Letmyunclehavehisway。Letushavenomoretroublesandheart-burningsthatanysacrificeofminecanprevent。Sayyouwilllivewithme，Marian，whenIammarried——andsaynomore。’
ButIdidsaymore。Iforcedbackthecontemptibletearsthatwerenorelieftome，andthatonlydistressedher，andreasonedandpleadedascalmlyasIcould。Itwasofnoavail。Shemademetwicerepeatthepromisetolivewithherwhenshewasmarried，andthensuddenlyaskedaquestionwhichturnedmysorrowandmysympathyforherintoanewdirection。
`WhilewewereatPolesdean，’shesaid，`youhadaletter，Man-an——’
Heralteredtone——theabruptmannerinwhichshelookedawayfrommeandhidherfaceonmyshoulder——thehesitationwhichsilencedherbeforeshehadcompletedherquestion，alltoldme，buttooplainly，towhomthehalf-expressedinquirypointed。
`Ithought，Laura，thatyouandIwerenevertorefertohimagain，’
Isaidgently。
`Youhadaletterfromhim？’shepersisted。
`Yes，’Ireplied，`ifyoumustknowit。’
`Doyoumeantowritetohimagain？’
Ihesitated。IhadbeenafraidtotellherofhisabsencefromEngland，orofthemannerinwhichmyexertionstoservehisnewhopesandprojectshadconnectedmewithhisdeparture。WhatanswercouldImake？Hewasgonewherenoletterscouldreachhimformonths，perhapsforyears，tocome。
`SupposeIdomeantowritetohimagain，’Isaidatlast。`Whatthen，Laura？’
Hercheekgrewburninghotagainstmyneck，andherarmstrembledandtightenedroundme。
`Don’ttellhimaboutthetwenty-second，’shewhispered。`Promise，Marian——praypromiseyouwillnotevenmentionmynametohimwhenyouwritenext。’
Igavethepromise。NowordscansayhowsorrowfullyIgaveit。Sheinstantlytookheramfrommywaist，walkedawaytothewindow。andstoodlookingoutwithherbacktome。Afteramomentshespokeoncemore，butwithoutturninground，withoutallowingmetocatchthesmallestglimpseofherface。
`Areyougoingtomyuncle’sroom？’sheasked。`WillyousaythatI
consenttowhateverarrangementhemaythinkbest？Nevermindleavingme，Marian。Ishallbebetteraloneforalittlewhile。’
Iwentout。If，assoonasIgotintothepassage，IcouldhavetransportedMrFairlieandSirPercivalGlydetotheuttermostendsoftheearthbyliftingoneofmyfingers，thatfingerwouldhavebeenraisedwithoutaninstant’shesitation。Foroncemyunhappytempernowstoodmyfriend。I
shouldhavebrokendownaltogetherandburstintoaviolentfitofcrying，ifmytearshadnotbeenallburntupintheheatofmyanger。Asitwas，IdashedintoMrFairlie’sroom——calledtohimasharshlyaspossible，`Lauraconsentstothetwenty-second’——anddashedoutagainwithoutwaitingforawordofanswer。Ibangedthedoorafterme，andIhopeIshatteredMrFairlie’snervoussystemfortherestoftheday。
28th——ThismorningIreadpoorHartright’sfarewellletteroveragain，adoubthavingcrossedmymindsinceyesterday，whetherIamactingwiselyinconcealingthefactofhisdeparturefromLaura。
Onreflection，IstillthinkIamright。TheallusionsinhislettertothepreparationsmadefortheexpeditiontoCentralAmerica，allshowthattheleadersofitknowittobedangerous。Ifthediscoveryofthismakesmeuneasy，whatwoulditmakeher？Itisbadenoughtofeelthathisdeparturehasdeprivedusofthefriendofallotherstowhosedevotionwecouldtrustinthehourofneed，ifeverthathourcomesandfindsushelpless；butitisfarworsetoknowthathehasgonefromustofacetheperilsofabadclimate，awildcountry，andadisturbedpopulation。
SurelyitwouldbeacruelcandourtotellLaurathis，withoutapressingandapositivenecessityforit？
IalmostdoubtwhetherIoughtnottogoastepfarther，andburntheletteratonce，forfearofitsonedayfallingintowronghands。ItnotonlyreferstoLauraintermswhichoughttoremainasecretforeverbetweenthewriterandme，butitreiterateshissuspicion——soobstinate，sounaccountable，andsoalarming——thathehasbeensecretlywatchedsinceheleftLimmeridge。HedeclaresthathesawthefacesofthetwostrangemenwhofollowedhimaboutthestreetsofLondon，watchinghimamongthecrowdwhichgatheredatLiverpooltoseetheexpeditionembark，andhepositivelyassertsthatheheardthenameofAnneCatherickpronouncedbehindhimashegotintotheboat。Hisownwordsare，`Theseeventshaveameaning，theseeventsmustleadtoaresult。ThemysteryofAnneCatherickisnotclearedupyet。Shemaynevercrossmypathagain，butifevershecrossesyours，makebetteruseoftheopportunity，MissHalcombe，thanImadeofit。Ispeakonstrongconviction——IentreatyoutorememberwhatIsay。’Thesearehisownexpressions。Thereisnodangerofmyforgettingthem——mymemoryisonlytooreadytodwellonanywordsofHartright’sthatrefertoAnneCatherick。Butthereisdangerinmykeepingtheletter。
Themerestaccidentmightplaceitatthemercyofstrangers。Imayfallill——Imaydie。Bettertoburniatonce，andhaveoneanxietytheless。
Itisburnt。Theashesofhisfarewellletter——thelasthemayeverwritetome——heinafewblackfragmentsonthehearth。Isthisthesadendtoallthatsadstory？Oh，nottheend——surely，surelynottheendalready！
