Ifhehadmarriedme，Ishouldhavemadehiscigarettes，ashiswifedoes——Ishouldhaveheldmytonguewhenhelookedatme，assheholdshers。
Iamalmostafraidtoconfessit。eventothesesecretpages。Themanhasinterestedme，hasattractedme，hasforcedmetolikehimIntwoshortdayshehasmadehiswaystraightintomyfavourableestimation，andhowhehasworkedthemiracleismorethanIcantell。
Itabsolutelystartlesme，nowheisinmymind，tofindhowplainlyIseehim！——howmuchmoreplainlythanIseeSirPercival，orMrFairlie，orWalterHartright，oranyotherabsentpersonofwhomIthink，withtheoneexceptionofLauraherself！Icanhearhisvoice，asifhewasspeakingatthismoment。Iknowwhathisconversationwasyesterday，aswellasifIwashearingitnow。HowamItodescribehim？Therearepeculiaritiesinhispersonalappearance，hishabits。andhisamusements，whichIshouldblameintheboldestterms，orridiculeinthemostmercilessmanner，ifIhadseentheminanotherman。Whatisitthatmakesmeunabletoblamethem，ortoridiculetheminhim？
Forexample，heisimmenselyfat。BeforethistimeIhavealwaysespeciallydislikedcorpulenthumanity。Ihavealwaysmaintainedthatthepopularnotionofconnectingexcessivegrossnessofsizeandexcessivegood-humourasinseparableallieswasequivalenttodeclaring，eitherthatnopeoplebutamiablepeopleevergetfat，orthattheaccidentaladditionofsomanypoundsoffleshhasadirectlyfavourableinfluenceoverthedispositionofthepersononwhosebodytheyaccumulate。Ihaveinvariablycombatedboththeseabsurdassertionsbyquotingexamplesoffatpeoplewhowereasmean，vicious，andcruelastheleanestandtheworstoftheirneighbours。
IhaveaskedwhetherHenrytheEighthwasanamiablycharacter？WhetherPopeAlexandertheSixthwasagoodman？WhetherMrMurdererandMrsMurderessManningwerenotbothunusuallystoutpeople？Whetherhirednurses，proverbiallyascruelasetofwomenasaretohefoundinallEngland，werenot，forthemostpart，alsoasfatasetofwomenasaretobefoundinallEngland？——
andsoon，throughdozensofotherexamples，modernandancient，nativeandforeign，highandlow。HoldingthesestrongopinionsonthesubjectwithmightandmainasIdoatthismoment，here，nevertheless，isCountFosco，asfatasHenrytheEighthhimself，establishedinmyfavour，atoneday’snotice，withoutletorhindrancefromhisownodiouscorpulence。
Marvellousindeed！
Isithisfacethathasrecommendedhim？
Itmaybehisface。Heisamostremarkablelikeness，onalargescale，ofthegreatNapoleon。HisfeatureshaveNapoleon’smagnificentregularity——hisexpressionrecallsthegrandlycalm，immovablepoweroftheGreatSoldier’sface。Thisstrikingresemblancecertainlyimpressedme，tobeginwith；butthereissomethinginhimbesidestheresemblance，whichhasimpressedmemore。IthinktheinfluenceIamnowtryingtofindisinhiseyes。TheyarethemostunfathomablegreyeyesIeversaw，andtheyhaveattimesacold，clear，beautiful，irresistibleglitterinthemwhichforcesmetolookathim，andyetcausesmesensations，whenIdolook，whichIwouldrathernotfeel。Otherpartsofhisfaceandheadhavetheirstrangepeculiarities。Hiscomplexion，forinstance，hasasingularsallow-fairness，somuchatvariancewiththedark-browncolourofhishair，thatIsuspectthehairofbeingawig，andhisface，closelyshavenallover，issmootherandfreerfromallmarksandwrinklesthanmine，though(accordingtoSirPercival’saccountofhim)heiscloseonsixtyyearsofage。Butthesearenottheprominentpersonalcharacteristicswhichdistinguishhim，tomymind，fromalltheothermenIhaveeverseen。Themarkedpeculiaritywhichsingleshimoutfromtherankandfileofhumanityliesentirely，sofarasIcantellatpresent，intheextraordinaryexpressionandextraordinarypowerofhiseyes。
