第53章

类别:其他 作者:Anne Bronte字数:5235更新时间:18/12/22 09:13:11
Suppressinganewburstofmerriment,Hattersleypointedtotheouterdoor。Itwashalfopen。Hisbrother-in-lawwasstandingonthefrontwithout。 `Mr。Hargrave,willyoupleasetostepthisway?’saidI。Heturnedandlookedatmeingravesurprise。`Stepthisway,ifyouplease!’Irepeated,insodeterminedamannerthathecouldnot,ordidnotchoosetoresistitsauthority。Somewhatreluctantlyheascendedthestepsandadvancedapaceortwointothehall。 `Andtellthosegentlemen,’Icontinued——`thesemenwhetherornotIyieldedtoyoursolicitations。’ `Idon’tunderstandyou,Mrs。Huntingdon。’ `Youdounderstandme,sir;andIchargeyouuponyourhonourasagentleman(ifyouhaveany),toanswertruly。DidI,ordidInot?’ `No,’mutteredhe,turningaway。 `Speakupsir;theycan’thearyou。DidIgrantyourrequest?’ `Youdidnot。’ `No,I’llbeswornshedidn’t,’saidHattersley,`orhe’dneverlooksoblack。’ `I’mwillingtograntyouthesatisfactionofagentleman,Huntingdon,’ saidMr。Hargrave,calmlyaddressinghishost,butwithabittersneeruponhiscountenance。 `Gotothedeuce!’repliedthelatter,withanimpatientjerkofthehead。Hargravewithdrewwithalookofcolddisdain,saying,—— `Youknowwheretofindme,shouldyoufeeldisposedtosendafriend。’ Mutteredoathsandcurseswerealltheanswerthisintimationobtained。 `NowHuntingdon,yousee!’saidHattersley,`clearastheday。’ `Idon’tcarewhathesees,’saidI,`orwhatheimagines; butyou,Mr。Hattersley,whenyouhearmynamebeliedandslandered,willyoudefendit?’ `Iwill。BlastmeifIdon’t!’ Iinstantlydeparted,andshutmyselfintothelibrary。Whatcouldpossessmetomakesucharequestofsuchaman?I346cannottell,butdrowningmencatchatstraws:theyhaddrivenmedesperatebetweenthem; IhardlyknewwhatIsaid。Therewasnoothertopreservemynamefrombeingblackenedandaspersedamongthisnestofbooncompanions,andthroughthem,perhapsintotheworld;andbesidemyabandonedwretchofahusband,thebase,malignantGrimsby,andthefalsevillainHargrave,thisboarishruffian,coarseandbrutalashewas,shonelikeaglow-worminthedark,amongitsfellowworms。 Whatascenewasthis!CouldIeverhaveimaginedthatIshouldbedoomedtobearsuchinsultsundermyownroof——tohearsuchthingsspokeninmypresence——nayspokentomeandofme——andbythosewhoarrogatedtothemselvesthenameofgentlemen?AndcouldIhaveimaginedthatIshouldhavebeenabletoendureitascalmly,andtorepeltheirinsultsasfirmlyandasboldlyasIhaddone?Ahardnesssuchasthis,istaughtbyroughexperienceanddespairalone。 Suchthoughtsasthese,chasedoneanotherthroughmymind,asIpacedtoandfrotheroom,andlonged——oh,howIlongedtotakemychildandleavethemnow,withoutanhour’sdelay!Butitcouldnotbe:therewasworkbeforeme——hardwork,thatmustbedone。 `Thenletmedoit,’saidI,`andlosenotamomentinvainrepinings,andidlechafingsagainstmyfate,andthosewhoinfluenceit。’ Andconqueringmyagitationwithapowerfuleffort,Iimmediatelyresumedmytask,andlabouredhardallday。 Mr。Hargravediddepartonthemorrow;andIhaveneverseenhimsince。Theothersstayedonfortwoorthreeweekslonger;butIkeptalooffromthemasmuchaspossible,andstillcontinuedmylabour,andhavecontinuedit,withalmostunabatedardour,tothepresentday。IsoonacquaintedRachelwithmydesign,confidingallmymotivesandintentionstoherear,andmuchtomyagreeablesurprise,foundlittledifficultyinpersuadinghertoenterintomyviews。Sheisasober,cautiouswoman,butshesohateshermaster,andsoloveshermistressandhernursling,thatafterseveralejaculations,afewfaintobjections,andmanytearsandlamentationsthatIshouldbebroughttosuchapass,sheapplaudedmyresolutionandconsentedtoaidmewithallhermight——ononecondition,347 only——thatshemightsharemyexile:otherwise,shewasutterlyinexorable,regardingitasperfectmadnessformeandArthurtogoalone。 