoBarHarbour,andperhapstoCampobello,buthehadsaidnothingtobetrayhisconsciousness。
Theymetinthereading-roomatParker’s,andDansaid,“Hello,father。”
andhisfatheranswered,“Well,Dan;“andtheyshylytouchedthehandsdroppedattheirsidesastheypressedtogetherinthecrowd。Thefathergavehisboyakeenglance,andthentooktheleadintothedining-room,wherehechoseacornertable,andtheydisposedoftheirhatsonthewindow-seat。
“Allwellathome?”askedtheyoungfellow,ashetookupthebilloffaretoorderthedinner。Hisfatherhatedthat,andalwaysmadehimdoit。
“Yes,yes;asusual,Ibelieve。Minnieisoffforaweekatthemountains;Euniceisathome。”
“Oh!Howwouldyoulikesomegreengoose,withapple-sauce,sweet-
potatoes,andsuccotash?”
“Itseemstomethatwasprettygood,thelasttime。Allright,ifyoulikeit。”
“Idon’tknowthatIcareforanythingmuch。I’malittleoffmyfeed。
Nosoup。”hesaid,lookingupatthewaiterbendingoverhim;andthenhegavetheorder。“IthinkyoumaybringmehalfadozenBluePoints,ifthey’regood。”hecalledafterhim。
“Didn’tBarHarbouragreewithyou——orCampobello?”askedMr。Mavering,takingtheopeningofferedhim。
“No,notverywell。”saidDan;andhesaidnomoreaboutit,leavinghisfathertomakehisowninferencesastothekindordegreeofthedisagreement。
“Well,haveyoumadeupyourmind?”askedthefather,restinghiselbowsoneithersideofhisplate,andputtinghishandstogethersoftly,whilehelookedacrossthemwithacheerykindnessathisboy。
“Yes,Ihave。”saidDanslowly。
“Well?”
“Idon’tbelieveIcaretogointothelaw。”
“Sure?”
“Yes。”
“Well,that’sallright,then。Iwishedyoutochoosefreely,andI
supposeyou’vedoneso。”
“OhYes。”
“Ithinkyou’vechosenwisely,andI’mveryglad。It’saweightoffmymind。Ithinkyou’llbehappierinthebusinessthanyouwouldinthelaw;Ithinkyou’llenjoyit。Youneedn’tlookforwardtoagreatdealofPonkwassetFalls,unlessyoulike。”
“Ishouldn’tmindgoingthere。”saidDanlistlessly。
“Itwon’tbenecessary——atfirst。Infact,itwon’tbedesirable。I
wantyoutolookupthebusinessatthisendalittle。”
Dangaveastart。“InBoston?”
“Yes。Itisn’tintheshapeIwanttohaveit。Iproposetoopenaplaceofourown,andtoputyouincharge。”Somethingintheyoungman’sfaceexpressedreluctance,andhisfatheraskedkindly,“Wouldthatbedistastefultoyou?”
