第41章

类别:其他 作者:Samuel Butler字数:4926更新时间:18/12/21 17:25:17
“Andnowletmeaskyouwhatansweryouhavemadetothisquestionhitherto?Whosefriendshiphaveyouchosen?If,knowingwhatyouknow,youhavenotyetbeguntoactaccordingtotheimmensityoftheknowledgethatisinyou,thenhewhobuildshishouseandlaysuphistreasureontheedgeofacraterofmoltenlavaisasane,sensiblepersonincomparisonwithyourselves。Isaythisasnofigureofspeechorbugbearwithwhichtofrightenyou,butasanunvarnishedunexaggeratedstatementwhichwillbenomoredisputedbyyourselvesthanbyme。” AndnowMrHawke,whouptothistimehadspokenwithsingularquietness,changedhismannertooneofgreaterwarmthandcontinued- “Oh!myyoungfriendsturn,turn,turn,nowwhileitiscalledto- day——nowfromthishour,fromthisinstant;staynoteventogirdupyourloins;looknotbehindyouforasecond,butflyintothebosomofthatChristwhoistobefoundofallwhoseekhim,andfromthatfearfulwrathofGodwhichliethinwaitforthosewhoknownotthethingsbelongingtotheirpeace。FortheSonofMancomethasathiefinthenight,andthereisnotoneofuscantellbutwhatthisdayhissoulmayberequiredofhim。Ifthereisevenoneherewhohasheededme。”——andhelethiseyefallforaninstantuponalmostallhishearers,butespeciallyontheErnestset——“IshallknowthatitwasnotfornothingthatIfeltthecalloftheLord,andheardasIthoughtavoicebynightthatbademecomehitherquickly,fortherewasachosenvesselwhohadneedofme。” HereMrHawkeendedratherabruptly;hisearnestmanner,strikingcountenanceandexcellentdeliveryhadproducedaneffectgreaterthantheactualwordsIhavegivencanconveytothereader;thevirtuelayinthemanmorethaninwhathesaid;asforthelastfewmysteriouswordsabouthishavingheardavoicebynight,theireffectwasmagical;therewasnotonewhodidnotlookdowntotheground,norwhoinhisheartdidnothalfbelievethathewasthechosenvesselonwhoseespecialbehalfGodhadsentMrHawketoCambridge。Evenifthiswerenotso,eachoneofthemfeltthathewasnowforthefirsttimeintheactualpresenceofonewhohadhadadirectcommunicationfromtheAlmighty,andtheywerethussuddenlybroughtahundredfoldnearertotheNewTestamentmiracles。 Theywereamazed,nottosayscared,andasthoughbytacitconsenttheygatheredtogether,thankedMrHawkeforhissermon,saidgood- nightinahumbledeferentialmannertoBadcockandtheotherSimeonites,andlefttheroomtogether。Theyhadheardnothingbutwhattheyhadbeenhearingalltheirlives;howwasit,then,thattheyweresodumbfounderedbyit?Isupposepartlybecausetheyhadlatelybeguntothinkmoreseriously,andwereinafitstatetobeimpressed,partlyfromthegreaterdirectnesswithwhicheachfelthimselfaddressed,throughthesermonbeingdeliveredinaroom,andpartlytothelogicalconsistency,freedomfromexaggeration,andprofoundairofconvictionwithwhichMrHawkehadspoken。Hissimplicityandobviousearnestnesshadimpressedthemevenbeforehehadalludedtohisspecialmission,butthisclenchedeverything,andthewords“Lord,isitI?”wereupontheheartsofeachastheywalkedpensivelyhomethroughmoonlitcourtsandcloisters。 IdonotknowwhatpassedamongtheSimeonitesaftertheErnestsethadleftthem,buttheywouldhavebeenmorethanmortaliftheyhadnotbeenagooddealelatedwiththeresultsoftheevening。Why,oneofErnest’sfriendswasintheUniversityeleven,andhehadactuallybeeninBadcock’sroomsandhadslunkoffonsayinggood- nightasmeeklyasanyofthem。Itwasnosmallthingtohavescoredasuccesslikethis。 Ernestfeltnowthattheturningpointofhislifehadcome。HewouldgiveupallforChrist——evenhistobacco。 