第70章

类别:其他 作者:Wilkie Collins字数:3923更新时间:18/12/21 17:27:55
IheardSirPercivalbarringupthewindow-shutters。Ithadbeenraining,rainingallthetime。Iwascrampedbymypositionandchilledtothebones。 WhenIfirsttriedtomove,theeffortwassopainfultomethatIwasobligedtodesist。Itriedasecondtime,andsucceededinrisingtomykneesonthewetroof。 AsIcrepttothewall,andraisedmyselfagainstit,Ilookedback,andsawthewindowoftheCount’sdressing-roomgleamintolight。Mysinkingcourageflickeredupinmeagain,andkeptmyeyesfixedonhiswindow,asIstolemywayback,stepbystep,pastthewallofthehouse。 Theclockstruckthequarterafterone,whenIlaidmyhandsonthewindow-sillofmyownroom。Ihadseennothingandheardnothingwhichcouldleadmetosupposethatmyretreathadbeendiscovered。 [NextChapter][TableofContents]WomaninWhite:Chapter22[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter22June20th——Eighto’clock。Thesunisshininginaclearsky。Ihavenotbeennearmybed——Ihavenotonceclosedmywearywakefuleyes。FromthesamewindowatwhichIlookedoutintothedarknessoflastnight,Ilookoutnowatthebrightstillnessofthemorning。 IcountthehoursthathavepassedsinceIescapedtotheshelterofthisroombymyownsensations——andthosehoursseemlikeweeks。 Howshortatime,andyethowlongtome——sinceIsankdowninthedarkness,here,onthefloor——drenchedtotheskin,crampedineverylimb,coldtothebones,auseless,helpless,panic-strickencreature。 IhardlyknowwhenIrousedmyself。IhardlyknowwhenIgropedmywaybacktothebedroom,andlightedthecandle,andsearched(withastrangeignorance,atfirst,ofwheretolookforthem)fordryclothestowarmme。Thedoingofthesethingsisinmymind,butnotthetimewhentheyweredone。 CanIevenrememberwhenthechilled,crampedfeelingleftme,andthethrobbingheatcameinitsplace? Surelyitwasbeforethesunrose?Yes,Iheardtheclockstrikethree。 Irememberthetimebythesuddenbrightnessandclearness,thefeverishstrainandexcitementofallmyfacultieswhichcamewithit。Iremembermyresolutiontocontrolmyself,towaitpatientlyhourafterhour,tillthechanceofferedofremovingLaurafromthishorribleplace,withoutthedangerofimmediatediscoveryandpursuit。Irememberthepersuasionsettlingitselfinmymindthatthewordsthosetwomenhadsaidtoeachotherwouldfurnishus,notonlywithourjustificationforleavingthehouse,butwithourweaponsofdefenceagainstthemaswell。Irecalltheimpulsethatawakenedinmetopreservethosewordsinwriting,exactlyastheywerespoken,whilethetimewasmyown,andwhilemymemoryvividlyretainedthem。AllthisIrememberplainly:thereisnoconfusioninmyheadyet。Thecominginherefromthebedroom,withmypenandinkandpaper,beforesunrise——thesittingdownatthewidely-openedwindowtogetalltheairIcouldtocoolme——theceaselesswriting,fasterandfaster,hotterandhotter,drivingonmoreandmorewakefully,allthroughthedreadfulintervalbeforethehousewasastiragain——howclearlyI recallit,fromthebeginningbycandle-light,totheendonthepagebeforethis,inthesunshineofthenewday! WhydoIsitherestill?WhydoIwearymyhoteyesandmyburningheadbywritingmore?Whynotliedownandrestmyself,andtrytoquenchthefeverthatconsumesme,insleep? Idarenotattemptit。Afearbeyondallotherfearshasgotpossessionofme。Iamafraidofthisheatthatparchesmyskin。IamafraidofthecreepingandthrobbingthatIfeelinmyhead。IfIliedownnow,howdoIknowthatImayhavethesenseandthestrengthtoriseagain? Oh,therain,therain——thecruelrainthatchilledmelastnight! Nineo’clock。Wasitninestruck,oreight?Nine,surely?Iamshiveringagain——shivering,fromheadtofoot,inthesummerair。HaveIbeensittinghereasleep?Idon’tknowwhatIhavebeendoing。 Oh,myGod!amIgoingtobeill? Ill,atsuchatimeasthis! Myhead——Iamsadlyafraidofmyhead。Icanwrite,butthelinesallruntogether。Iseethewords。Laura——IcanwriteLaura,andseeIwriteit。Eightornine——whichwasit? Socold,socold——oh,thatrainlastnight!——andthestrokesoftheclock,thestrokesIcan’tcount,keepstrikinginmyhead——NOTE AtthisplacetheentryintheDiaryceasestobelegible。Thetwoorthreelineswhichfollowcontainfragmentsofwordsonly,mingledwithblotsandscratchesofthepen。Thelastmarksonthepaperbearsomeresemblancetothefirsttwoletters(LandA)ofthenameofLadyGlyde。 OnthenextpageoftheDiary,anotherentryappears。