Withtouchinggenerosity,shemodestlyofferedtoaidmewithherlittlehoardofsavings,hopingIwould`excuseherfortheliberty,butreallyifIwoulddoherthefavourtoacceptitasaloan,sheshouldbeveryhappy。’OfcourseIcouldnotthinkofsuchathing;——butnow,thankHeaven,Ihavegatheredalittlehoardofmyown,andmypreparationsaresofaradvanced,thatIamlookingforwardtoaspeedyemancipation。Onlyletthestormyseverityofthiswinterweatherbesomewhatabated,andthen,somemorningMr。Huntingdonwillcomedowntoasolitarybreakfast-table,andperhapsbeclamouringthroughthehouseforhisinvisiblewifeandchild,whentheyaresomefiftymilesontheirwaytothewesternworld——oritmaybemore,forweshallleavehimhoursbeforethedawn,anditisnotprobablehewilldiscoverthelossofboth,untilthedayisfaradvanced。 Iamfullyalivetotheevilsthatmay,andmustresultuponthestepIamabouttotake;butIneverwaverinmyresolution,becauseI neverforgetmyson。Itwasonlythismorning——whileIpursuedmyusualemployment,hewassittingatmyfeet,quietlyplayingwiththeshredsofcanvassIhadthrownuponthecarpet——buthismindwasotherwiseoccupied,for,inawhile,helookedupwistfullyinmyface,andgravelyasked—— `Mamma,whyareyouwicked?’ `WhotoldyouIwaswicked,love?’ `Rachel。’ `NoArthur,Rachelneversaidso,Iamcertain。’ `Wellthen,itwaspapa,’repliedhethoughtfully。Then,afterareflectivepause,headded,`Atleast,I’lltellyouhowitwasIgottoknow:whenI’mwithpapa,ifIsaymammawantsme,ormammasaysI’mnottodosomethingthathetellsmetodo——healwayssays,“Mammabedamned,’——andRachelsaysit’sonlywickedpeoplethataredamned。Somamma,that’swhyIthinkyoumustbewicked——andIwishyouwouldn’t。’ `Mydearchild,Iamnot。Thosearebadwords,andwickedpeopleoftensaythemofothersbetterthanthemselves。Thosewordscannotmakepeoplebedamned,norshowthattheydeserveit。Godwilljudgeusbyourownthoughtsanddeeds,348notbywhatotherssayaboutus。Andwhenyouhearsuchwordsspoken,Arthur,remembernevertorepeatthem:itiswickedtosaysuchthingsofothers,nottohavethemsaidagainstyou。 `Thenit’spapathat’swicked,’saidhe,ruefully。 `Papaiswrongtosaysuchthings,andyouwillbeverywrongtoimitatehim,nowthatyouknowbetter。’ `Whatisimitate?’ `Todoashedoes。’ `Doesheknowbetter?’ `Perhapshedoes;butthatisnothingtoyou。’ `Ifhedoesn’t,yououghttotellhim,mamma。’ `Ihavetoldhim。’ ThelitHemoralistpausedandpondered。Itriedinvaintodiverthismindfromthesubject。 `I’msorrypapa’swicked,’saidhemournfully,atlength,`forIdon’twanthimtogotohell。’Andsosayingheburstintotears。 Iconsoledhimwiththehopethatperhapshispapawouldalterandbecomegoodbeforehedied——butisitnottimetodeliverhimfromsuchaparent? TheTenantofWildfellHall:Chapter40CHAPTERXLAMISADVENTUREJan。10th,1827。Whilewritingtheabove,yesterdayevening,Isatinthedrawing-room。Mr。Huntingdonwaspresent,but,asIthought,asleeponthesofabehindme。Hehadrisenhowever,unknowntome,and,actuatedbysomebasespiritofcuriosity,beenlookingovermyshoulderforIknownothowlong;forwhenIhadlaidasidemypen,andwasabouttoclosethebook,hesuddenlyplacedhishanduponit,andsaying——Withyourleave,mydear,I’llhavealookatthis,’forciblywresteditfromme,and,drawingachairtothetable,composedlysatdowntoexamineit——turningbackleafafterleaftofindanexplanationofwhathehadread。Unluckilyforme,hewasmoresoberthatnightthanheusuallyisatsuchanhour。 OfcourseIdidnotleavehimtopursuethisoccupationinquiet: Imadeseveralattemptstosnatchthebookfromhishands,butheheldittoofirmlyforthat;Iupbraidedhiminbitternessandscornforhismeananddishonourableconduct,butthathadnoeffectuponhim;and,finally,Iextinguishedboththecandles,butheonlywheeledroundtothefire,andraisingablazesufficientforhispurposes,calmlycontinuedtheinvestigation。 