hehadonlyreceivedacutabovethetemple，andperhapsafewbruisesfromthefall，orthehoofsofhisownpony：thatcouldnotkillhimifhelaytherehalftheday；and，ifhecouldnothelphimself，surelysomeonewouldbecomingby：itwouldbeimpossiblethatawholedayshouldpassandnoonetraversetheroadbutourselves。Asforwhathemightchoosetosayhereafter，Iwouldtakemychanceaboutit：ifhetoldlies，Iwouldcontradicthim；ifhetoldthetruth，IwouldbearitasIbestcould。
Iwasnotobligedtoenterintoexplanations，furtherthanIthoughtproper。Perhapshemightchoosetobesilentonthesubject，forfearofraisingenquiriesastothecauseofthequarrel，anddrawingthepublicattentiontohisconnectionwithMrsGraham，which，whetherforhersakeorhisown，heseemedsoverydesiroustoconceal。
Thusreasoning，Itrottedawaytothetown，whereIdulytransactedmybusiness，andperformedvariouslittlecommissionsformymotherandRose，withverylaudableexactitude，consIderingthedifferentcircumstancesofthecase。Inreturninghome，IwastroubledwithsundrymisgivingsabouttheunfortunateLawrence。Thequestion，whatifIshouldfindhimlying，stillonthedampearth，fairlydyingofcoldandexhaustion——oralreadystarkandchill？thrustitselfmostunpleasantlyuponmymind，andtheappallingpossibilitypictureditselfwithpainfulvividnesstomyimaginationasIapproachedthespotwhereIhadlefthim。Butno；thankHeaven，bothmanandhorseweregone，andnothingwaslefttowitnessagainstmebuttwoobjects——unpleasantenoughinthemselves，tobesure，andpresentingaveryugly，nottosaymurderous，appearance——inoneplace，thehatsaturatedwithrainandcoatedwithmud，indentedandbrokenabovethebrimbythatvillainouswhip-handle；inanother，thecrimsonhandkerchief，soakinginadeeplytincturedpoolofwater——formuchrainhadfallenintheinterim。
Badnewsflyfast：itwashardlyfouro’clockwhenIgothome，butmymothergravelyaccostedmewith——
`Oh，Gilbert！——Suchanaccident！Rosehasbeenshoppinginthevillage，andshe’sheardthatMrLawrencehasbeenthrownfromhishorseandbroughthomedying！’
Thisshockedmeatrifle，asyoumaysuppose；butIwascomfortedtohearthathehadfrightfullyfracturedhisskullandbrokenaleg；for，assuredofthefalsehoodofthis，Itrustedtherestofthestorywasequallyexaggerated；andwhenIheardmymotherandsistersofeelinglydeploringhiscondition，Ihadconsiderabledifficultyinpreventingmyselffromtellingthemtherealextentoftheinjuries，asfarasIknewthem。
`Youmustgoandseehimto-morrow，’saidmymother。
`Orto-day，’suggestedRose：`there’splentyoftime；andyoucanhavethepony，ifyourhorseistired。Won’tyou，Gilbert——assoonasyou’vehadsomethingtoeat？’
`No，no——Howcanwetellthatitisn’tallafalsereport？It’shighlyim——’
`Oh，I’msureitisn’t；forthevillageisallaliveaboutit；
andIsawtwopeoplethathadseenothersthathadseenthemanthatfoundhim。Thatsoundsfarfetched；butitisn’tso，whenyouthinkofit。’
`Well，butLawrenceisagoodrider；itisnotlikelyhewouldfallfromhishorseatall；andifhedid，itishighlyimprobableheshouldbreakhisbonesinthatway。Itmustbeagrossexaggerationatleast。’
`No，butthehorsekickedhim——orsomething。’
`What，hisquietlittlepony？’
`Howdoyouknowitwasthat？’
`Heseldomridesanyother。’
`Atanyrate，’saidmymother，`youwillcallto-morrow。Whetheritbetrueorfalse，exaggeratedorotherwise，weshallliketoknowhowheis。’
`Fergusmaygo。
`Whynotyou？’
`Hehasmoretime：Iambusyjustnow。’
`Oh！butGilbert，howcanyoubesocomposedaboutit？Youwon’tmindbusiness，foranhourortwo，inacaseofthissort——whenyourfriendisatthepointofdeath！’
`Heisnot，Itellyou！’
`Foranythingyouknow，hemaybe：youcan’ttelltillyouhaveseenhim——Atallevents，hemusthavemetwithsometerribleaccident，andyououghttoseehim：he’lltakeitvery~dofyouifyoudon’t。’
`Confoundit！Ican’t。HeandIhavenotbeenongoodterms，oflate。’
