第51章

类别:其他 作者:Anne Bronte字数:5832更新时间:18/12/22 09:13:11
`What,goingalready,Lowborough?’saidhe。`Well,goodmorning。’ Hesmilinglyofferedhishand。 Ithinktheotherwouldhaveknockedhimdown,hadhenotinstinctivelystartedbackbeforethatbonyfistquiveringwithrageandclenchedtilltheknucklesgleamedwhiteandglisteningthroughtheskin。Lookinguponhimwithacountenancelividwithfurioushate,LordLowboroughmutteredbetweenhisclosedteeth,adeadlyexecrationhewouldnothaveutteredhadhebeencalmenoughtochoosehiswords,anddeparted。 `Icallthatanunchristianspiritnow,’saidthevillain。`ButI’dnevergiveupanoldfriendforthesakeofawife。Youmayhavemineifyoulike,andIcallthathandsome——Icandonomorethanofferrestitution,canI?’ ButLowboroughhadgainedthebottomofthestairs,andwasnowcrossingthehall;andMr。Huntingdon,leaningoverthebanisters,calledout,——`GivemylovetoAnnabella!——andIwishyoubothahappyjourney,’ andwithdrewlaughingtohischamber。 Hesubsequentlyexpressedhimselfrathergladshewasgone:`Shewassodeucedimperiousandexacting,’saidhe:`nowIshallbemyownmanagain,andfeelrathermoreatmyease。’ IknownothingmoreofLordLowborough’ssubsequentproceedingsbutwhatIhaveheardfromMilicent,who,thoughsheisignorantofthecauseofhisseparationfromhercousin,hasinformedmethatsuchisthecase;thattheykeepentirelyseparateestablishments;thatsheleadsagay,dashinglifeintownandcountry,whilehelivesinstrictseclusionathisoldcastleinthenorth。Therearetwochildren,bothofwhomhekeepsunderhisownprotection。ThesonandheirisapromisingchildnearlytheageofmyArthur,andnodoubtasourceofsomehopeandcomforttohisfather;buttheother,alittlegirlbetweenoneandtwo,withblueeyesandlightauburnhair,heprobablykeepsfromconscientiousmotivesalone,thinkingitwrongtoabandonhertotheteachingandexampleofsuchawomanashermother。Thatmotherneverlovedchildren,andhassolittlenaturalaffectionforherownthatIquestionwhethershewillnotregarditasarelieftobethusentirelyseparatedfromthem,anddeliveredfromthetroubleandresponsibilityoftheircharge。 NotmanydaysafterthedepartureofLordandLadyLowborough,therestoftheladieswithdrewthelightoftheirpresencefromGrassdale。 Perhapstheymighthavestayedlonger,butneitherhostnorhostesspressedthemtoprolongtheirvisit——infact,theformershowedtooplainlythatheshouldbegladtogetridofthem;——andMrs。Hargraveretiredwithherdaughtersandhergrand-children(therearethreeofthemnow)totheGrove。 Butthegentlemenremained:Mr。Huntingdon,asIintimatedbefore,wasdeterminedtokeepthemaslongashecould;and,beingthusdeliveredfromrestraint,theygavealoosetoalltheirinnatemadness,folly,andbrutality,andmadethehousenightafternightonesceneofriot,uproar,andconfusion。Whoamongthembehavedtheworst,orwhothebest,Icannotdistinctlysay;for,fromthemomentIdiscoveredhowthingswouldbe,IformedtheresolutionofretreatingupstairsorlockingmyselfintothelibrarytheinstantIwithdrewfromthedining-room,andnotcomingnearthemagaintillbreakfast;——butthisImustsayforMr。Hargrave,thatfromallIcouldseeofhim,hewasamodelofdecency,sobriety,andgentlemanlymannersincomparisonwiththerest。 Hedidnotjointhepartytillaweekortendaysafterthearrivaloftheotherguests;forhewasstillonthecontinentwhentheycame,andIcherishedthehopethathewouldnotaccepttheinvitation。Acceptithedid,however,buthisconducttowardsme,forthefirstfewweeks,wasexactlywhatIshouldhavewishedittobe——perfectlycivilandrespectfulwithoutanyaffectationofdespondencyordejection,andsufficientlydistantwithouthaughtiness,oranyofsuchremarkablestiffnessoricinessordemeanourasmightbecalculatedtodisturborpuzzlehissister,orcallforththeinvestigationofhismother。 TheTenantofWildfellHall:Chapter39CHAPTERXXXIXASCHEMEOFESCAPEMygreatestsourceofuneasiness,inthistimeoftrial,wasmyson,whomhisfatherandhisfather’sfriendsdelightedtoencourageinalltheembryovicesalittlechildcanshow,andtoinstructinalltheevilhabitshecouldacquireinaword,to`makeamanofhim’wasoneoftheirstapleamusements;andIneedsaynomoretojustifymyalarmonhisaccount,andmydeterminationtodeliverhimatanyhazardfromthehandsofsuchinstructors。