第35章

类别:其他 作者:Samuel Butler字数:4684更新时间:18/12/21 17:25:17
Thishappenedataboutnoon,butbytheoneo’clockdinner-hourtheeffectoftheconfirmationhadwornoff,andhesawnoreasonwhyheshouldforegohisannualamusementwiththebonfire;sohewentwiththeothersandwasveryvalianttilltheimagewasactuallyproducedandwasabouttobeburnt;thenhefeltalittlefrightened。Itwasapoorthingenough,madeofpaper,calicoandstraw,buttheyhadchristeneditTheRev。TheobaldPontifex,andhehadarevulsionoffeelingashesawitbeingcarriedtowardsthebonfire。Stillheheldhisground,andinafewminuteswhenallwasoverfeltnonetheworseforhavingassistedataceremonywhich,afterall,waspromptedbyaboyishloveofmischiefratherthanbyrancour。 IshouldsaythatErnesthadwrittentohisfather,andtoldhimoftheunprecedentedwayinwhichhewasbeingtreated;heevenventuredtosuggestthatTheobaldshouldinterfereforhisprotectionandremindedhimhowthestoryhadbeengotoutofhim,butTheobaldhadhadenoughofDrSkinnerforthepresent;theburningoftheschoollisthadbeenarebuffwhichdidnotencouragehimtomeddleasecondtimeintheinternaleconomicsofRoughborough。HethereforerepliedthathemusteitherremoveErnestfromRoughboroughaltogether,whichwouldformanyreasonsbeundesirable,ortrusttothediscretionoftheheadmasterasregardsthetreatmenthemightthinkbestforanyofhispupils。 Ernestsaidnomore;hestillfeltthatitwassodiscreditabletohimtohaveallowedanyconfessiontobewrungfromhim,thathecouldnotpressthepromisedamnestyforhimself。 Itwasduringthe“MotherCrossrow。”asitwaslongstyledamongtheboys,thataremarkablephenomenonwaswitnessedatRoughborough。Imeanthatoftheheadboysundercertainconditionsdoingerrandsfortheirjuniors。TheheadboyshadnoboundsandcouldgotoMrsCross’swhenevertheyliked;theyactually,therefore,madethemselvesgo-betweens,andwouldgetanythingfromeitherMrsCross’sorMrsJones’sforanyboy,nomatterhowlowintheschool,betweenthehoursofaquartertonineandnineinthemorning,andaquartertosixandsixintheafternoon。Bydegrees,however,theboysgrewbolder,andtheshops,thoughnotopenlydeclaredinboundsagain,weretacitlyallowedtobeso。 Imaysparethereadermoredetailsaboutmyhero’sschooldays。Herose,alwaysinspiteofhimself,intotheDoctor’sform,andforthelasttwoyearsorsoofhistimewasamongthepraepostors,thoughheneverroseintotheupperhalfofthem。Hedidlittle,andIthinktheDoctorrathergavehimupasaboywhomhehadbetterleavetohimself,forherarelymadehimconstrue,andheusedtosendinhisexercisesornot,prettymuchasheliked。Histacit,unconsciousobstinacyhadintimeeffectedmoreeventhanafewboldsalliesinthefirstinstancewouldhavedone。Totheendofhiscareerhispositioninterpareswaswhatithadbeenatthebeginning,namely,amongtheupperpartofthelessreputableclass—— whetherofseniorsorjuniors——ratherthanamongthelowerpartofthemorerespectable。 OnlyonceinthewholecourseofhisschoollifedidhegetpraisefromDrSkinnerforanyexercise,andthishehastreasuredasthebestexampleofguardedapprovalwhichhehaseverseen。HehadhadtowriteacopyofAlcaicson“ThedogsofthemonksofStBernard。” andwhentheexercisewasreturnedtohimhefoundtheDoctorhadwrittenonit:“InthiscopyofAlcaics——whichisstillexcessivelybad——IfancythatIcandiscernsomefaintsymptomsofimprovement。” Ernestsaysthatiftheexercisewasanybetterthanusualitmusthavebeenbyafluke,forheissurethathealwayslikeddogs,especiallyStBernarddogs,fartoomuchtotakeanypleasureinwritingAlcaicsaboutthem。 “AsIlookbackuponit。”hesaidtomebuttheotherday,withaheartylaugh,“IrespectmyselfmoreforhavingneveroncegotthebestmarkforanexercisethanIshoulddoifIhadgotiteverytimeitcouldbegot。IamgladnothingcouldmakemedoLatinandGreekverses;IamgladSkinnercouldnevergetanymoralinfluenceoverme;IamgladIwasidleatschool,andIamgladmyfatherovertaskedmeasaboy——otherwise,likelyenoughIshouldhaveacquiescedintheswindle,andmighthavewrittenasgoodacopyofAlcaicsaboutthedogsofthemonksofStBernardasmyneighbours,andyetIdon’tknow,forIremembertherewasanotherboy,whosentinaLatincopyofsomesort,butforhisownpleasurehewrotethefollowing- ThedogsofthemonksofStBernardgoTopicklittlechildrenoutofthesnow,AndaroundtheirnecksisthecordialginTiedwithalittlebitofbob-bin。 Ishouldliketohavewrittenthat,andIdidtry,butIcouldn’t。 Ididn’tquitelikethelastline,andtriedtomendit,butI couldn’t。” IfanciedIcouldseetracesofbitternessagainsttheinstructorsofhisyouthinErnest’smanner,andsaidsomethingtothiseffect。 “Oh,no。”hereplied,stilllaughing,“nomorethanStAnthonyfelttowardsthedevilswhohadtemptedhim,whenhemetsomeofthemcasuallyahundredoracoupleofhundredyearsafterwards。Ofcourseheknewtheyweredevils,butthatwasallrightenough; theremustbedevils。StAnthonyprobablylikedthesedevilsbetterthanmostothers,andforoldacquaintancesakeshowedthemasmuchindulgenceaswascompatiblewithdecorum。 “Besides,youknow。”headded,“StAnthonytemptedthedevilsquiteasmuchastheytemptedhim;forhispeculiarsanctitywasagreatertemptationtotempthimthantheycouldstand。Strictlyspeaking,itwasthedevilswhowerethemoretobepitied,fortheywereledupbyStAnthonytobetemptedandfell,whereasStAnthonydidnotfall。IbelieveIwasadisagreeableandunintelligibleboy,andifeverImeetSkinnerthereisnoonewhomIwouldshakehandswith,ordoagoodturntomorereadily。” Athomethingswentonratherbetter;theEllenandMotherCrossrowssankslowlydownuponthehorizon,andevenathomehehadquietertimesnowthathehadbecomeapraepostor。Neverthelessthewatchfuleyeandprotectinghandwerestilleveroverhimtoguardhiscomingsinandhisgoingsout,andtospyoutallhisways。Isitwonderfulthattheboy,thoughalwaystryingtokeepupappearancesasthoughhewerecheerfulandcontented——andattimesactuallybeingso——woreoftenananxious,jadedlookwhenhethoughtnonewerelooking,whichtoldofanalmostincessantconflictwithin? DoubtlessTheobaldsawtheselooksandknewhowtointerpretthem,butitwashisprofessiontoknowhowtoshuthiseyestothingsthatwereinconvenient——noclergymancouldkeephisbeneficeforamonthifhecouldnotdothis;besideshehadallowedhimselfforsomanyyearstosaythingsheoughtnottohavesaid,andnottosaythethingsheoughttohavesaid,thathewaslittlelikelytoseeanythingthathethoughtitmoreconvenientnottoseeunlesshewasmadetodoso。 Itwasnotmuchthatwaswanted。TomakenomysterieswhereNaturehasmadenone,tobringhisconscienceundersomethinglikereasonablecontrol,togiveErnesthisheadalittlemore,toaskfewerquestions,andtogivehimpocketmoneywithadesirethatitshouldbespentuponmenusplaisirs…… “Callthatnotmuchindeed。”laughedErnest,asIreadhimwhatI havejustwritten。