`Well，Helen，Iwon’trepeattheoffence。ButImeantnothingbyit，Iassureyou。Ihadtakentoomuchwine，andIwasscarcelymyself，atthetime。’
`Youoftentaketoomuch；——andthatisanotherpracticeIdetest。’
Helookedupastonishedatmywarmth。`Yes，’Icontinued。`Inevermentioneditbefore，becauseIwasashamedtodoso；butnowI’lltellyouthatitdistressesme，andmaydisgustme，ifyougoonandsufferthehabittogrowuponyou，asitwill，ifyoudon’tcheckitintime。ButthewholesystemofyourconducttoLadyLowboroughisnotreferabletowine；andthisnightyouknewperfectlywellwhatyouweredoing。’
`Well，I’msorryforit，’repliedhe，withmoreofsulkinessthancontrition：`whatmorewouldyouhave？’
`YouaresorrythatIsawyou，nodoubt，’Ianswered，coldly。
`Ifyouhadnotseenme，’hemuttered，fixinghiseyesonthecarpet，`itwouldhavedonenoharm。’
Myheartfeltreadytoburst；butIresolutelyswallowedbackmyemotion，andansweredcalmly，`Youthinknot？’
`No，’repliedhe，boldly。`Afterall，whathaveIdone？It’snothing——exceptasyouchoosetomakeitasubjectofaccusationanddistress。’
`WhatwouldLordLowborough，yourfriend，think，ifheknewall？orwhatwouldyouyourselfthink，ifheoranyotherbadactedthesameparttome，throughout，asyouhavetoAnnabella？’
`Iwouldblowhisbrainsout。’
`Wellthen，Arthur，howcanyoucallitnothing——anoffenceforwhichyouwouldthinkyourselfjustifiedinblowinganotherman’sbrainsout？Isitnothingtotriflewithyourfriend’sfeelingsandmine——toendeavourtostealawoman’saffectionsfromherhusband——whathevaluesmorethanhisgold，andthereforewhatitismoredishonesttotake？Arethemarriagevowsajest；andisitnothingtomakeityoursporttobreakthem，andtotemptanothertodothesame？CanIloveamanthatdoessuchthings，andcoollymaintainsitisnothing？’
`Youarebreakingyourmarriagevowsyourself，’saidhe，indignantlyrisingandpacingtoandfro。`Youpromisedtohonourandobeyme，andnowyouattempttohectoroverme，andthreatenandaccusemeandcallmeworsethanahighwayman，Ifitwerenotforyoursituation，Helen，I
wouldnotsubmittoitsotamely。Iwon’tbedictatedtobyawoman，thoughshebemywife。’
`Whatwillyoudothen？WillyougoontillIhateyou；andthenaccusemeofbreakingmyvows？’
Hewassilentamoment，andthenreplied，——`Youneverwillhateme。’Returningandresuminghisformerpositionatmyfeet，herepeatedmorevehemently——`Youcannothateme，aslongasIloveyou。’
`ButhowcanIbelievethatyouloveme，ifyoucontinuetoactinthisway？Justimagineyourselfinmyplace：wouldyouthinkIlovedyou，ifIdidso？Wouldyoubelievemyprotestations，andhonourandtrustmeundersuchcircumstances？’
`Thecasesaredifferent，’hereplied。`Itisawoman’snaturetobeconstant——toloveoneandoneonly，blindly，tenderly，andforever——blessthem，dearcreatures！andyouabovethemall——butyoumusthavesomecommiserationforus，Helen；youmustgiveusalittlemorelicence，forasShakespearehasit——
“Howeverwedopraiseourselves，Ourfanciesaremoregiddyandunfirm，Morelonging，wavering，soonerlostandwonThanwomen’sare。”`Doyoumeanbythat，thatyourfanciesarelosttome，andwonbyLadyLowborough？’
`No；HeavenismywitnessthatIthinkhermeredustandashesincomparisonwithyou，——andshallcontinuetothinkso，unlessyoudrivemefromyoubytoomuchseverity。Sheisadaughterofearth；youareanangelofheaven；onlybenottooaustereinyourdivinity，andrememberthatIamapoor，falliblemortal。Comenow，Helen；won’tyouforgiveme？’
hesaid，gentlytakingmyhand，andlookingupwithaninnocentsmile。
`IfIdo，youwillrepeattheoffence。’
`Iswearby——’
`Don’tswear；I’llbelieveyourwordaswellasyouroath。IwishIcouldhaveconfidenceineither。’
`Trymethen，Helen：onlytrustandpardonmethisonce，andyoushallsee！Come，Iaminhell’stormentstillyouspeaktheword。’
Ididnotspeakit，butIputmyhandonhisshoulderandkissedhisforehead，andthenburstintotears。Heembracedmetenderly；andwehavebeengoodfriendseversince。Hehasbeendecentlytemperateattable，andwell-conductedtowardsLadyLowborough。Thefirstday，heheldhimselfalooffromher，asfarashecouldwithoutanyflagrantbreachofhospitality：
