Comein，Laura，comein，andwakeMrsVeseywiththepiano。MrHartrightispetitioningforsomemoremusic，andhewantsit，thistime，ofthelightestandliveliestkind。’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]WomaninWhite：Chapter4[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter4VIIISoendedmyeventfulfirstdayatLimmeridgeHouse。
MissHalcombeandIkeptoursecret。Afterthediscoveryofthelikenessnofreshlightseemeddestinedtobreakoverthemysteryofthewomaninwhite。AtthefirstsafeopportunityMissHalcombecautiouslyledherhalf-sistertospeakoftheirmother，ofoldtimes，andofAnneCatherick。MissFairlie’srecollectionsofthelittlescholaratLimmeridgewere，however，onlyofthemostvagueandgeneralkind。Sherememberedthelikenessbetweenherselfandhermother’sfavouritepupil，assomethingwhichhadbeensupposedtoexistinpasttimes；butshedidnotrefertothegiftofthewhitedresses，ortothesingularformofwordsinwhichthechildhadartlesslyexpressedhergratitudeforthem。SherememberedthatAnnehadremainedatLimmeridgeforafewmonthsonly，andhadthenleftittogobacktoherhomeinHampshire；butshecouldnotsaywhetherthemotheranddaughterhadeverreturned，orhadeverbeenheardofafterwards。Nofurthersearch，onMissHalcombe’spart，throughthefewlettersofMrsFairlie’swritingwhichshehadleftunread，assistedinclearinguptheuncertaintiesstilllefttoperplexus。WehadidentifiedtheunhappywomanwhomIhadmetinthenight-timewithAnneCatherick——wehadmadesomeadvance，atleast，towardsconnectingtheprobablydefectiveconditionofthepoorcreature’sintellectwiththepeculiarityofherbeingdressedallinwhite，andwiththecontinuance，inhermatureryears，ofherchildishgratitudetowardsMrsFairlie——andthere，sofarasweknewatthattime，ourdiscoverieshadended。
Thedayspassedon，theweekspassedon，andthetrackofthegoldenautumnwounditsbrightwayvisiblythroughthegreensummerofthetrees。
Peaceful，fast-flowing，happytime！mystoryglidesbyyounowasswiftlyasyouonceglidedbyme。Ofallthetreasuresofenjoymentthatyoupouredsofreelyintomyheart，howmuchisleftmethathaspurposeandvalueenoughtobewrittenonthispage？Nothingbutthesaddestofallconfessionsthatamancanmake——theconfessionofhisownfolly。
Thesecretwhichthatconfessiondisclosesshouldbetoldwithlittleeffort，forithasindirectlyescapedmealready。Thepoorweakwords，whichhavefailedtodescribeMissFairlie，havesucceededinbetrayingthesensationssheawakenedinme。Itissowithusall。Ourwordsaregiantswhentheydousaninjury，anddwarfswhentheydousaservice。
Ilovedher。
Ah！howwellIknowallthesadnessandallthemockerythatiscontainedinthosethreewords。Icansighovermymournfulconfessionwiththetenderestwomanwhoreadsitandpitiesme。Icanlaughatitasbitterlyasthehardestmanwhotossesitfromhimincontempt。Ilovedher！Feelforme，ordespiseme，Iconfessitwiththesameimmovableresolutiontoownthetruth。
Wastherenoexcuseforme？Therewassomeexcusetobefound，surely，intheconditionsunderwhichmytermofhiredservicewaspassedatLimmeridgeHouse。
Mymorninghourssucceededeachothercalmlyinthequietandseclusionofmyownroom。Ihadjustworkenoughtodo，inmountingmyemployer’sdrawings，tokeepmyhandsandeyespleasurablyemployed，whilemymindwasleftfreetoenjoythedangerousluxuryofitsownunbridledthoughts。
