Hethenentirelychangedthesubjectofdiscourse，andexertingallhispowerstoentertainourlittlecircle，conversedondifferenttopicswithmorethanhisusualbrillianceandfluency，addressinghimself，sometimes，exclusivelytome，sometimestothewholetrioofladies。Annabellacheerfullyboreherpartintheconversation；butIwassickatheart，——especiallywhenloudburstsoflaughterandincoherentsongs，pealingthroughthetripledoorsofhallandante-room，startledmyearandpiercedmyachingtemples；——andMilicentpartlysharedmyfeelings；sothat，tous，theeveningappearedaverylongone，inspiteofHargrave’sapparentlygood-naturedexertionstogiveitacontraryeffect。
Atlast，theycame；butnottillafterten，whentea，whichhadbeendelayedformorethanhalfanhour，wasnearlyover。MuchasIhadlongedfortheircoming，myheartfailedmeattheriotousuproaroftheirapproach；andMilicentturnedpaleandalmoststartedfromherseatasMr。Hattersleyburstintotheroomwithaclamorousvolleyofoathsinhismouth，whichHargraveendeavouredtocheckbyentreatinghimtoremembertheladies。
`Ah！youdowelltoremindmeoftheladies，youdastardlydeserter，’
criedhe，shakinghisformidablefistathisbrother-in-law；`ifitwerenotforthem，youwellknow，I’ddemolishyouinthetwinklingofaneye，andgiveyourbodytothefowlsofHeavenandtheliliesofthefield！”
Then，plantingachairbyLadyLowborough’sside，hestationedhimselfinit，andbegantotalktoher，withamixtureofabsurdityandrascallyimpudencethatseemedrathertoamusethantooffendher；thoughsheaffectedtoresenthisinsolence，andtokeephimatbaywithsalliesofsmartandspiritedrepartee。
Meantime，Mr。Grimsbyseatedhimselfbyme，inthechairvacatedbyHargraveastheyentered，andgravelystatedthathewouldthankmeforacupoftea：andArthurplacedhimselfbesidepoorMilicent，confidentiallypushinghisheadintoherface，anddrawinginclosertoherassheshrunkawayfromhim。HewasnotsonoisyasHattersley，buthisfacewasexceedinglyflushed，helaughedincessantly，andwhileIblushedforallIsawandheardofhim，Iwasgladthathechosetotalktohiscompanioninsolowatonethatnoonecouldhearwhathesaidbutherself。Itmusthavebeenintolerablenonsenseatbest，forshelookedexcessivelyannoyed，andfirstwentredintheface，thenindignantlypushedbackherchair，andfinallytookrefugebehindmeonthesofa。Arthur’ssoleintentionseemedtohavebeentoproducesomesuchdisagreeableeffects：helaughedimmoderatelyonfindinghehaddrivenheraway——drawinginhischairtothetable，heleanthisfoldedarmsuponit，anddeliveredhimselfuptoaparoxysmofweak，low，foolishlaughter。WhenhewastiredofthisexerciseheliftedhisheadandcalledaloudtoHattersley，andthereensuedaclamorouscontestbetweenthemaboutIknownotwhat。
`Whatfoolstheyare！’drawledMr。Grimsby，whohadbeentalkingaway，atmyelbow，withsententiousgravityallthetime；butIhadbeentoomuchabsorbedincontemplatingthedeplorablestateoftheothertwo——speciallyArthur——toattendtohim。
`Didyoueverhearsuchnonsenseastheytalk，Mrs。Huntingdon？’
hecontinued。`I’mquiteashamedofthemformypart：theycan’ttakesomuchasabottlebetweenthemwithoutitsgettingintotheirheads——’
`Youarepouringthecreamintoyoursaucer，Mr。Grimsby。’
`Ah！yes，Isee，butwe’realmostindarknesshere。Hargrave，snuffthosecandles，willyou？’
`They’rewax；theydon’trequiresnuffing，’saidI。
`“Thelightofthebodyistheeye。”’observedHargrave，withasarcasticsmile。`“Ifthineeyebesinglethywholebodyshallbefulloflight。”’
