第57章

类别:其他 作者:Thomas Hardy字数:5091更新时间:18/12/22 08:57:59
Nosoonerhadsheretiredtorestthatnightthanthewindbegantorise,and,afterafewprefatoryblasts,tobeaccompaniedbyrain。Thewindgrewmoreviolent,andasthestormwenton,itwasdifficulttobelievethatnoopaquebody,butonlyaninvisiblecolorlessthing,wastramplingandclimbingovertheroof,makingbranchescreak,springingoutofthetreesuponthechimney,poppingitsheadintotheflue,andshriekingandblasphemingateverycornerofthewalls。Asintheoldstory,theassailantwasaspectrewhichcouldbefeltbutnotseen。Shehadneverbeforebeensostruckwiththedevilryofagustynightinawood,becauseshehadneverbeensoentirelyaloneinspiritasshewasnow。Sheseemedalmosttobeapartfromherself——avacuousduplicateonly。Therecentselfofphysicalanimationandclearintentionswasnotthere。 Sometimesaboughfromanadjoiningtreewasswayedsolowastosmitetheroofinthemannerofagigantichandsmitingthemouthofanadversary,tobefollowedbyatrickleofrain,asbloodfromthewound。ToallthisweatherGilesmustbemoreorlessexposed;howmuch,shedidnotknow。 AtlastGracecouldhardlyenduretheideaofsuchahardshipinrelationtohim。Whateverhewassuffering,itwasshewhohadcausedit;hevacatedhishouseonaccountofher。Shewasnotworthsuchself-sacrifice;sheshouldnothaveaccepteditofhim。 Andthen,asheranxietyincreasedwithincreasingthought,therereturneduponhermindsomeincidentsofherlateintercoursewithhim,whichshehadheededbutlittleatthetime。Thelookofhisface——whathadtherebeenabouthisfacewhichseemeddifferentfromitsappearanceasofyore?Wasitnotthinner,lessrichinhue,lesslikethatofripeautumn’sbrothertowhomshehadformerlycomparedhim?Andhisvoice;shehaddistinctlynoticedachangeintone。Andhisgait;surelyithadbeenfeebler,stiffer,morelikethegaitofawearyman。Thatslightoccasionalnoiseshehadheardintheday,andattributedtosquirrels,itmighthavebeenhiscoughafterall。 ThusconvictiontookrootinherperturbedmindthatWinterbornewasill,orhadbeenso,andthathehadcarefullyconcealedhisconditionfromherthatshemighthavenoscruplesaboutacceptingahospitalitywhichbythenatureofthecaseexpelledherentertainer。 “Myown,own,truel——,mydearkindfriend!”shecriedtoherself。“Oh,itshallnotbe——itshallnotbe!” Shehastilywrappedherselfup,andobtainedalight,withwhichsheenteredtheadjoiningroom,thecotpossessingonlyonefloor。 Settingdownthecandleonthetablehere,shewenttothedoorwiththekeyinherhand,andplaceditinthelock。Beforeturningitshepaused,herfingersstillclutchingit;andpressingherotherhandtoherforehead,shefellintoagitatingthought。 Atattooonthewindow,causedbythetree-droppingsblowingagainstit,broughtherindecisiontoaclose。Sheturnedthekeyandopenedthedoor。 Thedarknesswasintense,seemingtotouchherpupilslikeasubstance。Sheonlynowbecameawarehowheavytherainfallhadbeenandwas;thedrippingoftheeavessplashedlikeafountain。 Shestoodlisteningwithpartedlips,andholdingthedoorinonehand,tillhereyes,growingaccustomedtotheobscurity,discernedthewildbrandishingoftheirboughsbytheadjoiningtrees。Atlastshecriedloudlywithaneffort,“Giles!youmaycomein!” Therewasnoimmediateanswertohercry,andoverpoweredbyherowntemerity,Graceretreatedquickly,shutthedoor,andstoodlookingonthefloor。Butitwasnotforlong。Sheagainliftedthelatch,andwithfarmoredeterminationthanatfirst。 “Giles,Giles!”shecried,withthefullstrengthofhervoice,andwithoutanyoftheshamefacednessthathadcharacterizedherfirstcry。“Oh,comein——comein!Whereareyou?Ihavebeenwicked。Ihavethoughttoomuchofmyself!Doyouhear?Idon’twanttokeepyououtanylonger。