Aperiloussolitude，foritlastedlongenoughtoenervate，notlongenoughtofortifyme。Aperiloussolitude，foritwasfollowedbyafternoonsandeveningsspent，dayafterdayandweekafterweek，aloneinthesocietyoftwowomen，oneofwhompossessedalltheaccomplishmentsofgrace，wit，andhigh-breeding，theotherallthecharmsofbeauty，gentleness，andsimpletruth，thatcanpurifyandsubduetheheartofman。Notadaypassed，inthatdangerousintimacyofteacherandpupil，inwhichmyhandwasnotclosetoMissFairlie’s；mycheek，aswebenttogetheroverhersketch-book，almosttouchinghers。Themoreattentivelyshewatchedeverymovementofmybrush，themorecloselyIwasbreathingtheperfumeofherhair，andthewarmfragranceofherbreath。Itwaspartofmyservicetoliveintheverylightofhereyes——atonetimetobebendingoverher，soclosetoherbosomastotrembleatthethoughtoftouchingit；atanother，tofeelherbendingoverme，bendingsoclosetoseewhatIwasabout，thathervoicesanklowwhenshespoketome，andherribbonsbrushedmycheekinthewindbeforeshecoulddrawthemback。
Theeveningswhichfollowedthesketchingexcursionsoftheafternoonvaried，ratherthanchecked，theseinnocent，theseinevitablefamiliarities。
Mynaturalfondnessforthemusicwhichsheplayedwithsuchtenderfeeling，suchdelicatewomanlytaste，andhernaturalenjoymentofgivingmeback，bythepracticeofherart，thepleasurewhichIhadofferedtoherbythepracticeofmine，onlywoveanothertiewhichdrewuscloserandclosertooneanother。Theaccidentsofconversation；thesimplehabitswhichregulatedevensuchalittlethingasthepositionofourplacesattable；
theplayofMissHalcombe’sever-readyraillery，alwaysdirectedagainstmyanxietyasteacher，whileitsparkledoverherenthusiasmaspupil；
theharmlessexpressionofpoorMrsVesey’sdrowsyapproval，whichconnectedMissFairlieandmeastwomodelyoungpeoplewhoneverdisturbedher——
everyoneofthesetrifles，andmanymore，combinedtofoldustogetherinthesamedomesticatmosphere，andtoleadusbothinsensiblytothesamehopelessend。
Ishouldhaverememberedmyposition，andhaveputmyselfsecretlyonmyguard。Ididso，butnottillitwastoolate。Allthediscretion，alltheexperience，whichhadavailedmewithotherwomen，andsecuredmeagainstothertemptations，failedmewithher。Ithadbeenmyprofession，foryearspast，tobeinthisclosecontactwithyounggirlsofallages，andofallordersofbeauty。Ihadacceptedthepositionaspartofmycallinginlife；Ihadtrainedmyselftoleaveallthesympathiesnaturaltomyageinmyemployer’souterhall，ascoollyasIleftmyumbrellatherebeforeIwentupstairs。Ihadlongsincelearnttounderstand，composedlyandasamatterofcourse，thatmysituationinlifewasconsideredaguaranteeagainstanyofmyfemalepupilsfeelingmorethanthemostordinaryinterestinme，andthatIwasadmittedamongbeautifulandcaptivatingwomenmuchasaharmlessdomesticanimalisadmittedamongthem。ThisguardianexperienceIhadgainedearly；thisguardianexperiencehadsternlyandstrictlyguidedmestraightalongmyownpoornarrowpath，withoutoncelettingmestrayaside，totherighthandortotheleft。AndnowIandmytrustytalismanwerepartedforthefirsttime。Yes，myhardly-earnedself-controlwasascompletelylosttomeasifIhadneverpossessedit；losttome，asitislosteverydaytoothermen，inothercriticalsituations，wherewomenareconcerned。Iknow，now，thatIshouldhavequestionedmyselffromthefirst。Ishouldhaveaskedwhyanyroominthehousewasbetterthanhometomewhensheenteredit，andbarrenasadesertwhenshewentoutagain——whyIalwaysnoticedandrememberedthelittlechangesinherdressthatIhadnoticedandrememberedinnootherwoman’sbefore——whyIsawher，heardher，andtouchedher(whenweshookhandsatnightandmorning)asIhadneverseen，heard，andtouchedanyotherwomaninmylife？Ishouldhavelookedintomyownheart，andfoundthisnewgrowthspringingupthere，andpluckeditoutwhileitwasyoung。Whywasthiseasiest，simplestworkofself-culturealwaystoomuchforme？Theexplanationhasbeenwrittenalreadyinthethreewordsthatweremanyenough，andplainenough，formyconfession。Ilovedher。