`Oh，mydearboy！Surely，surely，youarenotsounforgivingastocarryyourlittledifferencestosuchalengthas——’
`Littledifferences，indeed！’Imuttered。
`Well，butonlyremembertheoccasion！Thinkhow-’
`Well，well，don’tbothermenow——I’llseeaboutit，’Ireplied。
AndmyseeingaboutitwastosendFergusnextmorning，withmymother’scompliments，tomaketherequisiteenquiries；for，ofcourse，mygoingwasoutofthequestion——orsendingamessage，either。HebroughtbackintelligencethattheyoungsquirewaslaidupwiththecomplicatedevilsofabrokenheadandCertaincontusions(occasionedbyafall——ofwhichhedidnottroublehimselftorelatetheparticulars——andthesubsequentmisconductofhishorse)，andaseverecold，theconsequenceoflyingonthewetgroundintherain；buttherewerenobrokenbones，andnoimmediateprospectsofdissolution。
Itwasevidentthen，that，forMrsGraham’ssake，itwasnothisintentiontocriminateme。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter15CHAPTER15AnEncounterandItsConsequencesTHATdaywasrainylikeitspredecessor；buttowardseveningitbegantoclearupalittle，andthenextmorningwasfairandpromising。Iwasoutonthehillwiththereapers。Alightwindsweptoverthecorn；andallnaturelaughedinthesunshine。Thelarkwasrejoicingamongthesilveryfloatingclouds。Thelaterainhadsosweetlyfreshenedandclearedtheair，andwashedthesky，andleftsuchglitteringgemsonbranchandblade，thatnoteventhefarmerscouldhavethehearttoblameit。Butnorayofsunshinecouldreachmyheart，nobreezecouldfreshenit；nothingcouldfillthevoidmyfaith，andhope，andjoyinHelenGramhadleft，ordriveawaythekeenregrets，andbitterdregsoflingeringlovethatstilloppressedit。
WhileIstood，withfoldedarms，abstractedlygazingontheundulatingswellofthecornnotyetdisturbedbythereapers，somethinggentlypulledmyskirts，andasmallvoice，nolongerwelcometomyears，arousedmewiththestartlingwords：——
`MrMarkham，mammawantsyou。’
`Wantsme，Arthur？’
`Yes。Whydoyoulooksoqueer？’saidhe，halflaughing，halffrightenedattheunexpectedaspectofmyfaceinsuddenlyturningtowardshim——`andwhyhaveyoukeptsolongaway？——Come！——Won’tyoucome？’
`I’mbusyjustnow，’Ireplied，scarceknowingwhattoanswer。
Helookedupinchildishbewilderment；butbeforeIcouldspeakagain，theladyherselfwasatmyside。
`Gilbert，Imustspeakwithyou！’saidshe，inatoneofsubpressedvehemence。
Ilookedatherpalecheekandglitteringeye，butanswerednothing。
`Onlyforamoment，’pleadedshe。`Juststepasideintothisotherfield，’——sheglancedatthereapers，someofwhomweredirectinglooksofimpertinentcuriositytowardsher——`Iwon’tkeepyouaminute。’
Iaccompaniedherthroughthegap。
`Arthur，darling，runandgatherthosebluebells，’saidshe，pointingtosomethatweregleaming，atsomedistance，underthehedgealongwhichwewalked。Thechildhesitated，asifunwillingtoquitmyside`Golove！’
repeatedshe，moreurgently，andinatone，which，thoughnotunkind，demandedpromptobedience，andobtainedit。
`Well，MrsGraham？’saidI，calmlyandcoldly；for，thoughIsawshewasmiserable，andpitiedher，Ifeltgladtohaveitinmypowertotormenther。
Shefixedhereyesuponmewithalookthatpiercedmetotheheart；——andyetitmademesmile。
`Idon’taskthereasonofthischange，Gilbert，’saidshe，withbittercalmness——`Iknowittoowell；butthoughIcouldseemyselfsuspectedandcondemnedbyeveryoneelse，andbearitwithcalmness，Icannotendureitfromyou——WhydidyounotcometohearmyexplanationonthedayIappointedtogiveit？’
`BecauseIhappened，intheinterim，tolearnallyouwouldhavetoldme，——andatriflemore，Iimagine。’
`Impossible，forIwouldhavetoldyouall！’criedshe，passionately——`ButIwon’tnow，forIseeyouarenotworthyofit！’
Andherpalelipsquiveredwithagitation。
`Whynot，mayIask？’
Sherepelledmymockingsmilewithaglanceofscornfulindignation。