Ihadseriousthoughtsofgettingapitcherofwaterandextinguishingthatlighttoo;butitwasevidenthiscuriositywastookeenlyexcitedtobequenchedbythat,andthemoreImanifestedmyanxietytobafflehisscrutiny,thegreaterwouldbehisdeterminationtopersistinit——besidesitwastoolate。 `Itseemsveryinteresting,love,’saidhe,liftinghisheadandturningtowhereIstoodwringingmyhandsinsilentrageandanguish; `butit’sratherlong;I’lllookatitsomeothertime;——andmeanwhile,I’lltroubleyouforyourkeys,mydear。’ `Whatkeys?’ `Thekeysofyourcabinet,desk,drawers,andwhateverelseyoupossess,’saidhe,risingandholdingouthishand。 `I’venotgotthem,’Ireplied。Thekeyofmydesk,infact,was,atthatmoment,inthelock,andtheotherswereattachedtoit。 `Thenyoumustsendforthem,’saidhe;`andifthatoldbitch,Rachel,doesn’timmediatelydeliverthemup,shetrampsbagandbaggageto-morrow。’ `Shedoesn’tknowwheretheyare,’Ianswered,quietlyplacingmyhanduponthem,andtakingthemfromthedesk,asIthought,unobserved。`Iknow,butIshallnotgivethemupwithoutareason。’ `AndIknow,too,’saidhe,suddenlyseizingmyclosedhandandrudelyabstractingthemfromit。Hethentookuponeofthecandlesandrelighteditbythrustingitintothefire。 `Nowthen,’sneeredhe,`wemusthaveaconfiscationofproperty。 Butfirst,letustakeapeepintothestudio。’ Andputtingthekeysintohispocket,hewalkedintothelibrary。 Ifollowed,whetherwiththedimideaofpreventingmischieforonlytoknowtheworstIcanhardlytell。Mypaintingmaterialswerelaidtogetheronthecornertable,readyforto-morrow’suse,andonlycoveredwithacloth。Hesoonspiedthemout,andputtingdownthecandle,deliberatelyproceededtocastthemintothefire——palette,paints,bladders,pencils,brushes,varnish——Isawthemallconsumed——thepaletteknivessnappedintwo——theoilandturpentinesenthissingandroaringupthechimney。Hethenrangthebell。 `Benson,takethosethingsaway,’saidhe,pointingtotheeasel,canvass,andstretcher;’`andtellthehousemaidshemaykindlethefirewiththem:yourmistresswon’twantthemanymore。’ Bensonpausedaghastandlookedatme。 `Takethemaway,Benson,’saidI;andhismastermutteredanoath。 `Andthisandall,sir?’saidtheastonishedservantreferringtothehalf-finishedpicture。 `Thatandall,’repliedthemaster;andthethingswereclearedaway。 Mr。Huntingdonthenwentupstairs。Ididnotattempttofollowhim,butremainedseatedinthearm-chair,speechless,tearless,andalmostmotionless,tillhereturnedabouthalfanhourafter,andwalkinguptome,heldthecandleinmyfaceandpeeredintomyeyeswithlooksandlaughtertooinsultingtobeborne。Withasuddenstrokeofmyhand,Idashedthecandletothefloor。 `Hal-lo!’mutteredhe,startingback——`She’stheverydevilforspite!Dideveranymortalseesucheyes?——Theyshineinthedarklikeacat’s。Oh,you’reasweetone!’Sosaying,hegatheredupthecandleandthecandlestick。Theformerbeingbrokenaswellasextinguished,herangforanother。 `Benson,yourmistresshasbrokenthecandle:bringanother。’ `Youexposeyourselffinely,’observedIasthemandeparted。 `Ididn’tsayI’dbrokenit,didI?’returnedhe。Hethenthrewmykeysintomylap,saying,——`There!you’llfindnothinggonebutyourmoney,andthejewels——andafewlittletriflesIthoughtitadvisabletotakeintomyownpossession,lestyourmercantilespiritshouldbetemptedtoturnthemintogold。I’veleftyouafewsovereignsinyourpurse,whichIexpecttolastyouthroughthemonth——atallevents,whenyouwantmoreyouwillbesogoodastogivemeanaccountofhowthat’sspent。Ishallputyouuponasmallmonthlyallowance,infuture,foryourownprivateexpenses;andyouneedn’ttroubleyourselfanymoreaboutmyconcerns;