Sohegatheredtogetherhispipesandpouches,andlockedthemupinhisportmanteauunderhisbedwheretheyshouldbeoutofsight,andasmuchoutofmindaspossible。Hedidnotburnthem,becausesomeonemightcomeinwhowantedtosmoke,andthoughhemightabridgehisownliberty,yet,assmokingwasnotasin,therewasnoreasonwhyheshouldbehardonotherpeople。 AfterbreakfasthelefthisroomstocallonamannamedDawson,whohadbeenoneofMrHawke’shearersontheprecedingevening,andwhowasreadingforordinationattheforthcomingEmberWeeks,nowonlyfourmonthsdistant。Thismanhadbeenalwaysofaratherseriousturnofmind——alittletoomuchsoforErnest’staste;buttimeshadchanged,andDawson’sundoubtedsincerityseemedtorenderhimafittingcounsellorforErnestatthepresenttime。AshewasgoingthroughthefirstcourtofJohn’sonhiswaytoDawson’srooms,hemetBadcock,andgreetedhimwithsomedeference。HisadvancewasreceivedwithoneofthoseecstaticgleamswhichshoneoccasionallyuponthefaceofBadcock,andwhich,ifErnesthadknownmore,wouldhaveremindedhimofRobespierre。Asitwas,hesawitandunconsciouslyrecognisedtheunrestandself-seekingnessoftheman,butcouldnotyetformulatethem;hedislikedBadcockmorethanever,butashewasgoingtoprofitbythespiritualbenefitswhichhehadputinhisway,hewasboundtobeciviltohim,andcivilhethereforewas。 BadcocktoldhimthatMrHawkehadreturnedtotownimmediatelyhisdiscoursewasover,butthatbeforedoingsohehadenquiredparticularlywhoErnestandtwoorthreeotherswere。IbelieveeachoneofErnest’sfriendswasgiventounderstandthathehadbeenmoreorlessparticularlyenquiredafter。Ernest’svanity——forhewashismother’sson——wastickledatthis;theideaagainpresenteditselftohimthathemightbetheoneforwhosebenefitMrHawkehadbeensent。Therewassomething,too,inBadcock’smannerwhichconveyedtheideathathecouldsaymoreifhechose,buthadbeenenjoinedtosilence。 OnreachingDawson’srooms,hefoundhisfriendinrapturesoverthediscourseoftheprecedingevening。HardlylessdelightedwashewiththeeffectithadproducedonErnest。Hehadalwaysknown,hesaid,thatErnestwouldcomeround;hehadbeensureofit,buthehadhardlyexpectedtheconversiontobesosudden。Ernestsaidnomorehadhe,butnowthathesawhisdutysoclearlyhewouldgetordainedassoonaspossible,andtakeacuracy,eventhoughthedoingsowouldmakehimhavetogodownfromCambridgeearlier,whichwouldbeagreatgrieftohim。Dawsonapplaudedthisdetermination,anditwasarrangedthatasErnestwasstillmoreorlessofaweakbrother,Dawsonshouldtakehim,sotospeak,inspiritualtowforawhile,andstrengthenandconfirmhisfaith。 Anoffensiveanddefensivealliancethereforewasstruckupbetweenthispair(whowereinrealitysingularlyillassorted),andErnestsettoworktomasterthebooksonwhichtheBishopwouldexaminehim。Othersgraduallyjoinedthemtilltheyformedasmallsetorchurch(forthesearethesamethings),andtheeffectofMrHawke’ssermoninsteadofwearingoffinafewdays,asmighthavebeenexpected,becamemoreandmoremarked,somuchsothatitwasnecessaryforErnest’sfriendstoholdhimbackratherthanurgehimon,forheseemedlikelytodevelop——asindeedhedidforatime—— intoareligiousenthusiast。 Inonematteronly,didheopenlybackslide。Hehad,asIsaidabove,lockeduphispipesandtobacco,sothathemightnotbetemptedtousethem。AlldaylongonthedayafterMrHawke’ssermonheletthemlieinhisportmanteaubravely;butthiswasnotverydifficult,ashehadforsometimegivenupsmokingtillafterhall。Afterhallthisdayhedidnotsmoketillchapeltime,andthenwenttochapelinself-defence。Whenhereturnedhedeterminedtolookatthematterfromacommonsensepointofview。