Itisinaman’shandwriting,large,bold,andfirmlyregular,andthedateis`Junethe21st。’Itcontainstheselines] POSTSCRIPTBYASINCEREFRIEND TheillnessofourexcellentMissHalcombehasaffordedmetheopportunityofenjoyinganunexpectedintellectualpleasure。 Irefertotheperusal(whichIhavejustcompleted)ofthisinterestingDiary。 Therearemanyhundredpageshere。Icanlaymyhandonmyheart,anddeclarethateverypagehascharmed,refreshed,delightedme。 Toamanofmysentimentsitisunspeakablygratifyingtobeabletosaythis。 Admirablewoman! IalludetoMissHalcombe。 Stupendouseffort! IrefertotheDiary。 Yes!thesepagesareamazing。ThetactwhichIfindhere,thediscretion,therarecourage,thewonderfulpowerofmemory,theaccurateobservationofcharacter,theeasygraceofstyle,thecharmingoutburstsofwomanlyfeeling,haveallinexpressiblyincreasedmyadmirationofthissublimecreature,ofthismagnificentMarian。Thepresentationofmyowncharacterismasterlyintheextreme。Icertify,withmywholeheart,tothefidelityoftheportrait。IfeelhowvividanimpressionImusthaveproducedtohavebeenpaintedinsuchstrong,suchrich,suchmassivecoloursasthese。 Ilamentafreshthecruelnecessitywhichsetsourinterestsatvariance,andopposesustoeachother。UnderhappiercircumstanceshowworthyI shouldhavebeenofMissHalcombe——howworthyMissHalcombewouldhavebeenofME。 ThesentimentswhichanimatemyheartassuremethatthelinesIhavejustwrittenexpressaProfoundTruth。 Thosesentimentsexaltmeaboveallmerelypersonalconsiderations。 Ibearwitness,inthemostdisinterestedmanner,totheexcellenceofthestratagembywhichthisunparalleledwomansurprisedtheprivateinterviewbetweenPercivalandmyself——alsotothemarvellousaccuracyofherreportofthewholeconversationfromitsbeginningtoitsend。 Thosesentimentshaveinducedmetooffertotheunimpressionabledoctorwhoattendsonhermyvastknowledgeofchemistry,andmyluminousexperienceofthemoresubtleresourceswhichmedicalandmagneticsciencehaveplacedatthedisposalofmankind。Hehashithertodeclinedtoavailhimselfofmyassistance。Miserableman! Finally,thosesentimentsdictatethelines——grateful,sympathetic,paternallines——whichappearinthisplace。Iclosethehook。Mystrictsenseofproprietyrestoresit(bythehandsofmywife)toitsplaceonthewriter’stable。Eventsarehurryingmeaway。Circumstancesareguidingmetoseriousissues。Vastperspectivesofsuccessunrollthemselvesbeforemyeyes。Iaccomplishmydestinywithacalmnesswhichisterribletomyself。 Nothingbutthehomageofmyadmirationismyown。IdeposititwithrespectfultendernessatthefeetofMissHalcombe。 Ibreathemywishesforherrecovery。 Icondolewithherontheinevitablefailureofeveryplanthatshehasformedforhersister’sbenefit。Atthesametime,IentreathertobelievethattheinformationwhichIhavederivedfromherDiarywillinnorespecthelpmetocontributetothatfailure。ItsimplyconfirmstheplanofconductwhichIhadpreviouslyarranged。Ihavetothankthesepagesforawakeningthefinestsensibilitiesinmynature——nothingmore。 Toapersonofsimilarsensibilitythissimpleassertionwillexplainandexcuseeverything。 MissHalcombeisapersonofsimilarsensibility。 InthatpersuasionIsignmyself,FOSCO。THESTORYCONTINUEDBYFREDERICKFAIRLIE,ESQ。,OFLIMMERIDGEHOUSE**(note)1。ThemannerinwhichMrFairlie’sNarrative,andotherNarrativesthatareshortlytofollowit,wereoriginallyobtained,formsthesubjectofanexplanationwhichwillappearatalaterperiod。 ITisthegrandmisfortuneofmylifethatnobodywillletmealone。 Why——Iaskeverybody——whyworryme?Nobodyanswersthatquestion,andnobodyletsmealone。Relatives,friends,andstrangersallcombinetoannoyme。WhathaveIdone?Iaskmyself,Iaskmyservant,Louis,fiftytimesaday——whathaveIdone?Neitherofuscantell。Mostextraordinary! ThelastannoyancethathasassailedmeistheannoyanceofbeingcalledupontowritethisNarrative。Isamaninmystateofnervouswretchednesscapableofwritingnarratives?WhenIputthisextremelyreasonableobjection,Iamtoldthatcertainveryseriouseventsrelatingtomyniecehavehappenedwithinmyexperience,andthatIamthefitpersontodescribethemonthataccount。IamthreatenedifIfailtoexertmyselfinthemannerrequired,withconsequenceswhichIcannotsomuchasthinkofwithoutperfectprostration。