“Iwantedyetoseetheplace。”saidhe。“Yon’sthestane。
EuphemiaRoss：thatwasmygoodwife，yourgrandmither——hoots！I’mwrong；thatwasmyfirstyin；Ihadnobairnsbyher；——yoursisthesecond，MaryMurray，Born1819，Died1850：
that’sher——afine，plain，decentsortofacreature，tak’herathegether。AlexanderLoudon，BornSeventeenNinety-Twa，Died——andthenaholeintheballant：that’sme。Alexander’smyname。Theyca’dmeEckywhenIwasaboy。Eh，Ecky！
ye’reanawfu’auldman！”
Ihadasecondandsadderexperienceofgraveyardsatmynextalighting-place，thecityofMuskegon，nowrenderedconspicuousbythedomeofthenewcapitolencagedinscaffolding。ItwaslateintheafternoonwhenIarrived，andraining；andasIwalkedingreatstreets，oftheverynameofwhichIwasquiteignorant——double，treble，andquadruplelinesofhorse-carsjinglingby——hundred-foldwiresoftelegraphandtelephonemattingheavenabovemyhead——huge，staringhouses，garishandgloomy，flankingmefromeitherhand——thethoughtoftheRueRacine，ay，andofthecabman’seating-house，broughttearstomyeyes。ThewholemonotonousBabelhadgrown，orIshouldrathersayswelled，withsuchaleapsincemydeparture，thatImustcontinuallyinquiremyway；andtheverycemeterywasbrandnew。Death，however，hadbeenactive；thegraveswerealreadynumerous，andImustpickmywayintherain，amongthetawdrysepulchresofmillionnaires，andpasttheplainblackcrossesofHungarianlabourers，tillchanceorinstinctledmetotheplacethatwasmyfather’s。Thestonehadbeenerected(Iknewalready)“byadmiringfriends“；Icouldnowjudgetheirtasteinmonuments；
theirtasteinliterature，methought，Icouldimagine，andI
refrainedfromdrawingnearenoughtoreadthetermsoftheinscription。Butthenamewasinlargerlettersandstaredatme——JAMESK。DODD。Whatasingularthingisaname，I
thought；howitclingstoaman，andcontinuallymisrepresents，andthensurviveshim；anditflashedacrossmymind，withamixtureofregretandbittermirth，thatIhadneverknown，andnowprobablynevershouldknow，whattheKhadrepresented。
King，Kilter，Kay，Kaiser，Iwent，runningovernamesatrandom，andthenstumbledwithludicrousmisspellingonKornelius，andhadnearlylaughedaloud。Ihaveneverbeenmorechildish；Isuppose(althoughthedeepervoicesofmynatureseemedalldumb)becauseIhaveneverbeenmoremoved。Andatthislastincongruousanticofmynerves，Iwasseizedwithapanicofremorseandfledthecemetery。
ScarcelessfunerealwastherestofmyexperienceinMuskegon，where，nevertheless，Ilingered，visitingmyfather’scircle，forsomedays。ItwasinpietytohimIlingered；andI
mighthavesparedmyselfthepain。Hismemorywasalreadyquitegoneout。Forhissake，indeed，Iwasmadewelcome；andforminetheconversationrolledawhilewithlaboriouseffortonthevirtuesofthedeceased。Hisformercomradesdwelt，inmycompany，uponhisbusinesstalentsorhisgenerosityforpublicpurposes；whenmybackwasturned，theyrememberedhimnomore。Myfatherhadlovedme；Ihadlefthimalonetoliveanddieamongtheindifferent；nowIreturnedtofindhimdeadandburiedandforgotten。Unavailingpenitencetranslateditselfinmythoughtstofreshresolve。Therewasanotherpoorsoulwholovedme：Pinkerton。Imustnotbeguiltytwiceofthesameerror。
Aweekperhapshadbeenthuswasted，norhadIpreparedmyfriendforthedelay。Accordingly，whenIhadchangedtrainsatCouncilBluffs，Iwasawareofamanappearingattheendofthecarwithatelegraminhishandandinquiringwhethertherewereanyoneaboard“ofthenameofLONDONDodd？”I
thoughtthenamenearenough，claimedthedespatch，andfounditwasfromPinkerton：“Whatdaydoyouarrive？
Awfullyimportant。”Isenthimananswergivingdayandhour，andatOgdenfoundafreshdespatchawaitingme：“Thatwilldo。Unspeakablerelief。MeetyouatSacramento。”InParisdaysIhadaprivatenameforPinkerton：“TheIrrepressible“
waswhatIhadcalledhiminhoursofbitterness，andthenameroseoncemoreonmylips。Whatmischiefwasheuptonow？
WhatnewbowlwasmybenignantmonsterbrewingforhisFrankenstein？InwhatnewimbroglioshouldIalightonthePacificcoast？Mytrustinthemanwasentire，andmydistrustperfect。Iknewhewouldnevermeanamiss；butIwasconvincedhewouldalmostnever(inmysense)doaright。