Icannotbearthatyoushouldsufferso。Gi-i-iles!” Areply!Itwasareply!Throughthedarknessandwindavoicereachedher,floatingupontheweatherasthoughapartofit。 “HereIam——allright。Don’ttroubleaboutme。” “Don’tyouwanttocomein?Areyounotill?Idon’tmindwhattheysay,orwhattheythinkanymore。” “Iamallright。”herepeated。“Itisnotnecessaryformetocome。Good-night!good-night!” Gracesighed,turnedandshutthedoorslowly。Couldshehavebeenmistakenabouthishealth?Perhaps,afterall,shehadperceivedachangeinhimbecauseshehadnotseenhimforsolong。Timesometimesdidhisageingworkinjerks,assheknew。 Well,shehaddoneallshecould。Hewouldnotcomein。Sheretiredtorestagain。 ThenextmorningGracewasatthewindowearly。Shefeltdeterminedtoseehimsomehowthatday,andpreparedhisbreakfasteagerly。Eighto’clockstruck,andshehadrememberedthathehadnotcometoarouseherbyaknocking,asusual,herownanxietyhavingcausedhertostir。 Thebreakfastwassetinitsplacewithout。Buthedidnotarrivetotakeit;andshewaitedon。Nineo’clockarrived,andthebreakfastwascold;andstilltherewasnoGiles。Athrush,thathadbeenrepeatingitselfagooddealonanoppositebushforsometime,cameandtookamorselfromtheplateandboltedit,waited,lookedaround,andtookanother。Atteno’clockshedrewinthetray,andsatdowntoherownsolitarymeal。Hemusthavebeencalledawayonbusinessearly,therainhavingclearedoff。 Yetshewouldhavelikedtoassureherself,bythoroughlyexploringtheprecinctsofthehut,thathewasnowhereinitsvicinity;butasthedaywascomparativelyfine,thedreadlestsomestraypassengerorwoodmanshouldencounterherinsuchareconnoitreparalyzedherwish。Thesolitudewasfurtheraccentuatedto-daybythestoppingoftheclockforwantofwinding,andthefallintothechimney-cornerofflakesofsootloosenedbytherains。Atnoonsheheardaslightrustlingoutsidethewindow,andfoundthatitwascausedbyaneftwhichhadcreptoutoftheleavestobaskinthelastsun-raysthatwouldbeworthhavingtillthefollowingMay。 Shecontinuallypeepedoutthroughthelattice,butcouldseelittle。Infrontlaythebrownleavesoflastyear,anduponthemsomeyellowish-greenonesofthisseasonthathadbeenprematurelyblowndownbythegale。Abovestretchedanoldbeech,withvastarmpits,andgreatpocket-holesinitssideswherebrancheshadbeenamputatedinpasttimes;ablackslugwastryingtoclimbit。 Deadboughswerescatteredaboutlikeichthyosauriinamuseum,andbeyondthemwereperishingwoodbinestemsresemblingoldropes。 Fromtheotherwindowallshecouldseeweremoretrees,jacketedwithlichenandstockingedwithmoss。Attheirrootswerestemlessyellowfungilikelemonsandapricots,andtallfungiwithmorestemthanstool。Nextweremoretreesclosetogether,wrestlingforexistence,theirbranchesdisfiguredwithwoundsresultingfromtheirmutualrubbingsandblows。Itwasthestrugglebetweentheseneighborsthatshehadheardinthenight。 Beneaththemweretherottingstumpsofthoseofthegroupthathadbeenvanquishedlongago,risingfromtheirmossysettinglikedecayedteethfromgreengums。Fartheronwereothertuftsofmossinislandsdividedbytheshedleaves——varietyuponvariety,darkgreenandpalegreen;moss-likelittlefir-trees,likeplush,likemalachitestars,likenothingonearthexceptmoss。 ThestrainuponGrace’smindinvariouswayswassogreatonthisthemostdesolatedayshehadpassedtherethatshefeltitwouldbewell-nighimpossibletospendanotherinsuchcircumstances。 Theeveningcameatlast;thesun,whenitschinwasontheearth,foundanopeningthroughwhichtopiercetheshade,andstretchedirradiatedgauzesacrossthedampatmosphere,makingthewettrunksshine,andthrowingsplotchesofsuchruddinessontheleavesbeneaththebeechthattheywereturnedtogoryhues。