`Nomatter，’Ianswered——`toyou——youhavenolongeranyregardforme，itappears；andIhavenolongeranyforyou。’
`Hal-low！whatthedevilisthis？’hemuttered。
`Iwouldleaveyouto-morrow，’continuedI，`andneveragaincomeunderthisroof，butformychild’——Ipausedamomenttosteadymyvoice。
`Whatinthedevil’snameisthis，Helen？’criedhe。`Whatcanyoubedrivingat？’
`Youknow，perfectlywell。Letuswastenotimeinuselessexplanation，buttellme，willyou——’
Hevehementlysworeheknewnothingaboutit，andinsisteduponhearingwhatpoisonousoldwomanhadbeenblackeninghisname，andwhatinfamousliesIhadbeenfoolenoughtobelieve。
`Spareyourselfthetroubleofforswearingyourselfandrackingyourbrainstostifletruthwithfalsehood，’Icoldlyreplied。`Ihavetrustedtothetestimonyofnothirdperson。Iwasintheshrubberythisevening，andIsawandheardformyself。’
Thiswasenough。Heutteredasuppressedexclamationofconsternationanddismay，andmuttering，`Ishallcatchitnow！’setdownhiscandleonthenearestchair，and，rearinghisbackagainstthewall，stoodconfrontingmewithfoldedarms。
`Well！——whatthen？’saidhe，withthecalminsolenceofmingledshamelessnessanddesperation。
`Onlythis，’returnedI：`willyouletmetakeourchildandwhatremainsofmyfortune，andgo？’
`Gowhere？’
`Anywhere，wherehewillbesafefromyourcontaminatinginfluence，andIshallbedeliveredfromyourpresence——andyoufrommine。’
`No——byJoveIwon’t！’
`Willyouletmehavethechildthen，withoutthemoney？’
`Noryourselfwithoutthechild。DoyouthinkI’mgoingtobemadethetalkofthecountry，foryourfastidiouscaprices？’
`ThenImuststayhere；tobehatedanddespised——Buthenceforth，wearehusbandandwifeonlyinthename。’
`Verygood。’
`Iamyourchild’smother，andyourhousekeeper——nothingmore。Soyouneednottroubleyourselfanylonger，tofeigntheloveyoucannotfeel：Iwillexactnomoreheartlesscaressesfromyou——noroffer——norendurethemeither——Iwillnotbemockedwiththeemptyhuskofconjugalendearments，whenyouhavegiventhesubstancetoanother！’
`Verygood——ifyouplease。Weshallseewhowilltirefirst，mylady。’
`IfItire，itwillbeoflivingintheworldwithyou；notoflivingwithoutyourmockeryoflove。Whenyoutireofyoursinfulways，andshowyourselftrulyrepentant，Iwillforgiveyou——and，perhaps，trytoloveyouagain，thoughthatwillbehardindeed。’
`Humph！——andmeantime，youwillgoandtalkmeovertoMrs。Hargrave，andwritelongletterstoauntMaxwelltocomplainofthewickedwretchyouhavemarried？’
`Ishallcomplaintonoone。Hitherto，Ihavestruggledhardtohideyourvicesfromeveryeye，andinvestyouwithvirtuesyouneverpossessed——butnowyoumustlooktoyourself。’
Ilefthim——mutteringbadlanguagetohimself，andwentupstairs。
`YouarepoorlyMa’am，’saidRachel，surveyingmewithdeepanxiety。
`Itistootrue，Rachel！’saidI，answeringhersadlooksratherthanherwords。
`Iknewit——orIwouldn’thavementionedsuchathing。’
`Butdon’tyoutroubleyourselfaboutit，’saidI，kissingherpale，time-wastedcheek——`Icanbearit——betterthanyouimagine。’
`Yes，youwerealwaysfor“bearing。“——ButifIwasyouIwouldn’tbearit——I’dgivewaytoit，andcryrighthard！——andI’dtalktoo，Ijustwould——I’dlethimknowwhatitwasto——
`Ihavetalked，’saidI：`I’vesaidenough。’
`ThenI’dcry，’persistedshe。`Iwouldn’tlooksowhiteandsocalm，andburstmyheartwithkeepingitin！’
`Ihavecried，’saidI，smilinginspiteofmymisery；
`andIamcalmnow，really，sodon’tdiscomposemeagain，nurse：
letussaynomoreaboutit——anddon’t，mentionittotheservants——There，youmaygonow。Goodnight；——anddon’tdisturbyourrestforme：Ishallsleepwell——ifIcan。’
