第28章

类别:其他 作者:Samuel Butler字数:4933更新时间:18/12/21 17:25:17
Whenallthishadbeendoneshebecamemoreeasyinhermind。Shetalkedprincipallyabouthernephew。“Don’tscoldhim。”shesaid,“ifheisvolatile,andcontinuallytakesthingsuponlytothrowthemdownagain。Howcanhefindouthisstrengthorweaknessotherwise?Aman’sprofession。”shesaid,andhereshegaveoneofherwickedlittlelaughs,“isnotlikehiswife,whichhemusttakeonceforall,forbetterforworse,withoutproofbeforehand。Lethimgohereandthere,andlearnhistruestlikingbyfindingoutwhat,afterall,hecatcheshimselfturningtomosthabitually——thenlethimsticktothis;butIdaresayErnestwillbefortyorfiveandfortybeforehesettlesdown。ThenallhispreviousinfidelitieswillworktogethertohimforgoodifheistheboyI hopeheis。 “Aboveall。”shecontinued,“donotlethimworkuptohisfullstrength,exceptonceortwiceinhislifetime;nothingiswelldonenorworthdoingunless,takeitallround,ithascomeprettyeasily。TheobaldandChristinawouldgivehimapinchofsaltandtellhimtoputitonthetailsofthesevendeadlyvirtues;“——hereshelaughedagaininheroldmanneratoncesomockingandsosweet—— “IthinkifhelikespancakeshehadperhapsbettereatthemonShroveTuesday,butthisisenough。”Thesewerethelastcoherentwordsshespoke。Fromthattimeshegrewcontinuallyworse,andwasneverfreefromdeliriumtillherdeath——whichtookplacelessthanafortnightafterwards,totheinexpressiblegriefofthosewhoknewandlovedher。 LettershadbeenwrittentoMissPontifex’sbrothersandsisters,andoneandallcamepost-hastetoRoughborough。Beforetheyarrivedthepoorladywasalreadydelirious,andforthesakeofherownpeaceatthelastIamhalfgladsheneverrecoveredconsciousness。 Ihadknownthesepeoplealltheirlives,asnonecanknoweachotherbutthosewhohaveplayedtogetheraschildren;Iknewhowtheyhadallofthem——perhapsTheobaldleast,butallofthemmoreorless——madeherlifeaburdentoheruntilthedeathofherfatherhadmadeherherownmistress,andIwasdispleasedattheircomingoneaftertheothertoRoughborough,andinquiringwhethertheirsisterhadrecoveredconsciousnesssufficientlytobeabletoseethem。Itwasknownthatshehadsentformeonbeingtakenill,andthatIremainedatRoughborough,andIownIwasangeredbythemingledairofsuspicion,defianceandinquisitiveness,withwhichtheyregardedme。Theywouldall,exceptTheobald,Ibelievehavecutmedownrightiftheyhadnotbelievedmetoknowsomethingtheywantedtoknowthemselves,andmighthavesomechanceoflearningfromme——foritwasplainIhadbeeninsomewayconcernedwiththemakingoftheirsister’swill。Noneofthemsuspectedwhattheostensiblenatureofthiswouldbe,butIthinktheyfearedMissPontifexwasabouttoleavemoneyforpublicuses。Johnsaidtomeinhisblandestmannerthathefanciedherememberedtohaveheardhissistersaythatshethoughtofleavingmoneytofoundacollegeforthereliefofdramaticauthorsindistress;tothisImadenorejoinder,andIhavenodoubthissuspicionsweredeepened。 Whentheendcame,IgotMissPontifex’ssolicitortowriteandtellherbrothersandsistershowshehadlefthermoney:theywerenotunnaturallyfurious,andwenteachtohisorherseparatehomewithoutattendingthefuneral,andwithoutpayinganyattentiontomyself。Thiswasperhapsthekindestthingtheycouldhavedonebyme,fortheirbehaviourmademesoangrythatIbecamealmostreconciledtoAlethea’swilloutofpleasureattheangerithadaroused。ButforthisIshouldhavefeltthewillkeenly,ashavingbeenplacedbyitinthepositionwhichofallothersIhadbeenmostanxioustoavoid,andashavingsaddledmewithaveryheavyresponsibility。