`Itisyourownson，Arthur，——or，Ifthatconsiderationhasnoweightwithyou，itismine；andyououghttorespectmyfeelings。’
`Well，don’tbecross；itwasonlyaslipofthetongue，’pleadedhe。`Thelittlefellowiswellenough，onlyIcan’tworshiphimasyoudo。’
`Youshallnursehimforme，asapunishment，’saidI，risingtoputmybabyinitsfather’sarms。
`No，don’t，Helen——don’t！’criedhe，inrealdisquietude。
`Iwill：you’lllovehimbetter，whenyoufeelthelittlecreatureinyourarms。’
Idepositedthepreciousburdeninhishands，andretreatedtotheothersideoftheroom，laughingattheludicrous，half-embarrassedairwithwhichhesat，holdingitatarm’slength，andlookinguponitasifitweresomecuriousbeingofquiteadifferentspeciestohimself。
`Come，takeit，Helen；takeit，’hecried，atlength。`Ishalldropit，Ifyoudon’t。’
Compassionatinghisdistress——orratherthechild’sunsafeposition，Irelievedhimofthecharge。
`Kissit，Arthur；do——you’veneverkissedityet！’saidI，kneelingandpresentingitbeforehim。
`Iwouldratherkissitsmother，’repliedhe，embracIngme。`Therenow；won’tthatdoaswell？’
Iresumedmyseatintheeasychair，andgavemylittleoneashowerofgentlekissestomakeupforitsotherparent’srefusal。
`Theregoes！’criedthejealousfather，`That’smore，inoneminute，lavishedonthatlittlesenseless，thankless，oyster，thanyouhavegivenmethesethreeweekspast。’
`Comeherethen，youinsatiablemonopolist，andyoushallhaveasmanyasyoulike，incorrigibleandundeservingasyouare——Therenow，won’tthatsuffice？Ihaveagoodmindnevertogiveyouanothertillyouhavelearnedtolovemybabyasafathershould。’
`Ilikethelittledevil——’
`Arthur！’
`Well，thelittleangel——wellenough，’andhepincheditsdelicatelittlenosetoprovehisaffection，`onlyIcan’tloveit——whatistheretolove？Itcan’tloveme——oryoueither；itcan’tunderstandasinglewordyousaytoit，orfeelonesparkofgratitudeforallyourkindness。
Waittillitcanshowsomelittleaffectionforme，andthenI’llseeaboutlovingit。Atpresentitisnothingmorethanalittleselfish，senseless，sensualist，andifyouseeanythingadorableinit，it’sallverywell——I
onlywonderhowyoucan。’
`Ifyouwerelessselfishyourself，Arthur，youwouldnotregarditinthatlight。’
`Possiblynot，mylove；butsoitis：there’snohelpforit。’
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter29CHAPTER29TheNeighbourDEC。25th，1823。Anotheryearisgone。MylittleArthurlivesandthrives。
Heishealthybutnotrobust，fullofgentleplayfulnessandvivacity，alreadyaffectionate，andsusceptibleofpassionsandemotionsitwillbelongerehecanfindwordstoexpress。Hehaswonhisfather’sheartatlast；andnowmyconstantterroris，lestheshouldberuinedbythatfather’sthoughtlessindulgence。ButImustbewareofmyownweaknesstoo，forIneverknewtillnowhowstrongareaparent’stemptationstospoilanonlychild。
Ihaveneedofconsolationinmyson，for(tothissilentpaperImayconfessit)Ihavebutlittleinmyhusband。Ilovehimstill；andhelovesme，inhisownway——butoh，howdifferentfromtheloveIcouldhavegiven，andoncehadhopedtoreceive！howlittlerealsympathythereexistsbetweenus；howmanyofmythoughtsandfeelingsaregloomilycloisteredwithinmyownmind；howmuchofmyhigherandbetterselfisindeedunmarried——doomedeithertohardenandsourinthesunlessshadeofsolitude，ortoquitedegenerateandfallawayforlackofnutrimentinthisunwholesomesoil！——But，Irepeat，Ihavenorighttocomplain：onlyletmestatethetruth——someofthetruthatleast，——andsee，hereafter，ifanydarkertruthswillblotthesepages。Wehavenowbeenfulltwoyearsunited——the`romance’ofourattachmentmustbewornaway。SurelyIhavenowgotdowntothelowestgradationinArthur’saffection，anddiscoveredalltheevilsofhisnature：