Notwithstandingthisresolution，Ifoundmybedsointolerablethat，beforetwoo’clock，Irose，and，lightingmycandlebytherushlightthatwasstillburning，Igotmydeskandsatdowninmydressing-gowntorecounttheeventsofthepastevening。Itwasbettertobesooccupiedthantobelyinginbedtorturingmybrainwithrecollectionsofthefarpastandanticipationsofthedreadfulfuture。Ihavefoundreliefindescribingtheverycircumstancesthathavedestroyedmypeace，aswellasthelittletrivialdetailsattendantupontheirdiscovery。NosleepIcouldhavegotthisnightwouldhavedonesomuchtowardscomposingmymind，andpreparingmetomeetthetrialsoftheday——Ifancyso，atleast——andyet，whenI
ceasewriting，Ifindmyheadachesterribly；andwhenIlookintotheglassIamstartledatmyhaggard，wornappearance。
Rachelhasbeentodressme，andsaysIhavehadasadnightofitshecansee。MilicenthasjustlookedintoaskmehowIwas。ItoldherIwasbetter，buttoexcusemyappearanceadmittedIhadhadarestlessnight——Iwishthisdaywereover！Ishudderatthethoughtsofgoingdowntobreakfast——howshallIencounterthemall？——YetletmerememberitisnotIthatamguilty：Ihavenocausetofear；andiftheyscornmeasthevictimoftheirguilt，Icanpitytheirfollyanddespisetheirscorn。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter34CHAPTERXXXIVCONCEALMENTEvening。Breakfastpassedwellover，Iwascalmandcoolthroughout。I
answeredcomposedlyallenquiriesrespectingmyhealth；andwhateverwasunusualinmylookormanner，wasgenerallyattributedtothetriflingindispositionthathadoccasionedmyearlyretirementlastnight。ButhowamItogetoverthetenortwelvedaysthatmustyetelapsebeforetheygo？Yetwhysolongfortheirdeparture？WhentheyaregonehowshallI
getthroughthemonthsoryearsofmyfuturelife，incompanywiththatmanlygreatestenemy——fornonecouldinjuremeashehasdone？Oh！whenIthinkhowfondly，howfoolishlyIhavelovedhim，howmadlyIhavetrustedhim，howconstantlyIhavelaboured，andstudied，andprayed，andstruggledforhisadvantage；andhowcruellyhehastrampledonmylove，betrayedmytrust，scornedmyprayersandtears，andeffortsforhispreservation——rushedmyhopes，destroyedmyyouth’sbestfeelings，anddoomedmetoalifeofhopelessmisery——asfarasmancandoit——itisnotenoughtosaythatInolongerlovemyhusband——IHATEhim！Thewordstaresmeinthefacelikeaguiltyconfession，butitistrue：Ihatehim——Ihatehim！——ButGodhavemercyonhismiserablesoul！——andmakehimseeandfeelhisguilt——I
asknoothervengeance！Ifhecouldbutfullyknowandtrulyfeelmywrongs，Ishouldbewellavenged；andIcouldfreelypardonall；butheissolost，sohardenedinhisheartlessdepravitythat，inthislife，Ibelieveheneverwill。Butitisuselessdwellingonthistheme：letmeseekoncemoretodissipatereflectionintheminordetailsofpassingevents。
Mr。Hargravehasannoyedmealldaylongwithhisserious，sympathizing，and(ashethinks)unobtrusivepoliteness——ifitweremoreobtrusiveitwouldtroublemeless，forthenIcouldsnubhim；but，asitis，hecontrivestoappearsoreallykindandthoughtfulthatIcannotdosowithoutrudenessandseemingingratitude。IsometimesthinkIoughttogivehimcreditforthegoodfeelinghesimulatessowell；andthenagain，IthinkitismydutytosuspecthimunderthepeculiarcircumstancesinwhichIamplaced。
Hiskindnessmaynotallbefeigned，butstill，letnotthepurestimpulseofgratitudetohim，inducemetoforgetmyself，letmerememberthegameofchess，theexpressionsheusedontheoccasion，andthoseindescribablelooksofhis，thatsojustlyrousedmyindignation，andIthinkIshallbesafeenough。Ihavedonewelltorecordthemsominutely。
Ithinkhewishestofindanopportunityofspeakingtomealone：
hehasseemedtobeonthewatchallday，butIhavetakencaretodisappointhim；notthatIfearanythinghecouldsay，butIhavetroubleenoughwithouttheadditionofhisinsultingconsolations，condolences，orwhateverelsehemightattempt；and，forMilicent’ssake，Idonotwishtoquarrelwithhim。Heexcusedhimselffromgoingouttoshootwiththeothergentlemeninthemorning，underthepretextofhavingletterstowrite；andinsteadofretiringforthatpurposeintothelibrary，hesentforhisdeskintothemorning-roomwhereIwasseatedwithMilicentandLadyLowborough。