Stillitwasimpossibleformetoescape,andI couldonlyletthingstaketheircourse。 MissPontifexhadexpressedawishtobeburiedatPaleham;inthecourseofthenextfewdaysIthereforetookthebodythither。I hadnotbeentoPalehamsincethedeathofmyfathersomesixyearsearlier。Ihadoftenwishedtogothere,buthadshrunkfromdoingsothoughmysisterhadbeentwoorthreetimes。Icouldnotbeartoseethehousewhichhadbeenmyhomeforsomanyyearsofmylifeinthehandsofstrangers;toringceremoniouslyatabellwhichI hadneveryetpulledexceptasaboyinjest;tofeelthatIhadnothingtodowithagardeninwhichIhadinchildhoodgatheredsomanyanosegay,andwhichhadseemedmyownformanyyearsafterI hadreachedman’sestate;toseetheroomsbereftofeveryfamiliarfeature,andmadesounfamiliarinspiteoftheirfamiliarity。Hadtherebeenanysufficientreason,Ishouldhavetakenthesethingsasamatterofcourse,andshouldnodoubthavefoundthemmuchworseinanticipationthaninreality,butastherehadbeennospecialreasonwhyIshouldgotoPalehamIhadhithertoavoideddoingso。Now,however,mygoingwasanecessity,andIconfessI neverfeltmoresubduedthanIdidonarrivingtherewiththedeadplaymateofmychildhood。 IfoundthevillagemorechangedthanIhadexpected。Therailwayhadcomethere,andabrandnewyellowbrickstationwasonthesiteofoldMrandMrsPontifex’scottage。Nothingbutthecarpenter’sshopwasnowstanding。IsawmanyfacesIknew,buteveninsixyearstheyseemedtohavegrownwonderfullyolder。Someoftheveryoldweredead,andtheoldweregettingveryoldintheirstead。I feltlikethechangelinginthefairystorywhocamebackafterasevenyears’sleep。Everyoneseemedgladtoseeme,thoughIhadnevergiventhemparticularcausetobeso,andeveryonewhorememberedoldMrandMrsPontifexspokewarmlyofthemandwerepleasedattheirgranddaughter’swishingtobelaidnearthem。 EnteringthechurchyardandstandinginthetwilightofagustycloudyeveningonthespotclosebesideoldMrsPontifex’sgravewhichIhadchosenforAlethea’s,Ithoughtofthemanytimesthatshe,whowouldlietherehenceforth,andI,whomustsurelylieonedayinsomesuchanotherplacethoughwhenandwhereIknewnot,hadrompedoverthisveryspotaschildishloverstogether。NextmorningIfollowedhertothegrave,andinduecoursesetupaplainuprightslabtohermemoryaslikeasmightbetothoseoverthegravesofhergrandmotherandgrandfather。Igavethedatesandplacesofherbirthanddeath,butaddednothingexceptthatthisstonewassetupbyonewhohadknownandlovedher。KnowinghowfondshehadbeenofmusicIhadbeenhalfinclinedatonetimetoinscribeafewbarsofmusic,ifIcouldfindanywhichseemedsuitabletohercharacter,butIknewhowmuchshewouldhavedislikedanythingsingularinconnectionwithhertombstoneanddidnotdoit。 Before,however,Ihadcometothisconclusion,IhadthoughtthatErnestmightbeabletohelpmetotherightthing,andhadwrittentohimuponthesubject。ThefollowingistheanswerIreceived- “DearGodpapa,——IsendyouthebestbitIcanthinkof;itisthesubjectofthelastofHandel’ssixgrandfuguesandgoesthus:- [Musicscore] Itwoulddobetterforaman,especiallyforanoldmanwhowasverysorryforthings,thanforawoman,butIcannotthinkofanythingbetter;ifyoudonotlikeitforAuntAletheaIshallkeepitformyself——YouraffectionateGodson,ERNESTPONTIFEX。” Wasthisthelittleladwhocouldgetsweetiesfortwo-pencebutnotfortwo-pence-halfpenny?Dear,dearme,Ithoughttomyself,howthesebabesandsucklingsdogiveusthego-bysurely。Choosinghisownepitaphatfifteenasforamanwho“hadbeenverysorryforthings。”andsuchastrainasthat——whyitmighthavedoneforLeonardodaVincihimself。