第54章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas Hardy字数:5423更新时间:18/12/22 08:57:59
Menweresostrange。Thethoughttookawayfromherallherformerreticence,andmadeheractionbold。Shestartedfromherseat。Ifthelittlebreach,quarrel,orwhateveritmightbecalled,ofyesterday,wastobehealedupitmustbedonebyherontheinstant。Shecrossedintotheorchard,andclamberedthroughthegapafterGiles,justashewasdiminishingtoafaun- likefigureunderthegreencanopyandoverthebrownfloor。 Gracehadbeenwrong——veryfarwrong——inassumingthattheletterhadnoreferencetoherselfbecauseGileshadturnedawayintothewoodafteritsperusal。Itwas,sadtosay,becausethemissivehadsomuchreferencetoherselfthathehadthusturnedaway。Hefearedthathisgrieveddiscomfituremightbeobserved。TheletterwasfromBeaucock,writtenafewhourslaterthanMelbury’stohisdaughter。Itannouncedfailure。 Gileshadoncedonethatthriftlessmanagoodturn,andnowwasthemomentwhenBeaucockhadchosentorememberitinhisownway。 DuringhisabsenceintownwithMelbury,thelawyer’sclerkhadnaturallyheardagreatdealofthetimber-merchant’sfamilyschemeofjusticetoGiles,andhiscommunicationwastoinformWinterborneattheearliestpossiblemomentthattheirattempthadfailed,inorderthattheyoungmanshouldnotplacehimselfinafalsepositiontowardsGraceinthebeliefofitscomingsuccess。 Thenewswas,insum,thatFitzpiers’sconducthadnotbeensufficientlycrueltoGracetoenablehertosnapthebond。Shewasapparentlydoomedtobehiswifetilltheendofthechapter。 Winterbornequiteforgothissuperficialdifferenceswiththepoorgirlunderthewarmrushofdeepanddistractingloveforherwhichthealmosttragicalinformationengendered。 Torenounceherforever——thatwasthentheendofitforhim,afterall。Therewasnolongeranyquestionaboutsuitability,orroomfortiffsonpettytastes。Thecurtainhadfallenagainbetweenthem。Shecouldnotbehis。Thecrueltyoftheirlaterevivedhopewasnowterrible。Howcouldtheyallhavebeensosimpleastosupposethisthingcouldbedone? Itwasatthismomentthat,hearingsomeonecomingbehindhim,heturnedandsawherhasteningonbetweenthethickets。Heperceivedinaninstantthatshedidnotknowtheblightingnews。 “Giles,whydidn’tyoucomeacrosstome?”sheasked,witharchreproach。“Didn’tyouseemesittingthereeversolong?” “Ohyes。”hesaid,inunprepared,extemporizedtones,forherunexpectedpresencecaughthimwithouttheslightestplanofbehaviorintheconjuncture。Hismannermadeherthinkthatshehadbeentoochidinginherspeech;andamildscarletwavepassedoverherassheresolvedtosoftenit。 “Ihavehadanotherletterfrommyfather。”shehastenedtocontinue。“Hethinkshemaycomehomethisevening。And——inviewofhishopes——itwillgrievehimifthereisanylittledifferencebetweenus,Giles。” “Thereisnone。”hesaid,sadlyregardingherfromthefacedownwardasheponderedhowtolaythecrueltruthbare。 “Still——Ifearyouhavenotquiteforgivenmeaboutmybeinguncomfortableattheinn。” “Ihave,Grace,I’msure。” “Butyouspeakinquiteanunhappyway。”shereturned,comingupclosetohimwiththemostwinningofthemanyprettyairsthatappertainedtoher。“Don’tyouthinkyouwilleverbehappy,Giles?” Hedidnotreplyforsomeinstants。“WhenthesunshinesonthenorthfrontofShertonAbbey——that’swhenmyhappinesswillcometome!”saidhe,staringasitwereintotheearth。 “But——thenthatmeansthatthereissomethingmorethanmyoffendingyouinnotlikingTheThreeTuns。IfitisbecauseI—— didnotliketoletyoukissmeintheAbbey——well,youknow,Giles,thatitwasnotonaccountofmycoldfeelings,butbecauseIdidcertainly,justthen,thinkitwasratherpremature,inspiteofmypoorfather。Thatwasthetruereason——thesoleone。 ButIdonotwanttobehard——GodknowsIdonot。”shesaid,hervoicefluctuating。“Andperhaps——asIamonthevergeoffreedom—— Iamnotright,afterall,inthinkingthereisanyharminyourkissingme。” “OhGod!”saidWinterbornewithinhimself。