`Becauseyouneverunderstoodme，oryouwouldnotsoonhavelistenedtomytraducers——myconfidencewouldbemisplacedinyou——youarenotthemanIthoughtyou——Go！Iwon’tcarewhatyouthinkofme！’
Sheturnedaway，andIwent；forIthoughtthatwouldtormentherasmuchasanything；andIbelieveIwasright；for，lookingbackaminuteafter，Isawherturnhalfround，asifhopingoreggtofindmestillbesideher；andthenshestoodstill，andcastonelookbehind。Itwasalooklessexpressiveofangerthanofbitteranguishanddespair；
butIimmediatelyassumedanaspectofindifference，andaffectedtobegazingcarelesslyroundme，andIsupposeshewenton；forafterlingeringawhiletoseeifshewouldcomebackorcall，Iventuredonemoreglance，andsawheragoodwayoff，movingrapidlyupthefieldwithlittleArthurrunningbyhersideandapparentlytalkingashewent；butshekeptherfaceavertedfromhim，asiftohidesomeuncontrollableemotion。AndI
returnedtomybusiness。
ButIsoonbegantoregretmyprecipitancyinleavinghersosoonItwasevidentshelovedme——probablyshewastiredofMrLawrence，andwishedtoexchangehimforme；andifIhadlovedandreverencedherlesstobeginwith，thepreferencemighthavegratifiedandamusedme；butnow，thecontrastbetweenherout+wardseemingandherinwardmind，asIsupposed，——betweenmyformerandmypresentopinionofher，wassoharrowing——sodistressingtomyfeelings，thatitswallowedupeverylighterconsideration。
ButstillIwascurioustoknowwhatsortofanexplanationshewouldhavegivenme，——orwouldgivenow，ifIpressedhemforit——howmuchshewouldconfess，andhowshewouldendeavourtoexcuseherself。Ilongedtoknowwhattodespise，andwhattoadmireinher，howmuchtopity，andhowmuchtohate；——and，whatwasmore，Iwouldknow。Iwouldseeheroncemore，andfairlysatisfymyselfinwhatlighttoregardher，beforeweparted。Losttomeshewas，forever，ofcourse；butstillIcouldnotbeartothinkthatwehadparted，forthelasttime，withsomuchunkindnessandmiseryonbothsides。Thatlastlookofhenhadsunkintomyheart；
Icouldnotforgetit——ButwhatafoolIwas！——Hadshenotdeceivedme，injuredme——blightedmyhappinessforlife？——`Well，I’llseeher，however，’
wasmyconcludingresolve，——`butnotto-day：to-dayandto-night，shemaythinkuponhersins，andbeasmiserableasshewill：tomorrow，Iwillseeheronceagain，andknowsomethingmoreabouther。Theinterviewmaybeserviceabletoher，oritmaynot——Atanyrate，itwillgiveabreathofexcitementtothelifeshehasdoomedtostagnation，andmaywithcertaintysomeagitatingthoughts。’
Ididgoonthemorrow；butnottilltowardsevening，afterthebusinessofthedaywasconcluded，thatisbetweensixandseven；andthewesteringsunwasgleamingredlyontheoldhall，andflaminginthelatticedwindows，asIreachedit，impartingtotheplaceachessnotitsown。I
neednotdilateuponthefeelingswithwhichIapproachedtheshrineofmyformerdivinity——thatspotteemingwithathousanddelightfulrecollectionsandgloriousdreams——alldarkenednow，byonedisastroustruth。
Racheladmittedmeintotheparlour，andwenttocallhermistress，forshewasnotthere；buttherewasherdeskleftopenonthelittleroundtablebesidethehigh-backedchair，withabooklaiduponit。Herlimitedbutchoicecollectionofbookswasalmostasfamiliartomeasmyown；
butthisvolumeIhadnotseenbefore。Itookitup。ItwasSirHumphreyDavy’s`LastdaysofaPhilosopher，’andonthefirstleafwaswritten，——`FrederickLawrence。’Iclosedthebook，butkeptitinmyhand，andstoodfacingthedoor，withmybacktothefireplace，calmlywaitingherarrival；forIdidnotdoubtshewouldcome。AndsoonIheardherstepinthehall。
Myheartwasbergtothrob，butIcheckeditwithaninternalrebuke，andmaintainedmycomposure——outwardly，atleast，Sheentered，calm，pale，collected。
`TowhatamIindebtedforthisfavour，MrMarkham？’saidshe，withsuchseverebutquietdignityasalmostdisconcertedme；butIansweredwithasmile，andimpudentlyenough：