Isupposethesevagueanticipationsaddedashadeofgloomtothatalreadygloomyplaceoftravel：Nebraska，Wyoming，Utah，Nevada，scowledinmyfaceatleast，andseemedtopointmebackagaintothatothernativelandofmine，theLatinQuarter。ButwhentheSierrashadbeenclimbed，andthetrain，aftersolongbeatingandpanting，stretcheditselfuponthedownwardtrack——whenIbeheldthatvastextentofprosperouscountryrollingseawardfromthewoodsandthebluemountains，thatillimitablespreadofripplingcorn，thetreesgrowingandblowinginthemerryweather，thecountryboysthrongingaboardthetrainwithfigsandpeaches，andtheconductors，andtheverydarkystewards，visiblyexultinginthechange——upwentmysoullikeaballoon；Carefellfromhisperchuponmyshoulders；andwhenIspiedmyPinkertonamongthecrowdatSacramento，Ithoughtofnothingbuttoshoutandwaveforhim，andgrasphimbythehand，likewhathewas——mydearestfriend。
“OLoudon！”hecried。“Man，howI’vepinedforyou！Andyouhaven’tcomeanhourtoosoon。You’reknownhereandwaitedfor；I’vebeenboomingyoualready；you’rebilledforalectureto-morrownight：_StudentLifeinParis，GraveandGay_：
twelvehundredplacesbookedatthelaststock！Tut，man，you’relookingthin！Here，tryadropofthis。”Andheproducedacasebottle，staringlylabelledEN
“Godblessme！”saidI，gaspingandwinkingaftermyfirstplungeintothisfieryfluid。“Andwhatdoes’WarrantedEntire’
mean？”
“Why，Loudon！yououghttoknowthat！”criedPinkerton。“It’sreal，copper-bottomedEnglish；youseeitonalltheold-timewaysidehostelriesoverthere。”
“ButifI’mnotmistaken，itmeanssomethingWarrantedEntirelydifferent。”saidI，“andappliestothepublichouse，andnotthebeveragessold。”
“It’sverypossible。”saidJim，quiteunabashed。“It’seffective，anyway；andIcantellyou，sir，ithasboomedthatspirit：itgoesnowbythegrossofcases。Bytheway，Ihopeyouwon’tmind；I’vegotyourportraitalloverSanFranciscoforthelecture，enlargedfromthatcartedevisite：H。LoudonDodd，theAmerico-ParisienneSculptor。Here’saproofofthesmallhandbills；thepostersarethesame，onlyinredandblue，andthelettersfourteenbyone。”
Ilookedatthehandbill，andmyheadturned。Whatwastheuseofwords？whyseektoexplaintoPinkertontheknottedhorrorsof“Americo-Parisienne“？Hetookanearlyoccasiontopointitoutas“ratheragoodphrase；givesthetwosidesataglance：Iwantedthelecturewrittenuptothat。”EvenafterwehadreachedSanFrancisco，andattheactualphysicalshockofmyowneffigyplacardedonthestreetsIhadbrokenforthinpetulantwords，henevercomprehendedintheleastthegroundofmyaversion。
“IfIhadonlyknownyoudislikedredlettering！”wasashighashecouldrise。“Youareperfectlyright：aclear-cutblackispreferable，andshowsagreatdealfurther。Theonlythingthatpainsmeistheportrait：IownIthoughtthatasuccess。I’mdreadfullyandtrulysorry，mydearfellow：Iseenowit’snotwhatyouhadarighttoexpect；butIdidit，Loudon，forthebest；andthepressisalldelighted。”
Atthemoment，sweepingthroughgreentuleswamps，Ifelldirectontheessential。“But，Pinkerton。”Icried，“thislectureisthemaddestofyourmadnesses。HowcanIpreparealectureinthirtyhours？”
“Alldone，Loudon！”heexclaimedintriumph。“Allready。
Trustmetopullapieceofbusinessthrough。You’llfinditalltype-writteninmydeskathome。IputthebesttalentofSanFranciscoonthejob：HarryMiller，thebrightestpressmaninthecity。”
Andsoherattledon，beyondreachofmymodestprotestations，blurtingouthiscomplicatedinterests，cryinguphisnewacquaintances，andeverandagainhungeringtointroducemetosome“whole-souled，grandfellow，assharpasaneedle。”
fromwhom，andtheverythoughtofwhom，myspiritshrankinstinctively。
Well，Iwasinforit：inforPinkerton，infortheportrait，inforthetype-writtenlecture。OnepromiseIextorted——thatIwasneveragaintobecommittedinignorance；evenforthat，whenI
sawhowitsextortionpuzzledanddepressedtheIrrepressible，mysoulrepentedme；andinallelseIsufferedmyselftobeleduncomplainingathischariotwheels。TheIrrepressible，didI