ThenIsettheboydownasaconceitedyoungjackanapes,whichnodoubthewas,——butsoareagreatmanyotheryoungpeopleofErnest’sage。 IfTheobaldandChristinahadnotbeentoowellpleasedwhenMissPontifexfirsttookErnestinhand,theywerestilllesssowhentheconnectionbetweenthetwowasinterruptedsoprematurely。TheysaidtheyhadmadesurefromwhattheirsisterhadsaidthatshewasgoingtomakeErnestherheir。Idonotthinkshehadgiventhemsomuchasahinttothiseffect。TheobaldindeedgaveErnesttounderstandthatshehaddonesoinaletterwhichwillbegivenshortly,butifTheobaldwantedtomakehimselfdisagreeable,atriflelightasairwouldforthwithassumeinhisimaginationwhateverformwasmostconvenienttohim。IdonotthinktheyhadevenmadeuptheirmindswhatAletheawastodowithhermoneybeforetheyknewofherbeingatthepointofdeath,andasIhavesaidalready,iftheyhadthoughtitlikelythatErnestwouldbemadeheirovertheirownheadswithouttheirhavingatanyratealifeinterestinthebequest,theywouldhavesoonthrownobstaclesinthewayoffurtherintimacybetweenauntandnephew。 This,however,didnotbartheirrighttofeelingaggrievednowthatneithertheynorErnesthadtakenanythingatall,andtheycouldprofessdisappointmentontheirboy’sbehalfwhichtheywouldhavebeentooproudtoadmitupontheirown。Infact,itwasonlyamiableofthemtobedisappointedunderthesecircumstances。 Christinasaidthatthewillwassimplyfraudulent,andwasconvincedthatitcouldbeupsetifsheandTheobaldwenttherightwaytowork。Theobald,shesaid,shouldgobeforetheLordChancellor,notinfullcourtbutinchambers,wherehecouldexplainthewholematter;or,perhapsitwouldbeevenbetterifsheweretogoherself——andIdarenottrustmyselftodescribethereverietowhichthislastideagaverise。IbelieveintheendTheobalddied,andtheLordChancellor(whohadbecomeawidowerafewweeksearlier)madeheranoffer,which,however,shefirmlybutnotungratefullydeclined;sheshouldever,shesaid,continuetothinkofhimasafriend——atthispointthecookcamein,sayingthebutcherhadcalled,andwhatwouldshepleasetoorder。 IthinkTheobaldmusthavehadanideathattherewassomethingbehindthebequesttome,buthesaidnothingaboutittoChristina。 Hewasangryandfeltwronged,becausehecouldnotgetatAletheatogiveherapieceofhismindanymorethanhehadbeenabletogetathisfather。“Itissomeanofpeople。”heexclaimedtohimself,“toinflictaninjuryofthissort,andthenshirkfacingthosewhomtheyhaveinjured;letushopethat,atanyrate,theyandImaymeetinHeaven。”Butofthishewasdoubtful,forwhenpeoplehaddonesogreatawrongasthis,itwashardlytobesupposedthattheywouldgotoHeavenatall——andasforhismeetingtheminanotherplace,theideaneversomuchasenteredhismind。 Onesoangryand,oflate,solittleusedtocontradictionmightbetrusted,however,toavengehimselfuponsomeone,andTheobaldhadlongsincedevelopedtheorgan,bymeansofwhichhemightventspleenwithleastriskandgreatestsatisfactiontohimself。Thisorgan,itmaybeguessed,wasnothingelsethanErnest;toErnestthereforeheproceededtounburdenhimself,notpersonally,butbyletter。 “Yououghttoknow。”hewrote,“thatyourAuntAletheahadgivenyourmotherandmetounderstandthatitwasherwishtomakeyouherheir——intheevent,ofcourse,ofyourconductingyourselfinsuchamannerastogiveherconfidenceinyou;asamatteroffact,however,shehasleftyounothing,andthewholeofherpropertyhasgonetoyourgodfather,MrOverton。YourmotherandIarewillingtohopethatifshehadlivedlongeryouwouldyethavesucceededinwinninghergoodopinion,butitistoolatetothinkofthisnow。 “Thecarpenteringandorgan-buildingmustatoncebediscontinued。