Grimsbyrepulsedhimwithasolemnwaveofthehand，andthen，turningtome，continued，withthesamedrawlingtones，andstrangeuncertaintyofutteranceandheavygravityofaspectasbefore，`ButasIwassaying，Mrs。Huntingdon，——theyhavenoheadatall：theycan’ttakehalfabottlewithoutbeingaffectedsomeway；whereasI——well，I’vetakenthreetimesasmuchastheyhaveto-night，andyouseeI’mperfectlysteady。Nowthatmaystrikeyouasverysingular，butIthinkIcanexplainit：——youseetheirbrains——Imentionnonames，butyou’llunderstandtowhomIallude——theirbrainsarelighttobeginwith，andthefumesofthefermentedliquorrenderthemlighterstill，andproduceanentirelight-headedness，orgiddiness，resultinginintoxication；whereasmybrainsbeingcomposedofmoresolidmaterialswillabsorbaconsiderablequantityofthisalcoholicvapourwithouttheproductionofanysensibleresult——’
`Ithinkyouwillfindasensibleresultproducedonthattea，’
interruptedMr。Hargrave，`bythequantityofsugaryouhaveputintoit。
Insteadofyourusualcomplementofonelumpyouhaveputinsix。’
`HaveIso？’repliedthephilosopher，divingwithhisspoonintothecupandbringingupseveralhalf-dissolvedpiecesinconfirmationoftheassertion。`Um！Iperceive。Thus，Madam，youseetheevilofabsenceofmind——ofthinkingtoomuchwhileengagedinthecommonconcernsoflife。
NowifIhadmywitsaboutme，likeordinarymen，insteadofwithinmelikeaphilosopher，Ishouldnothavespoiledthiscupoftea，andbeenconstrainedtotroubleyouforanother——Withyourpermission，I’llturnthisintotheslop-basin。’
`Thatisthesugar-basin，Mr。Grimsby。Nowyouhavespoiledthesugartoo；andI’llthankyoutoringforsomemore——forhereisLordLowborough，atlast；andIhopehislordshipwillcondescendtositdownwithus，suchasweare，andallowmetogivehimsometea。
Hislordshipgravelybowedinanswertomyappeal，butsaidnothing。
Meantime，Hargravevolunteeredtoringforthesugar，whileGrimsbylamentedhismistake，andattemptedtoprovethatitwasowingtotheshadowoftheurnandthebadnessofthelights。
LordLowboroughhadenteredaminuteortwobefore，unobservedbyanyonebutme，andbeenstandingbeforethedoor，grimlysurveyingthecompany。HenowsteppeduptoAnnabella，whosatwithherbacktowardshim，withHattersleystillbesideher，thoughnotnowattendingtoher，beingoccupiedinvociferouslyabusingandbullyinghishost。
`Well，Annabella，’saidherhusband，asheleantoverthebackofherchair，`whichofthesethree“bold，manlyspirits“wouldyouhavemetoresemble？’
`ByHeavenandearth，youshallresembleusall！’criedHattersley，startingupandrudelyseizinghimbythearm。`HalloHuntingdon！’heshouted——
`I’vegothim！Come，man，andhelpme！Andd——nmebodyandsoulifIdon’tmakehimblinddrunkbeforeIlethimgo！HeshallmakeupforallpastdelinquenciesassureasI’malivingsoul！’
Therefollowedadisgracefulcontest；LordLowborough，indesperateearnest，andpalewithanger，silentlystrugglingtoreleasehimselffromthepowerfulmadmanthatwasstrivingtodraghimfromtheroom。IattemptedtourgeArthurtointerfereinbehalfofhisoutragedguest，buthecoulddonothingbutlaugh。
`Huntingdon，youfool，comeandhelpme，can’tyou！’criedHattersley，himselfsomewhatweakenedbyhisexcesses。
`I’mwishingyouGod-speed，Hattersley，’criedArthur，`andaidingyouwithmyprayers：Ican’tdoanythingelseifmylifedependedonit！
I’mquiteusedup。Oh，ho！’andleaningbackinhisseat，heclappedhishandsonhissidesandgroanedaloud。
`Annabella，givemeacandle！’saidLowboroughwhoseantagonisthadnowgothimroundthewaistandwasendeavouringtoroothimfromthedoor-posttowhichhemadlyclungwithalltheenergyofdesperation。
`Ishalltakenopartinyourrudesports！’repliedthelady，coldlydrawingback，`Iwonderyoucanexpectit。’
ButIsnatchedupacandleandbroughtittohim。HetookitandheldtheflametoHattersley’shandstill，roaringlikeawildbeast，thelatterunclaspedthemandlethimgo。Hevanished，Isupposetohisownapartment，fornothingmorewasseenofhimtillthemorning。Swearingandcursinglikeamaniac，Hattersleythrewhimselfontotheottomanbesidethewindow。Thedoorbeingnowfree，Milicentattemptedtomakeherescapefromthesceneofherhusband’sdisgrace；buthecalledherback，andinsisteduponhercomingtohim。
`WhatdoyouwantRalph？’murmuredshe，reluctantlyapproachinghim。