Theyhadbetakenthemselvestotheirwork；I，lesstodivertmymindthantodeprecateconversation，hadprovidedmyselfwithabook。MilicentsawthatIwishedtobequiet，andaccordinglyletmealone。Annabella，doubtless，sawittoo；butthatwasnoreasonwhysheshouldrestrainhertongue，orcurbhercheerfulspirits：sheaccordinglychattedaway，addressingherselfalmostexclusivelytome，andwiththeutmostassuranceandfamiliarity，growingthemoreanimatedandfriendly，thecolderandbriefermyanswersbecame。Mr。HargravesawthatIcouldillendureit；and，lookingupfromhisdesk，heansweredherquestionsandobservationsforme，asfarashecould，andattemptedtotransferhersocialattentionsfrommetohimself；
butitwouldnotdo。Perhaps，shethoughtIhadaheadacheandcouldnotbeartotalk——atanyrate，shesawthatherloquaciousvivacityannoyedmeasIcouldtellbythemaliciouspertinacitywithwhichshepersisted。
ButIcheckedit，effectually，byputtingintoherhandthebookIhadbeentryingtoread，ontheflyleafofwhichIhadhastilyscribbled，——
`Iamtoowellacquaintedwithyourcharacterandconducttofeelanyrealfriendshipforyou，and，asIamwithoutyourtalentfordissimulation，Icannotassumetheappearanceofit。Imust，therefore，begthathereafter，allfamiliarintercoursemayceasebetweenus；andifIstillcontinuetotreatyouwithcivility，asifyouwereawomanworthyofconsiderationandrespect，understandthatitisoutofregardforyourcousinMilicent’sfeelings，notforyours。’
Uponperusingthis，sheturnedscarletandbitherlip。Covertlytearingawaytheleaf，shecrumpleditupandputitinthefire，andthenemployedherselfinturningoverthepagesofthebookand，reallyorapparently，perusingitscontents。InalittlewhileMilicentannounceditherintentiontorepairtothenursery，andaskedifIwouldaccompanyher。
`Annabellawillexcuseus，’saidshe，`she’sbusyreading。’
`No，Iwon’t，’criedAnnabella，suddenlylooking-upandthrowingherbookonthetable。`IwanttospeaktoHelenaminute。YoumaygoMilicent，andshe’llfollowinawhile。’(Milicentwent。)`Willyouobligeme，Helen？’
continuedshe。
Herimpudenceastoundedme；butIcomplied，andfollowedherintothelibrary。Sheclosedthedoor，andwalkeduptothefire。
`Whofoldyouthis？’saidshe。
`Noone：Iamnotincapableofseeingformyself。’
`Ah，youaresuspicious！’criedshe，smilingwitha’gleamofhop——hitherto，therehadbeenakindofdesperationinherhardihood；
nowshewasevidentlyrelieved。
`ifIweresuspicious，’Ireplied，`Ishouldhavediscoveredyourinfamylongbefore。No，LadyLowborough，Idonotfoundmychargeuponsuspicion。’
`Onwhatdoyoufounditthen？’saidshe，throwingherselfintoanarm-chair，andstretchingoutherfeettothefender，withanobviousefforttoappearcomposed。
`Ienjoyamoonlightrambleaswellasyou，’Ianswered，steadilyfixingmyeyesuponher：`andtheshrubberyhappenstobeoneofmyfavouriteresorts。
Shecolouredagain，excessively，andremainedsilent，pressingherfingeragainstherteeth，andgazingintothefire。Iwatchedherafewmomentswithafeelingofmalevolentgratification；then，movingtowardsthedoor，Icalmlyaskedifshehadanythingmoretosay。
`Yes，yes！’criedsheeagerly，startingupfromherrecliningposture。`IwanttoknowifyouwilltellLordLowborough？’
`SupposeIdo？’
`Well，ifyouaredisposedtopublishthematter，Icannotdissuadeyou，ofcourse——buttherewillbeterribleworkifyoudo——andifyoudon’t，Ishallthinkyouthemostgenerousofmortalbeings——andifthereisanythingintheworldIcandoforyou——anythingshortof——’shehesitated。
`Shortofrenouncingyourguiltyconnectionwithmyhusband，I
supposeyoumean，saidI。
Shepaused，inevidentdisconcertionandperplexity，mingledwithangershedarednotshow。