29th——Thepreparationsforthemarriagehavebegun。Thedressmakerhascometoreceiveherorders。Lauraisperfectlyimpassive，perfectlycarelessaboutthequestionofallothersinwhichawoman’spersonalinterestsaremostcloselyboundup。Shehasleftitalltothedressmakerandtome。IfpoorHartrighthadbeenthebaronet，andthehusbandofherfather’schoice，howdifferentlyshewouldhavebehaved！Howanxiousandcapriciousshewouldhavebeen，andwhatahardtaskthebestofdressmakerswouldhavefoundittopleaseher！
30th——WeheareverydayfromSirPercival。Thelastnewsisthatthealterationsinhishousewilloccupyfromfourtosixmonthsbeforetheycanbeproperlycompleted。Ifpainters，paperhangers，andupholstererscouldmakehappinessaswellassplendour，IshouldbeinterestedabouttheirproceedingsinLaura’sfuturehome。Asitis，theonlypartofSirPercival’slastletterwhichdoesnotleavemeasitfoundme，perfectlyindifferenttoallhisplansandprojects，isthepartwhichreferstotheweddingtour。Heproposes，asLauraisdelicate，andasthewinterthreatenstobeunusuallysevere，totakehertoRome，andtoremaininItalyuntiltheearlypartofnextsummer。Ifthisplanshouldnotbeapproved，heisequallyready，althoughhehasnoestablishmentofhisownintown，tospendtheseasoninLondon，inthemostsuitablefurnishedhousethatcanbeobtainedforthepurpose。
Puttingmyselfandmyownfeelingsentirelyoutofthequestion(whichitismydutytodo，andwhichIhavedone)，I，forone，havenodoubtoftheproprietyofadoptingthefirstoftheseproposals-IneithercaseaseparationbetweenLauraandmeisinevitable。Itwillbealongerseparation，intheeventoftheirgoingabroad，thanitwouldbeintheeventoftheirremaininginLondon——butwemustsetagainstthisdisadvantagethebenefittoLaura，ontheotherside，ofpassingthewinterinamildclimate，andmorethanthat，theimmenseassistanceinraisingherspirits，andreconcilinghertohernewexistence，whichthemerewonderandexcitementoftravellingforthefirsttimeinherlifeinthemostinterestingcountryintheworld，mustsurelyafford。SheisnotofadispositiontofindresourcesintheconventionalgaietiesandexcitementsofLondon。Theywouldonlymakethefirstoppressionofthislamentablemarriagefalltheheavieronher。I
dreadthebeginningofhernewlifemorethanwordscantell，butIseesomehopeforherifshetravels——noneifsheremainsathome。
Itisstrangetolookbackatthislatestentryinmyjournal，andtofindthatIamwritingofthemarriageandthepartingwithLaura，aspeoplewriteofasettledthing。Itseemssocoldandsounfeelingtobelookingatthefuturealreadyinthiscruellycomposedway。Butwhatotherwayispossible，nowthatthetimeisdrawingsonear？BeforeanothermonthisoverourheadsshewillbehisLaurainsteadofmine！HisLaura！
Iamaslittleabletorealisetheideawhichthosetwowordsconvey——
mymindfeelsalmostasdulledandstunnedbyit——asifwritingofhermarriagewerelikewritingofherdeath。
December1st——Asad，sadday——adaythatIhavenohearttodescribeatlength。Afterweaklyputtingitofflastnight，IwasobligedtospeaktoherthismorningofSirPercival’sproposalabouttheweddingtour。
InthefullconvictionthatIshouldbewithherwherevershewent，thepoorchild——forachildsheisstillinmanythings——wasalmosthappyattheprospectofseeingthewondersofFlorenceandRomeandNaples。
Itnearlybrokemyhearttodispelherdelusion，andtobringherfacetofacewiththehardtruth。Iwasobligedtotellherthatnomantoleratesarival——notevenawomanrival——inhiswife’saffections，whenhefirstmarries，whateverhemaydoafterwards。Iwasobligedtowarnherthatmychanceoflivingwithherpermanentlyunderherownroof，dependedentirelyonmynotarousingSirPercival’sjealousyanddistrustbystandingbetweenthematthebeginningoftheirmarriage，inthepositionofthechosendepositaryofhiswife’sclosestsecrets。DropbydropIpouredtheprofaningbitternessofthisworld’swisdomintothatpureheartandthatinnocentmind，whileeveryhigherandbetterfeelingwithinmerecoiledfrommymiserabletask。Itisovernow。Shehaslearntherhard，herinevitablelesson。Thesimpleillusionsofhergirlhoodaregone，andmyhandhasstrippedthemoff。Betterminethanhis——thatisallmyconsolation——
betterminethanhis。
Sothefirstproposalistheproposalaccepted。TheyaretogotoItaly，andIamtoarrange，withSirPercival’spermission，formeetingthemandstayingwiththemwhentheyreturntoEngland。Inotherwords，Iamtoaskapersonalfavour，forthefirsttimeinmylife，andtoaskitofthemanofallotherstowhomlleastdesiretooweaseriousobligationofanykind。Well！IthinkIcoulddoevenmorethanthat，forLaura’ssake。
2nd——Onlookingback，IfindmyselfalwaysreferringtoSirPercivalindisparagingterms。Intheturnaffairshavenowtaken，lmustandwillrootoutmyprejudiceagainsthim。Icannotthinkhowitfirstgotintomymind。Itcertainlyneverexistedinformertimes。
