第10章

类别:其他 作者:Clive Cussler (作者), Justin Sco字数:5600更新时间:18/12/22 09:08:35
Myfable,credibleenoughatfirst,andsolongasmyclotheswereingoodorder,musthaveseemedworsethandoubtfulaftermycoatbecamefrayedabouttheedges,andmybootsbegantosquelchandpipealongtherestaurantfloors。Theallowanceofonemealadaybesides,thoughsuitableenoughtothestateofmyfinances,agreedpoorlywithmystomach。TherestaurantwasaplaceIhadoftenvisitedexperimentally,totastethelifeofstudentsthenmoreunfortunatethanmyself;andIhadneverinthosedaysentereditwithoutdisgust,orleftitwithoutnausea。Itwasstrangetofindmyselfsittingdownwithavidity,risingupwithsatisfaction,andcountingthehoursthatdividedmefrommyreturntosuchatable。Buthungerisagreatmagician;andsosoonasIhadspentmyreadycash,andcouldnolongerfilluponbowlsofchocolateorhunksofbread,Imustdependentirelyonthatcabman’seating-house,anduponcertainrare,long-expected,long-rememberedwindfalls。Dijon(forinstance)mightgetpaidforsomeofhispot-boilingwork,orelseanoldfriendwouldpassthroughParis;andthenI wouldbeentertainedtoamealaftermyownsoul,andcontractaLatinQuarterloan,whichwouldkeepmeintobaccoandmymorningcoffeeforafortnight。Itmightbethoughtthelatterwouldappearthemoreimportant。Itmightbesupposedthatalife,ledsoneartheconfinesofactualfamine,shouldhavedulledthenicetyofmypalate。Onthecontrary,thepooreraman’sdiet,themoresharplyishesetondainties。Thelastofmyreadycash,aboutthirtyfrancs,wasdeliberatelysquanderedonasingledinner;andagreatpartofmytimewhenIwasalonewaspasseduponthedetailsofimaginaryfeasts。 Onegleamofhopevisitedme——anorderforabustfromarichSoutherner。Hewasfree-handed,jollyofspeech,merryofcountenance;keptmeingoodhumourthroughthesittings,andwhentheywereover,carriedmeoffwithhimtodinnerandthesightsofParis。Iatewell;Ilaidonflesh;byallaccounts,I madeafavourablelikenessofthebeing,andIconfessIthoughtmyfuturewasassured。Butwhenthebustwasdone,andIhaddespatcheditacrosstheAtlantic,Icouldneversomuchaslearnofitsarrival。Theblowfelledme;Ishouldhavelaindownandtriednostroketorightmyself,hadnotthehonourofmycountrybeeninvolved。ForDijonimprovedtheopportunityintheEuropeanstyle;informingme(forthefirsttime)ofthemannersofAmerica:howitwasadenofbandittiwithoutthesmallestrudimentoflawororder,anddebtscouldbethereonlycollectedwithashotgun。“Thewholeworldknowsit。”hewouldsay;“youarealone,monpetitLoudon,youarealonetobeinignoranceofthesefacts。ThejudgesoftheSupremeCourtfoughtbuttheotherdaywithstilettosonthebenchatCincinnati。Youshouldreadthelittlebookofoneofmyfriends:_LeTouristedansleFar-West_;youwillseeitallthereingoodFrench。”Atlast,incensedbydaysofsuchdiscussion,Iundertooktoprovetohimthecontrary,andputtheaffairinthehandsofmylatefather’slawyer。FromhimI hadthegratificationofhearing,afteradueinterval,thatmydebtorwasdeadoftheyellowfeverinKeyWest,andhadlefthisaffairsinsomeconfusion。Isuppresshisname;forthoughhetreatedmewithcruelnonchalance,itisprobablehemeanttodealfairlyintheend。 Soonafterthisashadeofchangeinmyreceptionatthecabman’seating-housemarkedthebeginningofanewphaseinmydistress。Thefirstday,Itoldmyselfitwasbutfancy;thenext,Imadequitesureitwasafact;thethird,inmerepanicI stayedaway,andwentforforty-eighthoursfasting。Thiswasanactofgreatunreason;forthedebtorwhostaysawayisbutthemoreremarked,andtheboarderwhomissesamealissuretobeaccusedofinfidelity。Onthefourthday,therefore,I returned,inwardlyquaking。Theproprietorlookedaskanceuponmyentrance;thewaitresses(whowerehisdaughters) neglectedmywantsandsniffedattheaffectedjovialityofmysalutations;lastandmostplain,whenIcalledforasuisse(suchaswasbeingservedtoalltheotherdiners)Iwasbluntlytoldtherewerenomore。ItwasobviousIwasneartheendofmytether;oneplankdividedmefromwant,andnowIfeltittremble。