`Iwanttoknowwhat’sthematterwithyou，’saidhe，pullingherontohiskneelikeachild。`WhatareyoucryingforMilicent？——Tellme！’
`I’mnotcrying。’
`Youare，’persistedhe，rudelypullingherhandsfromherface。
`Howdareyoutellsuchalie？’
`I’mnotcryingnow，’pleadedshe。
`Butyouhavebeen——andjustthisminutetoo；andIwillknowwhatfor。Comenow，youshalltellme！’
`DoletmealoneRalph！rememberwearenotathome。’
`Nomatter：youshallanswermyquestion！’exclaimedhertormentor；andheattemptedtoextorttheconfessionbyshakingherandremorselesslycrushingherslightarmsinthegripeofhispowerfulfingers。
`Don’tlethimtreatyoursisterinthatway，’saidItoMr。Hargrave。
`Comenow，Hattersley，Ican’tallowthat，’saidthatgentleman，steppinguptotheill-assortedcouple。`Youletmysisteralone，ifyouplease。’Andhemadeanefforttounclasptheruffian’sfingersfromherarm，butwassuddenlydrivenbackwardandnearlylaiduponthefloorbyaviolentblowinthechestaccompaniedwiththeadmonition，`Takethatforyourinsolence！——andlearnnottointerferebetweenmeandmineagain。’
`Ifyouwerenotbeastlydrunk，I’dhavesatisfactionforthat！’
gaspedHargrave，whiteandbreathlessasmuchfrompassionasfromtheimmediateeffectsoftheblow。
`Gotothedevil！’respondedhisbrother-in-law。`NowMilicent，tellmewhatyouwerecryingfor。’
`I’lltellyousomeothertime，’murmuredshe，`whenwearealone。’
`Tellmenow！’saidhewithanothershakeandasqueezethatmadeherdrawinherbreathandbiteherliptosuppressacryofpain。
`I’lltellyou，Mr。Hattersley，’saidI。`Shewascryingfrompureshameandhumiliationforyou；becauseshecouldnotbeartoseeyouconductyourselfsodisgracefully。’
`Confoundyou，Madam！’mutteredhe，withastareofstupidamazementatmy`impudence。’`Itwasnotthat——wasitMilicent？’
Shewassilent。
`Come，speakupchild！’
`Ican’ttellnow，’sobbedshe。
`Butyoucansay“yes“or“no“aswellas“Ican’ttell——come！’
`Yes，’shewhispered，hangingherheadandblushingattheawfulacknowledgement。
`Curseyouforanimpertinenthuzzythen！’criedhe，throwingherfromhimwithsuchviolencethatshefellonherside；butshewasupagainbeforeeitherIorherbrothercouldcometoherassistance，andmadethebestofherwayoutoftheroomand，Isuppose，upstairs，withoutlossoftime。
ThenextobjectofassaultwasArthur，whosatopposite，andhadnodoubtrichlyenjoyedthewholescene。
`NowHuntingdon，’exclaimedhisirasciblefriend，`IWILLNOT
haveyousittingthereandlaughinglikeanidiot！’
`Oh，Hattersley！’criedhe，wipinghisswimmingeyes——`you’llbethedeathofme。’
`YesIwill，butnotasyousuppose：I’llhavetheheartoutofyourbody，man，ifyouirritatemewithanymoreofthatimbecilelaughter！
What！areyouatityet？——There！seeifthat’llsettleyou！’criedHattersley，snatchingupafootstoolandhurlingitattheheadofhishost；buthemissedhisaimandthelatterstillsatcollapsedandquakingwithfeeblelaughter，withthetearsrunningdownhisface；adeplorablespectacleindeed。Hattersleytriedcursingandswearing，butitwouldnotdo；hethentookanumberofbooksfromthetablebesidehimandthrewthem，onebyone，attheobjectofhiswrath，butArthuronlylaughedthemore；and，finally，Hattersleyrusheduponhiminaphrensy，and，seizinghimbytheshoulders，gavehimaviolentshaking，underwhichhelaughedandshriekedalarmingly。ButIsawnomore：IthoughtIhadwitnessedenoughofmyhusband’sdegradation；and，leavingAnnabellaandtheresttofollowwhentheypleased，Iwithdrew——butnottobed。DismissingRacheltoherrest，Iwalkedupanddownmyroom，inanagonyofmisery，forwhathadbeendone，andsuspense，notknowingwhatmightfurtherhappenorhoworwhenthatunhappycreaturewouldcomeuptobed。
Atlasthecame，slowlyandstumblingly，ascendingthestairs，supportedbyGrimsbyandHattersley，whoneitherofthemwalkedquitesteadilythemselves，butwerebothlaughingandjokingathim，andmakingnoiseenoughforalltheservantstohear。Hehimselfwasnolongerlaughingnow，butsickandstupid——Iwillwritenomoreaboutthat。