iftherebeanyfurtherchange，itmustbeforthebetter，aswebecomestillmoreaccustomedtoeachother：surelyweshallfindnolowerdepththanthis。And，Ifso’Icanbearitwell——aswell，atleast，asIhaveborneithitherto。
Arthurisnotwhatiscommonlycalledabadman：hehasmanygoodqualities；butheisamanwithoutself-restraintorloftyaspirations——aloverofpleasure，givenuptoanimalenjoyments：heisnotabadhusband，buthisnotionsofmatrimonialdutiesandcomfortsarenotmynotions。
Judgingfromappearances，hisideaofawifeisathingtoloveonedevotedlyandtostayathome——towaituponherhusband，andamusehimandministertohiscomfortineverypossibleway，whilehechoosestostaywithher；
and，whenheisabsent，toattendtohisinterests，domesticorotherwise，andpatientlywaithisreturn；nomatterhowbemaybeoccupiedinthemeantime。
Earlyinspring，beannouncedhisintentionofgoingtoLondon：
hisaffairstheredemandedhisattendance，hesaid，andhecouldrefuseitnolonger。Heexpressedhisregretathavingtoleaveme，buthopedIwouldamusemyselfwiththebabytillhereturned。
`Butwhyleaveme？’Isaid。`Icangowithyou：Icanbebeadyatanytime。’
`Youwouldnottakethatchildtotown？’
`Yes——whynot？’
Thethingwasabsurd：theairofthetownwouldbecertaintodisagreewithhim，andwithmeasanurse：thelatehoursandLondonhabitswouldnotsuitmeundersuchcircumstances；andaltogetherheassuredmethatitwouldbeexcessivelytroublesome，injurious，andunsafe。IoverruledhisobjectionsaswellasIcould，forItrembledatthethoughtofhisgoingalone，andwouldsacrificealmostanythingformyself，muchevenformychild，topreventit；butatlengthhetoldme，plainly，andsomewhattestily，thathecouldnotdowithme：hewaswornoutwiththebaby’srestlessnights，andmusthavesomerepose。Iproposedseparateapartments；
butitwouldnotdo。
`Thetruthis，Arthur，’Isaid，atlast，`youarewearyofmycompany，anddeterminednottohavemewithyou。Youmightaswellhavesaidsoatonce。’
Hedeniedit；butIimmediatelylefttheroom，andflewtothenurserytohidemyfeelings，ifIcouldnotsooththem，there。
Iwastoomuchhurttoexpressanyfurtherdissatisfactionwithhisplans，oratalltorefertothesubjectagain，exceptforthenecessaryarrangementsconcerninghisdepartureandtheconductofaffairsduringhisabsence，——tillthedaybeforehewent，whenIearnestlyexhortedhimtotakecareofhimselfandkeepoutofthewayoftemptation。Helaughedatmyanxiety，butassuredmetherewasnocauseforit，andpromisedtoattendtomyadvice，`Isupposeitisnouseaskingyoutofixadayforyourreturn？’
saidI。
`Why，no：Ihardlycan，underthecircumstances；butbeassured，love，Ishallnotbelongaway。’
`Idon’twishtokeepyouaprisonerathome，’Ireplied：`Ishouldnotgrumbleatyourstayingwholemonthsaway——ifyoucanbehappysolongwithoutme——providedIknewyouweresafe；butIdon’tliketheideaofyourbeingthere，amongyourfriends，asyoucallthem。’
`Pooh，pooh，yousillygirl！DoyouthinkIcan’ttakecareofmyself？’
`Youdidn’tlasttime——ButTHIStime，Arthur，’Iadded，earnestly，`showmethatyoucan，andteachmethatIneednotfeartotrustyou！’
Hepromisedfair，butinsuchamannerasweseektosootheachild。Anddidhekeephispromise？No；——and，henceforth，Icannevertrusthisword。Bitter，bitterconfession！TearsblindmewhileIwrite。ItwasearlyinMarchthathewent，andhedidnotreturntillJuly。Thistime，hedidnottroublehimselftomakeexcusesasbefore，andhisletterswerelessfrequent，andshorterandlessaffectionate，especiallyafterthefirstfewweeks：theycameslowerandslower，andmoreterseandcarelesseverytime。Butstill，whenIomittedwritinghecomplainedofmyneglect。WhenIwrotesternlyandcoldly，asIconfessIfrequentlydidatthelast，heblamedmyharshness，andsaiditwasenoughtoscarehungfromhishome：whenItriedmildpersuasion，hewasalittlemoregentleinhisreplies，andpromisedtoreturn；butIhadlearned，atlast，todisregardhispromises。
