`Icannotrenouncewhatisdearerthanlife，’shemutteredinalow，hurriedtone。Then，suddenlyraisingherheadandfixinghergleamingeyesuponme，shecontinuedearnestly，`ButHelen——orMrs。Huntingdon，orwhateveryouwouldhavemecallyou——willyoutellhim？Ifyouaregenerous，hereisafittingopportunityfortheexerciseofyourmagnanimity：ifyouareproud，hereamI——yourrival——readytoacknowledgemyselfyourdebtorforanactofthemostnobleforbearance。’
`Ishallnottellhim。’
`Youwillnot！’criedshedelightedly。`Acceptmysincerethanks，then！’
Shesprangup，andofferedmeherhand。Idrewback。
`Givemenothanks；itisnotforyoursakethatIrefrain。Neitherisitanactofanyforbearance：Ihavenowishtopublishyourshame。
Ishouldbesorrytodistressyourhusbandwiththeknowledgeofit。’
`AndMilicent？willyoutellher？’
`No，onthecontraryIshalldomyutmosttoconcealitfromher。
Iwouldnotformuchthatsheshouldknowtheinfamyanddisgraceofherrelation！’
`Youusehardwords，Mrs。Huntingdon——butIcanpardonyou。’
`AndnowLadyLowborough，’continuedI，`letmecounselyoutoleavethishouseassoonaspossible。Youmustbeawarethatyourcontinuancehereisexcessivelydisagreeabletome——notforMr。Huntingdon’ssake，’
saidI，observingthedawnofamalicioussmileoftriumphonherface——’youarewelcometohim，ifyoulikehim，asfarasIamconcerned——butbecauseitispainfultobealwaysdisguisingmytruesentimentsrespectingyou，andstrainingtokeepupanappearanceofcivilityandrespecttowardsoneforwhomIhavenotthemostdistantshadowofesteem；andbecause，ifyoustay，yourconductcannotpossiblyremainconcealedmuchlongerfromtheonlytwopersonsinthehousewhodonotknowitalready。And，foryourhusband’ssake，Annabella，andevenforyourown，Iwish——Iearnestlyadviseandentreatyoutobreakoffthisunlawfulconnectionatonce，andreturntoyourdutywhileyoumay，beforethedreadfulconsequences——’
`Yes，yes，ofcourse，’saidshe，interruptingmewithagestureofimpatience——’ButIcannotgo，Helen，beforethetimeappointedforourdeparture。WhatpossiblepretextcouldIframeforsuchathing？WhetherIproposedgoingbackalone——whichLowboroughwouldnothearof——ortakinghimwithme，theverycircumstanceitself，wouldbecertaintoexcitesuspicion——
andwhenourvisitissonearlyatanendtoo-littlemorethanaweek——surely，youcanenduremypresencesolong！Iwillnotannoyyouwithanymoreofmyfriendlyimpertinences。’
`Well！Ihavenothingmoretosaytoyou。’
`HaveyoumentionedthisaffairtoHuntingdon？’askedshe，asIwasleavingtheroom。
`Howdareyoumentionhisnametome！’wastheonlyanswerIgave。
Nowordshavepassedbetweenussince，butsuchasoutwarddecencyorpurenecessitydemanded。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter35CHAPTERXXXVPROVOCATIONSNineteenth——InproportionasLadyLowboroughfindsshehasnothingtofearfromme，andasthetimeofdeparturedrawsnigh，themoreaudaciousandinsolentshebecomes。Shedoesnotscrupletospeaktomyhusbandwithaffectionatefamiliarityinmypresence，whennooneelseisby，andisparticularlyfondofdisplayingherinterestinhishealthandwelfare，orinanythingthatconcernshim，asifforthepurposeofcontrastingherkindsolicitudewithmycoldindifference。Andherewardsherbysuchsmilesandglances，suchwhisperedwords，orboldlyspokeninsinuations，indicativeofhissenseofhergoodnessandmyneglect，asmakesthebloodrushintomyface，inspiteofmyself——forIwouldbeutterlyregardlessofitalldeafandblindtoeverythingthatpassesbetweenthem，sincethemoreIshowmyselfsensibleoftheirwickedness，themoreshetriumphsinhervictory，andthemoreheflattershimselfthatIlovehimdevotedlystill，inspiteofmypretendedindifference。OnsuchoccasionsIhavesometimesbeenstartledbyasubtle，fiendishsuggestionincitingmetoshowhimthecontrarybyaseemingencouragementofHargrave’sadvances；
butsuchideasarebanishedinamomentwithhorrorandself-abasement；