sincethat，hehasbeenfriendlyandcivilbutnothingmore——inmypresence，atleast，nor，Ithink，atanyothertime；forsheseemshaughtyanddispleased，andLordLowboroughismanifestlymorecheerful，andmorecordialtowardshishost，thanbefore。ButIshallbegladwhentheyaregone，forIhavesolittleloveforAnnabellathatitisquiteatasktobeciviltoher，andassheistheonlywomanherebesidesmyself，wearenecessarilythrownsomuchtogether。NexttimeMrsHargravecalls，Ishallhailheradventasquitearelief。IhaveagoodmindtoaskArthur’sleavetoinvitetheoldladytostaywithustillourguestsdepart。IthinkIwill。Shewilltakeitasakindattention，and，thoughIhavelittlerelishforhersociety，shewillbetrulywelcomeasathirdtostandbetweenLadyLowboroughandme。
ThefirsttimethelatterandIwerealonetogether，afterthatunhappyevening，wasanhourortwoafterbreakfastonthefollowingday，whenthegentlemenweregoneoutaftertheusualtimespentinthewritingofletters，thereadingofnewspapers，anddesultoryconversation，Wesatsilentfortwoorthreeminutes。ShewasbusywithherworkandIwasrunningoverthecolumnsofapaperfromwhichIhadextractedallthepithsometwentyminutesbefore。Itwasamomentofpainfulembarrassmenttome，andIthoughtitmustbeinfinitelymoresotoher；butitseemsIwasmistaken。Shewasthefirsttospeak；and，smilingwiththecoolestassurance，shebegan，——
`Yourhusbandwasmerrylastnight，Helen：isheoftenso？’
Mybloodboiledinmyface；butitwasbettersheshouldseemtoattributehisconducttothisthantoanythingelse。
`No，’repliedI，`andneverwillbesoagain，Itrust。’
`Yougavehimacurtainlecture，didyou？’
`No；butItoldhimIdislikedsuchconduct，andhepromisedmenottorepeatit。’
`Ithoughthelookedrathersubduedthismorning，’shecontinued；`andyou，Helen；you’vebeenweeping，Isee——that’sourgrandresource，youknow——butdoesn’titmakeyoureyessmart？——anddoyoualwaysfindittoanswer？’
`Inevercryforeffect；norcanIconceivehowanyonecan。’
`Well，Idon’tknow：Ineverhadoccasiontotryit；——butIthinkifLowboroughweretocommitsuchimproprieties，I’dmakehimcry。Idon’twonderatyourbeingangry，forI’msureI’dgivemyhusbandalessonhewouldnotsoonforgetforalighteroffencethanthat。Butthenheneverwilldoanythingofthekind；forIkeephimintoogoodorderforthat。’
`Areyousureyoudon’tarrogatetoomuchofthecredittoyourself？
LordLowboroughwasquiteasremarkableforhisabstemiousnessforsometimebeforeyoumarriedhim，asheisnow，Ihaveheard。’
`Oh，aboutthewineyoumean——yes，he’ssafeenoughforthat，Andastolookingaskancetoanotherwoman——he’ssafeenoughforthattoo，whileIlive，forheworshipstheverygroundItreadon。’
`Indeed！andareyousureyoudeserveit？’
`Why，astothat，Ican’tsay：youknowwe’reallfalliblecreatures，Helen；wenoneofusdeservetobeworshipped。ButareyousureyourdarlingHuntingdondeservesalltheloveyougivetohim？’
Iknewnotwhattoanswertothis。Iwasburningwithanger；butIsuppressedalloutwardmanifestationsofit，andonlybitmylipandpretendedtoarrangemywork。
`Atanyrate，’resumedshe，pursuingheradvantage，`youcanconsoleyourselfwiththeassurancethatyouareworthyofallthelovehegivestoyou。’
`Youflatterme，’saidI；`butatleast，Icantrytobeworthyofit。’AndthenIturnedtheconversation。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter28CHAPTER28ParentalFeelingsDECEMBER25th——LastChristmasIwasabride，withaheartoverflowingwithpresentbliss，andfullofardenthopesforthefuture——thoughnotunmingledwithforebodingfears。NowIamawife：myblississobered，butnotdestroyed；myhopesdiminished，butnotdeparted；myfearsincreased，butnotyetthoroughlyconfirmed；——and，thankHeaven，Iamamothertoo。
Godhassentmeasoultoeducateforheaven，andgivenmeanewandcalmerbliss，andstrongerhopestocomfortme。Butwherehoperisesfearmustlurkbehind，andwhenIclaspmylittledarlingtomybreast，orhangoverhisslumberswithunutterabledelight，andaworldofhopewithinmyheart，oneoftwothoughtsiseverathandtocheckmyswellingbliss；theone：