say？TheIrresistiblewerenighertruth。
ButthetimetohaveseenmewaswhenIsatdowntoHarryMiller’slecture。Hewasafacetiousdog，thisHarryMiller；hehadagallantwayofskirtingtheindecentwhich(inmycase)
producedphysicalnausea；andhecouldbesentimentalandevenmelodramaticaboutgrisettesandstarvinggenius。IfoundhehadenjoyedthebenefitofmycorrespondencewithPinkerton：adventuresofmyownwerehereandtherehorridlymisrepresented，sentimentsofmyownechoedandexaggeratedtillIblushedtorecognisethem。IwilldoHarryMillerjustice：
hemusthavehadakindoftalent，almostofgenius；allattemptstolowerhistoneprovingfruitless，andtheHarry-
Millerismineradicable。Nay，themonsterhadacertainkeyofstyle，orwantofstyle，sothatcertainmilderpassages，whichI
soughttointroduce，discordedhorribly，andimpoverished(ifthatwerepossible)thegeneraleffect。
ByanearlyhourofthenumberedeveningImighthavebeenobservedatthesignofthePoodleDog，diningwithmyagent：
soPinkertondelightedtodescribehimself。Thence，likeanoxtotheslaughter，heledmetothehall，whereIstoodpresentlyalone，confrontingassembledSanFrancisco，withnobetteralliesthanatable，aglassofwater，andamassofmanuscriptandtypework，representingHarryMillerandmyself。Ireadthelecture；forIhadlackedbothtimeandwilltogetthetrashbyheart——readithurriedly，humbly，andwithvisibleshame。
NowandthenIwouldcatchintheauditoriumaneyeofsomeintelligence，nowandthen，inthemanuscript，wouldstumbleonaricherveinofHarryMiller，andmyheartwouldfailme，andIgabbled。Theaudienceyawned，itstirreduneasily，itmuttered，grumbled，andbrokeforthatlastinarticulatecriesof“Speakup！”and“Nobodycanhear！”Itooktoskipping，andbeingextremelyill-acquaintedwiththecountry，almostinvariablycutinagainintheunintelligiblemidstofsomenewtopic。Whatstruckmeasextremelyominous，thesemisfortuneswereallowedtopasswithoutalaugh。Indeed，I
wasbeginningtofeartheworst，andevenpersonalindignity，whenallatoncethehumourofthethingbrokeuponmestrongly。Icouldhavelaughedaloud；andbeingagainsummonedtospeakup，Ifacedmypatronsforthefirsttimewithasmile。“Verywell。”Isaid，“Iwilltry，thoughIdon’tsupposeanybodywantstohear，andIcan’tseewhyanybodyshould。”Audienceandlecturerlaughedtogethertillthetearsrandown；vociferousandrepeatedapplausehailedmyimpromptusally。AnotherhitwhichImadebutalittleafter，asIturnedthreepagesofthecopy：“Yousee，IamleavingoutasmuchasIpossiblycan。”increasedtheesteemwithwhichmypatronshadbeguntoregardme；andwhenIleftthestageatlast，mydepartingformwascheeredwithlaughter，stamping，shouting，andthewavingofhats。
Pinkertonwasinthewaiting-room，feverishlyjottinginhispocket-book。Ashesawmeenter，hesprangup，andIdeclarethetearsweretricklingonhischeeks。
“Mydearboy。”hecried，“Icanneverforgivemyself，andyoucanneverforgiveme。Nevermind：Ididitforthebest。Andhownoblyyouclungon！Idreadedweshouldhavehadtoreturnthemoneyatthedoors。”
“Itwouldhavebeenmorehonestifwehad。”saidI。
Thepressmenfollowedme，HarryMillerinthefrontranks；andIwasamazedtofindthem，onthewhole，apleasantsetoflads，probablymoresinnedagainstthansinning，andevenHarryMillerapparentlyagentleman。Ihadinoystersandchampagne——forthereceiptswereexcellent——andbeinginahighstateofnervoustension，keptthetableinaroar。Indeed，I
wasneverinmylifesowellinspiredaswhenIdescribedmyvigiloverHarryMiller’sliteratureortheseriesofmyemotionsasIfacedtheaudience。TheladsvowedIwasthesoulofgoodcompanyandtheprinceoflecturers；and——sowonderfulaninstitutionisthepopularpress——ifyouhadseenthenoticesnextdayinallthepapers，youmusthavesupposedmyevening’sentertainmentanunqualifiedsuccess。
IwasinexcellentspiritswhenIreturnedhomethatnight，butthemiserablePinkertonsorrowedforusboth。
“O，Loudon。”hesaid，“Ishallneverforgivemyself。WhenI
sawyoudidn’tcatchontotheideaofthelecture，Ishouldhavegivenitmyself！”