Whennightatlastarrived,andwithitthetimeforhisreturn,shewasnearlybrokendownwithsuspense。 Thesimpleeveningmeal,partlytea,partlysupper,whichGracehadprepared,stoodwaitinguponthehearth;andyetGilesdidnotcome。Itwasnownearlytwenty-fourhourssinceshehadseenhim。 Astheroomgrewdarker,andonlythefirelightbrokeagainstthegloomofthewalls,shewasconvincedthatitwouldbebeyondherstayingpowertopassthenightwithouthearingfromhimorfromsomebody。Yeteighto’clockdrewon,andhisformatthewindowdidnotappear。 Themealremaineduntasted。Suddenlyrisingfrombeforethehearthofsmoulderingembers,whereshehadbeencrouchingwithherhandsclaspedoverherknees,shecrossedtheroom,unlockedthedoor,andlistened。Everybreathofwindhadceasedwiththedeclineofday,buttherainhadresumedthesteadydrippingofthenightbefore。Gracemighthavestoodtherefiveminuteswhenshefanciedsheheardthatoldsound,acough,atnogreatdistance;anditwaspresentlyrepeated。IfitwereWinterborne’s,hemustbenearher;why,then,hadhenotvisitedher? AhorridmisgivingthathecouldnotvisithertookpossessionofGrace,andshelookedupanxiouslyforthelantern,whichwashangingaboveherhead。Tolightitandgointhedirectionofthesoundwouldbetheobviouswaytosolvethedreadproblem;buttheconditionsmadeherhesitate,andinamomentacoldsweatpervadedheratfurthersoundsfromthesamequarter。 Theywerelowmutterings;atfirstlikepersonsinconversation,butgraduallyresolvingthemselvesintovarietiesofonevoice。 Itwasanendlessmonologue,likethatwesometimeshearfrominanimatenatureindeepsecretplaceswherewaterflows,orwhereivyleavesflapagainststones;butbydegreesshewasconvincedthatthevoicewasWinterborne’s。Yetwhocouldbehislistener,somuteandpatient;forthoughhearguedsorapidlyandpersistently,nobodyreplied。 AdreadfulenlightenmentspreadthroughthemindofGrace。“Oh。” shecried,inheranguish,asshehastilypreparedherselftogoout,“howselfishlycorrectIamalways——too,toocorrect!Cruelproprietyiskillingthedearestheartthateverwomanclaspedtoherown。” Whilespeakingthustoherselfshehadlitthelantern,andhasteningoutwithoutfurtherthought,tookthedirectionwhencethemutteringshadproceeded。Thecoursewasmarkedbyalittlepath,whichendedatadistanceofaboutfortyyardsinasmallerectionofhurdles,notmuchlargerthanashockofcorn,suchaswerefrequentinthewoodsandcopseswhenthecuttingseasonwasgoingon。Itwastooslighteventobecalledahovel,andwasnothighenoughtostanduprightin;appearing,inshort,tobeerectedforthetemporaryshelteroffuel。ThesidetowardsGracewasopen,andturningthelightupontheinterior,shebeheldwhatherprescientfearhadpicturedinsnatchesallthewaythither。 Uponthestrawwithin,Winterbornelayinhisclothes,justasshehadseenhimduringthewholeofherstayhere,exceptthathishatwasoff,andhishairmattedandwild。 Bothhisclothesandthestrawweresaturatedwithrain。Hisarmswereflungoverhishead;hisfacewasflushedtoanunnaturalcrimson。Hiseyeshadaburningbrightness,andthoughtheymetherown,sheperceivedthathedidnotrecognizeher。 “Oh,myGiles。”shecried,“whathaveIdonetoyou!” Butshestoppednolongereventoreproachherself。Shesawthatthefirstthingtobethoughtofwastogethimindoors。 HowGraceperformedthatlaborshenevercouldhaveexactlyexplained。Butbydintofclaspingherarmsroundhim,rearinghimintoasittingposture,andstrainingherstrengthtotheuttermost,sheputhimononeofthehurdlesthatwasloosealongside,andtakingtheendofitinbothherhands,draggedhimalongthepathtotheentranceofthehut,and,afterapauseforbreath,inatthedoor-way。