`Hemaybetakenfromme’；theother：`Hemaylivetocursehisownexistence。’
inthefirst，Ihavethisconsolation：thatthebud，thoughplucked，wouldnotbewithered，onlytransplantedtoafittersoiltoripenandblowbeneathabrightersun；andthoughImightnotcherishandwatchmychild’sunfoldingintellect，hewouldbesnatchedawayfromallthesufferingandsinsofearth；andmyunderstandingtellsmethiswouldbenogreatevil；
butmyheartshrinksfromthecontemplationofsuchapossibility，andwhispersIcouldnotbeartoseehimdie，andrelinquishtothecoldandcruelgravethischerishedform，nowwarmwithtenderlife，fleshofmyfleshandshrineofthatpuresparkwhichitshouldbemylife’ssweetlabourtokeepunsulliedfromtheworld，——andardentlyimploresthatHeavenwouldsparehimstill，tobemycomfortandmyjoy，andmetobehisshield，instructor，friend——toguidehimalongtheperilouspathofyouth，andtrainhimtobeGod’sservantwhileonearth，ablessedandhonouredsaintinheaven。Butintheothercase，ifheshouldlivetodisappointmyhopes，andfrustrateallmyefforts——tobeaslaveofsin，thevictimofviceandmisery，acursetoothersandhimself——EternalFather，ifThoubeholdestsuchalifebeforehim，tearhimfrommenowinspiteofallmyanguish，andtakehimfrommybosomtothineown，whileheisyetaguileless，unpollutedlamb！
MylittleArthur！thereyoulieinsweet，unconsciousslumber，thetinyepitomeofyourfather，butstainlessyetasthatpuresnow，new-fallenfromheaven——Godshieldtheefromhiserrors！HowwillIwatchandtoiltoguardtheefromthem！Hewakes；histinyarmsarestretchedtowardsme；hiseyesunclose；theymeetmygaze，butwillnotanswerit。Littleangel！youdonotknowme；youcannotthinkofmeorlovemeyet；andyethowferventlymyheartisknittoyours；howgratefulIamforallthejoyyougiveme！Wouldthatyourfathercouldshareitwithme——thathecouldfeelmylove，myhope，andtakeanequalpartinmyresolvesandprojectsforthefuture——nay，ifhecouldbutsympathizeinhalfmyviews，andshareonehalfmyfeelings，itwouldbeindeedablessingtobothhimselfandme：itwouldelevateandpurityhismind，andbindhimclosertohishomeandme。
Perhapshewillfeelawakeninginterestandaffectionforhischildasitgrowsolder。Atpresent，heispleasedwiththeacquisition，andhopesitwillbecomeafineboyandaworthyheir；andthatisnearlyallIcansay。Atfirst，itwasathingtowonderandlaughat，nottotouch：now，itisanobjectalmostofindifference，exceptwhenhisimpatienceisrousedbyits`utterhelplessness’and`imperturbablestupidity’(ashecallsit)，ormytoocloseattentiontoitswants。HefrequentlycomesandsitsbesidemewhileIambusiedwithmymaternalcares。Ihopedatfirstitwasforthepleasureofcontemplatingourpricelesstreasure；
butIsoonfounditwasonlytoenjoymycompany，orescapethepainsofsolitude。Heiskindlywelcomeofcourse，butthebestcomplimenttoamotheristoappreciateherlittleone。Heshockedmeverymuchononeoccasion：itwasaboutafortnightafterthebirthofourson，andhewaswithmeinthenursery。Wehadneitherofusspokenforsometime：Iwaslostinthecontemplationofmynursling，andIthoughthewassimilarlyoccupied——asfar，atleast，asIthoughtabouthimatall。Butsuddenlyhestartledmefrommyreveriebyimpatientlyexclaiming，——
`Helen，Ishallpositivelyhatethatlittlewretch，ifyouworshipitsomadly！Youareabsolutelyinfatuatedaboutit。’
Ilookedupinastonishment，toseeifhecouldbeinearnest。
`Youhavenotathoughttospareforanythingelse，’hecontinued，inthesamestrain：`Imaygoorcome，bepresentorabsent，cheerfulorsad；it’sallthesametoyou。Aslongasyouhavethatuglylittlecreaturetodoteupon，youcarenotafarthingwhatbecomesofme。’
`Itisfalse，Arthur；whenyouentertheroom，italwaysdoublesmyhappiness；whenyouarenearme，thesenseofyourpresencedelightsme，thoughIdon’tlookatyou；andwhenIthinkaboutourchild，Ipleasemyselfwiththeideathatyousharemythoughtsandfeelings，thoughI
don’tspeakthem。’
`HowthedevilcanIwastemythoughtsandfeelingsonalittleworthlessidiotlikethat？’