Onthishesawthat,providedtobaccodidnotinjurehishealth——andhereallycouldnotseethatitdid——itstoodmuchonthesamefootingasteaorcoffee。 TobaccohadnowherebeenforbiddenintheBible,butthenithadnotyetbeendiscovered,andhadprobablyonlyescapedproscriptionforthisreason。WecanconceiveofStPaulorevenourLordHimselfasdrinkingacupoftea,butwecannotimagineeitherofthemassmokingacigaretteorachurchwarden。Ernestcouldnotdenythis,andadmittedthatPaulwouldalmostcertainlyhavecondemnedtobaccoingoodroundtermsifhehadknownofitsexistence。WasitnotthentakingratherameanadvantageoftheApostletostandonhisnothavingactuallyforbiddenit?Ontheotherhand,itwaspossiblethatGodknewPaulwouldhaveforbiddensmoking,andhadpurposelyarrangedthediscoveryoftobaccoforaperiodatwhichPaulshouldbenolongerliving。ThismightseemratherhardonPaul,consideringallhehaddoneforChristianity,butitwouldbemadeuptohiminotherways。 ThesereflectionssatisfiedErnestthatonthewholehehadbettersmoke,sohesneakedtohisportmanteauandbroughtouthispipesandtobaccoagain。Thereshouldbemoderationhefeltinallthings,eveninvirtue;soforthatnighthesmokedimmoderately。 Itwasapity,however,thathehadbraggedtoDawsonaboutgivingupsmoking。Thepipeshadbetterbekeptinacupboardforaweekortwo,tillinotherandeasierrespectsErnestshouldhaveprovedhissteadfastness。Thentheymightstealoutagainlittlebylittle——andsotheydid。 Ernestnowwrotehomealettercouchedinaveindifferentfromhisordinaryones。Hisletterswereusuallyallcommonformandpadding,forasIhavealreadyexplained,ifhewroteaboutanythingthatreallyinterestedhim,hismotheralwayswantedtoknowmoreandmoreaboutit——everyfreshanswerbeingastheloppingoffofahydra’sheadandgivingbirthtohalfadozenormorenewquestions—— butintheenditcameinvariablytothesameresult,namely,thatheoughttohavedonesomethingelse,oroughtnottogoondoingasheproposed。Now,however,therewasanewdeparture,andforthethousandthtimeheconcludedthathewasabouttotakeacourseofwhichhisfatherandmotherwouldapprove,andinwhichtheywouldbeinterested,sothatatlastheandtheymightgetonmoresympatheticallythanheretofore。Hethereforewroteagushingimpulsiveletter,whichaffordedmuchamusementtomyselfasIreadit,butwhichistoolongforreproduction。Onepassageran:“IamnowgoingtowardsChrist;thegreaternumberofmycollegefriendsare,Ifear,goingawayfromHim;wemustprayforthemthattheymayfindthepeacethatisinChristevenasIhavemyselffoundit。”Ernestcoveredhisfacewithhishandsforshameashereadthisextractfromthebundleoflettershehadputintomyhands—— theyhadbeenreturnedtohimbyhisfatheronhismother’sdeath,hismotherhavingcarefullypreservedthem。 “ShallIcutitout?”saidI,“Iwillifyoulike。” “Certainlynot。”heanswered,“andifgood-naturedfriendshavekeptmorerecordsofmyfollies,pickoutanyplumsthatmayamusethereader,andlethimhavehislaughoverthem。”Butfancywhateffectaletterlikethis——sounledupto——musthaveproducedatBattersby!EvenChristinarefrainedfromecstasyoverherson’shavingdiscoveredthepowerofChrist’sword,whileTheobaldwasfrightenedoutofhiswits。Itwaswellhissonwasnotgoingtohaveanydoubtsordifficulties,andthathewouldbeordainedwithoutmakingafussoverit,buthesmeltmischiefinthissuddenconversionofonewhohadneveryetshownanyinclinationtowardsreligion。Hehatedpeoplewhodidnotknowwheretostop。Ernestwasalwayssooutreandstrange;therewasneveranyknowingwhathewoulddonext,exceptthatitwouldbesomethingunusualandsilly。