Hisheadwasturnedaskanceashestillresolutelyregardedtheground。Forthelastseveralminuteshehadseenthisgreattemptationapproachinghiminregularsiege;andnowithadcome。Thewrong,thesocialsin,ofnowtakingadvantageoftheofferofherlipshadamagnitude,intheeyesofonewhoselifehadbeensoprimitive,soruledbypuresthouseholdlaws,asGiles’s,whichcanhardlybeexplained。 “Didyousayanything?”sheasked,timidly。 “Ohno——onlythat——“ “YoumeanthatitmustBEsettled,sincemyfatheriscominghome?”shesaid,gladly。 Winterborne,thoughfightingvaliantlyagainsthimselfallthiswhile——thoughhewouldhaveprotectedGrace’sgoodreputeastheappleofhiseye——wasaman;and,asDesdemonasaid,menarenotgods。Infaceoftheagonizingseductivenessshownbyher,inherunenlightenedschool-girlsimplicityaboutthelawsandordinances,hebetrayedaman’sweakness。Sinceitwasso——sinceithadcometothis,thatGrace,deemingherselffreetodoit,wasvirtuallyaskinghimtodemonstratethathelovedher——sincehecoulddemonstrateitonlytootruly——sincelifewasshortandlovewasstrong——hegavewaytothetemptation,notwithstandingthatheperfectlywellknewhertobeweddedirrevocablytoFitzpiers。Indeed,hecaredfornothingpastorfuture,simplyacceptingthepresentandwhatitbrought,desiringonceinhislifetoclaspinhisarmsherhehadwatchedoverandlovedsolong。 Shestartedbacksuddenlyfromhisembrace,influencedbyasortofinspiration。“Oh,Isuppose。”shestammered,“thatIamreallyfree?——thatthisisright?IsthereREALLYanewlaw?Fathercannothavebeentoosanguineinsaying——“ Hedidnotanswer,andamomentafterwardsGraceburstintotearsinspiteofherself。“Oh,whydoesnotmyfathercomehomeandexplain。”shesobbed,“andletmeknowclearlywhatIam?Itistootrying,this,toaskmeto——andthentoleavemesolonginsovagueastatethatIdonotknowwhattodo,andperhapsdowrong!” WinterbornefeltlikeaveryCain,overandabovehisprevioussorrow。Howhehadsinnedagainstherinnottellingherwhatheknew。Heturnedaside;thefeelingofhiscrueltymountedhigherandhigher。Howcouldhehavedreamedofkissingher?Hecouldhardlyrefrainfromtears。Surelynothingmorepitiablehadeverbeenknownthantheconditionofthispooryoungthing,nowasheretoforethevictimofherfather’swell-meantbutblunderingpolicy。 EveninthehourofMelbury’sgreatestassuranceWinterbornehadharboredasuspicionthatnolaw,neworold,couldundoGrace’smarriagewithoutherappearanceinpublic;thoughhewasnotsufficientlysureofwhatmighthavebeenenactedtodestroybyhisownwordsherpleasingideathatameredashofthepen,onherfather’stestimony,wasgoingtobesufficient。Buthehadneversuspectedthesadfactthatthepositionwasirremediable。 PoorGrace,perhapsfeelingthatshehadindulgedintoomuchflusterforamerekiss,calmedherselfatfindinghowgravehewas。“Iamgladwearefriendsagainanyhow。”shesaid,smilingthroughhertears。“Giles,ifyouhadonlyshownhalftheboldnessbeforeImarriedthatyoushownow,youwouldhavecarriedmeoffforyourownfirstinsteadofsecond。Ifwedomarry,Ihopeyouwillneverthinkbadlyofmeforencouragingyoualittle,butmyfatherisSOimpatient,youknow,ashisyearsandinfirmitiesincrease,thathewillwishtoseeusalittleadvancedwhenhecomes。Thatismyonlyexcuse。” ToWinterborneallthiswassadderthanitwassweet。Howcouldshesotrustherfather’sconjectures?Hedidnotknowhowtotellherthetruthandshamehimself。Andyethefeltthatitmustbedone。“Wemayhavebeenwrong。”hebegan,almostfearfully,“insupposingthatitcanallbecarriedoutwhilewestayhereatHintock。IamnotsurebutthatpeoplemayhavetoappearinapubliccourtevenunderthenewAct;andifthereshouldbeanydifficulty,andwecannotmarryafterall——“ Hercheeksbecameslowlybloodless。“Oh,Giles。”shesaid,graspinghisarm,“youhaveheardsomething!What——cannotmyfatherconcludeitthereandnow?Surelyhehasdoneit?Oh,Giles,Giles,don’tdeceiveme。WhatterriblepositionamIin?” Hecouldnottellher,tryashewould。