Ipassedasleeplessnight,andthefirstthinginthemorningtookmywaytoMyner’sstudio。ItwasastepIhadlongmeditatedandlongrefrainedfrom;forIwasscarceintimatewiththeEnglishman;andthoughIknewhimtopossessplentyofmoney,neitherhismannernorhisreputationweretheleastencouragingtobeggars。 Ifoundhimatworkonapicture,whichIwasableconscientiouslytopraise,dressedinhisusualtweeds,plain,butprettyfresh,andstandingoutindisagreeablecontrasttomyownwitheredanddegradedoutfit。Aswetalked,hecontinuedtoshifthiseyeswatchfullybetweenhishandiworkandthefatmodel,whosatatthefarendofthestudioinastateofnature,withonearmgallantlyarchedaboveherhead。Myerrandwouldhavebeendifficultenoughunderthebestofcircumstances:placedbetweenMyner,immersedinhisart,andthewhite,fat,nakedfemaleinaridiculousattitude,Ifounditquiteimpossible。AgainandagainIattemptedtoapproachthepoint,againandagainfellbackoncommendationsofthepicture;anditwasnotuntilthemodelhadenjoyedanintervalofrepose,duringwhichshetooktheconversationinherownhandsandregaledus(inasoft,weakvoice)withdetailsastoherhusband’sprosperity,hersister’slamenteddeclinefromthepathsofvirtue,andtheconsequentwrathofherfather,apeasantofsternprinciples,inthevicinityofChalonsontheMarne;——itwasnot,Isay,untilafterthiswasover,andIhadoncemoreclearedmythroatfortheattack,andoncemoredroppedasideintosomecommonplaceaboutthepicture,thatMynerhimselfbroughtmesuddenlyandvigorouslytothepoint。 “Youdidn’tcomeheretotalkthisrot。”saidhe。 “No。”Irepliedsullenly;“Icametoborrowmoney。” Hepaintedawhileinsilence。 “Idon’tthinkwewereeververyintimate?”heasked。 “Thankyou。”saidI。“Icantakemyanswer。”andImadeasiftogo,rageboilinginmyheart。 “Ofcourseyoucangoifyoulike。”saidMyner;“butIadviseyoutostayandhaveitout。” “Whatmoreistheretosay?”Icried。“Youdon’twanttokeepmehereforaneedlesshumiliation?” “Lookhere,Dodd,youmusttryandcommandyourtemper。” saidhe。“Thisinterviewisofyourownseeking,andnotmine; ifyousupposeit’snotdisagreeabletome,you’rewrong;andifyouthinkIwillgiveyoumoneywithoutknowingthoroughlyaboutyourprospects,youtakemeforafool。Besides。”headded,“ifyoucometolookatit,you’vegotovertheworstofitbynow:youhavedonetheasking,andyouhaveeveryreasontoknowImeantorefuse。Iholdoutnofalsehopes,butitmaybeworthyourwhiletoletmejudge。” Thus——Iwasgoingtosay——encouraged,Istumbledthroughmystory;toldhimIhadcreditatthecabman’seating-house,butbegantothinkitwasdrawingtoaclose;howDijonlentmeacornerofhisstudio,whereItriedtomodelornaments,figuresforclocks,Timewiththescythe,Ledaandtheswan,musketeersforcandlesticks,andotherkickshaws,whichhadnever(uptothatday)beenhonouredwiththeleastapproval。 “Andyourroom?”askedMyner。 “O,myroomisallright,Ithink。”saidI。“Sheisaverygoodoldlady,andhasneverevenmentionedherbill。” “Becausesheisaverygoodoldlady,Idon’tseewhysheshouldbefined。”observedMyner。 “Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”Icried。 “Imeanthis。”saidhe。“TheFrenchgiveagreatdealofcreditamongstthemselves;theyfinditpaysonthewhole,orthesystemwouldhardlybecontinued;butIcan’tseewhereWE comein;Ican’tseethatit’shonestofusAnglo-Saxonstoprofitbytheireasyways,andthenskipovertheChannelor(asyouYankeesdo)acrosstheAtlantic。” “ButI’mnotproposingtoskip。”Iobjected。 “Exactly。”hereplied。“Andshouldn’tyou?There’stheproblem。 Youseemtometohavealackofsympathyfortheproprietorsofcabmen’seating-houses。Byyourownaccountyou’renotgettingon:thelongeryoustay,it’llonlybethemoreoutofthepocketofthedearoldladyatyourlodgings。Now,I’lltellyouwhatI’lldo:ifyouconsenttogo,I’llpayyourpassagetoNewYork,andyourrailwayfareandexpensestoMuskegon(ifI havethenameright)whereyourfatherlived,wherehemusthaveleftfriends,andwhere,nodoubt,you’llfindanopening。I don’tseekanygratitude,forofcourseyou’llthinkmeabeast; butIdoaskyoutopayitbackwhenyouareable。