Hismannerandhiscommandofourlanguagemayalsohaveassistedhim，insomedegree，toestablishhimselfinmygoodopinion。Hehasthatquietdeference，thatlookofpleased，attentiveinterestinlisteningtoawoman，andthatsecretgentlenessinhisvoiceinspeakingtoawoman，which，saywhatwemay，wecannoneofusresist。Here，too，hisunusualcommandoftheEnglishlanguagenecessarilyhelpshim。IhadoftenheardoftheextraordinaryaptitudewhichmanyItaliansshowinmasteringourstrong，hard，Northernspeech；but，untilIsawCountFosco，IhadneversupposeditpossiblethatanyforeignercouldhavespokenEnglishashesneaksit。
Therearetimeswhenitisalmostimpossibletodetect，byhisaccent，thatheisnotacountrymanofourown，andasforfluency，thereareveryfewbornEnglishmenwhocantalkwithasfewstoppagesandrepetitionsastheCount。Hemayconstructhissentencesmoreorlessintheforeignway，butIhaveneveryetheardhimuseawrongexpression，orhesitateforamomentinhischoiceofaword。
Allthesmallestcharacteristicsofthisstrangemanhavesomethingstrikinglyoriginalandperplexinglycontradictoryinthem。Fatasheisandoldasheis，hismovementsareastonishinglylightandeasy。Heisasnoiselessinaroomasanyofuswomen，andmorethanthat，withallhislookofunmistakablementalfirmnessandpower，heisasnervouslysensitiveastheweakestofus。HestartsatchancenoisesasinveteratelyasLauraherself。Hewincedandshudderedyesterday，whenSirPercivalbeatoneofthespaniels，sothatIfeltashamedofmyownwantoftendernessandsensibilitybycomparisonwiththeCount。
Therelationofthislastincidentremindsmeofoneofhismostcuriouspeculiarities，whichIhavenotyetmentioned——hisextraordinaryfondnessforpetanimals。
SomeofthesehehasleftontheContinent，buthehasbroughtwithhimtothishouseacockatoo，twocanary-birds，andawholefamilyofwhitemice。Heattendstoallthenecessitiesofthesestrangefavouriteshimself，andhehastaughtthecreaturestobesurprisinglyfondofhimandfamiliarwithhim。Thecockatoo，amostviciousandtreacherousbirdtowardseveryoneelse，absolutelyseemstolovehim。Whenheletsitoutofitscage，ithopsontohisknee，andclawsitswayuphisgreatbigbody，andrubsitstop-knotagainsthissallowdoublechininthemostcaressingmannerimaginable。Hehasonlytosetthedoorsofthecanaries’cagesopen，andtocallthem，andtheprettylittlecleverlytrainedcreaturesperchfearlesslyonhishand，mounthisfatoutstretchedfingersonebyone，whenhetellsthemto`goupstairs，’andsingtogetherasiftheywouldbursttheirthroatswithdelightwhentheygettothetopfinger。Hiswhitemiceliveinalittlepagodaofgaily-paintedwirework，designedandmadebyhimself。
Theyarealmostastameasthecanaries，andtheyareperpetuallyletoutlikethecanaries。Theycrawlalloverhim，poppinginandoutofhiswaistcoat，andsittingincouples，whiteassnow，onhiscapaciousshoulders。Heseemstobeevenfonderofhismicethanofhisotherpets，smilesatthem，andkissesthem，andcallsthembyallsortsofendearingnames。IfitbepossibletosupposeanEnglishmanwithanytasteforsuchchildishinterestsandamusementsasthese，thatEnglishmanwouldcertainlyfeelratherashamedofthem，andwouldbeanxioustoapologiseforthem，inthecompanyofgrown-uppeople。ButtheCount，apparently，seesnothingridiculousintheamazingcontrastbetweenhiscolossalselfandhisfraillittlepets。
Hewouldblandlykisshiswhitemiceandtwittertohiscanary-birdsamidanassemblyofEnglishfox-hunters，andwouldonlypitythemasbarbarianswhentheywerealllaughingtheirloudestathim。