Thedayspassed，theweekspassed；itwasapproachingthethirdmonthofmystayinCumberland。Thedeliciousmonotonyoflifeinourcalmseclusionflowedonwithme，likeasmoothstreamwithaswimmerwhoglidesdownthecurrent。Allmemoryofthepast，allthoughtofthefuture，allsenseofthefalsenessandhopelessnessofmyownposition，layhushedwithinmeintodeceitfulrest。LulledbytheSyren-songthatmyownheartsungtome，witheyesshuttoallsight，andearsclosedtoallsoundofdanger，Idriftednearerandnearertothefatalrocks。Thewarningthatarousedmeatlast，andstartledmeintosudden，self-accusingconsciousnessofmyownweakness，wastheplainest，thetruest，thekindestofallwarnings，foritcamesilentlyfromher。
Wehadpartedonenightasusual。Nowordhadfallenfrommylips，atthattimeoratanytimebeforeit，thatcouldbetrayme，orstartleherintosuddenknowledgeofthetruth。Butwhenwemetagaininthemorning，achangehadcomeoverher——achangethattoldmeall。
Ishrankthen——Ishrinkstill——frominvadingtheinnermostsanctuaryofherheart，andlayingitopentoothers，asIhavelaidopenmyown。
Letitbeenoughtosaythatthetimewhenshefirstsurprisedmysecretwas，Ifirmlybelieve，thetimewhenshefirstsurprisedherown，andthetime，also，whenshechangedtowardsmeintheintervalofonenight。Hernature，tootruthfultodeceiveothers，wastoonobletodeceiveitself。
WhenthedoubtthatIhadhushedasleepfirstlaiditswearyweightonherheart，thetruefaceownedall，andsaid，initsownfrank，simplelanguage——Iamsorryforhim；Iamsorryformyself。
Itsaidthis，andmore，whichIcouldnottheninterpret。Iunderstoodbuttoowellthechangeinhermanner，togreaterkindnessandquickerreadinessininterpretingallmywishes，beforeothers——toconstraintandsadness，andnervousanxietytoabsorbherselfinthefirstoccupationshecouldseizeon，wheneverwehappenedtobelefttogetheralone。Iunderstoodwhythesweetsensitivelipssmiledsorarelyandsorestrainedlynow，andwhytheclearblueeyeslookedatme，sometimeswiththepityofanangel，sometimeswiththeinnocentperplexityofachild。Butthechangemeantmorethanthis。Therewasacoldnessinherhand，therewasanunnaturalimmobilityinherface，therewasinallhermovementsthemuteexpressionofconstantfearandclingingself-reproach。ThesensationsthatIcouldtracetoherselfandtome，theunacknowledgedsensationsthatwewerefeelingincommon，werenotthese。Therewerecertainelementsofthechangeinherthatwerestillsecretlydrawingustogether，andothersthatwere，assecretly，beginningtodriveusapart。
Inmydoubtandperplexity，inmyvaguesuspicionofsomethinghiddenwhichIwaslefttofindbymyownunaidedefforts，IexaminedMissHalcombe’slooksandmannerforenlightenment。Livinginsuchintimacyasours，noseriousalterationcouldtakeplaceinanyoneofuswhichdidnotsympatheticallyaffecttheothers。ThechangeinMissFairliewasreflectedinherhalf-sister。
AlthoughnotawordescapedMissHalcombewhichhintedatanalteredstateoffeelingtowardsmyself，herpenetratingeyeshadcontractedanewhabitofalwayswatchingme。Sometimesthelookwaslikesuppressedanger，sometimeslikesuppresseddread，sometimeslikeneither——likenothing，inshort，whichIcouldunderstand。Aweekelapsed，leavingusallthreestillinthispositionofsecretconstrainttowardsoneanother。Mysituation，aggravatedbythesenseofmyownmiserableweaknessandforgetfulnessofmyself，nowtoolateawakenedinme，wasbecomingintolerable。IfeltthatImustcastofftheoppressionunderwhichIwasliving，atonceandforever——yethowtoactforthe-best，orwhattosayfirst，wasmorethanI
couldtell。