“Ohno。Itisn’tthethingIobjectto,butIdon’tknowthatIcaretobeinBoston。”Heliftedhisfaceandlookedhisfatherfullintheeyes,butwithagazethatrefusedtoconveyanythingdefinite。Thenthefatherknewthattheboy’sloveaffairhadgoneseriouslywrong。
Thewaitercamewiththedinner,andmadeaninterruptioninwhichtheycouldbenaturallysilent。Whenhehadputthedinnerbeforethem,andcumberedthemwithsuperfluousservice,afterthefashionofhiskind,hewithdrewalittleway,andleftthemtoresumetheirtalk。
“Well。”saidtheelderlightly,asifDan’snotcaringtobeinBostonhadnoparticularsignificanceforhim,“Idon’tknowthatIcaretohaveyousettledowntoitimmediately。IratherthinkI’dliketohaveyoulookaboutfirstalittle。GotoNewYork,gotoPhiladelphia,andseetheirprocessesthere。Wecan’taffordtogetold-fashionedinourways。
I’vealwaysbeenmoreinterestedbytheaestheticsideofthebusiness,butyououghttohaveatasteforthemechanism,fromyourgrandfather;
yourmotherhasit。”
“Ohyes,sir。Ithinkallthat’sveryinteresting。”saidDan。
“Well,gotoFrance,andseehowthosefellowsdoit。GotoLondon,andlookupWilliamMorris。”
“Yes,thatwouldbeverynice。”admittedtheyoungfellow,beginningtocatchon。“ButIdidn’tsuppose——Ididn’texpecttobeginlifewithapicnic。”Heentereduponhissentencewithajocularbuoyancy,butatthelastword,whichhefatallydriftedupon,hisvoicefell。Hesaidtohimselfthathewasgreatlychanged;that,heshouldneverbegayandbrightagain;therewouldalwaysbethisundercurrentofsadness;hehadnoticedtheundercurrentyesterdaywhenhewaslaughingandjokingwiththosegirlsatPortland。
“Oh,Idon’twantyoutobuckledownatonce。”saidhisfather,smiling。
“Ifyou’ddecideduponthelaw,Ishouldhavefeltthatyou’dbetternotlosetime。Butasyou’regoingintothebusiness,Idon’tmindyourtakingayearoff。Itwon’tbelosttimeifyoukeepyoureyesopen。I
thinkyou’dbettergodownintoItalyandSpain。Lookuptheoldtapestriesandstampedleathers。Youmaygetsomeideas。Howwouldyoulikeit?”
“First-rate。Ishouldlikeit。”saidDan,risingonthewaftofhisfather’ssuggestion,butgloomilylapsingagain。Still,itwaspleasingtopicturehimselfgoingaboutthroughEuropewithabrokenheart,andhedidnotdenyhimselftheconsolationofthevision。
“Well,there’snobodytodislikeit。”saidhisfathercheerily。HewassurenowthatDanhadbeenjilted;otherwisehewouldhaveputforthsomeobjectiontoaschemewhichmustinterrupthislovemaking。“There’snoreasonwhy,withourresources,weshouldn’ttaketheleadinthisbusiness。”
Hewentontospeakmorefullyofhisplans,andDanlistenedwithanetherreferenceofitalltoAlice,butstillwithasurfaceintelligenceonwhichnothingwaslost。
“Areyougoinghomewithmeto-morrow?”askedhisfatherastheyrosefromthetable。
“Well,perhapsnotto-morrow。I’vegotsomeofmythingstoputtogetherinCambridgeyet,andperhapsI’dbetterlookafterthem。ButI’veanotionI’dbetterspendthewinterathome,andgetanideaofthemanufacturebeforeIgoabroad。ImightsailinJanuary;theysayit’sagoodmonth。”
“Yes,there’ssenseinthat。”saidhisfather。
“AndperhapsIwon’tbreakupinCambridgetillI’vebeentoNewYorkandPhiladelphia。Whatdoyouthink?It’seasierstrikingthemfromhere。”
“Idon’tknowbutyou’reright。”saidhisfathereasily。
Theyhadcomeoutofthedining-room,andDanstoppedtogetsomecigarettesintheoffice。Helookedmechanicallyatthetheatrebillsoverthecigarcase。“IseeIrving’satthe’Boston。’“
“Oh,youdon’tsay!“saidhisfather。“Let’sgoandseehim。”
“Ifyouwishit,sir。”saidDan,withpensiveacquiescence。AlltheMaveringswerefondofthetheatre,andmadeanymoodtheoccasionorthepretextofgoingtotheplay。Iftheyweresad,theywent;iftheyweregay,theywent。AslongasDan’smothercouldgetout-of-doorssheusedtohaveherselfcarriedtoaboxinthetheatrewhenevershewasintown;
nowthatshenolongerleftherroom,shehadadominantpassionforhearingaboutactorsandacting;itwasalmostaworkofpietyinherhusbandandchildrentoseethemandreporttoher。