Ifirstattemptedtokeephimalwayswithmeorinthenursery,andgaveRachelparticularinjunctionsnevertolethimcomedowntodessertaslongasthese`gentlemen’stayed;butitwasnouse;theseorderswereimmediatelycountermandedandover-ruledbyhisfather:hewasnotgoingtohavethelittlefellowmopedtodeathbetweenanoldnurseandacursedfoolofamother。Sothelittlefellowcamedowneveryevening,inspiteofhiscrossmamma,andlearnttotipplewinelikepapa,toswearlikeMr。Hattersley,andtohavehisownwaylikeaman,andsentmammatothedevilwhenshetriedtopreventhim。Toseesuchthingsdonewiththeroguishnaiveteofthatprettylittlechildandhearsuchthingsspokenbythatsmallinfantilevoice,wasaspeculiarlypiquantandirresistiblydrolltothemasitwasinexpressiblydistressingandpainfultome;andwhenhehadsetthetableinaroar,’hewouldlookrounddelightedlyuponthemall,andaddhisshrilllaughtotheirs。Butifthatbeamingblueeyerestedonme,itslightwouldvanishforamoment,andhewouldsay,insomeconcern,——`Mamma,whydon’tyoulaugh?Makeherlaugh,papa——sheneverwill。’ Hence,wasIobligedtostayamongthesehumanbrutes,watchinganopportunitytogetmychildawayfromthem,insteadofleavingthemimmediatelyaftertheremovalofthecloth,asIshouldalwaysotherwisehavedone。Hewasneverwillingtogo,andIfrequentlyhadtocarryhimawaybyforce;forwhichhethoughtmeverycruelandunjust;andsometimeshisfatherwouldinsistuponmylettinghimremain;——andthen,336Iwouldleavehimtohiskindfriends,andretiretoindulgemybitternessanddespairaloneortorackmybrainsforaremedytothisgreatevil。 Buthereagain,ImustdoMr。HargravethejusticetoacknowledgethatIneversawhimlaughatthechild’smisdemeanours,norheardhimutterawordofencouragementtohisaspirationsaftermanlyaccomplishments。 Butwhenanythingveryextraordinarywassaidordonebytheinfantprofligate,Inoticed,attimes,apeculiarexpressioninhisface,thatIcouldneitherinterpretnordefinedslighttwitchingaboutthemusclesofthemouthssuddenflashintheeye,ashedartedasuddenglanceatthechildandthenatme;andthen,Icouldfancytherearoseagleamofhard,keen,sombresatisfactioninhiscountenanceatthelookofimpotentwrathandanguishhewastoocertaintobeholdinmine。Butononeoccasion,whenArthurhadbeenbehavingparticularlyill,andMr。Huntingdonandhisguestshadbeenparticularlyprovokingandinsultingtomeintheirencouragementofhim,andIparticularlyanxioustogethimoutoftheroom,andontheverypointofdemeaningmyselfbyaburstofuncontrollablepassion——Mr。 Hargravesuddenlyrosefromhisseat,withanaspectofsterndetermination,liftedthechildfromhisfather’sknee,wherehewassittinghalftipsy,cockinghisheadandlaughingatme,andexecratingmewithwordshelittleknewthemeaningof,——handedhimoutoftheroom,andsettinghimdowninthehall,heldthedooropenforme,gravelybowedasIwithdrew,andcloseditafterme。Iheardhighwordsexchangedbetweenhimandhisalreadyhalf-inebriatedhostasIdeparted,leadingawaymybewilderedanddisconcertedboy,Butthisshouldnotcontinue;mychildmustnotbeabandonedtothiscorruption:betterfarthatheshouldliveinpovertyandobscuritywithafugitivemother,thaninluxuryandaffluencewithsuchafather。 Theseguestsmightnotbewithuslong,buttheywouldreturnagain;andhe,themostinjuriousofthewhole,hischild’sworstenemy,wouldstillremain。Icouldendureitformyself,butformysonitmustbebornenolonger:theworld’sopinionandthefeelingsofmyfriendsmustbealikeunheededhere,atleast,alikeunabletodetermefrommyduty。ButwhereshouldIfindanasylum,andhowobtain337subsistenceforusboth?Oh,Iwouldtakemypreciouschargeatearlydawn,takethecoachtoM——,fleetotheportofcrosstheAtlantic,andseekaquiet,humblehomeinNewEngland,whereIwouldsupportmyselfandhimbythelabourofmyhands。Thepaletteandtheeasel,mydarlingplaymatesonce,mustbemysobertoil-fellowsnow。ButwasIsufficientlyskilfulasanartisttoobtainmylivelihoodinastrangeland,withoutfriendsandwithoutrecommendation?No;Imustwaitalittle;Imustlabourhardtoimprovemytalentandtoproducesomethingworthwhileasaspecimenofmypowers,somethingtospeakfavourablyforme,whetherasanactualpainterorateacher。