ItseemshardlycrediblewhileIamwritingitdown，butitiscertainlytrue，thatthissameman，whohasallthefondnessofanoldmaidforhiscockatoo，andallthesmalldexteritiesofanorgan-boyinmanaginghiswhitemice，cantalk，whenanythinghappenstorousehim，withadaringindependenceofthought，aknowledgeofbooksineverylanguage，andanexperienceofsocietyinhalfthecapitalsofEurope，whichwouldmakehimtheprominentpersonageofanyassemblyinthecivilisedworld。Thistrainerofcanary-birds，thisarchitectofapagodaforwhitemice，is(asSirPercivalhimselfhastoldme)oneofthefirstexperimentalchemistsliving，andhasdiscovered，amongotherwonderfulinventions，ameansofpetrifyingthebodyafterdeath，soastopreserveit，ashardasmarble，totheendoftime。Thisfat，indolent，elderlyman，whosenervesaresofinelystrungthathestartsatchancenoises，andwinceswhenheseesahouse-spanielgetawhipping，wentintothestable-yardonthemorningafterhisarrival，andputhishandontheheadofachainedbloodhound——abeastsosavagethattheverygroomwhofeedshimkeepsoutofhisreach。HiswifeandIwerepresent，andIshallnotforgetthescenethatfollowed，shortasitwas。
`Mindthatdog，sir，’saidthegroom；`hefliesateverybody！’`Hedoesthat，myfriend，’repliedtheCountquietly，`becauseeverybodyisafraidofhim。Letusseeifhefliesatme。’Andhelaidhisplump，yellow-whitefingers，onwhichthecanary-birdshadbeenperchingtenminutesbefore，upontheformidablebrute’shead，andlookedhimstraightintheeyes。
`Youbigdogsareallcowards，’hesaid，addressingtheanimalcontemptuously，withhisfaceandthedog’swithinaninchofeachother。`Youwouldkillapoorcat，youinfernalcoward。Youwouldflyatastarvingbeggar，youinfernalcoward。Anythingthatyoucansurpriseunawares——anythingthatisafraidofyourbigbody，andyourwickedwhiteteeth，andyourslobbering，bloodthirstymouth，isthethingyouliketoflyat。Youcouldthrottlemeatthismoment，youmean，miserablebully，andyoudaren’tsomuchaslookmeintheface，becauseI’mnotafraidofyou。Willyouthinkbetterofit，andtryyourteethinmyfatneck？Bah！notyou！’Heturnedaway，laughingattheastonishmentofthemenintheyard，andthedogcreptbackmeeklytohiskennel。`Ah！mynicewaistcoat！’hesaidpathetically。
`IamsorryIcamehere。Someofthatbrute’sslobberhasgotonmyprettycleanwaistcoat。’Thosewordsexpressanotherofhisincomprehensibleoddities。
Heisasfondoffineclothesastheveriestfoolinexistence，andhasappearedinfourmagnificentwaistcoatsalready——alloflightgarishcolours，andallimmenselylargeevenforhim——inthetwodaysofhisresidenceatBlackwaterPark。
Histactandclevernessinsmallthingsarequiteasnoticeableasthesingularinconsistenciesinhischaracter，andthechildishtrivialityofhisordinarytastesandpursuits。
Icanseealreadythathemeanstoliveonexcellenttermswithallofusduringtheperiodofhissojourninthisplace。HehasevidentlydiscoveredthatLaurasecretlydislikeshim(sheconfessedasmuchtomewhenIpressedheronthesubject)——buthehasalsofoundoutthatsheisextravagantlyfondofflowers。Whenevershewantsanosegayhehasgotonetogiveher，gatheredandarrangedbyhimself，andgreatlytomyamusement，heisalwayscunninglyprovidedwithaduplicate，composedofexactlythesameflowers，groupedinexactlythesameway，toappeasehisicilyjealouswifebeforeshecansomuchasthinkherselfaggrieved。HismanagementoftheCountess(inpublic)isasighttosee。Hebowstoher，hehabituallyaddressesheras`myangel，’hecarrieshiscanariestopayherlittlevisitsonhisfingersandtosingtoher，hekissesherhandwhenshegiveshimhiscigarettes；hepresentsherwithsugar-plumsinreturn，whichheputsintohermouthplayfully，fromaboxinhispocket。Therodofironwithwhichherulesherneverappearsincompany——itisaprivaterod，andisalwayskeptupstairs。