andthenIhatehimtenfoldmorethanever，forhavingbroughtmetothis！——Godpardonmeforit——andallmysinfulthoughts！Insteadofbeinghumbledandpurifiedbymyafflictions，Ifeelthattheyareturningmynatureintogall。Thismustbemyfaultasmuchastheirsthatwrongme。NotrueChristiancouldcherishsuchbitterfeelingsasIdoagainsthimandher——especiallythelatter：him，IstillfeelthatIcouldpardon——freely，gladly——ontheslightesttokenofrepentance；butshe——wordscannotuttermyabhorrence。
Reasonforbids，butpassionurgesstrongly；andImustprayandstrugglelongereIsubdueit。
Itiswellthatsheisleavingto-morrow，forIcouldnotwellendureherpresenceforanotherday。Thismorning，sheroseearlierthanusual。Ifoundherintheroomalone，whenIwentdowntobreakfast。
`OhHelen！isityou？’saidshe，turningasIentered。
Igaveaninvoluntarystartbackonseeingher，atwhichsheutteredashortlaugh，observing，——
`Ithinkwearebothdisappointed。’
Icameforwardandbusiedmyselfwiththebreakfast-things。
`ThisisthelastdayIshallburdenyourhospitality，’saidshe，assheseatedherselfatthetable。`Ah，herecomesonethatwillnotrejoiceatit！’shemurmured，halftoherself，asArthurenteredtheroom。
Heshookhandswithherandwishedhergoodmorning：then，lookinglovinglyinherface，andstillretainingherhandinhis，murmuredpathetically，——
`Thelast——lastday！’
`Yes，’saidshewithsomeasperity；`andIroseearlytomakethebestofit——Ihavebeenherealonethishalfhour，andyou，youlazycreature’
`Well，IthoughtIwasearlytoo，’saidhe——`but，’droppinghisvoicealmosttoawhisper，`youseewearenotalone。’
`Weneverare，’returnedshe。Buttheywerealmostasgoodasalone，forIwasnowstandingatthewindow，watchingtheclouds，andstrugglingtosuppressmywrath。
Somemorewordspassedbetweenthem，which，happily，Ididnotoverhear；butAnnabellahadtheaudacitytocomeandplaceherselfbesideme，andeventoputherhanduponmyshoulderandsaysoftly，——
`Youneednotgrudgehimtome，Helen，forIlovehimmorethaneveryoucoulddo。’
Thisputmebesidemyself。Itookherhandandviolentlydasheditfromme，withanexpressionofabhorrenceandindignationthatcouldnotbesuppressed。Startled，almostappalled，bythissuddenoutbreak，sherecoiledinsilence。Iwouldhavegivenwaytomyfuryandsaidmore，butArthur’slowlaughrecalledmetomyself。Icheckedthehalf-utteredinvective，andscornfullyturnedaway，regrettingthatIhadgivenhimsomuchamusement。HewasstilllaughingwhenMr。Hargravemadehisappearance。
HowmuchofthescenehehadwitnessedIdonotknow，forthedoorwasajarwhenheentered。Hegreetedhishostandhiscousinbothcoldly，andmewithaglanceintendedtoexpressthedeepestsympathymingledwithhighadmirationandesteem。
`Howmuchallegiancedoyouowetothatman？’heaskedbelowhisbreath，ashestoodbesidemeatthewindow，affectingtobemakingobservationsontheweather。
`None，’Ianswered。Andimmediatelyreturningtothetable，I
employedmyselfinmakingthetea。Hefollowed，andwouldhaveenteredintosomekindofconversationwithme，buttheotherguestswerenowbeginningtoassembleandItooknomorenoticeofhim，excepttogivehimhiscoffee。
Afterbreakfast，determinedtopassaslittleofthedayaspossibleincompanywithLadyLowborough，Iquietlystoleawayfromthecompanyandretiredtothelibrary。Mr。Hargravefollowedmethither，underpretenceofcomingforabook；andfirst，turningtotheshelves，heselectedavolume；andthen，quietly，butbynomeanstimidly，approachingme，hestoodbesideme，restinghishandonthebackofmychair，andsaidsoftly，——
`Andsoyouconsideryourselffree，atlast？’
`Yes，’saidI，withoutmoving，orraisingmyeyesfrommybook，`freetodoanythingbutoffendGodandmyconscience。’
Therewasamomentarypause。