Brilliantsuccess,ofcourse,Ididnotlookfor,butsomedegreeofsecurityfrompositivefailurewasindispensable——Imustnottakemysontostarve。AndthenImusthavemoneyforthejourney,thepassage,andsomelittletosupportusinourretreatincaseIshouldbeunsuccessfulatfirst;andnottoolittleeither,forwhocouldtellhowlongImighthavetostrugglewiththeindifferenceorneglectofothers,ormyowninexperience,orinabilitytosuittheirtastes? WhatshouldIdothen?Applytomybrother,andexplainmycircumstancesandmyresolvestohim?No,no;evenifItoldhimallmygrievances,whichIshouldbeveryreluctanttodo,hewouldbecertaintodisapproveofthestep:itwouldseemlikemadnesstohim,asitwouldtomyuncleandaunt,ortoMilicent。No;Imusthavepatienceandgatherahoardofmyown。Rachelshouldbemyonlyconfidant——IthoughtIcouldpersuadeherintothescheme;andsheshouldhelpme,firsttofindoutapicturedealerinsomedistanttown;then,throughhermeans,IwouldprivatelysellwhatpicturesIhadonhandthatwoulddoforsuchapurpose,andsomeofthoseIshouldthereafterpaint。Besidesthis,Iwouldcontrivetodisposeofmyjewels——notthefamilyjewels,butthefewIbroughtwithmefromhome,andthosemyunclegavemeonmymarriage。Afewmonths’ arduoustoilmightwellbebornebyme,withsuchanendinview;andintheinterim,mysoncouldnotbemuchmoreinjuredthanhewasalready。 Havingformedthisresolution,Iimmediatelysettoworktoaccomplishit。Imightpossiblyhavebeeninducedtowaxcool338uponitafterwards,orperhaps,tokeepweighingtheprosandconsinmymindtillthelatteroverbalancedtheformer,andIwasdriventorelinquishtheprojectaltogether,ordelaytheexecutionofittoanindefiniteperiod,——hadnotsomethingoccurredtoconfirmmeinthatdeterminationtowhichIstilladhere,whichIstillthinkIdidwelltoform,andshalldobettertoexecute。 SinceLordLowborough’sdeparture,Ihadregardedthelibraryasentirelymyown,asecureretreatatallhoursoftheday。Noneofourgentlemenhadthesmallestpretensionstoaliterarytaste,exceptMr。 Hargrave;andhe,atpresent,wasquitecontentedwiththenewspapersandperiodicalsoftheday。Andif,byanychance,heshouldlookinhere,Ifeltassuredhewouldsoondepartonseeingme,forinsteadofbecominglesscoolanddistanttowardsme,hehadbecomedecidedlymoresosincethedepartureofhismotherandsisters,whichwasjustwhatIwished。 Here,then,Isetupmyeasel,andhereIworkedatmycanvassfromdaylighttilldusk,withverylittleintermissionsavingwhenpurenecessity,ormydutiestolittleArthurcalledmeaway——forIstillthoughtpropertodevotesomeportionofeverydayexclusivelytohisinstructionandamusement。 Butcontrarytomyexpectation,onthethirdmorning,whileIwasthusemployed,Mr。Hargravedidlookin,anddidnotimmediatelywithdrawonseeingme。Heapologizedforhisinstrusion,andsaidhewasonlycomeforabook;butwhenhehadgotit,hecondescendedtocastaglanceovermypicture。Beingamanoftaste,hehadsomethingtosayonthissubjectaswellasanother,andhavingmodestlycommentedonit,withoutmuchencouragementfromme,heproceededtoexpatiateontheartingeneral。 Receivingnoencouragementinthateither,hedroppedit,butdidnotdepart。 `Youdon’tgiveusmuchofyourcompany,Mrs。Huntingdon,’observedhe,afterabriefpause,duringwhichIwentoncoollymixingandtemperingmycolours;`andIcannotwonderatit,foryoumustbeheartilysickofusall。Imyselfamsothoroughlyashamedofmycompanions,andsowearyoftheirirrationalconversationandpursuits——nowthatthereisnoonetohumanizethemandkeepthemincheck,sinceyouhavejustlyabandonedustoourowndevices——thatIthinkI339shallpresentlywithdrawfromamongstthem——probablywithinthisweekendIcannotsupposeyouwillregretmydeparture。 Hepaused。Ididnotanswer。 `Probably,’headded,withasmile,`youronlyregretonthesubjectwillbe,thatIdonottakeallmycompanionsalongwithme。Iflattermyself,attimes,thatthoughamongthem,Iamnotofthem;butitisnaturalthatyoushouldbegladtogetridofme。Imayregretthis,butIcannotblameyouforit。’ `Ishallnotrejoiceatyourdeparture,foryoucanconductyourselflikeagentleman,’saidI,thinkingitbutrighttomakesomeacknowledgmentforhisgoodbehaviour,`butImustconfessIshallrejoicetobidadieutotherest,inhospitableasitmayappear。