“Whyitisthewholedutyofafather,butitisthemystery-makingwhichistheworstevil。Ifpeoplewoulddaretospeaktooneanotherunreservedly,therewouldbeagooddeallesssorrowintheworldahundredyearshence。” Toreturn,however,toRoughborough。Onthedayofhisleaving,whenhewassentforintothelibrarytobeshakenhandswith,hewassurprisedtofeelthat,thoughassuredlygladtoleave,hedidnotdosowithanyespecialgrudgeagainsttheDoctorranklinginhisbreast。Hehadcometotheendofitall,andwasstillalive,nor,takeitallround,moreseriouslyamissthanotherpeople。DrSkinnerreceivedhimgraciously,andwasevenfrolicsomeafterhisownheavyfashion。Youngpeoplearealmostalwaysplacable,andErnestfeltashewentawaythatanothersuchinterviewwouldnotonlyhavewipedoffalloldscores,buthavebroughthimroundintotheranksoftheDoctor’sadmirersandsupporters——amongwhomitisonlyfairtosaythatthegreaternumberofthemorepromisingboyswerefound。 Justbeforesayinggood-byetheDoctoractuallytookdownavolumefromthoseshelveswhichhadseemedsoawfulsixyearspreviously,andgaveittohimafterhavingwrittenhisnameinit,andthewords[Greektext],whichIbelievemeans“withallkindwishesfromthedonor。”ThebookwasonewritteninLatinbyaGerman—— Schomann:“DecomitiisAtheniensibus“——notexactlylightandcheerfulreading,butErnestfeltitwashightimehegottounderstandtheAthenianconstitutionandmannerofvoting;hehadgotthemupagreatmanytimesalready,buthadforgottenthemasfastashehadlearnedthem;now,however,thattheDoctorhadgivenhimthisbook,hewouldmasterthesubjectonceforall。Howstrangeitwas!Hewantedtorememberthesethingsverybadly;heknewhedid,buthecouldneverretainthem;inspiteofhimselftheynosoonerfelluponhismindthantheyfelloffitagain,hehadsuchadreadfulmemory;whereas,ifanyoneplayedhimapieceofmusicandtoldhimwhereitcamefrom,heneverforgotthat,thoughhemadenoefforttoretainit,andwasnotevenconsciousoftryingtorememberitatall。Hismindmustbebadlyformedandhewasnogood。 Havingstillashorttimetospare,hegotthekeysofStMichael’schurchandwenttohaveafarewellpracticeupontheorgan,whichhecouldnowplayfairlywell。Hewalkedupanddowntheaisleforawhileinameditativemood,andthen,settlingdowntotheorgan,played“Theyloathedtodrinkoftheriver“aboutsixtimesover,afterwhichhefeltmorecomposedandhappier;then,tearinghimselfawayfromtheinstrumenthelovedsowell,hehurriedtothestation。 Asthetraindrewouthelookeddownfromahighembankmentontothelittlehousehisaunthadtaken,andwhereitmightbesaidshehaddiedthroughherdesiretodohimakindness。Therewerethetwowell-knownbowwindows,outofwhichhehadoftensteppedtorunacrossthelawnintotheworkshop。Hereproachedhimselfwiththelittlegratitudehehadshowntowardsthiskindlady——theonlyoneofhisrelationswhomhehadeverfeltasthoughhecouldhavetakenintohisconfidence。Dearlyashelovedhermemory,hewasgladshehadnotknownthescrapeshehadgotintosinceshedied;perhapsshemightnothaveforgiventhem——andhowawfulthatwouldhavebeen!Butthen,ifshehadlived,perhapsmanyofhisillswouldhavebeensparedhim。Ashemusedthushegrewsadagain。Where,where,heaskedhimself,wasitalltoend?Wasittobealwayssin,shameandsorrowinthefuture,asithadbeeninthepast,andtheever-watchfuleyeandprotectinghandofhisfatherlayingburdensonhimgreaterthanhecouldbear——orwashe,too,somedayoranothertocometofeelthathewasfairlywellandhappy?