`Veryright，’saidhe；`providedyourconsciencebenottoomorbidlytender，andyourideasofGodnottooerroneouslysevere；butcanyousupposeitwouldoffendthatbenevolentBeingtomakethehappinessofonewhowoulddieforyours？——toraiseadevotedheartfrompurgatorialtormentstoastateofheavenlyblisswhenyoucoulddoitwithouttheslightestinjurytoyourselforanyother？’
Thiswasspokeninalow，earnest，meltingtoneashebentoverme。Inowraisedmyhead；and，steadilyconfrontinghisgaze，Iansweredcalmly，——
`Mr。Hargrave，doyoumeantoinsultme？’
Hewasnotpreparedforthis。Hepausedamomenttorecovertheshock；’then，drawinghimselfupandremovinghishandfrommychair，heanswered，withproudsadness，——
`Thatwasnotmyintention。’
Ijustglancedtowardsthedoor，withaslightmovementofthehead，andthenreturnedtomybook。Heimmediatelywithdrew。ThiswasbetterthanifIhadansweredwithmorewords，andinthepassionatespirittowhichmyfirstimpulsewouldhaveprompted。Whatagoodthingitistobeabletocommandone’stemper！Imustlabourtocultivatethisinestimablequality：God，only，knowshowoftenIshallneeditinthisrough，darkroadthatliesbeforeme。
Inthecourseofthemorning，IdroveovertotheGrovewiththetwoladies，togiveMilicentanopportunityforbiddingfarewelltohermotherandsister。Theypersuadedhertostaywiththemtherestoftheday，Mrs。Hargravepromisingtobringherbackintheeveningandremaintillthepartybrokeuponthemorrow。Consequently，LadyLowboroughandIhadthepleasureofreturningtê；te-a-tê；teinthecarriagetogether。Forthefirstmileortwo，wekeptsilence，Ilookingoutofmywindow，andsheleaningbackinhercorner。ButIwasnotgoingtorestrictmyselftoanyparticularpositionforher：whenIwastiredofleaningforward，withthecold，rawwindinmyface；andsurveyingtherussethedges，andthedamp，tangledgrassoftheirbanks，Igaveitup，andleantbacktoo。Withherusualimpudence，mycompanionthenmadesomeattemptstogetupaconversation；butthemonosyllables`yes，’or`no，’or`humph，’
weretheutmostherseveralremarkscouldelicitfromme。Atlast，onheraskingmyopinionuponsomeimmaterialpointofdiscussion，Ianswered，——
`Whydoyouwishtotalktome，LadyLowborough？——youmustknowwhatIthinkofyou。’
`Well，ifyouwillbesobitteragainstme，’repliedshe，`Ican’thelpit；——butI’mnotgoingtosulkforanybody。’
Ourshortdrivewasnowatanend。Assoonasthecarriagedoorwasopened，shesprangout，andwentdowntheparktomeetthegentlemen，whowerejustreturningfromthewoods。OfcourseIdidnotfollow。
ButIhadnotdonewithherimpudenceyet：——afterdinner，Iretiredtothedrawing-room，asusual，andsheaccompaniedme，butIhadthetwochildrenwithme，andIgavethemmywholeattention，anddeterminedtokeepthemtillthegentlemencame，ortillMilicentarrivedwithhermother。
LittleHelen，however，wassoontiredofplaying，andinsistedupongoingtosleep；andwhileIsatonthesofawithheronmyknee，andArthurseatedbesideme，gentlyplayingwithhersoft，flaxenhair，——LadyLowboroughcomposedlycameandplacedherselfontheotherside。
`To-morrow，Mrs。Huntingdon，’saidshe，`youwillbedeliveredfrommypresence，which，nodoubt，youwillbeverygladoftisnaturalyoushould；——butdoyouknowIhaverenderedyouagreatservice？——ShallItellyouwhatitis？’
`Ishallbegladtohearofanyserviceyouhaverenderedme，’
saidI，determinedtobecalm，forIknewbythetoneofhervoiceshewantedtoprovokeme。
`Well，’resumedshe，`haveyounotobservedthissalutarychangeinMr。Huntingdon？Don’tyouseewhatasober，temperatemanheisbecome？
Yousawwithregretthesadhabitshewascontracting，Iknow；andIknowyoudidyourutmosttodeliverhimfromthem，——butwithoutsuccess，untilIcametoyourassistance。Itoldhim，infewwords，thatIcouldnotbeartoseehimdegradehimselfso，andthatIshouldceasetoomatterwhatItoldhim，——butyouseethereformationIhavewrought；andyououghttothankmeforit。’
Irose，andrangforthenurse。
`ButIdesirenothanks，’shecontinued，`allthereturnIaskis，thatyouwilltakecareofhimwhenIamgone，andnot，byharshnessandneglect，drivehimbacktohisoldcourses。’