Thesenseofherimplicittrustinhishonorabsolutelydisabledhim。“Icannotinformyou。”hemurmured,hisvoiceashuskyasthatoftheleavesunderfoot。“Yourfatherwillsoonbehere。Thenweshallknow。 Iwilltakeyouhome。” Inexpressiblydearasshewastohim,heofferedherhisarmwiththemostreservedair,asheadded,correctingly,“Iwilltakeyou,atanyrate,intothedrive。” Thustheywalkedontogether。Gracevibratingbetweenhappinessandmisgiving。Itwasonlyafewminutes’walktowherethedriveran,andtheyhadhardlydescendedintoitwhentheyheardavoicebehindthemcry,“Takeoutthatarm!” Foramomenttheydidnotheed,andthevoicerepeated,moreloudlyandhoarsely,“Takeoutthatarm!” ItwasMelbury’s。Hehadreturnedsoonerthantheyexpected,andnowcameuptothem。Grace’shandhadbeenwithdrawnlikelightningonherhearingthesecondcommand。“Idon’tblameyou—— Idon’tblameyou。”hesaid,inthewearycadenceofonebrokendownwithscourgings。“Butyoutwomustwalktogethernomore——I havebeensurprised——Ihavebeencruellydeceived——Giles,don’tsayanythingtome;butgoaway!” HewasevidentlynotawarethatWinterbornehadknownthetruthbeforehebroughtit;andGileswouldnotstaytodiscussitwithhimthen。WhentheyoungmanhadgoneMelburytookhisdaughterin-doorstotheroomheusedashisoffice。Therehesatdown,andbentovertheslopeofthebureau,herbewilderedgazefixeduponhim。 WhenMelburyhadrecoveredalittlehesaid,“Youarenow,asever,Fitzpiers’swife。Iwasdeluded。HehasnotdoneyouENOUGHharm。Youarestillsubjecttohisbeckandcall。” “Thenletitbe,andnevermind,father。”shesaid,withdignifiedsorrow。“Icanbearit。Itisyourtroublethatgrievesmemost。”Shestoopedoverhim,andputherarmroundhisneck,whichdistressedMelburystillmore。“Idon’tmindatallwhatcomestome。”Gracecontinued;“whosewifeIam,orwhoseIamnot。IdoloveGiles;Icannothelpthat;andIhavegonefurtherwithhimthanIshouldhavedoneifIhadknownexactlyhowthingswere。 ButIdonotreproachyou。” “ThenGilesdidnottellyou?”saidMelbury。 “No。”saidshe。“Hecouldnothaveknownit。Hisbehaviortomeprovedthathedidnotknow。” Herfathersaidnothingmore,andGracewentawaytothesolitudeofherchamber。 Herheavydisquietudehadmanyshapes;andforatimesheputasidethedominantfacttothinkofhertoofreeconducttowardsGiles。Hislove-makinghadbeenbriefasitwassweet;butwouldheonreflectioncontemnherforforwardness?Howcouldshehavebeensosimpleastosupposeshewasinapositiontobehaveasshehaddone!Thusshementallyblamedherignorance;andyetinthecentreofherheartsheblesseditalittleforwhatithadmomentarilybroughther。 Lifeamongthepeopleinvolvedintheseeventsseemedtobesuppressedandhide-boundforawhile。Graceseldomshowedherselfoutsidethehouse,neveroutsidethegarden;forshefearedshemightencounterGilesWinterborne;andthatshecouldnotbear。 Thispensiveintramuralexistenceoftheself-constitutednunappearedlikelytocontinueforanindefinitetime。Shehadlearnedthattherewasonepossibilityinwhichherformerlyimaginedpositionmightbecomereal,andonlyone;thatherhusband’sabsenceshouldcontinuelongenoughtoamounttopositivedesertion。Butsheneverallowedhermindtodwellmuchuponthethought;stilllessdidshedeliberatelyhopeforsucharesult。HerregardforWinterbornehadbeenrarefiedbytheshockwhichfolloweditsavowalintoanetherealemotionthathadlittletodowithlivinganddoing。 AsforGiles,hewaslying——orrathersitting——illathishut。A feverishindispositionwhichhadbeenhangingabouthimforsometime,theresultofachillcaughtthepreviouswinter,seemedtoacquirevirulencewiththeprostrationofhishopes。Butnotasoulknewofhislanguor,andhedidnotthinkthecaseseriousenoughtosendforamedicalman。Afterafewdayshewasbetteragain,andcreptabouthishomeinagreatcoat,attendingtohissimplewantsasusualwithhisownhands。SomattersstoodwhenthelimpidinertionofGrace’spool-likeexistencewasdisturbedasbyageyser。ShereceivedaletterfromFitzpiers。