Thosewerefourmiserablemonths，alternatingbetweenintenseanxiety，despair，andindignation；pityforhim，andpityformyself。Andyet，throughall，Iwasnotwhollycomfortless；Ihadmydarling，sinless，inoffensivelittleonetoconsoleme，buteventhisconsolationwasembitteredbytheconstantlyrecurringthought，`HowshallIteachhim，hereafter，torespecthisfather，andyettoavoidhisexample？’
ButIrememberedthatIhadbroughtalltheseafflictions，inamannerwilfully，uponmyself；andIdeterminedtobearthemwithoutamurmur。AtthesametimeIresolvednottogivemyselfuptomiseryforthetransgressionsofanother，andendeavouredtodivertmyselfasmuchasIcould；andbesidesthecompanionshipofmychildandmydear，faithfulRachel，whoevidentlyguessedmysorrowsandfeltforthem，thoughshewastoodiscreettoalludetothem，——Ihadmybooksandpencil，mydomesticaffairs，andthewelfareandcomfortofArthur’spoortenantsandlabourerstoattendto；andIsometimessoughtandobtainedamusementinthecompanyofmyyoungfriendEstherHargrave：occasionally，Irodeovertoseeher，andonceortwiceIhadhertospendthedaywithmeatthemanor。MrsHargravedidnotvisitLondonthatseason：havingnodaughtertomarry，shethoughtitaswelltostayathomeandeconomize；and，forawonder，WaltercamedowntojoinherinthebeginningofJuneandstayedtillnearthecloseofAugust。
ThefirsttimeIsawhimwasonasweet，warmevening，whenI
wassaunteringintheparkwithlittleArthurandRachel，whoishead-nurseandlady’s-maidinone——for，withmysecludedlifeandtolerablyactivehabits，Irequirebutlittleattendance，andasshehadnursedmeandcovetedtonursemychild，andwasmoreoversoverytrustworthy，Ipreferredcommittingtheimportantchargetoher，withayoungnurserymaidunderherdirections，toengaginganyoneelse：——besidesitsavesmoney；andsinceIhavemadeacquaintancewithArthur’saffairs，Ihavelearnedtoregardthatasnotriflingrecommendation；for，bymyowndesire，nearlythewholeoftheincomeofmyfortuneisdevoted，foryearstocome，tothepayingoffofhisdebts，andthemoneyhecontrivestosquanderawayinLondonisincomprehensible——ButtoreturntoMrHargrave：——IwasstandingwithRachelbesidethewater，amusingthelaughingbabyinherarmswithatwigofwillowladenwithgoldencatkins，whengreatlytomysurprise，heenteredthepark，mountedonhiscostlyblackhunter，andcrossedoverthegrasstomeetme。Hesalutedmewithaveryfinecompliment，delicatelyworded，andmodestlydeliveredwithal，whichhehaddoubtlessconcoctedasherodealong。Hetoldmehehadbroughtamessagefromhismother，who，ashewasridingthatway，haddesiredhimtocallatthemanorandbegthepleasureofmycompanytoafriendly，familydinnerto-morrow。
`Thereisnoonetomeetbutourselves，’saidhe；`butEstherisveryanxioustoseeyou；andmymotherfearsyouwillfeelsolitaryinthisgreathousesomuchalone，andwishesshecouldpersuadeyoutogiveherthepleasureofyourcompanymorefrequently，andmakeyourselfathomeinourmorehumbledwelling，tillMrHuntingdon’sreturnshallrenderthisalittlemoreconducivetoyourcomfort。’
`Sheisverykind，’Ianswered，`butIamnotalone，yousee；——andthosewhosetimeisfullyoccupiedseldomcomplainofsolitude。’
`Willyounotcometomorrow，then？Shewillbesadlydisappointedifyourefuse，’
Ididnotrelishbeingthuscompassionatedformyloneliness；
buthowever，Ipromisedtocome。
`Whatasweeteveningthisis！’observedhe，lookingrounduponthesunnypark，withitsimposingswellandslope，itsplacidwater，andmajesticclumpsoftrees。`Andwhataparadiseyoulivein！’
`Itisalovelyevening，’answeredI；andIsighedtothinkhowlittleIhadfeltitsloveliness，andhowlittleofaparadisesweetGrass-dalewastome——howstilllesstothevoluntaryexilefromitsscenes。WhetherMrHargravedivinedmythoughts，Icannottell，but，withahalf-hesitating，sympathizingseriousnessoftoneandmanner，heaskedifIhadlatelyheardfromMrHuntingdon。