Atanyrate,that’sallIcando。ItmightbedifferentifIthoughtyouagenius,Dodd;butIdon’t,andIadviseyounotto。” “Ithinkthatwasuncalledfor,atleast。”saidI。 “Idaresayitwas。”hereturned,withthesamesteadiness。“Itseemedtomepertinent;and,besides,whenyouaskmeformoneyuponnosecurity,youtreatmewiththelibertyofafriend,andit’stobepresumedthatIcandothelike。Butthepointis,doyouaccept?” “No,thankyou。”saidI;“Ihaveanotherstringtomybow。” “Allright。”saysMyner。“Besureit’shonest。” “Honest?honest?”Icried。“Whatdoyoumeanbycallingmyhonestyinquestion?” “Iwon’t,ifyoudon’tlikeit。”hereplied。“YouseemtothinkhonestyaseasyasBlindMan’sBuff:Idon’t。It’ssomedifferenceofdefinition。” Iwentstraightfromthisirritatinginterview,duringwhichMynerhadneverdiscontinuedpainting,tothestudioofmyoldmaster。Onlyonecardremainedformetoplay,andIwasnowresolvedtoplayit:Imustdropthegentlemanandthefrock-coat,andapproachartintheworkman’stunic。 “Tiens,thislittleDodd!”criedthemaster;andthen,ashiseyefellonmydilapidatedclothing,IthoughtIcouldperceivehiscountenancetodarken。 ImademypleainEnglish;forIknew,ifhewerevainofanything,itwasofhisachievementoftheislandtongue。 “Master。”saidI,“willyoutakemeinyourstudioagain?butthistimeasaworkman。” “Isoughtyourfazerwasimmenselyreech。”saidhe。 IexplainedtohimthatIwasnowanorphanandpenniless。 Heshookhishead。“Ihavebetterrworkmenwaitingatmydoor。”saidhe,“farbetterrworkmen。 “Youusedtothinksomethingofmywork,sir。”Ipleaded。 “Somesing,somesing——yes!”hecried;“enoughforasonofareechman——notenoughforanorphan。Besides,Isoughtyoumightlearntobeanartist;Ididnotsinkyoumightlearntobeaworkman。” Onacertainbenchontheouterboulevard,notfarfromthetombofNapoleon,abenchshadedatthatdatebyashabbytree,andcommandingaviewofmuddyroadwayandblankwall,Isatdowntowrestlewithmymisery。Theweatherwascheerlessanddark;inthreedaysIhadeatenbutonce;Ihadnotobacco;myshoesweresoaked,mytrousershorridwithmire; myhumourandallthecircumstancesofthetimeandplacelugubriouslyattuned。HereweretwomenwhohadbothspokenfairlyofmyworkwhileIwasrichandwantednothing; nowthatIwaspoorandlackedall:“nogenius。”saidtheone; “notenoughforanorphan。”theother;andthefirstofferedmemypassagelikeapauperimmigrant,andthesecondrefusedmeaday’swageasahewerofstone——plaindealingforanemptybelly。Theyhadnotbeeninsincereinthepast;theywerenotinsincereto-day:changeofcircumstancehadintroducedanewcriterion:thatwasall。 ButifIacquittedmytwoJob’scomfortersofinsincerity,Iwasyetfarfromadmittingtheminfallible。Artistshadbeencontemnedbefore,andhadlivedtoturnthelaughontheircontemners。HowoldwasCorotbeforehestrucktheveinofhisownpreciousmetal?Whenhadayoungmanbeenmorederided(ormorejustlyso)thanthegodofmyadmiration,Balzac?OrifIrequiredabolderinspiration,whathadItodobutturnmyheadtowherethegolddomeoftheInvalidesglitteredagainstinkysqualls,andrecallthetaleofhimsleepingthere:fromthedaywhenayoungartillery-subcouldbegiggledatandnicknamedPuss-in-Bootsbyfriskymisses; ontothedaysofsomanycrownsandsomanyvictories,andsomanyhundredmouthsofcannon,andsomanythousandwar- hoofstramplingtheroadwaysofastonishedEuropeeightymilesinfrontofthegrandarmy?Togoback,togiveup,toproclaimmyselfafailure,anambitiousfailure,firstarocket,thenastick!I,LoudonDodd,whohadrefusedallotherlivelihoodswithscorn,andbeenadvertisedintheSaintJoseph_SundayHerald_asapatriotandanartist,tobereturneduponmynativeMuskegonlikedamagedgoods,andgothecircuitofmyfather’sacquaintance,capinhand,andbeggingtosweepoffices!No,byNapoleon!Iwoulddieatmychosentrade;andthetwowhohadthatdayfloutedmeshouldlivetoenvymysuccess,ortoweeptearsofunavailingpenitencebehindmypaupercoffin。 Meantime,ifmycouragewasstillundiminished,Iwasnonethenearertoameal。Atnogreatdistancemycabman’seating-